The world is safe thanks to Goblin Dan

[Spoomeister]

Was flicking through old strips and came across the one with the hydra. http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0326.html

Goblin Dan is telling his story from the perspective of being a very old goblin, and he came across the unconscious hydra as a presumably young adult goblin. So whatever happens with the Snarl and the rest of the story of OOTS, at least we know the world doesn't get unmade or otherwise destroyed...

[Xelbiuj]

Long standing theory man.
They even serve that BBQ in Gobbotopia.

Side note, this is arguably the most evil act in OOTS.

[David Argall]

We have several other times that our writer has "spoiler alerted" us that the world is not going to end despite team Evil's best efforts. The most famous is possibly the Oracle talking about his date with a druid.

[Forikroder]

Was flicking through old strips and came across the one with the hydra. http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0326.html

Goblin Dan is telling his story from the perspective of being a very old goblin, and he came across the unconscious hydra as a presumably young adult goblin. So whatever happens with the Snarl and the rest of the story of OOTS, at least we know the world doesn't get unmade or otherwise destroyed...

unless the goblin being interviewed is the boss of the goblin taht found the hydra

[Sky_Schemer]

Dan has been wearing the same shirt and pants for a long, long time.

[Joe the Rat]

Limited wardrobe. Comic strip characters pick a style, and stick with it.

[NihhusHuotAliro]

Long standing theory man.
They even serve that BBQ in Gobbotopia.

Side note, this is arguably the most evil act in OOTS.

The Hydra's fine, and Dan probably feeds it well. The hydra grows its heads back. In effect, this is more like shearing a sheep than anything, or clipping toenails. Or maybe taking apples from a tree.

Dan's business revolves around keeping the Hydra alive and healthy; and I don't think it really pays to have a powerful monster like that mad at you.

Your brain is in your head, you have a bias towards faces, I mean, look at how many avatars are faces. But for the Hydra, decapitation is like a haircut. With the money from Hydraburgers, Dan can afford good food and veterinary care for the hydra; and buy land for it to live on. And heck, now the Hydra doesn't have to worry about predators or adventurers.

That's my headcanon and I'm sticking to it; because the alternative is horrifying.

And no, I think the most evil act in OOTS was Elan blowing up the incredibly huge Dungeon of Dorukan and killing an untold number of outdated monsters. This isn't one-fourth of a species, here. This is hundreds, probably waaay more, of very rare species that Elan just made extinct.

[BaronOfHell]

I agree with your overall point. I don't see what he does to the hydra much different than what we do to our cattle (and I'm not solely talking about the slaughtering process here).


In effect, this is more like shearing a sheep than anything, or clipping toenails. Or maybe taking apples from a tree.

[...]

But for the Hydra, decapitation is like a haircut.

This I however disagree with. Haircut, shearing a sheep and clipping toenails are removing non-living parts from the body. These are not connected to nerve cells, and are only a danger to remove in the cases where the environment require their presence (in general it'd be in case of low temperatures and requirements of self-defense). Since trees reproduce by making tasty apples animals can take, I also doubt it's a problem for the tree.

However in regard to hydra heads, it's first of all a lot more likely nerves are cut (I mean they can move and bite, etc. after all), and that means it's painful. Goblin Dan could probably afford drugs to take care of the pain though. But that's generally why it's not the same (like it's not the same if someone breaks your arm just because it'll eventually heal).

Then there's the question if each hydra head represents a different being or if they're all one being with a ton of nerve cells in different places. If it's all a single being, then it's similar to cut off an arm which grows back. But if they're all individual beings, it could be that every head cut off is killing a creature.



With the money from Hydraburgers, Dan can afford good food and veterinary care for the hydra; and buy land for it to live on.

The reason we eat cows in stead of grass is because we can't digest grass. Otherwise it's a waste of food to first pass through one creature before eating it.

If the Hydra can only eat the same as Goblins, it'd ultimately become a business were you put more into it than you get out.

Fortunately Hydra's are probably magical beings which do not require any energy to regrow their heads. Alternatively he gets some low level cleric to conjure food which is then turned into yummy Hydra Burgers. :P

[Flame of Anor]

Hydras have Int 2 - they aren't sapient beings. So even if it is killing a separate creature every time Dan cuts off a head, it's no worse than killing a farm animal for food.

[littlebum2002]

unless the goblin being interviewed is the boss of the goblin taht found the hydra

No, it's the same goblin. He's even wearing the same clothes. Years later. Yuck.

[FlawedParadigm]

No, it's the same goblin. He's even wearing the same clothes. Years later. Yuck.

