How do you deal with random jerkwads?

[Fates]

Nothing gets under my skin more than when a complete stranger makes a presumptuous, insensitive comment on my character, and I'm left thinking about it for days afterward, imagining what I should have said in response, and worrying they may have been right.

Earlier this evening, I was walking down the street, listening to music, with a newspaper under my arm (it's bloody cold here today). I accidentally dropped the paper, and when I went to pick it up, it blew away across the street. While I stood there and tried to pick out where it had gone so I could pick it up, a man looked at me and said something like "Oh, don't worry, it's just garbage. It's someone else's problem now, right?"

The sarcasm was obvious, and what pissed me off the most was that I'm sure when I did go to pick it up, he thought I only did because he chided me about it.

How do you, fellow playgrounders, deal with the after feelings of this sort of ordeal? (if anyone else wants to vent about their own experiences, that'd be great too)

[JustSomeGuy]

:smallfrown:Firstly, can I ask if you are a punk kid and the commenter was an old-timey private detective? That's how I have imagined the scenario playing out, regardless of facts.

Laugh, joke, ignore. Be the rock and let the watery insults wash over you. Or be the water and let the rocky insults fall right through, whatever it was that Bruce lee said!

If it were me i'da said something like "ha, well it's definitely not your problem. and it's none of your business either, A-hole! headbutt!! "


DISCLAIMER: might have gotten a tad carried away there, sorry!

[Fates]

Lol, thanks. I'm afraid I've got really bad self esteem, which I guess is why stuff like this really gets to me. It would happen that I'm relatively young (19), have long hair, and was listening to music at the time, but I wouldn't say I appear punk at all. Said "jerkwad" was a middle-aged man carving an ice sculpture. Probably(?) not a detective, but then how would I know?

Of course, I'm not being entirely fair here. He could have just been having a really bad day, I don't know, and it's not for me to judge. Plus, it was a damn good sculpture, though a not insignificant part of me felt like smashing it afterwards. :smalltongue:

[Tengu_temp]

The easiest and probably best thing to do in the long run is to ignore them. It requires some degree of thick skin, but some degree of thick skin is a mandatory skill every adult should possess, like responsibility or knowing how to do your taxes, so if you don't have it, develop it.

[valadil]

Poorly.

When it's hypothetical or playful I can retort anything. When it's genuine it catches me off guard and I end up wondering for days if they really said that before I can even think about thinking about what I should have said.

The best example of this was "You're the first $RELIGIOUS_MINORITY I've ever liked." I wanted to tell the dude he was the first bigot, but I kinda saw what he was saying as an olive branch and I didn't really want to spoil it. I still haven't figured out the right response.

[warty goblin]

The easiest and probably best thing to do in the long run is to ignore them. It requires some degree of thick skin, but some degree of thick skin is a mandatory skill every adult should possess, like responsibility or knowing how to do your taxes, so if you don't have it, develop it.

To add to that, a certain amount of having a thick skin is consciously choosing not to be bothered by some things, and making oneself let it go and not turn it over endlessly in your mental hands like a worrystone. This isn't easy, and is very much a skill developed with age, at least in my experience.

[Fates]

Poorly.

When it's hypothetical or playful I can retort anything. When it's genuine it catches me off guard and I end up wondering for days if they really said that before I can even think about thinking about what I should have said.

The best example of this was "You're the first $RELIGIOUS_MINORITY I've ever liked." I wanted to tell the dude he was the first bigot, but I kinda saw what he was saying as an olive branch and I didn't really want to spoil it. I still haven't figured out the right response.

Jeez, that's horrible. Insults from someone you actually know are a whole different level of disheartening.

