Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Suzerain17]

5089. Even though it's completely within the rules I cannot have 3 T-rexs as my pets at level one. I can only have one HD 4 or less creature.
5090. My ape (HD 4 pet) is not to be used to help us cross a puzzle room if his death is in the plan.
5091. The Ultimate Feats book has truly ultimate feats. I am not allowed to look at it.
5092. I have to read everything about my class before I play it. I cannot make 'oversights' that allow me to cast Wrack as an LG Cleric. (Doing this allowed the party to overcome many things that were supposed to kill us. *Wrack/Spell Resisted, Wrack/Spell Resisted, Wrack/Spell Resistance Overcome!, Coup-de-grace!)

[Keiichi]

5093) I am not allowed to tare the spine out of a young adult blue dragon at level 6.
5094) even if I have the strength to do it.
5095) and roll a 20
5096) nor am I allowed to use that spine as whip or collar on another blue dragon.
5097) I am not allowed to play a neutral evil cleric who refuses to heal the party
5098) I am not allowed to play a cleric of smith and westen.
5099) it doesn't matter if I took the feats for the proficiencies I cannot give my sorcerer a shotgun.

as a DM

5100) I am not allowed to put four bosses in the dungeon
5101) Especially if one of them is a dragon that is 3 CR above the highest level in the party.
5102) I am never, ever, under any circumstances allowed to use an E. Ravenwood trap against my PCs again under pain of death
5103) no matter how awesome it is.
5104) even if I really want to.

[Vuzzmop]

No player, under any circumstance, may use the words "Blood for the blood god!" or "Death from above!".


This rule is punishable by having your alignment permanently changed to "lawful stupid".

True story.

[Reptilius]

5105. You cannot be any of these guys. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwp-lDSN3Qo&mode=related&search=)

[StudlyDuck]

5106: You do not get a reflex save against melee attacks.
5106b: No. If you didn't get one last time, what makes you think you get one this time?
5106c: I don't CARE if you have evasion!
5106d: You know what? Rocks fall, everybody dies!
5106e: If you even finish that question, I'm breaking your knees.

5107: The level 2 gnome bard should at least TRY to cast a spell before charging the ogres.

5108: Do not cast flare on the easily frightened herd animals.

5109: The half orc is no longer allowed anywhere near a corpse for any reason.

5110: Do all of your characters really need to dress head to toe in skintight leather and wield whips?

[puppyavenger]

5111 Lovecrafts work is NEVER to be mentioned on pain of facing what I mentioned.
5112 I may not play an awakend puppy reaping mauler.

[Winged One]

5113. If there is any justice in the world, the alignment of our wizard who just jumped down the shaft leading to the dungeon without informing us of his ability to grow wings and fly down, and who subsequently just got knocked into negative HP by the ranger who followed him, will shift one step toward chaos.

[Knight_Of_Twilight]

5114: My Crusader of St. Cuthbert cannot hurl the parties only Rogue into a pit filled with mercury because he stole something small and insignificant. Espicially not in the middle of a dangerous, muli-level dungeon.

[thehothead]

5115: there is a limit to the number of templetes something can have.

[ZeroNumerous]

5115: there is a limit to the number of templetes something can have.

5115a: The above is false.
5115b: The above is false.

[Dareon]

5116: In a seafaring campaign, the bard's Inspire Courage performance may not begin with "Yarr har, fiddle dee dee".
5116a: It is also inappropriate for Inspire Competence, even if the target has levels in Dread Pirate.

[Xefas]

5117: Immunity to fire damage does not protect your halfling's corneas when he casts Scry while targetting the Sun.
5118: Gathering 100+ orphans to go around major cities collecting guilt money for you is not an appropriate use of the Leadership feat.
5119: Just because Asmodeus would know the answer doesn't mean the DM does.
5120: Naming your character after someone in an Anime doesn't give your Evard's Black Tentacles spell new uses.
5121: Truenames are not normal names just written in leetspeak.
5122: Stealing the notes that the other players pass the DM does not constitute "telepathy".

[DaMullet]

5123: You may not, under any circumstances, break a staff to release all the charges.
5124: I don't care if it's a staff of frost, you're standing next to a red dragon, and the only one with any other Ice spells is dead.
5125: Alright, just this once, but only because you're the only one who will die.
5126: You may not Raise the idiot gnome who broke the staff of Frost.
5126b: I don't care if he's perfectly preserved by the ice.
5127: No nuking yourself to defeat creatures three CRs ahead of you.
5128: Explosive Runes may be the best way to do it, but for god's sake don't drag the Cleric into it.

[Chineselegolas]

5118: Gathering 100+ orphans to go around major cities collecting guilt money for you is not an appropriate use of the Leadership feat.

5118b. Although if the money to got towards building a new orphanage to replace those last 17 you burnt down...

[Call Me Siggy]

5129:????

5130:Profit!

[Magnus_Samma]

5129:????

5130:Profit!

*Hands Siggy a coupon entitling the bearer to one free internet.*

[YuanTi]

5131: After killing a monster, no player may jump on the table and perform the death dance except on Sundays.
5131b: On Sundays all figures knocked over by the death dance must be picked up by the dancer.

5132: No player may speak in a "Dwarvish" accent

[Call Me Siggy]

*Hands Siggy a coupon entitling the bearer to one free internet.*

Why thank you.

[Hypothetical]

5133 ) When Playing a Dwarf in Shadowrun, the first time you've ever played Shadowrun, it is probably bad form when getting the team together, that, when the Fixer who has called you pauses after saying " I'm getting a team together.." to reply " Hopefully not for Basketball". This goes double if it makes the GM freeze in place for more than 20 seconds so he doesn't bust out laughing.

5134 ) Later that same game, when you friends wife makes a flippant comment about not wanting to run of with the GM anymore, and her husband is playing a Troll ( Sub Minotaur) to say " Well, I guess you are on the Horns of a Dilemia then".

5134a) Especially not when that is the fourth "Horns" pun in a row, and the GM was trying to get back on track.

5135 ) Derailing an entire Subplot, by rolling a Perception Check of 17,( Yes, 2 sixes and a five) is a good thing, when the game is already running 2 hours over the time the GM planned for it to end.

5135a) Getting that lucky on so many consecutive rolls that what should have been a running gun battle becomes a cake walk with no combat at all, just might tick the GM off a little.

5135b) Especially when the run was supposed to take some 5 hours of game time, but ends up taking less than 30 minutes.

5135c) Even after the GM purposely failed a roll and set of an alarm half way through the Run.

5135d) Then figuring out that one of the two Orchids you have now aqquired is an illusion, and using that fact to your advantage in the upcoming Negotiations, might really be pushing it.

5135e) OK look, you dropped that Stunball on the 2nd assassin. At Moderate Stun. You did so well that he went all the way to Serious stun. Laughing at the fact that you passed the Drain Code check well so that you didn't even get a mild headache even though he dropped like a rock....just...dammit...fine....

5136) You are just too good at figuring stuff out. OK, the fact that the Night Elf rolled a 17 on her KNowledge(Dragons) check a couple of hours ago, and then told you about it does count. But dammit, the two older guys playing Go in the corner during the Negotiations were supposed to go unnoticed.

5136a) Especially since the Night Elf was an Unrealized Drake, and was only "Feeling a little nervous".


( If you can't tell from that list, we just started a Shadowrun Campaign. Lisa ( the Night Elf/Drake) kind of altered the GMs plans a little by deciding that she wanted to be a Drake during Character creation, which we did just before sitting down to game ( well, ok, the Troll/Minotaur decided to play a Gun-Bunny, and it took about 3 hours for him to create his Character). Yes, this is my first time ever playing Shadowrun, and I'm loving it. I'm playing a Dwarf Full-Shaman ( Bear).)

[Chineselegolas]

5136) Piecing weapons in the plane of undead.
5137) Slashing weapons in the plane of undead.
5138) Spells with fort saves in the plane of undead.
5139) Saying "I've had it with these mother f***ing undead on this mother f***ing plane"

[thehothead]

5140:think
5141:*removed due to doing #5140*
5142:*removed due to doing #5140*

[TigerHunter]

5143: I don't care if the lycanthrope entry in the Monster Manual says any omnivore, you cannot play a werepenguin.
5144: Or a weremosquito
5145: That's it, you cannot play anything not specifically mentioned in the book.
But what about your homebrewed-
That's it, I'm smiting you.
I haven't even finished making my character...
5146: I may not cast Prismatic Wall in front of an epileptic PC.
5147: The half-orc is to be supervised at all times.

[lumberofdabeast]

5129:????

5130:Profit!

5148: I am not allowed to engage in any sequence of events that ends in someone saying "The Aristocrats!"

[Mr the Geoff]

5148a: Not even if I get a natural 20 on my Handle Animal check for the donkey

[Aquillion]

5149. Not allowed to use Fabricate to turn BBEGs into leather items and bone trinkets, or dragons into dragonscale armor. Not even if I point out that the spell allows no saving throw or SR.

[Ditto]

!

::runs off to find a dragon to Fabricate::

[Chineselegolas]

5150: Ranks in perform (Oratory), and the ability to fly does not mean you get to constantly sing "Take my love, take my land..."
5151: You know we'll all get distracted and go watch it instead of playing.

[PhallicWarrior]

Just mosyed through the psionics sction of the hypertext D20 SRD, and this occured to me:

5152: I don't care if you meet all the other prerequisites, you can't burn down the temple just to qualify for Pyrokineticist!

[Scatman]

5153.No scatman, you cant turn into an uberized god with implode and timestop as your best spells while you bombard everyone from the heavens with empowered fireballs.
5154.You cant be a weremonkey either.
5155.Shifters cannot turn into god.
5156.You may abseloutly NOT nuke your own party and blame it on an orphan, who you gave your wand of empowereed fireballs.No, you cant watch the orphan die either.
5157.Flying Hell monkeys with AK-47s and level 9 spells at level one are not playable races.
5158.You cant play as a rancor either.
5160.You cant play as God at lv 1.

[Penguinsushi]

5143: I don't care if the lycanthrope entry in the Monster Manual says any omnivore, you cannot play a werepenguin.

Aw, man....

there can be, will be, and even are 'Penguinfolk' in my campaign setting...


5148: I am not allowed to engage in any sequence of events that ends in someone saying "The Aristocrats!"

5148b: I am not allowed to engage in any sequence of events that ends in someone saying "The Aristocats!"

"do me so do, do so me do..."

:smallwink:

~PS

[Stick_Ninja]

5149: "Going Wendigo" is not an acceptable startegy.
5150: I cannot one-shot the dragon with a paper cut.
5151: Even If I roll well enough.

[puppyavenger]

5152 In a mage game I may not play a fate using gambler.

[Vaniel]

5152) May not "roleplay" my character having sex.

5152b) Especially with a female DM.

[BRC]

5153) Using a combination of a large metal tube, a metal ball, and explosive runes to invent a cannon is prohibited.
5153b) Same if your using force beads instead of explosive runes
5153c) Especially not if your using a halfling instead of a ball.
5154) if 5153 is violated, it does not mean that you now have a nigh-unstoppable weapon that you can use to conquer the world.
5155) Having a PC lose a clone from termination because they ate the last slice of pizza is considered inappropriate use of my power as a Paranoia GM
5156) same for having my players dance for my amusement in order to gain perversity points

[shaddy_24]

5148b: I am not allowed to engage in any sequence of events that ends in someone saying "The Aristocats!"

"do me so do, do so me do..."

:smallwink:

Gaaaaah! Curse you! I'd forgotten about that movie, and now you have to bring it up! And I can't get that song out of my head! Aaarrrrgh! It burns!

5157: In the continuing saga, oops is not an excuse for lighting the wizards spellbook, bag of holding or spell componant pouch on fire. Especially in the middle of a fight.

[Winged One]

5158: A rat familiar provides no bonus to Craft(cooking) checks while perched atop it's master's head.

