Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[puppyavenger]

5460 I am limited to destroying the multiverse through loopholes once per session

[Aiylithe]

5461. The rogue is not allowed to hit on the lizardmen anymore
5462. Especially not when the DM is her boyfriend
5463. The DM is no longer allowed to wear his "Reaper" shirt when we play
5464. We can't name the giant spider after the sound effect one of the players made when it cut the monk in half (KVOMP!)
5465. No warforged anythings in an aquatic environment
5466. The CG VoP monk with the Golden Ice Ravage can never, ever, give the LE rogue a pat on the back, no matter how she just saved his sorry butt
5467. In fact, they aren't allowed near each other
5468. The rogue has permission to steal back the monk's share of the loot, though
5469. Duel-Wielding Rods of Wonder is not the name of a porn flick
5470. No using a rod of wonder out of battle
5471. Or as a trap that can't be disarmed
5472. Or spacing said traps every five feet on both sides of a narrow corridor
5473. And then having that corridor lead to a dead end and having to pass through it again
5473b. No playing D&D at 3:00 am when the DM is on a sugar rush
5474. No taking the dead children's bones as trophies
5475. In fact, the rogue has found far too many things sexy to be allowed near the dead children at all
5476. The rogue is also not allowed to put any more bones on her armour
5477. When the party's rogue also functions as the tank, there is a problem
5478. No more convincing the fighter to walk "Just a little closer" to the pond to check for alligators
5479. The druid is not allowed to hate trees, no matter how badly they're drawn
5480. The sorcerer cannot keep his tiny viper familiar in his pants
5481. Nor can he bluff the rest of the party into believing that the resultant bulge isn't really his familiar
5482. Nor can he name it "Nibbles the Trouser Snake"
5483. The gnome's name should not be a paragraph long
5484. When gnomes can't see over the tall grass, they should be kept on a leash
5485. The evil rogue cannot speak for the party, no matter how intelligent she may be
5486. Nor can the gnome bard, no matter what his charisma, as long as he continues to insist that his alignment is "chaotic silly"
5487. Dexterity is worth more than Charisma in bed
5488. I am never allowed to seduce a displacer beast, no matter how kinky that would be. Same goes for dragons, liches, and everything else that has reproductive organs of any variety
5489. The BoVD should not be used as a guide for lovers
5490. Especially when when it's out of character

I love my rogue. :smallwink:

[KazilDarkeye]

(the numbers have been off for a while)

570. ...neither is anything Bart Simpson has used for a prank phone call.


I know this is from a while back but Hah Hah! (although it would prohibit people called John:

Bart: Hi, is there a John there?
Homer: I am sorry, but there is no John here.
Bart: Then how do you go to the bathroom?

[Iudex Fatarum]

5491. Not allowed to start a war between two nations purley to profit off arms dealing. especialy with a LG character.

[KazilDarkeye]

Forgot some:

5492. When in an army ordering an NPC to kill someone, I will make sure they are MY subordinate.
5493. I will also not do this BEFORE we interrogate him.
5494. When interrogating someone, casting Zone of Truth is generally advisable IF the prisoner is in the zone (no pun intended)
5495. When interrogating the prisoner is is generally inadvisable to give him helium.
5496. When interrogating said prisoner, you do not have ranks in Good Cop(Bad Cop). And you must not try to make a check without a friend.
5497. When killing said prisoner, I will not shout "Finish Him!"
5497b. I will not claim said death is a "fatality"
5498. Urinating in the town well...bad idea
5499. Urinating on the town guard...also bad idea.
5500. Syringes are not supposed to used down there. Ever. Period.

[XtheYeti]

6001:I dont care if mages will pay more for dragons as individual parts then they will as a whole corpse, you may not spend a week disecting the corpse when the fate of the multiverse hangs in the balance!!!

6002:If the fate of the the multiverse does not hang in the balance and therefore you do disect the dragon, if one more plan involves the dragons balls then rocks fall everybody dies.

6003:the crack squad of mystic thuge enforcers may not have tactics that consist of "disintegrate first, speak with dead after" especialy if they are only dispatched to capture prisoners with stealth, and not cause casualties!!!

[wadledo]

6004: Jimmy Buffett is not a Prestige class, even if you are a level 20 bard.
6005: Just because the setting is ambiguous does not mean if you start using big words the other players wont cast silence permanently.
6006: A fish is not a paladin weapon even if it is +4.
6007: Monks will never be NPC's.
6008: The all Monk and Bard group will die from total out of game intelligence being less than their in game armor.

[internerdj]

6009: Altars to dark gods are not urinals.
6010: You really don't enough ranks in bluff to prove that you are the avatar of said dark god and you are free to use your alter as a urinal.

[sparkey477]

611: I don't care if the paladin was polymorphed into a shrimp, removing the black vein won't also remove the stick! That must be done seperatly.

[TheAlmightyOne]

6012: Atempting to remove the tablecloth from the alter really quickly so as not to displace the items on top is a bad idea if the wizard/paladin just told you it was radiating horrible amounts of magic/evil
6013: After the altercloth has electrocuted you with concealed magic the cleric is entitled to anything you find in the dungeon because you were that stupid and he still decided to heal you.

[RHJunior]

You've read that thread too? The guy's hilarious. But if he was my player, I'd probably try to kill him. More than usual, at least.

which thread is that? linky please?

[BRC]

6013:I cannot sugjest the Ginger Beer trick as an interrogation method (actually came up in one session.)
6014: When the party enters a room inhabited by enemies, I am not allowed to shout "TAKE DRAMATIC POSES" (Also occured).
6015: If rule 6014 is broken, the players should not take a dramatic pose appropriate to their character.(Also occured)

[Blackdrop]

6016. I may not use Death Urge on any of my party members.
6016a. It also may not be used to get out of paying for drinks.
6017. I may not use Mindwipe on any of my party member

[Winged One]

6018: Death Urge may not be used on a samurai of any kind. I mean come on, that's way too easy.
6019: Even if my Saga edition character has all 3 talents in the Master Slicer tree, the Skill Focus feat in Use Computer, and is being trained by the Emperor in the ways of the Force, his name is not Darth Haxxor.
6020: The name of said character's party member whose first Pilot check of note was a natural 1 is not Darth Crashtheship.
6021: Due to the DM's houserule about lightsabers removing limbs on a natural 1 from a nonproficient wielder, my character is not allowed to use his lightsaber outside of training.
6022: I will not sing the first lines of the (clean)Star Wars Rap every time that the DM's houserule that gives Force Lighting a power boost comes up.
6023: my character should also not piss off the guy who is the most skilled combatant of the entire party, especially since he's the least skilled(at least with a lightsaber).

[Hadrian_Emrys]

6024: A full round action to catch and release your Blade Guide from a bottle does not result in a Heal spell.

6025: If you call your Guide by that name again I'll make you put on a headset with "Hey! Listen!" set to loop for the rest of the game I swear.

[Arbitrarity]

6026: No, there are no bombs in this world. At all.
6027: If 6026 is breached, then no. You can't throw them.

[Nu]

Forgot some:

5492. When in an army ordering an NPC to kill someone, I will make sure they are MY subordinate.
5493. I will also not do this BEFORE we interrogate him.
5494. When interrogating someone, casting Zone of Truth is generally advisable IF the prisoner is in the zone (no pun intended)
5495. When interrogating the prisoner is is generally inadvisable to give him helium.
5496. When interrogating said prisoner, you do not have ranks in Good Cop(Bad Cop). And you must not try to make a check without a friend.
5497. When killing said prisoner, I will not shout "Finish Him!"
5498. Urinating in the town well...bad idea
5499. Urinating on the town guard...also bad idea.
6000. Syringes are not supposed to used down there. Ever. Period.

How did we go from 5499 to 6000?

5628: Even if the LG wizard baleful polymorphed you into a toad and teleported away, leaving you with your CE wizard ally who banned Abjuration and thus cannot dispel you, and she asks you to dance, you may NOT make a perform check to imitate the Warner Brothers' mascot.
5628b. Even if an appropriately-sized hat and cane are availible.

Semi-related to a recent escapade.

[lumberofdabeast]

5397 the correct response to "sticks and stone can break my bones but words can never hurt me," is no Power word pain

5397b: Nor is it explosive runes.

[Leicontis]

5477. When the party's rogue also functions as the tank, there is a problem
My rogue did that for a while. The other party members were a druid (didn't have wild shape yet), a cleric (played as straight healer/support), and a kobold sorcerer, and I had high physical stats (st14,dx16,cn15) and more weapons than the rest of the party combined, including a +2 dagger (3rd-level party). This is why, until the hp-doubling houserule was concieved, my DM halved sneak attack damage when flanking...


5560. Do not speculate on how to produce a half-gnome.
5561. No, you cannot have a dwarf and a gnome have kids.
One of the PC's in the game I'm in right now is actually a half-gnome-half-dwarf. Mongrelfolk tend to be very interested in her background...

A few rules as DM:
5629: Just because the PCs aren't supposed to engage that hobgoblin raiding party doesn't mean they won't. (2nd-level PCs against a party w/ a lvl 4 hobgoblin fighter for a leader)
5629b: And win.
5630: Never assume that the PCs will do what you expect. They won't. Ever. No, not even then.
5631: I will never again assume that the rider has a higher CR than their mount. (ten CR 1/3 goblins riding ten CR 2 worgs against a 1st level party, anyone? The party actually won...)

[Unscrewed]

5632: Gatling gun duels: No. Just no.
5633: May not use chemistry to prove that "When in doubt, set it on fire" is a useful motto.
5634: May not found the "Physics Police" and go around arresting wizards.
5635: May not sing nursery rhymes in combat.
5636: Must let the DM know the Cleric can raise dead before he runs a murder mystery.

[Kyace]

5636: Must let the DM know the Cleric can raise dead before he runs a murder mystery.
That made me laugh out loud. One would think speak with dead would work too.

[SurlySeraph]

5634: May not found the "Physics Police" and go around arresting wizards.


5637. "A huge pile of dead catgirls falls from the sky onto you. Everyone dies." is not a fair way for the DM to kill the party, no matter what they did.
5638. No, I may not tell the DM that "Rocks fall. Everyone dies." would be more fair.
5639. When the DM asks "Would you really prefer 'Rocks fall, everyone dies?'" I am no longer allowed to say "Yes." Especially if one of the people in the rock-falling radius wrote a twelve-page backstory and drew three highly elaborate pictures of his character, which he had created less than a week ago.

[Unscrewed]

5640: No characters based off Eddie, (http://www.eecomics.net/d/20030701.html) on pain of death.
5641: Only allowed to jury-rig deathtraps once per session.
5642: The Halfling paladin cannot use the barbarian as a mount.
5643: Nor the druid.
5644: If it can be accurately described as a 'mystic bazooka', I can't have it.
5645: I cannot have an AC of 18 without armor. At level one.
5646: I cannot roll more than 5 natural 20's per session.
5647: If lightning bolts are striking all around us, it means that something dramatic is happening. Not that Zeus is a lousy shot.
5648: Any form of skydiving or BASE jumping onto the enemy is forbidden.
5649: Improvised weapons are ok. Improvised steampunk is not.

[internerdj]

A few rules as DM:
5629: Just because the PCs aren't supposed to engage that hobgoblin raiding party doesn't mean they won't. (2nd-level PCs against a party w/ a lvl 4 hobgoblin fighter for a leader)
5629b: And win.

5629c: Also on the red dragon lair raiding party.
5629d: And abandon the paladin while on said raiding party to hide his mount and return to the inn and get drunk.
5630e: And the paladin win by himself.

[Anon-a-mouse]

5631 - Improved evasion does not allow me to avoid awkward questions or exempt me from paying taxes.

5632 - +6 base attack and favoured enemy halfling does not qualify me for the 'Midget Slayer' prestige class.

[Chineselegolas]

5633: Just because some money went missing from my coin pouch, I don't have to take revenge on the villages
5634: Carving the holy symbol of Erythnul into the door of the inn so you remember when it is in a few levels is also not a good idea
5635: Level 1 cannot fight off a mob
5636: The party is never letting me near that village again

[Xuincherguixe]

Now I'm tempted to make a midget slayer prestige class.

If you think about it, there are prestige classes that let you beat up things bigger than you, but few for picking on little things.

[The Glyphstone]

5645: I cannot have an AC of 18 without armor. At level one.

So you can't have a monk or ninja who Minimaxed or lucky-rolled his way into a 18 Dex and 18 Wis? Meany-face people in your group.

[DaMullet]

So you can't have a monk or ninja who Minimaxed or lucky-rolled his way into a 18 Dex and 18 Wis? Meany-face people in your group.

Or heck, he's an elf with a 16 wis. and natural 18 dex.

[The_Werebear]

Or a Kobold Monk with 16 dexterity and 16 wisdom?

[DaMullet]

Hm. Does LA count in this question? If he's, say, an Aasimar, is he still level one?

[Roderick_BR]

For DMs:
5637) An appropriate CR means a fight where the PCs will spend 1/4 of their resources. Not 1/4 of the group's members. (as in, killing 1 for every 4 characters)
5638) You'll read that monster's abilities before throwing it against the party, instead of using that "cool attack" and then say "oops" when you start killing 1 character each round.
5638b) Same thing for when the monster seems useless against the group.
5639) Teleport is a valid way of using a "recurring villain." Making a goblin that mysteriously kills half the party, miraculously avoids ALL the attacks, and runs away under a exploding tunnel to not be followed is not (happened to my group once)
5640) You better have a good excuse to put a devil and a demon working together.
5640b) Specially if they have class levels.
5641) It's considered bad taste and bad DMing when you declare a roll's result before the dice even stopped rolling (usually to the player's demise).

