Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist, We Swear! [Archive] - Page 2

2nd_Fiddle

2014-04-10, 11:47 AM

* Dynamic Entries and stealth are mutually exclusive.
* If I refuse to fight an enemy because "it's too symmetrical," the other PCs will get mad at me.
** If I abandon the party entirely to make sure that I folded the toilet paper into triangles before leaving, I should not expect them to want me back.

*My bladebound magus does know how to deal with that, and will stop insisting otherwise.
** Said magus's blood is not black, and they will stop introducing themselves by saying it is.

Red Fel

2014-04-10, 11:57 AM

*My Rakshasa Wizard may not deal solely in undead Lions, Tigers, Cheetahs, etc, just so I can call myself the Nekomancer.

* If my Tibbit is incapable of some form of speech while in cat form, it must periodically return to human form.
** Yes, even if an intelligent cat trying to communicate through nonverbal cues would be both heartwarming and hysterical.
*** Yes, even if I somehow acquired a signpost that a cat can hold that reflects exactly what I want it to say.

* If my Tibbit is capable of some form of speech while in cat form, there is no excuse for it to speak only in Feline.

* Under no circumstances is my Tibbit to inform the rest of the party of the periodic hormonal states of any nearby animals.
** Particularly those affiliated with the party.
*** Particularly familiars and animal companions.
**** Particularly the Wildshaped Druid.
***** Sniffing the Druid's backside is right out.
****** Particularly when she's no longer Wildshaped.

* I deserved what that Druid did, and am no longer allowed to play a Tibbit.
** Or anything else with Scent.

illyahr

2014-04-10, 12:17 PM

*My Rakshasa Wizard may not deal solely in undead Lions, Tigers, Cheetahs, etc, just so I can call myself the Nekomancer.

I don't know, I think this is rather clever. :smallcool:

SiuiS

2014-04-10, 12:30 PM

* Can't do the thing if I got the idea from Welcome To Night Vale.

...

*throws all game notes in the bin* I'll be in my tower. -.-

* Not allowed to make a wizard that can cast cure spells.
* Not allowed to make a Cleric that is a better blaster than a wizard.
* Not allowed to play anything that can cast spells
* Not allowed to play anything that has UMD either.

That's much less funny when it happens to you >__>

* Slings are not melee weapons.
** socks and bars of soap are suitable for flail proficiency.
*** one-shot boss fights cannot be ended with the phrase "homie don't play that".

* PHB 2 has a typo, and regardless of what it says duskblade's are proficient with simple weapons.
** two hour diatribes mocking elves for not understanding simple weapons are funny, but not why we're here.
*** you can complain when the elves beat you to death with simple weapons but you can't say you didn't deserve it.

DigoDragon

2014-04-10, 01:25 PM

*Despite what she claims, the answers to your Twilight Caste's questions are not in the Lunar's pants.

** Not allowed to connect every RPG caste system to My Little Pony.
*** Cannot refluff Prismatic Spray as firing the Elements of Harmony.
**** The Indigo beam is not represenative of the element of Laughter.

Socksy

2014-04-10, 01:37 PM

* "Pinkie Pie, but a Dragon" is not a valid character concept.

* Just because the Flind is addicted to weed doesn't mean I can refer to him as the Grassy Knoll.
** Especially not if I persuaded the DM to give him said addiction, without telling him it was specifically for that purpose.

Cloud

2014-04-10, 01:50 PM

...I love the idea of the Nekomancer, that's beautiful. XD ...And totally being inflicted on my players.

Suppose this would be more things I may no longer do while DMing, but;
* Can't make the BBEG a nekomancer.
** I am not to be surprised when the party expects that I'm joking.
*** I am not to judge them for poor planning when they plan for regular house cats, not outsiders with a ravenous horde of feline undead.
**** Going for the catfolk PC so he can join said horde is right out.

Also, maybe related?
http://i262.photobucket.com/albums/ii97/Timmy_1990/lphp_zpsd1723402.jpg

DigoDragon

2014-04-10, 02:21 PM

* Not allowed to pad the Nekomancer's army with undead catgirls just because the PCs mentioned a thing with game physics.
** A spray bottle with water is not a substitute for the cleric's turning ability either.

vasharanpaladin

2014-04-10, 03:13 PM

*References to Borderlands and Soul Eater are henceforth mutually exclusive. :smallwink:

Socksy

2014-04-10, 05:55 PM

* My mage robes are of the dress sort, not the just-out-of-the-bath sort.

Ksheep

2014-04-10, 06:27 PM

* I may not go adventuring armed with nothing but a bathrobe and a towel
** Claiming that I am a researcher for the publishers of the Tome of Understanding is also not allowed
*** While magic items can be made in alternate forms, making a Helm of Understand Languages and Read Magic in the form of a fish to be placed in my ear is right out

Socratov

2014-04-10, 06:49 PM

Thomas Hunter

2014-04-10, 08:15 PM

*My homebrew species may not have bard as its "favored" class.
**Poetry does not deal sonic damage!
***An Infinite Improbability Drive can't turn things into stuff from the random encounter table.
****If your random encounter table includes penguins, whales and flowers, you need a new one.

toapat

2014-04-10, 08:37 PM

can we please make a campaign out of this? Pretty pleeeeeeaaaaaaaasseeeeeeeeee?

not really, the Galaxy is something moreso to look at in stupification. Its fun but it could never be a playable setting.

Ksheep

2014-04-10, 09:16 PM

not really, the Galaxy is something moreso to look at in stupification. Its fun but it could never be a playable setting.

I dunno, you might be able to borrow some items from it. It also appears that there was a fan-made GURPS setting made for it years back, but the site is now down. The Internet Archive (http://web.archive.org/web/20020404155917/http://www.nondescript.f9.co.uk/hiker/) shows that 2002 was the last time it was up. Haven't read through it, so not sure how well it's laid out (and not that familiar with GURPS, although I've been meaning to learn), but I'm sure you could at least use it as a framework. My suggestion: Don't try to recreate the story, just the setting. The story is too convoluted and zany and far too easy to break.

And now that I think about it, the story actually sounds like it is an RPG session where the players keep going far off the tracks, derailing the plot, doing non-sensical things just to see how the GM responds… now I want to make a screen-cap comic a la Darths and Droids or DM of the Rings. Question is, base it off of the TV series or the movie? The book or radio series would be ideal, due to the extra content there, but the lack of visuals would kinda make a comic from those sources impossible…

toapat

2014-04-10, 09:35 PM

*Snip*

the problem is, the setting is really strong but its very much a setting where the only conflicts we know of are a war caused by the off comment of Dent and the Kricket extermination of the universe because their species decided that the universe needs to be as black as the Melange of Supercomputer they exist in

There are elements that could be added into Spelljammer (the guide, The Infinite Improbability Drive, and everything about the Vogons and their Homeworld) but its not really a good setting for experiencing through interaction. its a setting we get to see essentially, as you said, through the eyes of a batch of unruly gamers.

Ksheep

2014-04-10, 10:14 PM

You also have the Vogons destroying planets for hyperspace bypasses (and buying up Megadodo Publishing to create the Guide 2.0 to destroy planets in all possible parallel worlds), the group of people who run the Galactic government behind the back of the President (and consult the old man), the company that tries to overthrow the economies of entire planets and replace all shops with shoe shops that produce shoddily made shoes (I believe that plot was in the radio series only)… There are plenty of conflicts, some of which are planetary or galaxy-wide, while others are much more localized. I'm sure that a creative GM might be able to make something out of the franchise.

iceman10058

2014-04-10, 10:22 PM

*will not use this forum after borrowing an idea and use the defence "other people have done it, so it is okay for me to do it too!"

toapat

2014-04-10, 10:51 PM

the company that tries to overthrow the economies of entire planets and replace all shops with shoe shops that produce shoddily made shoes (I believe that plot was in the radio series only)…

the section on the planet the Guide HQ crashes on is in the books, and its not a plot, its an economic overspecialization event horizon scenario that is said to have happened many times. It being with Payless Shoes is the example. In the radio plays it may have been adapted into something more sinister.

really its moreso just a good splash of stuff for adding into Spelljammer, but its not itself a complete setting.

Socratov

2014-04-11, 03:18 AM

I dunno, you might be able to borrow some items from it. It also appears that there was a fan-made GURPS setting made for it years back, but the site is now down. The Internet Archive (http://web.archive.org/web/20020404155917/http://www.nondescript.f9.co.uk/hiker/) shows that 2002 was the last time it was up. Haven't read through it, so not sure how well it's laid out (and not that familiar with GURPS, although I've been meaning to learn), but I'm sure you could at least use it as a framework. My suggestion: Don't try to recreate the story, just the setting. The story is too convoluted and zany and far too easy to break.

And now that I think about it, the story actually sounds like it is an RPG session where the players keep going far off the tracks, derailing the plot, doing non-sensical things just to see how the GM responds… now I want to make a screen-cap comic a la Darths and Droids or DM of the Rings. Question is, base it off of the TV series or the movie? The book or radio series would be ideal, due to the extra content there, but the lack of visuals would kinda make a comic from those sources impossible…

the section on the planet the Guide HQ crashes on is in the books, and its not a plot, its an economic overspecialization event horizon scenario that is said to have happened many times. It being with Payless Shoes is the example. In the radio plays it may have been adapted into something more sinister.

really its moreso just a good splash of stuff for adding into Spelljammer, but its not itself a complete setting.

you know, it all makes sense now (and no it didn't really make any before). the magic item mart is just the Player's source for equipment, the guide is a list of plothooks, Arthur is the NPC who turns into a PC.

Ksheep

2014-04-11, 08:38 AM

the section on the planet the Guide HQ crashes on is in the books, and its not a plot, its an economic overspecialization event horizon scenario that is said to have happened many times. It being with Payless Shoes is the example. In the radio plays it may have been adapted into something more sinister.

really its moreso just a good splash of stuff for adding into Spelljammer, but its not itself a complete setting.

In the radio series, the Shoe Planet was where the Heart of Gold zapped to after the crew was being pursued by the Vogons and they got stuck due to Arthur asking the Nutrimatic Dispenser for a cup of tea. Zaphod Bablebrox the Fourth appears in a seance, convinces the computer to just give Arthur the tea without thinking about it, and they appear in a giant marble cup that is part of a 20-mile-high statue called Arthur Dent Throwing the Nutrimatic Cup. The civilization that built it collapsed long ago, and the survivors evolved into bird people. Arthur then finds some archaeologists (all clones, all named Lintilla) which are trying to verify that the civilization collapsed due to the Shoe Event Horizon. Executives of the shoe corporation then appear, capture them, and start monologuing about how this is a conspiracy by the shoe corporations to make the entire economies of planets revolve around shoes. Ford and Zaphod, meanwhile, find an old abandoned spaceport, which has a single ship which is still plugged in and running, with the passengers in suspended animation until the ship can get a fresh supply of lemon-scented towelettes. Inside, they meet Zarniwoop, who explains everything.

It's been a while since I've read the books, so I can't remember what all of the above was in the books and what was only in the radio series. I'm fairly certain that the statue, bird-people, and Lintilla clones were all unique to the radio series, and while I know Zarniwoop was in the book, I can't remember when they met.

Anyway…
* I may not derail the thread to post a detailed history of an episode of a radio series-turned-TV series-turned-book-turned-text-based adventure game-turned-movie.

Socksy

2014-04-11, 10:00 AM

* Not to mention an Awakened Moth Lich to a DM, ever.