[Gokai]

5159) I am never allowed to use arcane mark to write the symbol of Erythnul on the paladin's armor.
5160)...Especially not when in a temple devoted to Heironeous
5161)...Even if the ninja gives me 20platinum afterwards because he found it funny
5162)I am not allowed to use mage hand on the high priestesses robe during a sermon
5163)...Even if it DOES weigh less than 5 pounds
5164)...And even if I'm in wildshape using natural spell so they can't tell it was me(Druid/sorc)
5165)In fact, I'm never allowed to get mage hand again
5166)...Or play as an arcane caster
5167)I am also not allowed to use "Suggestion" On female party members.
5168)...Especially when the suggestion involves menacles
5169)I am not allowed to use the halfling in my sling
5170)...even if I'm playing a chaotic evil ogre
5171)Dousing the fighter in beer then using a tindertwig to set him on fire before he charges into a fight is NEVER a good idea
5172)I am never allowed to buy a whip and leather armor. Again. Ever.
5173)Nor am I allowed to buy a ring of x-ray vision
5174)Or a ring of invisibility
5175)In fact, I am never allowed to buy anything without supervision ever again.
5176)No, Rods of Splendor are NOT sold at fetish shops
5177) I am not allowed to summon a succubus just so I can bed it
5178)I am not allowed to place a portable hole in the middle of a city, cast fly and drop a bag of holding into it from 300 feet in the air. Ever again. NEVER.
5179)Even if the house rules allow magical increases to stack, I am not allowed to buy 10 Deep red Sphere Ioun stones to have a 25AC with only my dex bonus. Again.
5180)And if I do, I am not allowed to cast cat's grace, shield, and mage armor on myself at any given time.
5181)Casting invisibility then permanancy on all of the high priestesses clothes is not allowed. Even if it is entertaining.
5182)No putting a helm of opposite alignment on the paladin when he's asleep
5813)...Not even to help him "loosen up"
5814)And don't replace his holy symbol with a symbol of Erynthul..A symbol of Erynthul that is cursed and cannot be removed unless remove curse is cast...And is glamered to look like a symbol of heironius until worn...But he can't cast his spells without HIS holy symbol...and noone would help a paladin with an erynthul symbol on him.
5185) Also, no giving the paladin a mace of blood and not telling him what it is.
5186)Do not replace the paladin's bag of holding with a bag of devouring right before he puts his holy symbol in it
5187)Convincing the paladin the Book of Vile Darkness is actually the Book of Exalted deeds is NOT allowed! EVER
5188)In fact, just the leave the poor paladin alone!

If some of these are repeats, I apologize. I only read up to page 3 and wanted to post now before mine were taken

[PlatinumJester]

5189) Peeing in the fighters heavy armouris not a smart thing to do especially if he's watching.
5190) Lighting a torch in a room full of explosives is never a smart idea.

[Callix]

5191) "Charge" is not the solution to all the world's problems
5192) Neither is "Full Attack".
5193) Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound does not remain faithful when repeatedly kicked.

[PlatinumJester]

5194) Use shrink item on the monk's codpiece.

[GoblinJTHM]

5195) Roleplaying the meal the Half-Ogre Barbarian cooked up at camp last night gave you a terrible case of the squats in the middle of a dungeon only ends in infamy.

[TigerHunter]

5196: Not allowed to play a wereterrasque.
5197: Not allowed to kill and re-animate my own familiar.

[lacesmcawesome]

5198: If the evil vampire king tells you to give him the powerful artifact, don't do it. even if you are scared
5199: "sorry" may have worked the fifty other times you did something similarly stupid, but giving a powerful artifact to the vampire king is not going to be so easily forgiven
5200: If you are a samurai, and you say any phrase resembling "wanna see my sword" to a barmaid, so help me GOD I will strike you down with divine intervention
5201: No. not even then.
5202: Okay, you know what? Next time you make a samurai, he's taking a vow of celibacy.

[calebcom]

I am not allowed to play a cleric with no heal skill in a campaign where cure spells don't set broken bones for you.

I am no longer allowed to use 100 feet of rope and 4 players to clothesline zombies to death.

I am no longer allowed to play a werebear orog fighter/barbarian (+ 24 str) with a 45 str and wielding a gargantuan class murcurial fullblade with the feat orcish charge and rhino hide armor. (3.0) at 10th level doing over 100 damage on a charge.

I am also not allowed to enchant said greatsword with the neverending charge property so I can cleave through entire armies in 1 turn.

I am no longer allowed to play a weretouched master were-bear riding a huge catagory worg and wielding harpoons that are tied to said worgs saddle.

I am not allowed to use said harpoons and worg to spear the epic level caster and drag him around doing 1d6 per 5 feet of worg x5 run speed while I fire crossbow bolts into him whenever he tries to cast a spell.

I am also not allowed to jump off the worg and tie a second harpoon to a tree and spear the caster while he is drug past me by said worg.


I am not allowed to play a tiny class faerie rogue who uses shuriken as his primary weapons.

[lacesmcawesome]

5211: There is no dragon named puff
5212: No, you may not nickname a dragon "Puff"
5213: No, not even if it lives by the sea
5214: You know what, sure, call the freaking dragon Puff. He will kill you. He will kill you dead.
5215: Guess what. no more dragons. Ever. You ruined it.

(sorry if someone else did it, but there's fifty pages of this, I'm still only on page 15 reading it, and I thought of these, and they were too good to not post)

[Skjaldbakka]

5197: Not allowed to kill and re-animate my own familiar.

There goes my plan to get into palemaster. d'oh!

[Reptilius]

5216. The Gray Guard PrC, despite being a righteous knight who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, does NOT mean you are Batman.

[TigerHunter]

5217. I cannot be a cleric of Wikipedia.

[Magnus_Samma]

5218: If you encounter Vecna, god of magic, secrets, and undeath, it is probably not an oppourtune moment to declare to all and sundry that you currently possess the twin artifacts known as The Nads of Vecna.
5218b: Particularly if your method for doing so is to flash Vecna and say "Hey, I've got your balls!"
5219: If Vecna is holding you in the air by the throat WITH HIS MIND and tells you he wants his testicles back, "What will you give me for them?" is not the best answer you could give.
5220: Putting Vecna on your Hit List after this sequence of events is probably the least mature way of handling the situation. Even if Vecna did turn you into a girl.

[lumberofdabeast]

5217. I cannot be a cleric of Wikipedia.
...Kaen? I thought you were in France, or something.

[SurlySeraph]

5219. In the continuing saga, the rogue is not allowed to sell the elven paladin to the Drow.
5220. Especially if the rogue is, himself, also a surface elf.
5221. The fact that your character concept is basically Thief from 8-Bit Theater does not mean acts of treason against the entire elvish race will go unpunished.

[TigerHunter]

...Kaen? I thought you were in France, or something.
Inside joke, I'm assuming?

[Remus of Rome]

5222: Ruin other players builds

Most everyone is a Munchin in the games I play in and I take great Joy in pointing out flaws in there builds since the DM doesn't know the rules that well and he likes to play in our groups as a grossly over powered NPC.

EX: one player thought he could cast a "hell ball" at lvl 14 by using a feet multiple times and adding it to the fireball he could already cast. I pointed out to him since he kept threatening to use it on my charater that in order to do that he would have to be able to cast something like lvl 17 spells

[Rofl-Falafal]

5223: You may not polymorph body parts into carniverous animals.
5224: Your Monk may not try to eat every monster you kill just because he's immune to disease.
5225: A Stairway to Heaven costs more gp than you will ever, ever get, so stop saving for it.
5226: There is no spell called "Bigby's Insulting Finger"
5227: The skill Perform (Mime) does not exist.
5228: You may never opt to roll a Strength check instead of a Charisma check for any reason.
5229: Halflings are not armrests.
5230: No shopkeeper will give you anything on the grounds that "you'll pay him back, honest!"
5231: You may not roll initiative to see who gets the last slice of pizza, in or out of game.
5232: Enemies can, in fact, touch this.
5233: Monkeys may not wield 3-handed weapons.
5234: There is not even the remotest chance that your character is a mutant.
5235: Stop stealing my dice.
5236: Santa Claus does not have a challenge rating.
5237: There is no such thing as Emotional Damage, and if there was insults would not deal it.
5238: Weapons are not food.
5239: Food is not a weapon.
5240: "If you really want to..." means it's not a good idea.
5241: Wasabi does not deal acid damage.
5242: Prestidigitation may not influence other party members' anatomy.
5243: Yes, the sun is too far away.
5244: Your "Trouser Titan" does not deal 1d8 piercing damage.
5245: Your character may not attempt to make the party play a roleplaying game.

[Demented]

5237: There is no such thing as Emotional Damage, and if there was insults would not deal it.

5246: I am not allowed to abuse Sanity variants with this statement in mind.

[Just Alex]

5237: There is no such thing as Emotional Damage, and if there was insults would not deal it.

Slayers D20 disagrees.
For that matter, so does Call of Cthlulhu

[TigerHunter]

5245: Your character may not attempt to make the party play a roleplaying game.
http://xkcd.com/c244.html

[Mr. Moogle]

I think whoever started this tread should seriously publish it, and give some condolence money to whoever posted in it. Seriously.

[Haikiah]

5247: I will not try to create a collosal lion-turtle-bear-ox-scorpion composite with regenerative powers.
5248: Any plan that involves using gaseous form to enter the lungs of a enormous creature probably isn't going to end well.
5249: "Because I don't like that look he's giving me.." is not a valid reason for a lawful good wizard to fireball a peasant.

[mikeejimbo]

http://xkcd.com/c244.html

That wins.

[TigerHunter]

5250. If the GM allows us to start with 200,000 gp (15th level campaign), it is assumed that I will not spend it all on one item.

[Thrivol]

5251. I am not allowed to charm the ninja.

5252. I am not allowed to cast any suggestion spell on the ninja.

5253. I am not allowed to leave the fighter to be devoured by the mindflayer after he single handidly saved me from its clutches.

5254. Especially after he saved me twice.

5255. I am not allowed to cast charm person on the mayor's 15 charisma daughter.

5256. I am not allowed to make any sort of grapple check involving nymphs.

[TigerHunter]

5257. Pelor's favor does not 'shine' on people. Any more 'ray' or 'shine' puns involving Pelor will be followed by a lightning bolt striking you. Even if you're indoors.

[Nahal]

5258: Making a character based off Richard from Looking for Group is a hechatoncheirable offense. (comic: www.lfgcomic.com (http://www.lfgcomic.com))

[BRC]

5258: Making a character based off Richard from Looking for Group is a hechatoncheirable offense. (comic: www.lfgcomic.com (http://www.lfgcomic.com))
5258: Using the word Hechatoncheirable will result in your character suffering from a heart attack.

[TigerHunter]

5258: Using the word Hechatoncheirable will result in your character suffering from a heart attack.
5259. Not explaining what the word that is mysteriously absent from the dictionary means will carry the same punishment.
5260. Yes, the DM said that a long background would really impress her. However, would I please limit myself to five pages worth of 12 pt. font in the future?

[Jannex]

5260. Yes, the DM said that a long background would really impress her. However, would I please limit myself to five pages worth of 12 pt. font in the future?

5261. If my response to this is, "Single- or double-spaced?" I am to refer to #5258 for the consequences.

[BRC]

5262: When GMing, though the rules dont specifically bar the GM from making alll players who fail to laugh at his/her jokes suffer the fate provided in #5258, it is looked down upon.

[clockwork warrior]

cant coup de grace a hobgoblin as a humming bird

[Nahal]

5259. Not explaining what the word that is mysteriously absent from the dictionary means will carry the same punishment.
5260. Yes, the DM said that a long background would really impress her. However, would I please limit myself to five pages worth of 12 pt. font in the future?

Hecatoncheir: highest CR monster in the ELH (CR 57), references the hundred-handed monsters from ancient Greek legend. Sort of like a Tarrasque for when the Tarrasque is a waste of time

[Actana]

5263. You may not pronounce Yuan-Ti as Yan-Ti unless you want a lighting bolt struck at you for 1d10 damage/character level (no save).

[TigerHunter]

5264. Yes, the DM has ruled that my octopus familiar will dry out and die if it's not submerged in water regularly. No, spitting on it does not count.

Also, said familiar needs a name. Free cookie to the first person to provide a suggestion!

[PaladinBoy]

5265. We are not allowed to give our new airship oddly phaser-like weapons.
5266. We are not allowed to name the half-elven first mate "Spock".
5267. We are not allowed to come up with shields for our new airship.
5268. We are not allowed to name our new airship "Enterprise".
5269. We are not allowed to hum the Star Trek theme song while we talk about where the airship is going.
5270. Tell you what, no Star Trek references. Ever. Until the end of time.

[Fixer]

Also, said familiar needs a name. Free cookie to the first person to provide a suggestion!

Cthulu

Wizard: "Why, yes, Cthulu IS my familiar. Did you want to mess with me?"

[Jinura]

5271: Not allowed to spill coke, juice, and not even that pathetic escuse for cola ( water) on the DMs paper and stuff.


