WOW I will be Rich!

[Balain]

The UN wants to give me four billion dollars but corrupt bankers keep interfering I just have to send them my bank account info so they can deposit it directly.

:smallannoyed:

[Douglas]

The one that really made me laugh claimed that the money was from a government fund to compensate victims of email scams.:smallamused:

[The Succubus]

Unless you can write and draw a legendary comic strip you will never be Rich.

Sowwy.

[Ashtagon]

I've won a "Facebook lottery". That's how I'm going to get rich.

[Giggling Ghast]

I wish I could be rich! I just keep getting e-mails from young Asian/Russian women who are apparently lonely and looking for a relationship.

[Serpentine]

I got a snailmail version of these. Apparently I won a Spanish airways lottery.

[Mauve Shirt]

I would probably be rich, if I didn't keep spending my money on impotency medication for Nigerian princes.

[dehro]

check out 419 scambaiters...there's a few dedicated websites out there...with hilarious tales of how those scambaiters manage to wind up their aspiring scammers and make them jump through all sorts of hoops in the desperate pursuit of a few bucks.

[supermonkeyjoe]

check out 419 scambaiters...there's a few dedicated websites out there...with hilarious tales of how those scambaiters manage to wind up their aspiring scammers and make them jump through all sorts of hoops in the desperate pursuit of a few bucks.

I love these, stories like the P-p-p-powerbook saga that unfolded on the SomethingAwful forums http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/p-p-p-powerbook

[Killer Angel]

The UN wants to give me four billion dollars but corrupt bankers keep interfering I just have to send them my bank account info so they can deposit it directly.


Aw, man, I wish I could be so lucky! No one wants to give me money so easily... :smallfrown: :smalltongue:

[AKA_Bait]

Unless you can write and draw a legendary comic strip you will never be Rich.

Sowwy.

You win this thread.

[HalfTangible]

The UN wants to give me four billion dollars but corrupt bankers keep interfering I just have to send them my bank account info so they can deposit it directly.

:smallannoyed:

I'm reminded of an xkcd strip...

[Bounty Hunter]

There always a relevant XKCD.

[denthor]

I found a "preacher" that was on "Missionary Work" in the Great State of Texas.

I asked him what time it was. He never gave me a reply.

He called me at 4 in morning to ask me where his first and last was for the house he had to rent in California.

He bought it and decided to do missionary work.

I again asked what time it was in Texas. no reply.

When I told him that I had spoke to the guy doing his repair work. He did not know the name of the repair or the company name.

This missionary for the lord said that we had an agreement and demand his money for the rent.

I said what time is it in Texas? Then hung up the phone.


Moral of this tale. Ask stupid questions that have no relation to anything and scammers reveal themselves.

[Kislath]

The one that really made me laugh claimed that the money was from a government fund to compensate victims of email scams.:smallamused:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Now THAT'S funny!

[Eldan]

That reminds me of when the democratically elected government of Nigeria wrote me to tell me that I should watch out and be aware that htere are fake princes scamming people and I should send them my account information so they could make sure I wasn't scammed.

[TheThan]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Now THAT'S funny!

yeah, its' pretty clever too.
i give those guys two points, one for irony and one for cleverness.

[Ravens_cry]

I did a little scambaiting once.
Let's see now. Ah, here we are.


Blessings my child,

I am brother Adnoid, of the Blessid Church of the
Peeled Tuber,
We believe, as God as our witness, that Our Holy
Father, was trapped by George W. Bush, son of Satan,
in 666,666,666,666,666,666 tubers. We must peel the
tubers to relese God, so he can continue His Great
Work, and Avenge Himself, For we believe, that when we
are fineshed this Great Task, God will Smite the Earth
with war, and purge all peoples from the World. All
that is but his faithful servents, us.We hae learned
this from the Great Speakins of The Toothless Wonder.
For in His Tubered State, God can only speak through
The rumblings the lower intestine, so at our shrine,
we all bear our holy buttucks, in hope God WIll
Speak.
I would be happy to help, but alas individuals may not
hold bank accounts, for they are all controlled by the
son-of-saten, George W. Bush. However, Elder Sphincter
holds one in comman for the church, only he may brave
these waters of iniquitey. He however may not acess
e-mail, for he must remain in a state of purity,
otherwise he forfits the bank account.

Yours Truly,
Brother Adnoid, of the Blessid Church of the Peeled
Tuber.


