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Mrc.
2014-03-08, 09:30 AM
Welcome to the sixth installment in this thread series. As usual, we are always willing to lend a kind ear to your frustrations on things that have been banned, vetoed or just plain killed off at your table. Previous threads are listed below:

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175909)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207015)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=228707)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257965)
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing V: Pun & Pun, Rules-Attorneys at Law (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087)

Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

Somensjev
2014-03-08, 11:24 AM
* i may not have my impulsive and reckless character immediately drink the entire contents of a bottle after being told to sip it slowly
** even if it is exactly what he would have done in that situation
***especially if it's exactly what he would have done in that situation
**** no longer allowed to play reckless and impulsive characters

unseenmage
2014-03-08, 11:25 AM
* If any plan the party makes could be statted up as an Elder Evil, I am banned from suggesting it.

Somensjev
2014-03-08, 11:37 AM
*if the terms "Luhix", "gale force winds", and "wounded enemies" are uttered within a minute of each other i will be asked to leave the table until all evil thoughts are gone from my head
**even if i'm not the one who said them
***especially if i'm not the one who said them

unseenmage
2014-03-08, 11:44 AM
* If any plan the party makes could be statted up as an Elder Evil, I am banned from suggesting it.

** As is any plan where things I create are calculated in moon ladders.

Hyena
2014-03-08, 11:55 AM
* Comonner zombies do not have 12 square speed.

Socksy
2014-03-08, 12:16 PM
* Comonner zombies do not have 12 square speed.
** Nor are they, in fact, necessarily commoner than other zombies.


* My Wilder is using Surging Euphoria, not "going Super Psion".

GPuzzle
2014-03-08, 12:41 PM
*Sure, you can be the GM when we're playing on an alien invasion.
**Okay, we're all working on the science organization that released the aliens by accident? Fine.
***It's in a mesa in New Mexico? Okay.
****We all get a crowbar? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO YOU AREN'T TURNING HALF-LIFE INTO AN RPG!

Mrc.
2014-03-08, 12:51 PM
* Regardless of intent, I should never attempt to harness the power of the elemental plane of wind purely to act as a fan.
** On a similar note, a hearth fire doesn't need an entire plane powering it.
*** I don't even know what you want the plane of water for.
**** Earth? Sure. It appears above you and squashes you flat. Turns out rocks fell, everyone died.

unseenmage
2014-03-08, 12:54 PM
* Regardless of intent, I should never attempt to harness the power of the elemental plane of wind purely to act as a fan.
** On a similar note, a hearth fire doesn't need an entire plane powering it.
*** I don't even know what you want the plane of water for.
**** Earth? Sure. It appears above you and squashes you flat. Turns out rocks fell, everyone died.

***** Using Diplomancy and/or Leadership to do the same with Planar Shepherds is a no, just no.

Deremir
2014-03-08, 01:05 PM
*having the party encounter a town full of zombie commoners with 5 ft movement speed who never run can be a funny side quest.
**giving the zombies +30 to stealth so by the time the party sees the first zombie they are surrounded will result in books being thrown.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2014-03-08, 02:51 PM
*If my character rolls more dice to hit than there are dice on the table, I may not play it.
**No, "A wizard could do it better," is not a valid argument for why you should be allowed to play the character.
***Not allowed to play a Tier 1 class to make the DM wish he had let me play the other character instead.

Ksheep
2014-03-08, 04:27 PM
* My Druid cannot be a crazy conspiracy theorist who wears a pot on his head and lives in a wagon with makeshift armor strapped to it.
** When the zombie apocalypse starts, he may not awaken all the plants he can find to fight them
*** He may not have genetically modified plants which can shoot their seeds with enough force to kill

Mrc.
2014-03-08, 04:44 PM
*My ranger may not have Favoured Enemy: Sanity.

Erth16
2014-03-08, 04:56 PM
*I may not borrow transform from my ditto and then use it to transform into my opponent's Whirlipede.
**My Ditto is not to then transform into the same Whirlipede.
***Nor are we to both begin using rollout on said Whirlipede, or ramp off of each other to hit their air born pokemon.
* We are not to ask the local police officer what level his Arcanine is.
**Nor should we be surprised to hear that it is level one.
***Or that it knows V-Create.

Reltzik
2014-03-08, 06:04 PM
* When summoning a dinosaur to fight off the giant that attacked us, one of the material components is NOT "Tokyo".
* No longer allowed to tell OOC puns.
** My character will be struck by low-damage lightning if I continue to tell puns.
*** If my character is standing under a tree, the tree will also catch fire.
**** Not allowed to set up this entire scenario in order to manipulate the DM into giving me an open fire source that I need for a spell to work.
***** "Under no conditions are Reltzik's puns to provide an in-game advantage" is now Rule 0.

Stake A Vamp
2014-03-08, 09:26 PM
My angel is not named Castiel
He does no wear a trenchcoat
Misha is also not his name
This is an apocalypse world hack, not apocalypse world. act accordingly
my angels motto is Not "Random shankings all around!"
I may no longer play angels


reasons my Monster of the Week GM tries to strangle me.

Prince Raven
2014-03-08, 10:21 PM
* Just because I just got Creatures Anathema and some cool tokens does not mean I should suddenly have my players discover a Genestealer cult is on the planet
** Especially if they discover it on the pointy end of a purestrain Genestealer's talon.
*** I am to pay more attention to the "balancing encounters" section in the GM guide in future.
**** Before I try it, there is no possible reason I should ever be using my recently painted Swarmlord in a Dark Heresy game

Asahel24601
2014-03-09, 02:52 AM
*I may not play a married female wizard that mostly utilizes polymorph
**I may not literally make my husband a sandwich.
***Even if he's an NPC
****No more polymorph.

the OOD
2014-03-09, 03:12 AM
*when an NPC is talking, I may not make a called shot to the exposition.
**even if I have favored enemy: plot
***I am to clarify that I am serious to the GM before asking for favored enemy: plot

Slipperychicken
2014-03-09, 03:29 AM
* Comonner zombies do not have 12 square speed.

** Fast Zombies are forbidden.

*** Having the slow zombies catch up to the PCs at night is not acceptable.

**** Especially if this means the low-level PCs can never truly escape the zombie horde.

***** Having an entire zombie horde rush out of a single bathroom stall will result in thrown books.


*when an NPC is talking, I may not make a called shot to the exposition.
**even if I have favored enemy: plot
***I am to clarify that I am serious to the GM before asking for favored enemy: plot

****I may not play a cleric devoted to Old Man Henderson.

Socksy
2014-03-09, 04:52 AM
* My wish cannot be to kill all witches before they were born.
** This wish doesn't also get me Divine Ranks.
*** Making the DM sob will lose me the wish.

DigoDragon
2014-03-09, 09:42 AM
* My Wilder is using Surging Euphoria, not "going Super Psion".

Haha, nice. :smallbiggrin:


*No longer allowed to assume that an immobile golem can't defend itself. It can't walk, but it can punch.
**No longer allowed to assume a blind golem is also deaf. Especially when you're within reach.
***No longer allowed to follow the battle accountant's plan of dog-piling on the golem to weigh it down.
****The party fighter is no longer allowed to pretend he's the rogue, especially when the party rogue could have picked the lock on the door instead of the party wrestle this golem for the key.

Smorgonoffz
2014-03-09, 04:00 PM
*No longer allowed to choose spells tha might ruin the campaign( it wasn't a powerful spell, just lay of the land)

*No matter ho much fun is, throwing and batting like balls celestial fire is frowned upon.

-Even if the monkeys do not really suffer

*I'm not allowed to name the celestial monkey Kong(summon moster 1), even if he manage to kill a orc leader.

*Summoning creature just to see their looks while fun might risk the ire of the Dm.


*A lanter archon must be use as a lantern
-Even if the character has no grades in knowledge planes, and has never been in celestia.
-I cannot poke said archon with a stick to make light
- Hearing a new voice inside your head doesn't mean madness, just that someone might be trying to speak with you.

-Burning a celestial forest cannot be summarized with Ops

Socksy
2014-03-09, 04:28 PM
*A lanter archon must be use as a lantern
You mean 'must not', right?:smalltongue:

The smilies on the right are in different places each time. It's odd.

* Don't care how high you rolled, can't send out nudes and have them reach Kurtulmak.

Blightedmarsh
2014-03-09, 04:46 PM
I May not base my character off of anything I read in Dr McNinja
*Or Axe cop
**Or any web comic at all

Arkhosia
2014-03-09, 05:48 PM
I May not base my character off of anything I read in Dr McNinja
*Or Axe cop

*Unless we're playing Shadowrun, Exalted, or Feng Shui RPG.

RPGaddict28
2014-03-09, 05:50 PM
* I am no longer allowed to have the bard try to convince the evil cleric to join my religion
** I am not to take the skull of the child the evil cleric killed, turn it into a wine cup, and use it as my holy symbol.

Ksheep
2014-03-09, 05:51 PM
* I cannot base my character on any of the personalities from the Mentally Advanced Series
** Nor can I base them off of Friendship is Witchcraft
*** Or Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series
**** I cannot base ANYTHING off of any Abridged series.

Arkhosia
2014-03-09, 06:48 PM
* I cannot base my character on any of the personalities from the Mentally Advanced Series
** Nor can I base them off of Friendship is Witchcraft
*** Or Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series
**** I cannot base ANYTHING off of any Abridged series.
*****Especially the Healing Ultimate Abridged Series.
******Ignore rules above if game is intended to be hilarious
*******especially if it's a parody of last campaign

GPuzzle
2014-03-09, 06:52 PM
*****Especially the Healing Ultimate Abridged Series.
******Ignore rules above if game is intended to be hilarious
*******especially if it's a parody of last campaign
********I am allowed to make an Abridged Series of our last campaign.
*********Actually, no, scratch that, make something at the style of None Piece and Code MENT.

Prince Raven
2014-03-09, 07:16 PM
* I cannot base my character on any of the personalities from the Mentally Advanced Series
** Nor can I base them off of Friendship is Witchcraft
*** Or Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series

* I may not provide treasure to the party in the form of a magical rod of mind control that only works on people named Steve
** Especially if they never encounter anyone named Steve in the entire campaign

Socksy
2014-03-09, 09:06 PM
* I may not provide treasure to the party in the form of a magical rod of mind control that only works on people named Steve
** Especially if they never encounter anyone named Steve in the entire campaign

Isn't that what truenamers are for?

vasharanpaladin
2014-03-09, 09:28 PM
* I may not provide treasure to the party in the form of a magical rod of mind control that only works on people named Steve


**I may, however, provide a magical rod of mind control that grants the user truenaming as a truenamer of the same level.
***Wait, strike that, same difference...

GrayGriffin
2014-03-09, 10:00 PM
* No longer allowed to eat the corpses of plant creatures we defeat.
** No longer allowed to eat the corpses of non-plant creatures we defeat.
*** No longer allowed to eat the corpses of elementals we defeat.
**** No longer allowed to eat any corpses that we defeat.
***** No longer allowed to eat corpses, period.

* No longer allowed to attempt to make deals with blue dragons in exchange for money I do not have yet.
** Not allowed to be surprised when said blue dragon kills me.
*** Just because the DM allowed me to play the blue dragon afterwards because it was my first session, I cannot go on to attempt to have every enemy kill me so that I can play said enemy instead.

Ksheep
2014-03-09, 10:10 PM
* Cross-breeding a White Dragon and a Blue Dragon does NOT make a Blue-Eyes White Dragon
** Red and Black dragons do not cross-breed to create a Red-Eyes Black Dragon either
*** Cross-breeding a Blue-Eyes White Dragon with a Hydra doesn't make a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon
**** Dragons can no longer breed. Yes, this means no more half-dragons

Baroncognito
2014-03-09, 10:11 PM
* No longer allowed to eat the corpses of plant creatures we defeat.
** No longer allowed to eat the corpses of non-plant creatures we defeat.
*** No longer allowed to eat the corpses of elementals we defeat.
**** No longer allowed to eat any corpses that we defeat.
***** No longer allowed to eat corpses, period.

