View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVII: Some Assembly Required

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2014-10-13, 01:57 PM
the gnomes inside the machine come out painted orange, do a musical number, that teaches you not to be a spoiled brat, then return to the machine

I insert an immovable rod

2014-10-13, 05:44 PM
You get an Unstoppable Fork. In the eye.

I insert a lime green leisure suit.

2014-10-13, 09:37 PM
You get a wooden mask with a spooky inscription you can't quite make out.

I insert a cat tied to a turtle.

2014-10-13, 10:08 PM
You get a cat turtle-tied to a vending machine.

I insert bbcode.

2014-10-13, 10:58 PM

u get some me
ed up words.


I insert a broom.

Dire Moose
2014-10-14, 12:27 AM
You get an angry Quidditch player who seems to have fallen quite a long way.

I insert a goat.

Targ Collective
2014-10-14, 04:52 AM
You get cheese.

I insert the Problem of Evil.

2014-10-14, 04:57 AM
You get the variable of free will.

I insert an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters.

2014-10-14, 07:42 AM
You receive an infinite number of broken typewriters and one complete Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I insert a towel.

2014-10-14, 05:37 PM
You receive the tail of a rat

I insert Hephaestus

2014-10-15, 11:09 PM
You get hammered.

I insert an eight-track cassette tape deck.

Dire Moose
2014-10-15, 11:14 PM
You get a disco ball and spontaneously acquire an afro and a pantsuit.

I insert cocaine.

2014-10-16, 09:09 PM
A crack appears in the vending machine.

I insert the vending machine.

2014-10-16, 10:36 PM
You get back an Einstein-Rosen bridge between two points two planck lengths apart.

I insert a hyperdrive.

2014-10-16, 11:13 PM
You get hyperspace.

I insert Team 4 Star's version of Vegeta.

2014-10-17, 12:32 AM
You get an owned count.

I insert..... a coin.

Targ Collective
2014-10-17, 12:35 AM
You get penny sweets, one for each penny (or cent) the coin is worth.

Hoping for sweeties, I insert my entire collection of pure gold coins.

2014-10-17, 09:42 AM
You get one hundred times as many copper pieces. Then they all melt and form into an army of bronze golems, obedient to you.

I grab Linkara's magic gun and fire a shot into the vending machine.

2014-10-17, 06:35 PM
You get a second gunman on the grassy knoll.

I insert the entire Pacific Ocean.

2014-10-17, 09:08 PM
You get a visit from the Atlantic.

I insert a mind flayer.

2014-10-17, 09:34 PM
You cannot comprehend the thing you receive.

I insert Targ Collective.

Targ Collective
2014-10-17, 09:51 PM
*Struggles* Hey, whatever did I do to you?!

*pulls in TBFProgrammer with me*

*The sound of fighting comes from within the machine*

2014-10-17, 10:16 PM
I listen to the fighting inside the machine. A pair of action figures pops out. Huh.

I insert a stuffed tiger.

2014-10-18, 04:11 PM
You get a boy in a striped shirt.

I insert the machine into itself.

Septimus Faber
2014-10-18, 05:45 PM
You get a boy in a striped shirt.

I insert the machine into itself.

You get recursion. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=18279145&postcount=525)

I insert a five-cornered square.

2014-10-18, 06:11 PM
You get a circular room with a blonde sitting in the corner.

I insert my sanity.

2014-10-18, 11:21 PM
You get back a message stating that the machine must actually receive an item as input in order to function.

I insert Haruki-Kun.

Targ Collective
2014-10-20, 02:57 AM
Haruki-Kun goes on a magical adventure in the land of the Vending Machine gnomes. He saves Targ Collective from the Change Daemons who have been hoarding the change the machine should have been giving out and battles furiously out of the machine again.

I insert a sign in the machine saying "Please deal with the Change Daemon situation."

2014-10-20, 04:39 PM
You get Matt Damon polymorphed into a newt.

I insert feng shui.

2014-10-20, 06:19 PM
you get a broken mirror with a note saying that you broke it

I insert my grandmother and all her cats

2014-10-20, 06:22 PM
You get buried in knitted sweaters.

I dive into the machine.