* Catfolk do not wear bananas in place of bandanas, despite what my autocorrect says

* Cannot play a Witch who shoots rainbow lasers out her butt Nyan Cat style

* No such thing as the God of THAC0
** Cannot seek to become God of THAC0
*** Especially not in 3.5

Platinum Piece

2014-04-11, 10:24 AM

*May no longer make a character based of of any League of Legends champion
**Especially not Shaco
***Not even if my class is jester from dragon magazine compendium
****Not even if I can cast quickened invisibilty
*****No, not even if my Legacy Dagger's make me do more damage for attacking an enemy from behind(facing rules)

Ksheep

2014-04-11, 10:35 PM

* I may not turn the game of D&D into Call of Cthulhu
** Nor may I turn it into Paranoia
*** Turning it into Warhammer 40k may be allowable, if you're taking care of bringing the minis

toapat

2014-04-11, 10:44 PM

* I may not turn the game of D&D into Call of Cthulhu
** Nor may I turn it into Paranoia
*** Turning it into Warhammer 40k may be allowable, if you're taking care of bringing the minis

****Turning the campaign into a hybrid of Darkheresy and Rogue Trader where the Inquisitor refuses to tell us half of our mission objectives, has collected us from a myriad of conflicting ideologies, where at least one partymember is an Eldar or Tau, i am to expect books to be thrown

Spore

2014-04-12, 05:00 AM

*I may not think loudly about my character's inevitable betrayal of the group.
** No, not even in subtle hints in my character's sort-of-diary in the forums.
*** I may not ask the DM out of the room several times the evening to talk in private just to do NOTHING unfair but making my fellow players nervous.
**** Playing with knives, hidden poison flasks or stating that "I stand really really close to someone" is out of the window.

Prince Raven

2014-04-12, 05:56 AM

Socksy

2014-04-12, 06:19 AM

* I will hugely regret it if I don't let the party Cleric know I'm a Lich at least OOC.
** Especially if I'm an Oracle and the only reason we even needed a Cleric is because I only have one low-level Cure spell and no Raise Dead.
*** Not to complain if I get caught in his Rebuke Undead and it costs me all my beloved PP spamming maximized explosive Mind Thrust.
**** If I refer to Pharasma as Wee Jas, Vecna, or Nerull one more time, a giant sourcebook will fall from the sky and squish my character.

Hmmm, I'm tempted to find different colours for hypothetical situations and ones which have happened, but I'm worried it'll ruin the humour. Oh well. I will do so from my next post onwards, just to see if it works.

DigoDragon

2014-04-12, 09:06 AM

* Cannot play a Witch who shoots rainbow lasers out her butt Nyan Cat style

... :smalleek:

https://31.media.tumblr.com/ee7ca2675e642e894ae78832438ed969/tumblr_meopobxN7J1r6m9dwo1_250.gif

Some days my imagination is a liability, LOL! :smallbiggrin:

Socksy

2014-04-12, 01:56 PM

... :smalleek:

https://31.media.tumblr.com/ee7ca2675e642e894ae78832438ed969/tumblr_meopobxN7J1r6m9dwo1_250.gif

Some days my imagination is a liability, LOL! :smallbiggrin:

In my defence it was 1am and I was slightly high. Is there a word for a caffeine high? There should be.

Arkhosia

2014-04-12, 02:00 PM

*Sure, I can play an avenger.
**She currently attends a school to learn about avengering and has a scythe? Sure.
***That school could be run by an aspect of The Raven Queen, I guess.
****Um... yeah, your scythe can be awakened I guess.
*****IT DOES NOT EAT THE SOULS OF EVILDOERS!

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-04-12, 02:04 PM

In my defence it was 1am and I was slightly high. Is there a word for a caffeine high? There should be.

Awake might do the trick.

Socksy

2014-04-12, 04:20 PM

Sith_Happens

2014-04-12, 08:26 PM

FlyingScanian

2014-04-13, 04:53 AM

In my defence it was 1am and I was slightly high. Is there a word for a caffeine high? There should be.

Knurd. The word you're looking for is Knurd.

*Not allowed to create a character that requires me to bring along my "special" box of dice (some 100 d6)

SouthpawSoldier

2014-04-13, 05:01 AM

*When rolling for stats, not allowed to make the guy with a 62 equivalent roll play a Core 3.5 monk to balance with the rest of the party.

**Even if they all got <40pt point buy rolls.

Seriously; just got into a game, and while rolling 4D6B3 stats, he pulled 3 17's, a 16, a 15, and a 13. BEGGING to play a Monk.

Socksy

2014-04-13, 06:48 AM

Knurd. The word you're looking for is Knurd.

*Not allowed to create a character that requires me to bring along my "special" box of dice (some 100 d6)

I like it and I'm using it.

* The rule stating "Whoever spilleth their drink on the Monopoly set buyeth everyone else a McDonald's" now applies to character sheets.

DigoDragon

2014-04-13, 08:39 AM

In my defence it was 1am and I was slightly high. Is there a word for a caffeine high? There should be.

"Wired" is usually the word I use. However...

* The DM is no longer allowed to experiment with mixed drinks using coffee.
** Especially not allowed to mix drinks with coffee just for the buzz of "inspiration" because that's totally not the kind of enlightenment you're thinking about at 2AM writing up a D&D dungeon that ends up having trolls wearing pleather pants and wielding weapons shaped like Mace Windu.

True story.

Mrc.

2014-04-13, 08:54 AM

*There is no such skill as 'Black Up'.
**Even if prefaced by the phrase 'Oh HEEEEEEELL No!'

Socksy

2014-04-13, 09:28 AM

* Not allowed to have ranks in Updog, Upsexy, or Snoo.

Slipperychicken

2014-04-13, 09:51 AM

* Not allowed to have ranks in Updog, Upsexy, or Snoo.

**When the GM decides to audit my character sheet, writing "Updog" under the feats list isn't fair.

toapat

2014-04-13, 10:08 AM

Socratov

2014-04-13, 11:48 AM

no, thats an Elf paladin of Mystra array (without Serenity or Academic/dynamic priest). Not even monk needs that many stats.
or a Warlock, just because you get great stats doesn't mean you have to, you know, actually use them...

Ksheep

2014-04-13, 12:53 PM

Monk? Why not have him play a Truenamer. That'll teach him to not roll so well in the future.

razorfloss

2014-04-13, 01:30 PM

Monk? Why not have him play a Truenamer. That'll teach him to not roll so well in the future.

what is a truenamer and whats so bad about them?

toapat

2014-04-13, 01:31 PM

Monk? Why not have him play a Truenamer. That'll teach him to not roll so well in the future.

truenamer at least would work with that array. Monk doesnt really work with any array

Ionbound

2014-04-13, 01:34 PM

what is a truenamer and whats so bad about them?

You must be new here...It's a class who's abilities are all based on making progressively hard skill checks, in several different areas, IIRC.

Ksheep

2014-04-13, 01:46 PM

what is a truenamer and whats so bad about them?

Truenamers were introduced in Tome of Magic, and in theory they are fairly good (or so the developers like to think). However, due to the way the rules are written, their core ability gets exponentially harder as you level up. In order to successfully use the ability against an enemy, you need to make a DC 15 + (Monster CR x2) check. So, when fighting a CR 1 monster, it's not that bad, only being a DC 17. However, once you're in the teens, you'll need to make a DC 35+ check, which, while not impossible, can be fairly difficult. To be truly effective, you need to build him to be able to break DC 45 or 50 checks regularly. On top of that, every time you successfully cast an Utterance (Truenamer equivalent of a spell), the DC of that particular Utterance increases by +2, making it even more difficult to use that same Utterance again (even against a different target). Furthermore, Utterances are non-dismissable, and as such they always run their full duration… and there's a rule that states you cannot speak an Utterance which you had previously cast until the duration of the previous speaking has run out. To top it all off, the entire section in Tome of Magic dealing with Truenamers is rife with odd editing and math errors, and many of the feats and items that are made to help the Truenamer actually make the Truenamer worse (or at least make his job much harder).

When discussing the effectiveness of Truenamers, most people place them at a Tier 6 level (on par with Commoners, Aristocrats, Warriors, and the Complete Warrior Samurai). With proper planning (and a lot of min-maxing), you could bring it up to a Tier 4 level, which is on par with your typical Fighter, Rogue, Ranger, or Scout. For comparison, the typical non-optimized Monk is typically placed at Tier 5. So, while Truenamer is playable, it can be difficult unless you employ very heavy optimization.

Red Fel

2014-04-13, 01:50 PM

You must be new here...It's a class who's abilities are all based on making progressively hard skill checks, in several different areas, IIRC.

That's the short version. The longer version can be found here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?114269-My-Experiences-as-a-Truenamer), with a handbook here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?214115-In-the-Beginning-Was-the-Word-and-the-Word-Was-Suck-A-Guide-to-Truenamers). Basically, it's a class that requires substantial optimization just to function normally. It has some groundbreaking, gamebreaking powers, but access to those is limited to the class capstone; the class actively punishes multiclassing or non-optimized gameplay; and the abilities, despite being unlimited in usage, have rules imposed on them that actually make the class harder to play as you level up, rather than easier. There's a reason this class is considered the worst in the tier system (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?266559-Tier-System-for-Classes-%28Rescued-from-MinMax%29), and the sole unranked class.

And, by way of apology for sidetracking the thread:

* I may not answer any simple yes/no question with a dissertation.
** Not even if my character is a PhD student or has a doctorate.
*** Especially if my character is a PhD student or has a doctorate.
**** Especially if I have a doctorate in that field.
***** Especially if I attempt to justify my use of a dissertation by way of another dissertation.

* I am no longer allowed to answer questions.

toapat

2014-04-13, 02:31 PM

and the sole unranked class.

Incorrect, Lurk also does not have an "official" tier.

Socksy

2014-04-13, 04:00 PM

* Cannot hug the gelatinous cube.

Ksheep

2014-04-13, 04:12 PM

* Cannot hug the gelatinous cube.

** Cannot have a Gelatinous Cube mount
*** Asking if we can use the Arms and Equipment Guide just so I can get a Gelatinous Cube mount is acceptable
**** Asking to use A&EG so I can break the economic system, get the Elf drunk with a mix of Thudrud, Kragg, Frenzywater, and Spiderblood wine, and to hire a platoon of Ogre Mages riding Rhinoceroses and/or Elephants is not OK.
***** Not allowed to use A&EG ever again
****** Not even allowed to LOOK at the A&EG, so as to keep me from getting ideas…

Silus

2014-04-13, 05:13 PM

Just a few things that came up in my last NWOD game.

*Though my mousy, shy and meek vampire bookworm can use a .50-cal Anti-Material rifle with a single dot in Firearms does not mean I should make a habit out of it.
**Also, even though she's from Arkham, I may not use a Shoggoth summoning ritual.
***Not even as a booby trap to defend my Haven.
****Especially not when my Haven is in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NYC.
*****No, I don't get extra XP if I take out some hipsters.

Prince Raven

2014-04-13, 09:00 PM

* Not allowed to make a bard with higher AC and damage than the fighter
** Not allowed to make a bard that is a better skillmonkey than the rogue
*** Not allowed to make a bard that makes the Paladin cry
**** Not allowed to make a bard with the expressed goal of never actually fighting a combat encounter
***** Eventually, I have to make a character that isn't a bard

toapat

2014-04-13, 10:05 PM

*** Not allowed to make a bard that makes the Paladin cry

how? Considering the top end of paladin optimization Makes bards cry

Sith_Happens

2014-04-14, 01:23 AM

how? Considering the top end of paladin optimization Makes bards cry

Maybe he meant literally making the Paladin cry? I'm not sure just how evil you'd have to be to do that, though. Seeing the worst the world has to offer kind of comes with the job.

