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View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVII: Some Assembly Required



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braveheart
2014-10-13, 01:57 PM
the gnomes inside the machine come out painted orange, do a musical number, that teaches you not to be a spoiled brat, then return to the machine


I insert an immovable rod

backwaterj
2014-10-13, 05:44 PM
You get an Unstoppable Fork. In the eye.

I insert a lime green leisure suit.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-13, 09:37 PM
You get a wooden mask with a spooky inscription you can't quite make out.

I insert a cat tied to a turtle.

copycatcat
2014-10-13, 10:08 PM
You get a cat turtle-tied to a vending machine.

I insert bbcode.

SpeedWitch
2014-10-13, 10:58 PM
Yo

u get some me
ss
ed up words.

:smalleek:

I insert a broom.

Dire Moose
2014-10-14, 12:27 AM
You get an angry Quidditch player who seems to have fallen quite a long way.

I insert a goat.

Targ Collective
2014-10-14, 04:52 AM
You get cheese.

I insert the Problem of Evil.

backwaterj
2014-10-14, 04:57 AM
You get the variable of free will.

I insert an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-14, 07:42 AM
You receive an infinite number of broken typewriters and one complete Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I insert a towel.

braveheart
2014-10-14, 05:37 PM
You receive the tail of a rat


I insert Hephaestus

Orm-Embar
2014-10-15, 11:09 PM
You get hammered.

I insert an eight-track cassette tape deck.

Dire Moose
2014-10-15, 11:14 PM
You get a disco ball and spontaneously acquire an afro and a pantsuit.

I insert cocaine.

copycatcat
2014-10-16, 09:09 PM
A crack appears in the vending machine.

I insert the vending machine.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-16, 10:36 PM
You get back an Einstein-Rosen bridge between two points two planck lengths apart.

I insert a hyperdrive.

SpeedWitch
2014-10-16, 11:13 PM
You get hyperspace.

I insert Team 4 Star's version of Vegeta.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-17, 12:32 AM
You get an owned count.

I insert..... a coin.

Targ Collective
2014-10-17, 12:35 AM
You get penny sweets, one for each penny (or cent) the coin is worth.

Hoping for sweeties, I insert my entire collection of pure gold coins.

Dudeons
2014-10-17, 09:42 AM
You get one hundred times as many copper pieces. Then they all melt and form into an army of bronze golems, obedient to you.

I grab Linkara's magic gun and fire a shot into the vending machine.

backwaterj
2014-10-17, 06:35 PM
You get a second gunman on the grassy knoll.

I insert the entire Pacific Ocean.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-17, 09:08 PM
You get a visit from the Atlantic.

I insert a mind flayer.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-17, 09:34 PM
You cannot comprehend the thing you receive.

I insert Targ Collective.

Targ Collective
2014-10-17, 09:51 PM
*Struggles* Hey, whatever did I do to you?!

*pulls in TBFProgrammer with me*

*The sound of fighting comes from within the machine*

Haruki-kun
2014-10-17, 10:16 PM
I listen to the fighting inside the machine. A pair of action figures pops out. Huh.

I insert a stuffed tiger.

backwaterj
2014-10-18, 04:11 PM
You get a boy in a striped shirt.

I insert the machine into itself.

Septimus Faber
2014-10-18, 05:45 PM
You get a boy in a striped shirt.

I insert the machine into itself.

You get recursion. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=18279145&postcount=525)

I insert a five-cornered square.

PersonofJid
2014-10-18, 06:11 PM
You get a circular room with a blonde sitting in the corner.

I insert my sanity.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-18, 11:21 PM
You get back a message stating that the machine must actually receive an item as input in order to function.

I insert Haruki-Kun.

Targ Collective
2014-10-20, 02:57 AM
Haruki-Kun goes on a magical adventure in the land of the Vending Machine gnomes. He saves Targ Collective from the Change Daemons who have been hoarding the change the machine should have been giving out and battles furiously out of the machine again.

I insert a sign in the machine saying "Please deal with the Change Daemon situation."

backwaterj
2014-10-20, 04:39 PM
You get Matt Damon polymorphed into a newt.

I insert feng shui.

braveheart
2014-10-20, 06:19 PM
you get a broken mirror with a note saying that you broke it




I insert my grandmother and all her cats

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-20, 06:22 PM
You get buried in knitted sweaters.

I dive into the machine.

Quiddle
2014-10-20, 07:03 PM
And are never heard from again......


I insert my bus ticket.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-20, 09:19 PM
You get a bus. It stops for you. Destination: Moon.

