View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY Your Wish Granted With a Twist 44: GRANTED!

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2013-10-12, 01:55 AM
This game is rather simple.
One poster makes a wish, and the next poster grants it. But with a twist!
Dun dun dunnn!
Then another wish is made by the granter of the previous wish.
This continues ad infinitum and much laughter shall hopefully ensue.

I wish to place a call to the UK. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_country_calling_codes)

2013-10-12, 05:21 AM
Granted! United Killing, at your service! What? You didn't know about this number? *Blam!*

I wish for the ability to always be connected to wifi

2013-10-12, 02:33 PM
Granted, your brain is connected to wifi but accidently downloads a virus which kills you.

I wish I could see.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-12, 03:54 PM
You can see, but only sounds.

I wish for Unlimited Blade Works.

2013-10-13, 07:05 AM
Granted, but the swords disintegrate on touching anything, including the ground.

I wish for, when people say, "I wish," they would say, "I floo," :smallbiggrin:
On this thread only.

2013-10-14, 01:12 AM
Granted! But everyone hides the text somewhere in their post. Can't find it? Maybe some of it's white text. Look harder. It's in there!

I wish tofknow the precise price it would takeoto make me king.

↓ I'll take it!

2013-10-14, 03:45 PM
Granted. For five cents you can be King of the Ninnies.

"I floo?" Gesundheit!
I wish for someone else to clean out the hot tub.


2013-10-15, 09:27 AM
Granted, but for payment they take it away.

I wish I had normal eyesight.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-15, 11:31 AM
You get the words 'normal eyesight'.

I wish that people didn't have to say 'I floo' in this thread.

I floo

2013-10-15, 09:19 PM
Granted! Shadebolt just got a shotgun to the face. From you. You monster.

I wish for an everlasting bag of oats

2013-10-15, 09:22 PM
Granted! You die of gluttony.

I wish RWBY became world-renowned as a awesome show

2013-10-15, 09:26 PM
Granted! It is then promptly cancelled.

I wish I didn't have to do homework.

2013-10-15, 11:19 PM
Granted! You are now in Russia, where you don't do homework... Homework does you!

I wish for a pizza!

Laughing Dog
2013-10-16, 12:45 AM
You get a pizza. However, it is only topped with poisonus mushrooms. Furthermore, sauce contains Arsenic. Also, It was payed for by the Mafia, so now you owe them money.

I wish I didn't have to be a jacka** genie anymore.:smallfrown:

2013-10-16, 05:49 AM
Granted! The Mafia doesn't usually charge the people they're murdering for the weapons used in the hit anyway, so you can get away with being a little less douschey on that last wish.

I wish not to be tired for the rest of today.

v - Ha! Why didn't I see that coming?

2013-10-16, 08:37 AM
Granted, you fall asleep for the rest of the day.

I wish I had more free time.

2013-10-16, 05:41 PM
Granted. I'll release the shackles on a few of my clocks. Say slowing down time is impossible. Feh. :smallyuk:

I wish that the poster below me would be enslaved for all eternity to help me slow down time.

2013-10-17, 02:19 AM
Granted, a movie poster appears beneath you. You can use it in whatever way you think will help you slow down.

I wish my eyesight was normal.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-17, 07:28 AM
Granted. At long last, your eyesight returns to it's original settings. However, as a result you can no longer hear.

I wish for an alternate world where the SOS Brigade is quite real.

2013-10-17, 08:40 AM
Granted, there is in fact now a world just like that across the solar system.

I wish I could download knowledge right into my brain.

Dancing Shadows
2013-10-17, 12:47 PM
Granted! However it's a dial-up connection.

I wish to be able to wish for the confidence needed to wish for things.

2013-10-17, 03:01 PM
Granted! You are now able to wish for confidence, but you don't particularly want to anymore.

I wish people would stop messing with tman's senses. Poor guy.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-17, 03:08 PM
Granted, people may no longer alter tman2nd's senses. As such he will remain deaf indefinitely.

I wish people would quit giving me easy wishes to corrupt.:smallamused:

2013-10-17, 04:59 PM
Granted! You are now banned from the thread :smallbiggrin:

I wish that Tman's senses returned to normal

2013-10-17, 09:06 PM
Do I have to corrupt that one? :smallmad:
Hmm. Granted, but I lose them for a millisecond at the beginning of every day.
There! Minimal corruption. :smallamused:

I wish all my wishes had minimal corruption.

2013-10-17, 09:19 PM
Granted. Very minimal corruption. But lots of distortion, warping, taking things out of context, and taking things too literally.

I wish I had a pet beholder that would love me and be my friend forever.

2013-10-17, 10:06 PM
Granted! Alas, no degree of love and friendship can prevent it from accidentally hitting you with a stray petrification beam during one fateful trip to the vet.

I wish for my research paper to be improved.

2013-10-17, 11:31 PM
Granted it is improved by your teacher who must make countless corrections.

I wish my life had game style achievements.

2013-10-18, 10:06 AM
Granted! All the achievements are so difficult, that you never see any of them.

I wish I only ever got A's on my assignments.

2013-10-18, 02:08 PM
Granted. In this case, however, the "A" stands for "abysmal".

I wish I could, through amoeba-like division, create perfect copies of myself who would work together with me for our common goal of world domination.

2013-10-18, 08:54 PM
Granted. However, each divided you is weaker then the last.

I wish that I had more time to finish my research paper.

2013-10-18, 09:02 PM
Granted! Now it's not due until tomorrow. I even made the change retroactive, so that you'll have known the new due date back when it was assigned.

