Diplomatic solution to unwanted first name -- ideas?

[Bulldog Psion]

This is a strange question, and a strange thread. However, it's something that's been bothering me for a long, long time, so I wanted to ask the advice and/or input of some anonymous strangers on the Internet. Who better than the generally intelligent and cosmopolitan crew on the GiantITP forums? :smallcool:

My first name is the problem. Way back when I was born, my parents wanted to give me an unusual, "cool" name that not many other people had. So, they picked a Celtic one for my first name.

Unfortunately, they picked a female name by accident. And in the years subsequent, it's become quite well known that it is a female name. I end up having to explain it about once a week, and my explanation isn't much more than "big whoops on my parents part, fun, huh?" It's not one of those either/or names. It's obvious that I have a woman's name, even though I'm a guy. Not quite as obvious as being named "Sarah," but its 90% of the way there.

Now, my parents are a couple of extremely pleasant people. I've always gotten along with both of them well, and they've seemed to know when to give support and when to back off and let me do my thing over the years.

Due to travel and the hassle of passports and all that, I refrained from changing my name for several years now. But now, my traveling days are over, at least outside the U.S.. I no longer have the motivation, and it was getting mighty expensive anyway. If I travel, it'll be within the country, not outside it.

So, the idea of changing my name to something I can stand resurfaced. It's not putting too fine a point on it to say that I can't stand my current first name, despite having it for several decades.

Furthermore, I'm about to embark on a new enterprise that will not only improve my career considerably, but will require that I keep my name the same for a long period of time, probably the rest of my life. So, at this point, I have three choices, and I'm going to have make the decision soon.

1. Keep my current name. This one is the most diplomatic for relations with my parents, obviously. But I need to consider whether I want to spend the rest of my life, and be known in my field, with a name that I strongly dislike and prefer not to hear or see written.

2. Change the name to a close male equivalent. A close male equivalent DOES exist. The advantage: it's almost the name my parents gave me, so it'll presumably be symbolically less of a rejection of their chosen name for me. Disadvantages: I don't like the way it sounds much, either, just that I like it more than the female equivalent I have at the moment. It's also very common, and I kind of like the idea of having an unusual name, just not the unusual name I happen to be saddled with.

3. Pick a new name. Advantages are that I can make it something that I really like. The drawback is -- how do you explain to your parents, whom you like a lot, that you hate the name they gave you and want a totally different one?

So, what does the great hive mind of the Playground have to offer? :smallsmile:

[Haruki-kun]

If you can and want to change your name, to that level, then I would definitely not keep the current one. So option 1 is out from my point of view.

Option 2 is a good option, but the question is whether you're going to change it and still not be happy with it: then you may as well not change it.

Option 3 is what I would opt for, while calmly explaining to your parents that you're not rejecting the name, it's just that it's a female name and you'd rather have a male name. I would avoid bringing up the "male equivalent" option unless they do.

Another possibility: tell them what you just told us. You're not rejecting them, it's not like you're changing your last name.

It is an awkward situation, so... I can't offer foolproof advice. Sorry. =/

[AdmiralCheez]

There's always the option of going by another name professionally. Writers, actors, news anchors, and I presume a lot more typically keep their birth name, but when doing something work-related, they pick a new, better sounding name. Like how John Wayne was actually named Marion Robert Morrison, or how Marilyn Monroe was Norma Jeane Mortenson. I'm not sure if this is a possibility for you, but it's something that came to mind.

[EmeraldRose]

Along the lines of keeping the name, there are men who have female names, Leslie Nielsen for instance.

Have you really talked with your parents about how they'd feel if you changed it? It may be something they're ok with, especially if you give them your reasons.

[blunk]

tell them what you just told us.I agree. "I'm tired of having a girl's name and this may be the last good chance I have to change it" is totally reasonable, and if your parents are as easygoing as you say, they shouldn't take it too badly.

I actually changed my first name once. I think I broached it with "I'm just feeling like I need to own my own name," and that got a "do what you gotta do" reaction. Of course, I was twenty and had green hair at the time, so it wasn't a terribly surprising thing for me to say :smalltongue:

But in your case, you could start it out with something like I did, and after the idea has sunk in a bit, you could follow it up with something like "... and to tell you the truth, I won't miss explaining why I have a girl's name!". That way you start out with it being "I want to do this" and save the "... and you guys kinda screwed up a little!" for the end. If you do it right, they'll barely notice and you'll feel better for having told the truth :smallsmile:

ETA: you're in for some comedy. You'll tell new people your new name, they'll talk to old people you haven't informed yet, and they'll argue over what you're called...