I insert a jar full of marbles.

Targ Collective
2014-10-21, 07:17 AM
You get liquid sanity. Careful with it.

I insert Klatchian Coffee - the Red Desert Special.

GuesssWho
2014-10-21, 12:53 PM
You get knurd.

I insert ytinas.

PersonofJid
2014-10-21, 02:40 PM
You get me. I assure you I am quite enas.

I insert cupcakes.

backwaterj
2014-10-21, 04:10 PM
You get Sweet Cuppin' Cakes (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail72.html).

I insert Megatron.

Drakeburn
2014-10-21, 05:03 PM
You get Michael Bay's next Transformers film

I insert a Trojan Horse

GuesssWho
2014-10-21, 05:24 PM
You get the Apple of Discord.

I insert the Gorgons.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-21, 06:16 PM
You get a Hero of Myth and Legend.

I insert a basic accounting textbook.

backwaterj
2014-10-21, 08:45 PM
You get the Count from Sesame Street.

I insert Jimmy Hoffa's corpse.

The Great Wyrm
2014-10-21, 09:00 PM
You get an offer you can't refuse.

I insert a spherical cow.

GuesssWho
2014-10-21, 10:16 PM
You get a triangular chicken.

I insert a bunch of dead heroes.

Dire Moose
2014-10-21, 11:01 PM
You get Gary Gygax, who is cackling maniacally with glee.

I insert a Sphere of Annihilation.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-21, 11:33 PM
You receive a portable hole.

I insert a seven sided die.

Targ Collective
2014-10-22, 05:15 AM
You get a new seven sided die. It reads 'seven' on every face.

I introduce [an abstract concept used to measure sanity levels].

Orm-Embar
2014-10-22, 12:03 PM
You get an Elder God, and It is not amused.

I insert diamond dust worth exactly 10,000 GP.

Septimus Faber
2014-10-22, 04:05 PM
You would get 100 castings of Restoration, if you could ever get the stuff back from the Maintenance Gnomes. Gnomish minimum wage isn't great.

I insert a bag of colour-blind hedgehogs, a Grayson Perry tapestry, and a hot cross bun.

backwaterj
2014-10-22, 06:10 PM
You get Taco Bell's latest culinary invention, the Crossperito.

I insert the Necrognomicon (that's right, the Book of Dead Gnomes).

SpeedWitch
2014-10-24, 02:59 AM
You get gnome mercy.

I insert pizza from Domino's.

Twelvetrees
2014-10-25, 10:09 PM
You get an empty pizza box.

I insert a copper coin sideways.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-25, 11:05 PM
You receive an upside-down bronze Knut.

I insert a wand.

Dal
2014-10-26, 12:43 PM
The magic properties of the wand short out the vending machine.

After extensive repairs, I insert the Stick of Truth.

GPuzzle
2014-10-26, 04:29 PM
You get The Book Of Mormon's script.

I insert an invisible car.

Dudeons
2014-10-27, 07:37 PM
You get a rainbow-colored motorcycle.

I insert my dice-cane.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-27, 08:08 PM
You get fourteen regular canes.

I insert boatmurdered (http://lparchive.org/Dwarf-Fortress-Boatmurdered/).

GuesssWho
2014-10-27, 09:47 PM
You get hundreds of screaming lunatics. Most of them are on fire.

I insert dorf 'logic'.

GPuzzle
2014-10-28, 10:31 AM
You retrieve a blueprint for a merman-murdering assembly system.

I insert a gnome in the machine.

Dudeons
2014-10-28, 11:52 AM
You hear a mass of voices chanting "ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!"

I insert my list of ideas for my next NaNoWriMo novel.

Orm-Embar
2014-10-28, 04:28 PM
You get a howling blizzard of unsolicited submission manuscripts.

I insert a vinyl record.

backwaterj
2014-10-28, 05:22 PM
You get a bunch of scratching noises, then the gnomes start rapping. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I insert the plane of Limbo.

TBFProgrammer
2014-10-28, 05:38 PM
You receive an infinite conga line.

I insert a hyper-cube.

GuesssWho
2014-10-28, 07:56 PM
You get a crooked little house.

I insert a list of songs with disturbing lyrics.

Twelvetrees
2014-10-28, 08:47 PM
You get a telling-to from the vending machine gnomes.

I insert the hilt of a dagger (no blade attached).

AvatarVecna
2014-10-29, 06:25 AM
You get a dagger blade with no hilt to hold it by.

I insert an OOTS fanfic that ships Roylan.

