Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Zeb The Troll]

Historically, people were able to run full-speed, swim, duck, and jump while decked out in full plate-mail armour. In fact, a well-made suit of plate weighed a mere forty pounds, while a modern-day soldier carries into combat over two hundred pounds of equipment. :)
But they don't typically go swimming with all that gear on.

[EddieBird]

1296. Not allowed to travel to another dimension, yell "reboot!" and expect something good to happen.
1297. If something good does happen, the next word out of my mouth should most certainly not be "Alphanumeric!"

I DM a Reboot based roleplay in an online forum chat. We have two other Reboot based role-plays in that forum. You would be allowed to do both these things, although yelling alphanumeric too often will get you eaten by a web creature.

[Aimbot]

I'm going to restrict myself to the two least liked party members for this one.

Henchmen:
1439. I am not to attempt anything I saw on Nodwick.
1440. The henchman is a privilege, not a right.
1441. I am no longer allowed to change the attire of the henchwoman.
1442. There is a difference between a henchwoman and a prostitute.
1443. It isn't the torch.
1443. If the henchman is not laughing I'm not allowed to laugh.
1444. There is no situation where the henchman should take point.
1445. Henchmen are not ammunition.
1446. Explosive runes and henchman don't mix.
When requesting a new henchman from the guild:
1447. I may not use "easier to throw" as a reason to require a halfling.
1448. While requesting a gnome I may not use a sly wink as an explanation for anything.
1449. I may not ask the potential henchman if he thinks he's heavy enough to set off a pressure switch.
1450. I may not attempt to slip a poon-tang clause into the contract.
Paladins:
1451. "The paladin wasn't looking" is not a valid excuse.
1452. I may not insist that the Paladin sets off my detect evil.
1453. The paladin is not the "Agro nanny."
1454. It's considered in poor taste to bluff a paladin into believing he's been worshiping the wrong god.
1455. The Paladin does not have the special ability "circle against good times."
1456. I am no longer allowed to convince the paladin that more holy wine = more holy.
1457. I may not tell the townspeople that the paladin has sexual relations with his mount.
1458. The paladin does not have to atone for saying a dirty word.
1459. You may not convince the paladin that you'll "deliver" his tithes.

[Silkenfist]

(Side note for the catgirl: Drinkable water is not de-ionized. If you drink de-ionized, de-mineralized, etc etc, pure H2O, you'll get sick.)

Not quite (ignores squealing in the distance). It just makes you dead. In the process of osmosis, the water in your body cells and the water in your stomach aim to have the same amount of salinity. This means if the content of your stomach has a high salinity, water is released from the cells into it and vice versa. If you drink too much de-ionized water, most of it becomes transferred inside the body cells until they burst and your stomach ruptures.


OK, back on topic:

1460: I may play female characters, but I am forbidden to speak in adjusted voice for the entire session.
1461: I am informed that I need GM approval for every female character I am going to play from now on.
1462: Especially if they are midget
1463: Especially if they are midget elvish mages
1464: Especially if they are midget elvish mages who insist on being called "Tinkerbell"
1465: If I forget my notes, I am NOT to improvise NPC names
1465a: especially if they have already been named otherwise
1466: Neither may I improvise monsters
1467: Nor the entire adventure
1468: I may not have the BBEG abduct the party in their sleep, brand them with "PWNED", then bring them back just because they forgot to name a watch.
1469: I am not allowed to craft humans into latches with vicissitude
1470: If I use a random encounter based map I am not to include the BBEG as possible result.
1471: At the demise of one player, I may NOT spontaneously put a cancan in the playlist.
1472: As a matter of fact, I may not choose music for gaming sessions at all anymore.
1473: I may not eat zombies. This also applies for all kinds of zombified animals.
1474: My character may NOT buy, sell or own orcish pornography
1475: If he does, I am NOT to make a list with the titles and hand it out during gaming sessions.
1476: Especially not when playing female midget elvish mages who insist on being called "Tinkerbell"

[amanodel]

It just makes you dead. Death is a more extreme state of feeling bad than sickened and nasuated.

1477: I'm not allowed to come up d&d rules-like sentences like that. Especially if I'm not the GM.

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1478. If I manage to decapitate an enemy, I do not get his powers transferred to me like in Highlander.
1479. I may not bluff the party into thinking that there were just one too few horses for everyone, so the halfling has to jog the whole way.

[milov]

These are hilarious! I've laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe! :smallsmile:

And yes, I did register to say that :smalltongue:

[Leather_Book_Wizard]

1480) My bard is not allowed to take out his fiddle and challenge Azmodeus to a fiddle contest with opposed Perform checks and either get a +2 Golden Fiddle or lose his soul.
1481)Nor can my bard's name be Johnny.
1482) And at no point at the game can I yell, " Johnny rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard!"

[amanodel]

We're at 1482 and that song was already referenced at least ten times. It leads, followed by "throwing the gnome" and "setting something on fire" closely.. :)


1483. I'm never to use any kind of tentacle spell if there are elf females in the group.

[Aurumvorax]

1484) PCs are not allowed to discuss what rations are composed of
1485) the gnome rogue shouldn't try to rob the golem of the magic swords it is supposed to protect. Especially if the said swords are on a belt the golem is wearing
1486) playing a bishounen elven bard with a whip is probably not the wisest idea

[CabbageTheif]

1487) i am not allowed near the dining room of the king
1488) no matter how much i want to look at the spoons
1489) especially if i have a spoon collection, and earlier commented that i 'need to add'
1490)and most especially if the king has already threatened the party with execution if we leave our rooms.
1491) and there is NO chance that people would think i'm a busboy.
1492) were i to somehow manage to do the above anyways, i should avoid the king. and not rub my recently aquired utensil on his nose, shouting "I'M SPOONING YOU!!!".
1493) hell, the above is entirley circumvented by never being allowed to play a kender.
as DM
1494) throwing templates onto people 'because i feel like it' is frowned upon by the party
1495) except the barbarian who just became half-dragon
1496) but especially the paladin who is currently legally bound to said barbarian, and needs to pay for the ensuing damages done to the town.
1497) if i ever feel the need to give someone a template to 'see what happens' i should probably wait untile they are no longer 1st levels.

[winthefin]

1487. Not allowed to have any skill points in Perform Instrument (cowbell).
1488. Not allowed to play a female lesbian character.
1489. Giving tittytwisters to random NPCs will bring the wrath of God down upon you.

[Kiroho]

1490. Giving them to random PCs is considerably worse
1491. Same with random Players
1492. You deserve what you get if you try this on the DM.

[krossbow]

1493: You may not bluff one of your partymembers into trying out the blood covered mechanical chair.
1494: thats what the NPCs are for.
1495: If animals and other monsters are turning into giant monsters from exposure to magical energy spheres, I may NOT eat one of said spheres.
1496: Screaming blood frenzies are NOT a good icebreaker at the kings ball.
1497: I may not take my frenzied berserker into the room with constant damage effects.
1498: I may not reanimate the dead PC's head and use it as a football
1499: I may not seek out the only old folks home in the land and send in zombies
1500: If I do, and it turns out that said old folks home is staffed by paladins to kill the zombies, I may not start gating in every monster we come across "to see what happens"
1501: This included minor abyssal deities.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1502: You cannot use the spells stone to flesh and prestidigation to turn rocks into steak.

[Silkenfist]

1503: It is NOT my henchman's fault if they are cheaper than their weight in provisions.
1504: I have been informed that the dying words “Now I will reveal to you the true aaaargh” can and will become old.
1505: I am to greet the king with “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness”.
1506: I will not greet him with phrases including but not limited to “Wazzup?”, “Yo, bitch!” or “Dude!”
1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.
1508: Even if there were ones, they would NOT be suitable mounts for the Paladin.
1509: I may not have my D&D party accidentally stumble into my Call of Cthulhu settings just because they were in the binder and came in handy.
1510: I may not create pun dragons
1511: If I am not 100% sure of a spell’s AoE, I must look it up before casting it.
1512: I am not allowed to address fellow gamers in public with their character’s names
1513: Especially not in front of people they are currently dating
1514: ESPECIALLY not if they are playing cross gender
1515: I may botch die rolls if it is absolutely critical for the story but if I do so, I MUST at least roll a die and not tell the result outright.
1516: Even if the BBEG might just need a hug, I am NOT to test this hypothesis during his villain speech.
1517: A gelatinous cube is NOT a mount. I may NOT try to tame, feed, saddle or ride a gelatinous cube

[Stormcrow]

1518: I must not get drunk in a tavern and procede to punch the peasant next to me sparking a brawl.
1519: Particularly with 22 Natural Strength
1520: And an elixer of giant strength
1521: I must not "see how many of the ____ers i can kill before the brawl ends"

[krossbow]

1517: A gelatinous cube is NOT a mount. I may NOT try to tame, feed, saddle or ride a gelatinous cube


(sorry to break the continuity; they actually have a specific page on gelatinous cube mounts and how to ride them in the complete equipment guide)


1522: I am not, under any circumstances, to try a -20 sleight of hand check to steal the princesses clothes while she's wearing them.
1523: I am not to attack people on sight to gain EXP.
1524: After unleashing the ancient demonic menaces from the crypt, I am not to simply leave and assume someone else will take care of it.

[RandomNPC]

1525: even if the gnome begins singing about a competition with a devil for a golden fiddle, i will not light them on fire and throw them at a tree.

[amanodel]

Add some pervert sexuality to it and then 1525 summarizes the 90% of the thread :)

[Just Alex]

1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.

There is something similar though. It's out of the Cityscape book. Cess Ooze or something.
Still not acceptable as a paladin mount though.

[Dark]

1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.
Happy joy, I found stats for the Blood Elemental (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20030208a) :smallcool:

1526: There are no social occasions where it is appropriate to assume dragon form.

