Khay
2014-04-11, 07:58 AM
What is the worst Magic: The Gathering card of all time? There's no shortage of threads, blog posts and such about this topic - it's one of those evergreen questions. I had a conversation like that with a few friends recently - I'm trying to get back into the game, and casual play is a good way to do that. That got me thinking. Not all bad cards are bad in the same way. Some are actively harmful, some are just overcosted, some go to elaborate lengths to do absolutely nothing, and so on. Some bad cards are fascinating, but some that show up on "worst cards ever" lists are just plain boring, like Scorching Spear (http://magiccards.info/st/en/116.html). So here's a slightly different idea: Finding interesting, fascinating, amazing terrible cards. For flavour, call those the Anti Power 9. I'm not as knowledgeable about this game as I'd like to be, so I thought I'd reach out to the hivemind for help. (I hope it's okay to put this into its own topic, I didn't want to derail the main MtG thread.)
What I'm not looking for is cards that are bad but boring. Sure, Storm Crow (http://magiccards.info/9e/en/100.html) isn't great. But that's because it's inefficient. It can still be a perfectly reasonable card to play in certain less competitive environments. Throw a Bonesplitter on there and you've got a threat.
I'm also not looking for cards that have decent niche uses, or become much less bad if you place them in context. One with Nothing (http://magiccards.info/sok/en/84.html) saw sideboard play in its day. Scornful Egotist (http://magiccards.info/sc/en/50.html) is really a 2/2 for 3 colourless mana, which is okay, and Scourge had a "combined mana cost matters" theme with which it fits nicely. As a counter-example, what Great Wall (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/186.html) does was never relevant. Even its niche uses are terrible. You can animate it with an Opalescence (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/13.html) or you can have it remove a different ability with a Crystal Spray (http://magiccards.info/in/en/50.html) - if you're playing Blue/White and your opponent relies on Islandwalk, or something - but why bother? There are much better options. The cards on this list needn't be the Worst Cards Ever Printed (TM); what I'm looking for is cards that are interesting-but-unplayable, rather than just bad. A 1/2 creature for two green mana would be bad, but it wouldn't belong on this list.
What I am looking for cards that are actively harmful, or staggeringly useless even as Donate (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/31.html) fodder. Bonus points for terrible art and confusing wording. Here's my highly biased personal list:
I kinda cheated with #4 and #3. How could one pick just one of those little gems?
Honorary #10 position: Razor Boomerang (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=198395), included mostly so something with a modern frame gets to be on the list. If you have a creature, and you have five mana available, you can deal a single point of damage!
#9 - Dwarven Pony (http://magiccards.info/hl/en/89.html). I really don't like to include creatures on this sort of list, especially not ones that are sort of efficiently costed. But the ability on it is the most Homelands thing of all time, and you've got to respect that.
#8 - Armistice (http://magiccards.info/mm/en/3.html). Sure, White has difficulty drawing cards. And sure, card advantage is pretty great. But are you ever going to be so desparate for card advantage that you'd be willing to pay 8WWWWW and have an opponent gain 6 life, but not quite desparate enough to just splice Blue into your deck? As an added insult, it's a rare.
#7 - Carnival of Souls (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/55.html). I love this card. I love it so much. It feels like it should be broken, a combo enabler, something that lets you go infinite somehow - heck, it's from the Urza block! Except it doesn't, really. I guess it lets you kill someone on turn four if you have Carnival of Souls, a Cloudstone Curio, two Kobolds of Kher Keep and a Drain Life? It's a shame that mana burn no longer exists; taking two damage whenever an opponent played a creature really was the icing on the cake.
#6 - Wall of Caltrops (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/211.html). Okay, I lied, there are two creatures on this list. This card doesn't usually seem to show up on these lists, but it occupies a very special place in my heart. It has it all, really. It's a wall with one point of toughness. It has a long-winded, confusing text that describes what turns out to be an extremely marginal effect. It even mentions banding. The art that makes you feel off-balance, and vaguely uncomfortable. Fun flavour text, though!
#5 - Great Wall (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/186.html) as hinted above. This is what we call foreshadowing in the business.
#4 - The Lace (http://magiccards.info/query?q=lace+cmc%3D1+t%3A%22instant%22+e%3A4e&v=card&s=cname) cycle, which is rightly famous. These spells do, uh, well, pretty much nothing. They're sort of nice in a deck entirely about colour hosing, I guess - but even then, there are better options.
#3 - The Bands with Other (http://magiccards.info/query?q=o%3A%22legendary+creatures%22+o%3A%22bands +with+other%22+c%3Al&v=card&s=cname) lands. The ability does, uh, very little. Very, very, very... little. And it sets you back a turn because the lands don't even tap for mana. Not even colourless mana.
#2 - Aysen Highway (http://magiccards.info/hl/en/107.html). If you're playing against the right deck, all your creatures become unblockable! That's not bad, right? And then you notice that it costs you six mana, three of which are white, and it only works for white creatures, anyway - so you're pretty much guaranteed to have plains as well, which means your opponent's creatures also become unblockable. That's what makes this card so amazing: The only situation in which it might be slightly useful, a White Weenie standoff, is one in which it also has a really high chance of backfiring. White has better finishers than this.