Is there a reason for that? My party doesn't have a rule against eating stuff.

In fact, my character is writing a book "Eating your way through Golarian" He's going to get it vanity published at some point.

GrayGriffin
2014-03-09, 10:24 PM
Is there a reason for that? My party doesn't have a rule against eating stuff.

In fact, my character is writing a book "Eating your way through Golarian" He's going to get it vanity published at some point.

It's more an exaggeration than anything. The only thing that actually happened was the first thing, and it just led to weird hallucinations.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-10, 01:19 AM
Is there a reason for that? My party doesn't have a rule against eating stuff.


As far as I'm aware, there aren't many rules on the matter of preparing and eating dead monsters, which makes adjudicating it rather odd.

GrayGriffin
2014-03-10, 01:46 AM
As far as I'm aware, there aren't many rules on the matter of preparing and eating dead monsters, which makes adjudicating it rather odd.

Like I said, it was mostly a joke, like I bet half the posts here are.

Socksy
2014-03-10, 04:45 AM
* Cross-breeding a White Dragon and a Blue Dragon does NOT make a Blue-Eyes White Dragon
** Red and Black dragons do not cross-breed to create a Red-Eyes Black Dragon either
*** Cross-breeding a Blue-Eyes White Dragon with a Hydra doesn't make a Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon
**** Dragons can no longer breed. Yes, this means no more half-dragons

***** I am a Mephit Paladin, not an Elemental Hero.
****** Getting the Psion to fuse my mind with that of another Mephit will not merge our bodies into something with a higher Base Atk and HP.
******* This process would certainly not be called polymerization.

GrayGriffin
2014-03-10, 09:22 AM
* Just because the GM likes to make our OOC jokes real doesn't mean he's going to actually do a session where our characters actually end up in the Yugioh universe.
** Even if this did happen, you are not allowed to use Recreation on Duel Monster attacks.
*** Especially since the latest update now prevents that from being a viable option anyways.
**** BEWD and REBD do not fuse to create Kyurem!

unseenmage
2014-03-10, 09:41 AM
* Even if the DM did agree to too many players starting CCG games on the side while you wait for your turns is not ok.
** Even if we did manage to finish one game before our turn in the RPG came up.
*** Especially if we manage to get the CCG game to run alongside the RPG and even the DM manages to take CCG turns while waiting for RPG players to decide what they're doing.

**** Making the results of combats in both games affect the results of combats in the other game is just asking for fistfights.

Socksy
2014-03-10, 10:55 AM
**** Making the results of combats in both games affect the results of combats in the other game is just asking for fistfights.

***** Doesn't matter if those cards would technically be in the range of the Fimbulwinter given 1 inch = 5 feet, can't go chuck them in the freezer.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-10, 10:59 AM
* Even if the DM did agree to too many players starting CCG games on the side while you wait for your turns is not ok.
** Even if we did manage to finish one game before our turn in the RPG came up.
*** Especially if we manage to get the CCG game to run alongside the RPG and even the DM manages to take CCG turns while waiting for RPG players to decide what they're doing.

**** Making the results of combats in both games affect the results of combats in the other game is just asking for fistfights.

*****I may no longer take the Improved Multitasking feat.

illyahr
2014-03-10, 12:35 PM
* My Wilder is using Surging Euphoria, not "going Super Psion".

You are my new best friend. Can I use this in my sig? :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin:

Socksy
2014-03-10, 02:04 PM
Cuddles everyone in this thread because wow, people actually think I'm witty!

Yes, you can Sig it owo

Mrc.
2014-03-10, 02:18 PM
Cuddles everyone in this thread because wow, people actually think I'm witty!


Well it was your suggestion for the thread title that got the most votes :smallbiggrin:

*No longer allowed to test whether items are cursed by giving them to the Int 6 Barbarian.
**Not to be surprised when these items give the Barbarian a means of hurting us all even more than usual.

DSmaster21
2014-03-10, 03:25 PM
Well it was your suggestion for the thread title that got the most votes :smallbiggrin:

*No longer allowed to test whether items are cursed by giving them to the Int 6 Barbarian.
**Not to be surprised when these items give the Barbarian a means of hurting us all even more than usual.

**Not allowed to give it to the WIS 7 Barbarian.
(Our barbarian is actually quite intelligent. So he is our combat tactics genius who also happens to be a complete fool. So when he got possessed by a cursed sword we were in a tiny bit of trouble. Also he could not break possession cause his will save was in the crapper.)
***Not allowed to try to bypass the railroading by smashing through a wall.
****Just because the you are trying to logically play your character and not metagame to go back to get onto your tracks does not mean you should.
*****No You don't get XP for clearing traps that cannot be found or disarmed with a 38 or 50.

(I feel I should explain here, the dm in question was running his second ever session and was feeling overwhelmed and thus split the party. [Into groups of me and the barbarian who was gone that day] When he felt that he had weakened us enough post separation he decided to rejoin us. I had bypassed the secret door he had now installed in the map while talking to group 2. I had zoned out during other groups turn so even if I wanted to I couldn't metagame because it is a pet peeve of mine. So anyway he tries to force me back toward the secret tunnel via there are traps ahead. The NPC rogue he assigned had a ridiculously high bonus and thus had remove all the typical stuff for guys 2-3 levels lower so my friend resorts to fiat to state that the guys tools melted in the trap. Fine he can go without. I have now almost reached the point in the maps we had been given by the mayor where we had agreed to wait for each other before taking branching paths and getting blocked from retreat by rubble. New rule rogues can't do anything without thieves tools. Okay I start burning mount spells to clear the traps. Okay but now you have one that is seemingly impassable [spikes jut from ceiling floor and walls.] DM goes "You should turn back now and use the tunnel. Having ignored events during the other groups time I ask about it and the DM explains that it is a plot device for us to catch up with each other without using the preplanned methods for exploring in detail. Okay the barbarian is enlarged, enraged and really buffed and starts clearing them out. They are growing back behind him. That's okay I am moving at 75ft per second I think I can keep pretty close to the barbarian's behind. We reach this cliff that is on our map and the DM explains that it is now a wall to prevent us from passing. The barbarian passes the rogue a adamantine pick and uses his adamantine ax in conjuntion with the rogue to smash the wall to rubble within seconds. The DM then blames me for wasting the last 15 mins and we convene for the night.)

Adoendithas
2014-03-10, 06:31 PM
****** Disarming traps Yukyuk-style does not give XP.
******* Let me clarify: no XP for the traps, and no XP for the Dominated enemy.
******** No XP for Dominated allies either.

Mrc.
2014-03-10, 06:42 PM
*No xp for crushing the DM's spirit
**No xp for crushing the DM's soul
***No xp for crushing the DM

*If I absolutely must have an elaborate plan that involves the entire parties co-operation, along with numerous NPCs that have been drafted in to help, I can't decide to simply ignore this and charge down the door 'for the lulz'.

SouthpawSoldier
2014-03-10, 06:48 PM
*No xp for crushing the DM's spirit
**No xp for crushing the DM's soul
***No xp for crushing the DM.

****Even if I don't weigh enough to actually crush the DM, sitting on his lap without invitation or permission will not grant me natural 20's.

Ionbound
2014-03-10, 06:56 PM
*Not allowed to become a demon
**Not allowed to become a Half-Fiend, either
***I don't care if it's RAW, you can't be stringing the party along to use their souls to fuel your transformation.

unseenmage
2014-03-10, 07:11 PM
* Just because I can Animate a blob of distilled time doesn't mean I should.
** Giving it a mind of its own and free will was a terrible idea.
*** Teaching it to be a Tristalt Psion//Artificer//Wizard was just asking for the DM to make it the next BBEG.

* That my character can craft magic robots that are nearly identical to himself is neat.
** That he can make them into real people is also pretty cool.
*** Making copies of the copies of the copies should make the DM uneasy.
**** Declaring the first "son" my character's legal heir is okay.
***** Deciding the second "son" is the favorite because he's an improvement over the first? Again, okay.
****** Ostracizing the third "son" because his template stacking induced strength score terrifies my character is nice roleplaying.
******* No, none of us should have been surprised when the third "son" became the newest BBEG.

* No longer allowed to collude with the DM after building him BBEGs on silver platters.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-10, 07:13 PM
****Even if I don't weigh enough to actually crush the DM, sitting on his lap without invitation or permission will not grant me natural 20's.

***** The GM's boyfriend is no exception to this rule.

****** Dogpiling the GM is not encouraged.

Erik Vale
2014-03-10, 08:09 PM
*I will not use suggestion to make a big scary monster charge hostage holding enemies. The hostages will be targeted first, and even if it saved the party they will not be amused.
**Because it means they live to get punished, that's why.

*Yes, I can play a character with a conductive weapon.
**Yes, I can use 3.0 material so my heavy LA character can actually get use out his extra arms/heads.
***No, I cannot play a Warlock using a Conduct Weapon using 3.0 Material to get several EB's of Too Much Damage, more mobility than you can shake a stick at, or reduce fighters into sacks of HP without magic items.
****Even if the wizard can do better whilst in core.

*Yes, By RAW, Corpse creatures don't need skeletons.
**Yes, By RAW, this allows me to make a Zombie + and some sort of skeletal undead.
***No, I cannot abuse high controlled HD Maximums to abuse this. Particularly with ways around actually paying for their creation.

DigoDragon
2014-03-11, 08:22 AM
***** The GM's boyfriend is no exception to this rule.

****** Nor is it an exception if you really could crush the GM by sitting on 'im.

Socksy
2014-03-11, 09:13 AM
* Can't create the class "DMGF's Character".

Balmas
2014-03-11, 09:38 AM
***** I am a Mephit Paladin, not an Elemental Hero.
****** Getting the Psion to fuse my mind with that of another Mephit will not merge our bodies into something with a higher Base Atk and HP.
******* This process would certainly not be called polymerization.

********Anything involving drills, giant combining robots, or "spiral power" is right out.

Prince Raven
2014-03-11, 10:15 AM
********Anything involving drills, giant combining robots, or "spiral power" is right out.

********* May not create character based on bizarre Yu-Gi-Oh/Gurren Lagann mashup.

Arkhosia
2014-03-11, 10:28 AM
********Anything involving drills, giant combining robots, or "spiral power" is right out.

********* especially if I play a human with very high charisma and V-shaped glasses.

*I may not play a bounty hunter in a space game if he has high charisma
**or dual wields.
***especially of he has a rival with a katana.

toapat
2014-03-11, 10:56 AM
*I am not allowed to play an Archivist
**I may not then have my Archivist be Lawful Evil
***If i have a Lawful Evil Archivist, His patron Deity can not be Adam Smith
****If i am A LE Archivist of Adam Smith, i am not allowed to invest points in Knowledge (Religion)
*****May not then research Divine Wish
******May not then make Rip-repping Wish traps
*******May not then use the Wish trap factory to build an army of obedient Warforged
********I may not then conquer the world in 6 hours with legions of soldiers
*********I may not then consolidate all life into walled cities Fed on Arcane Create Food and Water traps
**********I may not then ostrisize half the world and force them to live outside of my peaceful utopias
***********I may not then establish fast travel Teleport Circles between all cities
************I may not use said teleport Circles to pit all my cities against eachother as a benevolent and protective overlord
*************I must inform the other players that i am going to transform the world overnight
**************I can not enact the Tippyverse transition without the DM's permission.

Edit:

*My paladin does not have a trait that grants her +1 to all knowledge checks for each 1% BAL she has.
**This trait does not make her surprisingly philosophical while drunk
***while drunk, she is not to Exposit a scientifically perfect unified theory of everything
****She is not to do this while on her third cask of dwarven ale
*****Not allowed to write backstory for my characters i intend to mesh into the story.

(this one is really pre-emptive, i described the character to a RL friend for about 3 hours and we were laughing the entire time, and this only covers a 10th of her)

Mekboy
2014-03-11, 07:30 PM
* I may not play a character whose personality description includes the words 'aggressively chipper'
** Especially if they are a elven barbarian.

