Jokes and gags with spells

[axraelshelm]

I was thumbing through the complete mage today and found the spell Unyielding form of inevitable death where you can transform into a Marut (mm159)
and the thought just hit me In a evil campaign I would so Tranform into one of these to scare my Lich wizard friend as a joke It would have been hilarious!

Stomp stomp the strong powerful body of the Marut towers over Lord Melikai he raises his hand to cast a spell but as he gazed into the inevitables cold dead eyes he knows that it would be futile and let out a small whimper.
The Marut bellows out "Melikai of the Ashen wastes you have used the dark arts to prolong your life and for that is against the laws of the multiverse so you shall perish!"
"I shall crush your tiny little body!
ah
"I shall smash your box you keep your soul in"
ahh
"I shall feel your spine as it crumbles in my hands"
whimper
"I shall... laugh heartly! April Fool!!!

[Gorbad the Limb Rippa]

I've seen plenty of spell based jokes,
3 words
kender arcane trickster,
so many gags it almost makes the paladin(or Knight of solomnia more acuratly)want to throw their vows to the wind and choke the fool.

[The_Werebear]

Ghost Sound + Cloudkill + Still&Silent Spell.

Blame it on the dog.

[danielf]

heheheheh very nice thread :)

[Iudex Fatarum]

the classic obscuring mist/ prestidigitation trap, you walk into a room and set off a trap, a cloud of venimous looking gass comes out of the walls and starts to fill the room, you see an inscription on the wall, "april fools its just fog"

[Jack_Simth]

Well, let's see.....

There's always the old impersonating someone while doing something embarassing/illegal in public. Disguise Self and Alter Self are good for that. You have to be careful with the "escape" bit, of course, and arrange for the original's alibi to be less than solid.....

[Draco Ignifer]

Shatter can destroy any object of up to 10 pounds per caster level, regardless of composition. At level 7, you can still and silent this, and do it with any object that a person would be likely to keep on them. This includes, for example, pants.

[Mewtarthio]

How's this for a funny joke:

Cast Phantasmal Killer on someone. Then, open a packet of ketchup and squirt it over your victim's neck. When the victim's friends come along, they'll all roll their eyes at what appears to be a ridiculous "fake death" gag... then they discover that the guy really is dead! :smallbiggrin:

Of course, no power in the multiverse is funnier than Microcosm. "April Fools! Your reality is fake!"

[Halcyon_Dax]

Sorry Draco:

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/shatter.htm

Cant shatter pants :smallfrown:.


Sovergn glue an immovable rod to a sleeping party member, get them to the top of a ladder, use the rod, remove ladder.

[Bookman]

Well there's always just casting grease and watching everyone try and walk across :biggrin:

[illyrus]

Fun with Shrink Item:
1. Shrink item a large amount of water into cloth.
2. Reshape the cloth into an article of clothing.
3. Repeat steps 1 thru 3.
4. Open up a clothing shop and sell them for very low prices.
5. Walk around town and then shout the command phrase: "Why are all of you naked?!"

This idea is the harmless version of a sick and twisted use of it involving "lava dresses".

Fun with suggestion and/or glibness:
1. "What are you doing kissing her, she's your long lost sister!"
2. "The demon horde is coming; run for your lives!"
3. "I don't believe it, King Bob is right over there. You better go greet him properly."
4. "Your clothes have spiders all over them!"
5. "See that girl over there, you should go ask her out, right now."

Fun with Sculpt Sound:
Transmute the "BBEG's" voice mid speech to be that of a 2 year old child or a duck.

[Roderick_BR]

Three classics:
*Cast Invisibility, stand at the side of some skeleton, and when someone walk by, move one of his hands and his chin whine making "woooo" sounds.
*Cast Shocking Grasp, and shake someone's hand.
*Cast some ilusion/shadow spell that makes someone think he actually put his pants on. (the king is nude!)

[Draco Ignifer]

Sorry Draco:

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/shatter.htm

Cant shatter pants :smallfrown:.

