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View Full Version : Critique my opening "script" for my new campaign, please.



inexorabletruth
2013-10-15, 02:24 AM
It's been a while, and I'm rusty, so I'd like to make sure the campaign notes are informative and intriguing.

Two of the 3 players are new to the game. 1 of those noobs knows only what he learned from LoTR movies and Harry Potter, so I want to keep it simple, but for the sake of the third, experienced, player. I don't want it to be completely cookie-cutter.

Help me decide if I got the balance right, please...

Initial Location:
Oerth, Hepmonaland, Country Cree, the city of Ibra Down (pop. 24,000)

http://whitneycarter.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/fantasy-city.jpg

Cree is the largest county in the island nation, and home of the capital city Golden Bay. Ibra Down, a large city, is a two day march northwest from Golden Bay and is the third largest city in the county. It serves as a land route connecting the port cities to the mainland. Ibra Down thrives mostly on tourism and trade, since it's such a beautiful region, but it also has a thriving agricultural and ranching industry. Although the land is well defended by kingdom guards, adventurers frequent the region as a great place to load up on valuable common and exotic supplies.

Plot:
A recent plague or curse has been destroying the minds of arcane casters in Hepmonaland. The cause of the insanity is unclear, but it is turning even the most benevolent wizards into psychopathic murderers who terrorize villages and cities until something either kills them or someone imprisons them. This has naturally caused great social and economical turmoil throughout all regions of the island country. Divine casters and leaders of religious or anti-arcane orders are calling this "divine retribution" in response to the hubris of wizards and sorcerers, and in certain regions this has sparked proverbial witch hunts to seek out and imprison or slay arcane casters wherever they may be found. Merchants, who no longer receive a steady supply of highly prized magic items, have spiked prices to capitalize on their newfound rarity. And a growing anti-arcane sentiment has channeled the growth of mercenary troops and militia bent on hunting arcane casters and creatures for bounties.

People of Interest:
Adept Gabbie Green: lvl 17 Female Human Adept (CN)


Adept Green is head of a holistic order that deals mostly in natural healing medicine and midwifing. She is old and very powerful, and has at least some influence in all the hospitals and apothecaries in Ibra Down.

Lady Priscilla Ibranne: lvl 19 Female Human Aristocrat (LN)


Lady Ibranne is a direct descendant of the original founder of Ibra Down and head of the city's council. She has ruled the city wisely for 57 years, but at her feeble age will soon be relinquishing her crown to her eldest son, Lord Arnold Ibranne.

Krusk Irontusk: lvl 14 Male Half-Orc Barbarian (CE)


Krusk runs the Dented Skull Mercenary Guild on the outskirts of the city. They handle the work that the city guards don't have the manpower or willingness to do.

Marvin Silverwater: lvl 22 Male Half-Elf Bard (CG)


Leader of the Lutes and Liars Entertainment Group. He's a former adventurer and an excellent source on lore, travel advice, and rare maps… for a price. He seems to be mysteriously immune to the plague. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he was never fully sane to begin with.

Archbishop Daniel Lyonsbane: lvl 15 Male Human Cleric (LG)


Leader of the Temple of Pelor, the most influential temple in Ibra Down. His temple provides powerful healing and other blessings. It is tradition to visit their temple to offer some form of tithe as a blessing.

The Venerable Francis O'Toole: lvl 41 Male Human Commoner (NN)


Master O'Toole is the wealthiest man in town- even wealthier than the nobles. As a merchant and savvy investor there are few who would challenge his authority on the council or question his decisions regarding the city's future. Even though Lady Priscilla is technically the ruler of the city, it's Master O'Toole who really calls the shots. There's little doubt and even less proof that he has some influence in the organized criminal syndicates in the city.

Headmistress Qillathe: lvl 24 Female Elf Druid (NG)


Headmistress Qillathe tends the grove of worship for the Druidic Order of Ehlonna. The temple doesn't have near the wealth or influence as the Temple of Pelor, but it's a beautiful and peaceful tourist attraction/nature museum, where many adventurers and outlanders, unaccustomed to the noise of the big city, can come to seek restful solace in the grove of ancient trees and dark caves.

