Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

[Inevitability]

"I can't believe the BBEG's weapon is causing you more trouble than she did herself."

[Fumble Jack]

In a 5e game I play in. There's a dwarf fighter Flint, A half orc Barbarian Gruul, A human Paladin Eon (me) & a human monk Shu. It's a homebrew setting with airships.

Flint : Did you just snort an Emerald?

Shu : Yeah! Are there others?

Flint : I..What did that sorceror do to you?

Shu: I've seen grass on the moon.

Flint: It's not too late for me develop a second drinking problem.

After Flint joins Eon, whom is incidentally the pilot of their ship for a few rounds of drinks & the two stumble out the tavern.

Flint : You...uhhh good to fly?

Eon : Suuuure...I got It.

[DigoDragon]

Noise: “I continue my incompetent attempts at diplomacy. If only this could be solved through song!”
GM: “The frozen north has no place for song!”

Doc: “I keep my revolver under my coat and go outside to stand by Noise... or under... adjacent. On the ground. You know.”

Supply: “The hilarity is that I could have made the hit if I had a hat.”

Olive Leaf: “Oh, really? Are you going to tell me that none of you have anything to do with the idiocy going on over there?”
Doc: “That's correct. Our own brand of idiocy is independent of what's going on over there.”

GM: “The old wooden building made a creaky noise as it bucked inwards, and it looked quite possible that it would collapse at any moment.”
Doc: “Welp, looks like our stuff is going to be slightly flattened.”
Supply: “I finish the unicorn off, then proceed to try and help the camel that might be trapped in the shack.”
Doc: “Oh yeah, that too.”

Noise: “That bar's gonna need a lot more gaff tape after this is over.”

Doc: “We're fine, we're all fine…”
Supply: *Kills Olive Leaf*
Doc: “Everyone that matters is fine. Remodeling the shanty a bit. How are you?”

GM: “Just so everyone's clear, Supply Route's going to be treated like she's the lovechild of Gregor Clegane and Bellatrix Lestrange by anyone who knew Olive Leaf. You know, for clarity.”

Doc: “Alright, wake me when I'm due for watch or the building's on fire.”

Supply: “Did I ever tell you about the ghost of Pinkie Pie?”
Stellar: “The ghost of Pinkie Pie?”
Doc: “Mmph, pie? Somepony find food?”

Stellar: “That's a shame. Also, I'm now pretty furious with the camel.”
Doc: “Take a number. I think there's a line forming.”

Doc: “Y'all feel free to add to the conversation before I get everyone killed with a diplomacy check.”

GM: “While it was an odd yellow color and looked quite worn, it didn't take an expert to see that it was the top half of a unicorn skull.”
Stellar: “Well this took an unexpected turn into morbid.”
Supply: “Huh....I really don't know how to react to that.”
Doc: “Well, there's no shame in not reacting to that.”
GM: “The pools came into immediate view. They seemed to be, for the most part, filled halfway with skeletal remains. This was a larder.”
Doc: “On second thought, react to that. React really really quickly to that. Everyone, grab your stuff and try not to look delicious!”

[Poblobo]

P1: ...And, on a side note, HOW MUCH LONGER BEFORE YOU GET TO THE MONSTER?
P2: I DON'T KNOW, THESE GUYS DECIDED TO DO A COOKING SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ADVENTURE
Me: Chill, we're getting there. :smallbiggrin:

[Ninjaxenomorph]

Player: He's actually a ghost?

DM: Yes he's a ghost! You can see right through him, I described him earlier!

Player: Yeah, but I thought he was just... magic...

[ddude987]

Would've been funny if it applied ICly too.

it was in character, that's why it was funny.

[JeenLeen]

GM: Your hobgoblin prisoners stare creepily at the girl you're protecting.

PC2: "Stop that, or I'll blindfold you."

GM: They stare creepily at PC1.

PC2: ::pauses, considering it:: "eh, whatever."

[ShadowFighter15]

I think I'm having a bit too much fun with my arcanist's raven familiar. The benefits of having a talking familiar based on Arnold Rimmer and going on a Red Dwarf binge.

Valeria (Arcanist): "Yeah, those [snake bites] look kinda painful."
Xel (Familiar): "'Kind of'!? He's covered in so many spots you could pass him off as a piece of Shoanti tribal art!"

Xel: "I'm sorry? Are you suggesting we go trudging through a dingy swamp, in the middle of the night? A swamp full of homicidal goblins and more insects than there are drunkards at an Ascension Day festival?"

[DeafnotDumb]

Dai Li Guard: Please may I touch your moustache?
Maki: I'd feel a little uncomfortable with that.
Dai Li Guard: It's for the good of the city, Sir.

[Kid Jake]

Fanboy: "So...you want our secret, high-tech headquarters to slowly emerge from the ocean when we call it? Will we be shaping it like a skull and changing our name to the Legion of Doom?"
McCrow: "I don't know...we're not really a legion yet; but the skull thing sounds kind of cool."
Fanboy*stares at him in wonderment*: "Superfriends reference..."
McCrow: "Oh...I never really watched Friends. Always seemed kinda fruity."

Referring back to my last quote from my Pathfinder game:

Eadric*still pinned by the dragon*: "It was supposed to be a battle of intelligence!"
Dragon: "It was. Don't you feel stupid?"

Eadric vs The Dragon, Round 2
Dragon: "Come on, can't you see I'm beat? Loosen my chains; let me stretch my wings a bit!"
Eadric: "You've tricked me once dragon; why would I listen to you a second time?"
Dragon: "Umm...what are the odds I'd trick you twice in a row?"
Eadric *starts to reach for the chains*: "Oh f*** you dragon." *slaps a muzzle on him*

Eadric vs The Dragon, Round 3
Dragon: "Mhffmff!"
Eadric: "What?"
Dragon: "Mhmmfmm!"
Eadric*removes the muzzle*: "Now, what?"
Dragon*immediately bites Eadric*
Eadric: "Oh f*** you dragon!"




From a short lived Vampire game:
Demarco: "Everybody knows that vampires are a lot of bulls***. Now look; I'm not sure what you slipped in my drink, and I'm definitely not saying I'm not digging it, but this trip is going to end eventually and you're just going to have to accept that I'm staying in New York with my firm."
Mr Cross(His sire) *calmly raises a 9mm pistol and shoots Demarco right in the chest three time*
Demarco *stumbles back but notices the bullets didn't really hurt that bad* "WHOO! You're crazy as hell Cross, but damned if you executive types don't know how to party."


Mr Cross: "It is an unfortunate accident; but one we must all learn to deal with eventually."
Demarco: "Hey! I might be new to this whole 'undead' thing, but don't treat me like an idiot. I can dispose of my own whore."


Clark *waking up with most of his skull still caved in*: "I'm probably not getting my sack full of cash, am I?"
Mr Cross: "Did...did they actually lure you there by promising you a sack full of cash?"
Clark: "Yeah...that probably should've been my first clue they weren't on the level..."

[the OOD]

Leochou: back the ship into the solar system, in case we need to make a quick getaway.

[Sith_Happens]

Dai Li Guard: Please may I touch your moustache?
Maki: I'd feel a little uncomfortable with that.
Dai Li Guard: It's for the good of the city, Sir.

I hereby nominate this for the thread's Greatest Hits collection.

[DigoDragon]

I hereby nominate this for the thread's Greatest Hits collection.

I'm pretty sure someone hit someone with a quote like that... :smalltongue:

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “Let's see what our guests want, and how many bullets they have to make it happen.”

Tirkes: “If it is true, and her death is an accident, all that could be done is to control the damage.”
Doc: “Are we going to be talking about damage control? Because the camel said a similar thing, we went along with it in good faith, and now we're finding ourselves here on a late-night snack menu.”

GM: “With her tail, horn, and mouth, Supply Route could wield three swords at once without penalty if she wanted to.”
Doc: “My Little Blender: Puree is Magic.”

Sari al-Hazred: “Huwha?”
Noise: “My name is Joyous Noise, and these fine ponies are my friends.”
Doc: “Doc Wagon, traveling physician.”
Sari: “Well, if your parents named you 'Doc', I suppose you couldn't be, say, a singer.”
Doc: “I could have been the doctor of love.”

Supply: “Are the security systems still active or something?”
Sari: “All you little ponies expect betrayal and danger at every turn, don't you?”
Supply: “More or less.”

Doc: “Supply is so stealthy she lost track of herself?”

Doc: “Hmm... so my choices of poison are either mosh-pitting over these bandits to the gun or roll a lethal Speech check. Well, it was nice knowing you all.”

Doc: “Should I just change my character's name to Doctor Kill?”
GM: “There is a certain amount of luck involved in getting such poor rolls so consistently.”
Doc: “Maybe I should just stand in the corner and not touch anything. Given this kind of 'luck', I might start a fire with a Sense Motive check.”

Supply: “Now what to do? What was it that my father always said about prewar artifacts again?”
Flashback: ‘Supply, if you ever find yourself in a prewar building, it's important for you to loot anything that isn't nailed down or on fire.’
Supply: “…right.” *loot loot loot*

Doc: “So... he's a non-unicorn mutant with an obsession for roaches and a penchant to enchant them? Sounds like a winner.”

The Roach King: “I am the Roach King! What are little meddlers like you doing in my realm?!”
Stellar: “We're looking for a birthday present!”
Doc: “That isn't hyperbole.”

Roach King: “No looting! This is the Roach King's domain and I am the Roach King. The book in your pack is just one safeguard this place has for sneaky little unicorns like you. If you touch the wrong thing, you will be paralyzed forever and be food for the Roach King's subjects, who will eat your eyes as you are aware and sing in your lungs! The Roach King will then bind your soul to your skull and wear it as a helm! …The Roach King accepts trades, though.”

Doc: “Unless someone chimes in real quick to the contrary, I'm shooting the king in the face.”

[DeafnotDumb]

Zhang: Your mama is so fat she has her own branch on the BaSingSe express.

Kokyo:He's not been her fiance since at least this afternoon. Try to keep up.

Jin Ma:I don't drink your knives!
Kokyo: You're welcome to try.

James: Last night's RPG featured duck/motorcycle hybrids. The mind of [DM] remains ever fertile.

[Dasgovernator]

Val: "Man, this is like attacking the Pentagon. If they were all religious fanatics"

Val: "Apparently the tourist map has troop dispositions on it"

Nerusk: "These kids today and their iWands"

Victor: "He was apparently eaten by Demons. Devils. Whatever"
DM: "You can barely tell the difference once they're gnawing on your flesh"

Nerusk: "I've been having some issues with my mortality as of late."
Victor: "I think they make a little blue pill for that"

Val: "Wait, Souls are a category 2 substance? How addictive are they?"

Marissa: "Rocs fall, everybody dies"

Ricer: "Here I am, duh dun, duh dun, Roc you like a hurricane!"

Marissa: "Part of me wants to intervene.. the other part of me wants to watch my party member attempt to seduce a medusa"
. . . Later
Victor: "You're just jealous I have a Girlfriend now"

Victor: "It's like a buckler: +1 to AC, but she has to block it with her face"

Victor: "Calm your hair woman!"

[TheZereth]

G: It seems you need the book of Nymphthology or the book of Erotic Fantasy.
Z: I already have them.
G: Why?
Z: Sometimes when I'm lonely and have no internet...

[Submortimer]

Franc: As the highest ranking officer here, I order you to turn over your finely crafted plate armor to me.
Private: Sir, I don't know who you are, and this armor is a family heirloom..
Franc: *rolls a 23 intimidate* That's a direct order, soldier!
Private: *Weeping* yes sir....

*They trade armor*

Franc: Now, under the empire's Emminent Domain Clause, I'm required to pay you for your contribution. Here, you can have my old armor and this stipend.
Private: Sir, this is only 200 gold..
Franc: *walking away* Off to the dungeon!

[DigoDragon]

Roach King: “Stupidponarge stop that! Might as well shove your hoof into the hole the Roach King has on his head because of you!”
Doc: “Tempted. If anyone needs me to murder something with my medical skills, I'll be next door.”

GM: “Also, every single NPC so far has a tragic backstory that I can pull out at any time.”
Doc: “I just hope there aren't too many that end with ‘And then the PCs arrived...’”

Supply: “Eh, I'll live with what I've got. Better that then trusting a doctor to not **** up during the surgery and kill me.”
Doc: *Crit-fails a medicine roll on Supply*
GM: “Irony called.”

Supply: “How the flying feather did you nick a vein with a bottle of disinfectant?!”

Doc: “I hope the GM is in a good mood today, ‘cause I really don't want Stellar coming out of the shower and finding Supply half murdered on the bed.”

Greendream: “If you all are the ponies who killed Olive Leaf, please come in.”
Doc: “Well that's not ominous.”

Doc: “Due to a minor misspelling, I misread this as ‘As soon as I get the Loknar's blessing’.”

Doc: “Do you want to hit a tavern?
Come on, let's get some mead!
I never see you anymore
Come on out the door,
It's like you're NPC'd
We used to be best ponies,
And still we are
I want you to come with me!
Do you want to hit a tavern?
It doesn't have to be a tavern...”

Doc: “She’s a pretty mare with the combat potential of a wet crouton.”

Viridia Dawn: “Unfortunately, I can't seem to recall the rest of the story, but I hope it has a happy ending.”
Bar Keep: “The Happy Ending is on the other side of town, miss.”
Viridia: “My flank is not that large, thank you very much.”

Livewire Spark: “I've noticed a lot of rolls for things which should be auto-successes once you reach a certain level of skill. What's up with that?”
Supply: “Just us rolling because we feel like it, adds a little flavor to the roleplaying to see how well you do the task.”
Viridia: “When I try rolling for flavor, the waiters look at me funny.”

Stellar: “It's definitely +5 thanks to Cherchez La Filly. For mares at least. Isn't that enough?”
Viridia: “It's never enough. I must seduce all the things!”
George Takei: “Oh myyyyy!”

Stellar: “Movement values are in yards, not feet. Also an issue for Doc.”
Doc: “Is my character sheet bringing down property values?”

Doc: (Waves an imaginary cane) “I was 16. Those were the days. Telnet, text-only browsers, decent Saturday morning cartoons. …I forget if I had a point here.”

[goto124]

Supply: “Just us rolling because we feel like it, adds a little flavor to the roleplaying to see how well you do the task.”

Doc: *Crit-fails a medicine roll on Supply*
Supply: “How the flying feather did you nick a vein with a bottle of disinfectant?!”

Hmm, fascinating!

[AceOfFools]

Simeon "Hello, Medium! How have you been? How’s the business? How’s the band?"
Medium "Not bad, slow, and not bad. How’s the ghost institute?"
Simeon "Oh, that’s been put on hold. I decided taking over the Internet Court is more pressing."
Daniel "What?"

Ally "He doesn't like Firefly. I'm done here."

Directory Kent "What did you think about Isi?"
Rusty "She was incredibly competent. I can see why Chicago hired her. And apparently she knows some congressmen."

Peter "Ooo, do you have government jets?"
Simeon "Please, government jets are so ten years ago. Rusty, we should requisition one of the flying cars!"
Peter "OMG, do you really have flying cars?"

Rusty "We have a warrant. Go ahead."
Daniel "That satellite dish implies they’ve got a local network. I’m going to try and hack it."
Peter "Wow. So this is what a government operation looks like.
Rusty "...sometimes."

Eric "Pardon me if I don’t shake your hand, but you did shoot my mother-in-law, and I happen to like my mother-in-law."

Simeon "I’m not crazy, I passed my psych evaluation!"
Daniel "You cheated on your psych evaluation."

Eric's sister-in-law "I can’t believe this. Dad and mom shooting federal agents? ...okay, mom makes sense."

[goto124]

I imagine the other guy went "Eric, you like you mother-in-law? I thought I was helping you by killing her!"

[Rakoa]

"No, Mr. Krabs is not joining your Jackie Chan Adventures!"

[Sith_Happens]

Stellar: “It's definitely +5 thanks to Cherchez La Filly. For mares at least. Isn't that enough?”
Viridia: “It's never enough. I must seduce all the things!”
George Takei: “Oh myyyyy!”

I like to think that George Takei is actually in your gaming group.

...Incidentally, you're playing Doc, yes? I can just tell. Also, I imagine him like Dr. Zed from Borderlands.

[Necroticplague]

Gene:If you expect that small things like 'speceis boundries' or 'knowing you intend to eat me when we're done' would do anything to get in the way of my libido, you about to be incredibly disappointed/suprised.
Aranea:....That's quite different from the reaction I normally get.
Gene: Now, just so I know what to cross off my list, are you an aranea or a were-spider?
Aranea:I'm not even sure I want to know what that list is.

[DigoDragon]

...Incidentally, you're playing Doc, yes? I can just tell. Also, I imagine him like Dr. Zed from Borderlands.

Eeyup, I'm playing Doc. The poor stallion is generally the most dependable member to keep a good storyline going, but tends to be the first target of the GM's fancy for trouble. :3

Never played Borderlands, but after Googling Zed, I can see the resemblance. :3

[Rater202]

"No, Mr. Krabs is not joining your Jackie Chan Adventures!"

I'd like context.

[Marnath]

Eeyup, I'm playing Doc. The poor stallion is generally the most dependable member to keep a good storyline going, but tends to be the first target of the GM's fancy for trouble. :3

Never played Borderlands, but after Googling Zed, I can see the resemblance. :3

The first time you meet Zed, he's doing surgery with an axe. :smallamused:

[DigoDragon]

The first time you meet Zed, he's doing surgery with an axe. :smallamused:

Hee hee! Doc was critically failing so many of his medical rolls early on that he might as well have been using an axe. :3

[the OOD]

ship: *lands, blasting Shoot to Thrill (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UczKno92tPQ)*
Leochou: ok, we've docked, turn it down to 11.
Tesla: down to eleven? what were we starting at?
Leochou: these go up to thirteen.
GM: couldn't you just make eleven louder and make eleven the loudest?
Leochou: these go to thirteen.

Leochou: *loads shotgun* alright everybody, let's finish this hard and fast.
Leochou: knock knock. *opens door*
~12 mercenarys: WHO THE F*** ARE YOU!!!??? *aim weapons*
Leochou: that's... not how this is supposed to go...:smalleek:

Cesus: Space Jesus To The Rescue!!!(with explosives!)
GM: can you get that as a laptop sticker?


__________________

session zero for a new game:


Player1: waitasecond- can I play as Jesus? and come back from the dead after I get killed?
GM: you're the fourth player to ask me that. Fourth.:smallsigh:

GM: new rule: if it can kill Godzilla, you can't play as it.
Player2: awww...
Player1: damnit!
Player3: but... :smallfrown:

GM: I want you to know that I had to re-read half the Book of Revelations for you, mister "I-wanna-be-a-horesman-of-the-Apocalypse". is basing you character off of anime or something to hard for you?
Player4: but the bible is good for you!:smalltongue:Player4 and the GM are both anagostic

GM: quick question, if you burn Jesus's body and salt his bones, can he still come back?

[Milodiah]

"...you're telling me you got sick of my stove being ****ty, so you slapped a pentagram over it to SIPHON HEAT FROM THE FIRES OF HELL. What's next, you gonna go steal cable from Jesus?"

[Rakoa]

I'd like context.