"Alternatively, you can target shatter against a single solid object, regardless of composition, weighing up to 10 pounds per caster level. "

They might be called a pair of pants, but in most cases, they're a single object... and I'd hope, for decency's sake, that they tend to be solid most of the time.

[Mewtarthio]

Use Modify Memory to implant something embarassing in someone's memory, then bring it up at the dinner table.

[Falconsflight]

Halcyon_Dax why can't you shatter pants?

"Alternatively, you can target shatter against a single solid object, regardless of composition, weighing up to 10 pounds per caster level."

Alternativly means it doesn't follow the first part, you can do this as well. So yes, you can shatter pants... shirts, glasses, hats. Just as long as they aren't magical.

[TheOOB]

I sometimes summon "The Hand of God" when someone makes me mad. I use major image to create a shining rift in the sky, while a giant hand slowly emerges and gives the finger, complete with a singing chorus of angels.

Also shatter + belts = hilarity.

[Halcyon_Dax]

Damn you, me! For not completely reading the spell and simply assuming that you cant shatter fabric.

Well, I guess its more of a fun spell than i thought.

[Fizban]

Even better is to use the Warlock version, which dazes people or something if they fail a save when one of their items shatters.

Hey Dave, your pants just exploded.

Dave: wha??

Dave approxomately 6 seconds later: OMGWTF where are my pants!?!?

[axraelshelm]

Okay after the party day friday or saturday wake up early and cast polymorth other on one of an unexpecting sleeping couple Think of the most ugly thing that you had met. Now go to somewhere safe and scrye.

[YPU]

Start summoning creatures from the munchkin monster manual.

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

Ever heard of the rod of embarrassment? when you use it on someone it casts invisibility on them, but only on their clothes. the funniest part is, they don't know that only their clothes were affected.

:biggrin:

[ExHunterEmerald]

I think worn items can't be shattered. At least, they have a will save.

[Shadow of the Sun]

The classic: Cast Light on someones pants.

[TheOOB]

I think worn items can't be shattered. At least, they have a will save.

Nonmagical worn items can be shattered, but they do in fact allow the wearer a will save to resist the effect, not that Mr. Jon Doe over there has a high enough will save to make it.

Shatter is also incredibly useful on potions, the potions themselves are magic, but the bottles they are on usually not. One spell can force someone to make a will save for every potion they own, unless they are smart and use metallic vials.

As far as funny spells, I had a mage once who's grease spell littered the area with bananna peels.

[Raum]

Not that I would ever consider using them, but here are a few...

- Use prestiditation to goose the barmaid walking near the fighter.
- ...or the big guardsman walking near the wizard.
- Grease the stairs.
- Use mage hand to dump drinks in "appropriate" places.
- Have your invisible servant short sheet beds.
- Disguise self & silent image (and other illusions), too many uses to list...
- Cause fear...that barmaid you were hitting on...she ran screaming when you touched her...
- Command & suggestion...so many embarrassing things people do...
- Invisibility on the door...

[Gorbad the Limb Rippa]

Gust of wind,
Turn the arrogant wizard into marilyn munro

[Kiroho]

Back in the AD&D version of psionics, one of the powers allowed you to control someone else's body. I forget the exact name. During one campaign, the party, which included a Drow (Drizzt was still new on the scene and this was still a novel idea), was sitting in a tavern relaxing when I had the Drow backhand another party member off of his barstool. Much hilarity ensued.

[blackout]

My team's wizard uses Suggestion ALL THE FREAKIN TIME to make us all think we're spider-monkies. It's insane, I tell ya.

[Zonac]

Cast wish, and make your wish "I wish you wouldn't grant this wish." Works with miracle, too.

Cast flesh to stone, take just a teeny chunk out of their head, cast stone to flesh (just love 8-bit theater).

Cast flesh to stone on someone, then take him to a far off area, prefferably a place that looks like his town, 'cept broken down. Cast stone to flesh, tell him it's the far future, everyone he ever knew or loved is dead, the world is in chaos, and he can't die, so he can never see his loved ones again in hell, heaven, yatta yatta.

