PC Stupidity Stories [Archive] - Page 4 - Giant in the Playground Forums

Grynning

2007-08-16, 09:17 PM

So, normally, I only lurk on forums, but this thread was just too tempting...
So, here's my favorite stupid move that came from our ongoing exalted epic campaign.
Our Group at the time: Ceno - Lvl 23 CG Rogue, Estlegard - Lvl 22 NG Fighter (Me), Kae - Lvl 22 Paladin, Iska - Lvl 21 Monk, The Pope - Lvl 23 Cleric/Saint, Yojiro - 22 Ninja/Psychic Warrior and Mageev - 22 Mystic Theurge

So, our group had previously retreived a Dracolich's phylactery from a temple (which was not easy :P) and dropped it off at the main temple of the church of light for safe-keeping. This Phylactery was enchanted with an effect that did ultra-mean wisdom damage to anyone who touched it or tried to cast a spell at it, etc., and was nigh-indestructible, so we figured the church could figure it out. Then, as part of some side-quest thing we ended up in the desert fighting lava wights and their daddy, and when we were done with that we found the heads of 3 "dead" gods - Ra, Set, and Imothep. They were still essentially alive and could speak, but had lost all their powers. Basically, the story was that they were killed the last time the big nasty apocalyptic thing that our party is continually working to stop showed up. To tie it in, our (awesome) DM decided that the Dracolich was in fact, a former minion of Set who had betrayed him, and used Set to spill the beans on where we had to go to kill said Dracolich.

So, we get back to the Temple, hauling these three god-heads with us, and decide to go check up on the phylactery to see if the church guys had figured out a way to break it.
We start talking to the head cleric, and he says that the phylactery is to powerful for them to break.
Ceno, our rogue, who is currently holding the heads, gets an idea. Unfortunately, he doesn't consult the rest of us before acting it out.

Ceno: I throw Set's head at the phylactery!!!
Evil DM: Roll Ranged attack!!
Party: Wha....

SO, head hits phylactery, boom happens, and there's a newly resurrected Set standing there in front of us.

Things got a lot more complicated after that....

Serenity

2007-08-17, 08:48 AM

I wouldn't call that entirely stupid. I can't think of any reason why a phylactery that casts nasty spells at those who touch it would ressurect a dead god, and since the Dracolich was Set's minion, it's not totally out thereto try and use the god head to destroy the phylactery...

Lapak

2007-08-17, 09:31 AM

More stupidity:

DM: Out of the cluster of rocks rises a red dragon!
*snip*So, um, what was the non-stupid option here?

Running away gets you killed.
Attempting to talk gets you killed.
If one breath weapon took out the entire party, presumably fighting would have gotten them killed.

Am I missing something, here, other than that one guy decided to try a different destined-to-fail tactic than the others? This seems more like an encounter problem than a player problem.

Citizen Joe

2007-08-17, 09:50 AM

So, um, what was the non-stupid option here?

Running away gets you killed.
Attempting to talk gets you killed.
If one breath weapon took out the entire party, presumably fighting would have gotten them killed.

Am I missing something, here, other than that one guy decided to try a different destined-to-fail tactic than the others? This seems more like an encounter problem than a player problem.

DM: Out of the cluster of rocks rises a red dragon!

You've got a point there. Its a rarely used delayed blast Rocks Fall Everyone Dies.

2007-08-17, 10:01 AM

So, um, what was the non-stupid option here?

Running away gets you killed.
Attempting to talk gets you killed.
If one breath weapon took out the entire party, presumably fighting would have gotten them killed.

Am I missing something, here, other than that one guy decided to try a different destined-to-fail tactic than the others? This seems more like an encounter problem than a player problem.No. I'm sorry but no matter what the alternatives, and no matter what way you spin it, standing in front of an angry dragon and repeatedly failing to engage him in conversation is stupid.

Lapak

2007-08-17, 10:34 AM

No. I'm sorry but no matter what the alternatives, and no matter what way you spin it, standing in front of an angry dragon and repeatedly failing to engage him in conversation is stupid.But not too much more stupid than fleeing hopelessly across an open plain, or slinging a Magic Missile at it. At least if you're attempting Diplomacy you might be begging for mercy, which honestly isn't any worse than the other options.

Silkenfist

2007-08-17, 11:13 AM

The only possible stupidity I can see is the fact that the Cleric declared it openly. "HEY GUYS I AM GOING TO TRY AND USE DIPLOMACY TO MAKE HIM PEACEFUL!.....Oh, hi there Mr. Dragon. Listen, we are harmless wanderers just minding our own business, when..."

Of course, you don't HAVE to rule that the first part of the sentence was spoken IC. As a benevolent DM you could have easily said "Well...you didn't say the first part out loud, OK. Now let me roll." And maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to be benevolent DM, because...well because you just threw a Red Dragon at a Party that could not survive one application of its Breath Weapon.

Grynning

2007-08-17, 11:42 AM

Regarding the Phylactery story, I understood the Rogue's logic, however, if you'd been playing in the rest of the campaign, it was pretty much a given that putting a Chaotic Evil dead God in contact with a bunch of negative energy AND a really powerful soul that he had a previous connection with would NOT have good results. Essentially, Set used the energy from the Phylactery to give himself a new body and absorbed it into himself, then took off.
I suppose, in hindsight, it wasn't that bad from a player standpoint (and the story has gotten way cool because of that incident), but from an in-character perspective it was kind of a "WHY DID YOU DO THAT??!!!!" moment. The Rogue still hasn't lived it down (and now he's got more atoning to do, because he got mind-controlled and killed The Pope - not his fault, but still doesn't look good on his record).

I suppose I should mention, out of fairness, that in this same campaign I had my Human fighter make a trip attempt on a Colossal monster. Even with my ridiculously boosted Strength score, I failed. Utterly. The DM still makes fun of me for it.

Mesfens

2007-08-17, 11:50 AM

I'm glad to find out that what the Cleric did wasn't that stupid. For you see, I was the Cleric, heh. Here is another story:

DM: You are walking in a burned-out district of the city. Here and there you see mad-looking men and women, cackling and giggling to theemselves.

Ranger {who is decidedly psychotic}: I grab one of the cackling ladies and pat her on the a**.

Everyone else including DM: Huh?

Ranger: What? Crazy cat ladies turn me on!

DM: Um... she isn't clutching any cats, but a large number of ferrets are crawling up and down her bony arms.

Ranger: Just as good! Mmm...

Druid: It hurts my soul...

Ranger: Then I grab those-

DM: Furious, and spouting incoherant rage she throws a ferret at you.

Ranger: WTF?

DM: *rolls for ranged touch attack* It hits. The ferret latches onto your face, dealing *rolls* 6 points of damage as its teeth and claws maul you. Make a fortitude save.

Ranger: Why? *rolls* I got an 11.

DM: Because the woman is overwhelming you with her nails. You contract *quick check in the PHB* slimy doom.

Ranger: That won't stop me from grabbing that-

DM: More ferret ladies emerge from the rubble. They raise their ferrets...

AkumaWolf

2007-08-17, 01:55 PM

Heheh.. reminds me of the early days of playing D&D...
This one time we REALLY pissed off our DM...

DM: "You enter the wizards tower... there's something in the middle that looks like some sort of elevator with a lever..."

Party: "We all climb in and pull the lever..."

DM: "The elevator takes you to the top floor... on the top floor you see another lever..."

Party: "We pull it..."

DM: "You pull the lever... gears and and a loud 'clang' can be hear on the bottom floor..."

Party: "We go down again..."

DM: "Your at the bottom floor again..."

Party: "What do we see?..."

DM: "Everything looks the same..."

Party: "Spot Check!"

DM: "You see nothing"

Party: "Listen Check!"

DM: "You hear nothing"

Party: "Search Check!"

DM: "All you found is a rickety old shelf in the room..."

Party: "We see what's inside!"

DM: "It's empty..."

Party: "Search Check!"

DM: "IT'S EMPTY!"

Party: "We don't think so... we heard something go clang down here and this is the only thing here..."

DM: "But..."

Party: "We make another search check, take20, +2 for providing aid..."

DM: "... *sigh*... fiiiine... you found some scrap pieces of paper..."

Party: "COOL! What do they say?"

DM: "Nothing.... they're SCRAP pieces of paper..."

Party:"Mmmmm.... we cast identify!"

DM: "You WHAT!?!"

Party: "We cast identify on the papers... maybe their some sort of scrolls..."

DM: "You DO know identify takes 8 hours right?"

Pary: "Yeah... whatever... we cast identify..."

DM: "Are you sure you want to cast identify on the SCRAP pieces of papers..."

Party: "Yep..."

DM: "..."

Party: "..."

DM: "... *sigh*... fine... 8 hours passes, as you successfully identify the SCRAP pieces of paper..."

Party: "So?"

DM: "So what?"

Party: "What does the papers do?"

DM: "NOTHING!!! They were SCRAP pieces of paper!!!"

Party: "Mmmmm... we set them alight"

DM: "You WHAT NOW!?!"

Party: "We use our flint & steel to set them alight..."

DM: "WHY!?!"

Party: "Maybe their magic properties can only be released when their set alight.."

DM: "...*sigh*... fine... you set them alight..."

Party: "And?"

DM: "And what?"

Party: "What happens to it?"

DM: "It turns to ash..."

Party: "And?"

DM: "And that's it..."

Party: "What the hell! Why!?!"

DM: "IT WAS JUST A PIECE OF SCRAP PAPER!"

Party: "THEN WHY DID YOU MAKE IT SEEM SO IMPORTANT!?!"

DM: "THE HELL?!? I NEVER MADE IT SEEM IMPORTANT!!! YOU GUYS MADE IT SEEM IMPORTANT!!!"

Party: "BUT THAT WAS THE ONLY THING HERE, WERE STUCK! THERE"S NOTHING ELSE HERE WE CAN USE!!!"

DM: "AARRGGHHHH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! GO TO THE ELEVATOR AND PULL THE LEVER!!!"

Party: "Okay, were on the top floor again.... we pull the lever here again..."

DM: "NO NUMBNUTS! STAY ON THE BOTTOM FLOOR AND PULL THE LEVER!!!"

Party: "Why?... we'll just go up again!"

DM: "NO! STAND OUTSIDE OF THE ELEVATOR AND PULL THE DAMN LEVER TO MAKE IT GO UP!"

Party: "But the elevator's gonna leave without us..."

DM: "THAT'S THE POINT!!!"

Party: "uuuummmm... okay........ we stand outside of the elevator and pull the level..."

DM: "THE ELEVATOR GOES UP AND A HIDDEN PASSAGE IS REVEALED UNDER WHERE THE ELEVATOR WAS!!! THAT WAS THE TOP LEVER OPENED!!! THAT WAS THE SOUND THAT YOU HEARD!!! NOW YOU RETARDS CAN FINALLY GET ON WITH THE QUEST!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Party: "..."

DM: "..."

Party: "..."

DM: "..."

Party: "Meh... the reason we didn't get it is because that puzzle is WAAAY under our intellectual skill..."

DM: "AAARGHHHHH!!!!!"

It's funny actually... if all NPC's are as smart as their 'heroes'... then how the humanoid races ever came this far is a mystery to me...

Quietus

2007-08-17, 05:17 PM

Amusingly, Akuma, the easiest way would have been when you guys were making search checks, to say "You notice a crack in the floor beneath the elevator".

Eldan

2007-08-17, 06:25 PM

Sir Jason

2007-08-17, 06:32 PM

OK, so heres one:

The party is tracking a tribe of lizardfolk to save the hostages they have taken. They travel through a dark marsh for a couple days, and reach a large ruined building. They can see a large gate-like front entrance.

PC 1: I go and knock on the door.

DM: WHAT?

PC 1: I go and knock on it.

DM: ok, roll a spot check

*rolls high*

DM: you see that there is a puddle of quicksand in front of this door.

PC 2: OK, Ill levitate him over the puddle, so that he can knock on the door.

DM: *sighs* OK, fine. You knock on the door, while the rest of the party waits by the puddle. *party agrees* You set of a trap, theres a large sonic blast; everyone make a reflex save. [Party takes quite a bit of damage]. AND you hear movement inside the ruin.

PC 1: ok, well, I open the door.

DM: You see a room full of lizardmen, all with spears ready to be thrown at you. Initiative.

*start battle, the pcs make it into the room, and most of the party ends up in melee with the lizardfolk. They fight until there are only two lizardfolk left, and the party is pretty bashed up hp-wise*

PC 3 [who was a multi-class ranger/fighter/wizard, despite repeated advice against it]: I take out my wand of burning hands and use it at the lizard folk!

DM: Ok, you do know the party is there, right?

PC 3: *nods* I do it anyway. Theyre tough, theyll be ok!

DM: *sigh* ok, roll.

*PCs roll saves, so do lizardfolk*

DM: ok, so according to this, youve killed one of the lizardfolk, and the other one is pretty hurt, but not dead. As for the party, one of you is at -3 and another at -8.

PC 3: *smiles happily as the others beat him over the head*

After this, PC 3 was well known to the group as a pyro. And he was never given another wand of burning hands. Ever.

AkumaWolf

2007-08-17, 07:21 PM

Amusingly, Akuma, the easiest way would have been when you guys were making search checks, to say "You notice a crack in the floor beneath the elevator".

Hehe... like I said... our early D&D games...

We didn't know better back then... :smallfrown:

[EDIT] And I wasn't DM'ing... I was one of those edgamacated ones that day that couldn't figure out a puzzle fit for a 5 year old. :smallbiggrin:

Quietus

2007-08-17, 07:55 PM

Hehe... like I said... our early D&D games...

We didn't know better back then... :smallfrown:

[EDIT] And I wasn't DM'ing... I was one of those edgamacated ones that day that couldn't figure out a puzzle fit for a 5 year old. :smallbiggrin:

That actually isn't a particularly easy puzzle, when you're given no hints as to how to do it. It's kind of like trying to put together a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a clear blue sky; It's POSSIBLE, but really, doing it in any reasonable amount of time is just pure luck.

Citizen Joe

2007-08-17, 08:25 PM

My party hears that it will have to fight a dragon sometime in the near future. Our sorcerer, known for his... special ideas... starts thinking.
Sorcerer: Hmm. I have these ring gates... DM, how much does a cow cost again?
DM: About 10 Gold pieces, I guess.
Player: I have 20'000 gold with me, in my bag of holding. Ok guys, here's the plan: I'll use telekinesis on the ring gate, let it hover over the dragon and you herd my 2000 cows through to let them fall on the dragon...

Well, at least the DM could convince him that he couldn't just buy 2000 cows in the next peasant village.
Actually, you can BARELY squeeze a small creature through a ring gate (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/magicItems/wondrousItems.htm#ringGates), a cow certainly won't fit... and there is a daily weight limit of 100 lbs so you couldn't even get a tenth of a cow through per day if you grind them up.

