Alignment Mockeries

[Fighter1000]

You know how people often use terms for Dungeons and Dragons alignments that are not exactly "official"? And are more of a joke really?
A few examples I have rolling around in my head are:
Lawful Stupid, Neutral Boring, Neutral Indifferent, Adorable Evil,
Chaotic Annoying, and Lawful Stick-Up-Your-Arse.

Do you, my fellow playgrounders, have any more alignment mockeries that you find entertaining? If so, please post them in this thread

[Sith_Happens]

"with anger issues," as a suffix/modifier to any of the actual alignments.

[The Fury]

Well, Stupid is entire alignment axis isn't it?

Stupid Good
Stupid Evil
Lawful Stupid
Chaotic Stupid

Though I guess for some reason there's no Stupid Neutral or Neutral Stupid.

[hamishspence]

Though I guess for some reason there's no Stupid Neutral or Neutral Stupid.Actually, there is:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StupidNeutral


The Mr Welch list has a couple of interesting alignment mentions:

651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.
742. Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.

[valadil]

My favorite is chaotic hungry.

[Arbane]

One guy in my last campaign was 'Psychotic Neutral'.

[erikun]

I've also heard Chaotic Insane and Suicidally Evil. There is also Pacifist Good, which isn't always a bright idea.

[Ravens_cry]

I've also heard Chaotic Insane and Suicidally Evil. There is also Pacifist Good, which isn't always a bright idea.
In a game whose mechanical focus is based around how to kill things? Not so much, though it could potentially work, especially if you use the actually fairly diverse non-lethal combat options.
Being a spell-caster will help.

[Barsoom]

Animals are usually Neutral Hungry. A lot of adventurers I met are Neutral Greedy.

[Jay R]

I had a character I described as Lawful Noble. (This allowed him to fight the church's power.)

Wolves are Neutral Hungry.

I have occasionally run an NPC the characters wanted to do business with as Neutral Bored.

I ran a Champions character as Silver Age Lawful Good, which is very different from Modern Age LG.

I've considered running a character who is Chaotic Curious.

But whatever people put on the character sheet, there are only 3 PC alignments: Lawful Snotty, Neutral Greedy, and Chaotic Backstabbing.

[Winds]

I have had characters end up Sarcastic Good more often than not.

[Hyena]

Somebody said, and it's confirmed by my experience, there are only three aligments amongst the PCs - lawful snotty, neutral greedy and chaotic backstabbing.

[Dayaz]

One of my favorite characters was affectionally known as Chaotic Psychotic

[VariSami]

Ron Edwards's Elfs with Anal, Genital and Oral. Especially funny when you realize what Freud has to say about Anal and Oral personalities.

[Dr Bwaa]

I've seen versions of "Frightened" used on both axes.

I've also seen "Chaotic tendencies" as a modifier on any alignment.

And finally this is a touch off-topic but I think it's close enough that readers of this thread might enjoy it-- I have a character with the following on his sheet:

born with the Paladin's FIGHT EVIL class feature (despite the lack of Paladin levels)

[Arkhosia]

Lawful good: warden good (you can do this this and this. Do this, I hit you 200 times.)
Nuetral good: Nuetral hypocrisy (I'd love to help these beggars, but if I do I can't buy a +2 sword)
Chaotic good: ignorant good (I want to free them! Anarchy! No order! Let the people live without your benevolent tyranny,_____[Nuetral good king])

[Slipperychicken]

Somebody said, and it's confirmed by my experience, there are only three aligments amongst the PCs - lawful snotty, neutral greedy and chaotic backstabbing.



But whatever people put on the character sheet, there are only 3 PC alignments: Lawful Snotty, Neutral Greedy, and Chaotic Backstabbing.

This is all you really need. No, your character is not an exception.


I sometimes go with the ones already mentioned, plus:

Chaotic Crazy.
Chaotic Nutjob.
Chaotic Douche.
Chaotic Totally-not-Evil.
Moustache-Twirling Evil.
Cartoon-Villain Evil.

[HearTheRequiem]

One of my PCs had her alignment referred to as Chaotic Female by my DM.

[Erik Vale]

*Suscribe*
Lawful Pragmatic.
Lawful As*hole.
Bored Evil.
What's a wall? Chaotic.
Omnisexuetral.

[Dimers]

Lawful German.

Pollyanna Good.

Neutral Butler.

EDIT: Oh, and in addition to their other more descriptive actual alignment, quite a few paladins and monks are Lawful Supposedly.

[Waker]

Necessary Evil
Lawful Empirical
Chaotic Confusing

[The Fury]

Actually, there is:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/StupidNeutral


Haha! I guess I stand corrected.