[AdmiralCheez]

If they picked a female name by accident, just because it sounded nice, and not because of some symbolic thing/heritage reason, they might actually be really open to changing it. You never know, once they found out the mistake, they might have secretly regretted it all these years, and changing it might give them some comfort.

[Aedilred]

3. Pick a new name. Advantages are that I can make it something that I really like. The drawback is -- how do you explain to your parents, whom you like a lot, that you hate the name they gave you and want a totally different one?
Well, firstly I'd check the laws in your jurisdiction regarding name changes. In the UK, for instance you can go by whatever name you like so long as your intentions are honest - you don't even have to fill out a form. Of course your "real" name would still show up on your passport, driver's licence, etc. and opening a bank account might be difficult unless you change it - though not impossible. My point is to check out how difficult it is; it might be something you can experiment with rather than having one go at it and potentially getting it wrong. Especially since one's tastes change, and a name you think is really like now might not seem so great in ten years' time. (This is why traditional names tend to be safer bets than modern, "cool" ones; they don't really go out of fashion in the same way).

Next up, do you have a middle name? And if so, what are your thoughts on that? Could you live with going by that indefinitely? If so, that's your easiest option, because it's already recorded everywhere and you don't have the hassle of changing your documents; just start using your middle name in place of your first one. It also largely avoids any issues with your parents taking offence since you're still using a name they gave you.

But I would hope your parents would mind too much anyway if you tell them about it in a reasonable way. If you say something along the lines of "look, I appreciate why you gave me this name, but it's just not working for me, and it's making it difficult for me to be taken seriously. From now on I would rather go by <insert name here>", it would be difficult to come up with any sensible objections on their part, and would be pretty unreasonable of them to take any real offence over it.

[Aliquid]

Do you have a middle name? You could just adopt that going forward. It wouldn't conflict with any ID.

Another option is picking a new name you like and keeping your given name as a middle name (you can have multiple middle names). So instead of being "Sarah Smith", you could be "Houdini Danger Sarah Rock Smith"

[Bulldog Psion]

Do you have a middle name? You could just adopt that going forward. It wouldn't conflict with any ID.

Another option is picking a new name you like and keeping your given name as a middle name (you can have multiple middle names). So instead of being "Sarah Smith", you could be "Houdini Danger Sarah Rock Smith"

I love it! :smallbiggrin: Houdini Danger indeed. :smallwink:

I am actually old enough to avoid some of the weirder "cool" names, knowing that Buyer's Remorse would set in rapidly. I'd rather find a dignified sounding, rather archaic name that's been out of use for a while but still sounds like a name, than name myself Bluestreak Thunderbolt or something. :smallamused:

Still, just adding another name sounds like a strong possibility.

[Taet]

You can put in more than one name in the First Name or the Middle Name part of the form now. Official stuff looks at the First Name field to match it to you. So put two first names down. Firstname A Lastname and Firstname B Lastname will both be official.

Maybe this was easier in California where the officials write down a lot of Hispanic names. That is who told me this works. But it should work anywhere.

[Aedilred]

I love it! :smallbiggrin: Houdini Danger indeed. :smallwink:

I am actually old enough to avoid some of the weirder "cool" names, knowing that Buyer's Remorse would set in rapidly. I'd rather find a dignified sounding, rather archaic name that's been out of use for a while but still sounds like a name
I recommend "Æthelred", in honour of the millennial anniversary of his return to the throne of England from exile. Or, to continue your British-but-not-English name theme, "Sweyn", the first foreign king of England, who died a thousand years ago. Bonus points for growing a forked beard.

You're welcome.

[Grinner]

Personally, I'd go with Option 2 or the middle name thing. The cognitive dissonance might be too much to handle otherwise.

Then again, I'm content with my name, so my opinion might not count for much.

[Elemental]

Do you like your middle name? Because if so, you can join the ranks of those who go by theirs, such a C. Montgomery Burns, M. Rodney McKay and numerous real people whose names elude me... Oh wait, found a list...
A. Virginia Woolf, L. J. Reese Witherspoon, G. Orson Welles, G. Alex Trebeck, A. Eleanor Roosevelt, H. Beatrix Potter, J. Robert Oppenheimer, J. Paul McCartney, A. Ada Lovelace, N. Harper Lee, E. Gary Gygax, W. Clark Gable, T. Sean Connery...

