Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist, We Swear! [Archive] - Page 3

Socksy

2014-04-30, 08:23 AM

* I man no longer enable other GMs by saying 'Well not using it doesn't necessarily make you a good person'. :smallwink:
** Also banned from combining the aforementioned Explosive Runes idea with the Tattooed Dragon prestige class.

*** And the Red Wizard of Thay PrC
**** Regardless of how funny it would be to see one blow up his own face.

Wookieetank

2014-04-30, 08:52 AM

DSmaster21

2014-04-30, 11:54 AM

*Pranking the passed out fighter by writing explosive runes on his face is right out.
**Not to argue that he can take it b/c of having more HP than the rest of the party combined
***Funny thing about being able to survive things, you can take revenge on whatever cause it to you.

*b Putting them on the barbarian is also not allowed.
**b Especially if the barbarian can take it.
***b The goal of this game is not to have blood oaths of death sworn upon you.

*c Why would you put them on the rogue with 7 CON?!?!?!?
**c Arguing that the rogue should be allowed a saving throw since it is physically impossible for him be close enough to read the rune but he is within 10 ft.
***c Warning- doing the above may lead to but is not limited to: Stickpocketing, Pickpocketing, Framing, Backstabbing, Assassination, Being the prequisite to be an assassin, any of the above IRL.
****c Causing a PVP situation in which everyone is murdered by the rogue leading to his Start of Darkness and rise as BBEG of the next campaign while awesome will result in real life pain.

On a non-ER note:
*Not allowed to have permanencied enlarge person cast on me while holding a +1 Impact Huge lance.1
**Not allowed to ask the barbarian to let me demonstrate its utility and then killed him down in one shot.2

1 The DM ruled that you can wield weapons even if they are too big to use normally you just take a to hit penalty.
2 Total Damage Calculation = 15d6+7 but I rolled a crit on him so it was 45d6+7 (I think total damage was like 200some)

Prince Raven

2014-04-30, 12:14 PM

* I am no longer allowed to deliberately build my character with incredibly high damage and incredibly low Will saves.
** I am not to point out that, due to how few hit points the enemies have had, my character has yet to actually deal minimum damage.

* I may not substitute my strength score for Knowledge checks
** I also may not substitute my Strength score for craft checks
*** The same applies to profession, disable device, and fly
**** Even if there were a strength score high enough to jump to the top of a building, my character does not have it
***** I may not build a character in an attempt to reach a strength score high enough to jump onto the top of a building
****** I must remember that, as a Bard, my character has plenty of other ways to solve problems than punching and stabbing
******* Not allowed to point out that so far she hasn't needed to use any of them
******** Also not allowed to point out that I have yet to deal minimum damage

Loxagn

2014-04-30, 12:21 PM

*If at any point the character can beat a Bloodletter in melee combat, unarmed, it's time to retire.

*If at any point the character can hit more times than most enemies have wounds, it's time to retire.

Socksy

2014-04-30, 04:21 PM

* Any character based off anyone from Captain Underpants is automatically vetoed.
** This goes double when the genre of the game is actually superheroes.

Socratov

2014-04-30, 06:17 PM

*Breaking the 4th wall within the 1st 50 posts will be considered bad taste
**What do you mean you honestly consider the DM the Divine Master? You really expect me to believe that?

Grim Portent

2014-04-30, 06:39 PM

*If I am more evil than the BBEG something is wrong.
**Especially if I prove a more effective BBEG.
***I am to avoid leading barbarous hordes to conquer all that is good when I was supposed to be a hero.

Loxagn

2014-05-01, 07:49 AM

*If at any time my BBEG proves to be more likeable than some of the party members, I should probably tone down the Affably Evil a bit.

Grim Portent

2014-05-01, 08:10 AM

*If at any time my BBEG proves to be more likeable than some of the party members, I should probably tone down the Affably Evil a bit.

In my experience it means the party needs to tone down the selfishness and psychopathy. :smalltongue:

Loxagn

2014-05-01, 09:11 AM

In my experience it means the party needs to tone down the selfishness and psychopathy. :smalltongue:

Even for a fairly heroic party, I realized that the party came away from things wanting to like the guy they were supposed to kill. Maybe I was trying at 'charismatic villain' too hard? :P

illyahr

2014-05-01, 09:16 AM

Even for a fairly heroic party, I realized that the party came away from things wanting to like the guy they were supposed to kill. Maybe I was trying at 'charismatic villain' too hard? :P

You can never play a 'charismatic villain' too hard. Make that part of the difficulty. Not only combat CR, but role-playing CR as well. Half of fighting my old incubus diplomancer was trying to disagree with him. :smallbiggrin:

Socksy

2014-05-01, 11:48 AM

* E.N.T. clinics are not run by giant, sentient trees, and it therefore cannot be my Dwarf's goal in life to burn them aaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

Jurai

2014-05-01, 11:54 AM

* Gnomebody cares about the trouble I've seen.
** Gnomebody wants to know the trouble I've seen.

Prince Raven

2014-05-01, 12:03 PM

* Gnomebody cares about the trouble I've seen.
** Gnomebody wants to know the trouble I've seen.
*** No one cares if I don't wanna be Obama's Elf (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_B5UrI7nAI) any more

DigoDragon

2014-05-01, 12:23 PM

In my experience it means the party needs to tone down the selfishness and psychopathy. :smalltongue:

LOL, this has been a common trait among many of my players. :smallbiggrin:

Mrc.

2014-05-01, 12:36 PM

*Never give the players an option that places many civilians lives in their hands. Half the group will sulk and complain that you put them in a situation that is 'unwinnable', half will make a valid plan to save them all before saying 'screw it' and abandoning them (expect the paladin to be part of this group) and one lone person will suddenly perk up with an evil glint in his/her eyes and proceed to sacrifice all innocents to a deity they would have no way of knowing about.
**The above can no longer be described as a valid test to see if your friends are psychopathic.

*Always expect the PCs to spend more time planning to get through one door leading to an empty room than assaulting the BBEG's fortress.
**Always be prepared for the party to do something more intelligent than usual, only to throw it away at the drop of a hat.

illyahr

2014-05-01, 12:44 PM

Socratov

2014-05-01, 02:33 PM

Things like this have happened 17 times so far in my campaign and the PC's are only level 5. Two of them have already shifted evil.

So, it going rather well I take it?

illyahr

2014-05-01, 02:50 PM

So, it going rather well I take it?

I have a player with a female half-orc barbarian named Helga von Schnu-Schnu who has, at least once, raped a bandit to death. I have an interesting group to plan around. :smallbiggrin:

*No longer allowed to have a sex-starved half-orc female
**Said half-orc can not take Improved Grapple
***Whatever happens off-camera, stays off-camera

Socratov

2014-05-01, 04:12 PM

I have a player with a female half-orc barbarian named Helga von Schnu-Schnu who has, at least once, raped a bandit to death. I have an interesting group to plan around. :smallbiggrin:

*No longer allowed to have a sex-starved half-orc female
**Said half-orc can not take Improved Grapple
***Whatever happens off-camera, stays off-camera

is this game on some forum or other? cause I'd feel right at home in your band of questionable morality...

Eldsamas

2014-05-01, 04:24 PM

Not allowed to steal other party member's socks

Not allowed to adopt orcs, even if they're baby orcs

Not allowed to eat clues. Ever. Even if they're food.

Socksy

2014-05-01, 05:53 PM

Not allowed to steal other party member's socks

** My character's goal cannot be "Make [Other PC] eat at least one sock".

GPuzzle

2014-05-01, 06:07 PM

** My character's goal cannot be "Make [Other PC] eat at least one sock".
***My character's goal cannot be "Make Socksy use socks".
****My character's goal aren't "Make bad puns".
*****That's not my RL goal either.

Balmas

2014-05-01, 06:55 PM

* I man no longer enable other GMs by saying 'Well not using it doesn't necessarily make you a good person'. :smallwink:
** Also banned from combining the aforementioned Explosive Runes idea with the Tattooed Dragon prestige class.

***Forbidden to invent suicide bombers.

is this game on some forum or other? cause I'd feel right at home in your band of questionable morality...

I get the feeling that even if you'd feel a home, the forum wouldn't be. :smalltongue:

***My character's goal cannot be "Make Socksy use socks".
****My character's goal aren't "Make bad puns".
*****That's not my RL goal either.

******Any attempt to, in character, become a standup comedian whose entire routine is puns will be met with dice and flying books.

Prince Raven

2014-05-01, 08:17 PM

*Always expect the PCs to spend more time planning to get through one door leading to an empty room than assaulting the BBEG's fortress.
**Always be prepared for the party to do something more intelligent than usual, only to throw it away at the drop of a hat.

My players perfectly summarised in 2 quotes.

Red Fel

2014-05-01, 08:59 PM

Not allowed to steal other party member's socks

* No, the Fighter can't try to loot the NPC's socks.
** No, the Bard can't suggest hiding them in a box.
*** No, the Rogue can't propose secreting them behind locks.
**** No, the Evil Cleric can't recommend afflicting the NPC with the pox.

* If the party sounds like a Dr. Seuss book, they will be pelted with rocks.

SixWingedAsura

2014-05-01, 09:44 PM

* No, the Fighter can't try to loot the NPC's socks.
** No, the Bard can't suggest hiding them in a box.
*** No, the Rogue can't propose secreting them behind locks.
**** No, the Evil Cleric can't recommend afflicting the NPC with the pox.

* If the party sounds like a Dr. Seuss book, they will be pelted with rocks.

*If the DM sounds like a Dr. Seuss book, I will refrain from asking him what he's smoking and where he got it.
**I will also refrain from asking him for any.
***No, the party doesn't need any either.
****THIS IS WHY THE DM TRIPS OUT BEFORE SESSIONS! :smallfurious:

Socksy

2014-05-02, 04:35 AM

*Cannot play as "Justin Bieber, but as an Awakened T-Rex". End of discussion.

Prince Raven

2014-05-02, 05:36 AM

*Cannot play as "Justin Bieber, but as an Awakened T-Rex". End of discussion.

** Cannot play as anything that can be summarised by "Justin Bieber, but as a _______"
*** Also cannot play as anything that can be summarised by "_______, but as an Awakened T-Rex"

illyahr

2014-05-02, 10:33 AM

is this game on some forum or other? cause I'd feel right at home in your band of questionable morality...

Sorry, no. It's an in-person game.

