Moms and Dads in the Playground

[Sylthia]

Well, Shekinah (another occasional poster here) and I will be expecting our first baby next July. We're both really excited, and I'm looking forward to raising a new generation of RPGers.

Thankfully we have a supportive family, and I'm sure Grandma doesn't mind watching the baby once every other week or so, so we can do a D&D session. :smallsmile:

I didn't see any thread about parenting in my rudimentary search, so I thought I'd start one. Any pointers any parents here have for a new Mom and Dad?

[valadil]

Congrats! We have a two year old. He's awesome, so we're making another one, due mid-January.

You won't feel ready till it happens. There's always gonna be a little doubt that you're not prepared enough and if only pregnancy were a few months longer you'd have time to accumulate more baby gear, college funds, training, etc. Don't worry about all that. You'll be ready when baby comes.

When you feel overwhelmed, just remember that there are literally billions of people who have already done this and that most of them are probably dumber than you.

The first month will suck. Steal sleep where you can. But, even if you intend to do an even amount of baby care, be prepared to take 2/3 of it, minimum. Your wife is practically recovering from surgery (unless she has a c section in case she actually is recovering from surgery) and she needs the rest more than you do in order to heal.

But every month gets a little easier. After the 1st month we were getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night. Sounds awful now, but during that first month we got used to 0-2 hours of sleep a night. When you've gotten used to 2 hours, 4 feels glorious.

[Sylthia]

Thanks for the pointers. Fortunately, by the time the baby comes around, I'll be done with my first year of residency and won't have to take ER call anymore.

[Killer Angel]

Here I am, proudly father of 2 daughters (8 and 5 years old).
My suggestion is to be careful: avoid at all costs the sweet tentation to let the baby sleep in your bed.
It's better for you and for the child, also in the long run.

[Brother Oni]

Congratulations!

Seconding the advice to steal sleep whenever you can. 20 minutes of drowsing with your eyes closed is better than nothing.

Depending on whether your wife intends to breast feed or bottle feed can help your sleep pattern as she can breast feed lying down with the baby and get some rest while still caring for it.

I know this runs counter to Killer Angel's suggestion, but that just emphasises how there's no one right way as each baby is individual.
I will admit that letting the baby sleep with you will entail a painful week or two of it learning how to sleep by itself in a cot, but having done it twice now, I feel it's worth the extra rest you get in the beginning.

You will find yourself rushing out late at night or in the early hours of the morning to get something you've forgotten or run out of - don't worry, that's normal. I remember going to the chemists after the first night bringing our first born home and spending a good five minutes trying to explain to the assistant what I needed as I was so sleep deprived.

[razark]

A. You may think you're ready. You're not. No matter how well you prepare, you will never be ready. Read books, talk to people, take classes, etc. None of that is going to get you ready for the real thing.

B. Everything you do is wrong. The hospital, the doctor, family members, friends, anonymous posters online. They all know so much more than you, and will be very vocal about how bad a parent you are.

C. Sleep? Muahahahahaha! Never again! You know that you won't be getting much sleep. You've been told. You're expecting it. It's true that you will not be sleeping much at first. But then the little thing will learn to sleep through the night. Relief? Of course not. It's not waking up, so there must be something wrong. You'll need to go check on it. Eventually, you'll become comfortable with the situation and you're finally able to get a full night's sleep. That's when it starts waking up in the middle of the night again. This is when you learn what "tired" really means.

D. It's loud, it's messy, and it stinks. See E.

E. No matter what happens, it's your problem. Kids can be fun when you get to play with them or take care of them for short periods. This one is yours. Other people get to do strange things to it, and when something goes wrong/cleaning time/endless crying time, it's back to you to deal with it.

F. You're in for a big adventure in contradiction. It's going to be frustrating. It's going to be rewarding. There will be times when you question why you got into it, and there will be times you wonder why you didn't get into it sooner. Some days you will feel like you are dealing with things that no one could ever deal with, and you'll have days you think everyone should experience. You'll spend months waiting for the thing to learn to move. Then you'll spend months trying to find out where it went. You'll wait anxiously for that first word, and then you'll wait anxiously to get a moment of silence.


Good luck. (You'll need it.)

[Jonzac]

Dad of two teenage boys now.

1. I personally didn't buy into the whole bottle thing and given my 15 year old is now 5'11" and very healthy I"m not sure that "breast milk" is the only or best answer....either way, make sure you have bottles of whatever prepped for night time. We would go to bed at 10:30 to 11pm and feed the baby then. After changing and getting him to sleep I could sleep until 3am or so...a quick 30 seconds in the microwave for the bottle and then I would feed him in a rocking chair from bottle...letting my wife sleep. The bottle was CRUCIAL for us.

2. I second putting the baby in the crib to sleep...in another room. You need your sleep as much as they do...the monitor will let you know if they cry.

3. We "swaddled" the babies, or as we called it "wrapping a burrito". Babies sometimes will spasm their arms and wake themselves up...also prevents unintended rolling over.

4. Playing with yoru infant...make sure you put them on their bellies sometimes...especially as they start to raise their heads. If the babies are always on their backs or in a swing they are constantly putting pressure on the back of their soft skulls. Our oldest had torticalus (sp?), ie. a neck issue that prevented him from turning his head to the left and we started to put a flat spot on the back of his head because he didnt' like being on his stomach so much.