I wish for just enough money to play an M:tG draft tomorrow.

2013-10-18, 09:06 PM
You get enough money but all the spots fill up.

I wish for a copy of the tome of battle.

2013-10-18, 10:39 PM
Granted! But from now on any DM with which you play with will consider that Tome of Battle is overpowered and shouldn't be available for PC's. After being rejected by 7 or so DM's because of your insistence on using Tome of Battle in their games, you resort to a life of crime to find an escape mechanism from the harsh and sad reality that you won't be able to play with a group that will allow Tome of Battle. A police finally catches you and your buddies, and questions why would you resort to this behavior. You confess. He tells you that he would be glad to DM for you and your buddies, and you can use Tome of Battle in his games. :smallsmile:

I wish for abilities!

2013-10-19, 10:42 AM
Granted! You get the abilities of a toddler!

I wish to be able to burn stuff at will

2013-10-19, 12:59 PM
Sure! You find yourself much more willing to burn things. (There are already countless brands of lighters and matches to help fuel your new-found pyromania.)

I wish I knew how to fight hydras.

2013-10-19, 04:02 PM
Granted. Just read how Hercules did it.

I wish I had gotten into the FFRPG that I submitted a character for.

2013-10-19, 04:08 PM
Granted, unfortunately everyone else lost interest after the first few posts.

I wish I had a box of chocolate donuts.

2013-10-19, 06:04 PM
Here you go! An enormous carton of chocolates, each in the size, shape and overall convincing guise of a doughnut. They're individually wrapped, so you can even hand some out for Halloween if you want.

...actually that sounds really nice. I wish for some of those, too!

2013-10-20, 03:40 PM
Granted! You recieve the ones you granted to Alabenson, causing him to intensely dislike you.

Edit: ARGH! Forgot to make a wish! :smallmad:

2013-10-20, 04:10 PM

I wish that people would not lose interest in the aforementioned FFRPG.

@V What is Nexus?

2013-10-20, 05:43 PM
Granted! However, we can't really know what not to lose interest in.
Nexus is immune to that though, if it's that one you're talking about.

I wish I had a Scythle

2013-10-20, 07:54 PM
Granted, you get Death's scythe...and he is not pleased...

I wish for a 3DS and a copy of Pokémon X.

2013-10-20, 07:57 PM
Granted! It's the starting one you get from some over-the-top MMO or another. It's not much more effective in real life, but it sure looks neat!

I wish that this Mac & Cheese tasted better.

2013-10-20, 09:55 PM
Granted, but now it's deadly.

I wish I was more organized.

2013-10-20, 10:37 PM
As the words leave your mouth you feel a sudden twist in your gut, then again harder as your organs rearrange themselves into alphabetical order.

I wish I didn't have to do homework.

2013-10-21, 10:01 AM
Granted. You've been transported to an empty void universe with absolutely nothing to do, ever. (Oddly, the properties of this universe allow you to continue to exist forever despite the absence of everything other than yourself)

I wish I had unlimited lives.

Dancing Shadows
2013-10-21, 11:30 AM
Granted. Ever heard about prometheus?

I wish I had more friends into greek mythology.

2013-10-21, 12:22 PM
Granted, but they all move away to go work at various renowned universities and museums. You can keep in touch, though.

I wish I knew for sure whether I had class today.

2013-10-21, 01:55 PM
Granted, but as soon as you know, the answer changes. This happens in a loop. Forever.

I wish this wish would be corrupted.

2013-10-21, 02:38 PM
Very well. Your wish is corru–... no, wait... your wish shall never be corrupte–... uh... hmm...


I wish I had responded to that more competently.

2013-10-21, 05:00 PM

more competently

I wish ___.

5a Violista
2013-10-21, 05:13 PM
__ ___, ___ ____ ___ ________ _______ ____.

I wish I had a shiny viola.

2013-10-21, 06:25 PM
Granted! It's made out of polished gallium. :smallamused:

I wish to solve all my problems with a chainsaw.

2013-10-21, 07:17 PM
Granted, but you sure do create a whole lot of new ones.

I wish not to get winded from climbing the stairs.

2013-10-21, 10:23 PM
Granted, you aren't allowed to climb stairs anymore.

2013-10-21, 10:56 PM
Granted, but you die.

I wish that the neighbors like what we do for haloween.

2013-10-21, 11:07 PM
Granted! They love it so much, that they decide to stay up to New Year's Eve! Happy New Year :D

I wish that more people knew about Ginsberg's Theorem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginsberg%27s_theorem)

2013-10-21, 11:29 PM
Granted. I clicked the link myself.

I wish... for a garbage chute to convey stuff OUT of my apartment.

2013-10-21, 11:35 PM

I wish for a garbage chute to convey stuff INTO Dr.Gunsforhands' apartment.

2013-10-22, 12:11 AM
Granted, but then he builds one into your dwelling.

I wish my organs were in normal order.

2013-10-22, 05:32 AM
Granted! Your body is now like this:
Nose organs
Ovulary organs (how'd that get there)
Mind organ

Did I mention they were sorted by an alien with no knowledge of what's what?

I wish I could have more money

2013-10-22, 02:26 PM
Granted! You are given a ha'penny crusted with filth.

I wish I had ultimate power over all reality.

2013-10-22, 02:32 PM
Granted, but you don't know how to access this power.

I wish more people liked the music I like.

v: That was... surprisingly mild.

2013-10-22, 03:05 PM
Granted! Now you like all music!

I wish for the best!

