Witty character played by non witty player.

[Gamereaper]

I plan on playing a very witty character. Unfortunately, I'm not witty.

Any quotes in particular anyone knows that might fit in that are humorous?

[grom the mighty]

do you have any more specific examples of what kind of thing you're after?

And do you mean he's going to say really clever things or are you after Buffy-style puns to use after he kills things?

[Rasman]

If you are not witty then maybe you shouldn't play a witty character.

Although...

...you could play a character that THINKS he's witty and is incredibly sure of himself and his wit, but fails miserably at being witty. Every knows that he lacks wit but him. Then, maybe the wittiness will simply come to you along the way.

That is what I would do with this character because wit isn't something you learn from a book, it is something you learn from experience and natural charisma.

[tadkins]

I've run into a similar problem in the past. One of my first characters was a clever and quirky gnome illusionist. I pictured her being very whimsical and creative with her illusions, and always knowing the right thing to say.

In practice though, it didn't work out as well as I hoped. Mainly because I personally had a hard time coming up with witty and funny things to say, and sometimes botched it up. My group still pokes fun of some of what I did to this day.

Decided it's best to just try and stick to things you know, I suppose.

[Maginomicon]

do you have any more specific examples of what kind of thing you're after?

And do you mean he's going to say really clever things or are you after Buffy-style puns to use after he kills things?
Perhaps it's all a massive misunderstanding and in reality he simply used to work at the Witte Museum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witte_Museum).

[MonochromeTiger]

honestly if you don't feel capable of playing a witty character without aid..don't play one. wit is situational and while you may get some suggestions it's possible that they would either be burnt through fast leading to a lack of things to say or just never fit the situation. part of what makes a witty character interesting is their ability to make light of, or find a different perspective on, any given situation and it's generally just natural. I'm not saying it can't be done as anything can be pulled off by someone, but I am saying it will be difficult if you want to keep the character "witty".

[BWR]

Despite what others may say, don't let lack of ability stop you. The nice thing about wit is you can practise it. This will of course require a lot of effort on your part outside of the game, but it can work.

Of coure it depends on what you mean by witty?
Saracstic or otherwise clever remarks at the expense of others? Jokes and puns (genuinely funny or just involuntary giggle, groan worthy)? Insightful comments, not necessarily hurtful? Funny, somewhat self-deprecating comments to put people at their ease? Gentle, rather amused exaggerations of someone not terribly involved in the situation?

In any case, do what everyone should do when it comes to things they don't know how to do: study the masters and shamelessly steal from them. Read and watch sources of witty characters, remember what they said and use it in appropriate situations. Find quotes of funny people and learn them by heart. There is no shortage of good sources.
Oscar Wilde, Blackadder (seasons 2-4 mostly), P.G. Wodehouse (the Fry and Laurie version of Jeeves & Wooster is heartily recommended), Terry Pratchett, MST3K, Yes, Minister/Yes, Prime Minister, Jane Austen, innumerable cartoonists; the list goes on.
All of these are well worth reading/watching on their own merits.

Secondly, humor is something you work at. If you want to be witty, you have to think differently. Any time you see a situation unfold, any time you hear someone say something, you have to think "How can I make this funny?"
Comedians, be they stand-up, writers for a series, cartoonists, whatever, have to work hard to make something funny. While some jokes write themselves, they generally have to sit down and really work at trying to be funny. Just sit down and read or watch the news and make an effort to find something witty to say about it. Read a book and try to make bad comments in your head. You will probably start off really slow and half an hour later think "oh yeah, I totally should have said that", but don't worry. Just keep at it.

[Gamereaper]

Ok, so I read this one from someone's sig and I thought it was really funny in the right context.

"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

But some others would be replies like:

(Offered beer)

"I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in shackles and have a rough night."

Or insults such as:

"I was hoping for a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed."

I'm pretty much looking for something for any situation.

[Spore]

And do you mean he's going to say really clever things or are you after Buffy-style puns to use after he kills things?

Wit and cheesy one-liners are entirely different. Still it depends on your choice of "weapon". If you have a wide array of styles to kill someone it is refreshing but if you have a really big sword the sum of "chop-based puns" is limited.

