If you could say something to an OotS character, what would it be?

[Professor Tanhauser]

Ok, hypothetically speaking here, if you could say something to an OotS character (I know they're not real, sheesh!) who would it be and what would you say?


Personally, I'd like to say the following to Nale:

"Hey, ---hole! Yeah, YOU! You're a total moron, you know that? You're an idiot who steals tired old plots and couldn't come up with an original idea if your life depended on it. Ha, you couldn't think your way out of a paper bag, and as for leadership, forget it! You couldn't lead rats to a garbage can! You're main "followers" are an idiot half orc and a demonoid who was ASSIGNED to you, probably as a punishement for gross incompetence! (I can't imagine even the dimmest evil entity seeing any potential in you. They probably told sabine that so she wouldn't realize she was being punished until they told her....)

Your bother elan is a better man than you'll EVER be. He beat you in a fair fight, and you knew you could never beat him fairly which is why you had your pet idiot hit him from behind, and you've never beaten him in a fair fight and you never will because he's better AND smarter than you. Plus he beat your grand evil scheme mostly on his own wits and courage, both of which he has more of than you.

Oh yeah, you want a piece of me? Bring it on, loser."

That's just what I'd like to say to nale, I'm sure some of you would like to say a few things to other characters.

[Lithgon the Crazy]

I would walk up to Haley, drop to one knee, and ask her "Will you marry me?". :wink:

[Demented]

For a moment there, I thought the OP was addressing Roy. Heh.

To Miko:
Sure, I may detect evil, baby, but that's just because of all the things I'm thinking I'd like to do to you. Marry me!

(Followed by running. Lots and lots of running.)


Otherwise, I'd try to trade all the predictions on how Vaarsuvius will achieve ultimate arcane power, in exchange for one peek "under the hood". For scientific purposes, of course. Inquiring minds need to know! Now!

[Destro_Yersul]

To V: Hello. You look to be a wizard of talent, and are likely to provide the best answer to my question. I seek higher learning. Care to direct me somewhere I could acquire skill in the magical arts?

I mean, really. Who wouldn't want to be a wizard? Plus I get to use my INT score.:smallbiggrin:

[Setra]

To Belkar: Nale made fun of your height

To V: Are you male or female?

[fire_hawk]

Xykon: "You're an idiot, you know that? You couldn't have just conquered the world quietly, oh no. You had to kill a whole lot of people first so their descendents will come after you, didn't you? You COULD have taken the gates with a minimal fight, but NOOOOOOO. Let's just go and make enemies with a typical group of adventures who are bound to save the day!

You suck."

[Setra]

Xykon: "You're an idiot, you know that? You couldn't have just conquered the world quietly, oh no. You had to kill a whole lot of people first so their descendents will come after you, didn't you? You COULD have taken the gates with a minimal fight, but NOOOOOOO. Let's just go and make enemies with a typical group of adventures who are bound to save the day!

You suck."

Xykon kills you and raises you as undead.

[Snake-Aes]

To V: Hello. You look to be a wizard of talent, and are likely to provide the best answer to my question. I seek higher learning. Care to direct me somewhere I could acquire skill in the magical arts?

I mean, really. Who wouldn't want to be a wizard? Plus I get to use my INT score.:smallbiggrin:I'm with you here :D


And...

Miko: Marry me!

[Cruiser1]

"Lord Shojo, Xykon is coming to attack Azure City! Miko is on her way to tell you just that, but by the time she gets here, Xykon will be on her heels. Note Julio's airship The Mechane knocked out a couple key catapults, so you'll want to reinforce that hole in your defenses immediately."

[tis_tom]

Yeah mine would be a warning to Roy and Shojo about the impending hobgoblin threat, though what they could actually DO about it is a mystery to me!

[Duke of URL]

I can't really post the full details on a "family-friendly" board, but suffice it say that it would be a very persuasive argument that would result in an outcome featuring :haley:, :miko:, very little clothing, and Jell-O.

[Megalomaniac2]

Miko: You're being played for a fool by Xykon. The Order of the Stick is not, in fact, evil, but are being employed by your boss on a secret mission to save reality. So it would probably be best to let go of your paranoid delusions and find a way to disrupt Xykon's scrying ability so- wait, I am NOT an agent of evil- no, don't smite- GAAAH!