TeChameleon

2014-04-14, 02:48 AM

I'm sure if you sang Celine Dion (and/or insert your least favourite 'musician' here) at the Paladin long enough, they'd crack eventually... :smallbiggrin:

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-04-14, 03:12 AM

I'm sure if you sang Celine Dion (and/or insert your least favourite 'musician' here) at the Paladin long enough, they'd crack eventually... :smallbiggrin:

Ah, the ever overlooked, Smite Vocal Cord, alternate class feature.

Socksy

2014-04-14, 07:42 AM

Ah, the ever overlooked, Smite Vocal Cord, alternate class feature.

You mean the Queen of the Night Aria?
Wouldn't bards be better with a Smite Ear feature?

DigoDragon

2014-04-14, 08:03 AM

* Not allowed to make my campaign so fiendishly evil that I tell my players they'll beg to go back to the previous campaign.
** Especially when there isn't a previous campaign to go back too.

Wookieetank

2014-04-14, 08:55 AM

*Using this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTXNSZ7M7VE) as a Bard, for any circumstance, will net me an aligntment change.

Prince Raven

2014-04-14, 10:36 AM

how? Considering the top end of paladin optimization Makes bards cry

In Pathfinder I made a bard that could do everything the paladin did but better and with less restrictions, for fun.

The constant singing of various Disney songs may also been a contributing factor...

Grim Portent

2014-04-14, 10:46 AM

*Being a heretic is fine.
**Summoning daemons, while very blatant in character heresy, is also fine.
***Summoning a Daemonette purely to seduce another party member to heresy is so far from fine it cannot be seen on a clear day.
****A Great Unclean one does not improve matters in any way.

toapat

2014-04-14, 10:47 AM

In Pathfinder I made a bard that could do everything the paladin did but better and with less restrictions, for fun.

The constant singing of various Disney songs may also been a contributing factor...

oh, PF, where paladin is only 5% better then 3.5 at base and fully incapable of improving their situation.

Storm_Of_Snow

2014-04-14, 11:25 AM

* Cannot hug the gelatinous cube.
** Cannot claim the Gelatinous Cube is raspberry flavoured, unless the game is Paranoia and the scenario is Orcbusters.
*** Cannot claim the Gelatinous Cube is lime flavoured. No how, no way.
**** Pouring custard and cream on top of a Gelatinous Cube and claiming it's a trifle will just get the rest of the players hungry, and mean someone has to go out and get dessert.:smallsmile:

unseenmage

2014-04-14, 11:31 AM

* No longer allowed to read the Things I May No Longer Do While Playing threads at the gametable between turns.
** Nor during turns as suggestions to the players.
*** Especially not if I'm DM.
**** The Things I May No Longer Do While Playing threads aren't supposed to be campaign journals dammit!
***** No, they're not plot hooks, roleplaying rewards, nor a Campaign Setting either!

Socksy

2014-04-14, 11:48 AM

* Yes, I can climb walls if they have grooves in them.
** No, that does not make either the wall or my Thief-Acrobat "groovy".

toapat

2014-04-14, 11:53 AM

Silus

2014-04-14, 12:42 PM

*Despite all gaming sense, explosives do not solve all problems.
**Doubly so in a Vampire: The Requiem game. In New York.

Arutema

2014-04-14, 12:50 PM

* It is considered polite for my Str 10 monk to leave a few enemies alive for the rest of the party.

razorfloss

2014-04-14, 01:44 PM

*Despite all gaming sense, explosives do not solve all problems.
**Doubly so in a Vampire: The Requiem game. In New York.

*no longer allowed to play an alchemist to prove that explosives can in fact solve all problems
**goes double if im playing a firebomber goblin
*** can no longer attach the rocket bomb onto the wizard while he is asllep to prove that bombs are a viable alarm clock
*****THAT'S IT NO MORE GOBLIN ALCHEMIST

Mnemophage

2014-04-14, 02:40 PM

-> Arguments that last over one hour about using limb transplants to obtain a second dragonmark WILL result in a dragon descending from Argonessen specifically to eat me.

-> Cannot engage an Orien conductor in the finer workings of the Lightning Rail only to learn how to mimic the unintentional innuendo for later blackmail use.

-> Reduce Person cannot be targeted to specific body parts, despite exquisite extortion potential.

-> If I ever waste True Strike on a Kancho again, it will be removed from my spell list.

-> No combination of spells will result in the thaumaturgic invention of the deep fryer.

--> A second use of the deep fryer as a melee weapon will result in an alignment change.

-> The secret society I am involved with is a satellite chapter of the Blood of Vol. Not the Lymph of Vol, the Cerebrospinal Fluid of Vol, the Stomach Acid of Vol, nor any other of Vol's bodily liquids, and she's a lich in any case so she probably doesn't have any of the former.

-> Even if I succeed at the item creation requirements, enchanting blue coveralls and a red cap with at-will uses of the Jump spell will cause said clothing items to combust at the first opportunity.

-> Spiking the punch at a tense gathering of Dragonmarked Houses with a Potion of Detect Thoughts will summon the very same limb-transplant wizard-eating Argonessen dragon.

-> Said dragon will still eat me, even if I flavor myself to taste like dragon veal.

Jurai

2014-04-14, 02:54 PM

* Polymorphing a Tibbit into a Wavecrest Halfling doesn't make a catfish.
** Frying the polymorphed Tibbit and eating it is cannibalism.

TechnoWarforged

2014-04-14, 03:35 PM

-Cannot point out the TVtropes currently being invoked by the DM in the campaign session.
*Empowering other members to following your own example by High-fiving other members of the party when they do the same is frown upon.
** Asking for Bonus EXP for correctly identifying said tropes is Right out.
*** Just no more Tvtropes references.

-Reincarnation is a privilege, and not to be abused by frivolously using it upon dead NPCs.
*especially in any scheme to reincarnate said NPC into female so the PCs can pimp them off.
** Tempting the DM to use the 3.0 table instead to create Squirrel Wizards is also unacceptable.
*** No Bear Wizards either.

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-04-14, 05:06 PM

You mean the Queen of the Night Aria?
Wouldn't bards be better with a Smite Ear feature?

I was more saying that when the Paladin gets fed up with the Bard. And yes, Smite Ear would be better on a bard.

*As a Paladin/Bard, I may not use Smite and Bardic Music in conjunction specifically to create Smite Ear.

Socksy

2014-04-14, 05:33 PM

* Just because I can hit that note doesn't mean my bard can.
** Please do not try to hit the note anyway

GPuzzle

2014-04-14, 05:49 PM

*Just because I can play the bass, the guitar, the piano and the saxophone, doesn't mean my Bard can.
**STOP PLAYING MAJORA'S MASK'S SOUNDTRACK, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Ksheep

2014-04-14, 07:35 PM

-Cannot point out the TVtropes currently being invoked by the DM in the campaign session.
*Empowering other members to following your own example by High-fiving other members of the party when they do the same is frown upon.
** Asking for Bonus EXP for correctly identifying said tropes is Right out.
*** Just no more Tvtropes references.

* Declaring an NPC is evil just because he has a goatee is frowned upon
** Attacking a goateed NPC based on this assumption is highly frowned upon
*** Especially when said NPC is an envoy from the King

DigoDragon

2014-04-14, 08:08 PM

**** Pouring custard and cream on top of a Gelatinous Cube and claiming it's a trifle will just get the rest of the players hungry, and mean someone has to go out and get dessert.:smallsmile:

***** No longer allowed to polymorph a Gelatinous Cube's innards into vodka to declare Jell-O shots.

** Please do not try to hit the note anyway

*** Not allowed to declare flanking and give the Bard a +2 to hit said note.

Prince Raven

2014-04-14, 08:16 PM

* Declaring an NPC is evil just because he has a goatee is frowned upon
** Attacking a goateed NPC based on this assumption is highly frowned upon
*** Especially when said NPC is an envoy from the King

**** Jim and his characters from Darths and Droids are not good role models for my character to emulate

Jay R

2014-04-14, 08:46 PM

* I do not cast Earthquake by shaking the table.
** I do not cast Ice Storm with an ice cube tray.
*** I do not cast Grease with a stick of butter.
**** I may never cast Stinking Cloud again
***** Fireball is right out.
****** I am no longer allowed to play a wizard.
******* I am no longer allowed in the DM’s house.

(Doesn't anybody else like accurate simulation?)

Slipperychicken

2014-04-14, 08:53 PM

*** I do not cast Grease with a stick of butter.

****Even if butter is actually the material component.

Material Component
A bit of pork rind or butter.

Socksy

2014-04-14, 08:59 PM

*** I do not cast Grease with a stick of butter.

**** And I most certainly don't cast it with a group of thirtysomethings badly portraying teens.

TechnoWarforged

2014-04-14, 10:59 PM

* Declaring an NPC is evil just because he has a goatee is frowned upon
** Attacking a goateed NPC based on this assumption is highly frowned upon
*** Especially when said NPC is an envoy from the King

*Cannot ruin the entire campaign that the DM planned for weeks by correctly identifying that the Eunuch who's serving as the King's Vizard and Chancellor is the BBEG.
** Especially if said Eunuch Vizard Chancellor is wearing a goatee.

Zaydos

2014-04-14, 11:08 PM

*I cannot build a legion of loyal droids to do my bidding
**Especially if I'm a Jedi
***This goes doubly for during the Clone Wars
****In fact I'm not allowed to build droids who are specifically disloyal to the party either.

DigoDragon

2014-04-15, 07:19 AM

**** And I most certainly don't cast it with a group of thirtysomethings badly portraying teens.

Oh, I got that reference! :smallbiggrin:

Erik Vale

2014-04-15, 07:43 AM

*I am no longer allowed to put the entire party in a persisted timestop loop, giving us infinite time to solve the plot, which relative to reality will take seconds.
**The entire party is not allowed to play Neraphs, Killorens, Warforged, Necropoliticians, Elans, or any other ageless race for the express purpose of actually having infinite time in said loop.
***Should said loop occur, food and water will be tracked.
****Air will be tracked.
*****You will be attacked by angry inevitables.
******Stop mocking the inevitables dammit!

Whilst nowhere near page 50, I'm going to propose TIMNLDOP VII: Your paying for the DM's Antipsychotics.

toapat

2014-04-15, 07:43 AM

*Cannot ruin the entire campaign that the DM planned for weeks by correctly identifying that the Eunuch who's serving as the King's Vizard and Chancellor is the BBEG.
** Especially if said Eunuch Vizard Chancellor is wearing a goatee.

your DM should have realized when he made the Wizard the king's Vizier, Chancellor, and have a goatee. the guy is clearly a more evil Jafar

Socksy

2014-04-15, 08:04 AM

necropoliticians

"I crave bloooood! And higher taxes!"

toapat

2014-04-15, 09:21 AM

"I crave bloooood! And higher taxes!"

**Can not Crave higher taxes of blood

Jay R

2014-04-15, 10:21 AM

****Even if butter is actually the material component.

Yeah, well the DM said that the character should use the butter, not the player. He just isn't into role-playing, I guess.

I mean, we cleaned it off his table in only 15 minutes or so.