5. Relax, babies are damn near indestructible.

editted to add:

6. Nothing you do in the first 6 months will limit or comprimise your babies future growth...no matter what you do, or what music you play, or whatever, your not going to ruin their chances for college in the first 6 months.

7. You WILL make mistakes, count on it. It won't matter if you love them and they know it...and that happens by SPENDING TIME with them from the first moment. Heck, even if they sit on your lap while you play a quick game it physical contact and that is important to them.

8. If you play MMOs...and you raid, you might want to rethink your time commitment. Even if your wife/husband is taking care of the baby you WILL be called away for issues, it happens. DON'T be one of those parents who puts a purple WOW shiney over their kids.

[FinnLassie]

Not a parent myself, but having followed several babies growing older in the past 5 years - do look into alternatives for disposable nappies. Majority of the people I know use cloth nappies and they have not only saved money, but they're doing a favour to the environment as well.

Also, yes to breastfeeding. Keep that baby on the tit either as long as its still interested, or stop somewhere between 1-2 years, or heck, keep it going as long as you like it (not forcing the child, of course). It's the healthiest option for the baby unless they develop an allergy to breast milk. The child might also be allergic to some things that you eat that comes through with the breast milk, so don't immediately assume the baby's allergic to breast milk, but it might be something the mum's eating. My godmother had to stop eating many, many things due to the child developing allergies, and at some point they started using formula because she didn't feel like she was energetic enough to breastfeed the baby at all.

[Jonzac]

I'm not sure I agree with the breast milk is best consortium. The Leche League put the full court press on my wife, made her feel like she was a horrible mother if she didn't breast feed. Now I'll agree that if you can get your baby to breast feed for 6 months or so that great...pumping it is just as good.

All I can say is my boys (and others I know) made out just fine on formula.

Like I said, babies are damn near indestructable.

[FinnLassie]

I'm not sure I agree with the breast milk is best consortium. The Leche League put the full court press on my wife, made her feel like she was a horrible mother if she didn't breast feed. Now I'll agree that if you can get your baby to breast feed for 6 months or so that great...pumping it is just as good.

All I can say is my boys (and others I know) made out just fine on formula.

Every person has their right to choose if they want to breast feed or not (plus, some women simply find it extremely hard to produce milk - formula it is), but I personally see more benefits in breast feeding. I've also been raised to hate a certain company that caused a lot of hassle by telling people in Africa that formula's better than breast milk, causing them mixing it with dirty water and well, you can guess the rest. ... but yeah, I'm biased. My gran used to be a midwife as well, so she's been a rather strong female figure to the larger family when it comes to preachin' 'bout the tit. :smalltongue:
Formula isn't the evil monster some people paint it to be, but I find it a little strange when something so natural as breast feeding has become such an estranged part of some cultures. There's pros and cons with both, I'd say. I'm not super fanatic about the breast milk thing like my sister is, but then again she follows her way when it comes to raising her kid. *shrug*

I think it's just important to find your own way with the baby. My mum said that my eldest sister is with all honestly the guinea pig of the family as she was the first so they kinda tried everything, and when I was born fourth and last in line it was all just a routine to my mum and she doesn't even remember much from me being less than 2 years old because I was so easy - a mix of her knowing how to handle things, plus I think I was mostly calm (most of my cries came from the older siblings being a bit too rough with me. We have video proof of my sister dropping me by accident, pfft, by accident, she says! :smallyuk: :smallwink:).

[Brother Oni]

For the record, both of my children were breast fed and I'm of the opinion that it's better for the child (after all, it's what was used to feed babies before the invention of formula) and the WHO agrees with me for the first 6 months (http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/global_strategy/en/).

That said, you should use whatever method is best for the baby. Some mothers simply cannot produce enough milk for their baby, have problems getting the baby to latch on, their nipples are cracked and bleeding from all the toothless gnawing, or any number of other problems.

I see no problem with use of formula in the above cases, it's when I see formula being pushed over breast milk that I raise an objection *cough*Nestle*cough*.

[FinnLassie]

That said, you should use whatever method is best for the baby. Some mothers simply cannot produce enough milk for their baby, have problems getting the baby to latch on, their nipples are cracked and bleeding from all the toothless gnawing, or any number of other problems.

Aye, my nephew just wouldn't drink much milk at all in his first 4 months and man was he a skinny baby. He didn't suck hard enough, so he was missing on getting the most important ingredients and most of the fat because he was only getting the surface milk. Then something clicked in his brain just before my sister and her hubbie were planning to start using formula and he finally started going at it. He was one fat baby after that so all good. :smalltongue:

[Jonzac]

I agree the breastfeed would be good, of course, my first was 10lb, 22in and never stopped being HUGE...heck I remember lifting chins to clean under them....now at 15 he's skinny as a rail...of course he's 5'11' and 145lbs.

My second was 9lb 7oz and 22 1/2 inches, and never that fat...picky eater though. When he was a baby he would store the peas in his cheeks for HOURS...then stuff them in his diaper somehow.

