Vknight
2014-01-13, 11:12 PM
Alright the fact is I'm burning out. Sure I may spark for moments or two but it quickly snuffs away and back too smolders.
A year ago a player left. This player had been a friend for years, who meant a lot too me in numerous ways.
When that player left I lost a bit of the flair I had. That ability too always take what was thrown build the adventure and make a story.
I realized that whenever I could come up with an excuse for a one-shot or something else because a player missed a session I would take it. Making it our new main campaign as my half hearted attempt to get motivated.
My Mental State
Player leaves. I get sad. I try too work around and plan around and make up for what has happened. But I keep coming back too what would they play etc.
No matter what I do I can't quite get myself on two-feet and landed.
Vknight is Bipolar.
I get nihilistic when on the down side of it along with the other fun things.
Why is this important?
Because the person who used to help ground me is no longer speaking with me. They walked away no goodbyes no anything. A permanency without a finality
So I have been trying too find a centering device. My personal method of keeping a cool head a calm demeanor and clear mind. Too help myself calm down or other things as the case may be.
I have not found it.
As such I have been full of ideas one minute, tossing them out the next.
Should it be this or that or what about this?
Building up then crashing. Would they enjoy this more or would this seem more horrific.
During the games I spike and spiral nearly at random. Full too bursting trying too get the group motivated and the next barely their and unable too pull myself along with no energy too speak of.
Could I let someone else run?
Yes & No: I could but can't so read the Group section to understand why not for each.
The Last Few Sessions
This probably won't help much. But the issue comes up more in the planning stages and between sessions. As I create so many ideas but too many to use or unable too for the medium in use with the current game; with little to no way of changing what I want the idea to be; without destroying the idea as had.
Little Fears - I had 12 or so monsters stated for Little Fears and a scenario for each
Eclipse Phase - The initial mystery involving a Seed AI and some other things leading into the true mystery as the group learned of the secrets of the Quarantine Zone
Shadowrun - Some jobs missions classic ronin traveling around. Was set in the Gulf of Mexico for a large amount of options for run setups
Wild Talents - Superhero game as the hero's learned too be heroes in a world that has only had superpowers for 1 year. Crazy things happening and the world a changing place
Shadowrun - Read above but with more a focus on the group being Robin Hoods trying too cut out some semblance of life for themselves and help any others they can along the way
We did a Little Fears thing for 3 sessions. But some people could not make it and as the session involved one's life we stepped back for a minute
I had ideas too many ideas, so many ideas far too many ideas I could focus upon just a singular idea for the themes
For 1 session Eclipse Phase but it didn't so much as dry up as 2 of the 3 players couldn't make the next session.
Clever idea. Maybe would have lasted 1 game longer
I entertained a Shadowrun idea for 1 session but that couldn't work out, because of the D&D obsessed fan boy who effectively made me rage quit the session
Game went ok at start then quickly crumbled
The annual Halloween Game came around it was Dread(It was ok)
Clever idea. Hebanon Games Revelations Scenario but limited in scope from a town too just the acres of land on a mansion.
Did Wild Talents for 4 sessions. I want too get back to it but I can't build the energy to be invested in super heroics
You need energy and a drive too want and do super heroic interactions. Hero vs. X
Last Saturday(The 10th) was Shadowrun trying too rehash and fix what happened from the last time... It worked out alright.
The group breezed through and I don't know if they went well. I went easy on them. Both happening or some other reason for this
My Group
I got a good group of people. I try and describe their play style in so much detail. This coincides with personality of the individual on several of them.
B
-A nice player and person who plays the team mom of characters
-Can't come too session until May
-Has never nor ever wants too Gm
D
-A gamer who loves any sort of game and game experience. From guns and psychic powers too swords and sorcery. He likes to play with the group and takes a roll of the realman
-To nice, and to much of a good guy to Gm would not kill you even in Call of Cthulhu(Not a joke in a session of CoC he ran at a thing I was not at everyone survived because he was so nice)
E
-Spunky individual this person is quick witted with a slight foul mouth. But a good person even if not always polite.
