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View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVII: Some Assembly Required



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Targ Collective
2014-01-17, 02:00 PM
You get jelly chunks and a clothing catalogue. O.o

I insert Djinn Storm, the Golden Sun supermove, into the vending machine.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-17, 02:49 PM
You a Crane Kick performed by a scrawny kid from New Jersey.

I insert a gold piece.

Orm-Embar
2014-01-17, 04:09 PM
You get a cup of hot coffee.

I insert a Gothic church spire with gargoyles.

Laughing Dog
2014-01-18, 01:32 AM
You get a cup of cold coffee.

I insert a shard of a broken sword.

Targ Collective
2014-01-18, 10:28 AM
You get a fully repaired and polished... shard of a broken sword.

I insert the Mercury Djinn Tonic.

Gnomish Wanderer
2014-01-22, 12:57 AM
You get some mercury.

I insert a heart.

Blood_caller
2014-01-22, 02:53 AM
You get a kingdom

I insert a alien facehugger.

D_Man_7733
2014-01-22, 08:38 AM
You get a bounty hunter with a gaping whole in his chest.

I insert an old game that still holds up even without the nostalgia factor

Dudeons
2014-01-22, 10:31 AM
You get a gun with a clock inscribed on the trigger.

I insert some obscure tabletop RPG book.

NeroGrimm
2014-01-22, 12:17 PM
You get a Duckbunny.

I insert a cheetah-print kangol.

Recherché
2014-01-23, 08:29 PM
You receive an unhappy fashionista looking at you disapprovingly.

I insert said fashionista and the contents of a small fabric store.

Targ Collective
2014-01-24, 12:29 AM
You get this month's edition of "What the Well-Dressed Gnome is wearing this season".

I insert the Jupiter Djinni Ether (one of my favourite Djinn)

AKA_Bait
2014-01-28, 10:24 AM
You get a lamp with an engraving on the side that reads: DO NOT RUB.

I insert a pack of Camels.

Gnomish Wanderer
2014-01-28, 11:19 AM
You get all the sand crossed by a desert train. Pouring in a quick stream from the machine to bury the land in its choking dust

I insert TPBM's creativity.

Dudeons
2014-01-28, 12:22 PM
You get an assortment of worlds and characters populating them. Half of them are fantasy themed, and the other half is dystopian sci-fi.

I attempt to Shoryuken the vending machine, but my flaming fist goes in the slot instead.

NeroGrimm
2014-01-29, 09:08 AM
You get a 60's slapstick comedy routine featuring a swift kick to the nuts.

I insert a Mary Sue homebrew class.

AKA_Bait
2014-01-29, 10:31 AM
You get a copy of the 4th Edition PHB.

I insert a mirror of opposition.

Orm-Embar
2014-01-29, 08:40 PM
You get an argument.

I insert a bon mot.

Targ Collective
2014-01-30, 12:10 AM
I insert my favourite Succubus. Who I love. <}

Blood_caller
2014-01-30, 05:20 PM
You get a restraining order for inserting a item before the machine have given Orm his return.

I insert a serenity dvd

NeroGrimm
2014-01-30, 06:06 PM
You get the teardrops of a child.

I insert a highly obscure Japanese gaming platform.

Blood_caller
2014-01-31, 08:27 PM
You get a SF-1 SNES TV

I insert your TV

Razanir
2014-02-01, 12:46 PM
You get a cardboard box that once contained a TV.

I jump in.

Targ Collective
2014-02-01, 01:48 PM
You have an incredible adventure in the land of the Vending machine Gnomes until you upset the High Fromtwizzle Gnome and get spat back out.

*I* jump in to patch things up.

Socksy
2014-02-01, 01:55 PM
You get catapulted out, but as a patchwork doll.

I insert a homestuck/v3.5 crossover campaign.

Laughing Dog
2014-02-02, 05:24 PM
You get a headache.

I insert the vending machine into a sword.

Razanir
2014-02-02, 08:08 PM
Soviet gnomes get vending machine out of you!

I insert ragdoll-me into the vending machine, in hopes of being turned back to normal

Arkhosia
2014-02-03, 08:01 AM
Soviet gnomes get vending machine out of you!

I insert ragdoll-me into the vending machine, in hopes of being turned back to normal

You get a voodoo doll with a Wish spell.

I insert Clementine (from The Walking Dead)

NeroGrimm
2014-02-03, 10:24 AM
You get a crippling depression.

I insert a Jammie Dodger.

Razanir
2014-02-03, 03:20 PM
(So hope this isn't breaking the 3-post rule. I forget if it's three BETWEEN, or three counting your second post)

You blow up the vending machine.

I insert schematics for a fancy NEW vending machine.

BasketOfPuppies
2014-02-03, 03:41 PM
(It IS three between.)

You get the first vending machine, armed with Cavegnomes.

I insert a svirfneblin.

Arkhosia
2014-02-03, 04:23 PM
(It IS three between.)

You get the first vending machine, armed with Cavegnomes.

