Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Lidjis]

3660- When two party members are joking around about who would beat who in a cage match, i am no longer allowed to cast forcecage around both of them, dominate the one with the bad will save, and say "go at it"
3661- in fact, i am not allowed to dominate the other three party members and run everyone's character simply because it would be "easier."
3662- I am no longer allowed to formulate plans to kill CR 20 creatures that would guarantee a party member dies simply because "according to WBL we'd be making a profit, even with the true res"
3663- All creatures in the monster manual are not "perspective mounts"
3664- Carefully studying one of said creatures as it hunts down the rest of the party and evaluating it on "speed, stamina, and style" generally makes other characters feel useless.
3666- I am no longer allowed to use the spell Magic Jar
3667- Using Persistent image to turn the battle into a picnic does not take away the in-combat bonus to saves against charm monster.

[Brauron]

3668: The Barbarian is no longer allowed to ever, ever, ever, ever get the Elf Wizard drunk again.

[Magnus_Samma]

Some goodies from this evening's session.

3669: When the DM introduces an NPC by saying that he has a sword that makes the party barbarian's greatsword look like something a wussy would use, and you later discover that said NPC's gold armor is made from the scales of a dragon that he killed singlehandedly, your first thought should NOT be: "Okay, so we need to wait for him to go to the bathroom or something before we kill him and take his stuff."
3670: The player telling you not to attack the guy wearing a dragon is not a wuss, he heard the DM gasp "you guys are so screwed" in between bouts of hysterical laughter.
3671: Though not explicitly forbidden, it is generally considered bad form to sculpt your clay golem to look like a naked woman.
3672: Don't sell the plot-centric artifact to the BBEG. Again.
3673: Randomly using the Rod of Wonder on the BBEG's servants is not a good way to convince him to let you to live.
3674: If the wizard is reduced to a gibbering wreck when he tries to discern the identity of the magic ring, your next move should not be to lick the ring.
3675: If you do concoct an elabroate system of retribution to determine who gets hit with the Rod of Wonder whenever you're annoyed, it might not be a good idea to tell the rest of the party what this system is.
3676: "I activate the Rod of Wonder" is not a good way to deal with uncooperative NPCs.
3676b: Or PCs.
3676c: Or the DM.
3677: When the mere sight of a certain artifact causes a devil to start choking and vanish in a puff of smoke, it might not be a great idea to show said artifact to a highly-ranked member of the church of Pelor.
3678: Take what skeletons tell you with a grain of salt.
3679: If you're in an audience with a cardinal in the Pelorian church, it might be a good idea to mention to the DM that you're speaking OOC when you start laying your plans for capturing the pontiff and sacrificing her in the name of Orcus in return for evil power.
3680: Make sure there aren't any children in the comic book shop before you start talking about necrophilia in positive terms.
3681: You're invisible. Scout the hallway for Hextor's sake.

[brian c]

3668: The Barbarian is no longer allowed to ever, ever, ever, ever get the Elf Wizard drunk again.

heh... reminds me of when i was playing a half-ogre fighter, and our party was at a bar getting drunk. not only did i roll intimidate checks to avoid having to pay for several barrels of dwarven ale, the DM decided that a 7'4", 430lb half-ogre with 16 constitution didn't need to bother rolling to see if he got drunk.

[Brauron]

Thing is, once the Elf Wizard had a couple ales in his system, he started flirting with every other male character and NPC. (The Elf Wizard is played by a woman, yes)

3682: I may not name my Paladin Leeroy Jenkins.
3683: Nor may I name my Paladin of Slaughter Leroy Brown.
3684: I am DEFINITELY forbidden from naming my regular, LG Paladin Leroy Brown.

[Suzaku]

3684: I am DEFINITELY forbidden from naming my regular, LG Paladin Leroy Brown.

3685: I no longer able to name my LG character Wane Brady
3686: No not even if he's CE errr I mean CN.

[Nahal]

3661- in fact, i am not allowed to dominate the other three party members and run everyone's character simply because it would be "easier."


Dear gods you have NO idea how many times I've wanted to do this. Too bad the current campaign doesn't have that kind of magic (yet).

[rielfprincess]

Just in today!
3687. I have been informed that when I am annoyed by the big, creepy, hairy guy who plays females and keeps threatening the host's and hosetess' kids, it still does not allow me the right to turn around and 'go teacher' on him, especially if it has anything to do with threatening time out. Although I am permitted to, when he insists, "He started it" and points at the child in question, inform him that the child is 11 and he is 23.

[The Faceless]

3688: it has been quite firmly established that bear traps do not possess a stun setting
3689: even if they are launched from a futuristic bear trap launching rifle
3690: getting naked on a pile of corpses is not appropriate behaviour.
3690 b: even if the corpses clothes have pockets and yours don't

[XenoGeno]

3691. I am not allowed to put "kick me" signs on the paladin.
b. Especially if they're Explosive Runes
c. Doubly so if they will only explode when he reads it.

3692. I can't say anything that would make the DM assume the fetal position.
b. Especially if I'm the DM

3693. I am not allowed to play a human wizard name Ben Grimm
b. If I do, he can not have improved unarmed strike
c. If he does, he can not memorize Stoneskin multiple times
d. If he does, he definitely can't memorize Tenser's Transformation once for each Stoneskin memorization
e. Should all the above occur, his battle cry is not, "IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!"

3694. No more "(Insert PC Race Here) Torch", especially when it simply involves lighting them on fire.

[Green Bean]

3695. If you can't take it into sanctified ground, you shouldn't have it with you at all. This applies to PCs, NPCs and magic items

[onasuma]

3696: I cannot trap other party members backpacks
3697: I cannot urinate on party members whilst on guard.
3698: I cannot continously kill and cast regenerate on the party barbarian until he becomes a pixie
3699: I cannot ask a paladin (In character) to become a blackguard

[Rarkasha]

3700: Just because I have a fire resistance of 6 or higher, it does not mean I may set my own character on fire 24-7.

[Grim Greyscale]

3700: Just because I have a fire resistance of 6 or higher, it does not mean I may set my own character on fire 24-7.

But they can't grab you if you're on fire! (http://drmcninja.com/page.php?pageNum=15&issue=4)

[Nahal]

3700: Just because I have a fire resistance of 6 or higher, it does not mean I may set my own character on fire 24-7.
Why the heck not?

[Winged One]

3701: You must extinguish yourself to recieve friendly touch-range spells, and to avoid destroying your bedroll. Otherwise, go for it.

[Rarkasha]

Why the heck not?

I think the DM wouldn't want to start every NPC conversation with "Uh, are you okay?" Not to mention that I couldn't walk into practically any wooden structure.

[rielfprincess]

3702. We must not take down an entire secret facility full of super-power suppressors without a single shot being fired, especially when we capture every enemy agent in the place.
3703. When you have a dimensional wormhole leading to another super-hero groups base, it is unwise to use it to dispose of garbage.
3704. A group of three 350pt (HERO system) characters are not pwn a 1000pt supervillian in under 1 round.
3705. We must not, in short order, also take down four 500pt supervillians without even fighting - that is by tricking them to enter the jail-bound teleporter by using an illusion.
3706. In short, when the GM has planned several major fights, we must not skillfully avoid each and every one of them.

[J_Muller]

3707: If I am the DM, and one of my PCs is a ninja, I may not incessantly attempt to put him in situations that encourage him to flip out and kill people.
3708: I may not insist on playing a ninja even though it's not appropriate for the setting. If I do, and get away with it, I am not allowed to complain when the DM structures the adventures such that I am in constant danger of dying.

[Jannex]

3709. I am not birthing Bahamut Junior.

(Said to me by the DM during character creation for a demigods campaign. My character was a fertility goddess. And a druid. She had Dragon Wild Shape...)

[NecroPaladin]

3710: Unlike a more traditional duel, if I come out the victor in a "battle of the wits," I may not brain the loser in a ceremonial ring.

[brian c]

3708: I may not insist on playing a ninja even though it's not appropriate for the setting. If I do, and get away with it, I am not allowed to complain when the DM structures the adventures such that I am in constant danger of dying.

Ninjas should always be in constant danger of dying, but their ninja skills get them out of it. Ninja-ing is a life of danger.

[Jade_Tarem]

3711: When an archery contest is sponsored by the minotaur, shooting him in the ocular orbs does not grant additional points for a "bullseye."
3712: No longer allowed to question where the basilisk was keeping that battleaxe we found on him.
3713: Not allowed to point out what the acronyms for Additonal Spatial Storage and Additional Nescessary Utility Storage are. Especially as they apply to an animal character.
3714: Mocking goddesses to thier faces is considered bad form, even if by cosmic rules they can't take any revenge on me for it.
3715: It has been firmly established now that allowing the dwarven rogue to make tactical decisions for the party is bad.
3716: As is creating duplicates of the INT 4 barbarian.

[Jannex]

3717. Minotaur Jedi make the DM sad.
(In my defense, however, I didn't even want the Brilliant Energy enchantment on my bastard swords...)
3718. Werewolf Sardaukar, however, make him giggle with mad glee.

[Ravyn]

3719. This is the wrong game to even joke about setting yourself up as a god.
3720. Particularly when you're asking how to go about it in front of two people who work for the Celestial Bureaucracy...
3721. ...both of whom are dedicated to the rules and practically incorruptible, and one of whom is your mentor.
3722. Especially not on an online game when nobody in the group, particularly not the ST, can tell you're joking.
3723. You want to demon-trance who? Where? Are you out of your mind?!

[Thes Hunter]

3724: For me personally, I am not allowed more than one caffinated beverage per gaming session.

[lumberofdabeast]

3725: I am a psion of Leelu, the Montaur Queen. I have pledged to use my talents to best serve my religion, and all people everywhere. I am NOT to manifest Planar Champion in order to get laid.
3726: No, not even if I can summon two celestials at once at level 19.

[Vespe Ratavo]

3727: The "Holy Hand Grenade" is not a legitimate magic item.
3728: If the DM allows me to make the "Holy Hand Grenade," I am not allowed to use it on rabbits.
3727: "Insult Sword fighting" is not a legitimate exotic weapon proficiency.
3738: Under no circumstances, in any game, are Guybrush Threepwood and Captain Jack Sparrow allowed to meet.
3739: The Bard is not a d20 modern class for a good reason. Namely this one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4RpmqtuRL0)
3780: Speaking of Bards, restricted songs include, but are not limited to:
*Modern music, especially anything included on Elite Beat Agents.
*Elans songs
*Anything requiring a "+3 Electric Lute" to play.
3781: I am not allowed to use Summon Monster I dozens of times to plague the DM with this. (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)
3781b: ESPECIALLY if I am:
*A snake
*or a mushroom.

[Meynolds]

3718. Werewolf Sardaukar, however, make him giggle with mad glee.

Cool, what were the stats on that?

[J_Muller]

3179: If I saw it in a Quentin Tarantino movie, I'm not allowed to base my character off it.

[Deathcow]

3179b: In fact, anyone mentioning Quentin Tarantino movies WILL be shot. And then their character will be shot, as well.

[NecroPaladin]

3179c: And then dismembered repeatedly in weird camera angles to odd, overstylistic music.

[Rockphed]

3781: I am not allowed to use Summon Monster I dozens of times to plague the DM with this. (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)
3781b: ESPECIALLY if I am:
*A snake
*or a mushroom.

3781c: Summon Monster 9 is not functuinally equivalent to that.

3740: Weresheep do not oppose the creation of better matresses.
3741: Natural Weresheep cannot become excessively rich by switching back and forth between their animal and human shapes and getting sheared.

[Ravyn]

But doesn't the MM explicitly say that lycanthropes' animal types have to be omnivorous at the very least, if not full-fledged carnivores?

(What the heck happened to our numbers, anyway?)

[Demented]

(The most recent one by Rockphed should be 3736, if lumberofdabeast is considered correct. So the next one should be 3737. Ooh, good number.)

[BDO]

3737 - I am not to cook expensive/good/exotic stuff for meal. No one will appreciate it

3738 - Neither will they realize that the banana fruit cake was in the fridge for at least 4 weeks

3739 - Not even if it "tastes funny"

3740 - Never complain about the food. One may remeber your words...