When I was in my sophomore year in high school, on the very last day of school, and also the day I returned from being out of school for two weeks after suffering a serious, (accidentally) self-inflicted injury, I was with a couple of friends of mine, one of whom I'd known for years and the other of whom I'd known for a few months. The latter was probably the only friend I had at the time outside of my small circle of elementary school friends, and I had grown somewhat attached to him. Both of these friends were also a good deal smarter than I was. The long-term friend was leaving the school after that year, and while we were in the middle of discussing that, the other friend told me that he wasn't interested in interacting with me at all next year- essentially, that he was only friendly to me because I was good friends with the other guy. Needless to say, particularly at that time in my life, when I was probably the most vulnerable I have ever been, that hit me really hard. I haven't spoken with him since, despite having been in a few classes with him during the following two years.


Luckily, nothing like that has happened to me in my adult life. But rude strangers do really make a mess of me sometimes.

[Fates]

@Tengu_Temp and Warty Goblin

I suppose that all makes sense. I've been trying to work at thickening my hide a little, but so far I've had little luck. I should probably see a shrink at some point, but then I can't really afford it.

[Jay R]

Master of Fates, you need to decide to be the master of your own fate.

There will always be insulting people. Your goal is to realize that what their comment says much more about them than about you.

A tool I use is to invent the tacky or insulting insult, and then walk away silently, knowing that he's the sort of person who says the insult aloud, and I'm the sort of person who refuses to.

Like this:
Other person: "You're the first $RELIGIOUS_MINORITY I've ever liked."
Me: (says nothing, but thinks, "Congratulations! Your first minor step on the pathway away from bigotry." Keep at it; one day you may become a grown-up.")

Or
Other person: "Oh, don't worry, it's just garbage. It's someone else's problem now, right?"
Me: (says nothing, but thinks, "Well, now there are two pieces of garbage on this street. I'll pick up the paper. How are you going to pick up the insult?")

But don't actually say it. Being the second insulter puts you on the same level as the first insulter.

[Maryring]

Chew them out. Staying silent just means that it's okay to be a jerk to others. Being a jerk is not okay, and I'm damn well gonna make sure you know that no, being a jerk is *not* cool.

[Spiryt]

Personally I just wouldn't pick up the paper.

Or kick it towards him, that tends to piss stupid dudes like that off, and that's funny.

But I guess that's littering.

[Kalmageddon]

I find the "wtf do you want?" stare to be the most effective answer.

It's somewhere in between this :smallconfused: and this :smallannoyed:

[Jormengand]

Tell him what you actually intended to do, and if he doesn't believe you, then that's his problem.

In situations where people are just being jerks for the hell of it, ignore their vile jerkery.

[Kalmageddon]

Tell him what you actually intended to do, and if he doesn't believe you, then that's his problem.

In situations where people are just being jerks for the hell of it, ignore their vile jerkery.


If you have to ignore them, then ignore them all the way and pretend you didn't hear anything, if someone is out for troubles or just wants to provoke you anything you say that it's not a direct insult will give him fuel to keep on going.

[Jormengand]

If you have to ignore them, then ignore them all the way and pretend you didn't hear anything, if someone is out for troubles or just wants to provoke you anything you say that it's not a direct insult will give him fuel to keep on going.

That was precisely the reason for the second half of my post, yes. However, if they're annoyed because they think you're doing something wrong and are actually reasonable people, informing them that you're not doing anything wrong and reasoning with them should suffice.

[mistformsquirrl]

I'm with you MasterOfFates - I have no idea how to deal with it. I've been insulted, picked on and degraded since I was a little kid - I'm 30 now and it shows no signs of stopping when I'm out in public. To be fair, I live in a small town full of utter jerks, so it's entirely probable it's not as bad as this most places... but here, yeah, lots of jerks.

I remember one time I went for a run (I'm fat, I need the exercise); and some jackass pulled up beside me in his SUV and started pestering me, asking me questions like "What's it like to be fat?" - I was tempted to reply with "What's it like to be stupid?" but that's too childish, so I just held my peace and tried to keep going. When they zoomed off after getting bored I turned around and went home.

My solution then isn't much of a solution - largely I just don't go out in public if I can at all help it, and when I *do* go it's usually really late (like to a store that's open 24/7 - I'll go at midnight to avoid people) - that way only the weird people like me are out; and generally everyone keeps to themselves.