[blackout]

Cast flesh to stone on someone, then take him to a far off area, prefferably a place that looks like his town, 'cept broken down. Cast stone to flesh, tell him it's the far future, everyone he ever knew or loved is dead, the world is in chaos, and he can't die, so he can never see his loved ones again in hell, heaven, yatta yatta.
Love that one, gotta suggest to my team that we try it on some annoying NPCs that always follow the party around. :smallbiggrin:

[Green Bean]

Fabricate a bunch of stone statues of people, put them in a clearing. Tell your cleric a gorgon attacked, and when he fails to heal them , tell him it's because his god has abandoned him.

[pita]

Throw the party gnome...
Or something...

[Spasticteapot]

I recall some fun uses for the 2e version of Cantrip, at least under the house rules.

1. Cantrip : Burp. This is especially effective on wizards.

Vas Fla...BURRRP.

2. Cantrip: Flatulence.

This works especially well when you're riding horses down a narrow crevasse...and you're on the front horse.

3. Cantrip: Pinch.

On the BarTENDER of course. Especially if he's male. And an orc. And named "betty".

4. Illusion: Naked nymphs.

Invisibilty has problems - True Seeing makes it null and void. However, regardless of wether they know the nymphs are naked or not, most guards will be staring at them anyway.

5. Disintegrate: Pants.

Heh.

6. Grease...right under that stone-giant monk.

7. Heat Metal on the party paladin.

It burns! It burns!

[blackout]

Fabricate a bunch of stone statues of people, put them in a clearing. Tell your cleric a gorgon attacked, and when he fails to heal them , tell him it's because his god has abandoned him.
Oooooh, harsh.

[Talanic]

Fabricate a bunch of stone statues of people, put them in a clearing. Tell your cleric a gorgon attacked, and when he fails to heal them , tell him it's because his god has abandoned him.



The spell also can convert a mass of stone into a fleshy substance. Such flesh is inert and lacking a vital life force unless a life force or magical energy is available. (For example, this spell would turn a stone golem (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/golem.htm#stoneGolem) into a flesh golem (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/golem.htm#fleshGolem), but an ordinary statue would become a corpse.) You can affect an object that fits within a cylinder from 1 foot to 3 feet in diameter and up to 10 feet long or a cylinder of up to those dimensions in a larger mass of stone.


He'd get a bunch of corpses that were never really alive.

[Voyager_I]

He'd get a bunch of corpses that were never really alive.

Right, because that's so much less creepy than a few statues...

For my recommendation:

Level 1 Human Sorcerer
+4 Max Ranks in Bluff
+3 Skill Focus: Bluff
+2 Persuasive
+3 Snake Familiar

This gives you a +12 Bluff Modifier at Level 1, before adding in your Charisma modifier (which should be another +3 at the least). Combine that with spells like Prestidigitation, Ghost Sound, Dancing Lights, and some malicious imagination, and you're in for hours of fun. You know, until you have to fight.

[Mewtarthio]

Halcyon_Dax why can't you shatter pants?

"Alternatively, you can target shatter against a single solid object, regardless of composition, weighing up to 10 pounds per caster level."

Alternativly means it doesn't follow the first part, you can do this as well. So yes, you can shatter pants... shirts, glasses, hats. Just as long as they aren't magical.

Now how are we gonna protect our women from dirty old wizards? Mewtarthio has the solution right here: Behold, liquid pants!

More fun: Steal somebody's clothes, then use Minor Creation to remake them before they get dressed. One hour/level later...


Back in the AD&D version of psionics, one of the powers allowed you to control someone else's body. I forget the exact name. During one campaign, the party, which included a Drow (Drizzt was still new on the scene and this was still a novel idea), was sitting in a tavern relaxing when I had the Drow backhand another party member off of his barstool. Much hilarity ensued.