Arkhosia
2014-03-11, 07:46 PM
*My paladin does not have a trait that grants her +1 to all knowledge checks for each 1% BAL she has.
**This trait does not make her surprisingly philosophical while drunk
***while drunk, she is not to Exposit a scientifically perfect unified theory of everything
****She is not to do this while on her third cask of dwarven ale
*****Not allowed to write backstory for my characters i intend to mesh into the story.

You get 9001 internets. That's awesome

Ionbound
2014-03-11, 07:47 PM
*The verbal component of Wish is not "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"
**My wizard does not wear a beret
***My artificer is not descended from the Imahara clan
****None of the Mythbusters are acceptable choices my Cleric to worship

Arkhosia
2014-03-11, 07:49 PM
*The verbal component of Wish is not "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"
**My wizard does not wear a beret
***My artificer is not descended from the Imahara clan
****None of the Mythbusters are acceptable choices my Cleric to worship

*****the answer to that failed skill check is not "C4\"

Smorgonoffz
2014-03-11, 07:53 PM
****My Thief/Cleric is and any of his/her/it incarnations pas/present and future from ever setting foot on baatorian soil.

* Abusing loopholes is permitted only to devils
*** Well, ok you got elected into the bureau of contracts what do you do?
**** Is the word marriage different from slavery by just one syllabe?, well the erinnni is going to have a suprise with the paladins contract
*****Enacting a plan with document 38 is forbidden.
***** I should be worried not extatic when the only people able to understand/appreciate my character idead a Mephistopheles and Mammon



*****the answer to that failed skill check is not "C4\"

what is then?, c4 always solved any problems i had.

Ionbound
2014-03-11, 07:57 PM
Probably AMFO, binary explosives, or the good old-fashioned Stick-A-Dynamite.

Smorgonoffz
2014-03-11, 08:00 PM
***no, you can't blow our trains to let the soldiers think it was the enem.........anyway good idea.

GPuzzle
2014-03-11, 08:02 PM
On Mythbusters...

*My Warforged Barbarian is not called "Buster".
**He wasn't built by the group's Human Artificer.
***And we're not throwing him into that huge hole in the ground.

Adoendithas
2014-03-11, 09:56 PM
***no, you can't blow our trains to let the soldiers think it was the enem.........anyway good idea.

**** Any sort of political Plover Gambit is banned.
***** Wait, actually...okay, you can do it, but it shifts your alignment toward Evil.

Sith_Happens
2014-03-11, 11:00 PM
* Strange women in lakes handing out swords is no basis for a system of government.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-11, 11:05 PM
* Strange women in lakes handing out swords is no basis for a system of government.

**Most NPCs are not interested in seeing the violence inherent in the system.

***Except in executions and gladiatorial matches. Those are awesome.

Arkhosia
2014-03-11, 11:09 PM
**Most NPCs are not interested in seeing the violence inherent in the system.

***Except in executions and gladiatorial matches. Those are awesome.

**** White Rabbits do not have a bonus to getting a surprise round

Prince Raven
2014-03-11, 11:47 PM
***** I must not derail the session with Monty Python quotes

GrayGriffin
2014-03-12, 01:45 AM
***** I must not derail the session with Monty Python quotes

****** Or any movie quotes, for that matter.
******* Or quotes from any television show, live action or animated.
******** DIDN'T WE ALREADY ESTABLISH THAT ABRIDGED SERIES ARE RIGHT OUT?

Erik Vale
2014-03-12, 01:51 AM
********* I cannot rerail the plot with quotes.
********** We cannot use a complex system of quotes to get planning time in the guise of derailing the plot and then rerailing it when the DM want's to avoid giving us planning time.

Ksheep
2014-03-12, 02:38 AM
* It is completely within my right to purchase a +1 Light Mace as my only piece of starting gear
** Yeah, you still have the remainder of your starting wealth as gold
*** You want to go to the nearest impoverished town? OK, I don't see why not
**** Wait, you're PAYING the townsfolk to worship your +1 Light Mace? How many people did I say were in this town again?
***** Congratulations, your +1 Light Mace now has a Divine Rank of 0. You are now banned from this campaign…

Yes, this (or something very similar to this) actually happened. It occurred shortly before I joined the group, but it quickly became a running gag amongst the players…

Socksy
2014-03-12, 03:34 AM
*The verbal component of Wish is not "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"

**Your Psion can say it whilst using Reality Revision, but it still isn't a verbal component.
***Can't use Limited Wish to change the verbal components of Wish.
****Or the verbal components of anything else.

Smorgonoffz
2014-03-12, 04:26 AM
*Everyone knows it perfectly fine to:

-Make jokes about Halfling
-Even dead ones
-Even those with the head on a spike
-Having an interesting debate on the fine point of gnomish cooking, whic spices to use or add.

All of this in front of the shocked LG halfling cleric servant of pelor

Slipperychicken
2014-03-12, 10:35 AM
*Everyone knows it perfectly fine to:

-Make jokes about Halfling
-Even dead ones
-Even those with the head on a spike
-Having an interesting debate on the fine point of gnomish cooking, whic spices to use or add.

All of this in front of the shocked LG halfling cleric servant of pelor

**We should not be surprised when our heads wind up on that same spike.

Segev
2014-03-12, 10:53 AM
* When trying to reassure the town that their beloved baby dragon friend is not in danger from your adult dragon PC, not allowed to try to express how adorable the little thing is with, "I could just eat you right up!"

jindra34
2014-03-12, 11:42 AM
*No matter how good I am at hiding things on my character, people will spot it when you carry a weapon bigger than myself.

Segev
2014-03-12, 01:39 PM
* Even if the Shinjo-family Scout school can use Stealth on horseback without any penalties, can't hide a horse in the Imperial Court.




"Did you notice that Shinjo-san is very tall?" "Why, no, but now that you mention it..." "He's over nine feet!" "So he is. ...and I believe he just pooped on the floor."

DigoDragon
2014-03-12, 05:53 PM
*No longer allowed to create a BBEG encounter so simplistic that it screen wraps around to overly complicated.
**Also not allowed to have one of the minions block the only easy escape from the room for the encounter.
***If the BBEG asks the party a question, the answer is not allowed an initiative check when the party initiates combat.
****If the party mage charges into fisticuffs with the BBEG while the rogue successfully intimidates her minions with a potato, then you created an encounter that was too simplistic it screen wrapped to complicated. Don't do that.

toapat
2014-03-13, 12:31 AM
You get 9001 internets. That's awesome

as i said in white text under the entry, its pre-emptive. because while a really cool aspect of the character, Lady Anya, Blind Paladin and Drunken Philosopher is a bit too complex to be played in a game with other characters, also shes supposed to be a wanderer.

I would have changed my avatar to her if i had started early enough in the day, currently its a previous paladin concept ive had

Zytil
2014-03-13, 02:33 AM
*****the answer to that failed skill check is not "C4\"

******Nor is it multiple castings of explosive runes.

Socksy
2014-03-13, 03:20 AM
******Nor is it multiple castings of explosive runes.

******* Delayed Blast Fireball?! No!

Somensjev
2014-03-13, 03:53 AM
******* Delayed Blast Fireball?! No!

******** locate city bo- Don't even think it!

Dromuthra
2014-03-13, 08:32 AM
In GURPS:

*I may not find a loophole in the descriptions of Unkillable III and that spells can be fueled by hp in a 1,500 character point game.
**I may not point this out to me DM and state that I remain conscious up to -10*hp, and thus can spend 11*hp on a spell.
***I may not then request that we implement a log2 scale for ability penalties due to damage.
****If I get my log2 scale, I may not purchase 300 hp.
*****I may not have 10 ranks of Magery and an intelligence score of 25.
******I may not know every spell so my character sheet is 11 pages long.
*******I may not cast "Time out" in a single round by casting Accelerate Time a nigh-infinite number of times with my four minds.
********I may not then use this unlimited time to wait until my hitpoints regenerate in about 10 seconds and then create an enormous water elemental that has 15,000 character points.
*********I especially may not do this while fighting the elemental incarnate of fire.
**********Just because I can technically create the elemental any way I want does not mean that I should give it a 20d6 AoE attack that can cover up to an area 16 yards in radius.
***********This attack should most certainly not be usable instantaneously and have a rate of fire of 300 times per round.
************This is not made more acceptable because the fire dude caused me to feel "agonizing pain," a condition that only imposed a negligible penalty on my spellcasting.
*************Neither is it made more acceptably by his x50 weakness to water.
**************No, breaking 1,000,000 damage on the guy in a second does not validate your build.
***************I am no longer allowed to summon or create.
*******Teleport Other and Enslave are not reasonable substitutes for elemental creation.
********Nor should they become your standard answer to any problem.
*********Okay, just because teleporting the Water Incarnate to the surface of the sun worked does not mean you should do this to all of your opponents.
**********Enslaving his student is right out.
***********I should not play casters in GURPS anymore.

Socksy
2014-03-13, 09:17 AM
*Cannot tell the 3.5 group to roll perception.
**Or fly, regardless of how amusing the cleric's fumble would be.

Mrc.
2014-03-13, 09:36 AM
*It is well understood that the phrase 'fight fire with fire' is applicable in a small number of situations.
**None of these situations involve fire elementals.
***Even then.

*IHS can't be used to sever fibers connecting your brain to someone else.
**Neither can you IHS a godrobe.

Lonely Tylenol
2014-03-14, 02:32 AM
*I may not use Escape Artist to get out of an awkward conversation.
**Nor may I use Profession (bull**** artist) to win it.
***In fact, I may not have Profession (bull**** artist) at all.
****You know what? Fine. Just remember that when you die at Caesar's Palace, you die at Caesar's Palace.

Zytil
2014-03-14, 03:43 AM
*I may not use Escape Artist to get out of an awkward conversation.
**Nor may I use Profession (bull**** artist) to win it.
***In fact, I may not have Profession (bull**** artist) at all.

****If, for any reason, Profession(Bull**** artist) is allowed, i may not take any levels in exemplar.

SouthpawSoldier
2014-03-14, 04:17 AM
****If, for any reason, Profession(Bull**** artist) is allowed, i may not take any levels in exemplar.

Nor may I use LA buyoff to play a Minotaur.

Zytil
2014-03-14, 04:20 AM
*****Nor may I use LA buyoff to play a Minotaur.

******No, not even if i take the LA hit.

illyahr
2014-03-14, 09:52 AM
*I may not use Escape Artist to get out of an awkward conversation.
**Nor may I use Profession (bull**** artist) to win it.
***In fact, I may not have Profession (bull**** artist) at all.
****You know what? Fine. Just remember that when you die at Caesar's Palace, you die at Caesar's Palace.

*****The Empress will not give you a loophole so you can escape
******No amount of Roman Red will help you escape pursuit.

Socksy
2014-03-14, 11:57 AM
I get the feeling someone's already said it, but:

* Cannot True Mind Switch the Tarrasque.

unseenmage
2014-03-14, 12:14 PM
I get the feeling someone's already said it, but:

* Cannot True Mind Switch the Tarrasque.

** Especially if I've already layered the Mineralize Warrior spell and three other template applying spells onto it first.

Prince Raven
2014-03-14, 10:27 PM
* Dark Heresy is not a musical and I should not attempt to turn it into one
** Especially since I'm the GM and can use my power over the game to create impromptu musical numbers whenever I feel like it

Rephath
2014-03-15, 04:28 PM
*Taking the campaign setting as my sworn enemy apparently makes me the campaign's villain.

*Abusing the GM's version of the halfing's ability to totally reshape the world's economics is surprisingly appreciated. Abusing that race's same ability to turn them into leprechaun pinatas is not, however.

*If the GM is shocked and appalled by the lies, deceit and betrayal with which I treat an innocent person, to the point that I have out-evilled every evil party he has ever GMed for, I might not qualify as being neutral on the good-evil spectrum.

**Attempting to get knighted for all of the above acts after killing off all the witnesses and lying about what happened, well, that makes me a jerk.

