Abyssal layer of telemarketers

[Svata]

Continuing from HERE
*snippity*

Post any and all of your ideas of abyssal telemarketer calls would be.

(blatantly stolen example)

Thank you for calling the Pazuzu wish support line.

If you desire a candle of invocation, chant "one"

For all other wishes, chant "two".

One? Alright, then.

If you desired a candle of invocation but experienced a disjunction, followed by a maw of chaos and storm of vengeance effect, please stay on the line. This is a known issue, and our support team is working to address it. Please do not move out of the spell effect, it will be reversed shortly.

Thank you for calling the Pazuzu wish support line. Your call is very important to us. Please hold. Have fun!

[Icewraith]

Are you a manly man? Do you like tall women? Do you like them as cold as your beer?

If you believe that punching other people in the face should be your first, only, and best course of action, the church of Kostchthcie wants you!

Attend Fimbulwintercon! Meet the all succubus and frost giantess Kostchthcie cheer squad! Participate in the annual boulder-throwing contest! Compare your oversized weapon to the best the Abyss has to offer!

Free entry when you bring a virgin!

Fimbulwintercon not responsible for freezing to death while attending or traveling to or from event. Not responsible for loss of soul or being crushed to death. Fimbulwintercon is not and will never be a registered member of the Traveling Planar Festival Association. This message produced by Mechanus advertising- don't robo call mortals, leave it to the experts!

[AMFV]

Are you a manly man? Do you like tall women? Do you like them as cold as your beer?

If you believe that punching other people in the face should be your first, only, and best course of action, the church of Fraz Urblu wants you!

Attend Fimbulwintercon! Meet the all succubus and frost giantess Fraz Urblu cheer squad! Participate in the annual boulder-throwing contest! Compare your oversized weapon to the best the Abyss has to offer!

Free entry when you bring a virgin!

Fimbulwintercon not responsible for freezing to death while attending or traveling to or from event. Not responsible for loss of soul or being crushed to death. Fimbulwintercon is not and will never be a registered member of the Traveling Planar Festival Association. This message produced by Mechanus advertising- don't robo call mortals, leave it to the experts!

I think you're thinking of Kostchthcie, he's the woman hater. Fraz Urblu is the hater of humanity, the guy who sent his rescuing adventurers to the abyss with no clothes. He doesn't have the frozen domain, that's Kostchthcie. He's definitely into some bromance stuff though.

[Deophaun]

I don't thing this thread would be complete without Hades' s answering service (http://youtube.com/watch?v=KLemkqy3puw).

[Icewraith]

Fixed.

Contact the Graz'zt crisis center for troubled virgins. Always available. We guarantee we can solve at least one of your problems.

[Particle_Man]

Hello, there is a known problem with your planar binding spells. Please cast one now without a circle of protection in order to test the system. This is only a test of the system; no demons will appear.

Also, succubus party line!

[Red Fel]

Feel lost? Aimless? Adrift in a maze of changing corridors and shifting shadows?

Baphomet can help.

Tell Baphomet what troubles you. Baphomet will listen. Baphomet will teach you to smash the puny weaklings who trouble you so with the fury of a thousand raging bulls. With Baphomet's trust and love, you can crush those who stand in your way, grinding their worthless hides into the dirt like so much mulch.

Don't be lost in a maze of self-doubt and despair. Embrace Baphomet, and break down those walls with a bardiche the size of a well-fed giraffe.

Call Baphomet now, and learn to love again.

[Snowbluff]

This is all so very wrong. It should be polluting the other thread. :smallfrown:

[Icewraith]

Are secrets ruining your life?

Are you too inquisitive? Do you spy on your neighbors? Do you enjoy watching things you know you're not supposed to be seeing? Are you curious about every hidden facet of life around you?

The Schrodinger Impulse Control Center has a 100% success rate in permanently removing uncontrollable cravings and impulses in patients. Our techniques must be seen to be believed!

Brought to you by Curiosity Industries. Formerly the Pale Night Multiplanar Gentleman's Club