First Time DM Help: Specific Issues

[LadyDroskit]

I've found several good threads here giving advice for first time DMs and frankly I was ridiculously happy to read them! I have a question more to do with the specific personalities of my group, however, I was hoping to get some advice on.

I'm currently playing in a 3.5 campaign that will be put on hiatus for awhile and I casually mentioned that I would like to try DMing sometime and our DM said that he would LOVE to play because he's been DMing for a very very long time.

I very much want to try my hand at DMing and I've got at least two months to work on a setting etc but I am unsure in how to deal with my friends as players with myself as a DM.

Our current DM is very crafty and likes to find ways to twist every single possible plan. His girlfriend is very much the comic amusement but frequently goes off topic and sidetracks game play with music videos etc and can't seem to ever be serious. Our third member likes to argue rules and get very very technical in the wording of them to get what they want.

While our DM is frankly just doing what I expect him to do, I'm a little concerned being a first time DM getting winged from his side of the table if I fudge a rule or don't get something quite right. As for his girlfriend, her refusal to be serious and constant sidetracking can really get to me as a player and I'm sure it'll be the same with myself as a DM. Our third player's constant technicalities can be an annoyance to deal with and I feel as if I have to be on top of absolutely everything so I don't get the rule-book thrown at me, then I feel like a heel if I overrule something.

We're all good friends outside of the game and I don't want to damage the relationships I have with them over this but I was wondering if you had any good techniques for dealing with this kind of thing during play?

A way to draw the constantly side-tracked/not serious one into game-play and perhaps get them to be serious? A way to disguise or downplay a fudge in front of a very experienced DM or a way to get the rule-junky away from the books?

[Mr.Abysmalyxia]

You contain the side tracker through punishment. Remember... your words are actions in the universe... So when the sidetracker sidetracks just say something happened to their character. If they're screwing around provide actual consequences for their screwups.

She's talking about music videos... tell her to roll a d20... and unless she scores higher than a 18 steal one of her items "While you were distracted a kobold rogue snatched your potion of GTFO +2". If they keep it up... keep increasing the pressure slightly.

If her hijinks at the table are causing a problem find new and inventive ways to wreck her life.

Don't worry about the DM... chances are he expects you to play the game your way just like everyone else has.

For the rules lawyer... state early on that you're going to focus more on storytelling than mechanics and the goal is to have consistent flow. Don't single him out, just let everyone know that's the kind of game you'll be running.

[JusticeZero]

When you get spaz about music videos, don't respond to it. Just stare blankly, then go back to the game. The behavior will fizzle on its own.

[The Grue]

...Our third player's constant technicalities can be an annoyance to deal with and I feel as if I have to be on top of absolutely everything so I don't get the rule-book thrown at me, then I feel like a heel if I overrule something.

Here's how I would deal with this:

"Alright guys, so as you know I'm pretty new at this whole DMing thing so I'm going to have to make some rulings on the fly in the interest of keeping the game moving. If a rules issue comes up, I'll rule on it in the way that makes the most sense to me at the time, and we'll play on, end of discussion. After the session, we can leaf through the rulebooks and make sure we get it right for the next time. The important thing is that the game doesn't get bogged down searching through indexes and looking up tables when we could be playing instead."

Or words to that effect. The important thing to remember is that, as the DM, your word is literally the word of God. Let the rules lawyer raise objections if he can do so quickly, succinctly and respectfully, but don't let him derail the game or throw a tantrum if you overrule him. He should feel free to bring up rules issues, so long as he understands that when you make your ruling that ruling is final no matter what the books say.

[VariSami]

People, has this not been discussed enough times? One should not act like an autist when dealing with problematic personalities. Personally, I believe that such cases should be sincerely discussed with the involved people. For example, if someone keeps detracting from the game, you might tell them that it IS bothering you because you are a fledgling DM and such behavior truly makes it for everyone involved to focus on the game.

As for the rules-lawyer... Well, these cases can be harder to straighten out, I suppose. One way could be making it clear that you will enforce snap judgments during gameplay because such matters can be settled afterwards and those guidelines may be followed in future cases. But right there, right now, settling the rules questions is probably of secondary importance unless it affects the characters adversely.

Edit: Almost ninja'ed by The Grue. His approach is slightly different but I do not count it among the 'autist solutions' I was criticizing above.

[hymer]

Just some thoughts:

Is there any way you can get the usual DM's girlfriend involved in the game? It seems to me she's mostly there to hang out. Maybe there is something she enjoys, which you can put in the game to get her attention. Or maybe you can talk to her and find out (and possibly gently put it to her that her usual behaviour is going to mess with you while you're under pressure to perform)?

Is the rules lawyer being unreasonable in his rules-lawyerness? Because if he isn't, maybe you can use him as your rules encyclopedia. If he is being unreasonable, you need to deal with him in a meta sense. If he is getting too much money, tell him he is unbalancing the game, forcing you to give them less treasure. If he is lording it over the other players, tell him to knock it off. If he is winning battles, well... Let him. That's what he's supposed to be doing anyway. If he's blowing big holes in your story structure, make story structures that aren't so vulnerable to holes - i.e. don't have a thread which is supposed to be followed to the end you foresee.