This is all you really need. No, your character is not an exception.


Admittedly most of my [lawful] characters are pretty snotty.

[Arkhosia]

Buzzkill Good
Cliche Good
Anarchic Good
Sargeant Neutral
Donkey-Carrot Neutral
Lead-Sheet Neutral
Lawyer Evil
Monologue Evil
Megalomaniac Evil

[Scow2]

Lead-Sheet Neutral

This one's great:smallbiggrin: (Removed joke-ruiner and fixed spelling for you)

[Arkhosia]

This one's great:smallbiggrin: (Removed joke-ruiner and fixed spelling for you)

Detect evil not working reinforces it, leading us to the only logical conclusion: Chaotic Neutral people ritually rub liquid lead in themselves. Also, they are all secretly dragons. :smallsmile:

[Slipperychicken]

Detect evil not working reinforces it, leading us to the only logical conclusion: Chaotic Neutral people ritually rub liquid lead in themselves. Also, they are all secretly dragons. :smallsmile:

They also passed the OOC Bluff check to convince the DM they aren't Evil.

[JustSomeGuy]

I heard there's a clerical curse 'missed his nap' which modifies the target's alignment to 'chaotic grumpy'.

[Arkhosia]

They also passed the OOC Bluff check to convince the DM they aren't Evil.

Not true: they either bribed the DM with food, remembered his birthday, or invoked obscure rules (those who get the joke win an Internet).

[Waker]

Not true: they either bribed the DM with food, remembered his birthday, or invoked obscure rules (those who get the joke win an Internet).

I thought doing all of those things rewarded you with level ups?

[DigoDragon]

The three my group uses often are~

Chaotic Nutty (players that constantly come up with bad ideas)
Chaotic Butter (players that constantly enact said bad ideas)
Toast (players that died from said bad idea, usually by fire)

[Sebastrd]

But whatever people put on the character sheet, there are only 3 PC alignments: Lawful Snotty, Neutral Greedy, and Chaotic Backstabbing.

I'm totally stealing this. :smallbiggrin:

[Arkhosia]

I thought doing all of those things rewarded you with level ups?

You, sir, have won an Internet.

[QuintonBeck]

Chaotic chaotic

One of my players (began as a monk believe it or not, isn't anymore obviously) will do some random thing at some random time with no consistent moral reason. He'll free slaves to kill and distract their masters, incite riots, and attack powerful government figures with little to no provocation, but he also gave all his gold to a struggling village, served as the force behind establishing a new religion, and has been an, admittedly rather good, diplomat among a variety of people. Thus, chaotic chaotic.

[Amphetryon]

I had a Player who frequently referred to his Character's Alignment as Lawful Angry.

[Arkhosia]

My character is Chaotic Nice (in-between chaotic neutral and chaotic good).

[Sith_Happens]

This is all you really need. No, your character is not an exception.

You sure? Because my current Warblade is most definitely Sarcastic Good.

[Lorin]

Ah, this thread is golden.

Well, who do we have in our games?

Lawfull Hypocrite (Our paladin. "They are killing innocent people? Ok. SEE NO EVIL! HEAR NO EVIL")

Neutral Snob (our party wizard. I missed him so much)

Chaotic Goofy (our bard)

And, of course.

Paranoid Evil (party cleric, obsessed with obscuring his identitiy)

[Xianthe]

"with anger issues," as a suffix/modifier to any of the actual alignments.

...did you sneak a peek at my Paladin's character sheet?

[Raineh Daze]

I've seen Lawful Mad and Chaotic Mad. For completely insane berserkers, admittedly (and being Lancelot and Heracles respectively, the 'Mad' is actually in place of 'Good'... probably, in the second case). Ah, Nasuverse... :smallbiggrin:

[Dimers]

Chaotic Goofy

Yes! So very YES! YES like When Harry Met Sally! And since the Animaniacs exist, we can put Chaotic Goofy into an alignment grid very easily. :smallbiggrin:

[Kaun]

there needs to be a lesser version of chaotic backstabby...

General douche' ?

maybe that's just neutral snob though.

Also occasionally come across the "painfully good".

[Arkhosia]

there needs to be a lesser version of chaotic backstabby...

General douche' ?

maybe that's just neutral snob though.

Also occasionally come across the "painfully good".

Chaotic Party-stealing?
(As in steals from party)

[Kaun]

Chaotic Party-stealing?
(As in steals from party)

Kender should be an alignment, regardless of it the race is in the setting or not.

[Arkhosia]

Kender should be an alignment, regardless of it the race is in the setting or not.

So true. So true.

[TuggyNE]

Kender should be an alignment, regardless of it the race is in the setting or not.

