View Full Version : TPAY/TPBY D&D Vending Machine XXVII: Some Assembly Required

Pages : 1 2 3 4 [5] 6

2015-03-27, 04:42 PM
You get a toad.

I insert a dragon.

2015-03-27, 08:22 PM
You get a dwagon, (https://wiki.erfworld.com/Dwagon) the same color as the dragon you put in.

I insert a Double Cherry. (http://www.mariowiki.com/Double_Cherry)

2015-03-31, 08:40 PM
You get another machine.

I insert an Apple.

2015-04-01, 11:28 AM
You get a Pineapple.

I insert a flag.

2015-04-01, 01:33 PM
You get a Polish cavalry sabre.

I insert a small bag of gunpowder.

2015-04-01, 01:59 PM
You receive a small bag of powdered gun.

I insert a keyboard with all the keys removed.

2015-04-01, 03:17 PM
You get a piano with all the keys removed.

I insert an Aarakocra (the 5th-edition version).

2015-04-06, 04:30 AM
You get a harpy.

I don't know the difference, sorry!

I insert an angel of the light. The beautiful one.

2015-04-06, 06:07 AM
You get a well-thought-out list of reasons to Fall.

I insert the Injustice of the Lord.

Combat Reflexes
2015-04-09, 10:04 AM
You are arrested on the spot for blasphemy and the slot machine is taken away from you before you can see what falls out.

I insert a hearthstone booster pack.

2015-04-09, 10:43 AM
You get fifty gold and a receipt for a half-refund.

I insert five Jinjos.

2015-04-10, 07:35 PM
You get one binjo

I insert one Kender

2015-04-11, 05:26 AM
You get a mutilated kender corpse, combined with immense feelings of contentness.

I insert a digital watch, which I think is pretty neat.

2015-04-12, 07:08 AM
You get a towel with reinforced seams and antidepressant fibers.

I insert a raiding cocktail party.

2015-04-12, 12:05 PM
You get a crashing party.

I insert a score (as in twenty) of musical scores from various video game soundtracks.

2015-04-12, 04:55 PM
You get a one-vending-machine-gnome band.

I insert an apricot.

2015-04-13, 12:06 AM
You get an apricot stone.

I insert a stone table.

2015-04-13, 11:32 AM
You get the Tome of Magic

I insert a dwagon

2015-04-13, 11:53 AM
You receive 100 dwagons.

I insert a princess.

2015-04-13, 02:57 PM
You get a trans-male bollywog wearing a crown made of cheese.

I insert a gun labelled "Sasha" and a box of artificially-intelligent bullets that I could never figure out how to outsmart.

Gnomish Wanderer
2015-04-13, 06:22 PM
You get a gimmick-y hat.

I insert a D&D vending machine.

2015-04-13, 08:16 PM
You get Bond, James Bond!

I insert a :smallyuk:

2015-04-13, 09:27 PM
You get a :smallsmile:

I insert an avalanche.

2015-04-13, 10:30 PM
You receive a mudslide.

I insert 3 inches of Scotch tape.

Gnomish Wanderer
2015-04-13, 11:17 PM
You get flooded until you're standing in three feet of fine dwarven scotch.

I insert the spacetime continuum.

2015-04-13, 11:24 PM
You get a discontinuity.

I insert a Time bomb.

2015-04-14, 12:33 AM
Time stops, then continues. Unfortunately this is impossible to notice, so it looked like nothing happened at all.

I insert Scrolls (the Mojang game).

2015-04-14, 12:34 AM
You get a space bomb.

I insert a nest of spiders.

2015-04-14, 02:53 PM
You get a wasps nest

I insert :smallredface:

2015-04-14, 03:25 PM
You get :smalleek:

I insert a cracked tuba.

Gnomish Wanderer
2015-04-14, 08:46 PM
You get a tub of crackers.

I insert The Forgotten Realms.

2015-04-14, 09:09 PM
You receive something, and promptly forget what it was.

I insert a thermostat set to 105°. The units are unmarked.

Dire Moose
2015-04-14, 11:50 PM
You get turned into a giant icicle since it was actually in Kelvins.

I insert a duck.

2015-04-15, 06:27 AM
You get the AFLAC duck. No matter what you try, you can't get him to shut up.

I insert a Pikachu Amiibo.

2015-04-15, 01:21 PM
You get a plushy Raichu.

I insert the most stereotypical anime I can find.