[Valairn]

Happy joy, I found stats for the Blood Elemental (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/article.asp?x=dnd/sb/sb20030208a) :smallcool:

1526: There are no social occasions where it is appropriate to assume dragon form.


What about when going to a Dragon convention?

1527: Under no circumstances will I play the I'm not touching you game with the paladin.

[Manryn]

1528: I am not allowed t tell new players who have picked bard that they are proficient with whips.

[Winged One]

1529: An unarmed strike Death Attack is not the Vulcan Death Grip.
1530: There is no cleric spell called "Inflict Stabbity Wounds." Just wield a piercing weapon like everybody else.
1531: I am not to name a Clouting gauntlet "Bitch-slaper."
1532: Just because the cleric died of food alergies the last time the party ate pie, and the creepy painting's subject is wearing clothes that seem to have been used in demonic rituals involving pie, does not mean pie is Evil.
1533: Paladin cannot, therefore, use Detect Evil to find some quickly when they raid someone's pantry.
1534: It also does not change the taste if they waste a Smite Evil to eat it.
1535: It is no easier to cut pie with a holy dagger then with a normal dagger with the same enhancment bonus.

[Seffbasilisk]

1311. When DMing, making a recurring set of demons based on Lordi who sing their songs whenever they appear is not acceptable just because I have them all on my iPod.

Lordi made an appearance in a LARP I'm in. It was the result of much intoxication on the part of the story-teller. They were major dieties with the 'by my gesture you die' and the 'By my voice you are enthralled' special abiliies.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Lordi are awesome. I love them. To death.

[Quincunx]

I swear that this was inspired by a thread in Out-of-Character forum, not the previous post:

1536: If it ever appeared in the Eurovision Song Contest, I should assume that it will not be allowed in game.
1536.5: (Optional) Lordi is allowed, in SMALL DOSES.

[milov]

1537. I am not, under any circumstances, to use the Polymorph spell to teach anyone what "Doggy Style" really is.
1538. Actually, I am not allowed to use Polymorph at all anymore.
1539. Or Baleful Polymorph.
1540. Ever. No, not then either. Even if that happens.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1541- Sleight of hand will let you attempt to steal many things. However, it may NOT be used to attempt to steal the soul out of anyone.
1542- Not even at a -100. I don't care if you actually manage that.

[milov]

Sorry. Forgot a few.

1543. No matter how high I get my handle animal, I am not allowed to try to tame and mount the Tarrasque.
1544. If I must try, offering the other PCs as a sacrificial gift is in bad taste.
1545. Even if I can subdue and prepare them.

[Shadow of the Sun]

1546: Under no circumstances can I play an elven rogue/ninja that is also a prince with the ability to steal things from the future or things that do not actually exist.

I love 8-Bit.

[Magnus_Samma]

1547: The game's soundtrack does not include Bon Jovi.
1548: We are not halfway there. The cleric does not have any reasons for casting "Prayer."
1549: Telling a succubus that she "gives love a bad name" is not exactly forbidden, but it is in poor taste. Besides, she'll take it as a compliment.
1550: "It's my life, and it's now or never" is not a good enough excuse to singlehandedly assault a god.
1551: No, there will not be any subterranean worm monsters in this adventure. And I don't even know where that came from, that was Kevin Bacon, you uncultured rube.

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1550: "It's my life, and it's now or never" is not a good enough excuse to singlehandedly assault a god.


1550 (b). "It's my soul, and it's now or never" is not either.

[Winged One]

1552: The practice of causing magic items to bitch-slap people who attempt to abuse their intended function is either prohibited or encouraged.
1553: Telling me which one is definately prohibited
1554: If, upon learning Wall of Iron, the DM calls for an easy Knowledge(religion) check, which reveals the existance of a previously unknown deity of economics, it is safe to assume that the Wall of Iron abuse is a bad idea.

[Rockphed]

1554: If, upon learning Wall of Iron, the DM calls for an easy Knowledge(religion) check, which reveals the existance of a previously unknown deity of economics, it is safe to assume that the Wall of Iron abuse is a bad idea.

Would this deity be named Smith or Marx?

[milov]

1555. Impromptu, makeshift, or any other word meaning the same thing cannot appear before or with the word "weapon" in any sentence of mine anymore.
1556. I am no longer allowed to play a blind character to say "If I can't see it, it can't hurt me!".
1557. As a DM, it is in bad taste to name monsters or expendable NPCs after any of the PCs.
1558. It is also in bad taste to name the previously mentioned characters after thier significant others and/or friends, pets, teachers, or anyone I or they know vaguely.
1559. If I do name in that way, I deserve what I get.
1560. At no time is it acceptable to buy rope meerly to tie random things to other things in town.
1561. If I do, the guards should not be greeted with tea and cookies. Especially if they are laced with any poison whatsoever.

[Turcano]

Would this deity be named Smith or Marx?

No no no. In true D&D tradition, you have to have their names backwards, so it would be Htims and Xram.

(I sense a Borat joke in the works based on the latter.)

[Silkenfist]

Keep this up:

1562: I have been informed that Euclidian Geometry is a nice attribute for a dungeon to possess every once in a while.
1563: If the DM doesn’t rule in my favour, I am NOT to speculate about his parentage, his mother’s profession or his virginal status.

[Foeofthelance]

1564: I will not play as a nine year old girl when playing a shapeshifting race, especially not when there is a succubus in the party.
1565: I will not play a succubus when there is a nine year old girl in the party.
1566: Asking the DM to go to the least obtrusive magic shop in Palanthas, merely so that I might seduce the shop keep, is a sure way to meet Jenna of the Red Robes.
1567: I should not be surprised when none of powers work on her.
1568: Nor should I then run through town activating my "Every one get busy" ability.
1569: Yes, the illusions created by the mage twins are immune to the above ability. I should just enjoy it.
1570: Even if it is the end of the semester, the DM should avoid using materials from the Erosnomicon.
1571: So should the players.
1572: If my fighter is doing more damage then the mage at level 12, one of us is doing something wrong, and it is probably my fighter.
1573: If the vampire ever accuses my Monkey Gripping Duel Wielding Hasted Fighter of being broken, he should wait until after the druid's bugs get finished with the half dragons.
1574: Surprisingly, invading a NG empire while flying pirate flags is in fact a rather simple way to meet the local duke and acquire a pirate hunting license.
1575: We probably should go back and investigate the papers we took from those goblin pirates at level 1...
1576: No, the red bugs are not explosive.
1577: They should not be used as ballista ammo.
1578: The orange bugs are not gatling guns.
1579: Nor should they be used to repel boarders.
1580: Capturing servants with a undead red dragon skeleton is probably not a good way to start interrogations.
1581: Especially not when the druid is burning down the mansion.
1582: Doubly so when in Waterdeep.
1583: It seems awakened wolves don't gain an immunity to fire.
1584: When entering possibley hostile territory we should leave behind our duids, sorcerers, gnomes, vampires, demons, gnome airforce, evil dragons, good dragons, seagull airforce, raven airforce, artifacts of evil doom, undead, war ships, long ships, air craft carriers, submarines, and just about everything else.
1585: The best way to meet new nations is to leave the dwarf adrift in his row boat.
1586: Though he should probably refrain about how he plans on conquering the dwarven kingdom.
1587: Forgetting you character's backstory quest is generally a bad idea.
1588: The gnome is not allowed to try Use Magic Device on the air.
1589: Nor bottle it when it works.
1590: The gnome may not try Use Magic Device on the dragons.
1591: Or on the villains.
1592: Baleful Polymorphing a Megalatroll into a kitten doesn't cause it to lose any of it's physical ability scores or abilities. It does gain a rake attack though.
1593: Dropping the Megalakitten on an enemy who dispels all magic with in five feet of himself is hilarious.
1594: Teleport at will should not be given an animal companion.
1595: Intelligent Rapiers should not be made vorpal.
1596: Especailly when they have alignement issues.
1597: Or shoot lightening.
1598: Morgion's Unholy Amulet is not pimpin' nor will I tell Palin Majere that.
1599: I shouldn't hide under the elven sorceress's skirts when assassins come looking for me.
1600: Even if she did decided to hide from the same assassins right over my head.

[Glundrall]

1601: I am no longer allowed to distract the owner of a store and cast Explosive Runes on all of the scrolls, even if I'm Chaotic Evil.

[Thella]

1602: Players are not allowed to retrieve -any- gear from their dead mount after surviving a griffon dropping you and mount from 150 ft. Especially when griffon is still there and still hungry. You will die.
1603: I can not swan dive off the tail of a dive-bombing dragon and survive the fall, despite the nat. 20
1604: I am not allowed to base any encounters and/or plot hooks off of Hellraiser comics :(

[Winged One]

1605: El Goonish Shive is not an acceptable source for lycantherope ideas.

[krossbow]

1606: closing my eyes while falling will not give me a 50% miss chance to not hit the ground.
1607: I am not to abuse the ancient artifacts that damned long dead civilizations.
1608: The ark of destruction is not to be used to pick up chicks.
1609: The ark of destruction is not to be "Pimped out"
1610: You know what? The gods appear and take the ark of destruction away from you.
1611: The fighter is NOT immune to all types of bodily damage, no matter how much fighter from 8 bit theater rocks.
1612: It is not okay to abuse the bard's suggestion ability to form your own army.
1613: Enchanting a kitten's claws with vorpalness is strictly prohited.
1614: especially when you give it to the princess shortly thereafter.
1615: Do NOT let the barbarian anywhere near the fragile ancient artifacts of great and expensive power.