2014-10-20, 07:03 PM
And are never heard from again......

I insert my bus ticket.

2014-10-20, 09:19 PM
You get a bus. It stops for you. Destination: Moon.

I insert a jar full of marbles.

Targ Collective
2014-10-21, 07:17 AM
You get liquid sanity. Careful with it.

I insert Klatchian Coffee - the Red Desert Special.

2014-10-21, 12:53 PM
You get knurd.

I insert ytinas.

2014-10-21, 02:40 PM
You get me. I assure you I am quite enas.

I insert cupcakes.

2014-10-21, 04:10 PM
You get Sweet Cuppin' Cakes (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail72.html).

I insert Megatron.

2014-10-21, 05:03 PM
You get Michael Bay's next Transformers film

I insert a Trojan Horse

2014-10-21, 05:24 PM
You get the Apple of Discord.

I insert the Gorgons.

2014-10-21, 06:16 PM
You get a Hero of Myth and Legend.

I insert a basic accounting textbook.

2014-10-21, 08:45 PM
You get the Count from Sesame Street.

I insert Jimmy Hoffa's corpse.

The Great Wyrm
2014-10-21, 09:00 PM
You get an offer you can't refuse.

I insert a spherical cow.

2014-10-21, 10:16 PM
You get a triangular chicken.

I insert a bunch of dead heroes.

Dire Moose
2014-10-21, 11:01 PM
You get Gary Gygax, who is cackling maniacally with glee.

I insert a Sphere of Annihilation.

2014-10-21, 11:33 PM
You receive a portable hole.

I insert a seven sided die.

Targ Collective
2014-10-22, 05:15 AM
You get a new seven sided die. It reads 'seven' on every face.

I introduce [an abstract concept used to measure sanity levels].

2014-10-22, 12:03 PM
You get an Elder God, and It is not amused.

I insert diamond dust worth exactly 10,000 GP.

Septimus Faber
2014-10-22, 04:05 PM
You would get 100 castings of Restoration, if you could ever get the stuff back from the Maintenance Gnomes. Gnomish minimum wage isn't great.

I insert a bag of colour-blind hedgehogs, a Grayson Perry tapestry, and a hot cross bun.

2014-10-22, 06:10 PM
You get Taco Bell's latest culinary invention, the Crossperito.

I insert the Necrognomicon (that's right, the Book of Dead Gnomes).

2014-10-24, 02:59 AM
You get gnome mercy.

I insert pizza from Domino's.

2014-10-25, 10:09 PM
You get an empty pizza box.

I insert a copper coin sideways.

2014-10-25, 11:05 PM
You receive an upside-down bronze Knut.

I insert a wand.

2014-10-26, 12:43 PM
The magic properties of the wand short out the vending machine.

After extensive repairs, I insert the Stick of Truth.

2014-10-26, 04:29 PM
You get The Book Of Mormon's script.

I insert an invisible car.

2014-10-27, 07:37 PM
You get a rainbow-colored motorcycle.

I insert my dice-cane.

2014-10-27, 08:08 PM
You get fourteen regular canes.

I insert boatmurdered (http://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Boatmurdered/).

2014-10-27, 09:47 PM
You get hundreds of screaming lunatics. Most of them are on fire.

I insert dorf 'logic'.

2014-10-28, 10:31 AM
You retrieve a blueprint for a merman-murdering assembly system.

I insert a gnome in the machine.

2014-10-28, 11:52 AM
You hear a mass of voices chanting "ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!"

I insert my list of ideas for my next NaNoWriMo novel.

2014-10-28, 04:28 PM
You get a howling blizzard of unsolicited submission manuscripts.

I insert a vinyl record.

2014-10-28, 05:22 PM
You get a bunch of scratching noises, then the gnomes start rapping. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I insert the plane of Limbo.

2014-10-28, 05:38 PM
You receive an infinite conga line.

I insert a hyper-cube.

2014-10-28, 07:56 PM
You get a crooked little house.

I insert a list of songs with disturbing lyrics.

2014-10-28, 08:47 PM
You get a telling-to from the vending machine gnomes.

I insert the hilt of a dagger (no blade attached).

