Fun yet useless/awkward/arbitrary loot

[drack]

Well I was wondering what everyone's favorate arbitrary loot was that's either useless or just downright awkward. For instance a gold plated loadstone (it's shiny, golden, and worth 2000gp, but it's under cursed items and is quite useless unless you're casting disintigrate) or an oil of *resurection spell* (It's a res potion, so that's cool, but it makes for awkward party interactions when someone has to rub oils all over the seventy some odd year old mage to res him)

Anywho I figured you lot probably have better stories, so lets hear then. :smallbiggrin:

[Deophaun]

an oil of *resurection spell* (It's a res potion, so that's cool, but it makes for awkward party interactions when someone has to rub oils all over the seventy some odd year old mage to res him)
So, it's like casting reincarnate:

Material Component: Rare oils and unguents worth a total of least 1,000 gp, spread over the remains.

[VoxRationis]

One piece of treasure from my current campaign is a silver cow creamer. Its only function is a strange but nonmagical attractiveness to the local nobles. :smallwink:

[georgie_leech]

A party of PC's I used to DM for learned that mad Wizards don't always offer convenient rewards, after their prize was 2000 gp worth of marshmallows.

[gorfnab]

Apparatus of Qualish (the Crab) - found one in the middle of a desert.

[slaydemons]

A party of PC's I used to DM for learned that mad Wizards don't always offer convenient rewards, after their prize was 2000 gp worth of marshmallows.

I would not even be mad, I would ask the wizard to set up a fire and get have us some toasted marshmellows

Also, does 18 gnoll cubs count as a reward if we didn't want to kill them, cause my dm threw that at my party

[Deophaun]

Also, does 18 gnoll cubs count as a reward if we didn't want to kill them, cause my dm threw that at my party
Depends. I once had a bard that raised a bunch of hobgoblin cubs and eventually turned them into a famous acting troupe.

[Malimar]

This sometimes comes up in random treasure rolls, but I keep it because it's so malevolent:

Copper pieces. Lots and lots of copper pieces. Like, hundreds of thousands of copper pieces. Worth thousands of gold, weighs thousands of pounds.

[VoxRationis]

This sometimes comes up in random treasure rolls, but I keep it because it's so malevolent:

Copper pieces. Lots and lots of copper pieces. Like, hundreds of thousands of copper pieces. Worth thousands of gold, weighs thousands of pounds.

Yeah, that showed up in one of my random treasure rolls. The players didn't even bother with it, predictably, though I think that was because the dungeon was inside an enemy fortress they hadn't cleared out and they anticipated needing to sneak back out.

[Pinkie Pyro]

I've got to agree with the thousands of pounds of coins, but that's why everyone always buys an infinitely deep coin purse.

oddly enough, rolling 10000 copper for a necromancer worked out well, because the players pointed out how evil it was to pay for everything in "pennies"

[Necroticplague]

I've got to agree with the thousands of pounds of coins, but that's why everyone always buys an infinitely deep coin purse.

oddly enough, rolling 10000 copper for a necromancer worked out well, because the players pointed out how evil it was to pay for everything in "pennies"

Plus, a necromancer has the minions to cart all that stuff around.

[Azoth]

If I am just looking to throw out "cool" loot i give them a magical equivalent to a modern item. It will serve next to no purpose or real utility in the game, but is fun nonetheless. It is also funny to hype up a reward by making it sound like some juicy wonderous item...and give them a lighter or microwave or other such item.

Funily enough, for me at least, my players won't don random belts that give off a magic aura without identifying it and half the time they will still cast Remove Curse just to be sure. I think I have given out the gender swapping belt one too many time.

[Graypairofsocks]

For instance a gold plated loadstone (it's shiny, golden, and worth 2000gp, but it's under cursed items and is quite useless unless you're casting disintigrate)

I am pretty sure that Disintegrate uses a lodestone (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lodestone) not the Stone of Weight AKA Loadstone.