P.S. we have 666,666,666,666,548,231 tubers left to
peel, do you have any recipies to share?
They wrote back, so I replied,

> Greetings Son-of Satan.
I will not aid you in your foul attempt for world domination, a thousand cuses on your head, may the pox and the plague assail you!by shredding this mail and feeding the bits into clay figure, I have made a doll of voodoo rites. If you e-mail me again, I shall be forced to take mesures to elliminate you.May He-who-is-trapped-in-tubers give me the strength to defeat you, son-of-satan!
DEATH TO ALL DEMONS!

Brother Adnoid
They never wrote back.

[Jaycemonde]

Absolutely brilliant.

[Ravens_cry]

Absolutely brilliant.
Thank you :smallbiggrin:
Sadly, I never did get any potato recipes . . .

[Porthos]

If we're sharing scammer tales, here's mine.

I finally got sick and tired of the 'Publisher's Clearing House' scam that was running around for a while. So when one of them woke me up early one day, I decided to have a little bit of fun. This is more or less the phone conversation that I had. Not a perfect transcription. Except for the key bits which I'll never forget.

It still makes me smile when I think about it. :smallamused:

(Not that it matters for the tale, but the person on the other end of the phone had a heavy Caribbean accent - which makes sense given where a lot of these phone scams come from)

Scammer: Hello Mr. <DELETED>*. I am calling to tell you that you have just won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Now this is not...

* Mispronounced, of course. :smallsmile:

Me (sleepy, groggy, annoyed): Nah, I'm pretty good. I really don't need it. Thanks anyway.

Scammer: What? No you don't understand. We're not selling anything...

Me (cutting him off): You know what? You sound like a pretty hard working guy. Tell you what. You can have it.

Scammer: What?

Me: The money. You can have it, I don't need it. But you sound like a great guy. I authorize you to have my winnings. What do I have to do to let you have the money?

Scammer (loses it): Are you a ****ing idiot!?! I-

Me: No, I'd be a ****ing idiot if I gave you my credit card number you're about to ask me for-

Scammer (now angry): I wasn't going to ask you for your ****ing credit card-

Me: Yes. Yes you were. Don't lie to me. I know all about this. Don't ever call here again, or I'll sic the Better Business Bureau on you.

Scammer: You can't do that. You don't even know where we are calling from.

Me: I can find out. Goodbye.

*click*

Strangely enough that was the last time I got that particular scam call. :smallwink:

Still get the Microsoft Windows one from time to time though. :smallannoyed:

ETA::: Of course, being in another country I couldn't sic the BBB on them (or anyone else for that matter). No matter. I think I annoyed them enough with my 'Tell you what, you can have it' speil for them to realize that they shouldn't try their luck with me again. :smallwink:

[Cuthalion]

Unless you can write and draw a legendary comic strip you will never be Rich.

Sowwy.

That's exactly what I thought the instant I saw the title. :smalltongue:

*gives a certificate of thread-winning for replying first*


I'm reminded of an xkcd strip...

This (http://xkcd.com/749/) and this. (http://xkcd.com/570/)

[Bartle]

When I had a landline, I used to string scammers along as long as possible, figuring that I was tying up a whole person and a whole phone line for as long as I could keep it up.

[Eldan]

See, the only scam baiting I ever did was of the Calvin and Hobbes variety.

"Hello, is this Mr. XY?"
(You immediately know them from the tone and dialect. For some reason, all those scammers hire Germans instead of Swiss people and they are all over-exaggeratedly happy).
"Yes. I'd like to order two large pizza al tonno, one with onions, the other with extra cheese."

[Ravens_cry]

I don't bait telemarketers. I've done that work, cold calling for a local charity, and I know it's soul breaking work. I just tell them right off I am not interested and that I hope they have a good day.

[shadow_archmagi]

I don't bait telemarketers. I've done that work, cold calling for a local charity, and I know it's soul breaking work. I just tell them right off I am not interested and that I hope they have a good day.

I agree with RC here. The people actually calling you are mostly sad people who wish they could've found a less unpleasant line of work. Your beef really isn't with them, but with the market forces that perpetuate telemarketing as a whole.

[Ravens_cry]

I agree with RC here. The people actually calling you are mostly sad people who wish they could've found a less unpleasant line of work. Your beef really isn't with them, but with the market forces that perpetuate telemarketing as a whole.
One young lady almost sounded in tears after I wished her a good day and better luck with other customers.
The only time I get miffed at telemarketers are the automated calls telling me how it is my 'last chance to lower [my] credit card interest rate!'
News Flash: I don't own a credit card! Not one! Not ever! I've tried to get off the lists, but it doesn't seem to help.

