Homebrew: Ur and his clerics (Non-serious)

[Igan]

A couple of the people in my DnD group were going over some prestige classes, and the conversation came over the Ur-Priests. I, being without the extra sourcebooks and information but what I can scrounge from the internet, immediately cracked a caveman joke ("Ur cure moderate wounds"), and they had a laugh and filled me in on the tapping-in-on-divine-energy stuff (And potentially getting 9th-level spell ridiculously early).
Then I had an idea of Ur being the prehistoric homonid. And over a few conversations, Ur and his priesthood worked out something like this. We may or may not use him and his religion for a campaign. You never can tell exactly what we'll do for a laugh...
This version of the Ur-priest has a deity, named Ur, who steals divine magic from the other, more powerful gods.

So, for those who don't mind having a touch of complete ridiculousness in a game...

Many theologians are familiar with the legend of fire being stolen from the gods by an intrepid hero, tens of thousands of years ago. A few even know that the thief was made immortal and chained to a rock, where an eagle arrived every morning and pecked out his liver. But the one who know the real story are the Priests of Ur, and only a few of them at that.

And that's mostly because Ur tends to slip up and say more than he wants to. But give the big lug a break, he's never exactly been what you'd call clever, except in areas of thievery and making clubs.

Since Ur stole fire from the gods, he has indeed been granted immortality and regenerative properties, but after ten millenia or so, he worked the chains loose, got some revenge on that eagle, and now he's been continuing his larcenous ways, and continues targeting the divine.

An Ur-Priest is someone who makes a deal with Ur, or meets some requirements (one of which is killing an eagle. Ur Does Not Like Eagles). Ur's a pretty nice guy for someone with a low, jutting forehead and long, hairy arms. His success rate fluctuates, meaning Priests of Ur have to understand he'll get them what he can. (Mechanic: Subtract 3 from spells-per-day, and then roll 1d6. That's your spells per the day per spell level.)

Ur-Priests are a pretty small number, so they can pray to Ur to request domains that day, which Ur may or may not being able to snag. (Roll 1d20 to determine domain, then the DM throws out the roll and gives the player the two domains he feels like.) Ur may even answer back.
("Tiny man want Healing? Okay, Ur can do. Just don't tell Pelor." or... "Tiny man want Fire? Oh, Ur done this before!")

Ur also makes Ur-Clubs, some of which can be quite innovative or just plain strange. Ur invented the original Ugly Stick (+2 Greatclub that inflcts 2 Charisma damage with each hit) and he's also credited with the invention of the Log-a-Rang (+4 Greatclub of Throwing and Returning). Ur's made hundreds of clubs over the millenia, because he likes making them, and he's quite free with them. ("Um, Ur's priest can have Air domain and...what else Ur have...Oh! Ur's club. Here, take. It good club, yes? Good balance, swings real easy.")

For reference, an Ur-Club is generally about a +3 weapon, and probably has some kind of idiosyncratic magic added on it, and since the invention of nails he's been known to put a big one through the business end of some of his clubs (He steals the nail, too). An Ur-club is made from the wood of a tree Ur thought to have a branch the right shape and similar. But, hey, make up your own. It's not like anyone'd take this seriously anyway.

If anyone actually used this stuff (And I don't think that many people would), I suppose a semi-regular occurance in a campaign would be running into Ur himself, who spends a lot of time on the Material Plane (because all the others have more powerful deities with a grudge).

So there you have it. A lot about Ur, and some vague stuff about his clerics, presented mostly for the laugh but also as an aid to anyone needing a ridiculous encounter/weapon.

[mabriss lethe]

that is entertaining to say the least. He even has a nail-bat...

[Thomar_of_Uointer]

Awesome.

However, I really like the idea of stealing a domain. Theft could be a domain in and of itself, allowing you to prepare any one spell from any spell list in a domain slot.

[Woot Spitum]

This is MUCH better than the default explanation of ur-priests. The old way where your doubt of the divine gives you divine power is kinda screwy. This way actually makes sense, even if it's only meant to be funny. If someone wanted to run a serious campaign with this, they could just tone down the caveman jokes. If you don't mind the humor, then you could make all of Ur's followers slowly begin to resemble him. Of course, their intellects would remain intact, which would make them act like the cavemen in the Geico commercials.:smallbiggrin:

[Grey Paladin]

I love you

[Iituem]

Heh. If you did that seriously, an idea from a DM's point of view would be to cause the priests of the gods you're stealing domains from to suddenly lose their powers that day. That would certainly give priests a good reason to dislike the Ur-priests.

[Igan]

Hey, thanks!

I didn't expect this kind of response to this.
I'm actually intrigued by some of the suggestions given...
If anyone wants to develop this further for their own use or posting on here as an add-on, feel free to do so.
Aside from me being a bit lazy, I'm currently amusing myself by attempting to make heads or tails of the mech rules in Dragonmech, but maybe I'll find out the Ur-Priest requirements and modify them or just plain throw them out and make up some new ones, and give some more serious thought to this...

[Igan]

Okay, how the HECK did this thread up in the OotS section of the forums?
I may be absent-minded, but I'm pretty sure I put this in the Homebrew section like it's supposed to be.

