Looking older?

[WarKitty]

So I'm one of those people with a tendency to look a lot younger than I am. As it is again university start time the annoyance of being mistaken for a college freshman is once again getting me. So for all of us who have been repeatedly considered younger, how do you work around it:



https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1013071_10151396468821324_1478461598_n.jpg
For reference: I'm the one with the black and white scarf, in the front

And, just for fun, how young I can look:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/197436_1817512125249_3795937_n.jpg

My own tips:

(1) Neatness and confidence. Anything you wear has to look like it's supposed to be right where it is. And you cannot fidget with any part of it.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Honestly, you've got the whole "cuteness overload" going on :smalltongue:

Don't try looking older and take it for a compliment it is.

And no, in real life, I'd probably tease you about it.

Don't have any constructive advice to give, as the first thing that popped into my head was "grow a beard," but then I saw your picture. I mean, you can still try, but it's probably not the thing you're going for.

[LOTRfan]

I have a similar problem. I'm going into my senior year (in high school) and I'm still confused for a really tall freshman. My problem is that when I wear glasses, I look baby-faced, whereas without them I tend to look my age or a little older. I don't like contact lenses, though, so usually I just scowl a lot and I don't look as young when I do that.

That's probably not very good advice, though.

[DraPrime]

Grow a beard. That always adds age. Even for the ladies.

[Elemental]

Hmm... The only way I can think of, save for growing a beard which isn't always practical, is to try and get a little sun exposure to age your skin. But that's a terrible idea. Don't do that, you'll probably get skin cancer.

Have you tried long sleeves? I find I look slightly older in a shirt with longer sleeves. Also, try getting a watch. Watches are usually the mark of someone older. I'll let others suggest what to do with your hair.

[WarKitty]

Honestly, you've got the whole "cuteness overload" going on :smalltongue:

Don't try looking older and take it for a compliment it is.

And no, in real life, I'd probably tease you about it.

Don't have any constructive advice to give, as the first thing that popped into my head was "grow a beard," but then I saw your picture. I mean, you can still try, but it's probably not the thing you're going for.

Trust me, it's not a compliment unless your only goal in life is looking pretty.

[Kindablue]

Have you tried wearing a large Macintosh and standing on a friend's shoulders yet?

[golentan]

Trust me, it's not a compliment unless your only goal in life is looking pretty.

It's true. People tend to associate age with experience, and experience with competence and positive personality qualities.

The only suggestion I have is to wear a more severe hair style. It makes a difference in how people perceive your face, which is one of the big indicators used as I understand it. Of course, this is coming from a guy who has carded grandmothers for beer and asked 12 year olds if they want a credit card, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

[WarKitty]

It's true. People tend to associate age with experience, and experience with competence and positive personality qualities.

That's the big thing for me. I'm already a woman in a man's field. It's important to me to look professional and intelligent, so I can make appropriate connections. Looking like an undergraduate freshman who wandered in undermines that.


The only suggestion I have is to wear a more severe hair style. It makes a difference in how people perceive your face, which is one of the big indicators used as I understand it. Of course, this is coming from a guy who has carded grandmothers for beer and asked 12 year olds if they want a credit card, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

The hair is actually covered up in that picture. I do think a bit of hairspray helps me out though.

[thubby]

watch your posture. it has it's roots as a matter of confidence, but people who are young are frequently very closed. (arms in, head down, legs crossed or feet together)
if you spread out more, you are displaying a greater amount of dominance which is often taken as age/maturity.

clothing. for women, dress conservatively. things that draw attention to your breasts *points to scarf knot* don't help.

men, wear cloths that fit and avoid designs. there is such a thing as a blank T-shirt. and wear cloths that fit. baggy pants and skin tight T shirts draw attention to things someone who is older isn't showing off.

in both cases look ~5 years ahead of yourself for fashions. what are the upper-classmen wearing?

body wise, you want to make your face look less full. hair and makeup can do that, the particulars of how i don't know.
if you're slight, get some more muscle tone. it will add some lines to your frame

[Malak'ai]

So I'm one of those people with a tendency to look a lot younger than I am. As it is again university start time the annoyance of being mistaken for a college freshman is once again getting me. So for all of us who have been repeatedly considered younger, how do you work around it:



https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1013071_10151396468821324_1478461598_n.jpg
For reference: I'm the one with the black and white scarf, in the front

And, just for fun, how young I can look:
https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/197436_1817512125249_3795937_n.jpg

My own tips:

(1) Neatness and confidence. Anything you wear has to look like it's supposed to be right where it is. And you cannot fidget with any part of it.