Smorgonoffz

2014-04-15, 03:39 PM

* i'll never suggest to DEATH to take a vacation if this implies anticipating on his work
*** no matter how fun, i'll never put into hell speaker system disco inferno
***i'll never jest again in front og Nyarlathotep how he he a mighty old onbe as caught by a ghostbuster's trap.
*** I'll never test my newfound tecnomagic armor gene manipulation on a hobo before reading the instructions, if this creates a city full of duplicating hobo
*** If a rat i created troough gene manipulation on my grammar and speech i'll listen to him, even mopre if he's an ohok psionic with only destruction powers
***i'll destroy dimitry maximoff castle, it's too much fun.
*** never argue with a bejelit
*** i'll never kick in the but, the medium sized bunny/rabbit with a red gem into his front
****popopop popopo

iceman10058

2014-04-15, 08:16 PM

Socksy

2014-04-15, 08:50 PM

* i will never post things on this board that gives readers cerebral cancer...

** Cannot research a variant Decerebrate power which does that either.
*** Or a spell.
**** The verbal components of that spell would not be that post.
***** Or any other badly-made post!

iceman10058

2014-04-15, 09:16 PM

** Cannot research a variant Decerebrate power which does that either.
*** Or a spell.
**** The verbal components of that spell would not be that post.
***** Or any other badly-made post!

****** I am no longer alowed to research anything, even if im a wizard.
*******i am now only allowed to play a level 1 commoner, with no arms or legs.

Lord Raziere

2014-04-15, 09:23 PM

*******i am now only allowed to play a level 1 commoner, with no arms or legs.

******** where did you even get this commoner charisma build!?
********* no making said commoner a powerful cyborg by persuading others to build golem limbs for you.
********** no you can't just persuade them to hook you up to a powerful giant golem filled with enchanted weaponry instead.
*********** how did this campaign become magical gundam!?

iceman10058

2014-04-15, 09:35 PM

******** where did you even get this commoner charisma build!?
********* no making said commoner a powerful cyborg by persuading others to build golem limbs for you.
********** no you can't just persuade them to hook you up to a powerful giant golem filled with enchanted weaponry instead.
*********** how did this campaign become magical gundam!?

************ playing a magical floating head is right out

unseenmage

2014-04-15, 09:36 PM

*******i am now only allowed to play a level 1 commoner, with no arms or legs.

*******Using this Commoner's magical cancer to corrupt the world is definitely not allowed.

Sith_Happens

2014-04-16, 01:24 AM

* Use of Divinations or Clairsentience during a scavenger hunt is frowned upon.
** Chain-Gating Titans to search for me is doubly frowned upon.
* I may not mix Planescape and Shadowrun slang.
** Especially if we're playing neither.
** Asking anyone in Seattle to direct me to a "blood" will not end well.

Socksy

2014-04-16, 03:42 AM

* Use of Divinations or Clairsentience during a scavenger hunt is frowned upon.

** My Occult Oracle's curse will suddenly make her unable to speak anything the rest of the party speaks if she does... well, anything really.
*** Same for any Mindbender, Thrallherd, or Leadership cheeser.
**** Alright, the hunt is now in an antimagic field, and magic/psionics transparency is in effect if it wasn't already.

DigoDragon

2014-04-16, 08:05 AM

* If a teammate commissions my wizard to build him an enchanted sword, I'm not allowed to send him on a fetch quest for Shale and Grist.
** No, there is no such thing as a Battlespork!

toapat

2014-04-16, 08:48 AM

** No, there is no such thing as a Battlespork!

best cerealbox prize ever.

***not to mix quake or games built in the quake engine into anything else

Silus

2014-04-16, 08:54 AM

*Playing the song Blumenkranz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWhcTesRFq0) during a Vampire game when a/the Prince enters a room is considered rude, despite how fitting it may or may not be.

Socksy

2014-04-16, 09:22 AM

* If a teammate commissions my wizard to build him an enchanted sword, I'm not allowed to send him on a fetch quest for Shale and Grist.
** No, there is no such thing as a Battlespork!

** The somatic component of True Ressurection is not smooching the corpse.
*** Cannot smooch the corpse anyway just to squick people out.

GrayGriffin

2014-04-16, 12:11 PM

* Not allowed to randomly post Disney lyrics that vaguely apply to what was said in-game.
** Especially not during a serious vision quest!

Loxagn

2014-04-16, 12:32 PM

*When playing a blind monk, I am to remind the party of this simple fact before we 'split up to search for clues'.
**The paladin interrogating me is not going to be amused when I reply 'no, I've never seen them before.'
***Not allowed to offer advice when the party is attempting to solve a visual puzzle.
****Especially if said advice is interjected at random intervals. ("Flip that one over! Turn it around! Hit it with your axe!")
*****Using a sonic effect to blow out all the light sources in a room while in combat, while cool, only fools the bad guys once.
******If challenged to a duel by the barbarian, it's generally considered bad manners to open with a wand of Glitterdust.
*******Upon handily beating said barbarian, not allowed to gloat that he got beat up by a girl half his size.
********When he complains that he was blind, I am to remember that I am mechanically built around it and that blinding him did not actually make it a fair fight.

*Beating him again and then gloating is, while bad form, permissible. He did, after all, get beat up by a blind girl.

Sith_Happens

2014-04-16, 12:35 PM

*Playing the song Blumenkranz (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWhcTesRFq0) during a Vampire game when a/the Prince enters a room is considered rude, despite how fitting it may or may not be.

** If I tell the Prince to his face that I think the song fits him, I forfeit all right to complain when it turns out he is completely familiar with its source and connotations and is perfectly willing to demonstrate why I'm right.

by a girl half his size.

*suddenly sees what you did there*

*** If the party is searching for something by air, I should refrain from all claims that I've spotted it.
*** Should one of my teammates complain about being suddenly blinded by something, my sympathy will not be mistaken for genuine.

Loxagn

2014-04-16, 01:29 PM

** If I tell the Prince to his face that I think the song fits him, I forfeit all right to complain when it turns out he is completely familiar with its source and connotations and is perfectly willing to demonstrate why I'm right.

*suddenly sees what you did there*

*** If the party is searching for something by air, I should refrain from all claims that I've spotted it.
*** Should one of my teammates complain about being suddenly blinded by something, my sympathy will not be mistaken for genuine.

Funnily enough, the opportunity to use one of Toph's many quotes on the matter never came up. And 'half his size' actually referred to him being a particularly large orc, not her being particularly small. Still funny, though.

On another note:

*I am never again allowed to combine the classes Drunken Master and Fire Mage.
**Especially if playing a monkey with a fire-elemental and morphic template.
***If it becomes, at any point in character generation, that I'm just trying to have an excuse to play an infernape, the character is vetoed.
****The same goes for other pokemon.

Ksheep

2014-04-16, 02:10 PM

* I may not abuse the 3.0 Reincarnation table to become a Black Bear
** I may not build by character with the sole intent to use the 3.0 Reincarnation table to become a Black Bear
*** Said character cannot be a gestalt Bear Totem Barbarian/Druid who wild shapes into a Brown Bear
**** I may not then prestige into a Bear Warrior

Loxagn

2014-04-16, 03:02 PM

*When the DM is creating an atmospheric horror campaign a la Silent Hill, it is in my best interests to collaborate with the other players so we create characters who complement one another's personalities as well as skills.
**Playing a sarcastic and level-headed doctor from Madrid, while quite a fine character concept on its own, does not quite mesh with the sarcastic and level-headed reporter from Orlando, and the sarcastic and level-headed worker from Moscow to create a proper tone for horror.
***If at any point the DM starts crying in frustration because the chilling horror game he envisioned has become Army of Darkness, we should probably tone it down.

*No, I did not just bisect the BBEG with a knife.
**I similarly did not deal structural damage to that mech with the same knife.
***I will be rolling all of my dice in an enclosed tin within the DM's line of sight from now on.
****Why do I crit so often with the damn knife
*No, I did not just decapitate Galgaliel with a thrown Progressive Knife.
*No, I did NOT just use Acid Knife to kill the boss in one turn.
*I also did not kill that hellhound in single combat, unarmored, without a scratch on me, while wielding another god damn knife.

**I am never again allowed to have any character wield a knife in any offensive manner ever again. In any campaign. In any system. Ever.

(The above decree in response to my unholy and uncanny ability to consistently roll ridiculous amounts of damage when a character is attacking with a knife. Nobody thus far could explain it. This was in four separate campaigns.)

Socksy

2014-04-16, 05:44 PM

* The Vanara does not wanna walk like you, talk like you, too-oo-oo.
** They probably discovered fire before humans, they have an intelligence bonus.
*** The Vanara cannot cast any size-boosting spells and go climbing up large buildings.
**** The Vanara was not born a someday man, or a maybe child.
***** The Vanara is not monkeying around or doing any monkey business.
****** The Vanara Monk is a terrible idea.
******* No more Vanara!

Prince Raven

2014-04-16, 07:28 PM

* I may not use the Leadership feat to create a travelling bardic troupe that re-enact Les Miserables
** I may not take the Leadership feat at all

Loxagn

2014-04-17, 03:58 PM

*Even if playing a wendigo who is functionally immune to physical damage due to his regenerative abilities and has a penchant for sarcasm and a general love of carnage, not allowed to toss off Hellsing Ultimate Abridged quotes.

Ksheep

2014-04-17, 04:07 PM

* I may not use the Tormtor School feat to power attack with an oversized javelin in melee combat without any penalties.

EDIT: ** I especially can't power attack while two-weapon fighting with oversized javelins with no penalties

razorfloss

2014-04-17, 04:40 PM

* I can not play a soulknife
** I can not use said soulknife and make him use a spear and call it a drill
*** I also cannot call psionic power spiral energy. no matter how much it fits.
*** I cannot then yell "mine is the drill that will pierce the heavens" at the top of my voice every time he attacks no matter how fun or appropriate it is
***** I also cannot have the party artificer make a giant Mech and use it as my suit of armor
THAT'S IT NO MORE ANIME REFERENCES AT THE TABLE

Socksy

2014-04-18, 03:37 AM

* My battle cry is not "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"

Slipperychicken

2014-04-18, 10:40 AM

* My battle cry is not "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"

**Nor is it the verbal component to Unnatural Lust.

Loxagn

2014-04-18, 01:02 PM

Mrc.

2014-04-18, 01:32 PM

No matter what country I'm in, I am to keep in mind the following:
*Utilizing a fully-automatic grenade launcher is very, very illegal.
**Utilizing white phosphorous on personnel targets is a war crime.
***Combining the two is an atrocity that almost does not bear mention.

*I must also remember that this is a thread about roleplaying games and not attempt to report the above poster to the UN for breaching the UN convention of Human Rights. Kinda wierded me out there fella, gonna be honest. :smallredface:

*Drawing inspiration from fantasy novels with regards naming is acceptable.
**As is applying this to fictional characters in a real life setting.
***If my campaign sounds like a rip-off George R. R. Martin or James Clavell I went too far.
****Pratchett is right out.

Loxagn

2014-04-18, 03:31 PM

It's great for street sam combat monsters!

Jay R

2014-04-19, 01:35 PM

*The plan to defend the village may not involve burning down the forest that surrounds it.
** The plan to defend the village does not involve earthquakes, flood, or lava.
*** Sacrificing all the villagers is not an acceptable approach to saving the village.
**** I have been sent on a pilgrimage far from the village.

razorfloss

2014-04-19, 01:38 PM

Jurai

2014-04-19, 01:39 PM

**** The plan to the defense of the village does not involve a tornado.
***** The plan to the defense of the village does not involve wooden forest animals.
****** Or Mineral ones.
******* Or organic ones.