[thelonegoldfish]

2637: I don't care about the backstory...an elf shouldn't weild an elf-bane weapon of any type...EVER...

Except that elf-bane weapons work on drow too...

[Arbitrarity]

Or a Kobold Monk with 16 dexterity and 16 wisdom?

Or a warforged scout with a large shield and mithral body, as well as 20 dex?

(23 AC!)

[Megatron]

2037. A maximum of two major allignment shifts per character. After that, bad stuff happens. And the Helm of Opposite Allignment is forever banned.

Hahaha, this happened to me once. Needless to say, I have a fallen paladin/blackguard due to said helm, which is indeed banned.

[Xuincherguixe]

5642. When you try to apply real world physics to Shadowrun, the state of the cat girl cannot be determined to be dead or alive until it is observed.

[Pakiti]

5643. My party can no longer create new characters while the DM takes a nap.

5644. "Fargargle" Is not the patron diety of mouthwash... yet.

5645. My party can no longer change feats while the DM takes a nap.

5646. My party can no longer change magic items while the DM takes a nap.

5647. Our DM can no longer take naps.

[PhallicWarrior]

5644: No characters are allowed to name their cohorts "Entre" or "Appetizer."
5645: 5644 is waived when the dungeon ends with a black dragon as the final boss. (If you play with my group.)

[internerdj]

5648: 50 lb sacks of flour are no longer for sale.
5649: Nor may you buy 50 1lb bags of flour and a large sack.
5650: Bags of holding and portable holes will no longer hold flour.

[puppyavenger]

5651 Despite the fact that players shouldn't ever be looking in a monster book I may not wack the players hand my fist every time he goes near the MM
5652 especialy when the phb is under it

[internerdj]

5653 Any LARPing of combat must be performed in a way that will not result in any further permanent injury.

[tetsume]

5654:I am not allowed to steal the clothes of everyone on the beach.
5655:I am not allowed to take said clothing and make rope out of it with craft:rope skill
5655:I am not allowed to try and eat through the sand to get out from under the boat on the beach.
5656:I am not allowed to use beach-clothing rope, to tie to the orange and use it for fish bait as we sail in a hand-crafted boat with a rope-made sail.
5657:I'm not allowed to tie the rotten salty orange to the ceiling above me for good luck.
5658:I'm not allowed to run blindly through the dungeon, fighting everything I find.
5659:Plant guts are not improvised weapons.
5660:I am not allowed to piss of the DM, so that canoes, oranges, fish, and angry naked beach people attack me.......... at the same time.

Haha. The sad thing... is these are all true, and I've only had one actual table-top gaming experiance XD

[blademaster42]

5661: Even if it is 'A long long way to Ba Sing Se', my fighter with no ranks in Perform (Sing) cannot constantly remind the rest of the party of this through song. The entire way there.
5662: Slaying innocents to 'see if I grow horns or not' is unnacceptable.
5663: Having one male and one female character of yours engage in carnal relations while the DM's girlfriend is in the room is strictly forbidden, and results in VD.
5664: No discussions about Sam and Frodo's sexual preferences.

[Deme]

5661: Even if it is 'A long long way to Ba Sing Se', my fighter with no ranks in Perform (Sing) cannot constantly remind the rest of the party of this through song. The entire way there.


5665: Likewise, my bard cannot sing anything that sounds at all like "don't let the cave in get you down". Especially not if he accidently caused it.

[Erkira the Red]

5666. rubbing how awsome your AC is in the DM's is a good way to lose it (via death)
5667. the half fariy's flutter save is not a right and the DM can veto it any time

[Hadrian_Emrys]

5668: No. Profession (Salad Tosser) most certainly is NOT a valid skill in this game.

5669: *sigh* No, Steve. It's not kinda like Profession (Cook)...

5670: Yes! Yes, his request had a double meaning Steve! -and yes, you didn't get it. What's new? :smallfurious:

5671: No. Plan B A.K.A. Profession (Gnome Tosser) isn't valid either.

5672:Kender on the other hand...

5673: Why do you insist upon throwing a grenade into EVERY vehicle we clear terrorists out of!?

5674: I will not roll up another knife fighter in a gun based campaign just to make a point.

5675: Even if the puns ALONE make the GM's wrath worthwhile.

5676: Even if I feel it gives me a slight edge.

5677: Why can't I make any more puns!?

[Laharal]

5678: A druid cannot increase his carrying capacity as his beard grows (can't hide things in it).

5679: Saying to the barbarian that he is smelly/stupid/illeterate more than 5 times in a round is considered excessive.

5680: Having knowldge in economics doesn't allow me to start a debate between Smith's and Marx's theories in a D and D game unless I really want to upset my party.

5681: Can't use a gnome to cast light on.

5682: If it involves anything ending in -ium (uranium, adamantium, valium), despite the boom and fun factor, I can't use it in a standard medieval/fantasy setting.

5683: Can't cast 'silence' nor 'petrify' on people outside the game disturbing it; a glass bottle of any kind or a cat should be sufficient.

5684: Using the barbarian's feet smell as a repulsing prop againsnt foes is not efficent beyond 500ft.

5685: Any drinks served to fellow players musn't spill, explode, catch in fire nor glow in the dark.

[Erkira the Red]

5686. before trying to anbush your party members with a gross, smelly rotting hand you found, make sure there is SOMETHING for you to hide behind.
5687. when the mage can way more damage then you can in one round, DON'T pull your sword on her.
5688. heal the guy the made zapped before the major fight secne.
5689. when the cleric quits make sure that everyone has healing potions

[Tarken]

5690: My halfling character may not wield 2 medium bastard swords
5690a:even if he has the required feats accepts the penalties
5691:Using no spell, feat, super natural or extraordinairy ability am i allowed to obtain a plasma rifle
5691a:or a TARDIS
5692: at the end of the day I may not use my remaining casts of daylight on the drow, especially if i may widen/empower/maximise them

[Yeril]

5693: Just becaue he can, my Monks prefered form of transport is not jumping 40ft at a time JUST because he can.

[Winged One]

5694: Comprehend Legalese is not a 9th level spell.
5694a: It's a use of Decipher Script.
5695: If my Star Wars character goes into an Antivillainous (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Antivillain) BSOD (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeroicBSOD) upon the destruction of Alderaan, and the party works for the Empire, the rest of the party is not advised to get him to snap out of it in Grand Moff Tarkin's presence.
5696: We do not have to tie a little bow on captured prisoners.

[Renegade Paladin]

5648: Any form of skydiving or BASE jumping onto the enemy is forbidden.
I do it all the time, utilizing a ring of feather falling and a gryphon paladin's mount. :smallamused:

[Hypothetical]

5693: Just becaue he can, my Monks prefered form of transport is not jumping 40ft at a time JUST because he can.

( Hmm, that sounds so WoWish...)

5697 : When playing Shadowrun, if you make it to the 2nd floor unopposed, even if it's because the plan was awesome and the Face ran right over the first floor guard with logic, always, and i mean ALWAYS, A. Sense before casting a spell. ( OK, the plan sounded great. The reasoning behind it was sound. If the guard had gone to the third floor, it was indeed likely that the guy we were on a mission to retrieve would have said " Wait a minute, I didn't order any books!" However, casting a Stunball on said guard, on a Magically Warded Floor, was probably a bad idea.)
5698 : The Dwarven Shaman should not make a better roll on his Pistol shot then the Troll Gun bunny. OK, the Troll had to leave behind most of his guns, and is ammo was limited to normal, but damn dude, 10 successes on an Ares Predator that started out with 11M damage ( Explosive rounds you know) is just ridiculous.
5699 : When traveling outside your home city, Thou Shalt ALWAYS carry a fake ID that is at least level 8.
5700 : ( and I know this has been said before, but it bears repeating) If anything you plan to do causes the GMs eyes to cross, causes the GM to fall out of his chair from laughing, or makes him give you that one really Evil smile, it probably needs to be rethought.
5701 : It's a church. It has a soup kitchen. That doesn't mean make soup out of everyone in the kitchen. Even if you give thanks first.

5702 : If you rent a Box Truck to help your little scheme, it is assumed that you will lose the deposit on it if it is returned in more than one piece. If it is returned in more than 50 pieces, expect several sets of Bounty Hunters to track you down.

[Maltrich]

5703. I will not combine Major Image and Craft: Disturbing Mental Image in crowded public places.

5703b. Especially not without warning my party members. Even if it does tend to cause the Drow to flee, screaming uncontrollably, and I think it's hilarious.

[Unscrewed]

5704: The use of Cannith mark of Siberys to create chain guns is frowned upon.
5705: I cannot have characters from different campaign settings in the same party. It makes the DM cry.
5706: Anything that that even remotely resembles a BFG 9000 is banned.
5707: Cannot create more than one temporal paradox per session.
5708: There is no such thing as a 'Coolness enhancer'
5709: May not exploit loopholes in reality.
5709b: Creating such loopholes is even worse.
5710: Yo-yo's are not lethal weapons, and I should not make them such.

[Solo]

Yo-yos were originally weapons...

[Damage Control]

5710: Yo-yo's are not lethal weapons, and I should not make them such.You need a level of Psion for that.

[Dareon]

5711: If the BBEG is a Small character, may not disarm him of his Glowy Artifact of Doom and play keep-away.
5711b: Or basketball.

[Unscrewed]

You need a level of Psion for that.

Tell me how.

[puppyavenger]

5712. "Let the buyer beware," written in draconic should not be written on the entrance to the majic item shop.

one cookie for the reference.

[BlackOpal12]

5713. Combining Entangle, Brambles, and Plant Growth, does not, under any circumstances, create a druidic version of Evard's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion.

5714. From here on out, combining Dire Bat form, Rapid Wild Shape, Dire Ape form, Natural Spell, a Ring of Feather Fall, an Amulet of Acid Resistance, and a maximized, acidic Energy Blast to become "The Flying, Grappling Incarnation of Nuclear Doom" is absolutely forbidden.
5714a. No, substituting fire, electricity, ice, or sonic energy does not make #5714 okay.

5715. No, the Killoren's Aspect of the Destroyer does not mean that you are "Nature's Little Ray of Hope and Devastation."

5716. Just because the refugee Wild Elves refer to you as "Forest Spirit" does not mean that your killoren may take divine levels.
5716a. No, you may not demand worship just for giggles either.

5717. I may no longer play killoren druids.
5717a. I may no longer play killoren.
5717b. I may absolutely never again play a druid.

Now, for a little explanation - this was a custom setting, vaguely Heroes of Battle style war against "Tainted Formians," but with no fighter class characters. There was a rogue, with an incredible ability to run straight through any area that I hit with Spike Growth, and repeatedly almost died from it; a sorceress, the other damage dealer; and a ranger who could only hit things infrequently, and almost never did damage. We played every week for 8 months, and the party went up exactly one level in that time. The only loot that I received during the campaign was a giant greatclub that I made myself. I'm not normally one for powergaming, but it kept me from weeping.

In a (very) different campaign, different DM - specifically the "Age of Worms" adventure path from Dungeon Magazine - I played a kobold sorcerer:

5718. While a critical hit, maximum range, for maximum damage, from a dart may have been the hit that killed the last enemy in the dungeon, that does not mean that I have discovered the Legacy Weapon "'Uber-Dart of 'Splody Death," a.k.a. "The LawnDart."

5719. Someone in the party must take the "Gather Information" skill.
5719a. If no one in the party has taken "Gather Information" as a skill, "Intimidate" may be used to manually retrieve important information, such as the location of a plot-vital cave.
5719b. We are not allowed to use "Intimidate" on children younger than 10. Especially seeing as we are a majoritively NG group.
5719c. UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES may the kobold sorcerer attempt a grapple check and a ride check to jump onto an 8 year old's back as part of the Intimidate.
5719d. Shrieking "TELL ME ABOUT THE CAVES TELL ME ABOUT THE CAVES TELL ME ABOUT THE CAVES OR I'LL EAT YOUR FAMILY" whilst clinging to an 8 year old's back, riding him around the town square, is right out.
5719e. Even if it did work beautifully.

5720. I am no longer allowed to play kobolds.
5721. I am no longer allowed to interact with children.

[Quietus]

5712. "Let the buyer beware," written in draconic should not be written on the entrance to the majic item shop.

one cookie for the reference.

Sounds like something from Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. Been so long since I read that book, though...

[puppyavenger]

Sounds like something from Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. Been so long since I read that book, though...

nope
5722 if playing concil of wyrms I mmay not wish that io was alive usinf the io's blood cain as a body.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5723. You may not enchant playing cards so they automaticly cast soul bind on the loser after a card game
5723a. You may not use these cards to recreate and mock episodes of yu-gi-oh

[Silkenfist]

5724. If I need a Mendel-tree to explain it, I may not use the racial template.
5725. My Drow may not worship the Spider Goddess Lol

[Mysticforce]

5726. A dwarf is not a two-handed weapon. (Earthdawn)

5727. After an hour of whispering and planning for an upcoming encounter with an unknown number of extremely nasty critters in a dark cave 400ft under ground, you may not use Heartening Laugh to cheer the party up right before springing the surprise attack. (Earthdawn)

5728. In a heated battle, you may not attack an enemey who's already dead because it suffers a -3 to its physical defense for laying on the ground. (Earthdawn)

[Citizen Joe]

5725. My Drow may not worship the Spider Goddess Lol

That should be the Web Goddess Lol.

[Alleine]

5729. Just because the Druid was the only one who escaped the TPK does not mean that your next character should hate druids.

5730. After a TPK, you may not threaten to use a character from the Wizards CO boards in the next campaign to get revenge on the DM, they WILL cry.