[pendell]

To Belkar:
Die!

Actually, I wouldn't say that. The first warning he'd have would be when, all by himself, he ate a hold person (that can be cast from a scroll, right?) followed by my daggers cutting an ear-to-ear smile across his throat. Then I would take his severed head, boil it, and have the skull made into a drinking cup. I think he'd approve.

He's just too evil to be allowed to live.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Deuce]

Well, if we could address them at any point in the comic's time-line, I'd tell the CPPD Chief to "Duck!"

[Dawnstrider_Moogle]

Well, first priority would be to act wounded and ask Miko to lay hands on me. Next, I would say to Elan the entire speech he imagined Roy saying to him (you know, the one ending in "wanna go bowling?"). Finally, I would definitely want to have a chat with V w/r/t fundamental secrets of the universe that allow one to blow stuff up.

[Amon Star]

Well, before we found out that :vaarsuvius: was happily married, I would've asked him/her out on a date. As is, I would just wish to discuss the fundimentals laws.

[Tornek the Unhygenic]

To Belkar: Your very shor- GAH! MY KIDNEYS!

[Green Bean]

"Anyone up for a game of Parcheesi?"

[Talyn]

I'd ask Haley why, instead of hoarding all that gold, she doesn't just ASK the OotS to help bust her dad out of prison. I mean, seriously, if there is anyone in the group that the WHOLE PARTY (Belkar included) would jump to help, no questions asked, it's her.

Oh, and I'd tell her to go slow with Elan. The poor kid is NOT going to morph into a good boyfriend without a lot of patience, understanding and coaching.

[Sebastian Bux]

To Durkon:

"You are free to return home, you have been released from any previous obligation. You would have found out sooner but Miko lost the note."

Because I think that's really the saddest situation out there right now. I mean, that poor dwarf. I know Giant has a plan for all that, but I really thought that losing the note was a tragic thing for Durkon. I have this thing for dwarves, probably because of Flint from Dragonlance. Durkon reminds me of Flint in a lot of ways.

[mport2004]

To V: Are you male or female?
I second that

[vbushido]

To :miko:: "You're fired! Want to join the assassin's guild?"

(this may also require an Expeditious Retreat)

-----
Those who can, do. Those who can teach, do more.

[Cleverdan22]

To :haley: : You like Elan. GET ON WITH IT. Geez.

[tis_tom]

To Durkon:

"You are free to return home, you have been released from any previous obligation. You would have found out sooner but Miko lost the note."

Because I think that's really the saddest situation out there right now. I mean, that poor dwarf. I know Giant has a plan for all that, but I really thought that losing the note was a tragic thing for Durkon. I have this thing for dwarves, probably because of Flint from Dragonlance. Durkon reminds me of Flint in a lot of ways.

It wasn't bad, it was good luck! Durkon can't go home! (on the origin of the pc's told me so!)

[Izodor]

To Elan: Score!

[Setra]

I'd ask Haley why, instead of hoarding all that gold, she doesn't just ASK the OotS to help bust her dad out of prison. I mean, seriously, if there is anyone in the group that the WHOLE PARTY (Belkar included) would jump to help, no questions asked, it's her.

Oh, and I'd tell her to go slow with Elan. The poor kid is NOT going to morph into a good boyfriend without a lot of patience, understanding and coaching.

There may be.. oh what's the word.. I can't think of it. There may be certain things involved with the situation, that keeps her from doing that.

[Duke of URL]

To V: Are you male or female?
:vaarsuvius: Yes.

[Snake-Aes]

:vaarsuvius: Yes.
Owned. :smallbiggrin:

[Duke of URL]

Owned. :smallbiggrin:

Actually, I was hasty. The full version would be more like:

:vaarsuvius: I fail to see what my gender has to do with anything. It is not as if there is any possibility of romantic attachment with any member of the order of the Stick, or, for that matter, any of the myriad of NPCs that we continue to run across. I have taken time from my pursuit of the cosmic mysteries of the arcane to hopefully have a stimulating discussion on how I turn the laws of nature into my own personal playground, and instead, I am left to deal with irrelevant questions regarding the details of my genitalia. However, to head off this question once and for all so that I do not have to deal with it again, the answer to the question "are you male or female" is yes.