Personally, I think you look younger in the first picture.
I was still working in bars and you came in looking the way you do in the first pic, I'd make a bee-line straight to you to check your ID, where as I'd take a little more time to consider a guess on your age if you came in looking like you did in the second pic.

Now, one thing I also noted in both pictures. You're closing yourself off to other people by crossing/holding your hands in front of you.
This is another posture thing that eludes to confidence. By closing yourself off, your coming across as timid/submissive and as if your trying to "hide".
Look at how the woman in the black next to you, and the guy in the blue print shirt next to her are standing. Even though they have their hands in their pockets, they are standing with a more dominant and open posture which, at least to me, catches the eye more.

As for fashion tips to make you look older, I'm the worst judge in the world. All I can say is don't dress like a Grandma, or try an imitate a man. Pants-suits are not as flattering or as impressive as a lot of people think.

[Anarion]

You could try a bit more dressy. People might not think you're older if you're wearing business casual on up, but they will take you more seriously.

I honestly think it's not an issue of looking older though. Just be confident, as people have suggested. If you're in a place/job/group where you know what you're doing, act like it. Within 10 seconds, people won't care if you look or sound young if they can tell that you know what you're talking about.

[Rawhide]

You could try one of those hair colouring products that make your hair look white or grey?

[Brother Oni]

It's true. People tend to associate age with experience, and experience with competence and positive personality qualities.

Looking younger than you actually are impedes your ability to buy alcohol or do other age related things however.
Age to buy alcohol here is 18, but they check your ID in most supermarkets if you look under 25. I was 34 when they carded me and as I still had an old style driving license, had no photo ID on me. :smallsigh:

Back more on topic, try dressing more conservatively (show less skin) and avoid teenager-style fashion disasters (I know it's just for fun, but those gloves in your second picture definitely knock a couple years off).

I agree with the body language noted by others - if you look and hold yourself as timid or withdrawn, then you appear younger and people will treat you as such.
As Malak'ai pointed out, take a look at the woman in black next to you - she has a more casual, relaxed stance emphasised by having her hands in her pocket, making her appear more open and confident even if she's not smiling.

Having your hands in front of you like that appears defensive, making you look younger - if you're not sure what to do with your hands, leave them by your side (I tend to put mine behind my back, but that's just my background and gives a different impression).

[Traab]

Holy crap my 11 year old niece looks older than you in the second pic. I agree with the others, while there isnt too much you can do for that baby face, posture and body language is a big thing. You could also talk to a hair stylist for suggestions about a new do that looks more mature than others. Your body type being so skinny and slender doesnt help much, it just makes you look smaller, but I doubt you want to put on 50 pounds to look older. lol Also, I speak from experience, growing a beard makes you look older. /nod I stopped being carded a month after I stopped shaving.

[Xuc Xac]

Whether you're a freshman or a senior, the people you really need to impress will still think of you as a "kid". To me, this question reads a lot like "I'm 5'3" but everyone thinks I'm 5'1". How can I make myself look 5'3" so people don't think I'm short?"

[Kneenibble]

WarKitty doesn't look young to me. How old are you?

[Zorg]

Firstly, I am a professional younger looking person (I'm 30 but regularly get taken for early 20's), and I do take it as a compliment and I have many goals in life besides looking pretty.