Namfoodle "The Knack" Nackle: lvl 39 Male Gnome Expert (LN)


Knack is a wealthy and eccentric old businessman who runs the Tinker's Guild. Most industrial businesses from alchemical plants to siege engine factories pay some homage to his guild and most of the shops in the city are run by his guild members. The ones that aren't tend to eek out a meager existence in the poor quarters or the black market.

Gunnloda Holderhek: lvl 27 Female Dwarf Fighter (LG)


A retired local hero. She settled down with her husband in a place of honor on Lady Priscilla's expansive estate. She served Priscilla's father and grandfather in many wars, but now, she is half blind, peg-legged and baring a gruesome hook where her left hand used to be.

Matron Engong: lvl 12 Female Half-Orc Monk (LG)


Engong is the leader of her small monastic order, The Way of the Sun and Moon. She is humble and polite, but socially awkward and keenly aware of her intimidating features. She therefore choses to cover her orcish face when in public.

Captain Peter Cronus: lvl 14 Male Human Paladin (LG)


Captain Cronus is captain of the guard in Ibra Down, and faithful templar of Pelor. He is young and sometimes incredulously altruistic, but shows a lot of potential. Gunnloda holds him in high regard as her successor.

Sergeant Hansel Cronus: lvl 14 Male Human Ranger (LG)


Sergeant Cronus is Peter's younger brother. He lacks Peter's ambition and passion and is comfortable with Peter taking the lead in most situations. They often travel together and complement each other perfectly.

Portia Thorngage: lvl 19 Female Halfling Rogue (CE)


Leader of Stiletto, the unofficial thieves guild in Ibra Down and other nearby provinces. If it's black market goods, political secrets, or the company of a pleasure slave you seek, Stiletto can get it for you… for a price. Safe houses or representatives can be found by the branded image of the stiletto on door frames or tattooed on the back of their necks. High ranking Stiletto members will carry the exotic weapon on their person and are quite proficient with their usage.

Zook the Red: lvl 16 Male Gnome Sorcerer (NG – CE)


The first known victim of the curse that has begun to drive arcane casters insane. He went on a psychotic killing spree, murdering 16 of Ibra Down's civilians before finally being caught by the town guard. He now resides in shackles in St. Irvine's Asylum. Zook was once a brilliant sorcerer and well-loved by the royalty in the city and surrounding regions. Now he sputters nonsense and expresses savagely violent behavior to anyone who disrupts his insane rantings.

Sergeant Lee Greenwald: lvl 21 Human Warrior (LE)


Lee is a seasoned veteran of many outpost raids and local skirmishes. He's a brutal and abrasive perfectionist who has no tolerance for weakness. His sadistic side shows when he corners a thug who makes him chase them down. His subordinates respect him though and believe strongly that he suffers from PTSD, as evidenced by the mysterious self-inflicted scars on his left arm.

Grandmaster Abram "Mystro" Kelson: lvl 18 Human Wizard (NN - ??)


Headmaster of the Mystic Order of Three in the Tower of Secrets. There are three wizard towers in Ibra Down: The Ruby Tower, The Tower of Knowledge and The Tower of Secrets. Each tower is dedicated to a different deity of magic. These serve both as places of worship and places of study until recently where they served as places of terror and death. Grandmaster Kelson, unsure how to break the curse that was driving mages insane, summoned all the mages of the city into his tower and sealed all exits until a solution could be discovered or they all died trying. It is unclear if anyone is still alive in that tower, and no one within the city knows how to break the seals to find out.

Places of Interest:
The Merchant District: For all things non-magical, this is the place to be. Ibra Down has one of the most vibrant merchant districts in the country. Anything can be found here... legal or otherwise. But watch out for thieves, muggers and pickpockets. When the sun lowers, these types rule the streets.

The Tourist District: This is a popular hotspot for all travellors to the region. Temples, hotels, taverns, dance halls, and local oddities can be explored here, including a living topiary garden run by the Druidic order of Ehlonna!

The Royal District: Mostly seen from the gates, one can only enter the Royal District by invitation. It's heavily guarded around the clock by proud warriors in shining silvery armor. Once a day however, guided tours of the opulent district are offered for 10 gold per guest.

