Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Chineselegolas]

4239: The Monk is no longer allowed to be the first into the room
4240: Infact, the Monk isn't allowed to go anywhere unaccompanied
4241: "Why is the monk even along?"

4242: Throwing three dungeons in a row of only undead and animated objects against a party with 2 Rogues and a Monk is just cruel
4243: Even though the Warrior and the two Wizards are having a good time

My Monk has 8 intelligence so I have great pleasure making him do the stupidest things. And not get hurt at all. Got to love high AC and saves. To bad the rest of the party isn't as good as me in these factors.
Although my monk actually hasn't done anything of positive mention yet (Curse you strength 8)

And the DM is just being unfair. We want to make flanking sneak attacks against a stunned opponent...

[rielfprincess]

4244. I am not supposed to attempt to pass song-birds off as chicken - especially when the entire group saw my character (the gnome) and the cat-person character pouncing on them and then batting them back and forth until they died. In fact, since the squirrel incident, the group would prefer if I didn't try to pass anything off as chicken except chicken.

4245. When our 'mentor's' boss calls and asks what has been causing the earthquakes in the area that your team is supposed to be watching, I should not respond, "Psychosis is missing and Marble is dead." then hang up the phone.

4246. When said boss comes to help us 'fix' things and asks, "Who is in charge here anyway" my correct answer is, "Psychosis is our mentor." not "Well, it was Marble and me until Psychosis went and got himself kidnapped."

4247. Especially seeing as an integral part of the kidnapping was made significantly easier when I used electrodes woven into Psychosis' under-clothing to knock him unconcsious "to prevent him from doing anything stupid."

4248. Our mentor is no longer allowed out of his house without one of us escorting him with the exception of school and our base.

4249. I must resist the urge to call our base a 'secret lair,' even though we have broken more of the Geneva Convention than the villians we fight have.

[Quincunx]

4250: The man who forsook sleep for a week and spent the time DMing a continuous game is to be respected and feared. . .not emulated.

4251: If one can identify that tune the DM keeps humming and is therefore able to circumvent or otherwise destroy the plot based off of the song, this is fine. However, it is in good taste to at least whistle a counterpoint before doing so.

[PlatinumJester]

4252) DON'T eat that gelatinous cube.
4253) I cannot turn the tide of battle by declaring a rap battle with the orcs.
4253) Chickens aren't a suitable improvised weapon.
4253) Just because you jumped an 80ft ravine once dosn't meen it'll happen again.

[Magnus_Samma]

4254) Don't bribe peasants to eat the gelatinous cube either.

[Suzaku]

4255) Just because I'm a Monk/Sorc my somatic component is not hand signals.
4256) No Mage Image is not Kage Bunshin no Jutsu
4257) No I may not reference any more Naruto
4258) Especially if I’m using reference that’s not shown on crapnomi (toonarmi) and the DM watches Naruto on crapnomi.
4259) Even if I ignore the above rules I shouldn’t be shocked if I get chodri or some other effect.

[J_Muller]

4260: I am to understand that while not strictly forbidden, I am discouraged from basing a character off something from the works of Mike Mignola, Clive Cussler, or, god forbid, Dan Brown.
4260b: Actually, you know what, Dan Brown is just plain off limits.

[Edo]

4261. If the DM attempts an in-game political plot and fumbles it horribly, it is acceptable to counter it handily. I will not, however, immediately to the same thing and get it right to "show people how it's REALLY done."

4262. This is especially true of anarcho-syndicalist revolutions.
4262a. This is doubly true if I am a paladin.
4262b. ...and triply true if I am not using variant paladin rules (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1936789&postcount=1).

[jaqueses]

4263. I am not allowed to play a TN Character with a Rod of Wonder.
4624. Even if I have a Rod of Wonder I cannot say "Good, bad, I'm just the one with the Boom Stick." or "This is my Boom Stick." to the BBEG ever.

[Archonic Energy]

4625 shouting 'Muad-dib' does not cause sonic damage

[Scorpina]

4625: Nor does shouting 'Ni'.

[BardicDuelist]

4626: Not allowed to bluff NPCs into beleiving that I've discovered that the item they sent me questing for does not exist.
4627: Not allowed to convince said NPCs that they should pay me anyway for my effort.
4628: Not allowed to find various ways to "stack" prestige classes.
4629: Play a gestalt character.
4630: Use Unearthed Arcana
4631: Asking if we can use any book published by WOTC, or feats from any WOTC book and getting a "yes" from the DM does not fufill the prerequisite permission from DM for the Spellfire Weilder Feat.
4632: Cha. cannot be used (through various feats and class features) to replace more than 3 ability scores.
4633: Use spell turning on Graz'zt's trap the soul spell like ability does not mean you get to carry a demon lord around in your pocket.

[BardicDuelist]

4634: Place rust monsters in your fighter's camp just for S's&G's.
4635: Play an awakened spider monkey... who uses poo as a ranged attack.
4636: Use rust monsters with 15 HD and very high Con scores.
4637: Play a blind character.
4638: Play a gnome inventor.
4639: Use said inventor to create "tanks" out of bath tubs.

[BardicDuelist]

4640: Use the moon sized chunk of platinum my high level characters have to influence the tides or exert gravitational force in any way.
4641: For a third level one shot dungeon: Play a Rog 1 SpellThief 1 Ninja 1 with high ranks in bluff and hide.
4642: Play a character with a phobia of pants.
4643: Play a paladin on a crusade against taverns/inns/bars/ or any other place where our DM likes to start adventures.

[Mawhrin Skel]

4625 shouting 'Muad-dib' does not cause sonic damage
4625a though it may cause d4 WIS damage to PCs without ranks in Knowledge (Literature).

That film murdered Dune. :smallfurious:

[NecroPaladin]

4644: In honor of my recent game that went into Genius and Stupidity threads, I may not encourage the cramming of the Sepulchre Theif into a teeny, crystal box with his shadow step ability, then quickly moving the box into the light, sealing him there permanently.

[SMEE]

4645: I'm not allowed to pull out my cellphone and play Final Fantasy 1 victory theme and have all my fellow players to keep raising and lowering their arms to celebrate victory after ANY battle.

[BardicDuelist]

I just talked to my DM
4646: I am not allowed to be a player character.
4647: Demon lords are not CR15 just because I can make a character to take them.

[brian c]

I just talked to my DM
4646: I am not allowed to be a player character.

Well that just makes the whole rest of the list kinda pointless.

[Eldpollard]

4648:No, you cannot wildshape mid coitus. Especially into a fire elemental.

[Brauron]

4649) No, I may not play a crown-wearing Lizardfolk bard named "Mim Jorrison."

[Habzial]

4625 shouting 'Muad-dib' does not cause sonic damageYour DM is a fascist. Nuff said.

4650) I am not allowed to play a cheap alcoholic interested in buying stolen liquor. Not without an argument about the availability of buying it legally, at least.

[HeinleinFan]

4651) In a desert campaign setting, chanting the litany "Fear is the mindkiller. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear . . . " does not necessarily give a player a +2 bonus on Will Saves against fear.
4651b) However, if you make the save and then tackle whatever almost frightened you, you may get a temporary +2 diplomacy bonus (due to awe) when dealing with the locals who were watching you and who heard you use the litany.

[Goblin Music]

4652: A Nac Mac Feegle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nac_Mac_Feegle) gonnagle is considered bad taste if not using a Diskworld campaign setting

[DaMullet]

6453: No matter how bad the luck of the bard this session, nobody is allowed to call dibs on his magic items until AFTER he dies.

[brian c]

4654 (now without dyslexia!): Even though my Monk has Nimbus of Light, the party still needs to buy a torch.

4655: It is in poor taste to yell "HEY HE'S A ROBOT!!!" if you determine that your host's servant is a construct.

[Goblin Music]

4655: i may never cast Continual Flame on any part of the monk while s/he is sleeping
4655b: or awake
4655c: or uncontentious
4655d: or in any way helpless

[Vespe Ratavo]

4656: If anyones character is a Mary Sue/Gary Stu, all other players (and the GM) have full permission to kill her/him in the most graphic means possible.
4657: Ninja-Pirate is not a prestige class.
4658: Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Albatross does not exist.
4659: Closed Fist and Open Palm are only permitted as alignments in over the top Martial Arts campaigns.
4660: No, my cowboy can not use Indian magic.
4661: Not even if he was raised by Indians because his parents were murdered.
4662: Come to think of it, my Indian can't use Indian magic either.
4663: If the GM runs a Spartan campaign, the 300 quotes are permitted for the first hour or so only.

@V: You got that from the internet. I've seen the pic. :smallbiggrin:

[Jacob_Gallagher]

4667: I am not allowed to yell, "SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN *" whenever we find a place to eat for the night, with * replaced with the name of the restaraunt/inn.

"SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN SBARRO!"

[Elistor]

I'm only Up to about rule 2500 so forgive me if these have been done.

4668. I will not compare key figures(and there attendant miracles) in major religions to various types of undead and there innate powers.

4669: When the DM rules that no references to popular culture are allowed, that does not mean unpopular culture IS allowed.

4670. Using ANY Power Word: [Silent Spell] on random NPC's is considered in poor form. Power Word: Kill is deeply frowned upon even if you're evil.

[Goblin Music]

When scamming someone these are forbidden
4671: Divine Boots walk on water for 1 minuet then summon a swarm of sharks
4672: Divine Boots 2 Walk in the air for 1 minuet then summon The Plague Dun dun dun!

4673: Divine Boots 3 walk on land for one minuet then summon a swarm of falling sharks

[ExHunterEmerald]

4667: I am not allowed to yell, "SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN *" whenever we find a place to eat for the night, with * replaced with the name of the restaraunt/inn.

"SPARTANS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN SBARRO!"
TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!
...Tomorrow, I'm thinking Arby's.

[The_Werebear]

"Tonight, WE DINE IN HELL!!"

*cheers*

"but I can't eat at McDonald's.."

:smallamused:

[Illiterate Scribe]

4669 In the continuing theme, no guys with swords for hands. Just no.

4670 No clerics of the church of the KLF; even if they do disintegrate vast piles of gold.

[Rolaran]

4671: In the continuing saga, "oops" is not a sufficient excuse for causing the ancestral elven lands to sink into the ocean.

4672: You can not identify people who need the assistance of a brave adventurer by looking for the ones with glowy yellow exclamation marks above their heads.

[Angafirith]

TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!
...Tomorrow, I'm thinking Arby's.

Is that a reference to something? I saw it in the April First issue of my college's paper.

4673: Retcon things when I make a mistake that significantly changes the difficulty of an enemy. "Okay, those skeletons you've fought. They had no chain shirts. We have always been at war with Eurasia"

[Suzaku]

Is that a reference to something? I saw it in the April First issue of my college's paper.

4673: Retcon things when I make a mistake that significantly changes the difficulty of an enemy. "Okay, those skeletons you've fought. They had no chain shirts. We have always been at war with Eurasia"
It was in mines also...

[Foeofthelance]

In the 300 movies Leonidas yells "Tonight we will dine in hell!" right before the battles kick off.

[NephandiMan]

4648:No, you cannot wildshape mid coitus. Especially into a fire elemental.

It has to be said: that's hot.

*ducks rotten tomatoes*

[Yodaman23]

4674: Not allowed to initiate any type of "Final Solutions."
4675: Racial cleansing can never be refered to as a "tactic"

[Magnus_Samma]

4676: I don't care if you have a giant robot. Punting NPCs just because you can will get you keelhauled.