[valadil]

We wanted to breastfeed but had supply issues and gave up after 4 months. There's no shame in formula, but some of our friends didn't get that message :-\

[Sylthia]

We're planning to breast feed unless for some reason we can't.

We may have the baby sleep in our room at first, but definitely not in our bed. I've seen first hand what that can do. Having to perform an autopsy on a baby is one of the saddest things I've had to do in my short career as a doctor.

[Killer Angel]

Depending on whether your wife intends to breast feed or bottle feed can help your sleep pattern as she can breast feed lying down with the baby and get some rest while still caring for it.

I know this runs counter to Killer Angel's suggestion, but that just emphasises how there's no one right way as each baby is individual.


IMO, to sleep together is fine for the beginning, but the sooner the baby sleeps in the cradle, the better. For him/her, this will reduce greatly the difficulties, later, when to sleep alone will become a necessity.

But of course, to each one his own. :smallwink:

[Brother Oni]

We may have the baby sleep in our room at first, but definitely not in our bed. I've seen first hand what that can do. Having to perform an autopsy on a baby is one of the saddest things I've had to do in my short career as a doctor.

I guess that's one of the big informal tests that see whether you can handle being a doctor. I'm not sure I could do that anymore - one split second of losing detachment and imagining my children's face over the deceased and I'm probably done.

Over here in the UK, advice is that it's generally safe, unless you're overly tired or having been drinking heavily (we had both of our children in our bed). It's more the unforgettable experience of when they start being able to crawl around and you wake up with a full nappy next to your face. :smallsigh:


IMO, to sleep together is fine for the beginning, but the sooner the baby sleeps in the cradle, the better. For him/her, this will reduce greatly the difficulties, later, when to sleep alone will become a necessity.

I agree - we left it a bit too long with our first, so getting her to sleep alone was troublesome as I mentioned earlier.
We learnt our lesson for our second, but he started climbing out of his cot at about 9 months (he couldn't even stand properly yet!) and to prevent him smashing his head on the floor, we moved him to his playpen with higher walls which became his bed/den/cage.

The little monster soon learnt how to grip the bars between his toes though so that didn't hold him for long either. :smallsigh:

[razorback]

Lots of advice but one thing that no one has touched upon is the mother eating as healthy as possible now to improve the babies chances later on. Not saying the occasional fast food will destroy your babies future but a lot of the basics are being set now for the baby so do the best you can for it.

[Manga Shoggoth]

Since my wife is a member of the NCT I will be lynched if I don't add to the Breastfeeding lobby:

If you can, then do so.
If you can't, for whatever reason, don't sweat it and politely tell people who pick on you about it where to go (I recommend 37deg4'S, 12deg19'W*)


For my own part: Don't get so emotionally invested in your child that you blind yourself to their faults. If you find yourself making excuses for your child's behaviour then there are two things wrong.

And finally: Listen to all the advice. Only implement the bits that are actually useful.





* This is the location of Tristan da Cunha. A good place for them to go.

[Callin]

Enjoy and cherish every second. The good and the bad. You will always look back upon it with fondness.

I got 3 girls. 8, 5, and 2. I am also a stay at home dad so I was there for everything. Kids are more resilient that you might think. As someone above me said damn near indestructible. So dont worry about treating them like glass.

Have a night out set aside every so often. This will allow you and the wife to enjoy some quiet you time. After the initial 6 weeks you are going to want that intimacy again and she is busy breast feeding or bottle feeding (formula or breast milk). (Side note: Have her pump that way you can help with the late night feeding and let her sleep a bit) With the baby sleeping in the same room as you for the first bit (I agree I did so with all 3) you are going to lose personal space and lose time alone.

Set time aside. Dont feel guilty (the wife will. Post Partum and all that jazz)

[Scarlet Knight]

To second Callin, remember these words:

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Theodore Hesburgh

[Killer Angel]

After the initial 6 weeks you are going to want that intimacy again

Time may vary greatly, if you have a natural childbirth, or a caesarean section.

[Callin]

Time may vary greatly, if you have a natural childbirth, or a caesarean section.

You are right. I can only speak from experience with my wife having 3 C-Sections.

[Kiero]

Welcome to parenting! The most rewarding thing you can do in the world, but be prepared for unsolicited and partisan advice from all and sundry, parent or not. It's one of the most polarising, entrenched and flame-worthy topics that exists. I make no claims of being above that fray.

I have three-and-a-half year old and a six week old. Our first has us well-trained as parents, we're finding it really easy this time around.

Before you even get to the baby part, there's a host of contention around where and how. Doctors like to talk up risk so they have something to do (unless you have some genuine medical condition that complicates things); we had no need of a doctor for either of our deliveries. First was at home with a couple of midwives, the second in hospital (because of a freak episode of DVT, which proved to have no impact whatsoever on delivery) with one midwife. Didn't need any pain relief beyond entonox gas, but everyone is different. Whatever context your partner is most comfortable, with whatever support makes her feel most relaxed is the right answer.

You're never really prepared, but the first three months are the worst. They don't call it the "fourth trimester" for nothing, it's a very real thing. Human neonates are born unfinished, but if they grew any more they'd be too big to fit through the pelvis. The first four weeks are especially tough, since you get no positive feedback at all. But by week five when they're smiling, it starts to pick up. It gets much, much better after that first twelve weeks. By then they feed better, sleep longer, are more with it and more robust.