[Jade_Tarem]

1616: My character's name is not Luke Skywalker even if I did get the explosive fireball through the tiny hole and blew the ceiling in on the dragon.
1617: All variants of the spell Summon Deus ex Machina are banned.
1618: When you knock on the door and cleave the guards who answer, it is understood that the rest of the room's occupants feel "threatened."
1619: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for putting the airship through a building.
1620: No longer allowed to trap all the entrances to the kitchen using "what's on hand."
1621: Not allowed to push the angry face button.
1622: No longer allowed to make deals with Satan moments before the party gets the resurrection spell.
1623: No longer allowed to try to convince inferior races of the godhood of the party.
1624: My character does not come from the DBZ universe despite the additon of the new dimensional jumper spells.
1625: May no longer request the Grand Royale Inn as the dueling ground.
1626: May not ever, ever play a mime character.
1627: Not allowed to have any more characters named Nuk Chorris.
1628: If the bard ever does that much damage again, something fundamental, good, and holy will cry.
1629: Must remember that smite evil is not a "painless" test even for good npc's.
1630: "Easier to ask forgiveness than permission" does not hold up in DnD.
1631: "Live long and prosper," while friendly, is not the appropriate way to greet the approaching armored essences of death and destruction.
1632: No matter the roll, popcorn cannot be made underwater.
1633: No longer allowed to cook in combat.
1634: No longer allowed to continue giving a speech in combat, especially when the bard is over there getting his rapier fed to him.
1635: No longer allowed to attempt on-the-spot invention in combat, at least nothing involving more than three crossbows.
1636: No longer allowed to make a character that can set people on fire by staring at them.
1637: No longer allowed to make an orc that's prettier than the elf.
1638: No longer allowed to make a rogue stronger than the tank.
1639: When you are the healer, questioning whether or not you are written into the wills of the party members is in poor taste.
1640: The proper term for the people you convinced to work on the airship is "crewmen" - not "seamen" and certainly not "ammo."

[Rockphed]

1641) Even though my Rogue has more intelligence than the Wizard, I am not allowed to talk down to him in the mystic languages that I have (and he doesn't) because of my bonus languages.

[Glundrall]

1642: As a DM not allowed to make a store called Stan's Used Condoms
1643: ...same goes for Stan's Used Tampons

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

1644. Apples cannot travel an infinite amount of distance in 6 seconds, even if the rules say so and there's a long line of people to go through with it.
1645. Touch of Idiocy is a useful tool against foes, but not friends, especially wizard friends trying to cast finger of death on the BBEG.
1646. No asking the dragon if he'll be your 'horsey'.
1647. Even if your character's Int score is 4 or lower.
1648. When the dragon refuses it is considered a bad idea to try mounting it anyway.
1649. No matter how 'adorable' they are, you cannot have a dretch or lemure familiar.
1650. It is considered to be in bad taste to use Time Stop just to urinate on enemies.

[RandomNPC]

1650. It is considered to be in bad taste to use Time Stop just to urinate on enemies.

but the spell says something about not being able to do damage while time is stopped, so thats the next best thing. i think.

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

but the spell says something about not being able to do damage while time is stopped, so thats the next best thing. i think.
True, but if you use time stop, urinate on your foes, stand back, buff yourself a little and time restarts that's just fine. But time stop for purely urinary purpouses usually makes the next room occupied by Demogorgon, and he's supernaturally immune to timestop. Well, depending on the sense of humor of your DM.

[Deathcow]

but the spell says something about not being able to do damage while time is stopped, so thats the next best thing. i think.

Delayed Blast Fireball! Delayed Blast Fireball! Delayed Blast Fireball!

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1651. I am never allowed to mount a dragon in any way, shape, or form.

[amanodel]

1651 goes for double if I'm playing, or polymorphing into one.

[Heads_or_Tails]

1652. Just because the wizard can pull down the BBEG's pants with a spell, doesn't mean he should.
1653. When using the monks flurry of blows ability, I am not allowed to shout katchutenchin amaguriken.
1654. No, my monk will not change genders, no matter how hot or cold the water is.

[amanodel]

1653. b) Neither the "Ki strike" is to be referred to as "Kamehameha".

[Kushaki]

1654: No you can't swing bolders into yourself for a week to gain a inherit con bonus.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1655- Five warforged psions using fusion does not make Voltron.

[Lord Sidereal]

1656- My monk will not be named after the chinese takaway
1657 - The barbarian will not be named after the DM.
1658 - especially if the barbarian is illiterate, rude and violent
1659 - no ranger will be called ranger mcrangerson
1670 - the above applies, in fact to all classes and races

[Winged One]

1671: Even if my evil cleric is pissed at the demon asking the riddle, and even if the answer is fire, Flame Striking her as an answer is frowned upon.
1672: If she offers a kiss as the prize for answering another riddle, it is considered rude to ask for Protection From Evil, even if I think she's a succubus.
1673: Just because the PHB2 has a feat for Belkar-style trophy hats does not mean that all Ranger/Barbarians must take it.
1674: I will not make a female wizard with a bat familiar and name her "Mary Sue."

[Dihan]

1675: No, you can't use "Smith" as the last name of every character you make.
1676: No blaming the dying cries of other humans on bubblewrap
1677: No trying to convert the Druid who saved you
1678: No pushing the party down a big, black pit, no matter how unwise or strong you are

And those all happened... Luckily I rolled a 20 on the bluff check with the bubblewrap and I passed :biggrin:

[Lizard]

1679: I may not destroy major plot device, and then try to fake effect of Domination spell just to get away with it
1680: Not even when my party members would kill me othervise and my Bluff check (both as player and character) is high enough.
1681:I may not Answer question "You are gnome, right?" with fireball
1682: ...or lighting bolt
1683: ...NEVER with Evans spiked tentacles of forced intrusion
1684: Selling other PCs into BBEGs slave market is forbidden
1685: Bluffing them that they should work as undercover agents and reveal location of BBEGs hideout is to get away with it forbidden too.
1686:I may never again play Chaotic Evil gnome wizard in group full of good character.

[Winged One]

1687: Making the NG wizard cry is a 3-point corrupting act(see fiendish codex 2) in addition to whatever the hell you did to make her cry.
1688: No matter how arrogent the elf is, I may not give him 1st degree burns.
1889: Or telekineticly throw him off a cliff.
1890: Or use Suggestion to make the gnomes talk to him, and only him, for 24 hours straight.
1891: Or destroy his holy symbol again when he gets around to having it replaced.
1892: Or leave him to face the legions of hell alone with the comment "we'll just leave you alone with some people like you."
1893: Or inflict Vile damage on him.
1894: Or abuse my authority as party leader and the dwarven king's semi-ambassador to have him thrown in jail on a trumped-up charge.
1895: Or cast Anti-magic field on him and say that Corelleon has abandoned him for being such a ****.
1896: Or personally invent Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrustion for the sole purpose of casting it on him.

[Magnus_Samma]

1897: Evan's spiked tentacles of force intrusion are not a real spell.
1898: You may not research it.
1899: In fact, no spells, monsters, or anything else with tentacles. Ever again.
1900: You could concievably dominate Demogorgon, so that includes him.
1901: And the next time you try to polymorph into an Aboleth, you become a hamster.

[TSGames]

1902:I am not allowed to put ranks into speak language(vernacular).

[Fax Celestis]

1903. I am never allowed to create a d20 Future character for a 3.5e D&D game and justify it with "the cunning use of time travel and Harry Turtledove novels."
1904. I am not allowed to coerce my party members with a crew-served weapon.
1905. A crossbow that shoots miniature lightsabers is a bad idea.
1906. No characters of mine are allowed to draw on more than 15 books at a time.
1907. I cannot LARP a D&D fanboy who was Embraced and became a Tremere.
1908. None of my characters are allowed to impersonate any of the following: James Bond, Dr. Zhivago, Dr. Who, Geordi LaForge, Link, or anyone from the Marvel universe.
1909. Ever.
1910. My d20 Modern character cannot take "Weapon Focus (Aircraft Carrier)".
1911. No matter how awesome, my d20 Future character is not the Master Chief from Halo.

[MrNexx]

1905. A crossbow that shoots miniature lightsabers is a bad idea.

Isn't that the concept behind the wookie bowcaster?



1907. I cannot LARP a D&D fanboy who was Embraced and became a Tremere.

Actually made a character like this for Nightbane... he wasn't a Vampire, but he was a wannabe wizard (couldn't fully believe in magic) who'd spent significant time as a heavy list fighter in the SCA.

[Fax Celestis]

Isn't that the concept behind the wookie bowcaster?
Yeah, kinda. Except worse.


Actually made a character like this for Nightbane... he wasn't a Vampire, but he was a wannabe wizard (couldn't fully believe in magic) who'd spent significant time as a heavy list fighter in the SCA.
As for that: I LARPed this character in a V:tM LARP for the better part of a month, before someone decided that I was a pest and killed me.

[MrNexx]

As for that: I LARPed this character in a V:tM LARP for the better part of a month, before someone decided that I was a pest and killed me.

What Tremere drank a bottle of frat boy and decided to Embrace a D&D fanboy?

[Fax Celestis]

Actually, it was a coke addict.

[Glundrall]

Same difference.

[Jade_Tarem]

1908. None of my characters are allowed to impersonate any of the following: James Bond, Dr. Zhivago, Dr. Who, Geordi LaForge, Link, or anyone from the Marvel universe.


Dr. Zhivago? How long did that campaign last?


Isn't that the concept behind the wookie bowcaster?

Hate to infect the thread with this degree of nerdiness, but later on, the wookies developed explosive quarrels for their bowcasters, so what you end up with is a semi-automatic, energy-coated-projectile-based rocket launcher, which is also the reason why you will never see that in any game - paper and pencil, video, or otherwise. You can look it up in Tyrant's Test.

1912. Not allowed to lure werewolves into the kitchen for the purposes of employing silverware.
1913. Not allowed to attack and kill the darkness.
1914. In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for blasting the party healer through the wall.

[Mauril Everleaf]

I have totally used 1912. I asked my DM if I could get a whole bunch of mundane stuff, like blankets and tents, hammer and tacks, a whole huge list of stuff. He stopped paying attention after I started listing wax candles and a picnic basket. In that list was a full set of silverware. I seriously killed a werewolf with a butter knife.