Balkash

2007-08-17, 08:35 PM

i've got one. it happened when i finally convinced some of my friends to start playing D&D. they all started as level one, and the simplest characters i have ever seen

the party is following a group of orcs who just climbed up a 50ft. cliff into a pitch black cave. The party barely manages to climb up and into the cave

Human Rogue: They just went into the cave, what should we do?
Human Fighter: Umm... go in after them?
Human Wizard: Ok, you two go in and i'll follow you.
the rogue and fighter walk in side by side, the wizard 10ft back. the orcs, who have darkvision, lay in wait
Human Fighter: What do i see?
DM: Nothing. You can't see anything. Its pitch black.
Human Fighter: Oh. Then i start swinging my sword wildly.
DM: ...ok, roll attack.
Human Fighter: *rolls* 20! yes, critical! ... and i do 14 damage!
DM: Rogue, you feel a greatsword sink deep into your chest. The blade seems to have gone through you. You are at -8 HP.
Human Rogue: WHAT! You ass! Wizard, heal me!
Human Wizard: I don't have any heal spells
Human Rogue: well, im f***ed
*the orcs start to slowly walk towards the fighter*
DM: You hear light footsteps approach.
Human Wizard: I cast Burning Hands. *rolls* yes! 18... and 4 damage!
DM: ...ooook. You set the rogue on fire. Rogue, the last feeling you have on this plane is the satisfaction of becoming a toasty sub sandwich for some happy orc. you die.
Human Rogue: PIECE OF SH**!
DM: *rolls for orcs attacks* Fighter, you feel three rusty swords pierce your weak leather armour. You take 17 damage.
Human Fighter: Cant i dodge it?
DM: No. they suprised you. you were flat footed.
Human Fighter: Then when i fall, can i try to keep the swords stuck in me, so they lose their weapons?
DM: Ummm... well if you do, you risk falling on the swords and taking more damage
Human Fighter: whatever, i do it.
DM: Ok. i guess... make a relfex save.
Human Fighter: *rolls* 2...
DM:...
Human Fighter: I'm dead right?
DM: yep.
Human Wizard: well screw that. i turn and run 100 ft straight out of the cave.
DM: You remember that the cave is on the side of a cl-
Human Wizard: I dont care where it is, out there is better than here with the orcs
DM: fine. you proceed to run straight off the cliff.
Human Wizard: I make a climb check
DM: You cant do that!
Human Wizard: Why not?
DM: YOU JUST RAN OFF A F***ING CLIFF!
Human Wizard: WELL WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT!
DM: I. YOU. I JUST.... PANCAKE!!! YOU. PANCAKE!!!
Human Fighter: well i eat the pancake and the toasty sub.
DM: But you're dead.
Human Fighter: So. I can still be hungry
DM: No, No. I mean you are DEAD dead. You have three friggin' swords jutting out of your gut.
Human Fighter: ...ya, i guess it would just leak out then.
DM: ... i hate you

daggaz

2007-08-17, 09:13 PM

We're in an eberron group, about lvl 12, and we are fighting a bunch of halflings who have a real big tyranosaurus under their control.

My good friend is playing some kind of roguish melee character, who has dim door, darkness, and HiPS as magical abilities x/day. We are doing really good, I have silenced the caster, slaughtered some mooks, and he dims over and gets the guy controlling the dinosaur to chase him into the silence field. Then he dims to the other side of my blade barrier i cast in the beginning of the battle, makes a lot of noise to attract the rex, and uses his darkness ability..

The t-rex, now receiving no commands from its trainer, lumbers thru and takes some hefty damage, but keeps on its target. The DM makes it very clear that it is definitely SNIFFING at the air.

Friend: I use HiPS.
DM: The t-rex sniffs around and walks right up next to you, sniffing you out, it seems ready to attack..
Me: (ooc) Dude, you should have just dimmed far away, its got scent, its gonna hunt you down and eat you now..
Friend: (ooc) What? Scent isn't that good! Its like, a cloud of pheremones, it only knows the general area, it cant find me..
Me: (ooc) man, it can pinpoint you to within a five foot square. thats all it needs, its got a fricking HUGE mouth, it cant miss if it pinpoints you...
Friend: No way, it makes no sense in RL ...

(insert 30 minute argument, where we couldnt find the exact rules, and where both of us ended up being right. He got to keep his miss chance, but it was seriously reduced due to the creatures size..)

DM: The T-rex sniffs right over your head, and with a load roar, it lunges down, biting hard... and... hits! Roll a strength check... Ok, you have been swallowed. You are now inside of its stomach.
Me: Haahhahahaha! Hope you got a small weapon man, hahahaha! Ok, I charge it....
DM:Ok..
Me:Oh crap, it gets an AoO tho doesnt it?
DM:Oh yeah, actually you are right, it threatens pretty far out. Ok it hits... roll a strength check...

Heh, you can see where this goes.. =) We both ended up inside, but in the end, we kicked its scaley butt. Lessons were learned, I think the most important one being, never swallow somebody with sneak attack and precision damage.

DaMullet

2007-08-17, 10:43 PM

Daggaz, it's worth noting that you don't get sneak attack when swallowed. When in a grapple, the combatants retain Dex to AC relative to each other.

AkumaWolf

2007-08-18, 04:06 AM

That actually isn't a particularly easy puzzle, when you're given no hints as to how to do it. It's kind of like trying to put together a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a clear blue sky; It's POSSIBLE, but really, doing it in any reasonable amount of time is just pure luck.

This is true....

But the fact that we went so far of the tracks that day that we denied any possible logic the DM is bestowing on us, because we think we were so intelligent and reading 'between the lines'.

I don't think our party was the first to do this... am I right?

Some DM's give puzzles as 'A' to 'B'...
Then players over complicate it by jumping to 'C', convincing him to do 'D', acquiring an 'E', combining it with 'F', trying it out on 'G' and eventually reaching 'B'. :smallbiggrin:

daggaz

2007-08-18, 10:12 AM

Daggaz, it's worth noting that you don't get sneak attack when swallowed. When in a grapple, the combatants retain Dex to AC relative to each other.

Yeah, but our DM houseruled that when you are inside of something, its pretty much impossible for that creature to use its dex bonus against you.. Not to mention the proximity of all its vital organs.

Douglas

2007-08-18, 10:23 AM

The Armor Class of the interior of a creature that swallows whole is normally 10 + ½ its natural armor bonus, with no modifiers for size or Dexterity. (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/specialAbilities.htm#swallowWhole)

Sure looks like sneak attack applies to me.

PaladinBoy

2007-08-18, 02:01 PM

Okay, I've got something. We were playing our Eberron campaign; we were all at level 10. We have one bard (Tobias), one druid (Belkon), one warmage/wizard/ultimate magus (Unnamed), and me, a wizard/dragonmark heir/artificer (Auran). We had run into a dragon (thankfully friendly) who escorted our airship back to his Argonnessen lair to talk to us. The first thing we did was take a tour of the lair. The tour brought us up to the dragon's observatory.......

Auran: Ooh! An observatory! This is pretty nice......
Belkon: What's it for?
Auran: It allows a knowledgeable user to track the movements of Eberron's moons..... and through them, the planes. Some even allow travel between the planes.
Belkon: Oh.
Dragon: I'm not exactly sure exactly what this can do. I built it 500 years ago.
Auran: I've got ranks in UMD. Let's activate it blindly!
Tobias: Sure! I'll help!
Warmage: ........You all are idiots.
Auran: C'mon, help us! You've got the best UMD!
Warmage: But.....
Auran: C'mon!
Warmage: .....Fine.
DM: Uh..... are you really sure about this?
Auran: Yes! (The three of us roll.)
DM: ......
Auran: If this works, we'll either get info on the planes, or get tossed to a random plane.
DM: (flips through ECS)
Auran: Uh....... uh-oh.
DM: Shavarath.
Auran: Oh crud. Let's hope it's one of the celestial-controlled regions.
DM: You arrive in front of a battalion of sword archons.
Auran: Oh good.
DM: They ask you if you are here to help.
Auran: Uh...... feel free to say that this is a joke.
DM: You wanted to get tossed to a random plane of existence.
Auran: Crud. Uh.......
DM: An interplanar rift opens, and the dragon flies through. The archons ask him if he is here to help. He says that he's here to recover you.
Auran: Oh good.
DM: The dragon complains that this wasn't what he wanted you to do.
Players: ..........
DM: Let's continue the tour.

Talwar

2007-08-18, 02:46 PM

As LARP experiences are being added to this thread, let me un-lurk long enough to contribute.

The time is three summers ago, and a couple I've gamed with have convinced me to spend a weekend trying out a live-action roleplaying group in the region. Their adventuring group is a knightly order, the husband being one of the knights, the wife being their aristocratic leader (I believe she was a duchess).

I was advised that the order could use another pure fighter type, but opted to soften this with a minor amount of magical ability. I borrowed a shield and "hand and a half" sword for the outing, and off we went into the woods.

Saturday afternoon, the Duchess gets wind of some kind of magical item out in the bush that she needs to retrieve. Her impulse is to go alone, for stealth, but the knightly leader shoots this idea down and tasks a colleague and myself with protecting her. Off we go. We find the spot, find the item, and make our way back to camp without any issue.

Later on, a GM learns of this and comes to our camp; it turns out that we were supposed to pick up the item and go see him, as it would lead to an encounter. So, the Duchess, my Fellow Knight, and I follow him off to a secluded portion of trail, where a teen in a vaguely monstrous papier-mache head and chunky foam suit is waiting for us.

"As soon as you touch the item", the GM advises the Duchess, "A dark form oozes out of a crack in the rock and turns into this monster. What do you do?"

We crouch into ready positions as the monster faces us in turn. This seems like an unnecessary and risky encounter, given that our (combat-incapable) leader and an important magical item are both at stake. So, as the monster pivots towards my fellow knight, I take a tennis ball out of my pocket and bounce it off the Monster's back. "Paralysis", I call out. "Now, let's get..."

My fellow knight rushes in and wallops the Monster, breaking the spell. The monster promptly whacks the Duchess, who dramatically crashes to the ground and, unfortunately, loses the magical item in the process.

Mistakenly concentrating more on combat than on communicating my intentions to the other knight, I again wait till the monster is facing him and toss a second tennis ball at the monster. "Paralysis", I repeat, and the monster stops obligingly.

My fellow knight charges back in and whacks the monster again. It replies in kind, destroying his sword - the GM helpfully informs us that it's a Rust Monster.

"I had it paralyzed for a minute. We could have just left", I growl as we flail away at the monster.

"Sorry. Do it again", my colleague replies.

"Can't - I'm all out now." Two spells per encounter is my limit.

About this time, the Duchess recovers consciousness. She attempts to scamper around behind the monster and retrieve the magical item. Instead, she slips on a rock and falls over. The monster gently clubs her again.

The monster turns back to us, and we continue to fight. The Duchess gets up again, stumbles, and rolls several metres down the hill. The GM goes to check on her.

The monster renders my fellow knight unconscious, leaving us mano-y-monster - for a few seconds, at least, until the Duchess clambers up the slope and falls again. The monster holds up a mit and both it and I turn to look at her. "Geez - are you alright?", the monster asks.

"Fine", she replies with annoyance.

"Maybe you should stay there", I suggest, ineffectively.

The monster and I step back to our battleground and resume. I block a blow with my shield; the shield is ruled destroyed by the GM. I wiggle my arm free of the shield, fling it aside, and grip my sword two-handed. Dropping the "chop and block" technique for something more akin to saber fencing, I eventually defeat the Rust Monster, who looks like he's about to expire from heat exhaustion anyway. We all share a bottle of water as the GM explains the item's significance to the Duchess.

As the three of us warily return to camp, I look to my fellow knight and state, "If I paralyze another monster, we run - understand? RUN."

DaMullet

2007-08-18, 03:00 PM

I was drawing my impressions based on an old Gamestoppers article on the Wizards main site (which I had a devil of a time finding with the site upgrade to 4th edition) which states that a swallowing creature is not considered flatfooted or denied dex towards anything it ate.

It is entirely possible that it's a 3.0 article, however, since it's in the retired bin.
http://wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/gs/20020217a

Counterpower

2007-08-18, 03:29 PM

PaladinBoy, you didn't do that justice. I'll put my changes in bold.

Auran: Ooh! An observatory! This is pretty nice......
Belkon: What's it for?
Auran: It allows a knowledgeable user to track the movements of Eberron's moons..... and through them, the planes. Some even allow travel between the planes.
Belkon: Oh.
Dragon: I'm not exactly sure exactly what this can do. I built it 500 years ago.
Auran: I've got ranks in UMD. Let's activate it blindly!
Tobias: Sure! I'll help!
Warmage: ........You all are idiots.
Auran: C'mon, help us! You've got the best UMD!
Warmage: But.....
Auran: C'mon!
Warmage: .....Fine.
DM: Uh..... are you really sure about this?
Auran: Yes! (The three of us roll.)
DM: ......
Auran: If this works, we'll either get info on the planes, or get tossed to a random plane.
DM: What was the roll?
Warmage: 32.
DM: ....... You know what? I'm sending you to a random plane of existence. Does anyone know where I could find one of those "random planar destinations" tables?
Auran's player: Well, um....
Warmage's player: No! You don't know where one is!
Belkon: I'm glad I was only standing in the door.....
DM: No, you got pulled in as well.
Belkon: Darn it!
Tobias: Did the dragon come as well?
DM: Nope, he wasn't in the room. Someone was blocking the door.
DM: (flips through ECS)
Auran: Uh....... uh-oh.
DM: Shavarath.
Auran: Oh crud. Let's hope it's one of the celestial-controlled regions.
DM: You arrive in front of a battalion of sword archons.
Auran: Oh good.
DM: They ask you if you are here to help.
Auran: Uh...... feel free to say that this is a joke.
DM: You wanted to get tossed to a random plane of existence.
Auran: Crud. Uh.......
DM: An interplanar rift opens, and the dragon flies through.
Archon commander: Oh, hello! Are you here to help us out? You were really helpful the last time!
Dragon: No...... I'm here to pick them up.
Auran: Oh good.
Dragon: Come on, everyone. Hurry up.
(Everyone goes through the gate)
Dragon: Now, what have we learned about blindly messing with magic put in place by other people?
Players: ..........
DM: Let's continue the tour.

There. That's the more complete version. Still not the most accurate. Pity I couldn't have tought to post this earlier when it was still fresh in my mind.

Benejeseret

2007-08-18, 10:06 PM

Snippets from my latest groups session 3 weeks ago. All lvl 1's.

Background: the party has entered a fungus farm (fungus mine) that just had a collapse. Some of their members are their to locate and rescue the trapped miners/farmers. They were told often that the walls were weakened and they say numerous evidence of collapse.

DM(me): Your pickaxes clear the final blockage and a horrible smell rushes out of the deep caverns. The passage beyond is full of dust, and dimly lit. The laterns have been snuffed by the dust, but new holes in the ceiling (from the collapse) provide dim illumination.

