Gamer Humor Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VI: This Isn't A Checklist, We Swear! [Archive] - Page 6

TheTeaMustFlow

2014-08-06, 06:38 PM

*Despite it's undeniable effectiveness, the party must find a solution to problems other than thermite.
** In particular, my Lutheran priest may not thermite grenade every Catholic priest he meets. The fact that they were all evil notwithstanding.
*** historical precedent also notwithstanding.
**** No matter how good our bluff checks, universal IDs, and charm spells, the NSA will not let us have a Predator Drone.
***** Nor will the NSA give us any of the following: the actual locations of JFK, Bin Laden, or Elvis, the Relevant List, US nuclear access codes, plans for the Zombie Apocalypse, or Angela Merkel's mobile number.
****** Department-7 has confiscated our universal IDs, and would like us to stop harassing the NSA, please.
******* Although association with Inland Revenue does indeed give a circumstance bonus on an intimidate check, this doesn't work when we're in America.
******** Not allowed to dominate the POTUS into rejoining the British Empire so we can use the Inland Revenue to get a circumstance bonus on intimidate checks when we're in America.
********* Pointing out the historical, factual, or theological errors in conspiracy theory scenarios is not appreciated.
********** This goes double for references to the book of Revelations.
*********** Triple for pointing out it's actually Revelation, singular.

Socksy

2014-08-07, 04:28 PM

*The half-orc does not get to run the kissing booth.

And since we're in the 40s...

* TIMNLDWP VII: Not Allowed To Change The "1" On My d20 To Another 20.
** Or any other number
*** The d20 is only allowed to have one 20 on it at any given time
**** Cannot swap numbers for 20s on other dice either!

* TIMNLDWP VII: No, Not Even Then.
* TIMNLDWP VII: Why Would You Stat That?!

Those are my three suggestions.:smallbiggrin:

unseenmage

2014-08-07, 05:01 PM

...

* TIMNLDWP VII: No, Not Even Then.
...

Seconding heartily! Because it made me smile.

GPuzzle

2014-08-07, 06:06 PM

Thirding TIMNLDWP VII: No, Not Even Then.

Sith_Happens

2014-08-07, 06:31 PM

Fourthing.

Rater202

2014-08-07, 07:27 PM

jumping on the "No, not even then" Bandwagon.

*May not literally jump on the bands wagon

Silus

2014-08-07, 09:16 PM

I'll, um, sixth it I suppose.

Also...

*I may homebrew grafts for Pathfinder
**While the name "The Right" is an odd name for a graft, I'll allow it.
***Lycanthropic graft? Uh, sure, where are you go-
****NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE THE GRAFT GIVE YOU WEREBEAR ARMS AND CLAWS

"The Right" gives you bear arms ^_~

unseenmage

2014-08-07, 09:30 PM

Socksy

2014-08-08, 04:45 AM

***** Grafting a 'Left Wing' onto everyone you meet is right out.
****** Grafting anything onto everyone you meet is right out.

DigoDragon

2014-08-08, 07:31 AM

Sevething(?) the "No, not even then" title.

*May not literally jump on the bands wagon

* No longer allowed to cast my homebrew spell 'Bandwagon'.
** Banned from creating non-element magic damaging SR-No type spells with really odd names that have nothing to do with the spell either.

Wookieetank

2014-08-08, 08:35 AM

jumping on the "No, not even then" Bandwagon.

*May not literally jump on the bands wagon

**If the bandwagon is larger than the party's choice of transport, not allowed to procure it.
***Doesn't matter if we could transport more loot with it.
****Turning D&D into GTC (grand theft carriage) while amusing is right out.
*****The secret uber vehicle is most definitely not a dragon.
******I'm not to argue that its the only setting appropriate mode of transportation that is similar to a tank.

illyahr

2014-08-08, 11:06 AM

Sevething(?) the "No, not even then" title.

+1 to this.

Sartharina

2014-08-08, 12:18 PM

Sevething(?) the "No, not even then" title.

* No longer allowed to cast my homebrew spell 'Bandwagon'.
** Banned from creating non-element magic damaging SR-No type spells with really odd names that have nothing to do with the spell either.

*Not allowed to put the content of these threads in a wagon.

Mrc.

2014-08-08, 12:30 PM

*Not allowed to put the content of these threads in a wagon.

**No painting that wagon either.
***I am no longer allowed to demand that any enemy apologises to my mule.

*In ShadowRun, I am no longer allowed to skin enemies as an intimidation tactic.
**I am also not allowed to skin fellow party members for the same reason.
***My next character can't be called 'Skinny McFearson'.
****Or Cruela Devil.

*When the thief of the party takes a crit to his gentleman's area, I am not to insist the paladin be the one who heals him.
**Everyone already thought of that joke, they were just too mature to say it.

*No more basing a character off a French guy wrongly convicted who goes after the judge and corrupt police who put him away (brownie points for anyone who gets that reference)

*When a new player joins our 3.5 campaign after only ever playing 4E, I am to be completely honest when he asks 'there isn't a huge amount of difference between the two is there?'
**I am entirely responsible for the TPK that ensued when I told him to roll up a cleric and charge everything.
***Suggesting he try out the OP as hell Fighter class is in bad form.
****Not allowed to 'show him how it's done' using a bard and out-everythinging him.

We made up but tbf he didn't chip in for pizza. Which reminds me:

*He who does not contribute to the purchasing of pizza must either be the DM or the guy whose house we play at.
**Failure to adhere to the above will result in many petty and snide comments throughout the evening as we're all too hungry due to lack of pizza.

Ksheep

2014-08-08, 11:40 PM

*No more basing a character off a French guy wrongly convicted who goes after the judge and corrupt police who put him away (brownie points for anyone who gets that reference)

** I may not declare myself a count just because I found a lot of money in my travels
*** Using said money to carry out elaborate schemes to get back at the judge and police, while fun, might get in the way of the main story

* My Cleric cannot respond to any claims of impiety with "I'm a priest, not a saint"

How many points do I receive?

ChaosArchon

2014-08-08, 11:45 PM

*No more basing a character off a French guy wrongly convicted who goes after the judge and corrupt police who put him away (brownie points for anyone who gets that reference)

How many brownie points do we receive for knowing the answer is Count of Monte Cristo

Afool

2014-08-08, 11:45 PM

** I may not declare myself a count just because I found a lot of money in my travels
*** Using said money to carry out elaborate schemes to get back at the judge and police, while fun, might get in the way of the main story

* My Cleric cannot respond to any claims of impiety with "I'm a priest, not a saint"

How many points do I receive?

3000, but remember, the points don't matter.

Ksheep

2014-08-08, 11:50 PM

3000, but remember, the points don't matter.

While you aren't the one who offered the Brownie Points, I'll just assume (for now) that that is how many I receive. We'll figure out the actual number later.

Hyena

2014-08-09, 12:02 AM

* My Cleric cannot respond to any claims of impiety with "I'm a priest, not a saint"

** "Pelor forgives everything, but I'm just his prophet, so I don't have to" is not a proper way of playing a cleric.

Leviting

2014-08-09, 12:05 AM

** "Pelor forgives everything, but I'm just his prophet, so I don't have to" is not a proper way of playing a cleric.

***Neither is "if [God] had wanted you to live, he wouldn't have created me"

SouthpawSoldier

2014-08-09, 12:06 AM

****THe same for "You can ask God for forgiveness; I'll arrange the meeting".

Rater202

2014-08-09, 12:25 AM

**No painting that wagon either.

***We're not gonna paint the wagon.
****Nor will we paint it good.
*****For the last time, we're not going to cover that wood.

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-09, 03:24 AM

*I am not allowed to attempt any plan that requires a doctorate in theoretical physics to attempt to figure out the outcome
**Especially if there is no magic involved in the plan whatsoever

(for those interested, i will say it involved an epic character trying to blow up the sun with an ordinary arrow)

*I am not allowed to detonate my highly explosive and very long and deep volcano vault
**Trying to crack the planet or at least destroy the planet's core only makes it worse

*over 1 million explosive runes is a bit excessive
(blasphemy)

*I am not allowed to trigger every conjuration glyph just because it might be of the healing subschool
**being the only one in the party who can figure out a spell's school of magic doesn't mean they will believe me if i tell them it is of the healing subschool
***because my character has never seen a ghost before is not a legitimate reason to be excited about exploring a supposedly haunted crypt
****I'm no longer allowed to create a character that can be described as plucky
*****especially if he is prepubescent

DigoDragon

2014-08-09, 08:00 AM

**No painting that wagon either.

*** No longer allowed to turn a session of D&D into an episode of 'Pimp My Ride'.
**** Not even if one of the PCs has ranks in cart crafting. For some reason.

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-09, 11:51 AM

*My characters are no longer allowed to go for very enthusiastic walks in the woods.
(yes i am serious here this is not just a reference.)
**especially if it is the night of the full moon
***doubly so if the moon is red
****in fact all my character's dealings are to be closely monitored by the rest of the party

*serial/mass arson is almost never acceptable
**in the almost non-existent event that it is acceptable it is good manners to give the party some form a warning before lighting up the inn they are fighting in
***even if lighting all those separate fires in less than a minute with no fire spells seems impossible the party will suspect me, probably with good reason

Mrc.

2014-08-09, 12:44 PM

Brownie points for all! Seriously though, Papillon is one of my favourite books.

Ksheep

2014-08-09, 12:49 PM

Brownie points for all! Seriously though, Papillon is one of my favourite books.

Oh… here I thought it was Count of Monte Cristo. The one line reference you made matches up rather closely with that as well…

GPuzzle

2014-08-09, 01:26 PM

*Yeah, let's play Spelljammer. Let's see the party.
**Githzerai Monk? Daughter of a mad powerful being? Classic.
***Human Rogue? Taken from Earth and raised as a thief? A bit bland, but certainly amusing.
****Goliath Two-Blade Ranger? Looking for revenge? Sounds interesting.
*****Warforged Warden refluffed as a being made of wood? And he only knows three words? That's weird.
******Hengeiokay (Racoon) Invoker that is a Radiant Blaster? And he translates what the Warden says? Wait a second...
*******WE ARE NOT PLAYING GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY ON D&D.

Ksheep

2014-08-09, 02:12 PM

*****Warforged Warden refluffed as a being made of wood? And he only knows three words? That's weird.

What you want there is the Ironwood Body feat.

GPuzzle

2014-08-09, 02:49 PM

What you want there is the Ironwood Body feat.

That feat does not exist in 4e as far as I know. Still, refluffing is possibly the best deal available.

Ksheep

2014-08-09, 03:01 PM

That feat does not exist in 4e as far as I know. Still, refluffing is possibly the best deal available.

Ah, 4e Warforged. Not as well versed in those, unfortunately (the last time we played 4e, the DM said PHB races only). Still, I'm sure you could probably home-brew something if you really wanted, although refluffing is probably easiest.

GPuzzle

2014-08-09, 03:37 PM

Ah, 4e Warforged. Not as well versed in those, unfortunately (the last time we played 4e, the DM said PHB races only). Still, I'm sure you could probably home-brew something if you really wanted, although refluffing is probably easiest.