Haruki-kun
2014-10-29, 09:13 AM
You get a blank stare.

I insert the TV remote.

Targ Collective
2014-10-30, 06:59 PM
The gnomes complain that nothing's on. In penance you must... give them a shrubbery! Ni!

I inserts the Knights who say Ni. And a shrubbery.

GuesssWho
2014-10-30, 07:23 PM
You get the Knights Who Say Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptangya Zoooooooom Boing.

I insert A HERRING.

AvatarVecna
2014-10-31, 08:33 AM
You get a book series written by Lemony Snicket.

I insert a webcomic about superheroes.

backwaterj
2014-10-31, 04:49 PM
You get a Ren and Stimpy episode featuring Powdered Toast Man.

I insert my own left kidney.

Dudeons
2014-10-31, 09:53 PM
You get a bag of money and a note saying "Come back any time!"

I yell "Falcon... PUNCH!" and insert my fist into the vending machine.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-01, 12:29 AM
You get stuck in the machine, and it isn't much fun. v.v

I pour a bottle of water into the slot.

Targ Collective
2014-11-01, 07:10 AM
The vending machine makes disturbingly organic sounding slurping and drinking sounds. You step back hurriedly.

I insert my orb of light. It's okay, i can conjure another one that's just as powerful easily.

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2014-11-01, 04:12 PM
You receive a cube of dark. Having it in your possession dampens your ability to use light-based powers, but increases all of your perceptions. This item cannot be discarded.

I insert the contented snores of a sleepy kitten.

Dal
2014-11-01, 09:30 PM
You receive a scroll of sleep.

I insert a paper ballot.

TBFProgrammer
2014-11-01, 09:47 PM
The machine starts to rock around erratically as the noise of thousands of voices clamor from within. You receive a landslide of chads.

I insert a politician.

GPuzzle
2014-11-01, 10:01 PM
You get a /pol/itician. Congratulations, welcome to the world of endless tasteless jokes.

I insert 4chan.

Dire Moose
2014-11-01, 11:52 PM
The machine gets really sick and pukes it back up. (seriously, that must have been awful)

I insert a pumpkin.

backwaterj
2014-11-03, 07:31 AM
You get a bumpkin.

I insert the ancient Incas.

Dudeons
2014-11-03, 12:29 PM
You get Mr. T incinerating bags of crack.

I insert Linkara.

copycatcat
2014-11-07, 08:53 PM
You get Araknil.

I insert a paper upon which is written both 'This will make grammar Nazis bad for their inability to correct it' and 'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo.'

Laughing Dog
2014-11-07, 09:29 PM
You get an eagle riding a buffalo.

I insert a boar.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-08, 12:54 PM
You get a Viking.

I insert a Monk.

ThePhantom
2014-11-09, 12:13 AM
You get a written story about punching things.

I insert an invitation.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-09, 03:27 AM
You get a present and a note apologizing for not being able to attend.

I insert an N64 game cartridge.

Dire Moose
2014-11-09, 02:04 PM
You get a large amount of dust from inside.

I insert the Banhammer.

Dudeons
2014-11-09, 02:58 PM
You get a TRON-esque Mjolnir.

I insert the real Mjolnir.

GPuzzle
2014-11-09, 03:09 PM
You get an Aghanim's Scepter.

I insert a power metal album.

Twelvetrees
2014-11-09, 04:17 PM
You get a list of children's songs

I insert a feather duster

Orm-Embar
2014-11-09, 05:03 PM
You get a gnome-built vacuum cleaner with a note attached to the handle: "Try this instead."

I insert a windmill.

Dire Moose
2014-11-09, 05:53 PM
You get the same windmill back, with a lance sticking out of it.

I insert a Hill Giant.

copycatcat
2014-11-09, 07:57 PM
You get a mountain.

I insert the bow from Play as Your Avatar, which of course, is Dudeons.

Dudeons
2014-11-09, 11:25 PM
I pop out as the vending machine explodes behind me. I adjust my shades, glower at you, and leave.

As I leave, I take a d8 grenade and toss it over my shoulder into the vending machine right as it reforms from the explosion.

backwaterj
2014-11-10, 05:11 PM
You take 1d12 points of damage from the greataxe that hurtles out in response.

I insert five gallons of unpopped popcorn.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-10, 09:43 PM
You get a gallon of extremely hot cooking oil.

I insert a bullseye lantern.

Dire Moose
2014-11-10, 11:54 PM
You get an angry one-eyed bull.

I insert FATAL.

SpeedWitch
2014-11-11, 03:26 AM
You get ITY.