Aside from, that, I'm going to echo everyone here and talk to your parents about it. If you decide to change your name, it'll seem like less of a betrayal if you choose one with their help.

[SarahV]

My Aunt George probably would sympathize with you, although she never changed it (she just goes by "Georgie"). My grandfather was apparently determined to have a namesake, and after four daughters he just gave up and named the last one George. Just couldn't do Georgette or something, I dunno. He was otherwise a very admirable human being. :smalltongue:

My mom and my grandma both go by their middle names - and it drives my mom up the wall slightly because they called her by her middle name since birth - why not just flip the names instead of making her explain it to everyone every time she fills out a form? But that might be easier than a full legal name change, as others have pointed out. Depending where you live that can cost money and even require going to court (as my friends recently discovered, when they wanted to hyphenate their last names in a state that doesn't recognize their marriage :smallannoyed: ).

[blunk]

Do you like your middle name? Because if so, you can join the ranks of those who go by theirs"Never trust a man who parts his name on the side" -- unknown

[JustPlayItLoud]

Take option 3, seriously. There are jobs and other such things where you basically have to go by your legal name. Do you really want to explain why you have a girl's name every week for the rest of your life? Do you want to go from Michele to Michael when you don't really like either one?

Pick a name that's you. Pick a name that you like and can own. Your parents will understand unless they're terrible people, in which case tell them you hate the name and they ruined your life. But more realistically just be open about it. You don't need to lie to them, but you might want to omit that you hate the name. You understand where they were coming from, but now you're in a place where your legal name is important, but what you have now just isn't your name. It's not you. You're the same person, but your name just isn't yours. Just do it.

Also, not to pry or be especially nosy, but I imagine most of the thread are dying to now what your legal name is. I promise we won't mock you.

[thubby]

take a new first name but change your middle name to your current first name.

[TheThan]

A friend of mine hates his first name, (even though there’s nothing wrong with it), so instead of changing it he insists on using his last name for basically everything. Friends, even family refer to him by his last name. Sometimes he uses his screen name/internet handle.

My father and my grandfather both share the same first name and (obviously) last name. My dad adopted his middle name to distinguish himself from my grandfather, he’s been doing this for so long that everyone simply calls him by his middle name.

These are two solutions that people (who play a big role) in my life have used. You might want to consider these before filling out any paperwork.

[Bulldog Psion]

Take option 3, seriously. There are jobs and other such things where you basically have to go by your legal name. Do you really want to explain why you have a girl's name every week for the rest of your life? Do you want to go from Michele to Michael when you don't really like either one?

Yes, it's exceedingly tempting.


Pick a name that's you. Pick a name that you like and can own. Your parents will understand unless they're terrible people, in which case tell them you hate the name and they ruined your life. But more realistically just be open about it.

In a way, it would be easier if they were terrible people. In that case, I could get satisfaction from changing it and making them seethe. :smallbiggrin: As it is, they're nice folks


Also, not to pry or be especially nosy, but I imagine most of the thread are dying to now what your legal name is. I promise we won't mock you.

...

All right. You're all excellent people, and you're doing your best to help out, so I should offer something in return. Even if that's just satisfaction of curiosity. :smallwink:

Rhiannon. That's my first name.

I shorten it to "Rhian" and often pronounce it like "Ryan," which is the male alternative that I don't really like either. But when people see how it's spelled, or see official documents bearing the actual name, things get uncomfortable fairly quickly.

"Got that name from Fleetwood Mac, huh?" ... "No, actually, it was a misunderstanding when my mom was young and had just skimmed through the Mabinogian..." ... "Through the what??"

"Hey, it's mister takes to the sky like a bird in flight!" *facepalm*

"What's the origin of that name? I haven't seen many men with it. Tell me, how'd you get it, I'm just wondering?" *headdesk*

I have to admit it's kind of funny, but not always. I laughed it off for many a year, but several factors have caused me to finally get fed up with it:

1. One Fleetwood Mac reference too many.
2. The fact that I just went through some hideous unpleasantness in my life, which made me think "why should I put up with things that bother me, if it's something that I can change and enjoy more, when there's so much that I can't change that sucks? Why voluntarily accept the small things that bug me on top of all the stuff I can't do anything about?"
3. The fact that I'm about to start a newer, more serious line of work, in which I will be more prominently visible to clients. And I don't particularly want to be Rhiannon in that circumstance, with all the questions and odd looks entailed therein.


