Smite Tarquin! [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 04:14 PM

So, we saw the tiny lightning bolt Banjo zapped Roy with when he had one believer... if we can get 300 or so forumites to say "I believe in Banjo," he should have enough juice to kill Tarquin outright... I believe in Banjo. Give Tarquin his deliciously meta demise!

Smite, smite, smite, smite the megalomaniacial overlord.

Mike Havran

2013-12-18, 04:29 PM

If we get 300 or so forumites to say "I believe in Tarquin", will it make Tarquin a god?

CaDzilla

2013-12-18, 04:40 PM

Banjo is already part of the Orcish island pantheon since he's the rival/brother of Giggles. There could be 300 orcs on the island

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 04:45 PM

Banjo is already part of the Orcish island pantheon since he's the rival/brother of Giggles. There could be 300 orcs on the island

Certainly, but I don't think they contribute to Banjo's power any more than Hilgya contributes to Thor.
I believe in Banjo.

Heksefatter

2013-12-18, 04:48 PM

I believe in Banjo!

Clap your hands if you believe! Also, it would piss off Tarquin no end to learn of Banjo AND be smote by him.

CaDzilla

2013-12-18, 04:49 PM

Certainly, but I don't think they contribute to Banjo's power any more than Hilgya contributes to Thor.
I believe in Banjo.

Still contributes because everyone KNOWS about the other gods (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0137.html)

archon_huskie

2013-12-18, 05:00 PM

I believe in Banjo.

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 05:03 PM

Still contributes because everyone KNOWS about the other gods (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0137.html)

Fine, the orcs contribute a non-zero amount. We still need more worshipers!
I believe in Banjo!

Spoomeister

2013-12-18, 05:05 PM

Give recent twitter updates from Rich, I'm more inclined to rally around:

I believe in dependable hard drives and frequent, thorough backups.

Fates

2013-12-18, 05:05 PM

I believe in banjo.

Smolder

2013-12-18, 05:08 PM

I believe in Giggles.

I'm agnostic about Banjo.

NihhusHuotAliro

2013-12-18, 05:11 PM

Does Banjo offer respite from my mammalian oppressors?

Does Banjo condemn Familicide?

Will Banjo accept my silly cousin as a prophet?

multilis

2013-12-18, 05:12 PM

I believe in TMT. It is like TNT but even deadlier.

Therka, Miko, Tsukiko - the mirror opposite of IFCC

Metahuman1

2013-12-18, 05:14 PM

I believe in Banjo. Cause the look on Tarquin's face when he get's obliterated right now in the dessert with no one to know what ever became of him should be a riot!

Tiiba

2013-12-18, 05:17 PM

You can't just "believe in Banjo". You believe in him the way Omnians in Small Gods believed in Om. Believing in a god entails actually expecting that god's intercession. So tell me - do you EXPECT that Banjo can act of his own will, and defend his mortal agent against the infidel? Are you willing to modify your routine in accordance with this belief? Are you willing to eat your hat if Banjo remains inert? Are you willing to lay down your very life for the cause?

Faith that precipitates naught but words is belief in belief. It is worse for gods than outright atheism.

Cuthalion

2013-12-18, 05:18 PM

I believe in Banjo.

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 05:18 PM

I believe in Giggles.

I'm agnostic about Banjo.

I think there's a rider in the "Worshiping Giggles" contract that you have to acknowledge his brother's divinity, with a reciprocal one for worshipers of banjo.

I believe the exact words are giggles stupid brother play banjo. is named banjo too. he god but not as good a god as giggles. eat many pie. not as good as giggles. but god.

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 05:21 PM

Does Banjo offer respite from my mammalian oppressors?

Does Banjo condemn Familicide?

Will Banjo accept my silly cousin as a prophet?

Banjo believes that endothermocentrism is wrong, and welcomes all clades into his bosom. Which is warm. For keeping his followers warm.

Banjo is not big on necromancy, epic or otherwise.

All silly cousins are prophets of Banjo.

bertoltus

2013-12-18, 05:34 PM

Would it work even if Elan didn't prepare spells this morning? Is there any evidence that he actually took a cleric level back in the dungeon?

Keltest

2013-12-18, 05:45 PM

Would it work even if Elan didn't prepare spells this morning? Is there any evidence that he actually took a cleric level back in the dungeon?

Deities are capable of acting directly, without a cleric's intervention. Some universes also toy around with the idea of a "chosen" agent that can access the divine power without being a cleric.

Of course, it could also be that as a puppet god, Banjo is simply forced to do whatever the one in control of his physical form commands of him.

NihhusHuotAliro

2013-12-18, 05:46 PM

Banjo believes that endothermocentrism is wrong, and welcomes all clades into his bosom. Which is warm. For keeping his followers warm.

Banjo is not big on necromancy, epic or otherwise.

All silly cousins are prophets of Banjo.