[Brookshw]

Time to start memorizing lines from Monkey Island.

[Gamereaper]

If you are not witty then maybe you shouldn't play a witty character.

The whole idea behind role playing is to play a role, whether it is within your comfort zone or something you must figure out.

[Gamereaper]

Wit and cheesy one-liners are entirely different. Still it depends on your choice of "weapon". If you have a wide array of styles to kill someone it is refreshing but if you have a really big sword the sum of "chop-based puns" is limited.

Yeah, I don't want to subject my teammates to any terrible PUNishment.

[Faily]

I once played a Halfling Swashbuckler made to be an homage to the old swashbuckling movies of golden-age Hollywood.

As I'm often slow to think of witty things to say, in preparation for the character, I wrote down on a sheet various cheesy one-liners, puns and clever remarks (imo) from various tv-shows, movies and books.

Like, she would fight with a rapier, and then copy Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride:
"You're better than I am, but I know something you don't know... I am not left-handed! *switches weapon around*"

Best way to "learn" being witty is to look at witty characters and begin to copy them. Eventually, change it around a bit to fit your character. Aquaman as he's portrayed in Batman: The Brave and The Bold was one of my favorite inspirations. :)

[Manly Man]

Whenever you're being arrested, yell out, "COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM! COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!"

[Spore]

As I'm often slow to think of witty things to say, in preparation for the character, I wrote down on a sheet various cheesy one-liners, puns and clever remarks (imo) from various tv-shows, movies and books.

That is a great idea. Other than that if you want to appeal to the comical side of being witty you could be overdramatical. Like an actor that overlooks the fact that he is actually fighting and killing people.

[Blackhawk748]

By the power of the Pun! lol My witty characters tend to be a bit more punny than witty, or incredibly cocky (which isnt all that bad for a swashbuckler). Honestly just make smart alacky comments about things.
Like when i overheard some assassins in another room talking about how we wrecked their dungeon and what where they gonna do when we got there. At that point i threw the doors open and yelled "Better think faster boys, im already here!"

I love that half elf

[SowZ]

"I just shifted in from Eberron, and boy, are my bionically grafted arms tired!"

[HaikenEdge]

Make Pun-Pun your deity, then make a bunch of self-aware Optimization jokes?

[Corinath]

Watch lots of Whose Line is it Anyway. Improv. Monty Python. Comedians. Etc.

Seriously. Just be fearless about what you're saying and you'll be gold. Half the time I make jokes that I know won't be funny cause I feel like i can make them funny.

Sometimes I'm right.

[Ghost Nappa]

I once played a Halfling Swashbuckler made to be an homage to the old swashbuckling movies of golden-age Hollywood.

As I'm often slow to think of witty things to say, in preparation for the character, I wrote down on a sheet various cheesy one-liners, puns and clever remarks (imo) from various tv-shows, movies and books.

Like, she would fight with a rapier, and then copy Inigo Montoya from Princess Bride:
"You're better than I am, but I know something you don't know... I am not left-handed! *switches weapon around*"

Best way to "learn" being witty is to look at witty characters and begin to copy them. Eventually, change it around a bit to fit your character. Aquaman as he's portrayed in Batman: The Brave and The Bold was one of my favorite inspirations. :)


For example, I was recently in a campaign that was very cat-themed, led by a ambiguously gendered cat deity. So what did I do?

I wrote down a bunch of words and jokes about CATS.

"Do you know what happened to the cat who ate a ball of yarn?"
"No, what?"
"It had a pair of mittens!"

I wrote down a lot of words that had "cat" or "meow" and such so when the moment came I always had the purrfect thing to say.

My advice for learning to spring material at the right moment, is to watch a lot of improv comedy. You need to learn when and how wordplay will just fall into place and timing is something that you pick up in the later seasons of your understanding.

Self-Deprecation is a good tool for starting I think: you don't have to worry about making someone else feel bad, you already know everything about yourself (write what you you know), so you have a very wide pool of material to choose from.

Don't forget Rhyming, Alliteration, and other tools.