[DaMullet]

5731: If you play a Kender, the druid will wildshape into something that can swallow you whole.

5732: That goes double if you're also a mage.

[Jade_Tarem]

5733: No longer allowed to abuse the explorer's perogative to name the new things they encounter.

[Ninian ta Rouge]

5734: never not post a guard in a dungeon while ur sleeping
5735:when the evil ranger is just palalized never steal his stuff, he can see u.
5736: if u want to stay a paldin of good do not sacrafis a party member to ur good god.
5737: never sacrifiss someone but let them live (for example just shaveing of his head and cuting off his pinkies): :smallredface:

[Hadrian_Emrys]

5738: Artificers, not even Gnomish ones, can create the Pokedex wonderous item.

5739: If such a thing even existed, it would not grant the effect of "all rolls on knowledge checks count as natural 20s".

5740: One more "I choose you" line after using that Bag of Tricks you found last session will end with that weasel suddenly becoming a dire version and latching to your face.

[Vonriel]

5741: During downtimes in cities, I am not allowed to pop into a plane, slap the nearest inhabitant with a salmon, then pop out, just for gits and shiggles.

[Leicontis]

5741: During downtimes in cities, I am not allowed to pop into a plane, slap the nearest inhabitant with a salmon, then pop out, just for gits and shiggles.

5742: The correct response to 5741 is not "I so have to do that"

[Xuincherguixe]

5743: When it is my turn, I may not add to the things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming thread.

5744: I may not reference the Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming Thread in that thread.

5745:... Dang it.

[Damage Control]

Tell me how.Earthbound (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EarthBound) joke.

[TimeWizard]

5746: The Good alignment means you can't let a party member drown in a pond when you could be helping him.

5746a: Even if he is an insufferable twit.

[Matticus]

5747: Must not make the final boss fight against the gods.

[puppyavenger]

5747: Must not make the final boss fight against the gods.

5748 and if DF stats the arcfeinds.

[Korias]

5749: I am no longer allowed to sneak in feats from the d20 Munchkin Players handbook.
5750: I am not allowed to use the Munchkin version of the DMG while playing the Tomb of Horrors Module.

[lesserarchangel]

5751: While technically allowed, tea cannot be used as an improvised weapon, unless it is either frozen solid or boiling hot.
5751b: unless there is an elemental involved, the only beverage that is an improvised weapon is Beer of Annihilation.
5751c: No, you can't make an elemental out of tea. Nor of Beer of Annihilation.
5752: After being reincarnated by Last Breath, the monk may not use his old body to gain reach distance. It may be his body, but whacking things with it does not count as an unarmed strike.
5753: In the final battle, do not dominate the dragon that breathes negative levels, especially not in the first round of combat.
5753b: said dragon has the breath-extending feats. No, you can't have it breath once and wipe out the entire enemy army, no matter what RAW say.

All examples from my last campaign, although we weren't serious about trying some of them.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5754. You cannot make a tooth golem out of the teeth of every single enemy you have defeated
5755. Same goes for an eye golem
5756. I am no longer aloud to 'search' the bodies
5757. If you fail your hide in plain sight check you may not cover up by trying to bluff by claiming to be a tree. (Curse you 2 natural 1's)

[puppyavenger]

5758 I can not ever creat a plan that constntly creats flwless diomonds and epic majic items

[XtheYeti]

5758 I can not ever creat a plan that constntly creats flwless diomonds and epic majic items

I hope you understand that about the same time i post this their will be some random english major beating down your door to smite you with a dictionary,
im a accounting major and im saying that vowels are your friend...dang

5759:If the plan only involves four actions which are 1:burn it 2:shoot/slash/smash it 3:blow it up 4:go around it. consider a new plan or rocks fall everybody dies

[ufo]

I hope you understand that about the same time i post this their will be some random english major beating down your door to smite you with a dictionary,
im a accounting major and I'm saying that vowels are your friend...dang

5759:If the plan only involves four actions which are 1:burn it 2:shoot/slash/smash it 3:blow it up 4:go around it. consider a new plan or rocks fall everybody dies

Funny you'd mention it, I've just corrected a spelling mistake. What a coincidence.

*cough*

5760: I can never ever shoot the creepy man in a dark cloak in the face with a hand crossbow before he's finished explaining the Three Trials.

[Unscrewed]

5761: Using Spectrophotometry to prove that "When in doubt, set it on fire" is a good motto is forbidden.
5762: While "Centerfold" is a good song, playing it at a royal ball is discouraged.
5763: I am forbidden from flipping off the Lord of Hell, no matter how cool I look doing it.
5764: "Projectile wards are your friend" is not the fourth rule of planeswalking.
5765: It's the tenth rule.
5766: I am not to say "Holy chaotic neutral, Batman!" Even if it fits.
5767: We are not to bring any Chaotic characters to Arcadia. We've already pissed off Hell.
5768: I cannot recreate the Battle of the Five armies from The Hobbit.
5769: This goes double if internet memes are involved.
5770: I cannot set up any situation that involves superballs.
5771: No rocket powered roller skates. No exceptions.
5772: I will not cast emotion spells on teenagers, then blame it on hormones.
5773: I cannot spike anything with love potion
5774: I cannot cast polymorph on unsuspecting commoners. No matter how funny it is.

[Xuincherguixe]

5775: I cannot learn martial arts from trees.
5776: I cannot teach martial arts to trees.
5777: I cannot train squirrels to carry little bombs on their backs and blow themselves up.
5778: And I can't teach them martial arts either.
5779: I cannot learn Nekkoken.
5780: "That's how they do it in Anime" is not a valid argument
5781: I cannot teach the BBEG martial arts.
5782: Even when it's not a very effective style and thus lull him into a false sense of security. That falls into the category of "good guys planning".
5783: I am not allowed to have effective plans
5784: I am not allowed to either solve problems in realistic fashions, or in strange ways. My only options are to use the cliche options.
5785: I am not allowed to express my cynacism.
5786: I am not allowed to set fire to the rule book in protest.
5787: Or the GM.

[Jade_Tarem]

5788: We are not from the world wide land and real estate agency.
5789: The bard is not required to provide a bedtime story.
5790: Bringing back the door of the enemy stronghold does not count as "finding the entrance."

[Jannex]

5779: I cannot learn Nekkoken.

Ranma 1/2 FTW. :smallbiggrin:

[lesserarchangel]

>5776: I cannot teach martial arts to trees.

So this (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0344.html) is out?

5791: the chaos gnome can't have more than six names per day.
5792: no slipping the rogue a treasure map written in explosive runes.

[Rockphed]

5792: no slipping the rouge a treasure map written in explosive runes.

5792b: If you do, do not be surprised when he comes back with a large bag of gold.

[SCPRedMage]

5792b: If you do, do not be surprised when he comes back with a large bag of gold.
5792c: If you investigate where said gold came from, do not be surprised if something blows up in YOUR face.

[TheAlmightyOne]

5792: no slipping the rouge a treasure map written in explosive runes.

I would so do that except im the party wizard/rogue. I could blow up the bard but somehow shes team leader. apparently I was 'to stupid' to keep the party alive.

[Renx]

5792: no slipping the rouge a treasure map written in explosive runes.

I wouldn't slip a red guy anything anyway.

[SCPRedMage]

5793. No longer allowed to use three Orb of Cold wands, a Rod of Many Wands, and Metamagic Spell Trigger to solo a great wyrm red dragon in two rounds, while only level 14.

[lesserarchangel]

5794: It is considered bad taste to taunt the dragon when everyone in the party is immune to its breath weapon. It can still kill you.

[Jade_Tarem]

5795: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for shoving the clan lord out an upper story window.
5796: No longer allowed to set the drow high priest up the bomb.

[Zakama]

5797: I cannot summon anti-matter.

[Chineselegolas]

5798: Just because I have hide in plain sight, and a bigger modifier in hide and move silently than many gods, I can't just sneak into the BBEG's fortress, walk upto him, take his artefact right out of his hands and stroll out of the place. Completely undetected.

[Winged One]

5798: Just because I have hide in plain sight, and a bigger modifier in hide and move silently than many gods, I can't just sneak into the BBEG's fortress, walk upto him, take his artefact right out of his hands and stroll out of the place. Completely undetected.

5799: you also need a comperable Slight of Hand modifier.:smallwink:

[Xamien]

I joined just to post in this thread ^_^

5470. No using a rod of wonder out of battle
5471. Or as a trap that can't be disarmed
5472. Or spacing said traps every five feet on both sides of a narrow corridor
5473. And then having that corridor lead to a dead end and having to pass through it again

heh, i remember that, my poor swordsage . . .

you stole all the good ones from our group though :smallfrown: i'll just have to use some of the more recent ones.


5780: "That's how they do it in Anime" is not a valid argument

5780b: Unless you're playing BESM

now for mine:

5800: The VoP Soulknife is not to be called "Scraps", "Rags", or any other variant. (i like Vop in case you didn't notice)
5801: I may not cut off pieces of myself in order to extend the range of a Touch effect.
5801b: Even if the DM let me the first time.
5802: The BBEG should not be a flower.
5803: If the tiefling rogue is in awe of the evilness of aforementioned flower, we probably shouldn't be messing with it as second level characters.
5804: The Sorcerour may not cast shocking grasp before "petting the puppy"
5805: It is impossible not to be tracked in an inherently evil forest if the Soulknife has Touch of Golden Ice, and is barefoot.

[Cogline_Erro]

5806: I'm not allowed to choose Knowledge (Discovery Channel) as a skill.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

5807: Killing innocent helpless Sleepers is NOT part of our cabal's modus operandi.
5808: I must not ever use an extended casting of two Forces 2 spells to create a vaporization ray from a flashlight.
5809: I must not ever use such a casting to create a lightsaber, either.
5810: I must not ever use a Forces 3 spell to create a thermonuclear hand grenade. I cannot call it "The Burninator"

[streakster]

5807: Eldritch Blast is not the answer to every question.
5808: Especially since I am not allowed to play as a warlock anymore.
5809: I am not allowed to play as a warlock. Ever again.
5810: Eldritch Blast is not a trap-detection spell, nor is it a trap-disarming spell.
5811: Brimstone Blast is a poor choice when surrounded by oil barrels.
5812: As a matter of fact, in my hands, Brimstone Blast is a poor choice, period.
5813: The party is not for target practice.
5814: Yes, that includes the bard.
5815: I am not allowed to brag about "how awesome" the dark pact that grants me my powers is in front of the paladin.
5816: Or to say that my demon master could totally kick St. Cuthbert's ass.
5817: Not allowed to use baleful utterance in a temple with stained glass windows.
5818: Even though killing a cleric with stained glass is indeed awesome.
5819: Even though the cleric refused to give me change from my offering.
5820: Spiderwalk works even if I don't hum the Spiderman theme while using it.
5821: Not allowed to hum.
5822: Summoning a pot of rats into a cookpot does not count as preparing a meal.
5823: Even if the dwarf barbarian agrees it should.
5824:Breath of the Night does not require me to exhale loudly each time I use it.
5825: Casting The Dead Walk on the party's paladin after his noble death in combat, and using his corpse as a manservant, is frowned upon.
5826: The explanation that his corpse was too heavy to carry will also be frowned upon.
5827: Chilling tentacles has no "special effect" on females.
5828: So I should let the priestess go.
5829: It doesn't make it any better that I used Charm on her first.
5830: Just because I have unlimited uses of the Word of Changing does not mean that I need to use it on every being we encounter. We might need to visit that inn again someday.
5831: The house rules allow me to turn beings into any other being of the same type with Word of Changing. This is not sufficient excuse for turning the angels that met with the paladin into demons.
5832: Neither is ecstatic laughter.
5833: Using Flee the scene to appear next to my duplicate is a perfectly valid strategy. There is no need to cackle, rub my hands, or say "Choose wisely...."
5834: With unlimited uses of Eldritch Blast, it is feasible for me to blow down every door we come to in a dungeon. Nevertheless, I should let the rogue check for traps.
5835: Especially because of "that one door that had a return magic trap on it. Do you remember that? Then sit back and wait for him to finish taking 20."
5836: Casting Darkness when the leader says "We could take these guys blindfolded!" is wrong.
5837: Stony Grasp only grapples the target. It does not bitch-slap them.
5838: Fell Flight does not require the theme from the Greatest American Hero to be sung.
5839: Puns based on "fell flight" are not funny.
5840: Yelling "I'm Superman!" while blasting civilians from above wasn't funny the first time.
5841: Combining Beguiling Influence and Charm to control a king is clever. Having the king throw my party into jail until they agree to make me leader is not.
5842: Richard the Warlock is not a role model.
5843: Not allowed to read "Looking for Group" anymore.
5844: If I use Warlock's Call to talk to my group members while I am right next to them, they will hurt me.
5845: They mean it.

[Xamien]

5846: If i'm the only rouge, its expected that i'll take at least a few ranks in spot.
5847: The human Sourceror is not allowed to go into melee against an undead that has an area of darkness surrounding it.
5847b: especially if everyone stay's back and uses ranged attacks
5848: If you're told that the campaign is going to be aquatic, its expected someone will have ranks in swim or proffesion(sailor)
5849: If the healing potions in a one shot gladiator style game are mushrooms, its an acceptable use to use Perform(oratory) to make the Mario end of level music.
5850: If the Thing you've spotted hasn't moved, the DM should not require addtional spot checks.
5851: if the gnome bard can't keep up with the rest of the group, its gonna spend the rest of the trip in the Warhorses sadle bag

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

5852: I must not fill a supersoaker with gasoline, then duct tape a lighter to the nozzle.
5853: I must not use hyperextended spells to create instant kill bullets.
5853a: Especially not submachinegun bullets.
5854: I must not then spray all of said bullets into a crowded marketplace with two long bursts.

