Just a question

[junglesteve]

How do you think you would react (as a man) if you had done a paternity test, out of curiosity, never having doubts in your mind. You receive the results and find that the child you have raised for three years is not your biological child.

My brother is going through this situation and obviously my first reaction as an outsider was "well just drop that life and start new". After further putting myself into the whole thing I dont know if it would be as easy as my outside perspectives response.

Im curious to see how other people would react.

[Eldonauran]

My response? Rip the test results up and thrown them in the trash. I've already claimed the child as my own and that is not something you let go just because it doesn't have the same DNA as you.

Speaking from a position of not knowing my father was not my biological father until I was 21 years old, this might be influencing my response. Blood is only one type of bond. I've forged stronger ones through life experiences and tested loyalties.

EDIT: ... I might have a question or two to direct towards the mother. :smallsigh: I'd probably feel betrayed and/or distrustful depending on the specific siutation. Wouldn't change how I feel about the child. The child did nothing and deserves my love most of all.

[Grinner]

For the child? It doesn't really matter. I'd have been raising him for several years now, and he'd probably have started speaking by then. He'd recognize me as "daddy", and by that token, I would very much be that.

For the mother? I'd have some questions.

[Rawhide]

The next step would be to get a maternity test, as well as a second paternity test to make sure. Being switched at birth is always a possibility, as is a mistake in the test. The second paternity test should be done with a different company.

[Legend]

For the child? It doesn't really matter. I'd have been raising him for several years now, and he'd probably have started speaking by then. He'd recognize me as "daddy", and by that token, I would very much be that.

For the mother? I'd have some questions.That's exactly what I was going to say. I'd definitely have some questions for the mother, but for the kid, he's my kid. Leaving a kid I'd loved and cared for for three years doesn't even make sense.

[SiuiS]

My response? Rip the test results up and thrown them in the trash. I've already claimed the child as my own and that is not something you let go just because it doesn't have the same DNA as you.

Speaking from a position of not knowing my father was not my biological father until I was 21 years old, this might be influencing my response. Blood is only one type of bond. I've forged stronger ones through life experiences and tested loyalties.

EDIT: ... I might have a question or two to direct towards the mother. :smallsigh: I'd probably feel betrayed and/or distrustful depending on the specific siutation. Wouldn't change how I feel about the child. The child did nothing and deserves my love most of all.

Truth.


The next step would be to get a maternity test, as well as a second paternity test to make sure. Being switched at birth is always a possibility, as is a mistake in the test. The second paternity test should be done with a different company.

Valid. Wise.

[Eldonauran]

The next step would be to get a maternity test, as well as a second paternity test to make sure. Being switched at birth is always a possibility, as is a mistake in the test. The second paternity test should be done with a different company.

:smallconfused: I admit, this did not even cross my mind. Definitely do this, especially if the mother is adamant the child is yours.

[tomandtish]

Well, there's a lot to consider here. (All this assumes that the initial test is correct and the child is not your brother's and he is on the birth certificate).

Most important: NONE of this is the child's fault. Whatever your brother chooses to do in the end (stay, go, keep the child in his life, cut off all contact), hopefully he will recognize that no blame or anger should attach to the child. What action he takes should be in the best interest of the child (which could mean being a loving father and husband/partner, being a loving father who is not with the mother, or may even mean cutting contact if he truly feels he can't separate his feelings from the mother and the child).

Next, whether he wants to stay or not he probably needs to talk to a lawyer. Why? Because there may be some legal issues to consider. Depending on the jurisdiction he is in, there may be a legal document out there with incorrect information. (Is he on the birth certificate?) Many jurisdictions operate under the assumption that the mother's husband is the father. If she's not married, then she either names the father or it goes as unknown. It could actually be a crime if she knowingly put the wrong person on the certificate. The lawyer can tell you whether additional testing is a good idea. (The possibility of a hospital mix-up is also something to consider, although those are rare).

It's also important to remember that if he and Mother do part ways a few years down the road, he'll probably be paying child support. If he then tries to claim he's not the father, he may still be stuck since he knew he wasn't and was willing to claim the child as his own anyway (that is, he knows he's not the father but chose to stay listed as the father). Some courts have ruled that if you know you aren't the father but claim to be anyway, you are considered the father and can be liable for child support (especially if the bio father is unknown and uninvolved). Again, a lawyer is the best person to ask these questions. (If he tries to claim he didn't know he was the father before the split, that's perjury which is another can of worms entirely).

Alternatively, if Mom decides to dump him, she might be able to demand the test herself, show he's not the father, and cut off all contact. If he wants some rights to the child, getting started now (determining if bio father can be located, wants to be involved, etc.) can go a long way. That way he might be able to adopt the child and then have rights even if Mother ditches him and shows that the child isn't his.

Finally, it's important to realize that there are 4 people involved in this, not just three. Somewhere out there is the bio father to this child. In my opinion he has a right to know he has a child and should at least have the opportunity to be involved. After all, if the mother didn't tell your brother for three years that there was a possibility he wasn't the father, then it's a reasonable bet that this guy doesn't even know that he is a father. Again, depending on jurisdiction there may be some legal issues involved now that at least one person knows that your brother is not the father.

In short, he needs to talk to a lawyer. Whether that's with Mom or without her is up to him.

[AttilaTheGeek]

Seconding the re-test before you do anything else. There's no need to take more drastic action if you just had bad luck and got a false negative.

[Sir_Leorik]

I'm going to add my voice to the group recommending a retest to rule out a false negative. I don't know the probability of receiving a false negative (or positive) but there are several reasons it could have occurred, beginning with lab tampering, mixing up the samples or faulty equipment. Like Rawhide said, make sure a different lab conducts the second test.

If the second test comes back negative as well, I think there are several factors he needs to consider. The best advice I can give is to consult an attorney who practices family law.

[Balain]

Years a go, a guy I know went through this. He was going through a bad divorce. One night is sister-in-law calls him up and says he may want to get a paternity test.

Sure enough he was not the biological father. The judge told him he doesn't have to pay child support but if he wants visitation rights he will have to.