Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist, We Swear!

[Sartharina]

Here's one I actually need to write down and keep in mind:

*Even ifthough the rules specifically allow it, I am not allowed to make a hermaphrodite elf, cat, alien, or any other species with strongly-held, unconventional convictions about the expression of sexuality or body image.
** As oppressive as society may be, I am not allowed to play a strong female character that shirts for nobody.
*** And I am definitely not allowed to cosplay such a character. It doesn't matter that wearing a shirt in a relaxed environment is uncomfortable - it apparently makes them even more uncomfortable.

[Sith_Happens]

Ha!! That got me laughing this morning. :smallsmile:

** If I tell one more villain that they "just got served," super-rocks will fall.


** As oppressive as society may be, I am not allowed to play a strong female character that shirts for nobody.

*** No matter how much sense it may make, this is not how nymphs' Blinding Beauty ability works.
*** It is not where their Charisma-to-AC comes from either.
**** For the last time, that ability is called "Unearthly Grace," not "Distracted by the Sexy."

* If I attempt to start any of my Bard songs with "Excaaalibuuur," it will affect everything in earshot as the Intimidate use of the Antagonize (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/feats/general-feats/antagonize) feat instead of whatever it was supposed to do.
** Building my character around this newfound capability is strongly frowned upon.

[Mrc.]

*Jousts are not to be accompanied by the crowd singing Queen

*The inclusion of a monster shouldn't be justified by "the DM has the miniature for it"
**This goes double for Kaladrax (http://www.reapermini.com/OnlineStore/kaladrax/latest/77192)
***No campaign should be based on a Kickstarter

*Having a character with a catchphrase is acceptable. This catchphrase cannot, however, be cribbed straight from any anime, tv show, film or book purely because you got lazy
**If the DM recognises your character's catchphrase expect rocks to fall

[Socksy]

* If I attempt to start any of my Bard songs with "Excaaalibuuur," it will affect everything in earshot as the Intimidate use of the Antagonize (http://www.d20pfsrd.com/feats/general-feats/antagonize) feat instead of whatever it was supposed to do.

** I may grab my team-mate and use them as a weapon when they're shapeshifted into a chain/scythe/gun. I may not grab and use them as a weapon while they're still in human form.

[GPuzzle]

*Yes, I can play a Serbian member of a revolutionary and ultranationalistic organization.
**If I kill an Austrian, I cannot say that "he just got Serbed".
***We are not recreating WW1.

[Guizonde]

*if my dm has to check for more than one hour the new capabilities i've found, they're banned.
*i'm not to corrupt the dm with food, no matter how delicious
*at all times i must stay away from portable holes and bags of holding.
**i'm not to approach either in a 500 league radius, even if that makes the party do a hell of a detour
***failure to comply will result in my character being cursed with antimagic, and all magic items i touch will lose their power
*for the last time, no live ammo! especially half-ork druids!!

[vasharanpaladin]

** I may grab my team-mate and use them as a weapon when they're shapeshifted into a chain/scythe/gun. I may not grab and use them as a weapon while they're still in human form.

***I was already banned from Soul Eater references several pages ago, stop it already! :smalltongue:

[spineyrequiem]

* Apparently when the beautiful queen offers us 'any boon she can grant' for our heroic clearing out of the nearest generic dungeon, a rousing chorus of 'Get Your Tits Out (For the Lads)' is not an appropriate response.

* When we start a new game, not allowed to secretly convince the entire party to create the same character and claim we're identical sextuplets, separated at birth.

* I can't put my additional personalities as beneficiaries on tax forms.
** I can't put my sentient magical weapons down either

* I have to have a better reason for creating a pyromancer than 'so he'll always be warm, and thus never has to wear clothes'
** I am particularly forbidden from giving intimate details of how he looks while walking around

* If I'm in significantly better shape than a fellow player, I can't resolve rules disputes with him by taking my shirt off and stretching while asking what he was saying again. It's not that I'm forbidden, he just doesn't realise it's meant to be a threat.

[Spore]

* If I'm in significantly better shape than a fellow player, I can't resolve rules disputes with him by taking my shirt off and stretching while asking what he was saying again. It's not that I'm forbidden, he just doesn't realise it's meant to be a threat.

If anything this would be an invitation for me =)

[Hyena]

* If I'm in significantly better shape than a fellow player, I can't resolve rules disputes with him by taking my shirt off and stretching while asking what he was saying again. It's not that I'm forbidden, he just doesn't realise it's meant to be a threat.

** Not allowed to threaten people with physical harm over a game.

[Ksheep]

** Not allowed to threaten people with physical harm over a game.

*** Not allowed to threaten mental harm either
**** Same goes for spiritual harm, whether or not they believe in such things
***** No longer allowed to bring Voodoo dolls of the other players to the table

[Rater202]

*** Not allowed to threaten mental harm either
**** Same goes for spiritual harm, whether or not they believe in such things
***** No longer allowed to bring Voodoo dolls of the other players to the table
******Or the GM
*******Or myself
********A Tickle Me Elmo is not a voodoo doll.

*If my employer calls me by my first name and doesn't screw it up, that does not mean that he was replaced with a doppelganger.
**So no, I really shouldn't have forced him to eat a fragmentary grenade.
***When the cops show up, I'm not allowed take the other PCs hostage

[toapat]

*I am not to survive re-entry by using an extreme jump/tumble check
**Expecially on a level 5 rogue

[Rater202]

*Not allowed to do anything that makes the GM tell me that I'm not allowed to read this thread, Mr. Welch, or Skippy.

*Not allowed to singe Wax Fang's Majestic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TcP2P8Q_9c) when the baby dragon PC asks my bard to sing him a lullaby

[Sartharina]

* Apparently when the beautiful queen offers us 'any boon she can grant' for our heroic clearing out of the nearest generic dungeon, a rousing chorus of 'Get Your Tits Out (For the Lads)' is not an appropriate response.

* When we start a new game, not allowed to secretly convince the entire party to create the same character and claim we're identical sextuplets, separated at birth.

* I can't put my additional personalities as beneficiaries on tax forms.
** I can't put my sentient magical weapons down either

* I have to have a better reason for creating a pyromancer than 'so he'll always be warm, and thus never has to wear clothes'
** I am particularly forbidden from giving intimate details of how he looks while walking around

* If I'm in significantly better shape than a fellow player, I can't resolve rules disputes with him by taking my shirt off and stretching while asking what he was saying again. It's not that I'm forbidden, he just doesn't realise it's meant to be a threat.
... I'd love to have you in my games. However, that last one seems more like a distraction or invitation than a threat...


Anyway:
* My catfolk fighter's spears and arrows cannot have fine barbs along the tips.
* My wolfman character is not allowed to use swords or spears with poison/potion bulbs at the base of the blade
* I cannot make a Lizardfolk character just to be able to use "Kiss my cloaca!" as a vulgar taunt.
* My female gnoll bard is not allowed to accuse the Orc Chieftan of causing all the problems simply because he's insecure about his masculinity, and boasting that she's "bigger" than him - then proving it.
** If I am to play an animal-person in any future campaign, it must completely lack "attributes" (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AnimalsLackAttributes)

[Hyena]

* Apparently when the beautiful queen offers us 'any boon she can grant' for our heroic clearing out of the nearest generic dungeon, a rousing chorus of 'Get Your Tits Out (For the Lads)' is not an appropriate response.



* My catfolk fighter's spears and arrows cannot have fine barbs along the tips.
* My wolfman character is not allowed to use swords or spears with poison/potion bulbs at the base of the blade
* I cannot make a Lizardfolk character just to be able to use "Kiss my cloaca!" as a vulgar taunt.
* My female gnoll bard is not allowed to accuse the Orc Chieftan of causing all the problems simply because he's insecure about his masculinity, and boasting that she's "bigger" than him - then proving it.
** If I am to play an animal-person in any future campaign, it must completely lack "attributes"

Look, Socksy, I've found your long lost cousins!

[Socksy]

I: :smalltongue:

* Any weapon nicknamed Smashrithmetic is probably a bad idea.
** Especially if I plan on taking the psionic feats letting you add more d6s to damage.
*** The bard song isn't helping the maths thing
**** Neither is the Heroism spell.
***** STR buffs while using a two-handed weapon??
****** Gaaaaaaaaah!

[Doorhandle]

*Not allowed to roll more dice/per attack than the evoker. Even with vital strike.
*Barbarians are not described as having a fight-or-fight reaction.
* If an astral projection says to open the sarcophagus within the tomb...don't
* We know it's not your fault you were mind controlled into opening said tomb. We're still blaming you for it.

[Mrc.]

*The DM mustn't make the villain so awesome that the party swoon at his/her/its feet and readily join them just to be near said villain.
**The party are no longer allowed to "put the villain out of business" by being more evil, more effective or just plain crazier than said villain.
***Nor are the party to go on joint business ventures with the villain and combine their resources to smuggle as many drugs into the country as possible.
****With hindsight, the party naming themselves "The White-Water Gentleman's Club" perhaps should have been a warning that things were going to get weird.

*Fire and Acid are useful for dealing with physical trolls. Internet trolls have an immunity. Somehow.
**No stating Internet Trolls. It's what they want!

*If someone drops pizza on the DM's stuff, be that books, figures or anything else for that matter, leave the room. You may not have to testify if you didn't witness the murder.
**The awkward silence after someone ruins the DM's stuff and the perpetrator realises just how much trouble they are in is not to be broken by smiling and cheerfully asking to play the now-doomed player's character.

[demonwalker]

In GURPS

*I may no longer take levels in Temperature Control with the exclusive purpose of lowering the temperature to -273.15°C to see what happens.
**Doubly so if I do it when playing as a catgirl
***I may not use cat puns as a quirk when playing as a catgirl. The other players get sick of them too quickly.

In Pathfinder
*I may not try to take over hell
**Especially if I can succeed
***I may not enlist demons to aid me in taking over hell.
****I may not convince the party to help me take over hell.
*****Especially if I plan on killing them after words
******I'm not allowed near hell anymore.

[Codex]

*My characters cannot bear too much resemblance to the following characters: Captain Jack Harkness/Sparrow, River Tam, or Catbug

[Cowardly Griffo]

*My characters cannot bear too much resemblance to the following characters: Captain Jack Harkness/Sparrow, River Tam, or Catbug**Especially at the same time.

[Socksy]

*A were-Damn Crab is a terrible idea and I shouldn't use it. It's probably not even doable under RAW.

[DigoDragon]

*I may not use cat puns as a quirk when playing as a catgirl. The other players get sick of them too quickly.

** No longer allowed to make my catgirl a pyromancer who's powers are activated by cat puns.

[toapat]

*A were-Damn Crab is a terrible idea and I shouldn't use it. It's probably not even doable under RAW.

**Cannot play a Were-Battletitan
***or a Were-Tarrasque.
****expecially as a tarrasque

[Razanir]

**Especially at the same time.

*** Especially especially not if it's Captain Jack. As awesome as it would be, the world is not ready for a Harkness-Sparrow hybrid.


*A were-Damn Crab is a terrible idea and I shouldn't use it. It's probably not even doable under RAW.

RAW, perhaps. RAI, perhaps. It never specifies animal as a monster type as opposed to the real world definition.

* In Legend, I may not take all four Elemental tracks.
** Especially not if my character has a tattoo of a blue arrow pointing to his nose.

[vasharanpaladin]

* In Legend, I may not take all four Elemental tracks.
** Especially not if my character has a tattoo of a blue arrow pointing to his nose.