2015-04-15, 07:19 PM
You get :vaarsuvius::vaarsuvius:

I insert :roach:

2015-04-15, 08:44 PM
You get a snarky comment.

I insert a warped wagon wheel.

2015-04-15, 09:05 PM
You get a wheel of cheese... made from hamster milk.

I insert a bunch of ninjas.

2015-04-15, 09:07 PM
You receive a bunch of pirates. Space pirates. Gith space pirates. And their space boat.

I insert the movie I am watching.

2015-04-15, 10:55 PM
You get the ending ruined. Even if it wasn't a twist ending or you saw it before.

I insert Zaydos' liver.

Gnomish Wanderer
2015-04-16, 12:33 AM
You get a subscription to Dragon Parts of the Month. This month is tails!


2015-04-16, 12:16 PM
You get a bunch of drunken dwarves playing an ancient dwarven drinking game. One of the dwarves tells the heroic story of how Drakh-ohn Dragonslayer slew the draconic dragon named Dragagggon, who lived in the Dragon Mountains. The other dwarves drink an ale every time the word 'dragon', or anything resembling it, is spoken.

I insert a dwarf's fifth liver (the one directly below the spleen).

2015-04-16, 12:21 PM
You receive a dwarf dragon. Not a half-dwarf dragon, but some strange bearded mountain dwelling dragon with 5 draconis fundamentalises. It then releases 5 types of breath belch weapons at once and demands ale.

I insert my accumulated silliness and weirdness.

2015-04-16, 06:40 PM
You get logic

I insert my illogic

2015-04-16, 08:04 PM
You get Spock.

I insert Leonard Nimoy.

2015-04-16, 09:22 PM
You get a moment of silence.




After the moment is over, I insert something zany to try and cheer everyone up.

Blue Ghost
2015-04-17, 01:38 AM
You get a pie in the face.

I insert an evil pony.

Targ Collective
2015-04-17, 02:09 AM
The pony avvie of Light that is me pops out of the machine!

I insert the Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries.

Gnomish Wanderer
2015-04-17, 04:26 PM
You get notified that you are being hunted by the world's greatest mercenaries.

I insert a turkey leg.

2015-04-17, 05:55 PM
You get a chicken bone

I insert a soccer trophy

2015-04-18, 02:39 AM
You get a football trophy.

I insert Desert Bluffs.

Dire Moose
2015-04-26, 10:33 PM
You get a bunch of 10-year-old children giggling because someone said "butte."

I insert a moose.

Targ Collective
2015-04-27, 03:36 AM
You get an amorous female Dire Moose.

I insert my shattered hopes and dreams.

2015-04-27, 08:12 AM
You get a tablet with a hopeful message that was broken and put back together.

I insert a newspaper insert.

2015-05-04, 08:57 PM
You get trampled by a small army of gnomes wielding coupons on their way to the supermarket.

I insert the Homestuck fandom.

2015-05-05, 03:05 PM
You get a cosplayer.

I insert a werewolf's fur.

2015-05-05, 04:33 PM
You get a conspiracy theory about Bigfoot.

I insert A Link to the Past

2015-05-05, 08:21 PM
The "item get" jingle from that game plays from the machine, and out pops a red rupee.

I insert a stylus from a Wii U Gamepad.

2015-05-06, 10:18 AM
A disembodied finger pops out, and starts ranting about how 'wierd' styluses(?) 'feel'.

I insert a vampire in a box. I'm not sure which type of vampire I'm inserting, to be honest.

Dire Moose
2015-05-11, 11:45 PM
You get sparkles.

I insert something, but it turns out I really inserted Orcus!

2015-05-12, 08:06 AM
You get Amkii the Ineffable. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17815483&postcount=140)

I insert the :smallfurious: smiley. Uh, non-smiley.

2015-05-13, 02:30 PM
You get a contradiction.

I insert a flying contraption.

Targ Collective
2015-05-13, 08:28 PM
You get flashsides; someone else's flashbacks.

(Anyone who read Monstrous Regiment will get this one.)

2015-05-13, 09:12 PM
You get the machine flashing the words "PLEASE INSERT A THING" obnoxiously and very brightly at you. Followed by "HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?"

I insert a gnome I've paid off to spy on the inner workings of the machine for me.

Dire Moose
2015-05-13, 10:56 PM
You get the shredded remains of a gnome along with a note written in blood saying "NICE TRY."

I insert a shark. After punching it in the face, of course.

2015-05-13, 11:22 PM
You get a guppy in a pail of water.