[Elistor]

4677. I am not allowed to spend downtime Awakening the Wizards familiar just for giggles.

[Winged One]

4676: I don't care if you have a giant robot. Punting NPCs just because you can will get you keelhauled.

Thanks for the idea. :smallamused:

4678: I may not refer to the other team of PCs who are starting out of Thrane as the Thrannish Inquisition.
4678a: Unless they ambush us or otherwise attack when we don't expect it.
4679: When the DM mentions that we brutally raped the ogre, I should be aware that he is being metaphorical about how easily we defeated it, rather than informing us that we switched systems to F.A.T.A.L.
4680: For your own safety, researching what F.A.T.A.L. is if you don't already know is forbidden.
4681: My warblade did not learn that looting a body is an all-purpose funiary rite from the Bright Annis.
4682: I will not paint my giant robot with flames on the heels in an attempt to make it go faster.
4682a: No, not even Silver ones.
4683: "Tira Mirron on the grill," while a flavorful Flamic blasphemy, should never be uttered within a mile of Thrane.
4684: Even though the warforged artificer is named Wrench, I will not get him a pet monkey.

[Jacob_Gallagher]

4685: Treating the characters as computer AI in regards to 'if they don't see it, I'm fine' is forbidden. Otherwise, you lure someone into a room, shut door, slash, open door, lure again, close door, slash, rinse [in blood], lather [in blood], repeat [with blood].

Gah, Morrowind and Oblivion have taught so many bad things to my group.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4686: The mercenary Thrane hired is to stop trying actively to get someone to smite his ass. He's bound to run into someone with levels of Gray Guard.
4687: Calling the Pontiff "Her Loliness" is out of the question.
4867b: "Holy Loli" is too.
4688: Must not shout anime-style attack names in battle.
4688b: ...wait, we're SUPPOSED to?
4689: The players are to stop the Pontiff talk before she goes Sith Lord on us.

[Winged One]

Oh, it's you. I wasn't expecting somebody from the Thrannish Inquisition to read this thread. Wait for it..

[ExHunterEmerald]

Oh, it's you. I wasn't expecting somebody from the Thrannish Inquisition to read this thread. Wait for it..
It's on, Breller!

[Phoenix Talion]

I beleive he was expecting you to say "No one expects the Thrannish Inquisition!"

[Shiny, Bearer of the Pokystick]

I beleive he was expecting you to say "No one expects the Thrannish Inquisition!"
Actually everyone does.
They've done it like three times now.

[EvilElitest]

4690
I must not allow any PC think he/she owns the world, or is not afraid of death
from,
EE

[ExHunterEmerald]

I beleive he was expecting you to say "No one expects the Thrannish Inquisition!"
Yes, I know he was. :D

[Winged One]

Actually...
4691: No matter how many leads I feed them for the famous line, nobody from the Giant Robot game may ever utter it in relation to said game.

[Vespe Ratavo]

4692:No, the DM does not want to run a 300 campaign.
4693:Attempting to use this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWucPckXbIw) as a Bardic Music song results in immediate death.

[Phoenix Talion]

4694: A henchman banging coconuts together is not a valid paladin mount.
4694a: It is not only a model.
4694b: The female arcane caster does not weigh less than a duck.
4694c: Uttering "It's only a flesh wound." or "We'll call it a draw." while in negative hp will result in me being left to bleed to death.
4694d: There isn't anyone who calls the wizard Tim. Especially is he specializes in enchantments.
4694e: Y'know, lets just put a blanket ban on Monty Python references while playing.

4695: The same goes for Princess Bride. (see my sig, it's was actually said in game.)

4696: Any plan involving the Craft: Taxidermy skill is vetoed.
4696a: Even if it worked once before.

4697: My characters must possess a modicum of either mental stability or common sense. Preferably both.

4698: The mage's rat familiar is not named Basil. He is most certainly not a Siberian Hampster.

[Autarch]

4698: Charging through every doorway in a dungeon is a sure way to run into a wall.
4699: No, you can't use smite evil on the unicorn.
4700: Never jump into the mysterious glowing green pool of water you found in the ancient temple ruins.

[Chineselegolas]

4700: Never jump into the mysterious glowing green pool of water you found in the ancient temple ruins.
The green glow is the revitalizing goodness, see how happy and young those approaching mutant zombies look

[Quincunx]

It has to be said: that's hot.

*ducks rotten tomatoes*

4701: Rotten Tomato Swarm is not and never will be a researchable spell.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4701: Rotten Tomato Swarm is not and never will be a researchable spell.
4702: However, you could achieve much the same effect with a swarm of undead killer tomatoes.

...If nobody gets that, I'll be very sad.

[Magnus_Samma]

4702: However, you could achieve much the same effect with a swarm of undead killer tomatoes.

...If nobody gets that, I'll be very sad.

Just pray the bard doesn't know "Puberty Love."

[NemoUtopia]

4703: References to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", no matter how appropriate or funny, are understood to be non-permissable.
4703a: This goes doubly for bards who sing.

[Fax Celestis]

4704 No matter how awesome it would be, my character may not fall for a distance exceeding one half mile and take no damage.

[brian c]

4704 No matter how awesome it would be, my character may not fall for a distance exceeding one half mile and take no damage.

Heh... it's funny because monks can...

[Stormcrow]

4705: While warfans have alot of class and prestige it is considered in bad taste to scream "eat wind" as you attack.

[DaMullet]

In the 300 movies Leonidas yells "Tonight we will dine in hell!" right before the battles kick off.
It's a play both on that and the Arby's Slogan, "I'm thinking Arby's." And it's funny.

[TSGames]

4693:Attempting to use this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWucPckXbIw) as a Bardic Music song results in immediate death.
Along this line:
4706:The party is not allowed to burst into spontaneous song and dance.
4706(a):Not even if everyone in the party happens to have at least one rank in a perform skill.
4707:If number 4706 is broken, you may not roleplay it(i will fail my sanity check).

[Maxymiuk]

4708: If the players decide to run a Find the Lady game on a street corner, it's assumed that Explosive Runes will not be used.

[Winged One]

4709: We will not attempt to sell an ogre's personal stash of pr0n.

[TSGames]

4709: We will not attempt to sell an ogre's personal stash of pr0n.
*collapses muttering incoherently*
(Strong Bad Voice):Sanity Check failed

[Chineselegolas]

4704 No matter how awesome it would be, my character may not fall for a distance exceeding one half mile and take no damage.

4710: Improved evasioning a fireball, and leaping a mile of a cliff and landing unharmed is allowed though.
4711: Laughing at the charred splattered remains of your party is not


4712: Just because you have Evasion, Cunning Evasion and Hide in Plain Sight does not mean fireball should be cast on you so you can make a dramatic exit. From every building.

[thehothead]

4713: I am not under ANY circumstances, allowed to play a magic user with ANY anatomical knowledge.
4714: On the off chance that I AM allowed to, I may not wipe out 30 enemies with prestidigtation.

[Jack Squat]

4715: My bard is not allowed to sing footloose at the king's ball. Nor at any other formal event for that matter.

[h2doh]

4714: On the off chance that I AM allowed to, I may not wipe out 30 enemies with prestidigtation.

Collapsed throats?

[Kyace]

Can you use prestidigitation to apply poisons without the risk of poisoning yourself?

[badger]

4716: No matter how myopic the scribe was that created your scroll, there is not, nor ever has been, a spell called Everhards Black Testicles.

Ever.

No, you can't research it.

[badger]

4717: "...I just got these wicked minis...", is NOT a valid reason for a "random" encounter. Especially for 2nd level PC's.

We don't CARE how many XP they're worth.

[Goblin Music]

Can you use prestidigitation to apply poisons without the risk of poisoning yourself?
unseen servant

[Elistor]

4718: I will not place my players into a magic loot rich enviroment and then curse all said Loot found in Crypts/Dungeons/Ruins and any other location that would be guarded and/or cursed, even if anti-theft curses would seem prudent in a high magic setting.

[Deme]

4728: My bard is never allowed to have ranks in perform:world's smallest instrument.

[Elistor]

4720: No matter how bored I am I will not attempt to make Masterwork blueprints for shiv's, Zip guns, or any other traditionally crude weapon.

4721: Yes, technicaly, the wizard is enchanted when under the effects of bears endurance. No, this does NOT mean you can weild him as an enchanted improvized weapon.

[Heads_or_Tails]

4722: The Dwarven bard may not yodel to inspire confidence.
4723: No, you may not demonstrate it.
4724: The Dwarven bard does not have the battle cry "Yodelayheehoo BITCH!"

[Goblin Music]

<snip>
4724: The Dwarven bard does not have the battle cry "Yodelayheehoo BITCH!"
4724b: he can not sing "gold", "Gold", or "GOLD"

[Woot Spitum]

4724c) Also "Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam..."

[BardicDuelist]

4725 The DMs notebook is not a third party suppliment, and therefore banned just because he is subject to the same rules as we are in our group.

[BardicDuelist]

4726 Casting explosive runes on annother wizard's spellbook is a good way to get yourself killed.

[Winged One]

4726a: If they have Spell Mastery.
4727: Don't call the minor royalty brats.
4727a: To their faces.
4727b: We are in a magocracy after all. They can turn us into gnomes or something even more horrible.
4728: Do not light the entire godsdamn forest on fire just because there's a scary spider and your best melee weapon has the Flaming property.
4728a: We're only going through the forest because we don't want to be seen anyway.
4729: My job as a mercenary is not to convince the paladin that we ought to get paid for saving the village.
4730: When the aforementioned brats talk about there not being a safe campsite on the way to the enemies, the solution is not to start murdering until there is a safe campsite. They already think I'm a violent psycho.

[Fax Celestis]

4731 I am not allowed to play any character that remotely resembles anything that can be found on the CharOp boards.

[Blondie]

4732. Handing the player of the party bard a real instrument for the first time in her life and forcing her to role play all her songs is just plain cruel. For everyone in the building.

[Edo]

4733. There is no such artifact as the 'nads of Vecna.

[lsfreak]

4734) None of my characters can be good, and neutral is pushing it.
4735) Large pack animals set alight through the thatch-roof ghetto is not entertaining.
4735a) Especially to the paladin.
4736) Eyeballs in slings demoralize my allies more than my enemies.
4737) For the sake of the mental state of the others players, I am not to role-play Intimidation checks.
4738) My character does *not* know how to make low-yield nuclear weapons in a medieval setting, even if I might.
4739) No casting Permanent Image Meteor Swarms in overcrowded markets.
4740) It is frowned upon by the other party members to become a lich for the sole purpose of suicide bombing villages/military encampments/castles with helms of brilliance and purposely-failed saves to my own Fireball.
4741) No assassinating well-loved kings in horribly gruesome manners in front of the masses, at least without the consent of the other party members.
4742) I will not drive party members to paranoia simply because it's entertaining.
4743) If it makes *me* slightly nauseous to think about, I will consider myself out of the gaming group if I mention it.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4739) No casting Permanent Image Meteor Swarms in overcrowded markets.

4744: Bluffing a passing young boy into thinking he has three days to save said market and surrounding area from the meteor swarms is straight out.

[Nahal]

4744b: Especially if his hair is all blond and spiky and you call the meteor swarm "ultimate destruction magic"

[Khoran]

4745: I am not allowed to use Control Undead to make zombies do Thriller.