[JimmyDPawn]

3741: No, I'm sorry, there isn't a dapple-grey horse for sale right now. I've already told you what there is.
3741b: As the DM, I'm telling you that it's won't grant you any bonuses to hide your horse.
3741c: Yes, I know it makes sense, but I don't want to have to nitpick on every lil detail, we have 7 other waiting players, it will take too long. No dapple grey horse!
3742: You rolled a '1' on that arrow damage, and it snapped against the statues surface. That means it has like, 3 damage reduction/hardness. You're a combat unit, and you can't just run away and hide in a cupboard
3743: As much as I'd like to let you, after the half hour horse argument, and the cupboard thing, no, you can't cast fear on the ranger.
3743b: And even if you could, you can't cause her to have a fear of her own horse.


All of these, are unfortuantly, very, very true.

[Jannex]

3718. Werewolf Sardaukar, however, make him giggle with mad glee.
Cool, what were the stats on that?

It was in a LARP, not D&D, so it's hard to give you exact stat conversions. They were pretty badass until the PCs got hold of silver weapons, though (and honestly, even after that, they were still pretty badass).

[Brauron]

3744: The Paladin is not allowed to have ranks in Perform (Man of La Mancha).

[Tobrian]

3744: The Paladin is not allowed to have ranks in Perform (Man of La Mancha).

Aw, but I like the songs! :smallfrown:

[Nahal]

The heck's wrong with the paladin performing Man of la Mancha? It's so appropriate...

[Brauron]

It doesn't exist in the world, though, so it's no different than a Bard performing "Sweet Child O' Mine" or similar.

I love Man of La Mancha and could sing the songs, which should give me a massive circumstance bonus to Perform checks :smalltongue:

[Silkenfist]

Another one from Vampire.

3748: I may NOT fleshcraft myself into the belly of my horse to escape the angry mob.

[rollfrenzy]

So.....many things......sides hurting.....eyes bleary from reading all 3748...........
Me
3749. Reading oots forum is not "working"
3750.Reading OOTS forum at home does not count as "working from home"
3751. No I can't get overtime for that.

3752. Dice are not toys..
3753. ...nor are they projectiles.
3754. I cannot play with the Minis.
3755. nor are they projectiles.
3756. No more using cell phone to make mini movies mocking the sexuality of 40k marines...during game time.
3756(b) even if they are pastel pink and green.
3757. The nerf gun is not a roleplaying instrument
3758. In fact nothing that can be thrown is allowed.
3759. ditto nothing that can be shot or shoots.
3760. ...or set on fire
3761. Just stop.
3762 not that either.
3763. no power tools at the table.


3764. I cannot be a hyper intelligent shade of the color blue.
3765. not even then.
3766. I will not, while trying to cure a psychoses and traveling through the mind of a pc, leave my holy book. with the wand of charm person through it and expend EVERY CHARGE.
3767.No it wasn't an accident.
3768. players do not have to make their sense motive rolls, they heard me do it.

[J_Muller]

Another one from Vampire.

3748: I may NOT fleshcraft myself into the belly of my horse to escape the angry mob.

Why on earth not? Unless it's something with the rules of the game, which I'm not familiar with, pulling a page from Odysseus's book would be quite acceptable in my opinion.

[rielfprincess]

3752. Dice are not toys..
3753. ...nor are they projectiles.
...
3756. No more using cell phone to make mini movies mocking the sexuality of 40k marines...during game time.
3756(b) even if they are pastel pink and green.

That depends on the number of dice - we have one person who literally brings about 20 lbs of dice to game simply because he throws them at people who annoy him. The rule is that if he throws dice at you, he doesn't get them back. You get to keep them. So it has become a way to distribute the dice more evenly.

Which reminds me:

3769. If the naval guy's character turns pastel blue, he still doesn't like your innuendo regarding his (or his character's) sexual orientation.
3770. If the brick/leader in the other superhero-team's party has colours as above and he accidentally invades your base, we are not permitted to beat him senseless then call his contacts and ask if their leader has been doppleganged and, if so, why was he invading your base.
3771. Even though his character has turned pastel and he just got beat up by a bunch of little kids, the guy playing the brick/leader is still going to brag that 'it took THREE shots to take him down.'
3772. When he brags, as above, it is unwise to point out that nobody has ever managed to hit your character, so your record is better than his.

[ExHunterEmerald]

You just reminded me of our gang.

3773. We've already settled this, the boys are not in the Navy. Just the coast guard.
3774: As such, they are only bi-curious.

[Magnus_Samma]

3775: If your character is going to hit on other characters, you'd better be prepared for them to respond positively to it, even if you were really just jerking their chain.

[Rolaran]

From last night's game (We just got a Chaos Earth campaign going)

3776: When the army captain asks where you are from, you may not announce that you arrived yesterday on a flying time-travelling pirate ship.
3777: Even if you really did.

[Beren One-Hand]

As a Player:
3778: My gnome illusionist turned wandering conman may not use Nystal's Magic Aura to "enchant" items for sale.
3778a: Especially if his bardic cohort Modifies the dupe's Memory to believe he actually witnessed a demonstration of the item's "power".
3779: The above goes double if he's trying to pass the item as a powerful religious relic.
3780: And if he does, he is definitely not allowed to craft a Contingent Spell to cast Insanity on any person attempting to Identify/Legend Lore/Analyze Dweomer said "relic".
As a DM:
3781: The BBEG is allowed to use 3778-3780 against the PC's.
3781a: Provided they are able to recover their wasted gp by the end of the session.

[Dairun Cates]

3782. I am not allowed as GM to make a time-traveling campaign well-thought out enough that I can get the player characters to do exactly what I want them to in retrospect without any railroading. It just hurts the brain too much when they go to defeat the villain that wasn't there when they went there 30 minutes from now/ago.

3783. Likewise, party members are not allowed to inadvertantly become Gods of destruction for tiny civilizations and later free themselves from said civilization's prisons by destroying it earlier.

3784. The Marlin Brando is not an acceptable spell ever.

3785. Nets are not the end all solution to villain capture.

3786. No using PC's earlier characters from a more serious campaign to introduce that the dimension consisting of mostly pokemon is really a nexus of power up for grabs by anyone in an ancient ritual that resembles a "tournament".

3787. Even if I do do this, I should try to avoid evil villain laughter.

3788. Any prophecies that involve Yugioh or any other children's card game in their main texts should not be taken seriously.

3789. Cats should not have the power to rend time-space.

3790. The all-seeing seer can't be a jerk and make self-fulfilling predictions laden with nothing more than irony.

3791. Even if it's important for plot.

3792. A stick is not a plot device... ever.

3793. Even when said stick nat 20's.

3794. When making a soundtrack for battle music, I will avoid anything David Bowie.

3795. Or Queen...

3796. ESPECIALLY Don't Stop Me Now

3797. ESPECIALLY if there are zombies

3798. ESPECIALLY if it's a modern era

3799. ESPECIALLY in a bar. You know what? No Shaun of the Dead.

[Winged One]

3800. I will not have my crusader punch the enchanter in the face as part of a Crusader's Strike manuver, then direct the healing to him so that he can't prove to the guards that there even was a punch.
3801. Until the Charm Person spell wears off.
3802. And we're outside the legal jurisdiction of the globe-spanning magocracy.

[J_Muller]

3789. Cats should not have the power to rend time-space.


Why? Now, the others I can understand, but I can totally see a time-space-rending entity materializing in this plane in the shape of a cat.

[BDO]

3794. When making a soundtrack for battle music, I will avoid anything David Bowie.

3795. Or Queen...

3796. ESPECIALLY Don't Stop Me Now

3797. ESPECIALLY if there are zombies

3798. ESPECIALLY if it's a modern era

3799. ESPECIALLY in a bar. You know what? No Shaun of the Dead.

But why!?!

Seriously: Unless all of the round hate the movie, it's quite a good in-joke. Else, just think about Michale Jackson's "Thriller" for the next time. Or think about The Hooters - "All you Zombies" or The Cranberries - "Zombie"...

[Dairun Cates]

But why!?!

Seriously: Unless all of the round hate the movie, it's quite a good in-joke. Else, just think about Michale Jackson's "Thriller" for the next time. Or think about The Hooters - "All you Zombies" or The Cranberries - "Zombie"...

When one of the characters is named Ziggy Stardust, the first one is just overkill. Second, in the current campaign, beating on a large group of zombies with sticks in a bar or other public place is not an unlikely or rare occurence (especially when one of the characters is a blind antogonistic scientific necromancer). It'd be more repetitive than anything.

[Reltzik]

(Almost all of these are things I really tried to do in a game, and was either told I couldn't, or allowed when I shouldn't have been. Some of them, I had to explain to someone else, or overheard someone else doing, or THOUGHT about doing myself, but didn't.)

3803 Not allowed to eat breakfast during a combat encounter.
3804 Not allowed to wield breakfast during a combat encounter.
3805 Not allowed to extract breakfast from a combat encounter.
3806 For the last time, it is NOT called a rugbear.
3807 The evil overlord WOULDN'T be my freind if he maybe got to know me better. Period.
3808 No longer allowed to summon badgers.
3809 Not allowed to choose an invention of such high DC that my 1st level tinker gnome will absolutely fail his check by such a margin that it automatically blows up on first use.
3810 Especially not if I use it as a weapon.
3811 ESPECIALLY not if I call it a "Kender Trap".
3812 Yes, the rules allow me to parry his punch at this point. No, I may not use my chainsaw.
3813 A thrown cat does not deal 1d4 damage.
3814 Levitation is not a proper substitute for Raise Dead.
3815 Stealth implies the absense of random giggling fits.
3816 No longer allowed to "keep the party on its toes" by saying "oops" at random intervals.
3817 No longer allowed to detail secret backgrounds for my character without informing the DM.
3818 No longer allowed to pull a mock arquebus from my bag of holding to enhance my intimidation checks.
3819 No longer allowed to run people through with the bayonette once they realize it's not a real arquebus.
3820 No longer allowed to use a bag of holding in any manner which a sane person could term as "creative".
3821 No, not even that.
3822 Ditto for potions of invisibility.
3823 Ditto for 10-ft poles.
3824 Techno and DnD bards don't mix.
3825 Ditto for disco.
3826 Perform: Open Heart Surgery is neither a class skill for bards nor an attack form.
3827 No longer allowed to construct a fantasy mech out of combinations of magic items.
3828 Especially not if my character is a goblin.
3829 ESPECIALLY not if step 1 involves stilts.
3830 No longer allowed to call cloaks of invisibility "cloaking devices".
Nor "Invisible Clothing".
3831 My goblin character is NOT twin brothers with the half-ogre character.
3832 Nor is he the big brother.
3833 I can NOT be a cleric of Murphy.
3834 Even if I could, that would NOT allow me to simultaniously take the Law and Chaos domains.
3835 Even if I know how to make gunpowder, my DnD character does not.
3836 Ditto for generating electricty.
3839 If a fellow PC is named after food, am NOT allowed to order that food at a restaraunt and make comments about "eating ____", "_____ is so succulant", or "_____ is such a dish!"
3840 Especially not if our PCs are the same gender.
3841 ESPECIALLY not if the other PC is mildly homophobic.
3842 No longer allowed to eat sausages in a suggestive manner.
3843 Especially not patty sausages.
3844 No longer allowed to use a fully-loaded Tenser's Floating Disk as an obstacle.
3845 Nor as a weapon.
3846 Nor for bull rushing.
3847 Nor for herding sheep.
3848 No longer allowed to fail to inform fellow PCs who privately converse in some obscure tongue that I took that language last time I leveled.
3849 None of the following are weapons: Ladders, waterskins, saddles, cheese.
3850 If it takes me an hour to explain my new plan to the DM, it is not allowed.
3851 If this is because I break down laughing every time I try to get the first word out, it is DEFINITELY not allowed.
3852 Prestidigitation-enhanced food is NOT "magically delicious".
3853 Nor does casting light on a crossbow bolt and shooting it down a corridor count as "casting magic missile at the darkness".
3854 Were-bears are not invitations to strip.
3855 When choosing something to cast a light spell on, do NOT choose my own fedora.
3856 When then asked to cast light on an arrow, I am to admit that I am out of that spell for the day, rather than impaling my hat on the arrow.
3857 No longer allowed to name raven familiars Cawcasius.
3858 No longer allowed to have my familiar use well-aimed defecation to defeat invisibility spells.
3859 Even if I forgot to buy flour.
3860 Birds do not receive racial bonuses to such attacks.
3861 No longer allowed to use puns as seduction devices.
3862 No longer allowed to play male characters.
3863 No longer allowed to take the drugs prescribed to me by Friend Computer.
3864 No longer allowed to play WoD characters with Willpower of 10.
3865 ESPECIALLY not if I roleplay it.
3866 No longer allowed to play characters who mumble.
3867 ESPECIALLY not trapfinding, or trapsetting, rogues.
3868 No longer allowed to mention the first game that DM ever ran.
3869 Not allowed to play an agnostic priest.
3870 No longer allowed to make area-of-effect attacks with Tree Tokens.
3871 Especially not indoors.
3872 No longer allowed to give my characters two-part redneck names.
3873 No longer allowed to Baleful Polymorph my own familiar into a different type of familiar for the bonus.
3874 No longer allowed to play androgynous characters.
3875 Especially not if they're actually androgynous.
3876 No longer allowed to play deaf characters.
3877 No longer allowed to defeat a dungeon by dismantling it one brick at a time.
3878 "Mental" is not a root of the word "Elemental".
3879 No longer allowed to sell my initial set of clothing at a profit in exchange for a less valuable set.
3880 In Modern, no longer allowed to buy fifty sleeping bags before making a purchase that might reduce my wealth level.
3881 No longer allowed to produce character names by spelling things backwards.
3882 No longer allowed to use chamber orchestras, to any effect, in the tactical theatre.
3883 No longer allowed to use cattle stampedes in a tactical theatre.
3884 Nor in the Vatican.

