Book Smarts

[Waker]

An odd thought occurred to me while daydreaming about various D&D rules as I am wont to do. If you were playing as a Wizard and decided for whatever insane reason to make an intelligent spellbook, what would be some of the traits that you would give it? Assume that you have a permissible DM and access to just about any source. What are some of the special materials, enchantments and SLAs that your living library would have at it's fingers pages?

[Kelb_Panthera]

This is just my immediate reaction, but I'd probably make it a snarky English butler. BTW you -can- make a blessed book intelligent as long as you've a caster level of 15 or higher.

For magic I'd go with invisibility and overland flight targetting the book itself. When the crap hits the fan it can disappear and float to a safe distance. Also maybe give it some means of attack.

[Emperor Tippy]

Step 1: Capture a Great Wyrm Red Dragon by knocking it unconscious.
Step 2: Mind Rape it.
Step 3: Soul Rape it via lots of Thought Bottles and permanent level loss before using the Thought Bottles to have it regain its lost levels one at a time except pick useful levels (I prefer Factotum 16/ Psion (Telepath) 20).
Step 4: Make an Ice Assassin of your dragon.
Step 5: Use Dispel Magic to make your Blessed Book non magical for 1d4 rounds.
Step 6: Use Polymorph Any Object to make your non magical book into a human.
Step 7: Have your Ice Assassin Dragon True Mind Switch with your PAOed Blessed Book.
Step 8: Dispel the PAO.
Step 9: Have fun with your highly intelligent and super powerful spell book that can never disobey you.

[avr]

Not attack exactly, but a sentient book might have explosive runes or similar at its disposal.

You might want the book to be able to heal (livewood covers or even pages) or for the covers to be made of something really solid. I hear riverine qualifies.

[Doc_Maynot]

Well you could always take a spellbook and add the floating property onto it. Then it is possible to make it an item familiar.

[Slipperychicken]

Step 3: Soul Rape it via lots of Thought Bottles and permanent level loss before using the Thought Bottles to have it regain its lost levels one at a time except pick useful levels (I prefer Factotum 16/ Psion (Telepath) 20).

I suggest giving it Wizard levels purely for the lulz.

Then you could have it prepare spells from itself and rest/prepare ~3 times per day to cast a bunch of spells for you.

[Sir_Thaddeus]

I suggest giving it Wizard levels purely for the lulz.

Then you could have it prepare spells from itself and rest/prepare ~3 times per day to cast a bunch of spells for you.

If your spellbook was a wizard, would it get a spellbook? I sense potential recursion here...

[fluke1993]

Yo Dawg; I heard you like spellbooks so we gave a spellbook to yo spellbook so yo spellbook can prepare spells from yo spellbook and yo spellbook's spellbook.

[nedz]

Just some obvious ideas from the SRD.
If you are making an enchanted spellbook anyway, then you can just add these.
Greater Power
11-13 Item can cause fear in an enemy at will +7,200 gp
42-45 Item can use quench on fires 3/day +16,000 gp
69-73 Item can create daylight 3/day +16,000 gp
98-100 Item can use detect thoughts at will +44,000 gp

Intelligent Item Purpose
21-30 Defeat/slay arcane spellcasters (including spellcasting monsters and those that use spell-like abilities)
91-95 Defeat/slay all (other than the item and the wielder)

Dedicated Power
25-31 Item can use dimension door on itself and wielder +50,000 gp
32-36 Item can use contagion (heightened to 4th level) as touch attack +56,000 gp
37-43 Item can use poison (heightened to 4th level) as touch attack +56,000 gp
88-92 Item can cast 15d6 greater shout 3/day +130,000 gp

[Jlerpy]

I suggest giving it Wizard levels purely for the lulz.

I suggest giving it Cleric levels and having it worship you as a god.

[Spore]

Step 4: Make an Ice Assassin of your dragon.

Most problems can - but should not be solved by Ice Assassin.

[Doc_Maynot]

Most problems can - but should not be solved by Ice Assassin.

So... Simulacrum then?