2013-10-22, 03:48 PM
Granted! You make the best failure ever!

I wish for a star

2013-10-22, 05:50 PM
You get Nicolas Cage.

I wish I could multitask.

2013-10-22, 06:11 PM
Granted! You can no longer do less than 5 things at a time, and for each extra task you do past one the tasks degrade by 50%

I wish I could beat my sister at video games. :(

Blue Ghost
2013-10-22, 06:33 PM
Granted. Your sister is now a rather large rock, with no video gaming abilities.

I wish I were finished with this computer graphics project.

2013-10-22, 06:58 PM
Granted, but your computer gets destroyed the moment it's finished.

I wish for my wish to be given to the poster below the poster beneath me.

2013-10-22, 07:32 PM
Granted! Unfortunately I waste it by saying, "I wish cats could fly."

I wish cats could fly.

2013-10-23, 12:16 AM
Technically, Shadebolt was giving that wish to me... so... I guess I get a flying cat?

I wish for some flying cat food.

2013-10-23, 12:56 AM
Granted, al cat food you get now flies from you in terror.

I floo for people to have to use I floo rather than I wish again :smalltongue:

2013-10-23, 01:01 AM
I'm sorry, but "floo" is not a word. Please try again.

I wish for my organs to be the way they where before I wished I was more organized.

Blue Ghost
2013-10-23, 02:13 AM
Granted. Your organs revert to their state from a time a while before you made that wish. Specifically, when you were a fetus.

I wish that every computer program I write will run exactly as I want it to run every time it is run.

2013-10-23, 03:05 AM
Granted, they will run as intended but the vending machine gnomes have stolen your keyboard.

I wish I could play d&d more often.

2013-10-23, 05:20 AM
Granted. You can do nothing else, however, and soon starve to death.

I wish I was a faerie.

V I like the Unsidhe, so that's okay.

2013-10-23, 09:09 AM
Granted, but its of the unseelie kind, you are hideously evil and disgusting.

I wish for a wish.

2013-10-23, 10:15 AM
Granted! You get a ticket for one wish, redeemable at all participating threads. Unfortunately, this is not one of them.

I wish I knew the spell Wish

2013-10-23, 12:31 PM
Granted! Too bad you just leveled up, though; now there aren't any appropriate challenges where you can get XP to spend.

I wish for a tasty, nutritious sandwich.

2013-10-23, 03:57 PM
Granted, but I kill you and take the sandwich for myself. Sowwy. :smallbiggrin:

I'm sorry, but "floo" is not a word. Please try again.

I wish for this to be undone. :smallwink:

2013-10-23, 03:59 PM
Granted, but nobody says "I floo"

I wish for a good bowl of Kibbles & Bits.

2013-10-23, 10:14 PM
Granted. You already got some in the kiss or kill thread.

I wish for my body to be as it was 1 minute before I made the wish that caused my organs to be in alphabetical order.

2013-10-23, 11:09 PM
Granted! This includes the neural configuration of your brain, so you don't remember anything from the last few days. Don't worry though, I left a sticky note warning you not to make that wish again.

I wish that fewer of this wishes involved straight-up killing their recipients.

2013-10-24, 12:20 AM
Granted - now the only wisher allowed to be killed is you.
I wish for the ability to cut apples into slices by willing it so (and without using a cutting implement).

2013-10-24, 06:26 AM
Granted, but they are never anywhere near neat. You basically karate-chop an apple into oblivion EDIT: also, your hand hurts like hell.

I wish for a good puppy-harvest this year.

2013-10-24, 10:49 AM
Granted! Unfortunately, there is very little demand for puppies this fiscal year, and your profits take a dive.

I wish nothing exciting ever happened to me, so I could just live my life in peace without all this wish corrupting.

2013-10-24, 03:00 PM
Granted. The twist is that there is no twist! Keep in mind though, that breathing strikes the universe as pretty exiting.

I wish that I knew what to wish next time.

2013-10-24, 07:06 PM
Granted! You must wish for the equivalent of a zombie apocalypse!

I wish I had a Zombie Survival Guide, and enough materials to survive the aproaching zombie apocalypse!

2013-10-24, 07:37 PM
Granted! You don't get anything, which is actually a good sign regarding the apocalypse's survivability...

I wish for a better literature search on disease states.

2013-10-25, 08:49 AM
Granted, whenever you open a book on disease, you catch all the diseases inside.
I wish for a speed boat.

2013-10-25, 09:34 AM
Granted. You receive a boat made entirely out of speed. Regrettably, its lack of mass renders it effectively impossible to board.

I wish my refrigerator was running.

2013-10-25, 10:30 AM
Granted! Your refrigerator is actually a fugitive on the run from the cops.

I wish I could control the elements

2013-10-25, 02:30 PM
Granted! But only two of them. Francium and Copernicium.

I wish I could cast more spells per day.

2013-10-25, 03:50 PM
Granted! You get every caster's dream: you can cast 7 level 0 spells! Lucky you :smalltongue:

I wish I could cast 8 level 0 spells!

2013-10-25, 04:28 PM
Granted, but your cantrips will kill you if you cast them.

I wish that a two-headed turtle would be made into turtle soup.

2013-10-25, 05:42 PM
Granted. The soup is horrifically poisonous.
I wish I got good grades in every subject.

2013-10-25, 09:52 PM
Granted! Unfortunately, good is a subjective term, so all that happened was your standards plummetted.

I wish I could wear armor without affecting my arcane spell failure chance.

2013-10-25, 10:10 PM
Granted. You can wear a special kind of armor that gives a +0 bonus.