[Habzial]

4746: I may not make references to Fight Club in Shadowrun, because apparently the others in the group are pro-corporate wage slaves who've neither seen the movie nor wish to. I may refer to Mister Johnsons as Kaiser Sosai however.

4747: The gun bunny is not to be trusted with foam explosives. Since we cannot safely disarm him, we will compensate by always taking cover.

[Hypothetical]

4748 : Power Word : Blah is only used to inform your Characters of Information your Players already have. It is not to be used to Fast Forward pridictable encounters, or to otherwise speed up a game in which the DM needs a few minutes to think about an upcomming encounter to make sure that it's niether to easy or too hard.

4749 : the DM can, at will, decide that a Turn Undead spells Verbal Components are indeed " Veneltaine says F**k Off!" However, this shorthand should only be used in extreme cases, such as when the party has obtained the notice of one of the most Evil Gods in the game. ( The story on this one happened tonight, and let's just say, it was fun!)

4750 : ( Hasn't happened yet, but it came real close) If joining Artifact A to Artifact B will cause the Realm to shatter...don't do it. Even if the Lawfull Good Priest says that joinig those 2 items would be a good thing. Especially when playing in a Realm that is already heavily broken thanks to a Goddess, in fact the first Goddess, tearing the world you live in into shreds in a fit of Pique, even if it was 16,000 years ago that she did it.

4751 : If a LaShea shows up, and is documenting a battle between 2 Gods, attacking him would probably be a BAD idea. ( No, we didn't...thankfully)

4752 : Tables are not always just tables. And, if they attack you, prey that you have a Barbarian with a Great Sword. Especially if they have a "Very well preserved knife used for torture" attacked to them on an armature.

[Goblin Music]

4745: I am not allowed to use Control Undead to make zombies do Thriller.
4753:i can never use control undead and a mix of other spells and the skill Perform to duplicate this (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/badidea)

[Tor the Fallen]

4755: You may not waterboard the halfling.

[Penguinizer]

4756: You may not use magic mouth to make an item that says "You must construct additional pylons" at random intervals.

4756: The kings balls are not inert.
4756b:saying that will get you executed via dm smiting.

4757: You do not need to construct additional pylons in order to construct a castle.

4758: The sorcerers power level isnt over 9000.

(luckily, I don't actually have a gaming group since I would drive the dm mad probably :P

yes, I made these up)

[Winged One]

4759: Warforged are not to be told to "murderate" anything.
4760: Attacking a gargantuan monsterous hunting spider at level 1 because we don't have much food and we feel like spider jerky is normally a bad idea.
4761: Spellcasters are not to be called "wiznaches" or "weyotches."

[Just Alex]

4757: You do not need to construct additional pylons in order to construct a castle.

I've built enough to know that this is not necessarily true. Sometimes you do need additional support pylons.

[Jade_Tarem]

I'm just glad vespene gas wasn't brought u- oh, now I went and did it. Nuts.

4762: No longer allowed access to construction equipment, overpasses, or words that have over 10 instances instances of the letter "y."
4762a: Especially not all at once.
4763: An M4 is not standard issue police equipment.
4764: When a member of the group gets his hand replaced by a magical glove, and he just wears the one glove - that's not a good time to start cracking jokes about Michael Jackson, Luke Skywalker, or the like.

[Reltzik]

4765a: The equivalent of a novel chapter is not a suitable length for a PBP action.
4765b: This is because such a length is too long, not because it is too short.
4765c: No longer allowed to exceed the GitP boards' maximum post length in PbP.
4766: If the DM responds to my latest post with "The eyes, they BLEED!", I am to take this as a critique of my post's length and shorten my responses accordingly. I am not to perform a Final Fantasy victory dance.

[Chineselegolas]

4767: We are not allowed to let the LG charisma 6 Dwarf go into the Temple of Erythnul (God of Slaughter) and attempt to gather information about the recent disappearances of watchmen in the shades
4768: Nor should we let only the charisma 8 Monk go with him...
4769: And defiantly when their two players have an unfortunate habit of rolling ones at critical locations

We both rolled ones and survived... Both my Monk and the Fighter have death threats hanging over our heads if we ever go into any Erythnul temples ever again...
And we aren't planning to go into any either.

[Reptilius]

4770. "I kill it" is not always the appropriate response to the DM's room description.
4770b. It is NEVER appropriate if you say it immediately after the second syllable of the description.
4770c. This means you in the back, too.

[Gungnir]

4771. In the continuing saga, "Oops" is not a sufficient excuse for forgetting that the city-sized airship was hovering over a city when you disabled the engines.

4771b. Unless the airship was over and enemy city.

4771c. The exception to 4771b being if the ship belongs to your own armies.

[Reptilius]

4772. Manifesting fusion with the party fighter does not make your clothes/armor turn red, improve your jumping ability, or grant you the use of every feat in the Two-Weapon Fighting tree.

4773. Manifesting fusion with the party wizard does not make your clothes/armor turn blue, allow you to skate as the power, give you the ability to cast infinite magic missiles out of your sword, or allow you to replenish your spell slots.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4774. Just because the psion memorized destiny, and he manifests it, does not permit him to beat on the natives of the country he's in.

[Winged One]

4775. 1st level warforged may not go on classic "rat killing" quests. Not because they'd be bad at it, it's just that they would be compelled to yell "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE" throughout.

[Maxymiuk]

4776. Any future statements about one's animal companion should feature a modicum of thought put into them. For example, prior to stating that one's horse has the hots for other horses in the party, it would be prudent to be certain that at least one of them is in fact a mare.
4776b. Next time backpedal faster.
4777. Sharing of life stories between potential romantic interests is all fine and well, but should be put on hold while the party is trying to outrun an approaching blizzard.
4778. No talking about the NPC's as if they weren't actually there. They have feelings too, you know.

[J_Muller]

4779: In the continuing saga, "Oops" is not sufficient excuse for accidentally setting the forest on fire while your group is chained to trees.
4780: It is also not sufficient excuse for accidentally giving the BBEG effective immortality.
4780b: Don't ask.

[Ravyn]

4781. The newest member of our group is politely requested not to divulge where she's from to random people when we're trying to work undercover.

4782. Or beat up operatives from the group I'm supposed to be hiring.

4783. ....the rest of the group is not supposed to HELP her!

4784. That's it. Next time we have a mission like this, you people aren't coming.

[Jade_Tarem]

4785: There are more effective and efficient ways of finding out how deep the ravine is than shoving the bard in.
4786: Barbarians and written riddles do not mix.

[Chineselegolas]

4775. 1st level warforged may not go on classic "rat killing" quests. Not because they'd be bad at it, it's just that they would be compelled to yell "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE" throughout.
4775b: Or DELETE, DELETE

4787: Just because we have magical cart which understands, and follows the command "Faster" we should not try and deal sonic damage to all our foes.
4788: Or travel through time
4789: WALL!!!

[Hypothetical]

4790 ) My Cleric is never allowed to be named B'and Ayid.
4790a) Nor Johnson N. Johnson.
4790b) And while Perry Oxide is clever, not that either.
4790c) You can forget Al Cohall, A. Sprin, Ty Linall, and Neo Spo Ryn while you're at it.

4791) Just because my Monk has a Sacred Vow to a Godess of Love, it does not mean he attempts to make out with every NPC that is even Vaugely Humanoid.
4791a) Not even if I change his name to Jaymz B. Lirk.

4792) Completely de-railing a Plot Hook with an incredibly lucky Bluff Check may be legal, but it will cause the GM to do things to your party that are completely unforseen and unavoidable. Like kidnapping the Cleric that you are counting on for healing because she was too far away to rejoin the party before you got inside the Fort.

4793) Don't almost attack the high level Paliden, just because he matches the discription you've been given for the leader of the army you are on the way to Scout. Not only will he likely Smite you just for fun, but he probably has information you need.

[Rolaran]

4794) In the continuing saga, "Oops" is not sufficient excuse for activating the self destruct sequence on a Spelljammer ship.
4794b) Especially when it was docked in the main harbor of a metropolis.
4794c) And the ship was carrying enough highly explosive compressed fuel to level a third of the city.
4794d) And especially when the ship's cargo contained no less than three artifacts, none of which you tried to save as you fled.
4794e) And ESPECIALLY especially when the ship was technically not yours, but was "on loan" from a deity.

Yep, it's all true. Made one heck of an explosion, and the God-Emperor is not amused.

[Blondie]

4795 when most of the players sing in a choir, spontaneous four-voiced verbal components of the bless spell occur.

[Gungnir]

4796. One does not gain +5 to their movement rate while running backwards.

(Marathon anyone?)

[Goblin Music]

4797: one cant fly by missing the ground (unless you are playing a hitchhiker game)

[Destro_Yersul]

4798: Pacifist constructs are not allowed. They are especially not allowed to insist upon reassembling any enemies your party kills.
4798b: They are, however, allowed to shout "NO DISASSEMBLE!" and run away if your party comes under attack.

[Aasharu]

From a BESM game I'm in...

4799: You are not allowed to render an NPC unconscious using the "Seduce" skill.
4799a: Especially if that NPC is your employer.
4800: There is no weapon proficiency "ur mom."
4801: If you abandon the storyline so you can go shoot up your home base, the great Buddha will come down, b****slap you, then retreat defensively.
4802: The sloppy drunk is not a cleric for the Porcelain Goddess.
4803: There is no polymorph "ur mom" spell.
4804: It is considered bad form to yell YAHTZEE and perform a pelvic thrust upon critting.
4805: The spells Fireball and Dancing Lights may not be combined to create a "Disco Inferno."
4806: "Ur mom" is not a viable familiar, (my group is obsessed with mothers for some reason.)
4807: There is no "instagib" spell.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4808: While entirely possible given his intellect, the Warblade should not solve the cryptogram riddle before the Int 22 wizard or rogue do.
4809: And if he does, his player should not gloat. He just got lucky.

[DaMullet]

4810: I don't care how high your bluff mod is, you cannot bluff anyone into thinking they are a piece of toast.

4811: Especially not the king.

4812: You can't make them believe they are a waffle, either.

4813: Bluffing into nonexistence is right out.

Sadly, all of these happened. Long story.

[Drascin]

4810 - While it is allowed, quoting Darkwing Duck's "I am the terror that flaps in the night..." routine aloud everytime your rogue sneaks on an enemy's back kinda defeats the whole purpose of "sneaking"

4811 - No, you can't reprogram the warforged to do a wedgie to every person wearing pants he sees. I don't care if you are a high level artificer. You just can't.

4812 - Trying to be more obnoxious than the blatantly onboxious and emo Vampire Elf is usually grounds for a Finger of Death.

4813 - Trying planar travel while in a place that is technically out of the multiverse can have some serious consequences. Be glad only one of you was erased from reality forever.

4814 - No, your powerlevel is not over nine thousand. I already allowed you to have a saiyan-like character. Don't push it, or I'm sicking the whole planet of Namek on your ass.

4815 - It isn't smart to tell Fzoul that he looks like a pansy in his goldy disney armor (even if it's true).

4816 - If you are going to be evil lords, do yourselves a favor and read the Overlord's list. Because leaving the key to all of the security measures on your evil palace completely unattended while you went raiding villages really wasn't a smart thing to do. I want to have some challenge as a DM too, you know.

4817 - The answer when interacting with female NPCs is never "Jam it in". And I'm smiting you just for thinking that. Start rolling your new character.