[Amidus Drexel]

I've not been called by an actual telemarketer in a very long time... I always seem to get the recorded messages. I hang up on 'em as soon as I realize they're not a real person.

Never got the opportunity to do much baiting with 'em either.

[Tyndmyr]

One young lady almost sounded in tears after I wished her a good day and better luck with other customers.
The only time I get miffed at telemarketers are the automated calls telling me how it is my 'last chance to lower [my] credit card interest rate!'
News Flash: I don't own a credit card! Not one! Not ever! I've tried to get off the lists, but it doesn't seem to help.

I used to receive upwards of a dozen refi offers on my home mortgage a week. Delivered to an address that was clearly an apartment. Apparently the concept of "once I owned a home, but now I rent" was just too deep for me to ever get across to them.

[Serpentine]

News Flash: I don't own a credit card! Not one! Not ever! I've tried to get off the lists, but it doesn't seem to help.In Australia you need the Do Not Call Register. Private numbers don't work, and you need to re-register every year.

...as I learned from my short time in a call centre. I had two people threaten me with legal action in one day, and I'm pretty sure someone blew an air horn in my ear once. On the other hand, a few people were really nice and even helpful - one guy talked to me for a full hour about... I can't quite remember, now, but I think aliens might have been involved, and one person thanked me profusely for calling them because they actually wanted what we were selling (I didn't end up being able to do anything for them, though).

But so yeah. It sucks. I try to be nice to telemarketers now - though not so much the "your computer has a virus" scams. What's with those, anyway?

[dehro]

"your computer has a virus" scams. What's with those, anyway?

when I get those, I wish I knew anything about hacking and were able to reply "well... now yours does too"

[Balain]

I was watching a scambaiter use windows 98 on a virtual machine baiting them, it was pretty good.
win98 scambaiter part 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMVmxjqsB_M)

[Ravens_cry]

when I get those, I wish I knew anything about hacking and were able to reply "well... now yours does too"
Say it anyway.:smallamused:

[An Enemy Spy]

Unless you can write and draw a legendary comic strip you will never be Rich.

Sowwy.

Check and mate. (http://legendary.comicgenesis.com/)

[Arcanist]

I never actually fell victim to one of those scams, but I did get a lot of joy in high school when I decided to pull one of my own. Three words: Christian. Phone. Sex. I can't very well go into detail (since it would no doubt lead into a discussion of whether it was a joke-gone-to-far and a religious discussion), but I can tell you it is just as funny as you'd imagine.

MotS: Common sense is your best friend. If it is too good to be true, it probably isn't.

[Kyrian]

though not so much the "your computer has a virus" scams. What's with those, anyway?

Last year I got a call from a random number. They said they were "Microsoft" and that my computer was sending error messages to them. They needed me to go onto their website so they could take a look. The best parts to this call were that I was at work, and my laptop at home was actually powered off that night. I hung up on them, but then was saddened that I hadn't had any fun with them.

Sure enough, they called me like an hour later. They were now some little no name company. So I spent a good five minutes curiously asking them how they weren't Microsoft anymore. The guy kept trying to explain that they were MS certified, but I cut him off and said, "No, an hour ago this number WAS MS, you're telling me in the span of an hour, one of the biggest companies lost one of their numbers to some little no named company?" before the guy finally got frustrated and hung up on me.



Then the calls started again this year. I've finally been cutting them off and saying that I don't own a computer and would they just like my credit card info directly. One guy said yes and then tried to bluff his way into already knowing my account info. I told him, ok, you already know the info so I'm SOL anyways, tell me what you've got. He refused, then finally said the last number of my IP was 2. Good job buddy, first, you weren't right, but second, way to give me info that I can easily change.

[Ikialev]

Congratulations on your upcoming name change, OP.

[Melayl]

I just got 2 of the "foreign national needs my help to get money out of the country" spams. It's been years since I last had one. Gave me a good laugh. :smallbiggrin:

[Xondoure]

I got a snailmail version of these. Apparently I won a Spanish airways lottery.

I can afford to give away anything I want; I've won the Spanish National Lottery!