I insert a svirfneblin.

You get a drow and a gnome!

I insert Catbug, Mine Turtle, and Dogmeat

Recherché
2014-02-04, 09:12 PM
You receive an adorable pet chimera! Take good care of it and you can raise it into cute man eating monster.

I insert my own thyroid gland.

Passive Pete
2014-02-04, 09:40 PM
You hear some chewing noises, and then receive $5.

I insert 2 cats, my brain, and a game of Risk.

Blood_caller
2014-02-10, 05:25 PM
You get your brain back (they don't want ot)

I insert a mole

Laughing Dog
2014-02-11, 03:37 PM
You get a report about everyone spying on you.

I insert a request for increased army capasity.

AKA_Bait
2014-02-11, 05:48 PM
You get budget cuts.

I insert a debt ceiling.

Arkhosia
2014-02-12, 12:50 PM
You get a legislation bill to rise it.

I insert d4s

Blood_caller
2014-02-12, 04:32 PM
You get M16s

I insert scroninger's gnome

Omeganaut
2014-02-13, 05:32 PM
You get a sealed box that may or may not contain a gnome which may or may not be undead.

I insert X-COM

Arkhosia
2014-02-13, 06:22 PM
You get aliens

I insert Alucard

Recherché
2014-02-13, 08:25 PM
You receive a very upset Integra Hellsing. Start running.

I insert a Gnome lich

Zweisteine
2014-02-17, 05:26 PM
You get a gnome demi-lich.

I insert an Ioun stone.

Orm-Embar
2014-02-20, 03:29 PM
There is a loud banging sound of repeated hammer blows, and then you receive a handful of gravel.

I insert a treant.

V snicker-snack :smallbiggrin:

AKA_Bait
2014-02-20, 03:44 PM
You get a vorpal toothpick.

I insert a copper piece.

Arkhosia
2014-02-20, 09:45 PM
You get an angry waitress for the lousy tip.

I insert Lee Everett and Clementine.

Omeganaut
2014-02-21, 08:48 PM
You get a vial of tears and a bucket of blood

I insert all the emoticons.

Woodzyowl
2014-02-21, 11:17 PM
You get a half-brick.

I insert cheddar jalapenos.

Dudeons
2014-02-22, 05:09 PM
You get inexplicably yellow fire.

I insert every ponytar on the forum (yes, including my new one).

Dire Moose
2014-02-22, 05:21 PM
You get a bunch of creepy guys who want to marry them.

I insert a baby.

Nemixen
2014-02-23, 04:09 PM
You get a fully grown human that speaks only gnomish...
Wearing a cloak made of dirty nappies.

I insert a bucket of tears and a vial of blood.

SterlingAvenger
2014-02-23, 08:08 PM
You get a full semester's worth of completed Organic Chemistry homework.

I insert an Organic Chemistry Textbook.

Dudeons
2014-02-23, 09:07 PM
You get the same book back, but it's made out of living flesh. You hear groans of pain coming from it.

I give the vending machine a swift kick in the nuts. But it doesn't have nuts, so my foot goes into the vending machine slot.

Omeganaut
2014-02-23, 09:26 PM
You gain a new cybernetic foot that doesn't quite balance properly

I insert a link to Twitch Plays Pokemon (http://www.twitch.tv/twitchplayspokemon)

D_Man_7733
2014-02-24, 01:13 AM
You recieve Mario Party

I put in Mario Kart.

AKA_Bait
2014-02-24, 03:10 PM
You get Sugar Rush.

I insert Emperor Mollusk.

Dudeons
2014-02-24, 03:55 PM
You get King Triton.

I insert his trident.

Orm-Embar
2014-02-24, 05:48 PM
You get a pack of chewing gum.

I insert a recreational vehicle.

Omeganaut
2014-02-24, 07:04 PM
You get one ticket to vehicular manslaughter recreation.

I insert the challenge of my rivals

AKA_Bait
2014-02-25, 10:13 AM
You get the lamentations of their women.

I insert three calling birds.

Dire Moose
2014-02-25, 10:25 AM
You get everything else mentioned in that song, which actually isn't all that pleasant.

I insert a hand grenade after removing the pin.

NeroGrimm
2014-02-25, 01:45 PM
The vending machine splutters for a moment and then drops a flag on the ground with the stylized words, "I prepared explosive runes this morning" on it.

I insert a chocobo egg.

Laughing Dog
2014-02-25, 01:46 PM
It comes back out of the machine and explodes at 3 feet above the ground.

Edit Ninja'd:
You get a fried chocobo egg with rice.

I insert the Summon Spirit, Gnome.

AKA_Bait
2014-02-25, 04:28 PM
You get a Gnome, for 1d6 rounds.

I insert a collapsing ceiling.

D_Man_7733
2014-02-25, 04:58 PM
You get a collapsing floor... right underneath you.

I build a platform over the collapsing floor and insert The Wizard.

Dudeons
2014-02-25, 09:14 PM
You get a very annoyed sorcerer.