****Half-orc will not carry around a pair of orc shot puts to immasculate the male members of the party.
*****No, you are not "tight like virgin and pure as falling snow"

DigoDragon

2014-05-02, 12:24 PM

Not allowed to steal other party member's socks

* Putting socks on the wizard's pony familiar does not increase her Charisma score in any way.
** Not allowed to craft masterwork socks with the intent of enchanting a +2 Charisma boost for the pony.
*** Ponies do not have any useful CHA skills to use. Stop trying!
**** Utter one word about a CHA-related pony thing you saw on Animal Plant and I will slap Fire from you.

My character's goal aren't "Make bad puns".

* I am banned from naming my hacker's dual cyberdecks as 'Green Eggs & RAM'.

Loxagn

2014-05-02, 12:57 PM

Socksy

2014-05-02, 01:53 PM

When the DM asks what my character is doing, "Yo momma" is not an appropriate answer.

Graypairofsocks

2014-05-02, 04:03 PM

**It is an even worse idea to have my character research a 'Prismatic Beam' spell to blast enemies with.

There actually is a spell called "Prismatic Ray".

Here (https://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/ex/20051202a&page=3).

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-02, 04:14 PM

There actually is a spell called "Prismatic Ray".

Here (https://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/ex/20051202a&page=3).

I believe you mean "Orbital Friendship Cannon. (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/spells/vengefulGazeOfGod.htm) :smallwink:

* No, the Fighter can't try to loot the NPC's socks.

**No one else can, either.
***No, not even if you have the common sense to wait until nothing's attacking you first.
****Playing prerecorded messages to the effect of "[Character] cancels [X]: Interrupted by [Y]" is not clever and the only reward is more cancellation spam.

Socksy

2014-05-03, 09:22 AM

* Not to make a character based off pi just because "[character based off e] will be lonely otherwise".
** Not to complain if, after explaining he's albino because the tan of pi is zero, I get hit by a flying Further Maths book.

Alex12

2014-05-03, 02:15 PM

Ksheep

2014-05-03, 02:18 PM

* The list of acceptable languages does not include "Hodor"

* I may not point out that equines only have dichromatic vision, which severely limits the colors that they can see
** I may not point out the irony that is bright pastel colored equines which can only see a muted palate of colors

* When tasked with saving the kingdom by stopping an invading force, I may not challenge the party to complete it as a "No kill" run
** Even if I'm a paladin
*** I may not challenge them to a "Kill everything" run, either
**** ESPECIALLY if I'm a paladin

Lord Raziere

2014-05-03, 03:21 PM

*If the DM hates MLP, it is probably a bad idea to convince the other party members to create characters based off of the Mane Six.
**It is an even worse idea to have my character research a 'Prismatic Beam' spell to blast enemies with.
***Especially if said spell was designed to be cast cooperatively.
****If the DM is being especially inattentive as to the reference, I should not thereafter develop a penchant for delivering speeches about the importance of camaraderie.
*****When the campaign reaches its resolution, not allowed to thereafter compose a Sending to Princess Celestia.
******Causing the DM to sit in stunned silence for a full minute and then leave the room should not be treated as a personal victory. For god's sake, man, you've just crushed another human being's soul.

* If I'm a DM who likes MLP, I may not lie that I hate it.
** Furthermore if they make an MLP just to spite me, I cannot act completely oblivious to fool them to into thinking they're fooling me
*** If they pull the full sequence on me, I may not laugh evilly
**** Nor may after laughing evilly, may I say "just as keikaku!"
***** stating my reason for doing all this as "I just wanted to mess with your heads" is right out.

GPuzzle

2014-05-03, 03:26 PM

*Cannot remind the Playground of that babe.

Red Fel

2014-05-03, 03:35 PM

*Cannot remind the Playground of that babe.

** Cannot start that again.

Ksheep

2014-05-03, 03:43 PM

** Cannot start that again.

*** When asked what I want to do, I may not reply with "I dunno, what do you want to do"

Socksy

2014-05-03, 03:53 PM

* No such skill as Knowledge: Geometry, and even if there was, having five ranks in Knowledge: The Planes certainly would not grant a +2 synergy bonus.
** Knowledge: The Planes won't help with Craft: Engineering, Fly, or Profession: Pilot either.

Red Fel

2014-05-03, 04:12 PM

*** When asked what I want to do, I may not reply with "I dunno, what do you want to do"

**** Cannot turn a Labyrinth reference into a Disney reference.
***** Doubleplus ungood points for turning either into a Monty Python reference.

Lord of Shadows

2014-05-03, 04:27 PM

.
*I am no longer allowed to use Will-o-Wisps captured in a bottle as a light source...

Ksheep

2014-05-03, 04:59 PM

**** Cannot turn a Labyrinth reference into a Disney reference.
***** Doubleplus ungood points for turning either into a Monty Python reference.

Funnily enough, I was really tempted to make it a Monty Python reference, but decided to settle on The Jungle Book instead…

TuggyNE

2014-05-03, 07:34 PM

* I may not point out that equines only have dichromatic vision, which severely limits the colors that they can see
** I may not point out the irony that is bright pastel colored equines which can only see a muted palate of colors

Yeahhhh, limiting Magical Ponies of Girliness +10TM to the details of Tellus* equine biology seems highly dubious. They can already talk and pick stuff up with their hooves, what difference does it make to assume their cones can see a few more colors? :smallamused:

*The Latin name for the planet on which we all currently reside; I'm sure you'll all agree that "Earth" is just needlessly confusing here.

unseenmage

2014-05-03, 07:44 PM

*** When asked what I want to do, I may not reply with "I dunno, what do you want to do"

**** Also not allowed to respond, "Same thing we do every night Pinky."
***** Definitely not, "Do you want to build a snowman?" (My children are hating me right now as every time they ask me a question about anything I'm responding with this one. :smalltongue:)

Graypairofsocks

2014-05-03, 09:55 PM

*Cannot remind the Playground of that babe.

What is "that babe"?

Is it a reference to a TV show?

Ksheep

2014-05-03, 09:57 PM

What is "that babe"?

Is it a reference to a TV show?

It is a reference to this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPRI2BIirTw) from The Labyrinth.

toapat

2014-05-03, 11:58 PM

*Eating an attribute tome does not give it effects
**Can not invest ranks in Profession: Gourmet Chef or Sous Chef exclusively to develop the perfect sauce for serving on said tome
***can not quest for the exotic ingredients needed to properly season the sauce
****This quest can not involve a 6 week sidequest that involves killing 3 different dragons, a lich, and a pheonix.
*****Can not complain IC that i served myself a cold, woody tasting sauce.

Socksy

2014-05-04, 02:58 AM

* Nowhere in my character description should the phrase "non-Euclidean beauty" appear.

TuggyNE

2014-05-04, 04:23 AM

* Nowhere in my character description should the phrase "non-Euclidean beauty" appear.

** Or "non-Euclidean" anything, really.
*** Any more specific descriptions of nose, eyes, hair, or other body parts using this term is very thoroughly banned.

Mrc.

2014-05-04, 02:41 PM

*I may no longer skin any humanoid foes we defeat.
**I definitely may not wear said skins around town.
***Having a high enough Bluff skill that when asked I respond with "It's a very rare skin condition that I'm insecure about, and frankly you should be ashamed for bringing it up" and people believe me is way out.

Socksy

2014-05-04, 03:06 PM

* Cannot switch the Potion of Cure Serious Wounds and the Oil of Fiery Burning's containers.

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-04, 06:57 PM

* Cannot switch the Potion of Cure Serious Wounds and the Oil of Fiery Burning's containers.

**A potion of inflict serious wounds is obviously and visibly different from a potion of cure serious wounds and I should stop preying on the party's inability to actually tell them apart when they refuse to play casters.

Ionbound

2014-05-04, 07:17 PM

*Not allowed to prepare Earthquake in an Underdark adventure.

Alex12

2014-05-04, 09:39 PM

*If I'm completely immune to everything an enemy could possibly do to inconvenience me, that doesn't mean I shouldn't contribute.
**Especially when I'm the only one in the party with said immunity.
***No matter how funny it would be to just let the enemy flail uselessly at me until such time as I get bored.

Sith_Happens

2014-05-05, 02:51 AM

* My first response to the DM allowing the Book of Erotic Fantasy should not be to abuse the incredibly-ill-thought-out duration of the Cursed Orgasm spell.
** The DM doesn't care that "it won't kill most of them for at least a few years," spamming Cursed Orgasm on random teenagers will turn my character Evil immediately.

Hyena

2014-05-05, 04:06 AM

*** May not abuse that undress spell. A victory against a nude knight is dishonorable.

Sith_Happens

2014-05-05, 05:19 AM

*** Pointing out that the Jealousy spell is "all the fun of Cursed Orgasm, but castable on children so it doesn't kill them for at least a decade" will cause me to be forever banned from playing spellcasters.

illyahr

2014-05-05, 06:44 AM

DigoDragon

2014-05-05, 07:58 AM

For god's sake, man, you've just crushed another human being's soul.

Things my brother and I have been banned from doing to crush a GM's soul:
(We've actually done these)

Reenacting Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch with the party's recently slain wizard.
Creating rival rogue characters based on Miguel and Tulio from Road to El Dorado.
Having our characters do the Ginyu Force pose before combat.
LARPing the Ginyu Force pose before combat.

* Also not allowed to respond, "Same thing we do every night Pinky."

* No longer allowed to turn to my brother and ask 'Are you pondering what I'm pondering?' in a deep voice.
** My brother is no longer allowed to respond with 'I think so brain, but we'll never convince the DM to put on pantyhose for that trick.'

Ksheep

2014-05-05, 08:46 AM

Things my brother and I have been banned from doing to crush a GM's soul:
(We've actually done these)

Creating rival rogue characters based on Miguel and Tulio from Road to El Dorado.

Of course not. Miguel and Tulio would be a Rogue and a Bard, not a pair of Rogues…

Wookieetank

2014-05-05, 09:22 AM

****Playing prerecorded messages to the effect of "[Character] cancels [X]: Interrupted by [Y]" is not clever and the only reward is more cancellation spam.

I see what you did there :smallbiggrin:

* If I'm a DM who likes MLP, I may not lie that I hate it.
** Furthermore if they make an MLP just to spite me, I cannot act completely oblivious to fool them to into thinking they're fooling me
*** If they pull the full sequence on me, I may not laugh evilly
**** Nor may after laughing evilly, may I say "just as keikaku!"
***** stating my reason for doing all this as "I just wanted to mess with your heads" is right out.

n+1* May not have Dischord show up out of nowhere after all this just to troll the players.

.
*I am no longer allowed to use Will-o-Wisps captured in a bottle as a light source...

**Collecting fairies in glass bottles will not grant me auto-raise on death.

Socksy

2014-05-05, 09:23 AM

* Must explain to the GM the hideously badly thought out rules for bonus HP on the positive energy plane before my Lich plane shifts there, not after.