Count me in!

I love warm things! Can I wear a silly hat?

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 05:48 PM

Deities are capable of acting directly, without a cleric's intervention. Some universes also toy around with the idea of a "chosen" agent that can access the divine power without being a cleric.

Of course, it could also be that as a puppet god, Banjo is simply forced to do whatever the one in control of his physical form commands of him.

Exactly, and we saw evidence that cleric or not, Elan could call down a tiny zap of lightning.
I believe in Banjo.

balladfen

2013-12-18, 06:19 PM

I believe in Banjo! Is what I'd say if I weren't such a passionate believer in Tarquin's divinity.

sengmeng

2013-12-18, 06:23 PM

Count me in!

I love warm things! Can I wear a silly hat?

You not only are allowed, but required to wear a silly hat.

Ionbound

2013-12-18, 06:25 PM

Oh dear Banjo, if we pull this off, that would be amazing. Thank you in advance.

Roland Itiative

2013-12-18, 07:15 PM

Tarquin thinks he's so smart being the puppeteer behind a continent-sized empire. He's nothing compared to Elan, the puppeteer of gods!

CaDzilla

2013-12-18, 07:28 PM

Speculation
Tarquin tries to attack Elan, but is stopped by Banjo's banjo. Banjo then uses Summon Monster ix (having 20 cleric levels by default) to summon a slaad to fight Tarquin. The slaad shifts the genre to YTP and breaks Tarquin's mind

Ramien

2013-12-18, 09:12 PM

Has Tarquin ever met Banjo?

*archive binge*

I don't think he has... I'm almost hoping Elan does bring out Banjo now just to twist the knife into Tarquin about how his son is the most awesome comic relief ever!

And then Banjo smites him.

veti

2013-12-18, 09:56 PM

When I saw this thread title, I thought maybe someone was founding a very highly specialised order of paladins whose 'Smite Evil' ability was only ever to be used on one specific target. I clicked in, popcorn at the ready, to cheer them on in this worthy endeavour.

Imagine my disappointment. I believe in Banjo.

Lettuce

2013-12-18, 10:06 PM

Is the offer for a free coffee maker (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0081.html) still valid?

If so, hey, what the heck--all hail Banjo!

Etheolin

2013-12-19, 01:00 AM

*dons silly hat*

I Believe in BANJO!!!

All hail Banjo.

A_Man

2013-12-19, 01:05 AM

Banjo is a lie!

sengmeng

2013-12-19, 01:50 AM

Is the offer for a free coffee maker (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0081.html) still valid?

If so, hey, what the heck--all hail Banjo!

Banjo-brand coffee makers are currently on back order, but rest assured, the faithful will receive them in good time.

Banjo is a lie!

Shun the unbeliever! Shun! Shun!

Silferdrake

2013-12-19, 03:03 AM

Wait a minute... Are we referring to Reformed Banjoism or Orthodox Banjoism here? I don't think I can worship a bloodthirsty vengeance god.

nogall

2013-12-19, 05:36 AM

That's a good idea, but do you guys really want forum discussions on how a banjo ex machina saved the order?

Kish

2013-12-19, 06:44 AM

That's a good idea, but do you guys really want forum discussions on how a banjo ex machina saved the order?
You speak as though there was any possible way for Tarquin to be defeated that won't get screams of "Deus Ex Machina!"

The Pilgrim

2013-12-19, 07:27 AM

I believe in Banjo

ObadiahtheSlim

2013-12-19, 08:12 AM

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ raise your banjoes ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

Lecan

2013-12-19, 08:47 AM

I believe in Banjthulu. Banjo, while an admirable predecessor, is only a precursor for the ancient one who will rise one day and smite us all.

ChaosArchon

2013-12-19, 09:52 AM

But if silly hats are required why does Elan, high prophet of Banjo not possess one? I find this favoritism offensive! Join me my brothers and sisters as we split off and create our own Avatar if Banjo, who values all equally!

Keltest

2013-12-19, 10:40 AM

archon_huskie

2013-12-19, 11:04 AM

No. Elan IS the hat.

sengmeng

2013-12-19, 12:04 PM

Wait a minute... Are we referring to Reformed Banjoism or Orthodox Banjoism here? I don't think I can worship a bloodthirsty vengeance god.

Well, we're kind of talking about bloodthirsty vengeance here...

But don't worry, you can join for the free coffee maker, sacrifice a goat or two, watch Tarquin get zapped, and then get double your burnt offerings back as long as you declare yourself excommunicated within 30 days. Also, you get to keep the silly hat.*

*silly hat not included in basic worshiper packet.

NihhusHuotAliro

2013-12-19, 03:21 PM

You not only are allowed, but required to wear a silly hat.

Best. Religion.

