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rlc
2014-06-01, 06:36 PM
Okay, so I'm pretty new at this right now (and, in fact, i did a pretty huge edit about a day after posting this thread and changed the OP, even though no one had responded yet). I'm not sure what to language use, so I'll do the best i can and then you guys can tear it apart and i welcome any telling me how much i suck at life. I'm going to need help on the fluff a bit, too, because I'm not too great at that, either. Basically, this is a 4e artifact that references a fairly obscure 3.5e prestige class, but i really couldn't think of any other explanation for changing the bloodied health percentage. So, I'll post what it's supposed to do and then what i have for fluff in a spoiler after that because i just realized that it's a lot of fluff, but if you like critiquing really bad storytelling, go ahead.

The Bloody Torc of Xavkas
Item slot: neck
Requirement: Only a non-evil dragonborn can use this torc and gain its bonus effectively (see below). Anyone who is not a dragonborn or is of an evil alignment and tries to wear it will set the concordance to the "unsatisfied" level of 1 and go no higher. The item will then immediately begin to look for a new owner and “move on” as quickly as possible.
Property: The wearer gains an item bonus to the required amount of maximum hp remaining to enter the bloodied health state of 15% per point of enchantment (65% of hp remaining at +1, 80% at +2, etc).


Fluff:
The Bloody Torc of Xavkas is a Paragon level artifact
Arcana or History DC 16: Legends speak of dragons able to control their blood flow, allowing it to ooze out over their scales. One such adamantine dragon, left for dead by a powerful demon, gave his essence to aid his dragonborn companion who swore to avenge him, creating an adamantine torc with a dragon-shaped clasp in the front, inlaid with small rubies around each of the scales. But, of course, that's all just a legend, right?
Arcana or History DC 21: With the power of this torc, the dragonborn, named Jamdak, was able to call upon the power of his fallen comrade to ooze his blood out over his scales, almost as if on command. He used this newfound ability to strike fear into the hearts of his foes.
Arcana or History DC 26: Indeed, Xavkas the dragon was there to aid his companion when he was needed the most. In fact, Xavkas has aided many dragonborn over the years.
Arcana or History DC 30: However, those who Xavkas does not deem worthy will simply be ignored, for they do not deserve his time. For those who constantly refuse to do as he says will incur his wrath. Although many have been aided by the spirit of this once great dragon, many have also been ignored by him and some have even angered him.
Goals of The Bloody Torc of Xavkas:
*Find the demon who defeated him and get his revenge.
*Cleanse the world of all evil.
*Find a great dragonborn hero worthy of its name.
Roleplaying The Bloody Torc of Xavkas:
The Bloody Torc of Xavkas is a torc containing the soul of a powerful, but stubborn and easily angered dragon, named Xavkas, who wants to cleanse the world of all evil, especially demons and devils. Those who insist on not doing as he wishes will simply be ignored and he will seek someone he considers a better owner. Those who truly anger him will not only be seen as not worthy, but he will go out of his way to harm them until he can find someone else.
Concordance:

ActionConcordance
Starting score5 (or 1, see below)
Owner gains a level +1d10
Owner slays a non-demon, non-devil of evil alignment +1
Owner completes a major quest +2
Owner slays a demon or devil +3
Owner slays someone who is not a dragon or dragonborn and is of a non-evil alignment -1
Owner slays a dragon or a dragonborn -2
Owner flees battle with a demon or devil -3
Owner is not a dragonborn or is of an evil alignment set to 1, no higher and begins seeking to "move on"