I ram all of the bad YouTube videos into the vending machine, and then I dive for cover!

Duck999
2014-02-25, 09:16 PM
They all come out, just kidding! They disappear forever, never to be watched again.

I insert all the amazing youtube videos.

AKA_Bait
2014-02-26, 10:16 AM
You get all of the awful YouTube videos.

I insert Glove and Boots (http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CCcQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fuser%2Fgloveand boots&ei=NQUOU8jpMe7MsQT9_ICwCg&usg=AFQjCNEwSGPeinFLwhoi1paoyVkCKw97WQ&sig2=NTKdcHSz_L5WpSahIbMW4w&bvm=bv.61965928,d.cWc).

Dire Moose
2014-02-28, 02:43 PM
You get Cloak and Dagger.

I pour a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke into the machine and then empty a giant bag of Mentos into it.

Orm-Embar
2014-03-01, 05:35 AM
You get A Mighty Wind.

I insert 2 dozen roses.

Jester of Doom
2014-03-02, 04:36 PM
You are buried under 2 dozen thorn bushes.

I insert Final Fantasy IV, V and VI.

Dudeons
2014-03-02, 05:10 PM
You get some long haired emos, a shredded physics book, and a big convoluted script. Also a moogle, cuz moogles are cool.

I insert every episode of MLP.

Dire Moose
2014-03-02, 07:17 PM
You get a pony version of yourself.

I insert every episode and movie of Star Trek.

Nemixen
2014-03-03, 05:49 PM
You get the Star Wars, heal hurt thread and its creator. Naked. Holding back a undead Carol Thatcher.

@v Curse you failing memory, curse you.

Blood_caller
2014-03-03, 05:53 PM
You get a very angry sounding letter from the gnomes, with many details about what they are gonna do to you next time you forget to put somthing into the machine.

I insert my firstborn son

Jester of Doom
2014-03-03, 08:59 PM
You get a very confused Rumpelstiltskin.

I insert a duplicate vending machine I stole from a parallel universe.

Recherché
2014-03-03, 09:19 PM
You receive a square vending machine

I insert a square vending machine into the square vending machine.

Dudeons
2014-03-04, 11:45 AM
You get four vending machines. (Vending machine squared times vending machine squared equals vending machine to the fourth).

I insert each vending machine into the other vending machines, until sticking the last vending machine into the original vending machine with many vending machines inside it. Wait, what?

AKA_Bait
2014-03-04, 11:48 AM
You get a crying liberal arts student.

I insert a collection of essays on the philosophy of extremely narrow subject areas.

Jester of Doom
2014-03-04, 12:19 PM
You receive a collection of philosophy essays that are so incredibly generalized and vague as to be pointless.

I insert the original Spelljammer Boxed Set.

D_Man_7733
2014-03-04, 02:59 PM
You recieve homebrew "counterspell" rules, they are needlessly complicated and make grappling look simple.

I insert all of humanity's pain ans suffering.

Orm-Embar
2014-03-04, 04:11 PM
You get a Hollywood blockbuster.

I insert a wood chipper.

AKA_Bait
2014-03-05, 11:00 AM
You get a crazed veteran threatening bowlers with a handgun.

I insert a Little Lebowski Urban Achiever.

Blood_caller
2014-03-08, 09:14 AM
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1451579/thumbs/o-DOGE-570.jpg?6

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSxvAhNwE7GBHf87Ve45o8CWTqhbWZMl izXv6xlnmN2GPD_YN4xQo9Go7abUg

Dudeons
2014-03-08, 01:05 PM
You get basement ferret.

I insert every CSI: Miami one liner.

Orm-Embar
2014-03-08, 02:09 PM
You get a Dark Passenger.

I insert a baker's dozen of unlit black candles.

AKA_Bait
2014-03-10, 09:21 AM
You get three living sisters and one dead sister.

I insert Julian McMahon's poor choice in roles.

Korith
2014-03-10, 02:56 PM
You get a d20 that always makes terrible rolls.

I insert an abacus, cheez whiz, and the complete works of Gilbert & Sullivan into the vending machine.

Targ Collective
2014-03-10, 03:10 PM
The gnomes do a Gilbert & Sullivan inspired 'Ode to Cheez-Whiz, by Abacus'. It's terribly long.

I insert a Harry potter Garden Gnome into the vending machine. They're all gnomes right? Perhaps they'll be friends!

Recherché
2014-03-13, 07:58 PM
A very dizzy Garden Gnome comes flying out of the vending machine at high speed. A declaration of war and a bill for the produce that the gnome ruined are attached to his chest.

I insert a white flag into the machine.

Jester of Doom
2014-03-13, 09:12 PM
A massive, Gnomish army pours out of the vending machine, and begins preparing for the "reconstruction."

Wondering what's left inside, I climb into the vending machine.

AKA_Bait
2014-03-14, 09:14 AM
You get an empty gaming table.

I insert a gold piece.