Why does no one ever consider that it's a different but similar set of clothes, or that he has more than one set of them, or maybe it just happens to be the same day of the week he usually wears that set? I mean there's thousands of rational explanations as to why he'd happen to be wearing the same clothes years later that aren't "has been wearing them the entire time" which, almost certainly, wouldn't even work. Given the technology level and materials available, unless the clothes were magically preserved for some bizarre reason, they'd have rotted away at some point in the interim.

[JSSheridan]

How do we know Team Evil doesn't conquer the world or that Tarquin didn't finish absorbing the western continent though?

[Heksefatter]

No, the strip takes place in a future world where Xykon has won and is the Emperor of the World. The only resistance left is on the Western continent where an octogenarian Tarquin is leading a resistance and has become a dark anti-hero. Elan is at his side and is once again wearing an eyepatch without having lost an eye, but Tarquin understands and approves.

Due to Xykon's evil reign, evil business prospers. Gobbotopia is a mostly-loyal vassal. Accordingly, Goblin Dan's business is doing well, since it is an evil business. Note how it is mostly evil demihumans in the background in the dark future depicted in the background of the picture of Goblin Dan's evil megacorporation?

[Sky_Schemer]

Why does no one ever consider that it's a different but similar set of clothes, or that he has more than one set of them, or maybe it just happens to be the same day of the week he usually wears that set?

Perhaps blue is his favorite color, and that's all he buys.

Admittedly, he looks pretty good in blue. It goes well with his green skin tone. He's got better fashion sense than anyone in Gobbotopia except maybe Hobgoblin Cleric #2's mom (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0703.html). Pity those lessons didn't stick.

[BaronOfHell]

I can't see why it's yucky if it's the same set of clothes. It has certainly been washed when required, so what's the big deal?

[allenw]

Dan's business revolves around keeping the Hydra alive and healthy; and I don't think it really pays to have a powerful monster like that mad at you.


The hydra is never going to wake up from being unconscious, since there's no way to reduce its number of heads except by using fire on the necks (which Goblin Dan has negative incentive to do). Therefore, the hydra is at this point more like, say, a large edible (but sterile) fungus, with the heads representing the above-ground fruiting bodies (the part people think of as a "mushroom"), and the body being the large remainder of the fungus hidden underground.

Whether making such use of its current condition is morally justified or not is, probably, beyond the allowed scope of this board.

[137beth]

Except the flash-forwards to Goblin Dan as an old goblin is actually in World 3.0, which was created by the gods after the snarl destroyed the current world, and Goblin Dan and the hydra are the only survivors from World 2.0.
I mean, really, your "proof" that the world 2.0 is safe has so many holes in it:smalltongue:

[henrykazuka]

The hydra is never going to wake up from being unconscious, since there's no way to reduce its number of heads except by using fire on the necks (which Goblin Dan has negative incentive to do). Therefore, the hydra is at this point more like, say, a large edible (but sterile) fungus, with the heads representing the above-ground fruiting bodies (the part people think of as a "mushroom"), and the body being the large remainder of the fungus hidden underground.

The last panel shows the Hydra with less heads than the previous panel. Unless those two goblins can cut heads really fast, I'm guessing Dan reduced the number of heads at some point. If not, the Hydra would have more than a million heads after a few months.

[Forikroder]

Except the flash-forwards to Goblin Dan as an old goblin is actually in World 3.0, which was created by the gods after the snarl destroyed the current world, and Goblin Dan and the hydra are the only survivors from World 2.0.
I mean, really, your "proof" that the world 2.0 is safe has so many holes in it:smalltongue:

especially since the main villain is currently on a quest to make it so that goblins have equality in the world and can do things like set up a BBQ joint without heros come looking for XP

[Bulldog Psion]

Heck, he could be in another universe entirely, assuming he and the hydra got through a portal before world 2.0 was unmade, and no 3.0 ever existed. Just so long as there are comic strips physics and goblins on the other side, he'd be fine, once he recovered mentally of course.

[Reddish Mage]

The hydra is never going to wake up from being unconscious, since there's no way to reduce its number of heads except by using fire on the necks (which Goblin Dan has negative incentive to do). Therefore, the hydra is at this point more like, say, a large edible (but sterile) fungus, with the heads representing the above-ground fruiting bodies (the part people think of as a "mushroom"), and the body being the large remainder of the fungus hidden underground.

Whether making such use of its current condition is morally justified or not is, probably, beyond the allowed scope of this board.

I have to agree its permanently comatose, it only had animal intelligence to begin with and its status as food is not meant to be "evil" nor should it be interpreted as especially cruel notwithstanding Rich's personal vegetarianism.