Party Half-Orc: Me wander into first room I find.
DM: This room is roughly circular and cut from bear rock. The walls, floor, and ceiling are covered in fuzzy fungi. A square mass covered in fungi is in the centre. The entire area is bathed in a dim red glow...apparently from the fungi itself
Half-Orc: Ooohh, I scoop some up and put it in my pouch.
DM: As you scoop it up, something in the small room starts to shriek. It is a piercing sound that makes your head ache.
Half-Orc: I scream back at the room

***as the rest of the party scrambles forward the half orc spends 3 rounds just screaming back at the shrieking fungus**

**some time passes, the orc yells at the walls allot and the session is paused for a breathing break...'cause the player actually RP'd the bit and starting screaming at the wall in RL and it was hillarious. Eventually the fungi was killed and they moved into the next room**

DM: As you continue down the hallway, stepping over rubble, you find another doorway. The door is smashed outward, dust is thick in the air here and you cannot see more than 5 feet into the ruins.
Adept (yes, a lvl1 npc class PC): I push past the halforc and enter.
DM: *stunned*....Really?
Adept: Yes
Party members with PC classes:*shrug*
DM: Alright....*rolls* two tentacles whip down from the ceiling and small barbs tear into your face. *rolls* you are grappled and are pulled up towards the roof.
**the encounter nearly kills the player but the choker is eventually killed by the half orc.**

DM: Alright, now what? In the battle you all entered the room and the melee has caused the roof to begin creaking. All around you are pillars, half of which were snapped in the earlier cave ins and have piles of rubble beneath them.
Half Orc: Me kicky the creaking poles....Thud (his PC name) no likes things making sounds. *Rolls well and smashes a few*
DM: Everyone roll reflex saves...the entire room begins to collapse around you.

**Kicking things then became the norm, and every time more of the mine collapsed and for some reason none of the other players every tried stopping him. Eventually his chaotic stupid approach (as funny as it was) got its come-uppins**

DM: The badger you disturbed runs into a small burrow in the wall of the cave.
Half-Orc: Me sticks my head in the hole to sees where furry thing went.
Dm:.......The 'furry thing' flies into a furious rage....and you know what, since your head is IN its burrow I am going to consider this to be a suprise round with an automatic hit for the bezerking badger....and guess what, he has 2 other buddy badgers all really mad at your hideously ugly head being in their burrow.

**big fight, half orc gets his face ripped to shreads, which, considering he already has CHA 4, I think I will make future socializing with him even worse for shear scar ridden uglyness**

daggaz

2007-08-18, 10:55 PM

Hahahhaha! That's not stupid! Thats just hillarious and highly entertaining roleplaying!! Kudos to the half-orc!

Winged One

2007-08-18, 11:16 PM

Quietus

2007-08-18, 11:43 PM

The above half-orc story raises a question: does roleplaying low mental ability scores well qualify someone for this thread? It is literal player character stupidity, but most of these stories are the result of the player being a moron, not the character.

Except that it was low charisma, not low int. Low charisma doesn't mean you act like a raging moron and do incredibly stupid things. It just means you have a harder time convincing others not to do those things.

Benejeseret

2007-08-19, 09:44 AM

Hehe

Ya the half orc was indeed hilarious and playing to his stats. I had already chosen to give him some RP XP awards for it all.

I was not saying 'he' was stupid...but the story fit with the thread and I though I should share the fun.

For the record though, his INT really wasn't that low, it was his CHA. Basically the character is played as one who can figure things out should he choose to...but usually is socially stunted and does not understand social action-reaction ((ie. sticking head in an animals home))

And...anything that makes noise he thinks is 'alive' in a sense and thus his CHA kicks in to him dealing with it.

Bene

Scissors

2007-08-19, 12:46 PM

In our apocalyptic campaign, this was how we lost ourselves a 15th-level PC:

The characters were up north delving into an enormous iceberg which they believed to be the stronghold of an order of deicidal assassins. To get in, they had to shuffle almost sideways through a narrow fissure, single file. The exalted paladin/fighter guy was in the lead, backed up by his favored soul cohort. The rest of the group included a pair of dwarven brothers (a cleric and a fighter), a bow ranger, a grappler monk, his frenzied berserker cohort, and another monk with a drunken master cohort.

The assassins knew that the party was coming, so once the group is far enough inside, they sealed up the fissure and began releasing some kind of gas. The party assumed that it was poison, and reacted accordingly. The drunken master chugged a bunch of booze to get his CON up.

A few seconds later the DM told them that they felt heat rushing towards them. Quickly realizing that the fumes were actually intended as a firetrap, the paladin moved in to a narrow point in the tunnel, blocked it with his body, and had his cohort cast protection from elements (fire) on him. The plan worked. He absorbed the incoming blast and prevented the gas around the rest of the party from igniting. Everybody applauded his heroism and quick-thinking, and he dusted off the ash and stuff.

The drunken master's reaction?

"Oh, not poison, then. Okay, I fire-breath to burn off a few drinks and get some wisdom back."

The DM started to laugh. Nobody else thought it was particularly funny, but after a few minutes of surprised complaining, the party all recorded the (surprisingly high- 60, if I remember correctly!) damage from the resulting ignition. Death From Massive Damage checks were rolled amidst a lot of grumbling. Luckily, everybody passes, and people start to calm down and laugh a little bit. Pretty goofy, after all.

Then the frenzied berserker failed his Will save.

Eldan

2007-08-19, 01:43 PM

Oh, a classical one:
One of our first games. Well, at least first campaign. Party was level 2 or 3. Consists of a monk, a sorcerer and a wizard. Players go to scout out the camp of an orc army. They meet some guards, separated from the main army by a small hill. The players attack these orcs and kill them.
Monk: Wooohooo! We killed something!
They continue to shout and sing their victory song. Really loud.
DM: Roll spot checks
*rolling*
DM: Ok. You all see another small group of orcs coming over the hill to check what the shouting is about. They see you and two of them run back to the main camp.
Sorcerer: Well, ****. I run.
Monk: Me too.
Wizard: I loot the dead orcs first.
DM: Really? Ok. You start searching the corpses, when you suddenly hear a battlecry and nearly three dozen orcs come charing over the hill. They are still some distance away.
Wizard: Well, crap. I don't have the time to loot the corspes then.
DM nods.
Wizard: Ok, I pack the corpse of the leader on my shoulders and start running...
DM: :smalleek: Tried to convince him that this was a bad idea, described that he can barely walk with all that weight, that the orcs are catching up... but no, he still doesn't want to leave anything behind. Well, the orcs didn't kill him, they took him prisoner. I guess the DM was too merciful.

Jeeves

2007-08-19, 06:37 PM

This one has a little back story.

My best friend enjoys randomly making up various scenarios for us to play. One of the most recent was based around the concept that we are people set ridiculously far in the future, such that technology justifies almost anything. We are also in a militaristic police state that has unified all of the North American continent under its control, and is working on the rest of the world. Contact with other worlds is not to be assumed, as the world governments are very paranoid and have restricted much information for those lucky enough to receive and education.

We used a homebrew method for stats and skills, essentially making up skills relevant to the character. We simply wished to kill lots of stuff, it was more a late night, nothign to do kind of thing.

Anyway, one of my friends decided that instead of ridiculously cool powers, he wanted to be a resource based character. In other words, he wished to be obscenely wealthy. So, in the interests of roleplaying, I decided that my character would be his butler/bodyguard. My character had claws that were painfully hidden in his fingers that could "ooze" through matter at my discretion and then solidify, so I could climb walls, tear out innards and other unpleasant things. I also had the ability from some ridiculous piece of technology to transform into a sound wave for 2 seconds. Which meant in two seconds in a normal outdoor atmosphere, I could move something like 650 metres. However, all I was good at was surgically striking and then retreating, which everyone agreed would be my sole role.

Anyway, we had received order to liberate some guy in a prison in what would now be I guess close to the American border in the Canadian province of Alberta. Somehow, my fellow players managed to concoct a plan that involved my surgically devastating character to sneak about. In air ducts. Which I technically should not have fit into. The whole thing should have been easy enough; stage a diversion a ways off from the compound and have the sneakier characters/more rambo-esque ones get the guy out of the clink. Instead they decided to have me follow some kind of uber infiltrator through said duct, at which point he decided it would be a good idea to abandon me in the duct and then go off on his own. Within a minute I fell down a level, broke through the duct into a hallway full of guards, was shot at and barely survived (my best friend is a firm believer in realism... if you get shot a lot, you are going to, likely, die) and managed to find our targets cell. At this point, our infiltrator, who was much more perceptive than my character managed to get lost, alert more guards and bring them all to me, after I had managed to almost get to the roof, so we could extract everyone. Needless to say, it was not pretty. Eventually another character who had a sort of exoskeleton/mech crashed through the roof, massacred the guards, who had alerted central authorities, while I, slowly bleeding to death, threw our target up through the hole in the roof into the airship, used my echo ability to get to the medbay really fast and hoped for the best.

We lifted off with everyone, no problem, I was healed quickly, and we were all thinking awesome. Until our GM let us know, through a rather indirect explosion off the bow of the ship, we were begin chased by a rather scary ship. After the rich character spent a few minutes ineffectually dodging and shooting back, we all realized our only legitimate hope of survival was to detonate one of our minispidernukes on the ship. Since I could move really far, really fast, naturally, I was elected.

A minute later, my character is standing on top of our ship running, jumping, landing on the pursuing ship and then soundwaving back into the hull of our ship, as the spider nuke detonated. Our ship was thrown 50 kilometres, crashed, the captain had a steel beam impacted into his skull, our medic was knocked unconscious and I was the only one still standing, since technically, I was moving particles at the time of detonation. And more ships were coming, we were quite sure. We managed to escape and go on to bigger and better things, such as blowing up a certain island that is very long.

All that hardship, because the stupid skillsmonkey was too moronic to stay with the beatstick.

Edit: Sorry for utterly lacking the ability to be concise.

horseboy

2007-08-20, 01:48 AM

Stargate SG-1 does a reasonable job. It's a Wound/Vitality system, and so the 1d6/10ft goes straight to wound points. So a 30' fall is gonna have a pretty good chance of killing the average character, or at least knocking then out and bleeding.

Rolemaster is fun too, but I don't need to take 25 minutes to figure falling damage for a 20' fall.

Dude, I've seen 10th level dwarven clerics die from a 5' fall in RM.

Mentioning RM: On my first RM game I was brought in at 1st level into an established group. We were somewhere underground and got attacked by giant spiders. Thalimus (the mage) forgot he was wearing Fëanor's ring. He cast fireball on the spiders. Fëanor's ring gives x10 range, duration, radius and damage to all fire spells. He got rid of all the spiders. Of course, he also almost killed everyone else in the party, including himself. He was taking like 30 points a round, all his gear had been evaporated in the conflagration. We managed to put him out, and healed him back to conscious. The DM told him the only things he had left on his person was a rod, a staff, a glove, a ring and a very small wand. It just became a running joke even to this day anytime someone starts rattling off equipment it always ends with those items, even if they don't have them.

(I manged to use one of the giant spiders for full cover, and coupled with my stupidly high quickness bonus of something like +40, was the only person who wasn't hit by the fire ball. Luck of the n00b:smallsmile: )

Leicontis

2007-08-20, 07:57 PM

A friend of mine lost his first two characters in a campaign to Darwin-Award-worthy behavior.

First - the half-orc barbarian. He, the druid, my rogue, and an NPC are kidnapped by grimlocks. We're lvl 1 at the time, mind. We escape, sans gear, and are fleeing when the half-orc decides he wants to go back for his greatsword. Into a cave full of grimlocks. One barbarian-dropping critical later, the druid and I look at each other for a moment, and bolt into the forest.

Next character, a human ranger. Party is exploring a wizard's tower. Ranger (and ranger's player, I should note) is under the impression that throwing a sling bullet at doors is faster and more effective than letting the rogue check for traps. After he triggers a Reduce Person trap, a couple of us beat him senseless, heal him back up to 1hp, and (after he returns to normal size) tie him up with bedsheets. As we continue exploring, he slips his poorly-tied bonds and decides to explore alone with his lone hit point. An alarm trap also doesn't convince him that there are magical traps worth worrying about. Finally, he triggers a delayed Summon Monster trap which produces a pair of celestial dogs. He then decides that he's got a better chance of surviving a jump out a 3rd-story window than getting to safety past the celestial dogs. We found the body as we were leaving to go back to town.

This last one is a full-party idiocy. To set the stage:
-Athkatla has been gradually turning into a ghost town
-There's a huge undead army about half a country over, trying to take over the world
-We've got the artifact they're looking for

While traveling to Athkatla, we sneak past a troop of skeletons marching the opposite direction. As we approach the city around dusk, we can see that only one light is on in the entire city, in an inn at the central square. We actually saw nothing sketchy in this, and walked right on in. To see how we managed to escape the trap set for us by an army and walked into by us, check the MacGuyver thread.

Harold

2007-08-21, 07:28 AM

I remember a story from a long long time ago in endless maze me the druid and my cousin the paladin. we find a door leading to a room in the enless maze so we and the three other party members open the door and 2 minotaurs come charging leading to a dramatic scooby-doo-like chase scene. then we split up so one minotaur chased us into a room then the door closed and was locked (and the rogue went the other way) and then the walls start closing in on us so we slashed the door violently and then the minotaur busts in, hitting my cousin backwards (I made my reflex save) but he escapes locking the minotaur in the room so all stupidity payed off.

Tor the Fallen

2007-08-21, 06:14 PM

Gather round, all ye, and here the tale of Raph the Cleric.

I'm playing a Forgotten Realms game. It's my first time in a non-online group. I'm Cearul, the rogue. My little brother is Seamus the Ranger. Raphiel is Raph...the Cleric of Pelor. Raph and Seamus are new.

Raph made a name for himself during character creation, where he managed to bum 30 GP from the rogue to spend all his money on a horse. Sadly, he had heavy armor and no ranks in ride, so he spent the rest of his money on a stable in which to hold the horse for...ever since.

You don't need ranks in ride to ride a horse, though it's a good idea to have them if you ever want to go into battle on the horse.

Kioran

2007-08-21, 06:18 PM

Well, you be the judges, but I´ll be damned if that wasn´t stupid.

My group of players were currently playing a one-shot with the goal of retrieving their last PCs corpses (wanted to fight it out with a CR 8 Encounter at Party level 4, short one character).