[Taedirk]

3883 No longer allowed to use cattle stampedes in a tactical theatre.
3884 Nor in the Vatican.

Kinky...

(Just rewatched Blazing Saddles the other night)

[Attilargh]

3878 "Mental" is not a root of the word "Elemental".
In the same vein...

3885: "Laughter", while a necessary part of the word "manslaughter", is considered poor taste when committing the act itself.

3886: If I am playing a psychotherapist, I may not have an alter ego known as Psycho the Rapist.

[bsmart]

3887: I am not allowed to find creative uses of my Dragon Disciple's breath weapon to dispose of annoying NPCs.
3889: I am not allowed to compete with the primary antagonist for the title of BBEG.
3890: When the plot hook farmer complains to my party about needing to sell his youngest daughter into slavery so that the rest of his family can eat, the appropriate response is not, "How much do you want for her."
3891: I am not allowed to force the people my party is helping to consider if the solution is in fact worse than the problem.
3892: I am not allowed to torch a cathedral for "Mood Lighting."
3893: I am not allowed to demand half the loot since I'm a mercenary and the good alligned charactes should be doing it, "Out of the kindness of their hearts.
3894: When happening upon unspeakable scenes of torture I'm not allowed to laugh and comment, "Amateurs."
3895: I am not allowed to keep around an evil outsider just so the party's paladin, "...has options."
3896: Throwing the halfling is not the solution to all of life's problems.
3897: I am not allowed to have a Drake for a mount.
3898: Shooting through the hostage is not an acceptable solution to an opponent using a human shield.
3899: I am not allowed to loudly blaspheme the patron god of a city, in their church, during services.
3900: If a city guard is preventing you from making a scheduled meeting with the city's ruler, killing him is not the proper way to make it on time.
3901: I am not allowed to demand that half my payment be in the form of attractive and willing young maidens.
3902: I am not allowed to threaten the lives of everyone in the King's city if he's unwilling to pay me what I think I deserve.
3903: I am not allowed to stop a rampaging orc horde from sacking a town simply because I want to sack it myself.
3904: I am not allowed to hit on any attractive outsiders that show up regardless of alignment.
3905: I am not allowed to wait until after a rampaging orc horde sacks a city so I can kill them and take the loot without pissing off the party pally.
3906: I am not allowed to give a rampaging orc horde pointers on how to attack a city that I just helped save, simply for the sake of irony.
3907: I will not give my pixie familiar a "bath," by popping her in my mouth.
3908: I will not taunt the pally with hints as to the misdeeds I've commited out of his sight.
3909: I will not desecrate holy symbols in dark rituals then shine them up and return them to their proper owners.
3910: Manacles are to be used for the restraint of prisoners, not just the slightly unwilling.
3911: I will not play a NE sociopath ever again in a party of primarily good characters.

*Sigh* I had so much fun that campaign.

[hewhosaysfish]

3907: I will not give my pixie familiar a "bath," by popping her in my mouth.


Especially since DnD pixies are Small...

[bsmart]

They're also not usually allowed as familars, but eh, who plays perfectly by all the rules.

[Illiterate Scribe]

3912: In games of 40k Inquisitor, it is not considered good form to just fire exterminatus/planet-killer missiles because 'there are probably some heretics down there'.

[broderickdruce]

3912: In games of 40k Inquisitor, it is not considered good form to just fire exterminatus/planet-killer missiles because 'there are probably some heretics down there'.

But it is the only way to be sure!

[Green Bean]

3913: You may not create a 1st level spell that uses the universe as a material component
3914: Modify Memory is not an 'undo button'.

[brian c]

3803 Not allowed to eat breakfast during a combat encounter.
3804 Not allowed to wield breakfast during a combat encounter.
3805 Not allowed to extract breakfast from a combat encounter.

Heh... that reminds me of the last time i got to play a half-ogre... It was dinnertime, so I went around the city knocking on doors to find a butchershop and ask them for a sheep, which I then ate (raw, with my bare hands). Good times.

[Blondie]

3854 Were-bears are not invitations to strip.


3854b Nor are they to be used to refer to tracks.


That depends on the number of dice - we have one person who literally brings about 20 lbs of dice to game simply because he throws them at people who annoy him. The rule is that if he throws dice at you, he doesn't get them back. You get to keep them. So it has become a way to distribute the dice more evenly.

so let me get this straight:
One of you throws dice at everyone to keep. One of you is a twelve year old in a twenty three year old body, even though he's creepy. One of you (namely you) is playing a series of characters that makes my sides ache, and your DM allows it to happen to forbid it only afterwards...

Where do I sign up to join? No, seriously. I'm offering munchies.

[Jade_Tarem]

I think... I think you top my group, rielfprincess... and we have all the cliches, and a bonus powergamer!

[Dareon]

3915: I am no longer allowed to dump all my buffs for the day on one character.
3915b: Even if it isn't me.
3916: I don't care if we're up against plant creatures, the character I buffed is not to be referred to as a riding lawnmower.
3916b: Even if, thanks to Enlarge Person, the party halfling COULD ride her.
3917: Nor is my artificer allowed to perform autopsies on the zombies we're fighting.
3918: Especially if we're still in combat.

[KuReshtin]

3919: It is considered extremely bad form to try the acoustics of a church of Pelor by shouting "Hello!" immediately after entering.
3920. Especially during a sermon.

[Kamakazee_Gnome]

3921: I may not attempt to trick the Kensai into giving an oath of obidience to me.
3922: I may not use summoned creatures to "zerg" an enemy.
3923: If a character cannot ever beat an item's Ego score, even on a nat.20, he shouldn't have the item, and should be allowed to get rid of it.
3924: No strapping several wands of fireball together to activate all at once.
3925: If I do that, the command word should not be a string of directed explatives.
3926: Even if there's a demigod in the party, my character cannot worship him in order to be reincarnated, as a solar, in the party.
3927: I don't care how high a level my character is, he can't take out all the dukes of Hell:
...on his own
...in order
...in a day
...without breaking a sweat.

[Dairun Cates]

3928. You may not, for the love of God, use your divine relationship roll to reroll an abitrary justice roll.

2939. You may not also reroll your own critical because you fear doing too good.

2940. Characters may not retroactively make their own character motivation through time travel.

2941. Nor will such methods be used to bring a character into creation.

2942. If you're going to attack and crit the unconscious body, make sure it's not directly soul-bonded with one of your party members with less HP.

2943. It doesn't matter if I can, ripping off Naruto and Yugioh in one small move just to make the players groan is only funny to me.

2944. If a tournament is based around survival, it is generally considered bad form for the party to rend half of its members unconscious and bleeding before the tournament even begins.

2945. Forgery, Mechanics, and Demoltions checks should come in pairs of two. All three should be never be used at the same time.

2946. As GM, it is my responsibility to not encourage the players to use a demoltions skill ever. One time is never enough.

2947. Interrupting the reoccuring villain's monologue is humorous. Rendering them unconscious before their theme music ends is just rude though.

2948. When attoning for past foolishness in character, throwing rocks at the immortal's head is not a good start.

2949. Furthermore, in reference to 2949, it should not shock me on this occassion when I am rendered unconscious before battle begins for the 10th time this campaign.

2950. No one can truly own Mecha Trevor.

[lumberofdabeast]

3951. I promise to never send the PCs on a quest to retrieve fried chicken.
3952. Or their players.
3953. For that matter, I will never again DM within 24 hours of smoking pot.

[NecroPaladin]

Some of the ones from when I was playing d20:

3954: I may not have weapon focus (improvised weapon) of any type.
3955: I may not continue to use improvised weapons just to spite the GM.
3956: I may not carry a stop sign over my shoulder and use it as an axe in every combat encounter, even if the stop sign's red does go well with blood.
3957: I may not bite the zombie BACK.
3958: I may not bite all of the zombie's faces off so they can't see, and then ride them like ponies.
3959: I may not fight all my combat encounters from the shoulders of a zombie, with my stop sign.
3960: That does not make me a jousting knight.

^All happened.

[Magnus_Samma]

3951. I promise to never send the PCs on a quest to retrieve fried chicken.


...I have to do this now.

On the plus side, after upwards of a dozen quests to find ancient holy crystalline artifacts of great power, they'll probably appreciate the change of pace.

[Quincunx]

3961: Players, drop off all your favorite books with me, I am tired of having to re-enact your favorite fictional characters.
3961.5: War and Peace, a Harlequin romance, Plato's Republic, some manga with. . .I can't read this and I don't really need the captions, and the entire Dan Brown canon. You people are funny. Five negative XP per page.

[Maglor_Grubb]

I gotta play a -3rd lvl cloistered cleric specialized in copying War and Peace now...

[Brauron]

I designed a scenario for my current Call of Cthulhu campaign based on a bit from Plato's Republic -- The parable of the Cave.

[Blondie]

ooh, but I liked War and Peace...
Most namely the part where 'the smoke doesn't cause the locomotion of the train'. Now mentally replace 'locomotion' with 'death cries and screams of pain' and 'train' with 'inhabitants of medium-sized village' or, if you prefer, with 'green rookies in colourfull uniforms with plumes on their heads proudly parading in front of their sixteen-year-old tsar'.
It actually is so much like roleplaying.

[HeinleinFan]

Re 3813:
Yes. Yes it does. To the one throwing it, unless he makes a successful grapple check. Have you ever tried to toss a cat?
*Fingers scars*

[Goblin Music]

3962: i may never play a high level sorcerer with Profession (lawyer)
3963: if i do s/he cant have a document labeled as "the reason i am such a good lawyer" that has explosive runes cast on it ... more than once
3963 A: s/he may not give this this document to the judge ... EVER
3963 B: or the prosecution
3963 C: or any witness

[The_Blue_Sorceress]

3962: I am not allowed to detect evil on the guard to the underground black market for magic items and slaves. This will get my paladin a pair of shiny silver bracelets and give my CN wizard companion the opportunity to sell me into slavery.

3963: "I attack" is not the proper response to suddenly discovering that the party has delivered an orb with an infant's head in it to a evil mage in exchange for a good price on rings of warmth, even if I am playing a paladin and said evil mage is using the aforementioned orb to power his magic staff, and especially if I have good reason to believe that it will result in the death of one of my fellow PCs.

3964: My half-elven rogue/psion is not allowed to own a Staff of Power, even if she has enough ranks in Use Magic Device to make it work 99% of the time and there is no wizard, or any other spellcaster, in the party. This goes double when a PC wizard joins the party.

3965: If my half-elven rogue/psion is, for some reason, to come into possession of a Staff of Power, she is not to refer to it as her "Boom-Boom Stick." Nor is she encouraged to tell the epic spellcaster NPC that her "Boom-Boom Stick" is better than his.

3966: Said half-elf is also not allowed to own a Rod of Wonder, or an Epic Rod of Wonder for the obvious reasons.

3967: Even if I have numerous bags of holding I am not allowed to steal all the barrels of gunpowder from the enemy base with the help of the PC wizard.

3968: It is in bad taste for my rogue/psion to tell her daughter's tiefling paladin fiancee that she expects them to "get married real quick and start making me some demon grandbabies," even if she means it in the nicest way possible.

