Great lines from source books

[Emperor Tippy]

I was rereading FC2 in preparation for a campaign I'm thinking of running and came across this line on page 21

If you play devils properly, your players are likely to whine and complain that you’re out to get them. Just remember: The devils make you do it.

So what other great lines have you come across in other 3.5 books (core or supplements)?

[Karnith]

Does this count? HUMOR

Of all the classes, the fighter has the best all-around fighting capabilities

More seriously, I'm also a fan of Libris Mortis stealing from real-world works, particularly when it quotes an Oingo Boingo song.

Undead In The Party
"It's a dead man's party/Who could ask for more?"

[PaucaTerrorem]

Thank you, John Madden.

[Telonius]

FCII is great for it.

"Read the fine print." Brilliant. :smallamused:

[Kuulvheysoon]

While not quite a line, check out the deja vu power in the XPH.

Damn these lack of accents!

[Vedhin]

The Arms & Equipment guide was great all-around for lines. My favorite is "Smart goblins, of which there are a few...". It's in the description for ogres as mounts. It also mentions the goblin being strapped to the ogre's back and used as a turret gunner.

There were also things like the Amulet of Ooze Riding, and the associated mount entry for the Gelatinous Cube.

[hamishspence]

The Arms & Equipment guide was great all-around for lines.

It is. One that stuck in the mind:

When Your Mount Is Smarter than You
A 5th level paladin has Intelligence 5. Though she is brave and honorable, her warhorse is smarter than she is. How embarrassing. What will the other warhorses think?

[theIrkin]

It is. One that stuck in the mind:

When Your Mount Is Smarter than You
A 5th level paladin has Intelligence 5. Though she is brave and honorable, her warhorse is smarter than she is. How embarrassing. What will the other warhorses think?

Oh my God! That is probably the greatest line ever written for DnD

[hamishspence]

Rich Burlew's Acidborn Monster entry, in Dungeonscape, is also fun:

When a dungeon builder needs a deterrent, the only thing better than a giant pit of acid is a giant pit of acid with a shark in it.

Until recently, this dream could not be realised because the shark always died after a short time in the acid.

New breeding and rearing techniques, however, have yielded aquatic animals that can swim and breathe in acid as easily as their standard counterparts do in the ocean.

[CRtwenty]

It is. One that stuck in the mind:

When Your Mount Is Smarter than You
A 5th level paladin has Intelligence 5. Though she is brave and honorable, her warhorse is smarter than she is. How embarrassing. What will the other warhorses think?

Heh, I laugh every time I read that bit. Anyway one of my favorite blurbs from the DMG.

Naming Conventions
Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group of characters named Bob the Fighter, Aldorius Killraven of Thistledown, and Runtboy lacks the consistency to be credible.

[Vedhin]

Heh, I laugh every time I read that bit. Anyway one of my favorite blurbs from the DMG.

Naming Conventions
Although any character name is fine in and of itself, a group of characters named Bob the Fighter, Aldorius Killraven of Thistledown, and Runtboy lacks the consistency to be credible.

I think you mean Hero Builder's Guidebook, not DMG. It's a 3.0 splatbook with no crunch whatsoever, but it does what it's supposed to do well, which is help with fluff. Mechanical advice it gives is questionable at best, and at worst is stuff like going Fighter 10/Wizard 10 and focusing on counterspells.

Anyway, it also advises avoiding wizards named "Medium Rary".


Y'know, the 3.0 stuff always seems to be better for lines like these. I wonder what happened during the 3.5 changes to make it stop.

[Palanan]

I always liked the arcane focus for Detect Thoughts. :smallbiggrin:

Also from the PHB, a great line about the occurrence of natural talent for sorcery: "Kobolds are especially likely to take up this path, and they are fierce, if inarticulate, proponents of the 'blood of the dragons' theory."



EDIT: Also, the passage on naming conventions which CRtwenty quoted is from p. 8 of the 3.5 DMG, second full paragraph in the right-hand column. It doesn't seem to appear in the Hero Builder's Guide.

.

[Vedhin]

EDIT: Also, the passage on naming conventions which CRtwenty quoted is from p. 8 of the 3.5 DMG, second full paragraph in the right-hand column. It doesn't seem to appear in the Hero Builder's Guide.
.

I looked it up, and you're right. I just remembered that the HBG had a decent section on names that spoke out against things like that. My apologies, CRtwenty.