[Fax Celestis]

Dr. Zhivago? How long did that campaign last?


Longer than the one that involved an awakened Half-Fire Elemental Llama.

[Mauril Everleaf]

i want a half-fire elemental llama!

[Fax Celestis]

Just watch out for the spit.

[Mauril Everleaf]

agreed. flaming loogies.....<shudders>

[Dark]

Hate to infect the thread with this degree of nerdiness, but later on, the wookies developed explosive quarrels for their bowcasters, so what you end up with is a semi-automatic, energy-coated-projectile-based rocket launcher, which is also the reason why you will never see that in any game - paper and pencil, video, or otherwise.

Not in any game?

Steve Jackson's Ogre has rapid-fire tactical nuke launchers. Those are used by the infantry, because the BIG guns go on the tanks. A couple of puny wookiee wouldn't last long :-)

(mushroom clouds blossom...)

1915: No matter which book lists them, my character is not proficient with tacnuke launchers.
1916: Or, in fact, nuclear devices of any sort.

[Winged One]

1917: Bards present at the implimentation of the BBEG's plot to destroy the world my not sing "It's the End of the World."
1918: Even if they are the BBEG.

[I eat Jawas]

1915: Playing a Half Orc and lifting your loincloth does not have the same effect as power word: blind
1916: randomly determining the size of loot (i.e, a +5 tiny/minute greatsword) is not allowed
1917: DM's who break rule 1916 are susceptible to a level 0 spell available to all professions - smite DM
1918: Psychopathic halflings who bear a great similarity to :belkar: are often subject to freak weather occurences
1919: Party resting is not played in real time, regardless of how alert the party's guard is
1920: "I wish I had infinite wishes" is not a valid wish
1921: Regardless of a character's intelligence score, "craft: tactical nuclear missile" is not a valid skill
1922: using suggestion, charm person, or any other domination spells on PCs is strictly forbidden
1923: If the DM makes it blatantly clear that the rogue's solo mission is supposed to be a stealth mission; knocking on the front door is not allowed
1924: Any elf character name over 10 syllables long is strictly forbidden
1925: I don't care if you meet the prerequisites, shadowdancer is not allowed for a half ogre
1926: pixies cannot be barbarians
1927: "exotic weapon proficiency - halfling" is not a feat in ANY sourcebook at all
1928: All PCs know common; end of story.
1929: A silenced player does not have to communicate out-of-game via sign language
1930: Dropping a match into the wizard's spell component pouch is not an acceptable pastime
1931: Bullying the DM does not make it rain a) gold, b) naked female elves or c) candy.
1932: Asking the DM to describe an NPC's anatomy in detail merits a lightning bolt. Yes, even if you're indoors. The gods work in mysterious ways.
1933: You cannot hotwire a Golem.
1934: You cannot hotwire an Inevitable.
1935: Using a whip does not also give you a cowboy hat, revolver and american accent. It does, however, mysteriously cause rolling boulders to gravitate towards you.
1936: the following quests are not allowed:
a) a quest to get laid
b) a quest to amass a fortune comprised entirely of copper pieces
c) a quest that deliberately involves the rest of the PCs dying
d) a quest involving stamp collecting (and stamp-inventing to allow said stamps to be collected)
e) a quest to become an outlaw in every known province of the game world
f) a quest to find the mythical stainless steel dragon

All of these are from my DMing experience; except 1916 and 1917, which the players agreed to implement as house rules in my campaign.


One question btw, what is a BBEG?

[Winged One]

Big Bad Evil Guy, or the main villain.

[Last_resort_33]

One question btw, what is a BBEG?

Big Bad Evil Guy/Girl... basically the boss... Xykon and Nale are BBEGs

Damn Simu-Posting!

[ExHunterEmerald]

1937. Throwing popcorn into the open mouth of the villain while he talks is funny, but you shouldn't. But making the DM roll to see if he chokes? And he does? That's a Tarrasqueable defense.

[Shadow of the Sun]

1938: No matter what, I CANNOT use Major Creation to conjure up a hypercritical mass of Plutonium. No, not ever
1939: The same applies for any other fissable materials

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1940- When you find the chubby daughter of an innskeeper that you're supposed to be rescuing, you are not to cover her in honey and offer her as a sacrificial diversion when fighting bugbears. I'm looking at the guys in my current campaign here.

1941- Your first answer to being in a room alone with any NPC should never be "murder him and check for gold and items". Again, present campaign.

1942- Dead serious here, guys. I'm going to lower your alignment to evil next time this happens.

[Deathcow]

1940- When you find the chubby daughter of an innskeeper that you're supposed to be rescuing, you are not to cover her in honey and offer her as a sacrificial diversion when fighting bugbears. I'm looking at the guys in my current campaign here.

1941- Your first answer to being in a room alone with any NPC should never be "murder him and check for gold and items". Again, present campaign.

1942- Dead serious here, guys. I'm going to lower your alignment to evil next time this happens.

They pulled stuff like that without being evil in the first place?

...

[Fako]

1943. You may not use Perform (Tapdance) to break up a swarm.
1944. You may not get your teeth enchanted.
1944a. Even if you are Undead.
1945. Taking one body part from every enemy you kill as a "trophy" is not allowed.
1946. You may not create a character who's only weapon is a Rod of Wonder.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

They do just enough good deeds (and to counter those, we're talking some really good deeds) to balance it out so far as I'm concerned. But it's starting to become a rather horrifying habit.

[Lucid_Archon]

1947. I will not place an altar of disintegration in a first level dungeon.
1948. I will not write a seventeen page plot summary for the first day of a new campaign.
1949. Nor will I quiz players on said plot summary.
1950. Reenacting Dawn of the Dead does not constitute a unique idea.
1951. I will never again link the words 'holy' and 'chainsaw' together.
1952. I will not make a campaign setting based aroung Captain Planet.
1953. Not even if Captain Planet has guns.

[Suzaku]

1954: No Jesus and Moses did not have guns to fight the Romans

[I eat Jawas]

1955: preemptive strikes do not count as self defense.
1956: "a bad feeling" is not a valid excuse for a paladin punching the duke
1957: players are not allowed DM screens. fairness don't factor into it.
1958: for the last time, the city does not have a brothel, whorehouse or a red light district.
1959: no, you may not start one.
1960: Any attempt to embarass the DM by a) asking him to describe an NPC's genitalia, b) asking him to describe how the goblin looks without his armour, c) asking him where babies come from when his girlfriend is playing or d) other, merits a random encounter with the tarrasque.
1961: deliberately ignoring plot hooks also merits a random encounter with the tarrasque.


oh, and thanks for explaining what the BBEG was:smallsmile:

[I eat Jawas]

oops, forgot one:

1962: I'm all for roleplaying, but "acting convincingly" as your half orc is not necessary. Put the table DOWN.

[Fax Celestis]

1945. Taking one body part from every enemy you kill as a "trophy" is not allowed.

Even if I have the Trophy Collector feat?

[Mauril Everleaf]

I had a dwarf that took a tooth from every giant he killed. We were playing a low-level campaign (we finished it at about 7th level), but by level 3, he had managed to collect 4 Frost Giant teeth. He wore them on a necklace.

[Suzaku]

1963: I'm no longer able to use a tarrasque for random encounters because the PCs have killed 12 already.

[ExHunterEmerald]

1964: The players reserve the right to flee the table if the DM's response to "What CR is this fight?!" is "Delicious."

[Jade_Tarem]

1938: No matter what, I CANNOT use Major Creation to conjure up a hypercritical mass of Plutonium. No, not ever
1939: The same applies for any other fissable materials

And here I just started a master conjurer... thanks man, I now have a Plan C! :smalltongue:

1965: If I am the party negotiator it is understood that I will not be bargaining using members of the party.
1966: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for burning down the goblin camp during the stealth mission.
1967: No longer allowed to play a warlock after the "incident."
1968: No longer allowed to make fun of the BBEG when his son/primary henchman blew himself up on a roll of 1.
1969: This hasn't happened per se, but since it's #1969, not allowed to say "That's one five-foot adjust for man, one giant critical hit for the sycthe-weilding iron golem."

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1970. The next time I attack the darkness, the darkness is getting pissed off and attacking back. I don't even want to know the CR for the darkness.

[Matthew]

You should definitely have The Darkness turn up in that case. Three Human Bards, I would have thought...

[Green Bean]

1971- Even if there are no time constraints, you may not dismantle dead encounters' for parts to sell. No one is going to pay for preserved dire badger urethras

[Hurlbut]

1971- Even if there are no time constraints, you may not dismantle dead encounters' for parts to sell. No one is going to pay for preserved dire badger urethrasGullible people would if you can convince them or they already believe that certain parts bestow properties like fertility or increased sexual prowess (real world examples).

[Green Bean]

Gullible people would if you can convince them or they already believe that certain parts bestow properties like fertility or increased sexual prowess (real world examples).

1972- You may not convince people that dire badger urethras are aphrodisiacs :tongue:

[Hurlbut]

Dang :sigh:

[ExHunterEmerald]

1973. I don't care what your bluff modifier is. The next time you fool the BBEG that you're in love with him, he'll take you up on it. And like the kinky stuff.

[Everyman]

1974: I may not make a yellow ostrich effigy and call it my "robocobo".
1975: No more Final Fantasy jokes.
1976: I may not constantly "attack the darkness", lest it begin to fight back.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1977- Halflings are not Hobbits. Stop calling them that. You're going to get us sued.
1978- They don't smoke Hobbit weed, either.
1979- And you aren't going to make one and name him Bilbo, Frodo, Samwise, Pippin, Merry, or Elijah Woods. Elijah Woods only played a hobbit. Now you're just doing it to make me mad. Stop it!
1980- You can roleplay without downing another beer first. Please.
1981- Dead bodies hidden in regularly occupied rooms in towns will be found by the smell alone, regardless of how high your hide check is.
1982- Even if you put a ring of invisibility on them. You know what? That doesn't work.
1983- Speaking of invisibility, no using it along with permanency to construct a giant wall brick-by-brick in the middle of a road. Yes, it's funny. No, you're not doing it ever again.
1984- Seducing an enemy army will have dire consequences next time, mark my words.