3969: I am not allowed to berserk while holding an intelligent, evil sword that hates priestess while in the presence of a PC priestess.

3970: For that matter, my low-wisdom fighter/berserker is not allowed to own evil sentient swords in the first place, nor is she allowed to keep said sword, if she happens to get her hands on one, especially after it has repeatedly tried to kill her and her fellow party members. Her lack of intellect and common sense is not an excuse for such behavior.

[NecroPaladin]

3965: If my half-elven rogue/psion is, for some reason, to come into possession of a Staff of Power, she is not to refer to it as her "Boom-Boom Stick." Nor is she encouraged to tell the epic spellcaster NPC that her "Boom-Boom Stick" is better than his.


3971: My Orc Monk may not refer to any appendage on his usually-nude-or-almost-nude body as his "Boom-Boom Stick," no matter how much it fits his lack of etiquette.

[Dareon]

3972: Neither my power level nor that of any creature we face is over nine thousand.
3973: I am not the sword that smites evil.
3973b: Not even if I have smite evil as a class ability.
3973c: No, not even if I am actually an intelligent magic sword.
3974: Ranks in Profession (Barrister) is not a good enough reason to yell "OBJECTION!"
3974b: Using it as the verbal component of Power Word: Stun, however, is.

[J_Muller]

3975: Should my traveling bard find himself sent on a mission from his god along with his brother, also a bard, it is a good idea to wait for some confirmation that the parallel with the Blues Brothers is infact intentional, such as if a mystery woman repeatedly attempts to kill you, before you decide to lead the local law enforcement on a gigantic chase across the region.

[Reltzik]

3976 When my fellow gamers have just taken a bite of food or a drink of, well, drink, I am to quietly and inobtrusively await for them to complete swallowing and clear their airways. I am NOT to say something completely random and time it so that they choke. It is my responsibility to repair any damage to character sheets resulting from spewage as a result of violating this rule.

3977: I am also no longer allowed to psych out said people by pretending to be about to say something, even if, in obedience to #3976, I do not actually say it..

3978: Mimery is also not an acceptable method for this. In fact, it is not acceptable in general.

3979: All this goes double for the DM.

[Attilargh]

3980: My character may not call him/herself the Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight.
3980b: Or any variation thereof.

[Chineselegolas]

3981: Even though we have 6 party members with none of the same race or alignment, I may not refer to us as the BBEG's jury
3982: Specially when only one of us is lawful

[Wolf53226]

3983: I don't care if we are going to a cocktail party in hell, the words "Eat, Drink, and Beat Mary" should never be uttered again.

On a side note:

3963: "I attack" is not the proper response to suddenly discovering that the party has delivered an orb with an infant's head in it to a evil mage in exchange for a good price on rings of warmth, even if I am playing a paladin and said evil mage is using the aforementioned orb to power his magic staff, and especially if I have good reason to believe that it will result in the death of one of my fellow PCs.

That seems like a perfectly legitimate response, maybe not the smartest response, but legitimate none the less.

[The_Blue_Sorceress]

On a side note:


That seems like a perfectly legitimate response, maybe not the smartest response, but legitimate none the less.


Well, to put things in perspective, we were only tenth level and my DM for that game is the sort of guy who expects us not to attack things that he's hinted are significantly more powerful than us. I think the wizard was probably around sixteenth or seventeenth level. Then again, I was playing a paladin, and she was more than willing to give her life in the battle against evil, so he probably should have known it was going to happen. Of course, for some reason this particular action got me the label of "zealot" and I was disposed of by a fellow party member when I was at -9 hp, but stable, mind you, because the player didn't like "zealot paladins" and decided to drag my character's poor damaged, unconscious form up a flight of stairs. Man I was pissed.

-Blue

[Goblin Music]

3980: My character may not call him/herself the Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs At Midnight.
3980b: Or any variation thereof.

Why not it sounds cool EMBWBAM sounds perfectly legit.

[Fax Celestis]

3984: My medieval character may not be addicted to any substances that are not available without high technology.

[Jade_Tarem]

3984: My medieval character may not be addicted to any substances that are not available without high technology.

So was your Dr. Zhivago clone or the flaming intelligent llama the one out to score crystal meth?

3985: Having 6 charisma and threatening to strip is not a legitimate profession, even if you can earn some serious gold per hour doing it on street corners.

[nivek1234]

Although with a charisma like that or lower, threatening to strip could probably be ruled as making an intimidate check...

[NemoUtopia]

3986) I am not allowed to scorching ray plot centric NPCs just because they cast spells in a manner easily construed as threatening.
a) ...even if that spell if buffing a powerful henchNPC
b) ...even if that henchNPC is attacking us [the party]
c) ...even if the other players would have done it in my position
d) ...no, not that spell either.

3987) I am not allowed to fireball the BBEG and crew during requisite monologue.
a) ...even if he/she didn't prepare defenses against spellcasting despite being a spellcaster
b) ...even if he/she just won't shut up
c) ...even if the part druid would have done it but had already cast their AoE spells

3988) Alright, you know what? No more spellcasting while NPCs are talking.
a) ...not even if it's Silent.
b) ...or even if it's Stilled.
c) ...or even if it's Quickened.
d) ...or even if it's just a party buff.
e) ...no, not even if all of the above.
f) ...not even if it allows the party to escape the elaborate death-trap.
g) ...or even...just...you know what? No, not even then.

3989) I am not allowed to ****-block the supercharismatic PC from getting some action.
a) ...even if I'm just helping someone else do it.
b) ...even if that person is the NPC resisting said PC's advances.
c) ...even if it is with a well timed and dramatically appropriate spell.
d) ...even if it is funny enough to make the DM snot cola.
e) ...no, it doesn't matter that your character has the Intelligence and Wisdom scores to pull it off.
f) ...hey, Knowledge (comedic timing) is NOT a skill!
g) ...neither is Perform (comedic timing)!
h) ...not even if you're a prankster.
i) ...gnome...
j) ...wizard...
k) ...who is chaotic...
l) ...or evil...
m) ...or worships the trickster deity with supreme devotion...
n) ...or all of the above...
o) Okay, just this once. But NEVER AGAIN!

(taking a turn to the DM side of things)

3990) When players "jump into the tree", it is considered good form to allow them a Climb check after succeeding at their Jump check, not roll 1d6 and add their Str mod for damage dealt.

3991) The same applies for "making a running leap to the crow's nest."

3992) Players "walking into the doorway" shouldn't deal 1d4 subdual damage.

3993) You know what? Stop being so damn literal.

3994) It is considered poor form to compare the current encounter to a chess game when nothing that would relate the encounter to chess is present.
a) ...especially don't use chess notation and roll dice...
b) ...saying "check" or "check-mate" is right out, especially when giggling or laughing maniacally.

[Dairun Cates]

4005. No casting explosive Runes on another Player Character's head.

[Logos7]

4006. ) No Matter how many Ranks in Profession Soothsayer I have , it's not an acceptable substitute for a mid level divination

4007;) Stand Just outside the church in line of sight while i wait for the rest of the party to begin parleying ( CIRCLE OF DEATH!)

4008:) I'm not allowed to play my raven familure after said master's death looking for revenge. Nor am i allowed to anthropomorphize him into a kenku

4009:) No matter how many times i come back to Ravenloft, I am not allowed to say " I LIVE ,... AGAIN!"

4010;) I am not allowed to bring my camel into the Inn, no matter how many vicious level draining ghost beasties are outside

4011:) The Position of Night Watchman will stay vacant in Ravenloft, regardless of how much my NG Ranger wants to help things.

4012;) When said Night Watchman is dead, I will not have his brother take the sun sword out of ravenloft (Expidetion to castle Ravenloft)

4013:_) nor shall my new character blow up the Store, the store keeper and his retarded son, and the black market. Especially not for kicks because the useless monks and paladin's were taking too damn long to fight a few swarms.

[Rarkasha]

4014. I (specifically) am no longer allowed to create bards after listening to power metal. Doubly so if it is Dragonforce. Triply so if he is a divine bard that plays Dragonforce music.

[Shadow of the Sun]

4015. I cannot create a bard after listening to shred metal. Doubly so if it it Michael Angelo Batio. Triply if he has a double ended lute.

[Jannex]

4014. I (specifically) am no longer allowed to create bards after listening to power metal. Doubly so if it is Dragonforce. Triply so if he is a divine bard that plays Dragonforce music.

...But power metal is perfect for bards in an epic high-fantasy setting... Mmm, Hammerfall... :smallbiggrin:

[Rarkasha]

...But power metal is perfect for bards in an epic high-fantasy setting... Mmm, Hammerfall... :smallbiggrin:

Well, I'm thinking traditional D&D settings. Exalted or Rifts (I think), would be perfect for power metal as a setting. Never heard of Hammerfall, though.

[Scorpina]

I think Rhapsody (of Fire) would suit standard D&D, as would Demons & Wizards...

[Jannex]

Well, I'm thinking traditional D&D settings. Exalted or Rifts (I think), would be perfect for power metal as a setting. Never heard of Hammerfall, though.

It's a power metal band. They have some good stuff.

I suppose power metal sort of works in Exalted, but a lot of the time I think Exalted is a little too anime for it. Most of the stuff I listen to is more seated in western fantasy.

[J_Muller]

4015. I cannot create a bard after listening to shred metal. Doubly so if it it Michael Angelo Batio. Triply if he has a double ended lute.

What about Yngwie Malmsteen?

[Mkall]

4016. No longer allowed to call the Sun Scepter of Pelor, "Pelor's Whacky Stick"

4017. The following synonyms are also not allowed: Pelor's Overcompensator, Pelor's Beater, and Pelor's Rod of Glowing Might

4018. If my character is really an evil doppleganger pretending to be the character, I should let the DM know it.

4019. The Teenage Barbarian does not angst instead of rage.

4020. I am not allowed to play a bard just so I can legitimately sing all of those annoying songs that are in my head and call it roleplaying.

4021. I am not allowed to use the warforged as any of the following: lightning rod, electric conduit, ventriloquist dummy, spare parts, or lawn ornament/

4022. If I am playing the Healer class (Minatures Handbook), it is assumed that I will be using some of my healing spells to heal the party, not to cause the undead to blow up.

4023. If the DM informs me that my Kender is a -9 HP and still conscious, my response should not be "What's that, you say I should hit him again?"

4024. There are no such thing as Darts of Nerf +1

4025. I shouldn't base a character concept around the movie I saw last night, no matter how cool I think the Boondock Saints are. Nor should that character's alignment be "One Bad Mother ****er"

[rielfprincess]

Hehe thanks. Unfortunately, we are all in Georgia and play out in the Boonies - kinda.

4026. According to the leader of our superhero group, although we are aiming for the villians to submit to our will, any method that also causes them to wet themselves probably should not be used. According to the other characters, I should do that more often.

4027. Also according to our leader - we have a mentalist in the party and, because we are not attempting to permanantly scar the villains before sending them to jail, she will henceforth be doing mindscans and not me. Seizures are bad.

4028. Yes, I am scary. Yes, I can frighten paladins. No, I should not use this power on teammates, even accidentally.

4029. The villians are there for us to fight. Some of them are even there for us to fight again. It is not a good idea if I make it so the villians will spend the rest of their days locked in a mental facility. Especially if I do this to three villians with two different characters (in the same world setting) on two consecutive nights.

4030. I will resist the urge to introduce the Trojan virus to any enemy computer programming.

4031. As a group, the teenager group will please stop completely humiliating all of the villians that we defeat just because we realize we forgot to wait for them to comit a crime first and couldn't send them to jail. This includes: shaving hair off of any sasquatch-like villians, tatooing insults on any brick-like villians, completely short-circuting any part-mecca villians, cutting the arms off of magic-user villians (oops), or any other creative punishments.

4032. I may also not instigate humiliation BEFORE sending villians to jail instead, e.g. putting the "Redneck" supervillian group through a wash-cycle before turning them over to the police.

4033. Yes, I got a bug into the ultimate BBEG's hideout. Yes, I now know how he is getting statistics on the superhero groups. Yes, I now know the GPS coordinates to the hideout. No, I will never be able to do that again.

4034. The massive earthquake idea we are planning over the BBEG's hideout may work, yes, but is not suggested because it will probably cause Earth-shaking repercussions, like California splitting off the continental US before it's time. Also, although we will kill all the villians in his hide-out except for the BBEG - we're not getting out of fighting him -once he is defeated, we will have to turn ourselves in for mass murder.