Forget routines, patterns, any of that stuff in the fourth trimester. If they're useful for you as a parent, fair enough, but your baby cannot be "trained" at this age. That includes managed neglect or "controlled crying" as the literature likes to call it, which doesn't do your child any good, except teach them that you won't respond to their cries, so don't bother crying. Your baby needs responsive parents who address their needs, they are incapable of guile or manipulation.

Be prepared to play second fiddle to the baby for a long while, and to be the second-favourite parent (especially if your partner is breast-feeding, you can't compete with that). You will never again be able to command the sort of attention from your partner that you once did, that's just life until they move out.


We're planning to breast feed unless for some reason we can't.

Good for you, but be prepared because it isn't easy. Breast is best. It's that simple. Formula is a barely adequate inferior substitute; anyone telling you different is either selling you some, or trying to assuage their own guilt (there's an awful lot of self-justification in any discussion of parenting).

Breast milk doesn't just have the macronutrients of protein, fat and carbohydrate in exactly the right combinations and in the most bio-available format for a newborn, but is also packed with micronutrients, human growth hormone and antibodies. Formula has synthesised versions of some of the micronutrients, which are often not easily absorbed by the baby. It has no hormones and no antibodies. Breastfeeding is also good for the mother; helping her body to recover from pregnancy and birth, lifting her mood (once it's all established and there's no more early frustration) and helping establish a healthy attachment.

Somewhere between 95-99% of women are perfectly capable of breastfeeding successfully. What distinguishes those who succeed from those who fail are perseverance and support.

Perseverance because breastfeeding is a learned skill that requires both mother and baby to work it out between them. There's often a pain barrier that has to be passed through as the nipples temper, but with lanolin ointment and patience, along with a baby getting better at latching and having a bigger mouth, that fades. Babies do not starve, and yes, there are days when they want to be attached all the time. That's just how it is. Part of breastfeeding is accept that yes, whatever else you wanted to do in a day is secondary to the need of your baby to feed wherever and whenever it wants to. You'll get your life back later, for the time being, deal.

Support because it takes a family to breastfeed, most women who give up do so because they are attempting a difficult thing by themselves. That includes you picking up the slack and doing any and everything else to make it as easy as possible for your SO to focus on the only task she should be concerned with: feeding the baby. That means you cook and prepare food, get drinks, sort out the cushions and anything else. It also means trying to play latching consultant, soundboard to any issues and so on. Get involved, be supportive and it's much more likely to work.Yes, you may have a full time job to manage as well, but that's to juggle.

Our first breastfed up to fifteen months (though after nine months it was just night feeds).



We may have the baby sleep in our room at first, but definitely not in our bed. I've seen first hand what that can do. Having to perform an autopsy on a baby is one of the saddest things I've had to do in my short career as a doctor.

Co-sleeping is not dangerous with a properly designed cot, and even then the real dangers are from parents who smoke, are on sleeping medication, drink alcohol, are overweight and so on. Neither of us, even at our most exhausted, were ever in any danger of rolling over or smothering our first.


IMO, to sleep together is fine for the beginning, but the sooner the baby sleeps in the cradle, the better. For him/her, this will reduce greatly the difficulties, later, when to sleep alone will become a necessity.

But of course, to each one his own. :smallwink:

Categorically untrue. There's been recent research that "sleep training" is basically crap, children's sleep patterns don't settle until they're over the age of 3. Sure it might be helpful for the parents, in terms of getting them into a routine they can get used to, but it does nothing whatsoever for the child.

My eldest is three and a half now, and it's only recently that she's graduated from awful sleeper to really rather good sleeper. There's a lot of expectation-management in there in terms of making sure she understands why things are happening, and that we're consistent in how we approach it. Furthermore, things are disrupted with the arrival of her sister, inevitably, but it's only now we can get reliably good stretches of sleep.

She co-slept for the entire time she was breastfeeding (and frankly it would have been easier if we'd just done that at the start) and transferred into her own cot fine. With the usual three nights of pain as she came to realise this was a permanent change at fifteen months. She sleeps in her own bed, most of the night (barring toilet visits, then back into her bed).

[Jonzac]

Well Kiero has laid down the law and the rest of us parents obviously did it wrong and are now lying to ourselves.

Either way, just love your kids and you'll be fine.

[Telonius]

My own experience regarding the breast milk debate...

Personally, it was an impossibility for me (being an adopted child) as well as my daughter (my wife has a really unusual genetic thing where all the women in her family can't produce milk for their first kid; 2nd and on are fine). Both my daughter and I are reasonably healthy. Breast milk might be best, but absolutely don't panic if it's not possible or practical. Make sure the mother knows that she has not completely failed as a person if she can't. There are plenty of other things you'll be doing that will mess the kid up just as much or more.

In general, realize that you're going to mess up. You're going to make mistakes, you're not going to be perfect. This is normal.

[Aliquid]

Categorically untrue. There's been recent research that "sleep training" is basically crap, children's sleep patterns don't settle until they're over the age of 3. Sure it might be helpful for the parents, in terms of getting them into a routine they can get used to, but it does nothing whatsoever for the child.
I couldn’t disagree more.

