Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[ClericofPhwarrr]

2595: No mooning security cameras. Especially not the security cameras connected to laser security turrets.

Replace "laser" with "potent sleep dart," and... yeah.

That was me.

[NEO|Phyte]

2596: I may not manifest the psion power "Telekinetic Thrust."
What kind of thrusting are we talking about here? :smallamused:

[Woot Spitum]

It's actually in the psionics handbook. If you were to use a power to illustrate how unbalanced psionics are , this would be it. 10d6 damage when you are only 5th level, no save. Yep.:smallsmile:

[Suzaku]

2597: When an elder red dragon asks what's my name I will never say "Fintir Darastrixethe"

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2598- Speaking of which, you may not make your name so impossible to pronounce/spell that no one can properly target you with divinations.

[NEO|Phyte]

It's actually in the psionics handbook. If you were to use a power to illustrate how unbalanced psionics are , this would be it. 10d6 damage when you are only 5th level, no save. Yep.:smallsmile:
10d6? I can get you 20d6, use 5 Huge Greatswords. Of course, each sword needs its own attack roll to hit.

[Suzaku]

2598- Speaking of which, you may not make your name so impossible to pronounce/spell that no one can properly target you with divinations.

It's Draconic it translate to "Slayer of Dragon"

[1337_master]

2599- In star wars, I am NOT allowed to own a death star.

[Roderick_BR]

2598- Speaking of which, you may not make your name so impossible to pronounce/spell that no one can properly target you with divinations.
2600- Even if you are a gnome... SPECIALLY if you are a gnome.


2588- While technically very easy to do, you cannot get a paladin so drunk he passes out and then convince him the next morning that he murdered children in cold blood just so he doesn't think he has his class features anymore.
And the worst part is that Paladins have Sense Motive as class skill, that is based on Wisdom... yet they rarely have a high modifier in it... :smalltongue:

[Deathcow]

Dominate Monster [a catgirl] then? Please?

I want one! :smallfrown:

What's the point? She'd just die anyway, as soon as physics started getting mentioned. In fact, if you were standing close enough to her when it happened, the surge of electricity from the lightning-smite could conceivably leap into you and fry you as well. Especially if you conduct electricity better than a Catgirl.

*hears the faint sound of a catgirl screaming*

Whoops.

[Suzaku]

Omg Mythbuster just disproved the Myth discussing physics kills cat girls oO

[Krimm_Blackleaf]

Omg Mythbuster just disproved the Myth discussing physics kills cat girls oO
Those tests were flawed! They only used a catgirl-like dummy made of gel!

[Enoch_6211]

2601: As a human, I am no longer allowed to play drinking games with Dwarves and then fully rely on my senses to accurately assess the charisma score of any female... ever.

2602: Sorcerors are nice. A good charisma score will get you laid. However, a crappy wisdom score will force you to fail spot checks. As such, I am never allowed to assume that the 6 wild elves I see in front of me are the only wild elves rolling initiative against me.

2603: I can never try and take Bardic Knowledge as a cross-class skill.

2604: The DM has many, many ranks in Knowledge (What the heck he is talking about). It is never my job to ask him.

2605: Never am I allowed to refer to our raptoran compatriot as "the bird" no matter how many poor landing places he chooses.

[Kushaki]

2606: I don't care how many ranks you have in perform mime you cannot create walls of force with it.

[Everyman]

Wow. This has come a long way...

2607: Being the heir of a forgotten civilization does have some perks. These perks do not include the right to "claim" any woman you meet along our travels as your "lady". This goes double for any unmarried daughters of diplomats and the king's queen.

2608: Ingesting small amounts of silversheen over a long period of time will not give him resistance to silver, thereby making his damage reduction better.

2609: Imitating the noise of a falling kobold trapped in a perpetual falling trap (aka. squeaky scream) when the DM is trying to maintain an air of seriousness is in bad taste. Especially if that trap was yours and the kobold was supposed to be the BBEG.

[Dark]

2610. Not allowed to confuse nearby non-roleplayers about monks having un-armed strike feet.
2611. Explanations involving "bonus feet" are also not advisable.

[Brauron]

2612: In Call of Cthulhu, I should not attempt to seduce the 80 year old men sitting outside the Dunwich general store and chewing tobacco. This causes the Keeper to have to roll a sanity check for himself.

[TRM]

2613: No, you are not allowed to extract the other PC's brains.
... No, not even if you're a mindflayer cleric.
NO!!!

[Silkenfist]

2614. I may not refer to my Neutral Evil Druid as “Dire”
2615. I may not spread rumors of a hobgoblin invasion, just to get a better price to sell my old weapons.
2616. No, actually causing an invasion is not better.
2617. No matter the intimidation score, a character without Sense Motive should not perform the interrogation.

[Green Bean]

2618- You may not convert the wizard's robe into a mini-skirt while the rest of the party's asleep
2619- Especially if the wizard is male
2620- Spellcasters may not baleful polymorph enemies into ravens, then sell them to other spellcasters as familiars

[Jack_of_Spades]

2621: The warforged made of Adamantine should not be the anchor while climbing. If he falls we all fall.

2622: Do not pad the warforged with pillows to make the landing softer for everyone. It only helps him.

2623: You may not pretend to be part of the rope chain so that you're safe when the padded warforged brings everyone else down.

[Suzaku]

2621: The warforged made of Adamantine should not be the anchor while climbing. If he falls we all fall.

2622: Do not pad the warforged with pillows to make the landing softer for everyone. It only helps him.

2623: You may not pretend to be part of the rope chain so that you're safe when the padded warforged brings everyone else down.

2624: If you managed to memorized feather fall for the love of the gods please remember to cast it.

P.S. Same thing happened to me above and the wizard had memorized feather fall but forgot he had it >.>

[Enoch_6211]

2625: I am never allowed to use prestidigitation to reshape or move body parts, create groups of butterflies, or chage anything into a small bird just to mess with an NPC who is high on devil's grass.

2625a: I am, however, allowed to occupy said NPC with a small wooden ball while we talk amongst the party.

2626: An open flame still gets an attack against me even if I tumble through its square.

(look for more rediculous things after I get back from campaigning tonight!!)

[Brauron]

2627: No, the Ranger (D&D) was not in 'Nam.

[dr4Kan]

2628: Favored Enemy (PC) is not an option...
2629: Nor Is Ally...
2630: Or Enemy...
2631: Or BBEG...
2632: Or Self...
2633: Or DM...
2634: Halfling, however, is an okay choice...
2635: Gnome is an EXCELLENT choice...
2636: Unless, of course, you are a gnome...
2637: I don't care about the backstory...an elf shouldn't weild an elf-bane weapon of any type...EVER...

[Sam de Cheese]

433: I cannot make a craft (baby) check each time im alone with the hot elf

[mikeejimbo]

What's the point? She'd just die anyway, as soon as physics started getting mentioned. In fact, if you were standing close enough to her when it happened, the surge of electricity from the lightning-smite could conceivably leap into you and fry you as well. Especially if you conduct electricity better than a Catgirl.

*hears the faint sound of a catgirl screaming*

Whoops.

Yep, there she goes. Shocking, isn't it?

[Deathcow]

Pun intended?

[The_Werebear]

2638. Don't bring a crazy psion with a grudge against kobolds to a kobold lair when you want to negotiate.
2639. You can't use slight of hand to feel up the defeated succubus before her body discorpreates.
2640. Gelatinous Cubes are not edible. Nor may they be greeted with the shout "J-E-L-L-O! It's Alive"

[Maltrich]

2639: My stronghold's economic activity may not involve farming gelatinous cubes as an efficient source of gelatin.

[mikeejimbo]

Pun intended?

No, it was clearly punintended.

Which reminds me:

2640: Really, no puns, we mean it. Not even on Tuesdays anymore. Puns will lead to the loss of XP.

[Vispear]

2641: No matter how high I roll I can not under any circumstances...make an atom bomb.

[krossbow]

2641: using a wish spell to destroy the drow underdark's clothe's supply, while possible, is in horrible taste.
2642: It is in even worse taste to paint yourself black and go down their afterwards.
2643: chaining the tarrasque up and hacking pieces off of it constantly "for scientific research" WILL violate your Druidic code.
2644: You may not attempt to bluff every NPC you meet that "I AM YOUR FAAATHEEEER!"

[Suzaku]

2645: Especially if you're playing a female character

[Enoch_6211]

2646: you may target, shoot, and even talk to inanimate objects, just don't expect them run, die, or respond.
(True story: this guy yelled at a gazebo, got mad when it didn't respond, then shot it with a cross bow.)

[Suzaku]

2646: you may target, shoot, and even talk to inanimate objects, just don't expect them run, die, or respond.
(True story: this guy yelled at a gazebo, got mad when it didn't respond, then shot it with a cross bow.)

Happened to my group Saturday morning ; ;. We thought he wasn't being serious and thought he heard the story about someone attacking a gazebo and was making a joke >.>

[Jade_Tarem]

2647: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for dropping the ceiling on the wizard.
2648: No longer allowed to play anything with more than 4 domains.
2648: Not allowed to base any more characters off of Tom Kazansky or Teiresius.

[Turcano]

2640. Gelatinous Cubes are not edible. Nor may they be greeted with the shout "J-E-L-L-O! It's Alive"

2649. Shouting "Cube!" when a gelatinous cube appears is only funny so many times.

[Just Alex]

4650. When the party forgets to bring an anchor, you may not get an idea by looking at the warforged

[blackout]

2651: The DM is no longer allowed to bring in the Master Chief to be an enemy, nor UNSC marines, nor anything else...we're keepin' the guns though. >:)

[Destro_Yersul]

2652: not allowed to rig a DeLorien for time travel
2653: especially not in a medieval setting.
2654: If I do, I am not allowed to bring back guns, MJOLNIR armour, energy swords, lightsabers, motor vehicles, or in fact anything more advanced than what we've currently got.
2655: Actually, you know what? Time travel is not allowed, now or ever. Not before now either.
2656: In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not sufficient apology for burning down the village with a badly aimed fireball.

[blackout]

2657: We are no longer allowed to say that Tucker's kobolds are beatable, regardless of whether or not we have access to Halo gear.
2658: I do not get a Crisis Battlesuit. Period. The fact that I took the dual-shotguns and dual-assault rifles is bad enough.

[Penguinizer]

2659: No matter what, you may not create a mech.
2659b: Or any armed vehicle for that matter.