We have:
Lenn, Human Sorcerer 6, blaster-caster and temporary party leader
Alrik, Halfling Rogue 4, Trapmonkey, but geared for combat
Orgragor, Orc Cleric 4, Healer, but geared for combat (Wis 14, Strength 22!)
Twinky(forgot the name, but isn´t that important. Was mentioned only once, in passing), Gray Elf Wizard 4, Enchanter

Well, the human kingdom of Cairne and the Elf Kingdom of Silliaran(85% humans and dwarves ruled by 15% Elven aristocracy) were at war, with the PCs on the human side. The last PCs were investigating a dark cult in the nearest larger Elven city at the time of their demise, so their one-time buddy Lenn(was a premade PC in the first adventure, but discarded for another, (poorly) optimized character later on) decides to spring for their reanimation and puts together a rescue mission.
So they travel through the warzone, almost effortlessly slice their way through Elven patrols and two war Ogres, and make their way through the mountains to avoid travelling all the way through a warzone. This goes off somewhat less than smoothly because nobody even bothered to put ranks in survival. Anyways, they finally make it to the Elven city without to much trouble, but due to the visibility of their first two fights against the elves, they have a small bounty on their heads.
Since the Orc is very conspicous(carried a portable ram troughout the adventure), they leave him in a nearby wood and venture in, investigating the death of the former PCs. This goes off somewhat less than smoothly since nobody bothered to invest ranks in Gather information....but still, they manage to find out that somebody abducted bodies from the battlefield were they fought some summoned Legionaires of Yidrath (Fiendish Fighter 4, drop troops of a homebrewed TN god of slaughter).

Of course nobody has any clue how that came about, so they search on. Originally, I had intended to attack them when they finally pack it in and consider it a night, but after 5 minutes of in-game time, I realized they wouldn´t bite. So then, when one of the PCs goes of alone to investigate a noble family tied up in the struggle, I send a plot hook NPC after him (ally of the last PCs). She´s the younger sister of an elven noble the cult assasinated last session, and still under persecution.

NPC: *lightly puts her hand on Lenn´s shoulder*
Lenn: *casts Mage Armor*
At that point, I was kinda surprised, and so was our NPC, so when he finally turned around, he saw her with a "WTF?" expression.
Lenn: "Yeah, what´s the deal? You know I ain´t got all day for this kind of ****"
NPC: *shrugs, goes away*

I don´t know bout you, but I think many would look past the initial oddness. Some would even look past the impoliteness. But being talked down to by an apparently stupid person after putting yourself at risk seeking them out? Well.......

Anyway, after they snuck in the Orc under cover of Invis, I planted another Informer NPC there, leading them to a warehouse owned by another noble family currently at war with the noble family our last plot hook stemmed from. The bodies of the former party were brought to this warehouse some days ago. the warehouse has a backdoor and several skylights/windows higher up. Climbing up there doesn´t go too smoothly since no one ivestend ranks in climbing - and nobody had "Spider climb" either.
Well, at that point they decided that the were fighting an evil cult anyway (to be fair, the cult is evil, even if their god isn´t) and proceeded to break the doors witht the portable ram and slaughter all the guards(Webbing them beforehand, naturally. And with CN/LN/CG alignments) under the cover of a "silence" spell. Somehow, they didn´t quite catch up when all they encountered were hapless lvl 1 Warriors. Of course, one of their means to kill them all included a maximized burning hands spell, which sets fire to the wooden building....

Despite finding the clues I planted there before the entire building burns down, the Party barely avoided being locked into the city and is now in the slums in front of the city gates, very much without the corpses or a good way to reenter the locked down city.......which wouldn´t go too smoothly because only one of them invested any ranks in move silently.

DemonicPenguin

2007-08-21, 07:17 PM

In a game i was dming once, the pcs were all in a small dungeon room with a couple goblins. One of the characters, a pyromaniac halfling rogue, threw oil at him, and lit him on fire with a match. the now flaming goblin started trying to attack the halfling who set him on fire (who as a pyromaniac, carries about 10 pints of oil) Boom. :smallbiggrin:

Leon

2007-08-22, 04:07 AM

Last Week on my Druid

Decided to try and keep pace with the Birdman Psion and ran 200ft ahead of the main group, ran headlong into a Golem ambush. flat footed and not having manifested IA, got hit for 6.
the smart idea would have been to withdraw back toward everyone else and warn them, however i decided to Armour up and endure.

4 Attacks later: -6 and bleeding out, luckily Malaya was higher in the Initiave order and got to Razak 2 rounds later and healed him back to full. while the Halfgiants layed into the golems

Not Stupid but unlucky - Threw my spear at the Defiler in the middle of the circle and crit him, confirmed and rolled 13 damage in total ./cry

Jasper Snowe

2007-08-22, 07:12 PM

I have two stories.

This one occured a few weeks ago. It's not so much PC stupidity, but it did cause one of the funniest moments of D&D I have ever witnessed.
PCs: Decimus-Mounted Ranger(human)
Artemis- Assassin(elf)
Valdrian "V"- Sorcerer(human)-This is me
Lydiane- Rogue(elf)

The party had just wiped out a hobgoblin infested mine and when they went to leave, the entrance collapsed trapping them. They had to find a way out and unfortunately the only way they could think was down a mine shaft that the hobgoblins used as a privy. Using some rope they began to climb down, Decimus first. He reached the end and noticed that it didn't reach all the way and right beneath him was... the largest mound of crap he had ever seen. It was like a small hill. Well he didn't want to land in it so he tried to jump from the rope and failed falling into the pile. He got out and Artemis did the same, jump, fail, land in crap, get out. Now it was my turn, the sorcerer with an 8 STR and no ranks in jump... he made it. Artemis didn't like that and pushed him back into the crap and Decimus, who didn't like elves, pushed him too. Artemis ended up landing face first into the crap, pulled his head out, and puked on Valdrian(ranged touch attack). It was around this time that Lydiane reached the bottom and also avoided the pile. She just stood off to the side and watched, that is until Decimus snuck up behind her and threw her in too. She landed right next to Artemis splashing him with the defication. He in turn puked right into her face(confirmed crit).

It was at this point we were laughing so hard we couldn't continue. We finally settled down and continued on. Luckily we found an underground stream and washed off.

The second occured a year or two ago. I was DMing this campaign that I found online. The party was captured by a bunch of pirates and they were tied to the mast. One of the PCs was unhappy about how they were captured and began to complain about it. This PC always seems to make the stupidest decisions which always gets him in trouble and always blames it on the DM, saying that they are aiming for him. Well, there is a pirate necomancer who is interregating the party and the PC, who is a cleric or a paladin I can't remember, begins to mouth off. The necromancer holds up a dagger as a warning, but that doesn't deter the player who just continues. So the necromancer coup 'de' graces him, but he survives and still mouths off. This continues for two more coup 'de' graces. At this point the other PCs are trying to shut him up, both in and out of character, and I'm just fed up with him. So I have the necromancer call for the first mate who kills him. The body is removed to the necromancers quarters and the rest of the party is imprisoned. Later, thanks to the bard, they escape but come across the reanimated body of their former ally which they kill.

Be that a lesson to all of you. Don't mouth off to a necromancer who can kill you and reanimate your body so you can be killed again.

InkEyes

2007-08-22, 09:27 PM

Welcome to another exciting tale of "Escape the Doomed City"

Location: A walled city in the Dragonlance campaign setting.

Probable Doom: The city was surrounded by a Draconian Army as far as the eye could see. For anyone not familiar with Dragonlance: draconians are like lizardfolk that do interesting things when they die. Like turn to stone with your weapon still lodged in them, dissolve into a puddles of acid, or if you're really lucky, they'll explode. There were also a few dragons around to give the army air support.

The Party:
A Human Fighter (Matt)
his Dwarven drinking buddy
Knight of Solamina (Dragonlance flavored Paladin)
Wizard (me)
Kender with a Rod of Wonder (Gordon Lightfingers)
Minotaur (Tiny)
Healbot (Jon)
Human Rogue (Cindy)

Solution: We were working on it... honest

The party was scattered around the city trying to come up with a plan (or pursuing earthly pleasures, depending.) Tiny and Gordon stumbled across a random elf-lady who from this point on shall be known as Lady MacGuffin. The lady said she could help us escape if we went with here to some forest to rescue her father. Tiny and Gordon brought her back to the tavern where the healbot, Cindy, I were. We all agreed it was a good idea to leave, but there was a problem. We all knew that the Knight would never willingly leave so many people to die, and the Dwarf (upon hearing of our plans to leave) also wanted to stay and duke it out. I had the bright idea to brew up some sleeping potions and take them with that way. Everyone agreed that was a good idea and Gordon went to tell Matt what was going on.

Meanwhile, Matt was standing up on one of the walls watching the draconians. At this point the DM turns to Matt and says, "Matt, what are you going to do right now?"
Matt replies,"I'm going to fire an arrow at a draconian"
"...You're going to fire an arrow?"
"Yep"
"Roll to hit"
*Matt rolls very bad*
"Matt, as soon as your arrow misses the giant army surrounding the city, the draconians return fire."
*Matt gets hit by many arrows, but manages to survive*
"Now Matt, the Captian of the Wall Guard comes up to you and punches you in the face as he cries out, 'What the !#&^% were you thinking!?!'" At this point Gordon arrives on the scene to drag Matt away and fill him in on what's going down.

Fast forward, and I've brewed enough potion for three doses. We've agreed to have the Minotaur stand by in case someone makes their save. I approach the Dwarf and bet him that he can't drink three of the largest drinks in the house, he thinks he can, so I order three drinks and mix the potion in two of them and the scene goes as follows:
*Dwarf gulps non drugged drink*
*Dwarf gulps drugged drink 1*
*Makes save*
*Gulps drugged drink 2*
*Fails save*
The dwarf has just enough time to say, "You owe me mon-" before passing out. One down, one to go.

Gordon and Tiny take on the task of making sure the Knight gets his dose. Tiny offers to spar with the knight so the two of them with be ready for the eventual battle. After a vigorous sparring match Gordon offers some water to the two of them. The knight takes the first gulp and falls into Tiny's arms.

We escape the city under the cover of dark on Lady Macguffin's Griffons and land in a brown grassland to rest. As it turned out we were followed by a Black Dragon who attacked us in the middle of the night. Initiative is rolled and everything goes smoothly until Matt's turn. What does he do? Swing with his sword? Nope, he say he'll "throw the torch I'm holding at the dragon and hope it hits the dragon in the face, blinding it."
*Matt rolls badly*
The DM then says, "The torch flips over huge dragon entirely and lands in the grass on the other side of it. Dry grass. Matt has started a brush fire."

In the end we kill the dragon, but decide it would be most prudent to leave the area, fast.

SurlySeraph

2007-08-22, 10:13 PM

^ I twitched when I saw the phrase "Kender with a Rod of Wonder," but amazingly the Kender didn't do anything stupid. Clearly, he isn't being played as a typical Kender.

Manave_E_Sulanul

2007-08-23, 12:19 AM

After a long and arduous quest up a mountain in early spring to get in antidote (which in fact was a poison meant to make your insides explode, but the local succubus managed to succeed on a bluff) one of the parties two werebear twins dies of a failed save from the poisoned magical plant.

The surviving brother begins screaming, and drinking from his store of bear. He persists in screaming for several rounds. No one in the party attempts to stop him. I, as DM, make the following comment:

"You've been yelling on a snow covered mountain in early spring, you begin to hear the occasional ruffling noise and rocks pitter patter down from the cliff above you."

He continues to scream,

"Are you ever going to stop? The rumbling is getting louder."

He stops, but then another player starts shouting at him, for shouting.

"Are you sure you want to keep chastising him? You are on a mountain, in spring."

No one gets it. Avalanche ensues. Several people fail their saves and get buried and or die, including the surviving brother and the knight who was yelling at him. Zoiks, they were thick.

InkEyes

2007-08-23, 07:59 AM

His Rod of Wonder antics happened when we were in actual combat. These included bludgeoning everyone with gemstones, starting a rainstorm, and blasting the party and a group of orcs with a petrification spell (all the party made the saves and none of the orcs did.) None of those are as humorous as the time he rode the minotaur into battle and used his taunt ability to call five big draconians down on poor Tiny. It wasn't pretty. He'd also routinely 'examine' my spell component pouches and browse my spell book without my knowledge. He had the amazing knack of bypassing any alarms or traps I'd put on them.

Tamburlaine

2007-08-23, 08:53 AM

I have a fairly stupid story from the mage:the ascension campaign I run:
The group consists of an akashic brother (kickass sword-wielding martial artist), an orphan specialising in forces magic with a penchant for blowing stuff up, and a cowardly virtual adept.

the group is desperately trying to foil the machinations of an evil mage who is trying to summon the evil spirit he worships, they have researched the ritual he needs to perform to do this, and know that it is completed by stabbing a suitably powerful mage inside the summoning circle, a mage such as their mentor, who was kidnapped by the bad mage for this very purpose.
So they bust into the warehouse where the ritual is to be performed, and proceed to get pretty much trashed by the villain, ending up with the akashic brother frozen in time in midair, and the other 2 chained to the wall, supposedly unconscious (faking so he didnt kill them)

GM(me): the evil mage is concentrating all his attention on the ritual he is performing, and is more or less oblivious to you. what are you doing?

Orphan: im going to try and break the spell holding the akashic frozen in time, but if i manage it, i'm going to hold him in the air with a telekinetic spell so it looks like he's still frozen!

GM: good idea!

O: *rolls*

GM: ok, *to akashic* you wake up hovering in mid air, directly in front of you, the bad mage is completing the ritual: he moves to the center of the circle and raises his dagger over your mentor's chest, preparing to stab him and complete the ritual. what are you all doing?

O: i throw the akashic at the villain with my telekinesis spell!

Virtual adept: What? NO!

Akashic: yeah! then i'll stab him with my sword!

GM:...
GM:Ok, *to akashic* you fly through the air towards the villain, taking him completely by surprise.

A:*rolls attack* i hit him!

GM: your sword plunges into his chest and out the other side, fatally wounding him and completing the ritual to summon the death god.

all:...
O+A: oops

NecroPaladin

2007-08-23, 09:07 AM

Hey...wow! This thread is still going?

Well, I suppose that stupid PCs aren't that extraordinarily uncommon, but still...

Okay, well, my most recent gaming session was fairly uneventful, so not much PC stupidity there. However, what we did have was an event where we got two strange powders. I wanted to find out what they did, because they registered as magic, so what better to do than mix them together and throw them?

At this point, my DM told me to choose any creature I could think of. While the rest of my party went, 'dragon!' 'lich!' '20th-level fighter!', I went, 'not on my watch, biatches!' and thought of a cute, pudgy little halfling with chocolate stains on his brooch. We, or rather, I, threw the powder into the slave market that our characters were supposed to be shutting down.

And no sooner have I thrown the bottle of the two powders into the crowd than this cute little halfling appears.

"Hello, there! Do you want to be my friend?"

And then he exploded. That's right. That other powder? Explosive.

Some berating from my party later about, you know, keeping the slaves we're supposed to free ALIVE, we had to face off all of the guards. That wasn't fun.

At least we leveled.

Clovis

2007-08-23, 02:21 PM

A case of mistaken identities, if you like. D&D 3rd ed, Mystara campaign, a party of level 5 to 6 PCs, mostly LG, some NG and CGs. The backstory to this incident begins in a ship; we were captured by slavers and were being shipped to be sold. We manage to escape the ship's brig and proceed to kill the slavers. On the same ship there were some lizardmen, which we also killed while escaping. We found some documents indicating that the lizardmen were buying weapons from these 'businessmen'.