Secondly, trying to look older doesn't work in my experience. People I've seen try it just look like they are trying too hard. My advice is to try and look more serious (which is often what older people wear, but that's more a by-product than a cause). As Xuc Xac said, you're going to be thought of as young regardless for being in uni, so an air of responsibility and dedication will serve better in my experience than looking worn out. This goes with what you said about needing to "look professional and intelligent", which while it has connotations with older people, has stronger connotations with professional looking people.
Not knowing your field I can't comment exactly, but as others have said body language and dressing appropriately "smart" or conservative can make a big impression about seriousness - slacks and mary janes instead of jeans and sneakers for instance (even accessories like what bag or watch you wear can help here).

[Winter_Wolf]

I think you look older in the second picture, but then again you're wearing a LOT of eyeliner in the first pic, which I immediately associate with young people who are not going to catch a break from me. Let your natural beauty shine.

But for maybe more useful to you tips, probably lose the blue jeans and wear "grown up" shoes. For women especially that seems to mean "I hate my feet and must punish them constantly". Hopefully you can find a pair that are comfortable, although adults seem to be of the mindset that style has to be tortuously uncomfortable. Personally I'd rather be called immature and unprofessional than subject my feet to uncomfortable footwear. Then again my manly stubble, manly thinning hair and manly keg-gut make sure I'm never mistaken for a young woman. :smallbiggrin:

You may end up being one of those people who perpetually looks 10-20 years younger than you are, and you'll probably start to appreciate that when you hit your 40s. On the off chance you're NOT one of those people, enjoy your youthful looks while you can, because you'll miss them once they're gone.

[Sabeki]

Being someone who has been mistaken for a 5th grader more than once, I share your pain. Unfortunately, the only way I can think of is grow a beard.:smallbiggrin:

[Spiryt]

Well, you could smoke a lot, eat horribly, add whole lot of stress and other drugs possibly....Sun damage would also work :P

In other, more serious words, I agree with people saying that trying to look 'older' probably isn't going to really help... Or make sense.

As mentioned, looking more confident and competent would be different thing, although I don't think there's any real easy advice to be given here, things like gaining more confidence and resoluteness aren't going to happen quickly.

[Drakeburn]

I've had this experience before a few times.

Back in my High School years, there were a couple times where I'm with my little sister at the grocery store, and some employee asks if I'm her father.

And there was one time where I was waiting for my mother to finish trying out a massage chair, and yet an employee actually asked if I was her husband (no joke).

With my acne scars and facial hair, I did look a bit old.

But I remember one experience that was pretty hilarious. I was walking home from High School when I came upon this woman. From behind, she looked like a teenaged girl. But when she turned her face, I found out that she was actually in her 30's or 40's.

[Concrete]

A rather simple tip would be that you get more angular glasses the next time you change. It is a subtle change that gives you a much more authoritative look. Other than that, I can only repeat the already offered advice of posture.

Other than that, there's just behavioral changes, and since I know nothing about you personally, this would either involve empty platitudes on my part. In the end, the best way to gain respect is to be as good as you can be at what you do.

[WarKitty]

Whether you're a freshman or a senior, the people you really need to impress will still think of you as a "kid". To me, this question reads a lot like "I'm 5'3" but everyone thinks I'm 5'1". How can I make myself look 5'3" so people don't think I'm short?"

I'm a graduate student - I've had my BA for three years now. That's usually the big issue. I need to not look like a stray undergrad wandered into a professional conference.

[Remmirath]

In either of those pictures I'd assume you to be two or three years older than myself (I'm twenty-three).

I don't have any useful advice, partly because I also am frequently assumed to be younger than I am and haven't found anything to do about it (except not getting any sleep, which is not recommended and doesn't even reliably work). I can somewhat understand it when people peer at my ID when I purchase alcohol, because it is hard to tell between someone who's twenty and someone who's a few years older, but when people start asking me what grade I'm in I get rather annoyed.

The worst was when I was visiting a museum with my mother last summer and they asked her (ignoring me, of course) whether I was under twelve or not. Just when I had thought the lowest assumption had at least moved up to sixteen...

I suppose I might begin taking it as a compliment whenever it moves out of the range of them assuming I'm not an adult, but right now I don't find it very complimentary.

[warty goblin]

Heh. I get taken for a college freshman not infrequently. I'm 26 and in grad school. With a beard.