4035. Just because teamwork = good does not mean that my character who has 'code against killing: total' should participate in a teamwork. Depending on the strength of attacks, even my wimpy attack may assist in the death of a villian. The GM has sworn he will not let me claim "Well, I crit, so I hit what I was aiming for, so I aimed just to scrape across his arm" again. :-D

And that's our gaming update!

[lumberofdabeast]

4046: I will never ever again point to a female NPC and say "I'd like to Improved Sunder her, if you know what I mean."

4047: Or comment that she's unable to ignore my hardness.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4046: I will never ever again point to a female NPC and say "I'd like to Improved Sunder her, if you know what I mean."

4047: Or comment that she's unable to ignore my hardness.
4048: And if I do, it is implicit that she'll use a shatter.

[Brauron]

4049: No, I may not make a half-orc cleric who rides a sleigh drawn by four boars and delivers presents to children in exchange for pork pies and sherry.
4050: In fact, no more Pratchett for me.

[Fax Celestis]

4051 I am not allowed to cast Explosive Runes on a fellow player's character sheet.

[Nahal]

4049: No, I may not make a half-orc cleric who rides a sleigh drawn by four boars and delivers presents to children in exchange for pork pies and sherry.
4050: In fact, no more Pratchett for me.

I had the impression that the Hogfather was a druid.

[Shadow of the Sun]

Michael Angelo Batio is faster, and he actually has a double ended guitar.

[Jade_Tarem]

4052: A blast disk is not "a new kind of serving dish."
4053: In the ongoing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for knocking the bard into the abyss.
4054: Just because the temperature in the area is increasing does not mean that one needs to "take off all your clothes."
4055: While not expressly forbidden, taking a swim in the elder brain's pool is neither healthy nor wise.

[Rockphed]

4055b: Though it might make you very wealthy to hold the elder brain captive.

[Quietus]

4056 : I am never again allowed to send in my pet snake to "deal with" the BBEG
4056b : No, not even if I levelled recently, pumped his DC up by 4 points, and forgot to mention this to the DM.
4056c : I am also not allowed to laugh at the look on the DM's face when the snake crits, does a total of 18 con damage over 2 rounds, and reduces the BBEG to a pile of worthless flesh on the floor
4056d : No, it really DOESN'T matter that this is now my group's preferred method of BBEG disposal.

[Brauron]

I had the impression that the Hogfather was a druid.

D'oh! You're right, demerit for me.

[The_Werebear]

I don't know...He could be a Cleric with the Animal and Sun domains, though Wildshape: Boar is probably more appropriate.

[lumberofdabeast]

4057) DAMN IT, STOP HITTING ON THE FEMALE NPCS.
4058) AND THE MALE NPCS.
4059) AND THE PCS OF EITHER GENDER.
4060) AND THEIR PLAYERS.
4061) AND ME.
4062) AND... Well, actually, I guess I can't stop you from hitting on yourself.

[Jack Squat]

4057) DAMN IT, STOP HITTING ON THE FEMALE NPCS.
4058) AND THE MALE NPCS.
4059) AND THE PCS OF EITHER GENDER.
4060) AND THEIR PLAYERS.
4061) AND ME.
4062) AND... Well, actually, I guess I can't stop you from hitting on yourself.

I'd ask if you were my DM, but I haven't played in about a year, so I doubt it :smalltongue:

[Overlord]

Wow! This is some funny stuff. I haven't had a chance to read through the whole list yet, so I apologize in advance if one of these has been used already.

4063: No matter how many ranks in Craft (Alchemy) I might have, I can not make Molotov Fruit Cocktail.

4064: No matter how jolly those Myconids might look, they are not to be referred to as "fun guys."

4065: If I see animals running away from something, I should too: animals are born with knowledge that PCs have to learn the hard way (or sometimes, don't learn at all).

4066: Steal something from me once, shame on the party rogue. Steal something twice, it's his forever. No takebacks.

4067: I am not allowed to name my characters after household items, especially foodstuffs: announcing myself as "Che' Toes" is only funny once.

4068: Conversely, if the DM names an NPC after a household item or food, open season has just been called. Villains named "Kit Kat from the Mountain of the Dew" do not last very long.

4069: You know what? Charging those fire elementals while disguised as mummys in an effort to intimidate them was not such a great idea.

4070: I am not allowed to refer to the party's gnome as "the Disposable One."

4071: And yes, I did just refer to him as the party's gnome. It's the same thing as the party's packmule.

4072: My group has informed me that if I refer to spells cast by a Kuo-Toa cleric as "Acts of Cod" again, I will be sleeping with the said fishes.

4073: I can not refer to greek fire as the "Death Tar."

4074: If I am playing a paladin, then I can not collect taxes on the party's loot as a "taxable form of income." And I had better not say that I'll "take it to the king first thing in the morning."

4075: If another party member does that, pulling out my axe and shouting "Tax this!" is not an appropriate response.

4076: I am not allowed to form the Communist Party of Faerun. Comrade Drizzt won't be pleased.

[Nahal]

4077: If you run off to go hunting in the middle of the night when we are besieged by an Iroquois war party, we will not look for you if you fail to return the next morning. Even if we are leaving the next morning via a secret escape route.

[Dareon]

4078: All flaws must be approved by the DM. No more trying to slip Metal Intolerance and Allergy: Fish into Athas.
4079: Even though it may be perfectly in character, more fire is not always the answer.
4080: In fact, the rest of the party would greatly appreciate it if I would refrain from roasting a given NPC alive until at least 2 rounds after we're done talking to him.

[Rockphed]

4072: My group has informed me that if I refer to spells cast by a Ku-Toa cleric as "Acts of Cod" again, I will be sleeping with the said fishes.


This is one of the best ones yet.


4079: Even though it may be perfectly in character, more fire is not always the answer.

4079b: "More fire," is the question and the answer is "YES!"

[Overlord]

This is one of the best ones yet.


Woohoo! Thanks!

Although when you quoted it, I noticed that I made a typo: Ku-Toa.

Oops. :redface:

[DaMullet]

4081: If the DM says that the party cleric rolled high on his Knowledge check to recognize the Devourer, listen.
4082: If you don't listen, be glad there's some number of diamonds in the cave. But don't do it again.

[Illiterate Scribe]

. This includes: ... completely short-circuting any part-mecca villians,

I think this wouldn't go down to well with Muslims.

[NemoUtopia]

I think this wouldn't go down to well with Muslims.

(*rimshot*)

[Illiterate Scribe]

4083: Even if I'm comfortably on the Prime, I am not to think up cunning and devious plots to defeat the Lady of Pain and thus open up Sigil.

(this actually happened tonight; while discussing high level politics with some high level red wizards, and an Athar Solar, we formed a plan. Unfortunately, it ... uh ... didn't quite work. Divine Rank 29. Hurts. Still, we destroyed a couple of portals).

[NecroPaladin]

4084: The gnome sorcerer may not be used as an improvised weapon, even if he's dead.

4085: Undead spawning is an abominable affliction. It is not in any way technically sex, because one party is not willing. Even so, it is neither rape nor any other kind of sexual assault, as a child is not concieved, but rather one party is simply changed. Even then, ghoul fever is not an STD.

4086: And for the more depraved of Necromancers who ignore the above, a wound from a ghoul is NOT a "love bite."

[Stormcrow]

4087: never allowed to use my monks genetalia as an unarmed strike.
4088: Particularly in conjunction with yelling "I attack with my stunning **** Attack"

[MeklorIlavator]

4089: That goes double with any Kensai build that utilizes the throwing enchantment.

[The Faceless]

4090: The singularity cannon is not to be abused. Until we work out what it actually does.
4091: Tossing a hand grenade into the bibbit hutch is not an appropriate action.
4092: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not an appropriate response for blowing up the cargo bay used to store the robotic armour.
4093: The crotch is not an appropriate place to shoot bears
4094: Unless using the singularity cannon at point blank range

[blackout]

4095: I may not use the team's sneaky-guy for a distraction. That's MY job, cus I got all the heavy weapons.
4096: WHEN I go out to provide a distraction, I am not permitted to yell to the others "GO, GO, GO!", as that kind of lets the enemy know that I'm not the only one there.

[Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick]

4097: In the event the players encounter a Tiefling villain described as having 'bony ridges on his arms and forehead', they are expected to be at least a little scared.

4098: Thus it is unacceptable to refer to any bad rolls by said villain as 'boners'.
4099: Nor can he be called a 'bonehead' even if it is technically true.
4100: Calling him a 'hambone' when he gives a monologue is also right out.
4101: While more creative than the preceding, referring to the above villain as 'ridged for her pleasure' is also unacceptable.

4102: When attacked by apparent halflings or humanoid children, humming 'it's a hard knock life' assures they will have levels in a PC class and carry tanglefoot bags.
4103: The same applies for shouting "Sweet mammy of Pelor, that orphanage we burned is out for revenge!"
4104: Ditto for "We'll make short work of them."
4105: Or "I'd never dreamed we had enemies of this stature!"

4106: Upon the discovery that your opponents are, in fact, humanoid children, you may not taunt them with "Hit me baby, one more time."
4107: Should you do so, it is assumed they are all carrying high-DC poisons.

4108: Lantern Archons are not to be used as an internal light source and recon device for 'makeshift colonoscopies'.
4109: In fact, it is to be assumed the colons of all players are healthy from now on.
4110: Even if you had the four-alarm chili.

4111: The following are not reasonable weapon names: "Reasoned Debate", "Diplomacy", "The Easy Way", "Cure Light Wounds", "Negotiation", or "Peaceful Solution". "Literary Criticism" is acceptable only if the weapon in question is Fanfiction Bane.

[Lòkki Gallansbayne]

4057) DAMN IT, STOP HITTING ON THE FEMALE NPCS.
4058) AND THE MALE NPCS.
4059) AND THE PCS OF EITHER GENDER.
4060) AND THEIR PLAYERS.
4061) AND ME.
4062) AND... Well, actually, I guess I can't stop you from hitting on yourself. Oh god, this reminds me of the Rogue in our group. Since the DM cottoned on to his ways, we've only encountered one female in the entirety of the planes and that's the party Druid. He's becoming increasingly desperate; we found ourselves in a bar on Mechanus (sp?) this one time and he tried it on with the bartender... who was a floating, 1-metre grey cube with arms and a face. Suffice it to say it didn't work.

[Aerlock]

4102.) (NemoUtopia bumped us up 10 in post 1094 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2206524&postcount=1094)) If in-game magic won't work, debating real-world physics will not let you take out the BBEG.

4093.) (lumberofdabeast bumped us another 10 after some numbering problems by rielfprincess in post 1105 (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2217943&postcount=1105)) No, not even if the BBEG is a female Catfolk.

Aerlock

P.S. That should get us back close to on track number wise.

[DaMullet]

4094: No, you may not have a vestigal ANYTHING.

4095: There is a subtle difference between raise dead and animate dead.

4096: There is a subtle difference between animate dead and animate object.

4097: There is a rediculously obvious difference between Raise dead and animate object.

[NecroPaladin]

4094: No, you may not have a vestigal ANYTHING.

4095: There is a subtle difference between raise dead and animate dead.

4096: There is a subtle difference between animate dead and animate object.

4097: There is a rediculously obvious difference between Raise dead and animate object.

Hahaha, I always imagine animated objects being like an old cartoon- since they don't have obvious joints, they just bend where a part juts out, like the candle or clock from Beauty and the Beast.

So if you used that on a corpse, they'd become a jiggly, dancy corpse that, unlike undead, wouldn't use sensory organs or make sounds.

Imagine the TERROR of the enemy when they kill your party's tank and celebrate, at which point he rises, spontaneously, without any joints, or, rather, bending in perfect curves where he shouldn't, attacking them while his head still jiggles lifelessly, hanging from his body. And if he dies that way you could animate dead on him.

Better yet, do that to your enemies. Most. Evil. Villain. Ever. My evil cleric does this to prisoners from now on.

Actually, for the sake of humanity,

4098: I may not do that to my enemies.

[Deus Mortus]

That suggestion was made of win and awesome!

[J_Muller]

4099: Humming the Indiana Jones theme song while rolling a reflex save to dodge a giant boulder increases the DC by 5.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4099: Humming the Indiana Jones theme song while rolling a reflex save to dodge a giant boulder increases the DC by 5.