Still there. It's called Control Body, but you can only get it if you're a psion(kineticist) without burning a feat.


Love that one, gotta suggest to my team that we try it on some annoying NPCs that always follow the party around. :smallbiggrin:

Unfortunately, the recipient of a Stone to Flesh spell has to make a Fortitude save to survive the process, and even the most powerful of warriors has a 5% chance of dying. The joke's not quite as funny if the victim can't react properly. A better idea is to knock the guy unconcious and hit him with Modify Memory. I'm not sure how you'd keep him out for the rest of the travel time: Maybe you could coat him in Quintessence or something.

[Cheashire]

Ghost Sound + Cloudkill + Still&Silent Spell.

Blame it on the dog.

I just did something like that in the campaign I'm in right now! :smallsmile:

'Cept it was Ghost Sound and Prestidigitation to the high priest of St. Cuthbert during mass.

Good times.

[Jades]

Why does everybody torture the priests so?

Bard: *casts Glibness* Hey, I need you to disarm the trap on the door over here.
Rogue: Ok... *searches* What trap?
Bard: The trap that is right here. *points*
Rogue: I don't see a trap.
Bard: How can you not see it? It is right frelling there. *Bluff check (should be something like +50 or so by now)*
Rogue: Look man, I just don't see it!

You can really convince your rogue that he's gone out of his mind. ESPECIALLY, if the DM rolls search checks in secret.

[Fireball.Man.Guy.]

Create Food/water: muffin in their brain.

[blackout]

Create Food/water: muffin in their brain.
O_o Ok. THAT'S messed up. Seriously, dude. No one should even think about that. A muffin in someone's brain could kill them, or worse, turn them into drooling morons.

[Closet_Skeleton]

Create Food/water: muffin in their brain.

I'm pretty sure it has been endlessly explained that;

CONJURATION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

[ClericofPhwarrr]

Still my favorite use of flesh to stone: http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0070.html

[blackout]

Cept for, y'know, the shocky part.

[Green Bean]

Watchman: May I help you miss?
Bard: Officer, my amulet is stuck at the top of the tree. I'll give you 100gp if you get it down
Watchman: Sure thing, miss *climbs tree, gets amulet, comes down*
Bard: Thank you sir *tosses back into tree*
Watchman: What'd you do that f-
Bard: MODIFY MEMORY!
Watchman: ....May I help you miss?
Bard: Officer, my amulet is stuck at the top of the tree....

etc, etc, etc

[blackout]

Watchman: May I help you miss?
Bard: Officer, my amulet is stuck at the top of the tree. I'll give you 100gp if you get it down
Watchman: Sure thing, miss *climbs tree, gets amulet, comes down*
Bard: Thank you sir *tosses back into tree*
Watchman: What'd you do that f-
Bard: MODIFY MEMORY!
Watchman: ....May I help you miss?
Bard: Officer, my amulet is stuck at the top of the tree....

etc, etc, etc
XD XDXDXDXDXDXDXD LAUGHING TOO HARD...CAN'T BREATHE!

[YPU]

This one doesn’t work in dnd but does in the local larp over here. The rules of create food state that a amount of non-magical material touched turns into nondescript food. It was the second game where this spell was in place and suddenly a number of paladins were wearing gingerbread fullplate.

[axraelshelm]

cast greater magic weapon on a condom give it to a friend they will thank you for it.

[amanodel]

Cast hideous laughter after telling the worst joke ever. Possible without any actual joke. Or just cast it on the rogue after the party fighter got killed in the last round of the fight.

Irresistible dance also help a lot when casted in serious situations involving a king. Combine it with glibness and you can easily convince everyone that the king's gone mad.

Cast sleep on a minister while performing his speech. It work with hideous laughter as well. Or on the barmaid.

Casting hold person also works well, but it's a little more vicious. You can undress someone while being held. You can even put girl clothes on him and walk away if you're quick.

I didn't mention illusions, they are just too easy to use for fun.