I insert the Dovahkiin.

Archonic Energy
2014-11-11, 07:10 AM
you get an arrow fired to the knee.

i insert a can of mace.

Dudeons
2014-11-11, 11:32 AM
You get a can full of tiny maces.

I yell "Fus Ro DAH!" into the vending machine.

Laughing Dog
2014-11-11, 01:42 PM
You hear the words "Yol Toor Shul!" and a blast of fire comes out of the dispensing slot.

I insert the Sword of Jyggalag.

backwaterj
2014-11-11, 03:45 PM
You get the Edge of Oblivion.

I insert a band of high-level dragonwrought kobold clerics of Kurtulmak.

Dire Moose
2014-11-18, 11:27 AM
You get a Candle of Invocation. And then a bunch of giant dice fall on you from the heavens, accompanied by a booming voice saying "NO."

I say "Bloody Mary" three times in front of a mirror and then insert the mirror the instant I finish speaking.

braveheart
2014-11-19, 06:46 PM
You hear an ear piercing scream, then blood oozes from the vending machine


I insert the arms of a bear, sleeveless human arms, and a large firearm

Acheron
2014-11-20, 05:20 PM
You get a bearzooka.

I insert dominoes.

backwaterj
2014-11-20, 06:29 PM
You get a pizza with extra cheese.

I insert the Most Interesting Man in the World.

Haruki-kun
2014-11-20, 07:13 PM
You get a book of Chuck Norris Jokes.

I insert a quarter.

GPuzzle
2014-11-20, 08:38 PM
You get a quartered Sean Bean. From Black Death, you know?

And shortly after that a whole bunch of dead Sean Bean (like, 25 of him) fall from the machine.

I insert all of Sid Meier's games in their physical copies. Yes, even the expansions.

Inevitability
2014-11-21, 11:11 AM
You get a note saying 'fanboy'.

I insert 42.

braveheart
2014-11-21, 12:32 PM
You receive a pocket universe, and the hitchhiker's guide to the pocket universe


I insert a bottle of heavy water

backwaterj
2014-11-21, 06:36 PM
You get an invasion of mutant cockroaches.

I insert a 50' tall marble statue of Ed Sullivan.

Inevitability
2014-11-23, 01:20 AM
You gain 150 tons of marble dust.

I insert a black hole.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-23, 02:08 PM
You get an event horizon.

I insert a Nightmare.

braveheart
2014-11-24, 04:42 PM
you get a black horse, who is nocturnal, and a she

I insert 13 dragon skulls and pun-pun's toenail clipping

SpeedWitch
2014-11-24, 10:04 PM
You get old man Henderson driving a Ferrari into the sun.

I insert writer's block. Good riddance.

Inevitability
2014-11-25, 06:01 AM
You gain a half-finished novel.

I insert a lie.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-25, 08:24 AM
You get a pair of boots.

I insert a ghost.

Groundhog
2014-11-25, 08:29 AM
You get a sheet with a helium balloon under it.

I insert girly body products.

braveheart
2014-11-25, 11:56 AM
You get the manliest of gently scented oils


I insert the broken vending machine that wasn't bolted down in the last dungeon

backwaterj
2014-11-25, 05:33 PM
You get a Sphere of Annihilation.

I insert an albino Burmese python.

Dudeons
2014-11-25, 10:41 PM
You get the world's largest shoelace.

I insert enough d12s for an army of barbarians into the vending machine.

Orm-Embar
2014-11-26, 11:19 AM
You get a single epic barbarian who treads your jeweled throne beneath his sandaled feet.

I insert a three-story stone tower with a full complement of guards.

Inevitability
2014-11-26, 12:11 PM
You get a tower made of bones, inhabited by undead.

I insert ten pounds of pocky.

backwaterj
2014-11-26, 05:04 PM
You get a single biscotti and a bill for ten pounds sterling.

I insert Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. Or do I? :smallamused:

Acheron
2014-11-26, 07:33 PM
You get a box with Schrödinger's cat. Possibly.

I insert a satyr. Possibly tied up and gagged to not make his displeasure known.

Inevitability
2014-11-27, 03:51 PM
You get a pan flute.

I insert the Triforce.

GPuzzle
2014-11-27, 04:07 PM
You get the Master Sword, a boomerang, an Ocarina and a hookshot.

I insert the Fire Emblem.

Inevitability
2014-11-27, 04:42 PM
You get a band of ragtag heroes.

I insert the square root of negative one.

