Pranking Another Player's Backstory

[The Grue]

I'm about to start playing in an E6 Pathfinder campaign with some IRL friends of mine. We've got a little wiki page set up where everybody posts their sheet and backstory and such, and we'll also use to keep session notes and track party inventory and resources.

The DM's posted a reminder for the two players who haven't yet posted sheets or backstories that they should get those up before the first session. As a joke, I've threatened one player that if he doesn't post a backstory by the weekend I'm going to write one for him, and he's not going to like it(hue hue). :smallbiggrin:

It bears mentioning, of course, that the people I'm going to play with are all good friends and we have a long tradition of taking things in the spirit they're intended - in other words, I don't want to actually be a ****, and he'll have a good laugh if I do end up doing it. So, given that the player in question intends to play a CE sorcerer of abyssal heritage, we're beginning the game at level 1, and we're using the Golarion setting...does anyone have any suggestions?

[Rubik]

(hue hue)Um... What?

What do colors have to do with anything? :smallconfused:

[The Grue]

"Hue" is a synonym for "lol".

Back on topic, any suggestions?

[Rubik]

"Hue" is a synonym for "lol".Is it?


HUE [hyoo or, often, yoo] noun
1. a gradation or variety of a color; tint: pale hues.
2. the property of light by which the color of an object is classified as red, blue, green, or yellow in reference to the spectrum.
3. color: all the hues of the rainbow.
4. form or appearance.
5. complexion.



Back on topic, any suggestions?You probably shouldn't.

[WarKitty]

I'd just make it as over-the-top as you possibly can. "This character was born to a priestess of fire in the middle of a hurricane while a tribe of earth elementals was attacking the village..."

[Gildedragon]

Fill it with ribaldry and bombast
Give him odd fears (of goats), odd family (commune folk, multiple parents: 9?) etc
Don't make it universally terrible though. Give your character plenty of ups

[Alex12]

Treat it like a dating website
"*character name* enjoys long walks on the beach, curling up with a good book, and his favorite music are the tormented screams and lamentations of his foes."

[Rubik]

Okay, so maybe I'll join in, if only for fun.


Fill it with ribaldry and bombast
Give him odd fears (of goats), odd family (commune folk, multiple parents: 9?) etc
Don't make it universally terrible though. Give your character plenty of upsMaybe his parents lived in a commune and were unusually open with their relationships amongst themselves. One particularly wild night of revelry between all nine of his parents led to a bit of trouble: namely, him. And they raised him to be sexually expressive. Maybe take Talya's Vow of Nudity (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?45529-Nude-Bard-Sublime-Chord-Heartwarder-Vow-of-Poverty-Build), and he has had affairs of all types (of both/all genders, and of numerous species) throughout the region he's lived in. From a crossdressing dragon in the mountains to the king's son, he's had short-lived relationships with many, and he's generally left on good terms with all of them, giving him contacts and favors due him all over the place.

[Coidzor]

Regardless of what their actual race is, have them begin life as a Goblin. An incontinent Goblin.

[Rubik]

Regardless of what their actual race is, have them begin life as a Goblin. An incontinent Goblin.Aren't babies generally incontinent?

[edit] Maybe take levels in cancer mage, due to regularly having "contact" with rather unsavory types?

[Hamste]

Is it?




You probably shouldn't.

Hue hue is supposed to be the sound of hearty laughter in a similar way haha is supposed to be the sound laughter. It is much more common in league of legend I believe.

[Rubik]

Hue hue is supposed to be the sound of hearty laughter in a similar way haha is supposed to be the sound laughter. It is much more common in league of legend I believe.I've never heard anyone laugh like that. Who thought using that was ever a good idea?

[Coidzor]

Aren't babies generally incontinent?

So the parents didn't notice for a few weeks. When he managed to piss out the eternal flame that the tribe venerated and they couldn't relight it for a whole hour during his "Oh, hey, this thing hasn't died yet, we should probably name it" Ceremony, well, he ended up getting saddled with the name "Widdles."


I've never heard anyone laugh like that. Who thought using that was ever a good idea?

I always thought it was intentionally ironical myself.

[Friv]

I'd just make it as over-the-top as you possibly can. "This character was born to a priestess of fire in the middle of a hurricane while a tribe of earth elementals was attacking the village..."

I'm going to suggest the opposite. Give him the most boring yet extensive backstory ever, with a sudden swerve into astonishing amounts of violence at the last possible second.

"Jim Darkmagic was born in the small town of Mudsberg, located about fifty miles upriver from the slightly larger town of Dirtopolis. His parents were farmers, who tried to raise him with a strong sense of local ethics, and he was the seventh of fifteen children - Darren, Moira, Hannah, Riley, Jack, Rudolph, Jacob, Sandra, Todd, Maxine, Paula, Webber, Duncan, and Sandra Jr. He had a lot of friends growing up, and this one time they found a frog in a river and...

(three pages pass)

and one time, the blacksmith's horse threw a shoe, but Jim was kind of annoyed so he didn't help. As a result, Duncan helped out instead, and the blacksmith gave him an apple, which Jim resented but couldn't really do anything about, but...

(two more pages)

an interesting fortune-teller came to town and told everyone's fortunes, but Jim was busy playing in the barn and didn't hear right away. When he found out he'd missed the fortune-teller he yelled at Sandra Jr, making her cry, so Rudolph hit him and the two of them got into a fight until their mother made them stop. Jim was sent to bed without dinner...

(another three pages)

At the harvest dance when Jim was sixteen, he was dancing with this girl that he liked, but she didn't really like him that much and walked off, and she told him that he was kind of sweet but a total pushover, and then she got betrothed to the Mayor's son two weeks later and they didn't even invite Jim to the wedding...

(and two more pages)

...so Jim was walking down the road past the apple tree, and he decided to steal one, but the farmer caught him and was busy yelling at him, and Jim yelled back and suddenly fire sprayed out of his hands and burned the farmer to death. And Jim was really surprised, but then the fields caught fire, and soon the whole town had burned down and half the population had died and Jim decided to leave in a hurry. Of course, seven of his fourteen siblings survived, and all of them blame him for what happened and are trying to find and kill him, but what can you do?

[Rubik]

So the parents didn't notice for a few weeks. When he managed to piss out the eternal flame that the tribe venerated and they couldn't relight it for a whole hour during his "Oh, hey, this thing hasn't died yet, we should probably name it" Ceremony, well, he ended up getting saddled with the name "Widdles."Widdles the Heavily Templated, Always Nude, and Extremely Amorous Goblin Cancer Mage?

[Zombulian]

I've never heard anyone laugh like that. Who thought using that was ever a good idea?

Brazilians man, Brazilians.

[Eldan]

He wants abyssal heritage? Give him an embarassing one. There are plenty of disgusting and weird demons around:

-Juiblex. Nuff said.
-Nalfeshnee. A grotesquely fat and swollen abyssal judge and functionary, who takes a large interest in his offspring. Brutal in his judgements, blatantly unfair, incredibly corrupt and playing favours. But not for his offspring. Those he tests for their... viability.
-A matronly succubus, who shows up in the shape of a woman in her late sixties, to bring her adventuring grandchild useful gifts and occasionally eat someone who's mean to him. Like that shopkeeper who overcharged him for a meal.

[Coidzor]

Widdles the Heavily Templated, Always Nude, and Extremely Amorous Goblin Cancer Mage?

Well, he could've run afoul of any number of Alchemists, Dragons, or other abominations that would want to turn him into anything, really. Even a Her. Or a True Hermaphrodite. The World's your Flaming, Pee-stained Mollusk!

Maybe he Arseplomanced a Barghest and found out what happens when you travel through their digestive system from the other direction? :smallamused:


-A matronly succubus, who shows up in the shape of a woman in her late sixties, to bring her adventuring grandchild useful gifts and occasionally eat someone who's mean to him. Like that shopkeeper who overcharged him for a meal.

Nanny Ogg. Nanny Ogg the Succubus.

...

...

...

Mein Gott.

[Rubik]

I always thought it was intentionally ironical myself.I'm not sure intentionally making yourself sound stupid is usually a good idea.


He wants abyssal heritage? Give him an embarassing one. There are plenty of disgusting and weird demons around:

-Nalfeshnee. A grotesquely fat and swollen abyssal judge and functionary, who takes a large interest in his offspring. Brutal in his judgements, blatantly unfair, incredibly corrupt and playing favours. But not for his offspring. Those he tests for their... viability.Please don't tell me that he has plans that involve inbreeding.


-A matronly succubus, who shows up in the shape of a woman in her late sixties, to bring her adventuring grandchild useful gifts and occasionally eat someone who's mean to him. Like that shopkeeper who overcharged him for a meal.Reminds me of a pair of grandparents of the protagonist of a story I read. They're Demon Mages who tormented their son for being weak and bullied him mercilessly, but once they come back into his life (after he's had children of his own), they dote on the grandchildren like nobody's business.

[Coidzor]

I'm not sure intentionally making yourself sound stupid is usually a good idea.

Well, Punes, y'know?

[Rubik]

Nanny Ogg. Nanny Ogg the Succubus.

...

...

...

Mein Gott.You're following along with Mark Reads Discworld (http://markreads.net/reviews/category/discworld/) too, aren't you.


Well, Punes, y'know?Aren't those supposed to be, y'know, actually clever?

[Forrestfire]

I've never heard anyone laugh like that. Who thought using that was ever a good idea?

It's the Brazilian onomatopoeia for laughter, which found its way into internet memedom (http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/huahuehuahue) through MMOs like Ragnarok Online.

[Rubik]

It's the Brazilian onomatopoeia for laughter, which found its way into internet memedom (http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/huahuehuahue) through MMOs like Ragnarok Online.How very...

...unfortunate.

[HammeredWharf]

Oh, a sorcerer of abyssal heritage? I'd make it a terrible fanfic about a 2edgy4u dark antihero.

Searus Everburn never knew his parents. All he remembers is the orphanage he grew up in. The sadistic, cruel nannies tormented the poor child. Daily he suffered horrible physical and mental abuse, until he finally decided it's enough. Searus escaped the orphanage during a storm, suddenly finding in himself the potential to coat himself in darkness as deep as that of his very soul. He spent what seemed like an eternity on the run, alone in the grim and unforgiving world. Four months later, he came upon a circus in need of performers. There, he found friends and shelter. Amongst the performers was an adorable puppy called Snuffles, who soon became Sears' best buddy.

But the cruel world wasn't about to forgive Searus! In a blaze of fire and cries of bandits, it took even that home from him. The bandits killed most of his friends and sold Searus and Snuffles as slaves to cruel southern masters. Searus tried to find a way to escape, but soon it was too late for his dear friend. Snuffles was cruelly murdered for a trivial ingression and put on show. That stormy night, Searus discovered a new kind of darkness within himself. He assaulted his masters, his dark, rugged hair flowing in the wind and slaughtered everyone he saw. Unfortunately, the destruction Searus caused blew up the cliff he was standing on, letting him fall into the stormy seas.

Now, abandoned and mad with rage, Searus is travelling in search of the last masters. His only desire is to inflict misery upon this world that took so many precious things from him. But wait? Is there a spark of light in this pitch-black, acidic soul? Maybe Searus can still redeem himself? Only time will tell!

[Coidzor]

You're following along with Mark Reads Discworld (http://markreads.net/reviews/category/discworld/) too, aren't you.

<_< >_> Now I am.

[John Longarrow]

The Grue
Start with his parents being actuaries and him developing an unhealthy desire to conduct fiscal audits.....

[nedz]

Mention repeatedly that he's a master forger, so that he'll have to spend skill points on forgery.
Have him draw up a contract to sell his soul to Asmodeus, only to fill someone else's name in and forge their signature — leaving it in the alter of the local temple (Bonus points if this is another PC in the party).

[Kioras]

I'm about to start playing in an E6 Pathfinder campaign with some IRL friends of mine. We've got a little wiki page set up where everybody posts their sheet and backstory and such, and we'll also use to keep session notes and track party inventory and resources.

The DM's posted a reminder for the two players who haven't yet posted sheets or backstories that they should get those up before the first session. As a joke, I've threatened one player that if he doesn't post a backstory by the weekend I'm going to write one for him, and he's not going to like it(hue hue). :smallbiggrin:

It bears mentioning, of course, that the people I'm going to play with are all good friends and we have a long tradition of taking things in the spirit they're intended - in other words, I don't want to actually be a ****, and he'll have a good laugh if I do end up doing it. So, given that the player in question intends to play a CE sorcerer of abyssal heritage, we're beginning the game at level 1, and we're using the Golarion setting...does anyone have any suggestions?

What you can do is write a semi-serious back story, fit for his CE sorcerer and then basically have your other characters show up in random bits doing more interesting things then the story itself, more or less photo bombing his story itself.

[dascarletm]

Make the backstory analogous to your friend's life in a humorous way. Add in any inside/onrunning jokes you and your friends have.

Then at the end have that character be killed by some abyssal sorcerer(the PC).

[Rubik]

<_< >_> Now I am.I love watching his brain break when he comes across a particular egregious pun.

[ElenionAncalima]

Me and a GM did this to a player once.

He hadn't filled out the name and description section of his character sheet, even after several reminders. We made him a 4'0, 500lb human with orange hair, named Bubbles McTwinkie, just to see if he would notice.

Dumb, I know...but it got him to finish his character sheet before Bubbles McTwinkie became canon.

Be careful, though. We knew that he wouldn't want to play that. However, if your friends are goofy enough you may run the risk of them going with the backstory you wrote.

[Oneris]

Write the entire backstory from the point of view of inanimate objects that just happen to be in his general area, but instead of centering on the sorcerer, instead fill the pages with the inanimate object's philosophical musings, with only the rarest mention of the sorcerer in the background.

[Duke of Urrel]

Nobody has yet mentioned the Reincarnate spell.

I believe this spell has great comic possibilities that are severely under-exploited. If a PC refuses to create a backstory and is willing to have it punked, all in good fun, I would explore the possibility of being reincarnated, as a character formerly of a completely different race and gender.

[nedz]

Give him a gambling problem
Gamble away all of his starting cash so that he has no gear — no not even a shirt
?
Lose

[John Longarrow]

You could write the entire background formatted like a warranty...

1) The undersigned, here by known as PLAYER, does agree to play one Zarhariah Durnst (ZD). The agreed upon ZD consists of one Human. The agreed upon gender or said ZD is (M/F - Circle one) in a class of Sorcerer. PLAYER will be advised to maintain the following stipulated items of background as listed below. The ZD is provided with an alignment of CN and a historical backgound of outsider. No other alignment or background is warranted, authorized, or covered by the agreement herein.

2) The ZD will consist of the following statistics. No other statistics are covered by this agreement except as outlined under progression in section 15 below. All statistics are covered by the 32 point buy as outlined in reference 1. STR 10, DEC 14, CON 14, INT 14, WIS 10 CHA 16. No other initial statistics are covered by, authorized, or allowable under this agreement.

And so on, and so on, and so on....

[Oneris]

Insert in the middle of the backstory a 10 page abridged version of Ann Rice's Interview with a Vampire('s Toupee). The plot, of course, is Interview with a Vampire, but from the viewpoint of various hairpieces.

[The Grue]

This is gold.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. :smallbiggrin:

[Coidzor]

You could write the entire background formatted like a warranty...

1) The undersigned, here by known as PLAYER, does agree to play one Zarhariah Durnst (ZD). The agreed upon ZD consists of one Human. The agreed upon gender or said ZD is (M/F - Circle one) in a class of Sorcerer. PLAYER will be advised to maintain the following stipulated items of background as listed below. The ZD is provided with an alignment of CN and a historical backgound of outsider. No other alignment or background is warranted, authorized, or covered by the agreement herein.

2) The ZD will consist of the following statistics. No other statistics are covered by this agreement except as outlined under progression in section 15 below. All statistics are covered by the 32 point buy as outlined in reference 1. STR 10, DEC 14, CON 14, INT 14, WIS 10 CHA 16. No other initial statistics are covered by, authorized, or allowable under this agreement.

And so on, and so on, and so on....

Nice. :smallbiggrin:

[Alex12]

This is gold.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. :smallbiggrin:

Let us know what you go with, and how your friend responds. I look forward to seeing that.

[nedz]

Don't forget, when you're done, to use Babelfish to translate it into French, ..., and then back again.

[Chambers]

If you have access to the Hero Builder's Guidebook use that to make the character background. Randomly generated character background!

If you don't have the book the NPC Background Generator (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20010112e) is available online.

[Roadie]

If you have access to the Hero Builder's Guidebook use that to make the character background. Randomly generated character background!

If you don't have the book the NPC Background Generator (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/dnd/20010112e) is available online.

Pathfinder's Ultimate Campaign has some random roll tables for that kind of thing too.

Of course, the best way to go would be to use Central Casting: Heroes of Legend (http://www.4shared.com/office/O9Tzby1-/Central_Casting_-_Heroes_Of_Le.html) (an entire book full of old-school random roll tables) and strategically reroll to come up with as entertainingly absurd a result as possible.

[justiceforall]

Paste up the blurb for Twilight. If there are two players who still haven't posted, put up the same for both, and they get to choose which one of the two they are.

[Rubik]

Paste up the blurb for Twilight. If there are two players who still haven't posted, put up the same for both, and they get to choose which one of the two they are.I assume you're talking about the Twilight sparkle who isn't a pony.

[Coventry]

As part of the backstory, have the character have a crush on "Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way".

Don't explain. *Definitely* do not go look up that horrid fanfic, yourself.

Be prepared to flee when your friend looks it up on Google.

[Rubik]

As part of the backstory, have the character have a crush on "Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way".Oh, you're cruel.

[Slipperychicken]

He hadn't filled out the name and description section of his character sheet, even after several reminders. We made him a 4'0, 500lb human with orange hair, named Bubbles McTwinkie, just to see if he would notice.

Dumb, I know...but it got him to finish his character sheet before Bubbles McTwinkie became canon.

This is making me laugh way more than it should. I cast all my votes for this.


Also, I think I have some backstory for him. Bubbles McTwinkie should be like 33 years old (Or start the game 1 day under the Middle Age threshold for his race), have no job, and happens to have a Succubus for a mom (who's couch he normally sleeps on). She occasionally teleports in to give him annoying motherly advice (but never gives meaningful assistance, not even to save Bubbles' life. She would love nothing more than for her son to die and go to the abyss with her), and people who witness her appearance routinely think she's "servicing" him (this is, mercifully, not the case. Bubbles has never so much as held hands with a human-shaped female), much to his embarrassment. Bubbles' demonic ancestry makes him smell like nasty ash all the time, no matter how much he tries to wash it off.

[John Longarrow]

The Grue,

I have a very, very, very evil idea...

Have a dozen or so of us on here each post a paragraph of two of bubbles background!!! Each in a new and different style!

[ahenobarbi]

In fact the character was LG sorcerer up until 1 round ago when he (?) decided to try on a helmet in a shop. Everyone he knows are his comrades from an order serving Pelor (or similar diety).

[Rubik]

In fact the character was LG sorcerer up until 1 round ago when he (?) decided to try on a helmet in a shop. Everyone he knows are his comrades from an order serving Pelor (or similar diety).The Burning Hate? He'll fit right in!

[ahenobarbi]

The Burning Hate? He'll fit right in!

We were asked for something that the player can work with :smallwink:

[nedz]

Also include that he's a eunuch — who speaks in a very high pitched voice.

[Rubik]

Also include that he's a eunuch — who speaks in a very high pitched voice.Nah. That'd take all the fun out of having everything from princes to otyughs following him around, wanting to see if all the rumors are true. (They are.)

[Coidzor]

The Grue,

I have a very, very, very evil idea...

Have a dozen or so of us on here each post a paragraph of two of bubbles background!!! Each in a new and different style!

A backstory round robin, eh?

[Mandark]

Make the character love cupcakes, be able to do random things that advances the plot, have a party cannon...

Just stat Pinkie Pie as a character, either your reluctant players will get you a backstory immediately, or they will play ponies.

Bwahahahahahaha.