[MrNexx]

433: I cannot make a craft (baby) check each time im alone with the hot elf

Isn't the default time for a Craft check one week? :biggrin:

[Jarchh]

2660: When bartering for a ship to xen'drik I may not offer 2000gp now plus 15,000 more once we get there.
2661: I may not ever make comments about being able to make the Mournland run in less then 12 parsecs.
2662: I may not refer to warforged as droids
2663: Anything to do with starwars is out, and making failed comments hinting about it, gets me xp penalties.
2664: Vessels lent or bought by the party may not be given the name "good ship lolly pop E, other wise they'll share the same fate as A, B, C and D".
2665: I may not encourage the caster to use greater invisibility, polymorph, teleport and other spells of that nature to solo the dungeon again and again saying that it's the quickest and safest way.
2666: I may not dance when it works.
2667:I may not encourage the Low wis wizard to fireball the ogre next to the fighter when the fighter is on -8 hitpoints, convincing him that he's already dead.

[Deus Mortus]

2668: In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not sufficient apology for accidnetly killing all gods.
2669: Espaically if your character is only level 3

[krossbow]

2668: In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not sufficient apology for accidnetly killing all gods.
2669: Espaically if your character is only level 3

2670: even if you are pun-pun.

[Suzaku]

2670: even if you are pun-pun.
Pun-Pun needs to be level 5 at least

[Deus Mortus]

Who is pun-pun?

[Suzaku]

Who is pun-pun?
Strongest legal build in D&D. It has the capability to kill any gods with unlimited reach even those on other planes. It has unlimited ability score every spell or abilities published or yet to be published all with just being level 5.

[Woot Spitum]

Strongest legal build in D&D. It has the capability to kill any gods with unlimited reach even those on other planes. It has unlimited ability score every spell or abilities published or yet to be published all with just being level 5.

You're kidding, right? How does that work?:smallconfused:

[NEO|Phyte]

You're kidding, right? How does that work?:smallconfused:
Like this (http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=491801).
Been a while since I've looked at the thread, wonder if they found anything new...

[Amotis]

I thought they got him down to level 3. *goes to check*

[mikeejimbo]

2670: In fact, no pun-pun at all. Yes, this has been said. It needs said again.

[Woot Spitum]

Yikes. And I thought playing a large-size race combined with Permanency applied to Enlarge Person and the Oversize Weapon feat was bad.:smalleek:

[Deus Mortus]

Wow, now that is grade a french cheddar cheese...

[Winged One]

2671: I am not to call Asmodeus, the Lord of the Ninth, a tan'ari.
2672: To his face.
2673: Again.
2674: Without the deific backup that I had last time.

[Scorpina]

Wow, now that is grade a french cheddar cheese...

You can't have French Cheddar...

[blackout]

2675: We are NOT capable of fighting gods and archdevils at level 15-16. Weather or not we got Halo gear doesn't matter.

[kuja.girl]

2675: Keep "the Paladin" from making an ass of himself.



2671: I am not to call Asmodeus, the Lord of the Ninth, a tan'ari.
2672: To his face.
2673: Again.
2674: Without the deific backup that I had last time.

wahahaaa - - ROFL.
I had to stifle my laugh (@ work) - that's wonderful.

[Deus Mortus]

You can't have French Cheddar...

Hmmm really, well the cheese I meant it called brie in holland, I though cheddar was that cheese :S

[Scorpina]

No no no, Cheddar and Brie are very different.

Brie is French, though.

[Deus Mortus]

learn something new everyday!

[Brauron]

2676: No. NO. I said NO, dammit! Put that copy of "Macho Women with Guns" away!

[Vispear]

2675: In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not sufficient apology for getting the halfling captured by pirates and consequently losing his ear.
(Sorry Thoma!)

[Rei_Jin]

2676: Never, ever, no, not even then, do you let the Kendar do the negotiating. It got one of the PCs turned into a Sahuagin.

[Nahal]

how is that a bad thing?

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2677- You may not use sleight of hand to steal someone's hand in marriage. That's a bad joke AND it doesn't work that way.
2678- The monk may not yell "MORTAL KOMBAT!" before any fight.
2679- You cannot disguise the taste of human with a good profession: cook check.
2680- Or predesignation.
2681- Really, stop trying to feed dead children to their parents.

[Horseshoe]

2682 - I am not allowed to say the following, even if it is "in character":
a) "What kind of a-hole traps a chest and doesn't put any gold in it?"
b) "What the crap are two mind flayers doing in an empty room?"
c) "What moron fills a dungeon full of tripwires with basilisks?"
d) ...or anything else that might be construed as an insult to the DM (especially if she is the wife of another player).

[Mawhrin Skel]

b) "What the crap are two mind flayers doing in an empty room?"
Was one a male, the other a female?

[Scorpina]

...mind flayers don't have gender.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

Sure they do.

Well, their humanoid host bodies do.

So, I guess...

If they're curious...

...

I just disturbed myself.

[Suzaku]

Where does it say mind flayers don't have gender I don't see it in their entry

[Rolaran]

2683: After the Monk's Stunning Blow leaves an opponent unable to effectively defend himself, you may not yell "FINISH HIM!"
2684: You may not use use any animal as ammunition.
2685: You may not invent any new weapon that you cannot describe without using these words: "howitzer", "chainsaw", "Star Wars", "Star Trek", "Halo", "(fill-in-the-blank)-chucks" or "animal as ammunition".
2686: You may not refer to a keen vorpal greatsword as "Head Off: Apply directly to the monster".

[Penguinizer]

2687: The monk may not use a stunning fist attempt to execute a "Croch kick"

[Jade_Tarem]

...mind flayers don't have gender.

On the contrary, the Book of Exalted Deeds specifically refers to a mind flayer as a "she" under the redeemed villians section.

[Magnus_Samma]

On the contrary, the Book of Exalted Deeds specifically refers to a mind flayer as a "she" under the redeemed villians section.

By contrast, Lords of Madness specifically states that mindflayers have no gender and... either no genitals or very small shrivelled useless ones, can't remember exactly. Depends on which supplement you want to believe, I suppose, though I personally would rather a universe where mindflayers can't get jiggy with it.

[MrNexx]

2685: You may not invent any new weapon that you cannot describe without using these words: "howitzer", "chainsaw", "Star Wars", "Star Trek", "Halo", "(fill-in-the-blank)-chucks" or "animal as ammunition".


Hey... if you take two female monks prisoner, can you make them into nun-chucks?

[Charity]

Hey if they were attractive would they be nun-chicks?
If you wish to be kind you could give em valium, Numbnun-chuckchicks.

OK I'll stop now

[Arlanthe]

2688- I will not play with my dice at the table
2689- I will not refer to any spells or abilities as "buffs" or "debuffs".

(Real rules at my table)

[JimmyDPawn]

2690- The shotgun weilding redneck should NOT be the the Negotiator of the party.
2690.B- Nor the voice of reason.
2690.C- No, I don't care how good he is with a gun.

(That would be the reason my last character no longer has a throat.)


((PS- Wouldn't a mind flayer still somewhat resemble the gender it use to be, even if it didn't have genital?))

[Rockphed]

Mind flayers used to be other things? This is weird...

[NEO|Phyte]

Mind flayers used to be other things? This is weird...
They're also from the future, apparently.

[Penguinizer]

2691:No matter the reason. You may not yell "I need Gopher-Chucks"

[Brauron]

2692: Under no circumstances may I attempt to ride the dwarf into battle.

[Avicenex]

The real question is, "How many nuns could a nun-chuck chuck if a nun-chuck could chuck nuns?"

[Jade_Tarem]

They're also from the future, apparently.

Got a friend who's basically a mind-flayer fanatic. Yep, mind flayers are from the future. It's kind of a timesplitters plotline, only the "good guys" (not the mind flayers) are the ones trying to screw up history, becuase way the heck in the future (near the end of time) the mind flayers rule everything but a very small portion of the universe's inhabitants. So the mind flayers have come back to make sure that everything happens as it's supposed to - so remember, every time you kill a mind flayer, you're killing a bit of the terminator-like future we're doomed to. It's one reason most of my characters take steps to kill as many as possible.

I think.

Getting back on track:

2093: If it can turn into a weather condition, I'm no longer allowed to play it.
2094: No longer allowed to "farm" demons.

[Nahal]

2095: Not allowed to force another PC's character to justify his continued existence at gunpoint, swordpoint, wandpoint etc. Now matter how much the question may bear asking.

[codexgigas]

2096. Even if he is adventuring to do research for his definitive historical work and has a Wisdom score of six, my archivist is no longer allowed to ignore the BBEG the party encountered in the library so that he can read the books.

[Nahal]

2096. Even if he is adventuring to do research for his definitive historical work and has a Wisdom score of six, my archivist is no longer allowed to ignore the BBEG the party encountered in the library so that he can read the books.

2096b Doing so may force a violation of rule 2095

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2697- Don't let the party's most accomplished and habitual betrayer handle all of the social situations.
2698- Calling the halfling rogue a little anything is a good way to wake up stabbed, poisoned, and robbed.

[TimeWizard]

The real question is, "How many nuns could a nun-chuck chuck if a nun-chuck could chuck nuns?"

A nun chuck would chuck as a nun chuck could chuck if a nun chuck could cuk nuns, obviously.

[rielfprincess]

2692: Under no circumstances may I attempt to ride the dwarf into battle.

Hehe - That happened in our game. We had two sprites and a Dwarven Barbarian - one sprite was a rogue and one was the cleric. So they attached saddles to either of the dwarf's shoulders. The rogue did sneak attacks by hiding behind the dwarf's head and, as he was the meat sheild, the cleric being nearby was also a good thing.