DSmaster21

2014-05-05, 09:27 AM

Shadowrun
*Not allowed to retire my infiltrator/pistol specialist/face character when we have no other people with decent ranged combat skills1
**Not allowed to replace him with the worst streetmage of all time.2
***Even he turns out better at infiltrator/guns/face duty.

1Yes my team actually has no one else, the team has: an aspected magician who should summons spirits and otherwise waits in the car instead he tries to fire his pistol blindly at enemies, a technomancer who passes out from biofeedback (He tried to puppeteer a tank and decided to go full level for it and only got like 3 hits to prevent fading), A ganger(mafiaer)/face/rich boy/rigger who plugs his brain directly into vehicles (Why the heck would you build a wireless rigger?), and an orc street sam that hits on any and all trolls (He and the rigger are actually competent).

2 Magic 3 Aspected Magician, only knows 5 spells, only survives because he is great with guns and clubs and is very talkative and sneaky.

Socksy

2014-05-05, 10:38 AM

*No longer allowed to mix sawdust and the Flare cantrip.

Lord Raziere

2014-05-05, 10:58 AM

* I, as a Dm, can no longer make a draenei paladin as the party's recurring enemy, and neither may she constantly shout "FOR COMMUNISM!"
** My goblin pyromancer can no longer make CSI Miami style sunglasses puns.
*** nor may he go noir every time he encounters a mystery
**** my goblin pyromancer can no longer quote Pulp Fiction
***** Yes he is pretty much every american action hero cliche wrapped into a WoW goblin body and given power over fire and a mind of an inventor. that doesn't mean he should declare "Ha! I can build that in a cave with a box of scraps!" and then prove himself right.
****** nor may every time the draenei paladin does so, people say "what the hell is communism?"

DigoDragon

2014-05-05, 12:40 PM

Of course not. Miguel and Tulio would be a Rogue and a Bard, not a pair of Rogues…

* Just because I picked the wrong class for my shenanigans does not mean retraining the class allows me to invoke said shenanigans.

* May not have Dischord show up out of nowhere after all this just to troll the players.

** No longer allowed to bring my daughter to the games just to have her correct everyone's spelling of the characters.
*** I'm no longer allowed to state such corrections either.

Socksy

2014-05-05, 12:44 PM

* Shouldn't abuse the fact racial skill bonuses stack to take about a dozen la+0 templates all granting bonuses to the same skill.

Grim Portent

2014-05-05, 01:16 PM

*Making a character who wields 12 autopistols at once is frowned on.
**Firing enough bullets a round to replace my enemies with statues made of lead is also frowned on.
***Hitting with every shot from the pistols is just not on.
****Killing a boss fight with a single salvo of one of the weakest weapons in the game is infuriating.
*****Quantity has a quality all of it's own.

*May not play a character that is essentially an anthromorphic toxic ooze contained in a suit of armour.
**Especially in 40k.
***I am not allowed to use the song that inspired it as theme music. Even if Toxic Love is a good song.
****I will get killed by my team the first time my suit ruptures and they find out I'm not human.
*****When asked why I made this character the answer should not be 'Because I worked out how to.'

unseenmage

2014-05-05, 01:23 PM

Afool

2014-05-05, 01:30 PM

* Under no circumstances should my custom weapon have more lines of text that my character sheet.
** Especially before it's even been enchanted.
*** That it's technically non-epic doesn't help.
**** That one end of it steals souls and the other end stops time is no, just no.

Okay so I get the first three bits (seriously the optimization on this site is astonishing at times), but the last one?
I mean, I'm sure there's some weapon enhancement that does the soul stealing, but my mind is blanking on the time stopping. Maybe if it was an armor or shield......

unseenmage

2014-05-05, 01:37 PM

Okay so I get the first three bits (seriously the optimization on this site is astonishing at times), but the last one?
I mean, I'm sure there's some weapon enhancement that does the soul stealing, but my mind is blanking on the time stopping. Maybe if it was an armor or shield......

Thinaun Steel from Complete Warrior IIRC steals souls and is just a special material. Meaning it works in an antimagic field and can't be dispelled.

The other is a bit of Homebrew, weaponized Quintessence (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/quintessence.htm) on the end of a stick really. Also nonmagical (after the power finishes making it it's no more magical than a Wall of Stone spell's wall of stone as far as RAW is concerned. :smallwink:)

Socksy

2014-05-05, 01:54 PM

Graypairofsocks

2014-05-05, 03:44 PM

* When told not to optimise, that doesn't mean I should make a Barbarian//Paladin.
** Even if I can use both halves of the gestalt, causing the GM to desperately search for hidden cheese and hoping this so-far-very-unoptimised lawful barbarian isn't the start of some horrible alignment-dependent build.

*** I may not hide the existence of the Paladin of Freedom (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/variant/classes/variantCharacterClasses.htm#paladinofFreedomClassF eatures) from the DM.

Sith_Happens

2014-05-05, 03:55 PM

* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" having to acknowledge that I got wasted and hooked up with my ex last night.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" having to take responsibility for knocking her up.
** Especially if she's a Dynast.
** And married to someone else.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" my supervisor asking me to work overtime.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" being responsible for wrecking the local harvest god's shrine.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" the awkward silence after telling a bad joke.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" being called out for bad table manners.
** Especially at a lunch meeting called by Chejop Kejak himself.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" a bad hair day.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" a hangover.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" budget cuts.
* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" being out of motes.
** Especially if I plan on using those motes to keep spamming Duck Fate at everything.
* Duck Fate is now banned.

Duck Fate: All the fun of Iron Heart Surge, none of the fiddling with recovery mechanics.

Socksy

2014-05-05, 07:43 PM

*** I may not hide the existence of the Paladin of Freedom (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/variant/classes/variantCharacterClasses.htm#paladinofFreedomClassF eatures) from the DM.

It was a regular, LG paladin. But here:
**** If the DM isn't familiar with the race I'm playing, I shouldn't play it.
***** Especially if it removes some class/alignment requirements
****** Doubly so if I'm both that class and that alignment.

* Just because I'm a Sidereal doesn't mean I can "dodge" having to acknowledge that I got wasted and hooked up with my ex last night.
-Snip-
* Duck Fate is now banned.

Duck Fate: All the fun of Iron Heart Surge, none of the fiddling with recovery mechanics.

** So is Dodge.
*** Don't get me started on Evasion and Improved Evasion!
**** Whichever feat or ability you're thinking of probably doesn't work like that.

EDIT: * Despite what my autocorrect says, no such spell as Protection from Weevil.

Erth16

2014-05-06, 09:05 PM

* In a game where we are playing reincarnated historical figures and legends in a competition, Hitler is okay to play as a villain, without glorifying him.
** However, I really doubt that Hitler fought people by throwing 40 pound hammers at them from seven miles away.
*** Especially not hammers that explode.
**** Upon seeing said exploding hammers, the public's reaction is not to be "Oh yeah, totally Hitler."
***** Nor was Hitler empowered when he stood on the land of a specific Japanese clan.
****** Hitler is not then to ally with Aquaman to fight Lancelot.

* Lancelot is not to be given a sniper rifle and be told to shoot anything that isn't Ibaraki-Douji.
** Lancelot is not to be surprised when he is attacked by a SWAT team after he shoots an innocent bystander.
*** He is not then to go and destroy Hitler's house because Hitler destroyed a bridge.

* Aquaman is not to try and take Hitler to a dolphin strip club.
** When they encounter Cerberus on their way to said Dolphin strip club, the smart response is to fight past Cerberus and not try and run from something clearly faster than them.

(How did I honestly think the One Armed drunken ninja would be the least normal one in this game?)

razorfloss

2014-05-06, 09:37 PM

Arkhosia

2014-05-06, 11:49 PM

*My Paladin of Freedom may not try to escape from the game and into the real world

**he does not try to destroy any and all walls in the world

***Nor may he be a nudist

Socksy

2014-05-07, 01:44 AM

* No such thing as a NG paladin order called the Paladins of 50% off-dom

Prince Raven

2014-05-07, 01:49 AM

*My Paladin of Freedom may not try to escape from the game and into the real world

** My Strength score is not high enough to let me break the 4th wall
*** I am not allowed to interpret this to mean that there is a theoretical Strength score high enough to break the 4th wall

Socksy

2014-05-07, 04:56 AM

* The Half-Farspawn ranger does not have favoured enemy: Asian schoolgirls.
** He's not an Evard's Black Tentacles spell given sentience, despite what he says.
*** He can't change into a writhing mass of tentacles in the middle of the Duchess's ball
**** Nor in the diplomacy mission
***** The spell Spell Flower is completely OP on him and I shouldn't take advantage of that.
****** He isn't too sexy for the planes, too sexy for the planes, so sexy I'm slain
******* No longer allowed access to the Half-Farspawn template.

Ksheep

2014-05-07, 08:39 AM

* Just because the players are trying to break the 4th wall doesn't mean I am allowed to imprison them in a triangular room
** I am not to be surprised when the players try to argue that the ceiling and floor are kinda like walls
*** Furthermore, I shouldn't be surprised when the players actually turn the ceiling and floor into walls by changing the direction of gravity
**** I might as well give up, the players are going to break the 4th wall anyway…

Sith_Happens

2014-05-07, 03:10 PM

* No using Burrowing Power to manifest through the fourth wall.
** My solution to intraparty disagreements cannot be to manifest Burrowing Psionic Suggestion on the other players.
** The DM is untargetable, end of story.

Socksy

2014-05-07, 03:39 PM

* The fourth wall is neither a suitable favoured terrain nor a suitable favoured enemy.
** It is most certainly not a suitable love interest.

Mrc.

2014-05-07, 03:49 PM

*Any and all rules regarding the fourth wall are ignored if I am playing Deadpool.
**This is not an excuse to create Deadpool.
***Especially not the sorry excuse of Deadpool as shown in X-Men Origins. On no account must this be mentioned again.

*Any character concept that can be sumarised as "Like [character X] but [trait y]" is hereby vetoed.
**This goes double if [character X] is Cthulhu.
***Cthulhu is NOT a trait!
****No Azathoth either, although I might let anything from "The King in Yellow" slide. Love that story!

*Never again allowed to try and cross "Silence of the Lambs" with "Lord of the Flies" as a character concept.

toapat

2014-05-07, 04:06 PM

* No such thing as a NG paladin order called the Paladins of 50% off-dom

**Not allowed to design a complex organizational hierarchy for the Knights of the Mystic Fire order to explain why their Paladins of Freedom and Tyrany dont brutally murder eachother

Red Fel

2014-05-07, 06:18 PM

*Never again allowed to try and cross "Silence of the Lambs" with "Lord of the Flies" as a character concept.