Cut to present. We had a piece of land with a run-down manor house. Relatively near the closest town was a marshland where locals had seen a lizardman colony. We went to investigate and got some spears through our bodies for our efforts. We promptly returned to the town. Someone got the bright idea of contacting the local herbalist, who just happened to have a potent poison - a single vial would be enough to kill just about everything within a mile radius if poured into water. We even talked our liegelord to browbeat the herbalist to a) sell the stuff to us and b) to give us a hefty discount.

We sneaked close to the lizardmen's partially submerged cave and poured the poison to the river, which duly carried the lethal stuff into the cave. The resulting carnage was horrible to listen to. Finally a wizened old lizard, very much the clan leader, came coughing out of the cave, gave us a suffering look and said 'we couldn't find peace even in this remote area. Farewell' and jumped back into the river.

The next thing we knew was that we were suddenly transported into another plane where we were greeted by the CG deity of the lizardfolk! He berated us to no small amount for our xenophobia (!). S/he decided to show us what it feels like to be hated and feared. We were returned to our home plane sligthly altered... we were slowly turning into lizards, our skins hardening, our voices lisping etc. On our home plane we were also met by the local water deity, who was less than happy for our antics.

We were able to atone for the genocide by adopting the few surviving hatchlings and providing an orphanage for lizardmen.

It turned out that the DM had put these lizardmen there to be our allies in the oncoming showdown with sahuagin... which promptly attacked our manor during our absence massacring most of our retainers. D'oh! The DM just went along our initiative, didn't railroad us back to his story. The weapons? The lizards had wanted to buy them to defend their homes.

Jasper Snowe

2007-08-23, 09:52 PM

Leon

2007-08-23, 10:00 PM

This is a DM stupidity story that I heard about from a friend.

The PCs encounter a rust monster in a dungeon. They know about its rusting ability so this is how they fight it. The druid and monk, having no metal items engage it in close-mid range combat. The spellcaster also no metal, stayed back and cast spells. The paladin, in full plate and wielding a sword, was the furthest away so he wouldn't lose his equipment. For some reason the rust monster completely ignored eveyone right in front of him and went straight for the paladin. It not only passed them by, but in a way so that it suffered no AoO. Does this even seem right to anyone?

Yep, its making a bee line for its food source

Quietus

2007-08-23, 10:08 PM

Jasper Snowe

2007-08-23, 10:37 PM

Quietus

2007-08-23, 10:41 PM

I understand that it would aim for its food source, but it didn't do a mad dash at him. It ignored obvious threats avoiding them as best as it could. Also, I think that the Druid was actually doing his best to draw its attention toward him by acting as a distraction. The way I see it WIS 13 allows it to determine that the only food was the paladin, but INT 2 shouldn't allow it to purposely avoid the attacks as it approaches but instead charge right toward him.

As a DM, my stance would be : Wis 13 is enough to go "That weird guy with twigs in his hair and the dude with sandals have both hurt me. I don't want them to hurt me more, so I will avoid them.", and proceed to keep at least five feet between itself and you. If neither of you had yet hurt it, then yes, by all means, it shouldn't have recognized you as threats. The moment you make it clear that you intend to harm it, however, 13 wis goes "Pain hurts, bad. Not go near."

Jasper Snowe

2007-08-23, 11:07 PM

Arbitrarity

2007-08-23, 11:15 PM

Stunned? Can't CDG when stunned. That's called lack of rules knowledge, in conjunction with playing nasty ghouls.

Silkenfist

2007-08-23, 11:36 PM

Apart from that, a Ghoul could very well CDG someone. After all, Ghouls DO feed on the living and it is perfectly reasonable that hunger gets the better of one of the ghouls and it sinks its jaws into a victim's throat.

Quietus

2007-08-24, 01:24 AM

Okay, then what about having a ghoul coup 'de' grace a stunned PC... in the middle of combat where the others are roughly 10ft away... and the DM's reasoning had nothing to do with its abilities, but "because it could, it did".

Ghouls paralyze foes. If someone's paralyzed, they're helpless, and thus viable for a coup de grace. They'd draw an AoO, yes, but a ghoul would be well aware that their paralysis doesn't last forever. If they managed to get their paralysis to stick on something that could, presumably, pose a problem, I could see them taking a moment out of their busy meal to CdG someone.

Helgraf

2007-08-24, 02:02 AM

RAW drowning sets your HP to 0 so if you are at negative HP it actually heals you. This is a good thing to do if you are a barbarian in deathless frenzy and you have negative a hundred or so hitpoints.

Most DM's housrule that you can't drown yourself to gain HP but per RAW its allowed.

Except there's no way to stop the drowning process per RAW - so the very next round, you drop to -1, and the very round after, you die.

Helgraf

2007-08-24, 02:14 AM

I think if I was DM, I'd make those last few hitpoints disappear on at least a few party members. Make sure to include some sort of commentary about teamwork.

And the cleric charging gold for healing is teamwork how?

Quinne

2007-08-28, 11:02 PM

I've been DMing for maybe a few months and I've already got a few funny stories.

So the group is exploring the basement of an abandoned church which happens to be connected to a small sewer system. They're going down a narrow hallway, single file, with the fighter in the lead, followed by the rogue, then the warlock, and the cleric. The fighter triggers a pit trap, but makes his Reflex save so he jumps back. But since they were single file, he knocks into the rogue, who falls back into the warlock, but the cleric steps back and avoids falling down. The warlock gets angry though and shoves the rogue back forward. Into the fighter. Who falls into the pit.

So they get past the pit to a door at the end of the hall. Through there is a sewer room, literally filled with **** (the previous areas had been clean). It just so happens that an Otyugh is living there, and they get into combat. Based on my description of the Otyugh, the fighter gets reminded of a Creep from Final Fantasy. His immediate reaction is "Kill it with fire!" So the rogue throws Alchemists Fire at the Otyugh.
The resulting explosion of methane gas managed to only set the cleric and the Otyugh on fire. The warlock douses the cleric with his waterskin. Then the fighter attacks the Otyugh with his sword. The currently-on-fire Otyugh.
So the fighter is on fire now, and nobody else has a waterskin (the fighter somehow managed to forget that he had one). Nobody else is dumb enough to try a melee attack against something that's on fire. The fighter's turn comes up again and he rolls Reflex to try putting himself out. He rolls a natural 1.
So, invoking my houserule about natural 1s, I decide that he's flailed around so much that all of his equipment is also at risk of catching fire, and have him roll Reflex for each piece individually. Most of his important effects burn up, but he manages to keep the flasks of oil safe. That is, until his next turn, when he falls unconscious from the fire damage.
So two flasks of oil explode in the fighter's pack, dropping him down to -9 hp. The Otyugh has managed to put itself out by now, and is threatening most of the room with its reach. The party comes up with a ridiculous plan wherein the rogue runs in and uses a Potion of Cure Light Wounds to douse the fire (because as stated earlier, nobody else had a waterskin), which provokes an attack of opportunity from the Otyugh that leaves the rogue also unconscious.
The cleric runs in to heal the fighter and the warlock uses a scroll to heal the rogue, and they eventually manage to kill the Otyugh while miraculously not letting anyone die. They also miraculously manage to make some key Bluff rolls to throw off the angry guards sent to investigate the explosion.

The other story I have isnt' too interesting, so I'll sum it up with a quote from the session.
"Man, you know a D&D session is going well when somebody has to say 'No, there's too much fire for that.'"

So now one of the PCs refuses to let anyone buy or use anything that can cause fire.

Thoughtbot360

2007-08-29, 07:11 AM

Ok, this was when I was running my first Street Fighter game with my nephew (who was coming over for a visit) as the lone player. It took a while (as it always does) for him to create a character. He ultimately made a Shotokan Karate fighter (Ryu/Ken style that revolves around Dragon Punches and Hurricane Kicks) named Bojack (Named after an alien that attacked earth in a DBZ movie. He played a lot of DBZ Bodakai back then. My response was: :smallannoyed: *closes eyes in revulsion* .......-Fine.) and we were going to play the Scenario that came in the back of the book: High Stakes. It actually left a few holes the GM was supposed to ad-lib after the "action" part (involving making all-new street fighters for a tournament that was the reason for the characters to even be there, a tournament that would take place AFTER the adventure). Said tournament was run by Balrog, who silently works for the major crime organization Shadoloo, and there are stats for Balrog, but he's too powerful for starting characters. But thats just the outset.

After saving a man from being murdered by thugs, Bojack learned that he was an accountant for Balrog's manager, and he found out too much and was going to the authorities to expose the manager, but got intercepted by the thugs. Now he needs to get an important file from his office as evidence, but he can't get near the hotel where that office is stationed, so he leaves it to the PCs (Bojack) to get the paper for him.

Now, there were two ways to get the to the office: Climb up the building to the window or steal a key. The book listed several ways to get a key.

However, since I wasn't allowed to reveal these options ahead of time, Bojack would eventually do both. Poorly.

Ok, so he first goes into the lobby and asks for a key to a room (not the office, just an ordinary room. I had no idea what he was thinking) then he goes to an elevator and starts riding up, hoping to find a key. So first, I send another bodyguard looking guy in the elevator (hoping he would KO the Thug, and take a key from him since nobody else was in the elevator) and he just smiles there and stands awkwardly with the thug beside until the goon gets off, he does nothing but try not to draw attention to himself. Then a maid comes in and I state clearly that she has a ring of keys on the side of her belt (pocket easily pickable). He does the opposite of what he does with the thug and directly asks the maid for the keys, talking about the important mission he is on. He rolls a Charisma check, fails miserably and I decide that she thinks he's joking so she laughs and tells him he has quite an imagination. He gets mad and runs to his room WITH THE MAID UNDER HIS ARM -SCREAMING- and he locks her in the closet. With keys triumphantly in hand, he steps out of his room to find that everyone one the entire floor is peaking out their doors into the hallway, wondering what that horrible racket was. He slowly closes the door with a nervous grin on his face and decides to climb out the window.

Now, this would be hilarious enough by itself, but oh -hoho- no my friends, this story isn't done yet. For one thing, when he climbed out the window, it mattered which side of the building he was one, the front was brightly lit up and would reveal him to all of downtown Vegas, the back was too dark to climb (or so the book said), so ideally, he would climb the side of the building. I rolled a d4, and he wound up on the side of the building. So he got to the 6th floor, and in the manager's (uninhabited) office. Sadly, this was the wrong office, and Bojack was turning the place upside down when a security guard who was checking the building noticed him.

Bojack: Oh! Hi.
Guard: Are you allowed to be in here?
Bojack: Yes, I mean, why else would I be here?
Guard: That window looks broken.
Bojack: .......Well....see...
Guard: You aren't that rapist who tied up the maid in the closet are you?
Bojack: No-BUT THAT GUY IS! *points behind guard*
Dead Guard (So very dead): Huh? *looks behind*

We all know what happened after that. Actually there was some interrogation, finding out the office he was in was the wrong one, and knocking out the guard. But he was interrupted by Samson Jr., Balrog's boxing protegee (who was practicing in Balrog's old gym, just across the hall from the office where that nonsense took place. My idiotical nephew was freaking out, asking if this WAS Balrog (I told him no, but he didn't calm down.) He was trying his damnedest to deflect Samson's (who would've let him go if he could beat him in a fight) attention away from him (and these were pathetic excuses, he said the guard was being racial and Samson should "Stand up for his rights", he tried that same excuse on Ogres when I ran D&D for him) and eventually he talked him into going into Mr. Ray's office for some reason (I can't remember the details, all I recall is this blur of dialogue, this incredibly awkward blur.) As soon as he did, he ran into the accountants office and barred the door with the desk, the filing cabinet, everything else he could find. He almost forgot to get the file, his purpose for being there. So there he was, in an office without a window and no escape from the boxer right outside the door, not sure where that crazy guy who beat up the security guard went. So he did what any martial arts badass would do in this situation. He called his Sensei on his cell phone.

Bojack: *under his breath so as not to alert Samson* Sensei! Sensei! I need...
Sensei: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU? DID YOU GET THE FILE- (Thoughtbot's footnote: Because I felt like it)
Bojack: ssssshhhh! .........SSSHH!! I'm trapped in the 6th floor with crazy people all around and I need your help!
Samson: Hey, I know you're in there!
Bojack: *in simpering voice* Sensei, help me......

Samson starts banging on the door and causing the furniture to move. Bojack, with no time to wait for his Sensei to rescue him, decides to Dragon Punch his way through the wall. So with a mighty cry of "Shoryuken!" he starts climbing down....what is the darkest side of the building (that the book said was unclimbable.) I couldn't help it, thats just the natural place to put that side of the building considering where he came in and where he was when he punched his way through the wall.....I rolled to see if he would wind up on the bright side (and exposed) or the dark side (and have huge problems with climbing) With a creative combination of a Strength + Perception + Blindfighting roll that I ruled required something like 6 or 7 successes to climb a floor, he was able to climb down to the third floor before failing a roll and falling into the dumpster in the back alleyway. So he went back to his apartment, gave the document to the accountant, saw him off, then remembered that his Sensei has left to rescue him because of the phone call and now he has to find him, so, after changing his clothes, he heads back to the hotel, where his Sensei has caused quite a commotion. I decided not to make it too hard on him to get his Sensei out of this situation, I was tired and I handle party arrests very poorly.

Sadly, we continued this campaign a little while afterwards when I visited and he got his hands on some grenades and machine guns smuggled by the mafia.....I thought it would never end......Bojack should've been arrested so many goddamn times.......

Malec2b

2007-10-18, 11:41 PM

Man, I've been running a futuristic campaign and the players have made some pretty bad moves.

DM (me): Alright, you seem to have cut a wire and, as far as you tell you have deactivated the trap.
Player A: I shoot the device at the corner of the door just in case.
Me:...uh... okay...you take 4d6 explosive damage as the trap explodes. You know... a deactivated explosive still explodes when shot.

(After having just discovered a civilization that had long ago lost the knowledge of space travel)
Me: The city's got a tractor beam on you.
Player B: I shoot it
Me: Your ships lasers aren’t effective against a city. Alright, you struggle to no avail. The airlock closes above you're ship. About 50 or so guards file into the room, and they have your ship surrounded.
Player A: I run out!
Me: You get shot about 50 times.
Player B: I shoot them!
Me: Wait.. with what?
Player B: The ship torpedoes!
Me: ...In a small room...?
Player B: Alright, the ship lasers!
Me: You manage to kill some of them before more storm in. They attach explosives to your ships primary devices and deactivate your ship.
Player B: I run out!
Me: You get shot about 50 times.

Needless to say, that nearly got the entire party executed by the planet's government. Fortunately, through some diplomacy and threats of war from the planetary federation as well as a rescue by the space pirates and by blaming it all on Player B, they got out of it.