"Never trust a man who parts his name on the side" -- unknown

Good for a laugh, thanks! :smallbiggrin:


Do you like your middle name? Because if so, you can join the ranks of those who go by theirs, such a C. Montgomery Burns, M. Rodney McKay and numerous real people whose names elude me...

Only problem is, that my dad's first name is also my middle name. And we live in the same town. Heck, we live two doors from each other on the same street. :smallbiggrin: On the other hand, that will make it relatively easy to exchange all the misdirected mail.


Personally, I'd go with Option 2 or the middle name thing. The cognitive dissonance might be too much to handle otherwise.

I am a bit worried about the cognitive dissonance, I must admit. Kind of a "the devil you know" thing.


I recommend "Æthelred", in honour of the millennial anniversary of his return to the throne of England from exile.

Are you, by any chance, referring to that fellow known to history as Aethelred the Unready? :smallbiggrin: I salute you for trying to steer me towards that name, if that's the case. :smallwink:

[Xuc Xac]

Take a cue from "the boy named Sue" and "the man they call Jayne" and just man up and deal with it. People who pick on you for your name would just pick on you for something else if your name was "John Smith". Unless you're entering into some kind of bizarre legal arrangement that requires you to sign your name with your genitals, there's really no such thing as a female name.

[WarKitty]

Here's a thought: Do you know exactly why/how your parents picked your name? You could show respect to them by going through a similar process. Is it important to them that it was a Welsh name? Did they just like mythology? You get the idea.

[Elemental]

Rhiannon. That's my first name.

Only problem is, that my dad's first name is also my middle name. And we live in the same town. Heck, we live two doors from each other on the same street. :smallbiggrin: On the other hand, that will make it relatively easy to exchange all the misdirected mail.

Are you, by any chance, referring to that fellow known to history as Aethelred the Unready? :smallbiggrin: I salute you for trying to steer me towards that name, if that's the case. :smallwink:

To tell the truth... Spelled that way, it strikes me more as a non-gender specific name, such as Leslie, Lauren, Stacey or Robin, which while more commonly given to girls are acceptable for a man.

Inconvenient. Though he'd probably be very flattered if you took his name on, even if for a simple matter of avoiding annoying question.

Aethelred the Ill-Advised? Don't choose that if you're worried about gender ambiguity as it shortens to Ethel which, though it might mean noble in Old English, is a clearly feminine name. Though you could shorten it to Red and get around that...
Also, fun fact, the whole Aethelred the Unready thing is an Old English pun that makes fun of his name.

[Aedilred]

Rhiannon. That's my first name.

I shorten it to "Rhian" and often pronounce it like "Ryan," which is the male alternative that I don't really like either. But when people see how it's spelled, or see official documents bearing the actual name, things get uncomfortable fairly quickly.
Ah. Yeah. To be fair, and I know it's subjective, I do like the name, and I can see how your parents could have made that mistake. But it is definitely a girls' name.


Are you, by any chance, referring to that fellow known to history as Aethelred the Unready? :smallbiggrin: I salute you for trying to steer me towards that name, if that's the case. :smallwink:
Yup, that's the one :smallwink:

[Kalmageddon]

Have your parents realized their mistake? Because I can't see why they would be anything other then supportive to your need to change name when they realize what they have done.

If I'm not mistaken, it's also not the name of an ancestor, so you won't be disrespecting your family by changing it. Unless it was one of your grandparents that explicitly said you should be named like that, in which case things get more complicated, but I don't think that's the case, right?

[KillianHawkeye]

take a new first name but change your middle name to your current first name.

This is my suggestion as well, but also make it the male version of the name when you do it. That way you still have it (the correct version), but you can use whatever first name you want and most people will address you by your first name.

So if your name was (for example) Michelle Smith, but you feel like you're more of a David, then you could change your name to David Michael Smith.



Personally, I'm in a similar albeit less extreme situation as you. My middle name is one that is foreign (although not incorrect gender-wise like yours), and it was the name I used during childhood, but it proved too much of a burden so I stopped using it. Having to walk people through my last name is challenging enough! The problem was I never liked my first name, Bernard, so I use a nonstandard short form suggested by my mother and now everybody knows me as Ben. I occaisionally get somebody who tries to call me Benjamin, and I have to explain that Ben is actually short for Bernard (I also HATE being called Bernie). This solution proved to be equitable enough for me that I never needed to get a legal name change, but your situation is a bit different.

[CurlyKitGirl]

Rhiannon?
But that's always been a girl's name.