*If the insane and chaotic party keeps trying to kill my character off for being too insane and chaotic, I might want to consider toning it down.

*Playtesting the GM's system and finding enough loopholes to make my mage an order of magnitude more powerful than he's supposed to be is appreciated. My "reward" is a loss of most of my character abilities.

**Pushing a player character off a tall building is easy. Stopping said character's fall without killing the character is much, much harder.

*The "thong of minstrels" in the ability description is a typo, and should be treated as such. I should not make further reference to Beyonce's undergarments.

*If I continue to show this level of incompetence, the GM will promote me to party leader.

*I should consider that this is not Futurama and that robots and alcohol may not mix well.

**I should especially do so before swallowing more than my body weight in both.

*Jumping into the mouth of a creature that is trying to kill me is not likely to result in my coming out mostly unharmed, even if it does grant me a massive armor bonus against even worse threats.

*My character's insistence on burning down every forest he comes across is not appreciated, no matter how justified his actions are.

spineyrequiem
2014-03-15, 04:56 PM
* My character may not have theme music which I play whenever he does something interesting
** Especially if it's copyrighted music
*** Especially if I hold the copyright.
**** Yes, singing it counts as playing it. Even more so.

* When a poison-immune party member is kidnapped and we know he's held somewhere in a particular city, can't nerve-gas the city.
** And the idea to make money on it by selling the bodies to necromancers was in very poor taste.

* Freeing slaves and letting them go home is commendable. Freeing them and selling them on is an alignment check.

* OK, selling the rest of the party into slavery so they could infiltrate the BBEG's stronghold was a brilliant plan. However, the idea was that we'd keep the money and share it out after we'd assassinated him. Not that I'd blow it all on drink, 'magic' items and shiny pebbles.
** When the plan runs into a snag, no attempting to buy a new adventuring party at the slave market and skip town.

* No demanding to see a cleric's medical licence before you let him heal you

* Even if I own one in real life, not allowed to have a fast-moving tortoise familiar which attempts to bite everything in sight (he's called Edward, and he's a vicious little thing. I loves him...)

* The battle plan should never be summarised as 'Pull 'em down, wave 'em about my head and go in with the old chap flapping in the breeze!'

* You should not attempt to interrogate a captured guard in order to find out the exact layout and features of the BBEG's castle by saying 'That castle you've got is just pathetic. Less than half the size of ours. I mean, has it even got any [thing we need to know if it has]?'

* 'I'll take all your stuff!' is not an appropriate battle cry

* 'A chance to get in the entire soliloquy from Hamlet IC' should not be my reply when the DM asks what I want from the next campaign.

* Wishing your commander a happy birthday is a nice gesture. Doing so by artillery firing in morse code is not.
** Especially if you use live ammunition.

Rephath
2014-03-15, 07:06 PM
These are as a GM:

*Sending players to a new dimension that expects their arrival and where the vast majority of people there want to kill them is fine. Sending them up against a dragon that can only be killed by planting nukes inside it and setting them off is no big deal. But send one otherwise ordinary rabbit that follows them and sends bad luck their way and everyone freaks out.

*Always be prepared for the players to do something much more intelligent than you had thought of.

*Always be prepared for the players to do something much dumber than you had thought of.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-15, 07:24 PM
*The "thong of minstrels" in the ability description is a typo, and should be treated as such. I should not make further reference to Beyonce's undergarments.

**Making game statistics for a Thong of Minstrels will not be tolerated.

***Even if it's reasonably balanced.

Ksheep
2014-03-15, 07:47 PM
*Sending players to a new dimension that expects their arrival and where the vast majority of people there want to kill them is fine. Sending them up against a dragon that can only be killed by planting nukes inside it and setting them off is no big deal. But send one otherwise ordinary rabbit that follows them and sends bad luck their way and everyone freaks out.

On a similar note:

* It is totally within my right to use a "Mundane random encounters" table to give a city a bit of flavor.
** If the roll says that a tabby cat starts following the party, it is perfectly within my right to have everyone roll a spot check to see it.
*** When only one character manages to spot it, he shouldn't be surprised if everyone he tells just brushes it off.
**** Using the same table again several sessions later and rolling the same result does not mean that the same exact tabby cat is following the party
***** When the same character as last time is the only one to spot it, the party may start to think that character is crazy.
****** Making the cat a recurring character from then on, actively stalking this player, is frowned upon.
******* When another player finally manages to spot the cat, I shouldn't immediately kill the second player at the next encounter
******** I should not be surprised if the first player actually goes insane due to this cat
********* Changing the story such that the cat is actually the familiar for a god who if following our progress doesn't fix things…

On another note:
* When introducing the party to a new area, I shouldn't be surprised when they immediately attempt to attack an NPC who doesn't have a character sheet written up yet
** When I show up to the next session with character sheets for EVERY NPC that they might encounter, I shouldn't be surprised when they don't try to pick a fight with anyone…

Socksy
2014-03-17, 03:56 AM
* My fire-immune pyrokineticist may set herself on fire to prevent grapples, yes.
** She cannot do so, however, while singing "Just gonna staaaaand there and watch me burn".
*** If she starts singing "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me" while using Fire Lash, she's in risk of losing the PrC.
**** No longer allowed to base any character off Rihanna.

Asheram
2014-03-17, 04:20 AM
*Creeping people out with a Warforged who want biological children. ((Come on, there is such a thing as polymorph!))

*Playing characters with multiple personalities.
**Especially if they keep talking to each other in different voices to creep out the party.

Erik Vale
2014-03-17, 05:08 AM
*Give the Party Babies.
**Say fine, no baby, you instead have Rabies is not fine, even if your only changing the timeline by one letter.

*Radiation poisoning lethal enough to autokill you and apply debilitating debuffs over the course of three days doesn't get cured by neutralize poison.
**Or remove disease.

*Just because pathfinder has a obviously radioactive substance that blocks teleportation doesn't mean physics and chemistry is in effect, or that dimensional anchor could cause some sort of radiation poisoning.
**Yes, even though there is monster that specifically mentions turning things into neutrons, electrons and protons, physics and chemistry still doesn't exist.
***No, you cannot have one on a leash and find some way to get contingency Neutralize Poison, stating that it's Radiation 'Poisoning' and using the neutron bust from the original kill to kill everything else after the first kill.
****This conversation doesn't kill the Catfolk PC.
*****Or any of the Catfolk NPC's.

Prince Raven
2014-03-17, 05:19 AM
* No longer allowed to convince a significant number of the local Pathfinder Society group to play bards.
** Especially if you convince them all to take the Leadership feat and get bard followers.
*** Inspire Courage does not stack no matter how in synch the bards are
**** Even if they're all singing "do you hear the party sing? Singing the song of angry bards!"

Sith_Happens
2014-03-17, 05:35 AM
* I may not even THINK about a Gungan Sith, in any context.

SouthpawSoldier
2014-03-17, 05:48 AM
*Giving the party an anagram/substitution cipher over a puzzle door is perfectly fine.
**Likewise letting the INT 10 Cleric try to solve it along with the INT 14 Bardic Sage/History Professor is fine.
****Having the illiterate Barbarian's player go get pizza's while he waits for them to solve it is rude, but permissible.


****But making the solution "Speak Enemy and Exit", especially when the first thing out of players' mouths is "mellon" upon encountering said puzzle door, will result in thrown pencils.


*Just started a new group and campaign. DM had us meet in a prison, and that was the only exit. Great bonding experience and role play for the party.

Arkhosia
2014-03-17, 06:16 AM
* My fire-immune pyrokineticist may set herself on fire to prevent grapples, yes.

** no it doesn't grant a bonus to preventing ninjas from catching you.

Socksy
2014-03-17, 06:50 AM
*** Inspire Courage does not stack no matter how in synch the bards are


What do you call a group of string players trying to play in synch?
A canon.
What do you call a group of woodwind players trying to play in synch?
A cluster chord.
What do you call a group of percussionists trying to play in synch?
Anything you like, they can't hear you!

unseenmage
2014-03-17, 07:27 AM
* No matter how simulationist our games tend to be, swinging the replica claymore over table and heads is still frowned upon.
** As is sinking it into said table.

Cloud
2014-03-17, 09:10 AM
* I may no longer use shivering touch with my Factotum to prove a point.
** Using it with cunning breach is right out.
*** It doesn't matter that my party members are a Conjuror and Druid.
**** Even if it was in response to the DM suggesting I should stop limiting myself to keep up with them.

* It's 'cunning surge', not 'being a belt of battle'.
** No longer allowed to say "I belt of battle the door".
*** Using 'belt of battle' as a verb when using cunning surge and taking advantage of the standard action is out, period.

Lord Raziere
2014-03-17, 09:28 AM
* I may not even THINK about a Gungan Sith, in any context.

** "Meesa annoy everyone with de force!" is not a good character motivation
*** No making the voice even more annoying with the force!
**** killing everyone and blaming it on "oopsie, gungan clumsiness muy muy..." is RIGHT OUT.
***** oh my god why did I allow the gungan sith aaaaaaaaaagghh....

Storm_Of_Snow
2014-03-17, 11:00 AM
*The verbal component of Wish is not "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"

Such a shame Alter Reality is no longer available :smallwink:



****None of the Mythbusters are acceptable choices my Cleric to worship
Not even Kari? :smallamused:




***** I must not derail the session with Monty Python quotes
****** Or any movie quotes, for that matter.
******* Or quotes from any television show, live action or animated.
******** DIDN'T WE ALREADY ESTABLISH THAT ABRIDGED SERIES ARE RIGHT OUT?
********* And no, The Goon Show, The Navy Lark and other radio series aren't allowed to derail the session either.

Socksy
2014-03-17, 01:09 PM
* Awakened rat is okay.
** Wilder with four different powers is okay.
*** Character got hit by a faulty Prestidigitation in his past and turned yellow? Fine.
**** Combining them all to make a Pikachu is right out.

Hyena
2014-03-18, 10:20 AM
She is not kidding. She really IS playing a pikachu.

Mrc.
2014-03-18, 06:05 PM
She is not kidding. She really IS playing a pikachu.

Could be worse. Could be Wailord. On that note:

*Not allowed to point out that Wailord's density is so low that technically it floats due to being less dense than air.
**Any attempts at 'Cthulhu Mythos-ing' any Pokemon will crush my DM's spirit, thus creating a loop back to my previous post.

This actually happened. For some reason known only to him, and perhaps not even then, our DM decided to give us an Eevee. In Mystara. I have no idea why, but the Nightmare Realm was a common feature and our Eevee became slightly..... more. :smallfrown:

Slipperychicken
2014-03-18, 06:40 PM
**Any attempts at 'Cthulhu Mythos-ing' any Pokemon will crush my DM's spirit, thus creating a loop back to my previous post.


***Mentioning the Helix will get me perma-banned.

****The Confusion spell does not temporarily give Twitch control over the target.

*****Nor does hitting zero sanity.

Hyena
2014-03-18, 11:14 PM
***Mentioning the Helix will get me perma-banned.
**** DM is not a servant of the false prophet and follower of the Dome.

unseenmage
2014-03-18, 11:39 PM
* Making an Arcane Archer whose sole purpose is to shoot Awaken, Mass Awaken, Awaken undead, Awaken Construct at the minions of the baddies is just mean.

** Shooting Incarnate Construct, Mineralize Warrior, and Anarchic Creature is even worse.

*** No more spells that make or modify permanently for my Arcane Archer.

Socksy
2014-03-19, 02:50 AM
* Actually, after what happened last time, everyone is expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

Spore
2014-03-19, 06:53 AM
* I may not dump Int and Cha in favor of Strength on my Orc and justify my decisions by that
** Having such a character is a great arena concept it is banned from real play however. Justifying my decisions by which option gives "bigger better meat" is right out.
***Accepting a slave collar giving partial control over your character is NOT a reason to play him. Too bad, he is enslaved by a rivaling orc faction, please reroll something more sensible.
**** I may not put levels of Antipaladin onto my PF Ninja
***** Not even if he is in favor of the oncoming daemonic apocalypse
****** The phrase: "I - for one - welcome our daemonic overlords." is right out!
******* Especially if the rivaling faction tries to kill your parties' cleric.