[rielfprincess]

2699. Not allowed to play a gnomish druid who thinks she is a cat stuck in an elf's body ever again.
2700. Not allowed to meow in or out of character. No matter which character.
2701. Never allowed to ask "Are you my Daddy?" when playing a halfling or kender.
2702. Creatures with beaks do not, by definition, have teeth.
2703. Not allowed to collect all the teeth from every creature we kill.
2704. Not allowed to glue the teeth around the entries to my PC's brother's room so that when he wakes up he thinks he's been eaten ever again.
2705. Especially not allowed to put self into a cuccoon to become a sprite to avoid punishment for breaking above rule.
2706. I must avoid spiking the stew with fairy dust.
2707. I must also avoid spiking the dwarf's wineskin with fairy dust.
2708. I must also avoid throwing fairydust at friendly NPCs because 'the DM was annoying me.'
2709. I am not permitted fairy dust ever, ever again.
2710. "You are not a nice person" is an understatement when dealing with a demon. Also, they aren't fond of fairy dust.
2711. Not permitted to play size tiny rogues with flight.
2712. Especially when bags of holding or their ken are involved.
2713. It is frowned upon to sneak into a dragon's hoard using a mouse-hole, wait until the dragon goes to check on the others in his keep, and steal the entire hoard using a bag of holding.
2714. It is especially frowned upon if your only warning of your deed is to fly out of the mouse hole carrying the mouse and yelling, "Time to go!"
2715. I am not permitted to survey damage from a huge battle and exclaim "Man, I'm good!" if I refused to fight during the battle.
2716. I am not allowed to play a penguin in a Star Wars campaign. No matter how good she is with a light-saber.
2717. I am not to play a race that looks like a penguin in a Star Wars campaign.
2718. I am not allowed to play a human who thinks she's a penguin in a Star Wars campaign.
2719. I am not permitted to call Storm Troopers 'penguins' as revenge for forcing me to play a non-penguin.
2720. I am not permitted to use my skills in mechanics to weld surviving Storm Trooper's knees together so that they walk like penguins.
2721. I am not permitted to use my skills in mechanics to program the androids to dance whenever not otherwise occupied.
2722. I am to be locked in a room with the androids until such a time as they stop trying to kill the Jedi.
2723. In a teen Heros campaign, I am no longer allowed to open the back of huge destructo-robots, rip out the remote sensor, and use the frame to reenact King Kong with the only grown-up character in the group.
2724. Especially when said grown hero is our mentor and is unconscious at the time.
2725. If above two rules must be broken, it is still frowned upon to, when finding out that you are being videotaped, wave said mentor at the camera energetically while he is hanging limp and upside-down from the robot's grasp and the other Teen Heros are practicing juggling the naked bad-guys.
2726. I am also discouraged from teleporting villains to the death dimension and forgetting to bring them back.
2727. I am not to play any concept that I giggle at before I make the character sheet.
2728. If the concept has the phrase "thinks she is a" in it, I should probably not play it.
2729. The only words in sign language I have taught the other players are 'kill' and 'hot-dog'. Therefore, unless what I am trying to communicate has to do with killing hotdogs, I am not to use sign language.
2730. I am not to read the DMs mind. It tends to make him/her nervous when I look up at him/her and answer whatever question they were thinking before they've asked it. I am not to read the other players minds for similar reasons. Honestly. Where do people come up with these things?
2731. We (as players) are not permitted to use real weapons to threaten the DM as he/her has access to larger weapons. Unless his wife has taken said larger weapon and is threatening him with it, too.
2732. I am not permitted to kill the DM by making him laugh so hard that he has an asthma attack.
2733. I am not permitted to insinuate anything about the male players of the game.
2734. Lack of sleep is not an excuse for suggesting to the other players, when presented with plague angels, that gnomes explode when thrown. Especially since the primary friendly NPC is the only gnome in the party.
2735. A bottle tarrasque should not be referred to as 'the ranged weapon of doomieness.' In my defense, it should also not have been given to the kender.
2736. Yes, the other characters have shadows during a daylight spell. No, I can not hide in said shadows.
2737. I am not permitted to apply various templates to monkeys or penguins then pull them out when the DM says, "You can't have that - I don't have the stats for it."
2738. Just because I play a druid does not mean that I should collect catnip with which to torture the other PCs who are playing cat-people. Although it is funny when the player throws himself on the floor and starts rolling around and batting at various people.
2739. I must not chide the player who expects me to listen while his two characters have a conversation. It is also considered bad form to, in character, point out how similar the dwarven fighter and the verrick spell caster are in looks, mannerisms, and speech patterns.
2740. I am no longer permitted to bring my little portable speakers to game, even if I am playing a bard. Even if the other players use their laptops for the same thing and they AREN'T playing bards.
2741. The Tra-La song (One Banana) shall not be considered an appropriate song to inspire courage. Nor shall "NoOne Lives Forever" by Oingo Boingo or "Hall of the Mountain King" by SRC.
2742. I am also no longer permitted to bring my headphones and a CD player during game to, "Keep me entertained while everyone else kills the badguys."
2743. Never do a kender taunt from UNDERNEATH the bigfolk.
2744. (A rule from me) Just because I am playing the character does not mean I will do ANYTHING for a shiny.
2745. There shall, henceforth, be only one fairy per game.
2746. I must not take advantage of a Greater Wish spell to get a rainbow-colored pony. Especially when I am too small to make use of said pony.
2747. Any phrase made up of or including the words "shiny," "penguins," or "distraction" shall not be used in a war cry.
2748. Leaving notes that taunt the BBEG and his guards (after you've snuck past them and stolen much of his good stuffage) is generally a bad idea as it really, really upsets both him and the DM. Of course, then they make mistakes.
2749. The Song that Never Ends is not permitted from any person in the group. Any rule-breakers will be shot and then skewered.
2750. The "Bad Touch" song is not permitted after damage has been dealt to your character (although it has dramatically lessened the attacks that have been attempted on my character).
2751. The "ABCD LSD" song is no longer permitted at games in any way, shape, or form, including partial form or in foreign languages.
2752. I am not permitted to say "Go for the eyes, Boo!" to any fighter-type character, regardless of game style, campaign, or player.
2753. Encouraging the half-orc barbarian to recreate the "She Swallowed a Fly" song is generally frowned upon.
2754. A party of 5th level characters should not kill Cthullu. Period. This will result in the universe imploding.
2755. Any players who waste three sessions interrogating the same kobold will henceforth be squished. (Actually, not aimed at me.)
2756. Your DM will be annoyed with you if you make your entire party a family of elves, including two sets of twins (one fraternal, one identical).
2757. No discussion of a portable launcher for small-size creatures will be permitted.
2758. No matter your AC, if you have been annoying and the barbarian throws a kobold head at you for being so, it will hit.
2759. As a DM, I am no longer allowed to have weaker dragons paint themselves red to 'confuse the ickle adventurers.'
2760. I am no longer permitted to have a name longer than 3 names long, no matter what race I am. If I must have more names, I am only permitted to mention three and then must specify which one is the first name.
2761. I will refrain from taunting the boys with my "magical rainbow dice." I am also to avoid pointing out that our most macho male player owns three sets of pink dice.

[Green Bean]

2762- Random encounters do not 'respawn' after you kill them
2763- Nor do they drop magic items that they couldn't possibly carry
2764- You know what? Stop playing World of Warcraft

[Rockphed]

2744. (A rule from me) Just because I am playing the character does not mean I will do ANYTHING for a shiny.

Ooooh! Shiney! What do you want for it?

[Arlanthe]

2765: Do not roll a Drow, unless you intend to intend to slit the party's throats n their sleep in the name of the Spider Queen.
2766: If you roll a Drow IT MUST BE EVIL

[Last_resort_33]

2686: You may not refer to a keen vorpal greatsword as "Head Off: Apply directly to the monster".

Upon a roll of natural 20

sorry to burst your bubble there but it's not as powerful as it might originally seem

[healbot42]

2093: If it can turn into a FLAMING weather condition, I'm no longer allowed to play it.

I fixed it for you. :smalltongue:

[Penguinizer]

2767: If it has a chance of imploding, Im not allowed to create it.
2767b: You know what, you cant create anything that involves anything being thrown at the enemy or explosions.

[Suzaku]

2767b: You know what, you cant create anything that involves anything being thrown at the enemy or explosions.



So wait not even alchemists fire, shurikens, darts etc?

[Mauril Everleaf]

Well, no one said you couldn't buy them, just that you can't create them. :smallbiggrin:

[Penguinizer]

Ill rephrase that: Nothing that involves anything explosive mechanically thrown.

[Mauril Everleaf]

So gnome fire in a catapult is out? Or flaming, exploding arrows? Or punting a cat-turned-into-a-dog*?

*There is a funny joke that goes with this, but it almost requires hand gestures and sound effects to work properly.

[Penguinizer]

Mostly when I though of a way to make a dnd rocket launcher...

Im not in a game group though.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

D&D rocket launcher? That's easy! Load a wizard into a catapult.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Pfft, forget that.
Make yourself an Eberron Lightning Railgun.

[Jade_Tarem]

2713. It is frowned upon to sneak into a dragon's hoard using a mouse-hole, wait until the dragon goes to check on the others in his keep, and steal the entire hoard using a bag of holding.

Frowned upon? That's plan A for my group. Too bad we never get it right.


I fixed it for you. :smalltongue:

Indeed you did, the weather condition in question was a colossal intelligent tornado with blue fireballs for eyes. Though it wasn't its most damaging move, it could set things on fire by staring at them.:smallamused:

[Meynolds]

2768 - I am not allowed to sing Pink Floyd's "Brain Damage" when the Mindflayer tries to eat my brain. . .
2768a - More specifically, "There's someone in my head, but it's not me." is prohibited.
2769 - When dying, I may not sing Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". . .
2769a - Even if I do die on a stairway.

[Mauril Everleaf]

2769b -... that leads to a celestial plane

[Kilbia]

2770 - Not allowed to use this list as a checklist for my next game.

(Inspired by the Eberron collection, 678. I/we/you will not use the "231 Things That Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do" as a guideline for annoying others.)

[Suzaku]

2771: If the wizard cast bear endurance on the dying cleric to get him above 1 hp, the cleric should not use a move action to get up thus provoking an AoO instead of casting defensively.

2772: If the party is made up of full spell casters only, I shall not make them goto into a dead magic zone.

2773: Just because you have 20 Int doesn't mean you could make complicated plans without flaws even though you have 6 Wis.

2774: Even if you do make said plan the dm shall not point out flaws in the plans.

2775: When fighting a nymph the Barbarian shall not grapple the nymph and then go into a pin to give her a spanking. (I remember there was a thread where a dm said the barbarian wanted to spank the nymph and asked how it should be done)

2776: When introducing a new pc I will never again have him/her plop like V's familiar.

2777: When pc enter a catgirl village and one of them discuss physics in game I will not cause lightning to kill a random catgirl

2778: Even said Catgirl was a pc

2779: Even said catgirl pc was the one who stated the physics debate.

2780: Never again shall actively try tpk the party because I had a bad day

2781: Even if the party was the cause of my bad day.

[Brauron]

2782: If you're going to make a blood sacrifice to your dice, don't do it at the gaming table.

[Woot Spitum]

2783: I may not name my character Vader. Even if he is a cleric/blackguard with the Force Domain. And has an enchanted greatsword that constantly sheds red light. Who was once a LG paladin/cleric. And always wears black full plate. And never takes his helmet off because of horrible disfiguring scars he received shortly after turning to evil.