As to your problem, there are quite a few solutions:

1. Go by your last name as much as possible, there was a girl in my year called Sarah, but somehow by Y10 she became [last name] universally, with the exception of her parents.
2. Legally change your first name and keep Rhiannon as a second name.
3. Give yourself a couple of new names and disccard/keep Rhiannon depending on your whims so you can say "I go by many names".
4. Do you you have a nickname you commonly go by? Over half of my friends call me Curly/some variation thereon. It probably won't help professionally, but for the rest . . . I was nineteen by the time I found out that all but one of my mum's siblings go by a middle name or a nickname. To paraphrase a Discworld book, your name is the one your introduce yourself as; it's as simple as that.

Whatever you do, explain it to your parents first so that they don't become offended, and maybe even get their input on your new name so they still get to choose your name. If you keep your first name how about Rhys as a nickname? It keeps the first syllable of your first name.

[enderlord99]

Call yourself Pwyll.

[JustPlayItLoud]

Rhiannon? Yikes. That is a tough break. It's already a great name ruined by a saccharine pop song, and then you get the Boy Named Sue side of it as well.

In your shoes I would change it without hesitation. I would probably do so even because it's featured in a famous pop song. Life is tough for girls named Layla. And the joking will never stop, honestly. Even in the professional world I encounter childish joking about things as trivial as names and appearances. And imagine if one day you finally meet someone you've only known professionally via electronic correspondence. Then if circumstances come up in which you meet them you'll have to explain that, yes, you are you and have been a dude all along.

[Rain Dragon]

I am more or less in the same situation. My current firstname means 'maiden' and while there are some important differences in the two situations, I do not mind sharing.

I have felt a dissonance with my name since I was in preschool and started calling myself 'George'. Nobody was sure why. Because my parents were very attached to my name even though not terribly much thought went into it, I was legally stuck with it until I became an adult. It was a big relief when people used my preferred name Jon (the name change has not been official yet) instead though my family haven't got used to it. It helps that it is a name that has been in my family on both sides for many generations.

Talking to them before setting your mind on either of those options is very important I feel. Unfortunately, a name is a major part of a person's identity. I am sure your parents would understand, but talking to them about their feelings on the idea would help better understanding and be sure everyone is alright.

EDIT - Typo. Also, I recommend going by your desired name for a while to get used to it and be certain.
EDIT - Cleaned up a sentence. It looked very strange...

[sktarq]

A friend of mine hates his first name, (even though there’s nothing wrong with it), so instead of changing it he insists on using his last name for basically everything. Friends, even family refer to him by his last name.

This. I do this. The only people who know me by my first name "S" are a few old friends and family that knew me before '91. Now when I look in the mirror I see "K". Professionally "Mr K" works fine and "Just K" settles most things. You still get once a week clarifications though and if going through that would annoy you then try something else. I quit using "S" for very different reasons though which probably helps.

On becoming XXXXX Rhiannon "Smith" or XXXXX "Whatever the male form of that is (which I can't find-Meredith? as a male name Breniner? )" "Smith" Probably the easiest choice in terms of diplomacy and still getting to keep your choice of first name. Probably my most recommended version. I know my Brother did this and then switched the first and middle names around thrice. (My father should have named us but then again he wanted to name me Tarquin) It worked pretty well, His mother who gave him is Birth given name was only slightly miffed but adjusted quickly and had little to no problem and his professional life kicked off right after it so even with later changes (AJK to ARK to RAK to ARK to RAK in six years) it wasn't a big deal.

If you do get rid of Rhainnon totally is your middle name a good one for you? Some derivative of it? And if none of those keeping it celtic would probably help with it going over with the folks.

[EmeraldRose]

On the theme of initials, that isn't a bad idea either. There's tons of people out there who go by "TJ", "AJ", "CC", "JK", "RA", or whatever. That way, you could keep the name, but just go by the two initials.

[Socksy]

Rhiannon is... A pretty traditional girl name here in Wales. Perhaps go for a traditional Welsh male name?

[Knaight]

You might want to check with your parents and see if they even care. It's your name regardless, and absolutely your prerogative to change it, but it's worth seeing if you're making a mountain out of a molehill to begin with.

I've altered my name, personally - not legally, but in practice. My legal title for government name forms and job applications is Nathan [Lastname]. My actual name is Knaight. I assigned it myself when I was young in response to there being entirely too many Nates, Nathans, and Nathaniels at school. My parents were downright pleased about it - though some of my grandparents refuse to use it.

