Aemoh87
2014-03-07, 05:51 AM
I have seen so many campaigns over my years fail. I have ran so many failures myself. I have been playing for a long time, and I spent a year of my life doing anthropological research on collective narratives. I am not the authority on DMing but I do know these laws. They are testable and provable. Use them at your table. They will never fail you.
Chapter 1: I did it because it was interesting to the players.
I did it. I might not admit it but I did do it. Maybe a slip of the tongue, maybe I changed a stat, maybe I saw you cheat but didn't say a word. They know the rules but they can't see my side of the screen. I cheat. I change my mind. I lie. I steal. I am ruthless. For what? For the interestings.
There is only one thing that keeps a table together, it must be interesting. And in this chapter your going to learn that you are boring. You are no fun at all. In fact the only reason you sit at the table is because someone has to do it. If you only remember one thing from this chapter remember this, no one cares what you think.
But what? Now you don't understand, this was supposed to be fun. And it is, to the real DMs love this. They derive great pleasure in being boring. Enough of the cryptic talk lets break this simple rule down into edible squares.
First, you did it. You are god, you did this. If you didn't do this it wouldn't have happened. Don't tell me they players made this choice and you were rewarding or punishing them. That's bull, your god, you can do much better. Don't you dare even think the word railroading, because that is for the weak. Just accept the fact that everything that happens at the table is a consequence of your actions.
But why they cry? Well you did it because it was interesting. Maybe you added an ability to a monster to make the combat communicate your feelings better. Maybe you made an NPC a villian just because the party hated them. Or perhaps you reminded the fighter to power attack to ensure he saved his ally in dramatic fashion. Everything I do is interesting, but alas I do it with such a careful hand it goes unnoticed who the real star is.
To the players. The players curse my villians names at night before they go to bed and tell stories of how they rose to glory time and time again. I give them what they come to the table for. I dance and sing but in the end they always win. Maybe their character dies by martyrdom or the villain has them hanging from a cliff, but it all makes them want more. I didn't create a world or a story. They did. They demand things and I give it to them.
Do you get it yet? No one cares about your stupid NPC's. If your lucky one of their characters might let them stand on the edge of the spot light and say a line or two. Your lore is a waste of time, no one cares. The players might want exotic places and grand adventures, but you won't bore them with the swill that entertains you. No you will paint a picture to their liking, begging them to spend a moment pondering it. And if they don't like it you will throw it aside and paint another.
It won't take long and you will learn what they like. You might know the flavor they are craving before they do. It means your getting better. If you don't get it by now DM's are not story tellers. We manage the group of story tellers set before us. You are behind the scenes holding it together and setting the players up to feel like titans, just don't ever let them catch you.
Chapter 2: It's the players world don't F*** it up.
Before you even met your friends your D&D adventure started. I was raised in a christian house with a television. I watch movies, I play video games, I read books... and you better not forget a single one.
I recently played in a campaign where the DM suggested demons were morally grey. The rule book says they are always evil. Movies say they are always evil. The bible, the lord of the rings, and diablo 2 say they are evil. It bothered me because the DM got my world wrong. But wait you cry, I am god I make the rules. No No NO NO you don't. The rules already existed. They are the rules of the players assumptions, based on how they perceive the world.
This is also known as THE LAW OF PLAYER ASSUMPTION. It's important, write it down somewhere. Cherish it.
If you ever say anything like, "That is now how goblins are in my world" or "In my world... Blah BLah Blah you suck at DMing. It's not your world. So shut up.
You will never be a good enough DM to flesh out your world half as much as your boring campaign idea requires. In fact I bet you can't even get 1% of the changes expressed to players and have them believe/remember it. The only way is to cheat. You need to understand your player's assumptions in order to communicate your world to them. Every time you guess wrong (or purposely change something like an idiot) the players will point their finger at you and scream LIAR! They have created a world for their player to walk in and will accept nothing else. Your challenge is that you have several worlds and you need to make them blend. No body knows Yzerdicks, the White is, but if you say god of death we all know. Tell a westerner it's a devil and we know.
Want some extra credit. Do some research on Satan. Seriously the devil thing isn't just a random example. He isn't just a christian symbol, he steals the spotlight from tons of other deities. Satan is in children cartoons, but he is barely referenced in the bible. We have built this body of knowledge on this figure and he is nearly universally recognizable based on our geographic background. All your players will agree on what Satan looks like and what he would do (most likely, even easterners have Satan in pop culture).