2784:I may not say that his official title is Darth.

[Green Bean]

2785- Mysterious beings with the ability to drain mortal's souls with a mere gaze are not to be 'pranked'. They seldom have a sense of humor

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2786- It isn't witty in D&D to openly blaspheme the gods. Sometimes they listen.

[TimeWizard]

2787: Under no circumstances am I allowed to charge while yelling Leroy Jenkins

[Dark]

2783: I may not name my character Vader. Even if he is a cleric/blackguard with the Force Domain. And has an enchanted greatsword that constantly sheds red light. Who was once a LG paladin/cleric. And always wears black full plate. And never takes his helmet off because of horrible disfiguring scars he received shortly after turning to evil.

I resent this ridiculous accusation that Anakin was ever Lawful.

2788: When I am on watch duty, I am to actually watch. For enemies.
2788b: The sleeping party members, despite their apparent helplessness, are perfectly happy with their natural skin color, which does not need adjusting.
2788c: When enemies arrive, the idea is that I would wake or otherwise alert the party. Any other course of action is firmly in the "Plan B" category.

[goat]

Heh, in the current L5R game I'm playing, I was on watch, but decided that I'd sit at the entrance of the small shrine we were camping in and practice my calligraphy in the dust.

While I was doing this, all of our horses got stolen.

[Sir_Ophiuchus]

2789: Don't shoot nonthreatening NPCs immediately just for jumping out of concealment.
2789a: Especially not in Call of Cthulhu.
2789b: Even if that means you killed the most powerful bad guy completely by accident, and before you could have had any idea who he was.
2789c: And saved the life of an innocent by stopping him from encountering a monster.


Corollary: If you do this, sooner or later your Keeper will put you up against a bullet-immune monster.

Bitter? Moi?

[The Orange Zergling]

2790: No matter how much my friend is starting to like gnomes, he may not shout "For Gnomeragan!" as his battlecry.

[Meynolds]

More song based things.

2791 - While fighting the Dire Huge Fiendish Spider, I am not allowed to sing "Boris the Spider" by the Who.
2792 - Not allowed to sing "Nostradomus" by Al Stuart while predicting the future.
2793 - Not allowed to sing "Robbery, Assault and Battery" by Genesis while Robbing, Assaulting, and Battering.
2794 - May not sing "Watcher of the Skies" by Genesis while flying and watching the clouds.
2795 - Not allowed to sing "Spirits in the Material World" by Sting and the Police when I see a ghost.
2796 - Not allowed to sing "Book of My Life" by Sting and the Police while writing an autobiography.

[Magnus_Samma]

2797- Do not *(&^ the pope.

[Winged One]

2797b: She's fuggin' eleven, for Miron's sake.
2798: There is no +1 shiv.
2799: No, not even if I come up with a backstory involving an Arcane Trickster with the proper feat in prison.

[Vispear]

2798b: Not even if your best friend is DM, and you ask him really really nice.

[krossbow]

2799: do NOT try to sorcerous blast the rouge at 3 HP and the construct in the hopes that The rouge will negate it with evasion.

[Nahal]

2800: Apparently I'm not allowed to miss a session, because ridiculously bad things tend to happen while I'm gone. That's not to say that bad things don't happen when I'm there, we just have more of a chance of getting away with our skins (and the universe) intact.

Oh and Magnus Samma, which campaign involved your players doing horrible things to Jaela?

[Suzaku]

2800: Apparently I'm not allowed to miss a session, because ridiculously bad things tend to happen while I'm gone. That's not to say that bad things don't happen when I'm there, we just have more of a chance of getting away with our skins (and the universe) intact.

Oh and Magnus Samma, which campaign involved your players doing horrible things to Jaela?

2801: The chances of something happening increases if you have to miss the game for something you have no choice (such as attending military drill).

[SMEE]

2802 - When in possession of a powerful artifact ring with a strong evil aura, bluffing a random peasant to put it on to see what it does is considered bad taste.

2803 - After said ring consumed the poor peasant body, I should not bluff other 50 people into putting it on to have a sure and tried estatistical basis to say that the ring indeed consume people.

2804 - Given that said ring consumed the life energy of 51 living persons, putting it onto the dead body found within an assault site while adventuring is definitly not wise.

2805 - Complaining with the dark demi-god who just got awakened and freed from his prison after you feed the ring with enough energy that said ring is yours and he should give it back to you tends to not end very well (actually, it ended very well. I could pull the awesome Murray line due to it :smalltongue: ).

2806 - When playing Star Wars, naming my second hand startship Centurium Falcon is frowned uppon.

2807 - When said ship is surrounded by elite imperial troops, I should use it's blaster cannons rather than lower it's exit door and run outside shooting everywhere with my blaster pistols (even if it gave the jedis enough time to deal with the situation). One tends to be fried in such situation.

2808 - Bluff doesn't work very well on imperial droids.

2809 - Being the one with the least amount of vitality, worst overall protection and no armor makes it a bad idea to run in the front of the party tanks to "wreak" havoc at enemy lines

2810 - No, the thermal detonator isn't my lucky charm and no, I can't take it with me to jail.

A small list of things that happened in our last gaming session. :smalltongue:

[Penguinizer]

2811: Any plan that relies on the dm's sense of humor is never a good idea.

2811b: This goes double if it involves a rogue, rubber chickens, and an endangered species of flying iguanas.

[Mauril Everleaf]

2812: Any plan involving the phrase "so then I smear myself with" and then either excrement or a cooking additive is supplied is right out.

[nivek1234]

2813: A lvl 9 character should not be able to do more damage than an empowered, maximized fireball when scoring a critical hit.
2813b: Especially when said character is not using Power Attack or the like.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

But that's very possible with Tome of Battle's maneuvers. Especially my favorite, the Desert style.

[Meynolds]

2814 - There is no such thing as a +1 Wizard of Owning.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2815- The wizard can use magic, the fighter can use a weapon, but the fighter may not wield the wizard as a magic weapon.

[Suzaku]

2816: Not even if the wizard is a gnome

[Meynolds]

2817 - Unless you happen to be Huge or larger.
2817a - But even then, no.

[krossbow]

2818: You may not sing the peanut butter jelly time song as a bard to fascinate people.

[Fax Celestis]

2819. My Hulking Hurler is not allowed to use party members as projectile weapons.

[krossbow]

2820: I may not attempt to create paradoxes in the game by making myself my own father.

[Magnus_Samma]

Oh and Magnus Samma, which campaign involved your players doing horrible things to Jaela?

I actually applied the "innocent young girl as divine representative" idea to a homebrewy campaign I'm running. Pontiff Sarai is about 14, still very innocent, and completely at the mercy of the four "neutral" mercenaries who, through sheer plot contrivance on the part of the very naive and foolish DM, can do pretty much whatever they want to her.

They haven't actually done anything yet, but there was talk of sacrificing her on an altar dedicated to their treble gods of evil, which leaves me to just wonder what else they could possibly come up with. of course, that gives me an excuse to send a Solar after them... :smallamused:

[Suzaku]

2819. My Hulking Hurler is not allowed to use party members as projectile weapons.

2821: No not even if the party member you want to throw has the feat Fighterdoken

[Enoch_6211]

2822: High diplomacy, bluff, and intimidate scores allow you to be different things to different people. Just always remember which you are to which person.

2823: Just because your neutral evil doesn't mean you should attack anything that moves. However, the fact that you are a party of adventurers does.

2824: Yes, the DM does realize that he just changed the accent and demenor of that NPC. No, it isn't your job to correct him.

2825: Never repeat that movement neccessary to activate a positive magical effect. Chances are it will reverse that effect and leave you screwed at the worst possible time.

2826: Never forget which game you're in when your playing multiple campaigns. Especially if one is good and one is evil.

2826a: Never piss of a Neutral Evil PC. They aren't required to save you by a general concern for the right like the Neutral Good guys in your other campaign.

2827: I must never forget that I gained three spellcaster levels between two game nights. There will probably be a situation that would be perfect for using a new spell that I just studied...

2828: Never trust the DM when they say, "5 rounds of taking 20's on your search and spot checks are enough. THERE IS NOTHING THERE!" Especially when you are at a crime scene. They will probably give you more experience for roll playing well.

2829: I may never assault the cleric for not paying attention while we were discussing the plan and therefore not casting the proper spell.

2830: Never, and I mean NEVER, under any circumstances may I roll a Knowledge(Metagame) check to glean information from out-of-character conversations.

[Vispear]

2831: I can never ever ever ever ever! Have a Hitler mustache when the Jew is DMing....ever!

[Suzaku]

2832: No not even if you say it's Charlie Chaplin mustache

[Aimbot]

2833: My female Cleric of Sune's battle cry is not "Carpe Cl*torem."

[Jade_Tarem]

2834: No longer allowed to put a half orc barbarian into an elven formal ball.
2835: No longer allowed to base a character off of any of the Seven Deadly Sins.
2836: Not allowed to make a character with a split personality, one of which is a ninja and the other a dread pirate, who hate each other, and niether of which speak common.
2837: No longer allowed to have proficiency with power tools.
2838: You know blast disks from Heroes of Battle? Yeah...
2839: Odysseus is not a playable character.
2840: Not allowed to break out giggling when facing "the test of maturity."
2841: If it can spam cure spells, I am no longer allowed to play it.
2842: If it has more than two spell progressions, I am no longer allowed to play it.
2843: There is no justification for an eladrin ghost.
2844: There are an unfortunate number of people who are uncomfortable around a pantsless half-orc.
2845: Not allowed to sing "Bad Reputation" by the Blackhearts while sacking cities.

[Darkshade]

2841: no longer allowed to carry "Frozen Kids" in my bag of holding. (swear to god they were in the module, they were in the module!)

2842: (picks up old character sheet notebook, turns to correct page and holds up notebook)
DO NOT SLEEP AT THE PLOT POINT

[Darkshade]

2843: no longer allowed to place a Mirror of opposition in module where one of the PCs is a succubus Enchantress.

[Jade_Tarem]

2849: When asked if he has kept himself pure of the deadly sins, the paladin really shouldn't respond with "Six out of seven isn't bad, right?"

[Vortling]

2850: I may not make a rogue with no ranks in disable device.
2851: If I do I may not attempt to disable traps by setting them on fire.
2851b: Especially not pit traps with greased walls.

[Green Bean]

2852- You may not put bricks in a sack, cast Stone to Flesh, and then run around hitting people with your 'Meat-sack'

[Fax Celestis]

2852- You may not put bricks in a sack, cast Stone to Flesh, and then run around hitting people with your 'Meat-sack'

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2853- I promise, I'll never play a perverted divinator ever again. But you have to admit- you'd have put clairaudience in her pants too.