We were playing a Rokugan Oriental Adventures game. One character was an elderly Spirit Shaman, another his Monk nephew. A third player dubbed them Uncle and Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures got collectively mad at the player of a Crab Hengeyokai for not making his backstory "restaurant went out of business, so I went adventuring for money."

And thus, our Hengeyokai player gave them the line.

[Fumble Jack]

Colta : You are the archmage that died 10,000 years ago!

Tuk-Tuk: Yes, but Tuk-Tuk doesn't remember.

Colta : We shall measure all ancient & older things in Tuk-Tuks.

Tuk-Tuk Tuk-Tuk approves.

(my 3.5 game IC)

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “So, what was the consequence of the Barter check?”
GM: “The griffon is taking your caps and is prepared to pour a drink for all seven ponies at the counter.”
Doc: “But there are eight of us… Oh. It’s my Y-chromosome, isn’t it?”

Doc: “That's nothing. I haven’t had a drink yet and I already angered someone. In two rounds I'll be the soberest pony to ever start a drunken brawl.”

Viridia: “Viridia will have to use her flirtation hammer. When it's all you have, everypony wants to get…”
Doc: “Well I did bring the pole to this party.”

Doc: “Earning an income is pretty important. We'll try not to get brutally irradiated while you're away.”

Livewire: “Hey! Does the perk 'Rapid Reload' mean your pony is particularly dexterous with their tongue in general?”
[Beat]
GM: “No.”

Doc: “Last weird place I woke up from being drunk was in a morgue with white face paint on me.”

Livewire: “Ponies eat meat in the show canon. They eat shrimp.”
GM: “They did, but ponies didn't start to eat Bessy until the bombs dropped and cows started to look delicious.”

Doc: “I'll take 'Excuses that Tirkes will Find Tolerable' for $400, Alex.”

Viridia: “That's the second time in my life that I've been saved by traps.”

Livewire: “GM, what is the term for eating a nonpony sentient?”
GM: “Eating.”

Livewire: “Are ponies that adventure together and fight together becoming lovers a thing? Is that, yaknow, common? Encouraged?”
Doc: (Barely awake) “Yawn... only a thing if you want it... breakfast in the morning...”

Doc: “This is an odd dream. Ooh, maybe Mirror will be in it?”
Supply: “This is not a dream! Everypony WAKE UP!”
Doc: “Aww. …Can Mirror still be in it?”

Greendream: “I can help you find it when you all wake up, but you can't tell anyone that this involves the guild, because if you do I'm contractually obligated to kill you all.”

Doc: “Right… blindly away we go!”
GM: “If she had any ability to solve this problem, wouldn't she have done it already?”
Doc: “She could have just been lazy.”

Viridia: “If I were a zebra, I’d speak entirely in dirty limericks.”

Doc: “I'm happy that none of those theories were ‘it phased through the door because it's not a dog’."

Viridia: “Now I'm not sure if ‘nice lipstick’ is what Doc would say if Viridia returned like that, or if it's just you.”
Doc: “That… might be both actually.”

Viridia: “She's a cutie.”
Doc: “I'm a bit amazed how easy you seem to hit it off with just about everypony, including the ones that threaten to brain-rape us.”
Viridia: “It’s all in the hips.” (Bops hips with Doc)
Doc: (Blushes) “Alright, well... weapons check is good. Hopefully that works on the spirit.”

[Cristo Meyers]

Viridia: “If I were a zebra, I’d speak entirely in dirty limericks.”

This ranks right up there with 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college' in things that are only more perplexing the more you think about them.:smallbiggrin:

[Rater202]

This ranks right up there with 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college' in things that are only more perplexing the more you think about them.:smallbiggrin:

My Little Pony: FiM, and by Extension Fallout Equestria, has zebras as a race.

In fact, the entire reason Equestria is in a Fallout like state is because both the Equestrians and the Zebras had idiot balls and conflict balls glued to them, and because the Zebras were somehow able to not get their asses kicked by the country where a third of the population is magic, a third has super strengths, a third can fly and control the weather, and that's leaders are the literal reason the sun and moon come up in the morning.

I digress, but the only FiM zebra we've seen speaks almost entirely in rhymes. This has led "Rhymes on a dime" to be flanderized s the Zebra Species hat.

[Lakaz]

As much as i like to upload several at a time, this one deserved to be posted alone.

DM: "Okay i know what you're thinking... no playing a murderhobo. This is a intrigue campaign."
PC1: "Hey, that's politically incorrect."
DM: "What, murderhobo? It's fine"
PC1: "No, no, hobo isn't politically incorrect, you'll insult somebody. Don't use it"
DM: "Fine. No playing a murder-homeless-person"
PC1: "Sure, i'll just play a murder-transient instead"

[Rater202]

Sabina:Better! Mister Tails would be proud of you for doing it the right way.
Spark:Mr. Tails? Do you mean Miles Prower?
Gear:Who? Spark, if this is an other one of your crazy humans conspiracies...
Spark:No he is a fox with two tails. bit of a genius like you gear.
Gear:...Spark, I think you might be schizophrenic. You need help.
Sabina:No, Mister Tails is one of the science teachers in school. You know, all that scientific method and lab safety stuff he talked about first week?
Spark:Right that Mr. Tails...
Gear:Spark, I think you need to take a nap.*physically picks up Adepha* Adepha, use cuddle.
Sabina:What, is she a pokemon now?*helps lift Adepha*
Spark:You.... that...... Poke'......... just....... AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Adepha:*mentally shrugs, then cuddles Spark*
Spark:*Cuddles back,then mumbles something serious*
Gear:*releases Adepha, the mentally laughs at breaking Spark*

*After a bit of drama*

Gear:I don't see napping.
Spark:*sticks tongue at Gear*
Sabina:Anyway, so what's our next move?
Gear:*jokes about cuddles and napping and then says bunch of stuff that would break the no context rule*
Sabina:Well, we do bother the queen an awful lot in our recent adventures.
Aeslia:What the hay are all you all talking about?
Subtle:*To cuddling couple*Do you to, uh, want a concealing illusion or something?
Gear:Why would they need a concealing illusion? Is there some law against cuddling while Public?
Adepha:Ech, no thanks. I'm good.
Gear:So... Have we made a decision on where to go next?
Spark:*To Aeslia*the other think I am insane for knowing human s exist and then sabina talks about pokemon a human thing and no one bats an eye.
Gear:..Sis, what's a Pokemon?
Sabina:It's a card game I saw Violet play with some of her friends. Kind of complicated but I think it involves attacking each other with cute animals that have magic powers.
Gear:..And how much magic grass were the creators of that game smoking?
Sabina:About three Bulbasaurs worth?
Adepha:Were they shinies?
Gear:*to Sabina*And those are what? *to Adepha*...What?
Sabina:Nevermind, let's just move on. I'll have Violet explain the game to you later.
Adepha:...apparently me and Sabina have been hanging out with Violet too much.

[Inevitability]

This is going to end with Lizardfolk [historical figure with unusual facial hair whose name invokes Godwin's law], isn't it?

[Kid Jake]

Eadric: "Very well Yaldin, if that's how you want to play it. Let's settle this with the Old Ways."
Yaldin: *hefts his oversized battle axe and sets his grim jaw* "Yes let's."
Eadric: *assumes a martial arts stance*
Yaldin: *leaps back down the hole* "GUARDS, GUARDS, GUARDS!"
*Morgan Freeman voice* "Eadric is reminded once again why he's always hated the Old Ways."

[Benthesquid]

Merrey Rowe (NPC): "Efrin! Take your dress off, I feel an epic poem coming on."

[Diachronos]

"Stop blending my werewolves."

"How does she know the word 'murmuring'?"
"She has one of those 'Word of the Day' calenders?"

"How far away is the lodge, anyway?"
DM: "Part 2: Askinor Lodge. After several days of travel..."

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “Livewire, dear, you're lovely, but I'm going to ask the spirit to eat you if you keep aggravating my new friends.”

Doc: “Eh they’re fine. That toaster sticking out of that one kid's head is nothing serious.”

Supply: “I could certainly use some advice since my usual technique for dealing with this sort of situation isn't going to work this time.”
Heavy Draft: “If your usual technique is what I'm going to assume it is, I would get something sharper then whatever toys ya'll are carrying around.”
Supply: “My usual technique is just to skip town.”

Doc: “If my face was a book cover, the title would read ‘Oh dear, this is going to get interesting’.”

Doc: “Do not put all your healing eggs in one clerical basket.”

Livewire: “More than anything, she considers her shotgun a tool.”
Doc: “Much like my opinion of Greendream... or maybe I’m thinking of a different meaning.”

Stellar: “Wingblade damage not only blows away the competition, but if we’re fighting in the air you can kill your opponent simply by crippling their wings.”
Doc: “You could say that wingblades are... a cut above the competition.”
Viridia: “Ooh... you’re a sharp one.”

GM: “Rather interested on how you intend on being the sexy diplomancer with a gas mask on.”
Viridia: “I'll show those mares my gas mask. B*tches love gas masks.”

Viridia: “Don't the gems bring out my eyes?”
Doc: “I reckon they really do. A real stallion killer. Hopefully, I’m low on that list.”
Viridia: “I assure you, I have half the population of Tauronto to get through first.”

Doc: “Viridia is getting a wingblade sparring partner and a sword sparring partner. It is good to be the bard.”
Viridia: “Indeed. But can it really be as fulfilling as a loving, consistent relationship built on mutual trust and admiration?”
Doc: “D’aww, you really think Doc’s quest to—”
Viridia: “Yes. The answer is yes.”
Doc: “—Oh. Okay then.”

Viridia: “To be fair, Doc is slightly paranoid, seeing as Viridia’s gayer than Freddie Mercury at the YMCA.”

Doc: “We work with the cards we’re dealt. I’ve had romantic line-ups that included ‘Sister I didn’t know about’, ‘Actually a spy sent to kill me’, and ‘perfect S.O. that gets killed two sessions later because the GM got bored’.”

Viridia: “It won’t be that big a problem if he does try to cause trouble. All that smoking will give him lung cancer, and then we play the waiting game.”

Doc: “Hopefully the pony Sari was talking to has left by now.”
GM: “She hadn’t.”
Doc: “Pickles.”

Livewire: “Know anything about entities that feed on thoughts or emotions in general? There’s this spirit thing that seems to feed on something to do with dreams in town.”
Viridia: “Despite being many, many rooms away, Viridia suddenly gets the urge to slap Livewire very hard.”

[Inevitability]

Rogue: Do you need to roll Sleight of Hand for stealing a dwarf?"


Monk: Okay, so we just have to force several humanoid races to interbreed, feed the weak ones to an evil sword that devours their life energy, then continue breeding with the healthy ones until we have developed a race that is awesome at everything? Sounds good!
Me: Your alignments are going to fall so hard they'll be able to hear it several planes away. :smallannoyed:

[Lakaz]

DM: "A NPC bursts into the room, and yells some words in a language you don't understand. The merchants golem bodyguards eyes flash red, and one grabs the merchant and throws him across the room, and the rest advance on you. The merchant yells something in the same language- presumably a command to deactivate his bodyguards"
PC1: "What exactly does he yell?"
DM: "Well, you don't speak the language, but it sounds vaguely like 'Alt F Four! Alt F Four!"

DM: "The golems don't run on linux!"

DM: "Your knowledge check tells you that you suspect the golems are vulnerable to fire damage. You rolled a two, though, so i wouldn't trust it"

DM: "You kick the golem in the genitals. You then realise it doesn't have any, and wonder precisely how that worked"

PC2: "So wait, you're the mayor now? What happened to the old guy?"
PC1: "He had the brothel burnt down so we overthrew him"

PC2: "So what are you guys doing, exactly?"
PC1: "This lady we've got tied up is a member of a cult. We're going to interrogate her, then we're going to kill her"
NPC: "Wait, you're going to kill me?"
PC1: "Of course not, dear, not if you tell us everything"
NPC: "...Yeaaah i don't believe a word of it"

PC1: "Can we please use "Murder-homeless-person" Instead of "Murder-transient"? Every time you say that i think you're about to say "Murder-transvestite"."

(For bonus context on that last one, check my last post)

[ZeroGear]

DM: What is Everyone’s advanced moves?
Lanethe: Blot out the sun!
DM There is going to be a lot of range-age I guess,
Lanethe: I am a Ranger, of course there is going to be a lot of ranging!

Durga: You wolf has either insulted my deity, or I am trying to convert you wolf.

Durga: Zamen has spoken! He will glide us to proper knowledge and glory!
Lanethe: He will GLIDE us?
Durga: Zamen is not the god of proper speech.

Durga: [blah] appropriately, [blah] appropriate [blah] appropriate [blah] appropriately!
DM: that was a whole lot of ‘appropriate’ in one sentence.

Crystal guard: why are you skulking around like a deranged lunatic?
Lanethe: I’m looking for the loo.
DM: You had no idea a crystalline face could hold so much contempt.

Durga: Water Elemental, where are you?
DM: The massive lake seems to rise up, with icicles forming purple claws.
Lanethe: You just had to ask, didn’t you?

DM: [Durga], you are the party’s energizer bunny. you just keep going, and going, and going.

Galadiir: [fails invisibility check]
DM: Good news, the spell works. Bad news, it only works against marmosets.

Durga: Maybe you can convince these people they are marmosets.
Galadiir: [Casts spell]
DM: Wow. All the people around you are now marmosets.

Lanethe: The element of surprise is fire.

Durga: I do the minimum damage of 2.
Lanethe: He’s too high on life to do anything properly.

[Diachronos]

Inquisitor: "Oh no, an escort mission..."
Hunter: "Hey, we have Serian, the Monk of the Infinite Fist, and a blender. We'll be fine."

[goto124]

Come to think of it, escort missions are much easier in tabletops compared to the dumb artificial AIs of computer games, right?

If the DM isn't intentionally messing things up...

[Diachronos]

Come to think of it, escort missions are much easier in tabletops compared to the dumb artificial AIs of computer games, right?

If the DM isn't intentionally messing things up...


It's the optional "escort mission" in Carrion Crown: Broken Moon, where you join an overeager noble who's hunting a werewolf that killed a stag that one of the local hunters was tracking.
We ended up finding the place where the stag's body was, but it got dragged off by three dire boars. I scouted ahead and was coming back to report when the noble decided to charge them. The party killed the boars in 2 rounds; two of the boars had 30+ overkill damage on them, while the noble did a whopping... 4 damage to one of them.

[Sith_Happens]

Lanethe: The element of surprise is fire.

...This is one of the most profound and beautiful things I have ever read.

[BootStrapTommy]

This is going to end with Lizardfolk [historical figure with unusual facial hair whose name invokes Godwin's law], isn't it? What is he Voldemort or something?

[Dasgovernator]

DM: "When have I ever overdone things?"
Val: "You wrote a 4-page contract that I had to sign in order to take a prestige class."

Val: "Insurance Fraud! Truly we have ascended to the pinnacle of Lawful Evil"

Mari: "Though I guess for a consolation prize, that would get the [LG Clerics] to accidentally burn a bunch of orphans to death"

Val: "Oh yeah, I have parents still alive somewhere. I think. I'll have to check"

Val: "No no people, move along, nothing to see here, we're adventurers."

Mari: "Does a living suit of Armor count as an unattended object?"

DM: "This is some Narnia **** going on"

Nerusk: "Victor always knows where he is"
Victor: "Its the one thing I'm really good at"
Val: "Aside from decapitating things?"
Victor: "I double-crit. There's not much I could do about that"

Nerusk: "No, speak with dead specifically says that it doesn't work on things reanimated into undead"
Victor: "So, if you don't want your dead to talk, turn them into Zombies and kill them again"
Val: "I think that's what they call the fantasy double tap"

Val: "Why do Outsiders ever walk, anywhere? They have teleport at-will"
Victor: "They're Lazy?"
Val: "I love how walking is the lazy option in that interpretation"
DM: "I'm too tired to rip open portals in the fabric of the universe for my immediate convenience"
Nerusk: "You win this time, Physics! *Shakes fist"

Ricer: "The Fast and the Featherous:Thunderbird Drift"

DM: "What's the Sleight of hands check to hide a cohort from the rules of the universe?"
Victor: "I don't know, but the right Rogue could probably make it."

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “My Bethesda quest marker was pointing to [Walking the Dog].”

GM: “Wasteland Christmas just came early, but chances are the party’s going to meet Wasteland Krampus soon enough.”

Doc: “I'm pretty sure I’d be turned into lasagna if I tried.”

Viridia: *Gently strokes the puppy*
Doc: “I’m imagining Viridia having a Blofeld moment. We storm the warlord’s place, take her captive, and then tie her to a table.”
Warlord: "What, do you expect me to talk?"
Doc: (Imitating Viridia) "No, Mrs. War, I expect you to bi."
Supply: “You are a horrible pony.”
Doc: “I was reminded last night that I still have the highest body count in the group too.”

Viridia: “Just to be absolutely clear, Olive Branch isn’t implying that Viridia is ugly, right?”
GM: “Oh, no. Olive Branch is just the sort of pony who could come off as vaguely antagonistic if she was reading nutrition information on the back of a can of beans.”
Doc: “Well, refried beans are pretty antagonistic in my opinion.”

GM: “Security? What's that?”
Viridia: “Sleeping on the couch in the break room.”

Supply: “The second blow was to spare the unicorn the suffering from bleeding out, or the suffering of being one of Doc’s patients.”

GM: “Sunrise Scimitar is a huge unicorn who’s lacking the horn and tolerance for the party’s patron.”
Doc: “And who apparently has a vulnerable nougat center that Viridia started to poke at.”
GM: “You seem to be confusing him with Tirkes.”
Doc: “Oops, so I did! I am obviously too sober to continue this conversation. I wish for my earlier statement to be stricken from the record, your honor.”

GM: “Tirkes’ vulnerable center, coincidently, probably has more of a custardy consistency.”
Doc: “Second dumbest question for tonight: Tirkes is still female, right?”

Viridia: “They're not enemies. They’re just ponies who haven’t realized they’re Viridia’s friends yet.”

GM: “She also snored; it sounded like a tiny machine was constantly breaking down.”

Doc: “You know, I never understood that. Why the ice? You wouldn’t live long anyway since you’ll run out of glucose in your blood. Are they preserving you as a snack for hell hounds or something?”

GM: “One could make a case for donkeys, though; their stubbornness might have a magical element to it.”
Doc: “I always thought of it as a super power. Least, that’s what my mom used to tell me.”

Viridia: “Well, you’ll get experience in murdering for political gain. That seems useful for running a city-state.”

Livewire: “Is this leather? From before the war? I thought most sources of that were, yaknow, sentient?”
Sari: “Tree leather. From leather trees.”

Sari: “Well, it is a cute dog. I haven’t seen one like that in my entire life.”
Livewire: “We, uh, haven’t conclusively ruled out that it is something absurdly powerful and beyond our ken pretending to be a dog, though.”

[TheHoodedTeddy]

Sari: “Well, it is a cute dog. I haven’t seen one like that in my entire life.”
Livewire: “We, uh, haven’t conclusively ruled out that it is something absurdly powerful and beyond our ken pretending to be a dog, though.”

Good old RPG Veteran Paranoia.