[erok0809]

I like the material component for ray of stupidity myself, it's just funny

[CRtwenty]

Not quite a line, but I miss the little comics they put in some of the older sourcebooks.

http://the-lost-and-the-damned.664610.n2.nabble.com/file/n7579896/rust_monster_dmg_will_mclean_cartoon.jpg

[Vedhin]

Heh, I miss the 3.0 style of artwork. All the black and white splatbooks had wonderful art, typically drawn very well. Now... well, look at the tiefling in Races of Destiny. It may be hazardous to your sanity.

[gorfnab]

Lords of Madness, page 41


A beholder’s favorite foods include small live mammals, exotic mushrooms and other fungi, gnomes, beef, pork, colorful leafy vegetables, leaves, flower petals, insects, and birds.

[Emperor Tippy]

Lords of Madness, page 41

So if you need to get past a Beholder or gain a favor from one you throw the party gnome at it, good to know.

[Vedhin]

So if you need to get past a Beholder or gain a favor from one you throw the party gnome at it, good to know.

That solves two problems at once!

[hamishspence]

I like Manual of the Planes's description of the Far Realm's Maddening trait.

"Travellers might sprout eyes on their palms, relive a hundred childhoods simultaneously wherein their parents were secretly Far Realm wights, or backward speaking begin."

[Emperor Tippy]

Most abishais are grunts, but on occasion, a red abishai might rise high enough to command a force of lemures.

Red abishai are the highest ranking of the abishai. The best that they can ever hope for is to command a force of mindless demons of the absolute lowest rank

If that is being favored I wonder how bad grunts are treated?

[Vedhin]

Red abishai are the highest ranking of the abishai. The best that they can ever hope for is to command a force of mindless demons of the absolute lowest rank

If that is being favored I wonder how bad grunts are treated?

Bad grunts are commanded by lemures.

[Dr. Cliché]

Not quite a line, but I miss the little comics they put in some of the older sourcebooks.

The absence of cartoons and general humour in the D&D books was the subject of an article:

http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dd/20051104a

[Prime32]

If that is being favored I wonder how bad grunts are treated?The lower ranks just don't get to command anything. They're soldiers, while a few reds are officers.
There's a big difference between outranking lemures and being officially in charge of them.

[Chronos]

Complete Scoundrel has little ultra-short short stories at the bottoms of some of the pages-- A lot of them are worth a laugh.

[Brookshw]

That solves two problems at once!

Gnomes are everyone's problem, do your part and pitch in, chuck a gnome at a beholder today. Or off a cliff. Or from an airship. We're not picky.

[Invader]

It's actually from MtG and really they have so many great lines on their cards but one I always liked was:

Enormous Baloth
It's diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit grooves, fruit farmers, and small cities.

[tomandtish]

It is. One that stuck in the mind:

When Your Mount Is Smarter than You
A 5th level paladin has Intelligence 5. Though she is brave and honorable, her warhorse is smarter than she is. How embarrassing. What will the other warhorses think?

There was an old Dragonmirth cartoon (from the early 80s old) that went:

"It's Ok. Lots of fighters have swords that are smarter than they are".

[Manly Man]

From Complete Scoundrel:


"How're we supposed to see the pally comin' when 'e wears armor blacker than ours?"

I love Gray Guards.

[ArqArturo]

From the Draconomicon:

Dragons lust for treasure because, at heart, they are nothing but large, reptilian jackdaws.

[navar100]

Jozan casts Symbol of Pain.

From table of NPC Personality traits:
#100: No sense of humor. See #26.

[Kuulvheysoon]

Your guts for a garter!
-PHB2

[Zombulian]

While not quite a line, check out the deja vu power in the XPH.

Damn these lack of accents!

...I think I'm missing something


Lords of Madness, page 41

Fun Fact: That's in UrPriest's sig.

[TuggyNE]

...I think I'm missing something

Then check it again! :smalltongue:

[Zombulian]

Then check it again! :smalltongue:

*tears* I spent long enough looking at it :smallfrown: Now I just feel dumb.

Edit: SON OF A *****! You have no idea how long I just stared at the wordings of the one on the SRD compared to the one in XPH before I actually flipped the page.

[gurgleflep]

It's actually from MtG and really they have so many great lines on their cards but one I always liked was:

Enormous Baloth
It's diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit grooves, fruit farmers, and small cities.

I don't have many MtG cards (didn't really get to play it but it caught my interest), but I have two of that - my favorite to this day :smallbiggrin:


*tears* I spent long enough looking at it :smallfrown: Now I just feel dumb.