Mind, when I was a kid I would be mistaken for my sister's daughter, so I've had weirder identity mistakes.

My advice? Water off a duck's back. Unless somebody means offense, there's no reason to take it, and the effort it takes to correct their mistake is so minimal I can't really get upset about it. Didn't really bother me that much when I was being mistaken for a much younger girl.

[Brother Oni]

I'm a graduate student - I've had my BA for three years now. That's usually the big issue. I need to not look like a stray undergrad wandered into a professional conference.

If you're going to a professional conference, shouldn't the dress be essentially the female equivalent of jacket and tie, or smart casual at the very least?
That should go a long way to alleviating issues with dress, or at least make people think twice about making assumptions of your age.


Mind, when I was a kid I would be mistaken for my sister's daughter, so I've had weirder identity mistakes.

I can't imagine how much weirder they can be.

[Chen]

My advice? Water off a duck's back. Unless somebody means offense, there's no reason to take it, and the effort it takes to correct their mistake is so minimal I can't really get upset about it. Didn't really bother me that much when I was being mistaken for a much younger girl.

I kind of agree with this. If people are dismissing you because of your looks, you need to basically speak/act with authority and confidence. I work in engineering and there are not that many women (comparatively). There are some who look very young too, but they get by with confidence and showing that they know their stuff. It doesn't take long before people will realize you're not just some random young person (though it will take some time with new people of course).

[Nadevoc]

Looking younger than you actually are impedes your ability to buy alcohol or do other age related things however.
Age to buy alcohol here is 18, but they check your ID in most supermarkets if you look under 25. I was 34 when they carded me and as I still had an old style driving license, had no photo ID on me. :smallsigh:

Pretty common policy throughout the US is that places are supposed to card you unless you look at least 40. And getting carded hardly impedes your ability to buy alcohol or do age-related things, because you'll have an ID and should be bringing it with you any time you'll be buying alcohol (usually incidentally, since most people have it in their wallet/purse).



Anyhow, not looking like a 'stray undergrad' really is more about confidence and poise than anything else. The "age = experience = skill" thing really isn't the case nearly as much as it used to be. I dunno, maybe that's just within the software field. Basically, just do your best to act like you belong at the conference/meeting/whatever.

[The Succubus]

You look very pretty in both of those photos, Kitty, but moving on...

You definitely look older in the first photo - it's your eyes that give your age away, I think. In the second photo you remind me a lot of Castaras - it's the slightly goofy smile and the glasses mostly. The spectacles make you look somewhat younger - if you went for a set with smaller lenses and and a thinner frame, it'd help I think.

Your body posture in the first photo also conveys your true age, more accurately, possibly because you're standing up straight and you're focusing on the camera.

Eyes play a big part of it I think.

[Brother Oni]

Pretty common policy throughout the US is that places are supposed to card you unless you look at least 40. And getting carded hardly impedes your ability to buy alcohol or do age-related things, because you'll have an ID and should be bringing it with you any time you'll be buying alcohol (usually incidentally, since most people have it in their wallet/purse).

I'm in the UK where things are different. When I passed my driving test, the only photo ID that people commonly had was their passport, which is somewhat unwieldy to get into a wallet.

[Nadevoc]

I'm in the UK where things are different. When I passed my driving test, the only photo ID that people commonly had was their passport, which is somewhat unwieldy to get into a wallet.

I see. That seems like it would be quite bothersome, particularly for those folks who are outliers when it comes to how old they appear. And really, there are a ton of people who I can't tell if they're 16 or 30. Is that still the case? The wording implies that it's no longer true.

[Dvil]

No, UK drivers' licenses now include a photo of the owner and count as ID.

[Taffimai]

I'm sorry to say it, but you look thoroughly out of place in the first picture. The heavy eye make-up definitely has a "sixteen and desperately trying to look old enough to buy booze" vibe, and the scarf(?) is really something I'd expect to see on a 40 going on 50 at a seaside resort.