Ultimately, humor is strongest when you're subverting expectations. You create an atmosphere where everyone expects things are going to go one-way, but you make a right hand turn, it still makes sense and no one is the wiser. I would like to point to the archetypual pane of glass joke (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SheetOfGlass).

[Red Fel]

The key thing about wittiness is your mental agility. You have to be ready to jump on any cue, as soon as it presents itself. Despite what some people would tell you, very little of this is natural talent - most of it comes of practice.

Here's how you practice being witty. Step one, grab a bunch of friends who are understanding and tolerant of your quirks. Step one is important, because you don't want to alienate people or ruin your professional life. A D&D group is great for this if you've known them for awhile and hang out away from the table.

Step two, turn off your internal filter. We all have one born of years of uncomfortable stares and scolding authority figures. Some are more stringent than others. Turn it off. When you feel like you have something funny to say, just blurt it out.

Be aware that it will not be funny. It will probably be incredibly offensive. That's why we're using step one. Explain to them you're trying to develop a sense of humor. Apologize if you offend. But don't stop. Keep trying. Observe what works, what doesn't work. Refine your references. Practice your deadpan and undertones. Sharpen your wordplay. Hone your understanding of humor.

Slowly - very slowly, it takes time - you'll develop comic timing. You'll learn your audience's tastes. You'll know the difference between a bad pun and a perfect zinger. Your internal filter will be replaced with a comedy generator. It will improve. And you'll see it in the reactions of those around you.

When that happens? Your characters will be witty, because you will be.

[LordBiscuit]

I agree with the above post. I often found I was most witty when I just blurted out the obivous after something sangficant had happened and made it sound like something from an action movie.

(Recalls a Star Wars campiagn incident in a prision brawl with a wooike who had flipped my table while I was eating grewl. I simply stared at one of my comrades and asked "are you finished with that?"

There was a breif silence shared around the table, a friend who had stated "he had picked up his bowl" He passed me this metalic bowl and I immedately smashed the wookie in the face with it as a improvised weapon, leaving a imprint of it's mug to the quip of "don't get bent out of shape"


Needless to say there was a massive brawl, where I ended up impailing his eye on a table leg. In the silence that followed a comrade passed me a bowl from one of the recently vacent tables, I finished off the meal that was inside it and tossed it on him to the effect of "you can keep the crumbs, you dirty animal."


It sounds remarkably basic here but at the time it was rather helrious due to the timing and the fact that, quips aside, it was a incredably serious brawl.

[AzureKnight]

What comes to mind for me is an old b movie called Kung Pow Enter the Fist. There was a kunf fu expert named Wind Blows. He was purposely trained wrong because noone liked him and thought it was a cruel joke. Have fun with a character whom was skilled and mentored by a complete ****, who thinks to cram witt and knowlege into a guy as part of either a social experiment or cruel joke. The character thinks he is being very smooth and clever when in fact he shows his lack of such.

[Psyren]

If you are not witty then maybe you shouldn't play a witty character.

By this logic you shouldn't play a fighter unless you can physically strap on full plate and hike for a mile in it.

It's called a roleplaying game, i.e. you're playing a role. Something that you, the player, may not necessarily be able to do yourself. So OP, ask your friends at the table to help you come up with one-liners (they are your friends, right?) and look up all the cheesy jokes and quips you can find. I'm talking Ahnold-level stuff.

[Sapreaver]

"Now that's what I call sticky situation"

[Red Fel]

By this logic you shouldn't play a fighter unless you can physically strap on full plate and hike for a mile in it.

It's called a roleplaying game, i.e. you're playing a role. Something that you, the player, may not necessarily be able to do yourself. So OP, ask your friends at the table to help you come up with one-liners (they are your friends, right?) and look up all the cheesy jokes and quips you can find. I'm talking Ahnold-level stuff.

While I don't disagree fully, I will say it breaks immersion.

It's one thing when you describe your character leaping through the air whilst firing two hand-crossbows, or rending the fabric of the cosmos asunder to call forth onto the Prime a being of concentrated holiness.

It's another if you say "I tell a really funny joke."