I insert a malfunctioning toaster.

2015-05-14, 12:52 AM
You get a toaster that you wish was malfunctioning.

I insert Red Dwarf.

2015-05-14, 01:19 PM
You get a dwarf wearing red.

I insert a beach.

2015-05-14, 03:30 PM
You get a far side island

I insert a coin tied to a piece of string to try and get my money back

2015-05-15, 03:41 AM
You insert the coin successfully, giving you a note saying 'thank you'. As you start drawing it back in, however, all you get is more string. And more string. And more string. By the time the whole room is full of string, you finally reach the end. The coin has already disappeared.

I insert an Ochre Jelly.

2015-05-15, 03:30 PM
You receive an Apple Gel.

I insert an Efreeti.

Dire Moose
2015-05-15, 10:05 PM
You get the infamous Wish-Corrupting Genie.

I insert a Triceratops.

2015-05-15, 11:03 PM
You get a Transformer!

I insert Squirrel and Moose.

2015-05-16, 04:24 AM
You get a forest.

I insert an inert insect.

2015-05-16, 04:32 AM
You get a dead insect body with a mushroom growing out of the corpse :smalleek:

I insert a nice edible mushroom.

2015-05-16, 04:56 PM
You get a half-eaten piece of pizza.

I insert a rocket-booster pogo stick.

2015-05-16, 07:22 PM
You get a jetpack.

I insert an Oscar. (the statuette, not a person named Oscar)

2015-05-17, 08:09 PM
You receive an Oscar. (a person named Oscar, not the statuette)

I insert an elephant with red toenails.

Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins
2015-05-17, 08:34 PM
You receive a snuffaluffagus, and some eyeliner.

I insert phenomenal cosmic power.

2015-05-17, 08:55 PM
You get a house that's more the size of an outhouse. In other words, an itty bitty living space.

I insert 8 Pokemon Gym Badges from the Kalos region.

Dire Moose
2015-05-18, 12:27 AM
You get a Mega Stone which somehow works on you. I have no idea what it actually evolves you into though.

I insert {scrubbed}.

2015-05-18, 10:11 AM
You get a mod.

I insert a baby penguin.

2015-05-18, 02:19 PM
You get a penguin egg.

I insert a speling error.

2015-05-19, 10:18 AM
You get, a grammar error.

I insert a paper airplane.

2015-05-19, 01:15 PM
You get something made of air, intended to be thrown through paper.

I insert the fact the CandleJack and the Hypnotoad are bot- ALL GLORY TO TH

2015-05-19, 06:32 PM
You get a copy of Scornf - ALL HAIL THE GREAT LORD EGOTIST!

I insert another vending machine.

2015-05-19, 08:45 PM
You get a continuity error!

I insert a dyslexic, agnostic, amnesiac.

Dire Moose
2015-05-19, 11:34 PM
You get a worshipper of Dog.

I insert Mjolnir. (Is the vending machine worthy?)

2015-05-19, 11:37 PM
The vending machine becomes Thor.

I insert a weakness to kryptonite.

2015-05-20, 08:22 AM
You get some crazy preparedness.

I insert a place like a beach. Except it's the moon.

2015-05-20, 10:20 AM
You get a moon alien wearing a swimsuit.

I insert a physical copy of the DnD 5e PHB.

2015-05-20, 11:26 AM
You get executed for blasphemy, but not as thoroughly as if it were the 4E one.

I insert an incomplete sente

2015-05-20, 02:39 PM
You get a hanging judge.

I insert "deez nuts".

2015-05-20, 04:38 PM
You get falcon punched while someone screams, "NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!"

I insert the optimistic look on pessimism.

2015-05-20, 06:32 PM
You get a donkey who will never be negatively surprised at the result of his search for his tail.

I insert a bear who believes that if he just repeats the word "Think!" over and over, it will cause thoughts to spontaneously appear inside his head.

2015-05-21, 08:48 AM
You get a metaphor.

I insert some Gouda.

2015-05-21, 10:53 AM
You get a hobgoblin.

I insert a lightsaber, blade-first.

2015-05-21, 12:29 PM
You receive a gun...bullet first.

I insert an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.

2015-05-21, 12:48 PM
You get the 80s....all of them

I insert my level 21 bard

5a Violista
2015-05-21, 04:59 PM
You get a campaign adventure where a cleric Medusa, a rogue Succubus, a barbarian Nymph, a ranger Green Hag, and a fighter Half-Elf Werewolf are all on an epic quest looking to restore beauty in the world after the mysterious disappearance of their legendary idol bard. The plot culminates in an epic battle against The Machine.