4818 - I don't care how much Disgaea you've played, in D&D reincarnating does not make you stronger, so stop trying to argue that when you're raised you should actually get extra score points.

4819 - On the same vein, you can play Flonne if you so wish, but do not act surprised when the rest of the party feeds you to an ooze.

4820 - And no, penguins do not double as explosive weapons. Nor can they talk, nor do they finish every sentence with "dood".

4821 - Look, if you wanna play Disgaea, I have no problem, but that's another campaign, 'kay?

4822 - One more 300 quote, and it will be red dragons and not arrows that blot out the sun.

[Wooter]

4810: I don't care how high your bluff mod is, you cannot bluff anyone into thinking they are a piece of toast.

4811: Especially not the king.

4812: You can't make them believe they are a waffle, either.

4813: Bluffing into nonexistence is right out.

Sadly, all of these happened. Long story.

I wish to hear this story.

[Magnus_Samma]

4823: Inserting bizarre incidents of sexual experimentation into my NPC backstories will only encourage my players to attempt to top it.

4824: If I actually have a problem with that, I should cut down on the bizarre incidents of sexual experimentation in my NPCs backstories.

4825: Given that I don't have a problem with it, I should probably at least try to be subtle about exactly what went on during those incidents, just for the sake of not forcing will checks against insanity.

4826: Asking the group if anyone knows what a "****** *** ***** ******" is before I start describing the incident is not subltety.

[DaMullet]

I wish to hear this story.
I'll put it in the PC Stupidity thread. It's rather long.

[Chineselegolas]

4827: Yelling "Who brought the stakes" while sneaking up on the sleeping vampires is not a good idea
4828: Umm... the vampire has DR 10/Magic and Silver. 1d6-1 damage is not going to hurt it. Ever
4829: The watch will not go to aid the vampire who rolled a 1 on his bluff just because he is a white guy calling for aid
4830: Standing up when you have just been healed to 1hp, when you are still next to the guy who did 16 damage without a critical, to you despite your 22 AC is not a good idea.
4831: Dwarves in full plate with tower shields should not try and climb over tables to get to the enemy.
4832: No. There is not a party at Mothers.
4833: And there is not a good time to be had by all.

Not all of these actually happened at the session, but most did. And we get awfully close doing most the rest

[T3h Sh4d0w 1337]

FEAR THIS RANDOM SENTENCE!

4834: No matter how much you love the Cleave feats, and how many times you use them, DO NOT describe the action of using them with the term 'cleavage.'
4835: The DM/GM is not above the rules; he just writes them.
4836: The DM/GM is NOT your god; he trumps deities by snapping his fingers.
4837: Do not try to catch your DM/GM in a clever logic trap; he can deal 999,999,999 damage faster than you can spit. Literally.

[Delta_Is_Near]

4838: My battle cry shall not be death to Fox news

[ExHunterEmerald]

4838: My battle cry shall not be death to Fox news
...

Why not?

[TSGames]

...

Why not?
Because "Death to CNN!" is less expected.

[ExHunterEmerald]

Because "Death to CNN!" is less expected.


Well played.
Unlike CNN.

[Goblin Music]

no one expects the Spanish inquisition!

[Phoenix Talion]

4839: There is no Spanish Inquisition.

[TSGames]

4839: There is no Spanish Inquisition.
Or is there?
4840:I may not make a character that uses more than 5 cliche movie lines per minute, else he will be terminated.

[Winged One]

4841: I will not look for an epic game for the sole purpose of slapping an epic version of geas on something Cthulhuesque and making him say that all that lives is a "sometimes" food.

[Ravyn]

4842. Raiding the local artifact stash is not the answer to all my problems.

4843. Particularly the one involving the being older than Time.

4844. Just because the Ring of Being trick worked for me doesn't mean my teammate should try it.

4845. It should be blasted obvious that if the collar is powered by its wearer's energy, decapitating the smoky being in it is going to cause all of the wearer's energy to leak out.

4846. Using the ring to fake dark power and pretend to be your demonic adversary works up to a point....

4846b. ...but since it usually ends in being demon-possessed, DON'T DO IT!

4847. While it's entirely symbolic, trying to exorcise the results of 4847 on the strength of the Power of Loyalty and Friendship does have a tendency to mess with the GM's plot.

4847b. ...so if I'm going to do it, I need to make sure he knows that's what I'm doing BEFOREHAND!

4847c. ...because it gets really awkward when the GM decides you're going to need to Power of Loyalty and Friendship in retrospect to finish the job... when everyone's half asleep and you're trying to get across absurdly strong loyalty when you're pretty sure the conclusion everyone else is going to jump to is romance. And if such a thing happens, delaying is a valid strategy, because 2 am is not a good time for these things.

[T3h Sh4d0w 1337]

4748: interrupting the Ninja villain's evil monologue with 4d8 cold damage + 4 dex damage.

4748a: following up this interruption with Combust (2d8 fire and causes them to burn)

4749: tell an in-joke involving a 'giant space an*s.' Seriously. I was there when it was invented.

4750: Name your evil villain things like 'rothiseph' or other 'varth dader.' It sounds like crap and insult truly awesome villains.

4751: while paranoia is both a survival trait and a fun RPG, just because the captain yells "intensify forward firepower" does not mean you should abandon ship. You may be winning.

4752: Don't bring a knife to a gun fight, unless your knife is a chainsaw, power sword, etc. or the guns are flintlocks/other crap. Actually, wait, you'r a PC. Bring whatever you want to a gun fight.

4753: Invisible bandits. bandits are dwesigned to be a low-threat "go kill this and ill pay you some money" enemy. No invisible bandits.

4754: no pointing out of plotholes, unlees you have a lenient DM/GM. Even then don't; plot holes are very messy to fix.

4754a: no time travel. No matter what movies yuou've seen, what books you've read, DON'T. Time travel is too complicated, and generates three paradoxes per round at initiatives 1 through 500. No time travel.

[T3h Sh4d0w 1337]

4755: Do not make a villain who has read the eivl overlord list (http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html). Yes, its logical, but villains are supposed to lose.

4756: Do not make a party of evil adventurers without careful thought. Unless, of course, you want ot watch several high-level characters and their minions duke it out to the death in a crowded urban area. which, admittedly, would be cool to watch.

4757: In case its not intuitively obvious, DO NOT use Barney, Sesame street or anything remotely similar (Teletubbies *shudder*) in ANY way, shape of form. Just don't. No. DOn't even htink about it.

[Reltzik]

4858: If we're raiding a dungeon where the BBEG equiped his six major lieutenants with gold dragonhide armor and shields, no longer allowed to ask the party bard to use Appraise checks to tell if it's the SAME dragon. It got old after the third lieutenant, dammit.

4859: No longer allowed to use my cleric's heal skill for the same purpose.

4860: Dammit, it's the same dragon already!

4861: While I AM allowed to have the bard use his bardic knowledge on the dragonscale loot and thus hear the story about how the same BBEG defeated the gold Great Wyrm Xolath in epic battle, to wear his hide as a symbol of his power and to craft a throne from his skull, I am NOT allowed to ask the DM, umpteen million times, whether he's SURE he wants to set it up like that.

4862: While I am allowed to ask about the dimensions of the vast corridor we're in, just outside the BBEG's throne room, and also allowed to cast a divination spell to identify the similarly vast dimensions INSIDE the throne room, and also allowed to ask about the dimensions of the ultra-huge doors in between, all these questions are seriously puzzling the DM and, given how many games I've broken with weird ideas, and I am to provide an explanation, NOW.

4863: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER again allowed to combine dragonscale equipment and Resurrection. Ever.

4864: Also, no longer allowed to intentionally time 4863 for when the DM's taking a drink.

[Winged One]

4865: Responding to demands to know where the hell my sheet is by pointing out that baator does not exist in the campaign setting will result in a Tarrasque being dropped on me. Not on my character, on me.
4866: Annoying the DM for the hell of it is not to be refered as "Tarrasque breeding".

[Wolf_Shade]

4863: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER again allowed to combine dragonscale equipment and Resurrection. Ever.
Awesome. Gotta love it.

[DaMullet]

4867: Herrings do not deal damage as handaxes.

4868: Shrubberies are not sufficient in any situation as payment to pass through someone else's territory.

4869: You know what, you aren't allowed to watch that movie any more.

[Maglor_Grubb]

4870 Not allowed to geas annoying NPC's to say hi to all the people on *this* piece of paper. Alfabeticly
4871 Nor to make long lists of the name, profession and hometown of NPC's we meet.
4872 Forget it. You're not going to ask the name, profession and hometown of every single NPC you meet.

[brian c]

4873: Unseen Servant can NOT be used as a mount.

4873b: Seriously, no.

4873c: For the love of god, it only has 2 strength, it can't carry you!

4873d: You're not allowed to cast Bull's Strength on it either!

4873e: And it's speed is only 15ft, that's slower than the halfling!

4873f: No expeditous retreat on it either! Just cast that on yourself!


(seriously, this happened)

[BardicDuelist]

4872: When DMing: It is not fair to say that a member of the party has a magic belt that he hasn't identified that he always remembers having and could never take off (which gives some small bonus so he will think it is cool) and then when he has remove curse cast upon him tell him that he is now a female character, because mom and dad wanted a boy.

[Wooter]

4873: I am not allowed to name my character Stump Beefknob.
4873b: Nor am I allowed to name him Crunch Buttsteak.
4783c: Nor Fridge Largemeat.
4873d: Nor Stump Chunkman.
4873e: Nor Dirk Hardpeck.
4873f: Nor Rip Steakface.
4873g: Nor Blast Thickneck.
4873h:Nor Punch Rockgroin.
4873i: Nor Chunk Ironchest.

[NEO|Phyte]

4873h:Nor Punch Rockgroin.
...Huh, thats the name I picked when I polled random fellows on IRC for a name to slap on the ghostly grappler build I posted over on the Wizards board.

Consider yourself eyebrow'd, sir.

[Elistor]

You know I'm vaguly aware some of thise have probably been done in some form before but meh...

4874. If I take the time and effort to create a magic ring that triggers "Wail of the Banshee" I am not allowed to use the Verdbal trigger "Muad'Dib".
4875. I am not allowed to play a Necromantic Bard, again.
4876. If I do manage to play a Necromantic Bard the somatic component to Animate dead is not the MoonWalk nor is the Verbal component "Thriller".
4877. The grey ooze you encountered is not is not to be refered to as "ye old Skelton key".

[puppyavenger]

4878. NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY AN AWAKENED MONKEY WARLOCK

4879. even if the above is allowed the said warlock may not throw feces as his eldirith blass.

yes this happend

[Chineselegolas]

4880: Just because we joined the thieves guild to defeat the vampire threat for 10k gold, while the watch were still knocking on doors, it does not mean we can provoke the paladins in the watch everytime we find them and try and get them to fall. (No, none of us are called Belkar)
4881: Yes, you can take the vampire's coffins with you it you really want to...
4881b: No, you can't stab an undercover watchman and turn it into a celebration
4882: Wielding a hammer after an opponent fails a touch attack is no longer allowed.
4883: Okay, you can try and catch the tossed cure light wounds potion in your mouth as a free action and drink it right then
4883b: It will be a DC 25 reflex :smallamused:
4883c: What do you mean you rolled a nat. 20 and have +8... :smallfurious:

[Green Bean]

4884: As DM, I am limited to a maximum of fifteen different elven subraces.