Warden is a Primal Class which is the mix of Druid and Fighter - has the fluff of a Druid with the crunch (somewhat) of a Fighter and several of their daily forms (Daily Powers that give them special abilities like difficult terrain generation, which is sort of his way of defending). Several of those make them into trees, and they're decent enough. They're also pretty tough to take down - highest HP, several ways to save, and incentives to Second Wind.

Warforgeds in 4e are +2 to CON, +2 to STR or +2 to INT, gain a +1 Will bonus, +2 Endurance, +2 Intimidate, +2 to saving throws against ongoing damage, can choose between 10 and the better of your die roll in a death saving throw, do not need to sleep, eat, drink and have Warforged Resolve (make a save+gain THP equal to 3+half your level, if bloodied regain HP equal to 3+half your level once per encounter).

Yes, I had to check the books.

toapat

2014-08-09, 03:52 PM

*****Warforged Warden refluffed as a being made of wood? And he only knows three words? That's weird.

note, Warforged only have metallic superstructure and bodywork when they have the Mithril/Adamantine body feats. Composite plating is wood.

GPuzzle

2014-08-09, 03:58 PM

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THOSE FEATS ON 4E. THEY'RE MADE OF WOOD AND METAL BY DEFAULT IN 4E. HE'S A WARDEN BECAUSE THEN HE CAN ACTUALLY TURN INTO A TREE MECHANICALLY.

Goddamnit, people.

gmoyes

2014-08-09, 08:02 PM

This is a bunch of things that happened in a new irl session I just joined as a player.

-The DM shouldn't let the players choose classes with out knowing who everyone else will be so we don't end up with 3 rogues, a ranger and a wizard
--The DM shouldn't let the newer players to make characters with the wrong stats
---Should allow max HP for first level

-The ranger's favoured enemy bonus shouldn't cancel out your strength penalty
--If you have that sort of strength, at least use a crossbow instead of a longbow
---A melee weapon could help
-----Nor should their constitution be negative
------Seriously, 2 HP?
-------Should not enter a magic using contest

-The human rogue shouldn't settle scores with a cheater by killing him while the town is under attack by goblins
--You really shouldn't be running around with only a dagger
---You really shouldn't be able to win a weight lifting contest or a bet of 100 gold to drink hagfish water with zero bonuses
----Should not enter a magic using contest

-The gnome rogue shouldn't say 'just examining the merchandise' to the angry shopkeeper who's daughter you just slept with
--Nor should you say 'worth it' when he punches you out
---Even if you're roleplaying a 4 wisdom
----I now understand why point buy is a thing
-----Should not enter a magic using contest

-The halfling rogue shouldn't try to swap his shortbow for a light crossbow only after the first fight, you should have started with it
--At least you're a ninja that is planning on being an arcane trickster

-The wizard really shouldn't have the highest HP in the group
--Nor should his crossbow be the highest dealing attack of the group

So yeah, no healing and no one with a strength over 11. Of course, I'm the wizard.

Sith_Happens

2014-08-09, 08:17 PM

This is a bunch of things that happened in a new irl session I just joined as a player.
[Snip]
So yeah, no healing and no one with a strength over 11. Of course, I'm the wizard.

This is beautiful.

GPuzzle

2014-08-09, 08:40 PM

*My Druid does not kill people with his bear hands.

Rater202

2014-08-10, 12:04 AM

*My Druid does not kill people with his bear hands.

**Nor does my bear kill people with his man hands.

*If we're playing a GURPS game that takes place on an inter dimensional ship, and characters can be made using any edition appropriate edition supplement, I should think very carefully about whether or not I should make a character from the Discworld.
**If I've never handled any Post-medieval tech that wasn't magic based, I probably shouldn't be the one driving the ship.
***This goes double if I have literally no vehicle related skills or powers.
****If I'm the only one with any medical skills, I should probably be in the medical bay, not the cockpit
*****It confuses the other PCs that my race and my name are the same word.
******It confuses them more when I mention my entire family has the same name
*******The Captain is incredibly uncomfortable with me calling him "Mather"
********For the last time, I don't have to roleplay the lisp.

Ksheep

2014-08-10, 12:54 AM

**Nor does my bear kill people with his man hands.

*If we're playing a GURPS game that takes place on an inter dimensional ship, and characters can be made using any edition appropriate edition supplement, I should think very carefully about whether or not I should make a character from the Discworld.
**If I've never handled any Post-medieval tech that wasn't magic based, I probably shouldn't be the one driving the ship.
***This goes double if I have literally no vehicle related skills or powers.
****If I'm the only one with any medical skills, I should probably be in the medical bay, not the cockpit
*****It confuses the other PCs that my race and my name are the same word.
******It confuses them more when I mention my entire family has the same name
*******The Captain is incredibly uncomfortable with me calling him "Mather"
********For the last time, I don't have to roleplay the lisp.

On a similar note:

* I may not play a "wizzard" who can't cast any spells
** "Plan A" is not "Run away"
*** "Plan B" is not "Run away faster"
**** I may not take minor problems and miraculously turn them into major disasters

GrayGriffin

2014-08-10, 01:50 AM

* This is the pregame of our "young kids in a normal town that gets weird" game, so don't take it too seriously.
** THAT DOESN'T MEAN START A FIGHT BETWEEN PROBABLY ALL THE KIDS IN THIS TOWN.
*** Having good Mimicry and Fast-talk skills won't help if you can't actually throw your voice.

DigoDragon

2014-08-10, 09:55 AM

* No longer allowed to apply the Dire template to Rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_(bird)) birds.

Socksy

2014-08-10, 10:37 AM

* No longer allowed to apply the Dire template to Rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_(bird)) birds.

My grandma owned a Dire Rhea IRL. It was terrifying. It screeched loudly at night and I HAD TO HOLD UP ITS BOWL OF FOOD WHILE IT ATE FROM IT. It was taller than me, and while I'm hardly tall, I'm not extremely short. It was just... ;A;

Horrible.

AND IT FLAPPED AT ME. LOTS.

I swear, the thing seemed to think I was its next meal. I wouldn't turn my back until I was away from the field.

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-10, 01:38 PM

* No longer allowed to apply the Dire template to Rhea (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhea_(bird)) birds.

**no longer allowed to apply the Dire template to squirrels
***which mean no usings said dire squirrels to make a lycanthrope template
****doing either of these things with a flying squirrel is right out

ChaosArchon

2014-08-10, 02:06 PM

toapat

2014-08-10, 03:01 PM

*no longer allowed to apply the dire template to pugs either
**nor would animal lord be an appropriate template either
***applying the creature swarm template and then the Apocalypse swarm one is right out too
****stop templating pugs damnit, it's ruining our immersion... also I think you broke our fighter's soul

*****Expecially if Dire actually means Paragon Pseudonatural Monster of Legend Greenbound Mineral Warrior Dire
******And instead of pugs its bunnies.
*******And its not named Hopsimus the Fluffy

GPuzzle

2014-08-10, 04:02 PM

*****Expecially if Dire actually means Paragon Pseudonatural Monster of Legend Greenbound Mineral Warrior Dire
******And instead of pugs its bunnies.
*******It's not just a "harmless little bunny, isn't it?"
********I may not kill it with a Holy Hand Grenade.
*********And Holy Hand Grenades are not Smite Evil: now available in grenade!

Mrc.

2014-08-10, 04:44 PM

*If my bard ever utters the words "Hold a chicken in the air", rocks fall.
**No quoting Spitting Image!
***I HAVE in fact met a nice South African.

*If my barbarian is about to charge an enemy, I no longer gain bonuses for drinking mead from a horn as I do so.
**This is both IC and IRL.
***If the person who is next to DM homebrews their own beer and mead, I am not to try and sneak in any homebrew classes, claiming they're clearly fine with it on account of all the homebrew already.
****The fact that this was done purely to set up that joke is not a good thing.

DigoDragon

2014-08-11, 07:27 AM

*Horrifying experiences with Dire Rhea*

...I was only make a pronunciation-based pun, but now that I think about it, Rhea birds really are terrifying creatures. :smalleek:

Socksy

2014-08-11, 01:27 PM

...I was only make a pronunciation-based pun, but now that I think about it, Rhea birds really are terrifying creatures. :smalleek:

I got the pun, that's why I phrased it like that :smalltongue::smallbiggrin:

But yeah, there are definitely TWO reasons for not applying that template to those horrific things.

GPuzzle

2014-08-11, 02:37 PM

*Dire Diahrrea is something out of the Book of Vile Darkness, not the Homebrew Area!

Sith_Happens

2014-08-12, 01:21 AM

* "Cat" is not an alignment.

ChaosArchon

2014-08-12, 01:32 AM

* "Cat" is not an alignment.
**Neither is Fonze

Lord Raziere

2014-08-12, 01:58 AM

**Neither is Fonze

***or Lelouch
****or Solar Exalted
*****or Watchmen
******or Fair Folk
*******or Khorne/Nurgle/Slaanesh/Tzeentch
********or Dragon Age/Mass Effect

ChaosArchon

2014-08-12, 02:02 AM

***or Lelouch
****or Solar Exalted
*****or Watchmen
******or Fair Folk
*******or Khorne/Nurgle/Slaanesh/Tzeentch
********or Dragon Age/Mass Effect
********* Geralt as an alignment is right out too
********** Hodor is hereby banned as an alignment, race, or social statement of any kind

Mrc.

2014-08-12, 04:40 AM

*My next wizard must not be based off Daffy Duck.

*If the next campaign becomes 'D&D the Musical' we've done something wrong.
**Especially given there were no bards in the party.
***The fact that we were playing ShadowRun does not make this any batter.

*The power limit of my next character shouldn't be 'how many dice I can fit in my hand'.
**Nor should it be 'the number of elaborate tricks I can pull that completely bypass an encounter before the DM cries'.
***If the limit on my next character is best described as 'Super Saiyan', it's immediately vetoed.
****The same goes for 'The bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame'.

*If my character in D&D has a better knowledge of quantum physics than the entire room of university students, I maybe overdid it's intelligence.
**Especially considering it was a Dungeon Crash Fighter.

DigoDragon

2014-08-12, 07:21 AM

* Banned from listing my job class as MurderHobo, Jerk-of-All-Trades, Unicorn(tm), or Cucumber.
** Even if I am playing a unicorn, Unicorn(tm) is still not an allowed job class.

I got the pun, that's why I phrased it like that :smalltongue::smallbiggrin:
But yeah, there are definitely TWO reasons for not applying that template to those horrific things.

* Not allowed to think up a third reason.

rukeen2

2014-08-12, 07:52 AM

*I may not toss adhesive grenades at the monsters fist.
** I may especially not do this when he is about to punch a party member
*** Tossing adhesive grenades in the monsters mouth is OK
**** Setting off the adhesive grenade in your hand while the monster tries to eat your robot is right out

vasharanpaladin

2014-08-12, 12:14 PM

*******or Khorne/Nurgle/Slaanesh/Tzeentch

********Who the hell is Malal?
*********Just because they're alignments in Dungeons: The Dragoning, doesn't mean they are in D&D...
**********...and for the last time, we're playing Shadowrun! There is no alignment!