5272: Not allowed to use the the character sheet as toilet.

[TigerHunter]

Cthulu

Wizard: "Why, yes, Cthulu IS my familiar. Did you want to mess with me?"
Hehe. Chocolate chip or macadamia nut?

5272. I cannot play an aquatic elf (green skin) sorceress who uses alter self to turn her hair black.
5273. Not even Especially if I name her Elphaba.

[Studoku]

5274a:I am not allowed to fold my character sheet into a paper hat
5274b:Or anyone elses character sheet
5274c:Even if my character has ranks in Craft (Origami)
5275:My character may not worship 'Flying Spaghetti Monster' or 'Invisible pink unicorn' as a deity.

[TheLogman]

5275: The 1 hp Wizard I am life-sworn to protect is not a meat shield.
5276: Said Wizard may not be left out in the open
5277: Not even if there are weapons strewn about that I want to collect.
5278: We may not hire professional Mourners.
5279: We may not make the enemies' horses into meat to feed the starving orphans.

[Xuincherguixe]

5280: We may not secretly feed the orphans that died of starvation to the other orphans
5281: We certainly can't do it openly either
5282: We may not summon the dark god ourselves
5282: We may not tell the BBEG where the starving orphans are so he can get enough sacrifices to summon his dark god.
5283: We may not eat our own brains.
5284: We may not use the remains of dead orphans as weapons.
5285: Orphan corpses may not have a high critical threat range. That's just stupid.
5286: We may not make lovecrafting checks, only the DM may.

[TigerHunter]

5287. I am not allowed to flirt with the princess.
5288. If I do attempt to flirt with the princess by asking her what the chances of her and I engaging in something more than conversation that night are, her answer will be "slim to none."
5289. The correct response to that is not "So you're telling me there's a chance?"

[Fluff]

(I could wake up Fluff right now...But he'll only pass out from lauging again when he sees this...)

[Pienterekaak]

5290: teleport a emo to the positive energy plane.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5291: You may not set fire to the town library once youve finished researching the local dragon while the perty reanger is still talking to the librarian

5292: You may not talk to the mayor. Ever

5293: You may not stab the mayors son while the mayor isnt looking because he refused to buy you a pet wolf

5294: You may not have a yellow osterich as a mount.

5295: The barbarian does not serve as a replacement mount should you 'accidentally' set fire to your own

5296: Druids are not the same as hippes. They do not deserve to have lightning bolt cast on them because they 'are a bunch of hippy vege-lesbians'

5297: You are not aloud to rob the halfling guide while he sleeps then roll him off a cliff

5298: On no account should you offer to pay your bar tab with dwarfs

5299: If the party is staying in a town for a few days it is not acceptable to run up a giant bar tab in the name of the party leader then leave town a day before the rest of the group

5300: Magic missile is not a buff spell. It will not help impregnate all female NPC's within a 30 foot radius

[Leper_Kahn]

107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.

There's something pretty close. Buy Rokea.

[TigerHunter]

5301. Sure, I can worship an evil god whose goal is to destroy all life if I want.
5302. Um... ok, I can sacrifice virgins to said god if I must...
5303. However, my skeletal minions are not allowed to perform the macarena during the ceremony.
5304. My skeletal minions are not allowed to perform the macarena. Period.
5305. If we run out of catapult ammunition, my skeletal minions are not a suitable replacement.
5306. There's plenty of UNanimated corpses around to use. Stop being so wasteful.

[23:35] Friend: 5296: Druids are not the same as hippes. They do not deserve to have lightning bolt cast on them because they 'are a bunch of hippy vege-lesbians'
[23:36] Friend: Insulting quiiiiiiite a few people's really, really, ancient ancestors AND their more recent ancestors- such as parents- and vegetarians- and lesbians- in two sentences? Bravo.

[mostlyharmful]

5306. i am not allowed to spend downtime in an alchemal lab.
5307. i am not allowed to have acces to both flying magic and alchemal solutions at the same time
5308.a. i am not allowed to produce mind alltering substances if my character has access to the water supply of any inhabitted region
5309.b. that goes double if i'm playing a good character
5310. Sheep are not an offensive weapon
5311. nor are they a means of bypassing the first three levels of Undermountain
5312. Sheep may not be bought in flooks of more than 100
5313. you know what, no sheep, this world doesn't have any sheep, nor will any world any character of mine exists in
5314. there are no goats either

[Dean Fellithor]

5292: You may not talk to the mayor. Ever

yeah, in one of my friends campaigns, I poked the Mayor in the stomach, now the Players always try to convince my character to go buy supplies whenever we need to talk to a mayor of any town...

...ever:redface:

[SilverClawShift]

5296: Druids are not the same as hippes. They do not deserve to have lightning bolt cast on them because they 'are a bunch of hippy vege-lesbians'


So "a bunch of hippy vege-lesbians" WOULD deserve to have lightning bolt cast on them? :smallconfused:

[Ivius]

5315: No names more than 10 letters long.
5316: You can't name you character his background in draconic.

[Dareon]

5317: No matter how big a fan the DM is, calling our group of diplomancers the Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society is a bad idea.
5318: Getting the BBEG Diplomacied over to Fanatic is no longer allowed.
5319: Okay, that's the third nation leader you've made Fanatic, plot-relevant NPCs are being capped at Friendly.

[Hell Puppi]

5320: Have a centaur character with the 'hide' skill

5321: Have a female gnoll character

5322: Have a loup garou character (rifts)

5323: Have my shadowdancer char take any part in any mage trials. Anyone's mage trials. Ever. (dragonlance).

5324: Have a dire wolf mount.


These are all rules that my GM has enforced upon me. There's stories.


Edit: Come to think of it I think Helvetti (my shadowdancer) was banned from ever being played again with Zach (my friend) as a DM. No one else has let me play her, either.

[Mr. Moogle]

5325: I may not useWall Of Iron in conjunction with Fabricate to equipt an army with Battle Rifles

5326: I may not have shield proficiency 'commoner'

[Hell Puppi]

Well after reading through everyone's again, I'd like to put in a few things my friends have done that aren't allowed in games:

1. Joe is not allowed to play a vampire

2.Joe is not allowed near any hostages. Especially in an airship campaign.

3. Scott is not allowed to drive. Anything. Ever.

4. Garrick is not allowed to play an evil character.

5. Joe is not allowed to play a dragon. Even a baby one.

6. Ashly is not allowed near blind people.

7. Fedde can no longer have a war fan. This was enforced by removal of the hand holding the war fan at some point in the game.

8. Ashly is not allowed to be a cleric. Of anything. Ever.

[EagleWiz]

5334: No class gets wepon proficancy (Fire)

[Winged One]

5334a: Except Pyrokinetist (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/prestigeClasses/pyrokineticist.htm).

[TigerHunter]

5334a: Except Pyrokinetist (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/prestigeClasses/pyrokineticist.htm).
5335. Not allowed to play a Pyrokineticist.

[Hell Puppi]

Hehehe just remembered:

9. Fedde is not allowed to try and heal anyone. We lost 2 good men that way.

[TigerHunter]

5336. "In the name of the Pizza Lord! Charge!" is not an acceptable battlecry.
(Infinity+1 cool points if you got the reference.)

[Maltrich]

5337. We are not to be responsible for the explosive decompression of any more space stations.

5337a. Espescially not more than once per session.

5338. I will not take out large loans on the expectation that the space station won't exist anymore soon anyway, so there will be nobody to collect.

5338a. It isn't possible to escape your debt by moving to a different solar system, even if the system you moved out of is nearly unable to conduct normal business with other governments because they're an anarchic hive of smugglers, bounty hunters, and pirates.

5339. I will not drink more than one shot of anything that I can positively identify as an industrial waste.

[Bosaxon]

5336. "In the name of the Pizza Lord! Charge!" is not an acceptable battlecry.
(Infinity+1 cool points if you got the reference.)

5336a. Unless you play a Sidhe in a Dresden Files game. (which should be released within the next year)

[TigerHunter]

5336a. Unless you play a Sidhe in a Dresden Files game. (which should be released within the next year)
Ooh. Me like.
(I'll get you your cool points in a second.)

[BRC]

5338: there is NO rule 5338
5339: when the DM mentions any sort of supernatural sense, players are not allowed to go "Spider sense, tingling"
5340: Please refrain from asking the fighter who Dual Weilds mercurial greatswords to cast "Conjure door"
5341: the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny can only be recited, at most, once per session
5342: Do not adress the new player as "redshirt"
5343:Please Refrain from suggjesting the ginger beer trick as a method for interrogating the BBEG's henchmen.
All of these rules were violated at my last session

[Alleine]

5344: Mass murder cannot be justified by the phrases "Death is only the beginning", "They're in a better place"(even if technically true), or "Small village? I thought you said 'Kill it with fire!'"

[BRC]

5344: Mass murder cannot be justified by the phrases "Death is only the beginning", "They're in a better place"(even if technically true), or "Small village? I thought you said 'Kill it with fire!'"

5344a: following these quotes with manical laughter does not provide an exception

[Naga-Darmag]

5345. Unless you are epic you are not allowed to open a portal to level 666 of the abyss because you are bored and want to do a bit of dungeon craving.

5345 b. Even if you are epic, don’t. It ruins the lawn.

[lumberofdabeast]

5346: I am no longer allowed to provide suggestions for my son's campaign.

5347: Especially within earshot of the other players.




Seriously, my mother managed to single-handedly destroy a playgroup.

[mostlyharmful]

5348. just because you can identify the big plot device doesn't mean you can carpet bomb the neighbourhood to solve the problem.
5349. no one is to do the Jaws Duh-Dunn Duh-Dunn noises after failling a spot, listen or sense motive check
5350. characters cannot get a reroll for Duh-Dunn noises
5351. laxatives are banned during wartime

[Ghal Marak]

5338: there is NO rule 5338

All of these rules were violated at my last session

Huh? One of the players made up rule number 5338? :smallsmile:

[TheAlmightyOne]

5352: Summon monster v cannot summon pikachu.
5353: Turtles do not make good shields.
5354: Mt familiers name is not 'emergancy rations'
5355: I cannot name the monsters I summon
5355b: Not even steve the giant spider who was ripped apart by a weasel 12 seconds into his creation. I miss steve.

[TigerHunter]

5336. If the first thing we do in a campaign is answer the Duke's summons, I cannot accept a contract to assassinate the Duke while we are walking to his house.

[Roderick_BR]

5337. Say "I learned this build in the OotS forum" while rolling a new character. Specially casters.

[NEO|Phyte]

5337. Say "I learned this build in the OotS forum" while rolling a new character. Specially casters.
5337a. The Wizards Character Optimization forum is right out.

[TigerHunter]

5338. No matter how high you roll, you cannot use Sleight of Hand to carry a hidden ballista.

[Lolzords]

5339. No matter how well I roll, I cannot bluff the paladin into "tasting" a homemade bomb.

[Alleine]

5400. No matter how many ranks in Proffesion: Cook you have, you CANNOT make soilent green

5401. Soilent pink is NOT made from orcs

5402. You know what? No more cooking.

[Winged One]

5403: When playing an ISB operative in a pro-Imperial Star Wars game, I should not roll my Deception checks against the rest of the party in front of them.
5404: Next time the Soldier asks about combat rules, we are to explain them in detail.
5405: "Not getting killed by Vader" is not a CL 20 challenge if we're just Imperials who he told to do something.
5406: We cannot be the guys the Emperor is talking to at the start of this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3y91RRfDlG4).
5407: I cannot slice R2D2 and cause this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEBqzv3Mwe4&mode=related&search=) to actually happen.
5408: I cannot have an NPC mook try to out-code R2D2.
5408a: Again.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5409: You cannot throw the halfling cleric at your team-mate so he'll get healed on time.

5410. b: You cannot throw the halfling cleric into melee so he'll get there in time

5409. c: Put the halfling cleric down now

5410: Just because my characters name is russian does not give me the right to speak with a russian accent whenever role playing

5410 b: neither does it give my the right to say 'in soviet farun, sword wields you!"

[Jaykell]

5411:No stealth character can ever hide in a cardboard box with eyeholes. ever.

[Nahal]

5409: You cannot throw the halfling cleric at your team-mate so he'll get healed on time.

5410. b: You cannot throw the halfling cleric into melee so he'll get there in time

5409. c: Put the halfling cleric down now

5410: Just because my characters name is russian does not give me the right to speak with a russian accent whenever role playing

5410 b: neither does it give my the right to say 'in soviet farun, sword wields you!"