But enough with the negativity. Here are some ideas for looking older:
- Get a short, professional haircut and dye your hair in a natural colour close to your own (brown) or get highlights (if you like blonde).
- Wear classical studded earrings (silver, gold, a pearl...), but only one per ear.
- Wear V-necks or blouses and don't hide your neck line.
- Buy "sensible shoes" (the type nurses or waitresses wear).

More than anything else, though, just try to feel good about yourself :smallcool:

[Coidzor]

Grow a beard. That always adds age. Even for the ladies.

That's always been my go-to strategy. That and working out. A toned, more physical body seems to command greater respect which can get reapplied towards perceived age.


Anyhow, not looking like a 'stray undergrad' really is more about confidence and poise than anything else. The "age = experience = skill" thing really isn't the case nearly as much as it used to be. I dunno, maybe that's just within the software field. Basically, just do your best to act like you belong at the conference/meeting/whatever.

Believe that you belong there. Act like you belong there. People will accept that you belong there. I forget whether there's an official term for this kind of phenomenon but it seems to be acknowledged by multiple sources.


Holy crap my 11 year old niece looks older than you in the second pic. I agree with the others, while there isnt too much you can do for that baby face, posture and body language is a big thing. You could also talk to a hair stylist for suggestions about a new do that looks more mature than others. Your body type being so skinny and slender doesnt help much, it just makes you look smaller, but I doubt you want to put on 50 pounds to look older. lol Also, I speak from experience, growing a beard makes you look older. /nod I stopped being carded a month after I stopped shaving.

Your 11 year old niece looks older than 15? :smalleek: What are they feeding kids these days?


All that aside, the only thing I can think of is doublechecking your makeup technique and making sure that you do, in fact, understand how to best use it. It's a rather common issue for women apparently, not knowing how to use makeup properly, and it can especially identify a woman as younger and less experienced with the ways of the world and life in general. Better to get by with the absolute minimum (or even no make up) and do it exactly right than it is to overcompensate for your age and slip up.

[THAC0]

I am almost 30, work in a middle school, and frequently get mistaken for a student when someone sees me from behind because I am tiny in all dimensions - very similar to you, in fact. I don't have much advice beyond what's given, but I just wanted to commiserate!

[snoopy13a]

That's the big thing for me. I'm already a woman in a man's field. It's important to me to look professional and intelligent, so I can make appropriate connections. Looking like an undergraduate freshman who wandered in undermines that.



You could try the business casual look on a daily basis. A sweater or blouse with slacks or the jeans and blazer look (no undergraduate woman is going to wear a blazer to class). I suppose the career services office at your university could give better tips than me. It's also more than a bit unfair (the men in the first picture, who I assume are fellow grad student, are dressed like undergrads but I'm sure aren't patronized).

For what it is worth, you're not alone. There are many young women in their mid-20s with similar looks as you. Every now-and-then, I see complaints on my facebook feed from young female attorneys complaining about clients not taking them seriously (because they are petite women who look young for their age).

[Coidzor]

I am almost 30, work in a middle school, and frequently get mistaken for a student when someone sees me from behind because I am tiny in all dimensions - very similar to you, in fact. I don't have much advice beyond what's given, but I just wanted to commiserate!

I once asked my Genetics professor where my Genetics professor was as I mistook her for one of my classmates from behind and she was something like 32+ at the time. The resulting stammering as I backed away slowly lead to people teasing me about having a crush on her or even people trying to get me to ask her out for the rest of that term. *facepalm*

[WarKitty]

If you're going to a professional conference, shouldn't the dress be essentially the female equivalent of jacket and tie, or smart casual at the very least?
That should go a long way to alleviating issues with dress, or at least make people think twice about making assumptions of your age.

I'm in a field where even at conferences the men wear polos and jeans. And the women just aren't.

[WarKitty]

I'm sorry to say it, but you look thoroughly out of place in the first picture. The heavy eye make-up definitely has a "sixteen and desperately trying to look old enough to buy booze" vibe, and the scarf(?) is really something I'd expect to see on a 40 going on 50 at a seaside resort.