Wookieetank

2014-08-12, 01:18 PM

********Who the hell is Malal?
*********Just because they're alignments in Dungeons: The Dragoning, doesn't mean they are in D&D...
**********...and for the last time, we're playing Shadowrun! There is no alignment!

***********Pay no attention to those who see alignments as more of suggested guidelines than anything solid.

Socksy

2014-08-12, 04:25 PM

***********Pay no attention to those who see alignments as more of suggested guidelines than anything solid.

*^(n+1) Alignment does not refer to which side of the paper the character starts writing on.
*^(n+2) Therefore, characters who know multiple languages do not run the risk of having several different alignments which change whenever they write.

Hyena

2014-08-12, 04:26 PM

* I may not jinx the other players' rolls by chanting "One. One. One. One."
** I may not threaten DM with my magic powers for banning me from jinxing other players' rolls.

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-12, 08:26 PM

* "Cat" is not an alignment.

** no matter how cat like my character is (mentally, physically or otherwise)
***even if my character's actions, while definitely trending towards something, do not fit very well into any of the 9 given alignments (or even 17 if you use that one)

GPuzzle

2014-08-12, 08:48 PM

*Playing Card Against Humanity is forbidden. Under all circumstances.
**Yes, even then.

ChaosArchon

2014-08-12, 08:51 PM

*Playing Card Against Humanity is forbidden. Under all circumstances.
**Yes, even then.
***Playing Cards Against Humanity with the Deck of Many Things is an even worse idea.

Leviting

2014-08-12, 10:30 PM

*Playing Card Against Humanity is forbidden. Under all circumstances.
**Yes, even then.

But I didn't lose the instruction manual for [raping and pillaging]! I promise!

Milodiah

2014-08-12, 10:38 PM

Not allowed to cast Control Weather and Summon Dire Shark in the same battle; sharknadoes are not a valid combat strategy.

Silus

2014-08-12, 11:01 PM

*I am allowed to take "Perform: Dance" on any character.
**I may not take "Perform: The Stick and Bucket Dance". Ever.

Socksy

2014-08-12, 11:41 PM

* I may not jinx the other players' rolls by chanting "One. One. One. One."

He did that.
He wasn't even playing in the campaign.
As the DM, this amused me greatly :D

Ksheep

2014-08-12, 11:52 PM

* I may not have a familiar with 0 max HP
** I may not have a familiar with negative max HP
*** I may not play a wizard with negative max HP
**** I may not play a wizard with less than -10 max HP
***** Even if all the above is technically rules legal

Milodiah

2014-08-13, 01:10 AM

*When attempting to describe a horrendously gruesome animal mutilation, not allowed to include the word "deflated". Anywhere.

Rater202

2014-08-13, 01:47 AM

*When attempting to describe a horrendously gruesome animal mutilation, not allowed to include the word "deflated". Anywhere.

**UNless the mutilated animal is being Disected and it does infact have a deflated lung

*Not allowed to threaten to kill an NPC hen the only weapon I have is a gun that shoots waterbaloons.
**Even if he did kidnap one of my best friends.
***Again, your continued construction of projectile weapons should be brought up with your therapist
****God Damn it man, he's like eleven years old! He shouldn't be building guns in his basement.

Erik Vale

2014-08-13, 02:13 AM

**** I may not play a wizard with less than -10 max HP

Ok... How? At level 1, your HP is set at 4+Con mod. Cod mod at 1 and the relevent trait and Flaw set that at -2, so you can't do anything, and therefore can't level. And if you did level, that would reduce your HP below -10 and kill you. [Though if true resurected it might work]

I will point out though, your Familiar would actively have more HP than you, since half a negative is a larger number.

DigoDragon

2014-08-13, 07:35 AM

****God Damn it man, he's like eleven years old! He shouldn't be building guns in his basement.

***** Not allowed to counter hostilities by taking the BBEG's side.
****** Especially not when I explain that the jerk has a point.
******* And that I'm the 'heart' of the team. :smallbiggrin:

Ksheep

2014-08-13, 01:22 PM

Ok... How? At level 1, your HP is set at 4+Con mod. Cod mod at 1 and the relevent trait and Flaw set that at -2, so you can't do anything, and therefore can't level. And if you did level, that would reduce your HP below -10 and kill you. [Though if true resurected it might work]

I will point out though, your Familiar would actively have more HP than you, since half a negative is a larger number.

http://rpg.stackexchange.com/questions/24406/how-can-i-get-a-character-with-the-lowest-hit-points-possible

Milodiah

2014-08-13, 01:29 PM

"See this unconscious guy here? Throw him in the cart and take him down the road to the next town. Don't throw him too hard, though, cuz then he'll die."
"What if he wakes up?"
"He never does. This is his normal state."

Also:

*Prior to using it for indirect fire, must ensure projectile is not capable of achieving escape velocity.

Anonymouswizard

2014-08-13, 01:43 PM

*I may no longer perform scientific experiments on zombies.
**If I do so, learning more in two days then the government has in sixth months will make the GM mad.
***Trying to train a zombie is right out.
****When I discover that zombies can't learn through negative reinforcement, I cannot repurpose the experiment to discover how resistant to electricity the zombies are.
*****I may not try to reverse engineer their healing factor.

*If the GM has set the campaign ten or more years into the future, I am forbidden from pointing out how fast technology develops.
**I may not use this as an excuse to make plans involving currently experimental or theoretical technology.
***This may never be backed up by the fact universities don't teach electronic engineers any cutting edge stuff until third year to avoid them graduating with an obsolete degree.
****I may not use the fact I am studying to become an electronic engineer to justify the devices I want to make in game.
*****Nothing will allow your character to build a railgun!
******Not even the fact that I can draw the rough design for one at the table. It would be a barely workable design anyway.
*******I must keep in mind that when I say railgun, the GM thinks of the 40k 'massive damage' view, not my 'worse than a rifle' view.

*No longer allowed to play scientists, engineers, Gadgeteers, artificers, or anyone else with access to both science and crafting skills.

*If in a mutants and masterminds demigods campaign, if my child of Hel can use his Ice magic to deal as much damage as the child of Thanatos, while having more versatility with his powers and the points to buy the abilities, advantages and skills for a team leader/diplomancer, I should probably tone it down a bit.
**I may no longer abuse persistent create effects.
***I may no longer abuse arrays.

Rater202

2014-08-13, 02:42 PM

***** Not allowed to counter hostilities by taking the BBEG's side.
****** Especially not when I explain that the jerk has a point.
******* And that I'm the 'heart' of the team. :smallbiggrin:

*******No allowed to counter the hearts argument by pointing out that the BBEG led a bunch of school children into a death trap on purpose, is a hypocrite, and is sealing out three settlements of his species to protect some so called "Balance" that wil supsedly prevent the same problems he's causing.
********When his points are easily disproven and he literally kicked a crippled child into a wall, taking out more than half of said child's hitponts in one attack, one is not to expect him to understand that he's the badguy.

Demidos

2014-08-13, 04:47 PM

*Not allowed to, upon the DM requiring me to have a city within which to conduct spell research, declare myself mayor of our artificier's portable hole workshop and declare the party my...well, my party.

Milodiah

2014-08-13, 05:27 PM

*Regardless of the tactical opportunities presented by the polymorph line of spells, not allowed to simply "squidify" the enemy troops.

spineyrequiem

2014-08-13, 06:08 PM

* If the party includes three small, female, Asian-looking Bards/Battle Dancers/Clerics of 'the Fox God', we have to remake our characters without listening to Babymetal.
** Especially if the rest of the party have Bard levels and always dress in long, white robes or are reanimated skeletons.

* A character concept of 'Me, with superpowers/magic' is perfectly acceptable, if slightly unimaginative. A character concept of just 'me' is not.
** My character concept may not be 'The DM, with superpowers', regardless of how accurate my portrayal was.

* If a new player insists on going into excruciating detail about her character's wardrobe and looks, can't start trying to outdo her by describing individual fingers with florid purple prose.

Socksy

2014-08-14, 04:10 AM

* If a new player insists on going into excruciating detail about her character's wardrobe and looks, can't start trying to outdo her by describing individual fingers with florid purple prose.

** Nor can I start calling her Enoby.
*** Or Tara.

DigoDragon

2014-08-14, 07:20 AM

one is not to expect him to understand that he's the badguy.

A good 'tragic' villain rarely believes what he's doing is wrong. I'm just surprised he only kicked once. That guy should join a football (soccer) team.

* If I'm the only male in a team of adventurers, I'm not allowed to assume I'm 'Charlie'.
** Especially when most of the ladies are not proven to be in any way an 'angel' alignment-wise.
*** Also must refrain from calling myself 'The Doctor', even if they're my all my traveling companions.
**** Boasting that I have the most kills on the team when I'm the medic is frowned upon.

Rater202

2014-08-14, 03:11 PM

A good 'tragic' villain rarely believes what he's doing is wrong. I'm just surprised he only kicked once. That guy should join a football (soccer) team.

I'm not seeing Tragic villain in this guy, I'm seeing hypocritical asshat, who knows what he's doing is wrong but is still doing it anyway.(He admited as much to himself right before he teleported away)

Still you'd think being confronted with prof of his hypocrisy right after he severely injured a crippled child might have at least made him stop thinking he was the hero of the story.

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-14, 10:05 PM

I'm not seeing Tragic villain in this guy, I'm seeing hypocritical asshat, who knows what he's doing is wrong but is still doing it anyway.(He admited as much to himself right before he teleported away)

Still you'd think being confronted with prof of his hypocrisy right after he severely injured a crippled child might have at least made him stop thinking he was the hero of the story.

this reminds me of things

*I'm not allowed to justify the evil empire's fear and ban of magic by razing several cities
**not even if it is part of celebrating my character's own personal holiday
***I'm not allowed to create religions to myself that involve mass destruction of populated areas

ChaosArchon

2014-08-15, 12:46 AM

*upon killing the enemy my character is not allowed to say "I've got one less problem without cha."

Socksy

2014-08-15, 04:41 AM

*upon killing the enemy my character is not allowed to say "I've got one less problem without cha."

** Upon killing the enemy lich, my character is not allowed to inform the rest of the party that he has 99 problems, but a lich ain't one.

DigoDragon

2014-08-15, 09:45 AM

Still you'd think being confronted with prof of his hypocrisy right after he severely injured a crippled child might have at least made him stop thinking he was the hero of the story.

* No longer allowed to apply hero logic to a villain.
** The bard is no longer allowed to nickname the villain.
*** And there is no such thing as Hive JimmyHoffa.