And before someone says "thicker skin" -

2 points:

1) Do you really think I haven't tried? I see a psychiatrist and a counselor both, I take medicine for anxiety; if it were as simple as "grow a thicker skin" I wouldn't need those things; but I do. I spent most of the first two decades of my life trying to 'toughen up' - it isn't that simple for me; and it probably isn't for a lot of people.

Congratulations if you're one of the lucky people with the emotional damage reduction class ability; not everyone can do that.

2) Someone else's jerkery is not my responsibility. Don't put their decision to be an ass on me. Nothing ticks me off faster than when someone decides that my being bullied is somehow MY fault, and my being upset by it is somehow this shocking failure of humanity on my part.

[Kalmageddon]

2) Someone else's jerkery is not my responsibility. .

I agree, it's absolutely not.
Defending yourself from it is your right, though, and if you choose not to do it then you are making yourself an easier target.

The problem is that bullies and aggressive people are like wolves, expecially when in group. If they pick up your scent you can't just walk away, you have to scare them off, throw rocks, make them understand that you are more trouble then you are worth.
If you can't do that, if you honestly see yourself as an easy target... Well... sorry, but if you accept it, it becomes your role in life and it will show on your face, believe me.

At that point I have no clue on what you could do, since you are basically saying that reacting is out of the equation. I mean I guess you could carefully select your companies and places you go to in order to avoid that kind of people, but that still doesn't prevent random strangers you meet in the streets from taking advantage of your position.
One way or another you need to be proactive about it, change your appearence, change the way you talk or move, anything that makes you feel more confident and strong. Either that or you just tank it as much as you can and then come to an online forum to vent; if that works for you, great.

Personally I went from ignoring people that try to provoke me to confronting them or outright challenging them. You'd be surprised how many back off after just a quick stare. You need to have the physique for it though, I doubt I would be as effective if I wasn't tall, big and mean looking.

[ThePhantasm]

Try this comeback: "Yeah, well, the jerk store called, and they are running out of you!!"

[valadil]

Jeez, that's horrible. Insults from someone you actually know are a whole different level of disheartening.


It wasn't really that bad. This was just a friend of a friend. I already knew he was a bigot, but I assumed he disliked being around me. I found the whole thing baffling because he was trying to be nice about it and failing miserably.


I remember one time I went for a run (I'm fat, I need the exercise); and some jackass pulled up beside me in his SUV and started pestering me, asking me questions like "What's it like to be fat?"

I've had similar experiences while biking. At least when I go to the gym I'm good at it. (Being able to eat a whole chicken and still be hungry gives me a distinct advantage over everyone else trying to build muscle...). I've gotten a lot of stares from people assuming I'm the fat guy losing weight, followed by confused looks when I strap a plate to my waist and start doing pullups.

The best was an ultracompetitive guy who decided I was going to be his basis for comparison. Between his sets he'd stare at me with his arms crossed, get mad, and frantically do an extra set. One day we were both doing deadlifts. He kept doing what I did plus 10lbs. I think I topped out at 335. He went for 345, got half way up, bent over, and left. Haven't seen him since.

(Sorry for the tangent. I'm pretty passionate about exercise these days. PS, keep it up.)

[tensai_oni]

@Kalmageddon:

So your answer to the problem of "people on the street sometimes say mean things to me" is "dedicate your whole life to becoming meaner, tougher-looking and STRONG so that on the rare chance they do that, I can give them a death glare and they faint in fear". Because they are a wolf pack, and if you don't do anything about them then they won't leave you alone forever.

I think that's an over-reaction.

@mistformsquirrl:

Thicker skin is not about "toughening up". It's about not letting random jerks whom you will most likely never see in your life again ruin your day. Especially since they forget about it within minutes. Why should you remember and feel bad about it, then? It's like being barked at by a passing dog.

[Tengu_temp]

Chew them out. Staying silent just means that it's okay to be a jerk to others. Being a jerk is not okay, and I'm damn well gonna make sure you know that no, being a jerk is *not* cool.