2014-10-29, 06:25 AM
You get a dagger blade with no hilt to hold it by.

I insert an OOTS fanfic that ships Roylan.

2014-10-29, 09:13 AM
You get a blank stare.

I insert the TV remote.

Targ Collective
2014-10-30, 06:59 PM
The gnomes complain that nothing's on. In penance you must... give them a shrubbery! Ni!

I inserts the Knights who say Ni. And a shrubbery.

2014-10-30, 07:23 PM
You get the Knights Who Say Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptangya Zoooooooom Boing.

I insert A HERRING.

2014-10-31, 08:33 AM
You get a book series written by Lemony Snicket.

I insert a webcomic about superheroes.

2014-10-31, 04:49 PM
You get a Ren and Stimpy episode featuring Powdered Toast Man.

I insert my own left kidney.

2014-10-31, 09:53 PM
You get a bag of money and a note saying "Come back any time!"

I yell "Falcon... PUNCH!" and insert my fist into the vending machine.

2014-11-01, 12:29 AM
You get stuck in the machine, and it isn't much fun. v.v

I pour a bottle of water into the slot.

Targ Collective
2014-11-01, 07:10 AM
The vending machine makes disturbingly organic sounding slurping and drinking sounds. You step back hurriedly.

I insert my orb of light. It's okay, i can conjure another one that's just as powerful easily.

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-11-01, 04:12 PM
You receive a cube of dark. Having it in your possession dampens your ability to use light-based powers, but increases all of your perceptions. This item cannot be discarded.

I insert the contented snores of a sleepy kitten.

2014-11-01, 09:30 PM
You receive a scroll of sleep.

I insert a paper ballot.

2014-11-01, 09:47 PM
The machine starts to rock around erratically as the noise of thousands of voices clamor from within. You receive a landslide of chads.

I insert a politician.

2014-11-01, 10:01 PM
You get a /pol/itician. Congratulations, welcome to the world of endless tasteless jokes.

I insert 4chan.

Dire Moose
2014-11-01, 11:52 PM
The machine gets really sick and pukes it back up. (seriously, that must have been awful)

I insert a pumpkin.

2014-11-03, 07:31 AM
You get a bumpkin.

I insert the ancient Incas.

2014-11-03, 12:29 PM
You get Mr. T incinerating bags of crack.

I insert Linkara.

2014-11-07, 08:53 PM
You get Araknil.

I insert a paper upon which is written both 'This will make grammar Nazis bad for their inability to correct it' and 'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo.'

Laughing Dog
2014-11-07, 09:29 PM
You get an eagle riding a buffalo.

I insert a boar.

2014-11-08, 12:54 PM
You get a Viking.

I insert a Monk.

2014-11-09, 12:13 AM
You get a written story about punching things.

I insert an invitation.

2014-11-09, 03:27 AM
You get a present and a note apologizing for not being able to attend.

I insert an N64 game cartridge.

Dire Moose
2014-11-09, 02:04 PM
You get a large amount of dust from inside.

I insert the Banhammer.

2014-11-09, 02:58 PM
You get a TRON-esque Mjolnir.

I insert the real Mjolnir.

2014-11-09, 03:09 PM
You get an Aghanim's Scepter.

I insert a power metal album.

2014-11-09, 04:17 PM
You get a list of children's songs

I insert a feather duster

2014-11-09, 05:03 PM
You get a gnome-built vacuum cleaner with a note attached to the handle: "Try this instead."

I insert a windmill.

Dire Moose
2014-11-09, 05:53 PM
You get the same windmill back, with a lance sticking out of it.

I insert a Hill Giant.

2014-11-09, 07:57 PM
You get a mountain.

I insert the bow from Play as Your Avatar, which of course, is Dudeons.

2014-11-09, 11:25 PM
I pop out as the vending machine explodes behind me. I adjust my shades, glower at you, and leave.

As I leave, I take a d8 grenade and toss it over my shoulder into the vending machine right as it reforms from the explosion.

2014-11-10, 05:11 PM
You take 1d12 points of damage from the greataxe that hurtles out in response.

I insert five gallons of unpopped popcorn.