[Kol Korran]

First of all, do not go "punishing" anyone. This is not an adversarial game, and will make problems with your friends. You are the GM, but you do not decide on the game or how it should be handled. That is between all members of the group. You make the game together, and even if this does not fit entirely with how you wish to run it, that's the way it is. It's everyone's game.

As the two previous poster said, the solution is to first explain your point of view to the players, and ask them to cooperate. With the rules layer the above suggestions are fine. I suggest to give the rule discussion a few short minutes, and judge by what seems most likely. But after that short discussion you make a ruling and you check things after the session. Explain this when you meet first to set the stage.

With the one who gets distracted, I suggest a similar approach- Let her share her videos and such, especially if it's not a tense scene, and give the group a few minutes to enjoy it, and then "ok, lets get back to the game, you were just..." and so on. In tense scenes ask her politely "We're in the middle of a serious/ big/ important such and such, perhaps after this ends?" You will get some respect of her I guess.

One of the core skills to learn as a DM is not to rule over your players, but manage the game, by working WITH your players, understand that they have different personalities, and that these too need to be acknowledged, and you might even find a way for them to help you:
- Rules lawyer: Give him tasks to lessen your book keeping: Keep track of treasure, keep track of initiative, keep track of spell and effects durations.
- Distracted player: Come up with cool music to accompany scenes. You can try and have her keep a sort of a diary/ journal of the group's doing, maybe even a wiki site This might keep her more focused on the game.
- Ex DM: Help manage the other player (possibly help you with both), act as leader, propel the group forward, Discuss and get advice from him later on on how you did in sessions.

Good luck!

[LadyDroskit]

That's a lot of good advice. Thanks to you all!

[VariSami]

Oh, and this occurred to me a few moments after I posted but today was quite the busy day so I could only post this now.

As a DM, remember to whom you are holding the sessions. Their preferences should weigh at least as much in the scales when you plan your sessions. This is also relevant regarding the question at hand because if the players are invested and enjoy your game, you may use it as a bargaining chip during critical times. I am not encouraging you to do this routinely because it will detract from the experience but if someone is being particularly problematic on a routine basis (this should not involve singular incidents unless they are completely mind blowing), you may also remind them that being the DM for the game requires quite a lot of effort without you having to put up with someone being inconsiderate towards the game. If they truly enjoy the game, they might reflect on the fact that their behavior is endangering its continuation.

But as I have stressed, this is quite the extreme precaution. I do believe that you should nevertheless consider the players' preferences and maybe even map them beforehand if you are unsure about what they enjoy (in particular the one who has trouble focusing on the game), but their enjoyment of the game should not be weaponized by turning it into guilty unless you have a very heavy reason to do so.

[Peelee]

Make sure everyone knows its your first time DMing. If they're good friends, they'll help through rough patches and give small bits of advice if they see something they need improvement on. Though the rules lawyer may or may not fall into the "take advice from him at face value" category.

My first campaign with my friends ended up a disaster, but I pulled through, largely thanks to their helping and constructive criticism after. When you've finished the first session, definitely ask them what you could do better, what didn't work, etc.

As for the girlfriend, at the very least talk to the friend she's dating. I've had a very similar occurrence (I wasn't DMing, so I had that going for me), and we all talked to our friend, since we didn't want to seem like we were ganging up on his girlfriend and all felt a bit awkward about going to her direct. If you feel confident about it, definitely take the above advice (the talky advice, not the "steal her loot" advice).

[jedipotter]

We're all good friends outside of the game and I don't want to damage the relationships I have with them over this but I was wondering if you had any good techniques for dealing with this kind of thing during play?


1. Girl friend. You can talk to her, sure. Ask her to not be her normal jerk self and ruin the game. Of course, as she already does that she might not care. Or maybe she will thank you for pointing out her flaw and she will become a better person.

You can try your best to ignore her. If she does anything..ignore her. Clowns like to be laughed at, but it is no fun to be funny by yourself. You might be able to get another player or two on your side and all ignore her.

You might also try to bribe the players. When she stops the game and says ''woah check out this!'', you can just say ''10,000 xp to anyone that ignores her!''.

Maybe, just maybe, she won't be so funny without her BF DMing...

2. Rules. Try and keep it simple. If you don't know anything about dragons, evocation spells or whatever....then just don't use them. Try to stay by-the-book. It is easy enough. As soon as you come up with an idea, see if you can find a rule for it. If not, drop the idea.

Way too many DM's really go off the walls with trying to be so ''special''. they have run like two games, and then want to do a massive 3-D battle in outer space. Something that would be achallange to a 20 year DM.

Try to make your game more about the Role-Playing, not the rules. Like say you need a shapechanger. Do not use a doppeldanger! The other players might ''out rule'' you. So just use ''a normal human with the disguise skill''.

Another good trick is to make the game very fast paced. I do this very often. The players never have more then a minute or so before something happens, so they can't start a big rule question debate.

You might also want to do Tyrant DMing and say ''No Questions''.