Chewing a jerk out means you're escalating the conflict. What turns into one idiot throwing a ****ty insult and then going away turns into an argument, and potentially into a physical confrontation. Make sure it's worth it before you do that. A lot of the time, it's not.
Stuff like "don't let the jerk win, teach him a lesson" is how movies work, not real life. In real life, no matter what you do the jerk probably won't learn anything. What's important in real life is to make sure the jerk won't ruin your day, here and now.



And before someone says "thicker skin" -

2 points:

1) Do you really think I haven't tried? I see a psychiatrist and a counselor both, I take medicine for anxiety; if it were as simple as "grow a thicker skin" I wouldn't need those things; but I do. I spent most of the first two decades of my life trying to 'toughen up' - it isn't that simple for me; and it probably isn't for a lot of people.

Congratulations if you're one of the lucky people with the emotional damage reduction class ability; not everyone can do that.

2) Someone else's jerkery is not my responsibility. Don't put their decision to be an ass on me. Nothing ticks me off faster than when someone decides that my being bullied is somehow MY fault, and my being upset by it is somehow this shocking failure of humanity on my part.

1. Who said it's easy? Developing a lot of important life skills is really hard. And it's less about toughening up and more about not caring what random jerks say. I'm no psychologist, but I'd say that strong self-esteem and positive view on life are very important. I know, it's easy to say.
2. Nope, it's not your fault or your responsibility, but what can you do about it? Being a jerk is not a criminal offense, unfortunately. You have to find some way to deal with them. You can resist what they say, or confront them, or avoid them. Find some way to stop them from ****ting on your life. There must be something; I wish you luck finding it.

[thubby]

the healthy thing to do is cultivate a sense of self. it doesn't even have to be a positive one. you just need confidence in its truth. if you have that, people insulting you just becomes silly.

no matter who you are, if you know who you are, insults just become factually inaccurate statements. they have all the weight of someone telling you the earth orbits the moon.

[Maryring]

Chewing a jerk out means you're escalating the conflict. What turns into one idiot throwing a ****ty insult and then going away turns into an argument, and potentially into a physical confrontation. Make sure it's worth it before you do that. A lot of the time, it's not.
Stuff like "don't let the jerk win, teach him a lesson" is how movies work, not real life. In real life, no matter what you do the jerk probably won't learn anything. What's important in real life is to make sure the jerk won't ruin your day, here and now.

I disagree. The real world as a whole suffers from a lack of people willing to stand up to what is right, and if you can't be firm and forthright in small matters, how on earth do you expect to be firm in big matters? There's honestly not enough difference between pointing and laughing at someone fat excersizing, or calling a trans person queer. Both are unacceptable, and both need a firm declaration that this is *not* acceptable behaviour.

[The Succubus]

Some demonic words of wisdom for you:

In the entire history of humanity, no-one's final words were "I wish I'd spent more time arguing with random jerkwads."

[Frozen_Feet]

You either shrugg it off, or laugh it off. But don't be rude yourself. Just because someone is stupid, doesn't excuse you of sinking to their level. Tengu_Temp is perfectly right in his fear of escalation. The circle of vengeance is a vicious one, and you don't want to get caught up in it, even when it doesn't advance past the verbal level.

Maryring is also right that something needs to be done about jerks, but fighting fire with fire works badly. The number one thing that actually, verifiably dispels faulty prejudices? Positive and continued contact with whom or whatever a person is prejudiced against. That only happens if you're polite and positive. Shaming or hostility has a tendency to breed more of the same.

Kalmageddon is also right that if you continually think of yourself as a victim, you will become such. Does it sound like a whole lot of effort to train and reach the mental strenght to stare down your bullies? Yes, and it is. But in the end, that's something you need to do if you want to be able to stand up to them. A word of warning, though: no-one is invincible, mental or otherwise. Everyone can get worn down if there's nothing positive in their lives.