[GPuzzle]

I'm not exactly the best kind of person for this situation but I do have some experience with being called a name other than your first name (there's plenty of people with my name here where I live):

-Go by your last name. That's a way that's particulary common here in Brazil, as most people don't have a middle name but rather two last names (from the mother and the father). So most people by the last name, which is generally the father's name.

-This is a bit of a gamble, but go by a nickname from your father's name. If your middle name is Jonathan (that's an example), you could go by Jack. It's easily to see that Jack Smith and Jonathan Smith are different persons, even if Jack Smith is actually Rhiannon Jack Smith. Besides, if you want to go by your middle name, people can still differentiate between you and your father.

Then again, I have no experience whatsoever as I've always been called my last name that I've become more used to recognizing it as the name people call me than my first name.

[shadow_archmagi]

Keep your current name and get into fistfights so people know you're tough

[Cristo Meyers]

I've altered my name, personally - not legally, but in practice. My legal title for government name forms and job applications is Nathan [Lastname]. My actual name is Knaight. I assigned it myself when I was young in response to there being entirely too many Nates, Nathans, and Nathaniels at school. My parents were downright pleased about it - though some of my grandparents refuse to use it.

This is what I did. Amusingly enough because of this:


Do you want to go from Michele to Michael when you don't really like either one?

Yeah, dad couldn't spell.

Though I did go through with the legal change (though Illinois called it a spelling correction rather than a name change). Cris is the name I introduce myself by and really the only people that don't use it are my family.

Honestly, you've got a trifecta of annoyances with your current name. Change it. Especially if it isn't going to be doing you any favors on the professional front.

[Keldrin]

I feel your pain. My name is Kieron. It is a male name, the English version of Ciaran, with accents that I can't manage to put in, because I was born in 1962, and too old to use these new-fangled gadgets.

To be a kid in the '60s, before unconventional names became common, was hell. My parents did give me an out, my middle name is David.

Do you know how many Davids there are of my generation? I think it was the most common name for several years in the late '50s and early '60s, certainly all through school, there were at least 3-4 in every class.

Funny "Kids in the Hall" video, "These are the Daves I know",

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF1chLj1fro

Way too many. So I stuck it out being unique.

Unlike you I like it as an adult, but it was a long hard road, and I didn't get tough like that guy named Sue.

Thought I'd commiserate and send vibes.

Good luck finding a name that suits you.

[GolemsVoice]

I'd say if your parents really are as kind as you describe them, just try talking to them. They seem to have shown a lot of understanding and care for you, and, if they're anything like the parents I'm lucky to have, they'll understand in the end. I'm really a big believer in talking to people.

Make sure to ensure them that you don't blame them, and in changing your name, do not reject them or what they gave you. But do describe that it troubles you and is a constant source of annoyance.

While a name is of course something deeply personal, for the named one and the parents, I think they'll understand, after all, you'll remain their son regardless of your name.

However, if you truly think it might upset your parents to a level that you don't want, you can try any of the other options suggested in the thread. I'd still talk to the parents, though.

[Rosstin]

That sucks, man. Very hard decision to make.

Pick a new name. Your parents will have to learn to understand. I hope you can find something you love.

At the risk of getting too personal, what are some options you are considering for a new name?

My real name is "Rosstin". It's very hard to spell and pronounce; it rhymes with Austin. I considered "rebranding" myself for many years. On top of how hard it is to explain, it also means "truth." Try lying when your first name means "truth" :smalltongue: Plus, I MAKE LIES FOR A LIVING! I had to get over the idea of "truth" a little to become better at making stories and fiction, and the showmanship involved in being a game producer.

I spent a long time considering various alternative names. I have a list somewhere, let me see if I can find some highlights. I had a similar thought process, I wanted a slightly unusual name that was easy to spell and pronounce, that I could tell people and it would be easy to search for me and figure out who I am.

I think the favorite alternative first name I came up with was "Maddler." Not 100% unique but I liked it. In the end though, I decided that I was happy with my first name. It's very difficult for people to spell, but there are very few other "Rosstin"s. It's... a good name. I'm lucky to have it.

[Devils_Advocate]

how do you explain to your parents, whom you like a lot, that you hate the name they gave you and want a totally different one?
Say "Mom and Dad, I like you a lot. But I hate the name you gave me and want a totally different one".

[Jay R]

Ask your parents to help you choose a new name. Then it isn't rejecting them at all.