The Poor District: It's not just a pretty name. The slums of the Poor District are the grimy domain of Stiletto. Only crooked guards dare to walk these streets at night. The place is safe enough in the daytime, however, if you mind your own business and keep your hands on your weapon at all times.

The Cemetary: Located just south of the Ruby Tower, the city's cemetary hosts the remains of some of the most famous adventurers, nobles and heroes of the region. For a historical study, it's a must see. Powerful magics protect the graves of the dead from being pillaged. But they also keep meddling necromancers from building an army there.

Shops, Temples, and other Important Sites:

Green's Shoppes: Any shoppe stamped with the Adept Green's Seal of Approval is a trustworthy shoppe for herbs, poltices and other forms of non-magical healing. Non-magical alternatives are growing in popularity every day for their low prices, and nearly comparable effectiveness. These shoppes are located mostly in the Merchant District, but they can be found in all districts. Be alert for forged seals in the Poor District though.

The Dented Skull: It more closely represents a massive tavern bristling with weapons. Sporadic brawls or other tests of strength will signal that you have arrived at the right place. It's unwise to show weakness or fear here, but brave adventurers can find all sorts of work if they can prove their worthiness. The bounty boards are always full here. It's located in the Tourist District.

The Master's Theater: Run by none other than Mister Silverwater himself. The theater is ostentatious to say the least and is known for it's brilliant productions and over-the-top special effects. For a night to remember, look for him in the Tourist District.

The Temple of Pelor: In spite of the unimaginative name, the temple is the most powerful and influential place of worship in town. For a small tithe, the priests there will gladly bless your harvests. It's hard to miss. It's the giant golden tower right on the border seperating the Tourist District from the Royal District.

Elhonna's Respite: Located in the Tourist District is a strange and mystical grove filled with ancient and beatiful trees and other foliage. For those who wish to remain in the city, but prefer the solace of the wilderness, the Druidic Order of Ehlonna offers a safe haven in the midst of the hustle and bustle, as long as they do nothing to damage the grove the druids work hard to protect. The Order accepts donations for their services but do not require payment. They also manage the...

Living Topiary Garden: found next to Ehlonna's Respite. The garden serves as a tourist attraction to fund the Order, and also as guardians of the grove.

The Knack's Shoppes: If a shop has The Knack's “thumbs up” seal, you can bet it produces some of the finest manufactured goods in the city. Whether you're purchasing a simple hammer or purchasing a ticket to ride one of the many airships floating across the evening sky, look for The Knack's logo.

The Way of the Sun and Moon Monastery: The poor, wretched and homeless will often seek refuge within this meager yet sufficient temple. Only those who work may stay and in return, she offers training, housing and food. Her work placement program is among the most effective crime-reduction programs in the city and therefore is subsidized by the city to continue to function as a non-profit organization. Located in the Poor District.

St. Irvine's Asylum: Located in the Poor District. The Asylum houses some of the most dangerous criminals in the city. It's protected by a massive anti-magic field and guarded by some of the grittiest warriors the city has to offer.

The Ruby Tower: Located in The Cemetary, the Ruby Tower was once one of the three most powerful wizard's towers in the city. Now it's barely more than a memorial hall where tourists come to remember the dead. The worship of Wee-Jas, once a common act in this tower, is now practically forbidden within its forlorn halls.

The Tower of Knowledge: Located in the Tourist District. The Tower is the city's largest public library and temple of worship for the god Boccob, though lately, Boccob's influence over the city has waned. Books can be read and copies of excerpts can be produced for purchase here.

The Tower of Secrets: Located in the most secluded part of the Royal District, the Tower of Secrets is now little more than a prison housing nearly all the wizards and sorcerers in the city.

PCs so far: Half-Orc Rogue, Human Ranger, Dwarf Barbarian

Lionheart
2013-10-15, 02:52 AM
It mostly looks good to me, I really like the set-up of the city, and the plot is intriguing. I especially like the 'seals of approval' for the best merchants, it's the little touches like that that really bring a setting to life.

There is just one thing bugging me though, what level are the PCs? Your NPCs are very high level, and that could lead to the players feeling like their characters are weak or unable to influence events. If you're experienced at running this sort of game it should be fine, but I would worry about the NPCs overshadowing or outclassing the party, especially if the game begins at level 1.