You're just in the wrong campaign setting. Try Iron Kingdoms. In Soviet Khador, sword DOES wield you!

[mostlyharmful]

5412. i may do the FLAMEY-DEATH-BOOGEY no more than once per night, no matter what my sorc one-shots
5413. the DEATH-DANCE-BOOGEY is not permissable
5414. all future characters are banned from taking perform(dance), perform(gyrate) or perform(Bump&Grind)

[SithLackey]

5412: Just because I said you could play non-standard races is not an excuse to play a troglodyte bard.

5412a: Or an ogre bard.

5412b: You know what? Just play Batman like always.

[NudeBovine]

5413: There is no such thing as a Cure Light Wounds Enema.
5414: No, not even if your mount will die before you can take another action after move-moving to its front side.

[Silentmaster101]

5415. Even if the DM is powergaming, not allowed to kill the plot hook Balor with 3 20's in a row.

5416. Especially with a gnome barbarian

5417. Even more so if he is level 3

5418. After your parties tank is swollowed by a purple worm, you cannot baleful polymorph it into a badger so it explodes.

5419. And then reincarnate it into a Ethereal Marauder.

5420. Then tame it to be your mount and animal companion.

[Silentmaster101]

4110: My monk is not allowed to have higher AC than the Dwarf in Full Plate with a Tower shield.

I was at 26 (20 dex and 16 wisdom base, buffed with Owls Wisdom, Cats Grace, Mage Armor) and he had a mere 23 (12 dex, full plate, tower shield)
Although I suppose no one really wants to get too close to a guy wearing only a loin cloth...

um my monk has a 35. counting ring of prot +2, +5 dex, +6 wis, being lvl 18 monk +3, monks belt adding another 1 to that. imporved dodge, impervious vestiment +5 and boots of the sun soul +1. although if i went into expertise mode with ward cetus' it would go up to 42, then with his barkskin +5 potions, shield of faith +5 potions and protection vs alignment he would ideally be up to 54

[Silentmaster101]

[QUOTE=Rigel Cyrosea;2673306]5055 I may not stab random people just cause I feel like it.
QUOTE]

unless you are a Ravager...

[Roderick_BR]

[QUOTE=Rigel Cyrosea;2673306]5055 I may not stab random people just cause I feel like it.
QUOTE]

unless you are a Ravager...

Or Belkar...

Edit:

5409: You cannot throw the halfling cleric at your team-mate so he'll get healed on time.

5410. b: You cannot throw the halfling cleric into melee so he'll get there in time

5409. c: Put the halfling cleric down now

5410: Just because my characters name is russian does not give me the right to speak with a russian accent whenever role playing

5410 b: neither does it give my the right to say 'in soviet farun, sword wields you!"
That would be funny in a campaign where everyone except the halfling is a goliath or half giant with the Fling Ally feat.

[Chineselegolas]

um my monk has a 35. counting ring of prot +2, +5 dex, +6 wis, being lvl 18 monk +3, monks belt adding another 1 to that. imporved dodge, impervious vestiment +5 and boots of the sun soul +1. although if i went into expertise mode with ward cetus' it would go up to 42, then with his barkskin +5 potions, shield of faith +5 potions and protection vs alignment he would ideally be up to 54Comparing level 18 monk to a level 3 monk. Of course you would be higher.

5421: Causing the DM to collapse laughing is not a good thing
5421b: Specially if it is for the 3rd time in one session

[Winged One]

5422: If I name my Zabrak Jedi "Shad Aap," I am to understand that someone will probably make fun of his name.
5423: Robot Chicken references are regulated in the same category as Monty Python references.

[RelentlessImp]

5424: I am not allowed to throw an epic BBEG at a first-level party.

5425: I am not allowed to make the BBEG the original Joker from Batman.

5425a: Any BBEG modeled after Joker is right out.

(Player)
5426: I am not allowed to play a Chaotic Evil Fighter/Rogue that uses a gem-mounted cane and dresses in "old fashioned Nobles Outfits".
5426a: Especially in a Good-aligned party.
5426b: If the Wizard ever says "I'm the friggin' Batman" I may not pull out my Gond's Smoking Barrel, put it in his mouth and pull the trigger.
5426c: Same with any reference to a utility belt.
5426d: Okay, put the old Batman comics down.

5427: If you make the DM laugh maniacally after passing him a note, the other players each get to sock you in the shoulder and auto-kill your character. Even if he is a Lawful Good Paladin of Torm.

5428: You may not play any Psionic character ever again. Not after what happened last time we started a 1st-level campaign and you suddenly had a harem...

5429: If you tell the other players your plan, you may not pass a note to the DM in the middle of telling it. Doing so subjects you to the same treatment as 5427.

5430: If you ever, ever, EVER make a character that is based off a comic book villain again, that character will be subject to Plot Armor and take a -10 to all rolls against even a vaguely good-aligned character.

(Okay, so most of these I was just ranting before game about how comic book villains are always thoroughly depleted of any originality they may have come in with and put through the same rote as the rest.)

[Silentmaster101]

Comparing level 18 monk to a level 3 monk. Of course you would be higher.

5421: Causing the DM to collapse laughing is not a good thing
5421b: Specially if it is for the 3rd time in one session

hehe didnt know it was a lvl 3 monk..

[Elanya]

413. No, your character cannot wear a pirate hat at all times

Actually, mine can, after going on an all pirate side adventure :)
Of course, its a magical pirate hat that gives ranks in seamanship and is also a bag of holding and makes me always know where north is.
The inevitable down side: It makes me an alcoholic. Every hour i wear it, I need to drink rum. Kindly provided by the hat itself of course. Hello WIS 6!

[Superglucose]

5431: No matter what happens, I am no longer allowed to scream "Rape"

[TigerHunter]

5432. Not allowed to read the Book of Vile Darkness.
5433. Not allowed to think about reading the Book of Vile Darkness.
5434. Not allowed to look at the Book of Vile Darkness.
5435. Not allowed to think about looking at the Book of Vile Darkness.
5436. Not allowed to TOUCH the Book of Vile Darkness.
5437. Not allowed to THINK about touching the Book of Vile Darkness.

(I'm referring to the supplement, not the artifact.)

[Xuincherguixe]

5437: I am not allowed to out do the book of vile darkness by so much that the book of vile darkness looks like frick'n teletubbies.
5438: When the BBEG offers you a chance to join at his side and rule the world together you may not say, "Okay!"
5439: There is no Corneria and you are not welcome there even if there was.
5440: It's economy is based on non existence. Not corn.
5441: You cannot kill lack of existence.
5442: You may not move into a house.

[TigerHunter]

5437: I am not allowed to out do the book of vile darkness by so much that the book of vile darkness looks like frick'n teletubbies.

Teletubbies are infinitely more evil than the BoVD.

[Superglucose]

5443: I must refrain from starting wars between nations for no good reason
5444: I should attempt to refrain from starting wars between nations for ANY reason.
5445: Not allowed to specifically not heal the party

[mostlyharmful]

5446. Pirates are not inteaded to be turned inside out either mentally or physicallly.

[Jade_Tarem]

5447: For a player: quarrels between the jedi and the female twi'lek over transportation should not be ended with the statement "Yes, but then I'll still be behind you on the bike with my lightsaber and Force Thrust."

5448: Due to this very situation, Force Thrust is no longer permitted to be referenced by that name, it is now "Force Push."

5449: Force Mind Trick may not be used to resolve the situation listed above.

5450: Especially not by waving your hand and stating "This is consensual." It just isn't jedi-like.

5451: Venting the atmosphere is a no-no when your party members are on board the vessel.

[Iudex Fatarum]

5452: No creating a character that can pin deities with anything but a crit failure because of a graple modifier above 75. also any character with strength over 100 and ability to use staffs with no failure is just plain out. (i've seen this character, named EDD, yalk-folk half red dragon with 10 lvls of umber hulk i believe he was ECL 20).

[lordhed]

5453: (DM) Plot devices are not black-box-shaped artifacts with "Plot Device" written on the side.

5453a: Unless you're playing Mascot-tan.

[tobian]

5454: No longer am I to try and drive the boat.
5454a: If I do try to drive the boat, I am required to have many scrolls of mending at hand.
5454b: And dimension door as a readied action.
5455: Pyrotechnics is not to be abused.
5455a: Even if I did have an everburning torch.
5455b: And I caused that caravan to blow up because of it.
5456: Bypassing the guards that are >5 CR above us is highly frowned upon.
5456a: Especially after we get away we decide to break into the main captains chamber just to tell him off.
5456b: And get away with it.

[Wraith]

5457: Hand-held Tactical Nukes are not 'all you're ever going to need' for the next mission. (Probably only applies to Paranoia, but then I've heard stories...)

5458: Regardless of what your Toughness is, your Dwarf is not immune to swords.

5459: Regardless of how well he rolled and how high his Stealth skill is, the Ninja Player's Character did not spontaneously pull a one-man-band apparatus out of his pocket and walk past, unnoticed by the ignorant Mooks.

[curtmack]

5460: I am not allowed to use Cloudkill in an urban setting.
5460a: ...especially not indoors.
5461: I am not allowed to press the button on an immovable rod and cast Teleport Object to send it inside an enemy. The vice-versa also applies should I ever find a feasible way to do it.

[Renx]

5462: Not allowed to crit four times in a single round.
5463: When the rest of the party is incapacitated, not allowed to go to the next room with the GM to make a deal with the BBEG.
5463a: ...In fact, not allowed to make deals with the GM, period.
5464: The bearded Dwarf King is not a reason to "boogie" and go "JESUuuS!"
5465: The halfling rogue is not a projectile weapon.
5466: My character's dying words may not be "Hastur, hastur, hastur..." or "Orcus, Orcus, Orcus..."
5467: Never shout "I waste him with my crossbow!"
5467b: ...Especially if you are the GM.
5468: May not eat my character sheet.
5468b: ...Or anyone else's
5469: Druids do not like fire in their forest.
5470: Not allowed to drown people with a pet water elemental.
5471: Even if you can use Profession: Alchemy to cook, doesn't mean the porridge is "interesting"
5472: The evil artifact orb is not to be used as a football.
5473: Not allowed to answer cryptic riddles instantly.
5473a: ...especially not before the GM finishes telling it.
5473b: ...Even if the GM just looked the riddle up in an old net.book you've read through dozens of times.
5473c: ...Nor am I allowed to counter-riddle with something that isn't in the net.book.
5474: Not allowed to start my own religion.
5475: Not allowed to Wish for "ten thousand still-beating human hearts from this city"
5476: Not allowed to ask Gods trick questions.
5477: If I use a tower from the King's castle as a blunt weapon, I should expect the reward to be waived.
5478: Not allowed to eat party members.
5478b: After the "barbeque" incident, 5478 extended to their pets, familiars, extended family and friends.

[curtmack]

5149. Not allowed to use Fabricate to turn BBEGs into leather items and bone trinkets, or dragons into dragonscale armor. Not even if I point out that the spell allows no saving throw or SR.

Ermm... but it does point out that creatures cannot be affected...

[FoxHush]

5479:i am not allowed to use a sniper rilfe with super velocity rounds on a planet that has no armor over 6hd. ( the rounds in the game took off 6hd of armor)
5480:I am not allowed to snipe tanks
5481:When at the kitchen table and someone wants something esle for breakfast we don't reach for our weapons..we mearly cook both.
5482: You cannot make attacks of opportunity on a salad bar. (but you can still blow it up!)
5483:You are not allowed to loot and pillage a planet that is on the verge of nuclear war.
5484:Connor is never allowed to say a sentance with the word corpse followed by a verb of any kind.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5485: Not aloud to use silent image to create a door, then tell the half-orc barbrian that its stuck to make him run into a wall

5485b. Same applies for a pit

5485c. Same applies for putting it at the top of a flight of stairs

5486. The level 1 halfling cleric is not aloud to growl at a pirate, invoking an intimidate check, rolling a natural 20 causing the pirate to run away screaming

5487. Searching dead bodies does not give you the right to collect their spleens. Especially if youre a halfling cleric.

(needless to say the halfling cleric and I have started our own session)

[Dairun Cates]

These are all from the last session, from the same player, from the same scene.

5488. When the party visits the bar, I should not pretend to be the bartender to steal alcohol.

5489. No hitting on the cute Ronin girl currently trying to kill your healer.

5490. After the Ronin girl attacks me out of response for the previous rule, no making crude innuendos about how she likes it rough when she misses with her big sword.