4885: As a player, I am no longer allowed to 'go genociding' to make sure the maximum is not exceeded

4886: Timestop may no longer be used to reach relativistic speeds.

4887: For the last time, slitting the paladin's throat while she sleeps is an evil act!

[Katasi]

1528: I am not allowed t tell new players who have picked bard that they are proficient with whips.


Why not? I've done it, it's fun.

[Winged One]

4888: I will not ask the DM what the CR of his brain is.
4888a: until after I kill or defeat it, anyway.
4889: As the party face, I am expected to take more than 2 ranks in Diplomacy.
4890: In the continueing saga, "whoops" is not sufficient appology for getting us all arrested for murder because I rolled crap on my Diplomacy check on the cop and I forgot that I have a class feature that allows me to take 10 on Diplomacy checks under stressful conditions(changeling rogue racial subs, if you must know).

[Dervag]

4867: Herrings do not deal damage as handaxes.

4868: Shrubberies are not sufficient in any situation as payment to pass through someone else's territory.

4869: You know what, you aren't allowed to watch that movie any more.IT.

That's all I have to say; it's the only counter to the deranged Ni-ery.

[Jade_Tarem]

IT.

That's all I have to say; it's the only counter to the deranged Ni-ery.

It's not the only counter. Far from it!

There's no need to get all excited about it. :smallbiggrin::smallamused:

[Blondie]

4891 When the guards are chasing the rogue in circles around and thru buildings until Constitution checks occur, the Benny Hill theme song is to be expected

[Nova_Eclipse]

4892: In a mixed circle Exalted game, the Solar is not to be used as a throwing weapon.
4893: If 4892 is ignored, expect some reciprocity.
4894: While consulting the Malfeans may be a useful course of action for many Abyssals, addressing them improperly and asking inane questions is a surefire way to get a steel wool poodle shoved through your noggin (in a spiritual sense, of course)
4895: The idiot player's character, no matter how annoying, is not to be lashed to the party's ship's mast and used as a car alarm.
4895A: Nor is she allowed anywhere near the sea hag.
4895B: However, she may be used unintentionally as a croquet ball by the PCs or as a throwing weapon by said ship's crew.
4896: As a GM for Shadowrun, the PCs are never again allowed to touch APDS ammo. EVER.
4897: Propane tanks are now off limits to gunfighters and Hunters with a propensity for trying to invent self-lighting weapons.
4898: The Lunar cat girl is no longer allowed to play with firedust.

[Chineselegolas]

4899: No crafting of bouncy balls

[Hypothetical]

4900) My Charatcers cannot be named Hiro Protaginist.

4900a) Nor The Rat Thing.

4900b) Dude, I swear, if you bring up one more referance to that book, I'm going to allow it, and put you in a one on one confrontation with a CR 27 LaShea that is pissed at you.

4901) If the GM says "Roll a Fort Save", don't reply with "But we already beat the Fort a couple of sessions ago, why would we want to save it?"

[Penguinizer]

4902: For the love of god Alotta Fagina is not an acceptable name.

(Im not sure if this was done before) 4903: No! Enlarge does not work that way.

[NEO|Phyte]

4904: I may not use 25 pounds of C4 in an offensive manner.
((we needed to bring down some cliffside to trap a convoy. 156d6 damage in a 50' radius did the job nicely (yay for a good enough Demolitions check to triple the output against the cliff)))

[Enlong]

4905: I am not allowed to use Prestidigitation to make acid look and smell like water.
4906: Casting "Manipulate Rope" does not add anything to seduction checks.
4907: Not allowed to pour poison on the paladin's weapons and then erase the smell.
4908: Not allowed to replace the paladin's sword with a Berserking sword.
.... or a Mace of Blood
.... and then use Magic Aura to hide it's powers
4909: Not allowed to use Light to make the paladin shine with an unholy blood-red light.
.... in the middle of his church.
4910: Not allowed to cast Grease in as wide a circle as possible around (and on) our campfire
... especially not in the middle of a forest.
... especially if the druid is in sight
... or if the greas is on the druid!

[Hypothetical]

Just remembered this one from a long time ago.

#4911 ) When infiltrating a temple disguised as guards, if we get to a large room with several doors, and a single brass bell on a stand, we should not ring the bell.

#4911a ) If some idiot in the party does ring the bell, and a bunch of gaurds come boiling out of the side rooms asking "What, what?", do not tell them it's lunchtime.

(After we wiped out the guards ( they were like level 3, and we were a 5 member party of level 8s) I asked the DM if saying something along the lines of " Some prisoners have escaped, report to the Jailcells" would have worked, he said "Yes, that's the kind of thing alarm bells are for after all".)

[Reptilius]

4912. I may not play a diviner with severe paranoia.
4913. If someone else is playing a paranoid diviner, I am not allowed to tell them I am in the Illuminati.
4913b. Or the Masons.
4913c. Or the Literati.
4914. I may not create an intercontinental conspiracy just to freak out the paranoid diviner.

[Wooter]

4900) My Charatcers cannot be named Hiro Protaginist.

4900a) Nor The Rat Thing.

4900b) Dude, I swear, if you bring up one more referance to that book, I'm going to allow it, and put you in a one on one confrontation with a CR 27 LaShea that is pissed at you.

4901) If the GM says "Roll a Fort Save", don't reply with "But we already beat the Fort a couple of sessions ago, why would we want to save it?"

Hooray for Snow Crash!

[Destro_Yersul]

4915: Anything Xykon has ever done :smallbiggrin:

[Aethir]

I can't believe I'm still able to breathe XD! This stuff is pure gold. Just got through reading page 1-33 in one sitting and I'm gonna come back and keep reading tonight.

[Hypothetical]

4916 ) If my Monk, on a Flurry of Blows attack, rolls a 20, and backs it up with a 19, and then throws a 6 ( + Str Bonus --and then times 2) and it drops a Troll in mid-stride, I cannot yell out " Bruce Leeroy!". ( Especially when I'm only 3rd level.)

4916a) If I do, it is pretty sure that a much larger Monk will drop down from out of nowhere, drop-kicking my Monk into the bushes, and say "Yeeeaaaahhhh, Stings a little, don't it!".

4917 ) In referance to the above...Deflect Arrows does not mean my Monk can catch arrows in his teeth.

[Winged One]

4918: Our leader, the party warmage, is not the "Lord High Burninator."
4918a: Nor is he the "Grand Master of Blowing **** Up."
4918b: Nor the "All-Mighty Boomstick."
4918c: Nor the "Arch-Burninatamancer."
4919: The guy who, at the end of the fight that caused him to reach level 2, has personally killed 4 of the 6 ogres the party has faced, with basicly no help at all on the first 3, is not to call himself useless ever again.
4920: If somebody pressures me into playing a freeform game, I will not be the Master of Teal Anal Lighting just to show how easy it is to do crap like that.

[Commander Hayes]

4921: I will not introduce myself to the villain by saying, "Hello. My name is (character name here). You killed my father. Prepare to die."
4922: I will not say the above repeatedly during the fight with said villain.

[Aethir]

4923: I am not to refer to the king as "Her Majesty's dog"
4924: Doubly so if it's true.

[Magnus_Samma]

4925: I am not allowed to have any military officers in my game quote "Full Metal Jacket," or anything of a similar nature.
4925b: "I want that head so clean that Tira Mirron herself would be honored to go in there and take a dump!" is right out. That goes double for "Only steers and queers come from Breland, and you don't look like a steer, so that kind of narrows it down!"

[Green Bean]

4923: I am not to refer to the king as "Her Majesty's dog"


4923a: I am not to use Baleful Polymorph to make this literally true

[Winged One]

4926: I am not playing the only non-psychotic worshiper of the Silver Flame.
4926a: My character's crappy self-esteem despite his sheer awsomeness means that he counts as psychotic too.

[LongVin]

4927. I am not allowed to press the big red button.
4928. This applies doubly so if the big red button happens to be surrounded by 90% of the security in the building.

[Chineselegolas]

4929. Snow ball fights are fun
4929b. Until rocks get involved. Then they are better
4929c. And you fool the parties warrior into thinking it was the puny mage. (4 points of damage from a rock... 1/2 his hp...)
4930. Wearing a holy of symbol of Heironeous don't go into the temple of Hextor
4931. When in the snowy mountains, I'm not allowed to cast any sonic spells. Or throw rocks at overhangs. (I rolled a 1 for damage... Thankfully)
4932. Hitting closed portals which are covered in blood in an abandoned temple of Vecna which the mages tell me is fully desecrated is a bad idea
4932b. Leaving your name carved on the wall in the temple could prove worse... (Yeah... might turn out to be very bad for me)

[Hypothetical]

4933 ) Just because you are a Monk, with 4 attacks per round with your Kamas, which both happen to be lawfull aligned intelligent artifact weapons,
does not mean that you can scream "Turbo Ginsu!" at the beginning of your attack round.

4934 ) Your Character cannot use "Knowledge: Thermodynamics", "Knowledge : Economics" or "Knowledge: Ecology" to explain why Coruscant is such an incredibly unlikely planet to such an extent that your GM has to rule that every single person on the planet automatically gains "Sustanance" "Greater Sustanance", and "Endure Elements" at birth. ( This Charcter does not need to eat, drink, or breathe, and can survive tempatures up to 140 degrees without any check rolls.)

4935) I don't care how high your "Spaceship Modification Skill" is, you cannot modify a X-Wing to be a heavily armed, super shielded Cargo Ship ever again.

4935a)OK, I'll grant you the replaceing of the 4 laser cannons with 2 highly modded "Quad Guns" like the Falcon has, but trust me, an X-Wing cannot carry that much cargo.

4935B)EVen if the Specs say it has that much onboard space, and you move every essential system other than life support into exterior pods.

4936 ) Likewise, stripping down a Victory class Star Destroyer to it's bare essestials, and running it with a Skeleton crew, to turn it into a Cargo Ship, is a bad idea. With that few crew, you will spend so much time and money in Spacedock keeping it running that there is no way you can make a profit.

4937) OK, you got lucky on you Empathy rolls. I understand you have 2 Cyber Legs, a Cyber Arm, a Cyber-eye, and a memory port with 8 skill slots. That doesn't mean you can run around yelling " We are Borg!"

4938) If you ever again use a Temporal Loop to win the Federation lottery, 5 times in one month, again, the next Black Hole you run into will eat your ship, all of it's crew, and most importantly you, alive.

[Aimbot]

4939) If my character thinks it's funny I'm not allowed to do it.
4940)This applies to me too, obviously.
4941) My party, as a whole, is not willing to give up 20 years of life expectancy for a good laugh.
4942)After being called a hero I must keep a strait face for the sake of the party.

[Aethir]

4942. I am not to build an army of mecha using the ELH and every other sourcebook I own.
4943. Leaving out one book from the building process to say "I didn't use them all" is right out.

[ArmorArmadillo]

4944: Am not allowed to address a Lillend with "Sup, ho?"
4945: Am not allowed to use full-power offensive spells on commoners in bar fights.
4946: Am not allowed to tell Malcanthet that "I have to draw you!"
4947: Am not allowed to perform a series of complex leaping acrobatics to enter the third floor of the Wizard's tower unless I first make sure I've remembered to bring rope.
4948: Am not allowed to "safely test" my new traps on party members.

[Gungnir]

4949: In the continuing saga, "Oops" is not a sufficient excuse for killing the entire party as a result of ignoring #4948.