I insert eighty-five cents.

2015-05-21, 07:06 PM
You get a bag of Lays Chips.

I insert "Walk the Dinosaur" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5bZrAuT9MU)

2015-05-22, 11:56 PM
You get a leash.

I insert a Valyrian steel dagger.

2015-05-23, 07:23 AM
You get a normal steel dagger.

I insert a plot-relevant fishbowl containing a message from members of the Cetacea infraorder.

2015-05-23, 01:56 PM
You receive an invitation to Milliways.

I insert a spider the size of the sun.

2015-05-23, 02:50 PM
You get a nope, nope NOPE NOPE!

I insert a MOBA

2015-05-23, 03:10 PM
You get many obnoxious buttheads arguing. (Get it?)

I insert a page of expired coupons.

2015-05-23, 09:34 PM
You get a page of coupons for things not yet invented.

I insert Desert Bluffs.

v Yaaay :smallbiggrin:

2015-05-25, 04:32 AM
You get a page of coupons for things not yet invented.

I insert Desert Bluffs.

You get Kevin, who wants to be your best friend forever. God help you...

I insert a can of Dr. Pepper.

2015-05-25, 11:46 AM
You receive a mad scientist.

I mix Stargate, Star Trek, Star Wars, Farscape, Andromeda, Firefly, and Battlestar Galactica together in a space opera stew and cram it into the machine.

2015-05-25, 04:15 PM
You receive a mad scientist.

I mix Stargate, Star Trek, Star Wars, Farscape, Andromeda, Firefly, and Battlestar Galactica together in a space opera stew and cram it into the machine.
You get a TARDIS; Instead of looking like a police box, though, it looks like a cardboard box with the word "transmogrifier" written on the side in permanent marker, then crossed out and replaced with the words "Don't Panic."

I insert a dragon named "Jean?"

2015-05-25, 04:22 PM
You get a towering spire of solid obsidian.

I insert Steve? and Alex.

2015-05-25, 05:24 PM
You get Toad (from Mario) and Lana.

I insert a broken piece of plastic with the phrase "three post rule" written on it.

2015-05-26, 05:50 AM
You get several annoyed moderators and possibly the attention of the OP.

I insert TryHardNinja

2015-05-29, 04:42 AM
You receive LazyShogun

I insert SCP-914 (http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-914)

2015-05-29, 10:32 AM
You get an exact replica of the D&D Vending Machine.

I insert a frog.

2015-05-29, 12:10 PM
You get a D.E.S. Frog Yugioh card.

I insert a clarinet soaked with salt water.

2015-05-29, 02:20 PM
You get a rather luxurious unibrow.

I insert a bottle of liquid caffeine.

2015-05-29, 02:28 PM
You receive an explosion followed by a pouring out of extremely energetic gnomes.

Seeing as how I received a TARDIS with Don't Panic on it I am currently panicking. So I will insert my panic into the vending machine.

2015-05-29, 02:42 PM
You get a scream.

I insert SCP-229 (http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-229).

2015-05-29, 04:42 PM
You get SCP-217 (http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-217)

I insert SCP-261 (http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-261)--what else?

2015-05-29, 05:33 PM
You get a small, betentacled creature (wearing a suit, a gnome-mask, and sunglasses) presenting you with a cease-and-desist order.

I put in a cup of ordinary water.

2015-05-29, 05:53 PM
You receive a cup of seemingly ordinary water, that is strangely heavy because in truth it is all 3H218O instead of H2O.

I insert myself as a pair of prestige (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19320525&postcount=140) classes (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=19322509&postcount=148).

2015-06-06, 04:16 AM
You get a D&D party of equally awesome and ridiculous classes. Together you make the DM preform a table-flip.

I try to insert something into the machine but duck as the table flies in instead, along with miniatures, character sheets, and secret DM stuff that the players just screwed up.

2015-06-07, 02:42 AM
Out pops a complete set of every AD&D book or item ever published, along with miniatures and dice. Lots of miniatures and dice.

I insert somebody's pants. Not sure whose. Not yours, though. Definitely maybe certainly not.

2015-06-07, 03:22 AM
You receive two pants. Not two pairs of pant, though: you receive one pitch black pant and one blue jean pant.

I insert a rather lude stick figure drawing.

2015-06-07, 10:39 AM
You get a piece of paper and a pencil.