But enough with the negativity. Here are some ideas for looking older:
- Get a short, professional haircut and dye your hair in a natural colour close to your own (brown) or get highlights (if you like blonde).
- Wear classical studded earrings (silver, gold, a pearl...), but only one per ear.
- Wear V-necks or blouses and don't hide your neck line.
- Buy "sensible shoes" (the type nurses or waitresses wear).

More than anything else, though, just try to feel good about yourself :smallcool:


You could try the business casual look on a daily basis. A sweater or blouse with slacks or the jeans and blazer look (no undergraduate woman is going to wear a blazer to class). I suppose the career services office at your university could give better tips than me. It's also more than a bit unfair (the men in the first picture, who I assume are fellow grad student, are dressed like undergrads but I'm sure aren't patronized).

For what it is worth, you're not alone. There are many young women in their mid-20s with similar looks as you. Every now-and-then, I see complaints on my facebook feed from young female attorneys complaining about clients not taking them seriously (because they are petite women who look young for their age).

To be quite fair, I am out of place in that first picture. I believe all the other people there are 40+.

[warty goblin]

I can't imagine how much weirder they can be.

It never bothered me that much, though it honked off my sister pretty severely. Being taken for a teen mother wasn't her idea of a good time.

Though I did dislike the gendered complements - 'you're quite a carpenter for a girl.' Pissed me off right well, that did.

[JoshL]

Nothing wrong with looking young! I'm almost 36 and I still get carded for drinks! If people don't take you seriously, put them in their place with your work! You've definitely got the cute thing going on...go with it!

[Jack Squat]

I'd actually peg you for about early-mid twenties (23-26) from those pictures. Don't know how close it is, but it's better than college freshman :P

I'll agree with others and say the biggest thing you might be able to is change to a more business causal style of dress when out and about. How you're dressed in both of those pictures is more "college girl trying to be cute" and less "wants to be taken seriously in the field". The simple trick to this I've found is jackets. Take both of those outfits, ditch the scarf, and toss on a light sweater, and that's pretty much business casual for most of the women who work at my office.

[Palanan]

Well, I approach this from a somewhat different perspective.

Most of the conferences I've attended here lately are focused on physical anthropology, and the female-to-male ratio among students is probably four-to-one, or even higher with the undergraduates. It's usually easy to tell undergrads from grad students, not just from the differences in how they dress, but also how they speak--patterns of intonation can be extremely telling--and how they approach a conversation.

Undergraduates tend to have limited field experience and limited professional awareness (rather painfully, in some instances) whereas grad students are typically working on field projects, or trying to get field projects started, or trying to write up the results of their field projects, etc. A lot of undergrads do brief summer projects, but it's the grad students who have the stories about getting past armed guards at remote border crossings.

Probably your discipline involves fewer border crossings, but I think one of the underlying issues is the same: that ineffable but very real perception of competence and experience in your field. I know all too well that projecting this is neither as simple nor as easy as it is to say; but in my field, at least, that tends to be more important than wearing a particular style of scarf.

[WarKitty]

I'd actually peg you for about early-mid twenties (23-26) from those pictures. Don't know how close it is, but it's better than college freshman :P

I'll agree with others and say the biggest thing you might be able to is change to a more business causal style of dress when out and about. How you're dressed in both of those pictures is more "college girl trying to be cute" and less "wants to be taken seriously in the field". The simple trick to this I've found is jackets. Take both of those outfits, ditch the scarf, and toss on a light sweater, and that's pretty much business casual for most of the women who work at my office.

I don't think a sweater would work for the first outfit - simply put, a sweater would have ended in me being a sweat-soaked mess in short order.

[Anarion]

I'm a graduate student - I've had my BA for three years now. That's usually the big issue. I need to not look like a stray undergrad wandered into a professional conference.

Alternate plan: find the person you most want to network with at the conference and when he/she (probably he given your comments) attempts to be very nice to the lost undergrad and show you around, you let him know that you're actually in grad school, but oh what a nice person he is and you sure would love his card and to contact him later for an informational interview.

If you can't fix it, you might as well use it for your advantage. :smallamused:


I'm in a field where even at conferences the men wear polos and jeans. And the women just aren't.