[Dimers]

"Don't worry about it, worse things have touched my doorknob. Huh. I really need to wash my doorknob."

[Kid Jake]

Roger McCrow: "Hey! Why does he get to play around inside you and I don't?"

Me: "It's the woman with the kids you beat up."
Roger McCrow: "That narrows it down very little."
Me: "Sorry, I meant it was the woman whose kids you beat up."
Roger McCrow: "Alright, that's a shorter list..."


Fanboy: "Alright, so I'm gonna look up on the internet how to make mustard gas."
Me: "I'm pretty sure that's gonna get you put on a list."
Fanboy: "If we're not already on that list then it can't be all that effective."

Michael: "I'd just like to point out to everyone that I hated the General before it was cool."

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “What do doctors/nurses at Sari’s place wear? I’ll just mimic them so I appear to be from round here.”
Viridia: “White thigh-high stockings and skintight dresses.”
Doc: “I'll save that for the after-party party.”
GM: “That’s actually what Sari’s unicorn assassin wears.”
Supply: “Well I’m doomed.”

Doc: “This... doesn't bode well for Doc, does it?”
GM: “No country that created something like Lutefisk could possibly have good intentions for the world.”

GM: “I mean, it’s not as if Mirror Armor is out eating babies or is being Sombra 2: Crystal Boogaloo, really.”
Doc: “Admittedly that would make for the most interesting first date ever.”
Bartender: “What’ll ya have?”
Doc: “I'll have a cabbage wrap.”
Doc: (Imitating Mirror) "Jag tar en grillad föl på toast!” [Rough translation: I'll take a grilled foal on toast!]
Doc: "Mmm, toast. That does sound good.”

Doc: “Ask her if she has a sister?”
Viridia: “I dunno. While I’m sure Viridia would enjoy it, most people are iffy about doing that kind of stuff with their sister.”
Doc: “Maybe not until after some drinks, eh?”
GM: “What have I done?!”

GM: “Over the sea
Over the sea
It's where the unicorns can’t break us
Sack and enslave us
With impunity
We are those they like to cook
But on land we're off the hook
We got some issues
But here there's tissues
Over the sea
Over the sea
Since life is good here
We got some food here
Naturally
Even the surgeons have the sway
They get the urge to save the day
We got a spirit
You’re probably near it
Over the sea!”

Doc: “Damn it, Tirkes. First I forget that you’re a mare. Now I forget that you’re a unicorn. Why can’t I remember your stats without writing them down?”

Tirkes: “What’s that about a party, though? Is Sari having you all throw a foal’s cuticeañera or something?”
Doc: “Sure, we’re getting our cutie mark in planting a warlord six feet under!”

Doc: “There's always the classic ‘10-foot pole’ method of touching something possibly dangerous.”
Viridia: “Huh. I didn’t know Doc had that kind of equipment.”
Doc: “A good doctor is well equipped to handle any patient.”

[goto124]

Is that spanish?

[Emperor Ing]

Dance goo! Dance! Sing with me, dancing goo!

♪Always look on/the bright side of life!♪

[Rater202]

Gear: Dance goo! Dance! Sing with me, dancing goo!

♪Always look on/the bright side of life!♪

Fixed it for you.

[DigoDragon]

Is that spanish?

Swedish. Mirror's native language is done by running phrases through Google Translate.

[Dasgovernator]

Kit: "Holy ****, its an owl-bear. ITS SO CUTE. I want to pet it!"
Striker: "How do you have the highest survival again?"

Kit (singing): "Making sure people aren't dead, because that's what we do"

DM: "The Book is filled with magical spells"
Kit: "Resurrection spells I hope"
DM: "No, its only Necromantic spells only"
Striker: "Don't worry, you can turn your parents into Liches! That's almost like getting them back alive!"

Radiv: "He's a very constructive pyromanic. Its weird, I know"

Leo: "I've never ever stocked up on food supplies, and I won't start now"

Kit: "Hey Leo! Come here, I need to ask you a favor"
Leo (A Catfolk): "Okay"
*Kit takes a Cat out of her backpack and shows it to Leo
Kit: "Its a Cat! I want to know its name! I know you can speak with animals! Ask him what his name is!"
Leo: " . . . Umm. Meow?"

Leo: "I want to see what I know about this area. Rolls"
DM: "You see a large tower in the distance with a giant Eagle on top . . ."
Leo: "Are towers native to this area? I roll Knowledge Nature on Towers"
*Gets a nat 20
DM: (Laughing) "The Towerli Stonuloucus is a territorial animal, rarely moving outside of its home area . . ."

Peaks: "Its an Eagle Knight tower!"
Leo: "Does that tell us if the Giant Eagle on top is hostile?"
Peaks: "I don't know, I can't talk to animals Mr Giant Talking Cat that I'm talking to right now"

Kit: "No one's accidentally going to die tonight!"
Striker: "I love how cheerful you sound when you say that"

[Diachronos]

"Weird, usually it's not the paladin that breaks the adventure."

"Don't blend the NPCs!"

"Several bad dog-****ing puns later..."

"Hey, she's Varisian! She doesn't I should probably roll that..."

"You need to lay off the caffeine."
"I don't drink things."

[Milodiah]

PC1: "Sir, we've shot the enemy troops."
Admiral: "Excellent work, Duke....wait, with what?"
PC1: "...no, sir. We fired them. As ammunition."

Enemy boarding party is trying to blast through the airlock. PC1 realizes he has control over the ship's atmospherics. PC1 locks down the rear hatch, has damage control fill the hallway behind it with hull-breach foam, floods the interior of the airlock with a methane/o2 mix. Boom, BOOM.

[bulbaquil]

P3: "We've been walking through this hallway for a f***ing month!"

P4: "The possibilities are endless."
P3: "Just like my skepticism."

GM: "Now for the bad news. [The binder]'s going to hate me - even by skyrail, it's going to be at least another 24 hours before you get there. So you're going to have to make a binding check... on a train.

GM: "Your tickets are for the same car."
P4: "I pick the Lamborghini."

GM: "I'm going to ask everyone to take 10, actually."
P1: "On what?"
GM: "So that I can reboot."

[Gnomes2169]

Dm: "Ilmatter is about 150 units of kung-fu-action Jesus."

[AdmiralCheez]

Bard: This isn't a storeroom of magic items, it's Inspector Gadget's closet.
Warlock: I can see why they left these behind.


Main Villain: So you finally arrived. About time you showed up.
Sorceress: Hi, that looks good. Can I join you?
Main Villain: Do... do I know you?
Sorceress: No, apparently not. Allow me to introduce myself over a glass of the finest liquor I could find upstairs.
Main Villain: Oh, no. It's... far too early in the morning for me.
Sorceress: Don't worry, it's 1pm somewhere!



Main Villain: I know you were in my city, rummaging through my office. All I want is my book back, and you can all walk out of here alive.
Bard: We didn't find any book, but you can have your magic shower cap back.
Main Villain: ... No, you can keep that. I left that behind for a reason.


DM: Okay, with one spell you managed to reveal the villain as an illusion, killed her necromancer and her wraith, knocked out a party member, reduced the rest of the team to a third of their health or lower, set all of the magic items on fire, destabilized the building's foundation, and exposed the doorman as a demon that is ready to kill all of you.
Warlock: I'd say that was a good opening spell, wouldn't you?


Bard: This game is quickly turning into a physics simulation with RPG elements.


DM: Congratulations! You have slain the inn! Now how do you all get out of the basement now that the upper floors have collapsed?
Warlock: What's the most structurally secure part of the room?
DM: The corner. Why?
Warlock: Everyone run to the corner, then save me a spot. I've got another spell.

[TheHoodedTeddy]

Main Villain: I know you were in my city, rummaging through my office. All I want is my book back, and you can all walk out of here alive.
Bard: We didn't find any book, but you can have your magic shower cap back.
Main Villain: ... No, you can keep that. I left that behind for a reason.


DM: Okay, with one spell you managed to reveal the villain as an illusion, killed her necromancer and her wraith, knocked out a party member, reduced the rest of the team to a third of their health or lower, set all of the magic items on fire, destabilized the building's foundation, and exposed the doorman as a demon that is ready to kill all of you.
Warlock: I'd say that was a good opening spell, wouldn't you?

Out of curiosity, what did the cap do? Also was the spell Mordenkainen's disjunction?

[AdmiralCheez]

Out of curiosity, what did the cap do? Also was the spell Mordenkainen's disjunction?

We still don't know what the cap does, since we haven't gotten a chance to identify it yet. But we still have it! And the spell was a fireball set off in the cramped basement of an inn, full of all sorts of flammable wood shelves, food, and treasure that the villain's henchmen were hoarding.

[Sith_Happens]

And the spell was a fireball set off in the cramped basement of an inn, full of all sorts of flammable wood shelves, food, and treasure that the villain's henchmen were hoarding.

Darn, my money was on a strategically-targeted Shatter spell.

[AdmiralCheez]

Darn, my money was on a strategically-targeted Shatter spell.

Ooh, so close! A shatter spell is actually what this quote was referring to.


DM: Congratulations! You have slain the inn! Now how do you all get out of the basement now that the upper floors have collapsed?
Warlock: What's the most structurally secure part of the room?
DM: The corner. Why?
Warlock: Everyone run to the corner, then save me a spot. I've got another spell.

[DigoDragon]

Stellar: “And no throwing anypony under a bus. Stellar is not Phil Michelson.”

Supply: “I just realized something. Twice now, Supply has went ahead to scout and told the others to wait behind. Twice Doc has not listened to her and somepony died as a result.”
Doc: “So can we weaponize this? Get Doc not to listen to Supply at the party, go sneak into Abbaas’ place and get the warlord killed by Doc’s horrible luck?”

Livewire: “Okay, so he said kill, so that includes both murder and homicide, and a few other edge cases.”

Doc: “I take some notes on this discovery, hoping it’ll be the breakthrough in communicating with Mirror on her level. Course, most of that work would have to wait until after the assassination party. Assuming I live through that. Well, I figure I would. Probably. Maybe...”

Viridia: “I think the enemies are the things that clown fish live in...?”

Dream Spirit: (To Livewire) “Between the two pegasi outside, which one do you believe has the greatest chance of killing you in the near future?”
Livewire: “Mu. Your question is invalid; it presupposes that either of them has a nonzero chance of killing me in the near future, and I reject that assumption.”
Dream Spirit: “It is a simple question; it is not as if either of your other teammates have no chance of killing you.”
Doc: “Wait until Live finds herself shot and in need of medical attention. I’m a bit surprised I’m not a contender.”

Sunrise Scimitar: “There is to be a party here the same day you all will be out dealing with Abbaas; that is Sari's excuse for not meeting him in the first place.”
Doc: “Sounds like everyone will be having a grand time... well, except warlord Abbaas.”

Viridia: “I return the god and dip down.”
Doc: “When someone offers you a god, you say yes!”

Stellar: “I wouldn’t mind a little more pace, but as players we have to hold a little bit the responsibility for continuously splitting the party!”
Doc: “I’m guilty of this, as I been attempting to have Doc ask an NPC out for drinks and stuff kept getting in the way.”
Viridia: “Yo, I heard you like sidequests, so I put a sidequest in your sidequest so you can sidequest while you sidequest...”
Doc: “This is exactly why it took me two years to finish the main quest in Skyrim.”

Supply: “Oh well, I don’t care either way. I’m too busy pouring oil over every bridge I have.”
Doc: “I’m assuming you're not doing that to make a salad.”

Doc: “Funny how crazy ideas can take fruition when the situation gets just as crazy.”

Viridia: “I go to bed.”
Stellar: “I go to bed too, a separate bed.”
Viridia: “I’m not sure why, but I feel somehow spurned that it was necessary to add ‘A separate bed’.”
Stellar: “Well Viridia was the one who went looking for other mares to flirt with.”
Viridia: “Hey, you don’t always have to bed ‘em fast. In fact, sometimes, that’s not right to do. Sometimes you’ve got to make some love, and give her some smooches too…”
Stellar: “Gotta love some D.”
Viridia: “Accidental innuendo?”
Stellar: “Um..? Yes?”

[TheHoodedTeddy]

Viridia: “Yo, I heard you like sidequests, so I put a sidequest in your sidequest so you can sidequest while you sidequest...”
Doc: “This is exactly why it took me two years to finish the main quest in Skyrim.”

Made me laugh way harder than it should've.

Mind If I sig this?

[DigoDragon]

Made me laugh way harder than it should've.

Mind If I sig this?

Go ahead! I'm all for the spread of humor. :)

[Rater202]

Me: Gear wants to be certain that all of the arbiters who suffer a hard light colonoscopy deserve it.

[Kid Jake]

From my new Shadowrun campaign:

Art: "Running is only as tough as you make it, subtlety is the name of the game."
Shiro: "Oh definitely, I agree, I'm all for subtlety...so long as something catches fire."

[IZ42]

From my new Shadowrun campaign:

Art: "Running is only as tough as you make it, subtlety is the name of the game."
Shiro: "Oh definitely, I agree, I'm all for subtlety...so long as something catches fire."

How shadowrun should be played.

[DigoDragon]

How shadowrun should be played.

That is how it was played when I ran the game. :3

[Kid Jake]

Hilariously, the guy was a wolf shaman, with almost nothing but fire based spells, who spent the entire game whispering that they should burn EVERYTHING. Then when they finally turn him loose to wreck up some guards...he draws a bow and arrow.

[goto124]

"I set the arrow on fire."

[ZeroGear]

Natasha: “Logic has nothing to do with this. It is about mocking the stuck-up elf.”

DM: “They’re high-explosive grenades. You could say they are an explosive seller.”

Mellor: “He is like an excitable dog: If I can throw the stick in the right direction, he will be willing to do whatever.”

Natasha (OC): “Are you flirting with the hacker?”
Mellor (OC): “Mellor is Bi you know.”

Natasha: “Don’t worry Mellor, we know you’re not into the Raven. You’re too racist for that. Unless it’s one of those weird shame-fueled ones.”

[Benthesquid]

Willie MacBride:*kicks gun out of Walter's hand* Och, lad, I cannae do it. I'll leave you with a fair chance.
Walter Wilhelm: Bleeding out from the stump of my leg, at the bottom of a shaft, in the center of a bandit fort being attacked by angry Indians?
Willie MacBride *too busy stuffing gold in his pockets to answer*

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “I’m pretty upset that in order to prove I didn’t help kill someone, I got to go help kill someone. Seems counter-productive for a doctor.”

Doc: “Sticking to one quest is my best way to cope because I have-- Oh, what’s in this building?! What’s in the one next door? Can I loot that? Wait, what was I supposed to be doing?”

Livewire: “Do you all... Not look at the wikis and plan out, in a rough outline, what you will be doing when?”
Doc: “I have specifically avoided as many spoilers and wikis as possible.”
Viridia: “Snape kills Dumbledore.”
Doc: “Well, my Fallout experience is ruined.”

Viridia: “It’s time to P-A-R-T-T-Y! Why two Ts? Because it’s no fun without TTs.”

Supply: “Greendream attacked us. Well Viridia, can we kill her now please?”
Doc: “Way ahead of you! Rolling Medicine to heal Green’s injury.”
Dice: *Rolls a 100% - critical failure*
Doc: “Holy **** die roller, I was only kidding!”
Stellar: “I’m laughing, because Doc’s medical rolls are just hilariously awful. Where did he get his accreditation again?”
Doc: “Accreditation? Welp, this night can't get any worse for Doc.”
Viridia: “It definitely can. What if Viridia puts his hoof in warm water while he’s asleep?”
Doc: “…okay maybe that.”

Stellar: “Maybe Doc should take a look at you, just to be sure?”
[Beat]
Stellar: “This is possibly the most dangerous thing I’ve ever suggested.”
Doc: “I’m trying to imagine the kind of accidents I could have with a tongue depressor.”

GM: “Greendream did not move, because she was unconscious and it would probably be more worrying if she did move, actually.”
Doc: “Let’s see how long Green can behave herself before I use more gauze.”
Viridia: “Change gauze to Gauss and I think it's a damn fine idea.”

GM: “It’s like how the doctor, after totally failing a Medicine roll, managed to harm an unconscious patient.”
Doc: “Consistently. Admittedly that’s kind of a Crowning Moment of... something.”

Supply: “Seriously why haven’t any of you killed that mare yet?”
GM: “Goodness, I thought you were playing a pony named Supply Route, not bloody Belkar Bitterleaf.”
Supply: “She flat out tried to kill a party member. What more does she have to do to become an acceptable target? Kick a puppy?”
Doc: “That could be arranged actually.”

GM: “So, yes, basically Celestia was wrapped in changeling bacon when she got neutralized.”

Doc: “I’m learning that in the wasteland you are always dealt a bad hand.”
Sunrise: “A more apt metaphor would be a card game with blank cards, played in the dark, and with multiple smiling dealers all thinking that you’re their sucker.”

Livewire: “How about a song right now about good food and hope and a little anxiety about the future but we’ll figure it out together as friends?”
Supply: “Well I’m literally not there, and I don’t believe in any of that stuff anyways. So you're on your own.”
GM: “It could be some sort of murder-themed version of This Day Aria, with Supply being Chrissy in this case.”

Doc: "She lives life vicariously through herself.
Her guards question her orders purely out of fascination over her orders.
Pink cloud has no effect because objects are too respectful to touch her.
The experience of her glare is enough to cause foals to level up.
She is-- the most interesting horse in the wasteland."
Sari: “Stay irradiated my friends.”

[goto124]

Supply: “Greendream attacked us. Well Viridia, can we kill her now please?”
Doc: “Way ahead of you! Rolling Medicine to heal Green’s injury.”

GM: “Greendream did not move, because she was unconscious and it would probably be more worrying if she did move, actually.”


Wait, did Green die?

[DigoDragon]

Wait, did Green die?

Very nearly did! Doc managed to roll better on subsequent Medicine checks to stabilize her.
She was unconscious for a while though, and ultimately we left her behind when she awoke.

[the OOD]

Mace Windu: ... and so I died and woke up here.
Jay: welcome to the worst afterlife ever.

SWAT officer: we have the police station surrounded, come out with your hands over your head!

the kid: If you kill Jesus, Godzilla dies!

Jay: I go shopping for a fake mustache and the prequels
GM: you wouldn't dare.
Jay: time to spoil mace's death to himself :D

John: guns are the worst superpower ever.

Ahren: step three: abduct Samuel L. Jackson to use as a body double

GM: y'know, if you gave mace windu shades and a black trenchcoat, no one would be able to figure out who he is

GM: you mind-locked Alphonse Elric, *and* hurt a puppy. bastard.
Erin: umm...
Arehn: you monster.
Erin: well, you see...
Windu: I am going to kill you so hard for this.
Erin: but it was a trained attack dog! can't we talk about this? :smalleek:

John: well, now that we're all here... *snaps figures*
*R.O.V.E.R. appears*
Ahren+the kid+Jay: Oh Shi- :smalleek:
Windu: what is that?
GM: riiiigght, you don't know about that campaign. have fun!
R.O.V.E.R.: *spins up gatling minigun*:smallbiggrin:

GM: how canon? More canon than Jesus's butcheek!
Jay: that might be a little bit... to canon.