***Or if she's an underage brown amazon.
****Y'know what? No more Last Airbender before game time.
*****...Or ever, if you're going to insist on calling your fire-specced character the "Firelord."

[One Tin Soldier]

*No longer allowed to cast Vorpal Grease
**Even though the rules totally allow it
***Vorpal Magic Missle is questionable
****Vorpal Bigby's Groping Hand is right out

[Spore]

** No longer allowed to make my catgirl a pyromancer who's powers are activated by cat puns.

Impawsible!

I would honestly laugh the whole evening given that all your puns were original.

[DigoDragon]

*** Especially especially not if it's Captain Jack. As awesome as it would be, the world is not ready for a Harkness-Sparrow hybrid.

* The Harkness-Sparrow isn't an actual bird of prey.
** No, it doesn't swoop down and fly off with your significant other.
*** Even if it's an African Harkness-Sparrow.

[unseenmage]

* The Harkness-Sparrow isn't an actual bird of prey.
** No, it doesn't swoop down and fly off with your significant other.
*** Even if it's an African Harkness-Sparrow.

**** No, calculating the air-speed velocity of a laden Harkness-Sparrow is not relavent to the plot.
***** It also stoped being funny an hour ago.

[Prince Raven]

* I may not play a Ninja 1/Bard X named Ronnie Sexbang
** I may not take levels in the prestige class Unicorn Wizard
*** Characters clearly "inspired" by YouTube personalities are preemptively banned

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

* I may not play a Ninja 1/Bard X named Ronnie Sexbang
** I may not take levels in the prestige class Unicorn Wizard
*** Characters clearly "inspired" by YouTube personalities are preemptively banned

**** While you did slay that Dragon, woman don't really care. Stop trying to use it as a pick up line.
***** While dinosaurs may exist in this setting, they definitely don't use lasers, and they can't survive in space.
****** There is no such thing as a Rhinoceratops or a Super Puma. Stop asking Doug. Jesus.

[Spore]

* A Celestial Velociraptor is NOT Raptor Jesus!
** Vocal component of Summon Monster IV is not "I called upon thee oh Raptor Almighty!"
*** Smite Evil packed with the Celestial Template is not subtitled with the phrase "Turn the other cheek so I may ravish your face equally."

[Socksy]

* If a shovel deals more damage on average than a greatsword before adding the damage from STR, it's time to stop going by the written stats and start using common sense.

[GPuzzle]

* If a shovel deals more damage on average than a greatsword before adding the damage from STR, it's time to stop going by the written stats and start using common sense.
** If a shovel deals automatic crits while rocket jumping, you're playing the wrong game.
*** Even if we ARE playing expies.

[razorfloss]

* If a shovel deals more damage on average than a greatsword before adding the damage from STR, it's time to stop going by the written stats and start using common sense.
In difense of the shovel it is actually a decent weapon. Even nowadays it is handed out as a all purpose tool

[Ksheep]

In difense of the shovel it is actually a decent weapon. Even nowadays it is handed out as a all purpose tool

Ah, the good old entrenching tool. In WWI, many soldiers used their entrenching tools in close quarters combat instead of their bayonets, because then were easier to swing in the confined space of the trenches and could actually do more damage (and, if used just so, could also be used as a buckler of sorts). A single swing could easily sever the carotid artery and cause the enemy to quickly bleed out. As a bonus, the entrenching tool is a lot cheaper than a sword and doesn't require a lot of training to "master" (if you can call flailing at the enemy with a shovel "mastering").

[spineyrequiem]

* I cannot be a paladin or cleric of Haruhi Suzumiya
** Maachi from Best Student Council is also an inappropriate god, even if I have a convincing theory for why she's secretly Satan or another high-ranking devil.

* The dungeon crawl is not a metaphor for the struggle of the proletariat against the petty bourgeoisie
** It's not a metaphor for the human condition either
*** Nor is it a metaphor for the life of Jesus.
**** Please stop trying to English-teacher the game.

* The cleric doesn't have to get a food hygiene certificate before casting Create Food
** I definitely shouldn't try to find one for the dungeon

* If a dragon is demanding virgin sacrifices to keep from destroying the land, we should immediately go and kill it. Not wait until a girl rich enough for her parents to pay a substantial reward is picked by the lottery.
** No telling the villagers that there's a lot of dragons out there, our time is limited so we need to know our expenses will be recouped if one turns up, know what I'm saying?
*** No creating illusory dragons in order to run a protection racket.

* Spell preparation is generally agreed to be a calm, near-silent process. Not a loud musical number involving a full orchestra and over three dozen backup dancers.
** Even if I claim it's what my god requests.

* No getting out of dungeon crawls by claiming the omens are unfavourable.

* No making up religious festivals to get out of having to take watch
** Especially no making up religious festivals to mess with the sleep cycle of fellow party members.

[janusmaxwell]

*A were-Damn Crab is a terrible idea and I shouldn't use it. It's probably not even doable under RAW.

...and aquatic themed druid who turns into the equivalent of a Mirelurk from Fallout 3...

"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"
"HSSSSS!"
"OH GOD THE FIRE JUST MADE IT ANGRY!"

[Prince Raven]

**** While you did slay that Dragon, woman don't really care. Stop trying to use it as a pick up line.
***** While dinosaurs may exist in this setting, they definitely don't use lasers, and they can't survive in space.
****** There is no such thing as a Rhinoceratops or a Super Puma. Stop asking Doug. Jesus.

******* No matter what the rules say, I may not rock so hard that Rhinoceratops and Super Puma "make love not war"
******** When on a highly time-sensitive mission I may not stop for pistachio ice cream
********* The single class Ninja's name is not Ninja Brian or Princess Handjob
********** I shall stop singing songs insinuating said Ninja is gay/fat/a murderhobo/has an STD

[dramatic flare]

I may not insist on attempting to comfort the Barbarian every time she rages
*Nor may I demand she go to therapy for her anger issues if her response is to punch me

Being healed by the Cleric does not mean I need to become a Holy Roller for a round

[Arkhosia]

Books will be thrown if my character uses the female barbarian's repeated use of blood rage to conclude she is on her period.

*My familiar is not a hypoallergenic "special" cat
**If I play the daughter of my previous character in a later campaign, my familiar may not be a "special" kitten with dental headgear named "Special K".
***Nor a ghost kitten who only utters the word "Doooooooom" and ghost hairballs

[Cowardly Griffo]

*Eyebrow-waggling is not appropriate as a somatic component.
**No, not even for charm spells.
***No, not even if I'm playing a class which ignores arcane spell failure so I don't have to use my hands.

*Asking the NPC if they want to "go get a room and apply an inherited template" will apply a penalty to my Diplomacy check.

[DigoDragon]

Ah, the good old entrenching tool.

* Not allowed to invent the "Shovel Cannon"
** Even if I have an actual entrenching tool for a basis of my design.

[vasharanpaladin]

* I cannot be a paladin or cleric of Haruhi Suzumiya
** Maachi from Best Student Council is also an inappropriate god, even if I have a convincing theory for why she's secretly Satan or another high-ranking devil.


***The demon Gremory from the Ars Goetia is a fine patron for a warlock. Rias Gremory from Highschool DxD is not.

[Ksheep]

* I cannot treat a curse that makes me ill whenever I lie as a makeshift divination system
** Playing 20 questions with myself to determine where the BBEG is and what he is doing is not allowed
*** From now on, any magical effects based on lying will only activate if I know that I'm lying, not if I unknowingly lie
**** I cannot make a custom spell to get around this issue

[Doorhandle]

******* No matter what the rules say, I may not rock so hard that Rhinoceratops and Super Puma "make love not war"
******** When on a highly time-sensitive mission I may not stop for pistachio ice cream
********* The single class Ninja's name is not Ninja Brian or Princess Handjob
********** I shall stop singing songs insinuating said Ninja is gay/fat/a murderhobo/has an STD

*The manticore may well kick your ass with his giant feet, but he will not then kick your feet with his huge spiky ass.


*Not allowed to steal any of the following: Souls, virginites, pants, underwear, small children, large children, small adults, hearts, eyes, internal organ in general, shadows, or the will to live.

* No amount of point-buy will allow you to have chocolate for blood.
** Or cocaine, let alone other drugs.
*** Acid for blood is acceptable, having Base for blood is just asinine.
**** If any of your other excretions do... interesting things, the character is vetoed and their corpse dissected for study.

*No acidic lava.
**Or Coldfire-lava for that matter.
*** Not even going to ask how you made lava conductive.
**** No, you may not have a moat made of liquid prismatic spray. Jesus christ, what level would that spell even have?
***** ...No, acid-bred will not help you there.

[Ksheep]

* I may not play as a Hadozee named Jim Russell

* I may not set up an all-barbarian party
** Especially when the BBEG has a secret cult and everyone in the party is too low INT to see the signs
*** We should make sure at least ONE of our members is literate

* I may not kill the BBEG in a single round
** Especially with a Triple Crit
*** Doubly so with a Critical Fail
**** I don't care if the Critical Fail chart says that you kill yourself and the nearest enemy, the BBEG should not die because your sword slipped out of your fingers

* I may not vow to destroy every Gazebo I come across
** I may not join sides with the Gazebos
*** I may not play as a Gazebo

[Sith_Happens]

* Half-Elves' Diplomacy bonus comes from their multicultural background, not "bishie sparkle."

[Socratov]

* Half-Elves' Diplomacy bonus comes from their multicultural background"Bishie sparkle", not "bishie sparkle" cultural background

Fixed that for you :smalltongue:

[Cowardly Griffo]

* Half-Elves' Diplomacy bonus comes from their multicultural background, not "bishie sparkle."

Fixed that for you :smalltongue:http://24.media.tumblr.com/c4b8f12016e305d4b6d36ae8d7c5d3af/tumblr_mkws36UgVu1ry10fwo1_400.gif

[Ksheep]

* My bard may not sing the names of all the creatures that we have previously encountered when Inspiring Courage
** Said song may not be in the form of a rap
*** Nor may it be a polka
**** This goes double if we're playing in a Pokémon-based game

[Graypairofsocks]

* My bard may not sing the names of all the creatures that we have previously encountered when Inspiring Courage
** Said song may not be in the form of a rap
*** Nor may it be a polka
**** This goes double if we're playing in a Pokémon-based game

***** We may not duplicate creatures with Simulacrum in order to "catch em all".
****** Nor may we do it with Ice assassins.
******* Or with Deepspawn (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mof_gallery/MonFaePG33a.jpg).
******** Not even with Ice assassins of Deepspawn.

[GorinichSerpant]

*Not allowed to steal any of the following: Souls, virginites, pants, underwear, small children, large children, small adults, hearts, eyes, internal organ in general, shadows, or the will to live.


**No longer aloud to kidnap large adults.
***I must use the word "kidnap" when I"m taking people without permission, not "steal"
****Even if my character doesn't consider said people as people.

[Oneris]

*Just because I took over DM’s chair (while he was in the bathroom) does not make me the new DM.
**Not allowed to complain when he does in fact physically tip me out of the chair.
***Not allowed to turn the gaming session into musical chairs every time someone gets up.

Edit: Okay, now I do want to play a game where characters (including the GM) are assigned to chairs instead of people, and whomever its in that chair gets to play that character.

[GPuzzle]

*When casting any spell, my Half-Fiend Sorcerer does not say "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!"

*My familiar is not a Dead Parrot.

*My Cleric/Bard cannot break into singing "Every Sperm Is Sacred" whenever condoms are mentioned.

[unseenmage]

*My familiar is not a Dead Parrot.