Ksheep

2014-08-15, 10:10 AM

* I may not send the adventurers into a hidden desert dungeon with the stipulation that they can't touch any of the treasure except a single item at the end
** Having the dungeon filled with countless traps, pitfalls, moats, cliffs, and other trials is frowned upon
*** When the item that they are searching for turns out to be a lamp, I shouldn't be surprised when the PCs throw books at me
**** When, upon rubbing the lamp, the PCs get a message saying "We're sorry, the Genie you have called is currently unavailable", I better plan for a half-hour break before the players regain their composure

DontEatRawHagis

2014-08-15, 11:51 AM

*i may not play as a lumberjack, even if he does look like the greatest Lumberjack in the world Abraham Lincoln.
*I am no longer allowed to stereotype Wizards as wearing monocles.
**i am not allowed to call the DMPC Wizard a lumberjack because of his lack of a monocle.
*i am no longer allowed to be disappointed on Criting my find hidden traps roll and being unable to see any hidden traps
**even though there are no traps at all.
*** I am not allowed to follow up with a search for hidden walls.
*i am no longer allowed to stop talking to NPCs after they finish what they say.
**even if tabletop RPGs allow NPCs to say more than one line of dialogue.
*i am no longer allowed to kill beggars without cause.
**i am no longer allowed to draw Monocles on the DMs beggar character sheet picture and say it was a powerful evil wizard.

Socksy

2014-08-15, 12:00 PM

* Not allowed to take Perform (Mime)

One for my current players:

* If the DM intends for an NPC to say a few lines, cast a Detect Evil on the area at the party's request, and leave:
** May not drag the NPC on adventures
*** May not have a character develop a crush on the NPC
**** Definitely must not get the NPC into a combat before they have a character sheet.

The culprits know who they are. :smalltongue:

Ksheep

2014-08-16, 09:35 PM

* When starting a new campaign in the same world as a prematurely ended previous campaign, I may not just assume that the former party completely failed in their quest
** Especially if this means that the new campaign is set in a dystopian future version of this world
*** Telling the new party "Congratulations, you get to fix what those others messed up" may get some odd stares
**** Especially when half the players were in the previous campaign, and they didn't actually get far enough in the plot to mess things up
***** Doubly so if they had a fairly good chance of defeating the BBEG and were on their way to deal with him when the group dissolved due to RL issues
****** You know, it might be better to just restart the first campaign again with the new players and work from there

DigoDragon

2014-08-17, 08:29 AM

* You know, it might be better to just restart the first campaign again with the new players and work from there

** Not allowed to seek out the old PCs and attempt to murder them at the point they failed to 'tie up loose ends'.
*** Also forbidden from impersonating the old PCs in an attempt to redeem them.
**** Double-banned from making your new PC a close relative of the old one.

demonwalker

2014-08-17, 06:25 PM

*My Anti-Paladin is NOT supposed to be more lawful good than the Paladin/Hellknight
**If the above rule is broken, one of us is going to suffer an alignment change
***I am to ensure it is the Paladin/Hellknight if I can easily prove that it was him

First 30 minutes of a campaign spent having two characters killing each other for absolutely no reason. One of them a Paladin. All because the backstory involved one of the other characters killing his home town.

*If intending to use a door that one must think in order to get around, I am to make sure that is is made of 5" thick Adamantine with a lead center.

Another 10 minutes wasted because the GM didn't think know/expect someone to actually know a spell like dimension door or teleport.

It was so bad I tuned out from there. 7+ players just doesn't work when the GM isn't prepared.

8balls

2014-08-17, 06:28 PM

* I'm not allowed to have the feat "exotic weapon proficiency: small child"
** In a fate game I can't have "Yolo" as one of my aspects
*** Nor can I have "Get drunk, fight bears" as one of my aspects
**** I am not batman
***** I am not allowed to dress up my monkey familiar in a suit and call him Alfred
****** I am not finn the human
******* If I say algebraic one more time my character is to take 1000 lightning damage on the spot.
******** gather information doesn't mean burn everything
********* I am not allowed throw party members any more
********** The DMs sister doesn't want spankies
*********** Nor does the DM's brother
************ Nor does the DM
************* I am not allowed to go to any roleplaying game unless I come in a straight jacket and muzzle

...

2014-08-17, 06:32 PM

* I cannot be a NG Evil Cultist.

Rater202

2014-08-17, 07:40 PM

*If I'm playing the Dresden Files RPG, and my PC is a focused practitioner with fire as his "forces" Element, I'm not alowed to choose "Collateral Damage Man", "poor aim", "definitely my fault" or "Harry Dresden is My Hero" as aspects.
**I can't do it for any other elements either.
***No longer allowed to play character's with Evocation.
****Alright, a fetch-born changeling who feeds on the fear of monsters and thus changes into heroes with his Shapeshifting is a pretty decent concept.
When at a Sci-fi convention that get's attacked by fell-fledged fetches desguised as famous Sci-fi monsters, including a rather large numer of Daleks and Cyber-Men, changing my form to match the appearance and abilities of the Tenth Doctor makes perfect sense.
*****...unless I lack the total number of skill ranks and refresh invested in "Modular abillities" to properly duplicate Ten's skillset.
******...Or if David Tenant is at the Doctor Who panel at the Con.
*******Okay, getting fed up that my plan was foiled, coupled with the appearance of a couple of Creepy Pasta fetches(Including The Rake, Jeff The Killer, and the Skin-taker from Candle Cove, but oddly no Slender Man) I can't get pissy and shift into Goku so I can Kamehameha the fetches away.
********Because again, I don't have enough point's to replicate him.
*********Not slowed to just say "F*** it" and turn into The Hulk.
**********Wait, you do have enough pints tp pass for the Hulk? Well, Okay then

NeoPhoenix0

2014-08-17, 09:36 PM

* I'm not allowed to have the feat "exotic weapon proficiency: small child"

**Unless for some reason it is a character that has a range increment for some reason

8balls

2014-08-18, 01:13 AM

**Unless for some reason it is a character that has a range increment for some reason

*** And as such if I can make a fully optimized build of it I can make totally a character who's main attack is throwing children at monsters :smallsmile:

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-08-18, 03:53 AM

*** And as such if I can make a fully optimized build of it I can make totally a character who's main attack is throwing children at monsters :smallsmile:

**** If I am somehow playing this character, I may not proposition women by asking them to help me make more ammo.

Socksy

2014-08-18, 05:39 AM

**** If I am somehow playing this character, I may not proposition women by asking them to help me make more ammo.

***** Not to be surprised when the woman turns out to be a Necromancer and drags you back to the lab to help turn a corpse into a Slaymate.
****** Not to be surprised when the woman turns out to be a mad scientist and really misunderstood "making more ammo"
******* The Frankenbaby cannot come with me on adventures!

Deremir

2014-08-18, 07:01 AM

*i may not be "The Bubblemancer!
**my familiar may not be a sentient bubble
***nor may my familiar be "any random bubbles in the area"
****while i may play a battlemage, a battlemage that hates "those stupid wizards with there magical pets" just because he dosent get a familiar will be troublesome
*****if my battlemage starts blowing bubbles whenever the previous one pops, and treating the bubbles as one continuous familiar, as opposed to just taking the familiar feat rocks will fall.

8balls

2014-08-18, 09:16 PM

***** Not to be surprised when the woman turns out to be a Necromancer and drags you back to the lab to help turn a corpse into a Slaymate.
****** Not to be surprised when the woman turns out to be a mad scientist and really misunderstood "making more ammo"
******* The Frankenbaby cannot come with me on adventures!

******** Nor am I allowed to have said character any where near an orphanage
********* Nor can I light my ammo on fire before hand
********** I am now required by law to see a psychiatrist every week

Graypairofsocks

2014-08-19, 12:53 AM

* I may not build a Nuclear Warhead in D&D.
** Not even if I have the requite materials.
*** Not even if I have enough ranks in Knowledge(Physics)
**** Especially not if the character's name is an anagram of Robert Oppenheimer

Mrc.

2014-08-19, 03:33 AM

*I may not have ranks in Knowledge (Rudisplork).

*My next Bard may not be based off Rastamouse.

*I gain no bonus to intimidate if I speak WHILST FLEXING!

*If I mention that the setting is loosely based on Japan, everyone else thinks of anime, not James Clavell.

*Despite being British, I gain no inherent bonuses to Charm effects.
**In fact, Yorkshire folk probably have a penalty to those (for those of you unfamiliar with a Yorkshire accent, think Sean Bean or Sir Patrick Stewart or Lena Heady).

DCraw

2014-08-19, 03:46 AM

Socksy

2014-08-19, 07:20 AM

*Profession (Kinda Like A Prostitute Except With Hugs Instead Of Sex) is not a valid thing to stick five ranks in.

Mrc.

2014-08-19, 07:30 AM

*Profession (Kinda Like A Prostitute Except With Hugs Instead Of Sex) is not a valid thing to stick five ranks in.

I respectfully disagree :smalltongue:

*If there is a notable absence of monsters in a given location, the players should see that as evidence that something is amiss, not that the DM is too cheap to buy the figures.
**Even if that's true.

*If I play the BBEG as far superior to the characters intellectually, I am not to use this as an excuse to make his castle literally impenetrable.
**If this castle resembles the pinnacle of the "Evil Overlord" list, I probably overdid it.

I found this next one out by accident:

*Never mention the phrase "A juicy selection of lemons" if anyone at your table happens to have a FanFiction account.
**Should you do this, the correct thing to do is simply put it out of your mind. Under no circumstances should you ever Google "FanFiction Lemons".
***The fact that the player in charge of the paladin was the one who engaged in a fit of giggles at this is a worrying sign.

I had to sit on the steps and go to a quiet place in my mind for a while. That was an.... eventful session.

DigoDragon

2014-08-19, 07:53 AM

* As ruler of a prosperous kingdom, I'm not allowed to simply banish the criminal element to another dimension just to save money on prisons.
** If I banish criminals to another dimension, I'm not allowed to do the banishing before researching what's in that dimension.
*** If the banished criminals find a way back and this plan bites me in the butt, not allowed to just send the PCs into the dimension to 'deal with it'.
**** Double-banned from sending murder-hobo type adventurers who have a thing for 'multi-verse collateral'.
***** When it finally comes to destroying the gateway between dimensions to just end the problem, I'm not allowed to do so before the PCs return from their trip.

Afool

2014-08-19, 08:03 AM

Spore

2014-08-19, 08:22 AM

*Profession (Kinda Like A Prostitute Except With Hugs Instead Of Sex) is not a valid thing to stick five ranks in.

What do you think Fallen-From-Grace is in Planescape: Torment? Being a "feelings" prostitute is a very valid oxymoron concept imho.

Prince Raven

2014-08-19, 09:10 AM

Sartharina

2014-08-19, 12:03 PM

*My Anti-Paladin is NOT supposed to be more lawful good than the Paladin/Hellknight
**If the above rule is broken, one of us is going to suffer an alignment change
***I am to ensure it is the Paladin/Hellknight if I can easily prove that it was him

First 30 minutes of a campaign spent having two characters killing each other for absolutely no reason. One of them a Paladin. All because the backstory involved one of the other characters killing his home town.... One destroying the other's hometown is not "No Reason" (Whether it's avenging slain friends, family, etc. or "Finishing the Job")

vasharanpaladin

2014-08-19, 12:47 PM

What do you think Fallen-From-Grace is in Planescape: Torment? Being a "feelings" prostitute is a very valid oxymoron concept imho.