** Nor Silence of the Lambs and any romantic comedy trope.
*** Nor Silence of the Lambs and any buddy comedy trope.
**** Especially not Silence of the Lambs and any Disney property.
***** Yes, that now includes Star Wars. Don't even mention Silence of the Lambs and Ewoks. That's redundant. You know why.
****** Anything that involves any character remotely reminiscent of Hannibal Lecter breaking into song for any reason is proactively vetoed.

Erth16

2014-05-07, 09:52 PM

What were y'all playing and how drunk were y'all

Pathfinder, and not at all. It was honestly one of our more tame but still crazy games. The craziest started with a pimp in a brothel getting attacked by a giant squirrel, and ended with a rocket ship piloted by skeleton cowgirls crashing into the capital building of Spain. That happened over a course of three hours out of game.

* Not to give my players absolute freedom to do whatever they want again.
** Especially not after they decided to rob the paraplegic orphan girl because they could.
*** I am always to remember my players are terrible people, and to be thankful they don't read this thread.

Spore

2014-05-07, 10:33 PM

*I may climb a wall and then jump the flying lich
** I may jump him and in the next round grapple him
*** I may however not fluff a 360° camera angle Matrix style
**** Cameras do not exist in P&P
***** I may not smile at the "audience".

Ksheep

2014-05-08, 12:11 AM

Socksy

2014-05-08, 02:44 AM

* I may not conduct experiments with the "Polymorph" line of spells
** Especially if said experiments involve casting "Awaken" on people who were Baleful Polymorphed into creatures
*** No, I cannot test to see whether they get a new personality when I awaken them
**** Even if they did lose their previous personality by failing the will save after 24 hours
***** Testing to see whether the BBEG will become friendly to me just because I awakened him after turning him into a newt is not allowed

* Can't use Awaken on the druid PC's animal companion either.
** Or on the BBEG's.
*** Doesn't matter how many d8 it's biting your wizard for each turn, that'll just make it use even sneaker tactics than it already did!

DigoDragon

2014-05-08, 07:51 AM

* Triangular rooms are not immune to the fourth wall.

Somensjev

2014-05-08, 07:54 AM

* Triangular rooms are not immune to the fourth wall.

**when your players start claiming that the floors are walls it is not ok to trap them in a ball
***nor a completely featureless infinite plane

Prince Raven

2014-05-08, 09:45 AM

* If a PC says "choo-choo, here comes the plot train", I may not run over their character with an actual train
** Especially if trains haven't been invented yet

Socksy

2014-05-08, 11:32 AM

* If a PC says "choo-choo, here comes the plot train", I may not run over their character with an actual train
** Especially if trains haven't been invented yet
*** Not to be surprised when the rest of the group track down the train to reverse-engineer it.

Ksheep

2014-05-08, 10:14 PM

* When playing in a 1940's setting, I may not start using the vernacular of that period
** Especially if the word is still in common use today, but with a totally different meaning
*** Doubly so if is typically used as an innuendo nowadays (even if it wasn't in the time period we're playing)
**** I may not carefully craft my words such that what I say makes perfect sense with either meaning of said words

Socksy

2014-05-09, 03:41 AM

* Yes, the campaign is set in post-WWI France, no, I do not have to speak French IRL whenever I speak to anyone.

Silus

2014-05-09, 06:29 AM

*"The enemy of my enemy is my friend" applies in several RPGs. NWoD is not one of them.
**Doubly so if you are playing a Vampire and trying to get Taskforce Valkyrie to help kill a Cthulhuinoid creature.
***While a decent IC contingency plan, having all information compiled by the research monkey regarding the Taskforce and Vampires be uploaded to countless websites in the event of the research monkey's death is generally seen as spiteful and petty.

Erik Vale

2014-05-09, 06:53 AM

X*: Trapping the players in a room that's basically a cylinder does not prevent them from attacking the 4th wall somehow. That does not mean the cylinder should start filling with a cloudkill.

Socratov

2014-05-09, 07:11 AM

(x+1)*the dungeons are now globeshaped!

DigoDragon

2014-05-09, 07:46 AM

*** Not to be surprised when the rest of the group track down the train to reverse-engineer it.

**** Not allowed to introduce modern mechanic skills to your character as part of your... retraining.

Loxagn

2014-05-09, 08:17 AM

*Not allowed to poke fun at the DM for giving us an actual train as a reward.

Wookieetank

2014-05-09, 08:51 AM

As DM (all of these did in fact happen):
*As much fun and interesting as it may be, not allowed to let the party of gnomes in the Dragonlance world develop a railway system.
**Not to be surprised when the next project is Mecha.
***And then flying saucers.
****When the players start planning to use the flying saucers to abduct dragons for reaserch, throwing in the towel is an acceptable response.

Loxagn

2014-05-09, 09:17 AM

In the interest of added hilarity, I've decided to divide these according to system!

+mmortals
*No. There is not, in point of fact, any conceivable interpretation of the word that would cause a deific bard riding a giant pink bird at mach 3 while a guitar riff plays in the background to be considered 'subtle'.
*If at any point the plan to defeat the BBEG includes creating a Macro-Large Awakened Pizza with Divine Ranks, it's time to stop drinking before playing.

Kingdom Hearts
*As much as he deserves it, my Digimon Tamer should probably not respond to the mad scientist's 'gingers have no soul' jokes by proving him wrong.
**Especially if that involves punching him in the face with it.
***It doesn't matter what the dice say, I can't sunder an airship with a single punch.
****No longer allowed to play any character who considers Daimon Masaru a personal role model.

Cthulhutech
*If my Tager is found in an alleyway, drenched in blood, clutching a pair of knives and surrounded by the eviscerated remains of a group of cultists, my response to the rest of the party arriving should be to ask how we're going to cover this attack up, not a cheerful wave and a chipper shout of 'Morning!'.

toapat

2014-05-09, 09:48 AM

+mmortals
*No. There is not, in point of fact, any conceivable interpretation of the word that would cause a deific bard riding a giant pink bird at mach 3 while a guitar riff plays in the background to be considered 'subtle'.

**not to argue with the DM that breaking the speed of sound automatically succeeds my move silently check because enemies need to save vs deafness.

Cthulhutech
*If my Tager is found in an alleyway, drenched in blood, clutching a pair of knives and surrounded by the eviscerated remains of a group of cultists, my response to the rest of the party arriving should be to ask how we're going to cover this attack up, not a cheerful wave and a chipper shout of 'Morning!'.

**Not to politely ask every dead body i come across "Hey buddy, you doing ok?"

Socksy

2014-05-09, 11:29 AM

* No more BoEF.
** No, not even then.

unseenmage

2014-05-09, 11:46 AM

* No longer allowed to discuss unbeatable monster ideas with the DM.
** Even if the party could still take 'em.
*** Especially when it's the divine Tarrasque (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?303458-how-would-you-make-the-tarrasque-a-challenge&p=16030467&viewfull=1#post16030467).
**** Extra especially when it's a planet of Tarrasque (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarrasque_(Dungeons_%26_Dragons)#Origin).

Socratov

2014-05-09, 12:24 PM

* No more BoEF.
** No, not even then.

I think this book is the only book that has been banned more then ToB.

*when playing the party face or rogue, Game of Thrones or it's written counterpart A song of Ice and fire are not suitable sources of inspiration.
**If I try to play Arya Stark, Petyr Baelish, Tyrion Lannister, Doran Martell or Olenna Tyrell, I will get exactly what I deserve and the headsman will be modeled after Ilyn Payne.
***Playing Joffrey will make the DM sad. Also, expect assassins to appear just about everywhere and anytime.

Slipperychicken

2014-05-09, 12:39 PM

*Not allowed to poke fun at the DM for giving us an actual train as a reward.

**Not allowed to ragequit when an NPC wrestler suplexes our brand new train.

***Even if he's the BBEG.

TeChameleon

2014-05-09, 02:28 PM

**Not allowed to ragequit when an NPC wrestler suplexes our brand new train.

***Even if he's the BBEG.

... wait, the BBEG of your campaign is Sabin Rene Figaro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u84cH_bmTA)?

Slipperychicken

2014-05-09, 02:37 PM

... wait, the BBEG of your campaign is Sabin Rene Figaro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u84cH_bmTA)?

Nah, I was partly kidding, partly musing what kind of nonsense a GM could pull with a PC-run train.

Mrc.

2014-05-09, 02:52 PM

*Never allowed to start any monologue with "Bagpuss, oh Bagpuss, oh fat, furry cat-puss"
**Always to remember that nostalgia can't be inflicted on others. And even if it can, they'll just IHS it away.

Socksy

2014-05-09, 04:54 PM

* Cannot play as the DM's Mother-In-Law.
** Cannot invite her, either.

Slipperychicken

2014-05-09, 06:52 PM

* Cannot play as the DM's Mother-In-Law.
** Cannot invite her, either.

***Playing her is right out.

****Making the DM vomit with suggestions again may result in being perma-banned.

Prince Raven

2014-05-09, 08:53 PM

*when playing the party face or rogue, Game of Thrones or it's written counterpart A song of Ice and fire are not suitable sources of inspiration.
**If I try to play Arya Stark, Petyr Baelish, Tyrion Lannister, Doran Martell or Olenna Tyrell, I will get exactly what I deserve and the headsman will be modeled after Ilyn Payne.
***Playing Joffrey will make the DM sad. Also, expect assassins to appear just about everywhere and anytime.

**** If my character is clearly an expy of Jaime Lannister I shouldn't be surprised when he gets his hand chopped off
***** If my next character is clearly an expy of Theon Greyjoy I'm just asking for it
****** My character may not worship any of the following: the Seven, the Old Gods, the Drowned Gods, R'hllor, the Many-Faced God, the Others, George R. R. Martin

toapat

2014-05-09, 09:03 PM

****** My character may not worship George R. R. Martin

I am off and on over having a chapter in the backstory of my paladin be that she squired for the Lich, Gregorious Martin, who during the play would play Eddard Stark, and have her play Ilyn Payne (basically the Order she studdied under sent her to teach her a lesson). The result is she tends to think of him when it comes to grey areas (assumign i actually keep that)

Zale

2014-05-09, 09:16 PM

*I am no longer allowed to kill the Kraken using kamikaze zombies armed with explosives pilfered from a pirate ship.
**Especially if fellow members of my team are currently inside the Kraken.
***Even if it's their fault for A) awakening the Kraken and B) jumping into it's gaping maw.
****Even if we're all evil.
*I am no longer allowed to have the ability to reanimate the dead.
**Or possess explosives.

toapat

2014-05-09, 09:19 PM

A) awakening the Kraken

as in the spell or waking up?