2014-11-10, 09:43 PM
You get a gallon of extremely hot cooking oil.

I insert a bullseye lantern.

Dire Moose
2014-11-10, 11:54 PM
You get an angry one-eyed bull.

I insert FATAL.

2014-11-11, 03:26 AM
You get ITY.

I insert the Dovahkiin.

Archonic Energy
2014-11-11, 07:10 AM
you get an arrow fired to the knee.

i insert a can of mace.

2014-11-11, 11:32 AM
You get a can full of tiny maces.

I yell "Fus Ro DAH!" into the vending machine.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-11, 01:42 PM
You hear the words "Yol Toor Shul!" and a blast of fire comes out of the dispensing slot.

I insert the Sword of Jyggalag.

2014-11-11, 03:45 PM
You get the Edge of Oblivion.

I insert a band of high-level dragonwrought kobold clerics of Kurtulmak.

Dire Moose
2014-11-18, 11:27 AM
You get a Candle of Invocation. And then a bunch of giant dice fall on you from the heavens, accompanied by a booming voice saying "NO."

I say "Bloody Mary" three times in front of a mirror and then insert the mirror the instant I finish speaking.

2014-11-19, 06:46 PM
You hear an ear piercing scream, then blood oozes from the vending machine

I insert the arms of a bear, sleeveless human arms, and a large firearm

2014-11-20, 05:20 PM
You get a bearzooka.

I insert dominoes.

2014-11-20, 06:29 PM
You get a pizza with extra cheese.

I insert the Most Interesting Man in the World.

2014-11-20, 07:13 PM
You get a book of Chuck Norris Jokes.

I insert a quarter.

2014-11-20, 08:38 PM
You get a quartered Sean Bean. From Black Death, you know?

And shortly after that a whole bunch of dead Sean Bean (like, 25 of him) fall from the machine.

I insert all of Sid Meier's games in their physical copies. Yes, even the expansions.

2014-11-21, 11:11 AM
You get a note saying 'fanboy'.

I insert 42.

2014-11-21, 12:32 PM
You receive a pocket universe, and the hitchhiker's guide to the pocket universe

I insert a bottle of heavy water

2014-11-21, 06:36 PM
You get an invasion of mutant cockroaches.

I insert a 50' tall marble statue of Ed Sullivan.

2014-11-23, 01:20 AM
You gain 150 tons of marble dust.

I insert a black hole.

2014-11-23, 02:08 PM
You get an event horizon.

I insert a Nightmare.

2014-11-24, 04:42 PM
you get a black horse, who is nocturnal, and a she

I insert 13 dragon skulls and pun-pun's toenail clipping

2014-11-24, 10:04 PM
You get old man Henderson driving a Ferrari into the sun.

I insert writer's block. Good riddance.

2014-11-25, 06:01 AM
You gain a half-finished novel.

I insert a lie.

2014-11-25, 08:24 AM
You get a pair of boots.

I insert a ghost.

2014-11-25, 08:29 AM
You get a sheet with a helium balloon under it.

I insert girly body products.

2014-11-25, 11:56 AM
You get the manliest of gently scented oils

I insert the broken vending machine that wasn't bolted down in the last dungeon

2014-11-25, 05:33 PM
You get a Sphere of Annihilation.

I insert an albino Burmese python.

2014-11-25, 10:41 PM
You get the world's largest shoelace.

I insert enough d12s for an army of barbarians into the vending machine.

2014-11-26, 11:19 AM
You get a single epic barbarian who treads your jeweled throne beneath his sandaled feet.

I insert a three-story stone tower with a full complement of guards.

2014-11-26, 12:11 PM
You get a tower made of bones, inhabited by undead.

I insert ten pounds of pocky.

2014-11-26, 05:04 PM
You get a single biscotti and a bill for ten pounds sterling.

I insert Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Or do I? :smallamused:

2014-11-26, 07:33 PM
You get a box with Schrödinger's cat. Possibly.

I insert a satyr. Possibly tied up and gagged to not make his displeasure known.

2014-11-27, 03:51 PM
You get a pan flute.

I insert the Triforce.

2014-11-27, 04:07 PM
You get the Master Sword, a boomerang, an Ocarina and a hookshot.