[IZ42]

So I noticed this thread had 1337 comments, so I decided to ruin it by commenting. I might have more quotes tomorrow after my session.

[dramatic flare]

Captain: My blue monster is actually orange colored.
Balthazar:...What?

Alred: I succeed on my check to grab the floating ship in a bottle.
GM:The Captain shakes his tiny fist at you.
Alred:....It's based on water elementals right? I ask him if he wants a drink in Aquan.
GM: He raises an eyebrow, then takes out a cup and turns it upside down meaningfully.
Alred: I take off the stopper, pour in enough wine to set the ship inside afloat, then restopper it.
GM: The captain, after recovering from the shaking, scoops some wine out of the new sea, drinks, and nods appreciatively.
Alred: I let go of the bottle.
Gm: It follows you.
Alred: :smallbiggrin:

Aboleth: I didn't know they could move like this! The dancing Mantra Ray is a total delight!

Balthazar: Bring me the Aboleth's corpse! I want to make fast aboleth zombie.

Mysterious voice: *knockknock* Candygram.
Captain: Enter.
Mysterious Voice: Er...... hands full.
Captain: So put it down and enter!
Mysterious Voice: Well, also telegram.
-several of these later-
Captain:Fine. I go to the door and open it in frustration, then take out-
GM:Nope. Readied Action. Landshark. -roll- The land shark bites your head after waiting patiently behind a door.

GM: It's very clear from what you're witnessing that Vinnie has never driven a horse powered boat before.
Balthazar: Has Anybody?

GM: Streamers fall from the ceiling everywhere. You're not sure how he pulled that off on such short notice, but it was incredibly well timed.

Alred:Okay guys, I'm even BETTER at feinting now.
Captain: Why would you want to fall unconcious?

GM: That was a completely different demonic pact you guys made with a completely different demon!

Captain: Okay, (GM), we've renamed the aboleth zombie.
party Tank: Tugboatleth!

Ancient Gold Dragon, to Party Tank: Wait, let me see your teeth. Nope! Flat teeth. You're fine.

Balthazar: Okay, this was easy but their mother will kill us all when she gets back. we should take the corpses with us.

[exodix]

Spike: I will fight this Half dragon in one on one combat. I want to grapple him. 'Rolls a 3
Dm: Spike confident that he can win walks out to fight him and manages to get initiative and try to grapple him, but dives right under his arm. 'Half dragon rolls a 1' But because of the suddenness of the attack Half dragon drops his weapon, and can't attack on his turn.
Spike: I'm gonna try and grapple him again. 'Rolls a 5'
Dm: Spike tries to grapple again but he trips over his warhammer that he had thrown down earlier. 'Half dragon rolls a 7' The Half dragon swings his weapon, but spike managed to block the sword with his massive hands and knock it away.
Spike: I want to grapple him again. 'Rolls a 4' What the H***.
Dm: Spike tries to grapple again but is blinded by the sun when he almost makes the grab. 'Rolls a 20 the the equivalent of 48 damage' Half dragon says "Well this has gotten boring." and slices Spike's chest with an upward swing and makes him fall in down into a pool of his own blood.
Spike: Well s***. I think I'm dead.
Brotter: Not yet. I run up after the Half dragon leaves to heal Spike. Now he owes me one.
Spike: I think I'd rather be dead.

[Sith_Happens]

“Yo, I heard you like sidequests, so I put a sidequest in your sidequest so you can sidequest while you sidequest...”

This describes both of the D&D campaigns I'm in right now.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “After a good thirty minutes, the grey concrete and cloudy skies all started to blend together into one big ever-present blob of dull.”
Doc: “We walked into a Call of Duty game?”
Viridia: “Sounds more like Fallout 3 to me. Especially with the thirty minute loading time.”

Doc: “Well, guess Live has until tonight to think of something before Abbaas contracts an acute case of explosion.”

Doc: “I have no clue how Doc ended up being the only stallion of the group.”
Supply: “Doc is one perk away from turning this story into a harem comedy anime.”

Doc: “Aww, that's sweet. Unless ‘likes the best’ meant ‘argued the least with’, in which case... well I’ll still consider it a compliment.”

Doc: “Sooo... you wanna play the Monty Hall game or should we go back?”
Livewire: “Think hard, Doc. What is one overriding part of my personality that you had to have noticed by now that would answer that question?”
Doc: “Yeah, I forgot who I was talkin’ to. Alright then, let’s be bad guys.”

GM: “Viridia is five minutes away from snorting fantasy cocaine off the back of a pony she met five minutes ago. Well, I say we have a winning pony.”

Doc: “You got some good info about what’s going with Abbaas and made a friend. I lost a wrestling match to a decrepit door lock. I didn’t even have ‘get crushed by a door’ on my to-do list today.”

Stellar: “Not especially interested in getting into house rules.”
Doc: “Rule #1: The House Wins. ...wait, thinking of a different house.”
Viridia: “You’re thinking of Hugh Laurie. I think Stellar meant that guy in The Doctor’s Wife.”

GM: “It’s AP that could be used to, say, dodge a bullet or duck.”
Doc: “My lack of sleep has started to show. At first I wondered why you’d want to throw a duck at someone.”

Stellar: “Aw, Diamond and Viridia’s first serious relationship chat.”
Viridia: “And, like any good relationship, it starts off with lies!”

GM: “The monster had to be six feet tall, pony-shaped but hideous. It looked like a mobile pile of rotten meat and spiky, rusted metal.”
Doc: “Nope. Nope Nope Nope Nope Getting on the Nope Train to Nopeville Nope!”

Viridia: “Does anybody know what that is? My first Fallout comparison would be a Nightkin, but...”
Doc: “I have no idea. My first thought was a super mutant crossed with a ghoul and then fused with an armored cart.”

Doc: “Okay, you might know this one—What’s big, ghoulishly rotting, and covered in piecemeal metal bits like it crashed into an armored cart?”
Supply: “The perfect distraction?”

GM: “Then, the stampede of ponies coming from down the hall started to reach the entrance.”
Doc: “Well, either somepony requested ‘Running Wild’ from the band or Livewire got the message across.”

[goto124]

Doc: “You got some good info about what’s going with Abbaas and made a friend. I lost a wrestling match to a decrepit door lock. I didn’t even have ‘get crushed by a door’ on my to-do list today.”

But did the door open?

[DigoDragon]

But did the door open?

It did. Permanently! :3

[Sith_Happens]

Doc: “I have no clue how Doc ended up being the only stallion of the group.”
Supply: “Doc is one perk away from turning this story into a harem comedy anime.”

...Whichever perk is being referred to right here, take it. Take it right now.

[DigoDragon]

...Whichever perk is being referred to right here, take it. Take it right now.

LOL, if only it were a thing I would so take it. :smallbiggrin:
Might help his chances finding someone to love (Even though the ladies to men ratio is something like 7 to 1, he's not had any luck finding someone into him).

On the other hand, he tends to have a lion's share of the fun lines.

[Rater202]

cavalieredraghi:then don't send Gear to the Hospital.
Me:Not really my choice. If Gear gets banged up enough...
DigoDragon:I'll try my best to preserve Monkey cuddles. :smallsmile:

[Milodiah]

"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
"...ok, officer, you got me. I was doing 75 in a 60."
"...well, that too I guess, but it's mostly the ****ING TOP SECRET DRONE IN THE BACK!"
"...oh ****, we forgot the tarp!"

[Neli42]

Tessellated wenches? That sounds fun!

[AdmiralCheez]

Druid: "We followed basic instructions! This is the best we've ever done!!"


DM: "The gnome is passed out at the bar, panting heavily."
Sorceress: "I'll have what he's having!"
DM: "The bartender hands you a glass of water."
Sorceress: "Okay, what's in the water?"
Bartender: "...Water. He just ran 200 miles to warn us about some demonic invasion, so he's kind of tired now."


Sorceress: "I don't mean to interrupt this important plot stuff, but did you notice the picture on page 22 of the player's handbook looks rather phallic?"
Everyone: "..."
Sorceress: "You're all looking, aren't you?"
Everyone: "Yup."


Bard: "Wait, where'd the paladin come from?"
DM: "Technically, he's been with you the whole campaign."
Fighter: "So he's a... stealth paladin?"
DM: "I introduced his character in the second session. His player just hasn't shown up until now."


DM: "You try to dispel the pastrami?"


Fighter: "I'm the exposition pirate. I only roll 20s on checks that get me background information."


Bard: "Your audio got warped. All I heard was 'bwbwbwbw fireballs?'"

[DigoDragon]

GM: “The reaver’s name is Fluffyhead Cuddlehug.”
Doc: “Anything that wears razor wire as a fashion accessory isn’t there for hugs. And if it is, don’t.”

Doc: “The Roach King could look like Doc. That would make it difficult to tell them apart though.”
Virida: “Aside from the dress?”
Doc: “Doc can have hobbies, can't he?”

Stellar: “Time for Dazzle to take Viridia by the hoof and drag.”
GM: “Is it really railroading if the train has a great butt?”

Doc: “The way things have been going I wouldn’t be surprised if I dealt damage with the apple.”

Viridia: “So, we know that Mirror Armor’s favorite fish is tuna. Is Tirkes’ a bass?”
GM: “Regardless, the whole situation going on is a little fishy to me.”
Doc: “I for one am glad our assassination attempt floundered.”
GM: “Well, the party was seariously skirting the line of krilling him.”

GM: “The GM may require an Agility or Survival roll to find purchase on trees, rocks, statues, and other objects not explicitly made for climbing.”
Viridia: “So... wouldn’t an Agility or Survival roll be mandatory, because there will never be something explicitly made for climbing?”
Doc: “Ladders maybe?”

Supply: “The moment I realize when saving Abbaas is actually really trivial for someone like me who can teleport.”

Doc: “Come on Supply! You need to hit this thing hard!”
Supply: “By hit do you perhaps mean miss completely? Cause that I can do.”

Livewire: “It’s -30 for a headshot.”
Doc: “For ranged weapons yes, but if you use a melee weapon it’s only half that.”
Viridia: “Wait, it’s only half as much for melee characters? Any stallions that cross Viridia are going to regret it.”
Doc: “That... is probably also correct.”

GM: “Tirkes spoke up, actually looking at Abbaas rather scornfully, as if the very presence of the Talons disagreed with her, which it probably did.”
Doc: “My personal default response whenever Talons are involved.”

Supply: “Don’t taunt the pony high on Rampage kids. It’s just asking for a fight.”
Doc: “And yet again I find myself standing in front of an armed and angry pony I value.”

Viridia: “Maybe she accidentally got a unicorn pregnant with lesbian magic. I dunno.”

Doc: “I’m touched that the Doc/Mirror romance has been mentioned as a thing, even though it hasn’t even left bat.”
Viridia: “You need to complete a favor for her. Then, you can ask her to get married, move in, adopt children, and abandon her job as a guard to bake pies for you. I'm pretty sure that’s how love works. Skyrim’s a documentary, right?”

Doc: “And we will adopt adorable little pegasi children, and Doc will teach them the ways of survival in the wastes as we forage for building materials to build our home on the plains. But not near Falkreath, because then Mirror gets ponynapped every four days and that gets old fast.”

Doc: “Let’s make like an ink wash and run for the border.”

[goto124]

Is Mirror a PC or NPC?

[RCgothic]

Mirror's a longtime NPC companion. :smallwink:

[Sith_Happens]

LOL, if only it were a thing I would so take it. :smallbiggrin:

So one of us needs to write it for you is what you're saying.:smallwink:

[DigoDragon]

Mirror's a longtime NPC companion. :smallwink:

And strangely the only longtime NPCs that still does not have a character sheet.



So one of us needs to write it for you is what you're saying.:smallwink:

There's also the matter of convincing the GM to allow such a thing. XD

[Diachronos]

Doc: “And we will adopt adorable little pegasi children, and Doc will teach them the ways of survival in the wastes as we forage for building materials to build our home on the plains. But not near Falkreath, because then Mirror gets ponynapped every four days and that gets old fast.”

My roommate built his house in Falkreath. He ended up with a giant farm.

[Sith_Happens]

There's also the matter of convincing the GM to allow such a thing. XD

That's the easy part, just repeat after me:

"Doc's already great at severing arteries, so why not at breaking hearts?"

[Rakoa]

Game one: "Oww! Oh yeah? Try that again! OWWW!"

Game two: "So Adolf Hitler sniped JFK with a lazer beam and then 360 no-scoped Martin Luther King."

[Kid Jake]

Eadric: "Oh...my...God! This is the guy that killed Apollo Creed, what chance do WE have?!"

Me: So the bone devil bids you adieu and disappears from your bedroom to 'conclude his business'.
Kavos: "Seems like the world becomes a little cheerier every day we're in it..."

[Rakoa]

Monk, sadly: "We might have to do something terrible here for the good of the Empire."
Barbarian, excitedly: "Do we get to gut her?!"

[Kid Jake]

Fresh from my Shadowrun group:

Helios: "Puh-lease. You're not going to involve Lone Star. What would people say if they found out the great Cherry Star worked with the police? She'd lose all her street cred."
Francine: *presses a katana against Helios's throat* "What would people say if they found out that Cherry Star's assistant left a loud mouthed human strewn in pieces across a parking garage?"
Helios: *nervous laughter* "Uh...that Cherry Star really should've let Lone Star do their jobs?"

[DigoDragon]

"Doc's already great at severing arteries, so why not at breaking hearts?"

Dang, that's brilliant. A bit evil, but brilliant. :3



Livewire: “You need to know it’s cooked safely, not too irradiated, etc. Lots of food borne pathogens...”
Doc: “I always imagined my Fallout character using Rad-X in coffee like a non-dairy creamer.”

Viridia: “I don’t know how those wastelanders can sleep at night, knowing what horrors wait in their closets!”
GM: “To be fair, plenty of ponies walk around naked.”

Doc: “I have more 5mm bullets than I do a minigun in a condition that will last long enough to fire them all. That’s right, I’d run out of gun before I shoot all my rounds.”

GM: “The amusing thing is that while Tirkes has never tried to shoot Doc, he has stepped in the way of her gun twice. And for the same reason.”

Doc: “Tirkes would probably find something suspicious with her own shadow.”

Viridia: “Are we waiting on anything?”
GM: “I’m typing up something special!”
Viridia: “Oooh? Is it a pony?!”
Doc: “I’m somewhat concerned that we’re getting a special post on our first night.”
GM: *Cackles Evilly*

Doc: “The name’s Doc, by the way. Surgeon by trade.”
Viridia: “And I’m Viridia Dawn. Professional teenager.”
Seaweed: “A sturgeon?”
GM: “The blink dog had yet to say anything, which was a pretty good sign, given that it was a dog.”

GM: “Moonshadow’s face was assaulted by a black ball of fuzz that seemed intent on licking her to death with its little tongue!”
Stellar: “Captain Jack! Oh Celestia! I’m sorry, he’s just really friendly!”
Moonshadow: “Gah! Ugh, away from me evil mutant mole beast!”
Stellar: “Come on Jack, you know you should wait for permission before licking somepony’s face! Captain Jack is actually a reasonably normal dog. …For certain values of ‘normal’.”

Viridia: “Wait, do ponies even need to bathe to stay clean?”
Moonshadow: “Horses stink.”
GM: “Human’s don't need to bathe, either, but if we don’t we get smelly and generally terrible hair.”
Viridia: “I don’t want to take radiation showers.”
Moon: “Then welcome to stinky town.”

GM: “I think the word ‘robust’ could describe Stable ponies, because they tended towards having amounts of body fat that wouldn’t be seen in the wasteland. Lots of cake mix to be had.”
Viridia: “Does that also mean stable ponies will be tastier?”
Stellar: “Yes. The fat adds flavor!”
Doc: “The flip-side is a default Poison/Radiation resistance of 0. Stable ponies are not shelf-stable food.”
Stellar: “Yup, they’re quite perishable.”
GM: “Why do you think so many raiders try and open Stables? They’re like cans packed with delicious heirloom meats! Nothing like the taste of a Manehatten Earth Pony.”

Livewire: “So... what’s the term in the Enclave for a group of pegasi? Is it a flock? Colony? Swarm?”
Viridia: “An orgy?”

Tirkes: “Special Snowflake is as ruthless as her name is stupid.”

Doc: “Eh, we’ll see how I feel. Maybe something good, maybe something bad... little bit of both...”

[LarwisTheElf]

Lurker tax, all from last night's session.

Me: "Unless we can put the boots on the anvil, it's not going to work."

Me: "It's made of that one metal, waddayacallit... Galvitron!"
DM: "You mean galvorn?"
Me: "Ya, that too."

Me: (OOC) "So wait, the storm giants are Japanese?"
DM: "No they're..."
Me: "Too late! That's the mental image I have now."

Me: "Gladness: a combination of glee and madness."

[Diachronos]

"Heaven, Hell, and cats are all represented in this party."

[VincentTakeda]

"Heaven, Hell, and cats are all represented in this party."

And thats all a single party member.

[Bucky]

A: A lightsaber should be able to damage an incorporeal enemy.
B: Is it a magic lightsaber?
A: No, but it does force damage.

[ZeroGear]

Mellor: I contact Fawks, but without hooking up into anything.
Natasha: Yeah, the only hooking up you want to to is with Fawks.
Mellor: I do not have these crushes on hacked you speak of!

JackRabbit: You do not get people cheese for christmas!

Mellor: That was a call?
JackRabbit: Yeah. The Raven hacks your phone and plays heavy-metal, Fawks sends you explosions.

Mellor: Mellor was under the impression that Italians speak Latin.

JackRabbit: I put his phone on vibrate before we leave the house.
Mellor: It’s like I have no control over my phone.
DM: This is the weirdest form of PVP I’ve ever seen. And I’ll allow it.

JavkRabbit: Ok, so we’ve got to save his life so we can blackmail him.

JackRabbit: By the way, I think Nico is sending Bloodangel over.
Mellor: You tell people disturbing news before dinner, or after dinner. Preferably after dinner, because then they are full, and generally relaxed. You have obviously not gotten enough lessons in etiquette, you should get more training. Also, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US THIS BEFROE NOW?!!!

DM: The bad rumors surrounding you abound. And they don’t even want to hear about what happened with the bong.

DM: The sheer fact that she walks in playing a video game in a place like this has them convinced that it’s a bad idea to mess with her.

DM: You notice the driver is on novacoke.

JackRabbit: Ohh, this is getting interesting
Natasha: I just got a flower from my pokemon!
JackRabbit: *facepalm*
DM: Mr. Johnson joins you in your facepalm.

Terrorist: Trust is earned my oily friend, my serpentine friend.
Mellor: That only confirms my fears that this guy was trained by a dragon!

DM: We have created dragon butlers now.

[DigoDragon]

A: No, but it does force damage.

I approve of this. :smallbiggrin:



DM: This is the weirdest form of PVP I’ve ever seen. And I’ll allow it.

LOL, I think it's time to get a better phone. XD

[ZeroGear]

LOL, I think it's time to get a better phone. XD

Oh no.
It's that Mellor is techno-illiterate (and has sim-sense vertigo) and JackRabbit has a Palming of 9 and a Con of 12 (plus having the Trickster spirit as his patron). Jack changing Mellor's ringtone tends to be a combination of the elf not knowing how to set security and not paying attention to where he leaves it. Plus, if he gets caught, Jack finds ways to explain why he has the phone.