This is what's happened to mistformsquirrl. It's not impossible to climb out of that pit, though. But it may require radical changes in one's life. A change in job, and starting martial arts, for example. Therapy and meds are good, but they are, ultimately, crutches. They get you back to normal, but they won't make you any better. More importantly, they won't make the situation you are in any better.

[Kalmageddon]

@Kalmageddon:

So your answer to the problem of "people on the street sometimes say mean things to me" is "dedicate your whole life to becoming meaner, tougher-looking and STRONG so that on the rare chance they do that, I can give them a death glare and they faint in fear". Because they are a wolf pack, and if you don't do anything about them then they won't leave you alone forever.

I think that's an over-reaction.

I think you are completly misinterpreting my point on purpose.
I'm just advocating taking the necessary steps to prevent people from easily abusing you, which can be done in a variety of ways. For me, being a big guy, the easier thing to do was just play on my menacing look, which also came pretty spontaneously.
You also don't need to dedicate your whole life to it, after a while being assertive becomes automatic.
As for how long someone would want to abuse you, it depends. If it's the titular "random jerkwad" it's probably not a big deal, but you should take note that if these random jerkwads are bothering you very often there might be something about you that makes you an easy target and you should try to work on that.
On the other hand, people acting like jerks could be present at the workplace or other places you can't necessarely avoid. Then it becomes imperative that people learn to respect you.

I'm also under the impression that people like you almost seem to think that "strong" and "tough" are negative traits to have. Sure they can be overly important to some people, but in general being strong and tough, be it physically or mentally, is useful in a variety of situations in everyday life.
Basically, it's just healthy and it really doesn't have any drawbacks. So why not?
As long as you don't abuse it or act superior because of it.

[Tengu_temp]

I disagree. The real world as a whole suffers from a lack of people willing to stand up to what is right, and if you can't be firm and forthright in small matters, how on earth do you expect to be firm in big matters?

Because a lot of the time, wasting a lot of time getting in a fight over a random jerk's remark when you could just shrug it off and move on is not worth it. The only likely result is that I'll get even more annoyed by the whole situation, and I have better things to do with my time - like taking care of big, important matters.

[tensai_oni]

I'm not saying strong or tough are negative traits. I said that your suggested solution is to take something that is a relatively small problem and dedicate an unproportionally large amount of time and effort to fixing it, when there are much easier alternatives available.

My post assumed we're going with the OP, that is random jerks who appear in your life, act mean and disappear never to be seen again. Not deliberate bullying at school, workplace or whatever else. That takes more definite steps to root out.

[Jay R]

Oh, one more piece of advice: whenever somebody acts like a jerk to you, because they don't know everything going on in your head, ask yourself if you have recently gotten mad at somebody without knowing everything in their head?

Then commit to try not to do it again.

[mootoall]

I personally like to agree loudly with jerkwads, and then reducto ad absurdum. It's a good way to futz with people who are already outspoken, because they're forced to either recant, or enter Poe's Law territory.

[Tengu_temp]

I personally like to agree loudly with jerkwads, and then reducto ad absurdum. It's a good way to futz with people who are already outspoken, because they're forced to either recant, or enter Poe's Law territory.

On the internet or in real life? Because we're talking about diametrally different scenarios here.

[KillianHawkeye]

I used to have a lot of problems with this in my youth (33 now). I figured out how to deal with it a few years back: Laugh it off.

I came to the realization that random jerkasses just don't matter, and the fact that they think they DO matter is pretty funny. These people who are total strangers and think it's fun to mess with me? They're nobodies. They are less than nothing in the grand scale of my life. They think that I'll care about whatever nonsense they're up to, but they don't know me and they just don't matter. So I laugh at how stupid they are, as if their jerkassery was an attempt to impress me and convince me that they're important. It's so feeble. So laughable. Really it just makes my day when something like that happens now.

We all have to face the fact that random jerkasses are not going to go away. They think other people's misery is entertainment (but let's face it, terrible things happening to someone IS a longtime staple of comedy), and they're cruel enough to inflict that misery on another person for their own enjoyment. That's life, and those people will never go away. Everybody needs to find a way to deal with that, and I hope my method is helpful to somebody.