I insert the Fire Emblem.

2014-11-27, 04:42 PM
You get a band of ragtag heroes.

I insert the square root of negative one.

2014-11-27, 07:19 PM
You receive a scrap of paper with a lowercase "i" on it.

I insert every fortune cookie fortune I've ever received.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-11-27, 07:28 PM
You get a fortune cookie fortune that says "don't believe everything you read".

I insert the MegaBuster, Power Suit, and Polar Star.

2014-11-29, 02:54 AM
You get ROB

I insert exactly 2.6 fluid ounces of baby tears, 3 brooms, and The Complete Simon and Garfunkel Collection.

2014-11-29, 07:18 AM
The machine starts playing: "Hello darkness my old friend..."

I insert a poster of the Woodstock festival (the one at 1969), a bunch of LSD and the movie Across the Universe.

2014-11-29, 08:34 AM
You get a bottle with a single green pill in it. The label says:

Best drug ever!!!
Try it, feel it, take 30d6 trip damage

D&Drugs is not responsible for any accidents, injuries, pregnancies, tattoos or holes in the fabric of the universe that may result from using this drug. All risks are for the user and the user only. Do not use when driving, flying, operating heavy machinery, casting spells, having sex, adventuring, or ascending to godhood. If your fortitude save is below +54, you are advised not to take the drug. Creatures unable to survive without pancreas should not take this drug.

I insert a demiplane.

2014-11-29, 03:08 PM
You receive a partially built model airplane.

I insert a stinky old shoe.

2014-11-29, 05:36 PM
You get a used odor-eater.

I insert an omelette.

2014-11-30, 09:32 AM
You get a chicken.

I insert my own brain.

2014-11-30, 12:42 PM
You get your brain, a Regenerate spell, a Brain Surgeon, a toothpick, a pineapple, 2 apples, a pine tree painted red, and a thermometer.

I insert a circle.

2014-12-02, 04:04 PM
You get a d1.

I insert the cat! The cat! The Starveling cat!

2014-12-02, 07:16 PM
You get Your dogs! Your dogs! What's fun about those?

I insert a hyperintelligent pandimensional being.

2014-12-03, 03:55 AM
You get a hyperintelligent shade of blue.

I insert a box that may or may not contain Schrödinger's cat.

2014-12-03, 09:18 AM
You receive a box that may or may not contain Pavlov's Dog.

I insert 3 bottles of industrial grade lubricant and a midget.

2014-12-03, 01:48 PM
the machine is out of order for a while... and shaking

I sit around and wait for the machine to get fixed

2014-12-03, 06:47 PM
You get a scruffy beard and wasted time.

I insert a plot twist.

2014-12-03, 07:38 PM
You get a plot hole.

I insert three new candles, one old candle, and four chapters of a good novel.

2014-12-04, 01:45 AM
You get three burned sheets of paper and a dragon.

I insert this:

:smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallc ool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::s mallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallco ol::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::sm allcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcoo l::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::sma llcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool ::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smal lcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool: :smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallf urious::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool ::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smal lcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool: :smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallc ool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:

2014-12-04, 06:36 AM
You get this:
:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sma llbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggri n::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::small biggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sma llbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggri n::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::small biggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smalltongue::smal lbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin ::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallb iggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:: smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbig grin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sm allbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggr in::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smal lbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin ::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

I insert a Bop-It.

2014-12-04, 12:15 PM
You get it back plus another one which is 5 times the original's size.

I insert Pun-Pun, and a gallon of tomato sauce.

2014-12-04, 01:40 PM
You get nothing. However, exactly 9 days later large parts of the continent you live on have to deal with sudden and mysterious blood rain.

I insert an Aleax of an ice assassin of an Aleax of Boccob.

2014-12-05, 10:44 AM
You get a person named Alex.

I insert SCP-914.

2014-12-05, 12:21 PM
You get a department of redundancy department.

I insert SCP 242.

2014-12-06, 06:02 PM
You get an Olympic swimmer.

I insert a dead wireless router.

Dire Moose
2014-12-06, 09:03 PM
You get a dial-up noise.

