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Benthesquid
2013-12-10, 12:47 AM
So, I'm on the record in the past as saying that I expect Tarquin to be killed off by the end of this book, probably by one or more of Ian/Geoff/Sabine/Enor/Ganjii/The Free City of Doom/Lizardfolk.

But I just realized, that's not going to happen, because I've glimpsed the Grand Design of the Giant's plans! Tarquin can't die until his next paramour shows up to make the threat that much more epic. Think about it-

1) This arc has been all about family. Finding family (Ian and Tarquin) losing family (V's divorce, Nale) and choosing family (Malack and Durkon, Elan and Julio) .

2) A substantial part of that has been Elan realizing that he can choose his family, on a more exact basis than random genetics.

3) Another major theme of this arc has been narrative. Tarquin's obsessed with controlling the narrative, Julio's chosen to defy it, Elan's trying to avoid being crushed by it.

Therefore, I submit that Tarquin's next role in the storyline will be a matter of choosing a new family, and surrendering his ambitions to narrative control.

But what new family will this be? He's already demonstrated that he's not prepared to choose his party over his 'legacy,' what with his willingness to forgive Nale after Malack's death. He doesn't really seem to care for anyone more than he cares about forcing his son to follow in his footsteps.

Well, that's because he hasn't met the right person yet. And who might that person be, you ask?

To answer that question, I draw your attention to the following two strips, presented out of chronological order.

First- (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0802.html) we see that there are semi-elemental planes based on foodstuffs. This may be seen by some as a mere gag, but I'd argue that it's Rich laying the groundwork for that which is to follow.

Second (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0760.html), we are told that the bottom letter of Tarquin's giant flaming Elan has burned out, leaving it reading Flan.

Now, what do you think would happen, if the Great Queen Flan, ruling from the Semi-Elemental Plane of Custards, were to hear of this tribute? No doubt she would want to meet the mortal who had done it. And as we all know Custard is the most evil of elemental desserts, doubtless she would be intrigued and enchanted by his ruthlessness, and decide to help him crush his foes.

Altogether disgusted with Elan's refusal to fit the narrative correctly, Tarquin will decide the only way to get a decent hero to fight him will be to become the Greatest Villain the World Has Ever Seen! He will join with Flan and her army of Custardaemons to seize the next Gate, where he will clash once again with the Order of the Stick.

Belkar will be disabled early in the fight, and Elan will be on the ropes. Belkar will redeem himself by using his gourmet culinary knowledge to provide Elan with a steady stream of dessert based puns, in the process drawing the ire of the Custardaemons, who will kill him (he'll be dead, so he won't be able to breathe, cash in his retirement account, or eat birthday cake).

A rezzed Crystal will show up with a barrel of +1 Pickles to kill Haley, thus inadvertently revealing the Custardaemons weakness- because who would want a pickle with dessert?

Some may call all this a longshot, but frankly, given the amount it's been foreshadowed, I might have to call Deus Ex Machina if Queen Flan doesn't show up within the next couple of rounds.

DaggerPen
2013-12-10, 12:51 AM
You went through that entire thing without a single pun about Tarquin getting his "just desserts"? Really?

Benthesquid
2013-12-10, 12:55 AM
I'll leave the pun dueling to those with the class features. I didn't sink five levels into the Half-Baked Idealogue Prestige Class letting me benefit from my ranks in Craft (Mad Pseudotheory) to poorly emulate a dashing swordsman, thank you very much.

Gift Jeraff
2013-12-10, 12:56 AM
People would probably accuse the Giant of being baked when he came up with it and cry Mousse Ex Machina.

jogiff
2013-12-10, 01:30 AM
You went through that entire thing without a single pun about Tarquin getting his "just desserts"? Really?

"Just desserts" is less of a pun than a word derivation. We say that someone got their "just deserts" because they received a fitting aftermath to their actions - as with dessert to dinner.

Just kidding. The etymologies are unrelated (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/desert#Noun).

DaggerPen
2013-12-10, 01:36 AM
"Just desserts" is less of a pun than a word derivation. We say that someone got their "just deserts" because they received a fitting aftermath to their actions - as with dessert to dinner.

Just kidding. The etymologies are unrelated (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/desert#Noun).

*applause*

Trillium
2013-12-10, 03:58 AM
Curse you, punsters! You made me hungry and craving for custard.

Souhiro
2013-12-10, 04:03 AM
But, but... what about Candy Mechas?

I watch this comic because I want MECHS! Gipsy Danger! Striker Eureka!

The Pilgrim
2013-12-10, 04:04 AM
In the end, Elan should break fast from Tarquin.

ti'esar
2013-12-10, 04:09 AM
"Just desserts" is less of a pun than a word derivation. We say that someone got their "just deserts" because they received a fitting aftermath to their actions - as with dessert to dinner.

Just kidding. The etymologies are unrelated (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/desert#Noun).

You are my hero.