[Maxymiuk]

4950. There is no good excuse for a barbarian/ur priest.
4951. You may not have a pet rock as a familiar.
4952. If it does happen, throwing it at enemies is not a valid method of delivering touch spells.
4953. You may not take Leadership, AND Dragon Cohort.
4954. You may not take Perform: Goth Poetry as a skill.
4955. Even if the DM suggested it. IT WAS A JOKE, alright?
4956. Flattering as it may be, "The DM" is not a valid choice for a deity.
4957. Just because you've taken Jack of All Trades as a feat and you have high Intelligence is no reason to rub it in when the DM calls for a Knowledge check.
4958. When you refer to the pseudodragon cohort as your sister, expect raised eyebrows.
4959. Bickering at cross-purposes is not considered "good planning."
4960. If werewolves are smuggling silver weapons into the city, setting up a Suicide Watch means you should think harder.
4961. If the party is here to collect dues and you decide to sneak off an leave the owed sum under the pillow, you're missing the point.

[ExHunterEmerald]

4962. Do not touch the seven-foot long intelligent soul-stealing greatsword.
4962b. Seriously, have you seen that thing? He's like Soul Edge's big brother.
4963. Do not mouth off to the seven-foot long intelligent soul-stealing greatsword.
4963b. Ooh, that's got to...oh, ouch.
4964. Do not mouth off to the seven-foot long intelligent soul-stealing greatsword that can move of its own accord.
4964b. Get...get a tarp.

[Winged One]

4965: The DM was refering to stealing ideas and lines from other media when he said we can rip off whatever we want. He did not give us the ability to decapitate our enemies while unarmed.
4966: This (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/tll307KmEm4H9k6efFP.html) is required reading.
4967: The Lord of Blades does not end every sentence spoken to non-constructs with "meatbag."

[Mkall]

4968) If for some reason my artificer exceeds 40 Int, he is STILL not allowed to build the TARDIS
4969) Nor can he start calling himself The Doctor
4970) If the DM or any PC says "He is awake," I am forbidden from saying "And you will worship Him"
4971) A wand of Open Lock is not a sonic screwdriver
4972) I am forbidden to re-enact scenes from Transformers: The Movie in game
4973) My Warforged does not have the Matrix of Leadership
4974) Nore does he have a warp core, and it is not going to breach

[lumberofdabeast]

4975) Jaela Daran is not to be referred to as Aun'Va. It confuses her.
4976) Nor are members of other religions part of the Farsight Enclave.

[H. Zee]

4977) I must not use Magic Mouth to hurl abuse at everyone who enters the local temple.

[Snipers_Promise]

4978: Dispite what you have heard, Cthulhu is not edible.
4979: Even if you make the fort. save.

[T3h Sh4d0w 1337]

4980: your character's complete backstory does not produce the effect of the Insanity spell, UNLESS u r a drow, in which case its Heigtened Extended Insanity
4891: No destroying the world by using major creation to make antimatter
4891a: or a black hole
4891b: or by using two gates ot accelerayte something to nearly the speed of light
4892: half-elf and half-orc are NOT templates
4893: no more than 2 template per character (just use 1, people)
4894: no :smallsmile: random :smallannoyed: smilies :smallmad: seriously
4895: It is generally not a good idea to make a half-elf half-drow character
4896: just because beer costs 2 cp each, no getting entire villages drunk (even if its in the GP limit)
4896a: at least don't get the wizard drunk if you try it
4896b: god forbid you should get MULTIPLE wizards drunk at once
4897: you may not say to the Druid before a battle "Transform and roll out"
4898: you are not allowed to rob an NPC who ofeers you work UNLESS the job has been completed
4899: no posting an insane number of rules in one post
4900: no posting rules just for the sake of making the rules number an even number (like this one)
4901: no posting just for making it NOT an even number (like this one)
4902: no more than one basement per building
4902a: no more than one sub-basement per basement
4903: you cannot use "he kills some orcs/goblins/kobolds/etc" as an excuse ofr characters above 5th level
4904: no exterminating entire towns for the fun of it
4904a: or for the loot
4904b: of for the XP

[T3h Sh4d0w 1337]

4980: your character's complete backstory does not produce the effect of the Insanity spell, UNLESS u r a drow, in which case its Heigtened Extended Insanity
4891: No destroying the world by using major creation to make antimatter
4891a: or a black hole
4891b: or by using two gates ot accelerayte something to nearly the speed of light
4892: half-elf and half-orc are NOT templates
4893: no more than 2 template per character (just use 1, people)
4894: no :smallsmile: random :smallannoyed: smilies :smallmad: seriously
4895: It is generally not a good idea to make a half-elf half-drow character
4896: just because beer costs 2 cp each, no getting entire villages drunk (even if its in the GP limit)
4896a: at least don't get the wizard drunk if you try it
4896b: god forbid you should get MULTIPLE wizards drunk at once
4897: you may not say to the Druid before a battle "Transform and roll out"
4898: you are not allowed to rob an NPC who ofeers you work UNLESS the job has been completed
4899: no posting an insane number of rules in one post
4900: no posting rules just for the sake of making the rules number an even number (like this one)
4901: no posting just for making it NOT an even number (like this one)
4902: no more than one basement per building
4902a: no more than one sub-basement per basement
4903: you cannot use "he kills some orcs/goblins/kobolds/etc" as an excuse ofr characters above 5th level
4904: no exterminating entire towns for the fun of it
4904a: or for the loot
4904b: of for the XP

[Ditto]

I feel like some of these are repeats...



4896: just because beer costs 2 cp each, no getting entire villages drunk (even if its in the GP limit)


I am TOTALLY taking a Disguised Bard into the local tavern next time I play and getting the entire town drunk, Sleeping the barkeep, and picking their pockets completely dry.

On second thought, they're villagers. They probably only have 2cp anyway.

[SurlySeraph]

4905. There are certain situations in which being followed around by a troop of dozens of Vampiric Monkeys is socially unacceptable. Meeting with the High Priest of Kelemvor is one of them.
4905a. Even if I'm a gnome necromancer.
4905b. No, I can't just cast mass invisibility on the monkeys. The priest will still notice them, and if the priest notices them Kelemvor's gonna smite me. In fact, he's gonna smite me just for owning Vampiric Monkeys.
4905c. Seriously, at least put your Vampiric Monkeys in a Bag of Holding or something.
4905d. Even if I'm a gnome necromancer, if I have six Bags of Holding, it is reasonable to expect that at least one of them will contain something other than Vampiric Monkeys.
4905e. By "something else," the DM meant "adventuring supplies." You can NOT evade 4905d by carrying around five bags of Vampiric Monkeys and one bag of Vampiric Weasels.
4905f. If the DM comments that I've recently acted quite nice for a Chaotic Evil necromancer, this means that he is considering giving me an alignment shift. It does not mean that I should reinforce my Chaotic Evil credentials by visiting the local puppy orphanage and casting Fell Animate Circle of Death on the orphaned puppies.
4906g. I don't get XP for anyone I kill with an uncontrolled swarm of Zombie Puppies, but I will be put on trial for the murders of everyone the puppies kill.

(This was posted earlier, but I can't find it and I need to add corollaries)

4906. Iwill never, ever again cast awaken on the Tarrasque.
4906a. No matter what the players did, the DM must not make them fight an advanced Awakened Tarrasque.
4906b. If the players talk the DM out of not advancing the Awakened Tarrasaque, he will not instead give the Awakened Tarrasque 20 levels in Sorcerer to make use of its 18 Charisma.
4906c. I don't care how many levels the Druid has in Diplomacy and Handle Animal. You can't tame the Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer.
4906d. Okay, but the Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer is not an acceptable mount.
4906e. No, you can't take the Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer as your animal companion. I don't care what feats you have, you just can't.
4906f. Not even in an epic-level campaign. No!
4906g. Wildshape: Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer is a contradiction in terms. I SAID I don't care what feats you have, you just can't!
4906h. Since a sorcerer's spellcasting abilities are innate, it is legitimate to cast sorcerer spells while Wildshaped into Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer form. However, if the Druid attempts to use Natural Spell to cast Druid spells in addition to her Sorcerer spells while in the form of a Tarrasque, Ao will crumple up the universe in his fist and then stomp on it.
4906i. No, you can't fight Lord Ao. Even in an epic campaign. His stats aren't given anywhere.
4906j. Fine. Lord Ao is CR infinity.
4906k. OK, so Ao doesn't crumple up the universe and stomp on it. You have 10 seconds to explain exactly why allowing you an Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer as a mount, and allowing you yourself to Wildshape into Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer form, is beneficial to balance and nature. Without using the phrase "false sense of security"
4907. The Tarrasque's natural weapons count as epic weapons. This does not mean that I can lop off one of the Tarrasque's claws, nail it to a Quarterstaff, and say it's a +6 Shortspear.
4907a. Nor can I make shields or plate armor out of the Tarrasque's carapace that reflect spells and increase the wearers armor class by 30.
4907b. If the DM is feeling lenient, and allows me to amputate claws or carapace sections from the Tarrasque that I obtained in #4906 with a DC 100 Heal check, and craft +6 Tarrasque Claw Spears, +6 Tarrasque Carapace Full Plate, or +6 Tarrasque Carapace Tower Shields with DC 100 Craft checks, I will not then point out that the Tarrasque regenerates.
4907c. No. You can't make an infinite number of +6 spears, shields, and armors from the Tarrasque just because it immediately regenerates the body part you removed. I don't care what you need them for.
4907d. I will not equip the entire party with 6 Tarrasque Claw Spears, +6 Tarrasque Carapace Full Plate, and +6 Tarrasque Carapace Tower Shields. I will especially not equip my entire cohort with the above items. I will especially especially not equip an entire army with the above items.
4907e. Even if I have a really good reason, such as that I'm equipping an army of millions of people to storm the Abyss and obliterate evil once and for all. No.
4907f. If the players manage to evade fighting the DM's Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer and, in fact, turn the existence of the Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer completely to their advantage, it is a legitimate punishment to take away the Awakened Tarrasque Sorcerer and everything they got from it.
4907g. It is NOT a legitimate punishment to counter with an Illithidspawn Half-Dragon Vampiric Fiendish Celestial 50-Headed Awakened Pyro-Tarrasque Sorcerer Demilich of Legend.
4908. The DM must follow the rules about which templates you can apply to which creatures from now on.

[thehothead]

4909: You may not awaken an owlbear.
4910: You may not play an awakened owlbear.
4911: If you meet another awakened owlbear of the opposite gender, explaining their courtship in full detail is an level20awakenedtarasquesorcerer-able offence
4912: I see no problems with a awakened owlbear druid wildshaping into a human, but do NOT attempt to create half-owlbears... the DM doesn't want to deal with that.
4913: Creating a half orc with minimum wisdom inteligence AND charisma named "Di em" is also a level20awakenedtarasquesorcerer-able offence

[Chineselegolas]

4914: After winning a drinking contest as an elf while in a dwarfish mine, I should not shout in orcish "Dwarves can't hold their ale"
4915: Special if I found out earlier in the day that many of the dwarves can speak orcish
4916: And how the hell did your strength 8 beat the strength 17 dwarf in an arm wrestle. Seriously. How.
4917: Do not leave the psychopath alone with the prisoner. Not after the last 3 left alone with him escaped there bonds somehow, and attacked him, getting impaled on his rapier
4917b: Even if you think it should grant a circumstance bonus on intimidate
4918: Just because the dwarves are all shorter than the party, talking over there heads in elvish is bad manners.
4919: You can start a fire with an everburning torch.
4919b: You just need to rub them against each other really quickly
4920: Bluffing the human rogue that he slept with a dwarven female after he fails a wisdom check to remember the night before is fun.
4920b: Specially when she was hitting on him
4920c: And when she smiles at him the next day...
4920d: Nope. We are never letting this one die.