Zale

2014-05-09, 10:03 PM

as in the spell or waking up?

One idiot went fishing and managed to anger it somehow.

He has this habit of doing terrible things whenever allowed on a boat or near the ocean. Once he ended up burning down the entire ship, then made a raft out of turtles and rowed away.

Erik Vale

2014-05-09, 11:06 PM

Did he watch Pirates of the Carribian shortly before watching that?

*If it makes your smile reach your ears, no.

TuggyNE

2014-05-10, 02:52 AM

*If it makes your smile reach your ears, no.

** If it makes your smile wrap around your head, no way Jose.
*** That's just gross.
**** Stop smiling already! :smalleek:

Loxagn

2014-05-10, 07:46 AM

Adeptus Evangelion
*Not to be offended when the DM drops Arael on us after gloating about how easily Ramiel died.
**Not to continue to gloat when we still handled that fight better than Tokyo-3 did.
*"Provide Support Fire" means 'distract the angel from the two Saturn V-propelled Evangelions approaching it', not 'Damn near kill another angel, by myself, AGAIN'
*Not to be surprised when asking pointed questions about certain civilians 'liquefying' from the angel attack leads to me being visited by security.
*Doesn't matter if I'm facing an orbital opponent and am out of ammo, I still have to pay attention to the fight going on.
*Not allowed to ask what happens when the angel's corpse falls to earth.
*Dammit Lox, stop giving the DM pointers on how to play angels more effectively.

Fallout
*No. Mentats are not, in fact, candy.
**Party-Time Mentats will not help you 'GET EVERYTHING DONE FOREVER.'
*Clear the room means 'of enemies'. Not 'of valuables'.
*Doesn't matter how high my Speech is, not going to convince the party that those corpses were naked and unarmed when I found them.
**Or that my bag has always been this full.
*Not to attempt to domesticate Nightstalkers.
**Or Geckos.
***No mantises.
****Radscorpions are right out.
*****Why would you even want a pet cazador
******You know what, no. No more. No more 'Animal Friend' perk.
*If I am banned from every casino on the strip, the floor managers are not going to fall for the 'fake moustache and glasses' disguise.

Prince Raven

2014-05-10, 10:26 AM

From the same session:
* Even if my race happens to make me immune to the mist infecting the rest of the party, I may not rub it into their growing gradually hairier faces
** Next time we have a NPC locked in a cabinet shrieking in terror as my apefied party members shriek and hoot while trying to bash it open (or any similar situation), I should use Charm Person to convince them to get out of the cabinet, not use Intimidate and end up giving them a heart attack
*** Next time, I should withhold from killing the big boss at the end until after it gets at least one attack in
**** I may not attempt to figure out how to make the apefication of my fellow party members permanent, even if thy're more entertaining and the alchemist is much less likely to accidentally kill me

Sith_Happens

2014-05-10, 12:47 PM

** If it makes your smile wrap around your head, no way Jose.
*** That's just gross.
**** Stop smiling already! :smalleek:

* The other PCs do not, in fact, want to know how my character got those scars.

*Not to attempt to domesticate Nightstalkers.
**Or Geckos.
***No mantises.
****Radscorpions are right out.
*****Why would you even want a pet cazador
******You know what, no. No more. No more 'Animal Friend' perk.

Have you tried deathclaws yet?:smallamused:

Ksheep

2014-05-10, 01:07 PM

Have you tried deathclaws yet?:smallamused:

How about a Yao Guai?

Jurai

2014-05-10, 01:09 PM

*Marlboros are horrible, horrible things.
**Behemoths are only a hair's breadth less horrible.
***Not allowed to make a Tauric Marlboro Behemoth.

Socksy

2014-05-10, 04:28 PM

* Banned from playing Maenads, both as DM or player, forever.

* My torture/mindf**kery specialist's battle cry is not "I'm here to spoil endings and kick ass, and I'm all out of ass!"
** It is certainly not anything to do with the sixth or seventh Harry Potter books, LotR, or The Hobbit.
*** Yes, he should have read the book, no, that will not revive my Oracle from the rock which fell.

Ksheep

2014-05-10, 09:00 PM

* I may not address the characters as "Sir, madam, and/or thing"
** Nor may I refer to them as AFGNCAAPs

Balmas

2014-05-11, 05:29 PM

*Any weapon where I have to roll to see which timezone gets wiped out is forbidden.
*Possessing a nuclear bomb does not grant a bonus to Diplomacy.
*Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to have Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Gnomes).
*Any weapon that shoots more weapons is not allowed.

toapat

2014-05-11, 05:46 PM

*Any weapon that shoots more weapons is not allowed.

**I am not to invent plasma weaponry in setting to circumvent this rule
***Not to conquer the world in 7 hours as a result of having 50 generations of advancement over my enemies.

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-11, 08:36 PM

*Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to have Exotic Weapon Proficiency (Gnomes).

**If, however, I am running a game in which this rule is in effect, I am to immediately detoxify and check what I am consuming prior to the game.
***Actually, if I'm running a game in which gnomes exist there are already problems that purging my system won't likely solve...

Grim Portent

2014-05-11, 09:19 PM

*Wanting revenge on a character that killed my PCs NPC love interest is understandable.
**Making it elaborate revenge is fine as well.
***Making the revenge include turning the killer into a vampire is odd, but ok.
****Chaining the new vampire up, gagging him, hauling him in a corrosion treated steal box out to the sea and telling him to remember my face as he rests for eternity at the bottom of an ocean trench, unable to move due to the crushing pressure and unable to die due to being a vampire, being forced into hibernation by his injuries except when something living passes near his metal tomb and he awakes in a frenzied desire to feed despite the immobility, is getting kind of creepy even for the nWoD.
*****Proceeding to rush back home and try giving the love interest the post-mortem embrace is actually rather sweet. Still, never do that again.

PastorofMuppets

2014-05-11, 10:42 PM

(a Black Spiral Dancers (evil) game in W20 version of werewolf the apocalypse)
-Not allowed to ask for things in pieces and then tell the ST after what she just allowed.
-Not allowed to have a silver bumper on my VW Beatle
-Not allowed to attack a cairn by filling a fire suppression helicopter with Diesel and spraying everything
-Not allowed to hijack the Goodyear Blimp and turn it into a magic item, even if I know where it is, Even if i don't do anything relating to werewolf magics to it
-Not allowed to tape pipe bombs to RC helicopter (or cars)
-Not allowed to make paper airplanes
--There is no reason for any werewolf, even evil, to ever have "Establish Air Superiority" as a to do list item
-Not allowed to show off my sweet new Gift to cause ground tremors while standing on a fault line (especially not when i convince a dozen others to do it too and see what happens) again
-Not allowed to create a hostage situation that gets SWAT called in so i can have one of their really cool grenade launchers
-Not allowed to use a hotdog factory as a body disposal
-Not allowed to sell gang members flamethrowers (again)
-Not allowed to sell gang members RPGs or claymore mines (or anything that gets homeland security called in) anymore
-Not allowed to get in a high speed police chase get pulled over and turn into perfectly (normal) confused looking wolves, even if we are still in our seatbelts
-Not allowed to even think about any plan involving the any of the terms Atomic, Nuclear, Airial Bombardment, Cthulu, Bored, Environmentally Friendly

Balmas

2014-05-12, 12:51 AM

*If I can't ask for it with a straight face, the answer is no.

razorfloss

2014-05-12, 01:08 AM

*If I can't ask for it with a straight face, the answer is no.

is this a joke to my rod of lordly might?

DigoDragon

2014-05-12, 08:41 AM

*Not allowed to poke fun at the DM for giving us an actual train as a reward.

I once gave the PCs a train. It was a wild west setting and it made sense. The add-ons they put on the train however...

* No longer allowed to modify a 19th century train with chainguns.
** Or artillery cannon. Especially if it's just for "hunting bison".
*** Cannot turn the caboose into a transforming mecha.
**** Not even going to ask about the 'automated horse catapult deployment device'. Not allowed!

Wookieetank

2014-05-12, 09:17 AM

*Upon finding a shield generator that creates acutal shields not to openly ponder if there is a shield generator generator within earshot of the DM.
**Taking the shield generator with us, and using it as an unlimited source of income is not suggested.
***Not to be surprised to find the setting surprisingly empty of buyable magic items at this point.
****The proper use of the shield generator generator is not to drown the BBEG's lair in shield generators.
*****Proceding to sell off the resultant shield generators to various military organizations for great profit will cause the DM to twitch.

Ksheep

2014-05-12, 09:19 AM

I once gave the PCs a train. It was a wild west setting and it made sense. The add-ons they put on the train however...

* No longer allowed to modify a 19th century train with chainguns.
** Or artillery cannon. Especially if it's just for "hunting bison".
*** Cannot turn the caboose into a transforming mecha.
**** Not even going to ask about the 'automated horse catapult deployment device'. Not allowed!

***** Not allowed to rig the billiards table in the saloon car with restraining straps and the ability to fold away underneath the train
****** Nor may I make the billiard balls into smoke grenades, with different types of smoke (including poison and/or knockout gas) in different balls

Mrc.

2014-05-12, 11:04 AM

*Not every interrogation scene needs references to turtles in deserts.
**Never again allowed to use the Michone torture scene from the Walking Dead graphic novel.
***Not allowed to 'improve' this scene with blowtorches, circular saws and angle grinders.

*Not allowed to declare that the group's theme tune is the next one on the GM's iPod on shuffle.
**Not to be surprised when the entire group falls silent for the remaining two and a half minutes of the current song.
***No longer allowed to claim credit if everyone actually likes the song that came next.

Socksy

2014-05-12, 03:17 PM

Almost happened earlier:
* If I'm playing two different games in two different systems with two similar characters at the same time, I'd better make sure my superhero doesn't suddenly turn LE and start teleporting about and animating the dead.
** Likewise, my Oracle does not turn CN and start taking over people's minds in battle to make them shoot each other with modern-day pistols.