*I am not allowed to play a Shifter Druid/Renegade Mastermaker.

Jay R

2014-04-19, 02:20 PM

were u a wizard or a driud

Very few druids suggest burning down the forest.

Jurai

2014-04-19, 02:22 PM

Not completely, anyway. Some varieties of tree need fires to reproduce.

* Slapping the Red Dragon with a trout does not humor it.
** Nor does upskirting it.

Socksy

2014-04-19, 02:56 PM

*The plan to defend the village may not involve burning down the forest that surrounds it.
** The plan to defend the village does not involve earthquakes, flood, or lava.

*** Not allowed to create a druid with the sole aim of turning them into a Blighter.

toapat

2014-04-19, 02:59 PM

were u a wizard or a driud

He was playing Steve, from minecraft

Adoendithas

2014-04-19, 10:38 PM

Spore

2014-04-20, 02:58 AM

Very few druids suggest burning down the forest.

* I'm not converting that idea into Pathfinder just to use the Fire Domain instead of the Animal Companion
** Mechanical choices are not reason enough for said druid to "cauterize the wounds gashing open in the land".
*** Using a fire elemental to attack a Summon Nature's Ally only to claim that your horde of burning squirrels are now "plane--touched" is right out.
**** If I am lucky my druid alignment is "just" neutral evil and not chaotic evil.
***** Reenacting the pencil/magic trick scene from the Batman movies with sticks and loggers in the forest however does default to CE.

DigoDragon

2014-04-20, 09:21 AM

Very few druids suggest burning down the forest.

* Not allowed to hang out and be enabled by druids who do suggest burning down the forest.
** Also questionable if that druid take three rounds to figure out how to heal a horse.

Socksy

2014-04-20, 09:39 AM

* Energy drinks do not exist in Faerun.
** Not allowed to invent energy drinks.
*** Definitely not allowed to give them to the low-WIS-low-CON rogue.
**** Everything is my fault forever if she gets addicted.

Svata

2014-04-20, 11:23 AM

*******Using this Commoner's magical cancer to corrupt the world is definitely not allowed.

******** No using his teeth to retrieve NI chickens from a Spell Component Pouch.
********* ESPECIALLY no using this to buy grafts to give you limbs.
********** No longer allowed to play anything but 1HD Human Zombies.

Socksy

2014-04-20, 12:24 PM

Svata, your avatar is adorable. Fire elemental or Omnimental?:3

* Cannot dump my green-blue wig on the board and declare a Kraken attack.
** Especially not if the party is in the middle of a desert.

Sgt. Cookie

2014-04-20, 12:42 PM

*** Claiming that any issues with basic physics are caused by a Kraken is right out.

*If my NG Bard is named John Larkin, nobody should be surprised if I pick up Apostle of Peace.

Prince Raven

2014-04-20, 07:56 PM

* My Bard does not know "Wrecking Ball"
** My Bard does not know "Somebody That I Used to Know"
*** My Bard does not know "Dragostea din tei"
**** My Bard does not know "Barbie Girl"
***** My Bard does not know any Lady Gaga songs
****** This also applies to parodies
******* My Bard does not know any modern pop song
******** Except "Let It Go"

Ksheep

2014-04-20, 09:25 PM

Socksy

2014-04-20, 09:32 PM

* Cannot name my character after any Bond Girl.
** Ditto porn star.
*** Ditto exotic dancer.

iceman10058

2014-04-20, 09:57 PM

* Cannot name my character after any Bond Girl.
** Ditto porn star.
*** Ditto exotic dancer.

*cannot make a character based off of James Bond

** Same goes for Austin Powers

*** Maxwell Smart is right out

Arkhosia

2014-04-20, 10:47 PM

*I may never play a thrallherd Psion named Zero
**Lelouch is out as well

*Cadbury Eggs dont exist in game
**They do not boost your speed and initiative
***Nor does coffee

Ksheep

2014-04-21, 12:06 AM

*cannot make a character based off of James Bond

** Same goes for Austin Powers

*** Maxwell Smart is right out

**** Ditto for Inspector Clouseau

***** Nor can I be Inspector Gadget

****** Johny English is also disallowed

******* I may not be Inspector Lestrade, Inspector Gregson, Inspector Hopkins, Watson, or any other character from Sherlock Holmes

******** I may not be Hercule Poirot, Charlie Chan, Guy Noir, Adrian Monk, Eddie Valiant, Ace Ventura, or any other fictional detective, police officer, private eye, or other similar character, regardless of aptitude.

Svata

2014-04-21, 01:00 AM

Svata, your avatar is adorable. Fire elemental or Omnimental?:3

Fire Elemental

DigoDragon

2014-04-21, 09:19 AM

* The house cat is no longer allowed to handle any kind of magic wand that could lead to arson.
** The house cat is also forbidden to rack up a higher kill count than the druid and wizard combined.
*** Murdering everyone in a library by arson after absorbing a copy of the book you needed is not a True Neutral act for your cat PC! It's Brainiac with fur and claws!

unseenmage

2014-04-21, 09:32 AM

* No longer allowed to use one spell to track every object of monetary value with GPS-like precision.
** Especially not allowed to track everything without monetary value.
*** Using the spell to become an information broker is fine though.
**** No, I'm not allowed to become the CIA.
***** Nor the NSA.
****** And no I'm not allowed to recreate the show Big Brother in a form more true to the phrase.

iceman10058

2014-04-21, 11:37 AM

**** Ditto for Inspector Clouseau

***** Nor can I be Inspector Gadget

****** Johny English is also disallowed

******* I may not be Inspector Lestrade, Inspector Gregson, Inspector Hopkins, Watson, or any other character from Sherlock Holmes

******** I may not be Hercule Poirot, Charlie Chan, Guy Noir, Adrian Monk, Eddie Valiant, Ace Ventura, or any other fictional detective, police officer, private eye, or other similar character, regardless of aptitude.

********* sugesting batman will get me shot, as well as robin or nightwing

GPuzzle

2014-04-21, 12:37 PM

********* sugesting batman will get me shot, as well as robin or nightwing
********** If I suggest to play any Agatha Christie characters, I'm thrown through the window.

Fates

2014-04-21, 01:15 PM

My players are no longer allowed to cast Detect Object to find the nearest lead barrier, in order to find the object hidden by said barrier from such spells.

Socksy

2014-04-21, 01:41 PM

My players are no longer allowed to cast Detect Object to find the nearest lead barrier, in order to find the object hidden by said barrier from such spells.

That's genius though! :D

** Cannot cast non-detection spells on the barrier and turn it invisible to watch them all smack into it and laugh, regardless how much my villain loves irony

Wookieetank

2014-04-21, 02:03 PM

That's genius though! :D

** Cannot cast non-detection spells on the barrier and turn it invisible to watch them all smack into it and laugh, regardless how much my villain loves irony

***I may not cover the lead barrier with iron sheeting to increase the irony rating. :smalltongue::smallwink:

Ksheep

2014-04-21, 02:44 PM

* I may not run a Call of Cthulhu game with Batman, Indiana Jones, James Bond, Tom Riddle, and Dr Who as the PCs
** When the player playing James Bond decides to go with the Sean Connery version of Bond, I should not be surprised when Indy says "You remind me of my father"
*** When Tom Riddle thinks the Doctor is a wizard, and the Doctor thinks Tom is an alien with advanced technology of some sort, it would be best for me to just watch the hilarity that ensues

Jurai

2014-04-21, 03:08 PM

**** When Batman solves the puzzle, defeats Riddle before he goes full Voldemort (Don't go full Voldemort), and still goes unseen, I am not to complain.

masterjoda99

2014-04-21, 04:10 PM

What exactly constitutes "going full Voldemort"? Does it involve losing your nose?

Jurai

2014-04-21, 04:13 PM

Going full Voldemort may cause any of the following side effects: Ophidiphilia, loss of nose, a raspy whispering voice, an inability for other people to properly say your actor's name, being defeated by a seventeen year old kid, overly complicated plans, an inability to be lied to, and hair loss.

Adoendithas

2014-04-21, 04:49 PM

********** If I suggest to play any Agatha Christie characters, I'm thrown through the window.
*********** Including the murderers, unless I'm GMing a mystery campaign.

GPuzzle

2014-04-21, 04:56 PM

Ksheep

2014-04-21, 08:51 PM

* I may not strive to give Murder-Hobos a bad name
** Nor may I strive to give them a good name
*** I may not strive to give Murder-Hobos any sort of name

On a related note, I am no longer allowed to refer to the Adventurers as "Murder-Hobos"… especially in the presence of the King.

DigoDragon

2014-04-22, 08:16 AM

Don't go full Voldemort

* Not allowed to experiment in going fractional Voldemort just to cherry-pick how much mort I want before I lose my nose.

unseenmage

2014-04-22, 08:19 AM

* No longer allowed to draw smiley faces on the worldmaps of several connected planes of existence by spamming the Precipitate Planar Breach spell.
** No (explative deleted)s either!

Alex12

2014-04-22, 11:52 AM

GPuzzle

2014-04-22, 12:35 PM

*When the DM says we're going to play a campaign in which we'll be mostly encountering undead, I may not play a necromancer.
**I may not attempt to resolve the "undead problem" diplomatically.
***Nor may I solo encounters that the DM intended to challenge the entire party.
****Aumanator is dead, buried, and I've never heard of him.

(Necessary 4e info to understand that: The Paragon Path Morninglord's level 16 feature is "slap vulnerability 10 radiant when you hit on an enemy with a radiant power, but it requires worshipping Aumanator)

Socksy

2014-04-22, 02:25 PM

*When the DM says we're going to play a campaign in which we'll be mostly encountering undead, I may not play a necromancer.

** Playing an evil cleric and/or Dread Lich with a wand of Desecrate is likewise banned.

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-04-24, 04:44 AM

*My first solution to all my problems should not be 20 pounds of plastic explosives.
**The first time is clever, but after that I will have to start explaining where I got it from, and "I made it," is not a good enough answer unless a skill check was involved. Then it's shaky at best.
***My plan for distracting the BBEG is not to burst through the door blasting Rock of Ages (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4CZfac0N0E) as loud as I can, destroying any dramatic tension the DM was trying to create, and just plainly walk up to them and engage them in a monolog. (And yes, I did just watch Season 5 of Supernatural. What ever gave it away?)

DigoDragon

2014-04-24, 07:47 AM

*My first solution to all my problems should not be 20 pounds of plastic explosives.

** Not allowed to be a smart-arse and say my second solution is 40 pounds of plastic explosives.
*** Using real-world logic such as burning plastic explosives to cook your food is okay. Using TV logic such as beating a detonator with a rock to set off a nuke is not.

Slipperychicken

2014-04-24, 08:18 AM

** Not allowed to be a smart-arse and say my second solution is 40 pounds of plastic explosives.
*** Using real-world logic such as burning plastic explosives to cook your food is okay. Using TV logic such as beating a detonator with a rock to set off a nuke is not.

****Using a bathtub full of explosives to end a campaign, while awesome, is right out.

Balmas

2014-04-24, 08:32 AM

****Using a bathtub full of explosives to end a campaign, while awesome, is right out.

*****Filling an ice-skating rink with enough explosives to blow up Hastur, and doing so while blaring the Canadian national anthem in a grand suicidal ploy is both permissible and friggin' awesome.