PallElendro
2014-03-16, 08:55 AM
You get 10 silver coins. One of them are dented, but two of them were minted from the last century. This has no significant meaning.

I insert a shovel.

Dudeons
2014-03-16, 02:16 PM
You get the old guy from Home Alone.

I insert the first Christmas movie TPBM can think of.

Blood_caller
2014-03-16, 03:27 PM
You get a big green haired grumpy monster.

I insert all sacred gurdians of holly days (santa, easter bonny, toothfairy.....)

AKA_Bait
2014-03-17, 01:05 PM
You get an animated film that makes you bleed from the eyes.

I insert Princess Mononoke.

Omeganaut
2014-03-18, 06:08 PM
You get the Complete Naruto DVD set!

I insert Smooth McGroove

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-03-31, 02:47 PM
You receive Scruff McGruff.

I insert an old space opera DVD set.

@V: Damn it, my VCR crapped out a couple months back, though!

Laughing Dog
2014-03-31, 05:34 PM
You get the space opera on VHS.

I insert Xander Harris, Nick Fury, and Odin into the machine.

Targ Collective
2014-03-31, 10:32 PM
You get a formal letter of complaint from the gnomes.

I insert a scroll of 'Genocide all Vending machine Gnomes' into the vending machine attached to a note 'I know how to write these. Give 99999999999999gp in tribute or die.'

Razanir
2014-04-01, 07:46 AM
You get a formal letter of complaint from the gnomes.

I insert a scroll of 'Genocide all Vending machine Gnomes' into the vending machine attached to a note 'I know how to write these. Give 99999999999999gp in tribute or die.'

You get a note back saying "We all prepared exploding runes this morning".

I insert TPBM.

PallElendro
2014-04-01, 09:39 AM
You get a genderbent version of me. She's mostly like me, except she wears skirts more than trousers and has longer hair.

I insert a flip phone.

Omeganaut
2014-04-08, 11:48 PM
The vending machine flips upside-down and calls your mother

I insert Wil Wheaton dressed as a ranger.

D_Man_7733
2014-04-09, 01:16 AM
You recieve a busted eardrum

I insert Headphones and a youtube video.

Quiddle
2014-04-16, 09:00 PM
You get the deep internet.....

I insert the OP.

Dire Moose
2014-04-19, 08:57 PM
You get the White Space.

I insert the 80s.

Laughing Dog
2014-04-21, 09:08 AM
You get the 70's.

I insert a head of lettuce, some yarn, and a soul gem (unfilled).

PallElendro
2014-04-21, 12:02 PM
You hear a cutting noise, and you get a tentacled lettuce golem. Some blood is dripping out of the vending machine.

I insert a USB flash drive.

Graypairofsocks
2014-04-21, 05:00 PM
You get a Solid State Hard drive.

I insert the company "Valve".

Cyborg Mage
2014-04-22, 10:55 AM
You get a note with "please wait nine years for your thing-what-you-get-out to be developed" written on it.

I insert nine years of time in a can.

Dire Moose
2014-04-23, 01:18 AM
You get the worst mystery meat ever.

I insert a rhinoceros.

Graypairofsocks
2014-04-23, 04:55 PM
You get 2 smaller Rhinos.

I insert a Sphere of Annihilation.

Quiddle
2014-04-25, 03:06 PM
You gett the sphere back, 3 Entropomancers pop out.

I insert a dozen fighter fixes.

Recherché
2014-05-11, 06:05 PM
You gett the sphere back, 3 Entropomancers pop out.

I insert a dozen fighter fixes.

You receive a single perfect monk fix

I insert 4 weeks worth of free time

GuesssWho
2014-06-01, 06:01 PM
You get boredom.

I insert a dragon in a clown outfit.

Duck999
2014-06-02, 06:23 AM
You get a (cannibalistic) clown in a dragon outfit.

I insert this (http://heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa.com).

Dudeons
2014-06-13, 03:36 PM
You get this (http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC4Vk6kisY&feature=kp).

I insert Justin Beiber, Vanilla Ice, Eminem, N-Sync, and Macklemore.

inuyasha
2014-06-19, 08:39 PM
You get Gerard way, David bowie, Lars ulrich, Roy Brown, and Billie Holiday

I insert a german waffle house

dramatic flare
2014-06-21, 03:52 AM
You receive an irate customer demanding Belgium waffles.

I insert a drunk, passed out pirate on shore leave.

Dire Moose
2014-06-23, 02:45 PM
You get a dead body of a drunk, passed out pirate on shore leave and a ninja leaping away into the shadows.

I insert a glaive-glaive-glaive-guisarme-glaive.

Shadebolt
2014-06-24, 07:43 PM
You get a can of spam.

I insert TPBTPBM.

Targ Collective
2014-06-24, 08:35 PM
I swiftly ally with TPBM to overpower you and insert you instead, PBM.

Graypairofsocks
2014-06-29, 08:29 PM
You get nothing, good day sir.

I insert the Giantitp website.