I insert a copy of The King In Yellow.

2015-06-07, 04:16 PM
You get a copy of The Yellow Wallpaper

I insert a creeping lady.

2015-06-08, 09:01 AM
You get a creeper. SSSSSSSSSsss... *boom*

I put in some gunpowder.

2015-06-08, 10:51 AM
You get an equal amount of baby powder.

I insert an ancient Egyptian d20. (http://www.cnet.com/news/ancient-d20-die-emerges-from-the-ashes-of-time/)

2015-06-08, 11:46 AM
You get an ancient Egyptian character sheet.

I insert some overpowered homebrew.

2015-06-08, 12:31 PM
You get it back heavily nerfed, with stuff scribbled in gnomish in the margins, at Lv 16 they seem to have finally given up just writing a series of profanities and stamping it with the word Banned in big red letters.

I insert a hogtied kobold.

2015-06-08, 01:48 PM
You receive a dwarven dominatrix.
Bonus points if you get the reference.
I insert a roller coaster.

2015-06-09, 03:56 PM
You get a swarm of screaming children.

I insert the concept of inserting things.

2015-06-09, 08:54 PM
A screen appears on the machine and a video plays that shows all the terrible things the lady barbarian the machine sent to the last two smart-alecs to try something like that did to the last two smart-alecs who tried something like that. The machine then spits out a note that says in large bold letters "CUT IT OUT!"

I insert the Wrong Sword. (http://www.achievementwiki.com/w/index.php?title=Wrong_Sword)

2015-06-09, 10:19 PM
You get what's left of the RIGHT sword. None of it's even remotely straight, the blade has popped out of the handle, and the sight of the thing nearly makes you throw up.

I insert "clockwise."

2015-06-11, 12:03 PM
You get a tornado

I insert a new player!

2015-06-11, 01:23 PM
It ejects your oldest player.

I insert 10d100

2015-06-11, 03:24 PM
You get 1000d1. They're basically spheres.

I insert a mumbled apology about how I didn't mean to be a smart aleck please don't kill me.

2015-06-11, 10:01 PM
Another note pops out that says "Eh, we just hate metaphysics. We cool."

I insert the compass I made using all the directions I got from the last thing I got from the machine.

2015-06-11, 10:23 PM
You get Jack Sparrow's compass

I insert a motorized squirt gun (fully filled).

5a Violista
2015-06-21, 01:48 AM
You get squirted in the face.
A lot.

I put in a music video.

2015-06-21, 02:46 AM
You receive a book titled "Twerking for Dummies".

I insert an empty (but still sealed) can of Dr. Pepper.

2015-06-21, 09:00 AM
You receive a can of (unopened) Mad Science! Open it to unleash the horrors that are inside!

I insert a spiderowlbearcat.

2015-06-21, 11:22 AM
You receive each of those animals separately.

I insert two plastic bottle caps of differing sizes and a silver chain.

2015-06-21, 12:12 PM
You get a cell phone. It's ringing, and the area code is R'lyeh.

I insert a flute carved from bone.

V ooooo shiny! Although actually *adjusts glasses* I'm almost sure you mean It. or perhaps Them.

2015-06-24, 07:25 PM
You get a Piper of Azathoth.

I reinsert it, quickly, so the lack doesn't disturb Him.

2015-06-28, 04:59 PM
Another Piper of Azathoth pops out, but this one is recognizably not the same one.

I insert a chandelier.

2015-06-29, 06:27 AM
You get Lumiere.

I insert a VCR.

2015-06-30, 06:54 PM
You receive a VCR with a note taped to it; the note reads "Return To Sender".

I insert a giant-sized measuring cup.

2015-06-30, 09:43 PM
You get a storm giant, asking to borrow a cup of lightning.

I insert a lit welding torch.

5a Violista
2015-07-02, 04:08 AM
You get back your car, all welded together again.

I insert a handful of pink petals.

Dire Moose
2015-07-03, 05:14 AM
You get a bowl of cherries.

I insert a dragon.

2015-07-03, 05:48 AM
You get a drag racer.

I insert a bottle of magic water, some polka dotted fruit and a swamp oyster. Cookie for the reference.

2015-07-03, 08:07 AM
You get a powerful hallucinogen.

I insert 3 months worth of "Dear Abby" columns.

2015-07-03, 01:03 PM
You get some fleeting wisdom.

I insert the concept of something not existing.

2015-07-03, 01:29 PM
You get some fleeting wisdom.