Lheticus
2014-11-27, 07:19 PM
You receive a scrap of paper with a lowercase "i" on it.

I insert every fortune cookie fortune I've ever received.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-11-27, 07:28 PM
You get a fortune cookie fortune that says "don't believe everything you read".

I insert the MegaBuster, Power Suit, and Polar Star.

ImNotTrevor
2014-11-29, 02:54 AM
You get ROB

I insert exactly 2.6 fluid ounces of baby tears, 3 brooms, and The Complete Simon and Garfunkel Collection.

GPuzzle
2014-11-29, 07:18 AM
The machine starts playing: "Hello darkness my old friend..."

I insert a poster of the Woodstock festival (the one at 1969), a bunch of LSD and the movie Across the Universe.

Inevitability
2014-11-29, 08:34 AM
You get a bottle with a single green pill in it. The label says:


Best drug ever!!!
Try it, feel it, take 30d6 trip damage


D&Drugs is not responsible for any accidents, injuries, pregnancies, tattoos or holes in the fabric of the universe that may result from using this drug. All risks are for the user and the user only. Do not use when driving, flying, operating heavy machinery, casting spells, having sex, adventuring, or ascending to godhood. If your fortitude save is below +54, you are advised not to take the drug. Creatures unable to survive without pancreas should not take this drug.

I insert a demiplane.

Hbgplayer
2014-11-29, 03:08 PM
You receive a partially built model airplane.

I insert a stinky old shoe.

Groundhog
2014-11-29, 05:36 PM
You get a used odor-eater.

I insert an omelette.

Inevitability
2014-11-30, 09:32 AM
You get a chicken.

I insert my own brain.

Graypairofsocks
2014-11-30, 12:42 PM
You get your brain, a Regenerate spell, a Brain Surgeon, a toothpick, a pineapple, 2 apples, a pine tree painted red, and a thermometer.

I insert a circle.

SpeedWitch
2014-12-02, 04:04 PM
You get a d1.

I insert the cat! The cat! The Starveling cat!

backwaterj
2014-12-02, 07:16 PM
You get Your dogs! Your dogs! What's fun about those?

I insert a hyperintelligent pandimensional being.

Inevitability
2014-12-03, 03:55 AM
You get a hyperintelligent shade of blue.

I insert a box that may or may not contain Schrödinger's cat.

ImNotTrevor
2014-12-03, 09:18 AM
You receive a box that may or may not contain Pavlov's Dog.

I insert 3 bottles of industrial grade lubricant and a midget.

braveheart
2014-12-03, 01:48 PM
the machine is out of order for a while... and shaking


I sit around and wait for the machine to get fixed

SpeedWitch
2014-12-03, 06:47 PM
You get a scruffy beard and wasted time.

I insert a plot twist.

blacklight101
2014-12-03, 07:38 PM
You get a plot hole.


I insert three new candles, one old candle, and four chapters of a good novel.

Inevitability
2014-12-04, 01:45 AM
You get three burned sheets of paper and a dragon.

I insert this:

:smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallc ool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::s mallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallco ol::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::sm allcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcoo l::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::sma llcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool ::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smal lcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool: :smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallf urious::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool ::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smal lcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool: :smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::small cool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:: smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallc ool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool::smallcool:

Groundhog
2014-12-04, 06:36 AM
You get this:
:smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sma llbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggri n::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::small biggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sma llbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggri n::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::small biggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbi ggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::s mallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbigg rin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smalltongue::smal lbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin ::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallb iggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:: smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbig grin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::sm allbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggr in::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smal lbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin ::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

I insert a Bop-It.

Graypairofsocks
2014-12-04, 12:15 PM
You get it back plus another one which is 5 times the original's size.

I insert Pun-Pun, and a gallon of tomato sauce.

Inevitability
2014-12-04, 01:40 PM
You get nothing. However, exactly 9 days later large parts of the continent you live on have to deal with sudden and mysterious blood rain.

I insert an Aleax of an ice assassin of an Aleax of Boccob.

Graypairofsocks
2014-12-05, 10:44 AM
You get a person named Alex.

I insert SCP-914.

Inevitability
2014-12-05, 12:21 PM
You get a department of redundancy department.

I insert SCP 242.

Groundhog
2014-12-06, 06:02 PM
You get an Olympic swimmer.

I insert a dead wireless router.

Dire Moose
2014-12-06, 09:03 PM
You get a dial-up noise.

I insert the Starstone.

ImNotTrevor
2014-12-07, 03:48 PM
You receive the best christmas tree topper in this universe.


