Dwarfucious say...

[Tim Proctor]

I am making a Monk/Paladin/Tattooed Monk and am trying to come up with a bunch of Dwarfucious say jokes.

Here is what I have so far.

Dwarfucious say...

Egotistical trumpet playing bard, toots own horn.

Crosseyed sensei cannot control pupils.

Heaviest thing to carry is XXX's mom, second is grudge.

If the boot fits, find it's other half.

Best way to save face is to wear helmet.

Arch-nemesis is man who stole supporting shoes.

Ladies in camp must be wary of evil intent.

Man who fails constitution doesn't give a crap.

It's better to love a dwarf, than never loved a tall.

A love struck lich is a neck romancer.


Any others would be greatly appreciated.

[ArendK]

..........


That is frigging hysterical...

I just woke up my roommates laughing so hard from that (granted, not hard, we live in a conex box essentially).

I am following this thread with everything see if anyone posts anything half as funny as those.

[Kazudo]

"Crowded Hallway smell Different to Dwarf."
"Female Elf in group should beware of evil intent"
"Man who fall in molten glass make spectacle of himself"
"Man who fall through sieve likely to strain himself"
"Dwarf with feet planted firmly on stone have trouble putting on pants."
"Dwarf who wants pretty cleric must be patient."

[wayfare]

Druid who summon bovine protectors is coward

Only a fool would believe the rogue pretender -- the wise know he is factotally wrong.

None shall doubt the dwarf from the east, sohei will not have to school unruly traveling companion.

(After a brutal fight) Are we leaving already? Wee Jas got here.

[Tim Proctor]

Thank you for the suggestions... I will use most of them :)

I really want to add more D&D into them, so any more help is greatly appreciated.

[Red Fel]

Wise Monk drinks little. He needs more BAB, not more BAC. Alternative: Wise Bard drinks little. He is known for BFC, not BAC.

Wizard wearing tacky robes to noble event lacks armor class.

Dwarven ale is ultimate Int modifier. Alternative: Waraxe to the face is ultimate Cha modifier.

Man who offers Barbarian 2cp for his thoughts, overpays.

Never buy Human, Elf, or Dragon a drink. Wind up with new entry in Monster Manual and paternity suit.

Man who gives gold to lecherous street musician throws good money after Bard.

[Alex12]

Dwarf needs trees like adventuring party needs Truenamer.

When human hands higher than dwarf head, dwarf teeth level with human crotch.

Elves are like trees: tall, pretty, and useless.

[RavynsLand]

Rogue is first to scout ahead, first to run away, last to pick up the bill.

[Telonius]

Giant is shorter than dwarf with proper application of warhammer.

[Tim Proctor]

These are awesome.

Dwarfucious say...

Low level adventurers have 99-problems but a lich ain't one.

Any noise annoys a gnome but a noisey noise annoys a gnome the most. A whisper gnome will kill you if you annoy it.

[ShadowFighter15]

As base-breaking as it was, the taunts from the ninja in Chivalry: Deadliest Warrior could be a good starting point. Although I think half their impact was from how the lines were delivered (http://youtu.be/67U4Kvkh0LU?t=3m5s) (probably because he was the only character who didn't constantly shout).

"Those who become too big for their britches, become exposed in the end."
"I will not be the last to let you down. That, will be your undertaker."
"You are like a starving squirrel... no nuts."
"You lack confidence. You should find a wife with smaller hands."
"If you could be any more inbred, you would be a sandwich."


"I can clearly see; you're nuts!." *beat* "Seriously; next time, wear the codpiece."

[prufock]

Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.

[Socratov]

Dwarfucious say:

Empty tankard is like elf in mines: useless.
If you can't polish gems with it, the ale isn't done fermenting yet.
don't aspire to grow to great height, chop others down to your level

[zephyrkinetic]

Dwarven medicine best: ale's what cures you.

Dwarf who asks gets answer. Dwarf who axes needs no answer.

Dwarven women like good dark beer: wet, dirty, and stout.

Gold never worth too much risk: it take long time to recover from close shave.

Dwarfhood only 3 inches, but dwarf women like them that big around.

If elf with bow shoots off at mouth, he should expect to lose face.

Bard with sharp tongue will cut his own throat.

[Zubrowka74]

"He who goes to sleep with arse itching, wakes up with finger stinking."

(Yoda style) "Fear is the path to the dark ale. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to that tavern down the street."

[Telonius]

"What is the sound of one hand clapping? Take an axe to an orc and find out."

[Shining Wrath]

Man who kills wymling finds defeating its mother is a matter of scale.

Mage who casts Fireball in small room is toast.

Did you hear about man who insulted barbarian's mother and lived? Neither did I.

A mine without an elf is like a merman without a trumpet.

There are problems one cannot solve with an axe. Sometimes, you need TWO axes.

[Shining Wrath]

Mage who combines Sleep with laxative puts foes in deep doo-doo.

Dwarf who dance with elf woman get busted in mouth.

[Blightedmarsh]

Why do we dwarfs carry axes when we have no trees?
A forest fire a day keeps the elves away.
My mine exists to mine;
when the river of gold drys up its time to find a new stream.