4100. But increases the awesome rating by 10.
4101. The rogue is to cease using the dungeon's own traps to kill enemies. The lich isn't MADE of undead insect swarms, after all.

[Rumpus]

1507: There are no Elementals based on bodily fluids.
1508: Even if there were ones, they would NOT be suitable mounts for the Paladin.

Actually, there is a Blood elemental in the Ravenloft setting, as well as one composed entirely of the water from drowned sailor's lungs.

[lumberofdabeast]

4102: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not an appropriate response for bringing the un/holy wrath of the entire pantheon upon the entire party.
4103: Simultaneously.

[SpatulaOfDoom]

From an Evil campaign.
4104: The morbidly obese elf wizard cannot cause mass nausea to the party by hitting on a canabalistic orcish barbarian, it doesn't matter if he's not particular and she's the only available female, some things should never be.

4105: Cannibalistic and stupid she may be but even an orcish barbarian should know that if someone tells you to "wave to the nice people" you should use your own arm to do so not one you recently 'harvested' for dinner.

4106: In the same vein when fighting off an angry mob you can't dual-wield two severed arms and suggest you should get strength and a half to damage on each because they're both being used with two hands.

4107: Whether or not he's the party's most usefull, and crazy, member the rest of the party will become annoyed if the wizard tries to spice up an easy encounter by summoning monsters and having them fight for the other side.

4108: Sending out a group of low level adventurers to retrieve an orcish chieftans codpiece on the basis a rumour that it might be a magical is demeaning regardless of just how much they might owe you.

[Quincunx]

4109: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for removing the labels from the potion bottles and replacing them at random.
4109.5: Especially not after introducing some bottles of Baleful Polymorph: Gnome into the mix.

[Chineselegolas]

4110: My monk is not allowed to have higher AC than the Dwarf in Full Plate with a Tower shield.

I was at 26 (20 dex and 16 wisdom base, buffed with Owls Wisdom, Cats Grace, Mage Armor) and he had a mere 23 (12 dex, full plate, tower shield)
Although I suppose no one really wants to get too close to a guy wearing only a loin cloth...

[NullAshton]

4110: My monk is not allowed to have higher AC than the Dwarf in Full Plate with a Tower shield.

I was at 26 (20 dex and 16 wisdom base, buffed with Owls Wisdom, Cats Grace, Mage Armor) and he had a mere 23 (12 dex, full plate, tower shield)
Although I suppose no one really wants to get too close to a guy wearing only a loin cloth...

No, see, EVERYONE knows that the person with kung fu skillz always is harder to hurt than the guy in full plate.

[Meschaelene]

4108: Sending out a group of low level adventurers to retrieve an orcish chieftans codpiece on the basis a rumour that it might be a magical is demeaning regardless of just how much they might owe you.


I had a DM give as magical treasure an orcish piercing for the same area that had natural armor +8 -- just to see if I (as the only one who did not wear armor) was willing to use it. (He described it as a puss-encrusted railroad spike...) I think this may have been due to the previous game I DMed, where his social skill-monkey kept finding Easter Bonnets of Diplomacy, Pantaloons that cast Cat's Grace 1/day (command word "Hammertime"), and the "Bag of Tricks" that summoned creepy first level male commoners with a few silver to spare.

This all started when an entirely different DM awarded a suit of +1 half plate in an effort to make sure our treasure per level met the gold piece numbers but sucked.

[Goblin Music]

4111: I may not have a Srapnyl made out of Codpieces ever again (Raggamoffyn Pg# 174 in the MMII)

[brian c]

No, see, EVERYONE knows that the person with kung fu skillz always is harder to hurt than the guy in full plate.

Agreed. Monks can have absurd AC, but they balance that out by 1) only d8 hit die, 2) 3/4 BAB and 3) low damage, relative to a fighter/barbarian. The monk's main characteristic is the ability to survive, but not neccessarily do a whole lot of damage.

[Artanis]

4107: Whether or not he's the party's most usefull, and crazy, member the rest of the party will become annoyed if the wizard tries to spice up an easy encounter by summoning monsters and having them fight for the other side.
I actually did something like that once. Sorta.

I was playing a Druid/Soulknife, and the party was fighting earth elementals on the 2nd floor of a shop. When the DM described how the floor was creaking and in terrible shape...

Me: "So...how much more weight will the floor hold?"
DM: "Uh...about half a ton."
Me: "I summon a Hippogriph directly into the center of the room."

[Stevenson]

983 - Never again will I attempt to devise the epic spell "Nuke from Orbit".

But there is a nuke from orbit spell- it's a sixth level cleric spell. It's called cometfall.

[DaMullet]

4112: Mackerels cannot be masterwork, and thus cannot be enchanted as weapons.
4113: If the above rule is broken, they cannot be good aligned. Ever.
4114: The same goes for Cows and piles of fecal matter.

[Destro_Yersul]

4115: May not chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring.
4115b: Not even if it has an enhancement bonus.

[Goblin Music]

hehehehe
4116: no the nights who say Ni are not part of my campaign world

[Edo]

4117: Even if the DM is using psionics, I am not allowed to name my observant psicrystal Navi.

[Destro_Yersul]

4117b: If I do name said Psicrystal Navi, it is understood that it will shout "Hey! Listen!" at highly inopportune moments.

[rielfprincess]

*blushes* I can usually count I promise.

4118. Although the other gamers are willing to agree that I am continuing to teach the nearby squirrels and the wolf and wildcat animal companions in the group how to play chess, I must stop role-playing it. And no, I am not permitted to be successful.

4119. I must never attempt to pass off squirrel meat for chicken again, even if I roll a natural success cooking it.

4120. It is bad when my character (the gnome who thinks she is a elf that thinks she is a cat) is the only one in a group of 2 dwarves and 5 elves (aside from her) who realizes that robbing the tomb of the dwarven and elfin heros of the past is a bad thing.

4121. A certian person in my group is no longer allowed to make axe puns. I don't care about any of the other puns but the axe puns will eventually force me to act.

4122. The other characters in my superhero group have been forbidden from attacking the non-protected secret service officers when we could have gotten out of the situation by geting out of the car and letting them search us, since we didn't have anything illegal.

4123. Along similar lines, while they are attacking the secret service officers across the street from a protest with hundreds of supporters, our fox demon should avoid popping out of the skylight and doing a presence attack on all nearby persons.

4124. If the plan involves my character being unconcious, it is probably a bad idea as I am the one who won't blow our secret identities. ("Oh, that civillian there is our leader. We came to rescue her.")

4125. If the plan involves lacing any metropolitan area's water supply with LSD, we are to rethink our plan. We are heros.

4126. In a training senerio (punishment for above mistakes) designed to teach teamwork (and making good choices), we are not permitted to go girl v. boy because the girls will always win. Not because we're girls. Just because our powers complement each other in just the right way to completely destroy the boys' advantages.

[Quietus]

4125. If the plan involves lacing any metropolitan area's water supply with LSD, we are to rethink our plan. We are heros.

You'd be even bigger heroes to a certain crowd if you did this.

[_twitchy_]

QUOTE]Originally Posted by rielfprincess
4122. The other characters in my superhero group have been forbidden from attacking the non-protected secret service officers when we could have gotten out of the situation by geting out of the car and letting them search us, since we didn't have anything illegal.[[/QUOTE]

in response to this the sniper really shouldn't take advice from the gambler who lost a bet later in the game and along with the other male members of the group had to dress in drag and walk a dog (fox demon) to a bar and flirt with men

[Innis Cabal]

4123: While on a spell jammer...it is never wise or smart to ask to "revise your contract" while your captain is a space pirate....and your level 1

[Rolaran]

4117b: If I do name said Psicrystal Navi, it is understood that it will shout "Hey! Listen!" at highly inopportune moments.

4124: Nothing is "a secret to everybody", nobody will offer to "play money making game" with you, and nobody will give you special items while saying "It's dangerous to go alone, take this with you!"

4125: A fey, carried in a potion bottle in your backpack does not mean that Raise Dead is automatically cast on you when you die.

4126: A potion bottle full of milk is not the same as a potion of "Cure light Wounds".

4127: If you are using a bottle to store bugs, it is inadvisable to store potions in it afterwards without washing it out first. Failure to do so may leave you spontaneously reenacting "The Fly".

4127a: If this happens, saying "HELP MEEEE..." will cause immediate XP loss.

[Phoenix Talion]

All from the same game:

4128: WWJD- What Would Jarlaxle Do? Is not a valid code of conduct for my rogue.
4128a: Or any other character.
4128b: No matter how apt it is.
4128c: ESPECIALLY if my character manages to aquire the capital to wreak large scale havok.

4129: I will not negotial buisiness deals/information exchanges/mutual defense agreements with anything that was meant to be an encounter.

4130: The DM is not allowed to apply the half-vampire and half-celestial templates to the same NPC ever again. It sets a bad predecent.
4130b: Epecially not on a half-elf.*

4131: If I can't use elements from he BoEF, niether can the DM.

4132: "You had a baby, but didn't remember being pregnant or giving birth because you were under the influence of a Programmed Amnesia spell." only works once.

4133: The "trojan dragon" plan only works once. Especially if we subsequently become famous for it.

4134: I will not put mine or any other character in a position where the DM has to figure out the legal age of consent for the area we're in.

*True story. Human + Elven Vampire + Blessed Seed. The kid was needed as a sacrifice in a ritual- had to be both of celestial blood and related to the caster.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

4135: even if it's been said before, it needs to be said again. no going through this thread or any similar to find ideas for the next adventure.

4136: the PC wizard cannot have a hat with the word 'wizzard' spelled out in sequins on it.

4137: even in eberron, the police force of a major city should not contain werewolves and gargoyles. golems and trolls are right out.

[Goblin Music]

4135: even if it's been said before, it needs to be said again. no going through this thread or any similar to find ideas for the next adventure.

4136: the PC wizard cannot have a hat with the word 'wizzard' spelled out in sequins on it.

4137: even in eberron, the police force of a major city should not contain werewolves and gargoyles. golems and trolls are right out.

what! don't listen to her! (@V dude i wish i was in your campaign)

[lumberofdabeast]

4135: even if it's been said before, it needs to be said again. no going through this thread or any similar to find ideas for the next adventure.

4136: the PC wizard cannot have a hat with the word 'wizzard' spelled out in sequins on it.

4137: even in eberron, the police force of a major city should not contain werewolves and gargoyles. golems and trolls are right out.

I'm actually working on a Discworld campaign setting. Can't figure out what class to make Rincewind, though...

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

he's certainly not a wizard, that's for sure..

[The_Werebear]

I'm actually working on a Discworld campaign setting. Can't figure out what class to make Rincewind, though...

Someone stated him out before.

Hexblade 4/Barbarian 1, a few other things. Basically, the character was good at running and could use magic items, but not actually cast spells. Barbarian was for his amazing ability to survive, as well as a rage for more HP while running and strength to shove through crowds to get away faster. Hexblade also has the ability of cursing others with bad luck, as well as having general misfortune on himself.

[Turcano]

Someone stated him out before.

Hexblade 4/Barbarian 1, a few other things. Basically, the character was good at running and could use magic items, but not actually cast spells. Barbarian was for his amazing ability to survive, as well as a rage for more HP while running and strength to shove through crowds to get away faster. Hexblade also has the ability of cursing others with bad luck, as well as having general misfortune on himself.
I remember that. The full build (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=19439&highlight=rincewind+survivor) was Barbarian 1/Hexblade 1/Rogue 1/Survivor 5/Hexblade 2; I would give him Dash, Endurance, Fleet of Foot, Run, and Sprinter for his feats.

[Ravyn]

4138. The group should know by now not to leave the walking invocation of "Use everything that comes to hand" alone in an area full of interesting items and NPCs.

4139. Likewise, if the GM wants his plot to come out intact, he really shouldn't encourage her.

4140. ....and she should probably be resisting the urge to just keep going as well.

4141. These last three rules having been broken, the NPCs are most definitely NOT allowed to try to reawaken said character's long since shattered faith in humanity, particularly not by getting her and themselves drunk.

4141b. Particularly not the NPCs who are supposed to be leaving an army. The cast has enough on their minds without worrying about one of their superiors who should know better carving initials on a mountain with one of the main defenses.

4142. Seriously. This character exists to have her faith in humanity restored by the PCs. Deal.

4143. ...and besides, there's at least one other player who will have massive objections if it happens offstage. So just don't, okay?