I have personal experience with sleep training for two children, and I know many parents who have tried it as well. For some kids it has worked wonders, for others it didn’t really do much at all.

As an example, I know one child (at about 18 months) where putting them to bed took between 1 to 2 hours of hard work every night. Crying, fussing, freaking out about being put into crib, etc. After a couple weeks of sleep training, the bedtime routine dropped down to a pleasant 20 minute process of “feed, story, song, sleep”. The baby slept better through the night, and was more energetic and happy during the day.

Every kid is different; you have to find out what works best for yours. The problem is that too many parents have the mentality of “this worked for my child, therefore it must work for all children”

[Sylthia]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.

[Brother Oni]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.

At least you'll find it easy to remember the birthday. :smalltongue:

[JustSomeGuy]

the real dangers are from parents who smoke, are on sleeping medication, drink alcohol, are overweight and so on.

Does anyone else think that medical reccomendations have become somewhat lazy? I would like to know the chemical/biological reasons that a perent who smokes is more likely to crush thier child, and whether these are the same causes that an overweight guy will get diabetes, or a stressed guy will suffer heart problems.


What we did: put the baby in a moses basket for daytime naps and stuff, take the basket and stand into the bedroom to sleep next to us... not because we feared waking up next to flat stanley, but so the whole contraption could be moved into a seperate bedroom with minimal fuss (if the baby was already used to sleeping in the box, and the box was moved around wherever, then they should be much more susceptible to being tricked into sleeping in the box in their own bedroom).

[Aliquid]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.
There is a 95% chance that the baby will not be born on the due date. So go ahead and make plans on that day :smallwink:

It looked like our first was going to be born on an interesting date (kinda like yours sharing your birthday), labor started that morning... but then the labor went on and on and on... and the baby didn't come out until early the next morning.

[FinnLassie]

It looked like our first was going to be born on an interesting date (kinda like yours sharing your birthday), labor started that morning... but then the labor went on and on and on... and the baby didn't come out until early the next morning.

My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. :smalleek: I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

[Slylizard]

My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. :smalleek: I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

My missus went into labour at approx 10pm on a Friday, our youngun was born at about 4pm (3:57) the Sunday... sooo (maths in head) about 42-odd hours?

Mind ours was born at 31 weeks (so 9 early) and the birth took so long because the doctors tried to delay it and because she didn't weigh enough to break the waters (that ended up happening manually). All in all a 'fun' situation.

Regardless, she's an incredibly smart and healthy 3 year old now and our less than usual (yet not unusual) circumstances taught me a few things:

All the lessons (pre-natal and such) aren't needed, we got by without. Your instincts will kick in, and your family will help. Not saying they aren't good or helpful... definitely go if you can, you'll feel more prepared. Just saying that despite everything, you'll somehow know what to do.
Opinions on what to feed them, how to have them sleep and so on are incredibly varied. We had people who hated breast-feeding and the opposite as well. Do what is right for you and your situation (so long as it's legal and all :P) and damn everyone else.
Kids bounce :P
Take every day as it comes. There will be great days, and days where you just want to get out. It's all worthwhile... plus the little things have some innate ability to know when you're at your wits end and throw you that smile, comment or hug you need when you need it the most.
You'll get it wrong, either because you are, or because someone tells you you are. As long as it doesn't kill the kid they'll be fine.


All in all, welcome to life's biggest adventure! Best thing I ever did!

[THAC0]

Congrats! I'm due with my first April 1st. :smallbiggrin:

[Sylthia]

Congrats! I'm due with my first April 1st. :smallbiggrin:

Congrats to you! Oddly, my mom's hoping for a boy, while my wife's mom is hoping for a girl. I'm hoping for a boy this round, for no other reason than to name him Leo. My wife really loves the name and it would be an appropriate birthday for such a name, unless he's born way early.

[Evandar]

All the warnings about sleep deprivation have convinced me to never have children. :smalleek: I will never, ever be able to function while that sleep deprived.

[Kiero]

I couldn’t disagree more.

I have personal experience with sleep training for two children, and I know many parents who have tried it as well. For some kids it has worked wonders, for others it didn’t really do much at all.

As an example, I know one child (at about 18 months) where putting them to bed took between 1 to 2 hours of hard work every night. Crying, fussing, freaking out about being put into crib, etc. After a couple weeks of sleep training, the bedtime routine dropped down to a pleasant 20 minute process of “feed, story, song, sleep”. The baby slept better through the night, and was more energetic and happy during the day.

Every kid is different; you have to find out what works best for yours. The problem is that too many parents have the mentality of “this worked for my child, therefore it must work for all children”

It's funny, because everyone I know of who does sleep training finds that they have to do it all over again every single time the child is ill, or if there's a disruption (like teething, birth of a sibling, going to school, moving house, etc). Not least because "controlled crying" always seemed to be a foundational part of it (thanks Gina Ford, for all your nonsense).


Does anyone else think that medical reccomendations have become somewhat lazy? I would like to know the chemical/biological reasons that a perent who smokes is more likely to crush thier child, and whether these are the same causes that an overweight guy will get diabetes, or a stressed guy will suffer heart problems.

They're all related to the same thing - people who are heavy sleepers or have respiratory impacts.