[Scorpina]

1985: There is a difference between a Drow Priestess of Lolth and a Dominatirx. Please make a note of it.

[Suzaku]

1986: I'm no longer able to create a race of cat girls because how will they reproduce
1987: Even if they reproduce by Parthenogenesis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parthenogenesis)
1988: Even if I did create a race of cat girls I'm not allow to make cat nips
1989: No even when I promised not to use it

[Winged One]

1985b: And then explain it to everybody else, because Baator if we can tell the difference.

[Mike_Lemmer]

1990: I will not throw fish at any NPC while they are speaking.
1991: I will not instigate wars by spiking the drinks during diplomatic meetings.
1992: "It worked for Jacques Clouseau" is not a valid reason for any plan.
1993: I am not allowed to do anything that requires asking the GM about interspecies fertility first.
1994: A mustache & a funny accent does not a disguise make.
1995: No catapulting the dragons.

[Rumda]

1996: no longer allowed to make a village of were-tigers just to visualise the statement about arguing real life physics is a fantasy world

[Brauron]

1997: No, I may not turn a Bag of Holding into a wineskin.
1998: Nor can I pay a Wizard to do it for me.

[Valairn]

1999: No I will not party likes its <--

[Suzaku]

2000: Yes the new millennium did not start at 2000, but in 2001.

[Mauril Everleaf]

2000) I will not foretell the Apocalypse to all gullible villagers in order to convince them to give me all of their valuables and women, no matter how high my bluff score is.

Bah! Ninja'd! I'm not changing it though. If anything the above should be 2001 anyway

[Scorpina]

2001: No humming that tune during games. Even if there is an ominous black monolith.

[Fax Celestis]

2002. "Speaking only in palindromes" is not a two-point flaw.
2003. Neither is "compulsive liar."

[Valairn]

2004 : The kender is not allowed to make fun of the dragon because it stole some of its coin and the dragon didn't notice
2005 : Especially if the dragon is blind

[The_Werebear]

2007) It is prohibited to summon Elder gods at any time, no matter how high your K: religion check is.

[Suzaku]

2008: Because of people's inability to keep count I shouldn't be one to correct them

[Green Bean]

2009- You may not use Modify Memory to get a quest reward more than three times

[Winged One]

2010: If I must play a Shifter Binder, it is to be understood that the Church of the Silver Flame will take any and all opportunities to kick my ass.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2006- There isn't a time travelling spell.

[Suzaku]

2012: Since there is no time traveling spell I won't allow Viscount Einstrauss to go back in time

[Green Bean]

2013- No breaking open the warforged and making him 'three laws compliant'
2014- You can't use Stone to Flesh on the castle wall

[Magnus_Samma]

2015- The DM decides the in-game effects of your critical hits. Your party is depopulating the countryside enough without every npc you crit taking a greataxe to the manberries.

[Brauron]

2016: The Barbarian is never again to say the six dreaded words..."Hold my ale and watch this!"

[Vispear]

2017: I am never..ever..ever again to make an army out of peasants...even if I am a Chaotic Evil Drow.

[jono]

2018) Getting drunk and starting a fight in the local whorehouse is frowned upon by all monastic orders.
2019) There is no such thing as EU subsidised adventuring.
2020) It is not possible to play “Eruption” or any other Van Halen song on a lute.
2021) That goes double for anything by dragonforce.
2022) Carnal relations with the Succubus violate the Paladin code, regardless of who was on top.
2023) There is no such thing as a sentient longsword of racism.
2024) Regardless of your cleric level, you do not have the authority to declare a crusade against anything in the name of your church.
2025) Running campaigns that parody ongoing humanitarian crises' is in poor taste.
2026) If a prestige class is named after any member of the Wu Tang Clan, I can't play it.
2027) Fighters, or other combat classes may not eschew all weapons on the basis that "Weapons killed his family"

[Kamakazee_Gnome]

2028. Nothing from Paranoia, ever. No, not even if you're in Paranoia. Playing Paranoia is treason.
2029. No thermoneauclear hand grenades, even in Rifts.
2030. I say again, no drunken spellcasting.
2031. Or magic items involving alcohol.
2032. no visiting the brothel in every town.
2033. Especially if you're a Paladin
2034. That's it, the next one is full of succubi.
2035. Further, visiting it for the purpouse of becoming a blackguard *will* get you Flame Striked by your curent diety, even if you don't have one. Or hand of death'd, depending. And possibly get dice thrown at you.
2036. Staff of Power Suicide Bomb/true res is not a valid strategy
2037. A maximum of two major allignment shifts per character. After that, bad stuff happens. And the Helm of Opposite Allignment is forever banned.

[JediNite]

2038) Not allowed to let my friend's PC get through any non-combat scene without taking at least 1d4 nonlethal damage.
(^Really happened. Best game ever.)

2039) Not allowed to play a gnome paladin with 16 Wis, 16 Str, 14 Con, 10 Dex, 14 Cha, and 3 Int ever again.
("What is it, boy?" *Points* "Eeeeeevil!")

2040) Not allowed to let my players touch my big grey d20 without an instant polymorph into a badger.

2041) If morale does not improve, Tarrasques will appear.

2042) If Tarrasques do not appear, morale will generally improve.

2043) First bad sign of a new campaign: Killing a beholder at second level.
With one hit.
From an arrow.
From 50 feet away.

2044) Not allowed to let my friend play a druid with the Shapeshifter class ability. ("I'mawolfI'malionI'mamanI'madeerI'mabirdI'madudeI'm asharkI'ma...")

2045) Not allowed to bust out fun lines like:
"Don't you know who I am? I'm the warlock, witch!"
"Guys, I think I'm turning Japanese... oh, no, Korean zombies."
-Jedi

[Shiver]

2046: Not allowed to give the "Live long and prosper" sign when meeting the elf village leader.
2047a: A bard cannot be a clown, even if you have max ranks in Craft (Balloon Animals) and Perform (Children's Parties)
2047b: There is no Exotic Weapon Proficiency - Pie feat.
2048: Cannot create a tornado by making your opponent angry and running around him in a circle.
2049a: Character may not "be known among their peers as" the Blue Thunder or The Black Rose.
2049b: When playing a Fighter, may not yell "Strike! Strike! Strike!" when making multiple attacks in one turn.
2050:No matter how skilled she is, an NPC prostitute cannot have Expert as a class.
2051: "Commoner" does not mean cannon fodder in any language.
2052: You may not join the orcs in attacking the village just because the barmaid refused to sleep with you. Or because you think the blacksmith overcharged you. Or for any other reason.
2053a: No matter how many ranks in Diplomacy or Bluff you have, your Cleric may not successfully convince the BBEG to give up his evil plans and take your chosen god as his lord and savior.
2053b: Nor may you convince him to take any other god as his lord and savior.
2054a: Pixie paladins may not use rats as a special mount.
2054b: Or squirrels.
2054c: In fact, pixies cannot be Paladins.
2055: You may not take pieces of dead monsters to use as makeshift weapons.
2056: My character may not talk like William Shatner.
2057: I am not allowed, in any way, shap, or form, to make a character based off of anything Disney has ever made.
2058a: My character may not carve tally marks into his flesh to represent his kills.
2058b: My character may not carve tally marks into any other character's flesh to represent his kills.
2058c: Okay, your fighter has lost all dagger privaleges.
2059: Warforged may not be made of Gundamium.
2060: I am not more than meets the eye, nor am I a robot in disguise.
2061: The one-armed man did not do it, and my Bluff skill is never high enough to convince anyone of this.
2062a: If a party of five characters each manages to acquire a magic ring, they may not "let their powers combine" to form a blue-skinned, green-mulleted representation of the planet's power.
2062b: Even if the rings each have power over a specific element.
2063a: Half-orc bards are not the D&D equivalent of Death Metal.
2063b: Even if they sing in low, growling voices and headbang while playing.
2064: My character may not ask to pause the final battle with the BBEG so he can take a bathroom break.

[I eat Jawas]

2065: Druids may not shout "It's morphin' time!" when wild-shaping.
2066: You may not use silent spell and any power word to cause people to spontaneously die in the tavern.
2067: A druid's animal companion / Wizard's familiar may not lead the party.
2068: No, even if the animal/familiar's intelligence is higher than anyone else's.
2069: You may not stand over prone enemies with a blatantly obviously loaded crossbow and say "now you just gotta ask yourself one question. "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya, Punk?"
2070: An arrow in the eye is an arrow in the eye. I don't give a monkey about your 30+ armour class.

[Xerillum]

2071) I will NOT sleep with the BBEG's daughter.
2072) I cannot use mage hand to touch the female elf.

[MrNexx]

2067: A druid's animal companion / Wizard's familiar may not lead the party.



Funny story, there. We had a DM who INSISTED that every adventuring party had to have a name. Would sometimes drag us into situations where we would be forced to come up with a name, just so we would have a name.

One group was having particular problems coming up with something, so they named it after the wizard's familiar, a cat named Dmitri. They were "Dmitri's Band." Other people would meet the party, get introduced to the members, and want to know of the Dmitri that had us all name the party after him... and he'd be there, preening.

[The Glyphstone]

Maybe it's been mentioned, but whoever wrote that Ebberon list linked on Page 1 (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/1001_and_more_Things_that_the_worst_party_in_Eberr on_is_forbidden_from_doing) is reading OotS:


"2431. The bard will not inspire confidence with such songs as 'bluff the stupid ogre."

[blackout]

2073: I will not use my party's Kobold wizard as bait for a pack of Ancient Dire Wolves while the rest of us run.
2074: I will not use Alchemist's Fire bottles to distract the wolves while saying 'Go get the ball, boy!'