I insert the Starstone.

2014-12-07, 03:48 PM
You receive the best christmas tree topper in this universe.

I insert a small lizard and a plastic couch cover.

2014-12-09, 03:30 PM
you receive a plastic dragon (he's technically a metallic dragon but the other ones don't like to talk about him)

I insert potato glados

2014-12-09, 04:19 PM
You get a conscience and a annoying terrifying raven.

I insert the key to the city!

2014-12-09, 05:22 PM
You receive the lock to the city.

I insert a [CENSORED]

Dire Moose
2014-12-09, 10:40 PM
You get whacked with the Banhammer.

I insert a puppy.

2014-12-10, 02:43 AM
You get a dead puppy and a barrel of guilt.

I insert the forums.

2014-12-10, 11:58 AM
you receive a the collective creativity of all the playground, use it wisely (you also get our sarcasm)

I insert my industrial grade biggest fan

2014-12-10, 02:09 PM
You get the biggest fanboy in the world.

I insert a pen.

2014-12-10, 02:24 PM
You get a sword.

I insert a few giraffes and a camel.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-12-10, 05:22 PM
You get Simba and Aladdin.

I insert Adam West.

2014-12-11, 09:40 PM
You get a naked man wearing a Stetson.

I insert Kevin Conroy's voice.

Dire Moose
2014-12-12, 10:39 AM
You get a not from Christian Bale that reads "Challenge Accepted."

I insert a donkey.

2014-12-12, 01:31 PM
you get an orc's butt

I insert a TI-34 calculator

2014-12-12, 04:23 PM
You get some numbers.

I insert a Wand of Frog (see the thread in the 5e forum).

2014-12-14, 07:46 PM
You get a Wand of Lizards.

I insert Yog-Sothoth.

2014-12-30, 02:21 PM
You get tentacles. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2csnVNai-o)

I insert a paper bag.

2014-12-30, 03:49 PM
You get a plastic bag

I insert Chris Perkins

2014-12-30, 04:09 PM
You get a Brand New D20 System

I insert a subwoofer

Dire Moose
2014-12-30, 07:23 PM
You get a dog riding a submarine.

I insert Dudeons.

2014-12-31, 02:49 AM
You get dice of various sizes and shapes.

I insert Jedipotter.

2014-12-31, 05:01 AM
You get WizardVader

I insert my crippling existential crisis

2014-12-31, 01:31 PM
You get a new belief system.

I insert a cigar and bottle of rum.

2014-12-31, 02:15 PM
You get a Cuban pirate.

I insert a keychain.

2014-12-31, 03:08 PM
you get a TARDIS key

I insert a bottle of my finest wine

Dire Moose
2014-12-31, 03:21 PM
You get some gurgling sounds from the machine. You then receive the same bottle (now empty) and a satisfied BURP.

I insert a large amount of cheese to go with that.

2014-12-31, 04:00 PM
the machine gives you a small tip for being such an excellent server

I insert a bill for the cheese and wine, alongside some afterdinner mints

2014-12-31, 06:39 PM
You get the skeleton of a waiter.

I insert a bag containing seventy-two teeth, seventy-one of which are from humans and one of which is from a goblin.

2014-12-31, 09:36 PM
You get 4/5ths of a peg-legged centipede.

I insert Earthbound.

2015-01-01, 12:51 AM
You get a magically sealed bag of dirt

I insert all of 2014

2015-01-01, 10:08 AM
You get all of 2013.

I insert a 2015 outfit from Back to the Future.

2015-01-01, 01:55 PM
You get a pill providing enough nutrition for a day.

I insert some fireworks.

2015-01-02, 02:17 PM
You get some spare fingers.

I insert a sign that reads, "Warning! Thin Ice!"

2015-01-02, 05:30 PM
You get extremely thin circles of ice.

I insert my own truename

2015-01-02, 05:37 PM
You get a copy of yourself.

I insert a box of Cards Against Humanity.

2015-01-03, 02:29 PM
You get one of those little boxes full of cow excrement that CAH was selling recently.

I insert a cup of tea.

2015-01-03, 04:00 PM
You get an Englishman.