Bonus: Death by snu snu is not a possible punishment utilizing my orc barbarian.

Jergmo
2014-03-19, 08:21 AM
*I may no longer sunder castle walls with adamantine greatswords
**I may no longer cast Entangle or Grease in conjunction with the use of mundane fire
***I may no longer flabbergast the DM by solo-attacking the plot device dragon that is threatening to take my Robe of the Archmagi
****I may no longer play as a Red Dragon (because I do too frightening a job of it)
*****I may no longer play a Devil (because I do too frightening a job of it)
******...I may no longer play a Demon (because I do too frightening a job of it)
*******I may no longer play a necromancer due to the creation of a horde of dwarven werewolf ghouls, plans for a shapeshifting monstrosity made of stolen umbilical cords and placentas, and gargantuan flesh golem with grafted beholder eyes.
********While I can destroy the DM's campaign playing as a solo rogue, it is not encouraged.
*********Given the previous rulings, I will never have the opportunity to play as a beholder, illithid, grell, or lich. :smallfrown:

My DMs never let me have any fun any more.

unseenmage
2014-03-19, 09:39 AM
* Emphasizing roleplay by having your character make poor business decisions is okay.
** Emphasizing roleplay by having your character be a poor business decision is less so.
*** Not allowed to break the economy via instituting a post scarcity society.
**** Especially not allowed to via becoming post scarcity by playing a troll and feeding the multiverse your ever regenerating flesh.
***** That you've named your troll-skin foodstuff Trollin' Green isn't helping.

Cloud
2014-03-19, 10:02 AM
* Bob the Dire Boar zombie can't be brought with me into buildings.
** Not even if I managed to make him look living.
*** Not even if I use a +5 Pine air fresher to help with the smell.
**** Using a hat of disguise while my Quasit polymorphs into a wolf so that I can claim Bob is my animal companion is right out.

* No more jokes about Black Tentacles. Ever.
** I may only use Black Tentacles to grapple enemies. Nothing else. At all.
*** I am no longer allowed to cast Black Tentacles.

* I may no longer make fun of the dwarf, lest he tries to heal me with positive energy in 'good nature'.

* I am no longer to be a kill joy, literal or otherwise.

Socksy
2014-03-19, 10:32 AM
Your icon is really pretty, cloud!!

* NO attempting to combine Mao and D&D. EVER.

DigoDragon
2014-03-19, 01:24 PM
* No longer allowed to carve messages on potatoes so they'd qualify for Explosive Runes.

razorfloss
2014-03-19, 01:35 PM
can no longer play a bard
can no longer use said bard to make references to little shop of horrors, jekyll and hyde, and chicago
can no longer play any song from said musicals no matter how well it may fit
any attempt at doing will be met with said bard losing the ability to speak or play any instrument known or unknown

Prince Raven
2014-03-19, 08:06 PM
* It is not necessary to roleplay every use of Bardic Performance
** Especially with Disney songs
*** The appropriate thing to do when one of your party members is at -9 hp is use cure light wounds, not sing "carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more."

toapat
2014-03-19, 08:31 PM
* Awakened rat is okay.
** Wilder with four different powers is okay.
*** Character got hit by a faulty Prestidigitation in his past and turned yellow? Fine.
**** Combining them all to make a Pikachu is right out.

*****Reaching a sufficient level to cast Origin of Species: Pikachu is also out
******Placing pikachu into the niche which evolutionarily it would most fit in is just out.

Slipperychicken
2014-03-19, 10:55 PM
* No longer allowed to carve messages on potatoes so they'd qualify for Explosive Runes.

**May not carve images of my deity into potatoes and pass them off as a "miracle".

***Selling said potatoes for an enormous profit is right out.

Ksheep
2014-03-19, 11:01 PM
* When the party encounters a closed door, I should not let them spend half an hour trying to lock-pick it, only to tell them it was unlocked the entire time
** Especially if the door doesn't even have a locking mechanism
*** The same goes for when they try to remove the hinges, only to find out that it's a sliding door
**** I should not be surprised when the method of choice to open doors after this is with an Adamantine Greatsword
***** I may NOT make the next door out of a colony of Rust Monsters

Socksy
2014-03-20, 03:43 AM
*No such thing as a Rust Monster Swarm.
**If I homebrew a Rust Monster Swarm, I will be hated forever.
***I definitely cannot homebrew a Cranium Rust Monster Swarm and use it as the BBEG, f**king over both the manifesters/spellcasters and the warriors/healtank at once.

Socratov
2014-03-20, 05:00 AM
*No such thing as a Rust Monster Swarm.
**If I homebrew a Rust Monster Swarm, I will be hated forever.
***I definitely cannot homebrew a Cranium Rust Monster Swarm and use it as the BBEG, f**king over both the manifesters/spellcasters and the warriors/healtank at once.

****Not to be suprised the party just abandons the campagin and starts the Wightapocalypse

By the way, that is cruel, very cruel...

Hyena
2014-03-20, 05:12 AM
* No longer allowed to carve messages on potatoes so they'd qualify for Explosive Runes.
** Lemons are right out.

Socksy
2014-03-20, 06:30 AM
** Lemons are right out.


*** Putting Explosive Runes on a flask of holy water does not make a Holy Hand Grenade.

*A Rock Gnome is not what you're imagining, despite the favoured class being Bard.

DigoDragon
2014-03-20, 08:19 AM
[QUOTE=Socksy;17214225*I definitely cannot homebrew a Cranium Rust Monster Swarm and use it as the BBEG, f**king over both the manifesters/spellcasters and the warriors/healtank at once.[/QUOTE]

*Manly tear* That's so evil, it's beautiful. :smallbiggrin:


* Potato battery? Ok. Using potatoes to set off a C4 charge in the back of a produce truck? Not ok.

SouthpawSoldier
2014-03-20, 11:13 AM
**Potato cannon: OK

***Putting a 1/2 bolt in the potato so it acts like a sabot round? Very Not OK.

****Same for using a felt patch as a wad and loading it with a golf ball.

*****And for loading a 3in bore potato cannon with a double fistful of paintballs. Hilarious for painting a barn wall, not so much painting your friends. No paintball punt guns.

unseenmage
2014-03-20, 11:23 AM
**Potato cannon: OK

***Putting a 1/2 bolt in the potato so it acts like a sabot round? Very Not OK.

****Same for using a felt patch as a wad and loading it with a golf ball.

*****And for loading a 3in bore potato cannon with a double fistful of paintballs. Hilarious for painting a barn wall, not so much painting your friends. No paintball punt guns.

****** Loading it with firecrackers is also not okay.
******* Esp if the number of them that can be loaded and fired is measured in pounds.
******** Using the barrel to aim Bottle Rockets is equally banned, even if they are being fired under their own power.

********* Putting any of the above as a 'surprise inside' the potato is just wrong.

razorfloss
2014-03-20, 11:49 AM
im so stealing the Potato idea

GPuzzle
2014-03-20, 12:01 PM
*Can no longer make a potato battery that sets off C4 and makes delicious fries in the meantime.
**I can no longer get within 25 meters of a potato.
***And I can't count to potato either.

SouthpawSoldier
2014-03-20, 12:06 PM
No matter the color of my dice, rolling a "Purple!" doesn't equate to a nat. 20.

DigoDragon
2014-03-20, 07:41 PM
No matter the color of my dice, rolling a "Purple!" doesn't equate to a nat. 20.

I once played under a GM who actually gave out "Purple Points" when you did dumb stunts and somehow didn't die despite the odds. So... it's like Exp, but completely useless for anything other than bragging rights.

Arkhosia
2014-03-20, 08:28 PM
I once played under a GM who actually gave out "Purple Points" when you did dumb stunts and somehow didn't die despite the odds. So... it's like Exp, but completely useless for anything other than bragging rights.

Digo, the more I read about your games, the more I want to roll up the insanest character I can think of and ask to join.

Cloud
2014-03-21, 10:01 AM
Your icon is really pretty, cloud!!

Many thanks! Hmm, it's been ages since I played in that game where I was that character, but lets see if I can remember some things that would belong here.

* I may no longer ask the blind wizard to identify things by sight.
** I am not to be surprised when she hears me talking about her.
*** I should expect her to get annoyed if I forget about her lack of sight and extremely impressive hearing. On multiple occasions. In the same conversation.
**** I am no longer to complain when she baleful polymorphs me into a sheep.
***** Asking her to identify the somatic components of mysteries because she's the caster is right out.

Well okay, these are all things that one of the other players would have to say, but still. =P Maybe one that should be for me now.

* I may no longer gloat that X spell solved the encounter.
** If I continue to gloat, I am not to surprised or complain when the next creature is immune to that spell.

DigoDragon
2014-03-21, 10:21 AM
Digo, the more I read about your games, the more I want to roll up the insanest character I can think of and ask to join.

And you'd probably fit it perfectly with that character. :smallsmile:
We have so much fun being weird.


* I am longer allowed to give shady advice to other PCs stumped on their initiative.
** I shall not write down these bad ideas to recycle later as out-of-context answers.
*** This collection of terrible ideas will no longer be catalogued on index cards for use by players.
**** No longer allowed to place this index collection in a tin named "The Box of Doubt" for everyone's use.
***** The Box of Doubt is henceforth banned due player abuse using it to perform all actions instead of thinking for themselves, thus derailing the game. Twice.


(The Box of Doubt actually existed back around 1996 with my then D&D group. It made the Pokemon Twitch thing seem like an organized car factory).

unseenmage
2014-03-21, 10:42 AM
...


(The Box of Doubt actually existed back around 1996 with my then D&D group. It made the Pokemon Twitch thing seem like an organized car factory).

Am I the only person who wishes to see a comprehensive list of the contents of this fabled 'Box of Doubt'? Show of hands?

Pocket lint
2014-03-21, 10:53 AM
Yesyes, please do!

Wookieetank
2014-03-21, 11:01 AM
Am I the only person who wishes to see a comprehensive list of the contents of this fabled 'Box of Doubt'? Show of hands?

*flails hand wildly about in the air while jumping up and down* :smallwink:


*When another player's suggested action causes to DM to BSOD, not to ask what would actually happen, this only makes the BSOD worse.
**If the DM starts rocking back and forth and/or crying it is not to be counted as a success by the players.
***If at any point either of the above is the players' goal and the DM finds out, not to be surpised if they give up.

Ksheep
2014-03-21, 11:15 AM
Am I the only person who wishes to see a comprehensive list of the contents of this fabled 'Box of Doubt'? Show of hands?

*Empties sack of severed hands across the table*

"Here they are!"

* When the DM says that collecting the heads of my enemies will slide me from CN to CE, I may not instead start collecting the hands of my enemies.

unseenmage
2014-03-21, 11:22 AM
...

* When the DM says that collecting the heads of my enemies will slide me from CN to CE, I may not instead start collecting the hands of my enemies.

** I will especially not start collecting the left hands of my enemies as Crawling Claws (MC:MoF) and the right hands as mini Wraiths (don't remember where but there's a spell that tears off the hand and makes it a free-willed wraith).

Mekboy
2014-03-21, 12:51 PM
* No matter how much the party and GM appreciate it, can't take mind control powers just to stop the That Guy's shenanigans.

Socksy
2014-03-21, 02:03 PM
*Not to describe my character as either Sqrt(1 + tan^2(c)) or QT(arccosine(-1)), regardless of how close the maths exam is.
**Definitely not allowed to describe the DM as either of those things.

(I'm getting the first one on my Leavers' hoodie. :D)
EDIT: For those too lazy to do maths/not familiar with English maths words: Sqrt(1 + tan^2(c)) is sec(c), pronounced "sexy", and arccosine(-1) is pi.

Mrc.
2014-03-21, 03:00 PM
*Not to describe my character as either Sqrt(1 + tan^2(c)) or QT(arccosine(-1)), regardless of how close the maths exam is.
**Definitely not allowed to describe the DM as either of those things.