#1 - Sorrow's Path (http://magiccards.info/dk/en/116.html). This card is so famous, there's no way it can get anything but the #1 slot.
Of course, there are some picks in there I'm not perfectly happy with; that's part why I'm posting this. Debate is part of the fun, after all! Everyone has their own list of cards they love to hate, and I'd love to see yours.
What I'm not looking for is cards that are bad but boring. Sure, Storm Crow (http://magiccards.info/9e/en/100.html) isn't great. But that's because it's inefficient. It can still be a perfectly reasonable card to play in certain less competitive environments. Throw a Bonesplitter on there and you've got a threat.
I'm also not looking for cards that have decent niche uses, or become much less bad if you place them in context. One with Nothing (http://magiccards.info/sok/en/84.html) saw sideboard play in its day. Scornful Egotist (http://magiccards.info/sc/en/50.html) is really a 2/2 for 3 colourless mana, which is okay, and Scourge had a "combined mana cost matters" theme with which it fits nicely. As a counter-example, what Great Wall (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/186.html) does was never relevant. Even its niche uses are terrible. You can animate it with an Opalescence (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/13.html) or you can have it remove a different ability with a Crystal Spray (http://magiccards.info/in/en/50.html) - if you're playing Blue/White and your opponent relies on Islandwalk, or something - but why bother? There are much better options. The cards on this list needn't be the Worst Cards Ever Printed (TM); what I'm looking for is cards that are interesting-but-unplayable, rather than just bad. A 1/2 creature for two green mana would be bad, but it wouldn't belong on this list.
What I am looking for cards that are actively harmful, or staggeringly useless even as Donate (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/31.html) fodder. Bonus points for terrible art and confusing wording. Here's my highly biased personal list:
I kinda cheated with #4 and #3. How could one pick just one of those little gems?
Honorary #10 position: Razor Boomerang (http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=198395), included mostly so something with a modern frame gets to be on the list. If you have a creature, and you have five mana available, you can deal a single point of damage!
#9 - Dwarven Pony (http://magiccards.info/hl/en/89.html). I really don't like to include creatures on this sort of list, especially not ones that are sort of efficiently costed. But the ability on it is the most Homelands thing of all time, and you've got to respect that.
#8 - Armistice (http://magiccards.info/mm/en/3.html). Sure, White has difficulty drawing cards. And sure, card advantage is pretty great. But are you ever going to be so desparate for card advantage that you'd be willing to pay 8WWWWW and have an opponent gain 6 life, but not quite desparate enough to just splice Blue into your deck? As an added insult, it's a rare.
#7 - Carnival of Souls (http://magiccards.info/ud/en/55.html). I love this card. I love it so much. It feels like it should be broken, a combo enabler, something that lets you go infinite somehow - heck, it's from the Urza block! Except it doesn't, really. I guess it lets you kill someone on turn four if you have Carnival of Souls, a Cloudstone Curio, two Kobolds of Kher Keep and a Drain Life? It's a shame that mana burn no longer exists; taking two damage whenever an opponent played a creature really was the icing on the cake.
#6 - Wall of Caltrops (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/211.html). Okay, I lied, there are two creatures on this list. This card doesn't usually seem to show up on these lists, but it occupies a very special place in my heart. It has it all, really. It's a wall with one point of toughness. It has a long-winded, confusing text that describes what turns out to be an extremely marginal effect. It even mentions banding. The art that makes you feel off-balance, and vaguely uncomfortable. Fun flavour text, though!
#5 - Great Wall (http://magiccards.info/lg/en/186.html) as hinted above. This is what we call foreshadowing in the business.
#4 - The Lace (http://magiccards.info/query?q=lace+cmc%3D1+t%3A%22instant%22+e%3A4e&v=card&s=cname) cycle, which is rightly famous. These spells do, uh, well, pretty much nothing. They're sort of nice in a deck entirely about colour hosing, I guess - but even then, there are better options.
#3 - The Bands with Other (http://magiccards.info/query?q=o%3A%22legendary+creatures%22+o%3A%22bands +with+other%22+c%3Al&v=card&s=cname) lands. The ability does, uh, very little. Very, very, very... little. And it sets you back a turn because the lands don't even tap for mana. Not even colourless mana.
#2 - Aysen Highway (http://magiccards.info/hl/en/107.html). If you're playing against the right deck, all your creatures become unblockable! That's not bad, right? And then you notice that it costs you six mana, three of which are white, and it only works for white creatures, anyway - so you're pretty much guaranteed to have plains as well, which means your opponent's creatures also become unblockable. That's what makes this card so amazing: The only situation in which it might be slightly useful, a White Weenie standoff, is one in which it also has a really high chance of backfiring. White has better finishers than this.
#1 - Sorrow's Path (http://magiccards.info/dk/en/116.html). This card is so famous, there's no way it can get anything but the #1 slot.
Of course, there are some picks in there I'm not perfectly happy with; that's part why I'm posting this. Debate is part of the fun, after all! Everyone has their own list of cards they love to hate, and I'd love to see yours.