TheTeaMustFlow

2013-12-19, 06:09 PM

Keltest

2013-12-19, 06:11 PM

sengmeng

2013-12-19, 07:20 PM

Gentlemen, refer to the Holy Texts:

giggles stupid brother play banjo. is named banjo too. he god but not as good a god as giggles. eat many pie. not as good as giggles. but god.

Benthesquid

2013-12-19, 08:44 PM

I believe in Harvey Dent!

I fight John Watson's war!

Lettuce

2013-12-19, 08:49 PM

Banjo-brand coffee makers are currently on back order, but rest assured, the faithful will receive them in good time.

Well, my belief has to start somewhere. I may as well start by believing that, Banjo willing, my coffee maker will arrive in due time. :smallbiggrin:

On an unrelated note, what opportunities for advancement are there? Is the Reformed Banjoist sect looking for high priests, by any chance?

sengmeng

2013-12-20, 01:07 AM

On an unrelated note, what opportunities for advancement are there? Is the Reformed Banjoist sect looking for high priests, by any chance?

I have communed long with the Most Holy One, and received thy tidings: "Answer hazy, try again later."

Silferdrake

2013-12-20, 04:36 AM

Well, we're kind of talking about bloodthirsty vengeance here...

But don't worry, you can join for the free coffee maker, sacrifice a goat or two, watch Tarquin get zapped, and then get double your burnt offerings back as long as you declare yourself excommunicated within 30 days. Also, you get to keep the silly hat.*

*silly hat not included in basic worshiper packet.

Very well. Hand me the hat and a goat. All hail Banjo!

DeliaP

2013-12-20, 07:09 AM

Am I still allowed to believe in Banjo even if I can't think of a witty forum post to announce it?

sengmeng

2013-12-20, 11:22 AM

Am I still allowed to believe in Banjo even if I can't think of a witty forum post to announce it?

Certainly. The Clown God has humor to spare, and is gracious in sharing his bounty.

ChaosArchon

2013-12-20, 11:29 PM

I have seen the error in my ways. All praise the great Puppeteer in the sky, Banjo and his prophet Elan!

Ramien

2013-12-20, 11:39 PM

HERESY! *BLAM* The Most Holy And Not At All Insane Temple of Giggles is the only path to crustular, blueberry-filled salvation! The foul cult of his insane and twisted brother, Banjo, will lead you only to damnation! By fire and thwacking-stick, YOU SHALL BE PURGED!

Heresy? You think salvation is blueberry filled and you talk about heresy? Every Banjoite knows that apple is the only true filling for salvation, and the use of lesser fillings is the only reason that his chosen prophet lost the contest!

BardicLasher

2013-12-23, 03:55 PM

I believe in Banjo!

sengmeng

2013-12-28, 11:27 AM

"And yea, though the signs and wonders of Banjo were numerous, and the ranks of the faithful swole to a mighty throng, it was later revealed that He was nothing more than an accumulation of swamp gas"

--Irrelevancies, chapter 7 verse 2.5

The Smallest

2013-12-28, 11:45 AM

Dorsidwarf

2013-12-28, 11:56 AM

In Banjo I trust.

GIGGLES IS THE TRUE GOD

Crimsonmantle

2013-12-29, 08:52 AM

Personally, I would rather that Tarquin perish by Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion.

Dorsidwarf

2013-12-29, 09:31 AM

Personally, I would rather that Tarquin perish by Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion.

You are not a nice person.

TheFool

2013-12-29, 09:42 AM

Banjo is the beginning and Banjo is the end. His playful strumming brought life into the world, and when he plays his final chord the world will end, to be swallowed by applause and delicious pie.

sengmeng

2013-12-29, 08:08 PM

"So sayeth Banjo: 'Yea (Banjo says 'yea' a lot), look unto Me as thy example in all conduct, except that thing where I make it look like an invisible rolling pin is going over My stomach. That's My special thing, and you can't do it. I meaneth it.'"

--Hypocrisies Chapter two, verse three and a quarter.

Crimsonmantle

2014-01-04, 09:01 AM

You are not a nice person.

Yeah, I'd love a bizarre retread of that spell, and Tarquin's the character it'd be least wasted on. But I didn't think of how that would go down with Elan at all before I posted, which... really... really kills the idea.

Oryutzen

2014-01-04, 10:07 AM

Oh, come on, why would he smite Tarquin like that, when he can give him a funnier, song-worthy-er fate than that?

We don't want to underestimate our banjo-strumming deity, do we?

Ghost Nappa

2014-01-04, 10:19 AM

Praise unto his great and holy lute, may its melodies create songs that will last until the Snarl devours us all.

Also, if someone creates a fanon "Book of Banjo" as a founding of Banjo as a CG deity, I would totally use it within a game.

sengmeng

2014-01-05, 10:32 PM

"Banjo doth call His followers to ponder the mysteries of the universe, for indeed, what is up with airline food?"

-- Catastrophes, chapter five, verse seven eighths.