There did, in fact, exist a class of "prostitute" whose role was essentially to keep one company. Someone to play games or write poetry with, with what you'd normally associate with a prostitute costing extra. Today, we call this "escort service." :smallwink:

unseenmage

2014-08-19, 01:07 PM

* Yes you may be a member of an aquatic criminal organization?
** Sure you can play an anthropomorphic shark, were-shark and use your humanoid form as your 'monster' form?
*** Yes desiring to eat all of the NPCs but not doing so is a fine characterization?
**** Don't see why you can't inflect every one of your character's statements in the form of a question?
***** Yeah I guess your character could have been forced to be a gym teacher in his backstory?
****** Wait, why is your character's first name Shark and his last name just the name of the crime family he belonged to?

Spore

2014-08-19, 01:07 PM

There did, in fact, exist a class of "prostitute" whose role was essentially to keep one company. Someone to play games or write poetry with, with what you'd normally associate with a prostitute costing extra. Today, we call this "escort service." :smallwink:

I'm not that fond with services like that. :)

...

2014-08-19, 02:58 PM

*** And as such if I can make a fully optimized build of it I can make totally a character who's main attack is throwing children at monsters :smallsmile:

Did you actually try that? :smalleek:

Sith_Happens

2014-08-19, 04:56 PM

* If I can't say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.
** If I have to deeply inhale before attempting to say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.

ChaosArchon

2014-08-19, 04:57 PM

* If I can't say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.
** If I have to deeply inhale before attempting to say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.

***if saying my character's name takes up an entire paragraph, it is vetoed

Hyena

2014-08-19, 05:10 PM

* If I can't say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.
** If I have to deeply inhale before attempting to say my character's name in one breath, it's vetoed.

My sith's name in Saga was Rlk'hln Trsch'scree. I have no idea why everybody had such difficulties pronouncing it.

Socksy

2014-08-19, 05:26 PM

I found this next one out by accident:

*Never mention the phrase "A juicy selection of lemons" if anyone at your table happens to have a FanFiction account.
**Should you do this, the correct thing to do is simply put it out of your mind. Under no circumstances should you ever Google "FanFiction Lemons".
***The fact that the player in charge of the paladin was the one who engaged in a fit of giggles at this is a worrying sign.

I had to sit on the steps and go to a quiet place in my mind for a while. That was an.... eventful session.

I have a FanFiction account! I laughed so hard at this because I've got the bestworst mental images right now

The vendor points you towards his selection of juicy lemons.

"Do they explode?"

"No, but something else might... Heh heh heh..."

"Are you sure those are lemons? They look like paper to me."

Either that or you accidentally found your way into FATAL...

8balls

2014-08-19, 05:30 PM

Did you actually try that? :smalleek:

nope.....................

Sith_Happens

2014-08-19, 05:44 PM

Ksheep

2014-08-19, 05:53 PM

* I may not name my character "Pazuzu."
** If this rule is violated, I may not then have my character constantly space out in the hope that someone unwittingly says "Pazuzu" three times while trying to get his attention.

*** The same goes for "Beetlejuice" and "Hastur"
**** Any other being which is summoned by saying their name out loud a certain number of times is vetoed
***** Especially if my character is a spell caster and he decides to emulate this trait via copious amounts of divination and teleportation spells

ChaosArchon

2014-08-19, 05:55 PM

*** The same goes for "Beetlejuice" and "Hastur"
**** Any other being which is summoned by saying their name out loud a certain number of times is vetoed
***** Especially if my character is a spell caster and he decides to emulate this trait via copious amounts of divination and teleportation spells
****** Same goes with saying Candleja....

Socksy

2014-08-19, 05:55 PM

Mrc.

2014-08-19, 06:16 PM

I have a FanFiction account! I laughed so hard at this because I've got the bestworst mental images right now

The vendor points you towards his selection of juicy lemons.

"Do they explode?"

"No, but something else might... Heh heh heh..."

"Are you sure those are lemons? They look like paper to me."

Either that or you accidentally found your way into FATAL...

It was more along the lines of the following. For simplicities sake, the text coloured in green is me as DM and the text in bold is the one person who had the account.

]As you enter the normally bustling marketplace, the distinct lack of trade is somewhat disturbing. Shops are closed and many of the regular stalls are unmanned. In fact, it seems that only one person has arrived at work today: an aged man leaning on a heavy box and holding in his hand a shiny lemon, absentmindedly feeling it with his thumb.[/COLOR]

"Wait Lemons? Aren't they a bit hard to find at this time of year?"

Hehe, depends on what mood you're in, eh?

Urm, no? It is uncommon to find lemons at this time of year, though he certainly seems disinterested by the one in his hand, instead casting his gaze over the empty market. You feel his gaze settle on you for a moment before he resumes his surveying.

Well given that he's the only person here, I suggest we approach

I agree, I'll try a spot check to see if there's anything unusual about him

*rolls poorly*

Ok, as you approach he straightens up and pockets his lemon before bracing himself against the box in front of him. "Good day to you, travelers, can I perhaps interest you in my wares?" His voice is coarse and unwelcoming, though that may just be his age.

"Certainly fine sir, we were wondering whether you could show us the full extent of your produce?"

"By all means, friend. I deal in lemons." So saying he slides the lid off his box with a grunt and reveals a sea of lemons. Most of them are perfectly formed and typical of what you would expect, though you believe any and all odd ones would likely be at the bottom. You've never seen such a bountiful supply of lemons, and the fact that they come from this old man only adds to the surprise.

*Giggles* You could say he has... a penchant for lemons.

Well that is only to be expected. He is, you know, selling them.

Oh man, that joke went WAAAAAAAY over your head. You really don't understand, do you?

What's so funny about a juicy selection of lemons? You got a fetish or something?

*Cackles with laughter* Dude, j-just look up 'Fanfiction lemons'

...I did. I feel dirty.

GPuzzle

2014-08-19, 07:19 PM

AH GOD MY EYES.

THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!

If anyone asks for me, I'll be stabbing myself in the gut with a kitchen knife.

razorfloss

2014-08-19, 07:24 PM

would someone be a dear and post a link i cant find this lemon story and need a good laugh

edit: nvm i found it and all i can say DEAR GOD WHY. WHERES THE EYE BLEACH WHEN YOU NEED IT

Mrc.

2014-08-20, 02:38 AM

Wookieetank

2014-08-20, 07:49 AM

I'm sorry guys, but when I say 'don't do something', it's usually a good indicator that you shouldn't do it. Same with anything I say you should do; don't do that either.

Anyone else want to scar themselves or are you all willing to learn?

This gave me an idea:

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: If Mrc Says Don't it really is for your own good not to :smallwink:

DigoDragon

2014-08-20, 07:58 AM

Phantom Zone reference?

Actually was from a conversation I had with a friend about the Equestria Girls movie being applied to a D&D adventure, but Phantom Zone could fit some parts too. :3

This gave me an idea:

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: If Mrc Says Don't it really is for your own good not to :smallwink:

or maybe,

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: Make PCs rue the day they thought to give you lemons!

illyahr

2014-08-20, 09:27 AM

Sith_Happens

2014-08-20, 03:20 PM

ChaosArchon

2014-08-20, 03:23 PM

Geez, people, this is the Internet, had you really all not heard of Lemon Party before? At least that's what I assume is being referenced, I'm not exactly going to test such a hypothesis myself.:smalltongue:

That's what I think is being referenced but I don't want to make sure and regret it...

also

*if my Changeling ever does anything which horrifies even a Fae, there is no way I am arguing my way out of losing some Clarity

Rater202

2014-08-20, 04:56 PM

Geez, people, this is the Internet, had you really all not heard of Lemon Party before? At least that's what I assume is being referenced, I'm not exactly going to test such a hypothesis myself.:smalltongue:

Wrong, they're talking about this. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Lemon)

Though it's entirely possible they're stumbling across th other thing while looking at it.

Socksy

2014-08-20, 05:23 PM

* No longer allowed to remind the playground of lemonparty.
** No longer allowed to remind the party of lemonparty.

Mrc.

2014-08-20, 05:29 PM

This gave me an idea:

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: If Mrc Says Don't it really is for your own good not to :smallwink:

Thanks, I might suggest that for thread number eight, though I may end up going for "I must not remind anyone of the babe".

Yeah, for those who don't know what was being referred to, a lemon is basically porn. And given that this is FanFiction, badly written porn, the kind that makes you feel the wrong kind of dirty. Sometimes I despair of my players, I really do.

*I may no longer create a high Charisma Bard who goes up to every person and swipes his finger left across their face if he doesn't find them attractive and right if he does.

janusmaxwell

2014-08-20, 08:46 PM

It's singularly weird for me hearing y'all scream horror at the idea of Lemon Fanfics. Those were some of the first types of fan-material I found when I first got internet access and went trolling for fan-ish type stuff regarding an anime I enjoyed (The Tenchi Muyo Fanfiction Archive in late 90's...god I'm ****ing old...)

Anyway.

*I may not take Profession: Fanfic writer
**I may not take Profession or Performance: Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
***Even if I roleplay all the ways I make fun of various stage plays, musicals and books.
****I make not take Profession: Critic.

Milodiah

2014-08-20, 09:04 PM

*No longer allowed to ask Nyarlathotep for all the secrets of the universe; we've already established that rolling 1000000d10 SAN loss crashes the GM's computer.

Socksy

2014-08-21, 10:02 AM

* My last Wish cannot be "to become an Elder Evil*
** Especially if my second wish was to switch out my wizard levels for psion levels
*** ESPECIALLY if my first wish was for someone else to switch out their levels for StP Erudite levels

DigoDragon

2014-08-21, 01:23 PM

* As the GM, I'm no longer allowed to ask my players an open-ended question like what two genres to combine for our next RP campaign.
** As the PCs, we're no longer allowed to make fun of our GM by responding with 'My Little Pony meets Blade Runner'
*** As the GM I'm no longer allowed to take every answer my players give me seriously, especially when they all give the same answer.
**** As the PCs, we're no longer allowed to browse TV Tropes to come up with the most noir-heavy pony characters ever.
***** The C in 'C-Beams' does not stand for Celestia, Nor is the glittering effect because it's Friendship-powered.
****** Banned from using any desert metaphor that results in a 20-minute argument between 'turtle' and 'tortoise'.
******* If the Changeling Replicant does not go down in 9 bullets, Plan B is not 'Another 9 bullets plus 2 grenades'.
******** In fact, there is an upper limit to how many walls you can be thrown into and live. Banned from experimenting.
********* 'Retiring a Pony' because you thought he was your ex-lover stops becoming a usable excuse after offing the 3rd ex.
********** As a collective group we are banned from doubting that there is an RPG that can't work with ponies.