** Nor is it "resting".
*** Or "stunned".
**** Or "pining".
***** Nor a "stiff", "bereft of life", nor does it "rest in peace".
****** It's also not "pushing up the daisies".
******* Not to refer to it as its "metabolic processes are now history".
******** Not "off the twig" either.
********* It hasn't "kicked the bucket", "shuffled off this mortal coil", nor "run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible".

********** 'THIS IS (not) AN EX-PARROT!!'

[Sith_Happens]

*Just because I took over DM’s chair (while he was in the bathroom) does not make me the new DM.
**Not allowed to complain when he does in fact physically tip me out of the chair.
***Not allowed to turn the gaming session into musical chairs every time someone gets up.

Edit: Okay, now I do want to play a game where characters (including the GM) are assigned to chairs instead of people, and whomever its in that chair gets to play that character.

http://th05.deviantart.net/fs70/300W/f/2013/200/5/7/tf2_vs_at_mlp_victory_quotes__sniper_by_jellymaycr y-d6e5tlb.png

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.


*When casting any spell, my Half-Fiend Sorcerer does not say "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!"

** "Yu mo gui gwai fai di zao" is right out.

[ChaosArchon]

*No my Paladin of Tyranny's creed cannot be "Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken. Divine magic shall free me"
**Especially if my Paladin is a Paladin of Tyranny//Psion (Telepathy) gish

[Sith_Happens]

*No my Paladin of Tyranny's creed cannot be "Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power I gain victory. Through victory my chains are broken. Divine magic shall free me"
**Especially if my Paladin is a Paladin of Tyranny//Psion (Telepathy) gish

** "Fear is freedom! Subjugation is liberation! Contradiction is truth! These are the truths of this world! Surrender to these truths, you pigs in human clothing!" is maybe okay once. Once.

[Rater202]

** "Yu mo gui gwai fai di zao" is right out.

***Except maybe as an incantation for an exorcism spell.
****No, I can't ask "Who else want a pice of uncle" after exorcising a demon.

*If, for some inconceivable reason, the Gm decides that he wants to run an incredibly high powered game, and the only way to do it is to use the Gestalt rules to combine 6 classes and then start at level 30, I am not to combine Unarmed Swordsage, regular swordsage, warblade, crusader, fighter, and warlock.
**Especially not if I pay the gold from my wealth by level to buy a ring of three wishs, use the first wish to get all Warlock Invocations, the thsecond to make all of my supernatural maneuvers extraordinary, and the third to make my eldritch blast and invocations extraordinary.
*** The GM really wants to know what he was smoking when he allowed that.
****Paying the price to have a permanent nondispellable light spell cast upon my character, and having him have spiky blond hair, is laying it on just a little thick
*****Replacing the Warlock levels with a dragon monster class and the Dragon Ascendant Prestige Class is probably the only time when making a character a God makes them less of a Sue, even if it makes them technically more powerful

[Lord Raziere]

** "Yu mo gui gwai fai di zao" is right out.

*** Or "Fuego", "Forzare" or "Flickum Bicus"
**** or "Expelliarmus" or "Accio", "Avada Kedrava" "Sectumsempra" or any other one from that series
***** "Brisingr" is not even in, was never in, and it is not appreciated that you brought it in, is really right out.

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

** "Fear is freedom! Subjugation is liberation! Contradiction is truth! These are the truths of this world! Surrender to these truths, you pigs in human clothing!" is maybe okay once. Once.

**While jumping off of a building, laughing the entire way down, to beat someone to the door is funny and brilliant the first time. It may not be your only means of leaving a building from then on.

[A Tad Insane]

I'll no longer suggest the party continues after the cleric got slapped by an allip

[Cowardly Griffo]

*Flurry of Blows, Mosquito's Bite and Quivering Palm are not a license to tell someone that they don't even know they are already dead.

[unseenmage]

*** Or "Fuego", "Forzare" or "Flickum Bicus"
**** or "Expelliarmus" or "Accio", "Avada Kedrava" "Sectumsempra" or any other one from that series
***** "Brisingr" is not even in, was never in, and it is not appreciated that you brought it in, is really right out.

****** No "Klaatu barada nikto" either.
******* Definitely no "Klaatu Barada N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N... [coughs]"

[Sith_Happens]

* The verbal component of Suggestion is not "Simon says."
* The verbal component of Suggestion is not "Would you kindly."
* The verbal component of Suggestion is most certainly not "sudo."

[ChaosArchon]

* The verbal component of Suggestion is not "Would you kindly."


Well it's gonna be the verbal component when I cast it, mwhahaha (if I don't reply in a week it means my DM killed me with all the books he threw)

[Cowardly Griffo]

* The verbal component of Suggestion is most certainly not "sudo."I am going to sneak that into every line of Truspeak jibber-jabber I ever say now. I hope you're happy.

[Socksy]

* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not the Caramelldansen.
** Nor is it the Macarena
*** Nor is it the Time Warp
**** Or the Cha Cha Slide
***** ...You know what, the goblin mage just cast Hideous Laughter instead, stop dancing!

[DigoDragon]

***Except maybe as an incantation for an exorcism spell.
****No, I can't ask "Who else want a pice of uncle" after exorcising a demon.

***** One more thing! No longer allowed to cast spells through cell phones.

[Storm_Of_Snow]

****** No "Klaatu barada nikto" either.
******* Definitely no "Klaatu Barada N... Necktie... Neckturn... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N... [coughs]"

******** "Ekil erif, ekam erif, erif erif, di Maggio" can be used once, then it's banned.:smallwink:

[Socratov]

*** Or "Fuego", "Forzare" or "Flickum Bicus"
**** or "Expelliarmus" or "Accio", "Avada Kedrava" "Sectumsempra" or any other one from that series
***** "Brisingr" is not even in, was never in, and it is not appreciated that you brought it in, is really right out.
****If you really want to use Harry Dresden's incantations for your spells' verbal components you deserve all and everything I do to your character. yes, that includes the exclusion of nookie for fun. Oh, and expect to be screwed over royally by every seriously powerful supernatural creature you encounter.

* Otto's Irresistable Dance is not the Caramelldansen.
** Nor is it the Macarena
*** Nor is it the Time Warp
**** Or the Cha Cha Slide
***** ...You know what, the goblin mage just cast Hideous Laughter instead, stop dancing!
*****It looks, however, like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaC9fbenyz0)

[Rater202]

***** One more thing! No longer allowed to cast spells through cell phones.

******I can have a demon released from it's stone Prison declare"I LIIIIVE!!" as it's released. If the Same demon is released and imprisoned multiple times in the campaign, I'm not to have it do so every single time.

[GPuzzle]

I did not expect that to spread like wildfire.

[unseenmage]

I did not expect that to spread like wildfire.

* From now on I am to expect wildfire to spread exactly like wildfire. :smalltongue:

[Hyena]

* Asmodeus's code does not prevent him from declining a rock-off challenge.

[Rater202]

I did not expect that to spread like wildfire.

It was a popular cartoon, what do ya expect.

Ooh! This reminds me of a couple real ones

*If, in a multil Dimensional Megacrossover Game, my character uses his dimenional gate to go the the Jackie Chan Adventures universe to steal the Talismans of Shendu, I'm to distribute Them Equally among the rest of the Party
**I can't have the Horse and the Dog.
***Even though I'm the whole reason we have them.
****Guys, the youngest guy here is 16. We can act like responsible adults. Now, stop fighting over the Tiger.

I'm not making that up, btw. We were actually fighting over who got the Tiger Talisman(One Guy was a Wizard with spells that got easier if two people cast them, one guy was a bit of a perve, and my character wanted it because of the whole "You need the Tiger to wield more than one power at a time" thing)

[Socksy]

* Apparently, Twi'Leks are not just hobgoblins IN SPAAAAAAAAACE.
** So I should probably not play mine the same way I play and fluff hobgoblins.
*** Nor may I try to port an actual hobgoblin into Saga to play.

[toapat]

* Apparently, Twi'Leks are not just hobgoblins IN SPAAAAAAAAACE.
** So I should probably not play mine the same way I play and fluff hobgoblins.
*** Nor may I try to port an actual hobgoblin into Saga to play.

actually, from what i understand, Twi'Lek are basically patriachal space drow

[ChaosArchon]

actually, from what i understand, Twi'Lek are basically patriachal space drow

really I always saw them as aasari without the political and scientific standing the aasari have

[toapat]

really I always saw them as aasari without the political and scientific standing the aasari have

asari are monogendered and dont have a public slave trade market for women.

[ChaosArchon]

asari are monogendered and dont have a public slave trade market for women.

True but both races are matriarchal societies and see little stigma in a profession involving the more steamy aspects of life.

[Mrc.]

From the session last night/this morning:

*As the DM, I am not to take it the wrong way when the players spend almost an entire hour planning a way to gain access to a cave before instead just walking away. They didn't know the work I put in.
**Tieflings may have red skin and horns but this doesn't make them Red Devils.
***No taunting the tieflings for Man Utd's poor season.

*If you are to arrange to have your gaming group over, it would be prudent to ensure you have a door key to your house so they don't spend eight hours waiting to get in.
**In the instance that this does occur, the cost of getting an out-of-hours locksmith is worth it if only to prevent the DM finally going mad and killing everyone.
***The correct response to the question "Where is your house?" is to give the postcode, not reply with "Literally as far from civilisation as Mordor."

[GPuzzle]

***The correct response to the question "Where is your house?" is to give the postcode, not reply with "Literally as far from civilisation as Mordor."
****Nor is it "A few meters right to the Moon."
*****Much less "A few meters right to the Mun."

[ChaosArchon]

****Nor is it "A few meters right to the Moon."
*****Much less "A few meters right to the Mun."
******neither is "in the Milky Way Galaxy"
******* "next galaxy from the Andromeda Galaxy" is right out

[Silus]

*While appropriatly cinematic, music during the game is more distracting than it is helpful.
**That includes "Blumenkranz" in World Of Darkness when the female Vampire Prince walks in.
***"Row Row Fight The Power", while awesome, is no longer allowed in the Star Wars game, especially when everyone is playing Rebels.
****Neither is "Before my Body is Dry" (DON'T LOSE YOUR WAAAAAAY!) when the surprise Force user uses their powers for the first time.
*****And yes, as fitting as it may be, no "Holding Out For A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler for chase scenes.
******Music rights are hereby suspended at the table.

[DigoDragon]

*While appropriately cinematic, music during the game is more distracting than it is helpful.

* I'm no longer allowed to play Pirates of the Caribbean music during a sword fight on a ship.
** Doesn't help that I (the cleric) was also trying to marry two PCs at the same time as the sword fight.

[Jay R]

*As the DM, I am not to take it the wrong way when the players spend almost an entire hour planning a way to gain access to a cave before instead just walking away. They didn't know the work I put in.

Five seconds more work and the ground will collapse under them, and they will fall down into the second level.

[Ksheep]

* I may not base my game around Jumanji
** Nor may I base it off of Zathura
*** I may not base it off of both at the same time
**** Especially if we're playing Call of Cthulhu or Paranoia

[Mrc.]

Five seconds more work and the ground will collapse under them, and they will fall down into the second level.

Actually, they were on a mountain and the cave was a weak point between the planes. Normally just the material plane and a part of one of the Gods residences, but something had gone wrong as evidenced by the copious undead leaking out of the cave. They suspected Orcus had managed to turn the weak point between two planes into a threeway (heh) and after clearing out the cave I expected them to proceed through, some of them landing in the Abyss and some in the heavens. Instead they decided that torrents of undead swarming out of a random cave with an explicitly Lawful Good reputation made perfect sense and just returned. Still, they're gonna have to fight a lot more undead!