Doresain

2007-10-19, 02:29 AM

The group consists of myself as a changeling bard, an elven ranger we've dubbed "one-shotty" because he has successfully one shotted all the major threats we've come acorss, a dwarven cleric dubbed "beardyface" for obvious reasons, and a half-elf druid that hardly did anything. (this is all in eberron btw)

we notice that a gnome merchant is being harassed by some guards on the lightning rail we are currently on. me and one-shotty have come to the distinct impression that if we save this guy, he will give us free loots...so we proceed to grab him and leap from the lightning rail in the middle of nowhere, the rest of the party following behind of course...unfortunately, we managed to leap into the territory of a nearby pride of lions...we manage to fight off the lions and find our fifth party member (elven artificer) in a hut not far from where we jumped...we then proceed to browbeat the gnome merchant into giving us his merchandise for free...

this was all done while i was under the guise of the prince of cyre

Alex12

2007-10-19, 01:17 PM

The one game I was ever allowed to use antimatter in (the DM was really great, let us use all this absurd homebrewed stuff, including one-way portals to the Plane of Elemental Antiwater, neutronium armor, and stuff like that) we died a lot. I was a Wizard.

DM: you enter a large room, with dozens of massive pillars. A horde of zombies streches as far as you can see.
Fighter: I throw an antimatter grenade* into the room.
DM:are you sure?
Fighter: yeah, the blast should kill most of them.
DM:...okaaay.:smallconfused: ...roll fortitude
*everyone except fighter gets crap rolls and fails*
DM: the energy released by the blast destroys all the zombies. Unfortunately, it also vaporizes almost everything else in the area. Everyone except the fighter is incinerated, and the only thing that protects the fighter is his neutronium power armor, and everything outside the armor that isn't neutronium is destroyed.
Fighter:Woo-hoo! I'm alive!
DM: *grins evilly* How far below ground are you?
Fighter: Uhh, we're on the 8th level...
DM:those were support pillars. The dungeon collapses, and several hundred tons of rock fall and crush you.
Fighter: But I just survived an antimatter blast! My armor is tough enough to take some rock!
DM: fine, you're pinned. You cannot budge the rock, and starve to death.

Another time, we were fighting something huge, I don't even remember what.
Me: I Planar Portal:Antiwater**
DM: Do you really think that's a good idea?
Me: yeah.
DM: A huge amount of Antiwater comes pouring out of the portal. The instant it touches the air, it explodes. Congrats, you just destroyed the continent you're standing on.

*antimatter explosions were basically a "If it's not protected by neutronium it's dead" thing
**We decided that there were elemental planes of Antiwater, Antiearth, Antifire, and Antiair. Exactly the same as the non-anti plane, but with antimatter.

Swordguy

2007-10-19, 03:03 PM

The one game I was ever allowed to use antimatter in (the DM was really great, let us use all this absurd homebrewed stuff,

<anti-intelligence>

See? Now THAT'S why I put a disclaimer on my antimatter posts in this thread...

Alex12

2007-10-19, 03:24 PM

See? Now THAT'S why I put a disclaimer on my antimatter posts in this thread...

Actually, it was quite fun. Whenever we did something mortally stupid that resulted in a TPK, if we all agreed to it the DM let us "reset" to just before it started. Like with the zombies in the dungeon, the Rogue pulled out his portable autocannon (with a pocket universe that had infinite ammo), cloaked, and started shredding the zombies with neutronium-tipped bullets, while the fighter waded in and used the zombies as bludgeoning weapons. It was fun.

One of our more interesting TPKs that game was a failed planeshift that sent us to the Plane of Elemental Oxygen. We could breathe and everything, but when something attacked us, I learned that Plasma Ray + an entire plane filled with oxygen = bigass boom. On the minus side, we all died. On the plus side, I destroyed an entire plane in doing so.

Eldritch_Ent

2007-10-19, 04:09 PM

One of our more interesting TPKs that game was a failed planeshift that sent us to the Plane of Elemental Oxygen. We could breathe and everything, but ...

You DO realize that a plane of entirely 100% oxygen would actually cause most everything that isn't a noble gas or something to *instantly and spontaneously combust* would you? I'm sure if you looked you could see footage of steel wool evaporating under a bell-jar full of 100% oxygen...

Alex12

2007-10-19, 04:26 PM

You DO realize that a plane of entirely 100% oxygen would actually cause most everything that isn't a noble gas or something to *instantly and spontaneously combust* would you? I'm sure if you looked you could see footage of steel wool evaporating under a bell-jar full of 100% oxygen...

We didn't realize it at the time. It was fun all the same.

Bryn

2007-10-20, 07:09 AM

Also, just making a flame in the plane of oxygen wouldn't do a lot, since to cause the explosion there has to be something else for the oxygen to react with... :smalltongue:

Kurald Galain

2007-10-20, 07:23 AM

Also, just making a flame in the plane of oxygen wouldn't do a lot, since to cause the explosion there has to be something else for the oxygen to react with... :smalltongue:

It can turn to ozone, perhaps?

Your flame might not do much, but your sword would rust in a heartbeat.

boomwolf

2007-10-20, 07:40 AM

Someone in a team i was playing with done something pretty dumb.

On one of our dungeon explorations we encountered a dragon. a red one.
Now, one idiot, made up his mind ATTACKING the dragon, melee.
Maybe i should have noted we were level 4, and the door was too small for the dragon to get out of the room.

Gitman00

2007-10-20, 08:20 AM

The first-level party encountered a great wyrm copper dragon. It was the fighter's first time playing DnD. "Dragon??? I attack it!"

The dragon is highly amused at the fighter flailing away at his insane AC. He picks up the fighter and blows on him. No, no breath weapon; he just blows on him and puts him back down.

Doresain

2007-10-20, 10:45 AM

while stranded in the middle of nowhere waiting for the lightning rail, DM causes the train itself to explode before it can get to the station...earlier on, we were attacked by warforged, so being the intelligent artificer i was, i got the fighter to help me haul the warforged bodies over to the lightning rail and toss them on it...the warforged express was created that day, and any time my group plays eberron it is referenced at least once

Xamien

2007-10-25, 09:19 PM

this happened in a session i was participating in today. may this serve as a reminder that first time players are more likely to do stupid things, because they think they can get away with it and live. by dumb luck this particular newbie survived.

We're all first level, running an adventure going along our merry way. along our merry way we come across some barrels with live rats in them. our barbarian, aforementioned newbie, decides it will be really clever if he eats one. So he goes through all the rules for grappling and such, and is then told to roll a fort. luckily for him he survived. had he not, he would have gotten plague. this goes to show that your mom was right, don't eat what you find on the ground ^_^

WrstDmEvr

2007-10-26, 05:36 PM

I DM this group of players that seem to all do the same exact thing, and for some reason mostly stupid things.

I created this pit full of rotting rat corpses and gave it a fort save(DC 12) and didn't think about this. So...

Drow: I fly across the pit(he had levitate cast on him)
Me:Okay... roll a fort save
Drow: Ouch, a pit with a fort save
Drow: *makes save* YES!
Me: Okay, now what
Player2(P2): I jump across the pit
Me: You sure about that?
P2: Yes. I get a 15 jump check
Me: Roll fort.
P2:*fails*
Me: You take 2 temporary con damage(1d4-2)
Player3(P3): I also jump across the pit. Does a nine make it?
Me:?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Me: You manage to just scrape the other side with your boot, and you fall in. Roll fort
P3:*fails*
Me: You take 1 con damage.
P3:How deep is the pit
Me:(snickering) 2 feet.
P3:(glares at me) I step out of the pit

I actually intended for it to be deeper, but it was too good of a moment to waste, especially when there was a way around they didn't bother to look for.

Tiak

2007-10-26, 06:00 PM

i dm for the stupidest group of pc's ever (just sayin)

Tiak

2007-10-26, 06:02 PM

what is with the pixie thing ?!?! i am not a pixie. how do i change that?

SurlySeraph

2007-10-26, 06:05 PM

@^: "Pixie" and all the other titles are your rank. You go up to the next rank when your post count is high enough. You can only stop being a pixie by posting a lot.

Also, use the Edit button instead of double-posting.

Quietus

2007-10-26, 06:10 PM

what is with the pixie thing ?!?! i am not a pixie. how do i change that?

I suggest next time, instead of double posting, you use the "edit" option in your post above.

That pixie bit is just a name, it'll change after you post enough times.

::Edit:: Yay, ninja'd.

Silkenfist

2007-10-26, 06:45 PM

KazilDarkeye

2007-11-06, 04:03 PM

VerdugoExplode

2007-11-06, 04:25 PM

This is from a Modern campaign currently in progress including such humorous characters as the dwarven pro-wrestler and a surprising shortage of guns larger than those wielding them.

The group was visiting a scientist involved with a recent catastrophe, not responsible, but still possessing more knowledge than the average person. The group hears a knock on the door. They have has several attempts on their life recently but are slightly on edge so they take a look through the peep hole. They see a very tall man in a trench coat with a fedora concealing his face, covered in blood and asking for the scientist in question.

Note: he did not appear injured, just covered in blood. Actually he seemed to be in fairly good spirits.

Now, a normal group might tell him to go away, they might try to sneak out the back, they might try to shoot him through the door. My group opened the door and yanked him inside. Well, that guy was a blade fiend that very nearly resulted in a TPK.

lesserarchangel

2007-11-07, 11:53 AM

In my current game, the bulk of the party was protecting the mayor of a town as he traveled to the capital. Naturally, the night he stayed at an inn, it was attacked by a team of assassins. The party at this point consists of a human knight, a tiefling beguiler acting as a human sorcerer, an orc melee multi-class monster, and my dragonborn cleric (bound and gagged for trying to kill the mayor earlier - long story). The knight was on watch at the time of the attack, and his entire strategy consisted of screaming 'something's happening' and then running outside the building - to quote 'catch them as they ran away'. As a result, the battle didn't go so well - the mayor died and all but one of the assassins escaped.

Irreverent Fool

2007-11-07, 12:50 PM

This happened a while ago (N.B this is stupid on a roleplaying level, i.e the superd roleplay of a rather dim character).

So the bard in our group (an aasimar) is running through the town market (long story) when she finds a really run-down stall run by a smelly hobo who is selling cookies. She tries onea nd, you guessed it, needs to make a Fort save for a mild disease. She makes it.

So what does she do next? She stuffs the WHOLE batch into her mouth.

We needed quite a few potions (no cleric) to restore her Wisdom.

I don't know, usually a character wouldn't know they were in any danger when they made a fort save. I mean, if a rat bites you and you don't get sick, are you going to assume it was diseased and you resisted the illness or that you're lucky that rat didn't have any diseases?

Of course, trying a smelly hobo's cookies in the first place is kind of dumb, but that's adventurers for you!

Alex12

2007-11-16, 07:03 PM

We have this houserule about semi-fluency in a language. If you have half a rank in Speak Language, you are considered to be semi-fluent in the language you want to learn. Basically, what this means is that anything you say or hear in that language has a chance of being wrong. There are various Circumstance modifiers (like knowing a similar language grants you a +2 bonus, while background noise gives a -1, and such) Our mechanic for this is that the DM rolls a d20, adds the modifiers, and then determines what is heard based on the result, with 1-10 being various degrees of failure, 11-15 being understanding the general idea, and 16+ being perfect comprehension.

The Fighter had somehow gotten split up from the rest of the group in a large city, and was trying to find us. The other wizard spoke the local language, and was translating for us, and the fighter was semi-fluent. So, he goes into the closest building (a tavern) and tries to ask the bartender if he's seen us. The rest of us see the DM's rolls:1 for speaking, 2 for understanding response
DM:The bartender gets really close to your face, and snarls something that you think means "go f*** yourself"
Now, keep in mind, the Fighter knows he isn't very good with the language, but assumes there were no mishaps in comprehension. He punches the bartender, rolls triple-twenties, rips the guy's spine out his back. Everyone attacks him, he kills about 5 more people before the guards come, at which point they stop attacking him and he, seeing the guards, surrenders peacefully. After we got everything sorted out, we figured out that the bartender actually heard something like "I just slept with your wife." and responded angrily with something along the lines of "What did you just say?"

Archangel Yuki

2007-11-16, 10:48 PM

So I saw this thing in A popular Sience magazine where a guy using radio waves found a way to light water on fire. The seperation of the hydrogen allows you to light the hydrogen, essentially lighting the water on fire.
Which burns really hot. Like 900 degrees.
One of my PC's tried the exact same thing.... in an enclosed area. He let the hydrogen separate for 15 minutes...filling the room with hydrpgen.
Then he lit a match.
BOOM

Leicontis

2007-11-16, 11:51 PM

Roderick_BR

2007-11-17, 12:25 AM

Haedrian

2007-11-17, 03:59 AM

Ok, I have a story for you.. almost the whole sessions we had.

So they start off, a Paladin, a rogue and a sorc... they are paid to go to this graveyard and find out why the dead are rising. Eventually they find a gem in a tower which is giving everyone electric shocks when touching it, and they find a crypt underneath.

There are two large jars, and a stone coffin. Immediatly the rogue jumps on the coffin and delivers a coup-de-grace to it :smalleek: (. . .) His sword snaps. The sorceror decides to smash a jar, he does and a skeleton (a normal one, not animated) pops out. He decides to smash the other one as well.

Eventually they do whatever, and they come to take the crystal out, the paladin grabs some cloth and holds it inside a piece of cloth, as already stated, it gives shocks when touching it. The rogue decides he wants to examine it, so they grab it out of the paladin's hand, and he shoves it close to his eye to try to appraise it. I rule that he's slightly blinded for a while.

They go back into town (really a hamlet), and the rogue decides he needs to get a replacement sword, so at night he finds the only weapon store in this hamlet. He decides to pick the lock, but gets stopped by a guard, so he runs away. After a while, I decide to be nice , and I tell him that the guard runs out of breath and rests, he decides to go back, and tries to shoot him with a crossbow. He misses, and gets hit by an arrow from another guard, he eventually runs away and gets to safety.

Come the morning, he decides to BUY the sword instead, so he walks to the shop, and in the shop there is the sherrif of the town telling the shopkeeper that someone was trying to steal from the shop, and there's a reward for those who catch him. The rogue decides that he wants the reward money "I know who tried to break in, there's a corrupt paladin in the inn we're staying at, and he wanted to steal a shortsword".

The sherrif goes with him to the inn, and the rogue tells us that he's in a room on the top floor. The sherrif instead asks the innkeeper who is at his inn, and the person replies that everyone who's in the inn is at the bar (there were two random people and the party). The sherrif looks at the rogue, and asks him what he's doing. The rogue takes out a blackjack, and tries to hit the sherrif over the head with it. The sherrif runs him through with his sword.

The rogue wakes up with 1 HP in a prison cell, I decide to be nice to him, and so the sherrif takes his lockpicks and a few coins, and tells him that he's not allowed in town. He walks him up to the gate, and then leaves. The rogue immediatly decides he wants to go back in, so he climbs the wall with a rope.