[Igan]

...
Okay, I realize this will be second post that's seriously off-topic, but let me explain:
When I posted my first reply, when it threw me back to the thread list, this was displayed among the Belkar's Kick and Fanclub threads on the OotS boards. And THAT freaked me out for second because I had a vision of a horde of people chewing me out for posting it on there when I hadn't, in fact, done so.
But now it seems to have migrated back to its proper board....
Weird.

[Thomar_of_Uointer]

Theft Domain
Granted Ability: When you prepare spells, you may choose any one spell from any other deity's domain and prepare it as a domain spell. You may only prepare that spell in a single domain slot, you may not prepare it multiple times with metamagic or through similar means.
1: Expeditious Retreat
2: Locate Object
3: Haste
4: Freedom of Movement
5: Rusting Grasp
6: Mislead
7: Instant Summons
8: Binding
9: Foresight

I so want to play a cleric of Ur the Firestealer next chance I get. If not for the cool mechanical effects, at least for being able to let the rest of the group hear one-sided prayers with a barely-competent diety.

"Yes, I want rusting grasp. I'm very sure I'll find metal. Yeah, we use it a lot nowadays, Ur, it's one of those new fads, it's got hardness 10 and everything. No, I don't need warp wood, I don't care how high you heighten it."

[TheForestAuro]

Ur will never grant his followers eagle's splendor, and if they are cast upon, for some reason, they instantly take damage as if hit by a +3 Greatclub of Spell-Storing (Touch of Idiocy)

Because Ur HATES eagles.

[Igan]

Hey!
I didn't know you had a username on these boards...

Credit where it's due, TheForestAuro is the other nutcase responsible for this. The weapons and the mechanics are all him, and so are a couple of the quotes.
I'm the flavor maker, like some guy in Baskin Robins' headquarters who goes, "Hey, why don't we have umpteen kinds of chocolate, and something minty?" with only so much skill in working out how to do it...

And, hey, I'm now a halfling!

[Winged One]

Now I want to get Complete Divine just so I can use this flavor for Ur-priests...

[Iituem]

If you wanted a serious thief of the gods, here's one idea:

The Thief is not actually a god, merely an immortal (Deity rank 0). He is capable of stealing the domains/powers of gods, but he cannot grant spells or perform miracles himself. Prayers may be said to him and he will hear them, but his responses can be limited at best (having no divine abilities). Clerics who pray to the Thief instead receive spells and domain spells stolen from another cleric (usually within a 5 mile radius) as the Thief steals the power being sent to that cleric and redirects it. The unfortunate victim is unable to turn/rebuke undead or cast divine spells for the day. The Thief's cleric instead gains his normal spells per day and the domains of the cleric the spells were stolen from. If there are no other clerics within 5 miles (or whatever distance is deemed necessary) there is a cumulative 1% chance per mile beyond 5 miles that the Thief will be unable to steal the spells of the nearest cleric. Beyond 105 miles from the nearest true cleric or should the Thief fail to steal spells for the day, the Thief's cleric is powerless and can neither cast divine spells nor turn/rebuke undead.

[Fax Celestis]

Weapons of Legacy contains a Legacy Weapon by the name of Ur. It is actually a stone handaxe.

[Igan]

Weapons of Legacy contains a Legacy Weapon by the name of Ur. It is actually a stone handaxe.

That's interesting, actually...

And I'd actually do it on a see-saw scale....I like the idea of another cleric losing their spells, but I wouldn't limit it to within a range. From a party standpoint, the nearest handy cleric might be the guy sleeping across the fire from you. That can definitely cause some irritation: "DAMMIT, Anya, can't you tell him to look for someone else? Why me?"
If the cleric of a "normal" god doesn't automatically reject one of Ur.

[Twisted.Fate]

This is hilarious. I had to stop myself laughing out loud in class. Especially... "Ur's priest can have Air domain, and...what else Ur have...Oh! Ur's club." SO GOOD. I'd use it in a silly campaign.

[Yakk]

Ur's Club:

Ur says "give", but somehow the club ends up being stolen back. Ur not know what you are talking about, stealing the club back. Here, have a spell.

If the cleric currently has an Ur's Club, roll 1d10. On a 1, Ur takes the club back.

If the cleric doesn't have an Ur's Club, roll 1d10-1. If the cleric can cast spells of that level, they use one spell/day from that level, and are given a club with total + equal to the level of spell lost. They only get the spell/day back when Ur steals his club back. If the roll is higher than the spells the cleric has availiable to him, Ur doesn't give the cleric a club.

Ur is pretty experimental with his clubs, so they tend to be pretty whacky.

If the cleric attempts to sell the club, the purchaser is overcome with a feeling the cleric is trying to cheat him.

You can't get your spell/day back by destroying or losing the club. However, on a 1 on the 1d10, Ur will start giving your spell/day back to you.

[Closet_Skeleton]

It's like wild magic.

But with clerics.

and... urrr... clubs!

[Igan]

Okay, some more flavor about Ur and his priesthood...