[Aereshaa_the_2nd]

5852: I must not fill a supersoaker with gasoline, then duct tape a lighter to the nozzle.
5853: I must not use ritual castings of spells, taking days, to create instant kill bullets.
5853a: Especially not submachinegun bullets.
5854: I must not then spray all of said bullets into a crowded marketplace with two long bursts.

[Mephisto]

5855. The Swordsage's battle cry is not allowed to be "Up from the 36th chamber!"
5856. No, Wu-Tang style is not the 10th martial discipline.
5857. "Bring Da Ruckus" is not appropriate fight music.
5858. Not allowed to call anybody Yacoub (see the film Short Eyes, and it's referenced on The W)
5859. You know what? No more listening to Wu Tang Clan.

[BRC]

5860: Yes my dwarf uses a cannon and a returning repeating hand cannon (Houseruled to mean the bullets reload themselves so I only need to buy 5 bullets), but I am NOT heavy weapons dwarf, and quoting the TFII ad is prohbited.
5861: I am prohibited from doing the "Happy Dance" whenever I roll a natural 20

[SCPRedMage]

5861: I am prohibited from doing the "Happy Dance" whenever I roll a natural 20
5861b: If I am to do the "Happy Dance", it will involve keeping my shirt on.

[Magnus_Samma]

5861b: If I am to do the "Happy Dance", it will involve keeping my shirt on.

5861c: Unless I am female, in which case I am encouraged to dance with my shirt off all I want.
5861d: I am, however, discouraged from kicking the DM's ass for being a pig.

[Chineselegolas]

5862: If the female in the group starts dancing topless we are to avert our eyes or else face the wrath of the husband. He is also known as the DM.

[Xuincherguixe]

5842: Richard the Warlock is not a role model.


Black Mage is a much better/worse role model ^_^. Well maybe not the short attention span, but he's a lot more evil. Killing people is letting them off way, way too easily.



5856. No, Wu-Tang style is not the 10th martial discipline.

As a real martial art, it probably isn't that unreasonable. It's one of the groups you can join in 9dragons (http://9dragons.acclaim.com/).

[Enlong]

5863: It does not matter how many levels of Alienist I have, how much XP I have to burn, or how creative I am; I am not allowed to create the epic spell Summon C'thulu.

[tanonx]

(I can only hope these haven't been done yet... By anyone else...)

5864: When the adventure begins in an inn, this is not my cue to go upstairs and start killing people in their sleep and looting their items.
5865: Do not inscribe Explosive Runes on the coins you use to tip the stable boy.
5866: On the off chance you have become a minor Duke for solving the last epic plot, you may not make your royal seal a Symbol of Fear.
5867: I do not care if you multiclass into a cleric, you cannot have a holy Symbol of Pain.
5868: Explosive Runes cannot be placed into a staff, rod, or other object for easy conescutive uses.
5869: Do not put Explosive Runes on the inside of the old sage's spectacles, no matter how much he annoys you, or how many valuables are inside his house.
5870: Activation words cannot be obscene.
5871: You cannot put Explosive Runes in someone's spell book.
5872: Explosive Runes are not allowed.

[Foeofthelance]

5873) No longer allowed to require the DM to solve three dimensional physics problems to determine whether or not I can attack or be attacked.
5874) No longer allowed to play a character incapable of being killed, simply so that my allies can try to spear me while I grapple opponents.
5875) No longer allowed to try and pendulum a god.
5876) Being undead does not mean I weigh as much as an emaciated female.
5877) No longer allowed to play anything with the Undead type.
5878) I am not allowed to try and flurry with a shotgun.

[merrja666]

5579: The Head of Vecna is banned after the TPK
5580: So is the Right Hand of Vecna
5581: And the Right Eye of Vecna
5582: Vecna is banned from all adventures.

[Quietus]

5579: The Head of Vecna is banned after the TPK
5580: So is the Right Hand of Vecna
5581: And the Right Eye of Vecna
5582: Vecna is banned from all adventures.

But he'll always be around, watching.. waiting...

[Atanuero]

5583(may have been done already): 'THIS....IS....SPARTAAA!' is not an acceptable form of communication in any context or language. In fact, those words are now vile curses in every language of the world.
5583b: The lord of the land has hereby decreed that anyone uttering a vile curse will be forced through a portal to the Antimatter Plane.
5584: You cannot polymorph yourself into antimatter. I don't want to hear the physics of it, because it cannot be done.
5585: Even if 5584 happened, I'm pretty sure there is no atmosphere on the Antimatter Plane.
5586: Under no circumstances can you use gaseous form to inhale small parts of your body until your party manages to open another portal to the Antimatter Plane to rescue you.

[Dairun Cates]

5587. When taking a "test of manhood" as an exalted, it is generally in bad taste to call the mortal contenders "wusses".

5588. Sparring is defined as, "a form of training common to many martial arts" in this case. It is not to be taken as an innuendo for anything.

5589. Mounting is defined as, "climbing onto the back of an animal for the purposes of riding" in this case. It is ALSO not to be taken as an innuendo for anything.

5590. An escort is defined as, "someone who protects and leads a person or object to a given destination" in this case. See 5588 and 5589.

5591. Loincloths do not come with gun holsters.

5592. A stick is not the ultimate weapon and tool for solving any problems.

5593. Nor is a gun.

5594. A gun tied to a stick is right out.

5595. Upon being given a consort for the evening after surviving a manhood test, it is widely considered rude to ask for another.

5596. #5595 still applies if my reasoning is because the consort is technically already working for me and my character doesn't like "office romances".

5597. #5595 should not be said in earshot of said consort.

5598. "Did I mention you have pretty eyes," is never a good response to an inquiry from a female about why you have a number of illegitimate children numbering in the double digits.

5599. I will not dodge Alimony payments with a bureaucracy check.

5600. I will not bribe my illegitimate children on many islands with shiny rocks and trinkets that are worthless on the island I'm on, but pretty enough to get the children to tell their mommies to stop asking daddy for alimony payments.

5601. No more pissing off Gods/Goddesses of Fertility. They have sick senses of humor.

5602. I will not bring up my numerous sordid love affairs in front of a woman who is interested in my character, jealous, and significantly better in combat than me.

5603. When said woman in 5602 can turn into a bird at will and is trained as a spy, "in front of" is defined as anywhere outdoors or in a pet shop.

5604. Pirates do not cry. No matter how hard they get hit in the kidneys by violent women.

5605. I will not punch members of my crew in the face for incompetence that I can't prove.

5606. In the continuing saga, "Oops" is not a proper response after revealing that the incredibly magical and powerful pirates ransacked your ship because you groped a major leader of their group, tied her to the front of your ship to act as a decoration, and left her on a dessert island for dead.

5607. Even if you have managed to reform yourself in the past 6 months, I'm sorry is not a good enough apology for entire countries.

5608. If acquiring one crew member for my ship causes a civil war, maybe I should lower my standards.

5609. Brothels are NOT the first place to go for information.

5610. Promotion should not be used a punishment.

5611. I will not get revenge on my crew for humiliation caused by my own foolishness. Even if they did laugh at me.

5612. Irony is not the only kind of revenge.

5613. Human lives are worth more than teapots that dispense beer.

5614. Just because I'm faster than the river dragon does not give me free range to taunt it.

5615. Even if the wood spiders do create audio illusions to lure travelers into their webs, they won't spend the time to explain their abilities to me as a method of "reverse psychology".

5616. The wood spiders will not create an illusion of them running into the sea to trick me into thinking that they're still in the center of the forest.

5617. The wood spiders will not use explosions to lure me to the center of the forest.

5618. Not everything horrible that happens to me is the fault of wood spiders.

5619. "Queen of the Wood Spiders" is not a compliment for the only girl in the rowboat you desperately need to get back to your ship.

5620. I will not ride boars as a primary means of transportation in the woods.

5621. A high Wits does not excuse a low survival skill.

5622. I will not treat life or death scenarios as boring.

5623. If the damage is enough to spread giant bee chunks across a 50 mile radius, I overdid it.

5624. Throwing and catching my ally is not faster than running.

5625. Bears are not to be used as roadblocks.

5626. If it rolls more than 12 dice of damage, I probably shouldn't charge 3 of them.

5627. If she wants to hear about your plans to torture and slaughter an entire race of people, she's probably not a keeper.

5628. Explosions are not the proper way to deal with all encounters.

5629. The Captain is generally expected to claim all responsibility for his crew and not pawn it off on others.

5630. I will not hire sociopaths for my medical officers ever again.

[kialos]

5631: Casting “Daylight” in the face of NPC’s is not a valid approach to an argument. Thought it is a good way of getting your Aasimar killed.

[Just Alex]

5610. Promotion should not be used a punishment.

It can be. In fact, it's pretty standard in L5R. The lord's figure the guy will either learn competence, learn delegation, or get himself killed.

[Dairun Cates]

It can be. In fact, it's pretty standard in L5R. The lord's figure the guy will either learn competence, learn delegation, or get himself killed.

Well, in case you couldn't figure out from the general progression of the previous set of rules; these all happened recently and are heavily related. In this case, said woman that is more powerful than Captain Reddington decided to reveal a good portion of his shady past in front of his newer crew mates in order to humiliate and punish him. After a night spent locked out of his lodging, he was obviously in a bad mood.

He also gets news that he's wanted for Kidnapping the Sea Lord's daughter, which he didn't do, and that his demolitions expert did something horrible. He makes a reasonable guess that its possible that she might have stowed away on the ship and that she forged the ransom note for some reason. Even barring that, with current events, there's a likely chance of a stowaway. So, upon getting on the ship while soaking wet after more frustrating events, he finds the man responsible for checking for stowaways and socks him in the face.

The Dawn Caste gets angry because he thinks I punched him unfairly and starts trying to punch me in the head. Let's not mind the fact that it's generally a bad idea to punch your Captain in the first place. I'm faster than him and can hold out for a long time without him hitting me. Still, in order to calm him down, I go over and explain to the mortal I just punched in the face that that was a loyalty test and that he passed with flying colors since he's still here (mostly because he was unconscious the entire time). So, my character explains that he's now in charge of the other 9 mortals I recently brought onto the ship (I basically forced them to join my crew after destroying a very expensive cargo of spices and ingredients for my chef).

Well, it turns out that controlling the other 9 idiots is actually really difficult without much reward. Steve, as he was eventually named, actually didn't want his new position but took it gracefully. So, now he's responsible for the actions of 9 men that couldn't go without an accident for a day if their life depended on it.

So, apart from Feudal Japan, it's usually at least kinda rude.

[Jade_Tarem]

We dropped by 300 on this page.

5911: May not take any inspiration from that OOTS comic where Shojo uses the wizards's skeleton as a puppet.

[Rogue 7]

5665: Likewise, my bard cannot sing anything that sounds at all like "don't let the cave in get you down". Especially not if he accidently caused it.
5912: On a similar note, by no means am I allowed to brew random leaves into tea without *some* knowledge(Nature)
5912b: Nor am I allowed to attempt to cure the resulting poison with local plants.
5913: Attacking the badgermoles is a bad idea. Period.

[Jacey]

5914. Yes the force is controlled by miteclorians. Yes, they are microscopic bacteria. No, I may not render the Sith Lord impotent with Lysol.

5915. Vader's suit does protect him from bleach

5916. No, Jedi do not get weaker after bathing.

5917. You know what? That scene in episode 1 didn't happen. Qui-Gon used the force to detect that "the force was strong with young Skywalker", and it had nothing to do with any stupid micro-organisms.

5918. Yes, area-effect attacks are perfectly acceptable ways to bypass the lightsaber parries, however, the Jedi/Sith CAN leap out of the blast radius, unlike me.

[Magnus_Samma]

5919: The correct response to seeing Pyramid Head lurching down the corridor towards you is not "I think we can take him guys!"
5920: In a similar vein, the correct response to the corpse creature dragan shaman losing her virginity in the worst possible way is not hysterical laughter.

[SurlySeraph]

5920: In a similar vein, the correct response to the corpse creature dragan shaman losing her virginity in the worst possible way is not hysterical laughter.

It sounds like there's a really interesting story behind that, and I'm 80% sure hearing it would be very bad for my sanity.

[Solo]

It sounds like there's a really interesting story behind that, and I'm 80% sure hearing it would be very bad for my sanity.

Roll your will save vs. sanity loss.

[Foeofthelance]

Roll your will save vs. sanity loss.

15 rolled, +3 for wisdom and + infinite dementia modifier, so I pass! Tell on!

[Malfunctioned]

5921: I am no longer allowed to stick children on spear and offer the paladin a bite of my 'kebab'

[Darkantra]

5922 (a friend's rule): If I play a druid I am no longer allowed to start a forest fire then pray for forgiveness 10 rounds later

5923: I am no longer allowed a character with the tumble skill.

5924: I am no longer allowed to use Create Water as a touch attack to drown creatures who think I'm about to heal them.

5925: I am no longer allowed to use the Launch Bolt spell (SC) and shout "They've got archers!" during a negotiation.

Seriously, my first use of tumble set my swashbuckler on fire, the second collapsed a table on top of a child killing her and getting my character hanged and the party booted out of town, the third made me dizzy enough to accidentally sneak attack and kill a paladin, the fourth blew up an entire house (I was on fire and tried to tumble past a thug and hit a barrel of alchemists fire instead).

(edits for remembering good moments)

[Sgilti]

This happened in a gaming session of a friend of mine.