[Winged One]

2075: When the werewolves truthfully say that there's no particular reason for the LN party leader to let them live, I will not ask the player of said leader for an Intimidate check to determine if my CG character with the highest Sense Motive in the party claims that the werewolves are lying.
2076: I will not look at this list (http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/1001_and_more_Things_that_the_worst_party_in_Eberr on_is_forbidden_from_doing) for ideas immediately after I read my ECS.
2077: The Lord of Blades does not say "I'm the Juggernaught, bitch!" whenever he uses one of his Warforged Juggernaught class features.
2078: It is wrong for the artificer to cause him to do so.
2079: I will not admit to the LN party leader that I decided to support his bid for leadership by process of elimination.

[Scorpina]

2080: Pulling Elminsters beard is never a good idea.
2081: No, not even then.
2082: Nor is groping any or all of The Seven Sisters.

[Winged One]

2083: I will not refer to Kaius's domain as the Thrid Reich just because I can't remember the actual name and am too lazy to look it up.
2084: He does not have a personal bard who only knows the zombie song and It's the End of the World As We Know It(and I Feel Fine).
2085: I will not refer to artificer followers as "the boys in the lab."

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2086- Posing hypothetical questions to the DM will likely lead to the condemnation of your actions quicker then actually attempting them.
2087- So next time I play an evil wizard, I'm just going to go ahead and build my own spellbook out of humanoid skin and bones, write using virgin blood, and have it desecrated at the nearest unholy alter I can find to create a Book of the Damned. After that the DM can yell at me for trying to start an underground cult in a village based around worshipping me as a devil god when I hand some kids the book.

[jono]

2088: When the DM rules that no references to popular culture are allowed, that does not mean we should all name our characters after our British childhood icons just because he's from Chicago.

2089: There is no such ingame activity as "D20 Terrorism"

2090: Your cleric does not have the authority to place the evil county/barony/kingdom under interdict. Even if they could, It wouldn't cause every creature within its boarders to suffer a -4 penalty on all rolls!

2091: Your cleric's name is not "Benedict the 'Anythingth'"

2092: You are not Major Richard Sharpe of the 95th longbows.

2093: I don't care if you are a paid-up member of the SNP: Kilts are a privalige, not a right!

2094: You aren't an Anti-christ, you aren't an Anar-chaist!

2095: Mage-duelling traditionally involves the casting of at least one spell!

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2096- Warforged druids can't take car, truck, jet, boombox or handgun as a wild shape.

[Winged One]

2097: When playing an evil cleric, it is considered in poor taste to spontaneously cast Violated Inflict Critical Wounds on the halfling when he insults me.
2098: I am therefore expected to pay for what the VoP cleric needs to heal the Vile damage if I still do so.

[jono]

2099: Severing an opponent's arm and surgically attaching it to yourself does not entitle you to the multiattack feat!

[Vispear]

2100: Just because you rolled a natural 20 on your bluff check, doesn't mean the dragon has to give you a dragon egg.

[Winged One]

2101: The same applies to your Diplomacy check and half-dragon eggs.
2102: Somebody is to restore the massive SAN loss I suffered recently before I come up with more rules like 2101.

[blackout]

2103- I will not decapitate the sleeping dragon via Coup De Grace. Period.

[tensai]

2104: 15 ranks in Perform: Mime does in no way provide me with a synergy bonus to Move Silently.

2105: Casting Fireball while your allies are in melee is Not Good.

2106: Especially if the thing you were targeting is leaking flammable oil.

2107: Especially if it then explodes.

2108: The fact that your GM handed you a character sheet for a CE 18th level sorceror whose specialty is setting things aflame and said 'have fun' in no way justifies #2105-2107.

2109: If said GM gives me a ring of 'Summon Insolent Cactus', I will treat said cactus with the respect and dignity it deserves.

2110: This means not using the cactus to scout lava pits.

2111: Should I ignore #2110, I will not assume the cactus is not being sarcastic when it reports that the lava pit "is like Cancún."

[Destro_Yersul]

2112. Mirror image is not to be used to impersonate Agent Smith

[Dark]

2103- I will not decapitate the sleeping dragon via Coup De Grace. Period.
2113. Especially not after making half-dragon eggs.

[ExHunterEmerald]

2114. After reading this list, your first thought should not be "I can top that."

[beholder]

2115: You will never refer to the gamemaster as the "gaymaster" teeheehee

2116:I will not make fierce weregnomes who bite peoples knees off if they try to throw them

[Jade_Tarem]

2089: There is no such ingame activity as "D20 Terrorism"

I beg to differ, sir!

2117. Not allowed any more character names that are anagrams of my own.
2118. There is apparently a limit to the number of lantern archons any sane man would want to summon in one day.
2119. In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for anything involving C4.

[Fax Celestis]

2120. "Damn the torpedoes!" is not a valid warcry when playing a medieval character.

[blackout]

2121. Killing the rest of the party in their sleep to aquire their share of the lewt is simply forbidden from now on. We're alot better off without the Kobold, though. >:)

[nivek1234]

2122. Although conceivably possible, a comb should not deal lethal damage.
2123. Even if it was acquired from a fire giant.
2124. If it does lethal damage, it should not do 1d10 damage.
2125. Or have a +1 enchantment.
2126. Even if it could be argued that a fire giant would need a +1 comb to get the knots out of his hair.
2127. If all of these STILL manage to occur, the DM should NOT be surprised when the half-orc barbarian decides to use it in battle.
2128. Even if I can carry a ballista in my inventory without being encumbered, I may not take one from the castle we are raiding (and use it throughout the castle).
2129. I am not allowed to eat the baleful polymorphed NPC.
2130. Even if he was polymorphed into a sheep.
2131. And killed by fire.
2132. And I'm a werewolf.
2133. Although possible, casting cone of cold on yourself when you're immune to cold in order to stop burning is frowned upon.
2134. No D&D cubicles are allowed. Period.

[Scorpina]

2128. Even if I can carry a ballista in my inventory without being encumbered, I may not take one from the castle we are raiding (and use it throughout the castle)

It would need to be altered for personal use. And probably renamed a 'Piecemaker' while we're at it.

[Fax Celestis]

2135. I am not allowed to name my weapon "Reason".

[Lord Sidereal]

2136 Peform (Chris de Burgh) is punsihable by rocks fall, everyone dies

[Nahal]

It would need to be altered for personal use. And probably renamed a 'Piecemaker' while we're at it.

If he does that, it also does xd8 in a 10ft-wide line, where x is some ungodly number.

Edit: and requires multiple bolts per firing

[Rumda]

If he does that, it also does xd8 in a 10ft-wide line, where x is some ungodly number.
Don't forget the fire energy component to it

[jono]

2137: There is no human sub-race: “Black”

2138: In fact there are no core human sub-races for a reason!

2139: The seventeen year-old human sorceress shall under no circumstances be referred to as the “Magic Girl”

2140: Should aforementioned sorceress ever use presdigitation to turn her hair blue or pink, she dies. She dies from Evards Black Tentacles!

2141: You shall not ‘ROFL the Brothel’

2142: Visitations to houses of ill repute are henceforth capped to one and a half times the number of out-of character encounters the PC has participated in within the span of their most recent age category.

2143: The sleep spell is not to be used as a substitute for Rohypnol.

2144: Healing potions do not “Give you the munchies real bad!”

2145: You shall under no circumstances stimulate an industrial revolution.

2146: Should the king possess a named advisor, Then you shall assume that said advisor is working in the best interests of his liege and his kingdom unless explicitly proven otherwise.

2147: (Probably been before but;) The Azer’s battle-cry is not “Flame-On!”

2148: Any druid professing to “have wood” dies immediately.

2149: Anyone who attempts one-upmanship by professing to have “Ironwood” dies immediately, and will be forcibly removed from my immediate vicinity.

[Scorpina]

2138: In fact there are no core human sub-races for a reason!

Except in 3.5 FR...

[Khantalas]

2139. You do not use the Baatezu Express or Shop & Tanar'ri. Ever.

[Black Mage]

2140: If you play a paladin, you cannot run away from a wall of force. Ever.
2141: If you play a cleric, you cannot stop to pray for a spell that is two levels higher than the highest level you can cast.
2142: If you play a kender, you cannot steal the fighters great sword when he is holding it, no matter how high you roll.
2143: No you cannot be a balor.
2144: No, your warlock does not get to have a White Zombie song as his theme song.
2145: You cannot name your aasimar paladin Fred.

(the sad thing is...these all happened in games I've been in. There's more, but I either can't remember them, or they've already been covered)

[Winged One]

2146: Concepts that caused me to laugh maniacally immediately upon thinking of them are probably not a good idea.
2147: The Silver Flame has nothing to do with insulting posts on a message board.
2148: I will not slap the Pope. It's not poor Jaela's fault.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

From tonight-

2149- I will never make the Tarrasque a random encounter for the PC's when their average level is 5.

[Green Bean]

2150- Using any build from the Wizards Character Optimization World Records Thread is forbidden

[Stormcrow]

2135. I am not allowed to name my weapon "Reason".

Very Nice Doyle Reference...

2151: Under no circumstance am i to utter the words "Do you want to see something cool?" to the bored guard before peppering him with poisoned shuriken.

[Silkenfist]

2152. Succubae are NO animal companions.
2153. No matter the backstory, my Malkavian can NOT acquire Vicissitude.
2154. Not allowed to haunt the DM’s dreams with descriptions of what the Malkavian would do with it
2155. Not allowed to call dibs on the other players’ equipment preemptively at the beginning of each battle.
2156. I may not devise interrogation techniques that would have been deemed gratuitously cruel by the Spanish Inquisition.
2157. Out of a group of 6 players, there should be one character that speaks Common AND doesn’t have Charisma as his dump stat
2158. My Druid can NOT wildshape into Bharney
2159. Baleful Polymorph is NOT an adequate substitution for Summon Familiar
2160. My Troubadour may NOT speak on behalf of others for Seduction checks

[Raool]

2096- Warforged druids can't take car, truck, jet, boombox or handgun as a wild shape.