Need a counter example. Loki. He is also a deity, in Norse mythology. I don't know much about him, but I have watched Thor 2 and the avengers. If you put Loki in my campaign I am going to think about the avengers. Someone else might think of Norse mythology. We might have a disconnect. Now our worlds no longer overlap and I slowly raise my finger at you screaming YOUR A FUDGING LIAR!
Still don't have it. Here is a pro tip, listen. I don't care what my players say it is fact. When a player decides he has a contact in the city I make them best friends and have that NPC offer loads of help. When my player is searching for a dragon no one else is interested in, I spend at least 2 minutes every session dangling that carrot just for them. Your DMing in their world not yours, they are the source material you can draw from. Keep everything in that world and you might build some trust so you can show them some things they didn't know were there.
I know what your thinking, I am a great DM. This sad shmuck doesn't know what he is talking about. Your wrong and you stink. You know about writing and story telling? Shut up. Pacing, players choose. Genre, players choose. Level of immersion, players choose. Blah Blah Blah. They are the writers your the editor at best on your golden birthday after everyone else on earth is dead. Still you throw this junk away and say, "how will I ever make my players feel immersed and believe in my world?" You can't! But they can trick themselves. Let them do the heavy lifting, they are ungrateful anyways. Serious, let them write the stupid campaign. They will do a great job.
They know what they will believe, play on that. Listen to them. Don't lie to them, it's their world it won't work.
Chapter 3: I got 99 problems and pretty much it's my players
You have problem players at your table. They like to argue. They will play video games and not pay attention. They will cheat.
Wanna know where a decent DM reaches GOD status? It's right here. This is HARD. People come on these boards all the time for advise on problem players. WRONG. Only you know what is right, it's okay to talk it over with people but there is a lot more going on here than just a game. These people might be your friends, some of them might be sleeping with each other. One of them might owe you money. One of them could hate another one of them super passive aggressively... BLah Blah Blah I don't care!
I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT TO PLAY D&D!
Bad news they are all problem players. This view is law. The second you point at one of them and say your the problem you just messed it up. I know you grubby people. You will group up on them and chase them off. Then boom campaign over. Well you screwed up!
Everyone stinks in some special way or another. I have played with a handful of great players, but they all have off nights or jobs or just play whacky stuff. Hell some are awesome players but they play broken sh*t all the time and it makes other people feel less badass (that's me).
Your job is to be the glue and hold it all together. Serious, if someone doesn't show up it's your job to call them. If there is a scheduling issue it's your job to make sure the group talks about it before they all leave that day. And most important it is your job to make everyone feel awesome. Think about your players. Want some examples? Let's go!
I have a player who is a good role-player but he cheats. It drives me bonkers, but I keep my mouth shut. So what he rolls a Nat 20 50% of the time. I know he is gonna make his save, hit with his attack, and generally win anything involving a roll. I don't care, I compensate for that. I am not going to tell you how, this isn't a stupid how to guide. But I thought about it. First I asked myself how does it affect the group. Does it ruin the experience for the other players or him? Not really. I still made changes and build every encounter assuming he will roll incredibly well. Now I could call him on it, that would be bad. That should be obvious to you as a DM. Hell I even know he has purchased tens of thousands of gold extra equipment. I still don't care.
Now if something changes I will use my behind the curtains soft touch to stabilize the environment to make other characters feel more bad ass. One way I do this, I focus on interesting choices, ideas, and role play... not combat numbers. I am never impressed by his crits. But I always play up when my witch attempts an ill advised flying bull rush.
Do you kids get how I am doing this? Every player has a solution that keeps them at the table and happy. Now I am not perfect and sometimes you just gotta piss players off. I don't allow computers or tablets. You gotta have a paper character sheet and dice. I find it keeps players focused. Wanna test this, whenever I find myself using my phone to look up monsters and not using a written form I miss what people are saying. Since it's my job to negotiate what the players are communicating this is an issue. It's the same for them. If they miss some important handshakes about the world they might not recover that session.
Sometimes you gotta cut one loose. I hate this one, for me I usually keep it to scheduling issues but I have kicked a player for just being mean. Every time you cut some one your campaign is that much close to being over. You enjoy this, do not let your campaign end.
Don't forget, they are all problem players. You need to compensate and compromise for them all. Maybe it's listening to a quiet player and making the group shut up when they speak. Maybe it's reminding a new player they can do whatever they want, and you can help them if they dream it up. Sometimes it's letting something go unchecked or taking a moment to satisfy a potential derailer.
Do your homework on them. Have a plan. At the end of the day we all have fun and they all feel like badasses. Manage them well and they will feel the glory together and want each other to succeed.