*If you as DM complain about characters being overpowered, fully expect that players next character to either be pathetically weak or stupidly overpowered but in a slightly more limited way than before.

[Erik Vale]

*Petals are finger length hieght, Pixies are as tall as a halfling, so yes, the rangers daughter admiring a pixie isn't something to make light of.
** You cannot keep talking while you're asleep dammit!

*Tasteful and well delivered puns are allowed.
**Jokes that cause the entire room to laugh for 5 minutes and jaws to hurt are not.
***Add humans to the list of creatures not 'Openly Fey'.

[Socksy]

*My last wish cannot be "to make Calvinball the national sport of [country]."
** Cannot use either of my other two wishes for it, either.

[janusmaxwell]

*While appropriatly cinematic, music during the game is more distracting than it is helpful.
**That includes "Blumenkranz" in World Of Darkness when the female Vampire Prince walks in.
***"Row Row Fight The Power", while awesome, is no longer allowed in the Star Wars game, especially when everyone is playing Rebels.
****Neither is "Before my Body is Dry" (DON'T LOSE YOUR WAAAAAAY!) when the surprise Force user uses their powers for the first time.
*****And yes, as fitting as it may be, no "Holding Out For A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler for chase scenes.
******Music rights are hereby suspended at the table.

you used Kill La Kill music in DnD sessions. You get ALL the music rights at the table.

[GPuzzle]

*Githzerai Monk? With Gith Blade Master? And blind? And the Fullblade refluffed as a bamboo sword? Sure, why not.
**Half-Elf Bard, focused on Thunder? With a giant blaster who launches rockets? Cool.
***Revenant Battlemind focused on taking as little damage as possible? With ways to revert the damage towards the enemies? I'm seeing a pattern here...
****Human Psion? With a buttload of technology? I'm nearly refusing that...
*****Human Swordmage|Star Pact Warlock? Wait a minute...
******NO, YOU CANNOT PLAY BEFORE MY BODY IS DRY ON THE TABLE.

[Ksheep]

* My Artificer cannot challenge the Barbarian to a 15 second wrestling match with a wheel of cheese
** Especially if the cheese is gyroscopically stabilized
*** I shouldn't be surprised when the Barbarian caves my skull in when the cheese wins

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to invent time travel in D&D 4e by using Hail of Arrows, tying a pixie to an arrow, and astronomy.

[Sith_Happens]

* "Raspberry Beret, the Kind You Buy in a Second-Hand Store" is not a proper Exalt name.

[ChaosArchon]

* "Raspberry Beret, the Kind You Buy in a Second-Hand Store" is not a proper Exalt name.

** Nor is He-of-the-Resplendent-Apple-Made-Phone

[Ionbound]

** Nor is He-of-the-Resplendent-Apple-Made-Phone

***Nor is "She-Who-Seeks-The-Universal-Web"...Actually, on second thought, that one's pretty good.

[DigoDragon]

* I may not base my game around Jumanji
** Nor may I base it off of Zathura
*** I may not base it off of both at the same time

*Raises hand* Guilty. :smallsmile:


* Not to be surprised when the cursed magic ring the PCs find ends up turning the DMPC to a gold statue.
** The undead pirate demon's response to the cleric's turn attempt is not a left hook.
*** The bard is banned from using a banjo as a ranged weapon.
**** No loner allowed to create any boss encounter with a damage resistance of DR X/Puns
***** No such thing as a lactose intolerant volcano god.
****** The PCs are banned from attempting life insurance fraud.
******* No longer allowed to have the BBEG's final battle take place in an amusement park.
******** I am hereby banned from inspiration by Lucasarts games.

[Socksy]

* Not to be surprised when the cursed magic ring the PCs find ends up turning the DMPC to a gold statue.
** The undead pirate demon's response to the cleric's turn attempt is not a left hook.
*** The bard is banned from using a banjo as a ranged weapon.
**** No loner allowed to create any boss encounter with a damage resistance of DR X/Puns
***** No such thing as a lactose intolerant volcano god.
****** The PCs are banned from attempting life insurance fraud.
******* No longer allowed to have the BBEG's final battle take place in an amusement park.
******** I am hereby banned from inspiration by Lucasarts games.

Any of these from actual campaigns? I'd be interested in hearing about them, it sounds groovalicious o:



* Maenads not have the racial ability "Can convert 3.0e and 3.5e characters to Pathfinder characters within 30ft, at-will"

[DigoDragon]

Any of these from actual campaigns?

The undead pirate, banjo-wielding bard, and the insurance fraud incident were. :smallbiggrin:

The pirate was from one of my D&D campaigns, made using the Libris Mortis book to make turning him really hard. When the cleric decided to make the turn attempt in melee and he failed, the pirate broke his nose with his spiked ghost-touch gauntlet. :smallbiggrin: The bard was from a silly adventure, one of the PCs played the equivalent of "El Kabong!"

The insurance fraud didn't actually happen (it was more reward money than insurance), but was seriously planned out by some PCs in a different D&D campaign. There was a reward for the party rogue (dead or alive) so the PCs had this idea of killing the rogue, giving proof to the city constable, and then taking the body out of town to rez. They almost went though with it, but had a minor issue in the plan (vis-a-vis the rogue didn't want in on this plan).

[Mrc.]

*If we decide to play a game where pirates play a key role, we should first clarify what each of us means by 'pirates'.
**If I discover that everyone else is playing Captain Jack Sparrow, I am not to become the Crimson Pirate.
***Or any form of space pirate.
****Stop singing that!

*When asked if I have committed a crime, I am not to point the authorities in the direction of the murder paladin.
**No claiming that I was attempting to refer the question to a more honourable member of the party.
***No more blame-game with the paladin.

*If one of the party is attempting to use an intimidate check, I must not ask exactly what actions beyond speaking they intend to use as part of the check.
And this one almost happened: **Evard's Black Tentacles does not grant a bonus to intimidate! :smalleek:

[ChaosArchon]

*If we decide to play a game where pirates play a key role, we should first clarify what each of us means by 'pirates'.
**If I discover that everyone else is playing Captain Jack Sparrow, I am not to become the Crimson Pirate.
***Or any form of space pirate.
****Stop singing that!

*****nor is the Dread Pirate Roberts an appropriate alternative
****** you can't be the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything either damnit!

[Oneris]

*****nor is the Dread Pirate Robets an appropriate alternative
****** you can't be the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything either damnit!
*******And definitely not a pastry-rodent of any kind.

[janusmaxwell]

*****nor is the Dread Pirate Robets an appropriate alternative
****** you can't be the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything either damnit!

I call dibs on being "The Pirate Captain!" And yes that is his name

[Mrc.]

I call dibs on being "The Pirate Captain!" And yes that is his name

"What do they call you, Pirate Captain?"

[Ksheep]

*****nor is the Dread Pirate Roberts an appropriate alternative
****** you can't be the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything either damnit!

******* I am not a Pirate King (Oh no, he's not a Pirate King)
******** Even if it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King (Oh yes, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King)
********* No, I cannot get the rest of my Piratical crew to be backup singers

[braveheart]

my barbarian character is no longer allowed to fill out paperwork for customs....with his axe
I'm not allowed to cast create water inside an NPC's lungs...drowning
I'm also not allowed get an immovable rod for my monk with +28 to acrobatics at level 6...flying
I'm not allowed to use boots that can make 1 rose every round as a free action...I don't have one this time

[Leviting]

*If one of the party is attempting to use an intimidate check, I must not ask exactly what actions beyond speaking they intend to use as part of the check.
And this one almost happened: **Evard's Black Tentacles does not grant a bonus to intimidate! :smalleek:

Aside from the... disconcerting mental image I got, why wouldn't you use Black Tentacles?

[Mrc.]

Aside from the... disconcerting mental image I got, why wouldn't you use Black Tentacles?

It was precisely said disconcerting mental image that was the plan. I told them that if they wanted to basically run their own hentai fantasies I wouldn't stop them, but that had no place at my table. That shut them up pretty quick! :smallcool:

[Lord Raziere]

*******And definitely not a pastry-rodent of any kind.

******** or a fiery rodent, or a fiery pastry rodent either.

[Arkhosia]

*******And definitely not a pastry-rodent of any kind.

Especially if the pastry-rodent is larger than normal.

[ChaosArchon]

Especially if the pastry-rodent is larger than normal.
Even there were two of such rodents, they would not be gathered for mawiage

[Arkhosia]

Even there were two of such rodents, they would not be gathered for mawiage

Especially if one's mostly dead (but not all dead).

[ChaosArchon]

Especially if one's mostly dead (but not all dead).

Nor do they fight to the pain, they're animals damnit they fight to the death

[Arkhosia]

Nor do they fight to the pain, they're animals damnit they fight to the death

They don't care if their father dies too, cuz animals don't work that way!

[Socksy]

What are you guys all referencing??

[unseenmage]

What are you guys all referencing??

For the record your query made me die a little inside.

Also, this is what they're referencing. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/)

[Arkhosia]

*Upon reading that NPCs give XP, the appropriate response is not to go on a murder spree.

[Socksy]

For the record your query made me die a little inside.

Also, this is what they're referencing. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/)

The film was released in '87 and I was born in '97... Can't exactly blame me for not going to see it. :smalltongue: I haven't seen The Lion King either.


*Upon reading that NPCs give XP, the appropriate response is not to go on a murder spree.

** No encouraging the other PCs to dip into Commoner for the XP Farm flaw.

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

The film was released in '87 and I was born in '97... Can't exactly blame me for not going to see it. :smalltongue: I haven't seen The Lion King either.

Both the movie and book are classics. And year or birth is no excuse to not have seen it. It's about as bad as how at least 70% of the people in my graduating class had never even seen Holy Grail let alone knew who the Pythons even where. (And really, never seen Lion King? Who can resist Hamlet for kids? :smalltongue:)



*When playing CoC, the players first instinct after being informed that it's Hastur the cultists are trying to summon, should not be to say screw it, arm up, aid them/don't hamper them in the ritual, and then try to pull a Henderson.

[Socksy]

Both the movie and book are classics. And year or birth is no excuse to not have seen it. It's about as bad as how at least 70% of the people in my graduating class had never even seen Holy Grail let alone knew who the Pythons even where. (And really, never seen Lion King? Who can resist Hamlet for kids? :smalltongue:)


My parents (especially my mother) would rather I learnt and 'prepared for my future' during my childhood than waste time on things like movies, especially kids ones which they weren't interested in. :smallfrown::smallsigh: So no Lion King, no Pochahontas, barely any Disney other than the classic ones. In fact, I went to the cinema maybe once a year with my family, and another once or twice when I went to visit my grandparents, because they didn't want to take me/couldn't be bothered. Even now my dad just hands me some money and tells me to take my brother on the train if there's something on we want to watch. :smallsigh::smallannoyed:

[Somensjev]

My parents (especially my mother) would rather I learnt and 'prepared for my future' during my childhood than waste time on things like movies, especially kids ones which they weren't interested in. :smallfrown::smallsigh: So no Lion King, no Pochahontas, barely any Disney other than the classic ones. In fact, I went to the cinema maybe once a year with my family, and another once or twice when I went to visit my grandparents, because they didn't want to take me/couldn't be bothered. Even now my dad just hands me some money and tells me to take my brother on the train if there's something on we want to watch. :smallsigh::smallannoyed:

Both the movie and book are classics. And year or birth is no excuse to not have seen it. It's about as bad as how at least 70% of the people in my graduating class had never even seen Holy Grail let alone knew who the Pythons even where. (And really, never seen Lion King? Who can resist Hamlet for kids? :smalltongue:)

The film was released in '87 and I was born in '97... Can't exactly blame me for not going to see it. :smalltongue: I haven't seen The Lion King either.

i was born in '97 too, however i have seen both films :smalltongue:
it did take me a while to figure out what they were referencing though :smallredface:

and i could see how one could easily call watching these movies 'preparing for one's future', since they have wonderful morals for young minds, not that that really means anything to the conversation, just thought i'd bring it up

[DigoDragon]

[Thread derailment]

Well thanks to the wonders of science, you can catch up on those movies with inventions like Netflix. So I hope you get the opportunity! :smallsmile:


* No longer allowed to include a 70-inch plasma tv with Netflix in my list of demands.
** Especially when they're demands to my boss in exchange for doing my job and not like... say ransom.