Red Fel

2014-04-24, 09:12 AM

*****Filling an ice-skating rink with enough explosives to blow up Hastur, and doing so while blaring the Canadian national anthem in a grand suicidal ploy is both permissible and friggin' awesome.

****** If any of my characters, for any reason, utters the phrase "'air eh namblies be keepin' me wee men," the campaign immediately ends, and the DM will lose all respect for me, and punch me.

Loxagn

2014-04-24, 09:29 AM

*It is considered bad manners to interrupt the villain's monologue with a fit of hysterical laughter.
**Even if what prompted this was the phrase 'I cannot allow you to go any further'
***Even though I just murdered 3/4 of his army to get here.
****Even though he only brought two guys to protect him and he himself is a noncombatant.

Mrc.

2014-04-24, 11:32 AM

*I am no longer allowed to interrupt any monologues by mooning the entire room.
**On the incredibly unlikely yet fortuitous event that one member of the group doesn't understand what mooning is, I am not to demonstrate.
***Bearing the above in mind, no more illusionists.

Socksy

2014-04-24, 11:52 AM

* Major Creation, Create Water, and Teleport are never, ever allowed to be the three spells in my Spell Sequencer. Ever.

illyahr

2014-04-24, 12:38 PM

I prefer to go super-psion.

Read the sig. :smallcool:

Loxagn

2014-04-24, 12:55 PM

*It is not professional to flirt with the other running group's troll in front of your principal.
**No matter the size of her gun.

*Taking the Paranoia drawback is a fun roleplaying opportunity.
**Taking a Sleep Regulator implant (which causes paranoia), while amusing, is not necessarily a good idea.
***Taking the Addiction: Jazz (which ALSO causes paranoia) drawback is probably not at all a good idea.
****Especially since Wired Reflexes ALSO makes you twitchy and paranoid.
*****I am to remember that combining these traits in a hypercompetent gunslinger with a nigh-superhuman aptitude for anything with a trigger is very likely to end up with somebody getting shot over a misunderstanding.
******Not allowed to base a character on crippling paranoia again.

*If the character can reliably plant a bullet down another gun's barrel, it's time to retire him.

*No, I am not allowed to commission a fully-automatic assault cannon. Even if it would be hilarious.

*Constructing a 'gun rack' drone that can be worn on my back and hand me guns when I need them is a useful, innovative idea.
**Attempting to make use of the 'arm' drone modification to create a machine to wield all my guns at once will get books thrown at my head.
***Especially if my ridiculous dice pool means I can still hit.

unseenmage

2014-04-24, 01:03 PM

* No longer allowed to use a combination of Spell Storing items, spell storing spells, and Craft Contingent Spells to carry more readied spells that the Wizard.
** Especially not as a Fighter.
*** Extra especially not as a Wizard myself.

Ionbound

2014-04-24, 01:04 PM

* Major Creation, Create Water, and Teleport are never, ever allowed to be the three spells in my Spell Sequencer. Ever.

**No longer allowed to use Major Creation to create anything not described in the rulebooks.
***No longer allowed to use Major Creation to create anything not described in the Core.

Ksheep

2014-04-24, 02:00 PM

Grim Portent

2014-04-24, 04:20 PM

*Choosing to spend my starting acquisition in a low powered Rogue Trader game on thirty combat servitors with heavy weapons and chainaxes will get dice thrown at me.
**Especially if the ones I pick as my personal guard use my weapon skills and ballistic skill.
***I do not get an extra vote in party decisions for each servitor.
****Strong-arming the party into doing what I want by pointing at the servitors and maybe threats is frowned on.

Loxagn

2014-04-24, 05:44 PM

*The DM making a houserule that cantrips and orisons are at-will is supposed to be an early-level helping hand to caster classes. It is not an invitation for abuse.
**Not allowed to point out that Gargantuan crossbow bolts are a material component of Launch Bolt that costs less than 1 gp, and therefore a valid target for Eschew Materials.
***If I am consistently outdamaging the orc fighter at level 1 as a wizard, something is wrong.

DigoDragon

2014-04-24, 06:06 PM

*Constructing a 'gun rack' drone that can be worn on my back and hand me guns when I need them is a useful, innovative idea.

I ran a campaign where the party dragon had one of those built for him. Banned the idea of having the drone carry his minigun. :smallbiggrin:

PhallicWarrior

2014-04-25, 02:30 AM

* Before trying to enact a cunning plan to disable/kill some enemies, I should read the rulebook to see if there are already rules on what would take place when I do it
** Especially if the plan is to open the airlock while in deep space
*** I should not be surprised when there ARE rules for this eventuality
**** Nor should I be surprised when the rules state "Roll all the dice. Yes, all of them. All dice at, on, or near the table. Everyone in the ship takes that much damage."
***** I should not be surprised when people throw books at my head due to my single-handedly turning a simple encounter into a TPK…

Let me guess: the Serenity RPG?

*If it takes me more than 15 minutes to reconfigure my powers, I don't get to keep them anymore.
**Even if I can reconfigure the variable array in less than 15 minutes, if I can't also explain to the GM what the new configuration actually DOES in less than 5 minutes, I can't keep them.
***You know what? No more variable power arrays. For anyone.

Socksy

2014-04-25, 03:25 AM

**No longer allowed to use Major Creation to create anything not described in the rulebooks.
***No longer allowed to use Major Creation to create anything not described in the Core.

**** "Metal" means "Transition metal" and not "Group 1 metal"

Arkhosia

2014-04-25, 04:03 AM

*I may not invest all my rank in Knowledge: TV Tropes
**I cannot use this skill to reference a trope and get my enemy to look it up, forcing him to waste hours on the computer rather than plan.
***Especially if the term is a trope detailing ways villains fail.

toapat

2014-04-25, 10:03 AM

*I may not invest all my rank in Knowledge: TV Tropes

**Not to point out that Bard 1 grants Know: TVtropes as a class feature.

unseenmage

2014-04-25, 10:11 AM

**Not to point out that Bard 1 grants Know: TVtropes as a class feature.

*** Not to point out that it gets Prof: TVtropes either.
**** That the DM gets Craft: TV tropes is expected.
***** Still not allowed to point it out.

illyahr

2014-04-25, 11:40 AM

**Not to point out that Bard 1 grants Know: TVtropes as a class feature.

I thought this was a given. :smallwink:

*Not allowed to build a dwarven frenzied berserker.
**Not allowed to build a ballista that the dwarf can fit into.
***Not allowed to find a way to mount the dwarf-apult onto the back of the half-orc tank.
****Orc may not take Exotic Weapon Proficiency with dwarf-apult, nor may use Monkey Grip to reduce the penalties for its use.
*****There will be no clerics on hand to heal the dwarf back to normal health after his deathless frenzy
******Using the dwarf-apult setup against the party will have the entire group rage-quit.

Man, I loved that setup. :smallbiggrin:

Loxagn

2014-04-25, 01:13 PM

*Creating a pyromancer is fine.
**Creating a pyromancer with ranks in Perform (Vocal) and an interest in glassblowing? Also fine.
***Giving this pyromancer a backstory where he's been terrified of his powers and losing control for years since an accident where he hurt a family member? Okay, that's a nice motivation.
****Having a panic attack and running away when his secret gets out is understandable, I guess...
*****Yes, the DM does, in fact, see what I just did there with the castle of glass thing. He is not amused.
******No. Not allowed to play a character that is in essence 'Frozen, but Fire'.
*******Or water.
********If at any point in any character's career it becomes clear that they are essentially 'Frozen, but X', they are vetoed. Retroactively.

Jurai

2014-04-25, 01:16 PM

* No, you may not build a Snowman.
** Or a Lava Golem.
*** Or anything.

unseenmage

2014-04-25, 02:34 PM

* No, you may not build a Snowman.
** Or a Lava Golem.
*** Or anything.

**** It doesn't have to be a snowman. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WchnQOa2oO8)

Edit: ***** Not allowed to build a Snow Golem with a Shapechange SLA with the justification that it does not in point of fact have to be a snowman..

Loxagn

2014-04-25, 03:39 PM

*My A.T. Tactician is free to utilize high-risk-high-reward stratagems all he likes. He is not, however, allowed to point this out to his commanding officer.
**I am, however, supposed to exhibit at least a modicum of sympathy when the DM's angel fight goes from 'TPK' to 'taking on Ramiel alone and winning' in one turn because of a lucky Synch Disruption roll.
*When being questioned by the NERV psychologists as to my psychological health following a potentially dangerous oversynch, I am not to reply snarkily: "Honestly, it was only a little bit of my soul. It'll grow back!"
**No longer allowed to snark during any official debriefings.
*Saving my teammate from dying via positron blast and then killing the angel with a telekinetically-thrown prog spear is cool.
**Strutting around for the next week and a half is not.
***Not allowed to act offended when said teammate gets me nothing for Christmas.

*The Berserker's official title is Pilot Ramos, not 'The Distraction'.
*The Skirmisher's title is Lieutenant Li, not 'that smug b***h from Korea'
*The correct way to request backup from the Pointman is 'Hektor, cover me' not 'do your job, meatshield'.
*The Bridge Bunnies have names, even if the DM has not given them.
**No, they do not automatically default to 'Tweedle Dee' and 'Tweedle Dum'.
*I am to refer to the Fourth Angel by its numerical designation or as Shamshel. Not 'Shammy', not 'Big Red', and certainly not 'Mr. Red Lobster Tickle-Ribs'.
**By the same token, the Fifth Angel is named Ramiel. Not 'The Blue Meanie'.
***No more nicknames. For anyone.
****Not allowed to nickname objects, either.

*Yes, the MAGI computer system is ludicrously expensive and an integral part of the running of NERV.
**No, we are not 'just going to scrap it and put in an actual computer'.
***Even if the MAGI intelligence rolls have thus far comprehensively failed to give us useful information thus far.

*Even if I can teleport, become ethereal, remake local reality in my image, and shoot lightning out of my face, I am not a wizard and am not to insist that I am in earshot of any of the administrative staff.
**No, they do not make Evangelion-Scale 'wizzard' hats.

Erik Vale

2014-04-25, 08:41 PM

-Snip-
.. What system is that exactly?

*If it takes me more than 15 minutes to reconfigure my powers, I don't get to keep them anymore.
**Even if I can reconfigure the variable array in less than 15 minutes, if I can't also explain to the GM what the new configuration actually DOES in less than 5 minutes, I can't keep them.
***You know what? No more variable power arrays. For anyone.

Yay for heroes... However you really should be prebuilding powers, I like to have a folder.

Red Fel

2014-04-25, 10:25 PM

* The verbal component to Fly is not "Lakipo nacriffs crumpet leech."
** The verbal component to Baleful Polymorph is not "Filigree apogee pedigree perigee."
*** The verbal component to Teleport is not "Hellbore henbane, aconite, glowworm glow and firefly light."
**** The verbal component to Animate Objects is not "Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee."
***** I am no longer allowed to watch Disney movies before selecting spells for my character. I may have done so this evening.