The follow events are not allowed to occur in sequence:

1) Rolling a cleric
2) Calling on your god to imbue you with power...
a) ...in the first random encounter.
4) Rolling successfully for your request
5) After wiping up the last of the enemy, going to the first town.
6) Going to the church of your god in the first town.
7) Begin preaching in the church of your god.
8) Using your elevated Charisma to make successful rolls and attract a huge crowd of followers.
9) Using said high Charisma to then convince the crowd to kill themselves for their god.
10) Rolling natural 20s and watching in satisfaction as the faithful butcher themselves... including one party member...
a) ...giving your cleric x levels per death.
11) Praying for your god to make you a demi-god...
a) ...and making the roll.
12) Drinking dragon's blood to make you a half-dragon...
a) ...and making the roll.

Doing the above sequence of events in the first 10 minutes of the game will make the DM cause rocks to fall, killing everything and starting the game over...
...not like it was much of a loss. :smalltongue:

[AkaraXavier]

hehe this is one that happend to my party one time, i was playing the elf chick and a friend was playing a demon...

(not sure of the number...)Will not have my demon char rape the sheep we are going to protect from what ever the DM had in mind in the first place..

..... especaly when the person playing the elf chick has things she can thorw out of char at me....

[Andraste]

5926. I cannot create a +2 Moron bane longsword.
5927. I cannot use a wish spell to create 1,250,000 feet of hempen rope.
5928. Or to undo my allies critical hit on the great golden wyrm.
5929. Or to revive said great golden wyrm.
5930. Or to create a warship that will fall on my allies when they annoy me.
5931. Or to grant our barbarian +5 intelligence.
5932 My gnome is not allowed to have purple hair.
5933. Even if someone else in the party does.
5934. I cannot use a diplomacy check to convince an NPC to become a vorpal sword swallower.
5935. I cannot create an evil character just because paladins piss me off.
5936. No, I cannot make the orc drop a lightsaber.
5937. I am not allowed to get the feat Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Flamethrower).
5938. I cannot EVER use a party member as an improvised weapon.
5939. I am no longer allowed to cast clairaudience/clairvoyance.
5940. When my character is level 5, he is not considered a deity, no matter how much I insist that he is.
5941. I may not have a dragonpenguin as a familiar.
5942. I should mention that I prepared Mass Invisibility BEFORE we try to sneak past the 50 pit fiends.

[Rockphed]

5927. I cannot use a wish spell to create 1,250,000 feet of hempen rope.

5927b) If I do, I may not attempt to get really high by smoking it.


5931. Or to grant our barbarian +5 intelligence.

5931b) or to grant the Wizard +5 strength and constitution.

[Alex12]

4943. I may not create or otherwise obtain antimatter.
4943b. Or neutronium.
4944. I may not use magic to create a perpetual motion machine.

[Quietus]

4944. I may not use magic to create a perpetual motion machine.

Not even with a teleportation circle that teleports an object "three feet straight up"?

[Xuincherguixe]

4945. I may not bring all the cat girls Alex12 just killed from the dead.
4946. Cat girl zombies are supposed to be terrifying, even if they are easily distracted by string.

[Nowhere Girl]

5932. Not allowed to do anything I read about on the Giant in the Playground forums. Especially if Emporer Tippy mentioned it. :smalltongue:

[TheAlmightyOne]

5933. The bard cannot sing and play a flute at the same time
5934. The bard cannot play his flute with his nose
5935. The bard is not aloud to cast duisguise self as a kobold and help kill the cleric
5936. The dungeon should not end with a disco
5937. The warlock should not blow up the rogue for missing
5938. A succesful bardic knowledge check does not reveal the monster to be 'a squidily thing'
5939. If you reach a dead end it is generally advised to go back or look for a secret door. Do not attempt to blow up the floor.
5939b. Especialy while the fighter is standing there
5940. The bard may not cast duisguise self and take the form of anything phalic
5941. Oops is not a valid answer for shooting the chandilier so it falls on the rogues head
5942. When the DM sees how much the warlock and rogue hate each other he will not partner them together when the party is spilt up.
5943. When busking it is generally a bad idea for the dwarven cleric to throw his hammer at the crowd for money
5943b. When the cleric rolls a one and accidentaly throws his hammer at the bard it is considered bad taste if he earns more money than the preforming bard did.

[Xuincherguixe]

5939. If you reach a dead end it is generally advised to go back or look for a secret door. Do not attempt to blow up the floor.


I've done that before. Mind you that was Shadowrun. I do wonder why more adventurers don't think of it :P

[Skjaldbakka]

I've done that before. Mind you that was Shadowrun. I do wonder why more adventurers don't think of it :P

I've had a scenario where it was pretty much required they blow a hole through the floor, as well as a few walls. Why would you put doors in your secret HQ when you can gaseous form at will, and you allies/minions can either do the same or teleport at will?

The PC's shattered there way in from the first floor, through the marble floor.

[The Duskblade]

5994: No singing drunken orcs.
5995:No dancing flaming goblins.
5996: The Dire wolf shall not have bard levels and preform: Howling.

[Hyozo]

5997: My character may not suffer from Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.
5998: My character may have Zeusophobia and/or Mechanophobia, but I may not bring it up at every plot device.

No, I haven't done either of these...

<_<
>_>

...Yet.

[feghoot]

5999 Lizardmen are not a human sub-race, and even if they were, they couldn't spit acid out their mouths.

[Rogue 7]

5996: The Dire wolf shall not have bard levels and preform: Howling.

5996b. Unless it also has a creepy shadow girl with latent psionic talent riding on its back.

Edit- And, Just because I can,
6000 I must not go weeks without bathing in real life.

[Alex12]

6001. I am not allowed to move faster than the speed of sound.
6001b. I can't make others do so either.
6001c. a and b go double for the speed of light.
6002. I am never allowed to have use teleportation.
6003. I am not allowed to fly
6003b. even if someone else cast Fly on me.
6004. I am never, ever, ever allowed to use Wish, Miracle, Reality Revision, or anything that can duplicate the effects of one of them.
6005. Nuking them from orbit is not always the solution.
6005b. Even when it is, I am not allowed to be the one to do it.
6006. Craft(Weapons of Mass Destruction) does not exist. As such, I may not have any ranks in it.
6007. I may not choose Kryptonian as a race.

[Leicontis]

6007b: If I attempt to do so, the game world will have a red sun.

[Alex12]

6007c. I am also not allowed to be a Daxamite, a Martian of any sort, an Oan, or any other race that comes from anything other than an approved sourcebook.
6007d. I am also not allowed to pick races from approved sourcebooks that start at higher level than the party is at.

[The Duskblade]

6008: For the love of god and all that is holy (And Unholy into the bargain). Don't mix fire and pigs. Even accidentally.

[Arbitrarity]

6009: When playing, I may never spend More than one hour deciding what to do. (http://xkcd.com/330/)

[Doresain]

6010) i am not allowed to base my character on Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery from the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skit...

[Superglucose]

6011) Refer to my princess-rogue as "The Goblin King" no matter how confused the temple of the Goblin King might be.
6012) Take the (male) antagonist as my 'queen.'
6013) Attempt to steal from the entire party at the same time.
6014) Blow more than one temple up per meet.
6015) Take credit for starting the various wars I've started... in public.

[Darkantra]

6616- I am no longer allowed to give my dragonwrought kobold a bilious vomiting disorder so that I make free dragon's bile poison.

6617- My dragonwrought kobold is not allowed to attack every gnome he sees and then call the rest of the party racially prejudiced for stopping him.

6618- My dragonwrought kobold cannot attemp to have the other party members arrested for being racist.

6619- When my dragonwrought kobold sets traps he can no longer 'forget' to tell the rest of the party about them.

6620- When confronted by the evil dragon my dragonwrought kobold is not allowed to give it foot massages in exchange for his life.

6621- I can no longer arbitrarily take skill ranks in profession (masseuse) as a way to keep the BBEG from killing my character, especially with a kobold character.

6622- My dragonwrought kobold is not allowed to draft other kobolds who are in awe of his abilities into forming a militia.

6623- On consideration from the DM, my dragonwrought kobold is allowed to form small militias of other kobolds but is no longer allowed to have them booby trap the town's temples.

6624- I am no longer allowed to make all of my traps make either PARP-PARP or PHHBBBLPT noises when set off.

6625- I am not allowed to throw a bucket of tar at the paladin when greater invisibility is cast on me.

6626- I cannot invent asbestos, even if I have high ranks in craft (alchemy) and knowledge (architecture and engineering), and install it in the house of an official who is clearly evil.

6627- I cannot purposely create one potion of water breathing that lasts half as long as all the others just to make a character that insulted my dragonwrought kobold drown. Especially if we need his blood to open a portal.

6628- I am not allowed to immediately cut off the head and set it on fire, of any party member who just died, even if it is a tradition of my kobold's clan.

[Laharal]

6629: I may not use the word Kobold anymore as from now on.
6630: Not allowed to refer to psychiatrical services the player who was always talking about kobolds, even if all the party member tried a skill check (slap annoying people behing the head)
6631: A NG good druid can't be blamed for having pyromaniac tendencies as long as they target evil aligned character and do not burn 3000 years old forests down.
6632: The druid cannot create a cake with the goodberry spell so that fellow players could heal about 50hp per slice.
6633: Not allowed to restrain players form desingning/constructing/using a Dwarf catapult to help the Dwarf figther to get into the fight before it ends because the above mentionned dwarf is only moving 3 or 4 squares per round.
6634: Not allowed to prevent the use of the Dwarf Catapult as an offensive/surprise attack to launch the slow but yet powerful dwarf into melee thus clearing a path for the others in an ennemy regiment (300+ ennemies)
6635: Not allowed to get mad at a girlfriend that gladly offers the appartment for D/D games, whatever the numbers of faults she has and mistakes she may make in a set period of time.
6636: Not allowed to set the alignement 'stupid' to the CN rogue: who doesn't want to go the same way as the others, does a hide check before sleeping because he doesn't want to get waken up for night watch duty, doesn't understand that 'teamplay' can be possible with good characters who want to avoid the end of the world due to an evil army heading out of the Black Tower's portal.....really that rogue might want to help them...just to avoid being bossed by demons.....

[BadJuJu]

3031: The DM is henceforth forbidden from drawing inspiration from the following sources:
1. Deliverance, or anything written by James Dickey, for that matter (the "Sheep Child" monster gave the players nightmares.)
2. The Alien quadrilogy, anything from the Predator series, or any book or comic from the same franchise.
3. On that note, any movie that ever featured Arnold Shwarchanegger.
4. The 2006 presidential election.
5. House of 1,000 corpses, or any film associated in anyway with the works of one Robert Zombie.
6. The Bob Newheart Show.
7. Oz. Not the Wizard of Oz, the prison drama.
8. Back to the Future, or anything capable of generating paradoxes that hurt the players' brains.
9. The Evil Dead series is okay, but only if the PCs get chainsaws.
10. Donnie Darko is right out.

Add to this list Brokeback Mountain...

[Superglucose]

5846: If i'm the only rouge, its expected that i'll take at least a few ranks in spot.


Not my rogue ;-) Spent too many skill points in craft: firearms.

6637: I must learn to refrain from bragging about my terrorist actions in front of guards.
6638: (more because someone tried this) it is NOT acceptable no matter HOW many undead there were in the forest to attempt to enter the town as a dragon of ANY color and say "I'm not really a dragon, I'm an adventurer who just slayed a bunch of ghouls and I'm worried you guys might be ghouls too."
6639: Never again am I allowed to turn in a party member for their crimes... especially considering I've committed twice as many crimes in the last half hour.
6640: Must learn to refrain from bragging about various assassin groups I've attempted to join in front of the Emperor.
6641: Must make fraud attempts against the Emperor more subtle.
6642: When the messanger of the emperor comes barrelling down the street, I must not refuse to get out of his way until he pays me (despite the fact that he DID pay me)
6643: When the messanger then says, "We are at war with [any nation]" it is not acceptable for me to say, "HOOORAY!" And start using my ranks in preform(dance) to do a happy little jig.
6644: When I speak with the emperor it is not acceptable to remind him that if I murdered him since I'm technically not a citizen of the empire and part of the royal family of another civilization it would not be treason.
6645: (because someone tried this. He died, thanks to me) "My evil twin did it!" Is NEVER an acceptable defense, ESPECIALLY when your character is, in fact, evil.

[feghoot]

6646. Dwarfs do not fight Cthulhu!

[Bassetking]

6647. I am not allowed to use a 1st level divination spell to kill every living thing that fails its reflex save in an area the size of Texas.

[Rockphed]

6647. I am not allowed to use a 1st level divination spell to kill every living thing that fails its reflex save in an area the size of Texas.

Which 1st level divination can theoretically do that?


6648. I may not have Great Worm Dragons steal the party's treasure by citing a law about not stealing from dragons and noting that the treasure is on the Dragon's land.
6649: I may not bluff the Pseudodragon into thinking that Rhinestones are more valuable than gold just because they are shinier.

[Snadgeros]

6650. My battle cry cannot be "LEEROY JENKINS!"
6651. Nor can it be "FOR PONY!"
6651. If a goblin is standing on a platform so high that I can only reach his waist, it is not assumed that I attack his testicles.
6652. My favored enemy is not "whatever's attacking me."
6653. No, I cannot take the vow of poverty, no matter how broken it is.
6654. My backstory is not Sabin's from Final Fantasy VI.
6655. The monster does not understand nor care about my comments on his mother.

[Just Alex]

6652. My favored enemy is not "whatever's attacking me."

It can be, if you take the Cyran Avenger prestige class.