[Dareon]

4101. The rogue is to cease using the dungeon's own traps to kill enemies. The lich isn't MADE of undead insect swarms, after all.
4101b: Unless the DM has been template stacking with Libris Mortis. And even then, luring the enemies into the swarm-shifter is in poor taste.

4144: When in a diplomatic situation and strongly urged to chill a pot of tea for the leader of the village, I am not to simply hellrime blast the teapot.
4145: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not an appropriate response to learning one of the party members has kidnapped an important NPC without the knowledge of the rest of the party.

[Goblin Music]

I'm actually working on a Discworld campaign setting. Can't figure out what class to make Rincewind, though...
as stated he is s sorcerer, he knows the one spell that if said at the right
moment will save the world, but he has no spell book

[hewhosaysfish]

as stated he is s sorcerer, he knows the one spell that if said at the right
moment will save the world, but he has no spell book

But there are no sorcerors on the Disc. Sourcerors perhaps, but Rincewind is definitely not one of those.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

also, sorcerers can cast many more spells than rincewind can. and sourcerers don't even cast, magic just flows from their bodies. rincewind is very inept at magic. he has few if any spellcasting levels.

[Turcano]

also, sorcerers can cast many more spells than rincewind can. and sourcerers don't even cast, magic just flows from their bodies. rincewind is very inept at magic. he has few if any spellcasting levels.

You could also fix that by giving him less than four levels of wizard and the Mage Slayer feat, which would give him negative caster levels.

[Mkall]

4146: I am not allowed to make characters whose names are anagrams of the DM's the DM's girlfriend, the DM's ex-girlfriend or any of the other players at the table

[NephandiMan]

4147: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology when the tank steps on a pit trap that drops him 260 feet to the ground (outside the castle, no less)...and you didn't load Fly that day.

Thank the gods I wasn't the only arcane caster in our party. *sweatdrop*

[The_Blue_Sorceress]

4148: I may not name my dire wolf animal companion "Wuffie."

4149: I may not bring my dire wolf animal companion into the inn with me.

4150: Nor may I leave him in the stable, particularly if he is hungry.

4151: "The Enemator" is not an appropriate name for my bard's rapier.

4152: Nor is "The Colonoscope."

4153: It is understood that if I play a bard I will be expected to put ranks into perform.

4154: It is also understood that I will, on occasion, put those ranks in perform to use.

[Mawhrin Skel]

rincewind is very inept at magic. he has few if any spellcasting levels.
Wizard with Int < 10? That wouldn't fit with Rincewind's linguistic skills though.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

He could have put ranks in Speak Language.
Or, he could have levels in a spellcasting class that uses charisma or wisdom to cast spells. he doesn't seem to have a lot of charisma or wisdom at all.

[goat]

I think Rincewind is more magical than most people allow for, it's just they don't know it, and nor does he.

He's clearly got some sort of magical effects in almost constant action. His sheer ability to survive would almost require that, and his ability with languages and people would suggest there's something special about him. Also, he possesses many of the abilities attributed to wizards on the discworld. He can see death, he feels the pull of the sourceror, he is in tune with the magic of the world. If he was really that useless, why would the UU keep him around?

He also seems to have The Lady on his side.

[Seffbasilisk]

High Cha, High Wis, Low Int wizard/rogue. Level 17 wizard with a curse on him where his int is continually 9 until needed, whereupon it gets a +10.

maybe 3rd level rogue for evasion, trapsense +1 and sneak attack.

He also has a lot of hitpoints because he can surivive. So decent Con. Not that great strength, maybe 10? 11? 9? His dex would be be-e-a-yoo-teeful though.


Edit: Curse doesn't affect skillpoints, he has the feat "Smatterings" and has tons of ranks in Speak language.

[Goblin Music]

hey lets make a thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38835)*Nudge nudge wink wink* and go there *Nudge nudge wink wink* eh? eh? *Nudge nudge wink wink*

[Illiterate Scribe]

On topic - 4155 NO! Placing a sphere of annihilation in the core of Abeir Toril is not an acceptable way of restarting its magnetic field/blowing stuff up, as even elementary geology will tell you that it's going to eat the whole planet. Even if it will kill the drow first.

4156 Just having fire resistance > 6 is not an excuse for walking around on fire the whole time. This goes doubly so for setting yourself 'on acid' 'on lightning' or, just to really wind me up, 'on sonic'.

4157 How are you even going about setting that building 'on sonic' anyway?

[Turcano]

4157 How are you even going about setting that building 'on sonic' anyway?

With subwoofers.

[DaMullet]

4153: It is understood that if I play a bard I will not be expected to put ranks into perform.

4154: It is also understood that I will, on occasion, put those ranks in perform to use.
Wait, what? Why wouldn't your bard be expected to take ranks in Perform?

[NephandiMan]

4158: My blaster caster does not have a "power level."
4158a: Even if he did, it is NEVER over nine thousand.
4158b: And an eyepiece that allows one to Detect Magic at will is not a "scouter."
4159: It is not appropriate to refer to a war-forged anything as "Eva unit 01." Especially if it's purple.
4159a: Or to refer to the mysterious, elusive BBEG as "Gendo."
4159b: And don't you dare call the BBEG "the uberpimp."

[Hypothetical]

4160 : My Monk is never again to say " I am Aknavar, I can help you".

[Edo]

4087: never allowed to use my monks genetalia as an unarmed strike.4087b. Especially not if the monk is an ogre.
4087c. Not even if the DM has done this already, or will in the near future.
4087d. And being a kensai whose favored weapon is his unarmed strike is right out.

4160. Failure to show fear on encountering this travesty is out of character.
4160b. Especially since he killed my parents with it.
4160c. In a bad way.
4160d. (But not a naughty one.)

4161. I am not allowed, in or out of character, to question how he gets 10' reach with it.

4162. Nor will I assert, in or out of character, that mine is bigger.

4163. Failing to adhere to the previous two clauses will result in it doing piercing damage, rather than bludgeoning.
4164b. And it will be changed from a light weapon to a one-handed one, allowing him to wield it two-handed for 1.5x Str damage.

4164. No matter how much I may wish to, or how awesome it would be, I am not able to sunder it.
4164b. Especially not with Str 10...
4164c. ...and a rapier.
4164d. Nor can he be disarmed.

4165. If and when I have defeated this monstrosity, I am not allowed to take his weapon to use myself.
4164b. Either in or out of combat.
4164c. Nor am I allowed to have it enchanted for any purpose.
4164d. Especially given that this is a caster-free campaign setting.
4164e. Mounting it over the fireplace is acceptable, though.

4165. As a corollary to the above, it would be an exotic weapon...
4165b. ...if there was a weapon proficiency for it...
4165c. ...which there is not.
4165d. ...and even if there was, and I did take it as a feat, it would not count as a favored weapon for any swordsage style.

[Indoril]

Ok I left for more than a month for school work, and this thread's still here?

Come on, guys. We could publish a book on these.

[NemoUtopia]

Ok I left for more than a month for school work, and this thread's still here?

Come on, guys. We could publish a book on these.

Alright, so I'll start the copyright work, get everyone's legal names and information (and permission to use entries posted), get publishing going. We'll split the profit in some arbitrary manner to be decided by collective contract, I'll take a nominal fee for doing the foot-work, and we'll keep this going for a 2.0 publication! Which will also cause a collectible reprint of the 1st one! And a joint edition! So we can totally fleece fans! You know what?

4166) I will not suggest to, attempt to, or yea even think about collecting "Things I'm Not Allowed to Do While Gaming" for profit in publication.

[J_Muller]

4167: I will not suggest that said collection should contain illustrations.

[NemoUtopia]

4167: I will not suggest that said collection should contain illustrations.

4167b) If I absolutely must suggest it, I will absolutely not suggest they be done by Phil Foglio for extra comedy value.

[Innis Cabal]

4168) Fighters are not allowed to wield children, old women, or boy scouts against the paladin just becuase he can not logicaly defend himself

[Nahal]

4169: Product placement in a 5-man game is a waste of time. Why make a specialized potion of alter self called Red Bull when nobody's going to get any revenue off it?

[Zeal]

4169: Product placement in a 5-man game is a waste of time. Why make a specialized potion of alter self called Red Bull when nobody's going to get any revenue off it?
Alter self? Red Bull is obviously haste, that or Bull's Strength.

[NemoUtopia]

Alter self? Red Bull is obviously haste, that or Bull's Strength.

Actually, Red Bull would be fly, or some variant thereof... :smallwink:

Or better yet, some kind of super potion: bull's strength + cat's grace + haste + fly...

[Stormcrow]

4170: The Elixer of Life is not One Part Vodka, One Part Redbull

[Edo]

4171. Nor is it one part Jack Daniel's, two parts purple Kool-Aid and a jigger of formaldehyde from the jar with Hitler's brain in it that we keep in the back storage room.

[Stormcrow]

4172: Though 4171 _is_ the rescipe for Evil.

[EvilDave]

4173. "It'll hit more of them than it will of us" is not justification for casting Lightning Bolt to maximum effect.
4174. "They'll get a reflex save" is not justification for casting various lightning spells while the party is in standing water.
4175. It is not a good idea to go to the back of a cave of 30 gnolls and performing a coup de grace on their leader on the assumption you can roll high initiative and just cast invisibility again.
4175b. Especially if you don't actually have improved initiative.
4176. Just because the houserule is that a Lightning Bolt reflects off of objects that it can't break through does not mean you should cast it straight at someone standing in front of a wall just to hit him twice.
4176b. Especially if he's a fighter type and will definitely have more hp than you.
4177. Just because you can get your touch AC down to 4 does not mean that you should, especially when dealing with casters.
4178. Getting your AC down to 8 (while in heavy armor) is not necessarily the best way to deal with huge insectoid monstrousities.
4178b. Especially in an country where both natural and magical healing are suppressed.
4178c. Especially when you have less HP than the guy with d4 HD.
4178d. Especially if the only 'thought' or 'planning' on your actions consists of "I hope I crit"
4178e. Just because you are using a 18-20/x2 weapon that deals 4d6+10 damage and you did in fact crit, that does not justify use of that 'plan of action' against every major opponent you come accross.
4179. If it does actual work and you keep critting, justification for this not being overpowered is not pointing out that you're the lowest statted person in the party.

[The_Blue_Sorceress]

Wait, what? Why wouldn't your bard be expected to take ranks in Perform?

Whoops! Obviously an extra "not" slipped into my post. Thanks for pointing that one out.

-Blue

[Deathcow]

4156 Just having fire resistance > 6 is not an excuse for walking around on fire the whole time. This goes doubly so for setting yourself 'on acid' 'on lightning' or, just to really wind me up, 'on sonic'.

4156b- Although, if your character is "on acid" all the time, he probably shouldn't be adventuring anyway.

[Just Alex]

4156b- Although, if your character is "on acid" all the time, he probably shouldn't be adventuring anyway.

Bull-honkey. If you're on acid all the time, everything is an adventure.

[J_Muller]

4174: No matter how insane my arcane caster is, I may not accompany every offensive spell with a wild cry of "Fra-Zooooowww!", "Sha-Blaaaaaaaaaam!", "Bla-Zooooowwwww!", or "Ba-Loooooooooooosh!"

[Destro_Yersul]

4175: My Druid may not be named Alfred Hitchcock.

[Nahal]

4174: No matter how insane my arcane caster is, I may not accompany every offensive spell with a wild cry of "Fra-Zooooowww!", "Sha-Blaaaaaaaaaam!", "Bla-Zooooowwwww!", or "Ba-Loooooooooooosh!"

4175: "NARF!," "POIK!," or "ZOIK!" are perfectly acceptable so long as you're a sorceror. "Burn baby burn" is right out however, especially if accompanied by an illusion spell that simulates a disco, disco music, or platform shoes that double as fishtanks.

[NemoUtopia]

4175b) In fact, "burn, baby, burn" is NEVER acceptable.
4175c) ...no, it does not matter how much fire damage or other fiery aspects you cause.
4175d) ...or how much you tire out a target or buff their physical stats.

[Just Alex]

Is "Disco Inferno" acceptable if you're playing that Primal Music bard PrC? I don't remember the name of the class off-hand, but one of the songs you learn was called (I believe) Ballad of Flame.