I insert the concept of something not existing.

I insert a taco with some sauce.

2015-07-04, 08:24 AM
Unholy feasting noises emerge from the machine, followed by a prolonged belch, and then you get back an empty taco shell.

I insert a Giant Slug.

2015-07-04, 11:38 AM
It appears that the slug comes out vengeful and armed with a machine gun and several HE tank shells.

I insert a solid-state drive.

2015-07-04, 10:48 PM
You get a colloid-state drive.

I insert a spinning top.

2015-07-05, 02:00 PM
You get a child's laughter.

I insert a nuclear explosion.

2015-07-10, 07:09 PM
You get kaiju, lots of them.

I insert a deadly nightshade plant.

2015-07-11, 01:47 PM
You get the healing plant from "Tangled".

I insert 100 bucks...the animal, not the money.

2015-07-11, 07:32 PM
You get the 2 million bucks (the animal, not the money) from that one scene in Wakko's Wish.

I insert five years worth of losing lottery tickets.

2015-07-11, 09:48 PM
You get one lottery ticket that wins you another lottery ticket.

I insert a cat walking harness and leash.

Prince Zahn
2015-07-12, 01:48 PM
You get a kuo-toa brand mancatcher. And an oversized angry guinea pig aiming it at you.

I insert said guinea pig before he unleashes a reign of terror upon us all.

2015-07-13, 05:32 PM
You get a virus. It's a Zombie Plague Virus in fact, and - as was foreshadowed - it unleashes a reign of terror upon us all.

I insert a squirt bottle of hand sanitizer.

2015-07-13, 05:34 PM
You receive a note saying "Thank you, but the living dead have no need to fear germs".

I insert Ashley James Williams along with his boomstick.

2015-07-14, 10:02 AM
You get some evil dead.

I insert a map of Tennessee.

2015-07-14, 12:10 PM
You get night-time on the City of Orleans, and a change of cars in Memphis.

I insert a famous folk-singer.

2015-07-15, 08:29 PM
You get an ironic beard.

I insert a case of beer.

2015-07-17, 07:37 AM
You get a beer bear bard barbarian who can't bear to be in battle.

I insert alliteration.

2015-07-17, 10:19 AM
You get allusion.

I insert the paintbrush from Mario Sunshine.

Dire Moose
2015-07-17, 06:07 PM
You get a can of paint... all over you.

I insert an ankylosaur.

2015-07-17, 06:22 PM
You get a +3 Club of Bashing, a suit of scale armour, and a tasty ankylosaur steak (and, since we're attempting to be au courant here, some stray feathers).

I insert the latest scientific theories about dinosaurs.

2015-07-17, 06:27 PM
You get a bunch of lizards with feathers glued to them. They are not happy, probably because someone just glued feathers on them. Did I mention they include gila monsters and komodo dragons.

I insert a bending unit with a string on it and instructions to steal everything and then I pull them back after a few moments.

2015-07-20, 05:20 PM
The vending machine pulls the string out of your grasp and launches a pinball machine at you. You can't even play pinball on the machine since it's showing a slam tilt error.

I insert a Chandelure.

2015-07-21, 09:01 AM
A few dozen Litwick march out of the machine.

I insert something that isn't fraud.

2015-07-21, 11:34 AM
You get the latest issue of the National Enquirer.

I insert a tarot deck, with a note that says "No Decks of Many Things plz."

2015-07-21, 02:26 PM
You get a Red Jester (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monster-listings/undead/red-jester).

I insert some McDonalds fries.

2015-07-21, 02:29 PM
You get a substance that is almost, but not quite, completely unlike ketchup.

J jotfsu b dzqis. Translation: I insert a cypher.

2015-07-21, 04:01 PM
Zpv sfdfjwf zpvs njttjoh 'f'.

I insert gargantuan golden goblins.

2015-07-21, 07:55 PM
You get massive mauve minotaurs.

I insert an ant farm.

2015-07-22, 05:55 AM
You get a Giant Soldier Ant. (http://www.dnd-wiki.org/wiki/SRD:Giant_Ant_Soldier)

I insert an unoriginal joke.

2015-07-22, 06:13 AM
Guess what you get? A chicken butt.

I insert a weirdly arranged keyboard.

2015-07-22, 06:30 AM
You get all the individual keys, neatly laid out in alphabetical order.

I insert a chessboard covered in rice.

2015-07-22, 10:01 AM
You get a Xiangqi board covered in pieces of bread. Watch out for hungry pigeons!