PallElendro
2014-06-30, 08:46 AM
You receive an archived version of pre-update GiantITP, unusable.

I insert a box of spare parts.

Laughing Dog
2014-06-30, 10:03 AM
You get a clone of yourself, but one-eighth your height.

I insert a head of lettuce, some yarn, a soul fragment stuck in a gem.

Dire Moose
2014-07-13, 09:42 AM
You get the person whose soul was sealed within the gem, now inhabiting the body of a yarn-lettuce golem.

I insert a Rust Monster.

DarkLightDragon
2014-07-13, 10:38 AM
You get a pile of broken swords.

I insert an empty vodka bottle.

Targ Collective
2014-07-13, 10:37 PM
You get a decanter of endless, sextuple-distilled vodka.

I insert the machine into itself, causing it to disappear.

Oh great, now what are we going to do?

Laughing Dog
2014-07-15, 01:40 PM
The vending machine pops back into existence, directly above yourself. It then falls down upon you, squishing you flatter than a pancake.

I insert the bits of Targ that I can scrape off the floor into the vending machine.

Graypairofsocks
2014-07-16, 12:11 PM
You get Targ pie.
Targ Pie is not suitable for consumption by Vegans, Vegetarians, Children under the age of 10, Children above the age of 10, Adults, Humans of all ages, and Cows.

I insert a Divine Rapier.

Keledrath
2014-07-16, 01:20 PM
You get Ember Spirit in the Gyrocopter.

I insert Rudisplorkus.

lolthfollower
2014-07-18, 02:33 PM
You get 4 rudisplorkians.

I insert Earth

Chunklets
2014-07-18, 08:28 PM
You get a nice card from Wind and Fire, thanking you for the return of their friend and bandmate.

I insert two tickets to a Boogie Wonderland.

Targ Collective
2014-07-19, 12:37 PM
I insert Water and boogie on down with the Elements Band.

Dire Moose
2014-07-23, 12:55 AM
You get a bunch of wet, grumpy Vending Gnomes.

I insert the Internet (yes, all of it).

Dudeons
2014-07-23, 11:50 AM
You get everything there ever was all at once, but most of it turns to 'exotic' porn as soon as you touch it.

Crap, my mother's coming over! I shove all the porn back into the vending machine.

Keledrath
2014-07-23, 12:02 PM
Your mother comes out of the vending machine. She's curious about all the porn.

I insert a nice pair of mittens and a bag of chips.

Graypairofsocks
2014-07-26, 08:49 AM
You get a pair of crumb covered mittens.

I insert The Trident of the Red Rooster.

Targ Collective
2014-07-26, 10:56 AM
You get the Sol Blade. Meggidoooo!!!

I insert a fully functional scale model of the vending machine into the vending machine.

inuyasha
2014-07-31, 01:04 AM
You get a 1000 foot tall Mega-vending machine built with GURPS Vehicles rules. It has a 10,000 Kilo joule laser.

I insert the blast from the 10,000 Kilo joule laser

Keledrath
2014-07-31, 01:06 AM
You get 1000 gallons of Kool-Aid.

I insert an extremely friendly family of German tourists.

Graypairofsocks
2014-07-31, 05:00 AM
You get the same friendly family of German tourists, but driving a large golf cart and wearing sweaters that say "I went inside a Vending Machine and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt"'.


I insert a Rust Monster, 2 Gallons of water in 5 Glass containers, 3 Kender Rogues, 1 Kender Paladin, 1 Atropal, 3 red socks, 42 gray Ioun stones, 1 Gray Ioun stone painted orange, 1 Orange Ioun stone, 1 slaad & 2 slaad (red slaad then blue slaad), a gnome illusionist, 20 vials of alchemist's Fire, 1 very angry Greater Water Elemental, 1 partially eaten Minotaur Beef Burger, 1 Black Slaad chewing on part of a Burger, a Modron with an intense dislike of improperly sorted lists, and partridge on a pear tree.

Dire Moose
2014-08-05, 04:23 PM
You get a jammed vending machine slot and a kick in the groin from the Maintenance Gnomes.

I insert a steam locomotive.

Targ Collective
2014-08-05, 06:04 PM
You get a children's playset, featuring Iron Girder.

I place a symbol sacred to Succubae in the machine.

Keledrath
2014-08-05, 06:13 PM
You get ****** and a ******. Lucky *****

I insert a KFC bucket filled with fried shrimp.

lolthfollower
2014-08-05, 11:39 PM
You recieve an empty KFC bucket and a loud belch.

I insert a pair of pants

Orm-Embar
2014-08-10, 10:48 PM
You get a pair of suspenders.

I insert a spiderweb.

GuesssWho
2014-08-19, 02:10 AM
You get a very annoyed drider.

I wish I was a drider.

Keledrath
2014-08-19, 02:13 AM
You spend the rest of your life standing there wishing you were a drider. Because you don't actually put anything in, the vending machine gives you nothing. You eventually die, cold, alone, and in front of a vending machine.