[Drglenn]

these are in paranoia:
6656: If I am the equipment guy it is expected that I will at least attempt to fix the thing we were told and not just leave it to someone else
6657: RSIs (random surprise inspections) can be prevented with several preventative health checks, especially when you have a leadership of 5 (our medical officer does this to me)

[ArlEammon]

6658: Level one means level one, not divine rank one, so I don't get two salient divine abilities at first level.

[Arbitrarity]

Which 1st level divination can theoretically do that?


Arcane Thesised Snowcasted Frost Flash Energy Admixtured (Electric) Born of Three Thunders Explosive Locate City. :smalleek:

[Solo]

Arcane Thesised Snowcasted Frost Flash Energy Admixtured (Electric) Born of Three Thunders Explosive Locate City. :smalleek:

I don't think that's legal.

[Dairun Cates]

6659. When insulting the Dwarven Spellcaster in his native language, it is a good idea to make sure he can hear you. Otherwise, you're just telling jokes to the rogue.

6660. When a blind man asks for a general direction to stab, use actual times on the clock and not "chocolate o' clock".

6661. When using the aforementioned chocolate based time, and the guy that was blind at the time asks why the hell you wouldn't use 9 o' clock, "So the bad guys wouldn't know where you were attacking" is not a proper response.

6662. We are not allowed to become Weather Anomaly Batman no matter how little the town guard pays us.

6663. I will restrain myself from tumbling down stairs while blind with an 8 dex.

6664. The tavern is not the default location to find a job.

6665. We shall not laugh at the Dwarven Batman Wizards who somehow manages not to kill us after using up ALL of his spells AND a rod of sphere of invisibility. The poor man had it bad enough.

6666. My paladin will restrain from charging, full power attacking, smiting, and then critting on the gnome with 7-8 hp that we want to interrogate. Even if it was an accident.

Edit:

6667. No creating new beaurocratic branches to the local government.

6668. As a paladin dedicated to peace, it is generally frowned on to do enough damage to cleave an enemy in half 3 times in one session.

[Malfunctioned]

6669: I'm not allowed to make "Hi-five!" the verbal component for Shocking Grasp.

[Darkantra]

6670: Once the BBEG is feebleminded I can jump onto the BBEGs back and make a Handle Animal check to ride him for a while. I cannot however, turn him into my regular mount, even if I roll 18, 19, and 20 on checks to curb his wild streak.

[Ivius]

6671: Fell Animate Suggestion

[Toric]

6672: If I play an Artificer, I may not Craft a dozen scrolls of Detect Magic, insist upon advertising them as Scrolls of Gaydar, and then sell them to government officials, religious clergy, easily-persuaded peasants, etc. Even if it does sound like fun to have party members use those scrolls whenever speaking with the BBEG and his spellcaster right-hand man and tell him why they're laughing.

[Magnus_Samma]

6673. If I can not be bothered to actuallu name the character that I am roleplaying, the DM will assign a name to them for me.
6673b. I am not allowed to complain if this results in my having to play a male human ranger named Sue just because my DM is a Johnny Cash fanboy.

[Accountant]

6674 - trying to roleplaying Vaarsuvius will make everyone hate you.

[Anxe]

6675 - I cannot buy a Dog as a first level character even if they are only 25 gold.
6676 - If I do buy said dog, I cannot let it eat the monsters we kill.
6677 - I cannot hold the rope and walk across it. Not even if I have very long arms.

[Inigo Montoya]

6678- I am not allowed to make prophesies based on the liver of a halfling I killed.
6679- I can't make prophesies based on the liver of any playable race.
6680- I can't make prophesies at all anymore.

[Anxe]

Your lack of prophesies led to you posting the wrong numbers... Of course you've already fixed it, but I gotta make that joke.

[Swooper]

6681: Not allowed to give characters names with apostrophes in them. :/

[Alex12]

6682:I am no longer allowed to feed the Tarrasque antimatter grenades.
6683:I don't care how effective it is, I am not allowed to bull-rush people while wearing power armor if they are not similarly equipped.
6684:I am not allowed access to anything that could be described as a "death ray"
6684b:or any sort of orbital or space-based weaponry.
6685:Ironically, friendly fire is not, in fact, friendly.

[SoD]

6683-NEVER again demand that the DM describe some random NPC in a bar wearing a hat, buy the hat off said NPC, get said NPC addicted to an illegal substance, ruin his marriage and convince him to join the party with me as his only friend left in the world.
6684-if you break rule 6683...don't allow yourself to get killed the next morning. It plays havoc with the NPCs emotions.
6685-never wake the primary spell caster before his 8 hours are up.
6686-especially if he's CE.
6687-and proficient in a greatsword
6688-and you're unarmed
6689-even if you're being attacked that time.
6690-I will never play as an epic commoner.
6691-or a wizard with int 6
6692-or a chitine if our DM is aracnophobic (for those who don't know, a chitine is essentially a spider person).
6693-I won't expect the DM to go easy on me just because I call him 'allmighty DM'.
6694-I won't demand that the DM pass the chips
6695-or the coke
6696-or that he give me some drow to fight.
6697-actually, I won't demand anything of the DM.
6698-if my character is addicted to absinthe...it's only allowed in game.
6699-I cannot duel-weild a dagger and a paladin.
6670-if a weild the paladin, and use him to kill an innocent commoner, I cannot start a philosophical debate on weather the paladin should become a fallen paladin.

[TheAlmightyOne]

6701. it is considered bad taste to do any of the following;
spend more time in the town killing civillians than you do in the dungeon
killing a guy by stamping on his head while hes begging for mercy
kill 12 small children and throw the bodys down the well
throw a torch down the well
charm the warlock to jump in the well
trying to kill other party members while being attacked
killing three members of a rival adventuring group and then attempting to bluff the other two that youre all on the same side. while helping knolls ransack a town
throw shovals at the warlock. and nearly kill him

this all happened in one session. we had fun

EDIT: Forgot a few things here, it is also bad taste to;
jump out a window wearing a bedsheet cape claiming to be batman
make an intimidate check on the abstract concept of time
make a handle animal on a half-elf
order drinks while the cleric and warlcok get mobbed by the rival band of adventurers
set fire to the tavern after looting it and killing everyone hiding inside while the rest of the party are still in there
procaiming yourself the unholy god of face smashing after crushing the guys head with your boot

[Naihal]

6702. When we come up to a door, Sense Motive will not reveal if it's booby trapped.
6703. The party ranger may not thereafter Sense Motive on every door you see ever again, "just in case."
6704. You may not select "Door" as a favored enemy.
6705. It is in poor taste to buy an item of Shout, "just in case we come to a bunch of doors in a cone shaped area."
6706. It is also in poor taste for the DM to homebrew up a door fiend and have him attack the one time the ranger successfully passes through a door without making Sense Motive checks.
6707. It is also in poor taste for the wizard to research a spell to summon up these door fiends and send half a dozen of them after the ranger.
6708. These creatures do not come from the Elemental Plane of Door.
6708a. There is no Plane of Door.
6708b. The ranger may not then devote his life to seeking out and destroying this plane.
6709. In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not an acceptable apology for taking 20 to Sense Motive the door that the red dragon pursuing us is too small to fit through. Especially if you won't let the rest of the party through the door. Even if they accept the potential consequences.

[Leicontis]

6710: There is no Elemental Plane of Peasants.
6710a: Even if there were an Elemental Plane of Peasants, you would not be allowed to go there.
6710b: If you do somehow find yourself on the Elemental Plane of Peasants, do not start wantonly slaughtering them with Whirlwind Attack. Somewhere, in all those peasants, is the legendary Epic Level Commoner.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

6702. When we come up to a door, Sense Motive will not reveal if it's booby trapped.
*hilarity*

You, sir, win the internet. That is very very funny.

[Temp]

6711-I can not get the Ranger's Favored Enemy bonus to stack with my Telekinetic Thrust damage. Even if it's the Ranger that I'm throwing at the bad guys.

[Laharal]

6702. When we come up to a door, Sense Motive will not reveal if it's booby trapped.
6703. The party ranger may not thereafter Sense Motive on every door you see ever again, "just in case."
6704. You may not select "Door" as a favored enemy.
6705. It is in poor taste to buy an item of Shout, "just in case we come to a bunch of doors in a cone shaped area."
6706. It is also in poor taste for the DM to homebrew up a door fiend and have him attack the one time the ranger successfully passes through a door without making Sense Motive checks.
6707. It is also in poor taste for the wizard to research a spell to summon up these door fiends and send half a dozen of them after the ranger.
6708. These creatures do not come from the Elemental Plane of Door.
6708a. There is no Plane of Door.
6708b. The ranger may not then devote his life to seeking out and destroying this plane.
6709. In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not an acceptable apology for taking 20 to Sense Motive the door that the red dragon pursuing us is too small to fit through. Especially if you won't let the rest of the party through the door. Even if they accept the potential consequences.

6712: If the evil fiendish doors do exist, then my frienship with a level 10 druid (who is able to break a ship in two with warp wood) takes all it's sense.
6713: Not allowed to testifty: 'Its the doors' fault... the doors they are trying to kill aaahhh! They've put mics everywhere ahhh! (Tweek's style) on a trial for arson.
6714: It is forbidden to replace all doos for marsmallow doors in order to erradicate all the problems hypotethically caused by hypothetical fiendish doors.
6715: ' Smite door' is not a potientially admissible home-brewed spell, even for a croos-class druid/paladin/ranger :smallwink:
6715b: No, doors can't be x/evil.
6715c: Hey wait! First of all, doors do not have alignements...

[Superglucose]

6702. When we come up to a door, Sense Motive will not reveal if it's booby trapped.
6703. The party ranger may not thereafter Sense Motive on every door you see ever again, "just in case."

As per this, from now on my rogue will be using 'sense motive' in ADDITION to 'search' when determening if a door is locked or not. And we're getting some newbies too... this'll be FUN!

[Anung Un Rama]

6716.Orphans do NOT conduct electricity.
6717. Neither are they highly flammable.
6718.When playing a supernaturally enhanced agent of the divine, I may not ignite with holy fire and then kneecap innocent people, even if they are wearing 'evil shirts'.
6719. there is no such thing as 'evil shirts'.
6720.There is no such thing as 'teabag armour' and if there was, it would not protect from teleporting inside a cloud of boiling steam.
6721.When playing through the prologue of a 6-month campaign, i am not allowed to kill the main recurring villain by beating him to death with a porcelain dish.
6722. Im not allowed when playing a superhero with time control powers called the hourglass of justice, to go back in time and smother the villain as a baby.

[Foeofthelance]

while helping knolls ransack a town
Leads us to...

6723: No longer allowed to sack small villages with roaming pieces of the countryside.

[Alex12]

6724: I may not turn the BBEG's high-level, neutronium-armored/carapaced minions into living frag bombs by Dominating them, shoving remote-detonated antimatter bombs down their throats, then having them get close to the BBEG before detonating.
6725: Just because a problem can be solved by reducing the affected area to a glass-covered crater, does not mean that is either the best or the only way to solve it.

[Unscrewed]

6726: When asked what's going on, I will not reply "Evil wizards are taking over our spaceship."
6727: Even if it's true.
6728: I cannot base any wizard off Harry Dresden
6729: I cannot base any Paladin off Morgan
6730: "Shut up or I'll set you on fire" is not a valid retort in any argument.
6731: No holy submachine guns.
6732: I cannot sprint across the heads of any crowd.
6733: Cats are not for throwing.
6734: I cannot research a laser spell.
6735: I cannot research a phaser spell.
6736: I cannot research a blaster spell.
6737: That's it, no spells that duplicate the effect of a sci-fi weapon.
6738: I cannot use the BBEG as a snowboard.
6739: No juggling grenades.
6740: When casting Channeled Pyroburst, I cannot say "I'ma chargin' mah lazer!"
6741: I cannot raid the fortress of the Queen of Air and Darkness. I don't care if Harry Dresden did it already.
6742: When told to execute plan C, I am not to say "But we don't have a spaceship or a nuke!"
6743: Returning boomerangs are redundant and silly.

[Zeal]

6744: “Sentients-say-what” is not a sure-fire way to detect if the creatures are vulnerable to mind-effecting attacks
6745: I’m not allowed to take Craft (MacGuyver)
6746: Bothan is not an appropriate language for regular D&D
6747: Baby Bombs? No, just no.
6747b: Not even if it’s a kobold hatchling

[reorith]

6748: myself isn't a valid option for favored enemies
6749: i can't kill the divine pseudonatural paragon advanced monstrous crab with a divine pseudonatural paragon advanced monstrous comb and divine pseudonatural paragon advanced monstrous shampoo.

[KBF]

6750: I can't play a paladin with Killthecleric.
6750b: Killthecleric was playing a cleric. :smallconfused:

[Drascin]

6751 - No, you can't play a short, blond transmuter with warforged grafts in his arm and leg who goes into a berserk rage any time someone calls him on his height.

6752 - Even if you do, you do not need to draw transmutation circles for using your spells. You can if you wish, of course, but don't complain when you lose three rounds of combat drawing.

6753 - No, you also can't play a big, hollow warforged transmuter who wants to become human. On second thought, tell you what, you can: at least if you roleplay Alphonse you'll have to repress your homicidal tendencies.

6753b - NO, you can't make that "Alphonse, only after a flip-out" just so you don't have to repress that. He's a pacifist, for god's sake! If you're going to rip off, at least do it properly!

6754 - The party female artificer is allowed to especialize in grafts is she so wishes, but any mention of automail and you'll be ambushed by Vol.

6755 - And no, the cleric with Raise Dead is not performing "forbidden human transmutation" and should not be killed for it.