8balls

2014-08-21, 11:39 PM

* my character's only language isn't interpretive dance
** Nor is it "bad movie clichés"
*** In a Zelda LARP I'm not allowed to go into people's houses and break all there pots while screaming link quotes at the top of my lungs
**** especially if I don't limit that behavior to people who are actually playing the game
***** I am now a wanted man in Georgia

unseenmage

2014-08-22, 10:11 AM

* No I'm not allowed to Diplomance the BBEG's army of Golems.
** Even if I can make them all into lioving Humanoids so they lose their Construct traits.
*** Not allowed to give them Int scores just so their mindlessness no longer protects them from my Diplomancy.

* DEFINITELY not allowed to discuss, in vivid detail, what an army of mindless golems suddenly transformed into living mindless people would due if instinct and baser urges were taken into account.
(Protip: Their anatomy is unchanged so the above was pointless in the long run. :smallwink:)

Spore

2014-08-22, 01:20 PM

unseenmage

2014-08-22, 01:35 PM

Suichimo

2014-08-22, 07:40 PM

I'm sorry guys, but when I say 'don't do something', it's usually a good indicator that you shouldn't do it. Same with anything I say you should do; don't do that either.

Anyone else want to scar themselves or are you all willing to learn?

If I wasn't at work, I would totally be in challenge accepted mode right now. I've seen a ton of **** on the internet, and usually take some kind of perverse glee from it. It takes a lot to get to me.

Sith_Happens

2014-08-22, 09:23 PM

* I am hereby limited to one bee-themed villain per campaign.
** No making them a recurring villain specifically to get around this limitation.

Rater202

2014-08-22, 11:51 PM

* I am hereby limited to one bee-themed villain per campaign.
** No making them a recurring villain specifically to get around this limitation.

***This extends to wasps.
****...yes, I mean the bug.

Silus

2014-08-23, 12:42 AM

* I may not use Kyuss as an Old One in a Pathfinder game.

Asahel24601

2014-08-23, 05:25 AM

*I may not say "Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."
**Even as the GM.

Socratov

2014-08-23, 12:46 PM

*When playing Everybody is John I must not be amazed at how screwed up my friends are.
*When playing Everybody is John I will inform my players that any of the following elements are forbidden: ducks, genetic mutations, Crystal Meth, adult entertainment and exchange clubs.
**If I'm giving any sort of leeway during a game of Everybody is John, I deserve any and all BSOD's in my brain.
***Pushing your friends to see how far they can go is a bad, very bad idea.

GPuzzle

2014-08-23, 12:48 PM

*If we're playing any zombie survival game, we cannot call eachother by locations such as cities.
**If we're playing any zombie survival game, under no circumstances I may make rules.
***If we're playing any zombie survival game, I cannot search for the last Twinkie on Earth.
****Wear seatbelts.

MuddlingThrough

2014-08-23, 03:23 PM

I cannot use Animate Objects on liquids.
...or gasses.
...or bridge supports.
...or load-bearing beams.
...or ceilings.
...or catapults or other siege weapons.
...or a dozen of the kobolds we killed to get to the dragon.
...or the dragon's eggs.
...or deceased party members, just to mess with the guy that killed them.
...or the nonmagical MacGuffin.
...or the cart of the merchant that insulted me.
...or the food someone is about to eat.
...or plasma.
...or photons.
...or any subatomic particles for that matter.
...or whatever the surprisingly fragile magical MacGuffin is sitting on.
...or anything at a funeral, especially the dearly departed.
...or anything at a coronation, especially the crown and throne.
...or the privy, or the contents thereof.
...or the armor I'm about to put on.
...or the armor someone else is about to put on.
...that goes for clothing, too.
...or anything being juggled...yes, even though it's not technically being carried while in the air.
...or prosthetic limbs, even if their owner hasn't attached them yet.
...or artistic representations of the king, queen, high priest, or other person of importance; at least outside of combat.
...or corpses, if I'm charging the deceased's loved ones for a resurrection and planning on high-tailing it before the duration runs out.
...or occupied modes of transport, such as boats and carriages...yes, even when they're carrying creatures but not the other way around.
...or the deceased captain of the guard during a jail break.
...or students' raw materials at academies of magic.
...okay, or any corpses at all for that matter.
...that includes nonhumanoids.
...or the blacksmith's forge, especially when it's in use.
...or part of the magical MacGuffin, even if the (scabbard/chain/hilt/setting/gemstone/whatever) is technically nonmagical.
...or my d20.

Mrc.

2014-08-23, 04:25 PM

-snip-

That is beautiful good sir. I do wonder whether you could use Animate Object on FOOF, and if so what effect it would have on the already decidedly animate gas.

Now one from today:

*If everyone in the room is either starving, busy, sleep-deprived, intoxicated, formerly intoxicated, currently-in-the-process-of-being intoxicated, blazed, playing League of Legends or asleep, it is perhaps not a good idea to go ahead with the session.
**Knowing this, I can't blame my players for getting through a grand total of one sentence from my notes in a six hour session.
***Especially if I was one of the worst.
****The four pizzas probably didn't help either.

unseenmage

2014-08-24, 01:39 AM

DigoDragon

2014-08-24, 08:42 AM

****Wear seatbelts.

***** I'm no longer allowed to disguise myself as a zombie just to scare the pants off the other PCs.

Leviting

2014-08-24, 06:34 PM

** No Shrink Item either.
*** Especially not after duplicating the above with SHapesand (Sa).
**** Definitely not allowed to use Minor Servitor (SS) on it.
***** Put down the Quintessence and nobody gets DMTPKed!!!

what is the big deal with Quintessence? As far as I know, it takes a fairly giant amount to do anything more than cause damage...

Ksheep

2014-08-24, 07:31 PM

* Surrounding the town gates with beggars and lepers is perfectly OK. Surrounding the gates with SJWs will get books thrown at me
** I may not make a human character who keeps insisting that he's an elf/dwarf/gnome/orc/treeperson

GPuzzle

2014-08-24, 07:35 PM

unseenmage

2014-08-24, 08:20 PM

what is the big deal with Quintessence? As far as I know, it takes a fairly giant amount to do anything more than cause damage...
* Not allowed to explain that Quintessence is like Wall of Stone, the result of the spell is not magical and can therefore be animated/shrink item-ed.

** Not allowed to explain further that Quintessence is gained as a SLA/PLA then it can be repeated.

*** Or that the Psion can just manifest it at the end of every day with leftover Power Points and store the resultant nonmagical, gooey, ball of time extradimensionally so it doesn't muck with manifesting.

*****Especially not allowed to give a fellow DM the idea to use a homebrewed variant the old Swarm rules from BoVD to make many little Animated Object Quintessences into a vile swarm who takes Psion levels so they can make more Quintessence thereby creating an actual Grey Goo scenario of actual grey (well transparent but whatevs) goo.

****** No longer allowed to answer Quintessence questions.

Leviting

2014-08-26, 12:14 AM

thank you.

Socksy

2014-08-26, 12:11 PM

* Yes, clothing has no armour check penalty.
** No, this does not mean I should enter the dungeon in seven inch stiletto platform heels.

illyahr

2014-08-26, 03:37 PM

* Yes, clothing has no armour check penalty.
** No, this does not mean I should enter the dungeon in seven inch stiletto platform heels.

***Unless you plan to use them as improvised piercing weapons and have Improved Unarmed Strike.

Brookshw

2014-08-26, 04:12 PM

After agreeing to an Expedition to Castle Ravenloft Mini-Campaign...

* May not ignore the summons to go to Barovia.
** Once there may not craft catapults and level the castle before stepping foot inside.
*** Nor use a Thoqqua to dig out the side of the cliff and drop it before stepping foot inside.
**** Diverting the river to surround and drown it is likewise out
***** If I never step foot in the castle I owe the DM the cost of the module.

spineyrequiem

2014-08-28, 07:58 PM

* I may not play any of the following games during royal masquerades: bar chess, the alphabet game (during speeches), kamoloux, the Travelling Lemon, dwarfball, alignment cricket, sexual harassment cricket, actual cricket (yes, I have rules for all of these, in condensed, easy-to-understand form. Except actual cricket)

* I can't claim my character is lawful because he follows his own code to the absolute letter with no deviation if that code is 'set fire to all flammable buildings, and kill anyone who tries to stop me'

* No, the point of torture is not 'to squick the DM out enough that he'll make the guy crack'

* My main goal in the campaign cannot be to annihilate the tavern where we started it

* If someone is knocked out by a spell effect, it is cruel to put them in a hospital-style bed, use illusions to make ourselves look older and claim they've been in a coma for ten years.

* If people in the area keep getting killed in their homes, their bodies, furniture and walls of their houses filled with deformed bits of lead and my character loves gunpowder weapons, frequently gets up very early and keeps acquiring new stuff, I can't keep blaming daemons (this was actually my backstory, though the campaign never got off the ground. Shame, I liked him...)

Ksheep

2014-08-28, 09:23 PM

* If someone is knocked out by a spell effect, it is cruel to put them in a hospital-style bed, use illusions to make ourselves look older and claim they've been in a coma for ten years.

** Nor may I use an illusion to make it seem like the entire party is much younger than we really are and that all of the adventures that they were on was just a dream
*** Especially if I completely change the genre of the setting in the process
**** Convincing the Call of Cthulhu character that they actually live in a Medieval world dominated by magic will likely result in sanity loss
***** Convincing the modern-day setting character that they actually live in a 1920's Call of Cthulhu setting will ALSO likely result in sanity loss

Socksy

2014-08-29, 04:32 AM

** Nor may I use an illusion to make it seem like the entire party is much younger than we really are and that all of the adventures that they were on was just a dream
*** Especially if I completely change the genre of the setting in the process
**** Convincing the Call of Cthulhu character that they actually live in a Medieval world dominated by magic will likely result in sanity loss
***** Convincing the modern-day setting character that they actually live in a 1920's Call of Cthulhu setting will ALSO likely result in sanity loss

****** No longer allowed to play a Bard.

Wookieetank

2014-08-29, 08:01 AM

****** No longer allowed to play a Bard.

Bwa hahahahahaha :smallbiggrin: Well played!

*Playing a tank as any miniature race (halfling, kender, gnome etc.) is allowed
**Sassing the rest of the party about how they're cowering behind someone shorter than they are is in poor taste.
***Creating a Society of Adventures Hiding Behind Midgets may result in books thrown
****Double so if you're the 'midget'

Ksheep

2014-08-30, 10:07 AM

* The main plot hook may not be "Bring us the girl and wipe away the debt"

* The verbal components for Suggestion is not "Would you kindly?"

Socratov

2014-08-30, 10:37 AM

* The verbal components for Suggestion is not "Would you kindly?"

**Nor is it "Simon says:"
***Neither are material components 'Bishie Sparkles'
****No, Boobs are not to be used as an arcane focus...
*****Yes, I'm aware it's a lvl 80 female only persuasion spell (http://www.cad-comic.com/cad/20071231), that, however is in a completely different system.

Socksy

2014-08-30, 11:32 AM

* Describing my character as "Kinda like all those teenage girls on Facebook" will get the character vetoed.
** Describing my character as "Kinda like all those teenage girls on tumblr." will get the character vetoed if I mean the SJW part of tumblr..