I insert a very nice eulogy for GuesssWho. Though, unfortunately, since I was unable to guess who, I am forced to omit any mention of the deceased's name.

Laughing Dog
2014-08-19, 12:31 PM
You get... a boot to the head!

I insert a piece of paper with the following written upon it: 'Cake or Death?'

Targ Collective
2014-08-19, 07:36 PM
You get an undead baker who groans at you, Whyyyyy Chooossee....?

I insert a symbol sacred to Solars.

Dudeons
2014-08-19, 07:46 PM
You get Princess Celestia.

I grab my previous avatar (the Gary Gygax pony) and stuff him in the vending machine.

Septimus Faber
2014-08-28, 05:06 AM
You get Gary Gygax wearing riding gear emblazoned with D20-like patterns.

I insert my scorched cafe table.

Quiddle
2014-08-28, 08:11 PM
You get a pile of scrap wood, some bolts, and a fire.

I insert the Kool-Aid Man.

Orm-Embar
2014-08-29, 02:27 PM
You get a shower of Gatorade and gators.

I insert 1 tbs. rock salt.

SterlingAvenger
2014-08-29, 10:12 PM
You get a recipe for ice cream, an old crank operated ice cream maker and note that reads, "Get Cranking."

I insert a Sphinx, a magic 8 ball and a jester.

braveheart
2014-09-09, 11:25 AM
you get a thread from the fabric of space time


I insert a shiny new (to me) firefly class starship

Keledrath
2014-09-09, 12:07 PM
You get a button and a note

"When your miracle gets here, just hit this button."

I insert Joss Whedon and enough money and free time to restart Firefly.

Meph
2014-09-10, 08:52 AM
You get Joss hiring someone else to direct the next Firefly's Serie while keeping the producer's role. The new season obviously is horrible, and will generate a new trend in the pre-teen-agers with shameful merchandising you will hate.


I insert the seven Harry Potter books and a stick.

Septimus Faber
2014-09-10, 01:06 PM
You get a refund and a note saying, 'Series Continuation Pending - J'.

I insert a rainbow.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-10, 02:01 PM
You get a unicorn.

I insert a deadly nightshade plant.

Dudeons
2014-09-10, 09:00 PM
You get Fifty Shades of Night™ (like Fifty Shades of Grey, except now they get serious). :smalleek:

I insert my car...

-dboard box. With wheels painted on the sides.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-10, 10:11 PM
You get a full functional cardboard engine.

I insert an introductory paragraph.

Meph
2014-09-11, 09:28 AM
You get a writer set: plenty of blank pages and pens. Same kind of paper and ink of the paragraph you had put. With a short review of the writing, suggesting possible plot developements and risks of mistakes.

I insert a coin.

braveheart
2014-09-11, 10:45 AM
You get a gumball

I insert a rubber band gun

SpeedWitch
2014-09-12, 12:58 AM
You get an annoying child who flings rubber bands into your face.

I insert a negative twelve-dollar bill.

Septimus Faber
2014-09-12, 02:02 AM
You get a cup of antimatter.

I insert my hopes and dreams.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-12, 07:32 AM
You get a Hero's Journey.

I insert seven dwarfs.

Laughing Dog
2014-09-12, 08:58 AM
You get a poison apple.

I insert a hardboiled egg.

Cuthalion
2014-09-12, 12:08 PM
You get some toast, cut into soldiers.

I insert a democracy.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-12, 12:46 PM
You get a republic.

I insert a blank sheet of paper.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-12, 02:14 PM
You get an impenetrable dark forest of words.

I put in an ocean.

Septimus Faber
2014-09-12, 02:29 PM
You get a drop.

I put in a melodic dubstep track.

Dudeons
2014-09-12, 03:00 PM
You get Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. Performed by Emil and Dariel (http://youtu.be/0X-1aa54KgA?t=1m54s).

I open my mouth and vomit rainbows into the vending machine.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-12, 03:15 PM
You get a prescription from your doctor.

I insert a dystopian society.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-13, 11:27 PM
You get a telescreen.

I insert a single grain of rice.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-14, 12:49 PM
You get a mob of peasants clamoring to be fed.

I insert the Ace of Spades.

Septimus Faber
2014-09-14, 01:34 PM
You win something - oh, wait, no you don't.

I insert the Total Perspective Vortex (http://http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Total_Perspective_Vortex).

SpeedWitch
2014-09-14, 03:28 PM
You get String theory.

I insert the Kiss or Kill thread.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-14, 09:35 PM
You get a giant sitting on an adamantium swing set.

I insert a four-inch tall replica of the vending machine.

braveheart
2014-09-15, 04:26 PM
You get meta

I insert the hearts of 666 rabbits

Laughing Dog
2014-09-15, 04:41 PM
You get 666 ghostly rabbits haunting you for eternity.

I insert 6,000 platinum pieces, 60,000 gold pieces, 600,000 silver pieces, and 6,000,000 copper pieces.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-15, 04:58 PM
You get The One Gumball to Rule Them All.