My sister was in labour for about two days... Eep. :smalleek: I wonder what's the longest time someone's been doing the getting-the-baby-out job.

It was 36 hours for our first, though "active labour" (the bit they actually count) was only 5 and a half at the end. For the second it was 11 hours all told, with less than 2 hours for the active bit.


All the warnings about sleep deprivation have convinced me to never have children. :smalleek: I will never, ever be able to function while that sleep deprived.

Sleep deprivation is something you get used to. After three years of the first, I'm not finding it much of a big deal this time around.

[Sylthia]

We've got our next doctor's appointment this Thursday. I think it's still a bit early to find out the gender, though.

[FallenGeek]

Well, Shekinah (another occasional poster here) and I will be expecting our first baby next July. We're both really excited, and I'm looking forward to raising a new generation of RPGers.

Thankfully we have a supportive family, and I'm sure Grandma doesn't mind watching the baby once every other week or so, so we can do a D&D session. :smallsmile:


Congratulations Rez!

While I don't have the opportunity to do so with my daughter, my Dad told stories about bottlefeeding me at the game table when I was still an infant, so don't think you have to have grandma babysit between 2-9 months. :)

[inexorabletruth]

Thoughts on due date:

Our son is now 3 years old and our doctor recommended inducing labor. I always though that inducing labor was a last resort due to complications in pregnancy, but apparently, it's a growing trend. It allows you to schedule your delivery so that you can arrange time off and deliver the baby in a safe and controlled environment.

My wife and I owned a business back when she was 9 months in. We were able to prepare a manager for the store and send a notice out to our clientele that we would be unavailable for the day of the delivery. On the day of delivery, we drove calmly to the hospital with plenty of time to arrange a private room and get her an epidural. There was nothing hectic about the birth and the entire experience was controlled and relatively stress free. There were no complications from birth (aside from the fact that our son apparently isn't much of a crier and gave us some trouble when we needed him to purge the embryonic fluid).

I highly recommend it if both of you work and your schedules are stressful enough.

As for raising your child, I noticed that for the first 6 months my son felt more comfortable in the car seat than anywhere else. I think it has something to do with the feeling of security. So, if he has trouble sleeping, try tucking him into his car seat and strapping him in. For one, it will make sure he sleeps on his back, so he won't be as susceptible to SIDS, and you can put the car seat right next to the bed. Most infant car seats have a rounded bottom and can be used as rockers. So if he starts crying, you can just reach a hand down, give him a rock and check his bottle without even getting out of bed… which is handy, because they wake up every 2 hours.

Last but not least, I strongly recommend breast feeding and so will most doctors. Our son has grown up significantly stronger than most of our friends toddlers who grew up on formula. He can already roller skate, bicycle (with training wheels) and rock climb. He and I do push ups each morning as well… and I think the healthy diet and breast feeding had something to do with it. Apparently, a mother's breast milk somehow adapts to the child's needs. I don't understand the science behind it, but doctors and nurses all said this, so I assume it's true. And the results show that because we breast fed (using formula only as an emergency supplement) we have a healthy, ridiculously strong and clever son.

[jonc83]

I'm in the hospital with my wife who is having an induction right now.

Only advice I have this far is be prepared for a lot of waiting!

And, as this thread has already demonstrated, everyone has very strong opinions about what you should and shouldn't do and they aren't afraid to tell you.

[Sylthia]

Congratulations Rez!

While I don't have the opportunity to do so with my daughter, my Dad told stories about bottlefeeding me at the game table when I was still an infant, so don't think you have to have grandma babysit between 2-9 months. :)

That's always a possibility, but it would probably be best if there weren't babies at the table. I do try to keep distractions to a minimum when I DM.

Lately, we've been doing the game's at my mom's house anyway, since it's close to most of our group and has a big enough space. Do to various circumstances, our old spots for games aren't a possibility anymore. My wife and I currently live quite a drive away, and our other friend who hosted had to move out of his old apartment. But I'm lucky to have more or less the same group for the past 6 years.


I'm in the hospital with my wife who is having an induction right now.

Only advice I have this far is be prepared for a lot of waiting!

And, as this thread has already demonstrated, everyone has very strong opinions about what you should and shouldn't do and they aren't afraid to tell you.

Congrats!

[Brazen Shield]

Wow.... Lots of dad's here....

I'm working on my first now. Almost done cooking. I am not worried.

The greatest parents are always going to be the ones that try to be the greatest.

Do what you think is right. Don't do what you think is wrong. You're going to handle it in the only way you can: how you would handle it.

Want to read every book out there about babies? Do it.
Want to let your instincts take over? Do it.

But whatever you do, right or wrong, always try to be a Good Parent. That way, no matter what, at least you'll never worry about the reason why you did something.

[Humastic]

Just found out our new due date is July 31, which happens to be the day after my birthday. It would be odd if we had the same birthday.

I really do hope the date works out for you. My son was born on my birthday, it also happened to be fathers day. He is the best birthday gift I could ever imagine.
As a side note my wife had been in the hospital for a week due to minor complications. A nurse said to me, "It's Fathers Day you must be so happy."
When I responded with "It's also my Birthday."
My wife looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't get you a present."
The doctor and nurse replied at the same time. "You just did!"