I wish I could remember what's happened since I made the wish about being organized.

2013-10-26, 06:26 AM
Graaaaa- wait. If you don't remember what happened after that, how would you know to... I mean, you couldn't even know about... you know what, whatever. Granted. Enjoy the memories of the agonizing pain in your internal organs.

I wish to get away with 4 hours of sleep this morning.

2013-10-26, 11:37 AM
Granted. Time stops for four hours. Unfortunately, you don't feel the affects.
I wish for a tome of eldritch lore that can give me magical powers.

2013-10-26, 01:57 PM
Granted! You read the book and can now cast a total of one cantrip. Per year.

I wish for Borderlands 2.

2013-10-26, 10:58 PM
Granted, but the disk is broken.

I wish that Star Wars: Episode VII will be good.

2013-10-26, 11:04 PM
Granted! It's Finding Nemo in every single way plot-wise!
That was a good movie according to census.

I wish I had a portal gun

2013-10-28, 10:04 PM
Granted, here you go. These things sure are popular! Everyone's portals start eventually start to interfere with and connect to each other, and it's hard to predict where you'll end up when you step through one.

I wish for a couple more days.

2013-10-29, 12:00 AM
On top of the seven days we all know two knew ones are added on to the week, now weekends only roll around every 7 days. Way to go.....

I wish every monster from ever monster manuel existed in real life.

2013-10-29, 03:08 AM
Granted, and you get killed by a Fiendwurm.

I wish for good.

2013-10-29, 08:15 AM
Granted! The alignment system is now "Good" on all four axes. So... that's incredibly boring for the rest of eternity. Way to go.

I wish I was a myconid.

2013-10-29, 02:38 PM
Granted. I cast Reduce Person and turn you into a mushroom omelet.

I wish for a tasty, healthy, non-harmful meal. With Cheddar and Swiss.

Hunger changes a man.

2013-10-29, 06:15 PM
Granted. You get a happy, healthy, tasty meal. Unfortunately, the mushrooms guarding it are none of these.

I wish that I had a better cell phone.

2013-10-29, 07:12 PM
Granted! The contract is way more expensive, though, so you can't afford service for it; it's less a phone and more a miniature laptop.

I wish for my sore throat to get better.

2013-10-29, 07:33 PM
Granted! You die from an allergic reaction to the medicine though.

I wish for unicorns!

2013-10-29, 08:34 PM
Granted! You get a single piece of corn. :smalltongue:

I wish for correct calibrations

2013-10-29, 09:07 PM
Granted. Your callibrations are correct. Your reading of them, however, is not. Something explodes. Let's say your head.

I wish for Mark Twain to rule this thread with an Iron Mustache.
@v: How is that bad? :smalltongue:

2013-10-29, 09:28 PM
Granted! But it's not made of Iron but of Gold! Now everybody hates him because he can write beautifully, have a perfect (golden) moustache aaaand rules this thread. Thank you :smallannoyed:

I wish I could eat white glue without it having any side effects! :wink:

2013-10-30, 10:24 AM
Granted! Of course, you still have to deal with the normal effects like, for example, your jaw being stuck shut and people staying as far away from you as they can.

I wish for TPBM to get everything they ever wanted.
All hail our lord and master, Mark "Goldstache" Twain!

2013-10-30, 07:03 PM
Granted. I gain omnipotence and destroy you, your account, and your posts. Bye bye forever.

I wish that 4here4 was not affected by the above. :smallbiggrin:

You: :smallconfused:

2013-10-30, 07:24 PM
One thing that I see above that sentence right now is "Submit Reply", so now he can't post in any threads now.

I wish 1. e4

2013-10-30, 07:35 PM
You get 1 kilogram to the 4th power of electrified uranium

I wish for Kiel'ndia Vel'Vloz'ress

2013-10-30, 07:58 PM
Granted! But she hates you deeply.

I wish I could post in threads again! :smallfrown:

2013-10-30, 09:54 PM
But... Wait... What? :smallconfused: Granted, but you wasted a wish.
I wish for the Necronomicon.

2013-10-31, 09:07 AM
Granted. You are eaten by Cthulhu as soon as you read from it, though.

I wish I had retractable claws.

2013-10-31, 11:55 AM
Granted! You can retract the Wolverine-esque razors, but it's a huge pain to get them to come back out again.

I wish for an idea for an invention that I can reasonably capitalize on.

5a Violista
2013-10-31, 01:08 PM
Granted! You make a bot that goes along the Internet and fixes any problems of capitalization. Governments buy them all, jacking up the prices so you become filthy rich. Unfortunately, this means you can't ever write ANYTHING in ALL CAPS anymore.

Riots ensue. The economy collapses (again). Computers are broken in rage (since people can no longer vent their rage with CAPITALIZATION). Worldwide power outages occur. People stop being literate. The world is destroyed.

I wish the world was un-destroyed from the good doctor Gunsforhands's wish.

2013-10-31, 01:15 PM
Granted, though time is now stuck running backwards.

.hsiw doog a fo kniht dluoc I hsiw I

2013-10-31, 01:44 PM
!hsiw a luftghuoth edam tsuj uoy !detnarG

.sdrawkcab gnidaer ta doog saw enoyreve hsiw I

2013-10-31, 02:17 PM
˙uʍop-ǝpᴉsdn ʇᴉ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ʇɐ ɹǝʇʇǝq uǝʌǝ ǝɹ,ʎǝɥʇ 'ʇnq ˇpǝʇuɐɹפ

˙ʇsod sᴉɥʇ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ɯoɹɟ sɯǝlqoɹd ʞɔǝu sdolǝʌǝp ǝuo ou ʇɐɥʇ ɥsᴉʍ I

2013-10-31, 02:24 PM
˙ǝʇɐl ooʇ

*Flips monitor*

Okay, granted, starting now.