Ksheep

2014-05-12, 07:30 PM

* When tasked with "saving the village", I may not ask if they mean "save the buildings" or "save the people"
** Claiming that I can only save one or the other is seen as poor form
*** Especially if I make sure that only one of the two survives

* When told to keep the BBEG from killing/capturing X, I may not turn around and murder X
** Even if I did technically fulfill the assigned task
*** Insisting on getting my reward after this will probably end with me at the gallows

EDIT:
* When told to save the village, volunteering to move it to the Astral Plane to get it out of harms way is an acceptable answer
** Transporting it piecemeal in 10' radius spheres is not quite as OK
*** Especially when I ask for compensation for all of the Bags of Holding and Portable Holes I needed to use to "transport" it

Lord Raziere

2014-05-12, 09:23 PM

* My M&M superhero cannot have Immunity (Physics)
** No matter how justified this Immunity is
*** no, not even if I put in 20 points into the power.
**** nor does he have Immunity (Pedantic Nerd)
***** or Immunity (Dead Catgirl)

* My superhero's summoning power may not be fluffed as resurrecting Catgirls
** My commands for them may not be "Come, let us fight against the oppression of science!"
*** or "we must stop the catgirl genocide, quick find and eliminate any nerd that dare presumes to point out physics in a fantasy discussion!"
**** If I keep doing this, I'm going to become a villain. And not a badass one, but a lame one with a strange gimmick that everyone laughs at.

* My Burst Area Ranged Affliction power may not be fluffed as telepathic trolling
** driving an entire city into rage makes me a villain
*** going around saying "u mad bro?" afterwards is not in good taste.

Loxagn

2014-05-12, 11:31 PM

*When told that someone is flooding the market with counterfeit bottlecaps, an acceptable reaction would be 'they need to be stopped', not 'how do I work the press'

Socksy

2014-05-13, 01:53 AM

* Letting my Wilder stay in bed while travelling is not an acceptable use of Telekinetic Force.

Socratov

2014-05-13, 07:58 PM

* Letting my Wilder stay in bed while travelling is not an acceptable use of Telekinetic Force.

It isn't? I mean, it would be one of the least things I would do if I had any telekinetic powers...

Jay R

2014-05-14, 12:38 PM

***** Not allowed to rig the billiards table in the saloon car with restraining straps and the ability to fold away underneath the train
****** Nor may I make the billiard balls into smoke grenades, with different types of smoke (including poison and/or knockout gas) in different balls

******* I may no longer watch Wild, Wild West before the game.

SiuiS

2014-05-14, 03:23 PM

I am not allowed to make high octane damaging effects and store them for "later" or "just in case".

Stored high octane damaging effects, when allowed, are not to require scientific notation for number of dice rolled.

Stored high octane damaging effects are not to be made even more potent by the usual gamut of anti-high octane effect defenses. Books will fly if that happens again.

I am not allowed to complain of the ennui that ensues from resucingn all problems into a game down to 'how to use the scientific notation bomb' and causing existential angst.

Socksy

2014-05-15, 02:49 AM

* We are using Message three times, not playing Chinese whispers.
** We do not actually have to play Chinese whispers around the table to get the Message from the wizard to the Arcane Archer.
*** Sending doesn't work like that either!

* Using the Psionic sandwich trick and cerebremancer PrC to create a sandwitch?? Veto veto veto…

DigoDragon

2014-05-15, 07:10 AM

* Using the Psionic sandwich trick and cerebremancer PrC to create a sandwitch?? Veto veto veto…

* Forbidden to ever bring up the incident about the Chicken Slaad Sand Witch again.

Prince Raven

2014-05-15, 08:13 AM

* My alignment is not Zoidberg
** My class is not Zoidberg
*** My race is not Zoidberg
**** None on my class features are Zoidberg
***** I may not respond to any question with "why not Zoidberg?"

unseenmage

2014-05-15, 08:32 AM

* My alignment is not Zoidberg
** My class is not Zoidberg
*** My race is not Zoidberg
**** None on my class features are Zoidberg
***** I may not respond to any question with "why not Zoidberg?"

****** My alignment is not Squidward
******* My class is not Squidward
******** My race is not Squidward
********* None of my class features are Squidward
********** I may not respond to any question with "why not Zoidberg instead?"

*********** Naming the character Squidberg or Zoidward is right out.
(The above is only funny for me because I do in fact have a larval illithid psion character named Zoidward. :smallyuk:)

Loxagn

2014-05-15, 09:24 AM

*Mentats are not candy.
**They are certainly not 'the fresh-maker'.
***No, I cannot create an IED by putting Party-Time Mentats in a bottle of Nuka-Cola.

Ksheep

2014-05-15, 09:53 AM

***No, I cannot create an IED by putting Party-Time Mentats in a bottle of Nuka-Cola.

Of course not. That only works with Nuka-Cola Quantum.

toapat

2014-05-15, 04:17 PM

Balmas

2014-05-15, 11:27 PM

*Any weapon with a damage best measured in megatons is preemptively banned.

Socksy

2014-05-16, 07:19 AM

*Any weapon with a damage best measured in megatons is preemptively banned.

* Any weapon with a weight best measured in megatons is also preemptively banned.

Ksheep

2014-05-16, 07:26 AM

* I may not attempt to diagnose any and all odd behaviors of the other PCs as illnesses
** I may not separate myself from the other PCs to covertly observe them to try to determine what illness they have
*** Deciding that they have a brain tumor and that we must operate at once is frowned upon
**** Especially when we're in the middle of nowhere, weeks away from any civilization
***** I may not offer to perform the procedure on my own
****** Especially if the only tool I have is a rusty dagger
******* I may not attempt to perform the surgery on said character without consent as soon as they go to sleep

DigoDragon

2014-05-16, 08:10 AM

* Any weapon with a weight best measured in megatons is also preemptively banned.

* Any weapon with a firing range measured in megatons gets a book thrown at you.

* No longer allowed to build energy weapons with an output measured in the following terms:

Bajigajoules
Megayodas
Kilothaums
MegaFonzies

razorfloss

2014-05-16, 08:43 AM

* Any weapon with a firing range measured in megatons gets a book thrown at you.

* No longer allowed to build energy weapons with an output measured in the following terms:

Bajigajoules
Megayodas
Kilothaums
MegaFonzies

for shame u missed a perfectly good opportunity for a back to the future reference

As gm
*no longer allowed to make the hand things from legend of zelda
** can no longer give them teleport at will and have them drop the pcs into a pit filled with spikes and fire
***Cant make death traps that are inescapable without fly and party wipe till lvl 9
**** can no longer make monsters based off of video games
***** attempting this with dark souls will have my Gm card revoked even if i buy pizza

Red Fel

2014-05-16, 09:08 AM

* No longer allowed to build energy weapons with an output measured in the following terms:

MegaFonzies

But how will I locate my weapon with the Cool-o-meter?

** No longer allowed to build Cool-o-meters.
*** Or Fing-longers.
**** Or What-If Machines.
***** Doomsday devices are right out.
****** Even if I'm playing an evil genius
******* Especially if I'm playing a senile evil genius.

Wookieetank

2014-05-16, 09:25 AM

But how will I locate my weapon with the Cool-o-meter?

** No longer allowed to build Cool-o-meters.
*** Or Fing-longers.
**** Or What-If Machines.
***** Doomsday devices are right out.
****** Even if I'm playing an evil genius
******* Especially if I'm playing a senile evil genius.

n+1*Particularly if I have a tendency to confuse which remote goes to what. :smallamused:

GPuzzle

2014-05-16, 10:56 AM

* Any weapon with a weight best measured in megatons is also preemptively banned.

**Any weapon with a weight best measured in Megatrons is also preemptively banned.

Loxagn

2014-05-16, 11:25 AM

*It doesn't matter what the dice say. I can't kill someone with stale bread.
**The 'Weapon of Righteous Destruction' feat no longer applies to improvised weapons.
***No. No no no. I did not just kill the BBEG with a +5 Holy Flaming Baguette.

Wookieetank

2014-05-16, 11:52 AM

*Poking holes into something makes it holely not holy.
**Setting your weaponry on Fires does not count as an enchantment, and most likely will damage it
***Atempting to enchant items as a non-caster in by using the literal meanings and mundane methods is right out.

Red Fel

2014-05-16, 12:33 PM

razorfloss

2014-05-16, 12:38 PM

Loxagn

2014-05-16, 01:02 PM

Well, it was in a prison, and the only thing nearby was the hunk of (stale) bread they'd left in the cell...

All I'm saying is, don't assume a Paladin can't still kick your teeth in if he's been disarmed.

Alex12

2014-05-16, 05:00 PM

Ksheep

2014-05-16, 11:34 PM

* I may not measure length in beard-seconds
** Nor may I measure volume in barn-megaparsecs
*** Time may not be measured in jiffies
**** Using Thaums to measure magical potential, however, is just fine
***** I may not use Spellcraft to determine how many Thaums of power another spell caster has based on the spells he's casting
****** I may not proclaim that his power level is "Over 9000" (The DM will rule that I should just say that he has over 9 Kilothaums)
******* My bard may not measure his notoriety in Warhols

EDIT: And of course, after posting I realize that Thaums have already been mentioned. Oh well…

Balmas

2014-05-18, 10:20 AM

From the annals of The Sue Files:
*Forbidden to create makeshift plastic explosives and rebrand it "Henderson Blend Coffee."

Mrc.

2014-05-18, 10:55 AM

*Every plan cannot consist of self-decapitation in order to defeat a far superior foe.
**Never allowed to use any Abridged series as inspiration behind character development.
***The above does not apply to the phrase "420yoloswag4jesus".
****As a continuation of the above, at no point am I allowed to tweet other players with "IT'S NAZIS #calledit #b*tcheslovecannons #f***motheringvampire"
*****No more anime before gaming.

razorfloss

2014-05-18, 11:16 AM

Socratov

2014-05-18, 03:13 PM

From the annals of The Sue Files:
*Forbidden to create makeshift plastic explosives and rebrand it "Henderson Blend Coffee."
I'd buy that. Grind it. brew it in my mokapot. Though, that might classify as the fabrication of an explosive device. Btw I guess it would make for great morning coffee to wake up after a hard night of drinking. I also gather it wouldn't do wonders for your speech and pronunciation.

*Every plan cannot consist of self-decapitation in order to defeat a far superior foe.
**Never allowed to use any Abridged series as inspiration behind character development.
***The above does not apply to the phrase "420yoloswag4jesus".
****As a continuation of the above, at no point am I allowed to tweet other players with "IT'S NAZIS #calledit #b*tcheslovecannons #f***motheringvampire"
*****No more anime before gaming.
N+1*No more hashtags either

(and both Hellsing Ultimate and Hellsing Abridged are freaking fantastic)

Mrc.

2014-05-18, 03:38 PM

(and both Hellsing Ultimate and Hellsing Abridged are freaking fantastic)

I wholeheartedly agree! I first watched the original Hellsing, the one with 13 episodes which focused more on the soldiers of Hellsing than the vampires, and recently a friend of mine got into Hellsing so I thought "what the hell" and watched Ultimate. I wasn't disappointed. On the off-chance that anyone hasn't seen it, watch it. NOW! Most of the things in my previous post are from the Abridged, which is probably one of the best Abridged series out there.