And all Paladins, regardless of variant, get a free ability that lets them convert regular Smites into Smite Kender, which does twice as much extra damage as a regular Smite.

[Slipperychicken]

And all Paladins, regardless of variant, get a free ability that lets them convert regular Smites into Smite Kender, which does twice as much extra damage as a regular Smite.

Allowing Kender to exist should be an evil act.

[Mr Beer]

Somebody said, and it's confirmed by my experience, there are only three aligments amongst the PCs - lawful snotty, neutral greedy and chaotic backstabbing.

See sig...

[Lord Raziere]

You sure? Because my current Warblade is most definitely Sarcastic Good.

yea, and many of my characters I make are people first, alignments second. not many of them would be good for this thread….

except for one:

Suicidally Reckless Good: I've played two characters who basically never hesitated to throw themselves into near-death situations for little to no reason….and somehow survive or come out ok every time.

one is Kalectro Stelvana, a brawler guy who would do anything to protect his little sister…."anything" mostly translating into "completely reckless charge at threat", he was actually Chaotic Good. of course he was based upon reckless Shonen protagonists, so kind of a given.

the other was Lelk. he….basically was a rogue, but he sang songs like a bard, and he basically charged into battle only armed with an electric dagger at his foes, while being completely loyal and friendly to his friends. He was Lawful Good. as in "lawfully suicidally reckless for his society and his friends good" thats right, a Lawful Good rogue who thought he was a bard, while charging into battle like a fighter, believe it or not, this is one my more normal characters.
yet he always, ALWAYS had luck on his side, or somehow came through ok. and he was egomaniacal always claiming he was a "strategical genius" and actually backed the boast up in a battle. he was the best Lawful Good character I ever played. but his true alignment was Suicidally Reckless Good.

[Sith_Happens]

yea, and many of my characters I make are people first, alignments second. not many of them would be good for this thread….

Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me:

* Lawful Party-Pooper

[Arkhosia]

yea, and many of my characters I make are people first, alignments second. not many of them would be good for this thread….

except for one:

Suicidally Reckless Good: I've played two characters who basically never hesitated to throw themselves into near-death situations for little to no reason….and somehow survive or come out ok every time.

one is Kalectro Stelvana, a brawler guy who would do anything to protect his little sister…."anything" mostly translating into "completely reckless charge at threat", he was actually Chaotic Good. of course he was based upon reckless Shonen protagonists, so kind of a given.

the other was Lelk. he….basically was a rogue, but he sang songs like a bard, and he basically charged into battle only armed with an electric dagger at his foes, while being completely loyal and friendly to his friends. He was Lawful Good. as in "lawfully suicidally reckless for his society and his friends good" thats right, a Lawful Good rogue who thought he was a bard, while charging into battle like a fighter, believe it or not, this is one my more normal characters.
yet he always, ALWAYS had luck on his side, or somehow came through ok. and he was egomaniacal always claiming he was a "strategical genius" and actually backed the boast up in a battle. he was the best Lawful Good character I ever played. but his true alignment was Suicidally Reckless Good.

I think anyone who can get a group of wizards to make a fully operational zeppelin, complete with bombs, definitely has luck on his side.

[Lord Raziere]

I think anyone who can get a group of wizards to make a fully operational zeppelin, complete with bombs, definitely has luck on his side.

and that wasn't even intentional. that was just me trying to think up of ideas to defend a city, I got an idea to build a flying machine one could drop bombs from on the enemy, two d100 rolls later, I have a zeppelin with two big bombs, when I was more like thinking of some gliders and hand-held dynamite sticks or something.

other feats of Lelk insanity due to luck include:

getting two groups who hated each other (barbarians and paladins) to unite to kill a hydra the PC's couldn't…by singing. and this wasn't any ordinary song. this was a song called Oh My Paladin Buddy. by all logic, this shouldn't have worked. but it did.

next, we have the fact, that in this campaign, the gods dwelled on the prime material plane, I don't remember the exact setting or the details surrounding how we got there, but the party basically goes into some tunnels after some great battle, Lelk basically somehow gets separated from the entire rest of group (of course). and then stumbles upon the abode of the God of Thieves by accident, I mean he knew he was opening a door but he had no idea that the home of a God of Thieves as on the other side and that he was intruding.
he basically gone in and basically said "Hi! My name's Lelk, whats your name?"
in a bright cheery voice, all up front.
…and then my DM rolls it and says that Lelk is very lucky, because there was like a 95% chance that he would've gotten killed on the spot, if the God of Thieves hadn't recognized that he was the Prince and therefore son of some other god. thats how ridiculously lucky he is.

the weird thing was? in his party, he was probably the most effective of them all. the ranger while reasonable, basically sat around and facepalmed and everyone elses antics. the fighter got too easily sidetracked by meaningless things like baking cookies….

and the paladin of the party? well…. to give you an idea of this paladin, let me tell you a tale of him:

he once got a rod of fireballs. for some reason he gone to his mothers house.
while he was cleaning up said house for some reason…he found a rat, though whether it was a normal rat or a dire rat, I can't remember.
but what I do remember is that what he did next was use the rod of fireballs on the rat. while still inside his mothers house. at point blank range. while the entire party and his own mother was inside.