-Can't come too sessions until May
-Never wants too Gm or control NPC's
G
-Charged full of energy and bad ideas for the right intentions. Not trying too cause chaos or destruction(most of the time), trying too play a crazy character who does not wall into annoying
-
-Only has run D&D. Admits too being a bad Gm when judging encounters either making them pathetically easily or extremely difficult
J
-Good guy fun gamer taking the role of the character. But a tendency if character not maximized for combat too just run away and not assist
-Clings too fantasy games over science fiction
-Runs DMPC's when he is the Gm... And won't listen too reason on it(He's stated out as an NPC so he does not count as a DMPC is not an excuse) Only has run D&D and will only run Fantasy. So no Sci-Fi
K
-Quite character who enjoys role-playing but likes too take a less active roll. Being the person who sometimes helps with NPC's, but more role-playing with the group. Soft-spoken with an eye more towards speaking when wishing too and it could be considered important
-Not a GM or a leader
W
-Ok guy. Plays overly flamboyant, 'badass' of a character, most sounding like the love child of Leon and Cloud with a dash whatever he is currently playing. No real consistent tone or knowing when not too get involved in a scene even though his character is in it. Generally big problem guy though he means well
-Would only run D&D. Would include DMPC's, all the Minotaur Paladin DMPC's. Would get upset should we disrupt his story or the planned schedule of events or did anything that goes against the script of praising said DMPC's
Most of them do not wish too Gm
Some who could would run with some problems
The two least likely too cause issue one game would be here is that vorpal sword you wanted(at level 4)
The other it actually would be a vorpal sword... I can't stand playing in D&D/d20 campaigns.
So without a way too focus I'm spinning
I can't toss reins too another person. I know what I want too do but I at the same time don't have any ideas. I want too run a campaign with a story adventure and all that good stuff.
May it be a slice of life as teenagers cope well also handling world ending cosmic horrors.
A group banding as brothers too do some good in whatever concept that may be(Heroic Demingods. Men of the Last Great War. A simple band of warriors be it modern, ancient, fantastical, or what have you)
A team who have seen the shadows or horror that lurks beyond. And come too accept that does not make one immune or safe from nightmares; should those nightmares tear at the mind, or show a darker nature of humanity, or the last great creation before our Fall it all speaks too me as fodder for ideas
Sorry this took so long too read.
And for those of you who read this thank you. And those of you who responded another thank you.
Simply talking about the issue has helped in many ways as it has been my personal Elephant in the Room for the last year which I have been avoiding and denying as hard as I can
A year ago a player left. This player had been a friend for years, who meant a lot too me in numerous ways.
When that player left I lost a bit of the flair I had. That ability too always take what was thrown build the adventure and make a story.
I realized that whenever I could come up with an excuse for a one-shot or something else because a player missed a session I would take it. Making it our new main campaign as my half hearted attempt to get motivated.
My Mental State
Player leaves. I get sad. I try too work around and plan around and make up for what has happened. But I keep coming back too what would they play etc.
No matter what I do I can't quite get myself on two-feet and landed.
Vknight is Bipolar.
I get nihilistic when on the down side of it along with the other fun things.
Why is this important?
Because the person who used to help ground me is no longer speaking with me. They walked away no goodbyes no anything. A permanency without a finality
So I have been trying too find a centering device. My personal method of keeping a cool head a calm demeanor and clear mind. Too help myself calm down or other things as the case may be.
I have not found it.
As such I have been full of ideas one minute, tossing them out the next.
Should it be this or that or what about this?
Building up then crashing. Would they enjoy this more or would this seem more horrific.
During the games I spike and spiral nearly at random. Full too bursting trying too get the group motivated and the next barely their and unable too pull myself along with no energy too speak of.
Could I let someone else run?
Yes & No: I could but can't so read the Group section to understand why not for each.
The Last Few Sessions
This probably won't help much. But the issue comes up more in the planning stages and between sessions. As I create so many ideas but too many to use or unable too for the medium in use with the current game; with little to no way of changing what I want the idea to be; without destroying the idea as had.
Little Fears - I had 12 or so monsters stated for Little Fears and a scenario for each
Eclipse Phase - The initial mystery involving a Seed AI and some other things leading into the true mystery as the group learned of the secrets of the Quarantine Zone
Shadowrun - Some jobs missions classic ronin traveling around. Was set in the Gulf of Mexico for a large amount of options for run setups
Wild Talents - Superhero game as the hero's learned too be heroes in a world that has only had superpowers for 1 year. Crazy things happening and the world a changing place
Shadowrun - Read above but with more a focus on the group being Robin Hoods trying too cut out some semblance of life for themselves and help any others they can along the way
We did a Little Fears thing for 3 sessions. But some people could not make it and as the session involved one's life we stepped back for a minute
I had ideas too many ideas, so many ideas far too many ideas I could focus upon just a singular idea for the themes
For 1 session Eclipse Phase but it didn't so much as dry up as 2 of the 3 players couldn't make the next session.