I insert a small lizard and a plastic couch cover.

braveheart
2014-12-09, 03:30 PM
you receive a plastic dragon (he's technically a metallic dragon but the other ones don't like to talk about him)


I insert potato glados

SpeedWitch
2014-12-09, 04:19 PM
You get a conscience and a annoying terrifying raven.

I insert the key to the city!

ImNotTrevor
2014-12-09, 05:22 PM
You receive the lock to the city.

I insert a [CENSORED]

Dire Moose
2014-12-09, 10:40 PM
You get whacked with the Banhammer.

I insert a puppy.

Inevitability
2014-12-10, 02:43 AM
You get a dead puppy and a barrel of guilt.

I insert the forums.

braveheart
2014-12-10, 11:58 AM
you receive a the collective creativity of all the playground, use it wisely (you also get our sarcasm)




I insert my industrial grade biggest fan

Groundhog
2014-12-10, 02:09 PM
You get the biggest fanboy in the world.

I insert a pen.

Inevitability
2014-12-10, 02:24 PM
You get a sword.

I insert a few giraffes and a camel.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-12-10, 05:22 PM
You get Simba and Aladdin.

I insert Adam West.

Dudeons
2014-12-11, 09:40 PM
You get a naked man wearing a Stetson.

I insert Kevin Conroy's voice.

Dire Moose
2014-12-12, 10:39 AM
You get a not from Christian Bale that reads "Challenge Accepted."

I insert a donkey.

braveheart
2014-12-12, 01:31 PM
you get an orc's butt


I insert a TI-34 calculator

Inevitability
2014-12-12, 04:23 PM
You get some numbers.

I insert a Wand of Frog (see the thread in the 5e forum).

GuesssWho
2014-12-14, 07:46 PM
You get a Wand of Lizards.

I insert Yog-Sothoth.

Groundhog
2014-12-30, 02:21 PM
You get tentacles. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2csnVNai-o)

I insert a paper bag.

zeifly
2014-12-30, 03:49 PM
You get a plastic bag

I insert Chris Perkins

braveheart
2014-12-30, 04:09 PM
You get a Brand New D20 System



I insert a subwoofer

Dire Moose
2014-12-30, 07:23 PM
You get a dog riding a submarine.

I insert Dudeons.

Inevitability
2014-12-31, 02:49 AM
You get dice of various sizes and shapes.

I insert Jedipotter.

GorinichSerpant
2014-12-31, 05:01 AM
You get WizardVader

I insert my crippling existential crisis

Orm-Embar
2014-12-31, 01:31 PM
You get a new belief system.

I insert a cigar and bottle of rum.

Groundhog
2014-12-31, 02:15 PM
You get a Cuban pirate.

I insert a keychain.

zeifly
2014-12-31, 03:08 PM
you get a TARDIS key

I insert a bottle of my finest wine

Dire Moose
2014-12-31, 03:21 PM
You get some gurgling sounds from the machine. You then receive the same bottle (now empty) and a satisfied BURP.

I insert a large amount of cheese to go with that.

braveheart
2014-12-31, 04:00 PM
the machine gives you a small tip for being such an excellent server



I insert a bill for the cheese and wine, alongside some afterdinner mints

Inevitability
2014-12-31, 06:39 PM
You get the skeleton of a waiter.

I insert a bag containing seventy-two teeth, seventy-one of which are from humans and one of which is from a goblin.

Dudeons
2014-12-31, 09:36 PM
You get 4/5ths of a peg-legged centipede.

I insert Earthbound.

zeifly
2015-01-01, 12:51 AM
You get a magically sealed bag of dirt

I insert all of 2014

Groundhog
2015-01-01, 10:08 AM
You get all of 2013.

I insert a 2015 outfit from Back to the Future.

Inevitability
2015-01-01, 01:55 PM
You get a pill providing enough nutrition for a day.

I insert some fireworks.

Orm-Embar
2015-01-02, 02:17 PM
You get some spare fingers.

I insert a sign that reads, "Warning! Thin Ice!"

zeifly
2015-01-02, 05:30 PM
You get extremely thin circles of ice.

I insert my own truename

GPuzzle
2015-01-02, 05:37 PM
You get a copy of yourself.

I insert a box of Cards Against Humanity.

Groundhog
2015-01-03, 02:29 PM
You get one of those little boxes full of cow excrement that CAH was selling recently.

I insert a cup of tea.

Inevitability
2015-01-03, 04:00 PM
You get an Englishman.