[Eulalios]

1. It depends how old you are.

1a. Maybe not so much anymore ... I am saddened by the "zero tolerance for violence" that has been instituted in our schools ... it eliminates a very effective form of social correction for the "quiet bullies."

2. If you're an adult, a solid swing to the gut or cheekbone is right out.

2a. Thinking about it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

2b. While you're thinking about things, think about what your own day / life would have to have been like, in order for you to behave the way that random jerkwad did toward you.

2c. Then think about how you look from the jerkwad's possible p.o.v.

3. One possible response (if you must respond): "Do you need my attention?" This will confound most jerkwads without making them aggressive.

[jedipotter]

How do you, fellow playgrounders, deal with the after feelings of this sort of ordeal? (if anyone else wants to vent about their own experiences, that'd be great too)

In the case where I'm doing the right thing, or more to the point doing what I personally think is right, I can care less what anyone says. I don't agree with most people, so it is easy for me not to care about what they think.

And I tend to go for the ''scary mean look'' so that people don't speak to me. The eyes work the best, they say ''hey'' and you give them the stone cold killer stare....many back away.

You can still use physical violence as an adult....just by accident(hehe). For example the planet is full of jerkwads that think their life is so important that they must answer their phone within a second of it offing it's disgusting, offensive hip hop ring tone....even if say they are in a doorway, store vestibule, stairway or such. Sure they could take the whole two steps and stand anywhere else in the whole wide world that does not block a doorway, vestibule, stairway or such for other people. But they don't. And when this happens to me(far too often) I will just plow right into the person and knock them down. Watching the person fall and that dreaded phone hit the ground with a nice hard maybe screen breaking clank is great. But, of course, you then ''play act nice'' and say ''oh sorry miss I did not see you.'' Or if you can get away with it something more like ''Sorry I did not see you. I thought this doorway was for walking in and out of the building. I did not know this was one of them cell phone talking area doorways. Someone should put up a sign."

[SarahV]

Something I try to remind myself with stuff like this... when some random person is a jerk to you and after the incident you are absolutely steaming about it, or anxious or angry or whatever your reaction is... it's hurting exactly one person. You. Just you. When it's all said and done, letting it go is the best thing you can do FOR YOU. Not for him. You're not forgiving him. You're being good to yourself and giving yourself a break. Which you deserve!

My reactions to randomly nasty people are all over the map and usually is the result of instinct. Sometimes I freeze up and can't say anything. I've been groped by strange men in public places and just froze up and freaked out and was too scared to say or do anything. And that stuff festers in my mind like CRAZY. It still makes me upset just thinking about it. But another time when I was about 30 years old I was walking down the street going to work in the morning, and a complete stranger walked right up behind me and said "get out of my way you (rude phrase that rhymes with witch)!" Without thinking even a little bit, I turned and smacked him with my umbrella. He immediately crossed the street to get away from the crazy umbrella lady, whereupon I shouted rude things after him along the lines of "yeah, you BETTER run away!" That one was weird. :smallconfused:

Point being... you don't always have the capability to react in the moment with the perfect reaction. No one does. And afterwards, there's nothing you can do about it, so LET IT GO. Again: it hurts no one but you to let it fester in your mind.

Someone being rude to you about litter? That's firmly in the "ignore and forget" category. What he said was bad, but not so bad that you need to really teach him a lesson or give him a lecture. It's OK to let it go. When you find yourself thinking about it, make yourself stop and think about something else, consciously saying "it's not worth worrying about, let it go." It's sort of like leaving work at the end of the day. Sure, you have stuff to do tomorrow, but tonight you can [play D&D / watch a movie / go to a concert / fill in the blank] and have a good time and forget it. It's the same skill, telling yourself it's OK to relax and not worry about something because it's not important right now.