[ChaosArchon]

Well thanks to the wonders of science, you can catch up on those movies with inventions like Netflix. So I hope you get the opportunity! :smallsmile:


* No longer allowed to include a 70-inch plasma tv with Netflix in my list of demands.
** Especially when they're demands to my boss in exchange for doing my job and not like... say ransom.
***nor is a cannon the proper gift for your SO

[Socksy]

Well thanks to the wonders of science, you can catch up on those movies with inventions like Netflix. So I hope you get the opportunity! :smallsmile:


* No longer allowed to include a 70-inch plasma tv with Netflix in my list of demands.
** Especially when they're demands to my boss in exchange for doing my job and not like... say ransom.

*** Not allowed to treat this as an excuse to hold my boss ransom.

And yes, I think I will watch them at some point c:

[Rater202]

They don't care if their father dies too, cuz animals don't work that way!
*That is in fact what that word means

***nor is a cannon the proper gift for your SO

****Even if bitches love cannons.

[Mrc.]

****Even if bitches love cannons.

*****I am not a ****-mothering vampire.
******No taunting the Catholic church.
*******No death threats for the pope.
********Never again am I permitted to talk to the queen like that.

[ChaosArchon]

*****I am not a ****-mothering vampire.
******No taunting the Catholic church.
*******No death threats for the pope.
********Never again am I permitted to talk to the queen like that.
********** even if she started it... when I was a girl

[Forrestfire]

*My swiftblade is not the Wizard of Speed and Time.
**No, not even if I dip bard.
***I can't get a green robe either.

[Jakodee]

********** even if she started it... when I was a girl
*********** The cannons sweeping the nation are not in fact a plague that only affects "bitchs"

[Daishain]

*I am not allowed to use Alter Self to become an Avariel and essentially get the fly spell early
**I am not allowed to Polymorph party members into rust monsters when facing iron golems
***I am not allowed to use Polymorph to turn the party rogue, who's in a flanking position, into a Hydra and at the same time have my familiar cast haste on him using a wand.
****I am not allowed to use Polymorph to turn the spouse of a newly wedded party member into a troll while they're both asleep in the same bed
*****I am not allowed to have spells from the Polymorph line on my spell list

*Boosting my already high fire resistance, stripping naked, and wading across a wide but shallow lava flow to snag our objective and bypass the railroad we were on is acceptable, if annoying to the DM.
**Rubbing it in his face by stopping to do a dance number halfway across is likely to result in being eaten by a randomly emerging horde of fire elementals.

*Rolling multiple spot and listen checks in every unremarkable town we come across for both me and my raven is likely to reult in my character staring in a window while a pair of town elders engage in surprisingly energetic and vividly described lovemaking.
**No, I cannot return the favor when I use suggestion to get the weak willed guards in our way more... focused on each other than us.

*I am not allowed to spoil coronation ceremonies for my own personal amusement by using Grease on certain ceremonial objects
**Using Matter Agitation to make a throne too hot to sit on is definitely out of line.

[janusmaxwell]

*That is in fact what that word means


****Even if bitches love cannons.

GD you! You stole my Line!
*I'm not allowed to murder the messenger of the BBEG in the middle of a war declaration or Box Text and respond with a sarcastic "whoops"

And that's not just a reference:..my most common reaction to any villain monologueing is to aim for the head so they shut the F up.

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

GD you! You stole my Line!
*I'm not allowed to murder the messenger of the BBEG in the middle of a war declaration or Box Text and respond with a sarcastic "whoops"

And that's not just a reference:..my most common reaction to any villain monologueing is to aim for the head so they shut the F up.


**My character going for a walk should not end in hundreds of thousands of dollars in collateral damage.

[ChaosArchon]

**My character going for a walk should not end in hundreds of thousands of dollars in collateral damage.
***nor can my character say his armor is half as thick as his d***, it's rude and nobody wants to hear that

[Socksy]

* Contrary to what I believed up until a few days ago, orcs in D&D aren't actually fruit.

[Sith_Happens]

I haven't seen The Lion King either.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100217032650/unanything/images/f/f9/Dramatic-Prairie-Dog.gif

[Leviting]

I haven't seen The Lion King either.
.

Can your broken childhood be fixed with restoration? Or can only wishes and miracles cure this flaw?

[Arkhosia]

*********** The cannons sweeping the nation are not in fact a plague that only affects "bitchs"

********... : Saying an offensive comment about the SWAT team's leader does not give you the ability to state the 60 something police you slaughtered on your way out of the hotel started it.
*********...: Pope Benedict I forget the number of did not resign cuz of your threatening letters.
********...: the proper response to flipping an ambulance onto 5 people is not to go play GTA 5

[Socksy]

I still have another two months seven and a half weeks of childhood left before uni!
But I'm not watching it on my own. My friend made me watch the dad dying on youtube and I teared up.

* Yes, Mindrape can fix a broken childhood. No, that does not remove the [Evil] descriptor.
** Even if Sanctify the Wicked is somehow [Good].

[ChaosArchon]

* Yes, Mindrape can fix a broken childhood. No, that does not remove the [Evil] descriptor.
** Even if Sanctify the Wicked is somehow [Good].
*** I don't care if Death Urge doesn't have the [Evil] tag, what you did was horrible and you deserve to be bunk mates with Asmodeus

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

********... : Saying an offensive comment about the SWAT team's leader does not give you the ability to state the 60 something police you slaughtered on your way out of the hotel started it.
*********...: Pope Benedict I forget the number of did not resign cuz of your threatening letters.
********...: the proper response to flipping an ambulance onto 5 people is not to go play GTA 5

*# whatever: Playing "Shoot to Thrill" does not give you a bonus on all roles involved with making a dynamic entry. No matter how cool it may be.

[Doorhandle]

*Githzerai Monk? With Gith Blade Master? And blind? And the Fullblade refluffed as a bamboo sword? Sure, why not.
**Half-Elf Bard, focused on Thunder? With a giant blaster who launches rockets? Cool.
***Revenant Battlemind focused on taking as little damage as possible? With ways to revert the damage towards the enemies? I'm seeing a pattern here...
****Human Psion? With a buttload of technology? I'm nearly refusing that...
*****Human Swordmage|Star Pact Warlock? Wait a minute...
******NO, YOU CANNOT PLAY BEFORE MY BODY IS DRY ON THE TABLE.

*There is more to winning combat than sundering every last scrap of clothing on your opponent.
** Intelligent items are okay. Intelligent armour is... weird. Intelligent sailor fukus just aren't on.
*** How did your miniskirt even GET the vampire template?

[Leviting]

*** I don't care if Death Urge doesn't have the [Evil] tag, what you did was horrible and you deserve to be bunk mates with Asmodeus

meh, there are worse places to be. Does bunk mates imply that I am still sane enough climb into a bunk? At least my bunk mate will be lawful and intelligent.

[ChaosArchon]

meh, there are worse places to be. Does bunk mates imply that I am still sane enough climb into a bunk? At least my bunk mate will be lawful and intelligent.

no it just means you're trapped in an eldritch bedroom that ensures you will eventually end up on your bunk. whether you're sane enough to realize it... well let's just hope the sky was always green right? :smalltongue:

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to start a fantasy webstory.
**No longer allowed to drop a Doctor Who reference by complete accident.

[Rater202]

*****I am not a ****-mothering vampire.
******No taunting the Catholic church.
*******No death threats for the pope.
********Never again am I permitted to talk to the queen like that.


********** even if she started it... when I was a girl


GD you! You stole my Line!
*I'm not allowed to murder the messenger of the BBEG in the middle of a war declaration or Box Text and respond with a sarcastic "whoops"

And that's not just a reference:..my most common reaction to any villain monologueing is to aim for the head so they shut the F up.


**My character going for a walk should not end in hundreds of thousands of dollars in collateral damage.


***nor can my character say his armor is half as thick as his d***, it's rude and nobody wants to hear that


********... : Saying an offensive comment about the SWAT team's leader does not give you the ability to state the 60 something police you slaughtered on your way out of the hotel started it.
*********...: Pope Benedict I forget the number of did not resign cuz of your threatening letters.
********...: the proper response to flipping an ambulance onto 5 people is not to go play GTA 5

I've created a monster that's grown beyond my power to control.

This must be what it feels like to be a god

*sensitive manly tear* So proud.

*#WHATEVS: When the home base is under attack, I'm not to stay in my room watching cartoons instantly on Netflix
**Especially if the cartoon in question is not actually available for instant watching on netflix.
***When asked why I stopped painting something, the answer is not "I ran out of goats".
****I'm not allowed to crash an expensive car into a dairy queen because I'm board with it.
*****Especially because there are no Dairy Queens in this country, you'd have to pay hundreds of dollars tofly it somewhere else first
******If my boss can use the sounds of me fighting-and the fact that 99.9999999% of out budget goes towards keeping me entertained, as a tool to intimidate them into raising our budget significantly, then I should probably tone down the violence.
*******I'm not allowed to quote Epic Meal time while fighting

*My Orichalcum Caste Alchemical is no allowed to tell others to quote, "Bite my Glorious Golden Ass".

[demonwalker]

*May no longer cause an enemy that uses grenades or any other similar weapon to fall into a 30ft hole
**especially if it causes a 20 minute discussion on how throwing the grenade will work, and where it will fall.
**Not to laugh it the above two happens, and the grenade ends up falling into the hole, injuring the enemy and his allies.

*If the GM somehow figures that 3x6=9, I am not to laugh at his mistake and offer to get him an elementary school textbook.
**Failure to comply will get my character killed and/or heavy objects thrown at me

*If I mention grabbing my calculus and physics textbooks to come up with plans, the gm has permission to break my legs.
**this does not mean crawl out to my car and carry them back somehow.
***Wheelchairs to get said books are right out
****Before each session, I am required to hand over all textbooks, calculators, calculators, and paper other than my character sheet to the gm.
*****no, this doesn't mean hide formulas on my character sheet
******The gm now provides me with my character sheet each session

*When gming, I am not allowed to add creepypasta characters into the game
**Even if I find them already created
***I most certainly not make any creepypastas the BBEG of my campaign.
Next in spoilers due to possible triggering
****If I do somehow manage to sneak Slenderman into my game, I may not have two girls stab a third as an offering to Slender

[Doorhandle]

*May no longer cause an enemy that uses grenades or any other similar weapon to fall into a 30ft hole
**especially if it causes a 20 minute discussion on how throwing the grenade will work, and where it will fall.
**Not to laugh it the above two happens, and the grenade ends up falling into the hole, injuring the enemy and his allies.