I wish I could type more quickly.

2013-10-31, 04:28 PM
Granted. You gain gloves on top of your guns.

I wish that my wish would be expended by me.

Edit: Monty Python? Blech!
I love it!

2013-11-01, 09:17 AM
Granted. You are expended by your wish. You have ceased to be. You have expired and gone to meet your maker. You're a stiff, befreft of life. You rest in peace. If you hadn't been nailed to the stable you'd be pushing up the daisies. Your metabolic processes are now history. You're off the trail. You've kicked the bucket. You've shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. You are an ex-pony.

I wish TPBM would press ALT+CTRL+[down arrow] on their keyboard all at the same time.

2013-11-01, 06:44 PM
Granted, but I use a phone to post. Sowwy.

I wish for an endless supply of Coca-Cola I can access whenever I wish to, and an Islan that is not swamped by coke in said supply.

2013-11-01, 07:05 PM

Islan Nettles
...Oh. That... is unfortunate. Even more so since I'm pretty sure the genie rules say I can't bring people back from the dead.

Here's a nice soda fountain with everlasting syrup, though.

Man, that research made me sad. I wish for something to cheer me up.

2013-11-01, 07:13 PM
Granted! You receive a nice soda fountain with everlasting syrup! :smallwink:
A few days after you receive it you realize that you now suffer of diabetes :smallfrown:

I wish to be able to make a cure for diabetes!

2013-11-01, 07:52 PM
Granted, you are physically able to do that. Now if only you knew how . . .

I wish I had Gorgon hair.

2013-11-01, 09:43 PM
Granted! You now have a box of Gorgon hair. Or a box of rotting severed snake heads, depending on your perspective.

I wish that the moon was made of cheese. But not pepperjack. I hate it.

2013-11-01, 11:06 PM
Granted! Its own gravity quickly separates it into a series of solid and liquid layers, none of which smell very good. In the process, it sheds chunks of cheese that drop through the atmosphere.

I wish for one war to stop.

2013-11-01, 11:21 PM
Granted. The ongoing War on Drugs stops. The world now has sky rocketed in addiction.

I wish that superheroes were real, to take down the drug lords. And that I was a superhero.

2013-11-02, 03:13 AM
Granted. You are now Collateral Damage Man!

I wish I didn't need air.

2013-11-02, 04:21 AM
Granted. Instead, you need to breath pure carbon dioxide to survive.

I wish that people were more logical.

2013-11-02, 10:46 AM
Granted! Every other person on the planet is turned into a robot. The robots think that all emotional beings should be destroyed. Good luck! :)

I wish that I'd get a warm welcome to joining this game. :)

2013-11-02, 12:11 PM
Granted! Hello! :smallsmile: The welcome you receive is so warm that you get BUUUUUUURNED!

I wish Mathnut could get some Aloe Vera for those 3rd degree burns :smallwink:

2013-11-02, 12:17 PM
Granted! However, it drowns him/her

I wish I had a pet rabbit

2013-11-02, 12:45 PM
Granted, but it turns out to be the rabbit from that one movie. It is still your pet, thank goodness, but it won't let anyone near you or your house.

EDIT: Also, welcome Mathnut!

I wish for a 10-Ohm potentiometer.

2013-11-02, 01:49 PM
Granted! You receive a potentiometer with a control knob designed for a dust mite making it nigh on impossible to turn.

Thanks for the burning welcome an aloe Vera soothing, but I do wish I weren't drowned.

2013-11-02, 04:14 PM
Granted! Also, Welcome! You are not drowned. Instead, the Aloe Vera hardened around you, suffocating you and fossilizing your corpse.

I wish I was smarter than Albert Einstein.

2013-11-02, 06:06 PM
Granted. The thing is, Albert Einstein's dead.

I wish Albert Einstein was alive.

2013-11-02, 06:33 PM
Granted! Albert Einstien WAS alive.

I wish I could animate my hardened aloe Vera skin and become an Aloe Vera golem.

2013-11-02, 06:39 PM
Granted! Unfortunately, you only move when told to by an old Jewish man.

I wish I could be an awesome forumite.

2013-11-02, 10:29 PM
Granted! You are now "awesome" in the sense that you generate awe. Shock and awe. Horror, vomiting, shock, and awe. :smalltongue:

I wish I was blind, deaf, and dumb.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-02, 11:58 PM
*Blinks Owlishly* *Shrugs shoulders* Very well, you are now blind, deaf, and your Int and Wis have both been set to 9. Have fun navigating the minefield on the way out.

Next, welcome to Mathnut.

Finally, I wish to be able to post in this thread again.

2013-11-03, 12:19 AM
Granted, but you must post everything backwards

Welcome, Mathnut! Enjoy your stay.

I wish that Mathnut was no longer an Aloe-Vera golem

2013-11-03, 12:22 AM
Granted! They are now a regular golem.

I wish I could control Mathnut.

2013-11-03, 02:15 AM
Granted, but as a, "regular," golem, Mathnut quickly gets lost in a sea of similar constructs, and you lose track of which one is which.

I wish for Mathnut's freedom from meatbag tyranny!

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-03, 02:19 AM
Granted, but you get enslaved instead of Mathnut.