Sorry if this comes across as rambling, my eyes are filled with tears just remembering that moment.


OK back on topic.

Rezkeshdadesh this thread is a lot like what you will have to face in real life, everyone has an opinion of what is best for you and your baby.
Just listen to their advice and decide if it is right for you. There is always good advice and bad. Every situation and baby are different. What works for some will not work for others. Go with your heart and your gut feelings.
Yes, you will make mistakes! Learn from them, trust me you will learn quickly.

All I guarantee is that you will lose sleep and that the first time a poop escapes the diaper and goes all the way up the back of the babys sleeper you will wonder how such a small being can make such a big mess.

The best advice I can give you is if you do have a son, when changing him as soon as you take his diaper off cover his little tool with a cloth. Trust me just do it or you may be changing clothes and taking a shower.

[Humastic]

The greatest parents are always going to be the ones that try to be the greatest.

Do what you think is right. Don't do what you think is wrong. You're going to handle it in the only way you can: how you would handle it.

Want to read every book out there about babies? Do it.
Want to let your instincts take over? Do it.

But whatever you do, right or wrong, always try to be a Good Parent.

^^^^^^^^
Says it all.

[Sylthia]

I really do hope the date works out for you. My son was born on my birthday, it also happened to be fathers day. He is the best birthday gift I could ever imagine.
As a side note my wife had been in the hospital for a week due to minor complications. A nurse said to me, "It's Fathers Day you must be so happy."
When I responded with "It's also my Birthday."
My wife looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't get you a present."
The doctor and nurse replied at the same time. "You just did!"

Sorry if this comes across as rambling, my eyes are filled with tears just remembering that moment.


OK back on topic.

Rezkeshdadesh this thread is a lot like what you will have to face in real life, everyone has an opinion of what is best for you and your baby.
Just listen to their advice and decide if it is right for you. There is always good advice and bad. Every situation and baby are different. What works for some will not work for others. Go with your heart and your gut feelings.
Yes, you will make mistakes! Learn from them, trust me you will learn quickly.

All I guarantee is that you will lose sleep and that the first time a poop escapes the diaper and goes all the way up the back of the babys sleeper you will wonder how such a small being can make such a big mess.

The best advice I can give you is if you do have a son, when changing him as soon as you take his diaper off cover his little tool with a cloth. Trust me just do it or you may be changing clothes and taking a shower.

Funny you should mention poop sliding down the back. My niece did that when I visited her earlier this month.

[inexorabletruth]

We never had any sliding poop. But we did have to deal with cannon poop frequently. The furthest my son launched a poop from his butt was six feet. It stopped when it hammered into the wall like Wile E. Coyote riding rocket skates into a cliff.

We learned how to change him from the side.

[danzibr]

I'm a father of 2. My son just turned 3, daughter about to turn 1.

Suggestions:

Get the epidural. An all-natural birth is admirable, but not worth it, at least for the first birth.
To justify this, my wife and I were insistent upon getting no epidural for our first birth. She went into labor about 8:00 am, didn't deliver under 6:00 am the next day, so 22-hour labor (contractions actually started 9:00 pm the night before, so 33 hours from start to finish). Had she gotten an epidural, we both could've got some sleep that night, and everything would've been MUCH better when my son actually arrived. Instead, we were dead tired with a newborn.
Second birth was also all-natural, but so fast there was no time for an epidural.
The first several poops (meconium) is really disgusting. It's super sticky, like tar. Totally natural, just don't let it take you by surprise.
Don't let the nurses boss you around. Or the doctors. They say the baby needs to eat every 3 hours on the nose (at least where I'm from): that's bull. When your baby is hungry, your baby will let you know. If you baby wants to sleep 5 hours, let your baby sleep 5 hours.
Insist you and your wife be with your baby at all times, her likely in a wheelchair. When the baby gets checked up and everything.
Speaking of which, it takes a surprisingly long time for them to do the first stuff, cleaning and weighing and measuring and whatever.

That's all that comes to mind right now.

[Joran]

Father of 2, Daughter is 3, Son is 1.

For baby gear, my recommendations:

1) Buy a Pack N' Play (generic name is a Play Yard), with bassinet attachment, as your bassinet. You're going to want one anyway if you want to take your kid somewhere within the first year and it's easily collapsible and moveable. Basic one is fine; I don't trust the changing tables on those things.

2) Buy a co-sleeping bassinet, even if you don't plan on co-sleeping. It can be placed on your other bassinet, leaving room for wipes/clothes/etc. It's also very mobile, so we were able to bring it to the living room whenever the baby was down there and not have to bring the whole bassinet.

3) Changing pad: You're going to want a nicely cushioned one. We've used it for the kid up to age 2.5. For my first kid, I tried to go without and she wasn't happy.

4) Swaddlers: Swaddling is the best thing ever; however, it requires a fair bit of manual dexterity, which is impossible when you're sleep deprived. Buy a couple swaddling things with velcro (we used the Swaddle-Me). Makes swaddling so much easier.

5) Breastfeeding supplies (if you can breastfeed): Breastfeeding pillows are a must as is a healthy supply of lanolin.

6) Try to check out your local hospital for resources. Our local hospital had a great tour, a pretty good birthing class, and a nice nurse-led breastfeeding support class.