What would a Loadstone (the cursed one) be good for anyways(other than planting it on someone)?

[drack]

I am pretty sure that Disintegrate uses a lodestone (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lodestone) not the Stone of Weight AKA Loadstone.


What would a Loadstone (the cursed one) be good for anyways(other than planting it on someone)?
Not sure either way myself.

Why a loadstone could me a magical component in returning weapons, or whatever in game uses you fluff it for. Being a magic item worth 2k level 5+ artificers like them.

[Lord Lemming]

I'm planning on handing my players a belt that LOOKS like it boosts a stat... But is really a cursed Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity. Why is this so evil? Because they'll be handed it at level 4, one level BELOW when the cleric will be able to cast Remove Curse. Yep, unless they make an ungodly high identify roll, whoever puts it on will have to roleplay the opposite gender until the cleric levels up.

EDIT: Granted, I don't know how the actual girdle works, I might want to look that up.

[drack]

Venom... in a dead spider...

[Lonely Tylenol]

One of the lesser towns in my players' home nation has exactly one item of note: an everflowing gravy boat. It has one magic property and one magic property only: it is always full to the brim with gravy. This has proven to be every bit as much a curse as a boon for the local townsfolk, as the gravy boat will continue to pour if tipped over, which famously led to the Gravy Flood of 344 when an earthquake knocked the gravy boat from its pedestal, the aftermath of which took the town weeks to clean. The gravy boat has ensured that the townsfolk are never hungry, but they are also well and fed up with gravy, so the everflowing gravy boat spends most of its time as a tourist attraction.

[Bullet06320]

If I am just looking to throw out "cool" loot i give them a magical equivalent to a modern item. It will serve next to no purpose or real utility in the game, but is fun nonetheless. It is also funny to hype up a reward by making it sound like some juicy wonderous item...and give them a lighter or microwave or other such item.

Funily enough, for me at least, my players won't don random belts that give off a magic aura without identifying it and half the time they will still cast Remove Curse just to be sure. I think I have given out the gender swapping belt one too many time.

i recall in one of the old D&D books, a coke machine, it was an ice simulacra of a coke vending machine of some sort, I cant seem to find the original book it was in though

[TuggyNE]

One of the lesser towns in my players' home nation has exactly one item of note: an everflowing gravy boat. It has one magic property and one magic property only: it is always full to the brim with gravy. This has proven to be every bit as much a curse as a boon for the local townsfolk, as the gravy boat will continue to pour if tipped over, which famously led to the Gravy Flood of 344 when an earthquake knocked the gravy boat from its pedestal, the aftermath of which took the town weeks to clean. The gravy boat has ensured that the townsfolk are never hungry, but they are also well and fed up with gravy, so the everflowing gravy boat spends most of its time as a tourist attraction.

That reminds me of the great molasses flood (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster). Which was not nearly as harmless as one might expect.

[Curmudgeon]

The Staff of Swatting: a +1 quarterstaff, +4 vs. giant flying insects.

[Tommy2255]

I recently gave out a set of dice that were unique in that they all give random results between 1 and 20 no matter how many sides it appears to have. If I were evil, then I would give them some negative effect on a nat 1, but they were actually just there as a curiosity and to foreshadow a particularly whimsical sort of magic practiced by a faction they're going to be seeing a lot more of.

Also, the Dagger of Impressive Magic. It's a +1 dagger with a powerful enchantment. The only function of this enchantment is to prevent people from identifying it's enchantment.

And for actually useful objects, there was also a pocketwatch that gives the time on another plane and the current plane to better plan appointments on flowing time planes.

[BWR]

One piece of treasure from my current campaign is a silver cow creamer. Its only function is a strange but nonmagical attractiveness to the local nobles. :smallwink:

I totally need to do that one! Sadly, only one person would get the joke.

My gf's group came across a valuable pillar depicting some naughty images. The party's cleric had to bring it back home, no matter how cumbersome moving it was.