*No breeding Cybermen and Cylons in an attempt to make the ultimate robot.
**No naming the horrifying offspring either.

toapat

2014-05-18, 03:41 PM

*No breeding Cybermen and Cylons in an attempt to make the ultimate robot.
**No naming the horrifying offspring either.

***No then taking the spawn to either The Borg or Phyrexia for augmentation.
****Not to then take said spawn to be outfitted by a brainwashed clone of tony stark with a battlesuit.

GPuzzle

2014-05-18, 04:36 PM

*All-Pixie Barbarian parties are no more.
**Even if they're actually quite effective.

Balmas

2014-05-18, 10:30 PM

I'd buy that. Grind it. brew it in my mokapot. Though, that might classify as the fabrication of an explosive device. Btw I guess it would make for great morning coffee to wake up after a hard night of drinking. I also gather it wouldn't do wonders for your speech and pronunciation.

It's actually from The Sue Files, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?305986-The-SUE-Files-III-Basically-Exercising-Your-Cheese-Forging-Genes) now in its third thread here on GITP. It also has a blog (Irolledazero.blogspot.com). The Sue Files are the adventures of four smarter-than-average gamers as they fight against the evils of their DM!PC, Black-trenchcoat-wearing, dual-katana-wielding, reality-warping, authyr-vampyre-I-made-up-myself Marty Stu in a poorly hacked together variant of Cthulhutech.

The relevant post can be found here. (http://irolledazero.blogspot.com/2013/09/suethulhu-blinding-cael-with-science.html)

Mandark

2014-05-19, 01:32 AM

*Building a weapon that can do a mole's worth of damage is
*a) guaranteed to piss off the druid
*b) going to do pidley amounts of bludgeoning/squishy damage
OR
*c measured in scientific notation by the same name = 6.02 x 1023 dice of any size is banned.
**Brewing potions to help people and make money--Fine
***Putting crushed glass in said potions -- mean
****Successfully arguing that even a cure spell or potion; cures the damage, but doesn't remove the glass -- not happening.
*****Revealing that the cure potion just swallowed to cure the crushed glass that was in the previous potion, has crushed glass in it, thus not having the new glass damage healed -- wrong.

DigoDragon

2014-05-19, 08:12 AM

n+1*Particularly if I have a tendency to confuse which remote goes to what. :smallamused:

n+2* No longer allowed to switch the Doomsday's remote control with the garage door opener.

**Any weapon with a weight best measured in Megatrons is also preemptively banned.

*** Not allowed to ask about weight conversion to Galavtrons.

... Paul the Samurai? Is that you?

is this real or is this a joke if so i would love to hear the story

Paul the Samurai was a character in The Tick comic book series. Had to hide his sword in a baguette at the airport and the sword got stuck when the bread went stale. :3
Hilarity then ensues when ninjas attack him.

Astral Avenger

2014-05-19, 11:39 AM

the dm does not care what system or setting we are playing, I am no longer allowed weapons that have ranges measured in yottaparsecs or render areas best measured in cubic parsecs completely inhospitable to all life.

Socratov

2014-05-19, 12:02 PM

*All-Pixie Barbarian parties are no more.
**Even if they're actually quite effective.

The Nac Mac Feegle want a word with ya, ya scunner of a bigjob!

Ksheep

2014-05-19, 01:06 PM

* I am no longer allowed to throw more than 10 projectiles per round
** Especially when I can apply Sneak Attack/Sudden Strike to each of them
*** Doubly so if I can effectively give myself Greater Invisibility each round and hit as a touch attack
**** When I can deal nearly 300 damage in one round while the rest of the party has difficulty dealing more than 20 damage, I must retire my character
***** Especially when I can one-shot any monsters we might face in the first round of combat

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-19, 01:44 PM

*Every plan cannot consist of self-decapitation in order to defeat a far superior foe.

**Self-decapitation does not grant a bonus to any social check.
***No, not even if it doesn't kill me or in fact deal any damage.
****My character is not Albedo Piazzolo and I will do well to remember it.

GPuzzle

2014-05-19, 01:55 PM

Socksy

2014-05-19, 01:59 PM

* I may have a sword. I may swing it. It may not be made of diamond.

Ksheep

2014-05-19, 02:06 PM

* I may have a sword. I may swing it. It may not be made of diamond.

** My sword may not be enchanted with Sharpness II, Smite III, Bane of Arthropods I, and Knockback I

Prince Raven

2014-05-19, 09:39 PM

* I may have a sword. I may swing it. It may not be made of diamond.

* My Bard may not sing "do you like my sword, sword?" every time we get into combat.
** He also can't do it out of combat
*** He does not have a patent on diamond swords
**** He is not the lord of diamond sword

Socksy

2014-05-20, 01:30 AM

* My Bard may not sing "do you like my sword, sword?" every time we get into combat.
** He also can't do it out of combat
*** He does not have a patent on diamond swords
**** He is not the lord of diamond sword

***** Can't tell people I am the Oracle unless I have at least one level in something clairvoyant.

DigoDragon

2014-05-20, 07:36 AM

Funnily enough, self-decaptation in order to defeat a superior foe has been done in D&D, and it's the Epic Tale of Sameo, level 7 Paladin.

Defeats the BBEG by killing himself when he rolls 3 1s in a row.

I'm going to have to Google that story later. Sounds interesting.

* I may have a sword. I may swing it. It may not be made of diamond.

Dang it, now I have that song stuck in my head. >_<
(My daughter loves that tune and knows it by heart)

toapat

2014-05-20, 08:05 AM

I'm going to have to Google that story later. Sounds interesting.

The DM was Laughing

Then his critical Fumble table ended won the campaign.

it was at least a -.5 Henderson

DigoDragon

2014-05-20, 08:20 AM

it was at least a -.5 Henderson

Found the article! Sameo, level 7 Paladin (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Sameo).
That was epic.

illyahr

2014-05-20, 09:11 AM

**Self-decapitation does not grant a bonus to any social check.
***No, not even if it doesn't kill me or in fact deal any damage.
****My character is not Albedo Piazzolo and I will do well to remember it.

It would probably boost Intimidate in social settings. Especially if you kept talking during. :smallwink:

*****My character does not have Regeneration 20 except for Negative Energy.
******I may not apply the Chosen of Mystra template if my character is successfully defeated.

Spore

2014-05-20, 11:38 AM

Found the article! Sameo, level 7 Paladin (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Sameo).
That was epic.

Unpopular opinion: I found the fight extremely well played EXCEPT the fumble table. But I have lost 4 character to critical failures on Disintegrate rolls, so I may be a bit biased.

unseenmage

2014-05-20, 11:42 AM

* No longer allowed to set multiple Craft Contingent Spells for Cold Snap, Fimbulwinter, or Control Weather on my person.
** Especially not allowed to take advantage of the fact that they persist after my character has died to rain/sleet/hail out the funeral.
*** Extra especial not allowed to do so for each and every minion of mine.

**** Definitely not allowed to set them to make all of my minions and everyone I've ever met perform the biggest baddest rockin'-est funeral evar on an outer plane in my honor that will put the gods of rock themselves to shame.

razorfloss

2014-05-20, 11:48 AM

Found the article! Sameo, level 7 Paladin (http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Sameo).
That was epic.

this story is amazing if only my games ever got that interesting

toapat

2014-05-20, 12:03 PM

this story is amazing if only my games ever got that interesting

really its a tale that you sort of miss half the greatness behind it. Neither the DM or the player had to completely scrap their material because the rest of the campaign was screwed. so the other players get a great story while they roll up their next characters.

GPuzzle

2014-05-20, 01:27 PM

*No more using that FMA-based song I refuse to give the .mp3 to the GM to get free information from NPCs.
**Even if it's actually pretty good.

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-20, 01:54 PM

It would probably boost Intimidate in social settings. Especially if you kept talking during. :smallwink:

*****My character does not have Regeneration 20 except for Negative Energy.
******I may not apply the Chosen of Mystra template if my character is successfully defeated.

No, that's the point. Suffice to say this group never played any of the same games, and thus I ended up with a blanket ban on shoutouts from anime and/or video games that weren't Dragon Ball Z or Final Fantasy. :smalltongue:

Erik Vale

2014-05-20, 03:06 PM

The DM was Laughing

Then his critical Fumble table ended won the campaign.

it was at least a -.5 Henderson

Agreed. He actually re-railed the game. Who ever heard of that?
But that's a scene deserving of a epic retelling. Involving the orc killing the pali but the pali landing a lethal blow with healing coming to late.
Or the pali's god providing divine support. Either or. Maybe both.

toapat

2014-05-20, 04:24 PM

Agreed. He actually re-railed the game. Who ever heard of that?.

apparently the /tg/ people, because they defined negative hendersons as that. Specifically that is an example of a -.5

Erik Vale

2014-05-20, 06:44 PM

Rhetorical question... Mostly.

Prince Raven

2014-05-20, 09:14 PM

*No more using that FMA-based song I refuse to give the .mp3 to the GM to get free information from NPCs.
**Even if it's actually pretty good.

I must know.

Balmas

2014-05-20, 10:53 PM

*My character concept may not be "Gandhi, but with a spy network."

toapat

2014-05-20, 11:09 PM

*My character concept may not be "Gandhi, but with a spy network."

** My character concept may not be Ghengis Khan, as a diplomat

Balmas

2014-05-20, 11:12 PM

** My character concept may not be Ghengis Khan, as a diplomat

Funnily enough, my current character is both of the above. :smallbiggrin:

Spore

2014-05-20, 11:13 PM

*My character concept may not be "Gandhi, but with a spy network."

*** I may not adapt Gandhi's nuke probability to an Evocation Wizard.

Balmas

2014-05-21, 12:15 AM

*** I may not adapt Gandhi's nuke probability to an Evocation Wizard.

**** After developing diplomacy, the first act as Gandhi-with-a-spy-network is not to declare nuclear war on everyone else.

DigoDragon

2014-05-21, 07:27 AM

Unpopular opinion: I found the fight extremely well played EXCEPT the fumble table. But I have lost 4 character to critical failures on Disintegrate rolls, so I may be a bit biased.