In the groups in which I've been, we RP conversations and social scenes. There may be some dice-rolling, but mostly it's based on choices and described actions. As a player, I cannot speak draconic. I learned one or two words from the back of Races of the Dragon, and I am comfortable saying that they were not meant to be pronounced by the human tongue. But my character can. I can say "my character speaks to the gold dragon in draconic."

And then the DM asks, "What do you say?"

I can't very well say, "He says the most appropriate thing that would get the dragon to agree to let us take his hard-earned loot without a fight." Most likely, the DM would rule that I did something stupid and now a dragon wants to eat us.

Nor can I say, "I say something funny." It breaks immersion. Mind you, if I have ranks in Perform, I might say that I go to the center of town and put on a comedy show. That's fine. But individual acts of wittiness really do require some wittiness on the part of the player. It's not the same thing as hurling boulders or fireballs - you can't simply say "I did it" and expect to feel that same level of accomplishment.

All that aside, I agree, opening the table to advice is an excellent idea. Don't be afraid to use the one-liners. Don't be afraid to take requests. Study from the greats. Watch some Shakespeare, some Sondheim, some Schwarzenegger. But remember two things about the soul of wit:

1: Wit must be instantaneous. You can't check through your notes for the right line, or try to prepare things in advance. The funniest stuff just bursts out, and that's part of what makes it funny.

2: Brevity.

[PaucaTerrorem]

Go work in a kitchen. You'll start making one-liners right quick. Start with self burns. Everyone loves 'em. Then, just be a little bit of an arse-hole(in a loveable fashion) and the wit will start flowing.

[Psyren]

I get that it can be hard if it doesn't come naturally, but part of the point of roleplay is to get people out of their comfort zone in a consequence-free environment. Simply telling them not to bother trying is not helping.

If it were me, I would partner with someone at the table who is, and ask them to help my character supply quips.

As for the dragon example, were I the DM in that situation I would help the wallflower face player out a bit. For example, if flattery is the key to getting past the dragon, I would drop hints that the dragon is very vain - say, having him preen and examine his reflection in something shiny like a burnished shield while the party enters the room, and barely paying attention to them as they talk. Or if intimidation is the key, I would have the dragon be nervous/jumpy, maybe a bit paranoid. Even if the face player himself doesn't pick up on the cues, the lower-Cha members of the party who do will be glad to help him out. To me, it's little different than a player rolling a knowledge check and getting setting info they didn't otherwise know.

Ultimately, I don't care which player at the table comes up with the "solution." They can communicate it OOC to the face, and he can use his character's modifiers to actually roll the check and boost the chances of success as high as possible. And if they fail after all that, then I can honestly say that the deck was not stacked against them and it was simply a matter of bad luck or a poor tactical choice by the group, rather than the perceived roleplaying deficiency of one individual.

[Legendxp]

Make Pun-Pun your deity, then make a bunch of self-aware Optimization jokes?

Dangit Haiken! You beat me to the punch! I was going to mention Pun-Pun.:smallfrown: As a side note, where did you get your avatar?

@Rasman - That has got to be the most hilarious avatar I have ever seen. You have my respect.

Start watching funny shows to learn how to be witty. Mimicry is one of the basics for learning stuff.

[Hyena]

Maybe you should look for an inspiration (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84lw4ouziF4)

[Seerow]

If you are not witty then maybe you shouldn't play a witty character.

Although...

...you could play a character that THINKS he's witty and is incredibly sure of himself and his wit, but fails miserably at being witty. Every knows that he lacks wit but him. Then, maybe the wittiness will simply come to you along the way.

That is what I would do with this character because wit isn't something you learn from a book, it is something you learn from experience and natural charisma.

You're right. People also should avoid playing spellcasters until they figure out how to cast world altering magics on their own. Stick to what you're good at.


edited for clarity

[BRC]

You're right. People also should avoid playing spellcasters until they figure out how to cast world altering magics on their own. Stick to what you're good at.


edited for clarity

There is a major difference between being witty and casting spells.