[Goblin Music]

4921: No "PC's hut of BBQ Tarrasque" that is an armyof20thlevelgiantwarrior-able offense

[Zarmina]

4922: While playing a halfling, it is forbidden to walk around on your knees when demonstrating battle tactics. It takes too long to restore order.

[Green Bean]

4923: When playing a mid level fighter, I am no longer to deliberately provoke wizards that have a higher BAB than I do.

[longtooth878]

4924: I am no longer to "defang" vampires with a modified tuning fork.

4925: I can no longer have a player's new character dig the grave of their dead character as a way to join the group.

4926: I can no longer shape change into brown mold and jump into volcanoes.

4927: I should never ever tie up a character to a tree in Call of Cthathullu.

4928: Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

4929: May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' even if playing a bard.

4930: I am not allowed to make a hand puppet out of a party member's dead familiar to cheer them up

4931: or put on a puppet show with said familiar to raise money

[Mr. Moogle]

4932: im not alowed to stab the monk, unless he is doing one of the following acts:
killing something
warping his backstory to fit the plot
Breathing

[Reptilius]

4933. The Wu Jen Element of "Metal" refers to the actual substance, like in swords and stuff.

4933b. The Bard must be made aware of this if he decides to multiclass to Wu Jen.

[doliemaster]

4934. Spend all my money on vials of alchemist fire.

4935. Hurl said bottles at dragons wings while the party is ON the dragon.

[Raroy]

4936. I am not allowed to create characters that talk in poetry.

4967. "For the Revolution of the World!" can not be used as a battle cry.

4968. I can not play characters who believe they are the opposite gender of what he/she is.

I can't think of anymore. I had a whole bunch then I lost them. I'll post more later.

[RaistlinandPals]

4969. I am no longer allowed to use prison manacles as the "links of chain" material component for the spell shadow binding no matter how kinky or fitting it is.

4970. I am no longer allowed to fly wearing only robes, especially directly above party members.

[Magnus_Samma]

4971: If your character is going to flick another character's nipple, it really isn't neccessary for you to demonstrate out of character. Especially when the characters involved are both cute girls and the players involved are both overweight hairy guys.

[Commander Hayes]

4972: I may not play a recording of the Jaws theme whenever a character goes for a swim. Especially if they're afraid of sharks. ESPECIALLY if there are somewhat shark-like creatures in that body of water. On that note, I may not polymorph into a shark while swimming with said character.

(If I ever play D&D, I am DEFINITELY going to do this. Along with most of the rest of the stuff.)

[Katasi]

4973: If the god of death is appalled by my slaughter, I have gone to far.

[Penguinizer]

4974: The bard may not deal sonic damage with his "axe".

4975: He is in no way metal.

4976: The npc's are doing it too is no excuse for setting stuff on fire.

[Just Alex]

4974: The bard may not deal sonic damage with his "axe".

4975: He is in no way metal.

4976: The npc's are doing it too is no excuse for setting stuff on fire.

Bard's can be metal, but like most things in life, wizards do it better. Energy Substitution [Sonic] FTW!

[Blondie]

4950. There is no good excuse for a barbarian/ur priest.


No, indeed there's not. We had one in our game and we were all very glad it got nailed to the door through both eyes in the surprise-round of the first encounter taking him below -10. (that was achieved by five goblins with crossbows; Five hits, two crits).

He was role played too well. The other chars live to this day.

[Cade Shadow]

4977. Misread lute for loot 'accidentally'

[Machete]

4978. No more blowing up the castles of Lawful rulers whilest orchestrating an overcomplicated plot involving costumes, fire berries, exploding runes, and a character with a name that one has on letter.

[NecroPaladin]

4979: I may not eat my comrades for sustenance, even if they're not coming back.

4980: I may no longer beat the lich's most powerful guardian by rebuking him and then telling him to jump into said lich's pit of unfathomable doom.

4981: On no occasion will I ever be allowed to punch the stuck-up princess across the face again. It's her "character" to be like that. Right.

[Caduceus]

4982: I am no longer allowed to interrupt the DM's description of the scene in order to make my character do something stupid that ends up being the solution to the puzzle of moving on.

4982b: I am also no longer allowed to interrupt the DM's description of a puzzle in order to give the solution to said puzzle.

4983: I am no longer allowed to shout out what I've just realized is the command word for that Daern's Instant Fortress we found.

4984: I am no longer allowed to say, "Let's go left," just to piss off the other players, whose philosophy in dungeons is "Always go right."

4984b: I am also no longer allowed to just list off a random series of directions in a bored tone when we come to a labyrinth. And be right.

4984c: I am also no longer allowed to just list off a random series of directions in a bored tone when we come to a labyrinth. And lead us all into a fiery pit of DOOM.

4985: I am no longer allowed to request of the "really old dude" a Sean Connery for my amusement. And do the accent myself.

4986: I am no longer allowed to use any of the Energy powers for fire damage without full recollection of what we're standing on.

4986b: I am especially no longer allowed to do so while screaming at the top of my lungs "BURN IT ALL!!!" after midnight.

4986c: I am also no longer allowed to then use my psionic powers to let me stand on the nearby body of water while my companions scorch like the idiots they are, even if they didn't have the common sense to learn to do the same.

4987: I am no longer allowed to prove that I can take out a team of five adventurers with a halfling rogue and a sneaky monk prone to just dropping down from the rafters/branches.

4987b: Consequently, I am no longer allowed to kick my players' collective asses in any way, as that was the only combo I could come up with that they couldn't beat their heads against until it died.

4988: I am no longer allowed to utter the phrase "This campaign will be different because..." when describing my latest crapstand homebrewed setting.

[Nahal]

4999: It is considered bad form to sit there laughing because I have deduced something crucial to the plot well before I was meant to. Again.
4999b: And refuse to explain what's so funny.
4999c: Especially if my insight could save the life of one or more party members in the near future.
4999d: Unless it's the monk or the Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil.

5000: Explosives are not "the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
5000b: Alcohol is.

[Jannex]

5000: Explosives are not "the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
5000b: Alcohol is.

5000c: I am to remember that sufficiently strong alcohol can, in fact, be used as an explosive.

[Green Bean]

5001- I am not allowed to use party members as food, even if I promise to raise them afterwards.

[Yiel]

5002. I am not allowed to ruin the DM's well laid plans by summoning swarms of insects.
5002 i. Or walls of flame.
5003. Using a Giant Bee as a mount is not allowed. Especially when you are a halfling. (the other players need to breathe)
5004. Talking to drunks does not "get you pregnant."
5004 i. Even if your wisdom is 10.
5004 ii. Even if the drunk told you he would.
5005. Using the hysterical bard to clear a room of cobwebs is not nice.

EDIT: Numbering was out

[Chineselegolas]

5006: After resisting a charm spell as a chaotic elf monk (DM said no alignment restrictions...) I am not allowed to say "What, you think you're some kind of Wizard, waving your hand around like that? I'm an Elf! Mind tricks don't work on me, only platinum! No platinum, no backstabbing, no deal!"
5007: Running way ahead of the party in attempt to cut off the enemy fleeing through the walls is a sure fire way to get killed... unless you roll nat. 20 (with +5) for listen and hear the monster above you... then roll nat. 20 (With +5) for initiative and run like heck to join the party again
5008: Throw dice out the window. Especially if they are not mine. (It rolled a 1 then 2, then a 1... I just wanted to hit the monster)

[Caduceus]

4989-4998 are missing...

[randomguyonfire]

4998 just because you can solve a problem with fire doesn’t mean you should

[Caduceus]

4999: Just because it's not likely that a problem can be solved with clever use of energy push or other such energy powers, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try every way you can devise.

[Vuzzmop]

5000: I must never let a running joke die.

[Katasi]

4111: The following are not reasonable weapon names: "Reasoned Debate", "Diplomacy", "The Easy Way", "Cure Light Wounds", "Negotiation", or "Peaceful Solution". "Literary Criticism" is acceptable only if the weapon in question is Fanfiction Bane.

5001. As a tie between into the Star Wars D20, the Jedi must NEVER name his lightsaber Aggressive Negotiations or the Enlightened Way

[Winged One]

5002. When the cleric is at -5 and within melee range of an evil NPC controled by an evil DM, anybody caught hoarding action points will be shot.

[DamienLunas]

5003. I must not ask my DM if I need artisan tools for Craft (Corpse Puppets).
5004. Sense Motive is not my personal Gaydar. Not even by the BoEF's rules.
5005. The fan that makes a spell work in a cone is a gift. I must not fan out suggestion to make the rest of my party members continue the adventure without pants.

[Mr. Moogle]

the number are wrong, and i think i need CPR, im suffering a fatal laugh attack.

[Mr. Moogle]

4807: There is no "instagib" spell.
Yes there is its called Power Word Kill.

[SurlySeraph]

5005. None of the following are Power Word spells: gib, spasm, tweak, yoink, garnish, antidisestablishmentarianism, headshot, pwn.
5006. 1337 is not an acceptable bonus language.
5007. The DM is not using teh haxxorz. The fact that I rolled six natural ones and he rolled six natural twenties does not mean he reprogrammed the laws of probability in the room.
5008. I will stop using Counterstrike slang while playing DnD.
5008a. "Damn it, if you keep talking like that... oh, I know. Roll spot."
"12." "OMG! A CT got teh AWP! Roll for initiative." "Uh, 4... oh noes, right?" "I told you to stop that. He wins initiative. His shot hit you. Make a save against massive damage." "Uh, 6." "BOOM! HEADSHOT! No, you can't respawn."

[woc33]

for the first time, i had to stop the game for a few mins and set some real rules, here are some that fit here:

5009. i am not allowed to smoke any plant creature we just killed.
5010. i am not allowed to smoke in the bedroll of any of the other pc's.
5011. i am not allowed to stab other team members while high, i'll miss, drop, and fall asleep.
5012. i am not allowed to pee on the sleeping cleric of st. cuthbert that had smoken too much weed.
5013. the group's barbarian/psion isn't afraid of tentacles, and he doesn't know what a tantacle moster means (yes, the barbarian is always the one caught in tantacles for some reason).
5014. hunting the paladin/sorcerer who peed on the cleric is not allowed, in his defense he only did it to wake him up because they were in a hurry.

[Chineselegolas]

5015: Sneak of to negotiate a peace treaty with the big monster which is killing everything
5016: On a hunch that it isn't evil
5017: And not tell anyone what you are doing
5018: Telling it that the only reason anyone attacked it was the halflings fault because he had annoyed you is not fair. Even if it is fun.
5019: No rubbing it in peoples faces just because it worked
5020: Walking out into a blizzard looking for a magical cart is not a smart idea
5020b: Specially without ranks in survival
5020c: Or Protection from elements cast
5020d: 4 cold damage and four hours later I should have learnt better than to make plans to go back out.

[Winged One]

5021: You might be CN if plan B is always armed robbery.
5022: You might be CN if the official battlecry is "Kill them all! And take their stuff!"
5023: You might be CN if plan C, D, and E all involve lighting something/body on fire.
5024: You might be CN if the only reason you want to bring a thief to justice is to execute plan B on them.
5025: You might be CN if you call the barbarian the muscle when you forget his name.