Pleased (16-20):
"The soul of Xavkas the dragon smiles upon me."
The torc is in tune with its owner and, not only does he give them his full blessing, but they have even become close friends, much like his relationship with Jamdak all those years ago.
Special: +3 enchantment and when the wearer's hit points reach 95%, he will enter the bloodied health state and receive any effects that this would bring, just as if he had lost half of his hit points under normal circumstances.
Satisfied (12-15):
"I am truly beginning to understand the dragon inside of the torc."
Xavkas has spent some time with the owner and sees that they have much in common.
Special: +2 enchantment and when the wearer's hit points reach 80%, he will enter the bloodied health state and receive any effects that this would bring, just as if he had lost half of his hit points under normal circumstances.
Normal (5-11):
"When I put on this torc, I feel the pressence of a powerful dragon. He seems to want to help me in my quest, as long as I help him in his."
The dragon is hopeful and grants the wearer some of his power, but there is much to be done in order to prove that this partnership is going be worth his time.
Special: +1 enchantment and when the wearer's hit points reach 65%, he will enter the bloodied health state and receive any effects that this would bring, just as if he had lost half of his hit points under normal circumstances.
Unsatisfied (1-4):
"The dragon has decided that I am unworthy and has begun to ignore me."
Xavkas disapproves of the owner's conduct, but there is still time to change his mind.
Special: +0 enchantment and the wearer enters the bloodied health state at 50% health, as normal.
Angered (0):
"The dragon has become furious with me and I am truly afraid of his wrath."
Xavkas has begun to actively harm the one who has refused to comply for all of this time.
Special: -1 enchantment and the wearer will not enter the bloodied health state until his hp has reached 35%, receiving any effects that this would bring, just as if he had lost half of his hit points under normal circumstances.
Property: The wearer takes 6 ongoing thunder damage at the beginning of each encounter (save ends).
Moving on:
"The dragon in the torc has grown weary of disobedience and seeks someone more worthy to be its new owner."
Xavkas, upon finding a more deserving owner, will do everything he can to break free of his old one, even to the point of teleporting into their possession.
He will generally not wish to leave if he is at or above "normal" concordance, unless he has remained at the same concordance for a long time.

jiriku
2014-06-03, 01:57 AM
The enchantment bonuses and bloodied percentages don't line up in the spoiler the way you described in the introduction. Other than that, it looks pretty good. You win at life. I'd go for a more impressive name, maybe, like "The Bloody Torc of Xavkas". Maybe throw in some kind of colorful description of what happens when the wearer takes damage or enters the bloodied state.

Mith
2014-06-03, 09:24 AM
not only dies he give them

Minor nitpick: I believe you mean "does" here.

As for the Artifact, I like it's mechanics.

rlc
2014-06-03, 01:48 PM
Thanks, guys, I took care of all of that (i think, at least; i'm posting from my phone, so please point out any other nitpicks), except for the description of what happens with damage or switching health states. I also added some ongoing damage for when he's angered. Again, let me know about anything else.

jiriku
2014-06-06, 12:43 PM
Have a table! :)


ActionConcordance
Owner gains a level +1d10
Owner slays a non-demon, non-devil of evil alignment +1
Owner completes a major quest +2
Owner slays a demon or devil +3
Owner slays someone who is not a dragon or dragonborn and is of a non-evil alignment -1
Owner slays a dragon or a dragonborn -2
Owner flees battle with a demon or devil -3
Owner is not a dragonborn or is of an evil alignment set to 1

Yakk
2014-06-06, 02:13 PM
Owner is not a dragonborn or dragon: Concordance gains halved (round down), Concordance losses doubled.
Owner is evil: Concordance gains halved (round down), Concordance losses 3x.

This makes it possible to use the torq without being a dragonborn, just highly inefficient and very fragile.

rlc
2014-06-28, 08:19 AM
Have a table! :)
You're the man now, dog. Added.


Owner is not a dragonborn or dragon: Concordance gains halved (round down), Concordance losses doubled.
Owner is evil: Concordance gains halved (round down), Concordance losses 3x.

This makes it possible to use the torq without being a dragonborn, just highly inefficient and very fragile.
I'll think about this. I actually didn't think about just making it weaker for everybody else before, instead of useless. The original idea was obviously to get the racial hit die for dragonborns faster, but the fact that you don't really die until you're at negative bloodied hp would probably help everybody.
So maybe, yeah.