It's fine. I've seen GMs make really ridiculous crit fumble tables like that. Some of the weirder ones would kill more than just the fumbler. :smallbiggrin:

** My character concept may not be Ghengis Khan, as a diplomat

*** My character concept may not be Abraham Lincoln, as a street sam.

Arkhosia

2014-05-21, 07:49 AM

It's fine. I've seen GMs make really ridiculous crit fumble tables like that. Some of the weirder ones would kill more than just the fumbler. :smallbiggrin:

*** My character concept may not be Abraham Lincoln, as a street sam.

**** Or Benedict Arnold, but with nukes.
***** Same goes for George Washington, but a pathological liar.

illyahr

2014-05-21, 08:52 AM

No, that's the point. Suffice to say this group never played any of the same games, and thus I ended up with a blanket ban on shoutouts from anime and/or video games that weren't Dragon Ball Z or Final Fantasy. :smalltongue:

That's a shame. Xenosaga has some good stuff.

toapat

2014-05-21, 08:55 AM

**** Or Benedict Arnold, but with nukes.
***** Same goes for George Washington, but a pathological liar.

*****Said Character can not be Winston Churchil, But sober

Ksheep

2014-05-21, 09:50 AM

* My character is free to befriend every NPC he comes across
** Making a point of denouncing anyone else who tries to befriend one of these NPCs is frowned upon
*** Attacking someone just because they're more of a friend with this NPC than me is not allowed
**** No, my character is not named Alexander

Prince Raven

2014-05-21, 10:16 AM

Lord Raziere

2014-05-21, 10:49 AM

*****Said Character can not be Winston Churchil, But sober

****** Hitler but with racial equality, is out of the question.

Balmas

2014-05-21, 11:14 AM

****** Hitler but with racial equality, is out of the question.

*******No, this is not Godwin's Law of Character Design.

toapat

2014-05-21, 12:43 PM

****** Hitler but with racial equality, is out of the question.

*******Joseph Stalin, but as a compassionate* man, will truly horrify the other players

*As in, is trying to do those 5 year plans without killing people, or mourning the loss of each deceased personally

Red Fel

2014-05-21, 12:59 PM

*******Joseph Stalin, but as a compassionate* man, will truly horrify the other players

******** Joseph Stalin, the stage name of Joey Tribbiani, is simply unspeakable.
********* Joey Tribbiani, even moreso.
********** I am no longer allowed to play anyone from the cast of Friends.

GPuzzle

2014-05-21, 01:11 PM

*******Joseph Stalin, but as a compassionate* man, will truly horrify the other players

*As in, is trying to do those 5 year plans without killing people, or mourning the loss of each deceased personally

********Marx, but as an economical genius, will get masterwork caltrops thrown at me.

I must know.

The name of the song is Homunculus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyX34nuZPW8).

Made by Area 11 (yes, that's a reference to Code Geass). They've referenced Elfen Lied (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKLDvnfDmlM), Code Geass (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grHD49PJHig) (TWICE!) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq-yLC7wyKs), FLCL (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC1do2pAc0c), Death Note (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBP4psAfrT4), Cowboy Bebop (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZ_g-FDSsAk), Bakuman (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8u1j1rRdio) and Gurren Lagann (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V1oD1h6hvk).

They're pretty great.

Socksy

2014-05-21, 03:20 PM

* No, that is not how Driders are made.
** Or owlbears.
*** Pervert.

Arkhosia

2014-05-21, 03:57 PM

* no, that is not how driders are made.
** or owlbears.
*** pervert.

**** science doesnt work that way

Svata

2014-05-21, 05:22 PM

*No, the proper response to the BBEG's speech is not shouting, "Just who the hell do you think we are?"
**Not even then.
***No more killing the BBEGs with oversized drills.

Grim Portent

2014-05-21, 05:38 PM

**** science doesnt work that way

***** Mad Science, Science!!! and Dorf Science do work that way.
****** Such 'sciences' are never to be employed in any game I play in.

Balmas

2014-05-21, 06:41 PM

* The verbal component of Raise Dead is not, "Do you want to build a human?"

Arkhosia

2014-05-21, 06:44 PM

* The verbal component of Raise Dead is not, "Do you want to build a human?"

** nor is Ressurect's "COME ON! YOU"RE ONLY MOSTLY DEAD MAN!

unseenmage

2014-05-21, 08:05 PM

* The verbal component of Raise Dead is not, "Do you want to build a human?"

** nor is Ressurect's "COME ON! YOU"RE ONLY MOSTLY DEAD MAN!

*** Nor is Reincarnate's, "It doesn't have to be a hu-man!"

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-21, 11:02 PM

*** Nor is Reincarnate's, "It doesn't have to be a hu-man!"

****And Revivify's is not "I WILL MURDER YOUR DEATH."

Sith_Happens

2014-05-21, 11:27 PM

* No, that is not how Driders are made.
** Or owlbears.
*** Pervert.

** Just because that is in fact how Draegloths are made does not mean I should remind the group of it at every opportunity.

Arkhosia

2014-05-21, 11:35 PM

** Just because that is in fact how Draegloths are made does not mean I should remind the group of it at every opportunity.

*** Having a Draegloth child will make the other PCs veeeeeery suspicious of your goodness if you did not have one at the start of the game.

Ksheep

2014-05-21, 11:49 PM

* No, I may not play a vigilante superhero named Drider-Man
** I was NOT bitten by a radioactive Drider

One Tin Soldier

2014-05-22, 12:33 AM

* I may no longer kill vampires by depositing them in Low Earth Orbit and waiting for the sunrise.
** Even though I don't need any sort of vehicle to do it.
*** One time is cool, any more is tacky.
**** Our sin-eaters will no longer be fighting vampires.

Grim Portent

2014-05-22, 01:12 AM

* Just because my character worships Slaanesh does not mean I can describe all his unarmed attacks as pimp slaps.
** If my character continues to strut everywhere with his cane space rocks will fall.

Dewani90

2014-05-22, 03:10 AM

*cannot turn a shotgun into a bow whose sole ammunition consists of swords and show it off just to dismiss any argument by saying "i have a gun turned into a bow that shots swords, your argument is invalid"
** cannot make a psychotic paladin with a proficiency on "anything she considers a weapon" and yell "taste the burning righteousness of KFC" while hitting the BBEG with a chicken on fire.
*** and i certainly didn't do the finishing blow with a frozen tuna yelling "taste the frozen and salty mercy of the sea, that goes well with white wine"
**** i cannot donate all my weapons to feed the poor if i haven't cleaned them first, they may still have chunks of other things on them.

Cloud

2014-05-22, 04:22 AM

* Just because my character worships Slaanesh does not mean I can describe all his unarmed attacks as pimp slaps.

** If my character worships Khorne without the rest of the party knowing, I am excepted to somewhat subtle with screaming "blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne!"
*** Instead saying "milk for the milk bowl, yarn for the yarn god", will get me killed by feral space cats.

** Want to worship Nurgle? Okay...
*** No, you don't get to describe in great detail your pustules and boils.
**** Referring to your hacking cough as a gift is going to get strange looks.
***** Arguing that Nurgle is a good guy, using examples of cancers being killed by viruses, is right out.

Lord Raziere

2014-05-22, 08:14 AM

* "Just as keikaku" is almost certainly Tzeentch's motto
** it being yours however, is less certain.
*** If you actually ever be competent enough to pull off a plan of great enough complexity and guile, yes you can say it when said plan comes to fruition
**** saying it randomly however in response to any shocking twist or major event however, is not allowed.

Loxagn

2014-05-22, 09:06 AM

*Not allowed to begin Pavlovian experiments on my fellow pilots.
**When it's discovered that I am, in fact, conducting Pavlovian Behavior Experiments on my fellow pilots, it is probably not a good thing that my first reaction is 'Well, great. Now they know they're being studied, I'll have to toss out all my results. Thanks.'

Mrc.

2014-05-22, 01:01 PM

*Not every plan involves a hell-fire cloak and a wheelbarrow.
**Unless playing a barbarian I am not to take any and all refusals as an invitation to pull peoples arms off.

Balmas

2014-05-22, 01:35 PM

*Not every plan involves a hell-fire cloak and a wheelbarrow.
**Unless playing a barbarian I am not to take any and all refusals as an invitation to pull peoples arms off.

***Tearing people's arms out in response to losing a game is impolite.
****Yes, warforged mind if you do it to them.

vasharanpaladin

2014-05-22, 01:36 PM

*Dwarfs do not subsist entirely on beer.
**Nor do they hate elves because the latter shaved off an emissary's beard.
***The grudge thing is kinda cool, tho.

Loxagn

2014-05-22, 04:03 PM

*If I can't spell it, I can't Polymorph into it.
*If even I can't pronounce my character's name, I am not allowed to use it.
**This goes double if I cannot say it in one breath.

Socksy

2014-05-22, 04:13 PM

* The DM said "Theremins do not exist in Pathfinder, and should not anywhere else". This was a statement, not a challenge.

Dewani90

2014-05-22, 06:09 PM

*no, my warlock doesn't work entirely on a potion named super expresso, nor she is immune to sleep holds, and as a result has permanent insomnia, nor she is completely paranoid because of it.
**nope, i cannot play a female child character to thwart the bards intent on seducing everything on sight, i tried with monsters first, but apparently anything with female traits is a go for him, also children are somewhat a no-no, and thank god, i was getting scared of the guy.
*** my blackguard's willsave is so high that i have all the right to murder the bard if he fails the seduction, still i cannot sacrifice his soul to my god because they kinda want to resurrect him.

Adrastos42

2014-05-22, 11:02 PM

*** my blackguard's willsave is so high that i have all the right to murder the bard if he fails the seduction, still i cannot sacrifice his soul to my god because they kinda want to resurrect him.
**** If I have already sacrificed his soul, then getting the cleric to animate his corpse in a foul and unholy mockery of life does not count as "close enough".
*****Especially if the bard's player runs with it and starts making "boning" jokes.

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-05-22, 11:53 PM

**** If I have already sacrificed his soul, then getting the cleric to animate his corpse in a foul and unholy mockery of life does not count as "close enough".
*****Especially if the bard's player runs with it and starts making "boning" jokes.

******There is no situation where adding the whole of Undeath to the bards catalog of jokes is a good idea.

Adrastos42

2014-05-23, 02:05 AM

******There is no situation where adding the whole of Undeath to the bards catalog of jokes is a good idea.
*******Look, I was considering giving the bard a chance, but then the first thing he said after the spell finished was "I am risen". And it's only going to get worse from there.
********Forget it, paladins fall, everyone dies. You brought this on yourself.

Spore

2014-05-23, 03:08 AM

* Killing a bogeyman with my group doesn't mean: "Now all children's closets and bed undersides are free to be reigned by the fairies once more."
** Especially if both the Tooth Fairy and the Bogeyman are considered Fey in our rulebooks.
*** I may not pledge a hunt to kill every mystical creature interfering with human(oid)-kind.
**** I will not try to up the irony with killing everything with their own weapons (aka scaring the bogeyman, pulling all the teeth of the tooth fairy and stealing the slenderman)