*If the GM somehow figures that 3x6=9, I am not to laugh at his mistake and offer to get him an elementary school textbook.
**Failure to comply will get my character killed and/or heavy objects thrown at me

*If I mention grabbing my calculus and physics textbooks to come up with plans, the gm has permission to break my legs.
**this does not mean crawl out to my car and carry them back somehow.
***Wheelchairs to get said books are right out
****Before each session, I am required to hand over all textbooks, calculators, calculators, and paper other than my character sheet to the gm.
*****no, this doesn't mean hide formulas on my character sheet
******The gm now provides me with my character sheet each session

*When gming, I am not allowed to add creepypasta characters into the game
**Even if I find them already created
***I most certainly not make any creepypastas the BBEG of my campaign.
Next in spoilers due to possible triggering
****If I do somehow manage to sneak Slenderman into my game, I may not have two girls stab a third as an offering to Slender

*Red is not an acceptable BBEG for any campaign.
** Even if it's set on Zenith
***Even if the player have mecha.
****Exalted is right out

*No character of mine is "Still the best, 1973."

[Socksy]

* I must double-check whether temperatures are in celsius or fahrenheit.

[Forrestfire]

* I must double-check whether temperatures are in celsius or fahrenheit.

** When in doubt, I am not allowed to assume Kelvin.

[Ksheep]

** When in doubt, I am not allowed to assume Kelvin.

*** Or Rankine, for that matter.

[GPuzzle]

*No longer allowed to defeat the BBEG by changing the temperature from Celsius to Farenheit.

Ah, how I love playing Doctor Magnethands.

[ChaosArchon]

*at no point as a DM should I consider having my players fight a Solar Dawn... in D&D 3.5
**nor is a Sidereal of Secrets any better
***no Exalted in D&D, they're at least a CR20 challenge

[Ryu_Bonkosi]

*** Or Rankine, for that matter.

**** The DM will slap me if I even mention Onkian.

[Graypairofsocks]

* I may not point out that lava is denser than most creatures so you wouldn't sink in it.
** From now on It is ruled that someone spent a Wish to make lava less dense.
*** I may not spend another Wish (or a [I]Miracle[I]) to return it to its original state.
**** Once I have managed to return lava to its original state, I may not not get fire resistance/immunity for the sole purpose of taking a morning walk in an active volcano.
***** If I do take a morning stroll in an active volcano, I may not sing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" while doing it.
****** From now on I may only play characters that are denser than magma/lava.


*** I don't care if Death Urge doesn't have the [Evil] tag, what you did was horrible and you deserve to be bunk mates with Asmodeus

I am pretty sure Asmodeus doesn't have a bunk bed.

[Socksy]

I am pretty sure Asmodeus doesn't have a bunk bed.

That was the lava-user's second Wish :p

[Spore]

I am pretty sure Asmodeus doesn't have a bunk bed.

If I where the personified devil with an infinity plane in an fantasy setting, you bet I'd have a bunk bed. With 40 stages, and the lower beds are made from tormented female virgins!

[DigoDragon]

I've created a monster that's grown beyond my power to control.

* Not allowed to point out my post on that subject and how it predates another's.
** Especially when it doesn't matter who started it and the points aren't real.
*** Who's Line is it Anyway skits are not to be used for adventuring ideas.

[Rater202]

* Not allowed to point out my post on that subject and how it predates another's.
** Especially when it doesn't matter who started it and the points aren't real.
*** Who's Line is it Anyway skits are not to be used for adventuring ideas.

*May not kill Digo for herasy, but only becuase SoLiM would be down a player and it's his turn to GM
**on the topic of whose line, the cat is not fabric softener
***Or a Towl
****Yes, the cat is wet now.
*****Not alowed to point out that a Burnoose is a middleastern headdress

[DigoDragon]

*May not kill Digo for herasy, but only becuase SoLiM would be down a player and it's his turn to GM

** May not plot his own disappearance before the adventure concludes. :smallbiggrin:
*** Because doing so would deny PCs their Exp, and I'm not allowed to deny PCs their Exp.

[Graypairofsocks]

If I where the personified devil with an infinity plane in an fantasy setting, you bet I'd have a bunk bed. With 40 stages, and the lower beds are made from tormented female virgins!

Alright then, But still he seems too regal to use it.

[vasharanpaladin]

Alright then, But still he seems too regal to use it.

You seem to have missed the point where evil is petty. Of course Asmodeus has a bunk bed! He just doesn't use it. But you can, for the low cost of your soul. Just not the top bunk. It's always his. He's always in it. But he never uses it. Don't ask how it works. :smallwink:

[Socksy]

*Despite how it may seem, our d20 is not secretly the BBEG.

[Doorhandle]

* No amount of haranguing will let me use a gelatinous cube as a club.

[Prof.Smythe]

* Not allowed to point out that we've travelled 1/4 of the way over a continental mass larger than Russia in the space of 2 hours game time.
** Especially if the map/scale is coming from a source book that's right in front of the DM.

[Mrc.]

* When asked why my half-elf bard is attempting to sell drugs to the populace, my reply can't be "A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a friend with weed is better."
** Not EVERY character has to have it out for the population of random cities.
*** "My character is scared of the colour purple" is not a legitimate response the the question "Why did you skin the king?"

* As DM, no longer allowed to abuse the Leadership skill and have every follower talk like typical members of Tumblr, purely to drive the players insane.
** A dwarf can't tell a human to check his privilege.

[Cowardly Griffo]

*The paladin's cohort is a valued member of the party who has contributed to our adventures admirably on many an occasion. I will consequently not refer to them as the "Sassy Drow Sidekick."

[Hyena]

* Playing a chaotic druid, who believes himself to be a god, is funny, I'll let you do it.
** Calling lightning upon unbelievers is also okay.
*** Wait a minute... Your character shapeshifts into a... Dire snail?
**** Lord Helix is not a vaild character concept and is vetoed.

[Socksy]

* As DM, no longer allowed to abuse the Leadership skill and have every follower talk like typical members of Tumblr, purely to drive the players insane.
** A dwarf can't tell a human to check his privilege.

*** Telling the Drow women they're oppressed and need feminism, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

[Guizonde]

if my pc's get blackout drunk with a girl who is very clearly enamored by full-auto double barrel shotguns, they ARE allowed to imagine what the hell happened.

for context, the girl mechanic woke up in a file cabinet. the hunter woke up hanging from his hood on a coatstand. the npc woke up with her gun wearing her bra and pants. and her lipstick.

if my pc's say that they went full-on polyamory on top of a desk, necessitating a fenwick, a coatstand, and 5 liters of alcohol, it happened.

if my pc's kiss the heavily armed npc girl goodbye and promise to write, they will.

if my pc's decrete that during the haze, they had a litteral shotgun marriage, they did.

i am not allowed to break that fantasy. especially as both pc's broke up as "just friends" 2 sessions later.

(no, seriously. i'm the dm and threw the ball. they took it waaaaaaaaay farther than necessary and gave so much flavor to the campaign that they told me flat out that it happened. a litteral "screw you, dm". and yes, they did get extra xp for the worst pun i've ever seen)

[Rater202]

*I'm not allowed to fire orbital weaponry at every single thing
**Especially if it never actually works
***If my character makes the player whose PC killed a god with a single spell call BS on his Sue Levels, I should rethink things.
Those are not mine

*If I take a homebrew base class that slowly turns me into a half-dragon and then eventually a true dragon, I can't take true dragon only Prcs untill epic levels, even if I technically qualify at 15.
**I can't take Platinum as my dragon type.
***Even though I'm a dragonborn of Bahumat-and thus Bahumat's child, metaphysically speaking.
****If the druid wants to increase the the population of bears chances of surviving the climate change by artificially inseminatiung the females to produce half-dragon cubs, and asks my PC for "samples", the proper response is to tell her that Dragonborn are sterile, not to turn one of my breath weapons on her by "accident" and claim it's projectile vomit

[vasharanpaladin]

* Playing a chaotic druid, who believes himself to be a god, is funny, I'll let you do it.
** Calling lightning upon unbelievers is also okay.
*** Wait a minute... Your character shapeshifts into a... Dire snail?
**** Lord Helix is not a vaild character concept and is vetoed.

*****No, turning into a horseshoe crab instead won't help.
******Nor a dire bat, pterosaur, or any form of drake.
*******Preemptively banned from using any title with any of the following words as a character concept: Claw, Root, Shield, Skull, Cover, Plume, Jaw, Sail.

[Laughing Dog]

*I am not to play as a human Barbarian with the 'Noncombatant' and 'Shaky' flaws, and only take the toughness feat until epic levels. It annoys others to no end.
**If I somehow manage to survive to epic levels, I should not start taking Epic Toughness feat whenever possible.
***That character starting with 18 Constitution, while not surprising, is only going to increase the chances of having things thrown at me.
****Only increasing Constitution is going to get something thrown at me.
*****If I somehow manage to roll natural twelves for the hit die every time, I will be accused of cheating.

[Erik Vale]

Given that Barbarians only have D12 HD, I'd accuse you as well.

[illyahr]

*** Telling the Drow women they're oppressed and need feminism, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

There is so much win in this one sentence. Can I sig this? :smallbiggrin:

[thematgreen]

* I am not allowed to open a portal to the elemental plane of water above the entrance to an underground dungeon and then laugh at the dumbfounded party.

* I am not allowed to, through a clever use of spells and contingencies, pull the moon out of orbit to kill Orcs.

* If my plan involves using a calculator to figure out the damage I am not allowed to use it.

* If I aquire a flying city again I am not allowed to drop it on things and then cast mend over and over until it's repaired.

* I am not allowed to play a wizard anymore:smallfrown:

[Leviting]

...
* I am not allowed to, through a clever use of spells and contingencies, pull the moon out of orbit to kill Orcs...

That's an awful lot of contingencies...

[Arkhosia]

*Sure, you can play a warlord named Erwin.
**Seeing how the rest of your group's okay with it, he can be a leader of a squad of soldiers who are famous for good treatment of prisoners, defying unjust orders from superiors, and working in the desert.
***OF COURSE IT'S OKAY IF HE WAS IMPLICATED IN A PLOT TO KILL A DICTATOR!
**He can multiclass into Two Blade Ranger, sure.
***He may not order the others to advance
****Losing an arm in combat and ignoring that, still fighting, and ordering your comrades to continue to pursue their quarry and leave you behind, while utterly badass, is vetoed
*****He may never say "I DONT CARE IF YOUR SPINE IS BROKEN! GO OUT THERE AND TAKE DOWN A GIANT FOR THE TEAM!
******Nor may he ever contemplate the infinity in his eyebrows

[Dewani90]

+ I should never open a gate to the elemental plane of water and turn the setting of the campaign into a waterworld replica
+ nor i should name the npc that helps the party navigate the world Kevin Coaster.
+ murdering a bandit, skinning it and using it as a disguise is okay to fool low int bandits.
+ no, the halfling should never use the rest of the bandits to make a full wardrobe.
+ creating a portal to the elemental plane of fire and kicking someone inside is not a literal "go to hell"
+ i should discourage the pervy mage from opening a portal to the elemental plane of sexy babes
+ even if that plane exist
+ and never allow it if he is named duke nukem
+ the elemental plane of boobs is right out... even if i'm quite sure that one only exist on horny male teen dreams

[DigoDragon]

That's an awful lot of contingencies...

That's also an awful lot of moon. :smallbiggrin:



* If my plan involves using a calculator to figure out the damage I am not allowed to use it.