Eventually he meets the rest of the party, who are off to another town to see the highpriest about what to do with the weird Crystal. The paladin gives the rogue a good talking to, and the rogue gets angry and runs, the conversation goes something like this:

"Rogue: Ok, I'm going to run
Me: Ok, for how long?
Rogue: Until exhausted"

So we have an exhausted 1 HP rogue who is passing through kobold territory... With some DM magic nothing kills him until the party saves him. (He actually got tied up in a snare).

They arrive at this large town, and the rogue decides he wants to wander off instead of going into the cathedral of the high priest. So when he arrives 10 minutes after the party has, the guard doesn't want to let him in. The high priest does some spell to destroy the crystal, but there is a huge explosion which bursts off all the windows, and he falls unconcious. The rogue gets in during the commotion, and upon seeing the high priest on the ground, surrounded by the rest of the party and a few guards... "I bend down next to him, and I try to take what's in his pockets"

Ah yes, there was also the "Lets not light a fire even though there's no moon and none of us can see in the dark". They ended up following the sounds of a harmless creature (llama ^_^) while a pack of wolves surrounded the rest of their camp.

pondshadow

2007-11-17, 07:18 PM

My brother playing D and D for the first time did the following: The DM decided to do a backstory for him. So, A guard went to recruit him and he then decided to: threaten to join a circus and the gypsies. Then he threw tomatoes at him and moonned him. The guard attacked and lowered him to 1hp. So, then he panicked and decided to surrender. Also, I once gave a statue a purple nurple because I was thinking it was a gargoyle

Nonah_Me

2007-11-17, 07:22 PM

I was DMing a game in Exp. to Castle Ravenloft, and my players were all fighting undeadies.

My freind casts Wall of Good (he's evil but he figures the zombies are evil too) and proceeds to laugh at the zombies that are stuck outside the wall.

Until a zombie makes it's will save and comes through. Ah ha! Cleverly he casts Magic Jar(!!!) and attempts to take over the other PCs. All make their save.

Now my freind, who is evil, is stuck behind a wall of good with a zombie who can't get back out because it keeps failing his will save. Hilarious.

Atticus

2007-11-17, 10:50 PM

This happened today! We were playing a custom campaign for our evil characters. In order to progress in the quest we wanted to do, we had to pass a gather information check. All of us rolled natural 1's. We ended up rolling the dice for about 20 minutes before we passed. It was ridiculous.

Prustan

2007-11-18, 04:54 AM

Smeik

2007-11-18, 05:36 AM

I was DMing in an Underwater RPG wher it is really easy to die and impossible to come back. Problem was, they did not really grasp the concept of it...

PC1: I attach explosives to the door!
DM: Oookay. *rolls* You have destroyed the door. And the surrounding walls. Water comes in. The alarm seals off the whole part of the city you are in. You die.

Other Scene, in a submarine.

PC2: I shoot at (random bad guy) with my explosive bullets.
DM: You know you are in a submarine?
PC2: Ys, i know. *rolls* whoops, one.
DM. You miss. You hit the wall. you have a leak.

And so on... At some point I could get them to not use explosives and pistols anymore, because although they are available in the setting, you really shouldn't use them. Ever. In some cities underwater even the ownership of unlicensed pistols and explosives lead to execution. For a reason.

Haedrian

2007-11-18, 08:18 AM

Ah yes, just remembered one...

We were a party looking for 6 artifacts, and I had them listed on paper just to remember them. Eventually we go to this village and they tell us there's a shield stuck in a rock in this cave.

We go to this cave, we spend 3 (real hours), fighting off things and spending 30 minutes looking for a hidden door.

Eventually we find the shield dug into rock. Another 1 hour trying to dig it out of the rock, and we're unsuccessful.

Eventually the DM goes "*sigh* Ok, what artifacts do you need?"

I look at the paper, and read them out.. Guess what? We didn't need a shield artifact... *slaps forehead*
-

Another one, we were outside the door of an abandoned citadel.

Fighter: I push the door to open it
DM: It doesn't move
Fighter: I hit it with my axe
[repeated hitting with axe]
DM: The door isn't visably damaged
Me: I pull at the door
DM: The door opens

ReluctantReaper

2007-11-18, 09:57 PM

So ya today I had a very odd story of idiocy...

My rogue was disguised in the town, and everyone loves him there becaues he is a great people person and everything. He follows the female fighter of the party into a stable, and he hits on her, just because he likes messing with her. A stable boy comes out and then attacks my rogue, who hits him over the head with a plate he had been carrying with steak and a potato on it. Then the stable boy let out a bunch of little lizards...(thinks jurassic park 2 beginning) and they attack me. I then climbed up onto the ceiling and sat there with my cloak of arachnid. The lizared went away and then the stable boy went on with his work.

This is where I get pissed because Im a 10th level rogue and this kid is talking crap about me. So what do I decided to do...I decide to piss on him. So I sucessfully piss on the back of his head, and the Dm decides I should receive a shovel to the groin. He rolls and somehow gets a natural 20...the Dm being a great guy decides that I lose...a groinal organ lets say.. I then fall down and get attacked by the dinosaurs again, and then lightning bolt the stable boys head of, because it turns out he was a doppleganger...I then am taken to jail where I sit for three days...

I dont know how funny that will be, but everyone found it humours..

Malec2b

2007-12-21, 10:52 PM

So, I was the DM of a campeign. One of the characters entered the underdark with his party. There was a place in the cave where there was a ledge, so he decided to jump down and scout ahead. He went ahead, failed his move silently check, then yelled back to his party that it was safe. It wasn't safe for long, this being the underdark. He was surrounded and close to no HP by the time the rest of his party arived.

Telok

2007-12-22, 09:43 AM

One guy in my group is a problem sorcerer, all blasty and no brain.

In the last three weeks he's hit three characters and an animal companion with Fireballs now. The rogue and the animal companion both went negative but didn't die. The player of the sorcerer is totally unapologetic about all of this. It's his contention that throwing damaging area spells around blindly helps the party and everybody else is at fault for getting in the way. This isn't the opinion of the character, it's the opinion of the player.

I'm playing the druid. Sunday afternoon, he's dead.

Snadgeros

2007-12-22, 09:57 AM

We came across a battle between a blink-dog and a sphinx towards the end of our campaign. Turns out, our cleric knows blink-dog. Yeah, of all the bonus languages he took at character generation, he chose BLINK-DOG! The DM was in shock. He wasn't honestly expecting us to communicate with these things, and he had no idea what to say when roleplaying it.

Squatting_Monk

2007-12-22, 10:10 AM

One guy in my group is a problem sorcerer, all blasty and no brain.

We had a guy in my group playing a sorceress who was overly concerned about her appearance. During the adventure, we had fought our way into the fortress of an evil king whose tyrannical practices we actually needed to question him about to get any further in the story. He'd offered to fight a two-on-one duel with our party, and we agreed. When things turned south for him, he took an acrobatic leap off the castle wall and went running (he was a Swashbuckler). My ranger proceeded to let two arrows fly, both of which hit him.

DM: The king falls to the ground, wouded and disabled by your arrows but obviously not dead.
Sorceress: I cast Magic Missle!
DM: ...Why?
Sorceress: He messed up my hair!
DM: ...
Sorceress: 25 damage!
DM and players: ...
Sorceress: What? You don't mess up my hair!
DM: ...so the king is now dead...
Sorceress: Ha! Serves you ri- Wait, what?

We hated him.

Lolzords

2007-12-22, 12:02 PM

Ooh, ooh, got one.

I'm being a chaotic evil human cleric of Erythnul and my friend is being a chaotic evil goblin warlock. Another player is a Chaotic Neutral gnome cleric of Frosty. (long story, his last name is frost and his older brother always plays as a CN half orc barbarian, thus, frosty was born, the god of halforc barbarians. Until my wizard got frosty imprisoned in the plane of dragons.:smallcool:)

Anyway, the gnome attacked me and the goblin and we were getting our arses handed to us, the goblin suceeds in a grapple check against the gnome while I tried to wade in and swing my hammer about. So the goblin has pinned the gnome and my hammer connects with the gnome. The conversation went like this.

Gnome: I pretend to fall unconscious, ready to roll out the way when he attacks me next.
DM: Ok, you're "unconscious"
Me: I coup de grace the gnome.
Gnome: No no I was ready to roll out the way.
Goblin: You were pinned down.

Note that I was a character, who on several occasions would continue to attack the corpses just to be sprayed with blood.

Silly gnome. :smallsmile:

Hypothetical

2008-01-08, 02:50 PM

OK, I got one. New game. Battletech.

Setscene : The year, 1988. The place, NTC San Diego, B Double-E barracks ( That's Basic Electronics and Electricity, my 'C' School) third floor TV area that we commandeered every Saturday afternoon to play games. 8 Players, 4 against 4. My Team : 2 experienced players ( well, we had one game under our belts, so understood some of what was going on :) ) and 2 noobs. Ditto on their team.

So, as this is a one-shot deal, we decide to go all out, and declare that each player can have up to 100 tons on the field. Naturally 7 of us go for 'Saults. One guy takes a Heavy and a light ( which has no bearing at all on this little story) .

As the teams are making up our mechs, the other experienced guy on my team starts getting really bossy towards the 2 new guys, trying to tell them what to take, and how to fill out their sheets. One of the new guys ends up taking a Stalker. I've noticed a couple of times that he is shooting the other guy who has played before some dirty looks over some of his comments, but don't really think much of it. I end up taking a Battlemaster, just for S***s and giggles.

On to the start of the game. Due to a stratagem we tried to work out I end up one hex to the right of Stalker boy. No problem, I figure if he makes any serious mistakes in tactics I'll be close enough to him to help him out.

Stalker guy end up going first in the movement round for our team. He starts forward, and announces that he is opening a comm channel, in the clear. As he walks his three hexes forward towards the enemy, he starts broadcasting, right from the start, that he is defecting to the enemy side. He obviously didn't think this through too well.

For my movement round, I take one step forward, placing my three steps directly to the right rear of the Stalker. Stalkers have one major flaw. They have really crappy rear armor.

I make what is now known ( and may have been even then, it's too far back for me to remember for sure) as an Alpha Strike, firing everything I had that fired forward directly at the rear of the Stalker.

As I said, I'm piloting a Battlemaster. They didn't call that particular Mech that for no reason. Lasers and missiles blast out, and my heat spikes. By the rules, I go into shutdown because of the heat. But, as my Mech is auto-powering down, I have the glory to witness all of the armor on the center rear torso of the Stalker vanish, and several rounds of SRMs go strait through to pulverize the Reactor Core of the Stalker. THe Stalkers pilot elects not to eject, and dies when his core goes critical the next round. I take some minor splash damage from the Core going up, but nothing serious.

I got the only kill for our team that game. It's almost too bad that it had to be against one of our own.

( As a side note: The guy who was being an ass and trying to control everything the 2 new guys were doing, never got invited back to our weekly games. The new guy I was forced to kill, came back every weekend.)

BloodyAngel

2008-01-08, 10:32 PM

Behold the mighty story of what would one day be referred to as the "The Goblin Incident".

I am running a 2nd ed. game for two friends of mine. (Ahhh... back in the day) One is playing a ranger, one is playing a wizard. Both of them are human. Since the group is low... I add an Elven Rogue DMPC to the mix. He mostly just follows the other two's lead.

The adventure is to find out what has been sacking and setting fire to the merchant shipments headed for a small town... which is causing them serious economic stress. The wizard decides that the best way to do this is to set up a false merchant wagon and find out who has been attacking it this way.

Group hides in sealed crates and barrels, and allows themselves to be "captured" as swag by the goblins who have been raiding the trade route. Before doing so... the wizard (who by now, had picked up enough of the clues I'd dropped to know that goblins were the culprit) decides that goblins are dumb... and he has an idea. He slips some of the most potent sleeping poison he can find into two kegs of strong booze that they are carrying.

The gobs take the caravan, drag it into their cave, and take the kegs and some food for a big old goblin kegger party to celebrate their success. The PC's climb out of the crates. It is at this point that I point out that they are inside a cave and there is no light. The elf can see with Infravision. The wizard can see because he has a cat familiar (which granted infravision, back in the day)... The ranger can't see... and neglected to buy a torch of some sort.

The wizard tells him to tag along, not wanting to cast light in the dark cave, and give away their position. The ranger agrees. They skulk for a while and come on the party room. I describe the scene of about 2 dozen armed and armored goblins all having a rip-roaring kegger, lead by their high "priest", who is sitting on a raised stone seat like he's a king or something. (He's actually a first level goblin mage who got his hands on a wand of burning hands.) As the potion was diluted down... I inform the wizard that they look a little groggy... but it's probably going to take them a little bit to fall asleep. It is at this point that the stupidity comes into play.

Ranger: "I shoot the head goblin!"

DM (Me): You want to shoot at a 3' tall goblin, who is at long range.... in the dark?

Ranger: "Yep. I've got a +2 to hit."

DM: "Pitch black darkness. As in "You can't see" darkness."

Ranger: "Yeah. I rolled a 12. Do I hit?"

He did not. The game was short lived at that point, as two dozen goblins rushed the group after the ranger gave them away. They probably could have made it out if they ran... but the wizard spent two rounds strangling the ranger before the goblins got to them. :smalltongue:

We still refer to the Goblin Incident anytime the ranger's player has a plan or tries to do something clever.

MCerberus

2008-01-08, 10:42 PM

One of my players' rogues decided that he could sneak attack by climbing up a dome made of interlaced metal bars and jumping down on an orc. Note that in addition to the flawed concept, he had no ranks in climb or jump.

He decides to jump down behind the orcs and falls flat on his face. Due to unlucky rolls... he's in negatives.

Nebo_

2008-01-08, 11:35 PM

We raided the vaults of a temple where the priesthood was keeping arcane magical items (their religion prohibits arcane magic), in order to expose them as hypocrites. While we were fighting a guardian, the ninja slips into a vault and sees what there is to steal. He finds a lead lined box labeled 'magic metal'. Before anyone can see, he slips the rock down his pants ( who would think of looking there?). Days later, the ninja is beginning to look sickly and the rest of the party isn't looking great either. Finally, someone casts detect poison as a last ditch effort to find the source of our affliction; the stone is horribly poisonous. By this time, people are losing hair and the ninja has even begun to lose teeth and is pissing blood. Turns out the stone was plutonium.

The moral of this story: Don't keep radioactive material in your pants. Ever.

Orak

2008-01-09, 03:02 AM

D20 Modern

I am running a modern campaign for the first time and it is new to the players as well. This is a few weeks into the campaign so we all have a basic grasp of the rules.

PC's see a convoy of what appears to be enemies coming up behind them on a long stretch of highway. PC's decide to set up an ambush around a blind corner. There is a ravine behind the corner that the road skirts around. They park their vehicles across the road, just around the corner. Two of the PC's hide in the trees beside then road. The other 2 PC's hide behind their vehicles. The PC's get a surprise round.