[RandomNPC]

daylight on someones headband moments after going to sleep at sundown, darkness on a headband right before wake up time. deafness on someone who wants you to cast silence. blindness on someone who wants darkness cast. create water to wake people up instead of just waking the up.

how about casting bless water on a water elemental summoned by a bad guy?

anti-magic field around an arogant caster. modify memory to make the party muscle think he lost an arm wrestleing match to a toddler.

i dont know why i spaced those out like that....

[Altairius]

Power Word: Masturbate.
One of my players did this to a king during a meeting of his chamber.
I hate Clerics of Olidimarra.

[blackout]

....That's kinda...eh, Altairius.

[Altairius]

Don't look at me. I didn't do it.
Still, the concept is solid.
If you can fit it into a single action, you can make someone do almost anything embarrassing with Power Word.
How about Power Word: Yodel?

[ehunter]

testtttttt

[blackout]

How about Power Word: Yodel?
What about that barmaid you got your eye on? Power Word: Strip? :smallwink:

[Mewtarthio]

Let's first assume that the spells used aren't homebrew unless you've got a really, really funny story involving a creative use of a hombrew spell.

Cursed items are nice, too. Give someone a Medallion of Thought Projection while they're going to suck up to some important and egotistical character to "give them an edge in the negociations." The Broom of Animated Attack is also fun.

[The_Pope]

Cast Protection from Energy (fire) and Fly, and then Teleportation Circle you and your unsuspecting teamates into a volcano.

Or, Polymorph a giant spike (or stalagmite) into a comfortable, overstuffed armchair.

When at an inn, wait for one of your companions to have to use the restroom, and then create a Wall of Force in the doorway of the bathroom.

[Golthur]

Well, this is one we actually did (I think it was back in 1.x).

Ingredients:
Party on horseback.
Forest.

When stopping to set up camp, dash over to a party member that hasn't dismounted yet. Cast darkness on the horse's bridle, and slap it hard on the rump.

Nothing says fun like a blind horse galloping through trees :amused:

[Aimbot]

Summon instrument.

"Is that a flute in your pant or are you just happy to see me?"

I abused my bard privileges...

[Spasticteapot]

Cast Enlarge on the halfling thief as he tries to squeeze through a window.

"Good news, hans! We can fit through the window now!"

[The_Werebear]

One I also liked was casting Explosive Runes or Sepia Snake Sigil on bathroom stall graffitti

[enderrocksonall]

We had a situation where we were required to solve riddles to open doors. After solving one particular riddle we found a greatsword lying on a tassled cushion on a pedestal. The party sorcerer used sunlight and prestadigitation to cause a ray of light to follow the greatsword, and an angelic choir to vocalize as it floated, hilt-first, to the half-orc barb who had just had his greatsword melted by a black dragon's acid. Needless to say the half-orc failed any and all int or wis checks he had to make to figure out what was going on and from that day forward was completely convinced that he was invinceable because he had been granted the most ultimately magical sword ever. In reality it was just a masterwork greatsword.

[AKA_Bait]

Command: Strip

Prestigitation also offers near limitless possibilites for pranks. Change the taste of the meatloaf to dung. Or, better, the dung to meatloaf.

[RandomNPC]

how about shrink item water, but don't make it cloth, just make a glass of water. give someone the glass of water (better yet a mug of ale!) and when its all gone say the command word in a sentance, like "are you FEELING okay?"

[Zonac]

Cast continual flame on the inn so everyone runs screaming not knowing it's not really deadly.

[ArmorArmadillo]

My DM once used Seeming to make all the party members look like other party members.

Use Fabricate, Shape Stone, or other Transmutation spells to turn all the icons and statues of Nerull in the evil temple to Yondalla.

When Creating a Magic Tattoo for your party members, write "For a Good Time Cast Sending" on their thigh

[Altairius]

What about that barmaid you got your eye on? Power Word: Strip? :smallwink:
Oddly enough, I did have a character that used that on someone in my Urban Arcana game.
Unfortunately, he did in on someone wearing a space suit...