Sith_Happens

2014-08-30, 05:38 PM

* My Drow priestess telling surface races that they're oppressed and need matriarchy is only funny once.

toapat

2014-08-31, 12:09 AM

* My Drow priestess telling surface races that they're oppressed and need matriarchy is only funny once.

**countering that, if they hadnt been bred out of existance, a Patriarchy would do the drow some good every now and again, is not a valid retort.
***not to convince the DM that, since the ease of manufacture of the Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity, male drow should be extinct

spineyrequiem

2014-08-31, 07:12 AM

** Describing my character as "Kinda like all those teenage girls on tumblr." will get the character vetoed if I mean the SJW part of tumblr..
*** Or, for that matter, the part of tumblr which invented 'topless tuesday' and similar.

Mrc.

2014-08-31, 07:48 AM

*** Or, for that matter, the part of tumblr which invented 'topless tuesday' and similar.

Wait, this is a thing? I've been warned away from both Tumblr and 4chan, so I don't know whether this is true or not. Either way, it's not a good thing to base a character on.

*If my character concept requires sarcasm for it to fully make sense, it's vetoed.
**When the new player complains that the bear PC (not shapechanged, an awakened bear) is too powerful, not to ask him to prove it.
***I am wholly responsible for that character's death.

*No longer allowed to let a player play as a bear.
**That player is not allowed to pump their bluff up so high that they tell people they're not a bear, and those people believe them.
***The bear should at least be able to speak Common for this to work, there's no value of bluff that allows a bear to pass themselves off as a human when all they do is roar at each other.
****Having skill points in Profession: Mime Artist doesn't help here either.

Somensjev

2014-08-31, 08:04 AM

Wait, this is a thing? I've been warned away from both Tumblr and 4chan, so I don't know whether this is true or not. Either way, it's not a good thing to base a character on.

i only joined tumblr a few hours ago, so i'm still mostly unaware of everything on there, and i plan on staying that way for as long as possible

*If my character concept requires sarcasm for it to fully make sense, it's vetoed.

**this applies to both tasteful and tasteless sacrasm
***also irony

DigoDragon

2014-08-31, 02:33 PM

*Yes, I'm aware it's a lvl 80 female only persuasion spell (http://www.cad-comic.com/cad/20071231), that, however is in a completely different system.

I can say for a fact that it's system independent. :smallbiggrin:

DontEatRawHagis

2014-08-31, 04:18 PM

*the first law of Golems is not may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human to come to harm.
**especially if the Golem was specifically designed to kill said player.
***doubly so if he is a non-human race.

DigoDragon

2014-08-31, 08:37 PM

***doubly so if he is a non-human race.

**** Banned from tossing the target player into a survivable outer plane.

Unscrewed

2014-08-31, 09:51 PM

*Tower Shields make poor bobsleds.
*The Artificer is not a master of Disco Ninja Style, and I am not to tell people this.
*I can't do anything I saw Sailor Moon do once.
*I am to inform the newbies that Dragons are usually highly intelligent.
*I am not to explain altruism to any demon. It gives them weird ideas.
*A generous heart is a gift from god. Just not during black ops missions.
*I am to keep in mind that most NPC's don't have my disregard for heights.
*We are not, nor have we ever been, the Fun Police.
*I am not to declare we are fighting for Love and Justice. Even if it's true.
*I can't do anything I saw James Bond do once.
*Dodging bullets defeats the purpose of lying low.
*My Palaldin cannot re-purpose the Team Fortresss II Sniper's "Standards" speech, even if he did have the perfect opening.
*Zelterech is not a role model.
*Regardless of my opinions on the matter, Fairies do indeed use time bombs.
*I am not to complain that Chain Devils are ruining BDSM.
*I can't take Rocket Launcher as my favored weapon.
*Picking fights with random passerby also defeats the purpose of lying low.
*I'm not allowed to sled down Mount Celestia unless I have permission.
*I'm not allowed to sled down Mount Celestia even if I do have permission.

Doorhandle

2014-09-01, 06:19 AM

*can't ski UP mount celestia ethier.

* Cannot invent hollow point bullets by casting shrink item on trees and making the into arrows.

* not to get two gorgons into a staring contest just to see what will happen.

*can't declare that "being mind controlled" is sytongly against my nature.
*Can't mind controll myself to prevent mind control

* likewise with using a mirror of opposition on itself.
* not to use a mirror of opposition as a sheild. Even if dark souls 2 did it first.
* not to use a helm of opposite alignment on the mirror double.

Erik Vale

2014-09-01, 06:40 AM

* not to use a mirror of opposition as a sheild. Even if dark souls 2 did it first.

Wait... WHAT?!

Doorhandle

2014-09-01, 07:03 AM

Wait... WHAT?!

Well, sort of...
the looking glass knight can summon a phantom out of his mirror shield. If you're really unlucky it's a player phantom.

Erik Vale

2014-09-01, 08:35 AM

... So normally it's just a hard bossfight, other times it's the game actively kicking you in the balls mid-bossfight.

Socksy

2014-09-01, 10:24 AM

* Not allowed to do anything I saw on Corruption of Champions once
** And no, goblins do not work like that!

DigoDragon

2014-09-01, 10:48 AM

*I'm not allowed to sled down Mount Celestia even if I do have permission.

** I am banned from even so much as thinking of the other kind of Celestia.
*** At no point should a pile of loincloths spark a discussion about Turkish Bathhouses.
**** At no point should there be any discussion about Turkish Bathhouses.
***** No longer allowed to tie Mjölnir to the tail of the wizard's pony familiar.
****** The pony is banned from figuring out how to fly with an artifact hammer tied to her tail.

GPuzzle

2014-09-01, 10:56 AM

*In case we're playing Everybody is John, "Shoot everyone, so you won't be discriminating anyone" is forbidden.
**Doubly so if we're playing Shadowrun.
***Triply so if we're playing D&D.
****Especially if we're not playing Eberron.
*****No, not even then.

Ionbound

2014-09-01, 01:53 PM

* Not allowed to do anything I saw on Corruption of Champions once
** And no, goblins do not work like that!

:smallsigh: I'm surprised it took this long for something like that to be banned.

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-09-01, 02:59 PM

* Not allowed to do anything I saw on Corruption of Champions once
** And no, goblins do not work like that!

So you haven't seen Lion King, but have played Corruption of Champions? Youth. :smalltongue:

***Just because you saw it in Trials in Tainted Space doesn't mean that it can circumvent this rule.
****Please stop eating pieces of every monster you defeat to try become more like them, the humanoid body doesn't work like that.
*****You want to keep trying to add bits of Fen Oxo's games into this one? Fine, I'll run Savin's Fall of the Order of Light. I hope you like tentacles.

Hyena

2014-09-01, 03:16 PM

So you haven't seen Lion King, but have played Corruption of Champions? Youth.
You can blame me for that, I've been trying to introduce her to various movies and video games, and CoC was one of the things that got her attention.

...but Vampires the Bloodlines didn't. Youth.

spineyrequiem

2014-09-01, 04:37 PM

Wait, this is a thing? I've been warned away from both Tumblr and 4chan, so I don't know whether this is true or not. Either way, it's not a good thing to base a character on.

Oh my yes it's a thing. If there's one thing Tumblr has, it's lots of teenagers who are very bad at thinking through the consequences of their actions, some of whom have very poor self esteem (or something. Obviously, reasons will vary from person to person). The best ones are those who are both types; they post half a dozen nude pictures and a poorly-spelled essay about why this is a devastating blow to the patriarchy. This is enthusiastically supported by dozens of fourteen-year-old boys, showing the demographics of feminism are very different from what you might think.

I've got a friend who's subscribed to both types of idiot teenager as well as various other things, meaning her tumblr (which she showed me once, I think because there was a funny picture she wanted me to see) is essentially a distilled version of the internet; a cool-looking music box, then an adorable bunny, then a rant by a confused, possibly mentally unstable girl about why the patriarchy controls every aspect of her life, then breasts, then a meme...

Anyway, to stop this going completely off-topic...

* 'There Ain't No Green In The Flag Of Cheth Rhinn' is not our national anthem, and you can bet the Orc delegation know that.

* If my campaign summary begins with 'CWCville, but...' I should stop immediately.

* I may not base battle plans on lyrics by any of the following bands: Arch Enemy, Metallica, The Anti-Nowhere League, The Misfits, The Agonist, Equilibrium, Van Canto, Lordi, Hammerfall or Babymetal
** Sabaton, however, is perfectly acceptable.

* I have to have a better reason for playing a wizard than 'the robes look more comfortable than these damnably itchy trousers'
** Especially if I turn up to the next session in a robe in order to prove my theory

* I am forbidden from having 'the talk' IC

* No making a character who doesn't speak English if I don't speak the language they do (Japanese in this case. Lots of Google Translate involved...)

* 'It'll work, they did this exact plan in a really famous battle' doesn't apply if the plan in question was that of the losing side.

Socksy

2014-09-01, 04:55 PM

* No making a character who doesn't speak English if I don't speak the language they do

**No making a character who doesn't speak English if I am the only one who speaks the language they do.
*** This applies both IC and OOC.
**** There is no such thing as Pigeon Welsh.

GPuzzle

2014-09-01, 05:36 PM

So what I've gathered from the last few posts in this thread?

Youth is weird.

>is sixteen
>is using greentext outside of 4chan
>talking to himself on the internet
>derpaherp autism sucks
>implying it is not whitetext
>implying autism has to anything to do with insanity
>implying that implying has any effect on my decisions

8balls

2014-09-01, 08:08 PM

*I am not allowed to play a monk called bruce wayne or batman
** I am not allowed to make a bard who's only perform skill is hamboning.
*** I am not allowed to play anything from "ponies in pathfinder"
****I am not allowed to cross my little pony with call of cthulhu
***** My bard's only instrument isn't the tuba
****** if it I can't claim that it acts as full plate.

Silus

2014-09-01, 08:59 PM

*If the DM says the BBEG is wearing blaster resistant armor, I should take his word for it.
**For the purposes of setting the scene, it is acceptable to ask if the BBEG is wearing a helmet.
***While strategically sound, out of courtesy to the DM's hard work, I should not aim a point-blank blaster shot at the BBEG's unexposed face, negating the blaster resistant armor.
****Dropping a roof on him however is acceptable.

Prince Raven

2014-09-01, 09:49 PM

***** My bard's only instrument isn't the tuba
****** Said tuba does make me better at running away from encounters, or let me take some of the treasure when I do.

* When I make a sandbox game with no driving plot, as requested by the players, I should make sure at least some of their characters have some reason to create their own plots.

Socksy

2014-09-02, 05:48 AM

* My bard does not know Yakety Sax

Sith_Happens

2014-09-02, 07:36 AM

So what I've gathered from the last few posts in this thread?

