Bonds formed in D&D stronger than bonds of blood?

[gadren]

Not sure if this is the right forum, but... I was curious if any other gamers have experienced this.

The bonds I've formed with my D&D buddies seem stronger than the relationships I have with my family, and the relationships I see between other family members.

Anyone else experience any example of this?

Case in point, for myself:
I am getting married in 4 days. Our reverend, my best man, and one of my groomsmen I all know because I was their DM for many years. Every problem that has popped up, these guys have attacked it like it was giving them double xp. They've helped keep me on track with my planning, they jumped on it when one of the bridesmaids had no place to stay, they've coordinated meetings of the weddings parties, and all around taken many hours out of their busy lives to help my bride and myself out.

Meanwhile, my bride's maids are her sisters. Everything we have asked of them, they have dragged their heels. And I mean EVERYTHING. Come get your dresses fitted? Complain, force us to reschedule four times. Come to meetings? They came to one, with GREAT protest. Catsit for us while we are on our honeymoon. Provide feeble excuses. And my own family is pretty ****ty too. My dad backs out on every promise he makes, while complaining about me not inviting more of his friends to our very small budget wedding. My sister constantly complains about things in the wedding that are not to her liking. (My mom and my stepdad are pretty awesome though.)

So why is these people, related to us by blood, who we should strive to help each other out when we can, are finding every excuse to back out, while my D&D buddies are our elite wedding champions?

[Hiro Protagonest]

No, it's not the right section. There are two that I could see this in, and this isn't one of them.

In any case, the blood and water saying's meaning is actually reversed. It's actually shortened, the original was the blood of the covenant and the water of the womb, but people assumed that we would always remember that as common knowledge. And it doesn't matter, because saying that because you share some genetic code you should always help each other could mean that blond people should always stick with other blond people.

[Lettuce]

Yeah, I've actually had that experience somewhat, myself. But when you think about it, it's not that surprising--after overcoming obstacles together, solving puzzles with teamwork, taking on tough challenges and beating the odds, maybe delving into deep and serious topics in-universe--not to mention, letting loose on those great long nights full of chips, booze, and dead goblins--it's a pretty crazy bonding experience.

Not to mention, you generally have a lot in common with people who you choose to play DnD with. You don't really get to choose family. Sometimes you end up with people who take you for granted (or vice-versa!) or who you just plain don't have a lot in common with. And some families just aren't all that great. As a wise man once said... "I think in your case, maybe it's better to find that sense of family among people who are good than it is to find a sense of good inside your family."

[Tengu_temp]

If you have a crappy family that disapproves of your nerdy hobbies, especially because they think they're Teh Satan, then yes, your bonds with your friends will be much stronger. Friends, without specifying if they're your RPG group or whatever, because trying to add any kind of philosophy about how RPGs naturally bring you closer together is missing the point; the simple fact is that you played games with the same people for years, they're your friends. And friends grow close.

Fortunately, I have awesome parents and brothers and even though I'm an adult, I'm very close to them. But I also have a small group of friends I knew for years with whom I'm also very close, just not as much.

Sidenotes: no, this is not the right forum for this. Friendly Banter or general RPG is way better, this forum is for card/board/video games. And don't equate DND with all RPGs.

[Grinner]

And it doesn't matter, because saying that because you share some genetic code you should always help each other could mean that blond people should always stick with other blond people.

Sieg heil?

But seriously, these are people you know. You choose to spend your free time with them. They're your friends. If being with them was a chore, you'd never game with them.

Those relatives? You barely know them. How can you expect anything from them?

[Illieas]

not the right forum. probably friendly banter is best.

to answer your question is you don't choose your family but you do choose your friends. So at the very least your friends you assocciate based on characteristics you like, while your family can be any mix between best friend to enemy.

as for myself my brother is my best friend and parent while nosy are confidant level closeness and always have my best interest at heart.

[Knaight]

This isn't that surprising. Bonds of blood only go so far, particularly among more distant relatives - and they can certainly be destroyed, if you've got a less than great family. Friends being closer is hardly novel, though places where friends and family overlap (e.g. siblings and parents that you also like) can often be closer still.

[Krazzman]

In Germany we have a saying that you can't choose your family.

For example the grandparents of my wife were... not that awesome as grandparents when she was little but friends of her parents are now basically her grandparents due to being good at it.

You can control with what sort of people you spend time with but you can't control how your family is.

[Triaxx]

Friends are the family that we choose.

[tigerusthegreat]

Friends are the family that we choose.

^ This, a thousand times this.

In all seriousness, I get along infinitely better with my friends than my family. Friendships have a lot less of the messy stuff that familial relationships do, because if you had a friend with a bunch of drama and ****, and you weren't willing to put up with that (i.e. it wasn't worth putting up with it) then you wouldn't be friends anymore. You can't do that with family.

Its possible your bride felt obligated to have her family in the wedding party. I know my wife felt obligated to have my sister and her cousins in her wedding party (to the point that one of her younger cousins invited herself to be a junior bridesmaid and my wife just went with it). My groomsmen were similar (2 brother in laws (at least after the wedding), and a friend)