5491. Stealing her pants is not an appropriate response for a second miss.

5492. I shall not be shocked when her defensive score plummets and her attack score shoots through the roof in response.

5493. Stealing her weapon won't satiate her rage if I made it this far. In fact, it'll make it worse.

5494. Just because her defense is even lower is not an excuse to steal her bra under her shirt just to look like a bad ass, even if I can pull it off.

5495. Even if I AM a pirate, it's no excuse to use said undergarment as my eyepatch.

5496. ...ESPECIALLY if it has hearts on it.

5497. I should not be shocked after all these actions if the female ronin has abandoned all defense in favor of an offense and gained quite a few ranks of unarmed combat.

5498. I also SHOULD expect my party to take at least a half hour to find me after I land from 5497.

5499. If I should find myself with the chance to be a complete pervert or save my party from the other 6 ronin attacking, I shall not just "leave it up to the tank to finish them off".

5500. I shall especially not choose the perverted route when another party member loses half of his class abilities when exposed to too much of the female form. It's not funny.

Different character, same scene.

5501. No using diplomacy checks to convince the other bar patrons that I will pay for drinks all around if they beat up the ronins.

5502. No sneaking out in the middle of the fight to avoid payment.

Yet another character, same scene.

5503. No stealing someone's pants with a coathanger through a bar roof.

5504. Yes, rogues occasionally steal from their party. No, I should not do this in the middle of combat.

5505. No chasing a party member that snuck out of the bar down just to make him pay for drinks when there are more deadly things about than angry bar patrons.

5506. You know what? No more bars!

Finally...

5507. No lighting my cigarettes on a boss's firey aura in the middle of their attack or monologue.

[Kyace]

These are all from the last session, from the same player, from the same scene.

5489. No hitting on the cute Ronin girl currently trying to kill your healer.

5491. Stealing her pants is not an appropriate response for a second miss.

5493. Stealing her weapon won't satiate her rage if I made it this far. In fact, it'll make it worse.

5494. Just because her defense is even lower is not an excuse to steal her bra under her shirt just to look like a bad ass, even if I can pull it off.

"If I was so inclined, I could have killed you three times."
"Well, if I was so inclined, during this conversation... I could have groped you five times!"

[Dairun Cates]

"If I was so inclined, I could have killed you three times."
"Well, if I was so inclined, during this conversation... I could have groped you five times!"

Well, this IS what I get for running a point buy system with demons, humans, and angels in the same party (not to mention a Dr. McNinja rip-off when she gets back from vacation). My group never fails to make me laugh as a player and cry as a GM. Then again, I'm not much better when I do get to play.

[Kyace]

Well, this IS what I get for running a point buy system with demons, humans, and angels in the same party (not to mention a Dr. McNinja rip-off when she gets back from vacation). My group never fails to make me laugh as a player and cry as a GM. Then again, I'm not much better when I do get to play.

Just to be clear, are you making a wry comment about my quote or does your party actually include demons, humans and angels? Or, as the case may be, both?

[Dairun Cates]

Just to be clear, are you making a wry comment about my quote or does your party actually include demons, humans and angels? Or, as the case may be, both?

More of a comment on how accurate the Trigun quote is to the standard of what's already happened with some characters in this campaign. I honestly get quotes and situations like that when I team demons, angels, and humans together, and yes, the player characters consist of one angel with a demon cohort, three humans, and one demon other than the cohort. Sadly, the demon is the level-headed one, the angel is the generally violent one, and the humans are the one's causing most of the interesting problems in the group. And yes, I'm stupid enough to add a parody of The Pure Awesome Stupidity of Dr. McNinja (http://www.drmcninja.com/) to the campaign.

So the short version. I deserve a quote like that for the horrors I let my players unleash.

[Kyace]

So the short version. I deserve a quote like that for the horrors I let my players unleash.
So Trigun is a punishment now? :)

Spoilers for people who havn't watched Trigun to the end.

Ah, well as the quote included a dialog between someone with, in their own words, a "demon's eye" and someone who can grow feathered wings (or at least featherlike covered limbs on their back), I wasn't totally for sure.

A hypothetical but topical rule to make up for the off topic discussion:

5508 If you must spoiler the last Harry Potter book's ending, don't do it while the DM is rolling up treasure.

5508a You grab the sword, I'm not touching it. Fine, make the monk get it.

[Dairun Cates]

So Trigun is a punishment now? :)


No, but trying to GM characters that remind people of a combination between a pirate and Vash the Stampede is.

5509. No matter what it stands for, your players will not wear a badge that gives them a level 2 reputation of being a "P.R.I.C." or even a "Supreme P.R.I.C. Commander". Don't bother.

[Erkira the Red]

5510. reenacting the scene from lord of the rings were Pippin knocks the skeleton down the well is a BAD idea
5511. when robbing the general store at night it pays to know how to pick locks
5512. just because there is a chance the book may not blow up doesn’t mean you should open it in the inn.
5513. attacking the innkeeper when he tries to find out why his inn blew is also poor taste
5514. … so is casting random action on him
5515. … so is going fishing when the rest of the party gets thrown into jail
5516. whenever it is your turn yelling “I cast flare” (even if you don’t have it) gives the DM ideas
5517. continuing to shoot the dead roper doesn’t gain you extra XP
5518. when the sorceress sets you on fire it doesn’t mean she thinks your hot
5519. don’t name you character after “heart throb” celebrities
5520. when your in a town of crazy paladins DON’T insult their god again
5521. casting Ice storm in the small town alley is a really bad idea
5522. … especially in front of 2 paladins
5523. … and fallowing it up with flame strike
5524. … “the vampire started it!!” isn’t a good excuse either

[merrja666]

5525. Your Arcane Mark cannot be any of the following; a smiley face, a giant green penis, a girl with ribbons in her hair, a bigger giant green penis or a Symbol of Death. (Don't ask.)
5526. "Face" is not a proper spell target. Neither is "Forehead", "Crotch" or any other sex organ.
5527. Your character cannot eat yellow snow.
5528. Just because Gandalf did it doesn't mean it's good to collapse the bridge your party is on.
5529. You cannot do anything that Harry Potter did. Ever.

[Arbitrarity]

5529. You cannot do anything that Harry Potter did. Ever.

Poor fighter can't use a sword, wizard can't use magic, or wands... No destroying artifacts, disarming, dodging rays, counterspelling, or will saves.

:smallbiggrin:

[Korias]

5530: I am not allowed to eat the gnomes.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5530: I am not allowed to eat the gnomes.

I fed a dead squirrel to our barbarian while the sane characters were undercover in an army camp.

[Korias]

I fed a dead squirrel to our barbarian while the sane characters were undercover in an army camp.

Ahh, but these were normal gnomes. And the dwarf was hungry.
5531: I am not allowed to put "Act of God" as a profession.

[Unscrewed]

5532: I may not call a wand of Fireball "My boomstick"
5533: Nor a wand of Lightning bolt.
5534: Nor a wand of Shout. Now shut up already!
5535: No, Snappy battle music does not give me any combat bonuses.
5536: Even if it's original music.
5537: Ninjas do not gain an "Awesomeness bonus" when fighting alone.
5538: I don't care what your caster level is, you can't make a 9mm pistol that fires artillery shells.
5538b: Nor can I name such a pistol "Stephen Douglas" Just to see who gets the joke.
5539: Roller skates and Grease do not mix.
5540: I did not come from a pirate airship named the "Forgotten Freedom"
5541: Nor am I Batman. For the sake of our immortal souls, let's not go there.
5542: I may not yell "Don't move! You've got a hamster in your ear!"
5543: Even if it's true.
5544: No Ice skating using Shocking burst daggers as impromptu ice skates.
5545: Not allowed to create a flamethrower out of a match, a rubber band, and a can of Pam.
5546: Telling the Dragon "To just take a deep breath" is a bad idea.
5547: May not invoke the Rogue-Mage Raz.
5548: Yelling Random syllables at the enemy will not let you control them, even if it is "The ancient language Sumerian"
5549: I cannot use a pair of whips to imitate Spider man.
5550: Nor can I use a single whip to imitate Indiana Jones.

Now for a couple from the WOTC boards:
5551: Subtlety does not mean "A smaller bomb"
5552: There is no such thing as anti-pasta
5553:Even if there was, it wouldn't explode on contact with pasta.
5554:Anti-pasto does not explode on contact with pasto. So shut up!
5555: The death star is not a toy
5556: Wearing the Catfolk's skin as a fur coat after having him raised is discouraged, but not forbidden.
5557: The words "RAMMING SPEED!" are to be uttered by the captain and the captain only.

[Demented]

Now for a couple from the WOTC boards:

5558. I am not to refer to a quantity of seven as "a couple".
5559. Nor am I to refer to a quantity of two as "several" with the deliberate intent to mislead.

[DaMullet]

5558. I am not to refer to a quantity of seven as "a couple".
5559. Nor am I to refer to a quantity of two as "several" with the deliberate intent to mislead.
5560: No recursing.

[SurlySeraph]

5561. Eating babies is a violation of the paladin's code of ethics.
5562. Even if it was to trap the soul of a reincarnated demon inside your body, preventing it from attaining power at the cost of your own life. You still just ate a baby.
5563. It takes a lot more than an Atonement spell to make up for paralyzing an angel and drinking its blood, especially if you're a paladin.
5564. You can't make someone sleep with you just by succeeding on a Diplomacy check.
5565. Or on a Bluff check.
5566. And especially not on an Intimidate check, you sick bastard.
5567. Lawful Evil Dread Necromancers can't have romantic relationships with Neutral Good Druids. I don't care about their common past or the ideals they share. They just can't.
5568. If a romantic relationship involves the use of Wildshape, we really don't need to hear about it.

[Hell Puppi]

5569: I am not allowed to play a male character ever again. Not after last time.

5570: I am not allowed to be a pirate, not after last time.

5571: I am not allowed to play a shifter class. Not after that incident with the squirrel and the hammer of the gods.

5572: I am not allowed to have a character be addicted to pop tarts. Not after last time.

[Sage in the Playground]

*snip
5526. "Face" is not a proper spell target. Neither is "Forehead", "Crotch" or any other sex organ.

I'd just like to point out I have always wanted to say Magic Missile to the face!

[Chineselegolas]

5573: Throw rocks at the dwarf
((Crit hit... big bruise... death threats...))
5574: Combat reflexes + Friend dragging grappled opponent past you + high dex
((We had just grappled an opponent and were dragging them off as a hostage, because their friends were coming. They dragged right past my monk without thinking, and then there was a slight pause as we all realized what I able to do))
5575: Bragging about the above

[Swooper]

5521. casting Ice storm in the small town alley is a really bad idea
I was under the impression it's a bad idea wherever you are? It does half the damage of a fireball, which is a level lower :smallconfused:

[Arbitrarity]

It functions on those with evasion, can be extended, and makes temporary battlefield control (1/2 speed). Other than that... yeah, it's not great.

[curtmack]

5548: Yelling Random syllables at the enemy will not let you control them, even if it is "The ancient language Sumerian"

5576: No matter how well crafted they are, glass knives cannot puncture armor.

[shaddy_24]

[B]5547: May not invoke the Rogue-Mage Raz.

You've read that thread too? The guy's hilarious. But if he was my player, I'd probably try to kill him. More than usual, at least.

[FoxHush]

5548:I am not allowed take a large creature and make him go up two sizes with "gaint blooded"
5549:I am not allowed to play a rogue with my girl friend
5550:nore are those rogues to be name Donnie Chloe.
5551:and for the love of mercy the words Sneak attack and Flanking bonus were never ment to be used as innuendos.

[Alleine]

5552: If you Holy Smite someone, they do not become 'wholly smitten' and attempt to do things with you that break your Paladins code.

5553: Any enemy you teabag immediately after killing gets a reflexive bite attack, no matter how dead they are.

5554: Using a noxious smokestick as a cigar in any situation is frowned upon

5554b: Even if you're immune to the effects, no one around you is!

5555: Even if you've singlehandedly introduced tobacco and cigarettes into the world, it is generally considered impolite to respond to the question, "You got a light?" with a maximized fireball.

5556: If the events of 5555 come to transpire, offering the town guards who show up free cigarettes and a light is not an option.

5557: Summoning fiendish dogs and getting the hulking hurler to throw them at enemies does not make them hellhound missles.

[Chineselegolas]

5557: Summoning fiendish dogs and getting the hulking hurler to throw them at enemies does not make them hellhound missles.

That is brilliant. I so have to do that now.