[Milodiah]

Oh god, computer illiterate Shadowrun PCs.

GM: "There's an old-style computer terminal with monitor and keyboard in the corner, clearly linked to the mainframe."
Me: "...I walk up to it."
The party: "Oh God."
GM: "Username and password?"
Me: *slowly pecks at keyboard with index fingers*
Username: G...U...E...S...T.
Password: P...A...S...S...W...O...R...D.
Denied.

Username: G...U...E...S...T.
Password: P...A...S...S...W...O...R...D...1.
Denied.

Me: "I got nothin'."

[DigoDragon]

Oh god, computer illiterate Shadowrun PCs.

I remember one player who made the concept pretty funny. He played a character that was (as he described) "Jed" Clampett as a self-trained sniper. So here we had in the party a Beverly Hillbilly (the player was a fan of the show) who was really skilled with firearms, had some amount of adept power behind his sharpshooting, and drove around in a truck that actually did come from the 1920s (The engine had been replaced and rebuilt more times than he can remember). As the Technomancer described the truck: "This is where technology goes to die."

Now, he had a good amount of common sense not to mess with tech. He left computers to the team technomancer. He also knew to be mindful around security systems (don't look up at cameras, don't pick up electronic gizmos without someone checking it for RFIDs). His lack of tech savvyness had perks though-- since none of his firearms had any electronic parts (all Adept driven) they couldn't be sniffed out by hackers or riggers. Nor could his truck (though visually it stood out). The player did a pretty decent impression of Jed's voice too.

[Rolero]

We started our recent campaign as slaves, and the adventure begins with us in a slavers caravan, caged and cuffed, and trying to figure out how to break free. So after starting a fight with a guard that went too close to us, we maked our daring escape scaring the horses of our carriage so they take us away.

DM: Ok, so after freaking out the horses with an ilusion, your carriage goes ballistic and starts running out of control because there is no one directing it, and you are still inside a cage and cuffed. So... what do you do?
Druid: I use my animal empathy to try to direct and control the horses!
DM: umm... ok, that sound ridiculous, but sure... roll your animal handling.
Rogue: What are the caravan guards doing?
DM: They are clearing the stuff of another carriage and preparing to pursue you.
Rogue: Can I liberate myself from the cuffs with escape artist?
DM: Can you beat a 30 dificulty?
Rogue: Eeerrrh, no?
DM: You can't.
Rogue: Drat.

After a while.

Ok, even with your crazy escapade, the guards are finally catching up with you in their own carriage, and since they can ride it properly, eventually they will get to you.
Sorcerer: How much distance are between us?
DM: Umm, around 300 feet, why?
Sorcerer: Tell me when they are at 100.
DM: Why?
Sorcerer: Just do.
DM: Ok, a few rounds later They are at that distance. What do you want to do?
Sorcerer: I cast sleep on their horses.
DM: You do what?
Sorcerer: You heard me. Do the sprinting horses of the high speed carriage beat a 16 will saving throw?

Two failed saving throws later.

DM: ... sigh... you watch how their horses suddenly get sleep and how the laws of physics proceed to create a terrible carriage crash shared with the horrified screams of the guards that where on it...

[the OOD]

Mech: *throws Leochou 20 meters into a wall*
Leochou: *picks himself up off the ground*
Leochou: do I have ductape? because if so, he's F***ED.

Leochou: what are the rules kneecapping with a micro-uzi?

Tesla: you're un-dead!
Petra: hey, I wasen't dead!
Tesla: you're un-dying!

[AceOfFools]

Father Walsh "He already seems quite upset with you."
Arthur "Really? What have I done?"
Father Walsh "I'd prefer not to know."

Rusty "I'm not sure about the New York team; from what I've heard the ones that aren't sociopaths or monsters are sociopaths and monsters."
Daniel "Last I heard the San Francisco team was still solving all of their problems with some combination of donuts and explosives."

Tersia "If he starts saying things like that, let me know. I’ve got tranq darts."
Daniel"...Tersia, you are my truest friend on this team."

Arthur "Yeah, I shot at a ghost eater on the train and the cops arrested me."
...
Father Walsh "What is a ghost eater?"
Arthur "Good question."

Daniel "What we have here is: I have no ****ing idea."
Rusty "...and that’s why we’re the best."

NPC Cop "You’re paying a priest? That don’t seem right, what about separation of Church and State?"
Arthur "I don’t think we pay him."
Father Walsh "You do not."

Father Walsh "That is the... third strangest thing I’ve seen today."
Arthur "Was that really the archangel Michael?"

Medium (on phone) "It's the police. They need me for that thing you don't believe I can do.
...
Medium "Obviously the believe I can do it."

Spellwise Ghost Eater "I am wounded. What are you?"
Rusty "Pissed."

Daniel "You know, you're supposed to be my moral compass..."
Simeon "Moral compass, schmoral... uh..."

Daniel "...has anyone ever told you you’re creepy?"
Simeon "Many times."

LoweYou know this is why there’s so much fanfic about you two, right?

Will "Remember, drug dealers are not reliable sources."

[CKirk]

Mech: *throws Leochou 20 meters into a wall*
Leochou: *picks himself up off the ground*
Leochou: do I have ductape? because if so, he's F***ED.

Leochou: what are the rules kneecapping with a micro-uzi?

Tesla: you're un-dead!
Petra: hey, I wasen't dead!
Tesla: you're un-dying!
Don't forget

Everyone: No making grey goo nanites, Tesla.
Tesla: One time!

[Dasgovernator]

Val: "I cast dispel magic on the rock"

Nerusk: "We don't detect as evil, and even if they smite us, they effectively have a miss chance. If we detect as neutral, and if they smite us and it fails, are they really going to try to smite us again?"
Val: "If we're burning down his church? Probably"

Mari: "I have 120ft Darkvision. What can I see?"
Nerusk: ". . . 120ft?"

Val: "Abraca-plotconvience"

Mari: "Did we just break the game?"
DM: "Don't worry, I get to retcon the universe as soon as I have an idea"

Val: "Let's go to sleep and see if we know how to teleport in the morning"

Mari: "I don't remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Actually I didn't have breakfast this morning, which probably explains that"

Nerusk: "One day, we hear a knock at our door.... we open the front door, and just see a herd of bison with the thousand-yard stare."

Val: "Why isn't the table a golem? That should totally be a thing. No on would see that coming"

Val: "Yeah, well not all of us have AOE death beams"

Victor: "I'm eloquent dammit, I want to gloat but I don't have the time!"
Val: "The villain's dilemma"

Victor: "There's a word for falling paladins"
Nerusk: "Splat?"

Val: "You don't have to kill them now, if you can kill them better later"

[arcane_asp]

First mate: Down below is the hold, the Zombie oarsmen... and the goat.
Player 1: The goat?
First mate: Aye, all crew aboard the ship will spend a little time with the goat when at sea.
Player 2: The ships goat is quite the little slut.

DM: The serving gnome brings you a tiny fillet of fish and some dried vegetables
Player: I'm a Goliath dammit, this won't do. I barge into the kitchen.
DM: Gnomes scatter out the way as you stomp in.
Player: I grab the rice container and tip it into my mouth.
DM: Well done, you are now quaffing rice...

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “Is that Rainbow Dash talking about the two of them having a baby?”
Moon: “Yes. Fluttershy is currently pregnant with their magical lesbian spawn.”
Viridia: “That's my favorite kind of spawn!”
GM: “It's like the wasteland equivalent of a turducken.”
Doc: “…I have no words.”

Viridia: “And she has curves in all the... places where ponies have curves?”
Doc: “Barrel? Hindquarters? Whatever gives her the most pluses?”
Viridia: “I have no idea. If there aren't boobs, I'm lost.”

GM: “Stallions tend towards, uh, it's kind of vague because there's only so many stallions in the show.”
Doc: “And oddly in our RP.”

GM: “Well, this is literally the first time she's been out of some sort of armor or clothing, so it would be the time to describe her lovingly crafted hindquarter mark.”
Livewire: “Yup! Told you ponies were rump-focused!”
Doc: “I wasn't staring. Not at hers anyway.”

Livewire: “Is it just me, or are all the NPCs from the place we first came from complete asses?”
Doc: (Imitating Heavenly Nostrils) “Unicorn!!”

Doc: “Pegasi are OP in matters of love.”
Viridia: “I find most Pegasi too flighty.”

Livewire: “You fumble a search roll. Your eyes explode!”

Doc: “Mirror… Purrs? So is that what unicorn evil sounds like when it's momentarily suppressed?”

Seamstress: “I cannot even see a single frayed fiber! Did you raid a Stable for this, now?”
Doc: “Eeyup, just flashed my doctorate at the guard and helped myself to their morgue full of sharp-dressed stiffs.”

Livewire: “So Livewire finds FIVE VERY VERY INTERESTING, VERY VERY COOL, but APPROPRIATELY EXPENSIVE, MECHANICAL THINGS?!”
Viridia: “And a megaphone.”

Moon: “I hope you don't mind that I tagged along.”
Doc: “That's fine given that ponies get killed whenever I wander off alone.”
GM: “Good thing Doc didn't just rip the bone out of the leg with his teeth and started screaming at the sailor ponies or anything.”
Doc: “I'm rather used to failing at anything that isn't killing someone.”

Moon: “Does that need a roll? I'm just looking for super obvious stuff like ‘currently missing leg’, or ‘is a corpse’.”

Doc: “My line of work does kinda look like murder without context though, doesn't it?”

Tirkes: “Who wants to meet the annual winner of the Meanest *itch In Tauronto award?”
Viridia: “What's going on?”
Stellar: “About all I know is that Special Snowflake isn't a nice pony.”
Doc: “About as nice as road rash. Tirkes wants to confront Snow and I don't think it's going to be a friendly chat.”
Viridia: “Free c**kfight? In the Wasteland? I never thought I'd see the day.”

Doc: “Sorry ma'am, but being disliked by Tirkes is a highly contagious disease.”

[Senshi Akai]

From yesterday session (not necessarily in that order):


DM: The enemy shoot the crossbow at you, he aims for... Your ale!
Bard: WHAT? COME HERE YOUR PIECE OF ****!
*triple nat 20*
Bard: Nobody mess with my ale!


Cleric NPC: So, who volunteer to be the sacrifice?
Bard: Me! Me!
Party: What? Shut up!
Bard: But I wanna meet the devil!


Rogue (IC and OOC): Uh, do you guys remember what the quest was about?
Party: *rolling Int checks to remember*
Bard: Nope.
Sorceress: Not me.
Paladin: No idea.
DM: … You guys know that rocks CAN fall, right?


Wizard: Oh no, our poor friend! He is dead!
Warblade: Uh, I am right here.
Swordsage: He was the best of us.
Warblade: Guys, I just came back!
Cleric: If we concentrated hard enough, it seems we can hear him going to heaven.
Warblade: *throws rock*
Cleric: Oh no, a vengeful spirit! TURN UNDEAD!


Bard: That's so stupid that can actually work!
Rogue: No, it's just plain stupid.
Bard: I took ranks in Knowledge(Stupid Plans). Let's do this!


Sorceress: Why are you guys buying so much soap?
Barbarian: When [DM] is on the chair, you need everything.
DM: That's not true!
Bard: No? What about the ooze and pepper incident? Or the oil, rope and grease with the succubus?
DM: ...
Sorceress: … :smalleek: I got more money, what do we need?


Paladin (OOC): *opens front door* Sorry guys, I am late. what did I miss?
Bard (OOC): We joined an evil cult and are summoning a demon.
Paladin (OOC): *closes front door*


Rogue: Ok, we have to kill the evil cleric, save the hostages and hunt down the evil guards, right?
Sorceress: All that before nightfall.
Bard: … Why before nightfall?
Sorceress: My mom told me to be back at nightfall or I will be grounded.
Party: …
Sorceress: What? I am only 16!

[holygroundj]

PC1: Uh, this looks bad.
PC2: Yeah well... the dice are also mimics.

[Rad Mage]

"Congratulations. You successfully killed a man with the clothes he was currently wearing."

[Sith_Happens]

First mate: Down below is the hold, the Zombie oarsmen... and the goat.
Player 1: The goat?
First mate: Aye, all crew aboard the ship will spend a little time with the goat when at sea.

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/727/910/577.gif

[Inevitability]

Me: Talking with you about alignment is like talking with a shark about joints.

[Ralanr]

Player to DM: So, how can I tell where the fat guy ran off too?
Player 2: Follow the sweat.


And another little gem.
Oni: She must have the book, tell me where it is.
Player: Can you be a bit more specific? She has a lot.

[Dexam]

Half-Ogre Barbarian: *licks a splash of blood off dungeon wall* "Mmm... tastes feline."
Catfolk Rogue: (suspiciously) "How would you know?"
Human Bard: http://i.imgur.com/kpTtT.gifHuman Wizard: *grins evilly* "I know what you're thinking!"

[goto124]

I don't... :smallconfused:

[Lord Raziere]

I don't... :smallconfused:

I however do, there are only two possible ways to interpret that...both involve screaming though, different kinds of screaming but nevertheless, you probably don't want to know. that and I am not in the habit of explaining the joke. :smallamused:

[Makiru]

Rainicorn Guard: I've never seen you before. You seem really short and dull for a rainicorn.
Me:[outstanding untrained Bluff] We can't all protect the pretty colors. Some of us just have to live with it.
Rainicorn Guard: I guess you do have a point...


Same game, different character:
Me: I still can't believe hollowing out Daleks worked this well!

[Dexam]

I don't... :smallconfused:

Let me put it this way: explaining the joke probably breaks forum rules, and it's for exactly that reason that I (playing the human bard) didn't actually *say* what I was thinking during the game.

[DigoDragon]

Human Bard: http://i.imgur.com/kpTtT.gif

This is the best gif response I have ever seen :smallbiggrin:
I'm totally stealing this for later. Thanks for making my morning!


Viridia: “I was thinking Strip Magic: the Befriending.”
Doc: “I guess in pre-war days that kind of game didn't take long.”
GM: “Oh yeah baby, take off that hat!”

Doc: “There just hasn't been any situation that a modifier has been really called for. Like making us search for something in a rainstorm. Also known as Enclave Trash Dumping Day.”

Livewire: “What color was that building described as?”
Viridia: “Rainbow and glitter.”

Doc: “That scalpel was not made to be used that way!”
Livewire: “I’m kinda glad I’m not there. I might have opened fire by now.”

Viridia: “Interesting! Would you like to see my essay on the difference between cakes and biscuits?”

Doc: “But what do I know? Maybe the ferals have picnics at night.”
Viridia: “If you go down to the slums today,
You'd better go in disguise.
If you do down to the slums today,
You're in for a big surprise.
Because today's the day the feral ghouls have their piiiicnic!”

Doc: “I dunno, if a voice is asking you to bring all your friends over, that sounds like a bigger trap than when the Roach King disguised himself as Viridia.”

Viridia: “All the good swear words have sharp, short sounds.”
GM: “I'm a fan of meadow muffins myself.”

Doc: “You know how Mr. Mason is quiet and polite? A feral ghoul growls while eating your liver.”

Tirkes: “I’m probably going to the docks. I want to check out some of the sailors.”
[Beat]
Tirkes: “I mean, see what’s happening around other settlements around the lake.”

Viridia: “I wouldn't dare to call most of them my friends, though, since there are only two of them I feel like I actually like right now.”
Doc: “My first thought was ‘Stellar’ and ‘Stellar’s Wings’.”

Viridia: “Even if I don't like them all right now, it doesn't mean I won't in the future, y'know? I mean... I don't believe anybody's one hundred percent a ****.”

GM: “The crowd here is a heck of a lot rougher.”
Doc: “Free bar fight with the purchase of two drinks?”

Viridia: “...is that building a brothel?”
GM: “It's a festhall, thank you.”

Doc: “Is there a minimum Intimidation needed to drink here?”

Livewire: “You should run a game set in Pony India.”
Viridia: “Not with all the Naga politics.”
Livewire: “Ugh! I re-coil in disgust at anything to do with all those civil serpents.”

[braveheart]

Ohhhh you meant a kidnaping not a kid who is napping

[AdmiralCheez]

DM: "You figured out how to get in to the secret guild hall door, but you can't figure out how to get out?
Ranger: "Oh, wait! I've worked here for five years. I know how to open the door!"


Fighter: "I think that's the first time my character's eye color has been relevant in a game."


DM: "It's the capitol of the church of goodly goodness. It is literally the safest place on the entire planet. Why are you all approaching it like you would a necromancer's lair?"


Warlock: "Hey, if that deacon wants to come with us, then he needs to wear something other than highly-visible church robes. What we're about to do will probably start at least two wars; we don't need to throw in a holy war as a bonus."


Fighter: "Oh hey, my parents retired there. They should be able to help us."
DM: "Your parents retired to a country embroiled in civil war, and where they persecute your kind rather openly?"
Fighter: "They like to live dangerously."

[Inevitability]

Monk: Hey, what about the kobold?
Wizard: He's a kobold. If we take him out adventuring, he'll get himself killed.
Me: [Wizard's player], you get an incoming Sending. Please read this note.
Wizard: I pick up the kobold and don't let him ever go. :smalleek:

[braveheart]

Monk: Hey, what about the kobold?
Wizard: He's a kobold. If we take him out adventuring, he'll get himself killed.
Me: [Wizard's player], you get an incoming Sending. Please read this note.
Wizard: I pick up the kobold and don't let him ever go. :smalleek:



I know it's blasphemy but I would love some context here

[rs2excelsior]

"No one attacked me? You attacked me!"
"I didn't attack you!"
"You grappled me!"
"I didn't even hurt you..."
"You hurt me on the inside!"

[Hunter Noventa]

Ember: What is the CR of Captain Planet?

[Diachronos]

Rogue 1: "I bought a second coat."
DM: "Why?"
Rogue: "Because she has money, her old one was thin and ratty, and now I can comfortably do this and still be in character."

"Okay, now where is all the world's meat..."

Rogue 2: "Who has Profession (Butcher)?!"
DM: "Butchers!"

DM: "Does an 18 hit you?"
Magus: "No."
DM: "Okay. Now you can murder him, Max."

[Sith_Happens]

Let me put it this way: explaining the joke probably breaks forum rules, and it's for exactly that reason that I (playing the human bard) didn't actually *say* what I was thinking during the game.

What's against forum rules about eating cats?:smallconfused:


Doc: “But what do I know? Maybe the ferals have picnics at night.”
Viridia: “[I]If you go down to the slums today,
You'd better go in disguise.
If you do down to the slums today,
You're in for a big surprise.
Because today's the day the feral ghouls have their piiiicnic!

Just when I thought your quotes couldn't get any better.:smallbiggrin:


Fighter: "Oh hey, my parents retired there. They should be able to help us."
DM: "Your parents retired to a country embroiled in civil war, and where they persecute your kind rather openly?"
Fighter: "They like to live dangerously."

Justifying Your Backstory 101.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “To be clear, ponies are made of sparkles and good feelings.”

Viridia: “How does a stallion with one eye wink?”
Doc: “Slowly?”
Livewire: “It's BLINKING that's hard for them!”