[Snake-Aes]

lol you're quite good at that

[Drascin]

There would be several things I'd like to say, but the ones that I find most important would be:

To V: I'd approach respectfully and ask her to make me her apprentice. I can easily achieve a long-winded and unnecesarily flamboyant speech such as hers in the somewhat likely event it would be neccessary for applying for the post, too, and have the ability and desire to comprehend such mind-shattering forces as the ones she works with. Plus being able to tell the laws of physics to shut up holds a lot of appeal :P.

To OotS in general: *Stabs Nale with enchanted dagger to absorb soul, then destroys it* There, that will do. That way you don't have to do an evil act yourselves, and I'm totally evil anyway, so it's not like it'll matter :smallwink:.

[teratorn]

Actually, I was hasty. The full version would be more like:

:vaarsuvius: I fail to see what my gender has to do with [...snip]

It's still a bit too short.

[Setra]

Actually, I was hasty. The full version would be more like:

:vaarsuvius: I fail to see what my gender has to do with anything. It is not as if there is any possibility of romantic attachment with any member of the order of the Stick, or, for that matter, any of the myriad of NPCs that we continue to run across. I have taken time from my pursuit of the cosmic mysteries of the arcane to hopefully have a stimulating discussion on how I turn the laws of nature into my own personal playground, and instead, I am left to deal with irrelevant questions regarding the details of my genitalia. However, to head off this question once and for all so that I do not have to deal with it again, the answer to the question "are you male or female" is yes.

To that, my response would be: If you are in fact male, it would make it much harder for Belkar to lust after you.

[pendell]

To which I would respond ... if V has access to shape-changing or polymorph self, then she/he can be *whatever gender she/he wants to*. Starting gender, to a shape-changer, may have no more meaning than their first baby clothes. In such a world "sexual orientation" and "the sex I actually am" need not necessarily be in conflict ... all one need to do is find a mage of sufficiently high level.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Duke of URL]

To that, my response would be: If you are in fact male, it would make it much harder for Belkar to lust after you.
:vaarsuvius: I believe my experiments in that matter are successfully concluded. If the halfling even approaches a repeat of the unfortunate incident, my studies have shown me very simple and effective counter-measures. The same studies, I should note, also indicate that the halfling's black and white view of lust and hate lead to the inevitable conclusion that the subject's gender is irrelevant in such a categorization.

[ufo]

I would be in the disguise of some god's avatar, then go to Shojo and tell him that the whole OotS are evil and need to be executed, except for V-Man. After the execution i would ask to be V-Man's apprentice, and we would, eventually, take over the world.

[GreatEscape_13]

To :xykon:

"Hey. Friend me on myspace."

Xykon would definitely make the top 8.

Hehe.

Andrew

[Tornek the Unhygenic]

I change what i said to Belkar. I would say: You Kissed V! No one told you and you dont remeber because you were drunk!


:belkar: Response: Run, my little chunk of XP! Run!

[Shott]

I'd ask a dead goblin where my keys were. : ) Really, I'd also ask V for Magic.

[onasuma]

I know they're not real, sheesh!
What, they're not real, you just ruined my childhood.

[V Junior]

(This is considering I had the spell Evan's Spiked Tentecales of Forced Intrusion prepared and unused)

To Belkar:

"Why must you be such a psycopathic maniac? Yes, I know you are Chaotic Evil, but you should really have thought a few things over before you began to kill people randomly.

Firstly, what is the point of random killings? It would be far more profitable if you were killing people in part of a great 'scheme' of some sort. Just killing innocent people is wrong and cruel. That may be all your feeble mind can think of- killing, killing and more killing, but it would be worthwhile if you thought about each kill, except the monsters that you may combatin your adventures with the Order of the Stick.

Secondly, think back to your pre-adventuring days. You were in and out of jail all the time, and wanted in many, many towns and cities. That must have been a hard lifestyle for you. And think of the difficulty of getting a drink at the local tavern- anyone sober would call the police! In fact, your bloodthirsty lifestyle has earned you a Mark of Justice! Do you want this lifestyle to end- as continuing with it could end your life!

Thank you."

I suppose that I will need to use Evan's Spiked Tentecales of Forced Intrusion in there somewhere!

[zeratul]

if i could do anything with one of them i would go drinking with belkar