View Full Version : D&D 5e/Next THE DUMBEST THING EVER! (AKA Zagyg's Gag Grimoire)

2014-05-13, 10:45 PM
I am so sorry, but I came up with the stupidest idea ever on a motorcycle ride to school and I couldn't not homebrew it up.

Please forgive me:
New Spells:
Zagyg's Bountiful Balls
9th level evocation
Casting Time: One round
Range: 150 feet
Duration: Instantaneous
Effect: Two oblong; brass-colored orbs appear in your hand and speed towards one or two allies of your choice. Each orb explodes into a pearlescent slime that can either restore an allies' HP to full, or give a 1d4 minute haste effect without the subsequent dazing effect, both effects chosen at casting time.
Material Components: Two brazen eggs costing 10 GP

Zagyg's Rigid Rod
9th level Evocation (Mage and Druid)
Range: Touch
Duration: 1d4 minutes.
Effect: You touch a length of wood within range and it begins to function as a +5 magic warhammer. At the end of the duration, it releases a prismatic spray effect in the general direction the wielder is pointing the stick at (The opponent or item he last used the item on or, if combat is not going on, himself). The spell is immediately dispelled
Material Components: A hard; stiff length of wood

Zagyg's Magical Realm (http://gunshowcomic.com/471)
9th level evocation (Mage and Druid)
Range: 40-ft Cone
Duration : Indefinite
Effect: A forest of golden trees smelling faintly of ammonia sprouts from the ground. If set alight these trees do damage as a fireball in a Level 6 spell slot (But only within the range of the original trees). The trees bear pinecone-like seeds, which can be replanted to grow more of these golden trees, which restore phosphorous to the ground similarly to legumes. The spell is immediately dispelled if the caster is hit with an unarmed attack within one minute of casting.

Zagyg's Softening Sword (Mage and Druid)
Cantrip evocation
Casting Time: One action
Range: Touch
Duration: 1 Minute
Effect: The opponent must make a Constitution save or have any melee weapon he is currently wielding turn as turgid and useless as a boiled sausage. The spell can be dispelled by vigorously rubbing the afflicted weapon, which takes one action, but which the victim immediately knows to do upon being affected by this spell. If a magical weapon is targeted, the opponent takes advantage when making the save.

New Magic Item:
The Wizard's Staff With A Knob On The End
Legendary Magic Item
This wooden wizard's staff has a mushroom-cap-like knob on the end, and the wielder of it feels strangely compelled to polish it all day long.
Properties (Attuned): You must be a Mage to be attuned to this item.
The rod has ten charges. As an action you can expend the specified number of charges to cast the following spells:
Radiant Splash (Like Acid Splash but does Radiant damage): No Charges
Zagyg's Softening Sword: No Charges
Zagyg's Magical Realm: 3 Charges
Zagyg's Rigid Rod: 3 Charges
Zagyg's Bountiful Balls (No material component needed): 4 Charges
If you expend the last charge, roll a d20 . If a 1 is rolled, the staff shrivels up to the size of a finger and its magic is lost for good. It regains 1d4 + 5 charges each day, but only if polished vigorously.


2014-05-14, 12:46 PM
You might be the worst, but I still laughed so I can't talk. XD

Besides, how many of these are really worse then the Rod of Lordy Might, or the... *Gets dragged off before becoming the new worse person.*