(I'm getting the first one on my Leavers' hoodie. :D)
EDIT: For those too lazy to do maths/not familiar with English maths words: Sqrt(1 + tan^2(c)) is sec(c), pronounced "sexy", and arccosine(-1) is pi.

Is it bad that I didn't get these until you explained them and I'm doing A-level Maths? :smallfrown:

*The occasional quote from Monty Python/Blackadder etc. will liven up the roleplaying experience. Turning the entire session into this is frowned upon.
**This is doubly true for both Life of Bryan and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Ksheep
2014-03-21, 03:03 PM
*The occasional quote from Monty Python/Blackadder etc. will liven up the roleplaying experience. Turning the entire session into this is frowned upon.
**This is doubly true for both Life of Bryan and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

*** I may not reenact Mr. Bean either
**** Or any other character played by Rowan Atkinson
***** Yes, that includes Zazu

DigoDragon
2014-03-21, 04:58 PM
Am I the only person who wishes to see a comprehensive list of the contents of this fabled 'Box of Doubt'? Show of hands?

Yesyes, please do!

*flails hand wildly about in the air while jumping up and down* :smallwink:

*Empties sack of severed hands across the table*


Oh wow. Dragging up some really old memories here. :smalltongue:
The tin itself I don't remember where we got it from. It was a cube shape, that much I'm certain of. Inside was filled with folded cards (so you can't see which "idea" you'd get). I remember a few of them:


Pick up a rock and pretend it's your familiar. All questions must go through your familiar for 1 hour.
Run around the next enemy or trap in a circle while singing any song by Michael Jackson.
Copy the actions of the player who's initiative comes before yours.
Use a bludgeoning weapon on your opponent while singing "Singing in the Rain."
Ask the DM to roll a d20 and tell you the result. Pretend you're doing math. Now cackle and run away.
Pretend you're riding an invisible horse. Charge into battle making horse noises.
Pretend you're eating the wizard's spell components.
Draw a map of the dungeon and label rooms where your character has made odd bodily noises.
When the DM takes a potty break, everyone switch character sheets. Pretend to be each other like it's normal.

Socksy
2014-03-21, 05:23 PM
Pick up a rock and pretend it's your familiar. All questions must go through your familiar for 1 hour.
Run around the next enemy or trap in a circle while singing any song by Michael Jackson.
Copy the actions of the player who's initiative comes before yours.
Use a bludgeoning weapon on your opponent while singing "Singing in the Rain."
Ask the DM to roll a d20 and tell you the result. Pretend you're doing math. Now cackle and run away.
Pretend you're riding an invisible horse. Charge into battle making horse noises.
Pretend you're eating the wizard's spell components.
Draw a map of the dungeon and label rooms where your character has made odd bodily noises.
When the DM takes a potty break, everyone switch character sheets. Pretend to be each other like it's normal.


This is... This is beautiful.
Can someone make a thread for these?

Sith_Happens
2014-03-21, 07:05 PM
This is... This is beautiful.
Can someone make a thread for these?

You're already in it.

Mnemophage
2014-03-21, 11:14 PM
-> When GMing any game with a Sanity system, I must submit my copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. I will receive it back when the campaign is over.

-> Any NPC Pakleds with the Seduction skill will be immediately butchered without warning or reason.

-> Nyarlathotep's proxy miniature cannot be an airplane bottle of Campari.

-> If I am ever again capable of trivializing a CR 16 encounter with a level 1 spell, I am required to inform the DM before my turn.

-> The shoggoth's proxy miniature must originate from outside of my body.

-> Any action involving both, a) something taken from the body of a plague victim and, b) an attack roll WILL necessitate a dark powers check. Regardless of the planar location of our current campaign.

-> The snake priest's proxy miniature must not be, and in fact must never have been, alive.

-> Regardless of eating habits and personal hygeine, I cannot seduce the undead.

unseenmage
2014-03-21, 11:34 PM
...


Pick up a rock and pretend it's your familiar. All questions must go through your familiar for 1 hour.
Run around the next enemy or trap in a circle while singing any song by Michael Jackson.
Copy the actions of the player who's initiative comes before yours.
Use a bludgeoning weapon on your opponent while singing "Singing in the Rain."
Ask the DM to roll a d20 and tell you the result. Pretend you're doing math. Now cackle and run away.
Pretend you're riding an invisible horse. Charge into battle making horse noises.
Pretend you're eating the wizard's spell components.
Draw a map of the dungeon and label rooms where your character has made odd bodily noises.
When the DM takes a potty break, everyone switch character sheets. Pretend to be each other like it's normal.


It's like MtG's Unglued but for D&D! I love it!
Thanks for sharing. Made me chuckle, esp the last one. :smallbiggrin:

TuggyNE
2014-03-22, 12:31 AM
-> The snake priest's proxy miniature must not be, and in fact must never have been, alive.

** This applies to all miniatures of any sort.
*** Even giant bees.
**** Especially giant bees!

Socksy
2014-03-22, 04:44 AM
*Can't loudly elaborate upon what DM (GM,LM, etc)could actually stand for.

Spore
2014-03-22, 06:27 AM
** Lemons are right out.

*** When life gives you lemons, something something citrus explosion.

Socksy
2014-03-31, 08:16 AM
*** When life gives you lemons, something something citrus explosion.

****Cannot use the word 'lemon' if anyone in the party has a fanfiction.net account.

unseenmage
2014-03-31, 08:19 AM
* Artifacts are no excuse for TPKs.
** Neither are Artifact Spells.
*** They're especially no excuse for the player.
**** Especially when the DM hasn't even introduced Artifacts to the game.
***** And explicitly excluded them from the game and even from the lore.
****** What do you mean you crafted that Deck of Many things yourself?

DigoDragon
2014-03-31, 09:09 AM
This is... This is beautiful.

It's like MtG's Unglued but for D&D! I love it!
Thanks for sharing. Made me chuckle, esp the last one. :smallbiggrin:

Thank you all :smallsmile:


When I saw the "Twitch Plays Pokemon" thing, our old Box of Doubt came to mind. The box does cause a bit of derailment on the game, but if you're playing a silly campaign, it's much welcomed.

Sith_Happens
2014-03-31, 01:51 PM
So I've been going through the Mutants & Masterminds SRD lately...

* It doesn't matter how many ranks of Quickness I have, my solution to every problem may not be "Advance science and technology by a century."
* Powers or no powers, my character has to leave his house eventually.
** "Punch-Anyone-on-Earth-Without-Getting-Out-of-Bed Man" is hereby banned as a character concept.
*** I may not even think about giving such a character Takedown 2.
* "May not earn hero points" is not a valid Complication.
* Sight (Penetrates Concealment) does not allow me to see through the fourth wall.
* If I take nothing but Close Burst Area powers without the Selective modifier I should not expect the other players to like me very much.
** If all of the above powers have a radius of a mile or more I should not expect the GM to like me very much either.
*** If one of them is "Transform targets into small rodents" I will get slapped.

Mrc.
2014-03-31, 03:10 PM
* It doesn't matter how many ranks of Quickness I have, my solution to every problem may not be "Advance science and technology by a century."


**Except in Civilisation V

Tetraplex
2014-03-31, 03:38 PM
*Casting time is not a material component
**I may not use my spell component pouch to cast as a free action
***Even if I can pull time out of my pouch, it is not a valid form of currency or medicine

unseenmage
2014-03-31, 03:42 PM
* No more frisking the other characters no matter if I auto succeed at the Sleight of Hand checks.
** No not even for evidence of sabotage.
*** And especially not for evidence of sexual misconduct.
**** This goes double for frisking the other players!

Ksheep
2014-03-31, 05:45 PM
* I may not attempt to kill the wheelchair-bound old lady whom we've been hired to protect
** Even though she's extremely condescending to me
*** When we ask her about the Death Dog that we found in her basement, I cannot outright kill her for saying she has no idea what she's talking about
**** Especially when her Bluff roll was in the high 30s, while my sense motive was in the low teens
***** When the DM says that I believe every word that she says, that means I believe every word that she says
****** I cannot claim that she was lying about not knowing about the Death Dog unless I can find some damning evidence
******* The DM would prefer it if I presented the evidence BEFORE killing her outright
******** Yeah, you're taking an alignment hit for that whole fiasco, even though she is NE and she was in cahoots with the murderer we were supposed to help stop
********* Next time, could you simply arrest the suspects and turn them in? Especially since you were kinda hired BY THE TOWN GUARD to do this mission? Thanks…

Lord Raziere
2014-03-31, 06:51 PM
So I've been going through the Mutants & Masterminds SRD lately...


*I may not make a character whose entire concept is summoning creatures, who summons more creatures, who summons more creatures, who summons more creatures.....
*Neither may I take Movement (Time Travel) and Senses (Timestream) and solve all my problems by going to the past and changing the exact thing that solves the problem before it begins.
*I don't care if its rules legal, you are not allowed to become a godlike mage through excessive alternate effects.
*I may not be immune to everything, especially if its rules legal.
*Nor can I be a godlike Exalt with ALL THE EXCELLENCIES through excessive alternate effects.
*nor may I design a curse that when put on somebody, turns them into a catgirl when they bring up science in a fantasy setting discussion

Socksy
2014-03-31, 06:59 PM
* Not allowed to play as an Awakened toilet terrified by its own existence, regardless of what my autocorrect says.

razorfloss
2014-03-31, 07:19 PM
* Not allowed to play as an Awakened toilet terrified by its own existence, regardless of what my autocorrect says.

doubly so if using this as an excuse to play as the toilet from dbz abridged
bonus points if also played in german

DigoDragon
2014-04-01, 08:11 AM
* Wearing Old Spice does not give me any kind of bonus to use Animal Empathy on a human/metahuman.
** Also, cannot use Animal Empathy on humans/metahumans.
*** For purposes of Animal Empathy, ghouls are considered metahumans.
**** I don't care if it followed you home, you ain't keeping that ghoul as a pet!

Sith_Happens
2014-04-01, 09:20 AM
*I may not make a character whose entire concept is summoning creatures, who summons more creatures, who summons more creatures, who summons more creatures.....

...I didn't even notice that summons aren't barred from having Summon effects. My inner powergamer must be rusty, I blame the weeklong lack of 3.X subforum.:smallredface:

Any system:

* My solution to every problem cannot be "Literally bury it in summoned creatures."

Ionbound
2014-04-01, 09:27 AM
*I am not allowed to kill a Daemonhost with a suicide belt before having earned any XP
**I am not allowed to burn fate to survive killing said Daemonhost
***I am not allowed to tie grenade pins together, even if the NPCs can.
****Not allowed grenades in Dark Heresy, ever
*****Not allowed grenades in any system, ever.

masterjoda99
2014-04-01, 03:38 PM
*I don't care if its rules legal, you are not allowed to become a godlike mage through excessive alternate effects.


I am curious about the build you made to do this one.

Lord Raziere
2014-04-01, 03:49 PM
I am curious about the build you made to do this one.

well maybe not godlike but....

Spellcasting:
Fireball
Damage, Ranged, Area (Burst), 10 Alternate Effects, 40 points, rank 10
AE:
1. Concealment, 20 points, rank 10
2. Healing, Resurrection, 30 points, rank 10
3. Morph, 20 points, rank 4
4. Remote Sensing (Sight, Hearing), 30 points, rank 10
5. Illusion (Sight, Hearing), 30 points, rank 10
6. Move Object, Damaging, 30 points, rank 10
7. Nullify (Magical), 10 points, rank 10
8. Teleport, Accurate, 30 points, rank 10
9. Movement (Dimension Travel), 6 points, rank 3
10. Summon (Undine), Active, 30 points, rank 10

....come on, this is pretty flexible for 40 points.

Socksy
2014-04-01, 04:25 PM
* Can't have a sparkledog as an animal companion
** Doubly so if the party has access to any spell with "Prismatic", "Glitter" or "Color" in its name

Sith_Happens
2014-04-02, 04:08 PM
well maybe not godlike but....