Many of us have a tendency to let stuff get under our skin. My dad is like that, he lets petty rudeness get to him in a big way and he works up all this anger towards people that they never even know about. You will be happier if you don't let yourself do that, trust me. :smallsmile:

[Swordprince]

Personally I went from ignoring people that try to provoke me to confronting them or outright challenging them. You'd be surprised how many back off after just a quick stare. You need to have the physique for it though, I doubt I would be as effective if I wasn't tall, big and mean looking.



I've had similar experiences while biking. At least when I go to the gym I'm good at it. (Being able to eat a whole chicken and still be hungry gives me a distinct advantage over everyone else trying to build muscle...). I've gotten a lot of stares from people assuming I'm the fat guy losing weight, followed by confused looks when I strap a plate to my waist and start doing pullups.

The best was an ultracompetitive guy who decided I was going to be his basis for comparison. Between his sets he'd stare at me with his arms crossed, get mad, and frantically do an extra set. One day we were both doing deadlifts. He kept doing what I did plus 10lbs. I think I topped out at 335. He went for 345, got half way up, bent over, and left. Haven't seen him since.

(Sorry for the tangent. I'm pretty passionate about exercise these days. PS, keep it up.)


Well, here's a good answer on how to deal with jerks/bullies. Go lift weights and train some martial arts. It's what I did. Nobody is bothering me anymore. Wasn't always like that though. I used to be very ill (epilepsy) and a very easy target for bullies and jerks. I was basically harassed, beaten and humiliated on a daily basis for years. And yeah, I grew a thicker skin as well, that thick skin advice is a good one. But it's based on your confidence, which you can achieve by training, like I did.

My way of dealing with jerks is just to confront them, and tell them to bugger off. I don't resort to violence (never have, never been the one to throw the first punch), but I have also found it's not needed most of the time. On the other hand, I don't really have a problem with violence, if it comes down to that. Thing is, I first learned to fight on the street, and then in the ring. Hence I know that being big and strong can't really help me in a street fight, since out of experience, I expect my opponents to a) outnumber me, b) attack me from behind (there's a term for this kind of attack where I come from), c) to be carrying at least one weapon among them, which is either hidden if they really wanna hurt me or exposed if they wanna scare/hurt me and lastly d) take revenge on me later if I manage to beat them up in a fashion that is best described by the first three points (a, b and c). So, as you can see, martial arts and weightlifting won't help you against a coordinated attack on the street, no matter how big and strong you are (size only helps in the ring, for obvious reasons), but what they will do for you, is build VERY strong confidence. Being a long time weightlifter and martial artist, I know these skills will help me only if am aware of my opponent. At the end of the day, you're a human being and even if you bench press 500 pounds, the back of your head doesn't.

But ok, I went off topic there...

What really works with jerks and bullies is confidence and awareness.

To address the OPs problem in particular, this is what I would have done. I would have flat out simply told the guy that the wind blew the papers from under my arm and that I didn't throw them on purpose. I would have also told him to mind his own business and let me pick up that mess. Would have called him blind as well. And stupid.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to chime in a bit.

[Evandar]

When I was out in Melbourne, I met a guy who very suddenly revealed he was a Nazi sympathizer. To my dismay, I was so stunned that I did not give him the verbal lambasting he well and truly deserved.

I chuckled to cover my confusion, because I must have misheard him, then he reiterated himself, and I awkwardly excused myself from the conversation.

When it's a situation less extreme and shocking than that though, (like someone thinking I'm littering) I just explain myself and there are hopefully no hard feelings.

If someone is being a jerk intentionally, I usually say "You're a jerk.". Admittedly I don't hang with rough crowds of people, and I doubt I'd fare well in physical confrontation unless the jerk in question is willing to don fencing equipment and bout to 15 points. The few times someone who has truly appeared violent has done something jerkish, I've just brushed it off because he's not worth my time nor the risk.

[Swordprince]

I would have certainly given that nazi guy a piece of my mind. I'm not always the one to speak out because sometimes, it's not really worth it, but quite frankly, if you're a nazi or something, keep that to yourself. By the way, you did good on excusing yourself from his company. I think it was the best move.