6756 - For the last time, king Kaius is a vampire, NOT an homunculus, and you're not allowed to smite him on sight! He's in your side, you dolts!

6757 - You know what, I'm not starting the campaign until you guys wear off that Fullmetal Alchemist obsession a bit.

6758 - If touching a stone slab summons a horrible Daelkyr-born tentacular aberration that nearly causes a TPK, the proper reaction after the life-or-death fight is not "Whoah, cool!" *touch*

6758b - If you do, nonetheless, do 6758, don't complain if the rest of the party feeds you to it and runs. You asked for it.

[itfshoal]

Some were me, some my players, all real.

6759. If I feel bad sending my animal companion into battle, I probably shouldn’t play a druid.
6760. Ditto for Summoned Allies.
6761. If playing a monstrous race, I should remember to spend the points to learn Common.
6762. I do not have materia.
6763. Character names must contain vowels.
6764. The Lord of Darkness is not Tim Curry, and I will not refer to him as such.
6765. I may not play a blind character ever.
6766. I may not play a kobold ever.
6767. I may not play an amnesiac ever.
6768."He looked at my familiar funny" is not a reason to kill someone. Especially a PC.
6769. I cannot give myself grafts.
6770. And I should not try.
6771. Beer runs are not worth XP.
6772. Bob is not here, and I should stop asking.
6773. I do not have a gunblade.
6774. When playing multiple characters, I may not argue with myself.
6775. Or disintegrate myself.
6776. The NPC had a cockney accent; he meant "unharmed" and I know that.
6777. Abraham Lincoln is not a zombie.
6778. I do not drive the Orgazmobile.
6779. I do not have a Gauntlet of Pimpslap, and it does not "get me my money."
6780. "Class: Bard" is not a reason to kill a PC.
6781. "Clan: Toreador” is not a reason to kill a PC.
6782. "He ate the last hotpocket" is not a reason to kill someone's PC.
6783. I do not have Gate Scrolls.
6784. I do not have a Hearthstone.
6785. I may not solicit worship to gain Divine Rank.
6786. I will load a weapon with its intended ammunition.
6787. I will not swallow after I bite attack an undead.
6789. Vicissitude should not be used for interior decorating.
6790. There is no Power Word: Expire.
6791. A nerf gun is not a fetish.
6792. Tzimisce are not invited to the strip club.
6793. I do not need to act out the bunk.
6794. Half-halfling Half-dragon Dragon Shaman (Brass) will not amuse the players.
6795. Ditto Half-dragon plant.
6796. Doors should not be used as snowboards.
6797. I may not wield a harpoon.
6798. I should not name, collar and feed commanded undead.
6799. I shall not name a monk Bruce Leeroy.
7000. I will not slap the dragon.
7001. I do not have The One Ring.
7002. I will remember Web is flammable.
7003. I will not lead the game store regulars in singing "Fraggle Rock."
7004. I will not flush the object of another PC's Addiction.
7005. I will remember where I tethered the horses.
7006. Seven syllable character names will be shortened to one simple, demeaning sound by other PCs.
7007. I will not loot allied dead.
7008. I will not name my mount Seabiscuit.
7009. Give the pixie a piggy-back once, and you're its mount forever.
7010. A thrown gnome gets there faster.
7011. I do not know any words of Dark Speech, and I will not make things up until I find one.
7012. I should have at least one character with the Drive skill. Those without it should not try.
7013. "Death by Buick" is abuse of DM power.
7014. I will only Create Water in a container.
7015. I will not even touch the Deck of Many Things.
7016. The less likely the Bluff, the higher the PC will roll.
7017. No, you cannot have Tarrasque-skin armor. Go, kill it, I dare you. You still can't have the armor.

[DivineBriliance]

But that one's easy. The piece of paper turns blank...

I got a better way to respond,everything on the paper Was (as in past) True 5 minutes ago now its the exact opposite if what was on the paper beneficial to the PC, if not then its true in the first place.
Example they wright I gain 1 million dollars, but they spend it all twice and they owe 1 million.

Hows that for a lawful evil Dm/Gm

I would personally if i was the Dm/Gm just have on the paper: explosive runes is on this paper.
:smallsmile:

[bugsysservant]

I got a better way to respond,everything on the paper Was (as in past) True 5 minutes ago now its the exact opposite if what was on the paper beneficial to the PC, if not then its true in the first place.
Example they wright I gain 1 million dollars, but they spend it all twice and they owe 1 million.

Hows that for a lawful evil Dm/Gm

I would personally if i was the Dm/Gm just have on the paper: explosive runes is on this paper.
:smallsmile:

Bah, that's Neutral Evil at best. The mark of a good "evil wish" is that it fulfills the wish in a direct and logic manner without resorting to topics that were unmentioned in the wish.

An example: A wife wishes that her husband would return from war.
The logical "evil wish" would be that he return dead.
Inferior, but still good would be that he returns, but only for a day, or that he returns only to retrieve his stuff as he is divorcing her.
What would make this a bad wish would be if he suddenly returned, but is a bloodthirsty zombie who wants to kill her. Yes, it fulfilled the wish in an evil manner, but the fulfilment relates very little to the wish itself.

In your example, making the wish past tense is reasonable (though on shaky grammatical ground) but adding in the doubled in reverse is just innane. Since there is no reason for this to fulfill the wish, it can no longer be claimed that the wish is taking the path of least resistance, such as modifying people's memories, or erasing a page, but rather gaining arbitrary powers to harm its wisher.

[Winged One]

Bah, that's Neutral Evil at best. The mark of a good "evil wish" is that it fulfills the wish in a direct and logic manner without resorting to topics that were unmentioned in the wish.

An example: A wife wishes that her husband would return from war.
The logical "evil wish" would be that he return dead.
Inferior, but still good would be that he returns, but only for a day, or that he returns only to retrieve his stuff as he is divorcing her.
What would make this a bad wish would be if he suddenly returned, but is a bloodthirsty zombie who wants to kill her. Yes, it fulfilled the wish in an evil manner, but the fulfilment relates very little to the wish itself.

In your example, making the wish past tense is reasonable (though on shaky grammatical ground) but adding in the doubled in reverse is just innane. Since there is no reason for this to fulfill the wish, it can no longer be claimed that the wish is taking the path of least resistance, such as modifying people's memories, or erasing a page, but rather gaining arbitrary powers to harm its wisher.

Yes, but those are also the easiest to guard against and any PC who is entitled to a Wish is going to close every "evil Wish" loophole they possibly can.

[bugsysservant]

Yes, but those are also the easiest to guard against and any PC who is entitled to a Wish is going to close every "evil Wish" loophole they possibly can.

Well, thats why most DMs apply a word limit to Wishes. And, the general rule of thumb is, if a clear cut hole exists, exploit it before holes that extend beyond the scope of the wish. Plus, it wasn't really the Past Tense usage I was objecting to, it was the doubling in reverse.

[Volug]

Someone call an ambulance... >_<
I'm thinking I'm going to pass out from lau.... *THUMP! Toungue hangs out*

[BardicDuelist]

6760: When the DM describes an NPC, do not ask "How flammable is he?"

[MCerberus]

I am no longer allowed to slowly detail my torture methods and I am usually reminded to stick with "intimidate".

I'm also not allowed to have a lit torch or alchemist's fire 100 within 100 feet of a large book repository.

[sparkey477]

6762; don't cast warp wood on the paladin.
6763; in front of his liege.
6764; to make him look exited.
6765; or make jokes about his "longsword" afterwords.

[Alex12]

6766: I am not allowed to use warp wood to snap ships in half. Even if it is a legitimate use of the spell.
6767: I may not refer to ray spells as lasers. In or out of character.
6768: No casting AoE fire spells in a forest suffering from a drought.
6768b: ditto lightning.
6769: AoE damage spells should not be cast anywhere near a load-bearing support.
6780: No altering people's memories.

[Jade_Tarem]

6781: Fusion-Powered Antimatter Armor-Piercing Plasma Gatling Phaser Cannon is not an available weapon in any setting.

6782: This high ground does not add +5 to your agility (bonus points if you get the reference).

6783: Even if zombies are "comin' up the hell right now" there is no reason to launch into the entire Kingdom Hearts II vs. Resident Evil 4 monologue.

6784: Not allowed to demand valet parking from the elves after accidently ramming the palace with an airship.

6785: Not allowed to recreate the "WRYYYYYYY" joke in game.

6786: There is no such thing as an extradimensional evidence folder.

6787: Contrary to popular belief, there are some places a Colossal monstrous spider just can't go.

[Green and Red]

6782: This high ground does not add +5 to your agility (bonus points if you get the reference).


is that from a webcomic joke about starwars where obi wan nearly kills anakin/vader? vg cats i think, not sure though

[Winged One]

6782: This high ground does not add +5 to your agility (bonus points if you get the reference).

I actually played a Saga game where the high ground did give +5 to the reflex defense of the mooks we were fighting because it counted as cover. Mind, my character always used the Aim action to negate it in that fight and the rest of the party used mostly lightsabers and Force powers, but we did have our share of jokes.

[Alex12]

6781: Fusion-Powered Antimatter Armor-Piercing Plasma Gatling Phaser Cannon is not an available weapon in any setting.


Note to self: use this in current campaign (amusingly, it would actually fit, given the stuff we're throwing around)

6788: Not allowed to become so powerful that 4 tarrasques at the same time is a "low-CR encounter" for us.

6789: not allowed to take over multiple layers of hell so that I don't need to be raised to come back.

6790: Not allowed to use castles as weapons.

6791: Singularity-based weapons are not toys, and should not be treated as such.

6792: After testing a new spell/weapon and destroying a city in the process, "Oops!" is not an adequate response.

Note: many of the things I posted in this thread, our current group actually did.:smalleek: We're now the people you call when the epic characters are afraid, but there's a good chance we'll do at least as much destruction as whatever we're supposed to stop.

[SurlySeraph]

6793. "Contingent Implode Plane and Teleport Me To Brothel" is not an acceptable spell, even at epic levels.
6794. The same applies to "Slay All Beings With Any Negative Intent Towards the Party."
6795. Don't even think about "Summon and Dominate Overdeity."
6796. I am not allowed to design epic spells anymore.
6797. I can't use Slay Living on an individual bacterium. Nor can I cover myself with bacteria to absorb any death spells cast on me.
6798. Summon Planar Ally should not be used only to summon attractive women of your alignment.
6799. That goes double for Planar Binding.
7000. Selling orphans as prostitutes is not a Chaotic Good act. I don't care if you're liberating their spirits and allowing them to rebel them against the oppressive moral values of conventional society. It is not a Chaotic Good act.
7001. Chaotic Good does not mean everything you do is right.
7002. If I'm having trouble against a cleric, I may not try to take away his power by challenging his deity to single combat. No good will come of it.
7003. I am not allowed to teleport toxic gases into a dragon's lungs.
7004. Nor can I teleport gas bubbles into a dragon's blood.
7005. I cannot use Dimension Door to enter any living being's organs.
7006. I cannot glue the dragon's diaphragm against its lungs to prevent it from breathing.
7007. Or glue its mouth shut.
7008. Or glue its wings together.
7009. Or glue its feet to the floor.
7010. No more sovereign glue. Just... no.

[nivek1234]

7011: I am not allowed
To play a character that
Just uses Haiku


7012: I don't care how much health regen you have, self-cannableism is not a valid dietary choice.

7013: Just because the law of large numbers says that anything that is possible will happen does not mean that it has to happen in this campaign.

7014: I am not allowed to laugh when no joke has been made. It makes the DM suspicious.
7014b:The same holds true for smirking/humming.

7015: I am not allowed to ask for an interpretation of a rule without first explaining why I want an interpretation.
7015b: "Just curiously..." is insufficient

7016: The half-orc barbarian's name may not have more syllables than he is able to use in a sentence

7017: "He smelled funny" is not a valid reason for the half-orc barbarian to kill anyone. Your hair would scream and run if it saw soap and any quantity of water at the same time.

[Fako]

I have a player who loves Doctor Who, and 7019 and 7020 relate to him. I do not know if I am spelling Tardis right. If I am spelling it wrong, let me know and I will edit it...

7018: While playing a gnome, buying a conical hat does not grant you a +10 racial bonus to disguise yourself as a lawn ornament.
7018b: If you somehow manage to bypass 7018, you are not allowed to pose as a lawn ornament in a kitchen.
7018c: Or a throne room.
7018d: Or in hallways.
7018e: Or in the queen's bedchambers.
7018f: Or anywhere indoors...that should end this problem...

7019: You may not have a wizard make a police box that uses Shrink Item on command that opens into a Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion
7019b: If you do get one, you may not call it the Tardis.

7020: While sneaking into a keep to retrieve a stolen sword, it is considered poor form to offer all servants and guards you see double their current wages if they come work for you in your Tardis.
7020b: It is also considered poor form to raid all the rooms in said keep in order to get extra furniture and decorations for your Tardis.

7021: When forewarned of the power of a Demilich standing in front of you, it is not considered wise to have the psion of the party Levitate the Warblade one hundred feet above the Demilich and let him drop to try to kill it in one hit. He will move out of the way...
7021b: Don't cry to me when you take 10d6 falling damage after he sidesteps... it's not my fault you tried it.

7022: When talking to an Archmage in his laboratory, it is not a good idea to randomly mix potions you find "lying around on the tables".
7022b: It's not my fault he polymorphed you into a bunny. You were asking for it after you blew up half his laboratory...

7023: When confronted by a Weretiger Guard about your crimes in a city, it isn't smart to challenge him to single combat in exchange for Diplomatic Immunity.
7023b: Especially at level one...