Spellcasting:
Fireball
Damage, Ranged, Area (Burst), 10 Alternate Effects, 40 points, rank 10
AE:
1. Concealment, 20 points, rank 10
2. Healing, Resurrection, 30 points, rank 10
3. Morph, 20 points, rank 4
4. Remote Sensing (Sight, Hearing), 30 points, rank 10
5. Illusion (Sight, Hearing), 30 points, rank 10
6. Move Object, Damaging, 30 points, rank 10
7. Nullify (Magical), 10 points, rank 10
8. Teleport, Accurate, 30 points, rank 10
9. Movement (Dimension Travel), 6 points, rank 3
10. Summon (Undine), Active, 30 points, rank 10

....come on, this is pretty flexible for 40 points.

The gist of it is, the "Magic" sample power pretty much gives you free license to cram the entire D&D spell list into the same array.

Lord Raziere
2014-04-02, 04:46 PM
The gist of it is, the "Magic" sample power pretty much gives you free license to cram the entire D&D spell list into the same array.

and thats me being kind. for 70 points, you can have 21 50-point powers to throw around whenever you feel like. and still have points left over to become Immortal, craft an amulet (Protection, Removable) to protect you and become the best liar, dodger and inventor ever. and even after that, you STILL have points left over to spend.

Spore
2014-04-02, 05:25 PM
Is it bad that I didn't get these until you explained them and I'm doing A-level Maths? :smallfrown:

*The occasional quote from Monty Python/Blackadder etc. will liven up the roleplaying experience. Turning the entire session into this is frowned upon.
**This is doubly true for both Life of Bryan and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to save the king.
Edmund Blackadder: Ha! Well forgive me if a don't do a cartwheel of joy; your family's history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNolegs' personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.

I would adore nay LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Mrc.
2014-04-02, 05:42 PM
Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to save the king.
Edmund Blackadder: Ha! Well forgive me if a don't do a cartwheel of joy; your family's history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNolegs' personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.

I would adore nay LOVE YOU FOR IT!

But would it be as cunning as a fox that just got appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

Prince Raven
2014-04-02, 09:41 PM
But would it be as cunning as a fox that just got appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

No, it's as cunning as that fox who has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

unseenmage
2014-04-02, 09:46 PM
* No longer allowed to research computing via spell interactions.
** Neither IC nor OOC.
*** Especially not with psionic power interactions.
**** Combining the two to "program" local reality as my next character idea is definitely off the table.

DigoDragon
2014-04-03, 07:55 AM
* No longer allowed to point out that the GM's campaign world is a rip off of [Name of Anime].
** The GM is no longer allowed to google anime he's been accused of stealing from and actually steal ideas from it.
*** Even if the anime in question works well for a pirate campaign...
**** Banned from creating a fighting style that utilizes 3 swords. Tome of Battle is not to be abused that way.
***** Not allowed to create a "Were-Hulking-Hurler". Double no-go on using a reindeer template on top of that.
****** Speedos do not count as armor. Also, no longer allowed to play a cyborg that runs on soda. :c

Ionbound
2014-04-03, 08:27 AM
*******My unarmed swordsage is not a chivalrous pervert.

********I do not have a bo-staff that can control the weather.

*********Even if I do, it's certainly not made by a slingshot-wielding artificer.

Socksy
2014-04-03, 11:17 AM
* A random encounter in a polar environment must be picked from the Monster Manuals.
** It must certainly not be picked from my geometry notes, or be describable using a length followed by an angle.
*** No, not even on Mechanus.

illyahr
2014-04-03, 11:29 AM
* A random encounter in a polar environment must be picked from the Monster Manuals.
** It must certainly not be picked from my geometry notes, or be describable using a length followed by an angle.
*** No, not even on Mechanus.

I see wut u did there :smallbiggrin:

sengmeng
2014-04-03, 12:30 PM
* I'm still allowed to make all the disguise checks I want, even to impersonate the opposite gender and get an abysmally low result. I'm not allowed to illustrate what my character looks like after shaving his legs with a sword and stuffing apples down his shirt and bring said illustration to the next session.

Lord Raziere
2014-04-03, 02:38 PM
*******My unarmed swordsage is not a chivalrous pervert.

********I do not have a bo-staff that can control the weather.

*********Even if I do, it's certainly not made by a slingshot-wielding artificer.

********** I cannot constantly refer to the human pinball as "One Hit" "Mook" or any number of other insults or derogatory nicknames.

*********** I may not root for the sand-wielding mastermind BBEG over the actual protagonist.

************ Nor I may attempt to kill the idiot who is made of rubber. repeatedly.

************* Improbability drives, accursed swords or dreams of the rubber idiot are NOT the cause of everything.

************** I may not attempt to kill the rubber idiot to try and end the madness.

*************** Then immediately request we face an insane lightning BBEG after he is dead.

Mrc.
2014-04-03, 02:51 PM
*Building an improbability drive will cause the DM to cry themselves to sleep at night.
**This applies to any time/reality warping device.
***Making the DM cry is not the new objective of the group.

*Must not chastise other players for not paying full attention/League of Legend's-ing at the table.
**Doubly so if I then spend two hours screaming abuse at Inkscape.
***Especially because I'm getting sort of good at it.

*The answer to every problem is not 'Correct application of explosives'.
**Nor is it 'Correct application of fire'.
***Attempting to use 'Correct application of this thread' will result in polyhedrals thrown at my face.

GrayGriffin
2014-04-03, 03:23 PM
* No longer allowed to make up ridiculous ship names for the various potential relationships between our characters.
** No longer allowed to then see if any other fandoms already use those ship names, and then imagine our characters cosplaying as their corresponding ships.
*** Especially not allowed to draw art of said cosplay!

Socksy
2014-04-03, 03:28 PM
* Not allowed to be reminded of the babe more than once per session.

Mrc.
2014-04-03, 03:31 PM
* Not allowed to be reminded of the babe more than once per session.

NOT THIS AGAIN! Seriously though, that was a good moment. :smallcool:

DarkestKnight
2014-04-03, 06:27 PM
As a player

* I may no longer talk in a Irish accent, even if it is for my dwarven grappler.
** Irish and Scottish accents should be easier to tell apart.
*** No longer allowed to use the phrase "Deedly-Dee Potatoes" as the Irish language
****No longer allowed to have an accent

* my dwarven grappler is not allowed to try to one up the wizard
** My dwarf is not allowed to succeed in one upping the wizard
*** he is also not allowed to team up with the wizard to become the same size of the adult red dragon we are fighting.
**** While the dragon did fail it's con save three times to get out of the sleeper hold, I am not allowed to re-describe the encounter for fear of horrible sexual innuendo.

As a GM
* I should stop harassing the party by bringing up their failures
** Especially if it is only the fourth session
*** Especially if a significant portion of their troubles has come from them routinely forgetting to introduce themselves and asking for names.

Wookieetank
2014-04-04, 08:21 AM
*Building an improbability drive will cause the DM to cry themselves to sleep at night.
**This applies to any time/reality warping device.
***Making the DM cry is not the new objective of the group.


**b: This includes making a Tardis
*** Doesn't matter if its just a flying balloon
**** If the DM is pestered too much on the topic of time machines, not to be surprised when the BBEG and his inner council each end up with one of their own, and we end up playing Chrono Trigger.

GPuzzle
2014-04-04, 12:06 PM
**b: This includes making a Tardis
*** Doesn't matter if its just a flying balloon
**** If the DM is pestered too much on the topic of time machines, not to be surprised when the BBEG and his inner council each end up with one of their own, and we end up playing Chrono Trigger.
*****Nope, Morlocks don't exist.
******I cannot decide to "accidentaly" step on a buttefly.
*******This room isn't bigger on the inside.

Lord Raziere
2014-04-04, 12:43 PM
* I may no longer trick a Sidereal into revealing the Great Prophecy
** using nothing but in character logic
*** on accident
**** when my character doesn't even know about it.
***** I am no longer allowed to have any more dealings with thaumaturges.

Socksy
2014-04-04, 02:18 PM
* My character's war cry is not "I kill what I eat and I eat what I kill!"

Ksheep
2014-04-04, 11:13 PM
Tried playing Realms of Arkania (the DOS version, not the remake) after picking it up in a bundle. Interesting DOS-era RPG, based on a "paper-and-pencil" game, although I was having some issues figuring out how to do anything at first. Anyway, I managed to pick up the following nuggets of wisdom from half an hour of playing.

* After renting a room in the inn for 99 days, I shouldn't be surprised when I then proceed to fall into a coma for those 99 days
** I also shouldn't be surprised when it sits there showing the sun crawl across the sky, with each day taking about 5 seconds to pass
*** Nor should I be surprised when I only gain 1 life point from this three-month slumber
**** Especially considering I really hadn't gotten hurt, other than from a small bar brawl earlier in the day (or rather, year)

SiuiS
2014-04-05, 07:37 AM
* Comonner zombies do not have 12 square speed.


** Nor are they, in fact, necessarily commoner than other zombies.


* My Wilder is using Surging Euphoria, not "going Super Psion".

Your signatures make me happy~

DigoDragon
2014-04-05, 08:06 AM
* The GM is no longer allowed to have Carrier Pigeons with Delayed Blast Fireball.

Socksy
2014-04-05, 08:37 AM
@SiuiS: I was waiting for someone to notice that! It used to say "I'm going to do the thing", but then I actually did the thing :D

SiuiS
2014-04-06, 07:02 PM
oooh~

What is the thing? :O

Socksy
2014-04-07, 02:28 AM
I built, and am currently playing, a Pikachu in 3.5e

Arkhosia
2014-04-07, 02:55 AM
*I may never play a PC who wants to study the human-eating monsters
**My two blade ranger may not have a green cloak
***Or be verbose
****Certainly not the leader

Somensjev
2014-04-07, 03:02 AM
I built, and am currently playing, a Pikachu in 3.5e

how? why? :smallconfused:
and why does that sound awesome?

Socksy
2014-04-07, 03:08 AM
how? why? :smallconfused:
and why does that sound awesome?

Here, have my character sheet.
The extra HD from Awaken were nerfed by the DM so as not to mess up E6.
His backstory involves a faulty Prestidigitation turning him yellow. :p
http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=832154

Hyena
2014-04-07, 05:26 AM
Yeah, that happened. Socksy is the girl who did the thing. And she's gonna do the thing.

Arkhosia
2014-04-07, 05:37 AM
... The people in my 4e group haven't seen AoT!
This is gonna be fun. :smallamused:

DigoDragon
2014-04-07, 07:58 AM
* I may not wear a badge and ride my pony familiar like I'm the sheriff in any town I pass through.
** Although I can summon creatures, my wizard cannot spout nonsense that they are my totem animal spirits.
*** Not allowed to craft magical staves that my pony familiar can use.
**** Cannot nickname my crafted Staff of Power "Sara Jane".
***** I'm forbidden from using polymorph spells on my pony to make her a biped creature.
****** BANNED from renaming my pony familiar as "Thirty-Thirty".

toapat
2014-04-07, 09:38 AM
Here, have my character sheet.
The extra HD from Awaken were nerfed by the DM so as not to mess up E6.
His backstory involves a faulty Prestidigitation turning him yellow. :p
http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=832154

do you use your Whiskers to use open lock/DD?

Socksy
2014-04-07, 11:27 AM
do you use your Whiskers to use open lock/DD?

I use my tiny, tiny rat claws! >w<

* Must not derail the thread talking about my rat.
** Not every NPC wants to hear that I am in the top percentage of all rats!!.
*** Can't refer to my party leader as Joey.

Platinum Piece
2014-04-07, 11:43 AM
*May not try to duplicate my equipment in any way
**Especialy if it is a Luck Sword with one wish
***Extra Especially if it includes traveling to the Plane of Mirrors while carrying a helm of opposite alignment

unseenmage
2014-04-07, 12:18 PM
*May not try to duplicate my equipment in any way
**Especialy if it is a Luck Sword with one wish
***Extra Especially if it includes traveling to the Plane of Mirrors while carrying a helm of opposite alignment

**** Extra especially if I'm carrying a vat of Quintessence and a Mirror of Opposition.

Sith_Happens
2014-04-07, 03:00 PM
THE TINIEST CROSSBOW

That cracked me up way more than it should.