I insert a matador's hat and funny little cape.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-15, 09:44 PM
You get a rusty tow truck dressed as a matador.

I insert Deadpool.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-16, 08:38 AM
You get a broken fourth wall.

I insert a feather.

Passive Pete
2014-09-16, 04:37 PM
You become a bird.

I insert TPBM.

Dudeons
2014-09-17, 09:47 AM
You get infinite dice pouring out of the machine forever.

I pull in my nemesis, Mr Card Sharp.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-17, 07:03 PM
You get a boss battle.

I insert the Ad at the top of the forum.

braveheart
2014-09-18, 10:48 AM
you get a note, upon reading "I prepared explosive rune this morning" it explodes in your face



I insert my trusty 10ft pole

Dire Moose
2014-09-18, 04:21 PM
You get a 15-foot gap between you and the treasure chest you were trying to open.

I insert a piece of paper that reads "HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR".

Laughing Dog
2014-09-18, 06:43 PM
A lawn gnome comes flying out of the vending machine. It hits you square between the eyes.

I insert Old Man Henderson's Backstory.

@V::cool:

SpeedWitch
2014-09-21, 03:11 PM
You get aviator shades, an ugly poodle, and 12 lawngnomes. Also a bunch of real magical gnomes that decided to take a day off from working on the machine and play Call of Cthulu instead.

I insert an eviction notice.

braveheart
2014-09-22, 10:52 AM
Angry gnomes swarm out of the machine and beat you until you leave


I insert a can of Campbell's chunky chicken noodle soup

Orm-Embar
2014-09-22, 11:34 AM
You hear the sounds of a can opener whirring, followed by muffled clanking, and then liquid pouring; from the machine emerges a pair of hands proffering a shallow bowl filled with your soup, which has been gently heated to optimum temperature for pleasurable consumption by humans, and even a soup spoon.

I insert a Roc.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-22, 01:00 PM
From inside the vending machine comes the sound of flapping, squawking, and then a loud pop. A few feathers waft out of the machine, followed by an angry Dire Chicken. It looks quite full.

I insert a dozen snowballs.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-22, 04:23 PM
You get The Cold War.

I insert the Magma Carta.

braveheart
2014-09-22, 06:48 PM
you get the hot war


I insert my declaration of indifference

Tariv Gy
2014-09-22, 11:03 PM
You get a uncaring sigh

I insert a still beating heart

SterlingAvenger
2014-09-22, 11:41 PM
You get a raven that only says "Nevermore"

I insert Lenore.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-24, 09:24 PM
You get the Simsons acting out "The Raven."

I swipe my credit card through the machine.

Tariv Gy
2014-09-24, 09:28 PM
You get your card's max limit dispensed in the form of expired gift cards.

I insert a majestic pirate ship.

copycatcat
2014-09-24, 11:51 PM
You get a queen whose fans want her to have a love interest with a pirate.

I insert a feat that allows you to auto-pass a skill check 1/day.

smellie_hippie
2014-09-25, 08:50 AM
A small gnome exits the vending machine and ties your shoelaces together.

I insert the pillaged kidney of my fallen nemesis.

Laughing Dog
2014-09-25, 09:38 AM
Archonic Energy comes out of the Vending Machine, hale and whole. He then stabs you in the kidney

I insert a shrubbery.

braveheart
2014-09-25, 11:53 AM
you receive the right to pass


I insert the entire literary works of Shakespeare

Twelvetrees
2014-09-25, 12:22 PM
You get a monkey.

I insert a stray vending machine gnome, upside-down.

smellie_hippie
2014-09-25, 01:33 PM
The vending-machine rejects your inverted gnome, and retaliates.

I insert some shoelaces.

Sorrcerousflux
2014-09-25, 01:33 PM
You get a monkey.

I insert a stray vending machine gnome, upside-down.

You get one gift! From the gnome you captured, and its deadly inhaleable poison.

I insert boy band albums.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-25, 03:08 PM
You get cut down by your favorite boy band dressed as ninjas.

I pull out my sickles and try to pick something out of the machine.

CrimsonKnight
2014-09-25, 04:40 PM
Your sickles emerge covered in some unpleasant green substance that reeks of rotten cabbage.

I insert a broken old pocketwatch.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-25, 05:00 PM
You get a cheap digital watch.

I put in my two cents.

copycatcat
2014-09-25, 09:52 PM
You get a metal coin that is 40% nickel.

I insert Roy Greenhilt's sword, pre-starmetal.

backwaterj
2014-09-26, 07:14 AM
You get Roy Greenhilt's father, griping about his son's (and your own) mistakes.

I insert the power of positive thinking.

braveheart
2014-09-26, 11:00 AM
you receive negative thoughts



I insert my paladin buddy

Sorrcerousflux
2014-09-26, 11:47 AM
you receive negative thoughts



I insert my paladin buddy

You get a chaotic evil warlock; who becomes a serial killer.