=)))))))) My tummy hurts !

[Vispear]

2161: I can never, ever break out into singing the "Hamster Song" to drive the BBEG insane...even thoe..it did work =]

[MandibleBones]

2162: "Harvey the Wonder Hampster," the theme from Hamptaro or any other hampster related musical productions are likewise banned.

[Talya]

28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.


The whip actually is the favored weapon of the Goddess of Love in the Forgotten Realms...

[Suzaku]

And I also remember there being a goddess of marriage that had favored weapon whip somewhere...

[Aimbot]

2163. The female artificer can not use warp metal on the warforged to "make the perfect man." (Yes, this was as disturbing as it sounds.)

[Bloodred]

2164: Regularly quote Mac Dre in character.

[Nahal]

2365: Singing that one bit from the nutcracker suite and replacing the trills with carnal noises (e.g. dananana na na-na na-na na OH HARDER) is not an encouraged method of making fun of the other PC who's getting it on with imaginary women, even if the DM describes the result as resembling nude ballet.

[Foeofthelance]

2366: I will never promise an orphange of virgins to the Baatezu brothel while trying to infiltrate them ever again.
2367: Especially when I don't have an an orphange of virgins to actually offer.
2368: Because we were a good aligned party after all.
2369: Devils are lawful creatures. Therefore, when they ask me to leave, and I don't, I am the one breaking the rules.
2370: Letting the two PCs with low will saves walk off by themselves in the devil brothel was probably a bad idea.
2371: Considering they almost killed the Cleric and Sorceress as a result, doubly so.
2372: The druid is no longer allowed to shape shift into a potted plant.
2373: Nor can he be carried on the monk's belt. If he is, he does not get to use the monk's combat bonuses. The monk is more worried about himself.
2374: No more Unarmored Proficieny feats. Having a base AC of 33 which stacks with everything is broken, even if it does require three feats.
2375: In fact, no more Swashbuckling book, period.

[Fax Celestis]

2376. I will not load the vulcan cannon on our aircraft carrier with explosive shotgun ammunition.
2377. I will not carry around the depleted uranium gatling pistol featured in Snow Crash.
2378. Especially if we are currently playing a medieval campaign.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2379- I am no longer allowed to play a druid with another druid as cohort and time our shape change with the phrase "Wonder Twin powers, activate!". Both because it's severely demented and because two druids together like that sort of ruined the whole campaign.

[Fax Celestis]

2380. In fact, I am no longer allowed to refer to the Wonder Twins, the Justice League, or the X-Men with any of my characters.

[Jade_Tarem]

2381: Battle cry is no longer allowed to be: "Butt-kicking for justice!"
2382: Nor is it: "The sea level's rising, b****es!"
2383: Nor is it: "There's no wrong way to go to pieces!"

[Fako]

2384: While halflings may be an "expendable resource", they are not a renewable one.
2385: Throwing the halfling down a hall is not a proper way to search for traps.
2386: Binding the halfling and tossing it on the fire doesn't allow you to ignore a survival roll.

[Penguinizer]

2387: "Your Mother" is never an answer to any riddle.

[MrNexx]

2384: While halflings may be an "expendable resource", they are not a renewable one.


You aren't farming them correctly, then.

[Penguinizer]

2388: You cannot stick a gold piece into the ground and claim it will grow into a money tree.

[Nahal]

2389: Killing police officers tends to cause more problems than it solves, even if the "game" little Billy's ghost remembers playing with officer Frank involves hiding behind a tree and pulling his pants down.

[MrNexx]

That's when you merge Officer Frank with the tree.

[Brauron]

2390: If my character's INT is above 9, he cannot speak like the Incredible Hulk.

[tarbrush]

2118. There is apparently a limit to the number of lantern archons any sane man would want to summon in one day.


2391. Indeed, there is an apparent limit to the number of lantern archons, period.

[tarbrush]

2073: I will not use my party's Kobold wizard as bait for a pack of Ancient Dire Wolves while the rest of us run.

2073 (b) Especially not if the Kobold in question is Pun Pun

[Nahal]

That's when you merge Officer Frank with the tree.

No magic in this campaign, it's a homebrew setting that is kind of like a d6 White Wolf system only with less dark and scary and more pan-dimensional chess games.

It is however entirely possible that we may run across an item that turns people into trees, rabbits or banana slugs, given that we're hunting down the many shattered pieces of an ancient evil device that have bizarre powers even when separated (combined they can effectively rewrite the universe).

Now, if this were DnD, some research into "improving" the Treeform spell could have the desired effect.

[Kascade101]

2392: Not allowed to make any characters with the names "Ryu" or "Ken."

2393a: The Streetfighter class does not give a "Sweep Kick" attack or a Hadoken spell like ability at will.

2393b: If there was a Hadoken, the somatic component would not be crouch, forward, punch.

[Suzaku]

2392: Not allowed to make any characters with the names "Ryu" or "Ken."

2393a: The Streetfighter class does not give a "Sweep Kick" attack or a Hadoken spell like ability at will.

2393b: If there was a Hadoken, the somatic component would not be crouch, forward crouch, forward with a punch.

240 Nor will there be a fire version spell like ability when you do backward, back crouching, crouch, forward crouching and forward with a punch.

[Seffbasilisk]

240 Nor will there be a fire version spell like ability when you do backward, back crouching, crouch, forward crouching and forward with a punch.

241. Nor will readying an attack to Lowkick someone and holding it for two rounds allow you to launch a bicycle kick.

242. Even if you play a female demon ninja who dresses in purple a charging lowkick will not have you fall through the floor to come out the ceiling and kick them in the head.

[TimeWizard]

20xx I am not allowed to make a blue warforged Warlock named Mega Man.
2040: Yelling "BUSTER WOLF" is not an appropriate way to handle diplomacy, or intimidation.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2399 (or thereabouts, jeez people)- You may not convince anyone that killing the nearest useless villager is a customary greeting from your country, no matter how gullible or backwater those villagers are.

[TimeWizard]

2401: I am not allowed to use the other PC's as shields, even if i have improved grapple and improved initiative.

2402: I am not allowed to use dominate person on catgirls for any reason

[mikeejimbo]

2402: I am not allowed to use dominate person on catgirls for any reason

Dominate Monster then? Please?

I want one! :smallfrown:

[A Pointy Object]

2402: I am never allowed to make brownies with the remains of my disintigrated healer.
2403: Even if I have ranks in Profession (Cook).
2404: Or Skill Focus (Profession [Chef]).

[Scorpina]

2405: Red Dragon flesh does not 'taste like chicken'.
2406: Nor is it a good idea to attack one just to find that out.

[dr4Kan]

2407: You may not cast Flesh to Stone on an Ally...Then Transmute Rock to Mud...Wait for the mud to dry...then use the dirt as the "pinch of earth" materil component for the Stone to Flesh spell you need to cast on the elf-chick...

[Maltrich]

2408: When an attractive female character crit fails a Streetwise roll in the seedy part of the city, I will never again rule that she is the victim of a rape attempt, no matter how much sense it makes at the time.

[Suzaku]

2408: When an attractive female character crit fails a Streetwise roll in the seedy part of the city, I will never again rule that she is the victim of a rape attempt, no matter how much sense it makes at the time.

2409: Even if she the one who brought up the rule, I still won't do it.

[TSGames]

2410: My celestial dire bear is not named "Winnie the Pooh"
2411: When my tiger companion attacks someone I am not allowed to make a reference to Siegfried and Roy.
2412: I am not allowed to refer to the BBEG or his servant as a "crack-ho"
2413: I am not allowed to say "Where my money?" as I hit the BBEG or his servant.
2414: My monk does not have the ability "rapid pimp smackin"
2414(a):even if he does wear all purple
2414(b): and a hat with a feather
2414(c): and carry a rod of lordly might
2415: The Rod of Lordly Might is not synonymous with "pimp cane"
2416: "I'm Rick James," "Charlie Murphy," "you killed Kenny" or anything else from Comedy Central is not a command word for any magic item.

[Artanis]

Dominate Monster then? Please?

I want one! :smallfrown:
You don't need magic to get catgirls to do what you want. Just pull out a high school Physics textbook and they'll do whatever you tell them just to avoid having God kill each and every one of 'em :smalltongue:

[Hadrian_Emrys]

1945. Taking one body part from every enemy you kill as a "trophy" is not allowed.
1946. You may not create a character who's only weapon is a Rod of Wonder.

Guilty on both counts, on the same character. Only replace "a Rod of Wonder" with "two Rods of Wonder".

[Winged One]

Whatever in the Nine Hells we're really on: "Rise and obey" means nothing like "rise and shine" to the sorts of beings that get it said to them.

[dr4Kan]

2417: The character using "Shocking Grasp" may not yell "raikiri" or "chidori" when he attacks...

[Jade_Tarem]

2418: No longer allowed to start a plan with the words "do you still have fireball memorized?"
2419: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for pointing the ballista the wrong way.

[Winged One]

2420: The elf is to take references to Carrie as a warning to quit being a **** to the psion.

[Penguinizer]

2421: But he didnt object is no excuse to using the wizards as zombie bait.

[stjohn70]

2422: I am not to use a "Mordenkainen's Disjunction Bomb" on my PC's... again.
2423: I am not allowed to play rogues anymore
2424: ...that steal a large brick of Opium
2425: ...and subsequently use it to addict and control other PCs
2426: I am not allowed to play a worshiper of Sune (or any other God/Goddess of pleasure) any more
2427: I am not allowed to yell, "There's nuthin' there ya lame gits!" upon failing a Listen check.
2428: Nor am I allowed to stand around and say, "I think I failed a Spot/Listen check"
2429: I am not allowed to use the evil artifact that the BBEG is after "just to see what happens", and am in fact banned from touching all shiny red buttons.