Youth is weird.

https://33.media.tumblr.com/6ce32e12b5fc81c50b2447cbc39e0366/tumblr_mm6doboYPQ1r9uuuso1_500.gif

Ksheep

2014-09-02, 04:15 PM

* When my enemy points out to my Paladin that my deity has strict rules against killing, I may not retort with "The rules don't say anything about kneecaps"

Socksy

2014-09-02, 05:38 PM

* When my enemy points out to my Paladin that my deity has strict rules against killing, I may not retort with "The rules don't say anything about kneecaps"

**This applies doubly if I'm playing a Small or smaller race

Hyena

2014-09-02, 06:15 PM

* My character is not averse to killing.
** Doubly so if she is a necromancer.
*** If rope and shackles cause most of my encumbrance, I'm playing the game wrong.
**** If by the end of the first module my character became a benevolent warlord ruling monsters I've defeated, I'm playing the game very wrong.

All of this actually happened, except my DM liked it. I also had fun at first, and then I've understood why previous warlord was so eager to give me his throne. Managing the monster horde is a nightmare.

Rater202

2014-09-02, 07:01 PM

*May not derial the game into a 20 minute discussion on Lucemon's hypothetical Champion form,.
**Can't debate wheather or not it can Digivolve or if it only mode changes.

rom here on the forum.
*If two PCs have strict codes of Honor, then we are to make sure that those codes do not conflict

DigoDragon

2014-09-02, 09:47 PM

* Gluttony is not to be used as a means to give my character magical teleporting super powers.

Prince Raven

2014-09-03, 12:29 AM

Gluttony the vice or Gluttony the homunculus?

Ksheep

2014-09-03, 01:00 AM

Gluttony the vice or Gluttony the homunculus?

Gluttony the novel

boomwolf

2014-09-03, 01:12 AM

*Swords cannot be used as ammo for oversized bows.
**nor can people.
***dragons are right out.

Oneris

2014-09-03, 01:30 AM

Hyena

2014-09-03, 05:34 AM

* If we're playing a game of "Everyone is John", I am not allowed to play as Helix Fossil.
** John does not have crippling fear of small ledges and computers.

Socksy

2014-09-03, 07:10 AM

* Playground is collectively banned from playing Everyone Is John.

DigoDragon

2014-09-03, 07:15 AM

Gluttony the vice or Gluttony the homunculus?

The former, but the only way I could see the latter being used for teleporting is going to be a definite case of "Do Not Want". :smallbiggrin:

Wookieetank

2014-09-03, 08:00 AM

*I'm not to take inspiration from ADOM for how to gain extra abilities
**Please, just stop, no one wants to see you eat that.
***That either
****No longer allowed to play a character who has a mouth, and must use photosynthesis for nutrition
*****No venus flytrap mutations for you either.
******Just beacuse real life has carnivorious plants, doesn't mean you get to play as one.

Socksy

2014-09-03, 08:12 AM

Graypairofsocks

2014-09-03, 10:39 AM

*I'm not to take inspiration from ADOM for how to gain extra abilities.

** Or nethack for that matter.
*** I may not wish for a Blessed figurine of an archon.
**** SLASH'EM is also likewise not a source for how to gain extra abilities.
***** I may not wish for a Blessed figurine of a solar.

illyahr

2014-09-03, 11:30 AM

* Not allowed to do anything I saw on Corruption of Champions once

How else do you explain template stacking? :smallsmile:

DigoDragon

2014-09-03, 01:25 PM

* Dwarves are not to be thrown around like ninja stars.
** Hell hounds and chest-bursters are not the same thing.
*** Armoires do not have the ability to charge. Or wield weapons. Or make use of magic items.
**** No longer allowed to attack the party with viking armoires.

Beige

2014-09-03, 01:37 PM

... So normally it's just a hard bossfight, other times it's the game actively kicking you in the balls mid-bossfight.

what do you exect. it's dark souls - kicking the player in the balls with something they couldn't be prepared for is 90% of the entire premise

Doorhandle

2014-09-05, 08:50 PM

what do you exect. it's dark souls - kicking the player in the balls with something they couldn't be prepared for is 90% of the entire premise

Eeh, about 20% really. Between the messages, blood stains, and various other hints visible if you take your time, it's not too bad. That was a surprise though.

Ksheep

2014-09-05, 09:24 PM

Socksy

2014-09-06, 04:07 AM

* Playing an RPG over Skype and messaging your boyfriend at the same time isn't a good idea.
** The GM does not want to hear about what you would do to him if he was here right now.
(Fortunately I caught this one before I could send it, but it was close...)

DigoDragon

2014-09-06, 07:44 AM

* The GM does not want to hear about what you would do to him if he was here right now.

Haha, I once had a player who texted her boyfriend at the table when it wasn't her turn in combat. Sometimes she'd mix up what she's writing with what she's doing during the battle. Hilarious.

Hyena

2014-09-06, 07:49 AM

* I don't care how high your Athletics score is, you WILL take damage from jumping from the top of a tower into a haystack
** Having a high Hide skill doesn't let you Coup de Grâce a guard as a standard action while hiding in said haystack
*** No, you can't immediately grapple and pin the now-dead body in order to pull it into the haystack with you
**** The other guards in the area DO notice, no matter how high your Hide skill is
***** Just because they did it in Assassin's Creed doesn't mean you can do it here

* I don't care how high your Athletics score is, you WILL take damage from jumping from the top of a tower on a guard.
** On the bright side, the guard will also most likely die as well.
*** While we're at it, climb skill doesn't work like that.

Diachronos

2014-09-06, 09:50 AM

Haha, I once had a player who texted her boyfriend at the table when it wasn't her turn in combat. Sometimes she'd mix up what she's writing with what she's doing during the battle. Hilarious.

My friend did something similar once.

His English professor ended up asking what he meant by "I attack the dragon" in his paper.

Socratov

2014-09-06, 01:31 PM

*If we're playing 'Everyone is John', I am no longer allowed to play 'John of Arc' and vow to kick all the British out of France. In 21st century America.
**Also not allowed to play 'John of Arcadia' and vow to kick all the British out of New France. In 21st century Canada.
***Playing John of Arkansas is right out.

* Playground is collectively banned from playing Everyone Is John.

indeed.

anyway,

*I may not allow this thread to go past 50 pages.

I nominate:

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: Your turn to pick up the DM's therapy bill

DigoDragon

2014-09-06, 01:53 PM

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: I May Not Pretend to Be Xyzzy

Oneris

2014-09-06, 02:02 PM

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then was a popular one for a while.

Ionbound

2014-09-06, 03:08 PM

I don't think we can get away with this but...Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: CoC; It Does Not Mean What You Think It Means.

Leviting

2014-09-06, 05:00 PM

I don't think we can get away with this but...Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: CoC; It Does Not Mean What You Think It Means.

what does CoC stand for? Aside from "Call of Cthuhlu"

Sartharina

2014-09-06, 05:39 PM

Hell no
*May not misrepresent CoC by presenting it as a typical Heroic Fantasy game through selective presentation of fan art.

As for what it is, for those not in the know (To spare them the pain/horror of looking it up and trying it for themselves) - a text-based furry adventure-RPG thing that makes FATAL look family-friendly.

Rater202

2014-09-06, 05:55 PM

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then was a popular one for a while.

Seconding this

Sgt. Cookie

2014-09-06, 06:12 PM

Things I may no longer do while playing VII: Dodging books is a Reflex Save.

Sith_Happens

2014-09-06, 07:33 PM

Seconding this

Thirding.

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: Your turn to pick up the DM's therapy bill

Though I'll keep this one in mind for thread VIII.

Taet

2014-09-06, 09:24 PM

Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: I May Not Pretend to Be Xyzzy
*I do not have Penissense as an at-will power

8balls

2014-09-07, 02:22 AM

* If we're playing a magical girls campaign, I'm not allowed to be "that one guy who shows up randomly and throws a rose"
** I can't be batman either
*** Not even if I put him in a dress
**** There is no such thing as a BDSM fairy
***** I am not allowed to combine all of the above into one character
****** I am not allowed to make a sailor moon campaign setting for FATAL

Prince Raven

2014-09-07, 04:58 AM

* Despite precedent, my character's superhero name may not be a summary of what they are wearing

DCraw

2014-09-07, 08:35 AM

* No part of my Mutants and Masterminds game may be inspired by 'Unlikely Superheros' from Whose Line Is It Anyway.
** Having Passive-Aggressive Girlfriend Man save the world from a shortage of toilet paper is right out.

edit: oh, and +1 to No, not even then.

razorfloss

2014-09-07, 12:39 PM

I don't think we can get away with this but...Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: CoC; It Does Not Mean What You Think It Means.

seconding because i know exactly what this is and find it hilarious

Sartharina

2014-09-07, 12:52 PM

And I'm voting AGAINST it because I know what it means, find it hilarious, and completely inappropriate for these boards.

Ionbound

2014-09-07, 01:33 PM

Yeah, for the record, I suggested it in a completely non-serious way. If it actually gets selected, I disavow all knowledge of it.

Ryu_Bonkosi

2014-09-07, 03:14 PM

I don't see what's wrong with Call of Cthulhu. :smallamused:

But I throw my vote towards the DM's Therapy Bill.

Ksheep

2014-09-07, 03:15 PM

* When I break the group into two parties, I shouldn't be surprised when the alignments are "Evil" and "Even More Evil"
** I really should have expected this after they showed interest in the potential starting points of "Orc nation" and "Desert city ruled by a God-King"
*** Doubly so when they ignored my "most orcs aren't evil, except for this one tribe" comment. They will insist on being members of that tribe
**** When the God-King followers decide that they want to be Paladins of Tyranny who follow the God-King (and aspire to take his place), I should probably just roll with it. Better than the "you start off as slaves in the gladiatorial arena" starting point that I originally had

Adrastos42

2014-09-07, 06:12 PM

I'll fifth, I think? No, not even then.

Somensjev

2014-09-07, 06:26 PM

i'm gonna throw my vote in for DM's therapy bill

razorfloss

2014-09-07, 06:41 PM

unseenmage

2014-09-07, 08:47 PM

Throwing my vote in for DM's Therapy Bill. I like that one.
And also, my redundant statements are redundant. :smalltongue:

Hyena

2014-09-08, 04:00 PM

Hell no
*May not misrepresent CoC by presenting it as a typical Heroic Fantasy game through selective presentation of fan art.

Well, from a certain point of view, it is heroic fantasy. It's certainly fantasy, and you can be hero in it. It's hard, but you can. I've done it.

Adrastos42

2014-09-08, 04:20 PM

Well, we're butting up against the end of the thread and by my count it's a tie between No, not even then and Dm's therapy bill at 5 each, so in true gaming fashion, and, while hoping this actually works outside the PBP forums, I'm going to decide the winner with a dice roll, then make the new thread with the winning name. Hope everyone's ok with that, I feel like too much of a lurker to be the one doing this...

1-3 = No, not even then
4-6 = Dm's therapy bill

1d6

edit: nope, that didn't work. Lacking another option, I'm gonna go for the tiebreaker- Sith_Happens voted for Dm's therapy bill as the thread title for VIII, therefore voting against it for thread VII, sort of. With nothing else to go on I'm gonna go with that. Thread titles can be edited if everyone hates this decision, right?