He blew out half the house, injured the entire party, especially himself and we all chastised him for it. If Lelk was the radiator of insane inexplicable luck, the paladin was the bringer of untold detrimental stupidity. he didn't have alignment problems or anything like that…he just was just completely stupid in how he did things.

[Arkhosia]

No hydra can resist the power of the song that is "oh my paladin buddy". It's kryptonite.

[Lappy9001]

Really, just add Funky or Square (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=55828) onto any existing alignment combination :smallcool:

[Logic]

One of my PCs had her alignment referred to as Chaotic Female by my DM.

My brother once accidentally put this down as his alignment.

But he still won't let me live down my Armor type of "plate."

[Razanir]

Chaotic "Neutral": Those characters who use CN as an excuse to be evil in a non-evil campaign.

[Arkhosia]

Chaotic "Neutral": Those characters who use CN as an excuse to be evil in a non-evil campaign.

Darn them and their lead-skinned souls!
I call those psychotic Neutral
Or Lead-sheet Neutral

[Tarqiup Inua]

Following the theme, the alignment for Lead Dragons would be Presumably Good.

[Arkhosia]

Following the theme, the alignment for Lead Dragons would be Presumably Good.

Using detect evil results in: 404 alignment not found.

[QuintonBeck]

Chaotic "Neutral": Those characters who use CN as an excuse to be evil in a non-evil campaign.

We call em Chaotic Neevil

[Slipperychicken]

Using detect evil results in: 404 alignment not found.

It wouldn't come up as an error though. Detect Evil only reports presence/number/strength/location of evil auras, not their absence. It's kind of like radar in that it won't tell you when a vehicle is shielded against it or has countermeasures, it just won't report the vehicle because it didn't find anything. Or a Geiger counter, it won't say Error 404: Radiation Not Found, it simply won't start clicking.


Like if you scan someone, it's like asking "Is there evil? yes or no" the only possible results are "yes" (you detect evil auras of strength X, location Y, number Z, etc), and "no" (you do not detect an evil aura). If the creature's alignment is inaccessible, it defaults to "no".

[Amphetryon]

Another Player I knew was fond of listing his Alignment as "Chaotic Lecherous."

[Arkhosia]

Another Player I knew was fond of listing his Alignment as "Chaotic Lecherous."

Here's some more:
Chaotic Draconic (greedy)
Arsonic Neutral
Anarchic Good
Lawful Buzzkill

[Joe the Rat]

Lawful Vulcan
Lawful Mommy
Nominally Good
Attention Deficit Neutral
Pyromaniac Neutral (All moral and ethical quandaries can be solved with "Set it on fire")
Coin Toss Neutral

[ClockShock]

Horizontal

[TuggyNE]

Horizontal

That would make for an interesting axis. The Quick and the Dead, basically.

[ShadowFireLance]

Chaotic Abomination.
Story:
For that really, really evil villain. You know, the one munching on a baby's head when the PC's enter? Or the one that when Paladin casts detect evil, he takes damage? That one. Is. Awesome. To. play.

[VariSami]

Pyromaniac Neutral (All moral and ethical quandaries can be solved with "Set it on fire")
I have learned over a great deal of time that the only way to defeat a sword is to burn it. (http://youtu.be/cy-YtilNyS8?t=5m4s)

Some of the characters I have personally played include:
Neutral Hungry (cannibal)
Neutral Dandy / Neutral Fabulous
Lawful Indifferent

[Gamgee]

Matthew Chaotic... yep. We have an alignment named after one person. On a separate axis we have added for our players there is also a Mathew Stupid.

[Doorhandle]

One guy in my last campaign was 'Psychotic Neutral'.

Chaotic awesome, baby!

[Taet]

Another Player I knew was fond of listing his Alignment as "Chaotic Lecherous."


Horizontal

"Chaotic Horny" fits better on that line. And the Sex line is "Yes please" even when there was no Sex line on that kind of character sheet. :smallamused:

I played in a game with Lawful Male, Chaotic Manly, and Chaotic Female. It got loud.