[tarbrush]

2430. The female elf wizard is not allowed to cast Evards Black tentacles.
2431. Ever
2432. This counts double if she wears skimpy clothing.

[krossbow]

2431: I am not allowed to make a druid named link with a cohort warlock name Midna who rides me around.

2432: I may not enchant a sword with scrying and then scream "By the eye of thundara!"

2433: No, the lich is not in fact skeletor.

2434: Don't go into the necropolis! There's undead and such!

2435: Attempting to impersonate the long dead head of security for a long dead civilization just to get past the guard constructs is probably a bad idea.

2436: If the starting cabin that our Party is in is currently under attack by zombies, I may not make an elf named luis with a pistol.

2436: that goes doubly for Leon.

2437: Or an aristocrat named ashley.

2438: No, that is NOT your boomstick.

2439: I may not throw flash powder and try to bluff the NPC's that I just used a rod of alter memory on them, and that their entire life is in fact a lie.

[Malachite]

2377. I will not carry around the depleted uranium gatling pistol featured in Snow Crash.

2377b. As a corollary, making blades out of glass does not give them either the vorpal or the armour-bypassing brilliant energy properties. They just shatter easily.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2440- I am expressly forbidden from playing any more Drow thugs named Tyrone.

[Magnus_Samma]

2441: If the pope somehow comes into the party's hands, it is probably a safe bet that the DM did not intend for the pope to be sacrificed to the party's evil gods.

2442: And stop tossing the baby kobolds, you jerks.

[Meynolds]

2441a: Yes, he was clearly meant for the other party.
2442a: They are to be flung or thrown, not tossed.

[TimeWizard]

2443: It is not permissible for my character to kill any dark mage making Perform: Poetry checks
2444: even if they're terrible
2445: and about their pleasure demons leaving them.

[Meynolds]

2443a: Unless, of course, the PC happens to be a Vogon (who have the 3rd worst poetry in the Universe).

2446: "Die by my ha- *Silence comes into effect*" is not an acceptable war cry.
2447: It is not commonly acceptable to go around casting fireball on everyone in sight, even if you are an evil mage...
2448: ...Especially in the middle of a crowded city...
2449: ...With 20+ level LG wizards nearby.

[Tough_Tonka]

2500: My character can not pee in a cup and drink it just to freak people out.

2501: I can not toss a cup of pee to nauseate someone.

2502: I can not plate chicken beaks with silver and use them to kill a were-rat.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

And now to relate the tale of the very oddest character I ever played in a fantasy RPG.

2503- I will not play a performer named Michael Jackson.

2504- His cohort is not Aqua Lad.

2505- Upon graduating from the adventurer's academy, the first thing I do will not involve upsetting the local authorities.

2506- If I do upset the local authorities, it will be because of something more sensible then deficating on an inn sign and shaking it at bystanders.

2507- I will not resist arrest with an improvised weapon. Especially if it's the aforementioned sign covered in feces.

2508- Avoiding the police will no longer involve finding a random old man, murdering him, and taking his home as a hideout.

2509- I will not use some sort of bizarre "Thriller"-based necromancy/bard magic to warp the old man into a red jacket, a single jewelled glove, and "dancing pants".

2510- These things are no longer allowed to exist anymore. Especially the necromancy/bard magic.

2511- Aqua Lad is not a blunt weapon.

2512- Refusing all monetary rewards because I'll just steal whatever I want in town anyway will make the GM cry.

2513- Actually, all of this will make the GM cry. I'm banned from ever playing that game again.

[Woot Spitum]

2514-I can not escape the town watch after killing the king by driving a stolen carriage into a warehouse and painting it a different color.

[jjpickar]

2515 I am not allowed to kill every one in the fighters guild for short changing me by using a homemade alcohol based explosive. It only killed most of them.

[blackout]

2516: I am no longer permitted to order the wizard to cast "Summon Spider Monkey".

[Machete]

2517: I am limited to overthrowing no more than one government per session no matter how well I've turned the people against their rulers.

[krossbow]

2516: I will not ask the Evil undead wizard why he build the undead coffins.
2517: I will not ask the evil undead wizard how he held the hammer when he was incoporeal.
2518: I will not, after being given a quest by the evil undead wizard, go to the church of light and goodness, blackmail a cleric by using bardic suggestion to make him think he had sexual relations with a choir boy, and then have said Cleric exorcise the ghost.
2519: Alchemist fire + sprayer does NOT equal flamethrower.
2560: even if it did, I am not proficient in it.
2561: It is considered poor tacky to taunt the manifestation of fear just because it's a CR 1/2.
2562: I will NOT add multiple templates's onto creatures.
2563: Abusing the cleric domain of plauge to create strange and disturbing werecreatures is not to be tolerated.

[Dumbledore lives]

2563: I will no longer toss Kitty down the well just to see if there is a dragon at the bottom of it

2564: I will not expose myself to hundreds upon hundreds of evil flying things with swords, even if I can come back with a tiny army of dwarves.

[Maltrich]

2565: If you are a party out outlaws, and I start you out on a hill overlooking the grounds of the mansion of the wealthiest merchant in the capital, and tell you that he is currently entertaining a wizard who has brought along his entire collection of rare and valuable magic items, your response should not be "I've seen enough for one night, let's go back to the inn."
2566: Even if it is, you should not spend the next three sessions in town attempting to gather more information just to piss me off.
2567: Just because the guard captain has Sense of Duty: Women, and your character is female, doesn't mean he's going to let you steal treasure with him watching.

[ClericofPhwarrr]

2568. I am not allowed to bait an army of orcs into chasing me, just to lead them into the village that tossed me out for theft.

2569. Even if I do, I can't come back after the orcs have slaughtered the villagers and steal everything of value that's left.

[Penguinizer]

2570: Just because someone doesnt attack you doesnt mean he actually wants you there.

[Kesnit]

This wasn't me, but it did annoy the DM.

2571: I am not allowed to summon an Unseen Servant to open doors.
2571a: Even though the DM has a habit of putting traps on doors and monsters behind doors
2571b: And we don't have a Rogue in the party.
2571c: Doing so will piss off all Air Elementals and cause all residents of the Elemential Plane of Air to put a bounty on my head.

[Talyn]

This wasn't me, but it did annoy the DM.

2571: I am not allowed to summon an Unseen Servant to open doors.
2571a: Even though the DM has a habit of putting traps on doors and monsters behind doors
2571b: And we don't have a Rogue in the party.
2571c: Doing so will piss off all Air Elementals and cause all residents of the Elemential Plane of Air to put a bounty on my head.

Oooh, good idea. I'll steal that one to curb my party wizard who blatantly abuses Unseen Servant.

2572: I will not brag to the DM about just how perfectly maximized my Warmage is, because he will take at as either a personal challenge to kill him (if he's a wargamer) or he'll nerf the hell out of me to bring me back in line with the rest of the party (if he focuses on the roleplaying aspect of it).

[Penguinizer]

2573: Larger explosions arent necessarily better.
2574: It is never a good idea to go to a kings hall and ask the party leader "whos the dork on the throne"

[Roderick_BR]

2575: Never, ever, make a group of rangers, each dressed in a diferent color, and call them the "power Rangers"... specially if your DM doesn't have humor sense.
2576: Traps are meant for you to avoid them, not jump into "to see what it does."
2577: Don't steal anything from Elminster's tower. It simply never works.

[Brauron]

2578: If the DM neglected to name the royalty of the country we're in, I shouldn't try to supply him with names.
2579: When playing Star Frontiers, the Yazirian is not allowed to put a bayonet on a laser rifle.
2580: Y'know what, #2579 applies to ALL sci-fi games.

[Penguinizer]

2581: Your rangers battle cry may not be "Boom head shot!"

[Fax Celestis]

2582. Under no circumstances am I allowed to play a mini-Tarrasque.

[krossbow]

2583: I may NEVER under ANY circumstances attempt to use the "awaken" spell on a tarrasque.

[ExHunterEmerald]

2853. The paladin's mentor is not named "Hammerdong."
2854. However, the rogue's IS "Soren Dias."

[Enoch_6211]

2585: Never, under any circumstance, may I insult the gentleman who sent me a quest summons. Especially if said man enters the scene riding an elder wyrmlying Gold Dragon.
2585a: Punishment may include being whipped to within 1HP of my... i mean your life.
2586: I should never sneak attack a kobald when I can plainly see 29 of his cohorts standing around him when I am only a level 5 rouge and my commrades are a level 5 sorceror and a level 5 cleric with a low strength mod.
2586a: Punishment may include a 20 round fight ending with the kobald calling in reinforcements.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

2587: as a DM, I am never again to have the hand of the gods strike my players for getting off track. not after that incident with the bard and the cliff...

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2588- While technically very easy to do, you cannot get a paladin so drunk he passes out and then convince him the next morning that he murdered children in cold blood just so he doesn't think he has his class features anymore.

[nivek1234]

2589: Not allowed to mess with someone who is not surprised, shocked, awestruck, or any other adjective denoting anything other than calm when he/she meets a half-dragon half-orc, a half-golem dwarf, a werewolf, and a lich together in a party.

[CrazedGoblin]

2590: You will not pick up the magical sword that just made the wizard explode when he picked it up, EVEN if you are holding a bit of cloth.

[krossbow]

2591: A burlap bag over your head does NOT break line of sight to you and render you invulnerable to magic.
2592: Do not attempt to harness the powers that damned long dead civilizations.
2563: whatever it was you just stopped the BBEG from doing... DON'T DO IT!
2564: Casting feather fall on people and then having a hulking hurler throw them at their destinations does not amount to "safe and expedious air travel!"

[Brauron]

2595: No mooning security cameras. Especially not the security cameras connected to laser security turrets.

[Woot Spitum]

2596: I may not manifest the psion power "Telekinetic Thrust."