[MrNexx]

Clairaudience? Why were you listening to her pants?

[Viscount Einstrauss]

I could leave this up to the imagination, or I could ruin a perfectly good night for some of you.

What the hell-

She was going to the bathroom and I was trying to drown out the party bard's bad perform check. And it was the weirdest fetish I could possibly devise.

[Deathcow]

I resent this ridiculous accusation that Anakin was ever Lawful.


Vader, however, was pretty firmly Lawful Evil. Interesting alignment shift there, no? I'd have pegged Anakin as Chaotic Good.

[Brauron]

2854: If I'm watching a movie with the DM and his girlfriend, and he falls asleep, we should not cover every visible inch of skin on him with D&D related graffiti. Or if we do, we should not also color his entire nose green with a marker.

(I just got back from doing this)

[Stormcrow]

2855: I will not kill the characters of PCs i no longer like.
2856: I will not use the game to try and drive off people i don't like from my life. (My sister hates one of my friends)

[Darkshade]

2857: I will not scream "It's opening it's mouth! It's casting a spell! KILL IT! KILL IT QUICKLY!!!" then proceed to violently murder the only plotpoint in the entire module at the very beginning of the module.


next time i'll wait til after it gives us the plot

[Darkshade]

2858: My Half-Dragon Orc barbarian will no longer set his readied actions based on numbers.
Example:
The party stumbles into a room full of vampire spawn and their master. Everyone rolls initiative, I win, we all decide to run back to the last room and use the door as a choke point so I run back into the room and stop at the door and ready an action to kill the (counts PCs) fifth creature to come running through the door with power attack at full. The cleric runs into the room with me. The Rogue runs into the room with me. The other fighter runs into the room with me. One of the vampire spawns runs into the room past me. (doh) the wizards initiative comes up and he looks at me about to cry... "i don't wanna go through the door!"

[Destro_Yersul]

2859: No longer allowed to even know what a sphere of anhilation is.
2860: No longer allowed to own more than one extradimensional space at a time.

[Vispear]

2861: Never allowed to suggest that the DM name the town Sinep (which is of course penis, just, backwards.)

[Brauron]

2862: May not discriminate regarding whose characters I give piggyback rides to.

This one requires a little bit of explanation. There are two elves in my party -- one female, played by a female, the other a gay male elf played by a female. The female elf asked for a piggyback ride from my male human barbarian, STR 17 (the elf weighed maybe 90 lbs. soaking wet), which he gave her as we were moving through difficult terrain. The gay male elf wanted to cling to my chest and thus be carried over the difficult terrain as well. I told the gay male elf no. He cried about being discriminated against.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

2863: In the continuing saga, 'oops' is not sufficient apology for accidentally beheading the emperor of all the known lands on the holiest day of the year.

[Dairun Cates]

2864: I am no longer allowed to defeat a CR 15 encounter consisting of a level 10 wizard, warrior, and bounty hunter, and a few dozen mook CR half wolves almost single-handedly with a fatigued shaman when the enemies get the surprise round no matter how legitamite my tactics. It just totally ruins the whole getting kidnapped thing.

2865: I am no longer allowed to be able to damage bosses when all my combat prowess has been completely disabled and my character's soul has been sealed into a doll. The GM said I wasn't going to be useful this session and they damn well meant it.

2866: I may not break into musical number in the final boss battle to confuse them; ESPECIALLY if said boss is weak to happy feelings.

2867: The power of Macross IS NOT Love.

2868: I will not throw an entire city into chaos, get revenge on every single person that wronged me, break a friend out of jail, expose a faulty cult, injure myself for an alibi, and cause canon characters to appear to fight the menance just for the sake of saving a bar that has "good whiskey".

2869: I will not hit Purity Maidens wearing only thin white cotton clothes with large jets of water out of the ground just because I find them annoying no matter HOW MUCH I can prove that they're not that "pure".

2870: Ditto with large gusts of wind on said maidens.

2871: My Rogue cannot take one level of Barbarian so he can sneak attack while raging with a Great Axe.

2872: I cannot trick the Sith Lord by saying "I have one question" and then shooting him when he says shoot.

2873: No more using force points on diplomacy checks against warring factions... ever.

2874: I cannot play a character with 8 charisma ever again.

[Malachite]

2874: I cannot play a character with 8 charisma ever again.

Why not? Seems reasonable enough to me...


2875: When the DM tells us that drinking a potion has a good chance of inflicting Warp Touch on us, I will not go ahead and drink one for the hell of it.

2876: A level 18 dwarven defender should never charge a dracolich with or without backup.

2877: Pixies cannot be starting characters in a level 1 campaign.

2878: Neither can centaurs.

2879: Liches do not 'just need a hug'.

2880: The same goes for above dracolich.

2881: No matter what happens in webcomics, doing a crap in the corner does not earn you roleplaying xp.

2882: I may not base any character off a member of the crew of Serenity.

2883: No, not even in a Firefly-based rpg.

2884: Never give the Artifact of Ultimate Evil(tm) to the Chaotic Evil elf wizardess, especially not when attempting to destroy a demon lord who is bound to offer riches and power.

2885: I may not make Batman.

2886: I may not make Master Chief.

2887: Under NO cicumstances may I make the futuristic weapons listed in the DMG in a medieval-style campaign, not even if I roll a natural 20.

2888: While playing an idiotic wizard or uncharismatic sorceror could be amusing for a while, the joke would quickly get old when I realised I couldn't actually beat anything stronger than a commoner. If that.

2889: I may not make a monk based on Chuck Norris.

2890: If I manage to slip it past the DM, I may not claim his roundhouse kick causes automatic death with no save.

2891: Even if Chuck's would.

[Dairun Cates]

Why not? Seems reasonable enough to me...
It has to do with what I DO with the 8 charisma. It's similar to why some people can't play 8 wisdom characters. A lot of my 8 Charisma characters either end up good-looking but scathing in personality or good-hearted but try to make perform checks. As for why not? Just imagine a character that doesn't take the BBEG serious no matter what and makes sarcastic quip until it gets him shot and you'll get the idea.

2892: My character cannot have an 18 strength for the express purposes of being able to carry an entire tankard of ale with him at all times.

2893: Improvised Weapon Proficiency is a feat, not an excuse.

2894: I cannot have a "cape of prestidigitation" just so my cape will billow in the wind when I talk.

[Winged One]

2895: I will not get a mini of a Lawful Neutral outsider, paint it as if it is a low-ranking officer in some armed forces, and call it the very model of a Modron major-general.

[Penguinizer]

2896: Llamas are not playble races
2897:Neither are penguins, or sheep.

[rielfprincess]

2896: Llamas are not playble races
2897:Neither are penguins, or sheep.

Yeah, I get the 'no penguin' rule a lot, too.

From gaming session this weekend:

2898. Do not argue with the rules-monger because HE won't stop, whether you do or not.
2899. When two gamers in your group both have a 'top that' complex and are both powergamers, be prepared to sit around for a long time listening to them threaten one another.
2900. When, in your 5 elf role-playing family, new non-elf characters are added, it is not polite to use the other races as tools to open doors in case of traps because you 'don't want to risk the rogue - she's your sister.' (Heh, in Ravenloft the one human is posessed and poisoned, the dwarf regularly gets hit with traps, and the halfing ended up petrified. The rest of us are the elf family. Actually, the rogue sister tried to pick-pocket a corpse and ended up slightly zombified anyway, but we dont know that.)
2901. Even if the GM is running multiple campaigns on the same world, never the twain shall meet.
2901a. When another GM requests to add another campaign to previous GM's world, never agree. Especially when they are one of the above-mentioned 'top that' people.
2902. When the GM who you know does not like a particular character requests that you cross-campaign run said character for him for a second, refuse.
2903. Never argue with a GM, even if they are obviously wrong and you can prove it and the only reason they are doing it is because they want you to stop playing a character in another campaign. He still maintains the power to cancel game.

[Dairun Cates]

2900. When, in your 5 elf role-playing family, new non-elf characters are added, it is not polite to use the other races as tools to open doors in case of traps because you 'don't want to risk the rogue - she's your sister.' (Heh, in Ravenloft the one human is posessed and poisoned, the dwarf regularly gets hit with traps, and the halfing ended up petrified. The rest of us are the elf family. Actually, the rogue sister tried to pick-pocket a corpse and ended up slightly zombified anyway, but we dont know that.)


That Reminds me...

2904. No offering to have a person set off traps, sacrificed to elder gods, be first in line, etc, BECAUSE she's my character's sister.

[Darkshade]

2905: I am not allowed to build a character based off of the Predator
2906: no more Prixie rogue (no that is not a misspelling it is a nickname)
2907: no more Half-Celestials named Christian
2908: I am not allowed to force the PCs to draw from a deck of many things just because it amuses me.

[MrNexx]

2895: I will not get a mini of a Lawful Neutral outsider, paint it as if it is a low-ranking officer in some armed forces, and call it the very model of a Modron major-general.

I don't know what army you're part of, but a major general is not low ranking.

[roulette]

2909: My half-orc barbarian is not allowed to head toward the final dungeon before finding warriors(the rest of the party) to help out, no matter how much it may make sense at the time.

[Rockphed]

2890: If I manage to slip it past the DM, I may not claim his roundhouse kick causes automatic death with no save.

2891: Even if Chuck's would.

Why not just coup de grace? Okay, so there is a save, but a roundhouse kick takes too long to be a standard attack, so just enchant the begebies out of you foot, or maybe your boot, and coup de grace like there is no tomorrow!

2910:I am not allowed to offer unlimited power to megalomaniacs. No, not even then. They will destroy my favorite city-state with armies of wooden squirrels.

2911:Letting someone play as a plague of locust is also a bad Idea. Hellwasp swarm is completely out.

[Winged One]

I don't know what army you're part of, but a major general is not low ranking.

I heard that it was the lowest officer rank in whatever army the guy from Pirates of Penzance was in. I may be mistaken, of course.

[The Orange Zergling]

2912: Tying a bomb to a sheep and sending it into the orc stronghold is not an acceptable way to take out the airship dock within.

[Darkshade]

2913: Cutting the chains to the bells at the top of the belltower and letting them fall down to kill all the enemies inside is not a good way to rescue hostages

[Jade_Tarem]

2914: May not cast awaken on an owl just to ask it how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

[Darkshade]

2915: will not cast awaken on 3 frogs and then suggestion on each of them to keep repeating one syllable to advertise the new beer at my bar.