I insert the One Ring.

zeifly
2015-01-04, 06:41 PM
You get some Hobbitses

I insert YouTube

IZ42
2015-01-05, 09:19 AM
You get a cat.


I insert Dr_Gunsforhands

goto124
2015-01-06, 06:32 AM
You get Edward Scissorhands.

I... insert... a wand of Charm Person.

Groundhog
2015-01-06, 01:55 PM
You get a wand of Hold Person.

I insert an empty cardboard box.

braveheart
2015-01-06, 02:48 PM
You get a guard with an exclamation point over his head


I insert kid buu

SpeedWitch
2015-01-07, 04:50 PM
You get Kirby fleeing from an outraged DBZ fanbase.

I put my face up to the slot and sing with all the colors of the wind.

Inevitability
2015-01-08, 04:52 AM
You get a horrible scream.

I insert a fistful of d6.

zeifly
2015-01-08, 06:38 PM
You get Yhatzee

I insert SuperWhoLock

Groundhog
2015-01-09, 04:27 AM
You get a horde of fangirls.

I insert a two-by-four.

Inevitability
2015-01-09, 09:28 AM
You get 24 (https://www.24game.com/).

I insert Drizzt Do'Urden.

Dudeons
2015-01-09, 10:57 AM
You get a fusion between Samuel Jackson and Orlando Bloom.

I toss a d20 nuke into the vending machine and run for the hills.

braveheart
2015-01-09, 03:12 PM
you hear a burping sound then see radioactive smoke come out of the machine



in reinsert this radioactive smoke

Dire Moose
2015-01-09, 10:21 PM
You get cancer.

I insert a Bat Credit Card.

Orm-Embar
2015-01-09, 11:29 PM
You get a Bat Billing Statement.

I insert a supersuit.

Inevitability
2015-01-10, 06:11 AM
You get a badly written comic book.

I insert a psionic ankylosaurus.

Groundhog
2015-01-10, 12:00 PM
You get an angry triceratops.

I insert a headache.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-12, 11:27 AM
You get a foot ache.

I insert a bag of chips.

braveheart
2015-01-12, 11:36 AM
You get an empty bag that used to contain chips


I insert a blue erasable pen

GuesssWho
2015-01-13, 10:46 PM
You get a red erasable pen.

I insert Smeagol.

goto124
2015-01-14, 12:15 AM
A gold ring pops out of the machine, clinking on the floor. Upon examination, it has glowy cursive writing on it. Before you can touch it however, Smeagol climbs out of the machine, snatches the ring, says 'my precioussssssss', and runs off.

I insert a naked Sim woman.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/21c6997b858d114d6a2e30b8b9ac675d/tumblr_n71hm42ED71qdukbzo1_500.jpg

Targ Collective
2015-01-18, 11:49 AM
You get a naked sim man. It's not very impressive...

I insert the entire contents of fanfiction.net, from the future, the instant before the site goes offline for good.

miner3203
2015-01-20, 07:36 PM
You get a slip of paper that says, "Data Overload"

I insert a LEGO brick

goto124
2015-01-20, 08:28 PM
You get a screaming foot.

I insert a chipped mining pick.

inuyasha
2015-01-20, 11:16 PM
You get a very defensive miner who keep "digging for green nuggets" in his face.

I insert my wheelchair

Dudeons
2015-01-21, 12:14 AM
You get misery.

I insert Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe, Bram Stoker, Mary Shelley, etc.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-21, 11:51 AM
You get a massive pile of books.

I insert fresh blueberries.

Dire Moose
2015-01-21, 01:46 PM
You get a blueberry bush.

I insert a dead body.

MatrixStone93
2015-01-21, 07:12 PM
You get Sonic '06.

I insert a severed hand.

GPuzzle
2015-01-21, 09:34 PM
You get Belgian Congo under Leopold II.

I insert a badly written fanfic.

Zaydos
2015-01-22, 03:12 AM
You get a well-written fanfic from an author who later went on to become famous.

I insert Doom (Victor von to be precise).

SpeedWitch
2015-01-22, 04:33 AM
There is a very horrible place reserved for those who try to toy with Doom in this manner. You get arrested and taken there by Latverian Guardian Robots.

I insert 100 duck-sized horses.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-22, 07:32 AM
You get 100 cyborg ducks.

I insert a pumpkin.

Inevitability
2015-01-22, 11:17 AM
You get a Jack-o'-lantern.

I insert the Tarrasque, Cthulhu, and Godzilla.

GPuzzle
2015-01-22, 01:01 PM
You get the most epic cage match of all.