Ksheep

2014-04-26, 01:25 AM

* I may not build a dungeon based on Thomas Was Alone
** Nor may I build a dungeon based on VVVVVVV
*** The same goes for Super Meat Boy
**** I may not build an encounter based on The Stanley Parable
***** I may not build a campaign based around Monaco
****** I may not even thing about building a campaign based on Amnesia
******* Building a game around Shelter might be OK…
******** On second thought, no. No basing games, sessions, encounters, dungeons, or anything else on any video games (especially indie games)

Socksy

2014-04-26, 04:50 AM

* Making a Catfolk into a Lich is fine.
** Using the boost to INT to give her a newfound interest in physics is dubious.
*** Having her kill and raise undead armies of other Catfolk by spewing facts about physics is right out.
**** She's not a nekomancer.

* If my character's backstory and goals are at any time comparable to Itachi Uchiha's, they're vetoed.

Also, Euleia, the Log-A-Rhythmic bard I mentioned before, just took her first level of druid. Natural Logarithm! I'm so proud of my horrible pun joke character.

Spore

2014-04-26, 06:15 AM

* Making a Catfolk into a Lich is fine.
** Using the boost to INT to give her a newfound interest in physics is dubious.
*** Having her kill and raise undead armies of other Catfolk by spewing facts about physics is right out.
**** She's not a nekomancer.

I laughed entirely too hard on this. This brings me to my tangent on the matter:

* Having a Catfolk artificer is fine
** "Reinventing" the unlimited power source* of buttered toast strapped to a house cat for anti gravity rotation is right out
*** NO you don't get to catch a house cat as power source for your golems

*: Explanation for those unaware: http://static.themetapicture.com/media/funny-cat-toast-infinite-energy.jpg

Loxagn

2014-04-26, 07:14 AM

.. What system is that exactly?

Adeptus Evangelion. Our group is quite fond of it.

illyahr

2014-04-26, 08:51 AM

Prince Raven

2014-04-26, 08:59 AM

* I am no longer allowed to kill every single NPC that a PC forms an emotional attachment with
** Nor may I psychologically break them all with mental and/or physical torture
*** I can't make them fall to evil either
**** If the BBEG turns out to be one of the PC's father I deserve the books thrown at me

Svata

2014-04-26, 09:36 AM

Ksheep

2014-04-26, 10:31 AM

********* I Wanna be the Guy is right out.

********** The same goes for I Wanna Be The Guy: Gaiden

Sartharina

2014-04-26, 12:08 PM

**Not allowed to point out that Gargantuan crossbow bolts are a material component of Launch Bolt that costs less than 1 gp, and therefore a valid target for Eschew Materials.

***When people try to do this, I must point out that damage is determined by Crossbow size, not bolt size, and the Launch Bolt cantrip specifies it deals damage as a Light Crossbow. d8 only, buddy.

Sith_Happens

2014-04-26, 12:44 PM

* If my character's backstory and goals are at any time comparable to Itachi Uchiha's, they're vetoed.

* If my character's methods and personality are at any time comparable to Danzo Shimura's, I should not expect mercy from the party Paladin.

Alex12

2014-04-26, 12:59 PM

*Just because I can fit a gnome or Halfling into my extradimensional storage space, doesn't mean I should.
**Even if he's okay with it.
***Even if he was the one who suggested it in the first place.

Lord Raziere

2014-04-26, 02:54 PM

* Yes you can play an Ultramarine.
** You want him to be insane? thats acceptable...
*** his insanity taking the form of a speech impediment and delusion that makes him go "OH HAI, ME ULTRASMURF SPESS MAHREEN, I ALWAYS FOLLOW DA CODE-AX MADE BY ROWBOAT GIRLYMAN, LET US CHARGE IN WITH HONARR, WE ARE DA BEST MAHREENS!" however is not.

Socksy

2014-04-26, 10:47 PM

* Cannot name my Dragon "Ball Z"

Lord Raziere

2014-04-26, 11:53 PM

** Nor can he be named "Ballsy"

Mrc.

2014-04-27, 04:19 AM

*D&D does not stand for Drinking and Dragons

TuggyNE

2014-04-27, 05:01 AM

*D&D does not stand for Drinking and Dragons

** Nor yet Dungeons and Drunks.

Socksy

2014-04-27, 06:11 AM

* My Kobold bodyguard/cohort's name does not translate to "Hot Nudes" when spoken in Feline rather than Draconic, and I should stop calling him that.

Loxagn

2014-04-27, 07:51 AM

*There is literally no reason for any character to ever purchase a 55-gallon drum of nanopaste.

*It is probably a bad idea to encourage the Goblin Space Program.

TechnoWarforged

2014-04-27, 08:56 AM

- Cannot turn the DM's Runehounds, Grey Render, Manticore, Chuul, and Hydra against him by using Charm Monster
- The Chuul isn't a fighter type
- The Runehound isn't a Dark type either.
- While the Manticore does fly, it isn't a flying type.
- And No it isn't vulnerable to Lightning.
- You cannot name creatures you Charmed monsters after pokemons.
- You Can't use Triadspell to effectively Triple the Charm Monsters you can cast.

- 'Charm Monster' is now banned.

Socksy

2014-04-27, 09:31 AM

* My robot is not to "have learnt the human feeling of LOVE".
** It can't fall dramatically and hammily in love with an unimportant, nameless NPC.
*** It definitely cannot fall dramatically and hammily in love with another PC.
**** If the robot goes full yandere for another PC, I deserve whatever happens to me.

Prince Raven

2014-04-27, 09:34 AM

** Nor yet Dungeons and Drunks.

*** It definitely does not stand for Disney and Dominatrices, even if that title is a more accurate description for the current adventure

Hyena

2014-04-27, 09:37 AM

Socksy, don't do the thing.

* Heal and intimidate do not have a synergy.
** Nevermind, they do.
*** But from now on, I'm banned from making any intimidate checks. Seriously, that was disturbing.

Loxagn

2014-04-27, 09:59 AM

*Upon encountering a door that opens to a different world each time it is opened, I should not thereafter attempt to see how quickly I can cycle through.

Sartharina

2014-04-27, 10:23 AM

Socksy, don't do the thing.

* Heal and intimidate do not have a synergy.
** Nevermind, they do.
*** But from now on, I'm banned from making any intimidate checks. Seriously, that was disturbing.

... This reminded me of Dev's character Harold's attempts at healing and 'charming' early in Phoenixguard's campaign journal. "Heal!" *WHACK* "Heal!" xD

Slipperychicken

2014-04-27, 02:16 PM

** Nor yet Dungeons and Drunks.

***It's not "Drinkin' and Dragons", either.

****D&D is not a drinking game by default.

*****Before starting a session of "Drinkin' and Dragons", we really ought to make sure none of the players are underage.

Loxagn

2014-04-27, 02:44 PM

*If the newbie in the party asks what the biggest threat in the Wasteland is, not to tell him 'radioactive bunnies'.
**Or 'Yum-Yum™ Deviled Eggs'.
***Nor is it 'the socioeconomic concerns derived from the usage of soda bottle caps as a fiat currency'.
*Deathclaws do not, in point of fact, make good pets. Nor do they respond well to scritchies.
**I am not to tell the newbie that they do.
*No, I cannot use the detached head of a Glowing One as a night light.
*I am to tell the newbie how one actually becomes a ghoul, rather than start meaningfully loading my revolver with hollow points after he's been bitten by one.
*If I gain a reputation for backstabbing people who hire me to get rewards from them and the people they've hired me to kill, I am not to act surprised when suddenly I can't get a job.
*Not allowed to challenge NPCs to fist-fights to see if they're essential.
*No. Installing a ~ key on my pipboy will not grant me access to the Console.
*Can't sneak up on the strange guy in the trench coat to steal his .44.
*Doesn't matter what my Sneak skill's at. Can't avoid the final boss.
*'I thought it'd be funny' is not a valid answer. To any question.
**Especially if that question is 'why did you attach a stealthboy to that Yao Guai?'
***'For Science' is not a valid answer either.
*There is no conceivable reason I would need to have an underbarrel mini-nuke launcher. Stop asking.

Socksy

2014-04-27, 05:24 PM

* Cannot take Favoured Enemy: Yo Momma
** Cannot take Favoured Terrain: Yo Momma's Bed

Arkhosia

2014-04-27, 11:30 PM

Ksheep

2014-04-28, 12:10 AM

What is this magnificent RPG of the best video game ever called?

Not entirely sure which he is using, but there are several Fallout-based systems out there, including Fallout PnP (http://falloutpnp.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page), Exodus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exodus_(role-playing_game)), SPECIAL RPG (http://specialrpg.wikidot.com), and GURPS (with varying degrees of official-ness to them). I'm sure there are others out there, but those are the ones I could find from a quick search (coincidentally, I was trying to find such a system earlier this week, so most of those pages were fresh in my mind).

Socksy

2014-04-28, 06:45 AM

*Basing my bard on a song is fine.
**Basing my bard on Ça Plane Pour Moi is not.

DigoDragon

2014-04-28, 08:10 AM

* If the Tree of Knowledge grants me the answer to any one question I have, I'm not allowed to ask it what snorting faerie dust off the back of a kobold is like.
** Also forbidden to dare the wizard's familiar to use the tree like a hydrant.

Loxagn

2014-04-28, 11:05 AM

*If I do somehow manage to commission an Ogre Hammer Assault Cannon that fires on Full Auto, I am not to thereafter name it 'Sasha'.
**Even if it does fire custom-tooled 200-nuyen cartridges.
***If I need to commission a special suit of powered armor just to be able to fire a gun without being knocked on my ass, there is a significant chance that I ought not be allowed to have it.

GPuzzle

2014-04-28, 11:24 AM

*If I do somehow manage to commission an Ogre Hammer Assault Cannon that fires on Full Auto, I am not to thereafter name it 'Sasha'.
**Even if it does fire custom-tooled 200-nuyen cartridges.

***My Paladin's catchphrase is not "If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!"
****When my Rogue kills someone, he doesn't announce "Go to Hell, and take your cheap suit with you!"
*****My Ranger does not taunt his enemies by saying they're "big-headed wankers" in the most fake australian accent as possible.

Ionbound

2014-04-28, 12:44 PM

***My Paladin's catchphrase is not "If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!"
****When my Rogue kills someone, he doesn't announce "Go to Hell, and take your cheap suit with you!"
*****My Ranger does not taunt his enemies by saying they're "big-headed wankers" in the most fake australian accent as possible.

******My Street Samurai cannot have a 'cursed' sword that makes him more powerful with every enemy he decapitates.
*******My Rigger does not have a "heavy caliber tripod-mounted little ol' number designed by me, built by me, and you'd best hope not pointed at you"
********My Adept cannot double-jump or kill people with a baseball

Loxagn

2014-04-28, 12:54 PM

*If my fellow party members are suspicious of the fact that I have been spending long hours alone repeatedly casting spells on a book for the past several months, it is to be considered advantageous to tell them the truth, rather than let the rogue find out on his own.
**This is especially true if I have been inscribing Explosive Runes onto every page of a book as a last-ditch 'contingency' plan.
***Once the rogue has been resurrected, I really should not point out that, technically speaking, he shouldn't have been snooping in a sorcerer's belongings.
****I should also not point out that, technically speaking, my 100 pages of Explosive Runes cost far more than his resurrection, and that he now owes me money.
*****I should not thereafter be surprised when, upon using Teleport Object to send him a notarized invoice denoting how much he owes me, the rogue attempts to kill me.
******Sending a second invoice after rezzing him again is right out.
*******No longer allowed to play Lawful Evil.

Erik Vale

2014-04-28, 04:19 PM

****I should also not point out that, technically speaking, my 100 pages of Explosive Runes cost far more than his resurrection, and that he now owes me money.

