Wiseass additions to popular sayings

[Traab]

"Money cant buy love." "But it can rent it on an hourly basis."

"There is no I in team." "But there is an M-E."

Can anyone think of others?

[Thufir]

"Great minds think alike." "Coincidentally, so do we."

[Hiro Protagonest]

Inspired by Skolldir from Awesomenauts:

"No guts, no glory" "Then you have a lot of glory"

[TheEmerged]

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"First, why would I waste perfectly good honey on flies? Second, that's a meaningless statement since I'm unlikely to catch any flies with vinegar. Finally, I'm trying to *kill* flies, not catch them..."

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"When in Rome, do as the Romans."

"I *never* want visit a jail\prison at the same time as you, then."

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"A picture is worth a thousand words."

My Dad: "Then I doubt you have ever said, "I love you" and meant it."

Myself: "...and an experience is worth a thousand pictures."

[Forrestfire]

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"First, why would I waste perfectly good honey on flies? Second, that's a meaningless statement since I'm unlikely to catch any flies with vinegar. Finally, I'm trying to *kill* flies, not catch them..."

Well, ironically enough... (http://www.amber-hinds.com/2011/10/06/catching-flies-with-vinegar/) :smalltongue:

[Mystic Muse]

"You're one in a million!"

"So, there are 7,000 other people exactly like me. Gee, thanks."

:smalltongue:

[Grinner]

Well, ironically enough... (http://www.amber-hinds.com/2011/10/06/catching-flies-with-vinegar/) :smalltongue:

Inevitably, there's a relevant XKCD comic (http://www.xkcd.com/357/).

[Haruki-kun]

"Money can't buy happiness."
"No, but it sure won't bring misery."

[LaZodiac]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Trust me, I've tried. That poor horse.

[Lord Raziere]

"Money can't buy happiness."


"I'm pretty sure a roof over my head, food, entertainment, clothes do in fact bring me happiness, happy that I'm not starving, or cold, or in the rain, or bored…"

"all that glitters isn't gold"
"yea, there is also rubies, and diamonds, and oil, and silver, and sapphires and emeralds…"

"There is no place like home"
"I'm pretty sure there are a million places like my apartment."

[Eonas]

Stephen Leacock wrote a humorous essay a little like this called The Poet Answered (http://poetry.rapgenius.com/Stephen-leacock-the-poet-answered-lyrics).

Leacock was a genius.

[Kindablue]

There but for the grace of God, goes God.

[factotum]

"Money can't buy happiness."
"No, but it sure won't bring misery."

"I only ask for the opportunity to *prove* that money won't make me happy." :smallsmile:

[Killer Angel]

"Money can't buy happiness."
"No, but it sure won't bring misery."

I also know:

"Money can't buy happiness."
"Maybe not, but they let you choose the kind of unhappiness you want."

[Finlam]

"It takes a village to raise a child."...."Then why can't I smack other people's children?"

[TheEmerged]

O_o

I am sooooooo trying that...

[Castaras]

"Early to rise
Early to bed
Would make me so bored
I would wish I was dead."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but I'd much rather be unhappy in a mansion."



Not so much a wiseass addition as a horrid combination:

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubley so.
Patience is a virtue.


Patience is a virtue, lunchtime doubley so.

[Cuthalion]

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. You know, so does a 12 gauge shotgun.

[Traab]

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Doctors tend to avoid you when you throw apples at their heads every day.

Fixed that for you. :smallbiggrin:

[Serpentine]

"Great minds think alike." "Coincidentally, so do we."Great minds think alike, and fools seldom differ.

Not exactly smartarse, but I always liked "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back."

[Heliomance]

Not so much a wiseass addition as a horrid combination:

Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubley so.
Patience is a virtue.


Patience is a virtue, lunchtime doubley so.

Everytime I hear someone say something in the format "X is a Y", I have to suppress the urge to add "Lunchtime doubly so."


An apple a day keeps the doctor away. You know, so does a 12 gauge shotgun.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A clove of garlic a day keeps everyone away.