I insert a 1985-edition of Trivial Pursuit.

Dire Moose
2015-01-22, 01:40 PM
You get the answer to "What country has the most movie theaters?"

...which is the Soviet Union.

(true story; I was playing Trivial Pursuit with my parents once and that question was when we realized how old our game was)

I insert a really argumentative Rules Lawyer.

Dudeons
2015-01-22, 04:34 PM
You get Phoenix Wright on a drunken bender.

I insert all the characters from Hetalia.

QuidEst
2015-01-24, 09:38 PM
You get a world war.

I insert the vending machine.

goto124
2015-01-25, 06:05 AM
You get a wormhole.

I insert the TARDIS.

Groundhog
2015-01-25, 12:38 PM
You get a ridiculously long scarf.

I insert some nachos.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-25, 01:34 PM
You get some cheese.

I insert a pancake.

Dudeons
2015-01-25, 02:00 PM
You get a pantry.

I insert my dice-cane.

goto124
2015-01-25, 11:34 PM
An old scrawny man crawls out of the machine, shaking the dice-cane at you, while saying 'Back in my day, we rolled REAL dice, and fudged nothing! And blah blah blah!'

I help pull the talkative man out, then insert a lacy blue C-cup bra.

Groundhog
2015-01-26, 02:22 AM
You get a crazed concert fan.

I insert some severed fingers.

goto124
2015-01-26, 05:04 AM
You get a corpse. It appears to be female, and is wearing a blood-stained wedding dress. Then it moves, showing you its middle finger, which has a diamond ring on it, and says, 'You are mineeeeeeee...'

I insert a holy symbol.

Zaydos
2015-01-26, 09:01 AM
You receive Pelor sealed in a small red and white sphere.

I insert the concept of Evil.

goto124
2015-01-26, 10:17 AM
The machine spits out a member of VIGIL, who proceeds to say 'silly philosphers, we deal with threats, whether it's a lich or a Lawful Stupid Paladin...'

I take out an energy bow and shoot an energy arrow into the slot.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-26, 11:14 AM
You get a giant energy arrow to the chest as the vending machine gnomes return fire with their energy ballista.

I insert Kurtulmak.

Inevitability
2015-01-26, 12:00 PM
You gain a giant maze.

I travel to the future, take this vending machine from there, travel back, and somehow insert the future vending machine into the present one.

Dire Moose
2015-01-27, 12:32 AM
You get Doc Brown ranting about how you've just started the destruction of the entire time-space continuum.

I insert an elephant.

Groundhog
2015-01-27, 11:35 AM
You get a room.

I insert a spoonful of Nutella.

Zaydos
2015-01-27, 11:37 AM
You get a truckload of peanut butter.

I insert the distilled essence of Evil... in the form of a liquified and then distilled yugoloth to get all the non-evil and physically bits out.

rafet
2015-01-27, 12:22 PM
You get one of the gnomes coming out biting your ankle and spitting profanities

I insert :roach:

Dudeons
2015-01-27, 12:27 PM
You get purple Twinkies.

I insert a full-sized orchestra.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-27, 03:35 PM
You get a half-sized orchestra.

I insert a spoon.

Inevitability
2015-01-27, 04:03 PM
You get a spoony bard.

I insert Minceraft.

The_Ditto
2015-01-27, 04:22 PM
I insert Minceraft.

You get an intact raft.

I insert a really bad idea.

Recherché
2015-01-27, 05:53 PM
You get an intact raft.

I insert a really bad idea.

You recieve a Darwin award.

I insert a gnome sized glass slipper.

Dudeons
2015-01-27, 06:28 PM
You get a cross-dressing dwarf saying "Did I get my scripts mixed up again?"

I cuddle the vending machine and whisper "Notice me, senpai~"

Zaydos
2015-01-27, 07:41 PM
You get a human shoulder packed in ice.

I insert a pack of ghouls.

Twelvetrees
2015-01-27, 11:44 PM
You get a low-level adventuring group running away.

I insert a flake of paint.

goto124
2015-01-28, 02:59 AM
The machine vomits truckloads of paint of every color in the rainbow. There goes your clothes.

I insert a bottle of bleach.

Dudeons
2015-01-28, 11:14 AM
You get the weird part of the internet.

I vomit rainbows into the vending machine. (Don't judge; I'm in a good mood right now)

Zaydos
2015-01-28, 11:46 AM
You receive a darkbow in all the colors of shadow. It is beautiful and peaceful if transitory.

I hide till the undead destroying colors are gone and then insert the Constitution class ship the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701).