GM: “Mirror Armor seemed surprised by the offering, but she did levitate the snack cake out of Doc’s hoof and started munching on it, which was probably the closest thing Doc could get to a romantic gesture in a place that had cartoonish pictures of fish on the walls.”

Viridia: “’SNEAK ATTACK!’ Viridia cried out, leaping forward and slamming her hoof straight into the stallion’s cojones!”

Doc: “Yeah, V makes me wish I made a more social character.”
Viridia: “To be fair, Viridia is specialized in the only skill that can be mostly substituted with good roleplaying.”
Doc: “I dunno. I seem to be on the flip-side of that coin; a lot of situations soured because I lack the skill despite my good RPing.”
Viridia: “Really? I feel like Doc has made more friends than Viridia. Mirror and Tirkes are two examples.”
Doc: “When it comes to passing acquaintances I think Viridia does better than Doc. Especially with bartenders and about half the world’s zebras.”
Viridia: “I think I might be more likely to use my crotch-punch if I met the bartender.”
Doc: “If I weren’t such a nice pony I’d pay you to do that... and then the injury to insult is me rolling Medicine to treat him.”

Moon: “She's a damsel and in distress. We adventuring types are suckers for that.”

GM: “Viridia could probably leave now, given that it's now Stellar’s turn to meet the contractual Fallout Equestria lesbians.”

Doc: “A large part of me is hoping that poor desk mare is spared. Or at least a loud screamer.”

Moon: “I think that Special Snowflake is likely an overly harsh boss and the punishment is disproportionate to the crime.”
Doc: “What's the law that Snow installed to deal with crooks and thieves?
S-A-D I-S-M A-B-U-S-E
Hey there Hi there Ho there here's your rib cage for all to see!
S-A-D I-S-M A-B-U-S-E”

GM: “Boat pony speak is a beautiful and nuanced tongue, filled with imaginative metaphorical phrases and has a sort of laconic aspect that makes it favored by many.”
Viridia: (Mock speak) “Me and Adam'll head to the anthill, grab some bubs, and avoid the bally sods. Sound square?”
GM: “Wut wut tally hoser?”

Moon: “My inability to roll under a 6 is causing some distress here.”
Doc: “Welcome to my world.”
GM: “Luckily, Special Snowflake is as stupid as she is pretty, and she's really pretty.”

Doc: “Damn, if only I had a morgue, a body bag, and an open window…”

GM: “Rolling Science; must be under 70 to do a super not-nice unicorn thing.”
Dice: *Rolls a 9*
Livewire: “At least we weren't in a tall building and it wasn't Power Word: Defenestrate.”

[goto124]

Doc rolled under 70, didn't he? Or he's supposed to roll 70 or over?

[Benthesquid]

Andarius- We are not pickpocketing babies from pregnant women's wombs.

[GAAD]

"Well, on the bright side, today we learned rogues are not meat shields."

[DigoDragon]

Doc rolled under 70, didn't he? Or he's supposed to roll 70 or over?

It was actually the boss we were fighting that rolled. And in this system lower rolls are better.

[the OOD]

Leochou: remember; be precise, minimize collateral damage, lead with grenades.

Petra: I can dodge the ground.
GM: don't be silly, you can dodge *gravity*
Petra: right, sorry.

Tesla: those laws of physics of yours? diplomatic immunity.
GM: that won't he- wait. oh god.

Aron: I think I can survive this.
Leochou: oh look, Hells Bells (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ock73QRJBto) started playing. I'm looping it until I catch you.
Aron: ...I'm going to have to reroll, aren't I?

Leochou: y'know what's stupid? puppys are stupid.
GM: but they *are* sexy.

Aron: *fires a 6-inch armor-piercing spike point-blank into Leo's eye*
GM: you see the spike hit his eyeball dead on, glance off, and end up resting with the point in his tear duct.
Aron: wait, what?
Leochou: meh, I blink it out.
Aron: oh sh-- :smalleek:

[Bucky]

Boris: I'm a bodyguard by trade. I protect people from other people.
(Boris sips his drink)
Boris: Although the guy who was paying me just died, so I'm looking for new business.

[Sith_Happens]

Boris: I'm a bodyguard by trade. I protect people from other people.
(Boris sips his drink)
Boris: Although the guy who was paying me just died, so I'm looking for new business.

How Not to Give a Sales Pitch

[Dasgovernator]

Val: "Would you take it personally if my Amulet ate your horse?"
Victor: "Yes"
Val: "Damn. Worth a shot"

Val: "You have protection from Charity"

Val: "Yellowshields. Like Redshirts but for fantasy"

DM: "And the Griffon fails his save against the petrification, collapsing and dropping its rider"
Val: "Bringing new meaning to the phrase 'Dropped like a rock'"
Victor: "We should go tell the Demons--we're making all the Paladins fall today"

Nerusk: "Who would lie while pinned under a zombie dragon?"

[DigoDragon]

GM: “I'm going to call a brief interlude, especially for those currently stuck in purgatory (Viridia) or are currently meat puppets (Livewire).”

Doc: “I want to bring Mirror. I just thought of The Best Idea Ever and I need to prevent a murder.”
Stellar: “Whose murder?”
Doc: “That part I haven’t decided yet.”

GM: “Everyone present, roll Charisma, at a -2 penalty to resist the spell!”
Stellar: *Fails*
Viridia: *Fails*
Mirror: *Fails*
GM: “Two out of three pegusi know that Special Snowflake is the prettiest, most perfect pony to ever live!”
Doc: *Critical Success*
GM: “…huh.”

Doc: “And then Doc showed up to the party, so naturally somepony was going to die.”

Stellar: “Seduction hoy!”

Doc: “Pony laws don't apply to non-ponies.”
Viridia: “There are pony laws?”
Doc: “Well... okay maybe more like guidelines.”

GM: “If the party fights, they shouldn’t be expecting outside ponies to come and see what’s going on.”
Doc: “We’ll just say Snow had a boating mishap.”

GM: “The air turned into a storm of steel and golden magic and little sprays of blood.”

Doc: “But hey, this is self-defense. Just happened that all five of us defended ourselves at the same time.”
Viridia: “Yes, Scimitar! All five of us had to defend ourselves against this lone, unarmed and unarmored mare by bludgeoning her to death in her own office!”
Doc: “Unarmed? Snow had Rainbow-Powered Mind-Screw Magic (patent pending)!”
Viridia: “Well, she does magic with her horn, and that’s clearly in the Weapons List as Unarmed.”
Doc: “Surgical tools! I can vouch for the dangers of waving those around! So yes, we had to bludgeon Snow with her office... I mean, in her office. With her office.”

Stellar: “Critical success on healing the enemy!”
Doc: “Irony how I rolled that.”

Viridia: “Tirkes saying something doesn't make it true. Penny is no more the mayor than Martha is.”
Tirkes: “Was that the name of that geriatric mare you screwed fifteen minutes ago?”
Viridia: “I didn’t catch it. She had much better things to do with her mouth than tell me her name.”

Doc: “Hordes of zombie townsponies coming at us just sounds like a lot like a 'curl up in fetal position' moment to me.”

Stellar: “D@mn it Digo, you're making a habit of quoting my typos!”

Viridia: “Screw the Sheriff! This is our town now! Oakville belongs to the… Whatever our team name is!”
GM: “I like to think of you all as the Pancake Party, myself.”

Doc: “Doc is worst pony. Shame on him for being born with that Y chromosome!”

Viridia: “Sorry, Doc. I must go with the numbers!”
Doc: “Oh right, duh. Y'all don't roll as crappy as I usually do.”

[Sith_Happens]

Stellar: “D@mn it Digo, you're making a habit of quoting my typos!”

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/hofstadter.png

[IZ42]

Mokan: Alchemist's Fire IS discreet! At least compared to ~1400 lbs. of molten iron.

Clarisa: You're sturdy and heal fast right?
Mokan: Yeah, why? :smallconfused:
Clarisa: OK, noted.
Mokan: Do I get a say in this? :smalleek:
Clarisa: You get a save in this.

Clarisa: We should make underwear out of the color of eldritch horrors!
Everyone Else: YES!


There's more from tonight but I suspect a bunch of it is overly questionable content.

[Rakoa]

Mokan: Do I get a say in this? :smalleek:
Clarisa: You get a save in this.



New favourite line ever.

[the OOD]

[OOC]

Tesla: that said, I *will* need to make nanite-making-nanites in your eyes
Leochou: um
Tesla: or just give you a "charges" count on your shark eye launcher
Tesla: either/or
Tesla: :P
Leochou: that sounds... better?
Tesla: I love my job
Tesla: so, how many sharks do you want to be able to launch?

[Milodiah]

*Die rolls...it's a six.*
GM: "Ok, so he's wearing boxer shorts, aaaand..."
*Die rolls...it's a two.*
GM: "They're just plain, dark blue."
Player: "Hooray! Verisimilitude!"

[Inevitability]

Wight: Hello? Is anyone there?
Rogue: Er... The-Automated-Booze-Dispenser-Does-Not-Understand. Please-Move-Aside-And-Receive-Delicious-Beverages.
Wight: That'd be nice, except I don't really drink. Half-rotten ribcage, you see. Oh, and nonfunctional taste buds.

[IZ42]

Wight: Hello? Is anyone there?
Rogue: Er... The-Automated-Booze-Dispenser-Does-Not-Understand. Please-Move-Aside-And-Receive-Delicious-Beverages.
Wight: That'd be nice, except I don't really drink. Half-rotten ribcage, you see. Oh, and nonfunctional taste buds.

Bluff checks, eh?

[Sith_Happens]

Ozpin: "So, if we're all finished up here I suppose we should be heading back to Mir to report on our success?"
DM: "At that moment, [Villain] teleports in."
Ozpin: "Or Not."
DM: "With him are three naked cheerleaders."
Ozpin: [To villain:] "Are we interrupting anything?"

DM: "...Oooh, this spell is from the Book of Erotic Fantasy!"
Ozpin (OOC): "Oh boy..."
DM: "Just kidding."
Ozpin (OOC): "Phew."

Logan (OOC) (over video chat): "[DM,] what are you doing?"
DM: "Looking up [villain]'s feats."
Logan (OOC): "What?"
DM: [Louder:] "I'm looking at [villain]'s feet. You should do it too!"
Ozpin (OOC): "I hear that's the first part of a character Joss Whedon makes."

Ozpin (OOC): [To DM:] "Any time you're done statting your villain let us know."

Ozpin: "I cast Glitterdust centered on the cheerleaders."
DM: "The outlines of [villain] and a devil appear on either side of them. The cheerleaders themselves are all blinded in the middle of attempting a human pyramid and fall over."

[Dasgovernator]

Boltan: "Is this a bad time to mention that I'm a Necrophiliac?"

Jase: "This is how Banshees are made. Bards who sucked so bad that their patrons killed them to protect their own sanity"

[DigoDragon]

Ozpin (OOC): "I hear that's the first part of a character Joss Whedon makes."

*Snerk* Funny cause it's true.


GM: “I have no intentions on turning this into Olive Leaf 2: Unicorns Are the Source of All Evil.”

Doc: “My goals are to start my own clinic, save lives, and have many beautiful babies with Mirror.”
GM: “Mirror would likely have something to say about that. It would involve ‘inlaws’.”
Doc: “Fine, but Doc’s parents would be all for magical unicorn babies.”

GM: “The real question is, of course, how can Tirkes remove Snow?”
Viridia: “I’m thinking murder-suicide is the best option. The funniest, at least.”

Moon: “On a different note, Moonshadow is a very friendly drunk. Also she’s lonely, and a little attracted to Penny. Also, she's drunk.”

Shade: “You would be surprised how many ponies are afraid to go to a doctor.”
Doc: “I might have laughed a bit harder than I should of at that.”

GM: “And she’s only going to spend more than a day here because, uh, an important pony just got shot up.”
Doc: “Yeah, I’m trying to develop a vaccine for ‘bullet’. Clinical trials aren't looking too promising so far.”

Viridia: “Viridia views immediately executing unrepentant, dangerous criminals as legitimate-- because that’s what her mom always did.”

GM: “I think the party getting completely plastered after a fight should be a party tradition.”
Doc: “This is Plan A if the captain serves alcohol.”

Viridia: “Moonshadow better not be trying to beat Viridia’s score. She's been aiming for that Pony Sutra quest perk since day one, and I'll be damned if she's beaten to it!”

Doc: “I distinctly remember that scene, because I had stepped in the way of the barrel to talk Tirkes down from shooting. In fact, two of the four moments I remember the most about Tirkes involved me stepping in the way of her gun. Brave selfless doctor, or complete moron? I could be both!”

Doc: “I wonder if Blink Dogs can ‘telefrag’ a target?”

GM: “It was a bloodbath, basically.”
Viridia: “That explains Snow’s looks. Bloodbaths are great for the skin.”

GM: “No one has ever said that Mirror is a good judge of character.”

Tirkes: “I’m sorry, about earlier.”
Viridia: “Oh?”
Tirkes: “Yeah. I made some accusations I shouldn’t have done.”
Viridia: “Alright. But you stand by the 'Grr I’mma kill you, V' part, right?”
Tirkes: “As long as you don’t try and seduce me, I’m fine with you alive.”

Mirror: “Waffle?”
Doc: “It’s a... like a pancake, but has a bit more butter and sugar to make it thicker.”
Mirror: “Like the difference of Stellar and Viridia?”
Doc: “Yeah, kind of like that. They’re both pegasi with light coats, but they have different... um... Personalities.”
Stellar: “Nice save.”

[Lacco]

Shadowrun, during downtime.

Mage: "Is that bathrobe made of kevlar...?"
Street samurai: "Of course not. But the slippers are."

[goto124]

One of my PCs wears a bathrobe as her standard outfit.

It was silk.

Now it's kevlar.

Paladin, by the way.

[Milodiah]

We're running a steampunk WoD game, and one of the PCs is a mortal super-inventor like da Vinci.

In a half-sarcastic combat hypothetical, I shot a hole in his personal (backpack-deployed) hot air balloon as he tried to escape. Then he said, "No no, can't have that happen again." Then he rolled ten dice for chemistry. And got twelve successes.

The man invented Kevlar.



Anyway, where were we...


INCIDENT REPORT
Officer Steve Bryson, Lone Star Traffic Department, Seattle
04/09/2070, 22:31

Attempted routine traffic stop on privately-owned metro bus, vehicle had busted right taillight. Lavender cloud was emitted from exhaust pipes of bus; bus proceeded to twist into a dragon with the face of my grandfather, fly away into melting horizon as triangles danced around me.

Recommend full investigation into whether or not my grandfather is a dragon, and/or werebus.

[Lacco]

One of my PCs wears a bathrobe as her standard outfit.

It was silk.

Now it's kevlar.

Paladin, by the way.

In my case it was a in-game joke. Bathrobes are not advised within Shadowrun :smallsmile:

And an older one, again Shadowrun:

PCs travel to Tokyo, to address some past issues of one of them. Just after getting out of plane...

Elven street mage, joyously: "I'm home! Finally! I'm home...!"
Dwarven gun nut, in deadpan snarker mode: "You live at the airport..?"

[Necroticplague]

p1:crap, paint the shades pink, I repeat, pink shades!
p2:Gremlin protocol?
P1:Gremlin bangmole protocol.
P3:That serious?
GM:Should I be worried you guys have made an entire series of code words so you can plan in front of me?
All the players:No.


Maya: Everyone, fall back!!!
Grunt#21:Huh, what's going on?
Maya: I don't know, but the man you just saw flee has stood on the surface of an exterminatus and lived. He was running away screaming like a little girl.
Grunt#23:Plus, he's the demolitionist, and you know what they say about that.
Grunts#18-28: "A demolitionist at a full sprint outranks a commissar standing still."

[Inevitability]

Bluff checks, eh?

Deception checks, actually. We were playing 5e. :smallwink:

[flame12]

Maya: Everyone, fall back!!!
Grunt#21:Huh, what's going on?
Maya: I don't know, but the man you just saw flee has stood on the surface of an exterminatus and lived. He was running away screaming like a little girl.
Grunt#23:Plus, he's the demolitionist, and you know what they say about that.
Grunts#18-28: "A demolitionist at a full sprint outranks a commissar standing still."

This made me laugh hard enough people in the other room were worried about me.

[Sith_Happens]

GM: “I think the party getting completely plastered after a fight should be a party tradition.”

Is that not every party's tradition?:smallconfused:

[Lord Raziere]

Is that not every party's tradition?:smallconfused:

Its Not, if you don't like drinking in your roleplaying. Not all of us think getting drunk is a good thing to roleplay. :smallyuk:

[Dasgovernator]

Dorry: "I in turn, reject your authority to trade me for toll fare"

Dorry: "How is that Fullplate? We can see his Midriff"
Tanali: "It must be covered by his plot Armour"

Dorry: "You don't just ask to see a man's weapon!"
*Pause
Dorry: "At least not until you buy me dinner first"

Ossitor: "Wait, the only person you complement is the one who tells you you're full of s***?"
Dorry: "Well yeah, someone finally noticed. I respect perceptiveness"

Ossitor: "We're just a little concerned about shoving a gem into our brains"

[Inevitability]

Me: Your attack inflicts heavy damage upon the vampire spawn, but still it endures, snarling and...
Paladin: I throw in a Disarming Attack! Is 7 extra damage enough?
Me: ...Yes. You disarm it. At both shoulders. Go you, I guess.

[LokiRagnarok]

From our Traveller game. We are just in the party-gathering phase. Aleister is the residential scientist, Ipo is a female rogue.

Ipo: I walk into the lab.
Aleister: "You over there! The space ship is exploding! What kind of scientist are you?"
Ipo: "I am a Survival scientist!" *rolls a mad Deception check with several circumstantial boni as Aleister is stressed and distracted*
Aleister: "Well then! Get your ass to a terminal and do something!"
Ipo: I calmly go to a terminal not facing him and start playing Solitaire.
GM: Roll for Intelligence... okay, you get the second-highest score of all time on the machine.

Later the group makes their escape to an escape shuttle. Ipo convinces everybody we should save our hides and leave roughly 50 people to their death.
Ipo: I am a Survival scientist, after all.

Even later, the ship explodes with the rest of the crew just after the PCs are at a safe distance.
Ipo: Damn. My highscore was on there!

[Sayt]

Tech Priest: "I don't know what kind of reactor this is, but with this kind of containment, blowing a hole in the side is going to be interesting."

[DigoDragon]

Recommend full investigation into whether or not my grandfather is a dragon, and/or werebus.

I could never read that line with a straight face. XD


Is that not every party's tradition?:smallconfused:

I only remember one PC in our current group that has gotten drunk. Ended up sleeping with the town mayor. My character drinks, but never to the point of drunkenness. That said, he's currently in "Vicodin Land" after having been pumped full of painkilling drugs by the tavern owner who may or may not have nefarious reasons to keep him subdued in her private room.

[Inevitability]

Wight: I'm sorry sir, but giant sea horses are not allowed inside.
Paladin: Drat. Well, I guess I'll just park him next to the zombie beholders.

The scary thing is this one made perfect sense in context.

[Temporal Echo]

P1: no goats were harmed in the making or narrative of this plot line.