... That is brilliant.

Loxagn

2014-04-28, 04:55 PM

... That is brilliant.

"Honestly, it's basic math. If I were loaning out my services as some common wage-mage, every casting of Explosive Runes would earn me 450 gp at caster level 15. When you factor in the fact that I am not some lowly wage-mage, one realizes that my time is really quite valuable. That could have been a perfect last-ditch weapon against anything not immune to Force damage. It might have just saved my life, and yours down the line. To say nothing of the violation of my private sanctum and neutralization of my defenses, which will of course need to be reset. And then there's the book itself, paper is not cheap. I am willing to foot the bill for your resurrection as the blame does lie partly with me, but you destroyed months of work; I'm afraid your costs simply don't measure up."

Erik Vale

2014-04-28, 05:02 PM

It is, but most would settle with a large scale reeming IC, not sending bills.

unseenmage

2014-04-28, 09:55 PM

* When the DM doesn't deign an NPC important enough to name that does not automatically grant me liscence to kill them because they might be a member of "The Nameless".
** The unnamed dwarf's name is not Ken-See-Pee.
*** And no that's not his clan name either.
**** Am especially not to suggest this when his entire clan of unnamed NPCs shows up to defend his honor.
***** Not allowed to grin and immediately rename them all Hee-Hex-Pee of the Ball-Loons numbers one through thirty.

****** Carving their tombstones and making these their names posthumously is certainly frowned upon.

Socksy

2014-04-28, 11:04 PM

* If my Oracle is repeatedly curb-stomping the party Sorcerer when they fight, I should probably check to see if the level adjustments are what I think they are rather than giving tips on optimisation.

(They were not, the Sorcerer should have had 5 more levels, and apparently there were more differences than I thought between 3.5 and Pathfinder.)

Speaking of which:
*If the thing exists in 3.5, I should really check the pfsrd or similar rather than just making assumptions.
** Especially prestige classes
*** Especially ones which rely on losing other classes
**** Staring at the Pathfinder base class Blighter with sadness and despair won't turn it into the 3.5 Blighter. Time to get an Atonement spell.

Afool

2014-04-29, 12:08 AM

*Not to make a Paladin of Tyranny solely for the inner party conflict it would generate with the Paladin of Freedom as they have to try to not kill each other until AFTER they save the world.

toapat

2014-04-29, 12:35 AM

*Not to make a Paladin of Tyranny solely for the inner party conflict it would generate with the Paladin of Freedom as they have to try to not kill each other until AFTER they save the world.

**Not to convince the player to be a paladin of Mystra
***not to also be a paladin of Mystra
****not to then have philosophical debates on our god asto why she allows LG, LE, and CG paladins into the same order.

unseenmage

2014-04-29, 12:41 AM

* Not to allow the Hoardificer to eat their Golems for craft xp just so the Golems can scream "NO DISASSEMBLE! JOHNNY FIVE IS ALIVE!!"

Prince Raven

2014-04-29, 12:46 AM

**** Staring at the Pathfinder base class Blighter with sadness and despair won't turn it into the 3.5 Blighter. Time to get an Atonement spell.

***** Similarly, staring at the 3.5 Bard won't turn it into the Pathfinder Bard
****** Or the Rogue
******* No you can't get Pathfinder feat progression in 3.5

Socksy

2014-04-29, 10:42 AM

* My battle cry is not any line from any pop song.
** Despite the mental image of a fully-armoured Maenad barbarian charging down an enemy and screaming "HULA HULA HULA HULA HULA HULA HULA HULA HOOP!"

* The BBEG Psion who loves spamming Sonic attacks is not called Screwdriver.
** Nor is her catchprase "Gotta go fast!"
*** Her Headband of Intellect +2 has been refluffed to be something other than a large golden ring.
**** Her second-in-command is not named Rose, Martha, Donna, Amy, or Tails.
***** She is not thwarted by wooden doors.
****** And she has certainly never competed at the Winter Games alongside Mario.

Red Fel

2014-04-29, 12:00 PM

* When introduced to a character with the title "the All-Seeing," the correct response is not to remark, "Can he see this?" followed by a rude gesture.
** And yes, he can see that.
*** Even if he's blind.
**** Stop asking how that works.

* Similarly, when introduced to a character with the title "the All-Knowing," the correct response is not to remark, "But does he know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"
** And yes, he does. It's the cinnamon-sugar swirls all over every bite. Stop asking.

* When introduced to a character with the title "All-Father," the correct response is not to make lewd remarks about parentage or legitimacy, and you deserve exactly what you get if you do.
** And what you deserve is made of lightning.

* When introduced to a character with the title "the End of All Things, the Final Fate of Man and Gods, Absolute Calamity Made Flesh," pants-crapping terror is always a correct response.
** Good job on that.

Grim Portent

2014-04-29, 12:17 PM

*No matter how villainous I may be, I will never be Disney Evil.
**Even if I use villain songs from kid movies as my theme music.

Red Fel

2014-04-29, 12:23 PM

*No matter how villainous I may be, I will never be Disney Evil.
**Even if I use villain songs from kid movies as my theme music.

Speak for yourself. I, for one, do a mean Pat Carroll impression.

Arkhosia

2014-04-29, 01:12 PM

Having my monk with a skin disorder making his skin jet black put all his skill points into intimidate is not allowed
**Especially if he owns a flying carpet that runs on souls.

*i may not give people magical tattoos
**tattooing people only on the face no matter what they want tattood is going to get my PC hated by his clients
***tattooing mustaces on sleeping party members will turn this game into a pvp fora breif time.
****Tattooing Explosive Runes on people and making them charge at the enemy will turn me intothe BBEG

Thomas Hunter

2014-04-29, 01:26 PM

** And what you deserve is made of lightning.

...owls?

*No matter how high my intelligence is, or how I spend my skill points, I may not play a chemistry major.
**If I am allowed to do so, I may not simply fill the BBEG's lair with FOOF.

*I may no longer whine at the GM for giving us no choice but to be captured.
**Using the Force to push the pursuing fighters into the planet's gravity well is not possible, as they are actually hundreds of miles away and several tons.
***Even if you were able to do so, it would be useless, as they still have propulsion.
****The correct response to this is not "Fly closer to the surface so I can push them into the ground."
*****This all goes double if they are Yuuzhan Vong ships, and so are Force-dead.

*Just because my little hovering translator droid, who knew the mission and the situation, was talked into be filled with explosives and sent to the base's main reactor does not mean that every droid in the galaxy is willing to do so.

DigoDragon

2014-04-29, 01:26 PM

*Tattooing Explosive Runes on people and making them charge at the enemy will turn me intothe BBEG

Suddenly the idea of doomsayers in the town square got interesting.

illyahr

2014-04-29, 03:43 PM

****Tattooing Explosive Runes on people and making them charge at the enemy will turn me intothe BBEG

Does wanting to use this make me a bad person? :smallamused:

Adoendithas

2014-04-29, 04:16 PM

**If I am allowed to do so, I may not simply fill the BBEG's lair with FOOF.
*** How did you make that much FOOF? And how did you store it until 15th level?!
**** If I am using real-world chemicals in the game, "magic" is not an acceptable answer to these questions.
*** Anything with fluorine in it is pre-emptively vetoed.
**** Yes, that includes fluorinated water. It's a plot to pollute our precious bodily fluids anyway.

DSmaster21

2014-04-29, 04:20 PM

*The big bad may not be a Reincarnated Druid
**Or a witch with the Forced Reincarnation Grand Hex.
***Or an alchemist with the Elixer of Life Discovery and the Eternal Youth Grand Discovery.
****A Monk of the Four Winds is even worse.
*****Giving the BBEG 20 levels in all of these will result in thrown books.

All of these allow the BBEG to prevent his death or to recover from it. The Druid revives elsewhere in safety once a week if killed (notable in that this ability appears at level 5). The Witch can force themselves to reincarnate which regens all their health though they may lose spells doing so up to once a day (Level 18+). The alchemist is restored to his youth and cannot die of old age and returns to life if killed in a fight expensive but affordable since you live forever and can sell very valuable potions (Level 20 and Level 16). The monk cannot die as he no longer ages and if he dies he reincarnates 24 hours later within 20 miles (Level 20). At one point I contemplated making a vernerable MotFW 20 Druid 20 (Which lets him gain +3 to all mental stats and not suffer physical penalties (I also built this with the Ki Mystic Monk Archetype added in so the character became Nature's Champion and had a wisdom of 40. I decided to test it versus the terrasque and the Monk won. Having exceeded the Godzilla Threshold I crumpled the sheet up and threw it away to prevent temptation.).

Sith_Happens

2014-04-29, 04:51 PM

**** Staring at the Pathfinder base class Blighter with sadness and despair won't turn it into the 3.5 Blighter. Time to get an Atonement spell.

What...

I don't even...

How...

THEY MANAGED TO MAKE THE BLIGHTER WORSE!?

:eek::confused:

DSmaster21

2014-04-29, 05:31 PM

****Tattooing Explosive Runes on people and making them charge at the enemy will turn me into the BBEG Does wanting to use this make me a bad person? :smallamused:

Yes, yes it does. I think this would work better if you tattooed a mount or summoned monster instead though.

*****Arguing that the recipient of the tattoos is in no danger because she has a d10 HD will result in disgust.
******Claiming I misspelled Explosiive causing another party member to look will result in revenge being sworn upon me.
*******Arguing that gluing Explosive Rune Pages to 10 ft poles glued to allies should count as further than 10 ft of separation is not cool.
********Arguing that since the glued ER Page is 10 ft from an ally it allows a reflex save is pushing it.
*********OK, Fine, Attaching ER Pages to 11ft poles with glue and then gluing the poles to my allies and encouraging them to charge works just shut up now.

Ksheep

2014-04-29, 08:42 PM

* When making a plan, I should keep the amount of technobabble to a minimum
** When telling the other players of this technobabble-filled plan, I may not say "I really have no idea what that means" at the end of it
*** Especially if I'm the designated plan-maker of the party
**** When the rest of the party decides to listen to the Barbarian's plan over mine, it may be time to rethink things a bit

Lord Raziere

2014-04-29, 09:11 PM

Red Fel

2014-04-29, 09:20 PM

**** Yes, that includes fluorinated water. It's a plot to pollute our precious bodily fluids anyway.

On a related note:

* Under no circumstances whatsoever am I allowed to trigger a mutually-assured destruction scenario.
** Not even if it's funny.
*** Not even if I ride the bomb to its (and my) ultimate destination.

* I am no longer allowed to participate in any Cold War settings.

Sith_Happens

2014-04-29, 11:38 PM

** My plans including "Burn it!" "Chop it!" "Lift it!" "Track it" and "Leap it" and "Bop it" however is sufficiently flexible to have a good variety of options should Smashing it fail.

You missed the most important plan of all.:smallwink:

toapat

2014-04-29, 11:49 PM

* My plan as a Barbarian may not always be "Smash it!"
** My plans including "Burn it!" "Chop it!" "Lift it!" "Track it" and "Leap it" however is sufficiently flexible to have a good variety of options should Smashing it fail.
*** The Barbarians social plans may not always be "Growl at it"
**** The barbarians social plans including "sing nordic ballads about feats of awesome warriors" is however, completely awesome and should be done as much as possible.

*****Not to figure out how to warp the rules and use Perform (Viking Choir) at all times even in place of sleep
******Not even if i took that ACF in that one book that gives my barbarian Inspire Greatness and Perform.