[Beanie]

I don't fault you at all for wanting to change it, but I do confess it'd be nice to imagine a time where men could have traditionally very feminine names and vice versa for women without getting crap for it. What if a guy just likes the name Sarah? Alas. :smallfrown:

Anyhow, obviously I can't know for sure, but since it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with them, I think just being honest to them with your feelings about it is probably the best course of action. It might be a bit of a shock to them, but I imagine they'll understand and support your decision; it's important to have a name you like. And yeah, you could always bring them into the process of choosing a new one, or relegate your current name to a middle name as others have suggested. :smallsmile:

[Taffimai]

Ask your parents to help you choose a new name. Then it isn't rejecting them at all.

I second this. Unless you're already really set on one, approach your parents with a list of names you like, explain how your new career plan has inspired you to finally do something about the perpetual annoyance of having to explain your female name, and ask them to help you pick a new one. This could be a fun after-dinner activity. They might want to continue calling you Rhiannon, so think about whether you can stand it enough for home use.

[Shyftir]

I did a "soft" name change in my life. The funny thing is that the change brings its own confusion but it's not too important.

My first name is Geoffrey. Perfectly normal and all, but I grew up in a town called Jefferson. This led to constant misspellings when I told people my name was Geoff. (I did not pronounce it Joff, but Jeff.) I began thinking of going by other things like GW or something very early on, but it never really stuck.

When I went to college I was asked what I liked to be called on the first day and I said, "uh... Geo" and since then I always introduce myself to new people as such, so that's my name. I get called George on occasion but I just laugh it off.

If I ever have a kid I might just name him George and see what happens.:smallbiggrin:

[Sylthia]

I'd recommend either going by your middle name or initials. Neither of those would require any paperwork.

[Max™]

For some reason people back in 1979~1980 thought Joshua was a great name.

For years I was one of the many Josh (Last initial)'s in school... hated it then, I hate the way Josh sounds, hate Joshua more, actually used Shua for a while (shwa, not shoo-uh, though the first time the gf called me after we met online, she asked my roommate for "shoo-uh" and he responded "you mean shwa?") but she decided one conversation that I seemed like a Max.

Normally I blacklist anyone for trying to give me a nickname, but she was right, so I told my mom that I'll be fixing the mistake on my birth certificate.

"Which one?"
'The one where it says 'Joshua' instead of 'Max', and the middle and last name as well.'
"Huh, my dad was named Arthur Maxwell, I considered Max but figured Joshua would be less common."

>.>

Tell them honestly why you're doing it, they'll understand.

Your name is something where you can veto the rights of anyone else who claims they can name you, even your parents, you gotta live with it, not them.

[maver89]

2. Change the name to a close male equivalent. A close male equivalent DOES exist. The advantage: it's almost the name my parents gave me, so it'll presumably be symbolically less of a rejection of their chosen name for me. Disadvantages: I don't like the way it sounds much, either, just that I like it more than the female equivalent I have at the moment. It's also very common, and I kind of like the idea of having an unusual name, just not the unusual name I happen to be saddled with.

[Sylthia]

My first name was actually misspelled on my birth certificate, so I had to change it when I went to get my driver's license.

[Scarlet Knight]

I can't stand in your shoes. But I have found that with my bad first name, the hard part was childhood. Once you get to adulthood, an odd first name is a plus.

That being said, I would not change your name now. The down side is not worth it.

I would use the suggestions offered of a) using your middle name (ie Walter Bruce Willis) b) use your initials (ie JK Rowlings) c) pick a nickname.(ie Chipper Jones)

[Kesnit]

Change your name. It will make things a lot easier all around. It isn't hard (you can do it yourself if you want to), and will make your life easier in the future.

I was also given a girl's name. Sadly, mine was a family tradition, so I couldn't easily get rid of it. Finally, in my mid-30s, I had had enough. I was in law school at the time, and knew I couldn't go into the legal profession with my given name.

I didn't like the male equivalent, so had to think of something else. I decided keeping my initials would be the best thing, which limited me somewhat. (My first initial is E. My middle name is unisex, so didn't need to be changed.) Finally, I settled on a name I liked, went to the local Clerk of the Court, and got the paperwork.

[happyturtle]

Okay, these are your parents. Unless they're completely dense, they know how you feel about your name. They've heard you correct people. They may have seen you bullied as a child. I'm sure you weren't nearly as diplomatic about it when you were 10 as you are now. They know.