[F.Harr]

Why does no one ever consider that it's a different but similar set of clothes, or that he has more than one set of them, or maybe it just happens to be the same day of the week he usually wears that set? I mean there's thousands of rational explanations as to why he'd happen to be wearing the same clothes years later that aren't "has been wearing them the entire time" which, almost certainly, wouldn't even work. Given the technology level and materials available, unless the clothes were magically preserved for some bizarre reason, they'd have rotted away at some point in the interim.

True. But not funny.


No, the strip takes place in a future world where Xykon has won and is the Emperor of the World. The only resistance left is on the Western continent where an octogenarian Tarquin is leading a resistance and has become a dark anti-hero. Elan is at his side and is once again wearing an eyepatch without having lost an eye, but Tarquin understands and approves.

Due to Xykon's evil reign, evil business prospers. Gobbotopia is a mostly-loyal vassal. Accordingly, Goblin Dan's business is doing well, since it is an evil business. Note how it is mostly evil demihumans in the background in the dark future depicted in the background of the picture of Goblin Dan's evil megacorporation?

Now this, this is funny


The last panel shows the Hydra with less heads than the previous panel. Unless those two goblins can cut heads really fast, I'm guessing Dan reduced the number of heads at some point. If not, the Hydra would have more than a million heads after a few months.

Maybe, as the hydra grows old, it replicates heads more slowly. It's got more heads to grow, after all. Or, Mr. Burlew simply got tired.

[rodneyAnonymous]

Extra Lernian hydra heads wither and die within a day. So if the hydra normally has six heads, and three are cut off and two grow from each stump, it will have nine heads today but six again tomorrow.

Then again they aren't supposed to be able to have more than twice their original number of heads, so that "solution" was already bending the rules for a joke, don't worry about it so much.

[F.Harr]

And since they are already bent, why can't they hold their shape for a while?

[pennzqwu]

I think that Goblin Dan's been around for centuries. Think about it.

He's made MILLIONS of gold pieces. He's going to die soon of old age? Not if he can help it! He'll pour the money into epic spell research, to make him live longer, to bask for yet more time in the luster of the buttery yellow metallic circular-shaped objects...

Can't be said for the hydra though. Poor Hydra #1. But now Dan's got millions of gold pieces. He'll just pour hundreds of thousands into searching for more of 'em. And more. AND MORE. Meanwhile, he'll still have epic spell research going on. And he'll open more and more and more businesses. Until he's taken the world's entire gold, and everyone is bankrupt. And he'll laugh. Laugh as the greed of the people overcomes their primary needs, and they slaughter each other for a copper or two. Soon, the world will be lifeless except for Dan and his crew. Just another one of the trillions of specks floating through space. Cold. Lifeless.


Nah, that's ridiculous. He probably died and went to Goblin Heaven. Yeah, that. :smalltongue:

[Harbinger]

Guys. What if Goblin Dan... IS THE SNARL! After collecting all the gold in the world and destroying the universe, Dan researched an epic spell to turn himself into an immortal being or pure chaos. He then went back in time, killing the Greek gods. Eventually, when he grew bored of this, he created his own universe inside the rifts. It all makes sense now. Rich Berlew is a genius.

[Fish]

What's the life expectancy of a goblin? "Old" might mean he's only 40.

Possibly Dan's first appearance was simply a clean-shaven 35-year-old. We don't know that his hair was then white.

[Roland Itiative]

What's the life expectancy of a goblin? "Old" might mean he's only 40.
This. Goblins live much less than humans do, and as such age faster. Redcloak would be dead of old age if not for the Crimson Mantle, for instance. The flash forward we see may be mere years beyond that point in the story.

[4here4]

Personally, I am heartened by Dan's plight and his contributions to goblinkind as a whole. He brought a whole new industry to this proud and noble race through business sense, ingenuity, and luck. We will never forget you, Goblin Dan.:redcloak:

[skim172]

Was flicking through old strips and came across the one with the hydra. http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0326.html

Goblin Dan is telling his story from the perspective of being a very old goblin, and he came across the unconscious hydra as a presumably young adult goblin. So whatever happens with the Snarl and the rest of the story of OOTS, at least we know the world doesn't get unmade or otherwise destroyed...

If you were able to see inside, you could see Elan flipping hydra burgers while singing a song. So there's his happy ending :smallbiggrin:

[Bulldog Psion]

If you were able to see inside, you could see Elan flipping hydra burgers while singing a song. So there's his happy ending :smallbiggrin:

"Flip, flip, flip, flip the greasy burgers for our new green overlords!" :smallwink:

[137beth]

This. Goblins live much less than humans do, and as such age faster. Redcloak would be dead of old age if not for the Crimson Mantle, for instance. The flash forward we see may be mere years beyond that point in the story.
But based on the rate of the plot, it seems likely that the series will end within two in-comic years. So if goblin Dan is still alive a couple years later, then he probably survived the series.