[Cheashire]

Wow...it's been awhile since I posted! Who'd have guess this thread would come this far? And yes...these are issues that have actually come put, either in game or in plotting.

2916. The rules of physics do not exist in D&D and arguing about certain impossibilities with the DM will only serve to lose me XP
2917. Putting out a keg of beer and praying to my god ‘Take this beer is you want me to do X’ might work in place of an augury, but I will TRY not abuse this
2918. Beer, my lover’s undies, and lap dances do not count as tithes
2919. Being a priestess of the god of rogue, thieves, and bards, I am not allowed to handle confessions/reconciliation
2920. I will not distribute religious propaganda to the youth in the form of picture books
2921. My position during a battle shouldn’t ALWAYS be directly behind the fighter
2922. I will not use Universal Keys as I would Malitov Cocktails
2923. I will attach the opening of my Bag of Holding to the opening of my pants just to see the look of shock on people’s faces when I offer to pull out my ten-foot pole…and make good on it
2924. …same goes for my rod of wonder
2925. …and my immovable rod
2926. …and roosters
2927. Lawyers shouldn’t worship Olidamarra, despite him being the god of thieves
2928. I will not use Magic Pigments to safety scatter what appears to be dead hookers in front of the temple of Saint Cuthbert
2929. I will also not use statues and Stone to Flesh to achieve this result
2930. When kicking male characters in the crotch, I can no longer call for a sunder roll
2931. Mugging someone shouldn’t involve bludgeoning damage delivered by a coffee cup…though it can
2932. Refusing to participate in the grand adventure the DM has been planning for months so that you can loot everything that’s not nailed down in frowned upon
2933. …even if you do have a detailed ten-step plan complete with maps and flow charts
2934. I will not use the spell Stick to join another PCs pants to the bottom of his shirt after ‘encouraging’ him to drink over a gallon of ale
2935. …or to put a baby on a paladin’s butt
2936. …or on any provolactics
2937. …or to put a ‘kick me’ sign on the priest’s back in that spot he just can’t seem to reach
2938. …or to attach a bag of never-ending caltrops to any avian creature
2939. If my character does end up pregnant, I will not pray to my god to make him “a great and terrible scion of chaos”
2940. The solution of “I either win or I’m a martyr and rallying point for my people!” might be fine and dandy for me, but it is likely to worry the other PCs
2941. I will not use a hat of disguise, glamoured armor, disguise checks, and glibness to create political scandals
2942. …unless I have anti-scrying devices first
2943. The candlabra with Animate Object cast it will never sing "Be Our Guest" no matter how many ranks in intimidate/diplomacy anyone has.
2944. And even if it somehow did, its French accent would be horrible

[Kiroho]

2897:Neither are penguins, or sheep.


2854: Sheep are not to be used as weapons.
2855: Nor are they Masterwork
2856: And cannot be made into enchanted weapons


And yes, I have seen somebody try this.

[Wolf53226]

In the same light as 2854-2856
2857: The phrase "Make a save versus livestock" shall never again be uttered during a game.

[Mauril Everleaf]

I have used the "Cow Kill" spell, which drops a cow from the sky on the target. Also "Greater Cow Kill", which is like Meteor Swarm, but with cows. Both require a save.

[Maxymiuk]

Bovine Intervention?

*hides*

[Penguinizer]

How about a "Cows from hell" spell.

2857:Judas Priest is not an acceptable name for a cleric, even if hes a priest.

2858:Holden Magroin or Mike Rouch are not allowed as names.

2859:The party rogue is not a portable lockpick.

2860: The Dm must not be annoyed on purpose. It may cause tarrasques to appear from nowhere.

[Mauril Everleaf]

2859:The party rogue is not a portable lockpick.

If not that then what else? I mean who needs trap finding when you have a barbarian with d12 hd and a cleric to cure wounds? Who needs sneak attack when you have a barbarian with a great axe? On that note, who needs lockpicking when you have a barbarian with a great axe? :smalltongue: :smallwink: :smallbiggrin:

[ExHunterEmerald]

When the barbarian fails his will save.

[Penguinizer]

When the door is composed of adamantite.

[Meynolds]

2961 - I may not cast Summon Chuck Norris. . .
2962 - Exept as an epic spell. . .
2963 - NO! Not even then!
2964 - . . . No, the Spell Seed: Roundhouse Kick does not exist.

[Miatog]

I demand that the poster of this topic reimburses me for the hospital bills that I’m sure are coming. I’m sure that having exploded sides are bad.

[Cheashire]

Since we repeated 100 numbers, I'll bring it back to where it should be.

2965. I cannot have the Kraken as a familiar.
2966. And even if I could, I would not be allowed to call him 'Mr. Noodles'

[Just Alex]

2965. I cannot have the Kraken as a familiar.
2966. And even if I could, I would not be allowed to call him 'Mr. Noodles'

How about King Kalamari?

[rielfprincess]

Since we repeated 100 numbers, I'll bring it back to where it should be.

2965. I cannot have the Kraken as a familiar.
2966. And even if I could, I would not be allowed to call him 'Mr. Noodles'

Heh which reminds me.
2967. I am not ever permitted to have a dark mantle as an animal companion ever again. Especially not if he stays hidden inside my cloak.
2968. If I am allowed a dark mantle again, I am not to name him 'Parasol' and teach him to do the 'spinning umbrella dance.'
2969. If the dark mantle simply must learn the spinning umbrella dance, then I am not to also teach him to stop in the middle of his act and crush someone's head.

[rielfprincess]

2969a. At least not in a good campaign.

Heh forgot that one.

[Jade_Tarem]

2970: Cannot take flaw, Dark Secret: character intel is 20 points higher than he's pretending it is.
2971: Taking off your pants at an elven formal ball is a social faux pass.
2972: As is cleaving the punch table.
2973: As is cleaving the elves.
2974: When speaking of healing, it is understood that the numbers under consideration are positive.
2975: When it says you can't redeem evil outsiders, they mean it.
2976: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficent apology for undermining the supports to that giant rocky outcropping that extends over the city...
2977: When they need someone to cut the cake at the wedding, they aren't talking about the barbarian.

[Chineselegolas]

2978: I cannot have an immovable rod, protection from arrows and a vorpal returning throwing axe. Causes DM to bring lots of flying monsters next session

And I'm not sure where I got the vorpal returning throwing axe, as I know vorpal can't affect a throwing axe... somehow I must have convinced the DM otherwise...

[Penguinizer]

2978: The Cleric can NOT take the Flying Spaghetti Monster as his deity.

2979: Even if he starts a church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[Dairun Cates]

2980. I can not waste my diplomatic resources check on getting one of the robots a "cool afro" no matter how much he begs.

2981. ...and No. It would not help if I brought enough for everyone.

2982. The GM doesn't care how much Charisma my character has, shooting the enemy in a surprise round when saying you have one question and the enemy says "shoot" only works once...

2983. ...twice...

2984. ...three times...

2985. "OKAY! Fine, I keep forgetting about that, but don't use it against every major freakin' villain."

[Kesnit]

2978: The Cleric can NOT take the Flying Spaghetti Monster as his deity.

2979: Even if he starts a church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I have to wonder what Domains the FSM would have...

[Dairun Cates]

I have to wonder what Domains the FSM would have...

SCIENCE and AWESOME!

[Wolf53226]

Chaos, I mean that much spaghetti seems much like chaos to me.

[Penguinizer]

Im thinking, Pasta and Air.

Chaotic good or Chaotic Neutral alignment.

[Goblin Music]

new deiaty?
2986: i may not have my FSM cleric have a throw spaghetti attack

[Deus Mortus]

FSM statted out for your convenience (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1928078#post1928078)

[Penguinizer]

>.>

I was somewhat expecting that. If I find a gaming group Im so making a Cleric of FSM

[nivek1234]

2987: As my friend found out, saying especially vulgar things can cause your character to get syphilis.

2988: Apparently syphilis is an epic disease.

[Green Bean]

2989: Just because clothing is a valid target fora Shatter spell doesn't mean you can run around casting it on peoples' pants.

[Penguinizer]

^I have come up with that idea a couple of times aswell.

[MrNexx]

2989: Just because clothing is a valid target fora Shatter spell doesn't mean you can run around casting it on peoples' pants.

And people say there's no reason to play a warlock!

[BCOVertigo]

2990: I am not allowed to create characters based on random things I see.
(Example: Miatogs avatar, Intelligent owlbear cleric with the hunger and madness domains?)

[Talyn]

2991: My Strong/Charismatic character does not have the ability to disarm a ticking bomb because "he saw it in a movie once."
2991a: ... no matter HOW many ranks of Knowledge: Pop Culture he has.

[J_Muller]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but...



310. I shall not make the DM consider the ramifications of a half-orc and half-elf breeding


You get a warrior both incredibly beautiful and the most deadly living being in the world.

Cookie for the reference.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

2992- "When in doubt, starting killing the party" is an inappropriate motto.
2993- You may never again store alchemical fire in whiskey flasks and call it Liquid Revenge.
2994- Males do not gain an extra ring slot.
2995- Putting explosive runes on the soles of metal shoes to try and jump higher is a very bad idea.

[The Faceless]

2996: bear traps are now forbidden
2997: As is TNT
2999: i am not allowed a power sword
3000: using a remote control to make the guys in robotic power armour moonwalk is not a productive use of time. especially if the boots carry on moonwalking after the armour has been removed.

[Cheashire]

Sorry if this has been mentioned before, but...



You get a warrior both incredibly beautiful and the most deadly living being in the world.

Cookie for the reference.


WOO! That makes my future scion of chaos even more awesome!

[GregTamnel057]

Put together, this thread and the one from WotC forums make a list that takes up 114 pages of single-spaced, 12-point text. Maybe the lists should be compiled into book form!

[Green Bean]

3001- You are not allowed to use an Awaken spell to reproduce any scenes from the book Animal Farm
3002- As DM, I'm not allowed to make the somatic component of a Teleport spell 'get off your butt and walk there'

[That Lanky Bugger]

When roleplaying the Morale & Recruitment Chief in a sci-fi game...