[....]

[QUOTE=SurlySeraph;2643547]
5006. 1337 is not an acceptable bonus language.
QUOTE]

5006a: Except in Shadowrun.

[LastoftheSummer]

5026 I am not allowed to make a WarForged named Locutus or a Catfolk named Lion-O

5027 Catfolk cannot be killed by Logical arguments

5028 the Cleric cannot take Chuck Norris as a God, Domain or Way of Life

[kemmotar]

5029 The monk is not to climb a column simply to jump on to the dragon...especially if he is level 8.
5030 When said dragon flies 300 ft up and hits the monk so he starts falling at -2 and the druid catches and heals him (he summoned a dire bat:smalltongue: ) he is not to climb the same column and charge-flying kick the dragon thus dying from the fall, for the second time in 2 minutes!

At least he critted and killed the dragon...thankfully a solar was around and it decided to res him...

5031 my lesbian elf rogue is not to pat the female cleric's bottom at the inn,,,
5032 when said cleric retaliates with a slap i will not hit her back thus starting a fight in the bar...
5033 when a bard stands on a table in the middle of the fight i may not throw a table at him
5033,b no you may not throw a chair at him
5033,c bottles are right out
5033,d so is the cleric
5033,e NO you may under no circumstances trip the bard with your spiked chain!!Just leave the bard alone!
5034 in said bar fight the DM must not forget that the fighter is a warforged when the half orc barbarian punches him thus dealing non lethal damage to itsself
5035 No the artificer cannot be the first in line when in enemy territory...no not even if he wants to
5036 the artificer may not follow the steep, bone strewn, gooey, slimy, slippery path when there is a perfectly normal one for us to continue being on
5037 when the rest of the party refuses to go down the steep, bone strewn, gooey, slimy, slippery path the artificer may not go alone...especially when he has 8 dexterity and rolled a one 1 on the balance check thus sliding into a gelatinous cube
5038 no we may not ignore his screams for help, if we continue ignoring him he will alert the rest of the gnoll population and let them know we are coming
5039 the cleric may not try to turn the BBEG vampire while singing i got tha powa
5039,b he may not do so repeatedly hoping he gets a natural 20 before we all die...
5040 i may not tease the unicorn guardian of the temple of ilmater with my female elf when he threatens to show me new uses for his big horn
5041 no i may not consent to him showing me the new uses for his big horn...he didn't mean it THAT way...
5042 the monk may not follow on foot while everybody else is mounted...
5043 especially if he can run for longer than the horses can
5044 he may under no circumstances say "i'm going on ahead" and actually outrun the horses...its frustrating to the rest of the players.
5045 I may no longer be in possession of more than one cursed book at a time...the first one gave me -2 wisdom each day, the second made me want to go to the mountains and kill everybody in a random village, the third made me want go hide in a mountain and die of starvation and the last one was going to turn me into an epic demon that would destroy half the material plane if i went outside the temple where the book was kept...don't even ask how i got out of it...
5046 when the innkeeper asks what i would like to drink i may not respond "dragon's blood"
5046,b especially not while adventuring in the underdark
5047,c when the dragon's blood smugglers corner me and my friend (fighter) asking me where i found out about it i may not respond with : "where did YOU find out about it?" "places" "where do you think you idiot?"..
5047,d especially when they outnumber us 3-1...
5048 the druid's bear companion is not a footstool...
5048,b no you cannot use it as one to jump higher and attack the flying gargoyle!
5049 you may not go into a room filled with statutes and immediately randomly find the one who's arm is the switch in the first try thus solving the puzzle.
5050 finding the secret room where the artifact book that a legendary demon created by imparting a part of his soul in it and gives the wielder the power to crush kingdoms but was sealed because every single wielder turned into a demon after a while that mindlessly destroyed everything in his path so that a secret temple was build and was afterwards buried to protect the world from the book does NOT mean that i don't need to share...
5051 followers are not cannon fodder
5051,b nor are they human shields

[Rowan Intheback]

5030: My barbarian does not have the flaw "Hemophilia"
5031: Herpes is not a magical disease.

[Teranz]

5032: Not allowed to play as sentient, carnivorous foods that the warlock made.

[WhyBother]

5054 I cannot respond to to every major encounter with "I roll to disbelieve"
5055 Nor is "disbelief" a skill, class or otherwise
5056 Nor is "Improved Disbelief" a feat
5057 Nor may I play a "Nemedian Skeptic", "Infernal Existentialist", or any other class with "Disbelief" as a class feature.
5058 I will not encourage my DM's brother to "Disbelieve Dishes" or any other chore.
5059 Nor will I encourage him to stare at it for long periods in an effort to "take twenty". I doesn't work that way.
5060 I may not escape punishment by DM fiat
5061 Especially when it is built into one my own, unfortunately-misinterpretted wishes
5062 "Robertson's Laws and Practice of Wishcraft" is not a recognized source, nor will its guidline's prevent any wish from turning against you.
5063 Not even if you "wish, in accordance with Robertson's Laws and Practices, for... " anything.
5064 Especially not if you already drafted 10 real pages of it.
5065 I cannot respond to punishment by DM fiat with "I roll to disbelieve"
5066 I do not have the racial ability "Aggravate DM and Live"

[Runa]

Things I have literally been told by my DM that I cannot do:

1.) Have an elephant as a Paladin's mount.
1a.) No, not even a juvenile elephant.

2.) Have a lion as a Paladin's mount.
2a.) No, not even a "cowardly" one.

3.) Similarly cannot have a Rhinoceros as a mount.
3a.) Seriously, just pick a different continent already. Jeez.

True story. Kid you not.

-Runa

[Just Alex]

5067: If I know the blade is cursed and don't want anyone in the party suffering from the curse, the correct response is not "I pick up the sword and start wailing on the demon with it."

[Rigel Cyrosea]

5055 I may not stab random people just cause I feel like it.
5056 Or for stupid reasons, like "Because he's wearing yellow!"
5057 The same goes for party members.
5058 If my character is killed by DM fiat, I may not roll up a new one in less than five minutes and arrive to take my revenge on the party.
5059 I may not cast fireball in a 20ft by 20ft room again. Especially if it kills everyone.
5060 I may not engage in Divine Metacheese.
5061 I may not create and enter a prestige class entitled: "The PC killer"
5062 Even if it's well balanced.
5063 My character cannot suddenly become a raving lunatic for no reason.
5064 I may not play a sickly wizard with golden skin and hourglass eyes. Even if I roll a 3 for con.

[Reptilius]

5065. You may not posess a Shining Dodecahedron.

[Call Me Siggy]

5066:Don't try to take the Sphere of Annihilation out of the statue's mouth. Just...don't.
5067:No, the bard cannot take Perform (Party member).

[Korias]

5068: I am not allowed to play a character who has a name more than 6 syllables, each seperated by a " '"

[ZeroNumerous]

5069: I am not allowed to call magic missiles "Otto's Freakin' Mind Bullets"
5069a: Nor "Otto's Freakin' Mind Arrows."
5069b: Nor "Otto's Mundane Mind Arrows."
5069c: I am not allowed to aim magic missile at the BBEG's crotch.
5069d: I am not allowed to lay on the floor so that my missile, taking the shortest course possible to the BBEG, hits him in the crotch.
5069e: I am not allowed to cast magic missile on the female elf sorceress' robe. Even if it would destroy it.
5069f: I am not allowed to use ray of frost on any of the above targets.
5069g: I am disbarred from the spell magic missile.

5070: I am not allowed to cast disintegrate on said elf's robe either.
5070a: Disintegrate is not a valid target for the following places: BBEG's crotch. The paladin's crotch. The BBEG's heart. The Paladin's heart.
5070b: I am disallowed from casting the spell disintegrate.

EDIT:

5071: I am not allowed to play a warblade with 18 Charisma, max ranks in Diplomacy and intimidate, and max cross-class in Bluff. Even if I say he was a nobleman.
5071a: I am not allowed to get myself captured as part of any cunning plan involving said warblade.
5071b: Said warblade cannot, will not, and must not convince the guard to let him go.
5071c: Said warblade cannot ask for a plate to eat, knowing he has Elder Mountain Hammer readied.
5071d: I cannot ask the DM if there is anything in the room that I can hold in my hands.
5071e: I cannot ask why I am the only prisoner that has to sleep on a stone slab on the floor.
5071f: The DM does not care if I have a potion of Bull's Strength and a base 16 Strength. I cannot lift the slab.
5071g: I am not allowed to break out of the jail using only the steel dinner plate I'm given to eat off of. I am also only allowed to strike for non-lethal, even if my character is Chaotic Neutral.
5071h: I cannot play a warblade with the following: Max ranks in Diplomacy, Bluff, or Intimidate. Any of the Stone Dragon discipline abilites. Weapon Focus: Steel Dinner Plate.

[Dairun Cates]

5072. If 4 out of 6 of the party jumps off the boat to fight the water elemental and starts drowning, the cleric can not just "let the wis-stat dumping bastards die", especially if he's lawful good.

5073. No ruining the threat of the water elemental in said encounter with the spell "mending"

5074. No making a bard with max ranks in bluff, the endurance feat, the run feat, and a high con so he can mock town guards and never get caught.

5075. In RPGA sanctioned gaming, it is generally considered in poor taste to give the BBEG the middle finger.

5076. In RPGA sanctioned gaming, it is generally considered in poor taste to ever use the phrase, "that's not what she said last night".

5077. I will not kill a player twice in one session in a campaign with no death, no matter how little max HP they have.

5078. A session set in an illusion is interesting albeit cliche. A session set in an illusion inside an illusion is quite unexpected. A session set in an illusion set in an illusion set in an illusion that has illusionary rocks when people finally get to the real world is just freakin' silly.

5079. No referencing Tim Schaffer games older than 10 years.

5080. No more referencing characters from other campaigns, it really messes up the continuity and creates horrific paradoxes that end in a half unicorn/half elf/half dragon/half human/half demon and no one wants that.

[Chineselegolas]

5081: Standing between the party and a shadow my be heroic, but not very effective
5082: Testing out new abilities given by frost monster on fellow PCs is not allowed
5082b: No, not even though he caused our magical cart to be lost

[BlackStaticWolf]

5082: Being in command of a gunboat does NOT give you a circumstance bonus to Diplomacy.

[Belteshazzar]

5083: It is a bad idea to run up and check the pulse of well armed 'dead corpses' in swamps...Even if you are a ninja. Especialy when I said in the desciption that he was dead!
"Oh look Mr. Darktentacles gets twelve attacks a round, improved grapple, wall of force, and he won initiative After he gets his surprise round of course. Never mind the fact your practically standing on his face and he has a 15ft reach!"

[Cauchy]

5084: You may not offer your Thrallherd followers to a vampire to convince him to ally with you
5085: Particularly if said vampire was responsible for a near-TPK
5086: You may not use Consumptive Field on your followers
5087: You are not allowed to make an inspiring speech to the defenders of the city, especially if it involves "well, at least if we win, the worst we can do is kill 25 of you each day"

[Lolzords]

5058a: I may not stuff the sleeping paladin inside a treasure chest.
5058b: I may not close, lock and bolt said chest.
5058c: I may not shoot a maximized fireball through the keyhole of said chest.
5058d: No, not even if he's a coward.