My players actually did this in GURPS once when they acquired a small nuclear bomb. And then when they figured out the die roll multiplier they all began rolling damage...

[thematgreen]

That's also an awful lot of moon. :smallbiggrin:




My players actually did this in GURPS once when they acquired a small nuclear bomb. And then when they figured out the die roll multiplier they all began rolling damage...

We were in an epic level campaign all of us were in the 30's (We had been playing the same characters for years and had an awesome DM). It was pretty awesome.

[braveheart]

*I am no longer allowed to think for my character unless they have int. 16 or higher
**I am no longer allowed to come up with brilliant plans and ask the table if any of their characters thought of it.
*** I am no longer allowed to think at the table

[Socksy]

There is so much win in this one sentence. Can I sig this? :smallbiggrin:

Yeesss!:D
Ew, character limit.

[Doorhandle]

My players actually did this in GURPS once when they acquired a small nuclear bomb. And then when they figured out the die roll multiplier they all began rolling damage...

*Cannot beat anything to death with a nuclear bomb.

[Daishain]

*Cannot beat anything to death with a nuclear bomb.

As is? Or after having stripped and leadlined the uranium to make a stupidly heavy mace for a large character?

[GPuzzle]

*Cannot beat anything to death with a nuclear bomb.
**Especially if I'm Gandhi.

[Rater202]

*I am not allowed to set the king on fire.
**ever if he's asking for it.
***The fact that he was literally asking for it is evidence that somethings up.
****I'm not to put out the fire on the king by starting a counter fire.
*****I'm not allowed to play fire elementalists unless we're starting at level 5 or higher, or there's an ice or water elementalist in the party.
******I am to expect punishment when my antics result in the palace burning down.

[DigoDragon]

As is? Or after having stripped and leadlined the uranium to make a stupidly heavy mace for a large character?

* Conversely not allowed to detonate a nuke by hitting it with a rock. Doesn't work that way.

[Silus]

*I may never make a trio of Kender named Yu, Mi and Wii.

[Somensjev]

*I may never make a trio of Kender named Yu, Mi and Wii.

"i am Yu, and he is Mi"

[Leviting]

*I may never make a trio of Kender named Yu, Mi and Wii.

Fixed that for you:smallwink:

[Lord Raziere]

* I may not derail the game by making a completely sane human rogue who goes and finds a steady reliable job that pays well through his charming personality
** I may not avoid adventure entirely and just act out a completely normal life
*** No he may not act like how a real person would react to all this craziness and run away to somewhere safe to hide until this all blows over
**** Nor may he just solve the problem of orc raiders by just hiring them as laborers so that they get food through legal means.
***** Nor may he proceed to solve everything else completely reasonably without any violence or drama involved.
****** JUST PLAY A KENDER ALREADY, THIS IS GETTING BORING AAAAAAAAGH.

[Sith_Happens]

****** JUST PLAY A KENDER ALREADY, THIS IS GETTING BORING AAAAAAAAGH.

* If the group at any point would rather I play a Kender than my current character, it's time to take a break from RPGs. Forever.

[vasharanpaladin]

*I am not allowed to set the king on fire.
**ever if he's asking for it.
***The fact that he was literally asking for it is evidence that somethings up.
****I'm not to put out the fire on the king by starting a counter fire.
*****I'm not allowed to play fire elementalists unless we're starting at level 5 or higher, or there's an ice or water elementalist in the party.
******I am to expect punishment when my antics result in the palace burning down.

*As a matter of fact, the DM does remember that trick I used to make fire-immune creatures take more damage from my fire spells than fire-vulnerable ones, and even if he didn't, someone at the table does, and as long as that's the case, I'm still not allowed to even think about fire damage.
**Even if I am not, in fact, playing a caster class.
***Especially if I'm playing a fighter.
****Seriously, how in the hell did that happen!?

[Requiem_Jeer]

*As a matter of fact, the DM does remember that trick I used to make fire-immune creatures take more damage from my fire spells than fire-vulnerable ones, and even if he didn't, someone at the table does, and as long as that's the case, I'm still not allowed to even think about fire damage.
**Even if I am not, in fact, playing a caster class.
***Especially if I'm playing a fighter.
****Seriously, how in the hell did that happen!?

Wait, is this an actual thing or are you making things up for laughs? This is relevant to my interests.

[Reltzik]

* When the Pit Fiend told me to accomplish the objective at any cost, it did not mean that cost.
** That cost being, not keeping track of what my prank-inclined familiar was up to.
*** That former archmage's manor, turned into an antimagicked neutral-territory location, was sentient, effectively an artifict, and priceless. Why oh why did we do that?
**** I AM allowed a knowledge check, off turn, to know whether there was ever, in the entire history of the multiverse, a peace summit that failed as spectacularly as this one did.
***** Edit: No. No there was not.

[Thrair]

Well, there was ONE. But it involved a meeting between the planes and a lantern archon.

[vasharanpaladin]

Wait, is this an actual thing or are you making things up for laughs? This is relevant to my interests.

More appropriately, it would fall under the blanket ruling of "May not stack specific phrasings to demonstrate a flaw in a DM ruling."

Suffice to say, late in 4e the Essentials line came around, and introduced a subclass that was relevant to my interests: The wizard (mage), and more specifically, the Pyromancy school. Not only did this provide bonus damage, it allowed me to ignore resist fire, the bane of every pyrophilic player's existence! And before that, a feat called Burn Everything, which gave a smaller "ignore X amount of resist fire" as well as converting immunity into rather high fire resistance. And, a bit later, we get the Infernal Prince theme, which... allows me to ignore resist fire.

We had a very nice DM, to the point where I'm almost sorry to abuse it, but I should say it was still worth it because even 4e is a horror show for the self-proclaimed hellborn that I am. Suffice to say, he pretty much used the aforementioned combination as an example of what he was talking about when he ruled that something that looked redundant on paper would lead to, yes, fire-"immune" creatures burning like everything else. I, shall we say, resent the idea that a sufficiently focused elementalist can't crack defenses against his element.

Needless to say, I went wild with it.

I crafted a tiefling Pyromancer, searched out every fire-related feat and item in 4e, made it known to the DM I wanted those items. Tieflings get feats like Hellfire Blood, a flat (untyped!) bonus to-hit and damage with fire attacks, and Hellfire Arcanist, a scaling bonus to fire damage. They can even get a feat that lets them make someone burn so hot that when the poor sap manages to save out of the ongoing damage he immediately takes cold damage from the chill. A feat called Surging Flame existed from the start, giving a flat bonus to damage against resistant targets - which, by the wording, don't lose the resistance, they just don't get to apply it, so fire-resistant targets take more damage than ones who aren't. Stoke the Flames, Consume the Weak, I could set someone on fire and immediately get bonuses toward attacking him with more fire. Infernal Prince, Master of Flame, Prince of Hell, my path was set.

There was one incident of "friendly fire," just the one. Involving the (also a tiefling) paladin who didn't believe me when I told him he'd burn faster than the others. "Horrifying carnage" might have been an understatement.

I got about two full sessions of playing a god of thermonuclear fire (never fully made it along that bounteous path to Prince of Hell) before being cast down and made to create a new avatar. By which I mean the players (horrified by my newfound ability to introduce tieflings to the concept of third-degree burns) and I politely discussed the fact that what I was doing constituted abuse and decided it needed to stop.

...Though, surprisingly, the DM was more disappointed at my decision to retire a character I seemed to be having so much fun with than I was. Searing Spell back in 3.5e was never so awesome. :smallbiggrin:

The noncaster and fighter lines, tho, they're utter bullcrap. :smallwink:

[SouthpawSoldier]

Story Time

This alone makes me want to play 4E. Nothing next step is rigging that for the appearance of an 8y.o. female Human.

[Requiem_Jeer]

That is awesome. I always wanted to play a fire-focused sorcerer in 3.5 using Searing Spell, but never really got the chance. If I ever find myself playing 4e and have survived the gunshots I have properly instructed friends to do, I'll be sure to do that as well.

[GPuzzle]

Amateur.

You need a good MBA that deals fire damage somehow, and fire vulnerability. Wield a Firewind Blade.

Watch the carnage turn into "Gandhi in Civ with Napalm instead of Nukes".

[Sith_Happens]

* No matter how many movies and anime I cite, I may not Inspire Greatness by punching the recipient in the face.

[ChaosArchon]

* No matter how many movies and anime I cite, I may not Inspire Greatness by punching the recipient in the face.
**nor can I destroy the literal embodiment of insanity and fear by punching it in the face, that's just silly

[vasharanpaladin]

Amateur.

You need a good MBA that deals fire damage somehow, and fire vulnerability. Wield a Firewind Blade.


No, see, "amateur" would imply that I designed an unholy bastard child of Utsuho Reiuji and Fujiwara no Mokou accidentally... or that I was using a weapon that only adds a small amount of fire damage to otherwise untyped damage. My goal is PURITY. Everything burns!

But on that subject...

*No longer allowed to seek advice on building pyromancers, pyrokineticists, pyromaniacs, or otherwise fire-specialized characters with the intent of getting around it being the most common resistance/immunity. I've proven I'm perfectly capable of doing that without help. :smallbiggrin:
**Not allowed to offer advice, either. One of me is bad enough. :smallcool:

[Sith_Happens]

**nor can I destroy the literal embodiment of insanity and fear by punching it in the face, that's just silly

Obviously you haven't seen Rubik's Monk build.

[ChaosArchon]

That was more a reference to a certain anime than an in-game restriction. I'm fairly sure it's reasonable in a few games, namely Exalted.

[Rater202]

*Not aloowed to become a god.
**...before reaching puberty.
***Again
****Gosh dern it, this was supposed to be a slice of life game.

Different game, from these forums(the one with the one who lost a leg fighting dragons)
*Just because my Ten-year-old PC and his friends have solved multiple crimes, a non crim mystery, fought dragons, rescued a princess, discovered a pirate ship, discovered pieces of ancient history, defeated a powerful cryomancer in a snowball fight, and the town rumor mill says that's money is placed on them growing up to be super heroes, this does not mean that people will believe us when weird stuff starts going down.
**even though we've been right every other time.
***And one of us is royalty.
****Wasn;'t this supposed to be a slice of life game, too?

[Hyena]

[16:52:35] Socksy: Yes let's play fatal!!

* No.
** Never.
*** Not even then.

[DigoDragon]

You need a good MBA that deals fire damage somehow, and fire vulnerability.

* Not allowed to create a Balor businessman by twisting the context of other folks' posts.
** Also not allowed to haggle with the GM to settle on a Balor Public Defendant instead.

[Graypairofsocks]

* Not allowed to create a Balor businessman by twisting the context of other folks' posts.
** Also not allowed to haggle with the GM to settle on a Balor Public Defendant instead.

*** No Making a Pit Fiend Businessman either.
**** No Making a Pit Fiend Lawyer.
***** No Making a Pit Fiend door to door salesman.
****** No hiring a Pit Fiend Lawyer.

[Sith_Happens]

That was more a reference to a certain anime than an in-game restriction. I'm fairly sure it's reasonable in a few games, namely Exalted.

I'm aware, but how do you know Maka wasn't an ubercharger?:smalltongue:


*Not aloowed to become a god.
**...before reaching puberty.
***Again
****Gosh dern it, this was supposed to be a slice of life game.

And now I suddenly want there to be an anime about the Greek gods as Japanese high school students.

[ChaosArchon]

And now I suddenly want there to be an anime about the Greek gods as Japanese high school students.
I'd watch it.