[Swooper]

5558: You may not stop and let the chasing barbarians capture you. You were supposed to escape you idiots.

[merrja666]

5559. Although it is possible, you cannot have a half-dragon cat.
5560. Do not speculate on how to produce a half-gnome.
5561. No, you cannot have a dwarf and a gnome have kids.
5562. No, Reduce Person doesn't work either.
5563. There is no such thing as a Dire Sheep.

[Xuincherguixe]

5564. You cannot sacrifice gnome villages to make a philosopher's stone.
5565. Not even if you really want your arm and leg back.

[The_Werebear]

5566. I am not allowed to microwave gnomes.

[Tamburlaine]

5567. Not allowed to hide in a wardrobe for the entirety of a session, futiley attempting to make magic pockets that are bigger on the inside.

[merrja666]

5564. You cannot sacrifice gnome villages to make a philosopher's stone.
5565. Not even if you really want your arm and leg back.

Woo! FullMetal Alchemist!

[Rockphed]

5566. I am not allowed to microwave gnomes.

But how else are you supposed to get them exploded to perfection?

[curtmack]

5568. "Pelvic thrust" is not a valid option for an attack of opportunity.
5569. I am not allowed to play a paladin. This is because me and the guy who always plays paladin inevitably end up racing to become a blackguard in the biggest way possible.
5570. There is absolutely no reasonably explanation for why a level 1 character should have a +5 vorpal longsword, even if it is a family relic.
5571. As of that one time we were tracked by a group of level 17 rangers, dendritic armor is no longer allowed. If anyone wears dendritic armor, the party rogue has the right to slay him in the night.
5572. Not even if you put it on the party sorcerer as a joke. Come to think of it, especially if you put it on the party sorcerer as a joke.

[DaMullet]

5573: I don't bloody care what Douglas Adams says, you can't fly just because you botched your attack roll on the earth.

[AKA_Bait]

5574: I am not allowed to use Command: Orgasam
5574a: I am especially not allowed to use it as a form of bribery.
5575b: Or a practical joke.

[Quietus]

5574: I am not allowed to use Command: Orgasam
5574a: I am especially not allowed to use it as a form of bribery.
5575b: Or a practical joke.

Take away all my... and their... fun, why don't you...

[TheAlmightyOne]

5575: I am not aloud to systematicly break every single one of these rules until the DM snaps and rests my character back to level 1

5576: After this has happened I am not aloud to roll a natural 20 on a diplomacy check on th party leader and become the leader of a band of lv 10 characters.

[Just Alex]

5576: When someone, especially the DM, says that casters aren't terribly powerful, I am nor to prove him wrong in the most explosive way possible. Just because a 17th level straight Wizard using the wealth-by-level of a lvl 10 character shouldn't be able to solo a terrasque doesn't mean I can't do it.
As an aside, I almost made the guy who posed the challenge cry. Apparently he didn't realize the power of a Celerity, Time Stop + Sudden Maximize, 4 turns of Wall of Force.
Even better was using a Wish to force the Great Wyrm Dragon to fail it's next saving throw, against a baleful polymorph, naturally.

[Winged One]

5578: Just because I have the highest Mechanics skill in the party does not mean I can use the phrase "set them up the bomb".
5578: Any plan that relies on the ability of stormtroopers to hit heroic characters is immediately vetoed from now on.
5580: I will not act like a punk toward Emperor Palpatine.
5581: When someone rolls a natural 1 on an Intelligence check, I will not direct them here (http://youfail.org/).

[Drider]

5564. You cannot sacrifice gnome villages to make a philosopher's stone.
5565. Not even if you really want your arm and leg back.

He was essentially a gnome.
1. good at alchemy
2. small
3. his arm and leg were removed(gnomish tradition)...maybe

[DaMullet]

Who knows what were Gnomish Traditions... Nobody can stand to get near 'em long enough to study them.

[NephandiMan]

5582. Duration spells that deal damage each round are not "dots."
5583. The correct response when facing a difficult enemy is not "More dots now!"
5584. Melee characters do not deal DPS.
5585. Nor do they deal it very, very slowly. (And by slowly I mean f***ing slow!)
5586. Standing in the wrong place will not get you kicked into the whelps. Even if it did, you would not lose 50 DKP as a result.
5587. Drow are not "night elves."
5587a. And the female ones will not do a sexy dance on command.
5587b. Nor may you make them dance for money.
5587c. No, not even then.
5588. While we're on the subject of MMORPGs, paladins do not have to sub warrior in order to be effective party members.
5588a. No, there are no subjobs in D&D. Deal with it.
5589. The female cleric of Pelor is not a white mage.
5589a. Nor does she have white robes with red triangles on them.
5589b. And the party's arcane caster is not a black mage.
5589c. No, the arcane caster does not have a near-psychotic obsession with trying to get into the cleric's pants (or robes, as the case may be), nor does he use the most atrocious pickup lines in attempting to do so.
5589d. Nor does he dress in blue robes and wear a yellow hat, or have eyes that glow yellow.
5589e. Yes, that smell is his spell component pouch. No, you may not suggest that he conjure himself a shower.
5589f. No more of that webcomic for you!

[Dairun Cates]

Well, here's the new ones for tonight. Just when you think your players can't break the universe anymore...

5590. If a player is incapable of functioning without alcohol, it is widely considered a bad idea to deprive him of it because you think it's funny.

5591. This is especially true if the condition in mind makes the character feel insufferable pain.

5592. This is triply true if said character is the key to the majority of the party's effective damage dealing strategy.

5593. This is ridiculously true if said character is the healer.

5594. Most importantly, this is true when you're in a campaign where society encourages extreme violence; the kind where you could be attacked by an armor-plated velociraptor, a ninja, and an 8-year old kid with a mustache and a higher hit than most of the party at any time without explanation. The aforementioned character might also kill you later as well.

5595. On a similar note, as a GM, I should not overestimate my party's ability to take out an armored velociraptor, a ninja, and said kid with mustache (especially without a healer).

5596. A TPK is not the best way to introduce a new PC.

5597. Especially if the PC IS the TPK.

5598. It is generally frowned upon to spend your rerolls on making your own teammates fail because they refused to get you alcohol.

5599. It is also generally a bad idea for the party to force 10 rerolls in the first scene of the session.

5600. I will not send an entire militia after an enemy that beat me once (especially PC's).

5601. As a GM, I should never again introduce a character whose name can be confused for a pronoun or possessive pronoun (Yuu, Mii, Mai, Ai, etc). The joke's should only go for so long.

5602. No freezing someone's computer literally.

5603. For the last time, not every answer can be found at a bar.

5604. Tact and Diplomacy are not best left up to the alcoholic.

5605. Characters should not be excepted into the party in the middle of a court case.

5606. Objecting Phoenixes, although topical to the setting, are just silly.

5607. Upon discovering that the person that has been stealing items left and right is just a very confused bear with sticky fur, the party should consider the holes through 4 feet of reinforced steel before attempting to take the items back from the bear.

5608. As a GM, I am not allowed to say that the randomized attack "isn't likely to hit your own party members". It always does, regardless of odds.

5609. When a player jokingly insinuates that my dice cup is for fudging dice rolls, I may not make a roll on the open table and jokingly telling my player that he dies and then realize I rolled a critical right in front of him. The players will never doubt me again, but it honestly scares the hell out of everyone.

5610. The party cannot take the unconscious boss to the healer's and get it raised to full HP just because they missed one of the stealable items on the boss. I know it's silly that under this system you can't just take them off his unconscious body, but it's even sillier to fight a challenging boss twice just for an insanely mundane item.

5611. If the party manages to convince the GM to let them heal the boss to full HP for said opportunity to steal mundane equipment, the party should not be shocked when said boss is noticeably pissed.

5612. You may not heal the boss and knock him out a third time in order to get revenge for the boss landing a critical and turning one of the party members into a grease stain. It's your own damn fault for healing him in the first place, and he sure as hell is going to do it again given the chance.

5613. Under no circumstances should you hit your own teammates with an instant kill attack, even if it is to hit the boss.

5614. After knocking the boss out a third time, you do not gain access to the bear species template.

5615. You cannot kill the damn fourth time just to see if you'll get an easter egg.

5616. As a GM, I should refrain from using velociraptors to keep the party from healing the poor bear and beating it up again.

5617. No. Defeating a boss 3 times under your own stupidity does not count as power-leveling.

5618. No. You do not get role-playing experience for valiantly dying in a battle against a boss you've already beaten.

5619. No. All that WASN'T worth the autograph on the mundane equipment.

5620. No spending 50 energy to change the gender of the nurse from male to female so you can hit on her.

[Xuincherguixe]

5621. Hitting on the Nurse when you haven't spent 50 energy to convert said Nurses gender will really freak out the other players.

5622. The cleric is discouraged from killing that player.

5623. Beholders may not have Monk Levels.

5624. Nor can Treants.

5625. The shoggoth most certainly can't have Monk levels.

5626. The rock can't have monk levels.

5627. The manifestation of gods rage not only can have Monk Levels, but is encouraged to take the prestige class of total party killer. It has 5 levels, and at first gains the the ability to make rocks fall wherever it so chooses.

5628. You may not defeat the manifestation of gods rage, with monk and total party killer levels, who has the ability to make rocks fall wherever it chooses.

5629. The players may not deal sanity damage to the GM.

5630. Just because your character's name is Nietzsche does not mean you can bypass damage reduction on deities.

5631. There is no deity for eating habits.

5632. You may not ride the squirrel.

5633. The giant especially cannot ride the squirrel.

5634. There is no one you can bribe to change the laws of physics.

(Many of those I plan on doing as a DM :P)

[ThorFluff]

Some from my own varied gameplay:

5635: You are not allowed to Turn into gas and entering someones lungs and then turning back to normal, blowing them to greasy little bits.

5636: You are not to to present any course of action, based on knowledge you think you have, aquired to visions, dreams or otherwise that the other partymembers don't. This is because they a: Don't belive in your visions or prophecies, and b: it makes you look really crazy.

[horseboy]

5637 I am not to refer to the "tiger" strain of lycanthropy as "Cat Scratch Fever"

5638 I am not allowed to make an archer or Sniper based character with the names, nick names, call signs or any other forms of referencing to the terms "Ghost", "God", or "The Nuge"

5639 If I do wind up with one called "The Nuge" he does NOT wear a "bad ass loincloth, you know, while he's doing laundry."



54. Cannot pimp out other party members.


On a related note. My original party consisted of a Troll, a t'skrang and two windlings. The windlings played a game of dice to see who would get to ride the troll. The elementalist won. Shortly into the campaign, the t'skrang passed out at the bar one night from too much to drink. When he woke up "someone" had tattooed flames on his crest. Not to be out done, the elementalist pooled his money with the troll and got him a set of plate armour. While the weaponsmith was fitting it to the troll, the elementalist asked him if he could flair out the leg greaves. When asked why he replied: "For curb feelers!" Thus, the battle of "Pimp my ride" has begun.

5640 Yes, I know you're riding on his shoulder. I know he just got hit, but you may NOT use your trick riding skill in place of his Avoid Blow.

5641 No, the Avoid Blow talent isn't how you find out if she has braces.

5642 Henceforth the new obsidiman will not be allowed to use his 24 str to force any PC, NPC or any other living or undead or dead organism to play the "Stop hitting yourself" game.

5643 Yes naming an item is the first step twords solidifying it's magical pattern and becoming an item of legend. However, you may NOT name your 2 handed war hammer "Sledge-o-matic". Even if you do do an average of 32 points a round with it.

(From a prior campaign)
5644 No, trolls do not have gems sprouting out of their belly buttons.

5645 Rubbing the troll's stomach only makes you lucky if you're another troll, too.

(My own style)
5646 My t'skrang warrior adept will not present the BBEG female blood warder with a single white rose.

5647 I will not use it as an Enchanted Gift. Said gift will not be instilled with feeling of loneliness of the current emptiness for her situation.

5648 I will not use this as a circumstance bonus to overcome her insanely high social defense for Instill Love.

5649 I will not seduce BBEG.

5650 I will not do 5646-5649 because it might be viewed as "anti-climatic" or be cause it allowed me to "solo" the encounter. I will not do this because blood wardens have thorns EVERYWHERE!

5661 I will not forget to call her then next day. After all, we just got this whole BBEG thing settled. The last thing we need is a VBBEG psycho-bitch ex-girlfriend story arc.

5662 Through player-DM negotiations I will never again play a questor of Astendar and he will not make the Ritual of Thorns an STD in his world.