And then there's the old poem:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you

But the roses are wilting
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty
And so is your head.

[Serpentine]

There is that old classic: "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

[Mando Knight]

There is that old classic: "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

It took me months to catch the change in meanings between the two sentences.

[Cuthalion]

It took me months to catch the change in meanings between the two sentences.

Really? I was, maybe, 10 when I first heard it, and it took about 5 minutes.

"Practice makes perfect." "Nobody's perfect!"
:smallsigh:
Ha ha. Ha.

[Killer Angel]

"you are what you eat".
Cannibalism FtW!

[Ravens_cry]

I see your mind is made up . . . and that explains a lot.:smalltongue:

[Eonas]

I see your mind is made up . . . and that explains a lot.:smalltongue:

Ha, that was a good one.

[hamishspence]

"If life is like a box of chocolates ... then I just got the candied cockroach"

[ForzaFiori]

"you are what you eat".
Cannibalism FtW!

I always reply "No wonder your a [insert your choice of genitalia]"

Also - "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" "Except Polio. that just screws you over."

[Jay R]

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes.

[leafman]

Not exactly smartarse, but I always liked "Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back."


"Curiosity killed the cat", but it didn't kill George. :smallamused:

[Sabeki]

No, George was killed by It :smallbiggrin:
I've got one: Time flies, but your heads so thick I highly doubt we'll be going anywhere.

[Philemonite]

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

You can catch even more flies with feces.:smalltongue:

[Eldan]

No, George was killed by It :smallbiggrin:
I've got one: Time flies, but your heads so thick I highly doubt we'll be going anywhere.

I still prefer "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana".

[Serpentine]

I already said that one :smalltongue:

[Crow]

"There is no I in team." "But there is an M-E."

Can anyone think of others?

We always went with the following:

"There is no I in TEAM, but you can't spell WIN without it."

[Traab]

We always went with the following:

"There is no I in TEAM, but you can't spell WIN without it."

I like that one. Im not sure which one comes off as more amusingly selfish. Probably yours.

[hamishspence]

I kind of like "To err is human - but it feels divine" (I think I read once that it was Mae West who came up with it)

[comicshorse]

" Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. "

[Heliomance]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb8f97spxV1qz7mcro1_500.png

[Equinox]

The early worm is gotten by the bird.

[Eonas]

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb8f97spxV1qz7mcro1_500.png

That is literally one of the best pictures I've seen all day.

[thubby]

"he who stands for nothing will fall for anything"
...
"hard to fall when you're already sitting"

[Ravens_cry]

Ha, that was a good one.
A similar one I have is, "I see your mind is made up, but none can say what of."

[TuggyNE]

A similar one I have is, "I see your mind is made up, but none can say what of."

"You can always tell a Swede… but you can't tell them much."

(My full-Swedish grandfather loves that one.)

[Jay R]

All the quotes below are from Pappy Maverick, form the old Maverick TV show.

"The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to place your bet."

"A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero dies but one. And a thousand to one is pretty good odds."

"A man does what he has to do - if he can't get out of it."

"Son, hard work never hurt anyone - who didn't do it."

"You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all the time and those are very good odds!"

[Murska]

I really have to point this thread to Despair, Inc (http://www.despair.com/).

These are hilarious.

[Lord Raziere]

A general who leads from the war room is a bad leader. a general who leads in the middle of the army is a good leader. a general who leads from the front of the army is a great leader. great, but short lived. Great, But Short-Lived.

[Goosefeather]

The early worm is gotten by the bird.

The early bird gets the worm... so if you want something else for breakfast, have a lie-in.

[Ravens_cry]

Another favourite, not self invented, is "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"

[TubaMortim]

"A picture tells a thousand words"

"And two women speak a thousand pictures"

[AdmiralCheez]

"The grass is always greener on the other side, but they have to mow it twice as often."

[Coidzor]

"Early to rise
Early to bed
Would make me so bored
I would wish I was dead."

Relevant Morphine is Relevant. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zw1Bli1jbc)

[Delusion]

"Its good to live in Hope, said the tapeworm."