I wish for a thousand gallons of Nuttella. (DIABETUS)

2013-11-03, 02:31 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, it appears on top of you, and you drown in it.

I wish I were a Solar, as described in the 3.5 edition Monster Manual.

2013-11-03, 02:55 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, I have no idea what a Solar is, so I make you a Solar System.

I wish I could rule the world.

2013-11-03, 03:26 AM
Granted, but the world soon passes measures to heavily restrict your powers, reducing you to little more than a figurehead and a scapegoat. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will probably be happy to interview you, though.

I wish I knew where all of these little bits of plastic in my apartment were coming from. :smallconfused:

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-03, 05:11 AM
Granted, but these plastic turns into the mosntrosity Plastic monster, and eats you.

I wish for a game that is totally awesome.

2013-11-03, 08:02 AM
Granted! My daughter thinks patty cake is awesome so you're reduced to two years old and get to play patty cake.

Next, thanks for the welcome everyone and thanks for the freedom! :)

I wish I didn't have to work anymore. Work sucks.

2013-11-03, 09:59 AM
Granted! You are now in college and taking the most rigorous courses ever. On the upside, you get a whole hour of sleep every other Saturday!

I wish for a swimming pool in my backyard.

2013-11-03, 10:35 AM
Granted! Can someone say "houseboat"!? No? Oh. Well, then your house is just floating in the middle of the ocean. Now you have a swimming pool in your every yard!

I wish for a ceramic cow head with the word "Pulchritudinous" written on it.

2013-11-03, 12:30 PM
Granted. Oops, it just fell off.

I wish I could talk to my cat.

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-03, 12:32 PM
Granted, but your cat becomes a dog, then a panda, then a bear, and it eats you.
I wish for powers in Beyond Two Souls that Jodie has

2013-11-03, 07:46 PM
Granted, but you also have to work for the CIA and make a bunch of poor life choices.

I wish for a little spare cash to spend on games.

2013-11-03, 09:35 PM
Granted! You now have a little spare cash. By which I mean the bills and coins themselves are strangely small, which leads anyone you give them to to assume they are forgeries.

I wish to paint with all the colors of the wind.

2013-11-03, 09:37 PM
Grsnted. Unfortunately, tour the only one who can see the colors, and thus are deemed insane.

I wish that I could get rid of all the laws preventing me from ruling the world while still maintaining control.

2013-11-03, 09:48 PM
Granted, but you can only get rid of one a month.

I wish 1. P-K4

2013-11-03, 11:43 PM
Granted. 2.PK-5 3.PK-6 4.PK-7

I wish I knew more about computer science.

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-04, 12:49 AM
Granted, but that knowledge made you insane.

I wish I get teleported to Assassins Creed 3's world

2013-11-04, 09:47 AM
Granted. You get teleported 10,000 ft above ground. Enjoy your freefall.

I wish my smart phone were a +2 smart phone.

2013-11-04, 10:06 AM
Granted! You're phone is now a +2 smartphone. Unfortunately it can only be powered from a +2 or better power source. You got +2 outlets right?

I wish that Doctor Who would make more new episodes faster.

2013-11-04, 11:20 AM
Granted, but they're horrible.

I wish for a +2 smartphone charger

2013-11-04, 03:24 PM
Granted! Now it overcomes your smartphone's hardness and cuts through it like a hot knife through butter.

I wish for some ice cubes.

2013-11-04, 03:28 PM
Granted! You get two ice cubes the size of kernels of corn. They melt. And evaporate.

I wish I could cast Greater Shout.

2013-11-04, 06:06 PM
Granted! You turn into my mother:smallamused:

I wish for knowledge.

2013-11-04, 06:11 PM
Granted! BOOOOKS!!!!!
An avalanche of books crushes you

I wish for a bunch of puppies

2013-11-04, 06:24 PM
Granted, but the puppies explode when you look at them.

I wish for a random item to give to TPBTPBM.

2013-11-04, 06:27 PM
Granted! It's a box made out of rusty knives!

I wish for a giant mecha to fight kaiju with!

Laughing Dog
2013-11-04, 08:07 PM
.sdrawkcab tsop ot evah t'ndid hsiw I

.leuf on si ereht tuB. detnarG

2013-11-04, 09:11 PM
Granted, but now you have to make every other letter white text.

I wish for a magic sword!

2013-11-04, 09:20 PM
Granted! You get a keen vorpal backbiter shortsword.

I wish for a new basket.

2013-11-04, 09:47 PM
Granted! It's made out of fire.

I wish for Baskets old basket.

2013-11-04, 09:56 PM
Granted! but unfortunately all of the puppies are actually vampires, how unfortunate.

I wish I could stop messing around on here and get back to what I'm supposed to be doing

2013-11-04, 09:58 PM
Granted! You mess around somewhere else while putting your back to what you're supposed to be doing.

I wish for my headache to go away.

2013-11-04, 10:13 PM
Granted, and as an added bonus, I'll take your whole head away for you.

Also, noticing that there is no such thing as a backbiter shortsword, I gladly accept a sword with all of the other enchantments.

With that in mind, I wish for magic armor!

2013-11-04, 10:27 PM
Granted. It's haunted, robbing you of all choice and free will in anything.

I wish for cute little fishies! Preferably not piranha!

2013-11-04, 10:54 PM
Granted! Cuddly, adorable baracudas eat your arms off.

I wish for turkey stuffing!

2013-11-04, 11:05 PM
Granted! But you really don't want to know where in your body is :smalleek:

I wish to ace tomorrow's exam!

2013-11-04, 11:15 PM
Granted. You get an ace during tomorrow's test.

