View Full Version : Things I'm Not Allowed To Do In An RPG II: Why No One GMs For Me Any More

2014-05-18, 11:24 PM
Previous thread here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?142337-2000-things-I-m-not-allowed-to-do-in-an-RPG).

Basically, in this thread, you add to the ever-growing list of things we're not allowed to do in role-playing games. Now, let's pick up where we left off last time, shall we?

3262: No matter how high my Move Silently skill is, I cannot successfully sneak while singing at the top of my lungs.
3263: Animal companions, familiars and paladin mounts are not emergency rations.
3264: I may not name my noble steed "/dev/horse".

2014-05-19, 09:47 PM
3265: As GM, I may not make my players (who I know watch Doctor Who) think the perfectly normal statue of an angel is a Weeping Angel :smallbiggrin:

That game ended with an SUV being driven over said statue. Just in case.

2014-05-20, 06:51 AM
3266: I'm not allowed to invent any kind of science or mathematics. Period.
3266a: Especially not to do with the DM's homebrew mathematics.
3266a Errata: This also applies when I'm the DM.

2014-05-21, 10:50 AM
3267: As a GM I am not allowed to have The Spanish Inquisition appear whenever they are mentioned.

2014-05-21, 10:53 AM
3268:The wise alaundo was a mute illiterate.

3268a:The wise alaundo never existed

2014-05-22, 05:55 AM
3269: I don't care if it's rules-legal, I am no longer allowed to have an ork who quad-wields (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17464624&postcount=45) two-handed flamers (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showsinglepost.php?p=17470960&postcount=47) while riding on a bike with every item ever to come to pass in an adamantine carry case on the back.

2014-05-24, 01:18 AM
3270: No, my Gnomish Wizard cannot turn himself into an indestructible statue JUST to be a hammer for the Barbarian.

2014-05-26, 10:08 AM
3264: I may not name my noble steed "/dev/horse".

Nor may his name be anything to do with licking or raisins.

2014-06-09, 11:47 AM
3271.) no dominating paladins and making them fall

Atreyu the Masked LLama
2014-06-15, 12:40 PM
3272) I am no longer allowed to cast "Grease" to give the mid-wife a bonus to her heal checks. The science seems sound to me, I don't know why the GM nixed it.

2014-06-17, 11:26 PM
3273: Our CoC game is not set at Cold Comfort Farm.
3274: I may not tristalt monster classes.

2014-06-19, 04:43 AM
3275: I am no longer allowed to kidnap monsters and enslave them.
3275a: Especially not when I'm lawful good.
3275b: No, not even when I'm chaotic evil, either.
3275c: I, as a player, grant my character immunity to charm and compulsion effects that would cause my character to do such things.
3276: I am no longer allowed to cast suggestion on evil NPC wizards.

2014-06-25, 12:00 PM
3277. As a DM, I may not advance a mimic to Huge size and have it be shaped like a gazebo.

2014-07-11, 09:41 AM
3278. I am no longer allowed fire.
3278a. I am not allowed to be given fire.
3278b. How the hell did she get fire?
3278c. Oh god everything is on fire.

3278. Castaras is not allowed anything dangerous and must be kept in a straitjacket at all times.

Mercenary Pen
2014-07-12, 01:35 PM
3278. I am no longer allowed fire.
3278a. I am not allowed to be given fire.
3278b. How the hell did she get fire?
3278c. Oh god everything is on fire.

3278. Castaras is not allowed anything dangerous and must be kept in a straitjacket at all times.

3278a (revised): Looking at other players in a funny way whilst wearing a straitjacket at the gaming table is forbidden.

3279: There are no psionic thought police. Any attempts to prove otherwise will result in epic level amnesia.

2014-07-12, 06:12 PM
3280: I am allowed to plant a bug on an agent of a government shadow organization, but the GM is not responsible for the consequences.

2014-07-14, 03:30 AM
3281: While I am allowed to PLAY as a Clown Barbarian, I am NOT allowed to ROLEPLAY said character.
Edit: 3281b: "OH GOD NO NOT A MIME NO PLEASE NO NOT A FREAKING MIME." Paraphrased quote from the DM. I am no longer allowed to describe their non-combat actions.
Edit: 3281: I am no longer allowed to play as any kind of clown full stop no more clowns please.

2014-07-15, 09:43 PM
I am not allowed to get every aboleth graft ever.

2014-07-15, 10:52 PM
I am not allowed to get every aboleth graft ever.

3282b: Or every sithilar graft.
3282c: Or any other sort of graft, for that matter.

2014-07-16, 09:50 AM
I am also not allowed to be a druid who is hated by animals. Where did I get that idea from, anyways?

2014-07-17, 11:08 PM
3283: I am not allowed to sneak past light-sensitive creatures while carrying a lit lantern
3284: I am not allowed to use gnomes as improvised throwing weapons
3285: I am not allowed to use dispel magic to dispel a beholders anti-magic cone.
3286: I can not cast fireball on every merchant I see and take their stuff
3287: I can not actually accept the villains offer for ultimate power at the cost of my parties lives.
3288: I can not become a vampiric werebear-wererat
3289: I can not crawl into the dragons throat and make it drown in my piss (what can I say? I was desperate!)
3290: I can not lodge the petrified body of my cleric in a purple worms throat
3291: I can not be a halfling fighter with strength as my dump stat
3292: I can not be a paladin who burns down houses for fun
3293: I can not throw my fellow party members into a pit of acid and still loot the corpses

2014-07-20, 09:48 PM
3294. I cannot walk down the other road when all the other party members are walking down the first one.