I insert the One Ring.

2015-01-04, 06:41 PM
You get some Hobbitses

I insert YouTube

2015-01-05, 09:19 AM
You get a cat.

I insert Dr_Gunsforhands

2015-01-06, 06:32 AM
You get Edward Scissorhands.

I... insert... a wand of Charm Person.

2015-01-06, 01:55 PM
You get a wand of Hold Person.

I insert an empty cardboard box.

2015-01-06, 02:48 PM
You get a guard with an exclamation point over his head

I insert kid buu

2015-01-07, 04:50 PM
You get Kirby fleeing from an outraged DBZ fanbase.

I put my face up to the slot and sing with all the colors of the wind.

2015-01-08, 04:52 AM
You get a horrible scream.

I insert a fistful of d6.

2015-01-08, 06:38 PM
You get Yhatzee

I insert SuperWhoLock

2015-01-09, 04:27 AM
You get a horde of fangirls.

I insert a two-by-four.

2015-01-09, 09:28 AM
You get 24 (https://www.24game.com/).

I insert Drizzt Do'Urden.

2015-01-09, 10:57 AM
You get a fusion between Samuel Jackson and Orlando Bloom.

I toss a d20 nuke into the vending machine and run for the hills.

2015-01-09, 03:12 PM
you hear a burping sound then see radioactive smoke come out of the machine

in reinsert this radioactive smoke

Dire Moose
2015-01-09, 10:21 PM
You get cancer.

I insert a Bat Credit Card.

2015-01-09, 11:29 PM
You get a Bat Billing Statement.

I insert a supersuit.

2015-01-10, 06:11 AM
You get a badly written comic book.

I insert a psionic ankylosaurus.

2015-01-10, 12:00 PM
You get an angry triceratops.

I insert a headache.

2015-01-12, 11:27 AM
You get a foot ache.

I insert a bag of chips.

2015-01-12, 11:36 AM
You get an empty bag that used to contain chips

I insert a blue erasable pen

2015-01-13, 10:46 PM
You get a red erasable pen.

I insert Smeagol.

2015-01-14, 12:15 AM
A gold ring pops out of the machine, clinking on the floor. Upon examination, it has glowy cursive writing on it. Before you can touch it however, Smeagol climbs out of the machine, snatches the ring, says 'my precioussssssss', and runs off.

I insert a naked Sim woman.

Targ Collective
2015-01-18, 11:49 AM
You get a naked sim man. It's not very impressive...

I insert the entire contents of fanfiction.net, from the future, the instant before the site goes offline for good.

2015-01-20, 07:36 PM
You get a slip of paper that says, "Data Overload"

I insert a LEGO brick

2015-01-20, 08:28 PM
You get a screaming foot.

I insert a chipped mining pick.

2015-01-20, 11:16 PM
You get a very defensive miner who keep "digging for green nuggets" in his face.

I insert my wheelchair

2015-01-21, 12:14 AM
You get misery.

I insert Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe, Bram Stoker, Mary Shelley, etc.

2015-01-21, 11:51 AM
You get a massive pile of books.

I insert fresh blueberries.

Dire Moose
2015-01-21, 01:46 PM
You get a blueberry bush.

I insert a dead body.

2015-01-21, 07:12 PM
You get Sonic '06.

I insert a severed hand.

2015-01-21, 09:34 PM
You get Belgian Congo under Leopold II.

I insert a badly written fanfic.

2015-01-22, 03:12 AM
You get a well-written fanfic from an author who later went on to become famous.

I insert Doom (Victor von to be precise).

2015-01-22, 04:33 AM
There is a very horrible place reserved for those who try to toy with Doom in this manner. You get arrested and taken there by Latverian Guardian Robots.

I insert 100 duck-sized horses.

2015-01-22, 07:32 AM
You get 100 cyborg ducks.

I insert a pumpkin.

2015-01-22, 11:17 AM
You get a Jack-o'-lantern.

I insert the Tarrasque, Cthulhu, and Godzilla.

2015-01-22, 01:01 PM
You get the most epic cage match of all.

I insert a 1985-edition of Trivial Pursuit.