The game rules provide mechanics for casting spells or swinging a greatsword. I am personally incapable of doing either, but the game is built to let me play a character who can.

Roleplay is different. The Mechanics barely touch Roleplay. There is no stat for Wit, no check you can make to have your character use well-timed sarcasm or a witty retort.

If being Witty is central to your character concept, but you do not feel that you can be Witty, then there is no way around that. Carrying around a list of funny lines won't work very well, since the best humor (especially if you're trying to be "Witty") is Situational.

My advice is to make your character and roleplay them to the best of your ability. If you know the type of situations you are getting into you can brainstorm some material, but don't try to force jokes into your roleplay unless you think they're good.
That said, be confident. You don't know if you're ideas are good until you try them.
If you try and find yourself falling flat, maybe it's time to tone down your character. Or make them convinced of their own Wit, laughing at their own jokes.

Walking into the session with a list of "Funny things to say" is not the solution though. Roleplaying should be naturalistic and spontaneous, not two people reading scripts at each other.

You could just say "My character says something Witty!" but that kind of defeats the purpose.

[Psyren]

Roleplay is different. The Mechanics barely touch Roleplay. There is no stat for Wit, no check you can make to have your character use well-timed sarcasm or a witty retort.

However, there IS a stat for saying the right thing at the right time in the right way, and my previous post addressed some ways to handle that. And there's nothing wrong with other players chiming in with a quip that the face player can then pick up and use with their roll; in fact, I'd wager that at many tables that's going to happen anyway. If somebody else thinks of something really funny they're probably not going to hold it in.

[dascarletm]

Just do your best. In my games when one of my not so witty players is playing a witty character he usually tries hard, but when it flops I'll either imagine it having actually been better. The thing is, they usually get better over time, and by the end of the campaign I rarely have to pretend to myself that the character actually said it better.

[jedipotter]

For Wit, there is a great teacher available: Hollywood. You have tons of movies from the likes of Adam Sandler, Jim Carry, Steve Carell, Jona Hill, Jack Black, Tina Fey, and others. Check out any parody movie. Start with say Airplane! and run through them all. And don't forget to watch anything made by Mel Brooks. And Paul Rudd is a master of witt, as well as most of the other actors that show up in the movies he is in like Seth Rogen.

Just take any half hour comedy. A lot of them are well written. For example:

Friends: This show is overflowing with Wit, the character of Chandler just about always has something to say.

Scrubs: Just watch...

Two Broke Girls: Max(Kat Dennings) is just overflowing with wit.

[Red Fel]

For Wit, there is a great teacher available: Hollywood. You have tons of movies from the likes of Adam Sandler, Jim Carry, Steve Carell, Jona Hill, Jack Black, Tina Fey, and others. Check out any parody movie. Start with say Airplane! and run through them all. And don't forget to watch anything made by Mel Brooks. And Paul Rudd is a master of witt, as well as most of the other actors that show up in the movies he is in like Seth Rogen.

Just take any half hour comedy. A lot of them are well written. For example:

Friends: This show is overflowing with Wit, the character of Chandler just about always has something to say.

Scrubs: Just watch...

Two Broke Girls: Max(Kat Dennings) is just overflowing with wit.

The examples you're listing (with the exception of Mel Brooks) almost all fall into a single species of wit: the Deadpan Snarker. It's true, few characters can produce stinging one-liners quite like these sarcastic, smirking, one-eyebrow-raised snark machines. But that's not all that wit is.

Take some of the old greats. I agree with Hollywood, but go older. Look at some of the legendary comedies and comedians. Look at some of the vitriolic barbs between Hepburn and Tracy's characters in their legendary performances. Watch Cary Grant and his goofy grinning charm. Like the deadpan snarkers, they all say exactly what they're thinking, perfectly phrased and miraculously well-timed, but it doesn't have to be sarcastic. It can be teasing. It can be vicious. It can be well- or ill-intentioned. It can be clean. It can be filthy. It can have subtext or lack context. It can have multiple layers or be extraordinarily blatant.