Just my 2cp

inexorabletruth
2013-10-15, 03:07 AM
It's meant to be a recurring location. The characters start at level one, but several points in their growth (hopefully) will cause them to want to come back to Ibra Down. At this level, the PCs are basically nobodies. But as they return their hometown notoriety will grow, and the way they are received in Ibra Down will change... kind of like Fable.

Besides, these are only the notable NPCs. They're the local celebrities, so to speak. There are literally thousands of lvl 1-5 generic NPCs they can encounter.

I keep a huge archive of generic shopkeepers, pickpockets, informants, guards, harlots and musicians in my computer for situations like that.

Lionheart
2013-10-15, 03:32 AM
In that case, you should be alright. That's a very strong future plot-hook, and giving the players a feel for the movers and shakers in the city before it changes will really help the players to really get to grips with how drastic those changes are (since you mentioned Fable, I'm expecting some sort of destruction, though if anything, minor changes will be enhanced even more by a greater understanding of the city)

It seems perfect for a new group as well, plenty of potential hooks and interesting locations. It's good that the NPCs have a good spread of races as well, presumably the city is fairly cosmopolitan? I find that introducing the 'noobs' to all the PHB races in a (generally) safe environment is helpful, especially if they're unable or unwilling to read the descriptions in the PHB (or if you've modified them for your world for instance)

It's definitely a place I would enjoy starting a game in, and I'd be interested to hear how the game progresses from here.

Tl;dr: 10/10 Would play.

Lorsa
2013-10-15, 03:38 AM
I have a question: What does the picture have to do with the campaign? There is no way that such a large city with those immensely tall buildings only house 24 000 inhabitants.

Gavran
2013-10-15, 04:45 AM
Agreed. It isn't my desire to be nit-picky, but the first thing that jumped out at me was the incongruity of the picture. I would not suggest showing it to your players, personally.

inexorabletruth
2013-10-15, 01:38 PM
I have a question: What does the picture have to do with the campaign? There is no way that such a large city with those immensely tall buildings only house 24 000 inhabitants.

Good call... honestly, it was due to a lack of good options. I wanted a large city theme, with magitech airships, but seemed to only be able to find massive metropolises or quaint villages. The only other suitable photos are by the ocean or other great body of water and would be better suited for Golden Bay, since Ibra Down is inland. The current illustration inspires the impression of industry. It was supposed to appear metropolitan and new, but I agree, it's over-industrialized. It looks like over a million people live there.

Can you recommend a more suitable setting image?

inexorabletruth
2013-10-15, 01:42 PM
Tl;dr: 10/10 Would play.

Thanks Lionheart! :smallsmile:

veti
2013-10-15, 06:13 PM
I can't help noticing that all the places and people of interest seem to be within the city...

... yet two of your three PCs are a barbarian and a ranger, which are often seen (and played) as uncomfortable in cities.

Is there a reason for that?

inexorabletruth
2013-10-15, 06:28 PM
Hmm... you're right. I should flesh out the surrounding regions.

I was surprised to discover that two of the three players picked Profession as something to pour ranks into... not a classically beneficial skill for adventurers. So I figured they'd been kind of settled into that city. I was planning on making them roll a Profession check to see how much walking around gold they had when they became friends and decided to start adventuring gear (aside from their starting gold that is) in order to complement what I would describe as strictly an RP skill.

Lorsa
2013-10-16, 06:26 AM
Can you recommend a more suitable setting image?

I'll see what I can find.

Morgarion
2013-10-16, 09:20 AM
I can't help noticing that all the places and people of interest seem to be within the city...

... yet two of your three PCs are a barbarian and a ranger, which are often seen (and played) as uncomfortable in cities.

Is there a reason for that?

We're not beholden to the fluff. I think a barbarian would actually be great for representing street thugs and you can do it without any changes to the mechanics.

Instead of going to school and learning how to read and write, he had to work to help support his family. After the first time the guards caught him and gave him the beating he earned from his petty crimes, he learned how to be fast. When he thinks about growing up poor and all the opportunities he never had, he gets angry. Real angry.

inexorabletruth
2013-10-16, 02:20 PM
We're not beholden to the fluff.