Ur is not a conventional deity. No one's raised as an Urite. He doesn't ask for commandments, only for nominal allegiance to him (because his believers fuel his power.) He actually does not want millions of people worshipping him, because he understands, in a vague sort of way, that then he'd be responsible for them.
Ur's forgiving of most transgressions, making him a last resort for fallen clerics of other gods--people who still have important things to do, but lack the power to accomplish them with. If a fallen priest should encounter Ur, it's easily possible that, should their plight strike Ur enough, he'll take them on, considering the power he gets from them to be a fair trade for his help. Being a priest of Ur often resembles partnership, or, at least, some degree of understanding, rather than actual worship (although Ur is a bit hurt if someone continues to worship their old deity, even though he means that means there's more power to steal out there).

Almost any person can become an Ur-Priest, though. All that's really required is an encounter with Ur that comes around to that topic, or, failing that, knowledge of his existence and a heartfelt prayer to him, which he may or may not hear. If anyone's looking for guidelines for a prestige class, I'll admit I haven't seen the original Ur-Priest requirements, but I'd put the requirements as either several ranks in K (Religion), or maybe a successful DC 20 check with no bonuses but your skill ranks to at least be aware of the legend about his theft and punishment (OR...alternatively...some NPC could just tell you he exists and cut through a lot of work.)

An Ur-Priest has medium BAB, fairly robust HD (I'd say d8) proficiency with at least clubs and greatclubs, probably Weapon Focus with a club of their choice, and maybe, at late levels, W. Specialization as well.

Oh, and at certain levels they're entitled to make an Ur-Club, which come in varying ranks of quality and craftsmanship. As a rule, though...
An Ur-club doesn't cost that much money to make. It costs time. One needs some basic woodworking skills (Which they get as an Ur-Priest), some tools (which are fairly easy to acquire in a town), and plenty of time to pare away at a tree branch or taproot to make a darn good club. Once one is finished, it can be dedicated to Ur, who'll then imbue with whatever powers he can manage, after some consultation with the maker.

[Igan]

Oh, and I'd say Ur-Priests use whichever mental stat of theirs is the highest for their casting--Int, Wis, or Cha. But once you pick it, you stick with it.

[TheForestAuro]

Oh, the prayers to Ur probably would be humorous, because it's kind of like talking to a child that just happens to wield divine power. Ur probably does have favorite spells. And un-favorites, particularly, as I mentioned, eagle's splendor, do to his millenia of having his infinitely regenerating liver being picked out by an eagle.

"No, Ur, it's not funny. Remove Blindness/Deafness. I really need it. Ur, I can hear you. You're speaking through telepathy. Please stop laughing."

[Xandu Hotep]

As a player in one of TheForestAuro's campaigns, (which has an actual Ur-Priest,) I find this amazingly humorous. While the flavor of the original Ur-Priest is just plain cool, this is... something else. Something amazing.

I want to play an Ur-Priest now.

"Seriously now, Ur, I wanted Inflict Serious Wounds, not a friggin' club. No, they're not the same... Yes, I know you can hit people with it, but that's... alright, alright, I'll take the club. Geez."

What alignment is Ur? Chaotic/True Neutral, maybe?

[mabriss lethe]

What alignment is Ur? Chaotic/True Neutral, maybe?

That sounds pretty good to me, but he could, through his generous, if twisted, nature, probably even rate a Chaotic Good alignment. I'd say he's a shoe in for either of the non-evil chaotic alignments at any rate. True neutral?..a bit iffy.

[Culwch]

The Nerf-bat.
A magical club +3. On hit 10% chance for taget to Fort save DC 16 or gain 2 negative levels. Undead and constructs use Will save DC 16 instead. 24 hours later roll the same save. If failed again, these levels are lost permanently.

Subtract 2 from the save DC for every 2 levels "nerfed" for the same target.

[Igan]

The Pelorday Night Special

This +4 Quarterstaff (Or club/greatclub, I'll leave it to you) is one of Ur's greatest craftings, imbued with powerful magic he knows well...It, in fact, qualifies as a Minor Artifact...Ur makes clubs as a hobby, but when he does this kind of stuff, he's rewarding someone who's done a big favor for him.

Burning Stream--pointed at an enemy and a command word spoken, the weapon will produce a 20-foot cone of fire that lasts for a round. 5d6, reflex half. Alternatively, it produce a 40-foot line with equal damage for a ranged touch attack. The weapon can produce the cone for five rounds each day, which do not have to be consecutive. The stream of flames can be sustained by repeating the command word. Flammable objects. including people, caught in the area of effect for more than one round are set on fire.
Fireball: The weapon produces 2 fireballs a day, and can store four of them in all. The fireballs perform as if they were cast by a 6th-level wizard.
Fire resistence: The weapon gives 20 energy resistence against fire.

And the inspiration for this...
Tim the Enchanter.
Monty Python's awesome...

[knightsaline]

the post above this one reminds me of a curry. Ur is possibly N with leanings towrads CN, that way, his "clerics" can cast any spell without alignment restrictions.

[Igan]

the post above this one reminds me of a curry. Ur is possibly N with leanings towrads CN, that way, his "clerics" can cast any spell without alignment restrictions.


Sounds about right to me.