Edit: SON OF A *****! You have no idea how long I just stared at the wordings of the one on the SRD compared to the one in XPH before I actually flipped the page.

I hope not to offend in any way, but were it not for your comment I wouldn't have gotten the joke either. I thank you for being smarter than myself :smallsmile:

[Fax Celestis]

From table of NPC Personality traits:
#100: No sense of humor. See #26.

This one is one of my favorites, because #26 is suspiciously absent from the list.

[Know(Nothing)]

From Miniatures Handbook, the feat Danger Sense short description: "You are one twitchy mother goose."

[Milo v3]

From the third party book Feats:
COOL [GENERAL]
You are just that cool and everyone knows it.
Prerequisites: Cha 13+, rogue leveI 1st+.
Benefit: You gain a +1 on all Charisma based skill checks. This bonus is +2 against members of the opposite sex, +5 if you're a woman and your opponent is a gamer or knows a gamer.
Special: You gain an additional +1 circumstance bonus to your AC when wearing leather armor, 'cause it's the coolest.

[Vedhin]

As I'm making a character with spellfire currently, I had the chance to remember this one from the FRCS, p. 56:


I could go on. So can anyonw who cares to spend the years in study at Candlekeep that I did before I chose to flee to this nameless backwater and cloak myself in squalor and obscurity.
Why did I spend my fortune and my eyesight, and then steal away to here, to grow wizend and ugly and bent?
Why? Well, because I have true spellfire too, of course. Come looking for me, and I will blast you to dust, and then lay waste to all your descendants, ancestors, and the realm you came from, every last tree and stone of it. Why? Well, it's what I usually do.

Heavens forbid you make the man really angry.

[ArqArturo]

From Frostfell, pg 32:

Permanent towns usually have a fair amount of both clerics and druids to rely on in times of emergency.

I love the idea of a cleric or a druid encased in an ice box, and a sign that says "In case of Emergency, please break the ice".

[Brookshw]

"If a spell is so good that you can't imagine a caster not wanting it all the time, it's either too powerful or too low in level"

DMG, pg35, creating new spells.

[Vhaidara]

PH p91, Quick Draw description in table:
"Draw weapon as free weapon"

[Amphetryon]

From earlier editions:

"Whadya mean we have to talk to this lynx? The last monster we talked to ate half the party!"

"Bob, get the barbarian in the corner another drink, stat!"

[FullStop]

It's actually from MtG and really they have so many great lines on their cards but one I always liked was:

Enormous Baloth
It's diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit grooves, fruit farmers, and small cities.

Well, if we're allowed MtG flavor text, this might be a long thread indeed. My favorites tend to be anything best read in a hammy archvillain voice. Omniscience, for example, is one of the best for that:

Don't just have an idea: have all of them.

[Harlot]

"The truly wise of all races know that kender are the innocents of the world and that the world would lose something precious if kender were ever to leave it."

Right.

[Dr. Cliché]

"The truly wise of all races know that kender are the innocents of the world and that the world would lose something precious if kender were ever to leave it."

Most Chromatic dragons would agree.

Kender are so delicious and delightfully crunchy, it would be very hard to find an alternative. :smallamused:

[IAmTehDave]

Well, if we're allowed MtG flavor text, this might be a long thread indeed. My favorites tend to be anything best read in a hammy archvillain voice. Omniscience, for example, is one of the best for that:

Don't just have an idea: have all of them.

Goblins. Flip to any random M:TG Goblin card with flavor text and you're likely to laugh.


On Topic: Are we counting laughable class and PrC descriptions?
I can't read the Ghost-Faced Killer PrC without thinking that the first person to pick up that PrC was from the Wu Tang Clan from the Unapproachable East...

[CockroachTeaParty]

Pg. 92, Races of Eberron:

"I might be a half-orc, but I'm more of a man than you."

That is the sickest burn. HNNNGH SO BAD ASS.

[Rubik]

Pg. 92, Races of Eberron:

"I might be a half-orc, but I'm more of a man than you."

That is the sickest burn. HNNNGH SO BAD ASS.By mass or volume?

Do note that "man" isn't a synonym for "human" in 3rd Edition. You can have a dwarven man or a human man or an orcish man, meaning that quote could lose the first half and still mean the exact same thing.

[nedz]

There's always the Déjà vu power in the XPH.

[Vedhin]

There's always the Déjà vu power in the XPH.

I think someone already said this. And you deserve a :smallcool: if this was intentional. If not, then I claim it.