3003: The answer to a crewman's depression is not "a loaded blaster and some time alone"
3004: Likewise, the answer to a crew-woman's depression is not "a bottle of wine and a date in my cabin"
3005: Regardless of the circumstances, I am never again to use a ship-to-ship weapon against a human target
3006: Even if I'm in command and the human is being a jerk
3007: Even if he doesn't count as a human when he gets reduced to a smear
3008: I may not issue changes in the ship's dress code
3009: Not even if it's mandatory bikinis for all female personnel judged to be an 8 or better
3010: Not even if it's justified for morale purposes
3011: Likewise, landing teams will not be made happier by wearing bright red shirts
3012: Nor will they wear the "red and white rings of courage" over their hearts and on their helmets
3013: I don't outrank the Captain because I can hold my liquor better than him
3014: Nor because I'm "the one who supplies his happy pills"
3015: My ability to judge the Captain as unfit for duty is to be used in an emergency only
3016: Refusal to allow me a week's leave on a planet filled with just women is not an emergency
3017: Just because I am issued a loaded blaster does not mean it must be returned to the armory empty every time
3018: I am not allowed to hack the holoprojector to display all holo-transmissions as nude
3019: Nor am I allowed to demand the surrender of the enemy captain "because he couldn't be bothered to wear clothes today"
3020: Mocking the captain of a Battleship twice our size is a bad idea
3021: Even though I loaded up on farmboy pilots from desert planets on our last recruiting run
3022: The battleship does not have a trench for our starfighters to run
3023: The Force is not with them

When roleplaying a Battle Droid in the same sci-fi game...

3024: I do not run on alcohol, no matter what I try to argue
3025: I should not try to disprove this by "drinking" alcohol through my mouth speakers because this will damage them
3026: I cannot tell the engineer what's wrong with my mouth speakers while they're damaged
3027: I may not "club the medical droid to death and cannibalize it for parts"

That's all for now.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

3028- I will never again make the dungeon that the party traversed two seperate gaming sessions to reach nothing more then a false rumor.

They were pretty pissed.

[Suzaku]

3028- I will never again make the dungeon that the party traversed two seperate gaming sessions to reach nothing more then a false rumor.

They were pretty pissed.

Pfft tell them to rank up on gather information <.<.

[Jade_Tarem]

3029: There is no justification for a gnomish bard with ranks in Perform: Tuba.
3030: No longer allowed to scan the Giant's "Magic Items to put back" listing for ideas.

[Scorpina]

3001- You are not allowed to use an Awaken spell to reproduce any scenes from the book Animal Farm

*has an idea for a campaign*

[Deathcow]

3011: Likewise, landing teams will not be made happier by wearing bright red shirts
3012: Nor will they wear the "red and white rings of courage" over their hearts and on their helmets


Lankybugger, you are a genius... oh, my sides...

[sktarq]

7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
13. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
14. Ogres are not kosher.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
19. Drow are not good eating.
26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'
45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
54. Cannot pimp out other party members.
63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.
65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps"
76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
101. I am not allowed to pave ANYTHING.
102. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime.
133. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.
135. I cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.

Amazing these are all things I am no LONGER allowed to do. At some point or another done. Except it ws the Holy Pumalation Staff instead of the Ceremonial Whopass Stick-and it was the head of the Emperor's army not a warlord.

[Magnus_Samma]

3031: The DM is henceforth forbidden from drawing inspiration from the following sources:
1. Deliverance, or anything written by James Dickey, for that matter (the "Sheep Child" monster gave the players nightmares.)
2. The Alien quadrilogy, anything from the Predator series, or any book or comic from the same franchise.
3. On that note, any movie that ever featured Arnold Shwarchanegger.
4. The 2006 presidential election.
5. House of 1,000 corpses, or any film associated in anyway with the works of one Robert Zombie.
6. The Bob Newheart Show.
7. Oz. Not the Wizard of Oz, the prison drama.
8. Back to the Future, or anything capable of generating paradoxes that hurt the players' brains.
9. The Evil Dead series is okay, but only if the PCs get chainsaws.
10. Donnie Darko is right out.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

3041- There are no wookies in D&D. They are not related to owlbears.
3042- Likewise, only blue, not green, goblins can use "The Force".
3043- I don't care how powerful of an artificer you are, no enchanting an island to be a hovering weapons platform.
3044- Bard spells aren't performed through interpretive dance.
3045- Druids aren't "tree huggers", and they don't smoke anything strange.

[The Orange Zergling]

3046: I dont care how high your strength is, you may not wear three suits of Full Plate on top of eachother.

[That Lanky Bugger]

From the same game as before...

When playing the Sergeant in Military Operations:
3047: "It wasn't me, it was Sergeant Stevens!" is not the way to answer calls from the captain of the ship
3048: I may not demand the right to strip search dignitaries while they board, no matter how good looking they are
3049: The new recruit's name is Private Mendez, not Queen of the Fairies
3049b: ...no matter how feminine he looks
3050: I may not form a militia from the pool of soldiers currently awaiting psychiatric treatment
3051: I may not have flashbacks to battles I have not taken part in
3052: I may not use "genocide" as the answer to any questions
3053: I may not promise napalm guns to potential recruits
3054: I may not use neutralized targets as the Landing Team mascot
3055: Even if they do look like the aliens from Alien
3056: A gimp mask is not a suitable substitute for night-ops face paint
3057: I may not institute a radio silence regarding calls from commanding officers
3058: If the thought of something makes me smile "that smile", I am to assume I am not allowed to do it
3059: The 1st Lieutenant is not "Papa-daddy"
3060: "I have gas" is never again to be used when I am asked to say a few words at a funeral
3061: I should not use military equipment to run a dead pool for new recruits
3062: Nor should I use my own equipment to run a dead pool for new recruits
3063: No, that's not the end of the blaster the recruit should put to his shoulder
3064: I should not borrow equipment or money off of soldiers suffering from head trauma
3065: especially not because they're not going to remember who they lent it to

[Cheashire]

3066. I am no longer allowed to come up with a campaign To Do list while watching Comedy Central.
3067. On a related note, I will not use the Lyre of Building to make sections of wall paper thin just so I can jump through them yelling "RONK!!" and run away...Then again...hmmm. :elan:

[clockwork warrior]

not allowed to use knowledge nobility and courtesy



though i did learn the heritage of every door we found in that dungeon....

[Winged One]

3069: If there is a skill that could reasonably be refered to as Knowledge(my job), I am expected to take ranks in it.
3070: I will not combine famous quotes with annoying memes. This includes "In Soviet Russia, Abyss stares into YOU."

[Jade_Tarem]

3071: There is no such thing as an "elvish greatsword."
3072: Not allowed to use leap attack, skirmish, or anything else in conjunction with a bungie cord.
3073: May not help the bard with his bluff at unconciousness by beating him senseless.
3074: When a campaign is restarted, it is assumed that the new characters don't know which suspect is the vampire.
3075: In terms of Craft: Leatherworking, there is only one way to skin a cat.
3076: It is assumed that the half-elven bard's poison-weakened constitution will not be able to handle any sort of dwarven beverage.
3077: Disguising oneself as a statue has a surprisingly high DC.
3078: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for beaning the King of the Elves with a frying pan.
3079: Yes, the Dwarven King is allowed to show up at a formal ball in full plate. Quit whining.
3080: There is no justification for an elven barbarian/swashbuckler/assassin. NONE.

All of this happened tonight, save for the cat one, which was one that I remembered from a previous game. Don't even ask about the frying pan.

[DArva]

3080
Dming (Story Telling, gming, etc...)

81: Bringing back a players first character as a half shadow demi-god of a semi-corrupt demi-plane.
82: Subtly encouraging the mage to absorb quintesence while on this plane.
83: Having Lestat appear in a story anywhere. (Luis is ok though, for some reason, maybe that he can't kill all the pc's while in a coma.....)
84: In the gaming world all 5 S.T.'s share, bringing in my characters from other games just to give them bonuses. (Heh, bad ST, Bad ST!!)

Player:

85: Playing a character that requires more than three character sheets. (I played a twinked gangrel in a werewolf campaign, none of the other char's knew he was a vampire, and so i had to have one sheet for vampire, one sheet for were wolf ((Yes, he could assume chrinos, i told you he was twiniked)) Another sheet for the vampire he -pretended- to be when dealing with other vampires, and a 4th sheet for when he encountered mages. Yes, he had 6 intelegence, and 8 wits.... And he was only second in command of his pack heh.)
86: Using celerity in mosquito form.
87: Entering mosquito form (Wha?? mosquito's are definatly assosiated with vampires, and the ability in the gangrel rulebook definatly says you can turn into anything assoiated with vampires!!)
88: Pulling out opponents brains. Bad juju.
89: Telling the dm you intend your character to become a god, whilst boosting your bluff, and convincing ignorant NPC's you already are through creative uses of spells and magic items.
90: Applying vampire stat doubling blood AFTER turning chrinos. (let's see... i start with 5 str... turn chrinos... +6(?) str... so... 11 str... double with blood... 22 str, SWEET)
91: Beating NPC's down with cars, tractor trailors (18 str req in White wolf... sick no?), brick outhouses, or killing people with called shot's with a small pebble, celerity (claiming i spent multiple personal turns applying velocity to it), and potence.

[Kyrsis]

Hehe so much of this sounds oddly familiar...here's a few mixed up within my group -
3092-The party gate crasher does NOT have the hat featured in the book and it would be wise to stop insisting he does.
3093-No you can't grapple the Carcass Crab.
3094-It is fair that a Titan of Kord could beat you in a wrestling match.
3095-A vampire killing other vampires with road flares isn't smart.
3096-"But it's the full moon" is not justification for needless killing.
3097-If a magically locked box has taken up 45 minutes of game play and has a .6% of success, you should leave it alone.
3098-"But it's easier to get past the demons" is not a good excuse to kill the good aligned cleric.
3099-"A good cleric in the group? Cool, two uses of Crushing Fist of Spite" is not nice.
3100-Repeatedly telling a Lancea Sanctum their god has forsaken them is a good way to die.
3101-If your actions cause the DM to think more than a minute and then he finally says "...ok..." you should rethink your ideas.
3102-It us unethical to use sleep on low level NPC's to steal back the item you sold to them at an unfair price to sell again. So stop it.

I'm sure I'll have more...

[JoeKano]

3103- The lit candles are for mood lighting, not touching.
3104- Please dont say "Pretty pretty flames" whilst doing so...especially when there are two firemen who are players in the same room.
3105- Thats it candles are banned as mood lighting. never again!
3106- No it is not an acceptable questioning technique to snip off their toes and then ask them the questions.
3107- I dont care what history book you got the idea from!
3108- Never ever when playing a luck priest reach for a coin and say "call it in the air" when asked for healing.
3109- in fact never ever play a luck priest again......
3110- No, I really dont think Kender are into arson, especially not, how did you put it "in a big way!!"