I insert a polyamorous bisexual.

Dire Moose
2015-07-25, 03:46 AM
The machine looks very satisfied.

I insert a shark.

2015-07-25, 04:41 AM
You get some ominous music.

I insert a calendar.

2015-07-25, 07:46 AM
You get a hand-held time machine.

I insert a motorcycle.

2015-07-25, 01:25 PM
You get a sidecar. Now if only you had a motorcycle to attach it to...

I insert a whole bunch of cigars.

2015-07-25, 02:28 PM
You get a live Cuban.

I insert an elegant wooden Scrabble set with the mahogany tiles.

2015-07-25, 03:13 PM
You get some tiny chocolate donuts on square wooden plates.

I insert some sushi.

Dire Moose
2015-07-25, 06:36 PM
You get some calamari. Some very large, extra-extra-fresh calamari, if you get my drift.

I insert a Gelatinous Cube.

2015-07-25, 07:07 PM
You get a pit trap installation kit.

I insert two copper pieces.

2015-07-26, 04:15 AM
You get an opinion.

I insert a large number of 3rd place trophies.

2015-07-26, 10:20 PM
You get an even larger number of participant awards.

I insert a box copy of Team Fortress 2.

2015-07-27, 05:06 AM
You get a Daern's Instant Fortress©*.

*Daern Manufacturers are not responsible for any deaths, dismemberments, injuries, or traffic jams caused by use of Daern's Instant Fortress©. Daern's Instant Fortress© should be kept outside of the reach of children. If your fortress is damaged, Daern Manufacturers is not responsible. Please do not use your Daern's Instant Fortress© for childish mischief, sexual experimentation, or monster slaying.

I insert a lord of waterdeep.

Prince Zahn
2015-07-27, 09:29 AM
You get a settler of catan.

I insert an awesome movie that's not even out yet.

2015-07-27, 09:44 AM
You get a bad movie that IS out yet.

I insert a human skeleton drenched in coffee. Don't ask where I got it.

2015-07-27, 09:48 AM
You get EmeraldRose.

I insert Liam Neeson's phone voice.

2015-07-27, 03:45 PM
You get a hostage released into your custody, they might even be your daughter I don't know.

I insert a variety of psychopomps.

2015-07-27, 06:24 PM
You get a Dark Passenger.

I insert an anvil.

2015-07-27, 06:35 PM
You get a roadrunner full of coke and Red Bull...if you can catch it.

I insert a bottle of hand sanitizer...because who knows what people have touched before putting stuff in here.

2015-07-28, 04:52 AM
You get some dead germs.

I insert a self-replicating strand of DNA.

2015-07-28, 10:19 PM
You get a self-destroying strand of DNA.

I insert a speedrun.

2015-07-29, 04:52 AM
You get a shortcut.

I insert a RSS feed.

Prince Zahn
2015-07-29, 05:10 AM
The machine constantly notifies you about everything that goes into it. Forever.

I insert a doppelgänger.

2015-07-29, 05:32 AM
You get a snazzy magic mirror.

I insert some sleeping pills.

2015-07-29, 08:12 AM
You get the most recent game of Werewolf Classic XIX (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?420381-Werewolf-Classic-XIX-Return-to-Transylvania), at least, the end of the game.

I insert my frustration, irritation, and poor time management skills.

2015-07-29, 09:46 AM
You don't seem to actually receive anything. You just hear gruff noises from the vending machine.

I insert my reserve copy of Windows 10

Prince Zahn
2015-07-29, 10:05 AM
You get a collector's edition of Windows XP.

I insert the above project wonderful ad.

2015-07-29, 05:25 PM
You get a non-perishable cookie.

I insert a poached egg.

2015-07-29, 08:47 PM
You get a stern lecture from the local egg warden about poaching.

I insert a painting of some cute fluffy bunnys (Artist: H.R. Giger).

2015-07-29, 10:01 PM
You get pictures of xenomorphs, Hello Kitty style.

I insert some actual xenomorphs. Hungry ones.

2015-07-30, 05:00 AM
You get a pharyngeal jaw.

I insert an adult black dragon.

2015-07-30, 05:24 AM
You get a Soul-Spliced elf with delusions of grandeur.

I insert an e-cigarette.

2015-07-30, 06:32 AM
You get a doctor's note for an inhaler.

I insert a hall pass.

2015-07-30, 08:54 AM
You get a bathroom.

I insert a WutFace emote.