Anyways, here's a few inspired by an actual game session I just had, which is rare for me (or are we not supposed to admit that?:smalltongue:):

* My character cannot be functionally immune to charm effects "Because he's just that paranoid, even of his friends."
* If I get drunk and pick a fight with a Wizard, I deserve what's coming to me.
* I should not expect any deception against a Telepath Psion to remain successful for more than 24 hours.

toapat
2014-04-07, 05:12 PM
I use my tiny, tiny rat claws! >w<

* Must not derail the thread talking about my rat.
** Not every NPC wants to hear that I am in the top percentage of all rats!!.
*** Can't refer to my party leader as Joey.

you should get a Mousecart magic item., the +200 to STR would be worth it.

oh, your height on the Charsheet is 6', not 6". you cant be a tiny creature at 6' long

Socksy
2014-04-07, 06:20 PM
you should get a Mousecart magic item., the +200 to STR would be worth it.

oh, your height on the Charsheet is 6', not 6". you cant be a tiny creature at 6' long

I know. I was told to keep it as Tiny so people didn't have to wrestle stat blocks, even though I want him the size of a normal rat. So, a fluff/crunch discrepancy, really.

GPuzzle
2014-04-07, 06:35 PM
I know. I was told to keep it as Tiny so people didn't have to wrestle stat blocks, even though I want him the size of a normal rat. So, a fluff/crunch discrepancy, really.

Refluff as you wish!

No, seriously, crunch is completely independent from fluff, to be honest.

Then again, this is the 4e mentality where we don't have enough things to build upon, so we rely on refluffing to take what we already have and turn it into what we want.

toapat
2014-04-07, 07:13 PM
I know. I was told to keep it as Tiny so people didn't have to wrestle stat blocks, even though I want him the size of a normal rat. So, a fluff/crunch discrepancy, really.

no, its an error, ' is the mark for Feet, not Inches, " is inches. In other words, on your character sheet your Pikachu is taller then most people IRL.

Socksy
2014-04-08, 03:23 AM
no, its an error, ' is the mark for Feet, not Inches, " is inches. In other words, on your character sheet your Pikachu is taller then most people IRL.

That's what I was aiming for, of course. Wasn't it obvious?

I'll change it when I get home, thanks for pointing that out :p

* Not allowed to like the base, base, biscuit base, like the buttery biscuit base.

Snowyowl
2014-04-08, 06:24 AM
* I may not play a Cleric of Chocolate Chip Cookies
** Chocolate Chip Cookies are not Chaotic Evil
* I know the difference between a snowman and an ice golem, and may not arrest children for building the former
* My character does not pronounce emoticons out loud

Socksy
2014-04-08, 06:46 AM
* I may not play a Cleric of Chocolate Chip Cookies
** Chocolate Chip Cookies are not Chaotic Evil
* My character does not pronounce emoticons out loud

*** I'll get smited by my deity if I ever utter the phrase "come 2 teh dark side!!x3 we haz cOoKieZ!!xDDDD" or any variant thereof.


* I know the difference between a snowman and an ice golem, and may not arrest children for building the former
** I may not help them build the latter, either.
*** Nor can I send one after my sister.
**** If trying to create Elsa as my character results in a switch between the Wilder fluff and Sorcerer fluff in the campaign setting, that's fine. It does not, however, grant the existing Sorcerer a tragic backstory retroactively.
***** Cannot use Mindrape to get around this!

DigoDragon
2014-04-08, 08:49 AM
*** I'll get smited by my deity if I ever utter the phrase "come 2 teh dark side!!x3 we haz cOoKieZ!!xDDDD" or any variant thereof.

**** My evil overlord is no longer allowed to actually offer cookies as a form of entrapment.

unseenmage
2014-04-08, 09:59 AM
**** My evil overlord is no longer allowed to actually offer cookies as a form of entrapment.

***** That said "cookies" are merely the charcoal briquette remains of previous adventuring parties doesn't make it okay.
****** No! Especially not if they were adventuring birthday parties!

DigoDragon
2014-04-09, 08:01 AM
****** No! Especially not if they were adventuring birthday parties!

******* My rebuttal to take the cookies cannot be to wave the plate in front of the party singing "But they're gluten freeeee..." in Tim Curry's voice.

Wookieetank
2014-04-09, 08:47 AM
******* My rebuttal to take the cookies cannot be to wave the plate in front of the party singing "But they're gluten freeeee..." in Tim Curry's voice.

********Having an Expy of cookie monster offer said cookies does not make it more comforting.

Socksy
2014-04-09, 09:58 AM
* Can't do the thing if I got the idea from Welcome To Night Vale.

Balmas
2014-04-09, 12:41 PM
*I may not make it a goal, in character or out, to be more crazy awesome than the hypothetical offspring of Jack Sparrow and Henderson.
**The Bardic Knock spell, while awesome, only works once.
***The Bardic Candy-gram-for-Mongo, on the other hand, works at all times.
****I may not knock on a door in a dungeon and simply hand whoever opens the door a note that says, "I've been casting Explosive Runes on this note for a week."
*****"Barbarian" and "Axe" are not synonyms for "rogue" and "lockpick."
******Having a maxed out Bluff skill is not a Superpower.

Socksy
2014-04-09, 01:17 PM
* My Psion/Warlock is never, EVER allowed to learn that a slice of pizza contains as much energy as a stick of dynamite.
** And she certainly cannot attempt to use ANYTHING like Energy Admixture on the resulting pizza-bomb.
*** No pizza wightocalypse!

* I cannot use the fact that my half-Copper Dragon is immune to acid to make her shoot LSD-coated arrows without risk of poisoning herself.

vasharanpaladin
2014-04-09, 06:24 PM
* I may not play a Cleric of Chocolate Chip Cookies


**Oatmeal raisin cookies are not the devil.
***I may not proceed to trash the kitchen simply because the promised cookies were oatmeal raisin and not chocolate chip.
****...Not in-character, either.
*****The same rule applies to crumpets or the lack thereof.

*Refluffing is all well and good, but referring to my paired longswords as "twin sisters" in that tone of voice creeps out the rest of the table.
**Parents still pick me up from the gaming location, not a "gangsta," not allowed to use that slang.
***No longer allowed to use the word "badonkadonk" in any context.

*Why yes, the DM does resent ever introducing me to Borderlands. :smallbiggrin:

Socratov
2014-04-09, 06:45 PM
**Oatmeal raisin cookies are not the devil.
***I may not proceed to trash the kitchen simply because the promised cookies were oatmeal raisin and not chocolate chip.
****...Not in-character, either.
*****The same rule applies to crumpets or the lack thereof.

*Refluffing is all well and good, but referring to my paired longswords as "twin sisters" in that tone of voice creeps out the rest of the table.
**Parents still pick me up from the gaming location, not a "gangsta," not allowed to use that slang.
***No longer allowed to use the word "badonkadonk" in any context.

*Why yes, the DM does resent ever introducing me to Borderlands. :smallbiggrin:

**Calling your two hatchets stored on your back under your coat 'Wicked sisters' is perfectly acceptable if you play in a renaissance style game in an expy of venice AND your character's name is Jean. You may be sued for copyright though...

TuggyNE
2014-04-09, 07:35 PM
* I cannot use the fact that my half-Copper Dragon is immune to acid to make her shoot LSD-coated arrows without risk of poisoning herself.

** Dwarven Stability does not give a +4 to that kind of trippin'.

Adoendithas
2014-04-09, 07:48 PM
** Dwarven Stability does not give a +4 to that kind of trippin'.

*** If it only works because of a homonym, it doesn't work.
**** Seriously, imagine how ridiculous it would be if I claimed I could use Disguise Self to disguise yourself.
***** No, Disguise Self does not work that way!

Ionbound
2014-04-09, 08:08 PM
*** If it only works because of a homonym, it doesn't work.
**** Seriously, imagine how ridiculous it would be if I claimed I could use Disguise Self to disguise yourself.
***** No, Disguise Self does not work that way!

******/tg/ is NOT a source for how spells work. No, not even then.

iceman10058
2014-04-09, 08:47 PM
* Not allowed to make a wizard that can cast cure spells.
* Not allowed to make a Cleric that is a better blaster than a wizard.
* Not allowed to play anything that can cast spells
* Not allowed to play anything that has UMD either.

stupiddDice
2014-04-09, 09:47 PM
* I should remind players that I can optimize too when characters are getting ridiculous
** I should not be surprised when this almost causes a TPK.

* I should not allow one of my fellow party members to return to the place where we shot several cultists dead last night.
** Again, no surprise when we all end up in an asylum.

Thomas Hunter
2014-04-09, 10:44 PM
*I may not use an Intimidate check to skip a pair of side quests that were the only combat opportunities the GM had planned for that session.
**If I do, and the GM gives us a couple thugs so the party will stop complaining, it's bad form to point out that he's misusing the stun rules.
***Especially if doing so means that half the party is knocked out in the surprise round, and the rest follow before anyone gets an action.
****It is to be considered lucky that they only took our money and not weapons or gear. Complain of their stupidity and they will next time.

Socksy
2014-04-10, 02:24 AM
*Refluffing is all well and good, but referring to my paired longswords as "twin sisters" in that tone of voice creeps out the rest of the table.


** My two guns are not literally sisters.
*** Cannot play a weregun. There's no such thing.
**** No, the DM does not want to know which bodily products the bullets are equivalent to!

Sith_Happens
2014-04-10, 03:21 AM
** My two guns are not literally sisters.
*** Cannot play a weregun. There's no such thing.

* Dynamic Entries and stealth are mutually exclusive.
* If I refuse to fight an enemy because "it's too symmetrical," the other PCs will get mad at me.
** If I abandon the party entirely to make sure that I folded the toilet paper into triangles before leaving, I should not expect them to want me back.

Doorhandle
2014-04-10, 04:53 AM
*Not to replace the BBEG's theme with an incredibly awesome silly kazoo remix. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r9N97aAqqg&feature=player_embedded)

Socksy
2014-04-10, 05:05 AM
* My assassin does not have to sing or play an instrument to cast spells, despite what RAW says.

Ionbound
2014-04-10, 09:07 AM
*Not allowed to play a Mantis Shimp Lunar
**Not allowed to play a Pistol Shrimp Lunar, either.
***No longer allowed to play Lunars with a totem based on any type of Cetacean.
****You must stay with the pre-given animals as you totem if you want to play a Lunar.
*****No more playing Lunars

*Despite what she claims, the answers to your Twilight Caste's questions are not in the Lunar's pants.
**THEY'RE NOT IN THE DRAGONBLOOD'S EITHER!

Inevitability
2014-04-10, 11:22 AM
*I am not allowed to random animals into suicide bombs.
**Even not if it's been done in real life (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bat_bomb).
***Especially not if it's been done in real life.
****I am not allowed to bypass this by turning my animal companion into a suicide bomb, claiming that it isn't 'random'.
*****Yes, my druid will become an ex-druid if he attempts to turn any animal into something harmful.
******This includes the wizard's familiar, summoned monsters, awakened animal cohorts, or Baleful Polymorphed party members.

*I am not allowed to resurrect every random steak we are served.
**Even not if it'd be IC for my character to do.
***Assassinating the butcher who killed said resurrected steak isn't allowed either.
****If I attempt to reincarnate any meal I am served, it'll turn out to be the crazy awakened wolverine wizard we faced 14 levels ago, except his new body is the Tarrasque.
*****Even if I manage to kill the Tarrasque wolverine, I won't get XP for it.

Sgt. Cookie
2014-04-10, 11:25 AM
*My Rakshasa Wizard may not deal solely in undead Lions, Tigers, Cheetahs, etc, just so I can call myself the Nekomancer.