As soon as you start saying "This thing here is Wit, I must try to do this," you're pigeonholing yourself. Wit isn't a single, monolithic creature. There are styles to it. Even between the ones JediPotter mentioned above, there is extraordinary variety. Find out (by experience and practice) what works for you.
Is yours the sort of wit where you make the obvious look ridiculous? ("So, let me get this straight. The guy with the pointy hat, the guy with the pointy stick, the guy with the pointy knives, and I, we're all going to go into a cave with a giant, fire-breathing monstrosity that has eaten a few dozen people exactly like us, and we're going to ask it very nicely to leave these delicious villagers alone?") Is yours the sort of wit where you say little, but say it expressively? ("... Of course you do, dear.") Is yours the sort of wit where you juxtapose the expected and unexpected? ("This is a serious undertaking. It requires a hero of truly epic and grand standing. I nominate Bob.")Or is yours another breed of wit altogether?

Find your tone, your charm, your expression. Study from the greats and see what you can draw on to make it yours. Then refine it.

[Slipperychicken]

Wit and cheesy one-liners are entirely different. Still it depends on your choice of "weapon". If you have a wide array of styles to kill someone it is refreshing but if you have a really big sword the sum of "chop-based puns" is limited.

1. Play the Haberdash the Masked (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5266526) build.

2. Come up with cheesy pun ideas for every way you have to defeat people (this might take a while).

3. More puns for each enemy type you're likely to encounter (i.e. skeletons, demons, bandits, goblins, thugs, assassins, etc.)

4. Learn to dodge books.

5. ???

6. PROFIT!

[Rasman]

By this logic you shouldn't play a fighter unless you can physically strap on full plate and hike for a mile in it.

It's called a roleplaying game, i.e. you're playing a role. Something that you, the player, may not necessarily be able to do yourself. So OP, ask your friends at the table to help you come up with one-liners (they are your friends, right?) and look up all the cheesy jokes and quips you can find. I'm talking Ahnold-level stuff.

Your logic in regards to my logic is flawed, I'm afraid. Red Fel just beat me to the explanation.

It's all part of being a good storyteller. That's what RP is, being a good storyteller from a singular point of view, your character. His dialogue is what comes out of your mouth and his actions are what you describe them to be.

Besides, I don't see anything wrong with my advice of telling him that maybe he shouldn't do it, but to do it anyway and just be bad about it. The entire reason I say this is simply because wit isn't something you learn from a book. Like Red Fel said, wit must be instantaneous. It just happens. You sifting though notes trying to find the funniest line to say just cheapens the moment and makes it anything but witty. It is also incredibly situational, so other than in very generic circumstances, there is little that anyone can actually help with in terms of what to say.

Perhaps if I were Cyrano de Bergerac whispering into his ear as he tried to woo a maiden or slay a dragon or woo a dragon or save the dragon from a maiden it would be possible to give him the best advice ever, but my nose is not nearly long enough nor is it possible for any of us to know exactly what wit he needs to say.

He simply needs to not do it at all OR do it, be bold about it, and not fear failing at it like the fool character I suggested to him in the beginning.

The success of this will only rise above the corpses of his many, not so witty, failures.

I will add one last piece of advice. This character is a part of you. It is literally a fragment of yourself. If you aren't witty then you can't force your character to be witty because it will be unnatural and simply just not real or believable. Fall into your character. Become the character and not something you wrote down on a piece of paper that you thought might be funny. You can dress him in full plate or the robes of a wizard and he can look however you desire, but his or his abilities on a character sheet don't make him who he is. You do and you have to make him yours, not some one liners that someone on a forum told you to say.

[Sith_Happens]

1. Play the Haberdash the Masked (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=5266526) build.

2. Come up with cheesy pun ideas for every way you have to defeat people (this might take a while).

3. More puns for each enemy type you're likely to encounter (i.e. skeletons, demons, bandits, goblins, thugs, assassins, etc.)

4. Learn to dodge books.

5. ???

6. PROFIT!

I feel like you're missing a "Memorize every line in The Princess Bride" in there somewhere...

[Slipperychicken]

I feel like you're missing a "Memorize every line in The Princess Bride" in there somewhere...

Good point. It's been far too long since I've seen that movie.