DM: Well than it wasn't a proper <P2> involved story now was it?

P1: Everyone gets their turn in the limelight. Today's main character was gravity.

[janusmaxwell]

*holds out one hand* "Red dragon..."
*holds out other hand* "White Dragon..."
"This one THINKS it's king S--t. this one KNOWS it's king S--t."

[CKirk]

Sticks: I make a pair of pants out of fresh fish

M. Bison: Can I just get some pants!

GM: Fishpants, you're up

Sticks: Finish Him!
M. Bison: *rolls a 5*
Sticks: Or not

GM: I will say that this section of the quest is optional
Klara: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of XP

[DigoDragon]

GM: “The calendar depicted a mare sitting on the hood of a motorized wagon, one who was doing a rather poor job of washing it, given that she was wasting that much water.”

Tirkes: “Would having flanks the size of your head change how a pegaus would fly? I know magic’s involved, but aerodynamics are a thing, aren't they?”
Viridia: “I don’t know much about our magic, really. I bought a book on it, but I don’t think Aristcotle’s specialty was flabby-flanked flying floozies.”

Doc: “I think the most valuable thing was the wall calendar, if Tirkes was any indication.”
GM: “Tirkes's question about aerodynamics is pure scientific interest!”
Viridia: “I would have been more interested in it, but, IIRC, Livewire has a stash of Gentleponies' Special Interests Magazines.”
Livewire: “Yup I do! I want to hold a reading club when the group has, you know, their own place.”
Doc: (Impersonating other PCs) “’I got a book on batponies.’ ‘I have a book on the zebra tribes of the north.’ ‘Mine has Miss July on the cover.’”
Viridia: “It gives a +2% bonus to all attacks using one particular hoof.”

GM: “It's also a work place! It's a bit like going to a McDonald’s when the shift’s over, taking everything you can, and then not expecting anything to happen when the next shift starts and the employees come back in!”

Viridia: (In Special Snowflake’s voice) “Good evening, you two. What are we up to?”
Mirror: “That is mean.”
Viridia: “Says the mare who stabbed me.”
Mirror: “I also stabbed Doc.”
Viridia: “Yeah, that was weird. He’d been hoping to penetrate you, but it turned out the other way around.”
Doc: *Embarrassed Blushing*

Livewire: “How many skill rolls to search the entire mayoral building?”
GM: “It would be a regular Perception and an easy Survival roll for each section of the building.”
Livewire: “Why would it be a Survival roll?”
Doc: “Ever try and make your way through a government office to locate something specific? Survival roll.”

Doc: “I wonder if pirates believe in Santa?”
Livewire: “I think we should, you know, focus on the defense and defending the town.”
Viridia: “You know that we don't have to protect the town, right?”
Doc: “But see, this is PR opportunity! If we have a decent chance of fighting them off, we can win the trust of the locals like Snow did. And Doc will finally live his life-long dream of finding out if he looks good with a jaunty eyepatch!”

Moon: “I’d like to veto that plan due to Moonshadow having a Strength of 3 and a reduced carrying capacity.”
Viridia: “I have Strength 5 and reduced carrying capacity, but Pokonic said she could carry ponies.”
Salt Marsh: “Wait a minute -- supposing two pegasi carried it together?”
Bartender: “No, they'd have to have it on a line.”
Salt Marsh: “Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper.”
Bartender: “What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?”
Salt Marsh: “Well, why not?”

Doc: “I see no reason why we can’t split up on these casual times where there’s nothing immediately trying to murder us.”

Viridia: “I’d be surprised if you could make a love interest fit for Viridia.”
GM: “I would be, too! I wouldn’t actually know where to start. A similar personality? Similar goals/life issues?”
Viridia: “Crude cockney archer! Crude cockney archer unicorn!”

[goto124]

I wish Doc good luck in getting Mirror!

[Prof.Smythe]

From a session currently in progress:
"they put a hole in your secret chamber."

[DigoDragon]

I wish Doc good luck in getting Mirror!

Heehee, thanks. It would beat several steep odds if they actually do get together. Doc and Mirror would be from the post apocalyptic equivalents of a downtown guy in Manhattan and an uptown girl in Iceland. Oh, and this Iceland is rumored to xenophobic enough that outsiders are sacrificed to farming gods. :smallbiggrin:

[TheHoodedTeddy]

P1: I just realized that no one on the ship has any cooking skills.
Me (Warforged): I don't see a problem.

Me: It's a good thing we found that ring of buoyancy, because if I fall, it would take me a while to sink to the bottom, and then it's a really long walk to shore.
P2: #Warforgedproblems.
Me: I wonder how long it would take you to sink tied to an anchor?

Me (OOC): Warforged, as a rule, can't sneak.
P1: Why not?
Me: There's the constant whirring of my internals, the fact that most floors will creak under my weight, and how my running sounds like someone shaking a crate of sheet metal.

[Esprit15]

GM: You tell the guards a joke in Infernal. The punchline ends with everyone dying violently. The rest of the party looks at you confused and slightly horrified at the sounds you just made. The guards let you pass into the city.

[OctoberRaven]

Matilda: "Okay, she obviously wants us to come into that room and she can't counterspell me forever. Let's just..."
DM: "Kellie, your turn."
Kellie: "I go in the room and use Fist of Unbroken Air!"
Matilda: :smallannoyed:

Later...

Vertman: "Wait, how did he come back?"
DM: "Resurrection"
Vertman: "I cast dispel magic."
Matilda: "Why are you casting that? Also, you have that? Good to know."
Vertman: "To undo the Resurrection!"
Matilda: :smallannoyed:

And then:

Arc Boss: "You'll never take me alive!"
DM: "She then casts fireball directly above her on the ceiling. It caves in, killing her instantly."
[After damage + Saves rolled]
Matilda: "Idiot. I had no intention of taking her alive."

[Inevitability]

Me: The door is locked and fortified. Warnings are written on the door never to open it and...
Wizard: I fireball the thing open!
Me: not to use open fire or other sources of heat anywhere nearby. Maybe you want to rethink your action.

[DigoDragon]

Me: It's a good thing we found that ring of buoyancy, because if I fall, it would take me a while to sink to the bottom, and then it's a really long walk to shore.

In one campaign our warforged was nearly disabled in a fight at the bottom of the lake. The party was seriously going to just leave the character there to die because the warforged didn't think to fight the creature where the other PCs could help. He lived, and crawled out of the lake about 2 hours later. XD



DM: "She then casts fireball

Wizard: I fireball the thing open!

Despite what optimizers say, Fireball is utility! :smallbiggrin:

[TheHoodedTeddy]

Well, We were sailing over the deepest parts of Greyhawk's Azure sea. It would take more than two hours to reach the bottom.

[Dasgovernator]

Arc Boss: "You'll never take me alive!"
DM: "She then casts fireball directly above her on the ceiling. It caves in, killing her instantly."
[After damage + Saves rolled]
Matilda: "Idiot. I had no intention of taking her alive."

Reminded me of an old one:

Sorcerer: "You fools will never take me alive!"
*Casts Fireball on himself, rolls 22 on a 10d6 and drops to only -8
DM: ". . . He knocks himself out with his own spell"

[Sgt. Cookie]

From a recent PTU session (Not in any sort of order):


Lucas: Talsi, I'm fairly certain they KILLED EVERYONE.

Lucas: Sure. Because they attacked you out of friendship.

Lucas: Talsi, when we get out of here, those f-ing remains are going to be thrown into a sun.

Lucas: Izzy, that thing went THROUGH the door without opening it. I don't think guarding it is gonna do much.

Lucas: Well. These people are dead.

GM: The TV blows up, and the giggling stops.

Lucas: Except that it was MASSIVE AND HOSTILE!

Lucas: Two. The first one died. Again.

Lucas: HOW MANY OF THESE F-ING THINGS DO I HAVE TO RE-KILL!?

Lucas: IS TALSI RELEASING THAT F-ING MISDREAVOUS? I SWEAR TO ARCEUS I WILL KILL IT MYSELF!

Lucas: You are not making ANY part of this situation better. If fact, YOU MADE IT WORSE.

Talsi: Real danger, not ghosts that try to communicate.
Lucas: TALSI! These ghosts are not "communicating". THEY ARE TAUNTING.

Lucas: And once again, fate conspires to prove me right.

Lucas: Wait, what? Captain. What's going on? Ida?
Ida: Detecting more life signs moving towards your direction. Speed advised.
Lucas: How... many?
Ida: Fifteen.
Lucas: Well. F***.

Talsi: Not hostile. They wanted to play...
Lucas: BY SHOVING US INTO AIRLOCKS!
Talsi: Yep. Ones with our shuttle
Lucas: NO! NOT ONES WITH OUR F-ING SHUTTLE! ONES THAT LEAD TO SPACE! THE BIG BLACK THING FILLED WITH STARS THAT KILLS PEOPLE!

[Sith_Happens]

Heehee, thanks. It would beat several steep odds if they actually do get together. Doc and Mirror would be from the post apocalyptic equivalents of a downtown guy in Manhattan and an uptown girl in Iceland. Oh, and this Iceland is rumored to xenophobic enough that outsiders are sacrificed to farming gods. :smallbiggrin:

Have you taken that Harem Protagonist perk yet? It might help.:smallwink: Also cause an uncountable number of problems, but still. :P

[DigoDragon]

Have you taken that Harem Protagonist perk yet? It might help.:smallwink: Also cause an uncountable number of problems, but still. :P

Hahaha, well it was brought up by one of the other PCs... and then promptly shot down so... going to have to come up with a 'Plan B'. :smallbiggrin:


Doc: “Hoping my idea helps!”
Viridia: “Nice hope you have there. It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it...”
Doc: “Guess I should get a shovel and a trash bag handy.”

GM: “Does a highly isolationist group of pretty terrible unicorns sound like the sort that would just investigate a place?”
Viridia: “Is there any other kind of unicorn?”

Moon: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Doc: “We got involved in horse politics. Pro tip—don’t.”

GM: “Welcome to Nopeville! Population: 4!”

Doc: “Adventure sounds like fun. Could it be a dinner adventure? Pirate dinner adventure? I’m hungry… For adventure!”

Viridia: “I have no idea. All I can think of for Stellar is yelling ‘Democracy is great!’”

Doc: “Tirkes, you’re not gonna believe this, but Viridia was right! Snowflake was the devil!”
Tirkes: “What? Did Viridia convince you of her exaggerating ideas?”
Doc: “No! I mean literally the devil! Violet eyes, fangs, and cloven hooves!”
Tirkes: “But... well where is she?”
Doc: “Tirkes, I’m not gonna lie to you. She flew away.”

Doc: “So... okay. This is a lot less confrontational than I expected.”
Penny: “What did you expect, a mob?”
Doc: “Questions at minimum. I don’t think a town cheering a bunch of strangers for killing their former mayor is a common occurrence, ya know?”

Doc: “I wonder if I can score some pity points if I hobble just right on three legs?”
Viridia: “Doc! Look what you did to yourself! Am I going to have to make out with you next time we kill crazy bug-wizards?!”

GM: “Viridia doesn't have some weirdo name that everyone questions, unlike Doc.”

Doc: “I’m telling you, Viridia could wrap this town’s residents around her hoof if she wanted to. They're just a bunch of salt-of-the-earth common clay folk. You know... morons.”

Viridia: “I’m going to give Seaweed a spanking if she’s trying to change Captain Jack Barkness’ name!”
Doc: “And a time out for sassing the team doctor?”
Viridia: “Well, that’d just be hypocritical if Viridia punished her for that.”

Doc: “Cloud walkers... Flatlanders... Dawnguard... nope, my ability to think of creative names is broken today.”

Viridia: “Is there a lore explanation for how Hydra is addictive? It’s difficult to imagine a junkie being all ‘Oh god...oh god, man, I just need my fix! I really need to heal my limbs!’”

GM: “He seemed pretty disinterested by Doc’s presence, as if his cig was far more interesting.”
Doc: “I’ve suddenly realized how many NPCs I could one-hit kill if I were a ninja.”

Doc: “I did some sketches in pencil and ballpoint pens. Two sketches turned into Doc (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Mirror-and-Doc-510961466) & Mirror (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Doc-and-Mirror-Nap-Time-510964102).”
GM: “Cute! Although I’m not sure why Doc isn’t strung up for sacrifice (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Doc-And-Switch-01-516854583) in any of these pictures.”

Viridia: “It’s cool to obey the law!”
River Moss: “Yeah, the law usually wins… unless it grows wings and starts talking about how it’s going to take over Equestria. Then the law usually gets taken out by plucky heroes.”

[asnys]

Doc: “I did some sketches in pencil and ballpoint pens. Two sketches turned into Doc (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Mirror-and-Doc-510961466) & Mirror (http://digoraccoon.deviantart.com/art/Doc-and-Mirror-Nap-Time-510964102).”


Let me be the first to say "Awwwww..."

[Sith_Happens]

Wait a minute... We're on page 49.:smalleek:

Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[Rater202]

Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

Get's my vote.

[Drakeburn]

Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

That gets my vote as well. DigoDragon's quotes are my favorite to read in this thread.

[lord pringle]

I wasn't sure if I should provide context on the characters or not, so I erred on the side of no context.
Michael: [laughing maniacally as he wildly throws punches]
Jinn [getting punched hard in the face]: Haha! Good show, friend!

Axe: It sure is a tall building... I hope no one falls out a window, heheh.
[Everyone breaks into nervous laughter, staring directly at him]
Axe: What? I just hope no one goes out the window.

Robert: Oh, yeah? What if you die? [gesturing to the window]
Dr. Hellstromme: I won't.

Robert: We're fighting the ENTIRE DAMN CHINESE ARMY!

Axe: [robbing a man blind] It's for your own good!

Axe: Everything here looks magic! I'll steal it!

Axe: I'll steal the invisible doll!
GM: You find the box is empty.
Axe: Nightlinger, you sure got me good. And then I got you and tied you up. Don't tell anyone~ [Holding up his axes]

Axe: My parents were killed by a wood chipper. I don't trust technology.

Axe: My worst nightmares are wood chippers and spiders. And I guess a robot spider made of wood chippers.

Ox [looking directly at Robert]: I'll kill you first. [Looks at Michael] You? Soon. Him first.
Michael: Friendship!

Bill: We haven't seen Michael or the Doc in a while...
Michael: [Bursting out of the crowd of the bar, drunk off of his ass] BROTHER!
Axe: Brother!

Axe: There's just two of us, we need help.
Jinn [flies in]: I heard that citizens needed help!

Axe: We could use a shaolin master like you!
Jinn [Flying away]: I have to go; My city needs me!

Jinn [flying away]: I have orphans to read to!
Michael [Non-sarcastically]: I hate that guy.

GM: This is the guy who nuked a town, killed thousands and experiments on humans.
Michael [non-sarcastically]: I trust him.

Dr. Hellstromme: Ah, I've made squab.
[Everyone eats the squab, but Robert]
Robert: I don't trust you.
Michael: It's damn good squab.
Dr. Hellstromme: Yes... squab...

Dr. Hellstromme: I'll give you $3000 for the plans.
Axe: I want $5000.
Dr. Hellstromme: 3000, and your spine.
Axe: Pleasure doing business with you.

Axe: His... his name is Big Ears Tam? Oh my god, I bet he's heard this whole conversation.

Michael: I like him, he's like Jabba the Hutt but with attitude.

Robert: And what if I say no?
Tam: [Racist things in Mandarin]
Interpreter: He says that isn't an option.
Michael: That is exactly what he said.

[Several thousand miles from Big Ears Tam]
Axe: Shhh! He can hear us!

Axe: His ears are sonar dishes! He has to block out the noise just to get anything done!

Robert: Should we-
Axe: Yes we should steal his nose.

Ox: [punching an engine] I like to think that it's actually you.

Ox: [Getting consumed by spiders] Michael! I'll kill you in hell!

Michael: Jethro! I'm from the past! And a martial artist! And magic!

Michael: Jethro? Are you my son? My completely different ethnically son?

Tam: We gave Ox a funeral. We dumped you in the ground.
Michael: [whimpers]
Interpreter: We gave Michael a suit.
Tam: All the dignity he deserves.
Michael: [Whimpers harder]

Axe: [Attaches Bill's corpse to a prototype nuke, lights the fuse and sails away]
Axe: Godspeed.
Weematai: Amen.

Michael: [Reading the business card] Professional mother******? Wait there's a quote, "I'll **** you up". Classy.

[dramatic flare]

Magus: I mean, that's ridiculous. You can't lie? So what, can Anti-paladins only lie?
Sorceress: Wellm, probably, yeah.
Magus:....So a famed antipaladin walks into a bar, demands a drink. "man, those gods are spiteful." he says, "You tell the truth to save your kid whose in an orphanage because you abandoned him ONE TIME, and BAM! Your god takes away your powers for saving an orphanage."
Sorceress:Ha! Then shortly after a famed paladin walks in, says, "Man, my gods are so strict! You lie to try to end the spawn of your arch-nemesis ONE TIME which had to involve burning down an orphanage, and BAM! All the gods ignore you now."

[DigoDragon]

Magus:....So a famed antipaladin walks into a bar, demands a drink. "man, those gods are spiteful." he says, "You tell the truth to save your kid whose in an orphanage because you abandoned him ONE TIME, and BAM! Your god takes away your powers for saving an orphanage."
Sorceress:Ha! Then shortly after a famed paladin walks in, says, "Man, my gods are so strict! You lie to try to end the spawn of your arch-nemesis ONE TIME which had to involve burning down an orphanage, and BAM! All the gods ignore you now."

This is beautiful. :smallbiggrin:

Don't tell me if it's stolen from somewhere. Let me enjoy the moment. :3

[GrayGriffin]

Coriander: "What the-goddamnit! Whatever it is got Peter too? I should have known-since when does he laugh?"

It later turned out that the DM mistook which character I was checking for signs of mind control...

DM: (( Peter is, in fact, just high on rage and enthusiasum ))

Archimedes: (( sooooo its fine in a sandstorm, A FREAKING SANDSTORM, but throw sand in its eyes.... ))
DM: (( *shrugs* ))
DM: (( Would you rather it be immune to Sand Attack? ))
Peter Swenson: (( no but.... this game confuses me sometimes ))
Fern: (( it's tall enough to keep its head above the sandstorm? ))
Roller: ((Nictating membrances, and the Sand Attack was angled right to get under them?))

[dramatic flare]

This is beautiful. :smallbiggrin:

Don't tell me if it's stolen from somewhere. Let me enjoy the moment. :3

Nope, we actually made that up, on the spot, in character.

[Sith_Happens]

I wasn't sure if I should provide context on the characters or not, so I erred on the side of no context.

Have you tried reading the thread title?:smalltongue:

[Senshi Akai]

Some from yesterday:


Bard: I roll Intimidate against the crows! Gimme back my shinies!