Prologue
Well I liked doing this. Feel free to comment. Remember these are hard and fast rules of DMing. Keep it interesting, it's the players world/assumptions, and they are all problem players. Maybe I will do more if everyone doesn't hate this.
Also, I don't care about spelling or grammar.
Chapter 1: I did it because it was interesting to the players.
I did it. I might not admit it but I did do it. Maybe a slip of the tongue, maybe I changed a stat, maybe I saw you cheat but didn't say a word. They know the rules but they can't see my side of the screen. I cheat. I change my mind. I lie. I steal. I am ruthless. For what? For the interestings.
There is only one thing that keeps a table together, it must be interesting. And in this chapter your going to learn that you are boring. You are no fun at all. In fact the only reason you sit at the table is because someone has to do it. If you only remember one thing from this chapter remember this, no one cares what you think.
But what? Now you don't understand, this was supposed to be fun. And it is, to the real DMs love this. They derive great pleasure in being boring. Enough of the cryptic talk lets break this simple rule down into edible squares.
First, you did it. You are god, you did this. If you didn't do this it wouldn't have happened. Don't tell me they players made this choice and you were rewarding or punishing them. That's bull, your god, you can do much better. Don't you dare even think the word railroading, because that is for the weak. Just accept the fact that everything that happens at the table is a consequence of your actions.
But why they cry? Well you did it because it was interesting. Maybe you added an ability to a monster to make the combat communicate your feelings better. Maybe you made an NPC a villian just because the party hated them. Or perhaps you reminded the fighter to power attack to ensure he saved his ally in dramatic fashion. Everything I do is interesting, but alas I do it with such a careful hand it goes unnoticed who the real star is.
To the players. The players curse my villians names at night before they go to bed and tell stories of how they rose to glory time and time again. I give them what they come to the table for. I dance and sing but in the end they always win. Maybe their character dies by martyrdom or the villain has them hanging from a cliff, but it all makes them want more. I didn't create a world or a story. They did. They demand things and I give it to them.
Do you get it yet? No one cares about your stupid NPC's. If your lucky one of their characters might let them stand on the edge of the spot light and say a line or two. Your lore is a waste of time, no one cares. The players might want exotic places and grand adventures, but you won't bore them with the swill that entertains you. No you will paint a picture to their liking, begging them to spend a moment pondering it. And if they don't like it you will throw it aside and paint another.
It won't take long and you will learn what they like. You might know the flavor they are craving before they do. It means your getting better. If you don't get it by now DM's are not story tellers. We manage the group of story tellers set before us. You are behind the scenes holding it together and setting the players up to feel like titans, just don't ever let them catch you.
Chapter 2: It's the players world don't F*** it up.
Before you even met your friends your D&D adventure started. I was raised in a christian house with a television. I watch movies, I play video games, I read books... and you better not forget a single one.
I recently played in a campaign where the DM suggested demons were morally grey. The rule book says they are always evil. Movies say they are always evil. The bible, the lord of the rings, and diablo 2 say they are evil. It bothered me because the DM got my world wrong. But wait you cry, I am god I make the rules. No No NO NO you don't. The rules already existed. They are the rules of the players assumptions, based on how they perceive the world.
This is also known as THE LAW OF PLAYER ASSUMPTION. It's important, write it down somewhere. Cherish it.
If you ever say anything like, "That is now how goblins are in my world" or "In my world... Blah BLah Blah you suck at DMing. It's not your world. So shut up.
You will never be a good enough DM to flesh out your world half as much as your boring campaign idea requires. In fact I bet you can't even get 1% of the changes expressed to players and have them believe/remember it. The only way is to cheat. You need to understand your player's assumptions in order to communicate your world to them. Every time you guess wrong (or purposely change something like an idiot) the players will point their finger at you and scream LIAR! They have created a world for their player to walk in and will accept nothing else. Your challenge is that you have several worlds and you need to make them blend. No body knows Yzerdicks, the White is, but if you say god of death we all know. Tell a westerner it's a devil and we know.
Want some extra credit. Do some research on Satan. Seriously the devil thing isn't just a random example. He isn't just a christian symbol, he steals the spotlight from tons of other deities. Satan is in children cartoons, but he is barely referenced in the bible. We have built this body of knowledge on this figure and he is nearly universally recognizable based on our geographic background. All your players will agree on what Satan looks like and what he would do (most likely, even easterners have Satan in pop culture).
Need a counter example. Loki. He is also a deity, in Norse mythology. I don't know much about him, but I have watched Thor 2 and the avengers. If you put Loki in my campaign I am going to think about the avengers. Someone else might think of Norse mythology. We might have a disconnect. Now our worlds no longer overlap and I slowly raise my finger at you screaming YOUR A FUDGING LIAR!