[valadil]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

[Grinner]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

You have my condolences.




:smallwink:

[Joran]

We just had number two last friday. Extremely tired but it's not as bad as I was expecting. The first time around we had to learn how to be parents. This time we're not picking up any new skills, just upping our workload.

It gets worse once the second kid starts being able to move. I'm so tired all the time now ;_;

[Humastic]

It gets worse once the second kid starts being able to move. I'm so tired all the time now ;_;

Quick, aren't they. Turn your head for one sec and they can be 20 Ft away.

[Sylthia]

I'm grateful to have such a large family, I'm already getting hand-me-downs. We're getting a car seat and stroller from my cousin tomorrow.

[Brazen Shield]

I know that feeling!

I don't have a large family (there's only about 15 of us altogether) but my oldersister has a three-year-old.
So far I've gotten from her a bassinet, crib, stroller, car seat, about $400 worth of baby/newborn clothing including socks and mittens, a really popular and exspensive breast pump, and she works for Huggies! So we've got all the diapers we'll need for the next year or so.

All in all, great timing on my part XD.

Having a supportive family is awesome, but even then if I had to I could've come up with all that stuff on my own.
I just want to be a good parent: the stuff isn't as important. That's why I'm not freaking out about most of my stuff being hand-me-downs.

[Trog]

Advice? Sure. I have some advice. Very important.

What you need to do, see...

is to prep the clean diaper so it's all set to go, see? :smallamused:
Then you undo the fasteners on the side of the soiled diaper so that's ready to come off nice and easy.
Then you use the clean one to shield yourself when you pull off the old one off keeping a constant barrier between you and your child. :smalltongue:

Raised two boys. Changed countless diapers. Never got peed on once. :smallwink:

[Gwynfrid]

We're planning to breast feed unless for some reason we can't.

We may have the baby sleep in our room at first, but definitely not in our bed. I've seen first hand what that can do. Having to perform an autopsy on a baby is one of the saddest things I've had to do in my short career as a doctor.

Father of 3 here. I have no opinion on whether breastfeeding is really that much better for the baby, studies contradict each other all the time. What I can tell you from experience is that breastfeeding is great for parents. Breastfeeding helps alleviate the effects of the interrupted sleep because it can save you from getting up and staying up. For best benefits, have the crib next to your bed, within arm's reach. Then you can take the baby, have him/her fed and back in the crib without having to get up (and warm up the bottle etc). The simple fact of not getting out of bed makes it way easier for you & the breastfeeding mother to get back to sleep after you're done. In my experience (we did this on the 2nd and 3rd baby) the interrupted nights are way, way easier to handle as a result.

Oh, and much more important than any technical advice: Stay at home with the mother and baby as long as you can. If mommy & baby are fine: This is precious, unforgettable time. Enjoy the heck out of it! If mommy is exhausted / suffering / grumpy / anxious: She needs you more than at any other time. Be there.

[Sylthia]

We're a bit miffed today. We were under the impression we were getting an ultrasound and finding out the gender today, but I guess we have to wait about a month more.

[inexorabletruth]

Aw. What a disappointment. What's the hold up?

[Sylthia]

Aw. What a disappointment. What's the hold up?

They told us they could do an ultrasound, but the tech had already left for the day. Our insurance won't pay for one, yet, since they like to space them out.

We could schedule another appointment for an ultrasound before-hand, but would have to pay out of pocket, but the price-range we got was anywhere from $50 to over a thousand dollars. So, we'll probably end up waiting until next month. Even if we wanted to, I'm on call 50% of the time, so it's hard to fit into our schedule, since we only have one car.

The ironic thing is, I'm a doctor, and I know how to use an ultrasound, so I could do it myself, if I had access to the proper equipment.

[Telonius]

Watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the first time with my four-year old...

"Daddy, are these people adventurers?"

"Yes. Yes, they are."

:smallcool:

[Brother Oni]

Just cough loudly over certain lines when they reach Castle Anthrax. The last thing you want is the question "Daddy, what's spanking?" or the even worse "Daddy, what's oral sex?".

What you decide to do for the vorpal bunny scene is up to you. If yours is anything like mine, they'll be giggling their head off as it maims and decapitates the knights.

[Sylthia]

Just cough loudly over certain lines when they reach Castle Anthrax. The last thing you want is the question "Daddy, what's spanking?" or the even worse "Daddy, what's oral sex?".

What you decide to do for the vorpal bunny scene is up to you. If yours is anything like mine, they'll be giggling their head off as it maims and decapitates the knights.

When I was four spanking was interpreted differently than portrayed in the movie. I might go over their head.

[Telonius]

Just cough loudly over certain lines when they reach Castle Anthrax. The last thing you want is the question "Daddy, what's spanking?" or the even worse "Daddy, what's oral sex?".

What you decide to do for the vorpal bunny scene is up to you. If yours is anything like mine, they'll be giggling their head off as it maims and decapitates the knights.

We skipped past that part. It was a bit too perilous.

[Brother Oni]

We skipped past that part. It was a bit too perilous.

*claps* Well done, sir, well done. :smallbiggrin:

[Sylthia]

In related news, I am to be godfather for my niece.