PC1: I shoot the driver of the first vehicle.

PC2: I shoot the driver of the second vehicle.

PC3: I shoot the driver of the third vehicle.

PC4: I spray bullets at everything.

DM: Ok, so you have successfully killed the drivers of all of the vehicles. The vehicles they are driving are all going highway speed. The first one collides with your parked vehicles. The other two go careening off the highway into a ravine. The two people behind the parked cars have to make reflex saves to avoid taking massive damage from a flying car.

PC3: Does a 12 pass?

DM: no

PC4: So a 9 fails too?

Conclusion to the ambush was that the two guys hiding behind their barricade had to spend a week in intensive care to recover their lost hitpoints. The convoy was carrying a scientist that was crucial to the PC's success. Had to rewrite part of the plotline on the fly cause of that.

The best part of the who encounter was the realization of the PC's that they were standing in the path of a fast moving hummer, with no one driving it.

Gorbash

2008-01-09, 05:44 AM

V'icternus

2009-03-26, 07:44 AM

Alright, let's set the scene.

D&D 3.5. The party's first adventure.

First thing that happens is we all meet. (Not in a tavern).

Turns out, we're all in prison. We'd apperantly gotten quite drunk and had made rather a mess of the town... anyway, the guy (who I still say is a jerk) said (in a jerk-like way) that he'd let us go if we did something for him. (Plot hook!)

We agreed, me (Half-Elf cleric) and the (Elven) Paladin both realising that this made no sense, as we didn't drink alcohol. In any case, we were asked to investigate a fortress that the town had recently lost contact with.

I, not liking the way this guy was actil, cast Detect Evil on him. He noticed me doing it, and gave me a very evil look (quoting the DM here), but he wasn't evil. So, I agreed to go along with the group. We reached the fortress, two days walk away (with no random encounters).

Now, because we were fairly sure it was full of monsters, we began formulating a plan to sneak in. Me and the Paladin, both in the heaviest armour, didn't think we'd be able to.

While I was all for waiting for the rest of the group to climb the wall, sneak in and open the gate, my Paladin friend had another idea...

Paladin: *Walks up to the gate* I challenge you, enemies, to come out and fight me, if you dare! Open this gate at once!

Of course, this awoke the Orcs who happened to be sleeping in tower 1. They saw the party down below, and tried to wake the Orcs in tower 2 by yelling at them. It didn't work.

Meanwhile, the Paladin is trying to break down the gate, I'm running up to help, dragging my Warhammer behind me, and the rest of the party is trying to climb the wall, and are failing. (The sorceror had a ring of feather fall, so he was find. The rest... weren't.)

Now, the Orcs in tower one decided to get creative. They threy a spear at the roof of tower 2 to wake them up.
The Orcs in tower 2 awoke.

Orc: "Ah, wanna fight, eh?" *Throws a spear, killing the Orc that tried to wake him*

By this point, I had reached the gate, and had begun trying to smash it open.

Now, finally, the Orcs began attacking us. Only one spear hit. It stuck right into the shoulder of my Paladin friend. He then pulled it out, took aim, and threw it right back, killing the offending Orc.

(Pause for party laughter)

Eventually, as we were failing to open the gate, the Orcs opened it up to that their cheiftan could kick our collective asses. The Paladin and I didn't get a scratch on us, and we actually scared all the other Orcs away when I smashed his skull in.

We cleared out the towers, and we were informed that there were two buldings and a well inside the fortress itself.

Now, this next bit is my fault...

I walked up to the well, and threw a coin down there, wishing for safety.
I am then asked to make a spot check.

DM: Alright, you see two wolves over here.

Me: Alright, I prepare to fight them, as there's no way I can outrun them. I yell to the party, just in case one of them gets a lucky hit on me.

(After three rounds of fighting, I get hit for the first time in the whole session, taking away over 80% of my hit points)

Me: How did a wolf do that!

Dm: Well, these are giant wolves.

Me: Don't you think I would have noticed that a little earlier? Alright then, I yell to the party to hurry over here and save me.

The party sorceror and the party rogue were up on the walls at the time. The sorceror, trusting his ring of feather fall, jumped off the wall to come to my aid. The Rogue, realising that the ring was stopping the sorceror from dying, decides to jump on his back and ride the sorceror down.

The ring fails to hold their combined weight, they both take falling damage.

(Now enters the first actual acheivment of the chaotic evil rogue)

Rogue: *Sneak attacks one of the wolves, dealing massive damage. Enough for the sorceror to take the wolf down while I retreat. The half-orc barbarian and the Paladin finish off the second one. I dispense healings (to myself, as well.)

We rest for the night...

The next day, we pick a building to explore. Descending down, we fight two groups of easy encounters with Orcs. The Half-Orc Barbarian collects their heads the first time round, then uses them as projectiles the second time round. Three Orcs were killed that day by the heads of their fallen brethren...

Then, we enter the prison. There are prisoners chained up on the wall. There are about seven Orcs. And there's a troll. The Half-Orc Barbarion attacks the troll, as he is the strongest of us at this point. I take it upon myself to not go near the troll, and kill three Orcs before being needed.

The Paladin kills an Orc, then charges another, who rolls reasonably well and injures him before dying.

Suddenly, the Barbarian realises that the troll's wounds are healing.

The sorceror makes his roll, and is able to inform us that only fire or acid will kill the troll. He happens to have both types of spells, so he uses a fire spell on the troll. The troll's ring, previously unnoticed, glows and he takes no fire damage.

So, now we're left with acid, and while only two Orcs remain, one is right next to the troll and the other is three squares away from me.

The next time the sorcerors turn rolls around, he uses some sort of acid spraying spell, which not only misses the troll, but sprays acid on the wall. Where all the prisoners are chained. The Paladin tells him to be careful.

The Half-Orc Barbarian is dropped to -3 hit points. The Paldin charges in to heal him and fight the bloody troll. I am now needed, but I can't get there without promoting attacks of oppurtunity from this Orc I'm fighting.

The Rogue is waiting outside the room for us to finish the killing so he can loot the bodies, and the final member of our group, the monk, is showing us how useless he is as the moment by being little more than a barrier. (Though he had previously laid the smack-down on some Orcs)

The Paladin is dropped to negative hit points. I manage to kill the Orc who was blocking my path, and I rush over to the Paladin and I heal him. He, in turn, stands and "Lays hands" upon the Barbarian. The Barbarian decides to rage.

The (halfling) sorceror finally hits the troll with acid damage, and we manage to kill it. The final Orc is killed by the Barbarian, who is still raging. He then makes his save right before turning on his party. (Which is good, because only the Paladin is tough enough to take him on).

We rest (and the Trolls ring of fire-resistance is "mysteriously" missing, as is our party rogue. One of the prisoners, however, is a female cleric who decides to join our mission)

The next day, we search the second building. More Orcs, the Monk decides to kill most of them, and does. "Jackie Chan" is mentioned.

We then find another room, with, you guessed it, a troll. And a bunch of Orcs.

So, another battle ensues. This time, I can gladly say that I was the defining player. I managed not only to heal the Barbarian when he needed it, but I killed the troll.

Now, the Paladin had been knocked unconcious by it, and the sorceror was up the back. The monk was on the other side of the room, having gone there to kill some Orcs. The female cleric is standing behind me, and my hitpoints are low. The party rogue runs up behind us, stabs the female cleric, and runs away. She lives. (Now might be the time to mention that the female cleric and the chaotic evil rogue are played by the same player).

The barbarian, who raged to help kill the troll, is now looking around for another target. With me holding the being weapon, and having the biggest armour, I'm the most threatening one in the room. I run away. The female cleric could have healed me, but instead, she hides behind me as the Half-Orc Barbarian attacks and my remains are splatted all over the wall. It is decided universally that the damage I took was enough to leave no traces of my body behind. Just a big bloody mess.

The Paladin regains conciousness, and, as I was the only one who had been his friend in the group, inquires as to where I am.

Awkward moment as the sorceror explains.

The Paladin then challenges the Half-Orc to honourable combat, but is eventually talked down by the other members of the party. "These things happen", "he died a hero", "me sorry", "*Bad (and probably offensive)Indian impression* He has gone on to a better place", etc.

Well, we still haven't finished that campaign, and I'm not sure if we'll ever get around to it now that 4e is out, but I now know the most important rule in D&D. Players are worse than monsters. With monsters, at least you know they're gonna kill you.

And that's the story of my first D&D experience. Weird how I ended up liking it anyway...

Winged One

2009-03-26, 08:34 AM

There is quite a lot of stupidity in that story. However, http://www.game-warden.com/starfox/Non_SF_related_stuff/JS47/Thread_Necromancy.jpg

Raz_Fox

2009-03-26, 08:59 AM

:smallmad: Ninja'd.

SOMEBODY GET A CLERIC! WE'VE GOT UNDEAD OVER HERE!!

V'icternus

2009-03-26, 12:17 PM

I really need to start checking the previous posting dates on these things... stupid backwards dating system keeps confusing me.

Thajocoth

2009-03-26, 01:02 PM

EDIT: If somebody's gonna post more stories of stupidity, doesn't it make more sense to continue from this old thread than to make a new one? I'm glad it resurfaced. I've started reading through the thread because of it, and find a lot of these pretty funny.

-----

In a group I was in, paragon tier campaign... I'm a short Halfing Rogue. Hank L. Biter. The rest of the party is a Dragonborn Fighter (who's used upwards of 10 surges in a single fight) and a Dragonborn Warlord (who generally rolls 1 less than what he needs.)

We've all got +19 or higher to athletics.

For reference:
We come across a room where the floor seems like it's some sort of suspended bridge of metal squares. We essentially peel the wall and walk across that instead. This is about standard for how we deal with pretty much any trap or enemy.

None of us are particularly smart though...

So, after we all contracted Mummy Rot one fight, and then slept... We were all under the effect that all heals heal us for half. We could spend roughly 3 minutes to go back to the dungeon entrance and get the cleric there to remove the disease... But instead we press on. Luckily for us, instead of walking up the stairs to the next encounter, we climbed up the ledge on the other end and were in an excellent position to take out the enemy caster quickly, who was, in turn, buffing their allies with their presence... We all nearly died anyway. The fighter dragged our unconscious bodies back to the cleric after that.

Later, we opened some sort of drain and the fighter & I were in some sort of whirlpool as it drained. I managed to grab the hatch we opened. He didn't, but it didn't matter much as he has so much hp and so many surges. I didn't realize that the water level was going down, so I figured I'd have to somehow get out of this whirlpool, and down was the way we wanted to eventually go. I tried to climb down. Failure. Halfway through the next fight, I was unconscious & out of surges. (My character's a bit of a "glass cannon" in that campaign.)

At the end of that same dungeon, we're trying to stop a portal from opening. To do that, a Gnome Arcanist (NPC) will blow it up. We just gotta get the guards out of the way. We take care of most of them... Though the Lamia gets away (tripping every turn thanks to Walking Wounded.) This was the same fight the Fighter spent a ton of surges. The Warlord cast all his heals on him. He used two item dailies and an item encounter. Then he was surprised that he actually needed his 2nd Wind... AND used a couple potions. All minion damage. (Constant supply of them from the portal.) We also picked up another player... A Wizard, on the way there. The gnome has his stuff set up, and next turn is gonna move away from the portal with the detonator. We're expected to run this turn, as it's a very big explosion. Instead, the wizard moves his flaming sphere over to the explosives. Gnome is instantly vaporized. The rest of us barely survive. I'm lucky I was chasing the Lamia, otherwise I'd be dead. I was slowed at the time, so despite the Lamia's tripping, she still made it out.

EDIT2:
I had a wizard who, after taking fall damage to land in the dungeon boss's lair, corrected the boss's verb tense in his monologue... Purely because that was in-character, but still a stupid thing to do.

Hzurr

2009-03-26, 03:40 PM

EDIT: If somebody's gonna post more stories of stupidity, doesn't it make more sense to continue from this old thread than to make a new one? I'm glad it resurfaced. I've started reading through the thread because of it, and find a lot of these pretty funny.

While it's good to go back, and re-read the old thread, if we simply let threads go on forever, and die, and appear again it causes several problems:
1) It's harder on the Server (and trust me, we can't risk pushing this server any harder than it already is)
2) It can confuse people who don't realize the thread is old, because the references will be off (imagine reading this thread, and suddenly seeing someone mention that the new edition of d&d is scheduled to come out next year. That's very confusing to read now, but it was perfectly appropriate in 2007)

Also, it's called thread necromancy for a reason. We're taking something that has lived out it's life, and temporarily propping it back up with false life. This is an inherently evil act..

WE MUST NOT LIVE IN THE PAST! WE MUST FORGE AHEAD AND CREATE NEW THREADS, FOR NEW GENERATIONS!!!

...

Also, (and this is probably the most important), it's against forum rules.

Adventurer

2009-06-25, 05:55 AM

A couple of days ago I had my first DMing session which includes a player with an Elf Druid. I knew this guy wasn't suited for my roleplay-oriented campaign when he told me his character would be indifferent to everything (like the player himself) and his answer to my question "So what motivates him to become an adventurer, kill monsters and risk his life on a daily basis?" his answer was "Well, some monsters killed everyone in his village".

I decided to start the campaign just after a band of 2.5m-tall trolls decimated his village and took the druids (including the dead ones) with them. He woke up tied in a small cavern with bodies of his fellow druids all around him. Soon he found a conscious one and, whispering, told him to chew his rope-bound hands as he himself tried to wiggle out of them. After the appropriate checks he was unable to untie them this way so instead of trying to help his fellow druid in hopes that his rope would be more easy to escape from, he asked to crawl to the cavern wall to cut the ropes on a sharp rock I told him about. Astoundingly, he went there as fast as he could without being careful not to make noises... Just as he arrived near the rock, I told him he started hearing loud steps from outside the cavern coming towards him. His reaction? He started trying to cut the rope like nothing had happened. Naturally the Troll guard who saw him doing so didn't take kindly to that...

A bit later on, after some events happened (including another druid becoming conscious and helping the aforementioned one untie himself and then the player) he left the cavern trying to find an exit. He came upon an Elf Ranger (PC) and an injured Human Barbarian who'd come to save them (the rest of the Barbarian's NPC party was subduing the Trolls). Unfortunately, with so little light the Barbarian mistook the (quite tall and covered with green moss) Druid for a young Troll from a distance and started charging him, but the Elf Ranger tripped him down to stop him, and told the Druid they were there to help. The Barbarian, although realising his mistake, was furious at how the event had played out, visibly fuming. So once the Druid comes up he completely ignores him and starts asking the Ranger why he travels with such an aggressive moron... directly insulting the agitated Barbarian that had come to help him right in front of his face! The Barbarian howls and raises his sword at him so I give the Druid a chance to calm him down. And what does he do? He continues speaking to the Ranger, only this time in Elven!!

I had to roll to see if the Barbarian would restrain himself instead of chopping him into little pieces.