You could still make yourself look especially well put together in terms of hair, makeup and stance, while wearing casual but clean and neatly pressed clothing.

[WarKitty]

Part of my trouble as well is my size. I simply don't fit adult women's clothing, even petites, very well. There are stores with extended sizes out there, but as "specialty" items that sort of clothing is out of my price range. I try to stay out of kid-looking stuff, but even so there's not a lot available. Like, try as I might, I simply cannot find a decent blazer or jacket in my size.

[Rawhide]

I still say that a small amount of grey hair, a streak or two perhaps, can go a long way in making someone look older, and I've been told that they sell the lighteners and dyes to do so (especially for those who want to go snow white).

Whether you want grey hair, as it's not something you can change as quickly as your clothing (you need to re-dye it or let it grow out), is another matter entirely...

Are there any creams/powders/etc out there to increase the visibility of wrinkles rather than decrease their visibility?

Would wearing old fashioned clothes that are now out of style do any good?

[Nadevoc]

I still say that a small amount of grey hair, a streak or two perhaps, can go a long way in making someone look older, and I've been told that they sell the lighteners and dyes to do so (especially for those who want to go snow white).

I would be *very* careful about doing this. Most people that try it end up with a streak of obviously dyed hair that just looks tacky. And on top of that, I don't you're not trying to look old enough to be greying; that would probably bring about other issues.


When it comes to conferences and the like, you might want to consider attending with an older looking friend when possible. That way, the acceptance of them will sort of transfer to you because they're treating you as an equal. Then, once you've established yourself among a few other people, you can split up.

[huttj509]

Part of my trouble as well is my size. I simply don't fit adult women's clothing, even petites, very well. There are stores with extended sizes out there, but as "specialty" items that sort of clothing is out of my price range. I try to stay out of kid-looking stuff, but even so there's not a lot available. Like, try as I might, I simply cannot find a decent blazer or jacket in my size.

I can empathize with that, though my issues tend to be on the other end of things ("that's a nice shirt, but it doesn't come in tall and I dislike showing my midriff if my elbows leave my sides"). Especially when it comes to price (casual polos, twice the price for 2" of fabric!).

You said you're a grad student, right? If you're at a university, strongly consider asking a professor in a department such as physics or engineering (not many women), or chemistry or biology (more than the first 2). Even if she hasn't been your age for a while, she'd be in a good position to understand the question and possibly have insight. (alternately, ask a male professor's wife if you're more comfortable with that)

Ideally, it would be someone you already know at least vaguely, but even if not, "I'm a graduate student in [department], and feel I'm not taken seriously at conferences because of my apparent age and size. I was wondering if you had any suggestions as to how I might rectify that." Probably changing the wording, as I tend to be considered odd for using words such as "rectify."

Honestly, back when I was in grad school (Physics) I would have been mortified at the thought of asking that, but I've since realized that the student/professor relationship was much more as colleagues for the grad students (wine and cheese department parties and such), and also that it's a valid question to ask, and any female professor in a "traditionally male" field will at least be able to empathize. Plus it helps make contacts and "network," which is rarely a bad thing (even inter-departmentally. Professors talk, and if someone hears from a colleague that they're working on X, it doesn't hurt if they might think "hey, I know a grad student who expressed interest in that).

[WarKitty]

When it comes to conferences and the like, you might want to consider attending with an older looking friend when possible. That way, the acceptance of them will sort of transfer to you because they're treating you as an equal. Then, once you've established yourself among a few other people, you can split up.

Unfortunately, in a field like mine, that tends to backfire. Simply put, all the friends I could attend with are male. I actually already try to avoid staying with one or two people just because it vastly increases the chance that I get taken for an attendant girlfriend.

[snoopy13a]

Part of my trouble as well is my size. I simply don't fit adult women's clothing, even petites, very well. There are stores with extended sizes out there, but as "specialty" items that sort of clothing is out of my price range. I try to stay out of kid-looking stuff, but even so there's not a lot available. Like, try as I might, I simply cannot find a decent blazer or jacket in my size.