[brian c]

3111. You aren't allowed to throw the torch into the lake of oil.
3112. You aren't allowed to play a half-ogre fighter with 13 intelligence
3113. Especially when the party's other fighter is a gnome
3114. You aren't allowed to grapple a Kraken
3115. As the rogue, it is your responsibility to check for traps, not to ask the barbarian to open the door.
3116. Flirting with the DM may help you in-game; flirting with her sister probably won't
3117. Not allowed to refer to the NPC Paladin as "Superman" just because the DM won't let him die
3118. If a party member is in jail for trying to kill another party member, don't try to kill him.

[sktarq]

3119: I shall no longer be allowed to store and guard the treasure hoard for the group. They dislike needing to go on an adventure to break into the "storage facility" to get their own money in order to raise me.

3120: No matter how many times the Storyteller tells me to be horribly evil and disturbing before we start playing...don't challenge yourself on you evilness

3121: I am never again allowed to play a character that can merge with an information device and use/power it.

3122: I shall never again be allowed to play a character my DM starts thinking of as walking death.

3123: I shall never be the another player's "other brain cell" even if it does move the game along and they are supposed to have a high IQ.

3124: Cooking fallen opponents is not considered a way to ingratiate yourself with a party.

3125: When your first bag of holding is full but hold nothing you ever used to modify a roll the roll players may request a new adventure from the role players.

3126: I shall not touch the anti matter

3127: I shall never again play an assassin or my DM will send a real one after me.

3128: I shall never again again lead my party towards the "forest of arcane shadows" not tell them what it is and high tail it the other way after nightfall.

3129: Never assume the rest of the party is still in possession of the logic they have in the RW in spite of a great Int score.

3130: Legal Scolars are not profient with throwing the book at their foes-though legal tomes do cause d4 damage.

[Dark]

3111. You aren't allowed to throw the torch into the lake of oil.
Then why is it there? Sheesh.

3131: When designing a fantasy campaign world, it is enough to simply decide that the recipe for gunpowder does not work. The recipe for gunpowder does not have to create a virus that turns people into catgirls.

[Green Bean]

3132: Triple digit ability scores are not permitted below level ten
3133: I don't care how many ranks your Bard has in Perform, he can't hit "the brown note"

[Jade_Tarem]

3114. You aren't allowed to grapple a Kraken

Oh, you can grapple a Kraken. Ungrappling the kraken is what's difficult.

[Dairun Cates]

I am unfortunately the player or the GM in 95% of these cases.

3134. My characters having any ranks in the Vision skill is right damn out even when it is the main thing that gets the damn campaign moving. I just can't be trusted with that power.

3135. Even if the campaign is intentionally based as a parody for a major video game, I can't guess where the hidden switches and plot-points are coming from. That's OOC knowledge.

3136. I cannot have a phobia to clowns in a comedy campaign.

3137. Dark Secret: Part Good is not an exceptable secret.

3138. No matter how true it may be 95% of the time, my character cannot go up to every NPC that's really damn similar to him and say, "Do I know you?"

3139. This goes double for ANY small girl that likes unicorns.

3140. Triple for any BOY that likes unicorns.

3141. Just because I can shoot 100+ miles per hour gale winds out of my hands does not mean I can use party members as my weapon of choice.

3142. If there's any doubt that my GM will let me have it, the answer is no.

3143. Not allowed to mock enemies I KNOW are at least 10 levels higher than me.

3144. Dash/Haste is not to be used to win a foot race...

3145. Or avoid plot points...

3146. Or to make a fatigued character limp at 60 feet a second because it's funny.

3147. Not allowed to use the advantages my GM sets up to make the encounter nearly impossible to defeat encounter without getting hit.

3148. Not allowed to go unconscious from only lethal damage without taking a single hit from an opponent ever again.

3149. The GM knows my character can survive the fall easy. My character does not have to prove it instead of climbing down.

3150. This especially applies when the GM is trying to surround me with creatures climbing a tree.

3151. Not allowed to use physics properties to do 12d6 damage in one hit even if it does do 10d6 to me.

3152. Cafeteria bread is not a great club.

3153. If the first satchel charge doesn't destroy the door, I am not allowed to use five at once to blow up everything AROUND the door.

3154. No. My giant robot CAN'T come with me to the field trip.

3155. Kittens aren't appropriate as weaponry EVER.

3156. Ditto with shoes.

3157. NEVER attack the sharks on wheels

3158. ... even if you do have the capability to do 500 damage in one shot without a save.

3159. If you spent over 1/3rd your total character points on it, it's banned.

3160. Characters less than 1 cm. tall may not wield handguns.

3161. Or contain ANY ranks in hide or stealth.

3162. No, when we converted our characters to BESM Third Edition and they got slightly more powerful, the dubbing team did not "forget to translate an episode".

3163. Any thing with tentacles in it's main description is banned.

3164. The darkness creating overlord's weakness is not a magic missle...

3165. Especially when this isn't D&D.

3166. Level 1 characters cannot be the leaders of the Illuminati.

3167. Even if it does only take 12 of 45 available character points.

3168. If I can't count your Nemesises on my hand, the party is going to have to take that defect less.

3169. ONE person is allowed the max ranks in Girl/Guy Magnet.

3170. Even if you DID take the ability "swarm fangirls".

3171. In BESM, anything beginning with Tele may not exceed 3 ranks at level one.

3172. That includes the lesser used "Telephonemancy"

3173. If the GM cringes for more than 6 seconds, then you should stop doing that.

3174. My character cannot be a mage at level 9 with +14 to hit with a reach weapon that does 1d10 + 2d6 + 4 magic damage.

3175. A party with 3 mages is hereby forbidden.

[TSGames]

3031: The DM is henceforth forbidden from drawing inspiration from the following sources:

4. The 2006 presidential election.
Man, if your DM can draw on something that never existed for inspiration he's either a drug addict or my hero.

[sktarq]

3176: No matter that in 2e I needed a magic weapon to hurt me and was only 6" tall I cannot allow myself to be used as a weapon by the other players.

3177: Being banned from moving off the continent due to Social Flaws is not Okay in a champain that is not supposed to leave the city.

3178: Having survived the Vampiric Apocalypse (side effect of a political mechination that had a couple of decades left to run) I am not allowed to turn the other members of the coterie back into vampires after they passed god's judement and all that malarkey.

[nivek1234]

In relation to:


3115. As the rogue, it is your responsibility to check for traps, not to ask the barbarian to open the door.


3179: I am not allowed to search for traps, discover one, and THEN tell the barbarian to open the door (although it was pretty funny, even though I was the barbarian).
3179b: If the above DOES happen, any and all good and/or lawful characters will not think "Whoops" is an appropriate response.

and:

3180: If a door is magically locked, I may not break through the wall instead of finding the key.
3180b: Even if I have the strength to do so.

[Deus Mortus]

3180 Cheese is not a valid material for making weapons or armor
3181 Even if it was, it would not have -100% arcane penalty, -100% price x100 ac/damage
3182 Neither is it the preferred material of Gods and alike

[rielfprincess]

3183. Not permitted to drive every character in the super-hero campaign within an inch of super-villiany. Especially if my character is too niave to realize she's doing it and too niave to become a villian herself.
3184. Although my character has a 4-year-old younger foster sibling, she is not supposed to bring her along when saving the world.
3185. When the president has been kidnapped along with two children in your campaign, it is frowned upon to tell the news-crew that the president of your campaign-world has kidnapped two children and is demanding a ransom, neglecting to mention the ransom on HIM.
3186. When the Secret Service arrive to see who beat up all the other superheros and kidnapped above mentioned people, it is not a good idea to run away with all of the remaining children. Even if you are calling a news network as you do so to tell them where parents can come to pick up their children. They will blame your PCs.
3187. I must attempt to play a character that cannot be mistaken for a Malkavian sometime.
3188. Especially if my character does not have a derangement, it should not be able to be mistaken for a Malkavian.
3189. I am not supposed to play a gangrel who is den-sitter and shaman for a Garou Cairn full of baby werewolves. Even though the ST set it up and I had nothing to do with it.
3190. If my character hands out laminated four-leaf clovers, I just have to write up the cards for it. I do not have to spend a year before bringing the character into game collecting and laminating over 200 four-leaf-clovers. On an unrelated note, I am also not supposed to suggest that the Uni campus is radioactive due to having found over 200 four-leaf-clovers on campus in one year.
3191. Just because the map of IOU in the GURPs book bears striking resemblance to campus (i.e. same number of dorms, same general set-up, same number of buildings in general, same type of food) and I saw a hazardous materials vehicle parked in front of the cafeteria does not mean that I should insist that we don't need the IOU game because we already live there. (If you want a map of the campus, I can send it to you adjusted for the IOU campaign. It's amazing how perfectly it fits. Also, the campus is shaped like one big pentagram. Kinda scary...)
3192. I am no longer allowed to play a drama techie in Call of Cthulu because, despite starting with a low sanity, I have enough personal IRL experience in theatre to be able to explain away almost everything we come up to via stage-magic.
3193. If my Sabbat Malkavian says, "I thaw it on Thi-Eth-Eye (CSI)" one more time, I will be eaten. (yes, she has a lisp. I don't like sabbat, so they get some of my weirder characters. Which says something.)
3194. I am not supposed to help the other player, who is playing a lich, figure out a place to hide his whatever it is he's supposed to hide. Especially seeing as 'inside of the statue of a major diety of war' IS the best place for it. The GM says that if I am to think like that, I am to give him the ideas and not the other players.
3195. As above (and some DMing) proves that I have a devious mind, is there any possible way that I could please play someone who will do such thinking in game.
3196. Just because I am a teacher IRL does not mean that I can put the DM in the corner for 34 minutes (1 min per year of life, as per behaviour management rules) for inappropriate behaviour.
3197. If the party is starving, it is frowned upon for my fairy character to pull out a still-warm and fresh pot-pie from a specialized bag of holding and eat a portion of it, then put the rest away without offering any to the rest of the party.

From my brother:
3198. In the ongoing series, whoops is not sufficient apology for causing another players character to die by tying them up and leaving them alone for five hours. In a Call of Cthulhu mythos game. Even if it was by accident. Even if the player wanted the character to die.

[Magnus_Samma]

Man, if your DM can draw on something that never existed for inspiration he's either a drug addict or my hero.

You assume I was talking about an American election.

[J_Muller]

3184: Even if I know how to speak Elvish IRL, I am not allowed to have my Elven Wizard speak Elvish and only Elvish. No, not even if we have someone in the party that speaks both Elvish and Common.
3185: I am not allowed to make up languages for my character to speak.