So just tell them what you've told us, and let them be part of the process. Even if you end up going with a different choice than they would like, at least they'll know your thought processes and reasons for what you did.

[Gavran]

I'm all for option 2 myself, and option 3 is okay but I feel it's very important that you don't pick a dumb name and everyone I've ever known to actually change their name has done exactly that.

A close friend of mine, with a very serviceable name (it is in fact a localization of my own own name) fully intends to legally change his name to "Sera Flamel". If you really feel burdened by your name, that's a problem and you should fix it, but I firmly believe that names aren't a way to try to make yourself sound special.

Semi-relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xblh12XgQ4o (David Mitchell)

But yeah. Definitely can change it if you don't like it/your middle name. Just be reasonable about it. :)

[Pie Guy]

Odd question, but is your name Samus?

Edit: Just saying, Celtic, female version of the common name Seamus/Shamus, randomly shoved to general cultural knowledge...

[Aedilred]

Odd question, but is your name Samus?

Edit: Just saying, Celtic, female version of the common name Seamus/Shamus, randomly shoved to general cultural knowledge...
He's already told us what his name is. I won't repeat it for the sake of his dignity, but if you scroll back through his posts in the thread you should be able to spot it.

[Pie Guy]

He's already told us what his name is. I won't repeat it for the sake of his dignity, but if you scroll back through his posts in the thread you should be able to spot it.

My bad, sorry.

[Bulldog Psion]

Just an update for all the kind folks who have offered their advice here. Although I hadn't meant to post until the new comic was up, I felt like I owed some followup to you guys, so here I am, nipping in for a quick hi.

I broached it with my parents. Their response was (pretty much verbatim), "If you want to change your name, please don't hesitate. Pick any name you want, you're still the same guy to us."

They agreed that the name plus song is pretty abysmal. I asked if they wanted to pick a name and they said they'd come up with a few "non binding suggestions" if I wanted. Then we had a couple beers, drank to my new as-yet unchosen name, and had a good laugh listening to the Fleetwood Mac song. :smallwink:

More details in time. But thanks for the advice, ladies and gents of the Playground!

[Mrc.]

Just an update for all the kind folks who have offered their advice here. Although I hadn't meant to post until the new comic was up, I felt like I owed some followup to you guys, so here I am, nipping in for a quick hi.

I broached it with my parents. Their response was (pretty much verbatim), "If you want to change your name, please don't hesitate. Pick any name you want, you're still the same guy to us."

They agreed that the name plus song is pretty abysmal. I asked if they wanted to pick a name and they said they'd come up with a few "non binding suggestions" if I wanted. Then we had a couple beers, drank to my new as-yet unchosen name, and had a good laugh listening to the Fleetwood Mac song. :smallwink:

More details in time. But thanks for the advice, ladies and gents of the Playground!

Glad it seems to be working out for you. Hope that together you come up with a name that suits all parties involved, and in many ways, by doing this together it has a more personal touch than a birth name ever could. They know you more as a person, you know yourself, so any name that fits will define you to a greater extent.

[Bulldog Psion]

To those who are curious about what happened with all this stuff (mostly those who offered advice, if anyone) --

My name previously was Rhiannon George XXXXXXX.

I'm going to change it to George Woodford XXXXXXX.

George Woodford XXXXXXX (different last name) was my paternal grandfather, and served on the USS Ticonderoga during World War II. Yes, he was on it during the famous kamikaze attack, and survived, which is just as well for me as well as for him. :smallbiggrin:

This way, I can keep the "George." The name has a bit of dignity, in my opinion, and it's based on someone in the family with an interesting history, even though he unfortunately died before I was born (long after the war, though).

So, IMO 1. it sounds good, 2. I like it, 3. it links into a lot of interesting family history. So I'm going to go for it.

[JustPlayItLoud]

So, IMO 1. it sounds good, 2. I like it, 3. it links into a lot of interesting family history. So I'm going to go for it.

I agree on points 1 and 3. I might agree on point 2 also, but I don't know you personally so I cannot personally vouch that you like it. Joking aside it's a good, strong name I think. And there's never anything wrong with honoring family history. Congratulations on finding something you'll be able to comfortably live with.

[GolemsVoice]

So, IMO 1. it sounds good, 2. I like it, 3. it links into a lot of interesting family history. So I'm going to go for it.

Glad it worked out for you! The way you described your parents, I figured they'd understand.

George Woodford is a good name, but it seriously sounds like British nobility. :smallsmile: Which isn't neccessarily a bad thing.