2015-07-30, 10:42 AM
You get a rawkfist cd.

I insert a Pinkie Pie picture.

2015-07-31, 05:15 AM
You get a pink pie.

I insert a note informing AvatarVecna that the black dragon in the 'V goes evil' story arc was an ancient black dragon, rather than an adult one.

2015-07-31, 05:30 AM
You receive a note saying that it said an "adult" dragon, implying older than juvenile, not an "Adult" dragon, which implies a specific age category by RAW. It has seven names signed on it, but you're pretty sure that it's just one vending machine gnome with a very long name.

I insert a bottle of original Coca Cola, because it's gross and I don't want it.

Prince Zahn
2015-07-31, 06:16 AM
you get an orange fanta, because you know You wanta.

I insert myself.

2015-07-31, 11:48 AM
You get back a quest for self knowledge, personal growth and understanding.

I insert a stuffed toy tiger.

2015-08-01, 10:06 PM
You get a small child with a very active imagination!

I insert a dog who imagines he's a WWI flying ace.

2015-08-01, 11:31 PM
You get a blood-soaked football.

I insert a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies.

2015-08-02, 08:51 PM
You get a bottle of milk.

I insert a giant robot fight scene.

2015-08-02, 09:32 PM
You get kaiju, lots of them.

I insert a bonsai tree.

2015-08-03, 03:17 AM
You get a single leaf.

I insert Steve?

2015-08-03, 03:34 AM
You get Adam; he's a pretty swell guy, really nice and happy person.

I insert a box of Pei Wei takeout, because I hate it and a little less of it in the world is a good thing.

Prince Zahn
2015-08-03, 09:07 AM
You get a Domino's pizza in less than 30 minutes. Who ever said the machine gnomes can't be nice?

I insert Xihirli. 25 internet cookies to whoever can do this one without using the word "Stab" or it's derivatives.
@v no cookies for you!

2015-08-03, 09:30 AM
You get a wish granting genie that inevitably twists your wish into "Stab everyone!"

I insert an empty soda can.

2015-08-03, 01:30 PM
You get a commemorative certificate that reads "Recycler of the Day!" :smallsmile:

I insert the first 100 lines of The Iliad.

Dire Moose
2015-08-03, 03:57 PM
You get a big wooden horse with a bright bow tied on it. Someone must really like you, and you should really take it home and treasure it ;)

I insert a penguin.

2015-08-03, 04:07 PM
You receive a tuxedo.

I insert my hand.

2015-08-03, 05:39 PM
You get a hot potato.

I insert a checkered flag.

2015-08-04, 03:21 AM
You get a chessboard.

I insert a hollow victory.

2015-08-04, 11:28 AM
You get King Pyrrhus of Epirus.

I insert an illustrated collection of Russian folktales.

2015-08-04, 02:13 PM
You get a flaming peacock perched on a chicken-legged condo.

I insert a dripping faucet.

2015-08-04, 04:11 PM
You get a pair of plumber brothers...and for some strange reason, a dragon-turtle thing. Hrm...

I insert a tropical fruit drink.

2015-08-04, 05:15 PM
You get guava juice.

I insert love.

2015-08-04, 05:24 PM
You get need.

I insert a V8 engine.

2015-08-04, 05:42 PM
You get a tomato, a carrot, some spinach, a sprig of parsley, a celery stalk, a beet, some watercress, a head of lettuce, and an automatic juicer.

I insert a little deuce coupe.

2015-08-05, 02:24 AM
You get a picture of Twyla Tharp.

I insert regret and confession.

2015-08-05, 09:02 AM
You get reparation and forgiveness.

I insert Leonardo da Vinci: Time Traveller.

2015-08-05, 09:13 AM
You get a prodigy-level intellect dog.

I insert my stupid broken lighter...

2015-08-05, 01:43 PM
You get a copy of Heat Man with faulty AI. At least he still can emit fire...

I insert a time machine.

2015-08-05, 02:57 PM
You get a pocketwatch.

I insert a copy of On the Origin of PCs and a copy of Start of Darkness. (The Order of the Stick prequel books, in paperback form.)

2015-08-05, 04:27 PM
You get the Sunset Tavern.

I insert half a sandwich.

2015-08-05, 05:26 PM
You get a hungry runway model.

I insert a lunar landing module.

V Hey! Give that back!

2015-08-05, 09:43 PM
You get a plaque from the Historical Sticklers' Society!

I insert the severed hand of the Dread Priest-King of Cthulhu.