Nice backstory! But I don't really want to control the PCs fluff. All three seem to have uncoordinated backstories, though. So instead of creating one cohesive plot-hook, I gave several. They can investigate the plague, learn more about the political intrigue in town, grab some bounties for quick, one-up adventures with lots-o-loot and XP, or just hang out in the city and try to get on Greenwald's bad side.

Their backstories, if you're interested:
The barbarian is the descendant of a clan that, through a shift in the rock during a mining expedition, was cut off from the rest of the mines which led to the surface. Deep in the Underdark, they learned to survive and became their own feral clan of barbarian dwarves. She hasn't figured out how or why her dwarf suddenly decided to come to the surface and go on wild adventures, but she's in Hepmonaland now. She's the only player who didn't pick a profession, so I assume she intends to be scraping out a living as a bounty hunter, street thug, or bouncer.

The rogue is part of a duo, actually. His mother is a freelance sell-sword, who came to Ibra Down for the sudden spike in bounties for wizards. But she caught the bad end of a spell in one of her missions and is now crippled and mostly helpless, and she couldn't afford to pay the high cost of healing offered by the divine casters. Because of this, the boy rogue harbors a profound hatred for all magic users. Pickpocketing and working low-wage jobs in the city doesn't make enough to pay the bills and care for his mother at the same time, so he's decided to follow in his mother's footsteps and become an adventurer.

The ranger hasn't given me a backstory yet, but she'll be a soldier in Sergeant Cronus's troop who decides to retire from her role and taste the freedom of adventuring for a while.

Regardless, it makes no sense to have a bounty board that sends them out of the city and not have at least a vague concept of the surrounding wilderness. Looks like I herped the derp on that one. At least wildernesses can be vague. I've already started fleshing out some CR1-5 bounties for them to look at. Now all I need is an awesome cityscape picture.

ReaderAt2046
2013-10-16, 10:14 PM
Just a curious question:
Is this "spellplague" at all realted to the saidin-taint from Wheel of Time?

Telonius
2013-10-16, 10:34 PM
Maybe a bit of fridge logic, but ...
Have any of the Wizards been captured, instead of killed? At least for the lower level guys, taking away their books and keeping them in prison would render them basically harmless. And how "crazy" is crazy? It sounds like that would interfere with spell preparation.

inexorabletruth
2013-10-17, 12:24 AM
Just a curious question:
Is this "spellplague" at all realted to the saidin-taint from Wheel of Time?

I try really hard to avoid spellplague, since there's actually such a thing in D&D canon. In content, it's unclear whether the madness is result of a plague or a curse, but the popular opinion from the residents of the island country is that it is a plague.

I got the inspiration from Adventure Time actually. It always seems the more magically competent someone is in the series the more detached from reality they are. One of the new guys took it to the next level by suggesting he wanted to be in a campaign where they hunt down casters, and that's what fleshed out the idea.


Have any of the Wizards been captured, instead of killed?
Yes. And you are correct, taking their books and components away will render lower level casters harmless, unless they are spontaneous casters, but it won't stop them from going insane. The level of crazy could be compared to "sadistic psychopath." They can not control their impulse to kill, but they do have enough intellectual awareness to prepare spells and plan a kill. Many of them will be haunted by hallucinations, and some of them will go completely rabid, which of course, will make it completely impossible for them to prepare or memorize spells, unless they're a bard, where simply being able to speak is enough to use magic. So there are ways to work around any kind of psychological handicap. Only core classes exist in this world, so I won't have to contend with Psions, Incarnum users and other kinds of stuff-thats-like-magic-but-I-guess-really-isn't users.

I'm interested to see which direction the party takes when dealing with the madness. The alignments they've chosen are CG, CE, and undecided. The third one could tip the scales of their agenda. A mostly evil aligned group may see the madness as a way to get a never-ending supply of bounties, and therefore a steady flow of gold, loot, and XP. A mostly good aligned group may want to discover the source of the problem and attempt to save all the casters from themselves. I have not decided if there's a BBEG at the end of this campaign, but if there is, either path on the morality fate-line will lead to an interesting encounter with him/her/it/them.

Morgarion
2013-10-17, 11:11 AM
Nice backstory! But I don't really want to control the PCs fluff.

Good call. I actually was mistaken and thought it was a critique of your important NPCs. My bad.