Clever idea. Maybe would have lasted 1 game longer
I entertained a Shadowrun idea for 1 session but that couldn't work out, because of the D&D obsessed fan boy who effectively made me rage quit the session
Game went ok at start then quickly crumbled
The annual Halloween Game came around it was Dread(It was ok)
Clever idea. Hebanon Games Revelations Scenario but limited in scope from a town too just the acres of land on a mansion.
Did Wild Talents for 4 sessions. I want too get back to it but I can't build the energy to be invested in super heroics
You need energy and a drive too want and do super heroic interactions. Hero vs. X
Last Saturday(The 10th) was Shadowrun trying too rehash and fix what happened from the last time... It worked out alright.
The group breezed through and I don't know if they went well. I went easy on them. Both happening or some other reason for this
My Group
I got a good group of people. I try and describe their play style in so much detail. This coincides with personality of the individual on several of them.
B
-A nice player and person who plays the team mom of characters
-Can't come too session until May
-Has never nor ever wants too Gm
D
-A gamer who loves any sort of game and game experience. From guns and psychic powers too swords and sorcery. He likes to play with the group and takes a roll of the realman
-To nice, and to much of a good guy to Gm would not kill you even in Call of Cthulhu(Not a joke in a session of CoC he ran at a thing I was not at everyone survived because he was so nice)
E
-Spunky individual this person is quick witted with a slight foul mouth. But a good person even if not always polite.
-Can't come too sessions until May
-Never wants too Gm or control NPC's
G
-Charged full of energy and bad ideas for the right intentions. Not trying too cause chaos or destruction(most of the time), trying too play a crazy character who does not wall into annoying
-
-Only has run D&D. Admits too being a bad Gm when judging encounters either making them pathetically easily or extremely difficult
J
-Good guy fun gamer taking the role of the character. But a tendency if character not maximized for combat too just run away and not assist
-Clings too fantasy games over science fiction
-Runs DMPC's when he is the Gm... And won't listen too reason on it(He's stated out as an NPC so he does not count as a DMPC is not an excuse) Only has run D&D and will only run Fantasy. So no Sci-Fi
K
-Quite character who enjoys role-playing but likes too take a less active roll. Being the person who sometimes helps with NPC's, but more role-playing with the group. Soft-spoken with an eye more towards speaking when wishing too and it could be considered important
-Not a GM or a leader
W
-Ok guy. Plays overly flamboyant, 'badass' of a character, most sounding like the love child of Leon and Cloud with a dash whatever he is currently playing. No real consistent tone or knowing when not too get involved in a scene even though his character is in it. Generally big problem guy though he means well
-Would only run D&D. Would include DMPC's, all the Minotaur Paladin DMPC's. Would get upset should we disrupt his story or the planned schedule of events or did anything that goes against the script of praising said DMPC's
Most of them do not wish too Gm
Some who could would run with some problems
The two least likely too cause issue one game would be here is that vorpal sword you wanted(at level 4)
The other it actually would be a vorpal sword... I can't stand playing in D&D/d20 campaigns.
So without a way too focus I'm spinning
I can't toss reins too another person. I know what I want too do but I at the same time don't have any ideas. I want too run a campaign with a story adventure and all that good stuff.
May it be a slice of life as teenagers cope well also handling world ending cosmic horrors.
A group banding as brothers too do some good in whatever concept that may be(Heroic Demingods. Men of the Last Great War. A simple band of warriors be it modern, ancient, fantastical, or what have you)
A team who have seen the shadows or horror that lurks beyond. And come too accept that does not make one immune or safe from nightmares; should those nightmares tear at the mind, or show a darker nature of humanity, or the last great creation before our Fall it all speaks too me as fodder for ideas
Sorry this took so long too read.
And for those of you who read this thank you. And those of you who responded another thank you.
Simply talking about the issue has helped in many ways as it has been my personal Elephant in the Room for the last year which I have been avoiding and denying as hard as I can