Sorceress: *being shot* Help!
Bard: *rushed Diplomacy check* Wait, why are you shooting [sorceress]?
Bandit NPC: Uh, she is an enemy!
Bard: Yes, but you will kill her! Why not enslave her instead? She is cute, see?
Bandit NPC: *grins*
Sorceress: Stop helping! :smalleek:


Rogue: Don't worry, [Paladin] can use “lay on hands” on [sorceress].
Sorceress: Uh, no thanks.
Paladin: But you are hurt!
Sorceress: I am fine, get away from me.
Paladin: … You know this is just the name of my ability?
Sorceress: I am sure you tell that to every woman.
*later*
Sorceress: (OOC) Wait, the Paladin class actually have an ability called “Lay On Hands”? :smallconfused:
Other Players: …


NPC: And why exactly do I need you alive?
Bard: *insanely high Bluff check* Do you know the deactivation code of the protection spell in the camp?
NPC: The what? There is no such thing!
Bard: Of course there is! I couldn't go sh*t for two days out of fear of being smited by that protection!


Paladin: Fear not, villagers! We took care of the bandits!
Rogue: *whispering* Maybe we should tell [paladin] that we set fire on all the horses in order to kill the bandits.
Sorceress: *whispering* And that the forest fire will soon reach the village.
Bard: *whispering* … Nah, let them burn. They are not giving a feast in our honor.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “I imagine that it would be hard to describe what would probably just be a crystal attached to some metal casing, though.”
Doc: “But… you just did.”

Moon: “First my tongue and now my nose. This has not been a good day for my face.”

Viridia: “You've not seen strange until you’ve seen a snake going at it with a tiger.”

Doc: “So what’s the next thread title going to be? Bagels and Bullets? Toast and Tribulations? Fasting and Friendships?”
Stellar: “I read that last one wrong.”
Doc: “…Oh. Okay, so maybe not that one.”
GM: “Actually, that could be pretty accurate.”
Stellar: “You just need to give a villain a Power Fist!”

Viridia: “I need to get my mind in the gutter.”
Stellar: “Well it can't be there all the time! Nothing would ever get done!”

Moon: “I wasn’t expecting to run into Livewire though.”
Doc: “Didn’t expect to find any resistance in that Livewire eh?”
Moon: “These things happen when Moonshadow is grounded.”

Doc: “Hey, that makes too much sense to be a conspiracy!”

Viridia: “I can’t just sit on caps!”
Doc: “Well, you could, but it’ll hurt.”

Doc: “So if I was ghoulified, does that mean after surgeries I keep the leftover parts for a snack?”
GM: “Only if you want to end up like the Reaver! …Not in the ‘built like the offspring of a truck and a bear’ way, but the 'growl I’m a feral' way. Cannibalism does not give you superpowers.”

GM: “When a pre-war ghoul hooks up with a relatively new ghoul, they call it ‘robbing the grave’.”
Doc: “Is that an actual term? It sounds like an actual term.”
GM: “It is now! Wasteland slang is flexible, like many ghouls with decayed spinal columns are.”

Viridia: “Yeah, but that’s Fallout 3 lore. I’m really not likely to be a fun conversational partner in any attempt at discussing that reasonably.”

GM: “Fair points!”
Viridia: “More like ‘one point, cobbled together haphazardly over four paragraphs’, but a’ight.”

Viridia: “So, I put those ranks into Speech and took Extra Special (Charisma). Viridia wakes up sexier.”

Doc: “Sweet! That’s going to come in handy when convincing NPCs that we’re not crazy traveling murder-hobos.”
Viridia: “Damn right! We’re just regular traveling murder-hobos.”

GM: “Vigorous mattress.”
Viridia: “Dot tumblr dot com.”

GM: “Absolutely no one questioned Joyous Noise’s disappearance when she didn’t turn up in the last search of the hotel. No one.”
Stellar: “We searched the hotel?”

[Rater202]

Sabina:Hi monkey. By the way, what size cake do you wear?

[Sith_Happens]

Sorceress: (OOC) Wait, the Paladin class actually have an ability called “Lay On Hands”? :smallconfused:
Other Players: …

Wow, usually people make that joke on purpose.:smalltongue:


GM: “When a pre-war ghoul hooks up with a relatively new ghoul, they call it ‘robbing the grave’.”
Doc: “Is that an actual term? It sounds like an actual term.”
GM: “It is now! Wasteland slang is flexible, like many ghouls with decayed spinal columns are.”

...I'll be right back.
http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/brain_bleach3_4282.jpg

[Diachronos]

"Dan, you can't flank with his throne."

[Diachronos]

This exchange just happened in another game:
"On the plus side, you did manage to roll a 45 on a 20 sided die at level 4. I think you may be the first Pathfinder character to claim that (less cheese than 3.5)"
"To be fair, I think we're also hugely inflated for WBL at this point."
"Speak for yourself. I have an extra spellbook, a pair of bracers that give me a rogue's AC and a ring."
"Okay, I'm highly inflated for WBL. You, however, are way inflated for GFBL. "
"Hey! I have four GFs currently, that is perfectly on par with my level!

Following that statistic, I demand 20 unique and interesting waifus by level 20."
"I suppose next you'll be wanting them to become a legitimate harem?"
"Good luck getting the Queen to agree to that."
"It will be easy once she's invited to join."
"Careful, she could quite easily make Stark a part of her harem."
"It'd be very interesting to see Taalia's reaction to that."
""Mom, quit sucking on my boyfriend!""

[goto124]

Does the Harem Protagonist feat actually exist in that game?

Because 2 of my PCs are lovers to another PC and I thought that's unique already.

[Gopher Wizard]

PC: THE KING IS TICKING!!!

Trust me, the context doesn't make it sound anymore logical.

[Sith_Happens]

Does the Harem Protagonist feat actually exist in that game?

Sadly not. I was actually originally alluding to the Lady Killer perk from Fallout, which, Digo's game being Fallout-based, one might expect it to have.

[DigoDragon]

Sadly not. I was actually originally alluding to the Lady Killer perk from Fallout, which, Digo's game being Fallout-based, one might expect it to have.

There is a lady-killer perk, though there's only one lady Doc is looking to have "die in his arms tonight". :smallbiggrin:

[AdmiralCheez]

Fighter: Let me tell you about my character's backstory!
Skype: You have been kicked from the chat by the GM.


DM: If the Emperor shows up, the DM is in trouble.


Bard (Grimly): Throat lubricant.


DM: Why do squeaks have beaks?


DM: Can everyone see this portion of the map I just uncovered?
Fighter: We've discovered copyright? All right everyone, get comfortable. It's going to be a long battle.


Orc NPC: My father... zip zip?


DM: For the last time guys, it's the general's squire, not a picture of poop.... You know what, it's Mr. Bean now.

[Sith_Happens]

There is a lady-killer perk

Cool, in that case just write a slightly stronger version that you can't turn off and bribe the GM into allowing it.:smallbiggrin:

[DigoDragon]

Cool, in that case just write a slightly stronger version that you can't turn off and bribe the GM into allowing it.:smallbiggrin:

LOL :smallbiggrin: Well last night it got better-- apparently the girl my character is chasing has a warlord for a father. Named 'Ragnarok'.


GM: “Doc's first throw missed, but his second throw hit the bear right off the trash can!”
Doc: “Woohoo!”
GM: “This would be a good thing, if Doc didn’t immediately hear what sounded like a match being lit. And the trash can exploding. Most of the world in front of him turned into a big ball of fire.”
Doc: “Son of a flaming duck!!”

Doc: “I'll be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it this far! I was sure someone would stop me before I left, or that I’d get lost on my own, or a bunch of raiders were going to jump me after setting off that explosion. If I were a gambler, I’d have lost money on myself.”

Doc: “Surprise sucka’! Someone was bored!”

Viridia: “Aww. I beat a Very Hard Speech check and Viridia doesn’t even get a round of applause? That should have been the best story ever told!”
Doc: “Assume a long-distance mental one from Doc. He’s kinda busy murdering dead children.”

GM: “Love Is a Burning Thing
And It Makes a Fiery Ring
Bound By Wild Desire
I Fell Into A Ring Of Fire.”
Doc: “Did Doc wander onto the set of TF2? Is there a pyro running around doing a Spy check?”

GM: “Doc fell through a hole in the flooring when he walked down the hallway, which was cleverly hidden by absolutely nothing but some shadows.”
Doc: “Shhhhhiiiiii--!”
GM: “He feel a good thirty feet, hitting hard concrete legs-first. Doc takes 18 damage, divided between each of his limbs.”
Doc: “Oww, oww, oww... for the love of Luna’s left hoof, what a lousy buckin’ place for a hole!”

Viridia: “It's not all bad. Basements are where the most valuable things are kept! A length of hose! An old chair! All those corpses you never got around to disposing of!”

Doc: “Acting quickly, Doc does the one thing he's ironically been good at-- killin'!” (Headshots a ghoul)

Wino: “There was this a-hole doctor that came through here, blew up my vintage Smarty Pants teddy bear in a fireball, and then he went on a ghoul shooting spree by the old recruitment center!”

GM: “Doc takes +50 rads! He's going to have to move quickly!”
Doc: “I spend 75 Action Points on leaving and 1 Action Point on worrying about it.”

Viridia: “I am probably the sexiest thing to ever wear a gas mask.”
Doc: “Well... I don’t think Mirror could top you in that category… I didn’t know such a category existed, but there you go.”

GM: “An invisible sniper, who can fly!”
Moon: “An invisible flying foe with armor piercing bullets? Yeah no.”
Doc: “No guts, no glory! Though my guts are pretty tenderized as it were.”
Moon: “Invisible, armor piercing bullets, and 20 more skill points in their combat skill than me? Oh and can fly. GM, what did I do to piss you off so badly?”

[Esprit15]

~ Now is the time of year to make a body disappear! ~

[Rater202]

Gear:Now that the danger's out of the way, Monkey's still in the lava and magma snuggles have been on my bucket list ever since we got here

[OctoberRaven]

Matilda's Player: "Apparently a nat-1 in Insight makes Paladins go full Miko Miyazaki."

[CelestialSloth]

I was GMing a FUDGE campaign:

Pc: I'll bend the sword in a circle.
Me: I don't think you can do that.
Other Pc: He has an Intelligence of Great, of course he can do that.

Me: The four-armed monkey growls at you.
Some Pc: I STARE AT IT.
Me: ...Roll Awesomeness.
Some pc: *total of +6*
Me: It starts crying.

[CelestialSloth]

I have more!

Me: A monkey is falling on you.
Pc: I STARE AT IT. *total of +6*
Me: It stops falling on you and veers towards [other pc].
Other Pc: Noooooo! I have an Awesomeness of Mediocre!

Me: The monkey was a decoy! The real ones have knives!

A PC: I throw knives in all directions.
(Everyone else): I dodge!
(Everyone else): *fails to dodge*
(Everyone else): Ow.

GM: Staring isn't the solution to everything.
Pc: Sure it is.
Another Pc: What if the monkeys eat your eyes?
Pc: I have an eye on my shirt.

From a homebrew game that I didn't GM, which we played at the library:

GM: Who are you guys?
Me: Owl-person escaladeur.
Other PC: Shadow Lord of Shadows.
Librarian (not playing): Zombie librarian.
GM+PCs: Huh?
A five year old (not playing): Zombies can't read.

From a Mutants and Masterminds game, which I did not GM:

GM: You fall on the airship.
Bobcat: I climb up the side and jump to safety.
D20: *natural 1*
GM: Bye.

K. Jones (me): So. I'm taking a train to France, Sam's hunting down a blue guy on a motorcycle in New York, and Bobcat is falling to his doom somewhere in Africa.
GM: You guys really need comlinks. Or you shouldn't split the party. Or both.

[NeoSeraphi]

Matilda's Player: "Apparently a nat-1 in Insight makes Paladins go full Miko Miyazaki."

This is amazing. :smalltongue:

----------------------------

GM (Me): You might want to go a little easy on that Moscato...
Dwarf Runepriest: I'm getting drunk IN-CHARACTER!

Runepriest: So, you guys want me to bring you some booze next time? Wizard, Bard?
Wizard: Yeah, I could get in on some of that. I'll pay you.
Bard: No, I'm a lightweight, and I have to drive myself.
Runepriest: Well, how about just two?
GM (Me): She just said she's a lightweight!
Runepriest: What, not even two? Just one then?
Bard: ....

[Rakoa]

"This is my CHAOS ONION!!"

[Kid Jake]

Eadric: "Are you really so petty that you'd rather watch me permanently maim myself than receive the soul of a powerful demon as payment?"
Fire "God": "Yes. Yes, I believe I am."
Eadric: "This is why nobody worships you."

[OctoberRaven]

Oh, another line I forgot to mention:

Matilda's player: "'What's the Special Wizards and Tactics team doing at the Zdor house?'"

[Inevitability]

Me: Sorry guys, no game today. John is visiting relatives on the other side of the country, and William isn't going to come either.
Sam: Worst session ever.
Me: ... We didn't play.
Sam: Exactly my point.

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Viridia’s empathy! Doc’s luck! Stellar’s bad luck! Moonshadow’s party introduction guide! It’s like a really terrible version of the Wizard of Oz.”

Doc: “Part of me worries I’m not going to make it, but it’s a small part because the rest of me is like ‘Doc is going to prove he can be awesome and he's gonna earn respect, and then everyone will want to hang around him!’ …And then that small part points out that Doc is likely to be eaten by a Grue now.”

Doc: “Well now that the shelter’s exterior has been relocated 500 feet into the air, I guess we can move on to the crater.”

Doc: “Remind me who Salt Marsh is?”
Viridia: “He’s the guard that I spoke with twice. He’s the one I said is like an older Doc.”
Doc: “An older me? What do we have in common?”
Viridia: “A normal nice guy who does what he can in the wasteland, despite knowing he can’t change it.”

GM: “Door on a Doc!”
Doc: “That’s not a door so much as a bank vault.”
Viridia: “Silly Doc. It’s a bank stable in this setting.”
GM: “They keep piles of gold bricks and pens and stuff.”
Doc: “Ah, I stand corrected. Not a very ‘stable’ door though.”

Doc: “I don’t have a crowbar handy to break it open, so I gotta go to the Moon...shadow.”

Doc: “I’m a doctor, not a mechanic. Well, I’ll just imagine it’s like remove a kidney.”
GM: “Doc removed the rifle! In four pieces, which came apart at the doctor's touch...”
Viridia: “Dear Diary: Acquire kidney armor.”

Moon: “Once that is done I head up the ladder.”
Doc: “Wouldn’t it be down the ladder since this is a bomb shelter?”
Moon: “That makes sense. The description didn’t say, and I tend to assume upwards movement when I hear ladder.
Doc: “Maybe in a pegasus enclave shelter. Years of playing Zelda games always make me think 'down' with ladders.”
Viridia: “Weird. When I hear ladder, I think of stockings.”

Doc: “I just noticed that a Pipbuck weighs 4 pounds. Yikes.”
GM: “Well, about a pound and a half of it is a very dense ceramic-metallic case. A Pipbuck is basically the world’s most useful and advanced brick.”
Doc: “Apparently! I guess Vault dwellers all have really strong left forelegs then.”

Viridia: “Want me to fly you out?”
Doc: “Could you, please? I think I left my wings back at the inn.”

GM: “Did anyone really expect that the black, empty room just had the corpses of a bunch of ponies? How obvious is that?”
Doc: “Hey, it could happen! Though if this is a dragon’s lair, I’m curious to know where her exit is. ...On second thought, I’m not that curious.”

GM: “Doc acts before the griffon! The invisible griffon who just got mugged by Viridia.”

Doc: “V took a lot of chunky griffon shrapnel (egads that’ something I never thought to picture).”

GM: “Imperator stats for Viridia.” (Lists assault rifle stats)
Viridia: *happydancinganimegirl.gif*
Doc: “…I’ll be in my bunk.”

[OctoberRaven]

Matilda: "I was originally to be wed to the Whitblades' first child... but he died of illness at a very young age. My father and His Grace then agreed that I would be wed to their second son, who wouldn't be born until I was five."
Azaghal: "That's not the right way to approach a betrothal."
Roland: "Are the Hexens so entangled in inter-family politics that you don't have the chance to pursue who you want?"
Matilda: "It's not unheard of to be betrothed to someone before you're even born. Some families even have diviners for that very purpose."
Azaghal: "Huh, would ya still have married if it were a girl?"
Matilda: "Well, no, it would have been their oldest son. But he was already born when the original contract was made. I wasn't, but if I had been a boy it would have fallen to the first daughter instead."
Azaghal: "By Moradin, ye talk as if there's no love in it!"
Matilda: "Well, it's not like he's a stranger. I've met him." *beat* "Twice."
Azaghal: "Oh my word, all of two times young lady? Why, a bit more and it might constitute a friendly acquaintance."

[D.KnightSpider]

Ray: Rapid-fire hair scrunchies to the face!


Ray: Um... What just happened?
Lisa: He said: "Give me the ruby, or I kill the hostage." So I gave him the ruby. At 246 miles per hour.
Ray: Huh?
GM: She turned the ruby into a high-caliber bullet and scored a perfect headshot.
Lisa: Otherwise known as the administration of poetic justice.


Ray: I don't have any ranks in Escape Artist(Karma Houdini).


Greta: I forgive you for breaking off our engagement.
Ray: But... I didn't break off the engagement.
Greta: I forgive you anyway. Will you take me back?
Ray: Um, no.
Greta: No? What do you mean 'no'!
Ray: I mean 'no' as in 'N-O', no!
Greta: But why not?
Ray: Because there was no engagement. None! There can be no backsies on something that never was!
Greta: Does this mean you don't like me any more?


Lisa: Let me talk to her. We speak the same language.
Ray: Mass murder and sociopathy?
Lisa: I was referring to Spanish... but that works, too.


Lisa: I handled that engagement problem of yours.
Ray: Oh, great. Will I read about how they found her body floating in the river tomorrow morning?
Lisa: I'm shocked that you would think that of me. Not every problem I face is solved with violence.
Ray: So you didn't kill her?
Lisa:​ I didn't say that.


GM: You arrive to find the security monsters tearing each other apart and the staff nowhere to be seen.
Ray: Okay, I'll bite. Why are the security monsters tearing each other apart?
GM: *grumpily* Because the overlord was assassinated last night. Without his power, it was impossible to control the monsters.
Ray: Hold the phone. Mr. Invincible was assassinated? How? He had a freakin' blessing that literally made him impervious to damage!
Lisa: But not to poison. *lights cigarette*

[Lorgqr23]

Thunorin(Go join them, speaking to the tree in Elven) "Where the brothel at?"

[Rater202]

Me:Neither Gear nor Monkey are paying much attention-neither of them wear clothes unless it's cold.

It's not dirty in context.

[Freelance GM]

Barbarian is being introduced to the party.

"Right, so lemme see if I got this right..."
Pointing at the Dragonborn Sorcerer: "Fire Guy."
Pointing at the Human Cleric: "Quiet Dude."
Pointing at the Shifter Druid: "Dog Person."
Pointing at the Halfling Monk: "Thinks she's a dwarf."
Pointing at the Halfling Ranger: "Not her sister."
Pointing at my Human Bard: "Tiny ****."
Pointing at the Gnome Assassin: "Scary baby."

[Sgt. Cookie]

Because this is page 50, I think I'mma go and make the third thread.

Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon is the decided title, yes?


Mission Control. We are live. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?409318-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-III-Now-with-50-more-DigoDragonhttp://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?409318-Campaign-Quotes-No-Context-Edition-III-Now-with-50-more-DigoDragon)