Still don't have it. Here is a pro tip, listen. I don't care what my players say it is fact. When a player decides he has a contact in the city I make them best friends and have that NPC offer loads of help. When my player is searching for a dragon no one else is interested in, I spend at least 2 minutes every session dangling that carrot just for them. Your DMing in their world not yours, they are the source material you can draw from. Keep everything in that world and you might build some trust so you can show them some things they didn't know were there.
I know what your thinking, I am a great DM. This sad shmuck doesn't know what he is talking about. Your wrong and you stink. You know about writing and story telling? Shut up. Pacing, players choose. Genre, players choose. Level of immersion, players choose. Blah Blah Blah. They are the writers your the editor at best on your golden birthday after everyone else on earth is dead. Still you throw this junk away and say, "how will I ever make my players feel immersed and believe in my world?" You can't! But they can trick themselves. Let them do the heavy lifting, they are ungrateful anyways. Serious, let them write the stupid campaign. They will do a great job.
They know what they will believe, play on that. Listen to them. Don't lie to them, it's their world it won't work.
Chapter 3: I got 99 problems and pretty much it's my players
You have problem players at your table. They like to argue. They will play video games and not pay attention. They will cheat.
Wanna know where a decent DM reaches GOD status? It's right here. This is HARD. People come on these boards all the time for advise on problem players. WRONG. Only you know what is right, it's okay to talk it over with people but there is a lot more going on here than just a game. These people might be your friends, some of them might be sleeping with each other. One of them might owe you money. One of them could hate another one of them super passive aggressively... BLah Blah Blah I don't care!
I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT TO PLAY D&D!
Bad news they are all problem players. This view is law. The second you point at one of them and say your the problem you just messed it up. I know you grubby people. You will group up on them and chase them off. Then boom campaign over. Well you screwed up!
Everyone stinks in some special way or another. I have played with a handful of great players, but they all have off nights or jobs or just play whacky stuff. Hell some are awesome players but they play broken sh*t all the time and it makes other people feel less badass (that's me).
Your job is to be the glue and hold it all together. Serious, if someone doesn't show up it's your job to call them. If there is a scheduling issue it's your job to make sure the group talks about it before they all leave that day. And most important it is your job to make everyone feel awesome. Think about your players. Want some examples? Let's go!
I have a player who is a good role-player but he cheats. It drives me bonkers, but I keep my mouth shut. So what he rolls a Nat 20 50% of the time. I know he is gonna make his save, hit with his attack, and generally win anything involving a roll. I don't care, I compensate for that. I am not going to tell you how, this isn't a stupid how to guide. But I thought about it. First I asked myself how does it affect the group. Does it ruin the experience for the other players or him? Not really. I still made changes and build every encounter assuming he will roll incredibly well. Now I could call him on it, that would be bad. That should be obvious to you as a DM. Hell I even know he has purchased tens of thousands of gold extra equipment. I still don't care.
Now if something changes I will use my behind the curtains soft touch to stabilize the environment to make other characters feel more bad ass. One way I do this, I focus on interesting choices, ideas, and role play... not combat numbers. I am never impressed by his crits. But I always play up when my witch attempts an ill advised flying bull rush.
Do you kids get how I am doing this? Every player has a solution that keeps them at the table and happy. Now I am not perfect and sometimes you just gotta piss players off. I don't allow computers or tablets. You gotta have a paper character sheet and dice. I find it keeps players focused. Wanna test this, whenever I find myself using my phone to look up monsters and not using a written form I miss what people are saying. Since it's my job to negotiate what the players are communicating this is an issue. It's the same for them. If they miss some important handshakes about the world they might not recover that session.
Sometimes you gotta cut one loose. I hate this one, for me I usually keep it to scheduling issues but I have kicked a player for just being mean. Every time you cut some one your campaign is that much close to being over. You enjoy this, do not let your campaign end.
Don't forget, they are all problem players. You need to compensate and compromise for them all. Maybe it's listening to a quiet player and making the group shut up when they speak. Maybe it's reminding a new player they can do whatever they want, and you can help them if they dream it up. Sometimes it's letting something go unchecked or taking a moment to satisfy a potential derailer.
Do your homework on them. Have a plan. At the end of the day we all have fun and they all feel like badasses. Manage them well and they will feel the glory together and want each other to succeed.
Prologue
Well I liked doing this. Feel free to comment. Remember these are hard and fast rules of DMing. Keep it interesting, it's the players world/assumptions, and they are all problem players. Maybe I will do more if everyone doesn't hate this.
Also, I don't care about spelling or grammar.