I insert the warlock.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-26, 03:31 PM
You get the same warlock back, along with a note that reads "No refunds."

I insert the final season of Avatar: The Legend of Korra.

copycatcat
2014-09-26, 03:32 PM
You get a refund.

I insert huge explosions.

Orm-Embar
2014-09-26, 03:44 PM
You get a Transformer.

I insert a guitar amp.

Twelvetrees
2014-09-26, 06:40 PM
You get a bunch of static.

I insert a toaster.

Targ Collective
2014-09-26, 10:16 PM
You get the same toaster, possessed by as Fernexite daemon. (Exterminatus Now anyone?)

I insert Pandora's Box, unopened, with a note attached to it saying "Do not open."

copycatcat
2014-09-26, 10:20 PM
You get the same toaster, possessed by as Fernexite daemon. (Exterminatus Now anyone?)

I insert Pandora's Box, unopened, with a note attached to it saying "Do not open."

You get hope.

I insert the Lipguard of the Thrallkiss. See the Quote-Based Effort in World-Building for clarification.

backwaterj
2014-09-27, 03:38 AM
You get Thrall wearing lip gloss. He's quite amorous.

I insert the space-time continuum.

Sorrcerousflux
2014-09-27, 09:42 AM
You get Thrall wearing lip gloss. He's quite amorous.

I insert the space-time continuum.

You get a paradox

I insert a primordial blot

Orm-Embar
2014-09-27, 11:09 AM
You get primordial soup, very healthy, very good for you.

I insert a baseball bat.

copycatcat
2014-09-27, 04:25 PM
You get a diamond.

I insert whatever the fifth word shown in the next google search you do is. The thing, not the word written.

Targ Collective
2014-09-27, 06:14 PM
I get an encyclopaedia.

I insert the home plane of the spirits known as Yukshee.

backwaterj
2014-09-27, 08:20 PM
You get an airplane full of drunk Yankees fans.

I insert a straw man fallacy.

smellie_hippie
2014-09-27, 09:34 PM
You get a basic philosophy textbook.

I insert season 2 of Red Dwarf

copycatcat
2014-09-27, 09:57 PM
You get wine.

I insert all of the users on this forum.

braveheart
2014-09-29, 01:34 PM
you get a hideous flesh golem that desires to slaughter everything that lives





I insert the Borg collective

Orm-Embar
2014-09-29, 02:22 PM
The vending machine assimilates you.

I insert a small plastic bottle full of ordinary-seeming water.

SpeedWitch
2014-09-29, 02:39 PM
You get a seemingly-harmless plant.

I insert the Piano Guys. (http://thepianoguys.com/)

copycatcat
2014-09-29, 03:46 PM
You get a piano disguise.

I insert myself.

Tariv Gy
2014-09-30, 07:27 AM
You do not get back out, but something that sounds like you, does.

I insert leftover chili.

Sange
2014-09-30, 08:36 AM
You get fire. In your face.

I insert Justin Bieber.

smellie_hippie
2014-09-30, 09:08 AM
Nothing happens, but the rest of the world thanks you for removing the world of this pest.

I insert $0.65

SpeedWitch
2014-09-30, 03:02 PM
You get a candy bar.

I insert a copy of the vending machine made from antimatter.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-02, 07:20 AM
You get a spectacular light show. When it's over the vending machine appears unchanged except for a slight facial tic. *twitch*

I insert a backpack holding 10 torches, a dozen iron spikes and a 50' rope.

Tariv Gy
2014-10-02, 07:45 AM
You get a lovely metal chandelier.

I insert a pair of opera binoculars.

smellie_hippie
2014-10-02, 02:25 PM
You receive a poisoned cannoli.

I insert my personal shame and guilt.

SpeedWitch
2014-10-02, 03:01 PM
You get a laugh track.

I inset Captain America's Shield. By throwing it.

Dire Moose
2014-10-02, 04:01 PM
The vending machine gives you Mjolnir in return, via the exact same method.

I insert Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise.

backwaterj
2014-10-02, 04:46 PM
You get a suitably terrified Reginald Barclay.

I insert the quadratic equation.

copycatcat
2014-10-05, 03:23 PM
You get a parabola.

I insert a dominate monster spell that can affect constructs.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-05, 06:52 PM
You get a Nokia cell phone.

I insert a flying carpet.

Drakeburn
2014-10-05, 07:20 PM
You get a sandstorm.

I insert 4 dragon eggs.

backwaterj
2014-10-05, 07:55 PM
You get the best Denver omelet you've ever tasted.

I insert serendipity.

SpeedWitch
2014-10-05, 11:04 PM
You get a box of cassettes featuring lost classic Doctor Who episodes.

I insert Gandalf and Magneto.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-06, 12:04 AM
You get a rainbow.

I insert an email I received from a Nigerian Prince.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-13, 11:25 AM
You receive a can of processed meat and a Monty Python clip singing about it.

I insert the goose that lays golden eggs.