[randomguyonfire]

5663 when imprisoned in a 20 foot deep stone pit with a sliding trap door for a exit we are not to build a human tower with the monk on top wait for the door to open and then jump out, especially if he has a improvised rope to pull up the other pcs :smallbiggrin:

[Alyorbase]

Here's some from my experiences some are mine some are other people...
5664. I am never allowed to talk to talking doors again...EVER
5665. If 5664 is broken, I am not allowed to tell the door that we want inside so that we can pillage, plunder, and burn everything inside.
5666. If 5665 is broken, I am not to whine when the door feebleminds me because it had detect thoughts going and knew I was telling the truth
5667. Sorcerors/Wizards are not allowed to use their melee weapons...ever...no not even then.
5668. If one player attacks another player in the party, be prepared for the party wizard to feeblemind you and make you a vegetable.
5669. Shattering the town monument twice, and then casting slay living on one guard, and then blindness/deafness'ing the other guard who attacked you because you shattered said monument, while awesome, is typically frowned upon
5670. If 5669 is broken, be prepared for your priest of Talos to be the first ever PC to die from "Police Brutality"
5671. Leroy Jenkins was a Paladin...not a Sorceror.

5669 and 5670 actually happened to a priest of talos I made. I shattered the town monument and got away with it. When the town rebuilt it, I shattered it again only this time I found 2 friends with it. Upon slay living the first guard, I then blindness'd the other and taunted him as I smacked him with my mace...needless to say I was eventually found by some guards, beaten down to negative hp's, then dragged down a flight of stairs which knocked me down to neg 10...totally worth it:smallbiggrin:

[Alyorbase]

ooh one I forgot...
5672. Never, NEVER try to flying kick a Sphere of Annihilation...it never ends well for you

[Arbitrarity]

5673: Should I play a druid/bard/Foluchan Lyrist with "speak with plants", I may not sing "I've heard the screams of the vegetables"

[Jibar]

5674. I am never again allowed to make a character with specialisation in fireball, Profession (Plumber) and ocall him Mario.
5675. Neither can I make an Awakened Gorilla with Exotic Weapon Profiency (Barrels).

[Winged One]

5676: I will not make a character with +16 to Intimidate and call her Chistine Walken.
5677: these spells (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51644) are unknown outside of Sigil Prep.
5678: The 6th stage of grief is not "everything is on fire!"

[Aimbot]

5679 I am no longer allowed to model Lawful good PCs and NPCs after real world evil dictators.

[TigerHunter]

5680. Prestidigation cannot be used to do any of the following
-freeze people's blood, killing them instantly
-tear out tiny but vital organs
-prevent their heart from beating
-shut off the brain's supply of oxygen
5681. The spell can't deal damage. Period. No matter how many ways you can come up with to use 1 pound of force to kill someone.

[Winged One]

5682: psionicists do not hold power over mexican food.
5683: rogues do not have to interupt random sentences by shouting "sneak attack!", nor by actually sneak attacking people.
5684: I may not have both a constant Greater Invisibility effect and an extremely high Intimidate modifer.
5685: my job is not about "getting to know people...and killing them!"
5686: I may not introduce a fad that involves giving me a Hummer and a burrito.
5687: evil bar wenches who hate adventurers may be amusing, but you still shouldn't trust them.
5688: Vecna is, in fact, acceptable. As a deity for people who you're trying to kill, but nevertheless.
5689: dwarves can take reckless advantage of the fact that nobody knows anything about their culture to get away with outragious things, but that is a chaotic act.
5690: elves do not cause cancer. Shut up. You grandmother did not die of elven cancer, you liar.

[DaMullet]

5691: You may not save up explosive runes for a week, just to throw 30 of them at a time at ANYTHING.

5692: If you do that, expect it to backfire somehow.

5693: If this backfire happens in the form of a caster NPC that just happens to know Greater Dispel, tough luck.

5694: If your counter to this strategy is to take your readied action to run up adjacent to him before he dispels, and end up taking him with you, well, I hope you rolled a backup character.

5695: If, at the time of his casting, you and he happened to be adjacent to nearly the entire party, two others of which happened to have MORE explosive runes, such that 50 were dispelled and blown, and you kill the entire party, except the rogue who has evasion, DO NOT expect Roleplaying experience for "a touching self-sacrifice."

[SurlySeraph]

5682: psionicists do not hold power over mexican food.
5683: rogues do not have to interupt random sentences by shouting "sneak attack!", nor by actually sneak attacking people.
5684: I may not have both a constant Greater Invisibility effect and an extremely high Intimidate modifer.
5685: my job is not about "getting to know people...and killing them!"
5686: I may not introduce a fad that involves giving me a Hummer and a burrito.
5687: evil bar wenches who hate adventurers may be amusing, but you still shouldn't trust them.
5688: Vecna is, in fact, acceptable. As a deity for people who you're trying to kill, but nevertheless.
5689: dwarves can take reckless advantage of the fact that nobody knows anything about their culture to get away with outragious things, but that is a chaotic act.
5690: elves do not cause cancer. Shut up. You grandmother did not die of elven cancer, you liar.

5696. "Malcanthet Malcanthet Malcanthet" doesn't work.
5697. The Succubus Queen of Demons isn't emo.
5698. No, you can't play as Venger.
5698a. If, in a fit of temporary insanity, the DM allows you to play as Venger, you may not eat any women. And certainly not "one bite at a time."
5699. You may not retire from adventuring to open a delicatessen.
5700. If it was in the PHB PSAs, you can't do it.

[Gnome King]

5701. I may not spend every day possible of an adventure that started at level one, and ended at level twenty, saving up explosive runes, just so that on the final BBEG fight, right before we all retire, I can empty five max sized bags of holding FILLED with explosive runes on the BBEG's spellbook during a timestop, then run back to the party and purposly fail at casting dispel magic on all of them.

5702. I may never again convince the Wis/Int 3 barbarian that the sun wont rise tomorrow if he doesent drink ALL of the beer in the tavern, just because he annoyed me.

5703. When playing a bard, My song of freedom may not be ANY of These. (http://www.skammich.com/leekspin.html)

5704. Nor does playing it with no target give me an "Awesomeness" bonus of +infinity against law and laws.

[TheLogman]

5705: The answer to any given puzzle is NEVER EVER kick it repetitively.
5706: If a chest is left in the middle of a room, unlocked, I may not open it without first looking over it for traps.
5707: Shooting an arrow across a room, and then Climbing over a river on it is NEVER a better idea than just jumping the 5 foot Gap.

[horseboy]

5703. When playing a bard, My song of freedom may not be ANY of These. (http://www.skammich.com/leekspin.html)

5703 a Nor may be one of these: Freedom! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKDk-mg1J9Q)

[puppyavenger]

5708. I am not alowed to use the lupehole that lets the BEEg have every level in a PRC.

[sakusha]

In my family...
-My father, me, my younger brother, and my younger sister all play RPGA D&D. Dad's been playing since the 70s.
-My mother played some 1.0/2.0 to get the feel of the game & now knows such things as "You don't serve food in the middle of a battle", that most RPGA events take 4 hours, all about cons, etc.
-My other (younger) sister used to play, but stopped around 3.0 conversion. Family lore says that her Druid permanently polymorphed into a chicken.

5709.) When DM-ing, my father is not allowed to cast Slay Living on ANY of my characters. EVER. (He did it 3 times to one of my first characters. Nevermind the fact that she never did die.)
5710.) Do not cuss around my mother’s children when at ANY table with them in ANY capacity (DM or judge) while under her roof. You won’t get fed breakfast OR lunch OR dinner.
5711.) Even if you are the DM, do everything in your power to NOT kill my little sister’s druid’s animal companion. You will make her cry.
5712.) Do NOT make the little girl cry. She’s a DM too and one day you may be sitting at one of her tables.
5713.) Just because you can add up another player’s damage dice faster than he can doesn’t mean you should shout it out for him.
5714.) Only do so if he added it wrong.
5715.) Making cracks about my romantic life or sexual preferences at a gaming table is reason enough for my retired Marine father to break out his shotgun.
5716.) This goes double for my younger sister.
5717.) Just because you’re a cheese-weasel power-gaming of a combat monkey does not excuse you from role-playing encounters or the table until combat erupts. Yes, even in Greyhawk. And especially not role-playing intense, historic earth campaigns.
5718.) Just because a Greater Barghest can consume a corpse does not mean it can do so as a standard action in the middle combat, ESPECIALLY because the Monster Manual doesn’t allow it to do so. (My brother lost a character permanently due to an a**hole of a Greyhawk judge that did this.)
5719.) Low-level characters should not taunt the high-levels with a “butt-whooping”. Especially the 17th level Monk/Paladin.
5720.) No reading during a game.
5721.) … or drawing
5722.) … or passing notes
5723.) … or playing games on your laptop computer
5724.) … especially not World of Warcraft
5725.) Yes, I/my little sister/my little brother have been gaming longer than you/have shorter RPGA numbers/can quote the rules better. Deal with it.
5726.) Yes, my mother can prevent you from playing a certain character at our house ever again.
5727.) Yes, my mother can prevent you from ever playing at our house ever again.
5728.) Just because our cats can roll dice doesn’t mean you can keep that natural 20.
5729.) If you quote an old/obscure film/movie/book, you’d better be prepared to explain it to the younger generation of players.
5730.) The artificer is a Warforged’s GOD and should be treated as such.
5731.) I (the artificer) cannot be more twinked out than the tank (the Warforged Barbarian/Fighter/Juggernaut), no matter how much money I have.
5732.) Changelings without a gender freak out your siblings and you are only allowed to play ONE. EVER.
5733.) Your bard cannot invent a new dance based on DDR moves.

[PhallicWarrior]

Brilliant! I wish my family was like yours!
Anywho,
5734a: The wookie is not allowed to tear tables out of the floor and throw them at the boss.
5734b: Or at droids.
5734c: Or at AT-ATs.
5734d: 5734b includes, indeed emphasizes, tank droids laden with explosives!

[Webtron]

5375 - the kender does NOT hold the torch... ever...
5376 - when lighting the campfire, the halfling isnt kindling...
5376a - neither is the elf...
5376b - or the kobold...

[jaqueses]

5377. While in a progress level 8 campaign, one cannot have Boost powered armor with an integrated Photon Shield (cloaking device), Personal Force Field (DR 10/-), Piercing Visor (X-Ray Vision) and a Rail Gun with Phasing ammunition for shooting through walls at level 3.
5378. You can not broadcast music over everyone's comm lines.
5378b. Even if they are the enemy.
5378c. No you don't give them morale penalties.
5378d. You can't play smart heroes ever again.

[TigerHunter]

5379. Mage Hand cannot be used to perform any of the effects in my previous post, no matter how many ways I can think of to use a whole 5 pounds of force to kill someone.
5380. Nor Greater Mage Hand, even though 40 pounds of force is more than enough to crush someone's windpipe. (I think.)
5381. When the party is searching for the Kraken's lair, using Rings of Water Breathing, the bard is not allowed to play "Under the Sea" from the Little Mermaid.
5382. Nor is the DM allowed to use it as background music.

[Irreverent Fool]

5725.) Yes, I/my little sister/my little brother have been gaming longer than you/have shorter RPGA numbers/can quote the rules better. Deal with it.

I didn't hear anybody asking or challenging the fact. I imagine I'm taller than you as well, but I don't go pointing out arbitrarily. Now, since this is a 'things I'm not allowed to do while gaming' list, let's pretend that you meant this as something you should never say to us or your gaming group because it has a very high potential to upset people simply due to an obvious attitude of superiority.

Can we be a little more civil, please?

[Xuincherguixe]

Having been reminded of that Deckers can now hack Cyberware in 4th edition...

5383. You may not take over the Troll's Cyberarm and proceed to make the arm start smashing him in the skull while saying "Stop hitting yourself!"
5384. Even if he was doing that stupid thing with your measly little decker arms.
5385. You may especially not do it with retracted spurs and the alternate line, "Stop killing yourself!"
5386. You may not tell the little dwarf kid who just started manifesting his powers on top of the building, "jump".
5387. You may not hack his cyberlegs and force him to when he doesn't listen to your "advice" and realizes that life is just barely worth living.
5388. You may not sell his organs.
5389. You do not alignment shift. There is no Alignment.
5390. You may not raise him as a zombie, you do not know how to make zombies.
5391. You may not learn how to make zombies. Not even from the other player who has been making them. His zombies have been used for mostly ethical purposes.
5392. When the kid's ghost comes back to haunt you, you may not hack the ghosts legs.
5393. You may not hack the troll's cyberlimb, with spurs retracted you took off the dead troll's body to fight the ghost. You broke it on it's owners face.
5394. You do somehow get Good Karma from all this.
5395. You may use a house rule, where you gain bad karma. Bad Karma is used in an identical way, but you get it for being a horrible person.