[Kultrum]

4176: you and your friend are not allowed to play a cleric names Leiroi' and a fighter named Geenkines Even if they are lawful good
4176b: Nore may their battle cry be "at least i have chicken"
4177: Just because its their own fault does not mean i can laugh when the annoying char dies

[Wooter]

4178: The verbal component for Call Upon Holy Might is not, and never will be "Shazam!"

4179: Nor is the verbal component of Dismissal "kltpzyxm"

[Fako]

4180. It is not polite to offer a piece of Garlic Bread to the Vampire.

4181. In the ongoing saga, "Whoops" isn't a sufficient apology for ripping a tunnel through every plane in existence using a major artifact.
4181b. Even if you didn't think it would work.

4182. If the mirrors in the room make it painful to have a torch lit, it is not the best idea to cast Daylight.

4183. It is considered poor form to cast Continual Flame on the Dwarve's beard when he boasts about his Darkvision.

4184. My Warlock is no longer allowed to pose as a Fire Elemental by combining Fire Resistance 5 and Retributive Invisibility.

4185. I am no longer allowed to see the Player's Handbook when I have 1k+ gp left during character creation.
4186. There is no possible justification for a celebate priest of Pelor to be carrying around masterwork manacles.
4187. Even if they did come in handy that time.

4188. I am no longer allowed to answer questions by activating my rod of wonder.

[Goblin Music]

4189: a lycanthrope Warlock is considered bad taste especially when using Fiendish resilience

[Fualkner Asiniti]

4190: I am not allowed to teach my bat familiar how to speak Chicken
4190b: Not even if it is to talk to the Sorceror's chicken familiar
4190c: And especally not to talk to other chickens

[Suzaku]

4191: There is no such things as a swarm of chickens
4192: No not even when one of the pcs is an elf with green traveling outfit with a cone hood and heavy blue steel and the royal symbol on it is three golden triangles making one larger triangle, and attacked several chickens.
4193: Even if there was it won't do 6d6+6 when we're lvl 3.

[Shadow of the Sun]

4194: Just because I am an Alienist does not mean I can talk about UFOs.

[Jade_Tarem]

4179: Nor is the verbal component of Dismissal "kltpzyxm"

Well, it is for one outsider, but he has to say it. :smallamused:

[Habzial]

4195: Shouting, "FOR CHAOS!" as a battlecry while playing Shadowrun.
4196: Using Influence the way it was intended.
4197: Using Influence in ways that were never intended.
4198: Using Physical Mask on my violent teammate to make him look/feel/smell/etc like an attractive female while the team's suave, womanizing face is drunk and not paying attention.
4199: 90% of the things I'm going to do tomorrow night with my new illusionist Trickster shaman.
4200: Intentionally competing with my teammates to see who can break poorly-planned modules the hardest.

[Nahal]

4200: Intentionally competing with my teammates to see who can break poorly-planned modules the hardest.

What's wrong with that? Did your GM make them himself or something?

[Habzial]

He didn't write it, but I suspect he didn't review it thoroughly in advance. The problem was it led to an argument, where the PC rightly stated we were getting railroaded and the GM was borking the rules to make it happen.

The plot absolutely required a suspect escaped a meeting in the park. Unfortunately, one of the teammates was a Physical Adept with Missile Mastery. Basically he can throw common, every day items with lethal force, if he wants to. In order to ensure the getaway, two spirits popped out and used Confusion on the party... which the adept was barely affected by. So naturally the adept lobs a few playing cards at the suspect with sufficient damage on impact (even after armor is accounted for) to put her at -4 stun. This is where the fudging and arguing began.

Now that's not even the worst of it. I wasn't playing with my normal character (different set of missions that session). If I was, I would have broken the module before the spirits even materialized. My normal character is a raven shaman who specializes in mind control. All I'd have to do is cast on Influence spell that made her run up and hug me, then use the touch-range spell Knockout on incredibly high force. I could have also destroyed her motorcycle, crippled her, or gone astral and annihilated the spirits before the combat began, then use Mind Probe to get the answers we needed after she was subdued.

The module wasn't just broken because the writer missed a couple abilities/spells. It got broken again later by the same PC using mundane, not-even-slightly special stun grenades. Okay, you've written that there are two heavil armed people, waiting around a corner up a stairwell. What person isn't going to consider using a grenade?

[J_Muller]

Unfortunately, one of the teammates was a Physical Adept with Missile Mastery. Basically he can throw common, every day items with lethal force, if he wants to.

Is this D20 Modern or something else? I really want to play one of these now. Which gives me an idea:

4201: I may not name my Physical Adept with Missile Mastery "Arsenal".

[Rockphed]

4201: I may not name my Physical Adept with Missile Mastery "Arsenal".

4201b: Gambit is also unacceptable for a Physical Adept.

[Zincorium]

Is this D20 Modern or something else? I really want to play one of these now. Which gives me an idea:

4201: I may not name my Physical Adept with Missile Mastery "Arsenal".

Shadowrun, unless I miss my mark. Physical adepts being basically mystical warrior types who's main disadvantage being that they don't work well all cybered up. But then, they don't really need it.

[Shadow of the Sun]

4201c: Bullseye is also an unacceptable name for a physical adept with Missile Mastery.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

4202: in the continuing saga, Whoops is not sufficient apology for letting the identity of your werewolf party member slip within a highly lycanthrope-hating church of Pelor. and then preventing said member from quickly escaping, resulting in the death of your rogue, the excommunication of your cleric, and the loss of your party's major source of rewards.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4203. The DM may not make Samuel L. Jackson the BBEG of this game.
4204. He may, however, make him the Guildmaster of the organization the PCs belong to.
4205. The DM should not put an eighteenth level fighter up against three ECL 5 characters.
4205b. Even if they won.
4206. If you decide to assassinate the rest of the party while they fight the level eighteen fighter, arguing that killing town guards will draw negative attention to the guild, you should not then kill a handful of them with collateral damage by centering your shots on your party members to ensure lethal damage.
4206b. ESPECIALLY if, at this point, the party is the entirety of the guild in the first place.

Oh yes, this happened. On the bright side, I now have recurring villains for my own games: The League of Extraordinarily Badass Mother(You know what goes here.)

[Illiterate Scribe]

4203. The DM may not make Samuel L. Jackson the BBEG of this game.

4207: If he does, we shall all leave the room if he needs to get those ------- couatls out of their retreat in the Celestial ------- plane.

Just no.

[Fax Celestis]

4207: If he does, we shall all leave the room if he needs to get those ------- couatls out of their retreat in the Celestial ------- plane.

Just no.

OMGWTF my brains are melting at the punnery.

That being said:

4208. I am not allowed to argue Science In D&D when playing a female catfolk. That would be suicidal.

[Brauron]

4209: If we are playing Cthulhu, and I'm running the game, and the players are being stupid and choosing to ignore all plot hooks, I am not to threaten to drop a Shoggoth (think Gargantuan Black Pudding) from orbit on to their location.

[Stormcrow]

4209: Orbit should never be mentioned in a fantasy setting.

[NecroPaladin]

4210: There is no disease called "Disco Fever," and it is not a Save DC 28, hideous and unholy combination of Ghoul Fever and Otto's Irresistible Dance.
4210a: Thus, there is no such thing as a "Disco Ghoul."
4210b: Ever.
4210c: Not even Rod Stewart.

[Habzial]

Is this D20 Modern or something else? I really want to play one of these now. Which gives me an idea:

4201: I may not name my Physical Adept with Missile Mastery "Arsenal".As Zincorium said, Shadowrun is the game (d6 cyberpunk/fantasy).

4211: I will not negotiate with a Triad boss by killing him instantly in astral combat.

[Fax Celestis]

4210d There is, however a "Disco Stu".

[Foeofthelance]

4212: Just because the Kobold Rangers are all riding Dire Weasels is not sufficient for me to equip all my gnomes with Dire Giant Space Hamsters

4213: I am no longer allowed to give 3.X edition characters mounts based off of old 2nd edition Spelljammer Monsters

4214: Especially if they were originally bred by Tinker Gnomes

[Scorpina]

4212: Just because the Kobold Rangers are all riding Dire Weasels is not sufficient for me to equip all my gnomes with Dire Giant Space Hamsters

There never needs to be justification for the introduction of Miniature Giant Space Hamsters!

[Foeofthelance]

No, these were actual Giant Space Hamsters, which the gnomes were using as cavalry mounts. I'd found a PDF of old Spelljammer monsters, and converted them to be used as a form of shock cavalry. Even if they weren't particularly vicious, fast, or tough, they were still quite shocking.

[Jannex]

4212: Just because the Kobold Rangers are all riding Dire Weasels is not sufficient for me to equip all my gnomes with Dire Giant Space Hamsters

4215: If I never see another Dire Weasel again, it'll be too soon.

Also,

4216: You do not have a Teddy Bear of Holding.

[Nowhere Girl]

4217: I cannot use convoluted, questionable logic to try to convince a golem that its purpose is to self-destruct.
4218: My kender's hoopak is not to be used to throttle levitating enemies by hanging from them.
4219: I am not allowed to play another kender wearing a 2e Girdle of Storm Giant Strength.
... even if she only uses it to pull bolted "No Kender Allowed" signs out of walls and helpfully replace them at kender eye-level.
4220: Not allowed to use my Ring of Feather Falling to go cliff-diving.
4221: Throwing stone blocks around is not an acceptable way to search for traps.
4222: Marbles are out, too.
4223: I cannot simply turn down the carefully planned quest and try to go look for "a better deal" somewhere else.
4224: Not allowed anywhere near a Ring of X-Ray Vision, ever again.

And they're all true. :smalltongue:

[Green Bean]

4225: I am no longer allowed to give epic level strength boosting gear to small children, no matter how cute it is to watch them punch huge holes in brick walls.

[Goblin Music]

4226: never can i have an interpretive dance bard.
4226b: especially if all he wheres is a loincloth.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

4221: Throwing stone blocks around is not an acceptable way to search for traps.
4222: Marbles are out, too.
:smalltongue:

why? this seems like a perfeclty acceptable way to search for traps!

[Goblin Music]

not heavy enough Raven

[Mkall]

4227: The somatic/verbal components for any Arcane spell are never anything remotely similar to the Macarena. I don't care if it sounds draconic.

[Maxymiuk]

4228: There will be no more dressing up as a priest to get discount rates at the inn.
4229: Setting a flock of sheep on fire and driving them at the enemy lines is not a guaranteed win tactic.
4230: If you decide to seduce the male NPC traveling with the party, for the sake of his mental health don't disguise yourself as a man the morning after.
4231: Seducing a random sailor will not cause his captain to give you free passage.
4232: It's a dragon egg, not a Cthulu egg.
4233: If you find that the mountain on which the the enemy fortress is situated is riddled with tunnels housing roughly 3000 prisoners to be used in magical experiments, you may assume that planning to blow the fort's foundations to make the entire mountain collapse will be frowned upon.
4234: When you're trying to avoid enemy patrols, alcohol and wizards don't mix well.
4235: In fact, they never mix well.

[Nowhere Girl]

why? this seems like a perfeclty acceptable way to search for traps!

If you don't care who hears you ... :smalltongue:

[NecroPaladin]

4230: If you decide to seduce the male NPC traveling with the party, for the sake of his mental health don't disguise yourself as a man the morning after.


4230a: Or ANY kind of abberation.
4230b: ESPECIALLY aboleths and beholders.

[NemoUtopia]

4230a: Or ANY kind of abberation.
4230b: ESPECIALLY aboleths and beholders.

4230c: This goes especially if you are going to use some kind of shapechanging magic to strengthen the disguise.
4230d: Equines are right out.

[J_Muller]

4236: I am to understand that after the fiasco at the Thieves Guild HQ, I will be forbidden from taking part in the planning stages of anything if I begin to hum the finale to the 1812 Overture.

[Nahal]

4236b: This goes double for the 4th movement of Berlioz's "Symphonie Fantastique"

[Edo]

4237. During Underdark expeditions, I will refrain from posting signs in illithid communities reading "Please leave the Elder Brain pool as clean as you found it."

4237b. If for some reason I am unable to refrain from the above, I will make no efforts to clear the posting of such signs with the Elder Brain.

[Blondie]

4238. If you somehow accidentally betrayed the entire thieves-guild to the guard, it is to be expected that its former members will be somewhat annoyed with you.
4238b. Especially if such an accidental betrayal happened by pointing out the guildmaster to the guard in front of the entire subdued guild and then waving happily.