The Uninvitable Player

[Jon_Dahl]

Have you ever been in a situation where you know a great player, but you can't invite him or her to your table?

I've been having this tormenting situation with my favourite player. She's the best damn player I know. Lots of imagination, personality and creativity. The thing is that she always roleplays with her boyfriend, who is a real Alpha Male, and often wants to be the GM. It's hard to game with him, because my view of gaming is radically different from his. I'd like to invite her to play in my games, but I fear the reaction of her boyfriend. The woman always defends him, even when he's wrong. She would never go against his wishes.

So it's tormenting that she's such an excellent player, but I can't roleplay with her without that guy. He doesn't even like D&D, which is basically the only game that I run. This situation has lasted for years.

[Miranius]

To state the obvious: just tell her, exactly like that.

It´s a normal situation, in a social game there are bound to be personality conflicts. So it`s nothing to feel bad about, that you can connect with one person but can`t with another.

What you want is an "adult" solution, not some behind-the-backs sheming. So just say it, in a polite and logical way, and see what she says. There is no more you can do.

[Red Fel]

I was in such a situation, once.

What made it worse is that, they were both good players, and he was a good DM. At times, anyway. That was the problem. At other times, he would go off like a switch - demanding, making orders, attempting to be not only in control of the game, but in control of our social circle. He would railroad and play a DMPC, he would rules-lawyer, and he would become belligerent and aggressive when questioned. And heaven help you if you were not a follower. He actually attacked one of our players once.

We tried talking to him, and talking to her. Rather than help us get through to him, she actually tried to stop us, saying that we needed to be more understanding of him, rather than the other way around. We eventually left them both.

I second the "try talking to her" approach. Explain to her that you value her as a player, but that he is difficult in your group. Offer to explain to him as well, if she's willing to help.

But if she isn't willing, or if she says she won't attend without him, be prepared to lose them both. It's not worth it to gain a good player, only to have also gained a terror.

[danzibr]

Sounds like you need to make her your girlfriend. Problem solved!

[Jon_Dahl]

Sounds like you need to make her your girlfriend. Problem solved!

No thanks! :smallsmile:

[Saskia]

I had sort of the same issue. One of the guys I met st work is a really good player, thinks from his character's perspective, looks at the world instead of metagaming to solve problems, etc.

His wife, however, always has to be a part of it, even though she'd act like she's got no interest at all, and when she did become engaged it was telling me how I'm wrong because she's an anthropologist and pre-industrial societies wouldn't behave that way because x/y/z, conveniently forgetting that this is a world where the neighboring city-state isn't always necessarily the biggest threat, and also people might behave less belligerently when they know the next town over is home to a powerful sorcerer who might be able to kill the powerful enchantress they rely on for protection.

Now, I don't know if this might work for your situation, but I started hanging out with her outside of gaming and she's been way more chill ever since. I don't really know why, but maybe it's got something to do with not feeling like an outsider as much because she knows somebody at the table other than her husband. Maybe that's what's up with that guy's thatguyism.

[Ansem]

Just be honest.
We want you to join our group since you're a player but we don't feel like having that to come with additions that will disrupt our play.
So you can accept the invitation if you want or not, but we don't think BOYFRIEND suits our group or is a good enough player.

No hard feelings and you're honest.

[Psyren]

His wife, however, always has to be a part of it, even though she'd act like she's got no interest at all, and when she did become engaged it was telling me how I'm wrong because she's an anthropologist and pre-industrial societies wouldn't behave that way because x/y/z, conveniently forgetting that this is a world where the neighboring city-state isn't always necessarily the biggest threat, and also people might behave less belligerently when they know the next town over is home to a powerful sorcerer who might be able to kill the powerful enchantress they rely on for protection.

I immediately thought of this, (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0124.html) particularly the alt-text :smallbiggrin:

[Squirrel_Dude]

There is one player who understood the game really well, and always dived into books trying to find out more about the game. He optimized to try and make interesting ideas (a rogue all about poisoning and using natural attacks for example) work.

If only the sonuvabitch would roleplay for more than 30 seconds.