2014-08-23, 05:06 AM
3294. im not allowed to be good because I suck at it.

3295. no backstories involving amnesia, its to over-done.

2014-08-25, 10:59 PM
3297: If I'm the only person who can successfully roleplay a non-chaotic character, I probably shouldn't be the party rogue.
3298: My animal companion may not be a miniature giant space hamster.

2014-08-28, 09:21 PM
Here's a few from our group's games based around my cleric's attempt to raise funds to finance an expedition after a the DMPC rogue got wasted and blew the party's coffers on courtesans and magic beans that turned out to be worthless.

3299: I cannot use "Bless Water" on my bladder so I can piss 'Holy Urine'. I must relieve myself into a chamber-pot or bottle first.
3300: I cannot sell bottles of Holy Urine as a 'Undead/Outsider-bane™" to Commoners, especially if
3301: The Cleric's 'Undead/Outsider-bane™" cannot be used as a poison coating for weapons against the undead.
3302: The Cleric, despite being a cleric of Vengence and Sun, cannot execute the DMPC, thereby ****ing up the whole campaign.
3303: The Cleric cannot convert the Courtesans to their god, and then allow them to deliver vengeance against the DMPC sadists.
3304: The Cleric cannot execute the Bean-seller, even if the bean seller knew the money was 'hot'.
3305: The Cleric cannot convert the Courtesans to their god, and allow them to deliver vengeance against the Bean-seller, even if the bean seller knew the money was 'hot'.
3306: "My Bladder" is not a suitable vessel for 'Create Water'.

Laughing Dog
2014-09-01, 10:41 AM
3298: My animal companion may not be a miniature giant space hamster.

Go for the eyes, Boo! Go for the eyes!:amused:

2016-01-12, 04:47 PM
3307. I cannot craft a magical sap with the 'Merciful' and 'Flaming' qualities.

2016-01-12, 05:42 PM
3308: As a paladin, I am not allowed to take an apple off an oak tree, eat it, take a dump, and grow my own apple tree while my allies die from dire weasels.
3309: I cannot use Mighty Cold Snap while in an underwater ship to create a giant floaty ice castle, then carve out passage ways in the castle by summoning fire elementals.

2016-01-13, 02:47 AM
3310: I'm not allowed to play a Half-Orc Bard named "Led Hendrix"...
3311: I cannot use the 'Summon Instrument' Spell to summon a Great-Axe/Magic Guitar Combo weapon/instrument...
3312: A pet rock is not an acceptable companion, nor does it have a unique 'stoned' debuff.
3313: '2 for the height of 1' is not an acceptable reason to reduce the charges for Murdering Gnomes or Halflings.
3314: A Changeling transforming into a noblewoman to infiltrate a Ball is fine; Proceeding to **** every noble in the ball is frowned upon...
3315: A half-Elf bard is not 'asking for it' by wearing a midriff and cleavage exposing outfit... Even to the repressive culture of Orcs...
3316: NEVER ask the Half-Elf Bard about 'Bard Camp' and her flute.
3317: The performance of bard-songs based on Justin Bieber's hits are evil actions; The Paladin is permitted obligated to smite you for trying to perform these songs.
3318: "Wish" and "Miracle" Spells are a privilege, not a right. As such, the DM vetoing any wish or miracle making Man-Bear-Pig the Monotheistic god stands.

Prince Zahn
2016-01-14, 06:18 PM
3319: I may not leave the dungeon in the middle of the bossfight to use the loo.
3320: no amount of square feet of canvas is considered "contemporary art" just because I "painted it" with goblinoid entrails.
3321: I may no longer make soup out of kuo-toa meat.
3321a: I may NOT collectively refer to enemies in any aquatic campaign as "sushi", either.
3322: I may not play a microscopic wizard.
3323: If I play a system that supports Trinkets, Oddities, or similar eccentric objects, I am not allowed to use any of them to evangelize NPCs for my cause.

2016-01-19, 09:01 AM
3324: I may not give my animal companion a more interesting background than the owner.
3325: Nor my familiar.
3325a: Not even if it's smarter than the owner.
3326: Anything that kills gods in one hit is forbidden.
3327: My character may not break the fourth wall.
3328: Or reference anything outside of game.
3329: Not even a diviner.

2016-02-09, 01:16 PM
3030: Craft (Marital Aid) is not allowed.

3031: Weapon Focus (Marital Aid) is not allowed.

3032: Profession (Prostitute) is fine, but not for Warforged.

2016-02-12, 09:27 PM
3033: I may no longer have any character that can cast anything resembling the suggestion spell.
3034: I am no longer allowed to play an illusionist.
3034a: Especially one who has 'Illusory Reality.'
3035: No more Changelings with any bonus to bluff.
3036: "We admit it, pixies can be scary. Never do that again."
3037: Not allowed to play goblins, especially spellcasting ones.

3036 is an actual line said by several of my players.

2016-02-14, 10:22 PM
Of course pixies can be scary. They are fae, after all.

Laughing Dog
2016-02-16, 10:16 PM
3038: No more supersonic bomber characters.
3038.a: Not even then.