I wish that someone would save me from my armor.

2013-11-05, 03:10 AM
Granted, but your rescuer takes the cursed armor as payment, unlocks its secrets, and uses its mind-control magic for various acts of supervillainy.

I wish for a set of powers appropriate to let me be that villain's arch-nemesis.

2013-11-05, 04:44 PM
Granted. You are now mindless and immune to the villain's mind control antics.

I wish for a glass of cold, fresh mango juice without any poisonous or toxic qualities.

2013-11-05, 05:14 PM
Granted. But unfortunately the mango juice is inseperable from the cup. Enjoy your glass!

I wish my braces would stop hurting

2013-11-05, 06:11 PM
Granted! Your braces now feel no pain whatsoever. Your teeth and gums are quite another matter though.

I wish I had the ability to control machines with my mind.

2013-11-05, 09:40 PM
Granted. The masses, terrified of your control, crucify you.

I wish for control over the proletariat masses and bourgeoisie upper class, without pissing off either.

2013-11-05, 10:22 PM
The elite, however, hate you and eliminate you.

My sword in hand, I wish to embark on a adventure to defeat the evil mind-controlling villain.

2013-11-06, 12:43 AM
Granted... but you get stuck in the water dungeon.

I wish I could remember all of these due dates...

V: Don't I know it. :smalltongue:

2013-11-06, 05:07 AM
Granted. You remember them... the day after they've passed.

I wish I could paint with all the colours of the wind.

2013-11-06, 07:10 AM
Granted! All the paint you ever use turns to transparent!

I wish for candy

2013-11-06, 10:11 AM
Granted! It's the kind creepy old men use. Night night!

I wish for an army of zombies, led by our glorious leader, Mark Twain.

2013-11-06, 12:52 PM

Your zombie buddy grabs you and never lets go. Mark Twain looks on in amusement, his magnificent mustache impervious to rot and erosion.

I wish not to feel so sleepy...

2013-11-06, 02:08 PM
Granted! You sleep, and thus find yourself sleepy-free :smallbiggrin:

I wish that TPAM gets 8 hours a day of sleep!

2013-11-06, 02:29 PM
Granted, but days are now 9 hours long.

I wish for a Wish spell

2013-11-06, 03:09 PM
Granted! But it's written on a scroll in a language no one can read.

I wish Mark Twain would bless me with incredible literary powers and a cooooool mustache.

2013-11-06, 03:12 PM
Granted! The mustache is made of chainsaws that never turn off!

I wish for a basket of puppies!

2013-11-06, 04:10 PM
Granted! The puppies are all dead.

2013-11-06, 04:44 PM
You didn't wish for anything, so you get the first wish not corrupted in the thread!
I wish for Mark Twains mustache or an accurate replica.

2013-11-06, 04:59 PM
Wow, Sabeki. You're really getting into this Mark Twain thing, huh?

Granted! You get Mark Twain's mustache. Unfortunately, being a bunch of hair, it blows away in the wind.

I:smallredface: wish:smallsigh: everyone:smallmad: had:smallamused: to:smallfurious: use:smallsmile: an:smallfrown: emoticon:smallannoyed: after:smallconfused: every:smallwink: word:smallyuk: in:smallcool: their:smalltongue: posts.:smallbiggrin:

Laughing Dog
2013-11-06, 07:38 PM
Granted, unless they choose to use a different color text.

I wish I didn't have to have every other letter be white text. And yes, this is allowed. (You never said the rest of the letters had to be a different color)

2013-11-06, 08:24 PM
Granted. You never have to type again, seeing as how you lost your fingers.

I wish that 4here4s wish was void.

2013-11-06, 08:47 PM
4here4's wish becomes a void that swallows you.

I wish to have the skills required to advance past this water dungeon!

2013-11-06, 08:49 PM
Granted! You gain the ability to walk past the entrance.

I wish for a lifetime supply of Pepsi

2013-11-06, 09:03 PM
Granted! Your life is shortened to five minutes. Enjoy your gallon of Pepsi!

I:smallredface: wish:smallmad: I:smallfurious: still:smallfrown: had:smallcool: to:smallsmile: type:smallconfused: using:smallwink: smilies:smallannoyed: after:smallyuk: every:smallbiggrin: word:smalltongue:.

2013-11-06, 09:19 PM
Granted! But you are the only one that must do that. Everyone else on this thread CAN'T use smilies.

I wish to see a shooting star!

2013-11-06, 09:38 PM
Granted, and it's shooting at you.

Having made it out of the water dungeon, I wish to know what my next objective is on my quest!

Laughing Dog
2013-11-06, 09:49 PM
Very well. You need to head to Kakariko Village. The Princess has the next part of your orders.

I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight. I want that star, I want it now, I want it all and I don't care how...

2013-11-06, 09:52 PM
You don't care how? That I can do.
It rockets down to crash on you!

Also, I'm disregarding my own stupid wish from my last post. Man, that was stupid. :smallredface:

I wish that seagulls could talk.

Badass Halfling
2013-11-06, 11:03 PM
That, my friend, is granted. They tell all of you friends how you wet the bed.

I wish that war on Earth would stop.

2013-11-06, 11:11 PM
Granted! Each of the extraterrestrial invasions that were in motion have been cancelled, allowing Earth to go on with business as usual.

I wish I knew what I was doing...

2013-11-06, 11:41 PM
Granted. You realize that you just jumped off of a tall building. Oops...

I wish I had a horse to quickly travel throughout this land on while on my quest.