7024: When entering a compound of known lycanthropes, it is expected that the party will purchase at least one silver weapon.
7024b: Just because adamantine overcomes hardness, it does not mean that it overcomes the Werebear's damage reduction...

[Chineselegolas]

Your spelling is correct. But it is TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension In Space.

7025: I cannot use any idea pulled from Darths and Droids.
7025b: Or DM of the Rings for that matter.

[Delta_Is_Near]

7025c: or other webcomic

[BRC]

7026: I am not allowed to build a tank, then animate it with Permanancied Animate Object, then go around running over enemies and civilians alike.

[Destro_Yersul]

7026b: And I'm definitely not allowed to give it the ability to fire maximized Orbs of Force at will.

[woc33]

The numbers were off by 800, fixed it.

6227. The TN bbn may not chop off the hand of whoever enters the door.
6228. That same bbn, along with the TN clr may not pee on the bed of the guards who's hand they just cut off.
6229. They also may not loot his room, he is already angry enough.
6230. The clr and bbn may not hire a prostitute. which is described as ugly and "popular".
6231. If the do, it's not my fault they got a disease as a result.

[Alex12]

6232: When encountering Mind Flayers, don't compare them to Cthulu or make references to HP Lovecraft. If it's in-character it doesn't make sense, and if it's out-of-character, everyone already knows.

[Dairun Cates]

6233. No matter how good the roll, damage may not be dealt by diplomacy checks, even on a nat 20.

6234. The currently raging Ice Overlord is not going to be in a talking mood if you walk up to him with his girlfriend's artifact weapon that you stole out of his weapon storage (Although, damn near killing him with it does work).

6235. The party's numbers shall be limited to single digit's when there's only 4 players around. The number of helpful NPC's is getting just silly.

6236. Stop guessing the incredibly vague plot twists but missing the very obvious ones.

6237. No using mind checks to guess the incredibly obscure plot twists.

6238. I will stop rolling 2's and 3's on my major boss's rolls

6239. I will stop rolling 10's, 11's, and 12's (in a 2d6 system) on said major boss's minion's defense rolls.

6240. No taking the incredibly depressed ice overlord on a drinking binge to prank all the other overlords.

6241. Freezing someone solid is not a prank.

6242. The rationale for going after one of the Big Bad Evil Guys should not be because the Ice Overlord was still fighting him last you saw and you still want to prank more overlords later.

6243. If someone has been trying to kidnap you the whole campaign but is forced to retreat because of his injuries, grabbing onto his cape while completely incapable of fighting is a BAD idea.

6244. Never trust little girls. EVER.

6245. I, as a GM, will refrain from making a universe that resembles Nazi Germany, even if it makes complete sense considering the circumstances and is purely coincidental.

6346. The man named "Enigma" is going to give cryptic clues. It's not ironic.

6347. Never ever try to punch, prank, defeat, maim, kill, or shoot anyone that has several thousands of millenia of extra experience in mastermind plans; especially when he's technically on your side.

6348. Vagueness is not a language.

6349. Nor is "Theorhetically".

6350. When the Paladin says, "anything", he does not mean for you to burn down a legitimate business.

6351. I will NEVER trust a dwarf wizard again.

6352. No insulting BBEG's in their native tongues just for fun.

6353. "For the lulz" is not a proper reason for joining an adventuring party.

6354. "Try to make the Paladin fall," is not a fun game for the entire family.

6355. I will stop introducing characters for the expressed purposes of back-stabbing the PC's 3-4 sessions later.

6356. The party should really have learned by now that asking for information from one of the vague informants only leads to your brain exploding from the irony later.

6357. Just because the certain brand of alcohol raises body and lowers mind does not mean that you gain enough body to stay submerged in it forever as long as you keep drinking.

6358. Running away from a seemingly impossible battle in the boss's home territory just splits you up for being picked off one at a time later.

6359. No more asking why the big supernatural ice demon in front of you can do things you can't do and is immune to things you can't be immune to. Think of it as asking why you can't grow a bunch of eyes that shoot lasers and an antimagic spell. Especially when it's something as minor as teleporting while tangled when he still remained tangled after using the ability.

6460. Freezing you in a block of ice IS his form of diplomacy.

6461. Geriatric Old Men should not deal more damage than the overlord for half the point cost.

6462. Just because the GM didn't bring his hood does not mean that the hooded NPC is having a "casual friday".

6463. When a character asks for an information swap, "I think this one guy might have a vague connection to the plot," is not an appropriate swap for the location, identity, and history of the BBEG.

6464. Yes, the players know that someone is using them to meet their own ends. They don't care anymore.

6465. Never underestimate your player's abilities to slow down the plot when you planned a lot and accelerate it like crazy when you plan a little less.

6466. Little girls should not be plot battles.

6467. Stop leaving the kidnapping prone little girl alone with questionable states of conditions.

6468. No beating up canon characters for their theme music.

6469. Never forget that your mom bakes magic pie.

6470. No. The big bag full of wild energy that explodes when slightly disturbed is NOT the best place to hide.

[GuesssWho]

6234: I am a 5th level elf wizard, not a shapeshifted 20th level aboleth psion.
6235: No more arguments about troy weight.
6236: Don't sing '99 Luftballon' every time someone uses a Fireball.
6237: You can't call your character Freddy Krueger.
6238: Or Hannibal Lecter.
6239: You can't have the same template five times on one creature.

[Kamakazee_Gnome]

6240: The celestial character cannot deal holy water damage by urinating on undead foes. I don't care if that's all he's been drinking.
6241: He also cannot cast "bless water" on the contents of his bladder.
6242: He also cannot have a bag of holding full of holy water from Celestia, even if it is free there.
6243: Or a bag of holding full of dropable boulders.
6244: Bards may not use summon instrument to drop tubas, bass drums, or pipe organs on foe's heads.
6245: No attaching spikes to an immovable rod, then leaving it in a creature's stomach after being swallowed whole.
6246: Not allowed to yell "HEY YOU! CATCH!" when firing any weapon.
6247: While one-shotting the giant monster by rolling 3 nat-20's is allowed, victory laps are considered in poor taste, as is parading its head through town.
6248: Yes, my paladin can fall for killing too many catgirls with discussions of real-world physics. The limit is, however, somewhat high; especially for ooc discussion.

[Jade_Tarem]

is that from a webcomic joke about starwars where obi wan nearly kills anakin/vader? vg cats i think, not sure though

That's correct. (http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=150)

Ten bonus points to you!

[Alex12]

6249: No matter what level the paladin is, he cannot choose "tarrasque" as his Paladin mount.
6250: Monks cannot use Quivering Palm to destroy the planet, no matter what level they are.

[Chineselegolas]

6251: When another player says "Shut up, you have reached rock bottom. Stop digging yourself in any deeper", your response should not be "I bought a shovel, and I am damn well going to use it"

[nivek1234]

6252: I am not allowed to call every NPC that I meet "Steve". The barmaids get really angry with me.

[raygungothic]

6253. While DMing, must not outright lie to the party about what's really happening to them... THIS time.
6254. Demonic possession is not "A fun way to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon".
6255. Must not run a Vampire game in which players exchange character sheets when consumed by bloodlust.
6255(a) Must not allow the deceptively innocent-looking girl player to depict another, male, player's character's evil/hunger-consumed side as flamboyantly gay.
6255(b) Must wash my mind out with soap afterwards.
6256. Must not write scenes that require the PCs to make detailed dissections of plague-struck corpses' eyeballs for vital plot clues.
6257. Must not write LRP plots that require the players to discuss drug crime and gun-running in pub toilets in the real world.
6258. Must not under any circumstances get pretty-but-disturbingly-amoral female player confused with her pretty-but-disturbingly-immoral character.

[Quincunx]

6259: I rescind most of the restrictions on gnome players. . .but please, please, please never again play a taciturn tinker gnome. We liked having the forewarning of every potentially explosive train of thought.

[MCerberus]

7026: I am not allowed to build a tank, then animate it with Permanancied Animate Object, then go around running over enemies and civilians alike.


Ooh did you try the tanglefoot launcher I suggested to do it?

[Brauron]

6260: If I am the Bard, it is expected that I will use Inspire Courage at some point.
6261: If I am the Bard, and absolutely refuse to use Inspire Courage, I will not be surprised when the rest of the party slaughters my character.

[Mephisto]

6262. When using the Golden Lion Figurines of Wondrous Power (TM), I am not allowed to shout "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!"

[Alex12]

6263: I may not, under any circumstances whatsoever, train a tarrasque to be my mount.
6232b:EVER!!!!
6232c:It doesn't matter how high my Handle Animal skill is, I just can't do it, period, end of discussion.

(this rule, in the game I'm currently in, has been broken by one member of the party. We now have the coolest ride in the universe.)

[Soups]

Well, I think we can do video games ones....

6234: I will not camp at the warp point to kill the guy who is trying to kill me
6235: Sitting in the back of the party, doing nothing makes the guys in front of you want to do nothing, and won't mind if Mephisto runs you over for being a leech.
6236: No using rockets while others are in close range
6237: No using rockets unless you can see what is there
6238: No rocketing vehicles others want to use.
6239: I can't have rockets
6240: Rockets beats dualweilding
6240b: And camping
6240c: And sniping. Rockets don't need a line of sight. Thats what a blast radius is for
6241: Amassing a large amount of low level peons or grunts in your keep is called the Conga Line of Death. That means you can't play the hampster dance, even though it resembles Lemmings.
6242: I am no longer allowed to play music that isn't in the game.

[Sonofaspectre]

6243: I will under no circumstances use Perception to find out if the Black Wookie in the suped-up Black X-Wing is the Dark Jedi.
6243b: Even if he is.
6243c: Even if I dump all my force points to get +25 to the skill check.
6243d: Even if my Jedi-senses were tingling because of it.
6244: I will under no circumstances argue with Admiral Ackbar.
6245: I will under no circumstances remind the GM that space is 3-Dimensional, not just 2-D.
6246: I will not use the Vibroaxe to make my room on the Medical Transport bigger.
6247: If I say in my Mon Calamarian accent "It's a trap," a trap will suddenly appear, even if one had not been planned.
6247b: And the saving throw will inevitably be 100.

[Lolzords]

6248: I am not allowed to sell quest characters into slavery, even if they are small children.
6249: Staplers did not exist back then.
6249b: Even if they did, I cannot staple the barbarians scalp to my shield.

[Chineselegolas]

6250: If the plan is to pretend to have half the party eaten by a demon so they will be able to sneak off, you shouldn't kill the demon before it does anything.

[TheAlmightyOne]

6251: Writing the name of the powerful Knoll leader on youre list of people to kill right in front of him is considered impolite

6252: Refrain from tasting the dice

[Frakbox]

6243: always make sense motive checks... you could wind up going after the EYE OF A MAELSTROM... (like my party did) of which cannot last long enough without the rest of the maelstrom.

6244: don't waste 15 campaign years chasing after the EYE OF THE MAELSTROM

[AKA_Bait]

6245- If I devote all of the leveling options I recieve to taking out the one level appropriate bad guy that we just haven't been able to kill for the past 2 levels I will not be surprised when he drops easily.

6246- Assissains are not supposed to be easy to see damn it!

6247- I will not be surprised if after I kill a bunch of the BBEG's minions he starts taking a personal dislike to me.

6248- When I am the party's only arcane spell caster, if I die, I will not refuse to be resurrected in order to make the party have to experiment with every magical item they find.

[HandofBlades]

6249: I am not allowed to tell the other characters I can fly through another star fighter, because one will crash into me.

[Meynolds]

6250. No taunting the Catfolk with a knife to your throat.
6250a. Even if you are a suicidal dwarf.
6251. No playing a suicidal dwarven sorcerer.
6251a. Even if you do, no focusing on necromancy.

Yes those are all the same character.

[jaqueses]

6252. No replacing all the armor and clothing in a kobold den with sweaters that read "I loves Gnomes".

[lumberofdabeast]

6748: myself isn't a valid option for favored enemies
6253: If I make an emo ranger with Favored Enemy: Myself, I do it with the knowledge that I will be tarrasqued the first time I make a reference to My Alchemical Romance.

[Quietus]

6253: If I make an emo ranger with Favored Enemy: Myself, I do it with the knowledge that I will be tarrasqued the first time I make a reference to My Alchemical Romance.

6254: Tarrasque is a noun. "Tarrasqued" isn't a verb, it's a travesty.

[Alex12]

6254: Tarrasque is a noun. "Tarrasqued" isn't a verb, it's a travesty.

What? Verbing is a perfectly acceptable actionization.

[Jannex]

All nouns can be verbed. :smallwink:

[PersonofJid]

6255: Dire Sharks are not my friends.
6256: I cannot try to derail the campaign by screaming "DERAIL!"
6257: I am never again to suggest the idea of a Yuuzhan Vong Jedi.
6258: There is no such thing as the Halfing/Gnome communal stomach.

[GuesssWho]

All nouns can be verbed. :smallwink:
Newspeaking goodthinkful. Oldthinkers unbellyfeel newspeak. Read Orwell.

[Reptilius]

6259. The apocalypse does not happen when the characters are only level 12.

[Roderick_BR]

6260. Don't make fun of the BBeG's funny name, voice, face, origin, or apparently bad build, specially if he have a magic item/magic weapon/spell with your name in it. Specially if he's in the same room. They tend to be trigger happy.

6260a. Don't be a kender, and don't use extraordinary insult when doing it.

6260b. Unless you are a monk, then you have a chance to run away. But the thought of a kender monk is scary.

[Winged One]

6261. You are neither the Juggernaut nor Rick James.
6262. You might be a GitP gamer when being heavily powergamed is actually an important part of your character.