[GPuzzle]

Holy crap, yes. That anime would be so awesome.

[ChaosArchon]

*at no point in any of my campaigns should there be a brainwashing scene like this (http://youtu.be/E_PnuXelvWA)
**no not even if the PC is a "super super ridiculously good-looking" bard.

[Leviting]

*at no point in any of my campaigns should there be a brainwashing scene like this (http://youtu.be/E_PnuXelvWA)
**no not even if the PC is a "super super ridiculously good-looking" bard.

I did it! I turned left!

[Socksy]

* Cannot ship Urgathoa and Pharasma as <3< (hate boinking)
** Cannot convince the DM to make it canon
*** Especially if he doesn't know she's a skeleton from the waist down
**** The pairing is not to be called Urgasma, it will lead to Orgazmo comments
***** Cannot derail the campaign to make our goal "find out how they boink, given Urgathoa's anatomy"
****** No longer allowed to have ranks in K.(Religion)

[DigoDragon]

And now I suddenly want there to be an anime about the Greek gods as Japanese high school students.

I'm actually surprised that isn't already a thing.

[unseenmage]

...

And now I suddenly want there to be an anime about the Greek gods as Japanese high school students.

I'd watch it.

Holy crap, yes. That anime would be so awesome.

I'm actually surprised that isn't already a thing.

It exists, just not in big-eyes-small-mouth form yet. As a series based on this Herculean movie. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119282/)

[janusmaxwell]

More appropriately, it would fall under the blanket ruling of "May not stack specific phrasings to demonstrate a flaw in a DM ruling."

Suffice to say, late in 4e the Essentials line came around, and introduced a subclass that was relevant to my interests: The wizard (mage), and more specifically, the Pyromancy school. Not only did this provide bonus damage, it allowed me to ignore resist fire, the bane of every pyrophilic player's existence! And before that, a feat called Burn Everything, which gave a smaller "ignore X amount of resist fire" as well as converting immunity into rather high fire resistance. And, a bit later, we get the Infernal Prince theme, which... allows me to ignore resist fire.

We had a very nice DM, to the point where I'm almost sorry to abuse it, but I should say it was still worth it because even 4e is a horror show for the self-proclaimed hellborn that I am. Suffice to say, he pretty much used the aforementioned combination as an example of what he was talking about when he ruled that something that looked redundant on paper would lead to, yes, fire-"immune" creatures burning like everything else. I, shall we say, resent the idea that a sufficiently focused elementalist can't crack defenses against his element.

Needless to say, I went wild with it.

I crafted a tiefling Pyromancer, searched out every fire-related feat and item in 4e, made it known to the DM I wanted those items. Tieflings get feats like Hellfire Blood, a flat (untyped!) bonus to-hit and damage with fire attacks, and Hellfire Arcanist, a scaling bonus to fire damage. They can even get a feat that lets them make someone burn so hot that when the poor sap manages to save out of the ongoing damage he immediately takes cold damage from the chill. A feat called Surging Flame existed from the start, giving a flat bonus to damage against resistant targets - which, by the wording, don't lose the resistance, they just don't get to apply it, so fire-resistant targets take more damage than ones who aren't. Stoke the Flames, Consume the Weak, I could set someone on fire and immediately get bonuses toward attacking him with more fire. Infernal Prince, Master of Flame, Prince of Hell, my path was set.

There was one incident of "friendly fire," just the one. Involving the (also a tiefling) paladin who didn't believe me when I told him he'd burn faster than the others. "Horrifying carnage" might have been an understatement.

I got about two full sessions of playing a god of thermonuclear fire (never fully made it along that bounteous path to Prince of Hell) before being cast down and made to create a new avatar. By which I mean the players (horrified by my newfound ability to introduce tieflings to the concept of third-degree burns) and I politely discussed the fact that what I was doing constituted abuse and decided it needed to stop.

...Though, surprisingly, the DM was more disappointed at my decision to retire a character I seemed to be having so much fun with than I was. Searing Spell back in 3.5e was never so awesome. :smallbiggrin:

The noncaster and fighter lines, tho, they're utter bullcrap. :smallwink:

Old as hell manga about an evil sorcerer who was bound to the body of a young boy, who was such a magical badass he managed to tame what was essentially an Ifrit (or a Balrog) by burning it with flames so hot it went "ow Ow OW! Okay I'll work for you! Just quit burning me!"

[Sith_Happens]

It exists, just not in big-eyes-small-mouth form yet. As a series based on this Herculean movie. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119282/)

I remember watching that show and it's not at all the same thing. Like, actually not at all.

[Bucky]

* "I run away, screaming in terror" is not an acceptable response to encountering a naked woman in the middle of a dungeon.
** Not even if you think she's really an Abomination with a glamor.
*** Being correct about the disguised Abomination is no excuse.

[Spore]

It exists, just not in big-eyes-small-mouth form yet. As a series based on this Herculean movie. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119282/)

I recall there only being minor gods, demigods and greek heroes in that school. I guess all the pantheon was meant.

Alright, skip that. I wouldn't want to imagine Zeus as a hormone driven jock football quarterback...

[ChaosArchon]

I recall there only being minor gods, demigods and greek heroes in that school. I guess all the pantheon was meant.

Alright, skip that. I wouldn't want to imagine Zeus as a hormone driven jock football quarterback...

Isn't normal Zeus like that anyway?

[GPuzzle]

I am actually quite interested to see Poseidon. It'll be... Weird, to say the least.

[Sith_Happens]

* My Hat of Disguise's command word is not "Moon Prism Power!"
** "Myself, except not recognizable" is not a valid disguise.

[Cowardly Griffo]

*"You Are Dead" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgn1eHG_lr8) from Total Distortion is not my Sin-Eater's theme song.

[janusmaxwell]

Isn't normal Zeus like that anyway?

Glad someone else made the connection. :smalltongue:

[Ksheep]

* My Hat of Disguise's command word is not "Moon Prism Power!"
** "Myself, except not recognizable" is not a valid disguise.

*** I may not use my Hat Of Disguise to disguise myself as the party's Rogue
**** Especially if the party Rogue uses his Hat Of Disguise to disguise himself as me
***** Doing this just to mess with the Paladin is frowned upon

[DigoDragon]

* My Hat of Disguise's command word is not "Moon Prism Power!"
** "Myself, except not recognizable" is not a valid disguise.

*** Not allowed to disguise my Hat of Disguise with another Hat of Disguise.



Glad someone else made the connection. :smalltongue:

I would have if ChaosArchon didn't :3

[Prince Raven]

*** Not allowed to disguise my Hat of Disguise with another Hat of Disguise.

* Not allowed to make Team Fortress 2 references.

[Wookieetank]

* Not allowed to make Team Fortress 2 references.

**Giving up the adventuring life to run a Hat Emporium is right out.
***Doens't matter if it would be more profitable.

[GPuzzle]

**Giving up the adventuring life to run a Hat Emporium is right out.
***Doens't matter if it would be more profitable.
****Naming it Mann Co. is verbotten.
*****No more gratuitous German to sound righteous.

[Rater202]

*If the Infernal character has no dots in Unwoven Coadjutor, and the player says that it's becuase it is really anoying so he tries to ignore it, I'm not alowwed to play it as though it were Jar Jar Binks reminding him to pick up the laundry
**Especially if his Urge is "Murder Chechop Kejak."
***The words "Massah Shadah, Wesa got go kill ketchup man!" are never to leave my mouth again

Exalted, infernals campaign.

GM decided that each PC's Unwoven Coadjutor would be played by an other PC.

Also, I'm evil.

(The Owner of the Coadjutor was named Shadow-born-Hunter)

[NeoPhoenix0]

****Naming it Mann Co. is verbotten.
*****No more gratuitous German to sound righteous.

******And I'm not even allowed to think about killing off the entire wizard population with my line of +5 hats of wizard slaying "fashionable anti-magic-proof shrunken deathcages teleportation boxes." TM

-For the paranoid wizard on the go.

[Spore]

****Naming it Mann Co. is verbotten.
*****No more gratuitous German to sound righteous.
****** Doubly so if your German words are misspelled.


*verboten.

[Cowardly Griffo]

*Entering the Swiftblade class is not "the end result of a lifetime of speed addiction."
**Nor is 'Haste' a 'street name' for anything.

[GPuzzle]

****** Doubly so if your German words are misspelled.


*verboten.

Heh, could've sworn it was that way. God, my calligraphy is awful.

[Mrc.]

*If the party motto is "Kill it with Fire!" we are using too much fire. Or not enough.
**Whenever the one party member who has a genuine phobia about something, however minor, the correct procedure is to comfort said person if necessary and avoid any potentially upsetting topics.
***I am NOT to name the capital city Wolfsmere and change the character's background to 'raised by wolves'.
****Making every random encounter be a pack of wolves is just unfair.

*If at any point a character of mine utters the phrase "Hawkmen DIVE!", the probability of the ensuing plan succeeding is proportional to the decibel level with which I shouted.
**I am not to make every character based on Brian Blessed.
***Pondering about whether Brian Blessed should be a playable character in Skyrim due to his natural affinity for shouting is forbidden.
****None of my characters can attempt to box with religious leaders again. That will result in their summary execution.

[Ksheep]

* The proper response to being told that I will be burnt at the stake is not to give myself Fire Protection and then enjoy the tickling sensation of the flames on my skin
** Nor am I to fill my pockets with several pounds of gunpowder, TNT, and roofing nails in order to turn myself into a human-sized frag grenade that can take out the entire town's population

[razorfloss]

* The proper response to being told that I will be burnt at the stake is not to give myself Fire Protection and then enjoy the tickling sensation of the flames on my skin
** Nor am I to fill my pockets with several pounds of gunpowder, TNT, and roofing nails in order to turn myself into a human-sized frag grenade that can take out the entire town's population

post the details pls

[Spore]

Heh, could've sworn it was that way. God, my calligraphy is awful.

*May not even propose the idea of a Truenamer fluffed as a Grammar Nazi to my DM.
** You may dodge that PHB now!

[Jendekit]

Just from personal experience, I may not...

...play "Who Let the Dogs Out" when fighting werewolves
...ask to play a were-honey badger (*the one and only time the answer was 'yes' was bad enough*)
...use sneak attack with a ballista
...scream "ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH" at the top of my lungs while attempting to sneak attack an ogre's sphincter with a rapier
...attempt to sneak attack ANYTHING's sphincter with a rapier

[Ionbound]

post the details pls

It's a reference to Good Omens where the witch that made the prophecy that the plot centers around is burnt at the stake in a...similar fashion.

[razorfloss]

It's a reference to Good Omens where the witch that made the prophecy that the plot centers around is burnt at the stake in a...similar fashion.

and now i must thank you for introducing me to my next book it looks to be a fun read

[Ksheep]

It's a reference to Good Omens where the witch that made the prophecy that the plot centers around is burnt at the stake in a...similar fashion.

Yep, that's the one. Haven't actually recreated it in game yet. The other reference was from… I want to say it was a throwaway line in one of the early Harry Potter books. Would probably be safer to use that approach in game, less likely to get books thrown at you for causing a TPK.


and now i must thank you for introducing me to my next book it looks to be a fun read

Yes, definitely a good read. Has the typical Terry Pratchett flair for the absurd, very humorous throughout.

[NeoPhoenix0]

*my sorcerer isn't aloud to suddenly cast arboreal wind. even if i did have a character with a demiplane of redwoods to craft arrows out of.
**I may however homebrew a spell called arboreal wind and run it by the dm.