2013-11-07, 07:12 AM
Granted! You get Badass Halfling's. He eventually turns into the BBEG and murders you.

I wish that I got out of Drakeburn's Pokeball.

2013-11-07, 07:14 AM
Granted! It explodes... While you're still in it.

I wish BoP was resurrected

2013-11-07, 03:47 PM
Granted! He is ressurected, but as a mindless zombie basket!
With zombie puppies!

I wish I had octopus tentacles instead of arms.

2013-11-07, 05:38 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, they used to be in the hentai industry, and... Well, you start to wish you hadn't gone to the all girls Catholic school.

I wish for an all boys Catholic school with sexy outfits.

Blue Ghost
2013-11-08, 02:13 AM
Granted. You are now the principal of a newly founded all boys' Catholic school, where sexy schoolgirl outfits are mandatory. Good luck getting any students to enroll.

I wish for dominion over the Playground.

2013-11-08, 02:35 AM
Granted! You're the groundskeeper for the all-boys catholic schoolgirl outfit school.

I wish my electronics would stop overheating.

2013-11-08, 07:02 AM
Granted. They stop. For two seconds.

Aye wihsh dat EYE kud stahp tahking liek dis.

2013-11-08, 10:02 AM
grahnted, nahw evreeun els haz to

aye whish eye cood nawt hav to tak liyk this buht everywun els still has to

Laughing Dog
2013-11-08, 11:24 AM
Granted, but that effect only happens every third Tuesday of the month.

I wish for an unconventional way for paladins to fall.

2013-11-08, 11:24 AM
Grahhhnted. EDIT: They... they can fall by becoming vampires I guess is where this is going.

Ah viiish tah sahhhhck yoah blahhhd.

2013-11-08, 03:44 PM
Grantud! Buht yoo're nawt a vampiyur, soe it's rilly rilly groess.

Aye wihsh dat iht wuz evvrie thurd Toozdae uv tha munth evvrie dai. Beecuz iht's rilly fuhnh two tok liyke thiss

2013-11-08, 06:46 PM
GRANTED! Unfortunately, this means you have to work every day of the week.

I wish for all people who are male and attractive had to attend my school in their own outfits.

2013-11-08, 08:10 PM
Granted, but now you don't have enough space.

I wish I could return from the dead in some form to avenge my death!

2013-11-08, 08:16 PM
Granted, but now you don't have enough space.

I wish I could return from the dead in some form to avenge my death!

Granted! You return as a young boy who is required to attend a strange catholic school with a very special schoolgirl uniform. Attendance and dress code are mandatory. Failure to do so results in you getting eaten by a Grue.

Hmm...I wish I could enter any book to live the adventures within.

2013-11-08, 11:27 PM
Granted! However, you always die at the end.

I wish for a staff that turned into shotgun-chucks.

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-08, 11:43 PM
Granted! But it is illegal so they shoot you to bits.

I hope to have a pet Shiba Inu

2013-11-08, 11:44 PM
Granted, but it bites. Apparently the little guys don't get along well with small children.

I wish for a glass of water.

2013-11-09, 12:03 AM
Granted! One glass of normal, ordinary, totally safe water. In your lungs.

I wish my Graphic Design project was easier.

2013-11-09, 09:51 AM
Granted! That project is so easy that it doesn't count towards final grades.

Wish I had an old classic Victorian era motorboat, the kind that's made of wood and polished to a fine golden grain glow.

2013-11-09, 01:34 PM
Granted! Although it is a bit rusty, and if you try to use it it will probably burn

I wish to do something productive in the next 4 months of vacations that I will have! :smallsmile:

2013-11-09, 02:24 PM
Granted! However, since you're being productive, it's not really vacation, is it?

I wish for a four month vacation.

2013-11-09, 03:19 PM
Granted, you die and therefore have as long a vacation as you wish

I wish I could have a more interesting life

2013-11-09, 04:47 PM
Granted! Now you and your family are in the middle of a war zone with no food, shelter, or clothes. And you're on the losing side. Interesting enough?

I wish my computer would stop overheating and work perfectly.

2013-11-09, 05:39 PM
Granted, if by "perfectly" you mean the computer achieves sentience and decides to eradicate all humans.

I wish Halloween would last longer.

2013-11-09, 05:42 PM
Granted! It lasts half a year. You die of gluttony.

I wish I could be a skilled archer

2013-11-09, 08:20 PM
Granted! All your shots bow perfectly hit one target: You!

I wish to know what the fox says.

2013-11-09, 08:29 PM
granted, you are now forced to watch that video for the rest of your life

I wish I could make contact with a non-hostile extra-terrestrial species

2013-11-09, 09:20 PM
Granted! The alien species are a bacteria that comes from an asteroid that is found on our galaxy. They are not hostile to humans, but will kill all the trees on Earth. Thank you :smallannoyed:

I wish to have the ability to summon trees at Will.

2013-11-09, 09:35 PM
Granted! You can summon Trees-At-Will, a long-dead Cherokee Shaman.
Have fun summoning a dead corpse!

I wish Trees-At-Will was alive

Yumori Zatsuken
2013-11-09, 10:58 PM
Granted, by returning from death made it's skeleton reanimate. And it freaks everyone out.

I wish to have guns. ALL kinds and brands of guns. And not them being a pellet gun,

2013-11-10, 02:40 AM
Granted! They all will only point at you, and are consistently firing. Forever.

I wish for a new author God in the Playground. Lets say... Bram Stoker? Someone British, famous, and in the lAte 1800s early 1900s who wrote classic literature.