[mostlyharmful]

Having been reminded of that Deckers can now hack Cyberware in 4th edition...

5383. You may not take over the Troll's Cyberarm and proceed to make the arm start smashing him in the skull while saying "Stop hitting yourself!"
5384. Even if he was doing that stupid thing with your measly little decker arms.
5392. When the kid's ghost comes back to haunt you, you may not hack the ghosts legs.
5393. You may not hack the troll's cyberlimb, with spurs retracted you took off the dead troll's body to fight the ghost. You broke it on it's owners face.


but... but... this is what a hacker lives for, it's the lifeblood of geeky spindley armed losers surrounded by beefy psychos, it's the be-all and end-all of what it means to be an over-intellegent under-achiever..... NOOOOOO!!!!

[Xuincherguixe]

but... but... this is what a hacker lives for, it's the lifeblood of geeky spindley armed losers surrounded by beefy psychos, it's the be-all and end-all of what it means to be an over-intellegent under-achiever..... NOOOOOO!!!!

Most of the things I've contributed to this list are things I actively encourage players to do.

[Alyorbase]

Most of the things I've contributed to this list are things I actively encourage players to do.

Most of the things on this entire list are things we do in our campaigns to distract, tick off, or other wise make the DM's head hurt. :smallbiggrin: And he hates us for it

[puppyavenger]

5397 the correct response to "sticks and stone can break my bones but words can never hurt me," is no Power word pain

[Demented]

I didn't hear anybody asking or challenging the fact. I imagine I'm taller than you as well, but I don't go pointing out arbitrarily. Now, since this is a 'things I'm not allowed to do while gaming' list, let's pretend that you meant this as something you should never say to us or your gaming group because it has a very high potential to upset people simply due to an obvious attitude of superiority.

Can we be a little more civil, please?
I can't imagine you're serious... I just can't.

[SurlySeraph]

5379. Mage Hand cannot be used to perform any of the effects in my previous post, no matter how many ways I can think of to use a whole 5 pounds of force to kill someone.
5380. Nor Greater Mage Hand, even though 40 pounds of force is more than enough to crush someone's windpipe. (I think.)

It only takes 9 pounds of force to break someone's neck.

...What? I'm a wrestler. I need to know such things.

[mostlyharmful]

It takes less than a tenth of an ounce applied to the correct cell ganlia of the brain to reduce someone to a vegitable, however that is inside their field of amazingness, even average joes have fields of amazingness (albeit tiny little ones) and these prevent science logicians from popping 20+ characters brains from 100' with no save..... AWESOMENESS every DMs friend:smallsmile:

[BardicDuelist]

5384: Energy substutition cannot be used to make shivering touch not affect a different energy subtype (like fire instead of cold) so that you may effectively one shot whatever the hell you want by maximize empowering it.

5385: The above feat cannot change a spell to positive energy to out heal a cleric.

5386: Even if it could, it would not allow you to use shivering touch on undead to do ability drain and one shot those as well.

5387: That spell no longer exists. Neither does that feat. I don't care that the above uses violate RAW and you really CAN'T do them.

[Arbitrarity]

Lol... so true.

"You have 27 dex?"
"Nooo... 16"
"Ok, you lose."
"WTF?!"

5388: Any damaging technique based on the number of instances of an object or spell is capped at 20d6.

Whoops, poor format.

5388(revised): I may not get a lot of things that do damage in one place, and set them all off at once. Examples of such include explosive runes, shrink item'd rocks, and C4.

[Kamakazee_Gnome]

5389. The list of items I am not allowed in any genre has expanded to include: thermonuclear hand grenades, 30-second bombs (with the audible countdown), Super soakers filled with alchemical substances, and fullblades.

5390. I am not allowed to do a literary or performance critique of the BBEG's monologue.

5391. By EL 20, it is generally assumed that I will have at least one level of a PC class.

5391a. Unless I'm using a 20-level monster class out of Savage Species.

5392. Any paladin modeled in any way after Kore will immediately die due to random natural causes, divine intervention, or a massively level-inappropriate encounter.

5393. While it may be an incredibly bad idea for the paladin to try on unidentified helmets, the paladin's code does not forbid it specifically.

5394. In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not a sufficient apology for opening a massive rift to any lower plane.

[PsyBlade]

5392. Any paladin modeled in any way after Kore will immediately die due to random natural causes, divine intervention, or a massively level-inappropriate encounter.

5394. In the continuing saga, "whoops" is not a sufficient apology for opening a massive rift to any lower plane.

5394a. Unless it is a DMPC/NPC's response to 5392.

5394b. Or any character that is not allowed.

[Fireball.Man.Guy.]

5395. No, Boxing gloves on arrows DO NOT FLY.
5396. Neither do grenades on arrows
5397. How the hell is that handcuff arrow even supposed to work, anyway?

[ThorFluff]

(due to someones typo, we lost 300 in the count, did anyone notice we were at 5700?)

anyhow...
5395a I may NOT belittle to party for having me as thier main close combat "tank", even though you ARE a Wizard by class.

[Erkira the Red]

5398. A good aligned paladin get fired if the sacrifice their party member to their god, no ifs, ands or buts
5399. As a cleric your are expected to use you healing spells
5400. Climbing a cliff in a hailstorm, that is doing lethal damage, is usually fatal.
5401. As DM it is your right to guilt the party members for sacrificing one of their own to their god.
5402. Just because you cut the rangers hand off but accident does not make them feel any better.
5403. … especially when you only meant to cut off the pinky for religious purposes
5404. … and you just “accidentally” cut off their ear.
5405. … just because the character is knocked out and therefore doesn’t know it was you, their player is entirely too aware it was.

[Marek]

Here's a few I though of...

5406. Using the Blind Fight ability is not acceptable when trying to hit a pinata
5407. Even if the guy hoisting up the pinata keeps bouncing it on your head
5408. Just because your character has a high constitution score does not mean you can drink someone under the table IRL
5409. Creating an intelligent magical sword named "Simon" that critiques your opponents in a british accent is not an acceptable use of the Craft skill
5410. Neither is creating a mace named "Ramsey" that grants a +10 bonus to preparing food.
5411. No, Chuck Norris is not on the Summon Planar Ally list of summonable creatures
5412. Your character cannot imitate anything ever done by Chuck Norris. Failure to abide by this rule will result in a Total Party Kill.

[Jibar]

5413. I may not cast Remove Disease on the undead, and claim I'm getting rid of the T-Virus
5414. Not all puzzles involve going halfway across an island to retrieve a crest piece to place in the statue, which will open the route to the graveyard, but first I'll need the shovel so I can dig up the Badly Kept Remains which can be found in the boiler room, the key to which is located at the top of a tower, whose door is guarded by a Hunter.
5415. I cannot claim a bonus against fighting zombies due to training with Chris Refield.

[XtheYeti]

5416: If i cant stop laughing long enough to explain what i want to do on my turn, it is in fact, right out.

5417:if it makes the "nam" vet vomit, especialy before i get to the evil part, it is
so not ok.

5418:there is to be no consuming of the flesh of orphans, not for unholy power, not for sustenence, not forany reason.

5418b: i said no eating orphans. i dont care what your alignment is.

5419: there is no excuse for a paladin to be informed that he is the new god evil, slaughter, chaos, and darkness. especialy if he is a better personification
of those atributes then the current deity.




as a DM




5420:If it exists in more then the normal dimensions of reality, i should consider that not only do my players not comprehend, these extra dimensions, but neither does modern science, and therefore the number of cat girls that will be slain for my use of them, is on the level of genocide.

5421:If the 3d maze that my players have to go through is mesured in miles,
and the longest that players can walk before turning is 100 feet, it willtake to long, and should be shrank, by powers of 10

5421b:the maze should also not require string therory, and other high level math and physics to understand, even when lookingat the whole thing

[TigerHunter]

Shorten. Your. Sig.

Um, please?

[imperialspectre]

5422: I am no longer allowed to bluff the DM's succubus questgiver into drinking a potion of opposite alignment (houseruled).

[kits.dm]

5423: A T.P.K. is unfortunate, it is NOT plan F
5424: Gnomes do not have a racial speech impediment when pronouncing the letter n
5425: Gnome characters must have names
5426: Gnomish rogues do NOT steal underpants in their spare time.
5427: Sniper rifles do not come in sawn off models
5428: Wookiees are not named Dave
5429: Warforged Soulknives should not be named Logan or Wolverine
a: ...even if they have the Adamantine body feat
b: ...which does not extend to the psychic knives anyway.
5430: Warforged druids cannot and do not Transform and Roll Out even if their preferred wild shape form is that of a dire armadillo
5431: Summoning spells do not have a verbal component of "...I choose You!"

[Hadrian_Emrys]

5432: Playing "Simon Says" with your Dominate victim may be humorous but it is also in poor taste.

5433: Power attack for full is not an acceptable form of greeting for npcs.

5434: Nor is it to be used as fodder for innuendo.

5435: EVER AGAIN.

[XtheYeti]

Shorten. Your. Sig.

Um, please?
yeah...that was a bit big...
still is but is better

5436:wind wall and a warehouse that produces a powder that acts like crack and LSD at the same time while being more adictive then heroine is a bad idea

5436b:even when the BBEG is their with his whole cabinet, and the powder makes people go totaly insane but boosts thier physical stats through the rough and the BBEG is a wizard.

[The_Werebear]

yeah...that was a bit big...
still is but is better

Put it all in spoiler tags. That shortens everything nicely.

[sparkey477]

because of one really immature guy in our group, the following rules have been instated:

5436; You may not have ranks in perform (ass flute):smallyuk:

5437; If you do get ranks in perform (ass flute) by means of a wish spell, you may not Inspire Nausea

for a 3.0 game:

5438; I don't care if you character is heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrosexual, asexual, transexual, metrosexual, or whatever, they still can't have ranks in ride (ass)

[puppyavenger]

5439 I may not dominate the other members of the party
5440 nor may I dominate them
5441 I may not bluff the kobolds into thinking that I'm a god
5442 with cantripps
5443 as a 1st level sorcerer
5444 nor goblins
5445 nor anything of the humanoid type
5446 I may not use the bluff skill to make myself imortal

[Arbitrarity]

because of one really immature guy in our group, the following rules have been instated:

5436; You may not have ranks in perform (ass flute):smallyuk:

5437; If you do get ranks in perform (ass flute) by means of a wish spell, you may not Inspire Nausea

for a 3.0 game:

5438; I don't care if you character is heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrosexual, asexual, transexual, metrosexual, or whatever, they still can't have ranks in ride (ass)

Of course, these rules don't affect the rest of your group, right?
:smalleek:
Right?

[Balkash]

5447: i am not allowed to release ANYTHING onto the bodies of dead enemies, no matter how much i hate them
5448: i am not allowed to use urine as a splash weapon anymore

[Iudex Fatarum]

5449. No character is allowed to be baby blue
5450. No character I play is alowed to be a smurf or simulate a smurf for all purposes and intents (gnomish bard with blue skin and white hair and very high voice male)

[Hadrian_Emrys]

5451: Calling dibs on the role of party leader, then deliberately rolling a negative score on Wis and Cha stopped being funny before the first time.

5452: Why yes, actually, power attack for full IS an appropriate response to that character.

[Alyorbase]

5453: An Intelligence check (d20+int modifier) is not a Knowledge (wtf) check.

5453a: Niether is a Bardic Knowledge check

5454b: You may not put ranks into Knowledge (wtf)

5454c: Knowledge (wtf) DOES NOT EXIST

[Jibar]

5455: "I shoot laser beams out my ass" is not what you say when you use intimidate.
5455b: Neither can you use it with a bluff check.
5456: No, you cannot put a tune to said phrase and use it as your bard song when playing a curse song.
5457: You cannot shoot laser beams out of your ass.
5457b: Especially not in a medieval setting where laser beams do not exist.

[Ivellios]

5458: Phantasmal Killer does not make my opponent see Master Chief, Chuck Norris, or Jakie Chan.

[kits.dm]

something that came up from last night.

5459: I am now no longer allowed to let the Paladin negotiate.