Dire Moose
2015-01-22, 01:40 PM
You get the answer to "What country has the most movie theaters?"

...which is the Soviet Union.

(true story; I was playing Trivial Pursuit with my parents once and that question was when we realized how old our game was)

I insert a really argumentative Rules Lawyer.

2015-01-22, 04:34 PM
You get Phoenix Wright on a drunken bender.

I insert all the characters from Hetalia.

2015-01-24, 09:38 PM
You get a world war.

I insert the vending machine.

2015-01-25, 06:05 AM
You get a wormhole.

I insert the TARDIS.

2015-01-25, 12:38 PM
You get a ridiculously long scarf.

I insert some nachos.

2015-01-25, 01:34 PM
You get some cheese.

I insert a pancake.

2015-01-25, 02:00 PM
You get a pantry.

I insert my dice-cane.

2015-01-25, 11:34 PM
An old scrawny man crawls out of the machine, shaking the dice-cane at you, while saying 'Back in my day, we rolled REAL dice, and fudged nothing! And blah blah blah!'

I help pull the talkative man out, then insert a lacy blue C-cup bra.

2015-01-26, 02:22 AM
You get a crazed concert fan.

I insert some severed fingers.

2015-01-26, 05:04 AM
You get a corpse. It appears to be female, and is wearing a blood-stained wedding dress. Then it moves, showing you its middle finger, which has a diamond ring on it, and says, 'You are mineeeeeeee...'

I insert a holy symbol.

2015-01-26, 09:01 AM
You receive Pelor sealed in a small red and white sphere.

I insert the concept of Evil.

2015-01-26, 10:17 AM
The machine spits out a member of VIGIL, who proceeds to say 'silly philosphers, we deal with threats, whether it's a lich or a Lawful Stupid Paladin...'

I take out an energy bow and shoot an energy arrow into the slot.

2015-01-26, 11:14 AM
You get a giant energy arrow to the chest as the vending machine gnomes return fire with their energy ballista.

I insert Kurtulmak.

2015-01-26, 12:00 PM
You gain a giant maze.

I travel to the future, take this vending machine from there, travel back, and somehow insert the future vending machine into the present one.

Dire Moose
2015-01-27, 12:32 AM
You get Doc Brown ranting about how you've just started the destruction of the entire time-space continuum.

I insert an elephant.

2015-01-27, 11:35 AM
You get a room.

I insert a spoonful of Nutella.

2015-01-27, 11:37 AM
You get a truckload of peanut butter.

I insert the distilled essence of Evil... in the form of a liquified and then distilled yugoloth to get all the non-evil and physically bits out.

2015-01-27, 12:22 PM
You get one of the gnomes coming out biting your ankle and spitting profanities

I insert :roach:

2015-01-27, 12:27 PM
You get purple Twinkies.

I insert a full-sized orchestra.

2015-01-27, 03:35 PM
You get a half-sized orchestra.

I insert a spoon.

2015-01-27, 04:03 PM
You get a spoony bard.

I insert Minceraft.

2015-01-27, 04:22 PM
I insert Minceraft.

You get an intact raft.

I insert a really bad idea.

2015-01-27, 05:53 PM
You get an intact raft.

I insert a really bad idea.

You recieve a Darwin award.

I insert a gnome sized glass slipper.

2015-01-27, 06:28 PM
You get a cross-dressing dwarf saying "Did I get my scripts mixed up again?"

I cuddle the vending machine and whisper "Notice me, senpai~"

2015-01-27, 07:41 PM
You get a human shoulder packed in ice.

I insert a pack of ghouls.

2015-01-27, 11:44 PM
You get a low-level adventuring group running away.

I insert a flake of paint.

2015-01-28, 02:59 AM
The machine vomits truckloads of paint of every color in the rainbow. There goes your clothes.

I insert a bottle of bleach.

2015-01-28, 11:14 AM
You get the weird part of the internet.

I vomit rainbows into the vending machine. (Don't judge; I'm in a good mood right now)

2015-01-28, 11:46 AM
You receive a darkbow in all the colors of shadow. It is beautiful and peaceful if transitory.

I hide till the undead destroying colors are gone and then insert the Constitution class ship the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701).