It is actually a sad commentary on American society that thin, petite women have trouble finding clothes (at least outside of the girls' department). I suppose if you gained forty pounds you'd be fine, but that's not a good idea.

I suppose there's always the girls' department. While it probably does not have blazers or jackets, it must have skirts, cardigans (nothing makes you look older than a cardigan), pullover sweaters, blouses, etc. Although, you are going to need to invest in a suit sooner or later for things like interviews.

[Winter_Wolf]

People don't give enough credit to tailor-made clothing. It's a little bit more, sure, but there's a sweet spot where the tailor is competent but not so famous/famous-in-their-own-mind that they charge over the top ridiculous prices. And the quality and longevity of such clothing is so much better (as long as you're not going for 'trendy' styles that are passé about a month later).

In fact I have a very nice suit that was custom tailored which (if I would just lose that last 10 pounds) fits perfectly and better than anything off the rack. My wife has several custom tailored dresses which still fit her quite well and look better than 90+% of the things I've seen for sale in women's clothing departments.

[druid91]

Personally I'd just say to keep things simple. Don't go dressing yourself up because it's going to draw attention away from you and towards what you're wearing.

That being said, I have yet to find the perfect balance of "Not hyperdressed up" and "Clean enough that I don't come across as a hobo."

So no help from this corner there.

Though, one thing I'd like to point out is that scarf in the first picture is very attention grabbing. It's a whole lot of bright white against the black of your shirt.

You don't want something like that. It's distracting.

[pendell]

I propose an alternative.

Rather than worrying about how young you look, worry about people taking you seriously.

Thing about youth is ... the easiest and quickest way to look older I know is to frown and scowl a lot. Look and act like the world has been kicking you since the day you were born and every minute is a grim-faced struggle both to stay alive and to keep from killing the people around you. People who are grumpy look ten or twenty years older than their actual age. By contrast, even old people look younger when they smile and are happy and joyful.

Also, the quickest and best way to put wrinkles on is to smoke like a chimney. My wife is near 50 and still looks in her 30s . She looks younger than many women who actually ARE in their 30s because she's never touched a cigarette in her life.

That's the sort of thing that helps for about five years in your twenties, then you spend the rest of your life trying to get it back.

So ... why do you want to look older? If it's to be taken seriously, you can get that without looking a day older. A private or corporal in the US army can very well be under 20 , but no one treats them as kids. By contrast, there are plenty of people who look very old indeed but aren't taken seriously at all.

The trick is to put on a professional demeanor. To look, dress, act like someone who works in an office environment. It also means cultivating a somewhat reserved demeanor. Smile less. I knew a young lady who was very attractive in a previous office who worked as a security officer and no one took notice of that -- much -- because she was so grim-faced. She was playing the security role, and people responded to her on that basis, not the basis of 'attractive young lady'.

If you act like a serious, competent, working stiff, you'll mostly be treated as one. This may require some fairly sharp bites to get the males to take you seriously as a take-no-stuff-from-anyone person.

It ain't about clothes or gray hair or wrinkles, it's about attitude. Playing the role.

And I'll tell you a lesson my wife learned from dealing with her family -- being older doesn't get you more respect from, say , your parents. They have this miraculous ability to see you as widdle baby numnums from the pictures, even when you're pushing 50 yourself.

It's pretty much impossible to get respect from parents, but one way I know is to cultivate a calm, professional, mature demeanor, someone who is at peace with themselves and with the world around them. Someone who doesn't need to change to impress other people. Adding gray hair or what not probably won't, they'll just view it as "awww, young child is going through a PHASE! How cute!" Teenagers experiment and change themselves, older adults are incredibly boring and change very little , and as they get older tend to get more and more set in their ways.

If you act like someone who is conflicted and angsty and want to change, people respond as if you're a teenager and a kid. But if you act as if you were at peace with yourself and with your environment, people respect you as an adult regardless of biological age. And that's ... not really something you can fake. It's a skill you gain with experience. Or not.

I ... hope that helps.

Respectfully,

Brian P.