[SiuiS]

I don't bait telemarketers. I've done that work, cold calling for a local charity, and I know it's soul breaking work. I just tell them right off I am not interested and that I hope they have a good day.

Respect.


One young lady almost sounded in tears after I wished her a good day and better luck with other customers.
The only time I get miffed at telemarketers are the automated calls telling me how it is my 'last chance to lower [my] credit card interest rate!'
News Flash: I don't own a credit card! Not one! Not ever! I've tried to get off the lists, but it doesn't seem to help.

Yeah. Those are grand. I don't even get calls any more. Just paychological warfare. "Hello?" "*fax machine beeping for five minutes*" "JUST TRY TO SELL ME SOMETHING, PLEASE!"

Cue me in the fetal position trying to sleep as my voice mail begins to tally in the triple digits. My favorite was googling the number, finding the orthodontist's office that was responsible for this fax machine and trying to talk to them about the problem. "No, I'm afraid we can't have you calling that number, it's our fax line." :smallsigh:

[thubby]

ya know, it's strange. i have legitimately never gotten a scam email. how the devil does that happen?

[Evo_Kaer]

Now that you all mention it. I think I haven't heard of my african buisness partners for several months. I start to suspect, they are abusing my money ^^.

Strangely I think they never wanted any info from me, they were just informing me about what was going on at the moment (darn, I should have saved those mails)


Yeah, telemarketers. I think there was only one time were I was a little bit cruel to one. But he had it coming.
The guy called and I had some free time atm, so I thought let's just listen. So he starts talking about the products they were selling. they were selling foodstuff. Olive oil and what not.

Anyway he always asked me if I used something that they sold. When I said yes, he would put it on his list (he said so every time). I was basically all the time: "Uhuh".

Then as the product list came to an end, he really asked me where he should send all that stuff. I then just boldly replied: "I'm not interested"

In my defense: He never ever asked me if I was interested. I think he also didn't ask me if I had time. He just talked.

Anyway, after that he started to get unfreindly and insulted my whole country. But I've never heard of that company ever again :smallcool:

[Cuthalion]

ya know, it's strange. i have legitimately never gotten a scam email. how the devil does that happen?

They might have gotten turned into spam emails.

[thubby]

They might have gotten turned into spam emails.

well of course i have a spam folder, but i don't know if gmails filters are that good or im doing something different because I've never had one end up in my actual inbox.

[Sabeki]

Yes, as soon as my possession of Rich Burlew is complete, I shall be Rich!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!! :smallamused:
Oh wait, the other kind of rich. Carry on then.

[Coidzor]

Whenever I keep seeing this thread title, I instead think about someone somehow becoming the Giant or like him. :smallamused:

Edit: Glad at least someone else has seen that and commented upon it.

[KacyCrawford]

The UN wants to give me four billion dollars but corrupt bankers keep interfering I just have to send them my bank account info so they can deposit it directly.

:smallannoyed:

Is it?:smalltongue:

[Eldan]

I just had a great one. For context, I wrote my master's thesis in entomology and pest management.

So a guy calls me while I'm eating dinner to sell me insecticide. He starts his sales pitch by asking me if I knew that a dangerous new type of mosquito is moving into the country, which might carry yellow fever and other diseases.

I ask him if he's calling about my newspaper article and that I would gladly give another interview if he wished, but he'd have to call me back later, I had to go to the malaria conference. Since, you know, I'm employed by the Tropical Disease research institute. (All made up of course).
When he denied that, I instead outlined the insecticide treatment I use on my garden and how to combine juvenile hormone treatments and classical poisons. I also made him read the label on the insecticide bottle to me and explained to him what the various chemicals do. To my surprise, he was actually pretty nice about it and took notes.

I think he was a bit confused, but I think it was educational. He learned something he can use to sound smart to the next customer.

[dehro]

so, basically you're giving him tools to dupe others with... shame on you!
that said, I'd have probably done the same (my line of work is somewhat related)

[rakkoon]

Telemarketers, I love answering truthfully

Them :"Would you like to switch to out phone plan?"

Me: "Well, since I have plan X with company Z and it costs me XX a month for my specific profile, I don't think that you can top that"

Them: "Uh, thank you for listening"

If they could top it, I would probably switch

[getme0]

The UN wants to give me four billion dollars but corrupt bankers keep interfering I just have to send them my bank account info so they can deposit it directly.

:smallannoyed:

Tell them to EXTERMINATE all living creatures! *dalek voice*:nale: