Villain Help: The Funny Lich

[Fosco the Swift]

Because my players are very well versed in plot-narrative I needed to go outside the rational box and come up with a anti-villain villain. Kyran Starsilk is a relatively high level wizard who became a lich not because he was afraid of death, but because he hadn't had his share of life yet. He is Lawful Evil, but loves to joke around and laugh and will capture anyone so long as they have a good sense of humor. There is only one exception to his otherwise good spirit: he HATES stereotypes, especially stereotypical villains. No matter who it is, if they call Kyran a villain or stereotype him in any way, he vows to kill the person.
One problem with this character I'm rather proud of: I'm not funny. Thus I turn to the forums for help. I need a good arsenal of jokes and puns that a non-stereotype villain would make. These include jokes about the PC's (who are notorious pyromaniacs), jokes about Kyran's minions, insults to the PC's and a good amount of puns, especially ones about Kyran's undead status.

[dascarletm]

Because my players are very well versed in plot-narrative I needed to go outside the rational box and come up with a anti-villain villain. Kyran Starsilk is a relatively high level wizard who became a lich not because he was afraid of death, but because he hadn't had his share of life yet. He is Lawful Evil, but loves to joke around and laugh and will capture anyone so long as they have a good sense of humor. There is only one exception to his otherwise good spirit: he HATES stereotypes, especially stereotypical villains. No matter who it is, if they call Kyran a villain or stereotype him in any way, he vows to kill the person.
One problem with this character I'm rather proud of: I'm not funny. Thus I turn to the forums for help. I need a good arsenal of jokes and puns that a non-stereotype villain would make. These include jokes about the PC's (who are notorious pyromaniacs), jokes about Kyran's minions, insults to the PC's and a good amount of puns, especially ones about Kyran's undead status.

Against the pyros, have Kyran let on that the players are madly in love with him early. Then he can say jokes such as:

"I new you always held a torch for me, but a <Insert fire spell name here that was just cast>? That's intense!"

*PCs have just nuked a bunch of minions with a large fire spell or effect*
"You sure have kept that fire for me burning haven't you?"

*PCs confront female cohort-like character*
"Old flame, meet new flame."

A character like Kyran should be witty. If you're good with coming up with stuff on the spot roll with that too.

[Jack_Simth]

General stuff based on what you've said:
In response to the party telling him what they're about to do: "Well, I'd say over my dead body, but...."
When the party seems depressed: "Don't be so negative. That's my job."
When the party seems heavily injured: "Wow. You look like me warmed over."
When he's busy: "I'm busy right now... working with a skeleton crew over here."

While playing around with something electricity based - Chain Lightning, Lightning Bolt, Shocking Grasp, et cetera:
"It's just shocking what I can do, isn't it?"
"Well, that does happen when you come into a highly charged environment."
"Don't give me any static."
"Resistance is futile."
"You're grounded!."
"I'm currently a little busy, so I'll say adieu for now." (before leaving)

While playing around with something fire based - Delayed blast Fireball, Fireball, Scorching Ray, et cetera:
"Enjoy your warm reception"
"Why yes, I do fight fire with fire."
"Let's heat things up, shall we?"
"I've got a burning desire to see you dead."
"Are you done warming up yet?"
"You're just a flash in the pan."
"Oh, I think I left the oven on...." (before leaving).

While playing around with something cold-based - Cone of Cold and such.
"You hotheads should just chill."
"I'm going to leave you out in the cold"
"So nice of you to pop in!"
"Freeze!"
"It's been fun, but my supper is getting cold, so I really must be going" (before leaving).

Oh yes, and do try to theme the individual encounters, but don't stick with any one theme between encounters. That way, they'll prepare for the wrong stuff. The first time, you go through the fire stuff. The second time, the electrical stuff. The third time, the cold stuff (or some such. Shuffle things).